www.thecourieronline.co.uk Monday 28 October 2013 Issue 1277 Free
The Independent Voice of Newcastle Students
WELCOME TO TOON-SYLVANIA DRACULA’S Step into our lair where we’re going to scare your socks off
COUNT LEBRON p.15
Toon prof Sugata Mitra named in top 10 list of global thinkers Sugata Mitra, a Professor of Educational Technology at the School of Education, Communication and Language Sciences, was named as part of ‘The CNN 10: Thinkers.’ Last week CNN Tech announced their top 10 science and technology “visionaries whose ideas are shaping our future”, and Professor Mitra was named as one of these inspirational figures. Among the top names mentioned were Caroline Buckee, who found a way to track the spread of malaria in Kenya by studying cell phone data and Andrew Ng, who started filming lectures at Stanford University and is now developing a series of free online courses. Professor Mitra is known for his “hole in the wall” experiments, where free public computers were installed in Indian slums.
particularly care, if anyone else had done it. “Maybe its lasting impact will be to change our ideas about children’s minds and how those engage with vast clouds of information and ideas.” “Necessity may be the mother of invention, sometimes, but it is not Mitra is known the mother of creativity, or of confor his “hole ceptual jumps,” he in the wall” said. “For making real experiments, jumps, where free pub- conceptual one needs to think lic computers in really different were installed ways and to mix things in one’s in Indian slums up head.” For the following ten years, Professor Mitra created a ‘granny cloud’ consisting of online moderators of retired teachers. The teachers could Skype into
In 1999, Mitra carved a hole in his research centre into an adjoining Delhi slum. He placed an accessible computer into the hole, and found that groups of children from the slum, with no prior experience or knowledge of English, could teach themselves to use the computer’s software. To prove the experiment would work in an isolated environment, Mitra set up another ‘hole in the wall’ computer in a village 300 miles away. After a while, “one of the kids was saying we need a faster processor and a better mouse,” he said. His experiment led to a fundamental reassessment of the position of formal education. Hidden monitoring showed the benefits of what Mitra nicknamed ‘Minimally Invasive Education.’ “I just did it to see what would happen,” Mitra said. “I did not know, or
learning centres and encourage children with questions and assignments. As a leading proponent of self-directed learning, Mitra developed the concept of SOLEs (Self Organised Learning Environments). Mitra’s SOLE approach celebrates learning where educators ask children big life questions, rather than just asking them to memorise facts. Coming to education trained as a physicist, Mitra said he was encouraged by his boss to start teaching people how to write computer programs. When he bought his first personal computer, he was surprised to find that his 6-year-old son was able to tell him how to fix problems he had operating the machine. He thought his son was a genius, but then heard his friends saying the same thing about their children. Continued on page 4
By Anna Templeton News Editor
“Professor Mitra’s vision is helping to improve the education of children all over the world, including those in some of the most deprived areas”
Sugata Mitra’s ﬁndings help to form the story for the Oscar-winning ﬁlm Slumdog Millionaire
Monday 28 October 2013
News Editors: Anna Templeton and James Simpson Deputy News Editors: Sabine Kucher and Emily Keen firstname.lastname@example.org | @TheCourier_News
FREE BOOK ANYONE? One Book Challenge supported by Man Booker to hit campus
9 10 SPORT
LETTER TO OSBOURNE Lydia Carroll discusses how he affects students
‘Learning is the new skill. Imagination, creation and asking new questions are at it’s core’.
A play about the life of an Irish family along the river Tyne
- Sugata Mitra
Busted by Google Police officers in Oregon, America have busted a farmer over Google earth. The farmer in question was found to be farming over 90 marijuana plants reportedly in perfect rows much like a commercial operation. The man had a license but only to grow a third of the amount he was actually growing.
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Shopkeeper scares off armed robber
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Washing machine Fans are really taking the Mike goes walkabout
Brave Winlaton shopkeeper Jaswinder Singh scared off an armed robber, carrying a butcher’s knife, from trying to order him to fill a bag with cash. Mr Singh was unaware at the time of the weapon being carried and added that ‘I had no intention of letting him get the money’. Thankfully, Mr Singh found that the previous owner of the shop had left behind a baseball bat behind the counter that he managed to put to good use by scaring away the robber. The man is described as being 20-25 years old, white, of slim build and 5ft 5-7”. Police are appealing for witnesses.
Cross-dressing creeper caught out A 55-year-old man has been arrested in the US after been found in a school car park wearing a pink dress and makeup. The man was at the school’s homecoming dance and aroused suspicion after exhibiting ‘lewd behaviour’. He was found in his car with ‘unmentioned products’ which allegedly support the suspicion.
Thieves in Jemsond have stolen a washing machine and its contents from a student house in Osbourne Avenue, Jesmond. The machine, which was left outside as it had broken and trapped its householder’s clothes inside, was reportedly stolen at around 2am on the 21st of October and lifted out of a walled yard. The household have taken to social media to appeal for any information regarding the theft.
‘GHOST GOALS’ The most contested football goals scored
PHD RESEARCH PLAY
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A group of angry Newcastle United fans took to the streets before the Newcastle-Liverpool match last Saturday to express their unhappiness over the running of the club by owner Mike Ashley. Members of the Time 4 Change fan group are unhappy about the Sports Direct magnate’s mismanaging of the club. They cite the controversial decisions to rename St James’ Park and the handing over of shirt sponsorship to Wonga as key examples of Ashley’s cavalier attitude towards fans. Many fans are also worried about the widening gap between clubs like Newcastle and top-league clubs, one fan added that the club is being used by top players as ‘a stepping stone.’
‘Pull cam’ hops across the pond
Students at Fordham University, New York, need to be very careful about who they get with and where. A Twitter account, FU_Makeouts, has been set up by students for other students to send pictures of their friends hooking up with people on nights out; many students have expressed their anxiety over being potentially ‘spotted’.
‘The Zzz Factor’
Research carried out by Premier Inn has found that television programmes such as Match of The Day and the BBC News at 10 are the programmes most likely to send viewers to sleep. The X factor was the only non-BBC programme in the top 10, at number 7.
Summer holiday Transport
Metro users have been riled by an animated safety video showing them the dangers of incorrect use of train doors. Many users took to social media to complain about money being spent on such videos at a time of fare rises, whilst other users remarked that they didn’t realise that Metro doors were ‘guillotine sharp’.
Cliff serenades ‘Th e Young Ones’ Sir Cliff Richard serenaded a group of seriously ill children with his hit song ‘Summer Holiday’ on a flight organised by the charity Dreamflight to Florida. The disabled and seriously ill children will be visiting Orlando studios, swimming with dolphins and visit all their favourite Disney characters. Cliff even changed the lyrics to ‘No more sickness for a week or two.’
Editor George Sandeman Deputy Editor Tom Nicholson Web Editor Ben Brown News Editors Anna Templeton and James Simpson Deputy News Editors Sabine Kucher and Emily Keen Comment Editors Lydia Carroll and Joe Wood Deputy Comment Editor Victoria Armstrong Culture Editor Sam Summers Lifestyle Editors Evie O’Sullivan, Elizabeth Archer, Hazel Parnell and Katie Smith Fashion Editors Amy O’Rourke and Frances Stephenson Deputy Fashion Editors Rebekah Finney Beauty Editors Amy Macauley and Saﬁya Ahmed Arts Editors Millie Walton and Charlie Dearnley Deputy Arts Editor Laura Wotton Film Editors Muneeb Haﬁz and Jacob Crompton-Schreiber Music Editors Kate Bennett and Ian Mason TV Editor Beth Durant Deputy TV Editor Helen Daly Science Editor Lizzie Hampson Deputy Science Editors Peter Style and Emad Ahmed Sports Editors Nick Gabriel, Freddie Caldwell and Francesca Fitzsimmons Copy Editors Lucy Davis, Emma Broadhouse and Megan Ayres
Images: Flickr Commons
The Courier is printed by: Print and Digital Associates, Fernleigh House, 10 Uttoxeter Road, Derby, Derbyshire, United Kingdom, DE3 0DA. Established in 1948, The Courier is the fully independent student newspaper of the Students’ Union at Newcastle University. The Courier is published weekly during term time, and is free of charge. The design, text, photographs and graphics are copyright of The Courier and its individual contributors. No parts of this newspaper may be reproduced without the prior permission of the Editor. Any views expressed in this newspaper’s opinion pieces are those of the individual writing, and not of The Courier, the Students’ Union or Newcastle University.
Monday 28 October 2013
Newcastle graduate’s South-East Asian teaching adventure By Louise Dubuisson
A recent graduate from Newcastle University, George Marsden, was fed up with the stifling environment of his office job in a leasing company, which offered him little responsibility and didn’t allow him to fulfil his full potential: “Usually I ended the day drained and disheartened”. With the intention of improving the lives of others, George has just completed a fifteen-month teaching placement in Malaysia and East Timor under the non-government organisation ‘Science of Life Studies 24/7’, or ‘SOLS “Asia’s 24/7’. The programme rapid economic growth is the largest provider of free Enghas greatly lish, ICT and life increased the skills education in demand for South East Asia. educated work- They run nearly 100 community ers” centres across East Timor, Cambodia, Malaysia and Laos, Thailand and Japan. Asia’s rapid economic growth has greatly increased the demand for educated workers, and the English language has become an essential skill required for finding employment. SOLS 24/7 was founded by Mr Madenjit Singh, who has spent the last 25 years researching, refining, and then applying his innovative theories to a scheme that aims to provide better access to education in poorer communities. What makes the programme so unique is that Singh was determined to run the programme free of charge to all
“Making the move to do social work in Asia expanded my skill set on so many levels”
students. Working to the mantra: ‘Education for all’, SOLS 24/7’s two year training and boarding programme aims to have
GAP YAH POSES Collection of pictures from the visit. George can be seen on the bottom right in the middle Image: George Marsden
all its students conversing in English in under six months. A typical day for a SOLS volunteer involves four hours teaching English, one hour giving basic ICT training, motivation and life skills group work, teambuilding exercises, eating meals with the students, performance nights, and
lots of dancing! At weekends, volunteers have the opportunity to help out in the community on projects such as constructing student dorms, or they can go on day trips to explore the surrounding areas; motorbike trips to the beaches, sampling local Laosian food in the night
markets, or visiting the twin towers in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia are just a few examples. Through his work on the programme, George contributed so much to the poor communities he worked in, but he also developed his own skills whilst working as a teacher: “Leaving my comfort zone
and making the move to do social work in Asia has expanded my skills set on so many levels’. Humility, confidence, compassion, leadership and communication skills being just a few he took from this invaluable experience.
Music debate at Business School hailed a success By Mark Sleightholm On 17 October Newcastle Business School hosted a debate between three music industry professionals. Paul Rodgers, Head of Programmes at BBC Radio 6 Music, Terry Ellis, co-founder of Chrysalis Music and Tony Wadsworth CBE, Chairman of the BPI, all Newcastle University graduates, returned for the debate. All three have fond memories of their time at Newcastle and cite it as a major turning point in their musical careers. Tony remembers The Clash at the Union as one of his favourite gigs, while Paul associates his student years in the eighties with revolutionary music programme The Tube, filmed in this musi-
cal city. Terry used to write for The Courier and was impressed to learn that it has grown to become an award-winning student newspaper. During the debate the experts discussed issues affecting the industry, such as the internet. Each guest recognised how much easier it has made finding new music, even though there is now a lot more music available. Artists can now market their own music online through social media, leading some to call record labels obsolete, but Paul believes that “labels are not just about selling music, they are about supporting artists too.” Terry added to this by stressing the importance of managers in taking business pressure off the artists, but pointed out that it is still primarily about the
quality of the music, and that promotion, including the recent antics of Miley Cyrus, can only do so much. Despite media hype about the decline of the industry, Tony was confident that things are improving. Although artists may not make as much from each download as they would from a physical release, he believes the sheer number of downloads more than makes up for this. Throughout the debate the panel also answered questions from the audience about topics such as the increasing popularity of vinyl and the direction music is heading in, with Paul suggesting that due to greater experimentation, there are no longer the clearly defined genres of the twentieth century.
MONEY FOR NOTHING Big ﬁsh from the music industry gathered at the Business School to discuss the impact of the internet Image: Flickr Commons (Petercrosbyuk)
Monday 28 October 2013
PhD research turned into theatre By Antonia Velikova
Newcastle University PhD student and Teaching Fellow Michael Richardson has teamed up with theatre company Cap-a-Pie to explore the life and times of an Irish family living in South Tyneside. The one-man theatre production Under Us All is going on tour next month and can be seen in many venues throughout the North East. It is presented as a part of the Festival of Social Science, run by the Economic and Social Research Council. The show is inspired by Michael’s research, which focuses particularly on ageing, identity and belonging among men of Irish descent on Tyneside. Together with Cap-a-Pie, a theatre company aiming to combine drama, thinking and learning, Michael was able to give his research a wider audience outside of the academic community. Under Us All tells the story of a grandfather, father and son, who discuss the changes in family, work, industry and community over three generations. With their conversations about the shift of attitudes over the decades, the show depicts the overall fluctuations, ups and downs in the lives of people living in northern Tyneside. Michael has always been keen to present his research to the public in an interesting and engaging way. His main interest is collaboration with artists of different spheres in order
to engage and entertain participants throughout his research progress. So when the opportunity to work with Cap-a-Pie and take part in the ESRC Festival of Social Science presented, Michael jumped at the chance. The tour is also funded by the National Lottery through Arts Council England and through BIG funded somewhereto, a national service which helps young people access physical and digital space. “This opportunity has given me the
chance to take my research back to where it originated from,” Michael comments. “Going beyond the University to the community level to share these stories of ageing, identity and belonging in the North East”. The members of the theatre company are also very keen on Michael’s idea and are enthusiastic to produce a show mainly inspired by his academic research. “At Cap-a-Pie we have always wanted
to make theatre that is useful to society and is made through engaging with people. Working with academics is the natural next step for the company. We want to build bridges between universities and communities resulting in exciting theatre inspired by the latest thinking,” comments Cap-a-Pie director Gordon Poad. This year’s edition of the Festival of Social Science hosts more than 170 cre-
ative events all across the UK. Its main aim is to raise awareness on different social science issues among businesses, charities, government agencies, schools and college students. Updates from the festival can be followed on Twitter under the hashtag #esrcfestival. Under Us All can be seen on 7th November, 7pm in the Northern Stage, Newcastle University.
Showing all sides of the show. The one man show promises to be interesting Image: Cap-a-Pie
“For making real conceptual jumps, one needs to think in really different ways” Continued from front page Mitra won the TED prize earlier this year which awards $1 million to an exceptional individual. The prize money is intended to be used for the winner to launch a high-impact project. Previous winners have included Bill Clinton, Jamie Oliver and Bono. After receiving the award, Mitra said he planned to use the prize money to launch global initiative for self-directed learning releasing toolkits for schools and families to create self-organised learning environments. “My wish is to help design the future of learning by supporting children all over the world to tap into their innate sense of wonder and work together. “Help me build the School in the Cloud, a learning lab in India, where children can embark on intellectual adventures His ‘hole by engaging and in the wall’ connecting with experiment information and has prompted mentoring online,” Mitra said. imitations Mitra intends to build a laboratory, most likely in India, where he can test his theories through experiments that supplement schoolwork. He likens it to a “safe cybercafe for children” where they can strengthen
their English skills, which can be a route to economic advancement. Professor Mitra has said he doesn’t think teachers are obsolete, but suggests their roles may be changing as students increasingly have access to self-learning through computers. He argues that his self-organized teams may be an alternative to regular schools in places where teachers may not be available. Traditional education stresses tests and punishments, two things that Mitra said causes the brain to shut down its rational processes and surrender to fear. Adopting a better method of showering children with praise is “the opposite of the parent method,” which relies on threats, Mitra said. His ‘hole in the wall’ experiment has prompted imitations all over the world, and helped inspire the book Q&A by Vikas Swarup, which in turn inspired the Oscar-winning film Slumdog Millionaire. A Newcastle University spokesperson said: “Professor Mitra’s vision is helping to improve the education of children all over the world, including those in some of the most deprived areas. “We’re delighted to see his achievements being recognised by such a varied range of organisations including the prestigious TED Prize and now CNN.”
Monday 28 October 2013
Georgian conflict photography to be exhibited outside the Student’s Union By Lydia Durrant
An up and coming photography exhibition to be shown outside the Students’ Union will show images, taken by journalists, of the conflicts in the Caucasus region of Eastern Europe during the 1990s. The exhibition was orchestrated by 2nd year Marketing and Management student Giorgi Goglidze, who has strong ties to the images. The Courier spoke to Giorgi who said that his grandparents lived in the disputed territory of Abkhazia from where many Georgians fled due to conflict and ethnic cleansing. To put this into scale, before 1992 the population of Abkhazia stood at 536’000, after 1993 it was 250’000. Giorgi also spoke of a close friend of his who lived as a young child in Chechnya at the beginning of the First Chechnyan War in 1994, he heard the gunshots and cries of the soldiers and ‘remembers it with pain. Many of the images in the exhibition depict the human face of war, of innocent people caught up in the horror and violence. One particular image shows a woman holding her child in her arms, a gun slung over her shoulder, the innocence of childhood heavily contrasting with the violence the gun represents. Giorgi says of this image, “mothers
WORLDS COLLIDING One of the images to be displayed outside the SU showing life in the war torn Caucasus
shouldn’t hold guns, children have to be raised as children.” Another image shows children playing with a toy truck in the street, a row of tanks can be seen in the background. This idea of innocence contrasting with the violence of war is further demonstrated, an image taken in Chechnya depicts one young boy holding a weapon, while another shows a boy playing in a tank. One theme that resonates with the viewer is the fact that a lot of the photographs show people attempting to go about their daily life among the utter devastation that war has caused. These poignant photos draw strong parallels to today’s conflict in Syria, of which we frequently see images of those caught up in the violence. Giorgi told The Courier that the main reason for exhibiting these photographs was to make people aware of what is going on in Syria today using the images of the Caucasus region in the 1990s because “the cruelty of war does not have nationality and is very similar everywhere.” He explains the fact that many of the images depict children with the backdrop of war as a means to help Syrian children, “because a lot of us were brought up in these war conditions, we would like to minimise effect of this pointless war of adults for children.”
Unequal pay adds to living wage row The Young Greens (the Green Party’s youth and student branch) are calling for small pay cuts for University managers to ensure a “living wage” for all employees. This follows as Fair Pay Campus Report published a Freedom of Information request which found that the average pay differential between the highest and lowest paid university workers in 2012 was 18.6:1. Universities varied from 60.1 (when including apprentice pay) to 10.5:1 at SOAS in London. The report placed Newcastle University 12th out of 113
He also argues that the Union should be more of a values-based organisation than the university and should not therefore oppose a living wage simply because the University does and sees principled objections in the Union as ranging from the “semi-sensible” – such as a call for a free-market approach – to the “bonkers” – such as a claim that the Joseph Round tree foundation (one organization that calculates a living wage) is unelected and therefore shouldn’t be considered. The Students Union has estimated that a living wage would increase their wage bill by £30,500. Rich Parry concedes that funding could be a problem stating that, “if there were job cuts we would
institutions with Imperial College London in 1st place (first being the “worst”). These findings suggest that pay-gaps in Universities are substantially higher now compared to the 15.4:1 differential for 2008, found in the Hutton review of fair pay in the public sector commissioned by the government. Adding weight to calls for a living wage to be brought in on campuses. While there is no great movement from the University to bring in a living wage, a campaign in Newcastle’s Students Union narrowly failed last year. The campaign faces principled objections as well as practical obstacles. Rich Parry of the pro-living wage campaign favours a living wage on the basis that it would enable “living” while the minimum wage is only about surviving.
not be in favor,” and is not calling for pay-cuts to the highest paid as a means of finance. The debate then continues. While advocates of a living wage may well fancy their chances of rallying support to their cause by loudly proclaiming their principles, critics will maintain that the proposals are not practical and that calls for reform should be dropped. The Young Green’s report has however brought this issue into debate around campuses. It is claimed that only a “small handful” of universities know how much their outsourced staff are being paid, which can be redressed if campaigners clearly articulate the facts behind their case and bring the them to the attention of their campus authorities.
By Douglas Forster
The Students’ Union has estimated that a living wage would increase their wage bill by £30,500
FOOL’S GOLD? How little could you survive on? How much do you think others could survive on? Pressure groups have argued that the minimum wage is actually exploitative at its current rate Image: JD Mack
Monday 28 October 2013
Resit changes affect first year students Concerns have been raised at Newcastle recently due to new changes in resit policy. There are only a handful of people who will not be affected by the reduction in resits for stage one students studying at Newcastle University this year. Following a recent judgement by the University Learning Teaching and Student Experience Committee, first year students can no longer apply for and undertake two reassessments per failed module, and are now strictly limited to one.
Undergraduate or Integrated Masters programme in September 2013. All other students will be unaffected by this change and very few people will be exempt from this rule. However, for those affected either medically or personally by extenuating circumstances, the Personal Extenuating Circumstances Committee will allow an additional attempt or treat a second attempt as the first. Students should also be made aware that the reassessment they receive upon getting a fail will not necessarily be the same as the assessment that was failed. The decision for this is left with the Board of Studies, who may delegate this
Students will therefore not be allowed to proceed into the next semester carrying a fail, which was formerly allowed for up to 20 credits on a non-core module. Jack Ennis, Senior Examinations and Awards Assistant, told The Courier: “Permitting students to proceed carrying a fail (formerly allowed for up to 20 credits of non-core modules) placed additional stress on students and was disruptive to the normal course of study. It was believed that reducing the number of attempts would help students focus by not providing a fall back.” The change applies to students commencing or repeating stage one of an
to the Board of Examiners. Feelings on this change have received mixed opinions. Speaking with members of the student body, Jonathan Manion a first year history student told The Courier that the changes “were a fair reflection of the difficulty University level work offers and that it will force me to work harder the first time around.” Other people, including a group of students from the geography department felt that the change was unfair, and questioned why it should be ‘us’ and not waited for ‘another year group’. Postgraduate regulations have for some time adopted this method of regulation.
By Tom Finch
Students can no longer apply for and undertake two reassessments per failed module
Changes to the resit system seem to be a divisive issue, with changes affecting ﬁrst year students in the main Image: University of Saskatchewan
Monday 28 October 2013
One Book Challenge encourages readers By June Chan Newcastle University have decided to launch the One Book Challenge, an innovative project created and supported by the Booker Prize Foundation, for the fourth time. Each year, a book will be chosen by the University, in discussion with the Booker Prize Foundation, and will be distributed to students all around the campus free of charge, hoping that students will once again pick up the habit of reading, outside academic purpose. This year, Ali Smith’s award-winning novel The Accidental is chosen as the good read of the year. The novel tells the story of a middle-class family who is visited by an uninvited guest, and the effect this has on all the family members. The Accidental has won the Whitbread Award, and was also shortlisted for the Orange Prize, as well as the James Black Me“I think everyone Tait morial Prize. will ﬁnd the The One Book event entertain- Challenge is in its ing and enlight- already fourth year, and ening. There’s still receives very positive a real buzz feedback and around...” immense support from students and staff. Linda Anderson, the director of Newcastle Centre for Literary Arts, told The Courier: “The idea is that reading is for everyone, whatever your subject discipline is, and this can be a real talking point and way of getting to know people.” To make this year better than ever, the University has sent books out to all first years before they arrived in Newcastle. Linda also explained the reason behind
The author of The Accidental will be in discussion with Newcastle’s Jackie Kay at the Nothern Stage Image: Wikimedia Commons
the great success of the One Book Challenge along the years: “This scheme has been very successful in the past for the University, with an outstanding start - 800 attending the event with Kazuo Ishiguro in 2010, and around 400 attending that with Andrea Levy in 2011.” However, Linda also revealed the hidden truth behind the prosperity of the event, “Last year was an odd year for us though.” “Author Hisham Matar had cancelled his trip to Newcastle due to medical reasons, and then when he did come, we’d lost the momentum, meaning it was the sparsest attended of these events that we’ve done.” But Linda showed The Courier her faith towards this year’s One Book Challenge. “We’ve achieved a reputation with the Booker Prize Foundation as a ‘reading’ University, where students enthusiastically participate in these events and I’d like to make this year the best year yet!” Linda reassured students that the event is something not to be missed – “I think everyone will find the event entertaining and enlightening. “There’s a real buzz around when an event centres on a book, which most people there have read and have opinions about. Plus, it’s rare to have the chance to hear an author talking about his book, and even ask him questions.” Ali Smith will give a reading, and be in a discussion with fellow award-winning author and Newcastle University professor Jackie Kay, 7pm, Northern Stage, 5 November. A series of book groups will take place on 23 and 30 October at Quilliam Brothers Tea House.
St. Oswald’s look for new volunteers St. Oswald’s Hospice, a charity based in Gosforth, is looking for volunteers to continue its provision of specialist care for local adults, young people and children with life-limiting conditions. This service benefits patients in a variety of ways, depending on their needs, from offering short breaks to children through their Children and Young Adults Service to adult Lymph Oedema Clinic and support groups for both the patients and their carers. One volunteer explained the importance of its work: “The atmosphere in the Hospice is so different to a hospi-
warding experience for many reasons. Susan Freeman, Retail Manager, explains: “It has never been more important for graduates to have a wide range of skills and experiences on leaving university, as employers are looking for more than just a university qualification, and the roles available can provide essential skills needed for any work place. “Volunteering in a shop can develop your communication and interpersonal skills, as well as your confidence and experience in a working environment. It’s also a fantastic opportunity to get some experience in retail, business and the not-for-profit sector – so there’s something for everyone.”
tal, it’s a place to see friends and do fun things”. This invaluable service has annual running costs of around over £10 million, of which £6.5 million must be raised through volunteering. The twenty one shops in the North East raise nearly a third of these costs. However, there is currently a need for more volunteers to help in the shops. They are situated around the North East, from relatively local to the city centre through to areas of Northumberland. Volunteering in these shops is a re-
Shop volunteers have described it as a ‘rewarding role’ due to ‘building up friendships with your colleagues and regular customers’ and the ‘varied’ work. Working hours are flexible, and travel costs can be fully reimbursed. It is an opportunity to serve a vital cause, offering a chance to leave the bubble of student life for experience of the local community, whilst enhancing your CV by providing you with lifelong skills. For more information, contact the Volunteer Office on 0191 246 9125, or email email@example.com.
By Ruth Davis
‘This invaluable service has annual running costs of around £10 million and £6.5 million must be raised through volunteering.’
St. Oswald’s stress how rewarding volunteer work can be, as well as a great addition to a CV Image: St. Oswald’s Hospice
Monday 28 October 2013
Lecturers to strike over pay cuts By Luke Neal Following successful national ballots, members of University and College Union (UCU), Unison and Unite in higher education (HE) are taking strike action on Thursday October 31. The day of action comes in response to five years of pay cuts, resulting in an overall reduction of 13% since the height of the Global Financial Crisis in 2008. At Newcastle University, over 300 staff members receive less than the Living Wage of £7.45 per hour, while over half of UK university vice-chancellors earn over £242,000 a year. Alan Murphy of Newcastle University Unite branch explained that the strike
Job Title: Newcastle Work Experience - Archaeological Science Research Assistant Employer: Newcastle University Closing date: 04.11.2013 Salary: £600 bursary upon completion of placement Basic job description: This placement will be based in the School of History, Classics and Archaeology. The Archaeology Section at Newcastle runs a very successful outreach project, ‘Archaeology Schools’, which aims to encourage teachers to use archaeological materials in the classroom. The goal of this placement is to broaden our interdisciplinary teaching offer by moving into the ﬁeld of Archaeological Science, focusing in particular on the archaeology, chemistry and physics of prehistoric copper smelting. Person requirements: This placement will be best suited to a student of Archaeology with modules in British or European Prehistory, with a basic understanding of Science. Additionally, you will be thinking about a career in teaching. Above all, you will be expected to show a willingness to deepen your scientiﬁc knowledge, an ability to work independently and to collaborate with a number of stakeholders including school teachers and academic researchers. Location: Newcastle upon Tyne Job Title: Newcastle Work Experience - Electronic Engineering Assistant Employer: The Protector Group Ltd Closing date: 03.11.2013 Salary: £600 bursary upon completion of placement Basic job description: The Protector Group Ltd are looking for an Electronic Engineering individual to assist with the design of new security industry speciﬁc products - to provide innovative ideas, and to work alongside our existing engineering and management team. We are particularly keen on developing carbon friendly solutions and security equipment which can be deployed quickly and efﬁciently. Person requirements: The ideal candidate will be innovative and possess knowledge of electrical engineering with a view to assisting in the development of new products and upgrading existing electronic security solutions. Research into ‘Green’ energy technology will be an advantage but not a prerequisite as innovation is the fundamental requirement. Location: Newcastle upon Tyne. Job Title: Newcastle Work Experience - John Cowen Library Catalogue Modernistaion Employer: Newcastle University Closing date: 04.11.2013 Salary: £600 bursary upon completion of placement Basic job description: This placement will be based in the School of History, Classics and Archaeology. The research and teaching of the School, in particular in Archaeology and Ancient History, is supported by the collections of the John Cowen library, which is housed in the Great North Museum library alongside the collections of the Society of Antiquaries
is a result of “months of negotiations with employers, who are refusing to offer anything other than pay cuts in real terms.” UCU member and History lecturer Matt Perry recalls staff involvement in the protests against tuition fee rises “Attacks on wag- in 2010, seees are attacks on ing the action education which “as part of that moveundermine qual- same ment. ity, morale and Attacks on professionalism” wages are attacks on education which undermine quality, morale and professionalism. At the same time that HE is being privatised, we are being
demanded to work more for lower pay.” Lectures and seminars affected by the action are being rescheduled. In an email to all students, Academic Registrar Lesley Braiden encouraged students to cross picket lines and “assume that your class will go ahead as planned … if you have not been informed of any cancellation”. Speaking on behalf of Newcastle Free Education Network, Esme McCall, a 3rd year Fine Art student, said “we are calling for students to boycott university services and lectures on the 31st and join the picket lines in support of our staff. “It is no coincidence that these attacks are in the wake of the trebling of tuition fees and unprecedented cuts to education funding from the government.”
of Newcastle and the Natural History Society of Northumbria. As part of our commitment to maintaining an efﬁcient and up-to-date collection, we are now seeking to improve access to the library’s extensive collection of off prints, pamphlets and site guides. In order to achieve this, we need to remove surplus and duplicate items and bring the existing card catalogue of off prints and pamphlets up to date. This is the ﬁrst phase required before we can prepare the remaining part of the collection for inclusion in the electronic library catalogue. Academic staff in Archaeology have begun the task of sorting through the existing collections to remove surplus items, either entirely, or to the offsite store. In addition to taking responsibility for the above task, you will be required to sort through the existing card index to check records and remove or update the record cards for items which have been removed or selected for offsite storage. Person requirements: You will need to work in a methodical and accurate fashion, with careful attention to detail. You must be able to follow guidelines and use your initiative to make decisions about items to be disposed of or retained from the collection. The placement will provide excellent experience of work in a specialist academic library, and may therefore be of interest to those considering a career in libraries, archives or museums. The successful candidate will be: Familiar with the university’s library collections, including the Great North Museum library; Studying a related subject, and have some understanding of the key subjects covered in the Cowen collection; Able to work independently and follow guidelines accurately; Conﬁdent using their own initiative; An accurate record keeper; Happy working as a member of a small team, including with staff and volunteers in the Great North Museum library. Location: Newcastle upon Tyne
Person requirements: You must be a student of Architecture, Planning and Landscape. Key skills required: You should be passionate about improving the experience of students within the school; Ability to take initiative and engage with other students; Excellent communication and self management skills. Location: Newcastle upon Tyne
Job Title: Newcastle Work Experience Student Experience Committee Engagement and Development Employer: Newcastle University Closing date: 03.11.2013 Salary: £600 bursary upon completion of placement Basic job description: This placement will be based within the School of Architecture, Planning and Landscape. Due to the nature of the placement we can only accept applications from APL students. The School of Architecture, Planning and Landscape runs a Student Experience Committee (SEC), whose main purpose is to promote a sense of community and collegiality between staff and students that will enhance the quality of the student experience. We are looking to appoint two placement students to support the SEC to ﬁnd effective ways of communicating student experience issues among both staff and students. You will be responsible for collating issues raised and assist SEC to explore, test and evaluate effective ways of communicating these suggestions.
Job Title: Sales Consultant Employer: Next Closing date: 07.11.2013 Salary: £5.18 - £6.33 per hour Basic job description: A Sales Consultant is required to work 6.25 hours per week at the store in Eldon Square, Newcastle. You will work as part of the sales team providing excellent customer service. Responsibilities: To work as part of the sales team in order to provide excellent customer service through providing and continuously developing product knowledge, understanding and demonstrating customer care and high levels of customer service both on the sales ﬂoor and at till points. Replenishing stock and maintaining high standards of merchandising and housekeeping and displaying good listening skills, identifying customer needs and responding to them quickly. Person requirements: Flexible approach to working hours whereby you may be requested to stay an hour later or leave an hour earlier than your allocated shift dependent on the needs of the store. Your total contracted hours will be honoured weekly. Previous work experience in a similar environment would be desirable. Location: Newcastle upon Tyne. Job Title: After School Playworker Employer: Northumberland County Council Closing date: 05.11.2013 Salary: £3592 - £3845 per annum Basic job description: An After school play worker is required to work 12 hours per week at Abbeyﬁelds First School in Morpeth. The successful candidate will work as part of our after school club team under the direction of the after school club leaders providing safe, high quality after school care and activities. You will be expected to maintain a stimulating and enjoyable environment and to assist in the planning, preparation and provision of care and play opportunities appropriate to the needs, interests and developmental stage of each individual child and which meet EYFS outcomes when appropriate. Person requirements: You will be friendly and have excellent communication and customer handling skills. Location: Morpeth.
Uni publish Masked man misogynist stalks female students tweet University of Manchester
Canterbury Christ Church University
Manchester University Careers Service has endured criticism for advertising a writing opportunity with the LAD Bible. The Careers Service’s ‘Manchester Media Club’ account posted a tweet inviting writers to email samples to a LAD Bible staff member. The tweet was subsequently shared on Facebook by Women’s Officer Tabz O’Brien-Butcher. She said: “[The LAD bible] is a well-known misogynistic website which trivialises sexual assault, demeans women students and encourages the bullying of young men who do not adhere to their sexist standards”. The Media Club have deleted the tweet and have issued an apology. They tweeted: “We apologise for inadvertently posting a tweet yesterday re: writing opportunities for an apparently misogynistic website.” The decision to delete the tweet was taken due to the post breaching the Careers Service’s policies.
Canterbury students have been urged to be cautious after reports that a masked man has been stalking women in the city centre. The man, who wears a mask apparently inspired by the film V for Vendetta, is reported to have followed different women on several occasions and to have grabbed at least one. Detective Inspector Andrew Bidmead from Kent Police said: “I would urge all students follow the safety advice, particularly to stick to well-lit areas, avoid short cuts and avoid travelling alone at night. “I know it’s nearly Halloween and bonfire night and it’s not unusual to wear fancy dress at this time of year, but I would warn everyone to celebrate responsibly and not do anything which may cause alarm, distress or fear to others.” A 15 year-old boy and a 22 year-old man have both been questioned by police.
Bed-less Freshers bunk in Travelodge
Cooking catastrophes bother firemen
Anglia Ruskin University
Over 80 freshers from Anglia Ruskin University are living in a Travelodge after a student accommodation shortage. Local residents have consequently expressed their concern about potential disturbance from the students. Cambridge City Councillor Richard Johnson has said: “If you’re ‘freshers’, you have the exuberance before your studies so there are concerns about disruption and noise.” Cllr Johnson also commented on the disruption to the students: “If you are starting an academic year, you want to get into a rhythm and if that is disturbed you are going to be at a disadvantage.” The students themselves have seen the positives of their unusual housing situation however, with one fresher revealing “I didn’t have a typical Fresher’s Week because every day a maid came round and cleaned my room for me”.
Fire crews have been called out twice in three days to halls of residence at Reading University after cooking mishaps. The first incidence at St. George’s Hall took place on 30 September, where it was discovered that smoke had been caused by food that had been cooked in a microwave for too long. The second call-out occurred on 2 October at Bulmershe Court Campus after someone had attempted to warm up biscuits in the microwave, causing the room to fill with smoke. Reading University has stated that it requires that all students who live in halls attend a mandatory training session to gain awareness of fire safety. Crew manager, Che Scott, reiterated that: “if students are going to cook, they need to keep an eye on what they are doing and not get distracted.”
Comment The Courier
Monday 28 October 2013
Comment Editors: Joe Wood and Lydia Carroll Deputy Comment Editor: Victoria Armstrong firstname.lastname@example.org | @Courier_Comment
An open letter to George Osborne, from the future unemployed
George Osborne recently unveiled his ‘Help to Work’ scheme, which outlined plans to make the long-term unemployed do community work and commute to job centres to ‘earn’ their benefits allowance. Probable future un-employee Lydia Carroll is understandably dismayed.
Lydia Carroll Dear Gideon George Osborne,* In three years, I see myself in one of three potential life situations: - Marauding the countryside with a band of other unemployed graduates. Like highwaymen, but with useless, useless humanities degrees. - In an unpaid internship, working for free. (Best case scenario! Holla at me, Fleet Street!) - On a zero hours contract. - As one of those desperate graduates you see in The Daily Mail who, having sent out over 400 CVs and taken an ad out on a billboard, still can’t find a job. Yes, I will unemployed, and unless I can find a way to literally eat my own words, living off the good handouts of our humble government overlords. Now, given my inarguably dismal prospects, it’s not difficult to understand why I’ve been feeling a little concerned, George. I am concerned by your misleadingly titled ‘Help to Work’ scheme. I understand that this is part of your ‘tough love’ campaign – and I have some tough love for you. I thought an open letter might be the way to do this. Partly because open letters are bang en vogue at the moment, but mostly because sending you a closed letter would involve buying a stamp. Besides, this ‘open letter’ season we’ve seen of late thanks to Sinead et al won’t last forever, so I’d better make hay whilst the sun shines. The proposed scheme, you say, would weed out those on the fringes of our society who have been undeservedly getting ‘something for nothing’ - that is, claiming jobseeker’s allowance for three years. “We’re saying there’s no option of doing nothing
for your benefits,” he told ITV’s Daybreak programme. “No something for nothing anymore. People are going to have to do things to get their dole and that is going to help them into work. This is all activity that is actually going to help them get ready for the world of work.” Now, I can tell you’re really upset about all these fellas getting ‘something for nothing’ (remember your trust fund, George, and speak softly). But I have to let you down: your scheme will not work, and neither will your claimants. These measures only further a false dichotomy; namely, that there are only the lazy, undeserving, wilfully unemployed, and the desperately unlucky. There will of course, by the simple accident of statistics, be individuals at both ends of the Laze-O-Spectum amongst the 200,000 odd long term unemployed people of Britain. But punishing the unfortunate with the feckless is a crude, one-size-fits-all solution rooted in vicious stereotyping. Of course it may seem completely unfeasible to you that anyone could be out of work for two years out of sheer poor luck or disregard for jobs that are ‘beneath them’ (remember your week folding towels at Selfridges, George, which you ‘hated’, and speak softly). But introducing thirty hours a week of community work, such as making meals for the elderly, cleaning up litter and graffiti or charity work, plus ten hours of “job search activity”? Aside from ‘job search activity’ being impossibly difficult to define, regulate and enforce, the proposed thirty hours of work is what really gets my hackles up. Not due to the nature of the work, which is fairly wholesome and commendable. Yes, meals for the elderly – very noble. But thirty hours of work a week is exactly that: it is work. It is a part time job. And, for £53 a week benefit, it is one which would pay nearly only a quarter of what the minimum wage would provide for exactly the same hours (a comparatively princely £198). It’s... exploitative. Also on the cards is forcing those on benefits to commute to the job centre
daily, to replicate the commute to a ‘real’ job. But such a measure does nothing for employability or skills. The ability to commute to the job centre regularly tells prospective employers nothing about a person’s employability – not least because literally everyone else on benefits has to do the same thing. Unless we start having competitions to determine who can be the best at going to the job centre – in the form of some kind of daily race, or maybe merit given for flamboyance of entrance, perhaps (a suggestion which might also add a little pep to a famously dispiriting experience) then it is impossible to judge who is the most employable. Under the new scheme, instead of just having the pick of 200,000 long-term unemployed people, employers will now have to choose from 200,000 unemployed people who have also been to the job centre and back again a whole fuckload of times. It’s also wildly patronising. George, most people – even people on benefits! – realise that work usually involves going to a place, everyday. It is patronising to assume that many people have never had to make an effort rivalling that of the trip to the job centre before; and naive to assume they could learn something profound about ‘hard graft’ in the process. Which brings me to my final point. What I worry your measures are really about – rather than giving people more employable skills, or making it harder to cheat the system - is punishment. The punishing of those who must just be wilfully lazy. And – as Stephen Bubb pointed out recently – volunteering isn’t actually free. George, whilst palming claimants off on charities may look like a free get-out clause which costs you little, helps the community in a vague way, and punishes the thieving little buggers you hate so much, it may actually place huge financial stress on community charities themselves. Natural England published figures estimating that each of their volunteers - numbering over 2,000 - costs the organisation £174 each. George. That is a fucktonne. Considering this, it seems completely implausible that the scheme could make
any kind of financial sense. The cost of training, supervising and insuring that many people will surely outweigh the actual value of each claimants benefit anyway. So on top of each claimant’s existing benefit, there will also be the cost of the scheme put in place to make it harder for them to get said benefit. This is, to use the technical financial term, stupid. Not only that, but it serves to prove my point - that the scheme is less about safeguarding welfare for the deserving, so much as about punishing a feckless stereotype. The major flaw with such a plan is of
course the fact that the measures would be simple to avoid. Not much prevents those who want ‘something-for-nothing’ (remember that little case of expenses fraud amounting to an estimated £55,000, George, and speak softly) from taking a job and then quitting immediately every three years in order to avoid the penalties. That’s what I’ll be doing out of spite, at least. Hugs and kisses! Lydia xxx *P.S. Sorry about accidentally calling you ‘Gideon’. I read on Wikipedia that it’s your birthname or something. Soz.
What’s Gideon gabbering? What he said:
We are determined to help people buy their own home.
What he meant:
Providing they are middle class and middle aged. That way the poor won’t even have their little estates
What he said:
David Cameron hits a home run. Let’s finish the job and build a land of opportunity.
What he meant:
Look at me trying to use common Americanised lingo like ‘home run’. ‘Anyone fancy a hawtdawg?
What he said:
Just been at Campus Party at 02 with […] some brilliant young coders and entrepreneurs.
What he meant:
It was a wild party. ‘Totally off the chain’ as our American bruthas say! Necking birds, got into a fight and Dave threw up into Ann Widdecombe’s handbag. Crazay! Joe Wood
Monday 28 October 2013
Fight for the right to party Our writers take a look at their latest Party conference policies and their impact on students
What’s striking about higher education policy at the moment, among all parties, is that there isn’t very much of it. Labour’s current policy largely consists of the party’s vague 2011 pledge to reduce fees to £6,000, and then plug the subsequent gap in university funding by reintroducing direct teaching grants, funded partially by higher interest on the loans of high-earning graduates. I feel replacing a portion of tuition fees with taxpayer-funded teaching grants is brilliant. Despite increasingly being portrayed as just a selfish commodity we buy to enhance our CV, higher education first and foremost enriches society. It stands to reason that society should therefore contribute a good chunk of the cost, particularly those high-earning graduates who’ve benefited from the system themselves. The drawbacks to Labour’s fee-slashing are obvious in that we’re living through an ‘age of austerity’, and so increased public spending and taxation may not be appropriate. It’s estimated that the government would have to pay £1.7 billion in these teaching grants to replace lost tuition fees, and while affordable higher education is vital to any functioning society, there are undoubtedly other taxpayer-funded programmes that need this kind of money more – the NHS, for example. There’s also the fact that £6,000 is still around double the amount that students who started pre-2012 pay – it’s a decrease, sure, but it’s still hefty enough to put people off. Labour’s ideas are heading in the right direction-
The recent Conservative party conference has provided us students with no specific policies, but mere ambiguous implications of the actions to be laid out in the 2015 manifesto. Cameron hinted that benefits for under-25s could be cut to try and encourage more young people to get into work. Cameron seems to have the assumption that young people “choose the dole”, although we know this accusative stereotype to be wildly untrue. We, unlike our prime minister, are all more than aware of the growing job crisis for graduates and, were we unfortunate and it affected us, government financial help could be our only option. Another downer is that university fees will not be lowered and we’ll probably all have graduated by the time Labour’s lowered £6,000 grand fees would be put into place anyway. A more positive aspect was Osborne’s announcement to make the long-term unemployed undertake work placements to continue receiving benefits. This would give valuable experience and would mean participants were contributing to society, not draining it. Any graduates or prospective graduates, who may face this predicament, would gain employable skills to get them out of their situation and supplying a get-up-and-go attitude, instead of doing nothing and feeling sorry for ourselves. So, although Cameron’s “everyone under-25 – earning or learning” ideal is good in principle to help encourage employment, in reality it is flawed and fails to address “the cost-ofliving crisis facing Britain”, as his opponent Miliband counters.
Following their complete U-turn on tuition fees, the Liberal Democrats are far from the most popular choice as we look to the 2015 election. Could anything in the policies laid out at their party conference win students over? Perhaps unsurprisingly, there was little mention of students or universities at the conference. The party did outline a fairly general aim to make university more accessible to those from a lower socio-economic background, which can only be a good thing. More specific policies include introducing student loans for Master’s students, creating better support structures for those struggling to find work, and improving the support system for parttime students. Indirectly, the party’s strong commitment to staying in the European Union benefits students as the EU provides a considerable funding to university research projects. This is especially relevant to Newcastle as a Russell Group university and being dedicated to ‘research-led teaching’. The only downside that is explicitly stated – naturally political parties avoid being negative – is that their current position on tuition fees (capped at £9,000 per year to be repaid once the student graduates and earns over £21,000 a year) will not change as the alternatives are considered unworkable in the current economic climate. So, if you have not been totally put off by the tuition fees debacle, are wanting to do a Master’s, undertake your own research, or are just worried about the job situation beyond university, the Lib Dems might actually be the party for you.
but ultimately lacking in coherency and polish.
Kate Bennett Image: Department of Energy and Climate Change
Image: Liberal Democrats
Blackface. Erm, just no With Halloween upon us, Tom Nicholson has been seeing plenty of individuals who - in the twenty first century - think blackface is still an acceptable form of costume. And he’s not happy
he pop career of Donny Osmond; the three day week; The Black and White Minstrel Show: some things are best left in the 1970s. Yes, I know it’s a bit rich for a middle-class white lad to clamber onto his high horse at the top of the moral high ground and get offended on behalf of other people. However, it’s frankly quite depressing that the question of whether ‘blacking up’ is acceptable or not is still one worth answering in 2013. The steady trickle of pictures which will inevitably pop up on our Facebook news feeds over the coming days suggests that the issue is one which hasn’t entirely been done away with. I’d also point to a recent Twitterstorm involving a group of white Australian students holding an Africathemed party wherein nearly everyone
blacked up, save for one guy who came in a KKK costume (that’s America you fucking idiot) and another who came as a very convincing elephant. The elephant man isn’t the problem here, I should point out. Before you black up, ask yourself: why do it? If you’re just trying to shock people, then you’re clearly a bit of an attention-seeking git. If you’d describe it as “just a bit of a laugh”, then ask a further question: what exactly are you laughing at? If it’s because blacking up is a bit risqué, then you have very simple tastes. Say you were dressing up as Jay Z for Halloween. What does the actual ‘costume’ consist of? A nice watch? A massive business portfolio? Or is it just the fact you’ve blacked up? The simplification of an enormous proportion of the planet’s citizens into a bizarre and grotesque parody of various historically pernicious stereotypes seems wrong on quite a few levels. By blacking up you’re at the very forefront of a tradition of homogenising racial
groups for comic effect in shows which also parodied Jewish people for big LOLs. You’re participating in a tradition which was essentially a vent for a fear of the unknown and unfamiliar, and in ventriloquising black people degraded and ridiculed them. So, y’know, well done you. Things get rather more complicated when we start to play around with the dangerous flame of ironic racism, where the assumption that nobody civilised actually likes racism is implicit. This is subtly different to dismissing the whole charade as “just a bit of a laugh” because despite ironic racism’s pseudopostmodern cultural relativism schtick, the ‘humour’ of the costume still comes from exploiting the grey area around a deplorable act with an overtly offensive agenda. Just go as a pumpkin or something, for God’s sake. Image: Hildgrim
UKIP Managing to sit through all of Nigel Farage’s conference speech, my prejudices remain intact. He has proven once again that the only thing UKIP seems to know or care about are the inner workings of the European Union. Education was only very briefly mentioned: students certainly came across as a secondary issue. I agreed with what was said about the need to reintroduce grammar schools. However on University education, their idea is to reduce the number of University students by “distinguishing between those institutions that deserve the title of university and those that do not,” thus making it financially viable to replace tuition fees with the universal grant system. We’ve experienced firsthand how competitive University placements are, yet UKIP contend that we’ve had it all too easy. An increasing number want to continue into higher education; the opportunity shouldn’t be reduced even further. An attitude seems to have coagulated that these ‘unworthy’ students are simply looking for three years of alcohol and easy sex. As touching as their concern over student debt is, we are only required to pay it back once we’re in a financial position to do so. Therefore the question of affordability is a non-issue. I would have assumed that UKIP’s Libertarian platform would have put responsibility on the individual to make a contribution towards the higher education received, not on state funded grants. These flaws won’t be reviewed anytime soon; their anti-Brussels muscle will always be too prominent to give it a second glance.
Rebecca Winlo Image: Jennifer Jane Mills
Monday 28 October 2013
I hate these blurred lines
In response to our previous article about measures which would allow students to vote to ban songs like ‘Blurred Lines’, Rich Parry argues that the right to counter sexism must be upheld Rich Parry
arlier this month, a motion was put forward to student council. It proposed an online platform for students to vote to ban offensive songs from the Students’ Union. The motion was temporarily withdrawn, but has still generated a huge amount of debate about freedom of expression on campus. The proposal highlighted Robin Thicke’s Blurred Lines as an example of a song that could be banned. At the time of writing, five unions have axed the song, as well SubTV, the channel that broadcasts in our union. In deciding to cut the song from their playlists, they cited it’s overtones of rape and misogyny. Notable lyrics include, “The way you grab me, must wanna make me nasty” and “I know you want it”. I’ll leave you to make up your own mind as to whether the song should be banned, but there’s no denying that it has caused offence to many. Much of the controversy has centred on this song, but it’s by no means the only song that normalises sexism and prejudice. It would be wrong of me to deny the existence of the argument against the motion. It goes something like this:
W ‘The proposal denies freedom of expression and art on campus. We can’t do anything that denies restricts student freedom’. And up to a point, it’s absolutely right. The freedom of students is incredibly important. But there’s more to student rights than just freedom of expression. The right to enjoy campus life without being exposed to offensive or harmful material also exists. It’s for this reason that payday lenders are banned from campus- the products they offer are misleading and damaging. Of course, with songs, the debate is much less clear cut. What offends you
might not necessarily offend me. That’s why student council isn’t going to unilaterally ban songs that it decides are offensive. That’s why setting up an online forum for discussion and debate is absolutely the right thing to do. It gives every student the chance to engage with the arguments and make their voices heard. The students’ union is accountable and democratic, and creating the online platform is the right and democratic thing to do. Sexism and gender equality is a big issue at the union this year. The Up Against It campaign is fighting to improve the student experience for every-
one on campus, by clamping down on sexual harassment and misogyny. Regardless of your view on Blurred Lines and other controversial songs, the Up! campaign is something we can all get behind, to improve our university for good. The rights and freedoms that we have do occasionally come into conflict. When it happens, the difficulty comes in finding a balance between them. It’s not for the union, me, or anyone else to tell you what the balance should be. It’s your right to have a voice about the issues that affect you. And there’s nothing that should come into conflict with that.
Jesus and Muhammad walk into a bar...
In light of the recent banning of LSE students from the Atheist Society from wearing clothes depicting the Muslim Prophet Muhammad and Jesus Christ, Leigh McDougle stands-up for the rights of the freedom of speech Leigh McDougle
uess what? I’m offended. Oh sorry, did I offend you? The subject ‘offence’ has become a hot topic in recent years, bringing up tensions between those nambypamby, politically correct types who will take offence at virtually anything and those valiant defenders of free speech who bravely fight for our right to cause offence (and perhaps, ironically, taking offence themselves, at the heinous act of being offended). The most recent debacle in which these tensions have bubbled into controversy occurred at the Fresher’s Fair of the London School of Economics (LSE) on the 3rd and 4th October 2013. Abishek Phadnis and Chris Moos - two budding young representatives of the LSE Atheist, Secularist and Humanist Society (ASH) were forced to hide the
satirical depictions of Jesus Christ and the Prophet Mohamed featured on their t-shirts, on the grounds that these could somehow create an “offensive atmosphere” at the fair, or could even be considered “harassment”. The violation of human rights began when the PC thugs, commonly known as LSE Student Union (SU) staff infiltrated the ASH stand, claiming the material on display, and more importantly the humorous t-shirts worn by Phadnis and Moos, had caused complaints by several students, and were asked to cover the shirts up. The two boldly stood up for their beliefs (or lack thereof) and refused to participate in the act of University sanctioned censorship, which caused the events to develop into something that could only be conceivable in a dystopian novel - the students were asked to either cover up or be forced to leave the premises. Of course, the freethinking young men refused to do so until given a rational
explanation, only to be met with confirmation of LSE’s anti-atheism agenda - the arrival of security. The staunch non-believers stood strong whilst Kevin Haynes (LSE Legal and Compliance Team) and Paul Thornbury (LSE Head of Security) made ridiculous accusations; the notion that wearing a t-shirt making light of the religious figures – which Moos and Phadnis have stated
“The idea that a T-shirt could ever be intended as provocative is laughable ” are “fictitious” anyway - could ever be intended to be provocative is laughable, yet LSE’s Soviet-esque policies refute common sense and logic. At the fair the following day, the pair
courageously protested the censorship condoned by the LSESU by coming up with a witty solution: wearing the offending t-shirts, but cleverly blanking out the eyes of the religious icons featured on the shirts. Shockingly, the SU still viewed this as provocative, despite the offending parts clearly being covered up - what’s the problem LSESU? Not enough censorship for you? The whole fiasco quickly attracted the attention of atheist figurehead, Richard Dawkins, who provided his own sparkling commentary, dubbing the LSESU as “sanctimonious little prigs” and suggesting that LSESU “better ban everything” in case it causes offence - the right to offend is of course paramount in free speech and preventing it - even if it is only exercised in an environment intended to welcome new students from a variety of religions, cultures and backgrounds - is the ultimate violation. Truly political correctness gone mad.
ell here we are once again. The time of year is upon us when little venomous creatures come lurking out of their pathetic hovels and envelope the world in a sea of monstrosity, demanding payments of the finest flavours and sanctioning threats of vandalising one’s property if said homage is not made. I am, of course, referring to Halloween. The hedonistic appetite people have for such a hellish bonanza of plebeian sacrilegious festivities is fascinating to a pedigree of my degree. Indeed, when the vagrant pests come knocking at my mansion door I shall inevitably bark profusely. But, it does not stop me from sending Timmons out to collect (as the Americans so drolly put it) ‘candy’. I simply could not personally partake in such flagrant beggary. Such beggary is akin to Lady Gaga’s pleads for people to think her ‘hip’ and ‘cool’ by wearing my dinner, or allegedly having a penis. I have a penis! But I don’t go on about it. Well I did once to that lavish poodle… But I digress. My point is that it is not respectable to be caught up in such banal codswallop as ‘Halloween’ or one will turn into a wimpish troglodyte with nothing better to do than complain about ‘Blurred Lines’ being played in some student’s union. Forget that Dick-ensian fellow Thicke and focus on the bigger issue; why is such goddam plebeian rubbish being played in the so-called student’s union? Not just old Robin, but all the proletariat hogwash manufactured to be pounded into our ears. It’s not the message, it’s the substance, and like a sack full of fruit and cough-sweets it tastes like s**t! Excuse my Bichon Frise French, but I think my point is clear. We must focus on bettering our society with music, and indeed all cultural activities, from the bottom up. And by this I mean from the top. Now Gideon Osborne, or George to you plebs, may well look like a pup who’s lost his bone but he does understand this notion of the top. We can’t simply hand out helpings to every stray without their bag of dog treats. It is society’s duty to ignore and repel these blaggards until they understand that they must work for their meal. Whether one might be the munificent Chancellor of the Exchequer, taking that candy out from the hand of the undeserving, tiny trick-or-treater. Or some greedy university staff member with their ‘minimum’ living standards salary stealing our pennies. The fact is, you’ve got to work and old Gideon knows this. So be thankful this Halloween in the knowledge that the plentiful party of conservatism is out there to stop the menace of door-by knocking. Because there won’t be any treats this Halloween, as Gideon has already taken them. Rah rah rah. Yours, Pugs (overheard by Joe Wood) Illustration by Flora Anderson Pugs’ got a new iPad, and he’s been dictating tweets to his manservant Timmons. Follow him on Twitter at @LaVoiceofReason
Monday 28 October 2013
Lifestyle Editors: Evie O’Sullivan, Elizabeth Archer, Hazel Parnell and Katie Smith
Evie O’Sullivan Top ten tips for using
Here I go, Tinderelling my way through life, giving you all the juicy tips you need to succeed in luuurve 1. Sexy display pic
Think about it guys, the first thing anyone is going to see is your display pic. So why not make it a good one? No one is going to ‘love heart’ the guy kissing a girl in his pic and girls you’re going to be sacked off in an instant if you’re piccie is you and your cuddly toys. Save the smooching and snuggle loving for twitter and faceyb, my friends, and make it a good one.
2. Narrow in that radius
I know times get desperate and hey that might be why you’re gracing Tinder with your presence now, right? But you have to be smart about it. You don’t want to be chatting to people in Sunderland or Scotland now do you? You might aswell be on Macth.com...
3. Boys: say yes to everyone
Everyone knows that girls are generally more picky, and guys the motto is ‘any holes a goal’ right? So don’t be too harsh or you’ll be getting no loving.
4. Girls: Be selective
Now ladies, we all know what boys can be like, they probably aren’t even looking at your pic and if they are I’m sure it’s not to assess how witty or interesting you look. Be selective and I assure you that you will lower the risks of weirdos and creeps popping up... Unless that’s what you are going for, and if so, ‘love heart’ away my dears.
5. Tell everyone that they are your ﬁrst match
Everyone loves to feel special and be someone’s number one, so play on insecurities people. Tell your guy/ gal that they are your first match and you won’t just look hard to get and mysterious, but you will also look like you haven’t be patrolling the deep and dark alleys of Tinder for longer than necessary. Newbie’s are cuties after all.
6. Don’t be deceived by that ﬁrst picture
In today’s day and age the likes of Instagram, Picasso and Photoshop make it so easy to look like Mila Kunis and David Beckham, don’t they? Or at least closer. But don’t be too eager and make sure to check who you’re rating... Picture’s can be deceiving after all.
7. Avoid people on your course
Enough said really. Lectures are bad enough as it is.
8. Don’t be too dirty
A personal favourite overheard ‘twit’ of mine promised: ‘Let me sit on your face I’ll eat my way to your heart.’ I’m not sure about you but if someone said this to me I’d gag. Be naughty but nice people.
9. Make sure you turn it off when you go home
Tinder is all fun and games at Uni but do you really want all your loved ones and friends seeing you your face pop up at home? Probably not.
10. Put your phone down dude
Get out there and actually do it. You can’t live your life through a screen forever.
It’s a boy/ girl thing
Is Halloween a good excuse to dress provocatively?
think to understand my side of the argument in this article I may have to first admit two things. The first being that I went out for Halloween last year in a size eight skin-tight black dress, covered in fake blood and adorned with a huge wig. I looked fabulous. The second is that I am a (predominantly) heterosexual male. I love dressing up. I love looking like a minx. I am the perfect strumpet. Women, obviously, should have exactly the same freedom with how they want to look, especially on a night where everyone is looking at everyone else. What I don’t like is the pressure on girls to “slut it up” on Halloween. What I hate is that Halloween is an “excuse” for doing it… people shouldn’t need a bloody excuse! If a person wants to dress in a bin bag covered in used condoms and vinegar that is entirely their own prerogative, regardless of gender. Just don’t, whatever you do, come within a ten metre radius of me. Halloween shouldn’t need to be an excuse to be a “slut”, but it also shouldn’t pressure people to be a “slut.” I think this is an especially potent point among young girls. I’m a strong believer that if it doesn’t harm anyone then people should do pretty much as they please, social conventions be damned. However, if a young girl acts or dresses “sluttily” on Halloween out of some misguided impression that it is
“Still, if anyone (be it male, female, cat, porpoise) wants to dress up, act up and make like a proper little sauce-pot that is fantastic, if it is on their own terms.” “cool”, or a way to be popular then obviously we have a bit of a problem. I suppose to me the notion that a girl might be pressured into dressing (or acting) in a certain way that disregards her femininity entirely, before she even understands what that really is, in favour of popularity or acceptance is proof, proof that there is a problem with society, not the girl. Whilst I realise this may be coming off as a little didactic it’s still important to emphasise it because it is a problem. Still, if anyone (be it male, female, cat, porpoise) wants to dress up, act up and make like a proper little sauce-pot that is fantastic, if it is on their own terms. Hell, the more women who dress like Regina George this Halloween, the more breasts I have to sneak sideways glances at, it’s great! I suppose what I’m trying to say (in a roundabout, possibly patronising, but well-wishing way) is that being a prude on Halloween should be just as cool as being a “slut”. People who dress up as Frankenstein should be given just as many appreciative glances as those who dress up as a camel toe with bunny ears (praise the lord). It’s all in the spirit of good fun. Fun is what Halloween is all about, really. Sod society, if you’re having fun in a way that makes you happy (be that nipple tassels or morph suits) then, personally, I am so happy for you I could burst and spill my guts out everywhere – and on that note, happy Halloween!
he childhood innocence of knocking on doors covered in fake blood, wearing scary masks and practically begging for sweets is soon forgotten once you’re old enough to hit the clubs and you’re out begging for something more than sugary snacks. Whilst girls are accused of being “sluts” on Halloween due to the lack of clothing, it’s probable the raunchy reputation of Halloween stems from the boys. Clubs on Halloween are littered with guys in ridiculously poor fancy dress with scary masks nowhere to be seen. The lack of effort in this department is not surprising, as masks don’t make for an easy pull. Realistically, girls are going to lean towards the guy with a bit of blood on his face rather than a fanged and hairy werewolf. I suppose making a beeline for the girls with the least clothes on doesn’t really help. The pressure on girls at Halloween to dress like a “slut” is enormous. For some reason, which I can’t quite fathom, trying to pull the cat wearing hot pants and a vest is more appealing than pulling us hilarious people who come dressed as bananas and pumpkins. It’d perhaps be excusable to dress pro-
“...once you’re old enough to hit the clubs and you’re out begging for something more than sugary snacks.” vocatively if these outfits were at all intended to be scary or even just Halloween-themed at all. But really, it looks a bit daft coming to a Halloween party as a French maid, when pumpkins and spider webs surround you. You’d think girls would be more embarrassed to be dressed as something completely unrelated to Halloween than they would be to be barely dressed at all. I don’t think there’s any harm in dressing like this for fun on Halloween. Slutty witches and cats are borderline acceptable, but to completely miss the point of Halloween just to get it all out seems a bit desperate, to be honest. It is beyond me why the concept of Halloween is so hard to grasp for some people. It can’t be that hard to find a sexy costume that’s Halloween-themed. Its not like you’d turn up to a lifeguard fancy dress party dressed as a French maid is it? If you laughed at Karen in Mean Girls because of how pathetically bad her mouse (DUH!) costume was, to the extent that nobody understood it, be prepared for people to have that reaction to you if you go as a scantilyclad, non-scary character. Halloween, like the vast majority of fancy dress themes is, of course, meant to be fun. So if dressing as a sailor in an impractical tight Lycra outfit that a real sailor wouldn’t dream of wearing is your idea of fun go for it. Just remember the opportunity to dress as something really silly doesn’t come around that often. Therefore Halloween is a great excuse to actually come as a Wotsit, rather than accidentally looking like one when you’ve used a whole bottle of fake tan as part of your hula girl costume. By Annah Baines and David Leighton Illustrations by Daisy Billowes
Dive: sink or swim?
World Headquarters launched a new night last week but did it get tens across the board or was it a bit of a belly ﬂop? Katie Smith takes the plunge Despite the sinful reputation of a night out in Newcastle the regular haunts of the Geordie shore crowd aren’t for us all. The paler, heelless few of us often find ourselves in search of something a little less mainstream, something with a little bit more soul. WHQ is often the place, infested with drugfuelled hipsters and host to some of the best regu-
“Like all new nights it may need a while to warm up and really make a splash” lar nights in the toon (SoulJam anyone?) so expectations for its latest night Dive were high. Pitched as the answer to Newcastle’s lack of underground music Dive poses the question and the answer: “Thinking of going to the same club to listen to the
same songs you’ve heard a hundred times? There’s no need. Just remember, there’s always an alternative…” But does Dive make for a good alternative? There’s potential. In true WHQ fashion the crowd (though small) is cool, the playlist unique and the dancers swinging, but is it the best place to spend your Thursday night? I think not… yet. Like all new nights it may need a while to warm up and really makes a splash. I’m not the only one who sees its promise, as Dive found itself the scene of what I like to call, Promo Wars. It has been alleged that the suspicious smell coming from the left of the bar was in fact from a couple stink bombs set off by a couple of promo twats from Digi, in retaliation for Dive flyering outside Rebel the week previously. In fairness, Dive neither sank nor swam… but it did kind of stink.
If you know of any other new nights that you want test-driven before you fork out your ﬁver, let Lifestyle do the dirty work for you. Get in touch at email@example.com
Culture The Courier
Monday 28 October 2013
Culture Editor: Sam Summers Sections: Lifestyle, Fashion, Beauty, Arts, Music, Film, TV and Science firstname.lastname@example.org | @CourierOnline
Max Camozzi, 3rd Year Civil Engineering meets Vicki Grattan, 3rd Year English Language
Max on Vicki Describe your first impression of her in three words... Smiley, pretty, quirky (and fit).
Where? - Le Vineyard What they drank? - Suprisingly no wine but a solid mix of vodka and pints. Plus coffee for afters Who paid? Max (obviously, he said)
Vicki on Max
What is your usual type and did she fit the bill? Small, funny, dark-haired, nice eyes- so yes, she definitely ticked all the right boxes.
Describe your first impression of him in three words... Ginger, handsome and good bum.
Naw, so do you think your family would approve? No (he said chuckling), because she’s from Leeds and it’s a sh#t hole.
What is your usual type and how far did Max meet it? I don’t really have a usual type, they’ve got to be funny and a little bit weird. But yeah I think he might be.
What were her best and worst traits? Best: She was confident and that was definitely a turn on. But what really did it for me was when she told me she was a twin... Fantasy threesome anyone? Worst: By the sound of things she might be a little too crazy. But then again I guess that is a good thing too.
Would you take him home and introduce him to the fam? No, because I’m still not 100% sure about my sexuality... Well that’s always reassuring to hear from your flatmate of two years. So what was his best and worst traits? Best: Big hands, I like big hands. Worst: Hmm, well he seemed like a dominant kind of guy and I’m not too sure how well that would go down with me.
At any point did you understand why she was single? She’s lovely but definitely seemed like she chooses the wrong type of guys. Oh, so did the ex-files come up then? Yes it did. I told her that I’ve had solid girlfriends since I was 15 (relationship type of guy), and from the sound of things she seems to have a thing for guys called Jack...Awkward.
Rawr independent woman. Why do you think he is single? Possibly because he’s too nice to girls. He probably needs a break too, he’s not been single since he was 15.
Aw poor Max, what’s in a name anyway? So speaking of awkward, were there any really awkward moments? Not really… well actually during drinks there was an Irish magician guy who interrupted us and asked to read our palms. He said that by looking at my defined hands he could tell that I was loyal, whereas when he looked at Vick’s hands he could tell that her head and heart follow different paths. Tricksy Vicki hey.
Aww poor Max, so did the ex-files come up then? Yes…awkward. I take it there were some weird moments then? Yeaaaah… after drinks we went back to his for a chill and when he went to kiss me and I head butted the radiator. Ouch. Smoooth Vick, so what weird convo topics came up?? Sh#t loads (in Leeds accent). He told me all about when his mum caught him stealing dust caps off a car… naughty. Oh, and he also told me that he had stolen his flatmates date spot by taking me here.
On that note: what weird conversation topics came up? We talked about a lot of weird stuff…but it was very smooth (he said smiling). How did the date end? Balls deep. Haha, noooo it ended with a little canoodle back at mine. Coffee and canoodling.
How did the date end then? Well we went back to his, watched rudetube (although I’m sure she meant redtube at this point), and we had a coffee and a kiss and then he walked me home.
Naughty. So is a second date on the cards? Yes definitely. I’m up for another canoodle. Snog/ Shag/ See ya’ later? Mhmm, well we have already snogged so I guess I’ll go for the shag. Rate yo’ date 9 - a solid effort from Vick’s.
Unlucky in love? The Courier is here to help! Send your details to: email@example.com
How very gentlemanly. Is a second date on the cards then? Yeaaaaah buddy. Snog/ Shag/ See ya’ later? I’d have to go for shag but you guys need better categories. Although I will deffo see you later too Max (laughing). Rate yo’ date 8.
Monday 28 October 2013
Lifestyle Editors: Evie O’Sullivan, Elizabeth Archer, Hazel Parnell and Katie Smith
The Savvy Student Drinker: Halloween Edition
This Halloween, cocktail guru Jenny Dodsworth brings us a selection of bewitching beverages to get us into the gruesome party spirit. Keeping it thrifty, all these drinks are made with the same base spirit, Spiced Rum. The recipes below are per person, but for a party or predrinks split the bottle four ways, make a bowl full of each cocktail, and serve with a ladle. You will be the host of the year; Pippa Midd (and her sensational tush) can eat her heart out.
Five alternative fright nights Halloween: that time of the year when the majority of us flock down to Magic Box, queue for hours to choose between horror movie rejects to the more, let’s say, provocative choice of outfits aimed at our female population, we spend hours getting ready- adding that last touch of fake blood to our oozing wounds or yank up the hem line of that ‘zombie cheerleader’ skirt. For those of us who have been out on Halloween before in Newcastle, we know that in order to get in anywhere you need to head out early. Super early. The move from Gotham to Digital or Empress to TupTup could see you entering the mass of queues, desperately hoping you won’t sober up. If hour long queues aren’t your style Amy Tideswell has come up with 5 alternative things to do on Halloween…
4. Image: Kim, TheGirlsNY
Start by slicing lime into eighths and squeezing into your bowl. Add two teaspoons of sugar and crush together using a rolling pin. Once the lime and sugar are mashed together, add chopped up strawberries, raspberries, blueberries (any red berries that are going to look good and gruesome) and mash some more. Add fresh mint leaves and gently crush them in too. (Take out the stalks, as they’ll make the drink bitter) Fill with ice, leaving a spoon in the bottom. Pour over a double shot of rum, leaving a small gap at the top for some fizz. Use your spoon to churn everything together. Now your mixture is complete, top up your mojito with something fizzy. Soda water is the original, and tastes great, but if you’re feeling adventurous try ginger beer, Appletiser or even some champers for extra sparkle! Deadly delicious.
Spiced Pumpkin Punch
2. I’m not going to lie; this cocktail is going to
take some effort. But, bloody hell, it will be worth it. Bear in mind, once you’ve carved your amazing pumpkin you are going to have a fair amount of pumpkin flesh going spare! Roast some of the pumpkin’s flesh (just the white part of the wall) and toast the pumpkin seeds too, covering everything in the baking tray with plenty of sugar and a sprinkling of cinnamon powder. Bake gently until the flesh is golden and the seeds are dry and crispy. Once your mix has cooled, muddle a cubed lime in the glass and add a generous spoonful of pumpkin. Add ice, a double shot of rum, top up with apple juice and stir. Pumpkin Perfection.
Witches’ Cherry Brew
This drink is the perfect chance to get rid of some of the excess vodka hanging around your flat… or any spirit really! Muddle a lime per person into the glass/bowl, and three or four glace cherries per lime. Add a shot of rum per person, and another shot of whatever else you have on the shelf. Add ice to your glass and a good glug of Coca Cola. Use a spoon to gently stir the cherries and lime wedges through the drink. It should be normal Coke colour with a spooky red tinge from the cherries. No trick, all treat!
Number two on my list is a good old fashioned Horror Movie Night. Raid your DVD collection for your scariest films, invite some friends over, turn the lights out and just watch them all one after another. For those more adept film lovers why not choose a theme like ‘Horror films of the 80s’ or a particular favourite series like ‘Saw’ or the ‘Freddy Krueger Collection’. And if this seems an impossible task without a few Bevs then why not try making up a few drinking games to go with the film!
Option one is quite traditional for Halloween…perhaps a Ghost walk? Newcastle is full of history and is therefore not shy of a good selection of ghost stories. There are a few running around the city but a couple of your options could be to try the University run one for a mere £3, run by a local tour guide to start off at the union, or for a more expensive experience check out ‘Alone in the Dark Entertainment’ which includes a bit of Ghost Hunting! Both need booking as soon as possible to obtain a place!
My third alternative is something quite different. Why not be adventurous with a few friends and visit a physic or tarot card reader and learn something new about your past, present or future. However, don’t expect some manic cloaked woman sitting with her crystal ball and spectacles propped on her nose, try and view it more as an opportunity to find out solutions to some of your unanswered questions or a form of contact with a long lost loved one.
This one is for the adrenaline junkies amongst us, those who are not afraid to be a bit spooked. There is an opportunity to camp out for the night in Newcastle’s Castle Keep, with ghostly activities running throughout the night. Although a nights stay in Castles chambers is an amazing experience, the price may not be particularly student friendly, so you could even try thinking up your own frightful events and camping out with friends in a more pocket friendly way!
My final activity is slightly tamer, but still just as enjoyable. The Baltic Art centre has a few events planned over the Halloween weeks to appeal to anyone’s creative side. They’re giving you the opportunity to go along and help them to carve 1500 pumpkins whilst in fancy dress or have a go at making specialist jewellery out of bones. Either activity is an eclectic mix of both seasonal fun and creative expression. Illusttations by Daisy Billowes
Restaurant Review: Jam Jar
For this week’s restaurant review, Science Editor Lizzie Hampson was lured from her cave in Heaton to visit Jesmond’s newest food venture, Jam Jar Standing out from the crowd of student centric bars and restaurants on Osbourne road is no mean feat. Yet with a style midway between The Fat Hippo’s cosy burger-shack vibe and Billabongs classic bar setting, it successfully stakes a claim for it. Upon entering we were greeted immediately by friendly and helpful staff and asked which of the spacious seating areas we wanted. The décor mixed clean, crisp designs that wouldn’t look out of place in the hipper areas of London with rustic furniture – a combination set to make it a new favourite for the discerning Jesmondite. We ordered our drinks, which were served promptly, and browsed the menu. A wide and appetizing selection of food was available and we were also informed that due to the high demand for breakfast they were now serving a crowdpleasing brunch menu. My only concern with the menu was the lack of veggie breakfast options but I soon got over my fake bacon woes when I saw that they served mac and cheese. My non-vegetarian other half excitedly opted for the ‘Jam burger’, which despite the name would suggest, thankfully doesn’t contain any jam – just delicious onion jelly, bacon, burger sauce, cheese and a side of ‘slaw.
The burger was very impressive – the windows boast of their quality, but with many a great burger to be found in Newcastle, it’s a difficult claim to live up to. No need to worry – it’s up there with the best in the city, nice and slightly pink in the middle, with top notch ‘posh’ Big Mac-style sauce. It’s a steal at £6, however the lack of chips will add an extra couple of quid to that. For £2 you get a decent-sized bowl, ideal for sharing.
“The decor mixed clean, crisp designs that wouldn’t look out of place in the hipper areas of London” Jam Jar is definitely somewhere I’ll be re visiting, maybe next time to try their evening food and cocktail menu. If it’s good, reasonably priced food and a relaxed atmosphere that you’re after then this is the place for you.
Monday 28 October 2013
thecourieronline.co.uk/lifestyle firstname.lastname@example.org | @Courier_Life
You know you’re too old to ‘trick or treat’ when...
People run away screaming. Nothing is more off-putting than a giant thuggish youth at your front door wielding an accessory almost deﬁnitely in the weapon family, asking ‘gimme your candy’. Put down the baton and go home.
Asda’s selection of Halloween costumes no longer has a size big enough to ﬁt you. If the ankle cuffs of your £8.99 Batman suit are sitting just below your knees it’s time to stop.
When you are willing to be nice in the once epic trade off of sweets with your friends and siblings when you return home. If you are willing to trade a full sized mars bar for a pack of Parma violets, you have lost the selﬁsh, gluttonous spirit of Halloween and have succumb to the life of self-sacriﬁce which comes with age.
Your sweets last longer than breakfast on the 1st of November. If they are not gone by then you have gained too much respect for your teeth and your levels of sensibility are too close to that of your mother.
When you have a 3-4ft height advantage over the other kids. Look around, can you see anyone? No? Mainly because you are the tallest by a good few inches. Hang up your mask and go home.
When Silly string is no longer the most fun and exciting thing on this planet and you stop using it to pretend that you can shoot spider webs at your friends in between houses. Whilst singing ‘Spider-man. Spider-man. Does whatever a spider can.’
Ask Uncle LeBron
Wassup homeslice! Uncle LeBron here, Castle Leazes’ third best rapper and sixth biggest blood sucka, your bestie from another teste. Now I know times is tough like my rhymes is rough, but just come take a seat here on my lap mind the erection - and I swear I’ll make it all better for y’all. Team Edward.
Illustration by Caroline Mackill
BOOM. Mummy and daddy see yo’ babymakers? Bitch they ARE the babymakers. But if y’all really cant hack the banter, del-izzle they ass.
“I don’t know what to wear for Halloween, LeBron!”
Iz you for real?! Go out in yo birfday suit and give people a REAL scare. Dawg I be playin wicho ass. Be Tupac.
“People always talk to me in nightclubs when I’m using the urinal” Sheeet do people still do this? Make like a dawg and piss on they shoes. Who needs to talk when you’re taking your boy for a walk eyy?
“I’m scared of the charity people on Northumberland Street” I PITY THE STUPIDASS FOOL WHO WANTS LEBRON TO SAVE A TIGER. Make a brother proud, learn karatayyy. Next time they ask? Break they shit off. Or just say no, y’know?
If y’all have any problems and are in real need of Uncle LeBron’s words of wisdom then holla at your dawg: email@example.com
My Unfortunate Life
s I sat in the cinema surrounded by giggling 10 year old girls, I had to question whether I was making the successful transformation from totally embarrassing to vaguely normal. In hindsight, perhaps going to see the 10am showing of the One Direction movie on a Sunday morning was not the best beginning… Since my last ‘episode’, I can wholeheartedly assure you that, much like the ill-fated lives of the children in the Lemony Snicket books, my life has become ‘A Series of Unfortunate Events’. They say bad things come in threes, and these last couple of weeks have certainly proved this saying true… #1: The “flaps” incident I was half way through a 2 hour seminar and for those of you who have experienced such an ordeal, I’m sure you can sympathise with me as my concentration started to fade. As part of my new attempt to become the model student I was endeavouring to take part in the seminar more than I normally would. On this occasion, however, my enthusiasm simply bypassed my verbal filter. Before I knew it I had uttered the phrase: ‘they have flaps that open.’ Oh god, I had just said the word ‘flaps’ in a seminar. As if I hadn’t drawn enough attention to the word ‘flaps’, I tried to whisper under my breath “I can’t believe I just said flaps in a seminar.” However the deathly silence my first utterance had created only led to this second one being even more obvious and raised a few laughs. So now I’d said ‘flaps’, twice.
Jake Hughes and Emily King
A dummy’s guide to pumpkin carving....
“My parents saw a picture of me on Facebook with my goolies out…”
LeBron by David Leighton
#2: The poo incident Walking to uni can be a bit of drag, however on one of the slightly brighter afternoons this week I was happily strolling home, iPod in, 1D blasting in my ears. Despite the sun that was currently in the sky, there were still a few drips from the leaves on the trees. Just as Harry leapt into the first line of ‘Best Song Ever’, I felt a larger than normal drip down my face and on my shoulder. In the same moment, I clocked Fittie From My Seminar walking towards me. I went to wipe the drip away, only to discover that this was a brown drip. A drip that smeared across my face. Panic set in - looking down at my shoulder, my worst fears were confirmed. Bird poo. So now I had bird poo smeared across my face, I was alone and a boy I fancied was walking towards me. It therefore seemed like the obvious and appropriate reaction to rapidly crouch down and wipe/attempt to hide my face with my coat as the baffled and bemused boy walked past. I couldn’t help but think that Harry was trying to tell me something, “maybe it’s the way she walked.” #3: The infectious incident In an attempt to combat the bitter Northern chill of this arctic city I dragged out a woolly jumper from the depths of my wardrobe where it has festered all summer. And yes it did keep me warm but also gave me a rather itchy neck. Over the next few days a rash developed and persisted to cause me pain. As I’m writing this I have just returned from the walk in centre with the affirmation that it is indeed shingles. And so as my unfortunate life continues to plague me, it looks as though I’m not going to have to worry about an outfit for Halloween - people will leap back in fear of me and my infectious disease with or without a costume.
Monday 28 October 2013
Fashion Editors: Frances Stephenson and Amy O’Rourke Deputy Fashion Editor: Bex Finney
enough to recreate; The ‘Karyan multi-swing strap dress’ by Missguided.co.uk has the same floaty style as Karen’s babydoll dress, and the pink bow belt can easily be recreated with some satin ribbon. Just add some mouse ears (available in most Halloween shops) to complete the look. Finally, to avoid Karen’s awkward “What are you?” “I’m a mouse... duh.” conversation, we recommend drawing on a cute nose and whiskers with a Sharpie or eyeliner for the finishing touch.
year to channel your inner ‘20s flapper and go all out with sequins and beads this Halloween. We’ve found some high street pieces that are perfect for creating a showstopping look. The Frock and Frill Sequin Embellished Dress (£39.99, getthelabel. com) is ideal for recreating the flapper look, with the dropped waist and scalloped hem further emphasising twenties fashion. The best part about dressing in twenties style is that there’s no such thing as too much detail. F o r anyone wanting to copy Aria Montgomery’s specific outfit, we’ve found an exact match. The actual dress she wore on the episode is from American-based website unique-vintage.com.
s a girl, whether to dress up sexy or scary for Halloween is an ongoing debate. The plastics set the standard for sexy costumes, with Regina George in her infamous bunny outfit, Gretchen Wieners in a PVC catsuit and Karen Smith donning some cutesy mouse attire. As a bunny outfit would make a lot of girls run in the opposite direction, and we have probably all dressed up as a cat at least once in our lives, we have chosen Karen Smith’s adorable mouse outfit as one to draw inspiration from. It’s easy
ny Pretty Little Liars fan will agree the Halloween episodes are the best in each season. The dramatic and creepy plot-lines are catapulted to exciting breakthrough episodes each Halloween, and the night sets the perfect scene for murders and mystery. Aria Montgomery’s character has an inspirational and unique style which has become rather influential. Her Halloween costumes are no exception, and this year we have focused on her ‘20s flapper costume. Specifically intended to resemble the attire of Daisy in The Great Gatsby, Aria’s sequined dress, beaded necklace and detailed headpiece make for a classy and sophisticated look. With 2013 being the release year of Baz Lurhmann’s film The Great Gatsby, Gatsby it’s the perfect
Pretty Little Liars
Anna Goodman-Jones answers the question of whether to go sexy, scary or stylish this halloween, taking inspirtation from some of our favourite ﬁctional characters
Coats so simple
new coat will definitely be your biggest style investment this autumn and it’s crucial that you pick the right one. This coat ticks all this seasons’ boxes, with its classic biker detailing, the heavy zips, deep pockets and broad open collar, this coat has a tough edge that gives it an androgynous feel which is bang on trend. The vinyl look sleeves allow this classic biker style to take on a modern edge, paired with the soft fur it becomes less tough guy and more ‘tough love’. Dress it up with a tartan crop, skinny black jeans and heeled Chelsea boots for a punky night time look. Alternatively, pair it with slim-fit sweat pants and trainers for a stylish, slouchy look, pefect for a cheeky trip to Jesmond Tescos. It’s ready for any fashion scenario and because it’s black it’s a perfect match for any colour combo or outfit choice. The gently curving shoulders, soft silhouette and sumptuous mix of materials make this coat a comfortable cocoon ready for Newcastle’s harsh winters. At £89 it might be a bit pricey for the average student budget, but trust me it’s the ideal winter investment. Kathryn Holland
s with anything by A.P.C, the attention to detail and incredible materials involved are what set this jacket apart and place it firmly at the pinnacle of the varsity style this season. The hefty price-tag may limit mealtimes to rice and noodles for the foreseeable future, but at least your slow starvation will be justified by a piece of sheer aesthetic beauty, hand-crafted from a brand that has an abundance of global admirers. The jackets wool body and cow-hide leather sleeves are complimented by a slim-fit and accentuating cut that ensures an unquestionable quality absent from high-street retailers. The sheer versatility of the piece is what truly makes it outstanding, it can be layered or stand alone on top of a tee, played up for a night out, or dressed down for everyday use. As students we don’t all have a bottomless budget enabling a wardrobe of outstanding (eye-wateringly expensive) pieces, but if you are to pick one up make sure it’s adaptable, ready for anything and free from any distracting branding- much like this one. Leif Wild
ith this season’s coat think boy meets girl. No, this doesn’t mean you now have a valid reason for stealing your other halves jacket, I’m talking about the ultimate winter staple, the boyfriend coat. The boyfriend coat with its boxy cuts, tailored lines and oversized measurements looks effortlessly chic. This season, the bigger the better, which gives plenty of room to pile on the jumpers underneath, banishing that dreaded Newcastle chill. This season the boyfriend coat has been injected with some colour, seen on the runways of Carven and Balenciaga, immediately reminded me of an ensemble Thunderbirds’ Lady Penelope would wear. Unusual colours and potentially quite hard to wear I was hesitant at first, but then when Topshop brought out their version I had given. For those who can’t quite commit to the pink, Topshop also have a lime green alternative. Slightly less girly yet equally as daring you have to wear these colours with confidence. Whichever colour of the boyfriend coat gets your vote, you undoubtedly will brighten up a dreary day on campus. Hannah Fitton
Topshop £ 98
End Cloth ing £135
Topshop £ 89
Our writers present their picks of the best coats on the high street this autumn
he mission of fledgling Danish company Rains is to create a version of the classic raincoat made more affordable and made with modern living in mind. I picked the item due to how fashionable raincoats are becoming for men this winter, this is certainly not a bad thing considering the weather that descends on Newcastle during the winter. The price is also a reason I chose Rains as its opposition comes from brands such as Elka, but by purchasing Rains you save around thirty pounds and I found it to be better fitted and of an almost identical quality, certainly as stylish. Scandinavian brands are a favourite of mine due to their standardised quality across the board, with others including Hans Kjobenhavn, Norse Projects, Fjallraven, Our Legacy and Mads Norgaard. Most of these can be bought at End Clothing on Highbridge Street. If you are looking to own a stylish, durable waterproof from an interesting brand, this jacket is definitely for you, and can be purchased for £70 at Urban Outfitters or from the Rains website. Max Palmer-Geaves
Monday 28 October 2013
Our resident expert Jennifer Dodsworth shares her top tips for fool-proof face painting that will look frightful all night long
anting to make an impression this Halloween with minimal effort? These tips and ideas will help all you boys achieve that freakishly frightening yet oh so fresh look. If you’re going for that blood sucking, pale faced vampire look then it couldn’t be simpler. Firstly, start by making your face as pale as possible, if you can afford to splash out on white face paint that’s great, otherwise try and get your hands on a female friend’s pale foundation. Now your base is done its time for the eyes. Smudge black eye shadow around your eye sockets and below the eyes to look like bags, you don’t have to be neat, be creative! Get some fake blood, red lipstick works well too, and drip fake blood from the edges of your mouth. You could stop there, but if you’re wanting to make this look that tiny bit more frightening and convincing you can take a little bit of that black eye shadow and gently rub it in below your cheek bones, along your jaw line and the sides of your nose. The effect is that your facial structure will look more harsh and defined. Add some fangs if you fancy and you’re done! Another really easy idea is the bruised and bloody look. You’ll need black, brown, purple and green eye shadow- basically any colour you think resembles a bruise. Most girls will have these colours in their makeup bag so to save you going out to buy them, you could ask to borrow a friend’s first. The first step is to lightly pat the black onto the area you want to look bruised with your finger or a soft sponge, but make sure its not too dark. Do the same in some areas with purple and green eye shadow. Then sweep a little brown over the bruise very lightly to match your skin tone better and so it appears as though it’s healing. You can make these bruises all over your body, black eyes work well. Add some fake blood with red lipstick dribbling out of your nose. You’re now finished! Everyone, even those who know absolutely nothing about makeup, can achieve these looks. Make an impact this year, be creative and most importantly get your freak on.
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Grace Bedow gives a quick and easy guide to perfect Halloween eye makeup Halloween is, for most, the one time a year we can buy and wear outrageously loud makeup and use the colours that have been gathering dust in our makeup bags without being given funny looks. Creating cool looks on a student budget is definitely doable, and my frugal tip is to create bold colours out of more budget eyeshadows, mix a little water with them to enhance the pigment.
The Poison Ivy look The infamous enemy of Batman is always a popular choice of fancy dress and is a character whose makeup is vital to achieve the overall likeness of the red haired villain. Because we haven’t all been blessed with the flawless skin from a comic book illustrator’s paintbrush, it’s important to apply a high coverage foundation to create an impeccable base for this look. Comic style bold red lips are also important; however the main feature of this look is the leaf like eyes… Step 1: After applying eye shadow primer to enhance longevity, cover the eyelid with a mid-green shadow in roughly a leaf shape. I used the middle colour in the trio by ‘Collection’ in the appropriately named ‘Poison Ivy’ Step 2: Next apply the Rimmel Exaggerate liquid eyeliner on the top lashline and wing out the end. Apply Barry M Dazzle Dust in Lilac on and slightly below the bottom lashline. Step 3: The next step is to use the darker colour in the Collection trio in the crease of the eyelid and under the purple below the eye in leaf like strokes. Step 4: To give the look a more metallic effect, apply Barry M Dazzle dust in the shade Emerald to the outer part of the ‘leaf ’.
Fit versus frightening
Charlotte Davies and Charlotte Maxwell go head to head in the ultimate Halloween beauty battle: should you be putting more effort into looking sexy or scary?
Marilyn Monroe, Dita Von Teese and Jessica Rabbit: what do all these women have in common? The answer: sexy. Going out dressed as any of these icons would make the perfect Halloween costume- without all the gory additions. Over the years, Halloween has become much more than just a fright night. It’s become a night to be creative and bring out your fashionista. I believe that there’s no reason why you should have to do this in a scary way. Approaching this in a ‘sexy’ way allows you to make the most of your best assets- and why not? You’ll find that I use the term sexy loosely as many people seem to confuse this term with ‘slutty’. I am by no means suggesting
that being a zombie Ann Summers model is the way forward. On the other hand, a zombie model could be done tastefully. If we take witch costumes for example: you could paint your face green, add warts, boils, a broomstick and a shapeless black dress (scary) OR you could wear hardly any dress with a hat and stockings (potentially slutty). The best alternative to both these options is the happy medium of sexy: think Sarah Jessica Parker in Hocus Pocus. You’ll still have all your usual charm and attraction, without going overboard into the two extremes of this dress-up continuum. And sexy dress-up is not only for the girls. There are endless options for the boys, starting with Top Gun, Doctor Who (David Tennant rather than Tom Baker), Phantom of the Opera, Pride and Prejudice’s Mr
Halloween: a night of demons, witches, zombies, mummies; oh and of course slutty nurses, how could I forget? Now I can’t be the only person that still loves Halloween for what Halloween is supposed to be? As a child I don’t recall the ‘sexy cop’ being a trick or treat costume favourite. Since when did we throw away our witches hats and fake blood and replace them with fishnets and heels? It seems ladies that many of us really did lis-
Darcy - the list goes on… So there we have it, why dress yourself up like a half baked eyeball cake when you could go all out and be a (slightly scary) spicy chicken lattice? Forget, fright night and slut drops, sexy is the way forward.
ten to the infamous mean girls advice that ‘In girl world Halloween is the one day a year when a girl can dress up like a total slut and no other girls can say anything else about it’. Sexy leopards, sexy school girls, sexy pumpkins, yes Halloween holds host to a long list of ‘anything with the word sexy in front of it’. Although there is something tragically scary about this, it doesn’t exactly captivate traditional Halloween values. I’m sorry to say it but there’s nothing gorey or terrifying about a ‘sexy maid’. And to all you ‘seductive skeletons’ and ‘daring devils’ out there I accept there
The feline look The feline Halloween look is always a safe option; whether you go for a leopard or a cat, a typically tacky leopard print eyeshadow becomes acceptable and can be done easily with the contents of an everyday makeup bag. Step 1: Apply a pale brown eyeshadow as a base for the other colours to cling to. Step 2: Sweep Barry M Dazzle Dust in Bronze Gold over the base, extending out from the crease towards the eyebrow and apply a darker brown eyeshadow in the crease of the eye for definition. Step 3: Now comes the fun bit; eyeliner. Line the top lashes and add a small flick with liquid liner and then draw many ‘C’ shapes, gradually getting smaller towards the outer corners of the lid. In addition to the eyes, a warm, bronzed base suites the feline, and of course, no feline look is complete without the mandatory eyeliner whiskers and nose.
Hannah Myers shares her secrets for fun-ﬁlled Halloween makeup
1. Have a base for your, err, base. The ‘jaundice tinge’ the next morning is never a good look. Put
face paint on top of your foundation (or at least some moisturiser) to minimise the absorption into your skin, and be reassured that any teasing the next morning will be because of your dance moves, not the green glow you haven’t got rid of in the shower.
2. Don’t be tight. Yes, you don’t want to spend a fortune, but investing in a bit of Snazaroo (it’s only about £3 a pot) will look so much better than an all in one kit from the Pound Shop. You will waste an hour pushing around your face like wax before inevitably realising it is never going to look good.
is a slight nod towards tradition, but for me this just isn’t enough. This year I think us girls should go more Cady Heron than Regina George. And who cares if you’re met with a sea of disapproving bunny rabbits? After all, the scary costume is much better equipped to fight off the crisp autumn chill. Fake tanning, false eyelashing and generally looking glam is how every other night goes. But for October 31st slap on the white face paint, the fangs, the fake blood, and for one night enjoy looking truly horrifying. Halloween for me will definitely be more gorey than whorey.
Use the internet. Be inspired, and think about the pattern you want before you start, so you know what order to paint on, and where, so you don’t end up like a multicoloured blob.
Use your face. Just like with make-up, use colours to contour your face. Whether you are going for a skeleton with sunken eye sockets and hollowed cheeks using black, or a witch with a green base and purple ‘blush’, it helps the finished look to appear more realistic.
Be a team. If you are going for a specific pattern it’s so much easier to do each other’s faces than to try and do your own backwards, and on top of that it will all add to the fun of getting ready!
Monday 28th October 2013
Fashion Editors: Frances Stephenson, Bex Finney and Amy O’Rourke Beauty Editors: Saﬁya Ahmed and Amy MacCauley
Inspired by the decadent vampires of the Victorian era, the femme fatale makes a 21st Century comeback in the Fashion and Beauty team’s ﬁrst photoshoot
Monday 28th October 2013
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Photography: Katie Dyer Models: Rachel Aspey, Sara Macauley and Holly Suttle Make-up: Safiya Ahmed and Amy Macauley Directed by: Amy Oâ€™Rourke, Frances Stephenson and Bex Finney
Monday 28 October 2013
Fashion Editors: Frances Stephenson, Bex Finney and Amy O’Rourke Beauty Editors: Saﬁya Ahmed and Amy MacCauley
Behind the scenes
The Fashion Editors show you how to create the looks from their Femme Fatale shoot The story for our fashion photoshoot took on one of AW13’s top trends- the return of the Vampire. Think leather, berry lips and black. Lots of black. Set in the leafy scenery of Jesmond Dene, we discovered a dilapidated church as the perfect setting for a shoot inspired by creatures of the night
Sara - Urban Vampire
Sara’s look is characterised by an Urban Vampire vibe. Think Misfits meets Catwoman. Styled in a simple jumpsuit (Topshop £50) and statement necklace (Topshop £20) that nods towards the opulent vampish heritage. We went for a clubbing look that can take a girl from late to later, and the cat ears (Primark £2) take a playful approach to Halloween dressing. Pull your old fancy dress accessories out of the drawer, they can make fun additions to any look. We wanted Sara to have a sleek, polished look with deep berry lips and heavy Cara Delivigne eyes to suggest a sinister undertone to the killer combo. When it came to shooting the photo, the dilapidated graffiti made the perfect background to Sara’s story. She looks urban, yet the contrast against the poison ivy and Autumn leaves provides a seasonal twist to the look.
Rachel - Comic Book Killer
Inspired by the Instagram, comic book trend that is sweeping the highstreet, this seasonal Batgirl skirt (Topshop £30) is perfect for those that want to integrate the Halloween vibes to their daily wardrobe, without going all out. If it works for Christmas jumpers, then why not for Halloween. Rachel has amazing legs so this mini skirt was the perfect way to show them off.
Spooky with a twist of high fashion, we styled it with a black Fedora (Topshop £25) to fit with the Victorian vibes of the location. Natural blonde, Rachel’s icey locks looked amazing lightly tousled to contrast with the sleek darker tones of Sara and Holly. Find out how the Beauty team created the vampy look below.
Holly - The Black Swan We styled Holly as a Black Swan, the fallen ballerina who is both beautiful and dangerous. Her ballerina skater dress (Topshop £30) makes the perfect base for layering. Not only does it make for an ideal costume, but the dress could easily be worn as a statement piece for a night out. We paired it with an embellished crop top (Topshop £40) to accent the Victorian Opulence that the vampires originate from- they’ve been alive for 200 years you know. If you don’t want to go all out on the Halloween thing but still want a vampy edge to your look, the fascinator is a fantastic investment- whip it out at your next day at the races or summer wedding. Inspired in part by that infamous scene in Mean Girls- Lindsey Lohan makes a dubious costume choice - the headpiece (Topshop £12.50) also adds a spooky tone to any outfit.
Putting the faces on Jersey
The Beauty Editors explain the inspiration behind the looks and how to create them
Key Products: Mac ‘Rebel’ Lipstick Rimmel Kate Moss ‘107’ Lipstick Urban Decay eyeshadows in ‘Last Call’ - NYC Palette ‘Smog, Half Baked, Dark Horse, Buck’ - Naked Palette Mac ‘Harmony’ Blush Laura Mercier ‘Soft Blonde’ Eyebrow powder
For the shoot our concept was gothic glam. Think Cara Delevingne meets Bella Swan. Porcelain matte skin was key for this look, teamed with brown smoked out eyes. To detract from the drama we used heavy pigmented eye shadow to create a softer eye look. Browns, golds and greys were the main colours used, flattering on all eye colours. We managed to achieve this without using black eyeliner, instead lining the lower lash line with a light wash of purple eyeshadow leaving all the attention on the lips. Berry lip colours are big this season and we went for full impact by using dark, bold lipsticks for a deep wine stained effect. The key for this look is precision so we used a lip brush rather than applying straight from the bullet for a serious power pout. Sharp contouring was essential and this teamed with dark, defined brows gave us the perfect finish for a seriously sultry yet sexy style. For the hair we wanted a low maintenance, and effortless . Sweeping the hair to one side and tying in a low ponytail at the nape of the neck looked elegant with a facinator. Tousled waves looked stylish and sophisticated and were created in under five minutes using wide barrelled curling tongs. Finished with a spritz of hairspray for real vampy volume.
Monday 28 October 2013
Film Editors: Muneeb Haﬁz and Jacob Crompton-Schreiber
Hallo’wheel of Mis-Fortune The Guy Who Always Suggests ‘Splitting Up’...
The Idiot Who Likes To Scare Everyone...
It amazes me how common this character still is. Surely there are better ways to separate a group in a dangerous situation than by the inane suggestion of splitting up? Writers must have become somewhat aware of this tired cliché however, because we now frequently get someone who resists with a “what are you crazy!?”. As aggravating as it is, the people who want to split up will still always win, because of course, you can “cover more ground this way”… On the upside: at least this affords us viewers the opportunity to see multiple morons die interestingly and individually, as opposed to us being bored by one big, efficient group murder.
Horror movies are often full of false frights and this person is regularly the provider of those premature little jumps before the real killer has even arrived on the scene. He is typically the irritating boyfriend of the heroine (the one whose advances are always spurned at the start of the film) and he is commonly discovered hiding inside wardrobes or dark rooms waiting to freak out a more wary (yet longer surviving) character. Luckily enough and often to the audience’s immense gratification - a bloody end is virtually guaranteed for this purposeless character.
If you get high, then you will die
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This person sometimes begins as the voice of reason, but that only ever lasts so long; they quickly become rather tedious to the all-seeing audience by claiming that witnesses of the supernatural are either ‘crazy’ or on drugs. They vehemently refuse to believe in monsters, even though they literally just saw one drag their best friend off into the woods. As soon as this character convinces little Billy that there is nothing in the closet, the killer is certain to bound from the closet and put the sceptic out of his misery.
The superb result of Roman Polanski’s attempt to direct a horror movie. Released to universal acclaim, the film follows a couple (at that time Mia Farrow at her most beautiful and John Cassavetes at his most handsome) who are drawn into an occult world of deranged neighbours, sex with the devil, and a baby who will go down in cinematic history. Deploying a soundtrack atmospheric enough to rival John Carpenter’s Halloween and cinematography more similar to art-house than haunted-house, Polanski’s work is an advanced horror film that still scares on the most basic level. A film that inspired nearly every horror film after it, this is a must for any avid horror fan.
r Clichés o r r Ho e at
Ultimate Ho r r or
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Unfortunately if you are lucky enough to be both hot and blonde, albeit normally further along to the bimbo end of the scale, then you will inevitably die in any horror movie that you star in, think Paris Hilton - House of Wax. Prior to their deaths these fine looking ladies can usually be found taking part in somewhat unnecessarily graphic sex scenes, cheating on their jock boyfriends with other group members or stating completely obvious comments while panicking like “oh my god, I think he wants to kill us?”
One of the mildly more complex character roles in a horror film is the mild drug abuser college student. They can range from scrawny glasses wearing weed heads, to a confident and arrogant punk ‘rockeresque’ band member. Either way once you smoke that joint around the campfire in the middle of nowhere, then you will end up sleeping with the fishes in the lake that currently looks so scenic in front of you. Often these characters do put up the most respectable of a fight with the killer before their death, and sometimes even die honourably as a form of sacrifice while attempting to save a friend, usually the only survivor left at the end of the film.
Being hot and blonde certainly means death
The Stubborn Sceptic
Hit-men, Cults, and suburban England: Ben Wheatley’s Kill List evolves a potentially Loachian portrayal of military veterans disillusioned with modern life in England into the best British horror film since 28 Days Later. Following the story of two soldiers-turned-assassins, Wheatley’s sociorealistic work substitutes the clichéd protagonists of horror for two ugly and repulsive personifications of Broken Britain as they complete progressively gruesome assassinations for the unknown ‘client’. Combine this with episodes of infanticide and a twist that almost tops that of The Wicker Man, and Kill List becomes a truly horrific tragedy of Aristotelian proportions. A scene with a hammer and a man’s head is one of the most disturbing of contemporary cinema.
‘Let’s split up!’
When confronted with a life or death situation, which could come as a result of any improvised weaponry from the arsenal that is that back garden shed, you would think it would be a wise idea to stick together. Oh no, of course not “Lets split up, I’ll go this way, you stay here” sound familiar? Rather than stick together and lock yourselves in a room, following group discussion it is always deemed most appropriate to split up and try and source out the danger personally. What makes this decision even more unwise in that fact that there is never any signal to call each other once you inevitably get lost or locked in the killer’s basement. Peter Style
The Wicker Man Robin Hardy’s 1973 folk-horror is a bold, genre-twisting psychological nightmare that disposes of the Christian Gothic Horror with aplomb. The story follows the devoutly Christian Police Sergeant Neil Howie’s journey to the pagan island of Summerisle in search of a missing girl. What follows is a journey of sexual torment, human sacrifice, and a devastating final twist that leads The Wicker Man to fully deserve its label as ‘the Citizen Kane of horror movies’. Christopher Lee, ironically a pioneer of the Christian Gothic through his involvement with the Hammer Horror series, said his role as Lord Summerisle was the most enjoyable of his career. Ignore the Nicholas Cage remake at all costs. Will Babbington
Top 4 Horror Characters 4
Damien in The Omen Trilogy
Mark Lewis in Peeping Tom
Annie Wilkes in Misery
Jigsaw in Saw
Now this is one little boy you don’t want knocking on your door trick or treating. You thought the neighbourhood kids were little devils; this kid essentially IS the devil. While none of his victims as such were murdered by him directly, the mysterious circumstances surrounding the deaths of everyone around him were through the roof (or through the window in front of a crowded birthday party).
A bit of a forgotten villain here, but before there was Norman Bates; Mark Lewis was the original British psycho slasher who skulked the streets of London. Psychologically experimented on by his father, drawn to the perverse, and kills people with a film camera with a blade and a mirror on the end so he could film his victims seeing their own fear in the mirror while he stabbed them with the blade. Complex but creepy.
While the unsinkable Mollie Brown I wouldn’t mind being a houseguest, Kathy Bates plays hostess from hell Annie Wilkes. Psychopathically obsessed, sweet one second, sinister the other, Annie runs one B&B I would pay money not to stay in. After all, you could try to leave but your ankles might fail you.
From the creepy puppet that first confronts you, to the sinister old man behind it all; the whole concept of Saw is like your worst hangover times a million. While holding a very low body count himself, this chap brings out the worst in people by getting his victims to kill each other all in the name of selfpreservation. Jamie Sheperd
Monday 28 October 2013
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Listings As You Like It
29 October to 2 November Theatre Royal
The Theatre Royal’s Royal Shakespeare Company season continues with one of Shakespeare’s most celebrated comedies. It’s the one with the bit that goes “All the world’s a stage...”, and the bit about the seven ages of man as well as a bundle of LOLs about romance. The RSC production features the directorial talents of Maria Aberg, and a soundtrack written and arranged by leading folky type Laura Marling. Tickets from £12, £5 for people aged 16-25
Walk on the Dark Side
30 October Grey’s Monument
Everyone likes a good old-fashioned ghost walk, don’t they? Meet at the Monument before wandering down to Quayside who’ll fill you in on the Toon’s ghoulish past. From 7pm, tickets £4
Tea and Spooky Tales
John Cooper Clarke
29 October Quilliam Bros.’ teahouse
2 November Mill Volvo Tyne Theatre
Local writer and spoken word performer Emma Whitehall will convene her troupe of collaborators in an attempt to freak you out in the most cosy and comforting environs imaginable. They’ve got their work cut out alright. We have it on good authority that there’ll also be some ‘atmospheric props’ in attendance. What exactly will this entail, you might ask. We have no idea. Only one way to find out. Free
The Bard of Salford has enjoyed a long-overdue renaissance in the last few years, what with his occasional radio shows on 6 Music, a BBC4 retrospective in which everyone from Steve Coogan to Alex Turner sang his praises, and his being almost constantly on tour these days. If you’re not aware of his work, Clarke’s performance poetry marries his rattling machine gun delivery (inspired by the Ramones trying to cut down the length of their gigs as much as possible) and ear for metre and rhyme with a caustic wit. Actually, you know that advert for oven chips that’s on at the minute? Yeah, that’s him narrating it. Not all of his stuff ’s about processed potato though. Sorry to disappoint. Tickets from £14
Lates at Life: Halloween 31 October Centre for Life
If you like learning as much as you like mucking about with the dead and undead, or just don’t fancy standing outside Perdu in a cumbersome and rapidly disintegrating fancy dress costume, you’re in for a bloody great treat There’ll be cocktails, a DJ, and a pop-up sound effects studio so you can soundtrack your own horror flick, plus Stephen Reed from Northumbria Uni will be holding a talk with the endearingly understated title of ‘Vampires, Werewolves and Zombies: Oh My!’. £4 per person
1 November Digital
The reputation of this conquistador of thumping techno is growing exponentially with every passing minute, especially since his production work on Jessie Ware’s fabulous debut album Devotion. His new single ‘Peppermint’ is a peach too - stuttering and stammering before jumping to its feet and sprinting off down the strip in Magaluf whirling its t-shirt over its head. See him before who gets huge. Tickets £15, earlybird £10
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Candlelit Castle Keep ghost walk 1 & 2 November Castle Keep
It doesn’t come much more creepy than this wandering around a 750-year-old castle with only a tiny waxen friend for comfort. As well as the ghost walk you can get involved with a seance and muck about with a Ouija board. Castle Keep’s been on Most Haunted before, and if even Derek Acorah can find something otherworldly lurking about there then chances are you’ll be in luck. £10 advance, £15 on the door
Monday 28 October 2013
Arts Editors: Millie Walton and Charlie Dearnley Deputy Arts Editor: Laura Wotton
A stake through the ‘art
Clare Robertson shares her top five most gruesome and terrifying art works this Halloween 1. Marc Quinn, Self (blood sculpture, 2006)
In our Halloween column special, Hannah Myers laments the superficial nature of contemporary Halloween
Grotesque, it seems, brings malformations of the limbs and contours of the human body to mind. It is perhaps deserving of Marc Quinn’s blood head to be dubbed ‘most grotesque s c u lptu re of all
n today’s generation Halloween conjures up images of little children swarming shadowy streets lit up by the ominous orange glow of carved pumpkins. Dressed in an array of scary costumes they knock on strangers’ doors, soliciting copious amounts of treats. Ancient Celtics may not have carried out this tradition exactly, but our contemporary celebration of Halloween does stem from the ancient Celtic festival known as Samhain. Samhain, is what Hallows Eve, or as it’s more commonly known, Halloween, originates from. The festival celebrates the end of the harvest, where Gaels would start preparing for winter, bidding summer adieu. On October 31, in the dead of night it was believed that the boundary between the world of the living and world of the dead became blurred. The air thins, allowing the deceased access to the mortal world, bringing chaos and sickness with them, damaging crops along the way. October 31 to the Gaels was a night of superstition and suspected ghoulish behaviour. The carved pumpkin, or Jack-O-Lantern, is one of the most central images associated with Halloween. This eponymous tradition is named after the legend of Jack, a man that liked to play tricks on the Devil. When artful Jack eventually dies he is denied into heaven, as God would not allow such a devious figure into heaven.
“The air things, allowing the deceased access to the mortal world, bringing chaos and sickness with them...” The Devil also rejects claiming Jack’s soul, still bothered by the tricks that had been played on him. Jack is left with no choice but to roam interminably into the dark night with nothing but a burning coal in a carved turnip to guide him, and that is where Jack-O-Lantern gets its significance. Trick-or-treating is what most children’s dreams are made of, the promise of more sweets than they know what to do with. This tradition, however, wasn’t always so rose-tinted. The term “trick or treat” dates back to 1927 where the poor would visit the houses of wealthier families and receive pastries called soul cakes in exchange for a promise to pray for the souls of the homeowners’ dead relatives, known as souling. Although the principle is the same, the modern day ‘trick-or-treat’ is far more greedy and superficial than it was in the late 1920s. There is no prayer for the deceased nor is it any longer an action of charity. Would it be fair to say that Halloween has lost its true meaning, then? Are the youth of today cognisant of the deep roots that the Halloween we celebrate today has grown from? The majority of people would not know what Samhain or souling is, nor would they know where the Jack-O-Lantern gets its significance from. Times change, traditions change, one thing that is for certain is that there is more to Halloween than just sweets. Hannah Myers Want to write for Arts? Come along to our weekly meeting, Wednesday 1PM in the Curtis Auditorium.
QUOTES SO SIMPLE:
t i m e .’ Q u i n n’s head combined stainless steel with Perspex, refrigeration equipment - and of course, blood - to create what is perhaps the most disturbing self-portrait imaginable. Grotesque? Yes, it looks like a decapitated Quinn-replica has been severed from its body to have its skin skillfully peeled back on a steel slab. Eyeless, soulless, Quinn’s self-portrait challenges mortality and tangibility, prompting you to stare death in the face.
2. Damien Hirst, Mother and Child Divided (original 1993, copy 2007) No artist has ever quite interrogated dark matters through dead cattle like Damien Hirst. Black diamond skulls are pretty thought provoking, but what can be more disturbing than the preserved innards of a dead animal? Sliced in two, Hirst’s sculpture consists of each cow-half pressed against a block of glass to reveal its insides; the observer
can then walk through the middle of the sculpture, fully immersing themselves in grotesque imagery, a well of existentialism and disillusionment. Why do I identify with Hirst’s piece? It’s raw, real, radical, and infinitely bold. It’s so cold I can almost see my breath...
3. Nathaniel Mellors, Animatronic Heads (2011) What could be creepier than android heads that murmur in turmoil, tethered to one another with a grotesque strand of hair growing out of their faces? Exceptionally lifelike, this set of robotic heads engages its audience, providing means for a kind of terrifying interactivity. The theme of estrangement seems to be recurring in the sinister vein of the art world, drawing you into the a g on i z i n g dismay of this dystopian species. These bionic creations wallow into your consciousness as you approach the room; it’s the hair that does it for me. As Talking Heads say, ‘psycho killer, Qu’est’ce que c’est…’
5. Louise Bourgeois, Marman (1999) To me, spiders are a fundamental image of terror; spiders of the giant variety are particularly grotesque. Bourgeois, who expresses ‘loneliness and conflict, frustration and vulnerability’ in her art, created Marman in the late nineties. Marman, a giant arachnid with twisted limbs and a contorted body that is sure to paralyze any living thing with fear alone, is evocative of the paralytic injection a spider uses to dismantle its prey. Although threatening in concept, this sculpture projects sadness: a towering yet grotesque symbol of the spider that most associate with fear and rejection. Marman scares me to the core.
4. Annette messenger, The Ballad of Hanged Ones (2007) Messenger produces powerful installation pieces, proof that beauty can be terrifying; in her own words “very morbid, very sad.” As the name suggests, Messenger’s installation consists of hanging stuffed animals, limbs, toys, and large body parts that rise and fall. Evoking putrid images, the notion of ominously moving, bloated body parts beneath hanging limbs reminiscent of a butcher’s shop, the ‘hanged ones’ are grotesque and infinitely sorrowful. All of these entities revolve around a small model of Pinocchio, suggesting a powerlessness to be human, to be ‘real’.
Article: Clare Robertson Images from left: Helen Dearnley, Roland zh
Desert Island Books
This Halloween, Charlie Dearnley and Beth Durant reveal which books they’d choose to ruin their sanity and security whilst stranded on a deserted Island. IT Stephen King
lowns are just like Marmite, a few people pretend to like them, but deep down we all hold a deep hatred for their all-smiling ashen appearance. Pennywise, is the child devouring demon from Stephen King’s ‘IT,’ a novel that toys with our childhood fears.
American Psycho Bret Easton Ellis
ritten in first person by serial killer Patrick Bateman, this instant classic is an incredibly well-written book, despite all the hype around the grisly content. As it was originally sold in black shrinkwrap, at least it would be kept dry.
The Bloody Chamber Angela Carter
he Line “he thrust his virile member into the dead girl,” will haunt me for years to come, even now it sends a disgusted shiver down my spine and causes me to gag gently. Angela Carter’s ‘The Bloody Chamber,’ is a collection of twisted fairy tales, reminiscent of the Grimm brothers’ stories.
Unwind Neal Shusterman
ased in a dystopian universe where parents have the option to “unwind” their children if they step out of line, this book has a horrific concept but is a good read if fancy a cry. If the main character can successfully repopulate an island with half an arm, I’m sure I’d be able to.
“It is a strange world, a sad world, a world full of miseries, and woes, and troubles. And yet when King Laugh come, he make them all dance to the tune he play. Bleeding hearts, and dry bones of the churchyard, and tears that burn as they fall, all dance together to the music...’ Bram Stoker, Dracula
Monday 28 October 2013
Pic of the Week previews
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ach week we choose the best arty Instagram pic to feature in the paper. Whether its taken on campus, on a night out or in your own house, we want your snaps! Simply hashtag #nclarts and we’ll pick a weekly winner. Besides featuring in an award winning paper, the winning pic is worth a delicious bag of sweets too. Get instagramming folks!
Mixtape: Number Is
This week’s winning pic is ‘Dead Head in Box’ by
Creativity & Coffee This week Evgeniya Boykova enjoys a brew at Pink Lane Coffee shop
P Drinks Art Vibe
Exotic yet homely
ink Lane Coffee, just across the road from Central Station, is a delightful treasure cove full of surprises. Whilst you can enjoy a range of drinks and light refreshments, it’s the coffee that really stands out, changing regularly to ensure a new taste on every visit. The bar staff are friendly and welcoming creating a homely, inviting atmosphere for weary travellers and passerbys. The art is an eclectic mix of permanent commissioned drawings and the work of local artists such as Robyn Nevison. The coffee shop also holds a number of events throughout the year, including latte art competitions.
Theatre Royal 5-9 November
longside tried and tested powerhouses Hamlet and As You Like It, the RSC is bringing the rarely-produced ‘All’s Well That Ends Well’ to the Theatre Royal as part of its season there. The story follows an intelligent but lowborn young woman, Helena, who is desperately in love with the noble Bertram. Her love seems hopeless until, upon curing the illness of the King, she is rewarded with her choice of husband. However, the headstrong, immature Bertram resists by running off to war, where the heartbroken Helena pursues him, determined to win his love. This is a great opportunity to see a rarely-performed Shakespeare play from a company whose work is world-renowned. Starring rising RSC members Johanna Horton and Alex Waldmann (whose Orlando in As You Like It has also earned him rave reviews) as the lovers, I am also looking forward to the performance of Shakespeare veteran Greg Hicks in the small but pivotal role of the King of France. Director Nancy Meckler promises a performance which both showcases ‘visual storytelling’ and is driven by the ‘bold, complex, romantic, and funny’ characters which are the play’s great strength. Lauren Hickin
Baltic 39 4-12 October
ark Fell’s ‘Self and Now’ exhibition, within Baltic 39’s project space, was probably the most mind-boggling experience I have had in a gallery. Ever. Regarding elements of sound, pattern and light, the English artist constructs a spectacular synthesis of electronic art which interrogates your senses. The first installation, Impossible Water Temple, is an investigation of sound, pitch and movement involving a spinning speaker and towering lights. The speaker emits an ascending, monotonous tone while kaleidoscopic lights flood the room. The second, Factoid#3, uses flashing white strobe lighting, a propelled orange balloon and unsettling, popping sounds in pitch-black pod. And finally the third, 64 Beautiful Phase Violations, an octagonal frame of 64 speakers that you tentatively step into before undergoing a 360° ear popping experience. In each piece there was an element of danger; before entering Factoid#3 I had to close my eyes, the circling speaker could have swung into me in Impossible Water Temple and in 64 Beautiful Phase Violations I felt as if my head was going to explode. An exhibition of tension, isolation and ambiguity. Lucy Chenery
The Dog & Parrot 28 October
f you’re a fan of music, theatre and local talent, ‘Mixtape’ is right up your street; it’s a series of short energetic plays inspired by music from local writers. The rules are that the play’s dialogue must exclusively consist of lyrics from the song it was inspired by and must be no longer than the piece of music, making for a number of hilarious performances. Mixtape will launch their unique combination of theatre and improvisation on Monday 28 October at 8pm at the cosy venue, The Dog & Parrot on Clayton Street as part of Alphabetti Spaghetti’s ‘Brolly Season’. To celebrate it’s launch the first Mixtape writers have picked their favourite number one hits (it’s quite likely ‘Call Me Maybe’ will feature in a big way) to create a jam packed evening of laughter and mayhem. The Mixtapers are working with some of the region’s most popular writers, including: Lee Mattinson (Chalet Lines and Donna Disco, Live Theatre), Alison Carr (The Soaking of Vera Shrimp, Live Theatre and A Wondrous Place, Northern Stage), Samantha Bell (Nthathu, Grahamstown Arts Festival) and new playwrights Nicola Owen and Bethan Oakes. It’s a rare opportunity to experience a new type of show that guarantees to be different and adventurous. Evgeniya Boykova
Self and Now
All’s Well that Ends Well
As You Like It
mong the three new offerings that the RSC is staging at the Theatre Royal this season, the one I am most anticipating, and arguably the best reviewed is their new staging of ‘As You Like It’. While this beloved pastoral comedy has been produced countless times over the years, this intriguing tale of gender politics and the need to escape to the country still has the power to enchant audiences globally. ‘As You Like It’ encompasses all of Shakespeare’s best, with romance, broad comedy, family drama and exploration of what it means to be human. Rising RSC stars Pippa Nixon and Alex Waldmann take the leading roles as Rosalind, arguably Shakespeare’s most fully realised heroine, and Orlando, the man who finds himself falling for her, even when she is forced to disguise herself as a boy... The reputation of the Royal Shakespeare Company is second to none in classical British theatre. Moreover, ‘As You Like It’ is an exciting, funny and sexy play, which is a great introduction for Shakespeare newbies, but equally a production of one of the great canonical comedies which will satisfy even the most discerning fan of the Bard. Following the success of their most recent production, ‘Hamlet’, RSC’s production of ‘As You Like It’ is not one you’ll want to miss. Lauren Hickin
Theatre Royal 18-26 October
he old and dusty fencing hall set is just the first striking innovation of David Farr’s 2013 production of Shakespeare’s Hamlet. The clinical fluorescent lights define the psychological undertones of a play about mental deterioration. The portrayal of Ophelia by Pippa Nixon is second to none; she brings a unique and complex depth of hysteria to the role that further highlights the chilling nature of utter chaos and madness. On top of this Jonathan Slinger in the title role exposes a youthful side to the affected Hamlet, demonstrated through a highly crafted immaturity; Hamlet after all is meant to be of university age. However Slinger most significantly makes his mark on the character through his extraordinary use of the spoken vocal range, adding to the height of the drama. Whilst psychological madness and mass murder is far from funny, I can guarantee that you will laugh in this tragedy. Furthermore, the pace in this take is unique and engaging. All in all, David Farr keeps the audience very much on the edge of their seats. This is the first of three so I will hasten to add that great things can be expected! Harriet Sale
Theatre Royal 29 October - 2 November
‘A Roll of Dice’ By Catherine Hanlon
Roll of Dice” follows the adventure of young Marie; an independent thinker that is different from the rest, in her struggle for the truth. Oblivious to the world outside, controlled by the authorities and medicated into puppets deemed “productive”, we watch the characters transform from their conditioned obedience and naivety as they try to unravel what lies behind the façade of a “perfect society”. Catherine Hanlon has based her plot around the concept that “curiosity is the enemy of utopia” and that those deemed imaginative are either heavily drugged or removed from society. My initial thought was that Hanlon had created an updated version based around Orwell’s ‘1984’ however as the plot unravels it draws attention to more developed ideas and her emphasis in capturing the surreal sense of distress and entrapment that the characters experience over the loss of mental control gives the book its own identity. The first of a series of futuristic novels, Dice Dystopia, this book was entertaining to read, however, I would recommend it to a younger reader. It reminded me of the ‘Hunger Games Series’ and would probably be better suited to similar readers. Jess Harman
Monday 28 October 2013
Film Editors: Muneeb Haﬁz and Jacob Crompton-Schreiber
Partners in Pictures
Editor’s In light of Tom Hank’s new realease, Aidan Knowlson looks at great Word actor-director relationships
Freshers Farce A great man once said, “If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education, go to the library.” That man was Frank Zappa, what a scholar. A less contentious addendum would be to have a blast, not so much ‘get jiggy’. Hollywood has a propensity to make the right of passage into College/ University seem like an almighty leap from the humdrum monotony of secondary education to a Red Bull-fuelled train wreck, albeit an awesomely enjoyable one. The parties are always ‘off the chain’, filled with hilarity and general binge-ing. Now this may all seem very familiar to you, and if it does I would happily join your friendship circle, but one issue that is forever neglected in ‘college’ movies is the awkwardness- the ultimate plague of Freshers’ Week (aside from that god-awful flu, of course). For the less outgoing personalities, the prospect of meeting so many new people, inebriated or not, is a daunting one. Unfortunately, we cannot all be born with the witty chops of John Belushi or the extravagant persona of Stifler, well, perhaps that is fortunate.
But, for me at least, there is, or was, a little bit of Michael Cera in me: the genuinely friendly, if introverted kind of guy, that is bobbing and miming along wildly to ‘No Diggity’ on the very fringes of the moshpit on the dance floor. Now this column may read like the worlds worst entry on eHarmony, but the truth remains that perhaps university life isn’t all that its cracked up to be in the movies. The weeks on end of beans on toast, left over Boots meal deals (or the US equivalent) and pasta are alien to this sub-genre. However, it is a grim, but accurate reality for many university students today. Perhaps, what the films are portraying is something to strive for, a mad toga party as an answer to falling grades, for example. Or, more realistically, that higher education is never supposed to be that good and films are all make belief. While that may be the truth, I believe in a higher cause for University, these toga shindigs do exist, there is a John Belushi in me... and I am awesome. On a more down to earth note though, the late, great Roger Ebert wrote: “By going to the movies, going to college, making a wide variety of friends,
moving around travelling, I became a lot more open-minded than the heritage I was born into might have suggested.” We are ultimately lucky enough to even have a go at striving for Animal House-esque madness and should embrace the awkwardness while it lasts. MH
ometimes, when a director’s name is spoken, an actor’s is immediately spoken after. They are synonymous with one other because of the great partnerships they have formed over the years. Arguably the most famous partnership in cinema’s history is that of Martin Scorsese and Robert De Niro, the pair
appearing in a total of eight films together. As with most great partnerships, the duo helped to make stars out of each other, both crashing onto the scene in their first collaboration Mean Streets (1970). Scorsese: the master of dealing with the identity of the ‘everyman’, and the murkiness of the criminal underworld; De Niro: a man able to make some of the most repugnant and violent character relatable. As such, De Niro’s portrayal helps to bring extra depth to Scorsese’s films and giving them a powerful punch that makes them feel so real to the audience. In some circumstances however, it is not so much the multi-layered acting complimenting a director that makes such a great partnership, but rather an iconic image that helps to create a great partnership. So it was in the case of Sergio Leone and Clint Eastwood. Throughout the Dollars Trilogy they collaborated on, Eastwood certainly did not bring a complex performance, nor did he even have an incredible amount of dialogue, yet what Eastwood brought to the role was a presence Leone desired. Leone, who excelled in showcasing physical performances, found his muse in Eastwood, a man whose granite features made him imposing and iconic, the perfect ‘man with no name’ to traverse the harsh and imposing West Leone had created, all the while maintaining his composed persona. In the previous two cases the director and actors in question are arguably as well known for their work outside these partnerships as their
“...no matter what is presented to them they can always rely on the actor to be able to fulfil their vision.” collaborations; this was not the case with the partnership of Akira Kurosawa and Toshiro Mifune. They collaborated on 16 films together, creating the entire samurai genre whilst also becoming the figureheads of Japanese cinema. Mifune is an actor who brought in his acting traditions of both Hollywood and Kabuki theatre, creating characters that would appeal to an almost universal audience. This was a perfect foil for Kurosawa’s style, a director who combined the Japanese idea of ‘breathing room’ (allowing time to let characters express themselves) into his images, allowing for emotional resonance whilst also showcasing grandiose battles on the screen. Mifune had this double-edged sword in his repertoire, being able to convey the emotions Kurosawa needed within his work, whilst having the physical presence to convey the imposing samurai so synonymous with Kurosawa’s work. It was due to this that they formed a long bond for the majority of their careers; no matter what element of society Kurosawa wanted Mifune to inhabit, he was always up for the task and was able to fill the canvas Kurosawa presented to him. This is what makes directors have such great relationships with their favourite actors; no matter what is presented to them they can always rely on the actor to be able to fulfil their vision.
Night of the Living Dread
Will Babbington looks at horror franchises and the cash cows that just don’t want to die
aws: The Revenge. Halloween IV. Blair Witch II: Book of Shadows. These three films are apt examples of the potential dangers of the horror franchise: forgettable, unintelligent works created purely to bleed dry the cash cow that bore them, rushed through production to capitalise upon the success of their predecessor. The horror franchise, however, is not necessarily as monstrous as the villains they are based on: George A. Romero’s Living Dead trilogy is still one of the finest examples of horror the genre has to offer, and this year’s Evil Dead only further improved Sam Raimi’s already impressive series of the same name. So what, then, is that element which Romero and Raimi seemingly never forget, one that everybody always does? It is ultimately these individuals’ refusal to sacrifice the themes and ideals that made their original film so popular. Blair Witch’s budget was $22k dollars. Blair Witch II’s budget was $15m dollars. Halloween’s budget’s was $325k. Halloween: Resurrection’s budget was $15m dollars. Both original films relied more upon the ingenuity of their directors than the cash-flow of a major corporation. Hollywood studios, with their monetisation of films primarily successful specifically because of their lack of financial backing, quickly eliminate the originality that the first film of a franchise relied upon. Indeed, this corruptive presence of major studios reaches beyond financial backing, often resulting in a disruptive creative control: Paramount severely decreased the input of Daniel Myrick and Eduardo Sanchez, original directors of Blair Witch, as well as rejected the use of hand-held cameras in order to produce a more commercially viable film. This elimination of the innovation that caused Blair Witch’s success can be seen more recently with Saw, the most successful horror franchise ever. Saw balanced agreeably on that line between horror and gore, a line which the likes of Eli Roth have blood-
ily bounded over in favour of the much derided torture-porn genre. Unfortunately, so too did Universal, and what was once a film that infused moral seriousness with a penchant for the conventional scare, is now a purely sadistic realm of misogynistic torture and perversity. However what perhaps deals the most fateful blow toward these franchisebound films is the very nature of the ‘franchise’ itself. It is obvious that the villain of the horror film is the crux of its success. The menace’s ability to scare derives from their unidentifiable evil. They are the modern ‘other’, an alien threat that cannot be known and thus cannot be conquered. To reproduce this villain, this temporary instance of insanity, is to normalise it. The audiences’ constant meeting with Jason throughout the Friday the 13th franchise eventually diminishes how scary he is by unwittingly assimilating him into popular culture; no longer the ambiguously petrifying unknown, Jason is now that clichéd murderer with that clichéd mask. Some franchises, however, exist as rare exceptions to these trends. The Living Dead is a thoroughly lauded franchise that began with a film possessing a depth rare in the genre of horror. When franchised, unlike most others, it retained such depth. The Living Dead’s utilisation of a black protagonist,
the first horror film to do so, was a subtle comment on the racist attitude toward black actors and characters later further investigated in the Blaxploitation genre. Despite the budget being increased by almost 135% for Romero’s following film Night of the Living Dead, this social commentary remained, with consumerism as the target. Ultimately, the construction of a franchise around a particular film is not inherently damaging if accomplished with the same sensitivity and intelligence that made the first film so effective. It is when the potential of the box-office blinds Hollywood that the franchise reveals its darker, uglier side. So ugly, sometimes, that they don’t even phrase the sequels correctly: I Still Know What You Did Last Summer, technically, should be called I Still Know What You Did The Summer Before Last.
Monday 28 October 2013
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“I do wish we could chat longer., but... I’m having an old friend for dinner.” Silence of the Lambs (1990)
Captain Phillips (12A)
Hannibal Lecter T
nyone who has seen a Paul Greengrass film will know that he is not in the habit of making cosy films, best known for the final two films in the Bourne trilogy and September the Eleventh thriller United 93, this film was never going to be a slippers and coco watch. In fact if one was pressed to sum up a Greengrass film in one word, critical would be it. Inspired by a very real story, every moment of this film feels like it could be the last for our central character, Rich Phillips, Captain of the Maersk Alabama, a container ship overtaken by Somali pirates in 2009. The screenplay is adapted from Phillips’ memoir ‘A Captain’s Duty: Somali Pirates, Navy SEALs, and Dangerous Days at Sea’. In fact the whole film is relatively free from over sentimentality, save a few pangs of sadness for the Phillips family back home, the film maintains a refreshingly pragmatic approach to telling a potentially gushing tale of heroism. Tom Hank’s central performance is rather reserved and measured throughout the film, but reveals a great surge of energy when needed, again free of mawkishness it is an efficient and relatable performance and rather like the real man I suspect. Alongside this central role are a number of brilliant
he first thing I love about Hannibal Lecter is that he has the best villain name ever. Some may say it’s a bit cheesy, but I just love that it is presented completely unironically. I mean, who would suspect someone as a murderer whose name rhymes with cannibal... right?
supporting roles, Barkhad Abdi, Barkhad Abdirahman, Faysal Ahmed and Mahat M. Ali are wonderful as the Somali Pirates who take over the ship and I particularly enjoyed Michael Chernus’ performance as Phillips’ First Officer, Shane Murphy. Despite this, the shining gem of this film if Greengrass’ direction, despite what the film’s public relation’s team may have led audiences to believe, this is no dumbed down action thriller churned out by another giant studio. I was unprepared for the level of anxiety caused by this film, so much so it should probably be labelled with a warning for those with heart conditions. From the moment the first beep
of the radar, hints to the idea of an approaching threat to the final seconds of the thrilling conclusion, the audience is hooked, unable to look away, resulting in countless tubs of neglected popcorn. The film is gripping, intelligent, sharp as a whip and compelling to the last frame.
Enough Said (12A)
More like this: Kapringen (2012) Beth Storey
In the first of our weekly competitions, you can nab tickets to Empire Cinemas’ Film4 Frightfest on November 2nd.
I Tickets are selling fast, but we have two tickets up for grabs for the allnight horror extravaganza. For a chance to see Patrick (2013), Discopathe (2013), The Station (2013) and Nothing Left To Fear (2013), answer the following question: Who directed the Evil Dead trilogy? a) Sam Jackson b) Sam Mendes c) Sam Raimi Email your answer to c2.film@ncl. ac.uk before 6pm on Thursday 31st to be in with a chance.
n Turbo, Dreamworks seek to answer a question nobody was asking: just how Dreamworks can a Dreamworks movie possibly be? The answer is very. Very Dreamworks. Turbo is the most Dreamworks movie this or any generation is likely to produce. In that respect, and in that respect only, is this film a success. Turbo takes every Dreamworks cliché to its most absurd conclusion. There’s stunt celebrity casting (Ryan Reynolds and Samuel L. Jackson) and belaboured pop culture references (Turbo becomes the subject of a Youtube meme). Turbo is a snail obsessed with speed and racing, much to the chagrin of his colony. Now, I’m not a snail doctor, but I’m pretty sure snails don’t hang out in huge colonies, or spend their time harvesting food en masse, but Turbo needs a dull homogeny to rebel against, so reality can go hang. In particular, Turbo’s F1 fixation aggravates his safety-conscious brother Chet, who is characterised as a nagging wuss but nonetheless says what we’re all thinking: “You’re not a car, you’re a snail!” But when Turbo gains super speed after a dose of nitrous oxide (!) he teams up with a human taco salesman named Tito (!) who decides to enter him into the Indianapolis 500 (!) in a ploy to sell more tacos (!!!). There are way too many insane leaps in logic to fully discuss here, so my bewildered exclamation points will have to suffice. Turbo builds to an ingenious climax and there’s some snappy dialogue along the way, but the plot is so muddled and the finished product so insufferably Dreamworks that it’s impossible to recommend. More like this: Ratatouille (2007)
n this his posthumous release, James Gandolfini exchanges his role as the likeable antihero Tony Soprano so that he can snuggle up on the sofa next to the petit Julia Louis-Dreyfus. Masseuse, Eva (Dreyfus) meets Albert (Gandolfini) at an outdoor party. Both divorcees, romance is not instantaneous but none the less sparks fly between the two. At the same time, Eva begins a friendship with new client and poet, Marianne. The pair bond largely over the discussion of their respective ghastly ex-husbands. Tragically for Eva, she comes to realise over time that the slob Marianne describes is none other than her new husky cuddle-bunny, Albert. This movie is largely concerned with what it means to be middle-aged. Grown up daughters, complicated or poor marriages and the exploration of sexuality once youth has dwindled. This does make it somewhat alluring: the lead male is not a Hollywood hunk and his romantic interest is not without her crow’s feet. The lead pair make a splendid (if a bit physically incompatible) couple and deliver brilliant performances. One does however have the overriding sensation that they have seen this film before. The music and the tone of the film scream run of the mill romantic-comedy. While this film does make some powerful efforts to break free from the monotony of the romantic comedy genre, it quite simply does not do enough. The acting is largely brilliant and the dialogue refreshing but the plot and overall feel of the film is something we have all seen many times before.
More like this: Something’s Gotta Give (2003) Sam Summers
Secondly, Hannibal Lecter has impeccable taste, not only when it comes to food. When he’s not wearing the rather ugly mask and a straight jacket he is quite the fashionista, always rocking a nice suit and a fancy coat. Plus, he is a real connoisseur. May it be a fine wine or the opera: only the best is good enough! While he is also creepy as hell, Hannibal Lecter is a highly intelligent psychologist and knows how to play with people’s minds. Sometimes you get lured in by his charming ways and almost forget that he is a scary murderer and literally eats people for breakfast. It hits you even harder when you see him in action. Another thing I love is his inappropriate sense of humour, which is especially intriguing when only him and the viewers know his dirty little secret. “It’s nice to have an old friend for dinner.” Oh you!
But what I love most about Hannibal Lecter is his culinary creativity. Who would want to snack Soylent Green if you could have one of Lecter’s delicacies. Ranging from something as simple as sausage over a juicy steak to foie gras, Hannibal Lecter just knows how to make the most of people.
He even has his own little people beer brewery. He could start his own brand. How about... ‘Lecter Brown Ale’. Sounds delicious. Cheers!
Monday 28 October 2013
TV Editor: Beth Durant Deputy TV Editor: Helen Daly
Bubble bubble, toil and trouble... Tanya Nies takes a look at Charmed and the impact it had on witchy dramas to come
owadays vampires seem to be everywhere, but in the 90’s it was witches, and from 1998 three of them appeared regularly on our screens: The Charmed Ones. Phoebe, Piper and Prue Halliwell, after season three succeeded by Paige Matthews, had me sat in front of my TV every week. I regularly re-watch episodes, and even when flicking through the channels I still stop to watch episodes I’ve seen dozens of times before.
Charmed was the perfect mixture of sci-fi and a comedy-drama. Watching the sisters in their daily life struggling to find the right guy, trying to have a successful career and having classic banter between siblings, whilst also juggling the life destiny of being a trio of witches, was TV gold in my younger years. I could relate to it (minus the witches) and I think to some extent we all can. It’s simply good, corny fun. But Charmed took this classic concept of life’s trials and tribulatons even further and added a little bit of magic to it. There was an abundance of potions, spells and (not to forget) muses, mermaids, warlocks and so many more. Yet not to fall into the Sabrina category of PG-witches, there were explosions, furniture breaking, bruises and deaths. The major death was obviously the oldest sister Prue, portrayed by Shannon Doherty, after she tragically died at the end of the second season leaving Piper and Phoebe without their sister and the “Power of Three”. Casting Rose McGowan to play the unknown half-sister Paige, however, turned out to be
a catalyst to make the series even better. The wonderful thing is that even the recurring characters were so loveable, or in some cases, hateable. Friends may have had Rachel and Ross, but Charmed had Piper & Leo. We all wanted them to end up together! Perhaps one of the funniest/dramatic storylines was Chris travelling through time to save his older brother Wyatt from becoming evil. That’s the kind of stuff you’d see on a weekly basis with this kind of show. Fighting the source of all evil while trying to tell your boyfriend that you can’t make it to dinner? It’s not something I struggle with but it’s certainly something that made me laugh, cry and swoon. If you haven’t seen the series, sorry for all the spoilers but trust me: it’s still worth watching every single time E4 decides to air repeats.
The Vampire Diaries ITV2, Tuesday 9pm
any of us who watch The Vampire Diaries are beginning to only do so because we started it and may as well finish it. Or, at least, that’s what I tell myself when I am settling down on a weeknight night to spend another 45 minutes wondering how much disaster can befall one small American town. (Though I will admit, a large part of my dedication is in gratitude to the director who keeps making Ian Somerhalder and Paul Wesley take their shirts off !) A lot has changed since the Salvatore brothers originally swept into Mystic Falls. The simple Stefan or Damon conundrum and the fear of Catherine have long since disappeared (or at least being scared of Catherine has). The increasing complexity of the plot is making it about as difficult to comprehend as the hunt for the Snark. The last series alone demonstrated to us hideously that no one is safe (but yet that main teenage characters seem to be indestructible or, at least, ever present). The final episodes of season four left us on the edge of our collective
seats with Jeremy’s death and reincarnation; Bonnie’s death and appearance as a ghost; Matt and Rebekah running off into the sunset; Catherine being force-fed the cure; Silas presenting himself as identical to Stefan (who was promptly locked in a safe and shoved in a quarry) and Elena and Damon (FINALLY) getting together! It’s more than anyone can take in one series. Despite all these twists and turns, the fifth season seems to open on a rather happy note. No one knows Bonnie is dead and everyone is off to college or returning from amazing journeys around the globe. Even Jeremy is going back to school, handily pretending that he faked his own death and set fire to his house (is no one else wondering how the principal is so stupid as to buy this?). The only deadly, sexily shaped, shadow that seems to be looming is Silas. Klaus has disappeared (we will miss him dearly!) and the rest of the original family seems to be quickly following suit. Caroline and Elena are moving to Whitmore to begin college, thinking Bonnie and Tyler will be joining them soon. Yet even more sexy
men join the scene in the rather delicious form of Jesse, a second year who is quickly drawn to Caroline. This new terrain of potential vampire hunters, fresh blood or just a new place for bad guys to show up is proving to be an interesting new plots and characters after four series of barely leaving Mystic Falls. So this season is proving to be intriguing. This is despite its increasing complexity with the three main honchos playing around 50% of the characters appearing. Stefan/Silas and Catherine/Elena quickly are revealed by a long dead witch to be part of this whole shadow-selves mess or, at least, that’s the theory. All these mind-boggling doppelgängers are allowing the actors to test new limits and explore new territory, except its becoming a complete mess to remember who’s who. After the mindblowing finale to season 4, the fifth series promises to bring forward even more plot twists, deaths and impossibly, unbelievably romantic speeches. Just remember not to hold any kind of hot beverage when the opening episode, I Know What You Did Last Summer, resumes its Tuesday 9pm slot on ITV2 on 29 October. Alexandra Stonebacks
If you like this, try... Buff y the Vampire Slayer, the original vampire series with more glorious love-triangles.
Universal Channel, Thursday 9pm
Sky Living, Thursday 9pm
American Horror Story
reddie Highmore and Vera Farmiga star as Norman and Norma Bates in this contemporary prequel to Alfred Hitchcock’s iconic horror Psycho. The series follows the deeply unnerving, often borderline incestuous relationship between mother and son as they begin a new life following the death of Norman’s father. An interesting delve into Norman Bates’ presumably dark and twisted childhood focuses on the relationship that resulted in his mindless following of his mother’s phantom voice from beyond the grave in Psycho. Reviews have been largely positive praising the performances of Highmore and Farmiga, citing them as pivotal to the success of the show. Stepping over Alfred Hitchcock’s infamous tale is no easy task and Norman Bates has largely escaped the treatment other famous horror villains have suffered in the last decade. This show has taken a strange direction in modernising the tale and setting the Bates’ dark story in the modern day. There are subtle differences keen fans of Psycho will notice such as moving the story to Arizona. Regardless of these facts, the producers deemed it appropriate to have a motel that would have looked old in the original 1960 film and yet have nerdy Norman the subject of instant attention from the school’s popular girls. Bates Motel is a worthy reimagining of Hitchcock’s story and a compelling thriller full of terror and suspense. The show has been renewed for a second season, so catch up quickly if you wish to see how Mr Bates makes it to the infamous shower scene. Lewis Ancrum
onsidering the popularity of Vampire shows like True Blood and The Vampire Diaries, it was only a matter of time before the father of all Vampire figures would show up on our screens. Dracula, a US/UK co-production by NBC and Sky Living, stars Jonathan Rhys Meyers (The Tudors) as the famous vampire, who is brought back from his exile and moves to London, where he wants to get revenge on the mysterious organisation Order of the Dragon. Set in the 1890s, Dracula loosely follows the original story of Bram Stoker. The series introduces Dracula as he arrives in London, where he poses as American entrepreneur who brings wireless energy to the city. At his first party, he meets Mina Murray, a beautiful woman who looks exactly like his dead wife from centuries ago, and falls in love with her immediately. Over the course of the show he teams up with Abraham Van Helsin to fight the Order of the Dragon, whose members have done harm to him in the past. Judging from the trailer, the show seems to feature some nice fight sequences, sex, and a lot of bloody bites. Yet, the focus on the relationship between Dracula and Mina and his plan for revenge makes it look like a romance novel rather than a scary book. Also the topic of clean energy seems a bit out of place and a strange attempt to intrigue modern viewers. Nevertheless, the visuals and the cast are very appealing and could turn out to be the main reasons to give Dracula a chance.
or too long horror fans have been waiting for a legitimately scary horror TV series to sink their teeth into, not another tepid Stephen King adaptation or anything with the words “love” or “triangle” in its synopsis. We’ve been looking for something with high production values, chilling atmosphere, good writing, and of course, genuine scares. With American Horror Story we’ve finally got it. On TV we often find that stories are toned down and 12A-ified to make it as broadly appealing as possible whilst still remaining loosely “scary”. Make no mistake; American Horror Story is not afraid to plunge to the deepest, most warped macabre depths of the human mind. If you find that the credits are too gruesome then stop watching, because things only get darker. With the critically acclaimed series having already explored the grisly history of a murder house, the series has now moved on to a mental asylum. The gore and scares have certainly not been toned down for the new season; several scenes in the first episode alone will have viewers either grasping for the remote, or cackling with disbelief. New cast members introduced this season include Zachary Quinto, Jessica Lange, and Gabourey Sibide from Precious just to put the icing on the cake. If you’re looking for a horror series that doesn’t hold its punches, you need to check out American Horror Story, but if you’re looking for slightly “spooky” television to watch with your 10 year old brother and sister, this might not be your safest option.
FOX, Tuesday 10pm
Monday 28 October 2013
thecourieronline.co.uk/tv email@example.com | @courier_tv
Hooked on terrorvision
David Leighton doesn’t really like adverts. He casts his critical eye over the scariest ads this Halloween
“This contemporary prequel to Hitchcock’s Psycho is as unsettling as it is intriguing”
e all watch TV, right? If not, you’re probably reading the wrong section. Well I’m pretty sure that if you’ve watched TV you’ve probably watched an advert or two – I’m here to delve into the world of the spooky, the weird and the downright inappropriate to bring you some of the most alarming adverts currently airing in this country. Hitting the ground running I’m going to start with a relatively new one, Wrestling – By Josh, the new Flora Butter advert. With this one being pretty fresh in the minds of the public I feel I don’t need to explain it too much, what I will say is this… it’s pretty messed up. The advert starts with Josh and his little brother making his parents toast for their anniversary breakfast (they really pushed the boat out on this one). The boys take the toast up to their parents’ room only to catch them “wrestling”. Seriously, they’re having sex. Cut to a little while later and the whole family is downstairs eating aforementioned craycray break-
Television used to be known as the poor man’s ﬁlm, but recently it has been given an upgrade. Lauren Hickin investigates whether classic horror franchises have a place on the small screen or if we should just stick to the cinema nce, in a not-so-far-away time, the silver screen was seen, not as cinema’s hip little brother, but rather the embarrassingly gauche cousin, only to be invited to weddings and funerals. A film director being forced to take a TV gig was the ultimate signal of a career in decline and soap opera appearances were only acceptable as the first rung of the ladder for young actors. But times have changed. Television budgets have grown massively, production values have risen to near-cinematic levels, while more and more respected screenwriters and directors are crossing between the mediums. Television would always be popular, but with the new budgets and production values, the potential for television to be taken seriously has increased hugely. With this in mind, perhaps it is not so strange that TV producers are turning to classic films for inspiration, but can horror films work in a TV format?
A recent, critically acclaimed example of TV taking inspiration from classic horror is the US series Bates Motel. This contemporary prequel to Hitchcock’s Psycho is as unsettling as it is intriguing (and not just in that awkward moment when you realise that kid from Finding Neverland has grown up, making you feel very old indeed…). While the success of Psycho hinged largely on its iconic use of shock twists from the ‘Master of Suspense’, Bates Motel makes use of two other key ingredi-
ents of classic horror: suspense and foreshadowing. As back-story and psychological triggers fall into place, the audience is waiting for the moment when the awkward but as-yet comparatively usual Norman will transform into the cold-blooded serial killer portrayed in Hitchcock’s classic. The critics and ratings attest to the success of this smallscreen adaptation of Psycho. Whether this would be the case for other classic horror films is less certain. There are many great things about being able to stretch a storyline over several episodes, building up the tension to a seismic climax. For example, if Carrie were to be adapted for television, I think that having longer to explore the effects of bullying and her acquisition of telekinetic powers would only add to the impact of her final rampage. However, I feel that because
so many horror films are formulaic by nature, the suspense would be lost if it was dragged out for too long. There is also the consideration of horror film technical conventions, which is why I think that any attempt to make The Blair Witch Project into a TV series would be not only misguided but bordering on insanity. Would you really watch a full season shot amateur-style with a handheld? Really? And let’s not dwell on how many episodes of Paranomal Activity it would take for the mockumentary style to start to grate on the audience rather than reducing them to quivering wrecks hiding behind the sofa. While TV adaptations of horror films certainly have a lot of potential, I personally will be sticking to my old favourites this Halloween, and taking extra care to lock my shower-room door…
The monster mash
TV horror tropes tend to walk the line between Carry On and classy. This week a few of our plucky writers argued out the good and bad of Supernatural-esque shows
alloween is the time of the year when reruns of everyone’s favourite horror tropes are everywhere. As you flick through the channels, you find another noble-yet-still-a-bitbloodsucking vampire, another passive-aggressive werewolf with a tragic love story, a perhaps another forbidden romance between a human and a supernatural being of your liking. Without even realising it, we reach a point when we’ve literally seen every single possible combination of corny storylines. When we’re completely bombarded from all sides, I think we start to get a bit desensitized to it. Oh, a vampire in love with a human? Standard Wednesday. I’m starting to think that even if I ever happen to meet a supernatural being of any sort, I’d probably go ‘meh’. Supernatural is, or rather was, a good example of this. While the first season worked okay with its ‘Monster of the Week’ strategy, now what seems to have once been a good scary show is a family drama with the occasional well-known demon or vampire thrown in. ‘Back from the Dead’ is also probably the most overused trope in TV shows ever. True Blood, Teen Wolf, The Vampire Diaries and American Horror Story have had this a lot. Whether the character (who is, surprisingly, a typical fan-favourite) comes back as human or as a supernatural being, that’s all up to the writers. The X-Files and Buffy the Vampire Slayer absolutely love this trope, too. The main problem, however, is that instead of thinking about new, interesting ways to present their supernatural characters, TV show writers prefer to fall back on images that we, as an audience, have already had enough of. Using tropes is a prime example of lazy writing. Antonia Velikova
o be fair, we all have our little secrets and guilty pleasures. I must admit I’ve used the excuse of “Oh, I have to stay in and do uni work!” when really I just wanted to catch up on some new episodes of my favourite awful show. Why am I, like plenty others, drawn to cheesy TV show repeating the same general story line with hugely repetitive elements? Because it’s fun. It’s as simple as that. When it comes fantasy and sci-fi shows, we’re not really keen on admitting that we enjoy vampires, werewolves and demons on our TVs, unless it’s Game of Thrones. They end up being nothing more than stretched out sitcoms with a “pick & mix” supernatural attachment, but I guess that’s what makes them so much fun.We can relate to them and yet couldn’t be further away from them – apologies to anyone who does believe in supernatural beings. I think these shows have a certain charm about them because they’re so easy to watch.. Sure, I love the big dramas and all the “quality” TV out there, don’t get me wrong, but every now and again I just want to switch my head off after a long day and simply enjoy some really easy entertainment where I can cheer for the good ones and boo the baddies. I’m not saying we all love the same shows but let’s face it… we all have some sort of trope we like. And there is definitely a demand for it. How else do you explain one supernatural show after another appearing in the TV listings? So whether you prefer BBC’s recently finished Being Human or maybe even The Vampire Diaries, the darker side with a bit of Grimm or even a little fairy tale magic with Once Upon A Time, there’s no harm in enjoying simple, easy tropes. Tanya Nies
fast; the mother has dishevelled hair, the father is whispering sweet nothings in her ear and the children remain entirely oblivious. Next in the spotlight is a golden-oldie. Whilst not exactly an advert so much as a “music video”, it cannot be ignored, it’s Mary Kate & Ashley with Gimme Pizza. Whilst not necessarily scary, when slowed down (look it up on YouTube and prepare to be scared) it becomes a truly terrifying experience. There’s just something about how happy everyone is to be making a pizza and how happy they are to put anything into the pizza (yes, even meatloaf). They want to ‘make it rise like a soufflé’, but I’m sure everyone realises that pizzas are in fact, pretty flat. The singing is so repetitive and in all honesty I think it’s pretty safe to say they were performing some sort of satanic rite over said pizza. Next on our list has got to be Skittles advert, something originally intended to be quite lighthearted and funny. So what went terribly wrong? Well they introduced a character who kills everything he touches by turning them into Skittles. For me this is such a truly terrifying idea because
I don’t even bloody like Skittles! I’m pretty sure at some point he also says “I can’t even hold my baby”, which is enough to make a blue Skittle drip from anybody’s eye. Last but certainly not least horrendous is Creepy Ice-Cream Commercial, an absolutely horrific advert. From start to finish I cried at least three times. Featuring a man made of ice cream slowly eating himself, with a pained and disturbing look on his face it really leaves a void in the soul of anyone who might dare to watch it. I think it’s the combination of his creepy smile and screaming eyes that really make it a sight to behold but I can’t really be sure. So on that petrifying note I’m going to go find a corner and bawl my eyes out in it.
Monday 28 October 2013
Music Editors: Kate Bennett and Ian Mason
Everyone likes sex and chocolate. Except for Tom Ardron, apparently
band renaming themselves is nothing new, but when this happened five times within an eighteen-month period for The 1975 it became a little questionable for me. My first encounter with the Manchester fourpiece was when they played a support slot under the alias Drive Like I Do, having already had a previous title. When I finally made the effort to find them on social media, I found myself going round in circles due to the fact that they had once again renamed - this time to B I G S L E E P. Prior to a support slot on tour with Little Comets in October 2011, they changed to ‘The Slowdown’. By the time that The 1975 was born in January 2012, they had a modest collection of songs, each having been created under separate titles– the best of which was a track called ‘Ghosts’. At this point in time I couldn’t have cared less about their name as their current work spoke more. A few months down the line, The 1975 were suddenly launched as a quadrilateral logoed, undercut hair-styled hipster brand who in my eyes prioritized selling t-shirts over making new music. In addition to this, deciding to ditch the track ‘Ghosts’ was the final straw for me. Whether this was a managerial or personal decision, it was a terrible one. The only thing apparent to me was that this band had been rebranded for commercial success rather than waiting for it’s natural arrival. Fronted by the singles ‘C h o c o l a t e’ and ‘Sex’ (the latter a theme used to sell products universally), they joined the large pile of commercial ‘indie’ whores, the majority of which seem to be bred in B-Town these days. The main point to make is that the greater number of people who discover new bands via peak time BBC radio shows generally don’t know anything about the history of a band, or even care for that matter. How someone could listen to music in this way is beyond me. The band’s target market of teenage girls in creepers would most likely be oblivious to the fact that they were buying into a construction, thinking that they have discovered a totally new and unique band. Something tells me that this was part of the plan from the start. Has this band played the game to find the formula to commercial guitar music success? Possibly. Do I believe that if an artist’s music is creditable then everything else (primarily image and name) will be seen for face value? Definitely. Expected shelf-life: As long as WU LYF.
Prism Katy Perry
he’s snogged her fair share of girls, dated a number of lunatics and even made confectionary underwear and artillery look epic! After her three year vanishing act from the music industry, Perry’s back with her effervescently wild but self-reflective fourth studio album Prism. Let’s hope it’s a sparkling diamond of musical flair, rather than some of the fool’s gold we’ve been stuck with in the charts recently! First up on Prism is the celebrated best-seller ‘Roar’. Packed with ferocity, any girl would feel empowered by this little number and it’s the epitome of what I adore about Perry. The combination of Perry’s passion to produce independent, assertive music alongside a cheeky, happy-go-lucky attitude makes her an icon to be reckoned with. The jungle call chorus and punchy tempo demonstrates Perry’s desire to reclaim her magisterial throne as Musical Empress. From then on, Perry keeps on churning out those musical marvels. Fistpumping ‘Legendary Lovers’ showcases Perry’s skills at adapting to diverse musical styles and pace, whilst upholding her wild alter-ego with a junglethemed backing beat and chanting. Don’t expect every track to have that Noughties feel, though. Bubblegum pop, cheese-infused records ‘Birthday’ and ‘International Smile’ have that buoyant 80s disco character; ‘Walking on Air’, meanwhile, is a flashback to those 90s clubbing hits which would pump out through our older siblings’ stereos - stepping back in time never felt so good! Take your Delorean forward to the present day and you’ll find ‘Dark Horse’, featuring an ASAP Rocky impersonator named Juicy J. The collaboration adds a hip hop touch to the otherwise pop-saturated dance track - one to put on repeat, as Perry
displays her finest musical chameleon capabilities. ‘Unconditionally’ and ‘Love Me’ unveil Perry’s lyrical expertise and an insight into her personal love life, with a selection of emotional ballads. We all love a bit of musical variation, but as ‘International Smile’ brings us to the end of the first act, the second half of Perry’s show shifts in musical pace and genre - imagine ordering a rom-com in Blockbusters and being presented with a morality play. As the album proceeds, Perry’s mischievous firecracker of a personality seems to have been replaced with a pensive, mature individual that lacks
It’s not the fearless, kooky Katy Perry we adore any razzle dazzle. Whilst Prism’s second half has a great selection of beautifully crafted songs, from the flawless lyrics found in ‘Choose Your Battles’ to the piano ballad ‘It Takes Two’ and the awe-inspiring ‘This Moment’; it’s not the fearless, kooky Katy Perry we adore. Prism’s first eight tracks are capable of being musical sensations, but less is more when it comes to its second half. Reawakened and revitalised, Katy Perry should be commended for staying empowered and not jumping on the ‘Let’s strip for music and money’ bandwagon. Saying that, part of me wants that mischievous fruit loop back; Prism left me feeling a little hot and cold. Recommended download: ‘Legendary Lovers’ Alex Gibbs
If you like this, try ... Jessie J Alive
ans of fierce females should check out Jessie J’s most recent offering, Alive, on which the newly bald popstrel sounds, as always, like she’s about to belt up a lung over some dance friendly EDM. There’s some good tracks, there’s some bad tracks, and it features Big Sean. Swerve.
ith all of the negativity in the news with regards to Syria, their most famous musical export, former wedding singer Omar Souleyman, releases his new album and reminds us that not everything about the middle east has to be linked to chemical weapons and terrorism. A superstar in his homeland, where up to five hundred live albums are attributed to him, Souleyman has developed a cult following in the Western world after signing with American label Sublime Frequencies in 2006. Wenu Wenu is his fifth studio release on the label. The album itself is strangely hypnotic. Listeners can’t help but be drawn into the mesmerising synths, and while the lyrics may be in Arabic they are simple enough to find oneself catching on and singing along to the rhythmic chorus’. It’s definitely music to dance to, as the recurrent synths roll from track to track, and while many listening will see it as strange and far from the music they would generally listen to, it’s difficult not to be sucked in. ‘Nahy’ in particular will have your toes tapping and the more adventurous of you out there shaking your hips. For lack of a better knowledge of Syrian wedding music I’d probably categorize this album somewhere between R&B and dancehall, but it really is an album you must experience to appreciate. The title track will probably come the closest to mainstream success, but the changing pace of the record means that it won’t give a true representation of the absorbing experience across the rest of the album.
ince hearing Gareth David manically shout the lyrics to ‘You! Me! Dancing!’ across the crowd at Leeds Festival, Los Campesinos! have always been a firm favourite of mine. I have eagerly awaited each album and on every occasion the 6-piece band have delivered with their distinctively alternative sound. I approached their new album, No Blues, with caution at the possibility of crushing disappointment. However, as the slow intro to ‘For Flotsam’ erupted into the recognisable crescendo of drums, keyboard and guitar, all my worry faded away as I realised the Cardiff band have done it again. No Blues reverts back to the punchy, fast paced rhythm of Hold on Now, Youngster…, with each song offering a fresh sound in an album full of energy, particularly evident in songs such as ‘Avocado, Baby’ and ‘What Death Leaves Behind’. Gareth David’s voice echoes across the slow paced melody of ‘As Lucerne/The Low’, claiming “there are no blues that sound quite as heartfelt as mine”, a claim backed up by the entire album. He maintains his unique talent of mixing heart-breaking lyrics with a soundtrack of lively, joyous music, creating a pleasing confusion of the senses. These lyrics somehow convey undertones of our generation’s romantic errors whilst maintaining humour, such as in ‘Glue Me’ in which “ex-boyfriend, give us a song” is transformed into a football chant. No Blues is an album that exceeds all expectation. It shows that Los Campesinos! can manage the difficult task of creating new exciting material whilst keeping the sound that is known and loved.
Recommended download: ‘Nahy’
Recommended download: ‘Avocado, Baby’
Recommended download: ‘Tiff ’
t’s over a year since I first came into contact with the shimmering haze that was Poliça’s debut release Give You The Ghost. It’s over a year since I became irrevocably fascinated by Channy Leaneagh’s cryptic soundscape of vocals pumping from my subwoofer. It’s been over a year, but there’s no time like the present for us all to re-immerse ourselves in the glory of Poliça and their second album Shulamith. We’ve already been exposed to the glorious duet ‘Tiff ’, with Justin Vernon of Bon Iver making an appearance. The rest of the album is a good attempt at emulating the magic and ethereality of their debut, but at times I feel that the sparkle isn’t quite as bright as it was on their last release. Opening track ‘Chain My Name’, although a track that is uncharacteristically what we would expect from Poliça, seems like it could be an obscure La Roux B-side, lacking the edge and punch we expect from this Minneapolis-based band. At times it seems that the R’n’B influence dominates the album, which lessens the impact and power of what the band try to say. Although Leaneagh’s vocals still captivate as listeners, it remains to be seen just how long the use of Autotune can be used to create the allure and effect that drew us in the first place. While not a bad effort, it seems at times that the album is drawing on a similar formula to their debut which I believe at times can be dangerous for bands - see The xx’s second release. Poliça do not seem to be showing their diversity, but fans of the band will not be disappointed by Shulamith.
Monday 28 October 2013
thecourieronline.co.uk/music firstname.lastname@example.org | @courier_music
SceNE: Venues Each week we take a closer
look at a different spot in Newcastle’s music scene. This week: Legends
Deputy Editor Tom Nicholson wades through this week’s singles, so that you don’t have to
onveniently situated on Grey Street opposite the Theatre Royal, Legends Nightclub is home to a varied selection of club nights ranging from metal nights to house music, which has made it the epicentre of many alternative student nights out. However, you would be forgiven for not realising that Legends also plays host to a number of live music events, although now sparingly as Legends Live now only occurs on the third Friday of every month. Usually the haunt of rock and metal acts, the listings often feature goth acts you won’t catch anywhere else in Newcastle, although as a venue it suffers from larger competitors in the near vicinity.It does offer a good facility for tribute acts, and often there is a band playing who sound a bit (sometimes even a lot) like that band you’re really into. Despite this, Legends is a largely untapped resource when it comes to live music, failing to utilise its ideal floor space and stage for much more than DJ sets and club nights. Legends has great intimacy and atmosphere allowing spectators to feel connected and surrounded by the music being played for them - although house rules often stop connections between audience and band reaching those upper levels felt at other more intimate venues in the city. The bar is very much a nightclub bar serving mostly spirits, shots and cocktails, but a few lagers are also served on draft. Gig experiences in the underground of Legends are very intense and it does not really offer the relaxing, chilled out experience some establishments do in regards to live music, this is perhaps why the
With Halloween coming up this week, Sam Summers and Max Palmer-Geaves debate the merits of novelty records
listing tend to be filled with harder rock acts rather than more laid back performers Because Legends itself suffers from the competition of established live music venues it instead chooses to focus more on its club nights, which are incredibly popular particularly on the student circuit. However if you ever get the chance to see a gig in Legends I strongly urge you to do so - most importantly to support your local scene, but also to enjoy a great live music experience with talented local bands. Don’t let its insalubrious reputation put you off, you’ll never know until you try it. we had to hear ‘Gangnam Style’ every day for six months, but in twenty years time our children will unearth it with a curious eye and a virginal ear, ready to experience some history. Novelty songs are the purest
ust so you know, I’m not about to argue that novelty songs constitute great musical achievements. Novelty songs are, almost without exception, shit. What I am here to argue is that novelty songs are wonderful, life-enriching products of the human imagination which should be cherished for all time. Looking around the contemporary novelty landscape, it’s easy to see why you’d want to condemn the whole movement. ‘Gangnam Style’, ‘The Fox’? ‘Sexy And I Know It?’ Annoying, overplayed rot, funny the first time, not as funny when your eight-year-old cousin hits play for the eighteenth time while you’re trying to enjoy serious music on The X Factor.
Respect them for the singular cultural artefacts they are So how is it that today’s novelty songs seem so insufferable when generations past enjoyed such classics as ‘Disco Duck’, ‘Baby Got Back’, ‘Barbie Girl’ and ‘Doop’? It’s not, as many a grizzled prog fan would have you believe, down to a long gone ‘golden age’ of music that the present can’t hope to emulate - novelty songs were shit then and they’re shit now. The difference is we didn’t have to live through the corpse-strewn reign of ‘The Birdie Song’, so it all seems like a bit of fun and games. Instead,
Directions: Walk - Walk straight down Grey Street from Grey’s Monument and Legends will be on the right opposite the Theatre Royal, you can’t miss it. Bus – A number of bus services stop at Blackett Street bus station or Eldon Square bus station. Walk down Blackett Street or through the bus station till you get to Grey’s Monument and walk down Grey Street. Metro – Get off at Monument and walk straight down Grey Street.
all me a cynic, maybe I value the catharsis people find in listening to and creating new music too much, maybe I take it too seriously - but there is no way songs like ‘Eat It’ by ‘Weird’ Al Yankovic deserve to exist. Yes, I am the sort of guy who has a record player, who likes to go to shows and stroke my beard whilst appreciating the lesser-known artist I’m watching - but are my crimes really as bad as the aforementioned ringlet-haired sadist’s? I think not. The Lonely Island and T-Pain were unfathomably granted money to make a music video for their ballad about being on water, ‘I’m On A Boat’. Who is giving these people money? How can we make them stop funding this nonsensical shite? Surely their money could be better spent - there are so many worthy artists who don’t receive as much promotion as they should. James Blake has 468 thousand likes on Facebook, a paltry sum compared to The Lonely Island’s 1.7 million, but have The Lonely Island ever been nominated for a Mercury prize? No, because they’re naff. If the money weren’t to be spent on music, surely there are some charities worthy of the money that goes into creating this dross. The Glee cast grossed a staggering 13.6 million dollars in downloads - imagine if this money was given to War Child or Cancer Research. Can you really justify these people creating dire songs and grossing serious
There are so many worthy artists who don’t receive as much promotion as they should
portal into our pop culture past. When we think of the ‘70s we might think of Led Zeppelin or The Clash, but it was Carl Douglas and The Weather Girls who were really tearing up the charts. Thanks to novelty songs, we have pristine records of the 60s’ obsession with Frankenstein, the 70s fad for disco and kung fu, and the 80s’ love for Eddie Murphy. While I hardly expect you to go out and discover a newfound appreciation for Sir Mix-A-Lot, just remember the joy novelty songs past and present have brought to millions, and respect them for the singular cultural artefacts they are.
profits? Call me a pretentious old man but it all seems rather fickle. The relationship between artist and listener should be balanced - you find some amazing new music, and they can make money doing what they love. The more support they have, the more awesome albums they’ll release.
reetings pop pickers. Our first stop on the Future Top 40 branch line this week is Foxes, with a rerelease of the title track from last year’s Youth EP. Or, if you’re feeling uncharitable, The Girl From The Debenhams Advert, with ‘Theme From Debenhams’. But why be uncharitable in the face of such an unabashedly huge and brilliant single? ‘Youth’ borrows Florence’s tribal drums and lays a glassy, chiming synthscape on top to pummelling, beguiling effect. On this evidence Foxes should surely be able to avoid the next big pop cull. Next up is everyone’s favourite funky uncle Fatboy Slim and his new best friend Riva Starr, with ‘Eat Sleep Rave Repeat’. It has roughly the right ratio of minimalist rhythms to irritating noises to drive the listener slowly mad if they were ever to listen exclusively to the single while practicing its mission statement. A stream of consciousness detailing a prolonged bender (“This guy was like, you wanna buy something? I was like, no I’m just dancing to the hum of your fridge”) ties the whole thing together, dragging you on and on and on until you feel like you’ve been through the whole thing with him and just want a nice lie down. Relentless.
“Tinie’s shearing off the LOLs. There’s a piano involved. Ho-hum”
The Wanted’s new single ‘Show Me Love (America)’ is, alas, not a cover of the Robin S house classic. It’s got a flipping string section on it. This isn’t the cheeky chappy bunch of #LADZ we know and grudgingly tolerate - the video’s in black and white, for Christ’s sake. John Logie Baird did not invent colour broadcasting only for pop groups to throw it back in his face so they could look ‘serious’ and ‘authentic’. It isn’t particularly bad, just eminently forgettable. Reports that B-sides will include new compositions ‘Why Won’t You Return My Calls (Canada)’ and ‘Let Me Finger You In The Car Park (Swaziland)’ remain unconfirmed.
I should have liked to have given you an idea of what the new Tinie Tempah single ‘Children of the Sun’ sounds like. Unfortunately, featured ‘artiste’ John Martin looks a lot like David Guetta while sounding like a bored Enrique Iglesias. The cognitive dissonance is just too much for me to review the single with any real accuracy. Initial impressions suggest that Tinie’s heading down the same path as Professor Green - shearing off the LOLs, and being as earnest and plodding as possible. There’s some piano involved. Ho-hum. Finally this week, Toon-based champions Mausi return in typically insouciant, breezy style. ‘Body Language’ starts with some flamenco-ish handclappery before blooming into a halting, chopped up synth starburst, an effusive slice of Ibizan sunshine through a largely murky week in pop. If we’re discounting Foxes on the basis that rereleasing a single is like repeating a joke you’ve just made but in a slightly louder voice, ‘Body Language’ is the best thing out this week by quite a few streets, a couple of flyovers and several miles of hard shoulder.
Do novelty songs deserve their bad rep? Do you agree with Sam or Max? Join the debate at thecourieronline.co.uk/music
Monday 28 October 2013
Science Editor: Elizabeth Hampson Deputy Science Editors: Emad Ahmed and Peter Style
How close are we to... Frankenstein’s monster?
Scientists have managed to grow and develop a burger in the lab from the stem cells of a cow begging the question: would you eat it?
rankenstein’s monster, the grotesque creation of the mad scientist Victor Frankenstein, constructed from old body parts and revived by electricity and given life in an unorthodox experiment. As one of the first science fiction novels, the gothic tale dreamt up by Mary Shelley in 1818 was a pioneering idea at the time. Are we any closer to the concept that has proved so morbidly fascinating that it is now a common theme in many horror stories; bringing life back to the dead? How close are the mad scientists to creating Frankenstein? To understand Frankenstein’s monster we must first consider the three critical parts to Frankenstein’s experiment; the body, the brain and most importantly something to revive the brain so that it can give the body thought and movement.
After building the body of our Frankenstein, we need a brain. Frankenstein inadvertently used the brain of a murderous criminal, the reason for the monster’s vicious nature. No one has ever completed a brain transplant as the brain tissue dies very quickly without a blood supply and nerves are hard to reattach. Instead of a transplant the brain could be grown. A study recently published in the journal Nature has shown that brain tissue can be grown. The scientists succeeded in producing a series of miniature brains that showed tissue development into retinas and the hippocampus, a part of the brain responsible for memory. The growth of the brain is limited by a lack of blood supply and so a full sized brain cannot be produced, but if this research continues to be fruitful, the brain for the Frankenstein’s monster could be grown.
This is the most elusive of all the areas, the heart could in theory be revived by defibrillation, again using electricity but the difficulty would be in reviving the dead brain. The likelihood would be that although the monster would be permanently comatosed and unable to breathe on its own, let alone move, which may be a good thing. Who knows what a body with a homegrown brain under the scrupulous supervision of a deranged scientist would be like.
To build his monster Frankenstein used the body parts found in a graveyard. Although this may have worked for Frankenstein, in real life the parts would have decayed to a point where they would be unusable. A more promising venture would be to use transplanted organs. In 2010 a team of Spanish surgeons completed the first full face transplant, the most ambitious transplant to date. The art of transplantation is a rapidly developing field, and in theory any body can be transplanted.
After completing his monster Frankenstein gave it life by harnessing the power of lightning, electrifying it through the bolts in its neck. The theory of ‘galvanism’, giving ‘life’ to muscles by passing an electric current through muscle tissue to make them move was developed in 1780 by Luigi Galvani. The theory relies on the fact that muscle contraction is caused by electrical stimulation from the brain. Although it is not the secret to life it was one of the ideas that inspired Shelley’s revival of the monster.
If research continues to be fruitful, the brain for the Frankenstein’s monster could be grown Illustrations by Rachel Templeman
Ghostbusters: the science behind spooks Do you believe in ghosts? David Leighton explores the science behind things that go bump in the night
owadays it’s pretty safe to say the words ‘Science’ and ‘Ghost’ are the spectral/scientific equivalent of oil and water. Still, beneath every cynic lies a disappointed idealist, right? The truth is, everyone wants to believe in ghosts because that means we don’t just stop when we die, it means we can spend eternity freaking out small children, suspicious old ladies and fund the horror-movie franchise for years to come. Whilst I do realise that most of us aren’t exactly of the poltergeist persuasion, surveys conducted over the past decade suggest that 30% of the British public still believe in ghosts. So I waded through the bowels of soft science to bring just a little bit of spooky sparkle
to this week’s issue. Obviously we’ve all watched Ghostbusters, a film so loosely based on science, well, it just isn’t based on science at all. Yet ghost hunters still roam around with Geiger counters, Electromagnetic Field detectors, ion detectors, infrared cameras and the highly scientific ‘flour’ – but has any of this equipment ever been shown to actually detect ghosts? The premise behind this is that all energy is measurable on some wavelength or spectrum. In addition ghosts must have energy to interact with this plan, therefore we can measure that energy, thus proving the existence of aforementioned ghosties. This is all a derivative of the age old physics law, the ‘conservation of energy’, which states matter cannot be created or destroyed, so when we die we cannot be destroyed, right? Wrong! All energy is transformed, (yeah, remember high school physics now?) So the kinetic energy of a clap becomes sound energy, it really is that
When we die our energy is turned into leaves and bugs and poo and chicken eggs and all kinds of exciting things, just not ectoplasmic wretches with a penchant for going “BOO”
simple. When we die our energy is turned into leaves and bugs and poo and chicken eggs and all kinds of exciting things, just not ectoplasmic wretches with a penchant for going “BOO”. Obviously you might take a different approach entirely when it comes to things that go bump in the night. You might say ghosts are “ethereal”, that only psychics and mediums can see them, they are not of this plane. Well to you I say – ghosts don’t need planes, they can already fly, silly. I also say that if ghosts are so nebulous, the sheer frequency of people who can detect your dearly departed (for a price of course), means that at least 99% of them must be lying. Moreover keep in mind that the greatest scientific minds of all time have, as of yet, been unable to prove the existence of ghosts, at all. Ever. So, next time you’re walking downstairs and a light flickers, or you’re alone in the house and the boiler goes off, just remember the only people who have ever encountered ghosts are people who want to extort money out of their existence – so as long as you don’t plan on any psychic TV shows anytime soon, you’ll be just fine! Illustrations by Rachel Templeman
The most haunted places in Newcastle The Town Moor - The historic site of hangings for Geordie sinnners. The Hancock Museum - where there have been reports of a phantom mummy walking and haunting the top floor during the night. All Saints churchyard - the site of multiple body snatchings, to then sell on the body parts. The Mill Volvo Tyne theatre - Rumours of an old stage hand killed by a stay cannon ball to the head, haunting the back stage areas of the theatre. Bentinck Road, Arthurs Hill - stories of small objects being thrown and toys turning on by themselves, most often at night.
Monday 28 October 2013
thecourieronline.co.uk/science email@example.com | @courier_science
Amazingly awful animals
Halloween is one day of the year where we try to make ourselves look truly terrifying but for some unfortunate looking animals everyday is like Halloween. Michael Hicks tells us about some of these ghastly creatures
Texas horned lizard Let’s get this list rolling with a little lizard, but apart from the fact that this lizard, as the fairly uncreative name suggests, has a set of sharp spines capable of piercing human flesh and is capable spreading its entire body flat (making it perfect for stepping on) then there’s not much that makes this an awful animal, right? Wrong. This particular species of horned lizard can shoot blood out of its eye. I’ll repeat that, the texas horned lizard can shoot blood out of its eye. This particularly violent case of haemolacria is used as a last ditch attempt to escape predation, as it is used to startle the attacker, allowing our spiky friend to survive for another day. But this guy is nothing compared to the other awful animals on this list.
Now we’re getting into the really awful animals, and these horrible pipes full of teeth are about as nasty as they come. Don’t think these things are tiny bottom-feeders either, these unholy creatures grow to three and a half foot long and feed by literally boring their way through the flesh of fish to suck blood. Lampreys can be found in coastal and fresh waters around the world, including the rivers Thames and Wear. That means Durham has prehistoric monster fish, aren’t you glad you came to Newcastle now? They have become a significant pest in the great lakes of the US. Evolutionarily speaking, these Lovecraftian nightmares are barely fish, as they are so old they’re closer to the link between modern fish and their common ancestors.
If there is one thing mankind knows about the abyss, it’s to stay the hell away, and the goblin shark is a perfect example why. These ancient, eleven-foot long, pink killing machines have an electrosensitive shovel-shaped beak with extendable jaws. When translated from science to English, this means ‘run away, run far, far away’. The worst thing about this demonic shark is they are found in every ocean. I don’t know about you, but I take the existence of these as proof that hell exists and that it’s time to move inland. As if it was not already apparent from the goblin sharks frightful looks, it is one of the oldest living species of shark that dates back well over 125 million years. Millions of years of evolution have resulted in its horrifying features.
Andrea Borges takes us on a journey through some of sciences most controversial, disturbing and unethical experiments throughout the ages
Two Headed Dog An experiment by Vladimir Demikhov was done in 1954 shocked the world with a two-headed dog, created surgically. No one could believe their eyes, especially when both heads drank milk at the same time. During a period of about 15 years, the scientist created twenty two headed dogs. In some, he did not only implant the head, but the entire front part of a puppy into a grown dog. None of the specimens survived for a long time. The doctor was a pioneer in vital organs transplant research and tried to perform the first heart and lung transplant in humans. Unfortunately, he didn’t succeed.
Electrifying a human body Centuries before that, in 1780, an anatomy professor, Luigi Galvani found out that a small electrical current could make a dead frog contort itself. After that discovery, many scientists in Europe decided to redo the experiment, but this time with human corpses. Giovani Aldini travelled around Europe presenting one of the most bizarre spectacles that the world has ever seen. His biggest presentation was in 1803, when he put a 120-volt battery on the body of an executed assassin. After he touched the wires to the mouth and one of the ears of the body, the muscles of the man started to twist. The left eye opened, and people could swear he was staring at Aldini.
Ghastly game reviews System Shock 2
If you thought the flooded corridors of Bioshock’s Rapture were scary, then you’re in for a wild ride with System Shock 2. This was the first title created by Irrational Games, headed by the now-legendary creative director Ken Levine. Set aboard the starship Von Braun in the year 2114, you must fight to repel a genetic infection which has plunged the vessel into chaos, turning its sizable crew into a shambling zombie-like hive, hell-bent on purging anyone who refuses to succumb to its will. SS2 has its share of enjoyable combat with a healthy dose of resource management thrown in – ammunition and health will always be scarce unless a little thought is put into their collection. This game has fantastic voice work and a story that travels into unprecedented directions.
Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs
London, New Year’s Eve, 1899. Wealthy industrialist Oswald Mandus awakes with a start in his ransacked home, and the engines of a nightmarish machine roar into life. Frictional Games have amassed a reputation as the kings of horror, entering the scene with the stunning Penumbra series and currently working on SOMA. Their most recent offering, Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs definitely qualifies as a game with greater focus on story, though its tense atmosphere and the chilling exploration of a labyrinthine machine still provides terrifying moments. The horrors you’ll encounter are too juicy to give away.
Resident Evil 2
A sequel improving on the original is a rare feat in any medium. Part of what makes Resident Evil 2 special is that it improves on its ground-breaking forefather in almost every aspect. The plot follows on from the original RE,, as rookie cop Leon Kennedy arrives in the virus-torn Raccoon City. He teams up with fellow survivor Claire Redfield, until they are forced into an abandoned police station and go their separate ways. What RE2 does fantastically is create a truly terrifying atmosphere using dark, gritty graphics, an ominous musical score and purposely clunky combat controls. While it has undeniably aged, RE2 remains a highly-enjoyable classic, and one of the survival horror genre’s best to this day.
depletes when Alex is within a monster’s view. Low sanity would cause a number of hallucinations to occur, from controllers disconnecting in a room packed with enemies, to randomly adjusting the audio volume. Ben Tyrer & Michael Hicks
The first transplant of a monkey’s head in 1970, took many hours to be completed. The doctors removed the head of a monkey perfectly, and implanted it into another body. When the animal woke up, it began to follow the surgeon with its eyes and demonstrated anger. Unfortunately, the monkey lived for only 36 hours after waking up.
Drinking Vomit for Science
Eternal Darkness: Sanity’s Requiem I have no problem with horror games, but Eternal Darkness is an exception. You play as Alex Roivas, a young grad student who is attempting to crack the case of her grandfather’s grisly murder, during which she discovers the Tome of Eternal Darkness, a book containing tales of people throughout history who fought otherworldly monsters. Alex is granted magical powers through the book. However, every page read also loosens her grip on both her sanity and reality. Unique is the sanity meter, which
Monkey Head Transplant
At the beginning of the 19th century, doctor Stubbins Ffirth definitely went too far to prove his theory. He noticed that yellow fever was very common during summer, but normally disappeared during the winter. He concluded that the disease was not contagious, but caused by some different factors. To prove it, the doctor had to expose himself to the disease as much as he could and show that he was not infected. Firstly, he cut his own arm, and poured vomit with blood of the diseased over it. After that, disgusting but harmless trial, he was still healthy. He also tried putting the vomit into his eyes, inhaled the vapour that the vomit released after boiled and as a final test he drank many glasses of the vomit. Since he didn’t get the disease doing any of that, he concluded that the disease was not contagious. However he forgot to put the vomit directly into his bloodstream. As we know, the disease is in fact contagious, but it only happens with the mosquitos bites, that put the virus straight into the blood.
Monday 28 October 2013
Puzzles Izzy wizzy, let’s get quizzy. Hand in your answers and Grandma’s Pictionary answers at The Courier office to have a chance of winning drinks at MensBar
Creepy Crossword 1
Puzzles Editors: Tom Nicholson and Sam Summers
Win a MensBar voucher
Grandma’s Pictionary I sat down with Grandma for a game of pictionary, but she’s just not very good, bless her. Can you help me ﬁgure out what word or phrase she’s trying to draw?
2 Creepy crawlies; the world’s most famous bunny (4) 5 A spirit, most famously consumed by pirates (3) 7 Tim ___, notoriously spooky filmmaker (6) 8 Bella Swan’s vampiric lover (6) 9 Scooby’s annoying sod of a nephew (7, 3) 13 Edgar Allan ___, author of creepy classics like The Raven and The Black Cat (3) 14 Delightful ‘80s basketball comedy starring Michael J. Fox, now a show on MTV (4, 4) 17 Stephen King’s terrifying tale of a creepy killer clown (2) 18 Really, really nasty (4) 19 The giant, treasure hoarding dragon faced by Bilbo in The Hobbit (5)
The first person to bring the completed puzzles to The Courier office in the Students’ Union will be awarded the prize and the respect of their peers, which let’s be honest is priceless
1 Supremely suave star of countless horror films, including House of Wax, House of Usher and House on Haunted Hill (7, 5) 2 Pioneering Goth band named for a German design movement (7) 3 A family of plants which includes the pumpkin (5) 4 Bella Swan’s lycan lover (5) 6 Eddie ___, legendary comic and star of the less-than-legendary Haunted Mansion (6) 10 The noise old doors make as they open (5) 11 End of school dance, Carrie spends hers covered in pig’s blood (4) 12 ‘They’re creepy and they’re kooky/Mysterious and spooky/And altogether ___’ (4) 15 A monster-infected loch in Scotland (4) 16 A vampire’s tooth; Hagrid’s dog (4)
4 2 3
5 6 4 9
5 2 9 1
3 2 6 7 4
6 5 9 2
Monday 28 October 2013
‘Ghost goal’ gaffes
In light of Chelsea’s controversial goal against Cardiff last weekend, The Courier looks at some of the more contested goals that have been scored in recent years. Last remaining bastions of top-level ofﬁciating might want to look away now
Darren Bent vs Liverpool The date is 17th October 2009, the setting is the Stadium of Light. An underfire Sunderland are playing host to a Liverpool side who are also struggling for early season form. With four minutes on the clock, an unconvincing piece of defending from Liverpool’s backline sees them fail to effectively deal with Andy Reid’s ball in from the right-hand side. The loose ball subsequently drops at the feet of Darren Bent 12 yards out. Eyes only for goal, Bent proceeds to scuff his attempt. However, with the bobbling ball seemingly headed straight down the throat of the well-positioned Pepe Reina, out of nowhere it takes a wicked deflection off a beach ball that had previously come to rest on edge of the six-yard box, causing the ball to take a cruel change of direction and ultimately bypass the hapless
The now infamous beach ball in the process of wreaking havoc for Pepe Reina Photography: Getty Images
Nani vs. Spurs In terms of strange goals scored in recent years, Luis Nani’s goal for Man United against Tottenham Hotspur in 2010 has to go down as one of the weirdest seen, coming as a result of a bizarre incident with the Spurs side furious that it was allowed to stand. With United 1-0 up and on the attack, Nani made a run into the box and exuberantly fell over under the defender’s challenge, desperately claiming for a penalty and clearly handling the ball as he fell. Referee Mark Clattenburg waved away his appeals for a penalty, but however also failed to penalise Nani for his handball, waving play on. Spurs keeper Heurelho Gomes, assuming a free-kick had been given,
John Eustace (O.G.) vs. Watford
rolled the ball out in order to take it, however Nani, now back on his feet, tapped the loose ball into the empty net with Gomes standing on looking completely bewildered. The confusion continued, with the assistant referee initially appearing to rule out the goal, before Clattenburg overruled his colleague and allowed the goal to stand. The Spurs players were furious at this decision, and with only six minutes left, there was little time for them to salvage anything from the game. The age-old rule of playing to the whistle was definitely broken in this case, with Gomes ignoring this to his cost. Liam Turnbull-Brown
Kießling vs. Hoffenheim Whilst much of the media coverage in England in the past week has been centred on Hazard’s controversial goal against Cardiff, it is amazing to think that this effort wasn’t even the strangest goal that was scored in Europe over that same weekend. No. That honour indisputably belongs to Bayern Leverkusen’s Stefan Kießling. Goal or no goal? Even the scorer couldn’t tell at the time. Last week during the Bundesliga fixture at the Rhein Neckar Arena, Bayer Leverkusen had already taken the lead against Hoffenheim when one of the most bizarre incidents in recent football history occurred. Following a cross into the area from Gonzalo Castro, frontman Kießling rose highest to powerfully head the flying ball past goalkeeper Koen Castreels.
Reina in the Liverpool net. Despite heavy protests from the Liverpool players, referee Mike Jones inexplicably sees no problem with this bizarre series of events and elects to award the goal. Liverpool go on to lose the game 1-0. In spite of his players’ expressing widespread disillusion at the time, speaking after the game then Liverpool manager Rafa Benitez was refreshingly humble on the subject of ‘Beach Ball Gate’: “These things can happen in games. It could be a goal, it could not, and it’s difficult to say. In this case, it has to be a goal.” The beach ball in question meanwhile shot to stardom following the contest, even getting its own Facebook fan page.
Although his shot went just outside the post, seconds later the ball magically appeared into the back of the net. As it turned out, almost inexplicably the ball had entered the goal through a gap in the side-netting, thus convincingly deceiving the referee Felix Brych to award the goal and thus put Leverkusen 2-0 up. Kießling meanwhile stood bewildered, with his team celebrating a goal that he never actually scored. Eventually, Kießling’s “Phantom Goal” secured three valuable points for Leverkusen, who won the match 2-1. Nevertheless, it doesn’t seem to be over for Hoffenheim, as right after the end the club demanded a replay due to Brych’s “scandalous” decision. Peter Georgiev
On the 20th September 2008, a game between Championship teams Watford and Reading at Vicarage Road saw one of most bizarre goals ever to be scored in Football League history, as this was a goal that was awarded despite the ball being no where near the goal line. Twenty-five year old Stuart Atwell had been put in charge of this game, the very first of his professional career, and no thanks to the help of his linesman Nigel Bannister, it turned out to be an extremely controversial start for the fresh-faced Warwickshire born official. As the story goes, the game was thirteen minutes old when Reading earned themselves a corner. Stephen Hunt took
the setpiece, which then proceeded to hit Watford’s John Eustace on the thighs. Hunt’s brother, Noel, then gave chase to the loose ball in an attempt to clear it from the byline. However, he was unsuccessful in his pursuit, and the ball rolled out of play. Following this, Bannister raised his flag as Attwell pointed to the six-yard line as both teams began to set themselves for the ensuing goal kick. Inexplicably, this however was not what Nigel Bannister had been signaling for, but in fact it was to signal that Reading had ‘scored’. As it turned out, the linesman believed the ball to be inside the post rather than
two yards outside and so had been given as a John Eustace own goal. This meant Reading were now 1 – 0 ahead much to the confusion of every individual inside the ground aside from, apparently, Bannister himself. The game would ultimately end in a 2 - 2 draw. Fittingly, in a post-match interview Reading midfielder Stephen Hunt’s described the decision to award the goal as “probably the worst decision I’ve ever witnessed in football.” High praise, indeed. Jonny Goldsmith
Dirk Kuyt vs. Sunderland When thinking of controversial goals from the Premier League, Liverpool vs Sunderland is a fixture which would come into most people’s minds before many others. However the famous ‘beach ball’ goal notched by Darren Bent at the Stadium of Light does not tell the whole story when these two teams are involved. Just under a year later Liverpool had their revenge, as Dirk Kuyt notched one of the most bizarre goals English football has seen in recent times. Both sides had struggled for early season form coming into the encounter and, the game less than five minutes old, Kuyt himself conceded a free kick around the centre circle to trigger a bizarre sequence of events culminating in the Dutchman opening the scoring for the home side. Sunderland defender Michael Turner had the ball at his feet as his team mates moved into the opposition half ready
to launch an attack on the Liverpool goal. Instead of playing the ball upfield, Turner flicked it behind him, without even a glance, in the
After a quick discussion with his linesman, referee Stuart Attwell (right) gave the goal, and the fix-
vague direction of his goalkeeper Simon Mignolet. It appeared that Turner was simply moving the ball back to his keeper to take the free-kick himself, but this did not stop the ever alert Fernando Torres from sprinting onto the loose ball and squaring it to Kuyt, who from the edge of the box could not miss. Turner et al where stunned. In fact, Mignolet even did his best Fabian Bartez vs. Di Canio impression, standing motionless for a time with his arm raised to the sky before desperately scrambling across his goal all too late.
ture retained its crown as the most controversial of the season for a while longer. Will Crane
Photography: Getty Images
Monday 28 October 2013
Glee for Glithero in Dyslexic win Division One
Glithero 34 46 55
By Liam Turnbull-Brown at Longbenton
George Glithero proved to be the key man in this fixture as he grabbed a welltaken hat-trick to lead Dyslexic Untied to a 3-1 win over rivals Henderson Hall in what proved to be an absorbing encounter at Longbenton on Wednesday afternoon. Both Dyslexic and Hendo had previously struggled to pick up points this season in the build-up to the game, with neither side managing to win in the Wednesday league so far. As such this game was seemingly a great chance for both managers to gain a vital win and build up some muchneeded confidence for their respective squads in this early stage of the season. Hendo began the game the brightest, enjoying a lot of the early possession, passing the ball around crisply and putting increasingly pressure on the Dyslexic defence. However, after weathering the early Hendo storm, Dyslexic started to grow into the game as the first half wore on. Forward Joe Prior was proving to be a handful upfront, linking up well with strike partner George Glithero as the Hendo defenders struggled to deal with his physicality and aerial ability. It was this combination that led to Dyslexic taking the lead 10 minutes before half-time, with Prior nodding the ball on for Glithero to chase. He displayed a great touch and turn of pace to take him away from the defence, before cutting on to his right foot to curl a shot past the Hendo keeper for the opening goal.
Hendo were caught out right at the beginning of the second half, with Dyslexic once again showcasing their counter-attacking ability and speed up front by scoring a second goal. Glithero was sent through, beating Hendo keeper Pudner to the loose ball and rounding him to tap into the empty net. Hendo appeared to be struggling to get out of the blocks for the second half, and were almost made to pay again a minute later as Dyslexic’s Dom Robson made a powerful run down the right wing, putting in a great ball into the centre. However Adam Oram was unable to round the move, wasting a great chance to further add to the score line. George Glithero had been enjoying a great game, looking sharp and proving dangerous every time he ran with the ball. On 55 minutes, he rounded a fantastic individual performance with his third goal to clinch his hat-trick. The Hendo centre-backs gave him too much time on the ball as he found space on the edge of the box, allowing him to get away a shot. However, Pudner in goal was caught out as Glithero’s shot took a heavy deflection, looping into the top corner leaving the keeper with the little chance. With this third Dyslexic goal, Hendo were left with a huge challenge to salvage anything from the game. This was worsened as they were on the wrong end of a moment of huge controversy, with a goal dubiously disallowed based on the linesman’s decision.
Beginning with a passage of high tempo passing in a manner that suited the carpet-like 3G, Barca took the lead after just four minutes following a well-worked set piece straight from the training ground. An in-swinging corner from the left by Neokopopolis was not cleared effectively, and the loose ball was smashed into the roof of the net by centre back Allinson. As Barca maintained a high tempo and intensity, Larrakins struggled to compete and it was only a matter of time before another set piece gave Barca, and Allinson, the second. In an outrageously one-sided first half an hour, the game was seemingly put to bed with an accomplished Luc Adamson finish from the left that left Larrakins with a sizeable uphill battle if they were to get anything out of the game. Alex Hoctor put Barca into their four goal lead on 37 minutes, showing strength to hold off Larrakins centreback Royles before turning and firing low into the bottom left corner of the goal.
As the half drew to a close, Larrakins snatched a goal that was seemingly a scant consolation. A lapse in concentration from a Barca side, complacent in their four goal lead, saw a through ball from Watt leave Monk one on one who despatched his effort well to send the sides in at half-time with the score at 4-1. In stark contrast to the first period Barca dominance, it was Larrakins who started the second half with drive and purpose, pressurising all over the park with great intensity. As such, it came as little surprise with then the prolific Monk notched his side a well-deserved second goal four minutes after the restart. A side seemingly in disarray at their opponent’s newly discovered energy, Barca were struggling to compete with their revitalized opponents. Barca’s earlier four-goal lead suddenly soon turned into just one as Monk’s strike partner Allred finished in opportune fashion following a goalmouth scramble on 55 minutes. A panicked Barca backline saw two goal line clear-
Both sides prepare to meet a hoisted ball into the Dyslexic box Photography: Liam Turnbull-Brown
Good work down the right wing was rewarded as Will Offer’s cross was tapped in from close range at the front post; however the ball was adjudged to have gone out of play before the cross was made, with the Hendo team feeling understandably aggrieved at the decision. Anger surrounding this decision added an extra intensity of what was already an enthralling game, as hard tackles were flying in, aided by the slippery surface and wet conditions. Hendo were offered a potential lifeline back into the game with 15 minutes to go as Offer was clumsily brought down in the box leaving the referee no choice but to award the spot-kick.
Although Clark saw his poor spot kick saved by Leddy in goal, a minute later his side were to gain a goal back, McAllister hooking the ball in with his back to goal, producing a wonderful piece of improvisation to finish. The final 10 minutes consisted of fairly solid Hendo attack as they looked to get back into the game. Despite Priestley hitting the post for Hendo with a lob, it was really a case of too little too later as Dyslexic’s defence hung on to claim their first win of the season and gain a valuable three points for Jake Massey’s team with a wellearned and solid display.
Barca edge Larrakins in goalfest
Allinson 4 15 61, Adamson 28, Hoctor 37
Monk 45 49 74 (pen), Allred 55
By Scott Rawson at Longbenton Barca made hard work of Wednesday afternoon’s evening kick off on the Longbenton 3G against an endeavoured Larrikins side The tempestuous weather conditions of Wednesday morning had subsided but it was Barca who began the contest in storm-like fashion, racing into a comprehensive four-goal lead inside the first 40 minutes.
ances from Shaw in a comedic scene of events which culminated in the alert Allred stabbing home the loose ball. Although the now dominant Larrakins remained on top, against the run of play Barca centre-half Allinson completed his hat-trick with a header from a long Iain Howard throw which was flicked over the onrushing Larrakins’ keeper Coles. The remaining 30 was played out in a very even fashion, with both sides very keen to get forward at every opportunity. Perhaps continuing to slightly edge proceedings, it was Larrakins who earned a penalty from an Iain Howard shove on 74 minutes. Taken well by the game’s second hattrick-hero Monk, the final 15 were frenzied as Larrakins’ threw everything forward to earn a deserved point. Barca held on however to take all three points.
Man of the Match: George Glithero
Ray Von Greenlees Allinson
Man of the Match: Josh Greenlees
Wednesday 11 a-side Football Division 1
Pld Pld WW
Newcastle Medics 1sts
1 1 Newhist FC Na Barca Law
0 2 1150 4 15
F F AA
Pts Pts 428
Newcastle Medics 2nds
Roman Villa FC
2 2 Sons of Pitches Newcastle Medics 1sts
1 2 7 36 4 20
FC Bayern Toonich
3 3 We need to talk Henderson Hallabout Kevin
1 4 4 41 3 29
Dyslexic Untied 4 4 Geogsoc
1 5 3 32 9 26
South Sandwich FC
5 5 Borussia Crayola Monchenﬂapjack
0 7 3 18 3 22
Brown Magic F.C
Newcastle Agrics FC
6 (R) KFC Aftermath
0 9 3 14 3 47
7 (R) FCCastle Twente Bag Leazes
1 10 4 12 9 42
Famous win for NUNC
Monday 28 October 2013
Volleyballers victorious in vibrant half-hour encounter
By Sassa Hamilton at The Sports Centre Newcastle 1sts 48-41 Loughborough 1sts Loughborough 1sts, notoriously the hardest team in the Prem, travelled to the Toon. Having never been beaten by NUNC in the entire history of Newcastle Netball, they were here for another win. Or so they expected. The 1sts bounded out of the starting blocks at the first whistle putting pressure on every pass. Goal was matched for goal, until a vital converted turnover gave Newcastle the lead. And they never looked back. Incredible passing down the court by the whole team led to goals consistently converted by Hannah Swainson and Emily Whiteside. Whiteside was having a stormer, fighting off a boisterous GD and GK and casually slotting them in.
An incredible, historic all-round performance At the other end, Mia Archer and Helen Jones were picking off every ball, much to the frustration of the Loughborough attackers. Despite many dubious injury time calls the whole team held their heads high for 60 minutes and never let Loughborough see the light. An incredible, historic all round performance and a long bus journey home for Loughborough. Newcastle 2nds 42-49 Liverpool 1sts After devastating disappointment last week the 2’s were looking to come out fighting. An early error put the 2nds behind, however they turned it straight back over to keep it even by the end of the 1st quarter. Feeds were working well into the attacking circle, with some great shooting by both Harriet Humphries and Tesni Fellows. Player of the match Tess Richardson made some crucial interceptions but the defence struggled to keep hold of a strong Liverpool GS, whose accuracy was frustratingly good and pushed Liverpool ahead by half time. A quiet 3rd quarter for the 2’s saw them slip slowly behind and heads went down. A strong team talk from the coach boosted momentum for the final quarter but it was too little, too late. Newcastle 3rds 28 - Northumbria 3rds 29
The Poly, need I say more? The 3rds wanted this win. Northumbria came out all guns blazing and although expected, it shook the nerves of the 3rds. Newcastle went 7 goals down in the first half, but to their utmost credit they didn’t let this phase them. With still a half to go, the 3rds attacked back with some hot shooting, and but the Poly maintained a solid defensive stance despite some aggressive play from eventual player of the match Olivia Gordon. Laura Hall intercepted consistently, and with some solid defensive work in the circle by Sadie Neve and Lucy Greenwood, Newcastle were back in the game, even leading by 1 at one point. However, heartbreak it was to be, as some last minute Northumbria goals put them ahead by one. A crushing loss.
Photography: Akshat Akarsh
Men’s Volleyball Newcastle 1sts
By Peter Georgiev at The Sports Centre The crowd at the Sports Centre celebrated last Wednesday, as Newcastle University’s volleyball team defeated Leeds 3-1 (18-25, 25-16, 25-21, 25-14) in an enthralling game. Half an hour was enough for the Blues
to cruise to a crucial victory against the guests. Although Leeds managed to take the opening set, the hosts dominated from then on - leaving nothing to chance. Newcastle took a 4-0 lead in the first minutes of the opening game and seemed to be on the way to an easy victory. In the middle of the set the leaders were ahead by four points at 12-8, but they lost their focus and allowed Leeds to equalize at 13-13. From then on, it was the guests who dictated the set. Three good serves from Leeds’s setter George sent his team three points ahead at 13-16. Newcastle took their first timeout at 15-19, but their opponents needed just a few more rallies to finish the set – 16-25 - following a great
blocking play. At the beginning of the second part, the teams stayed neck-and-neck until Gian Montevecchi started serving at 7-5. Leeds simply had no answer at all to Newcastle’s inspired play, as they lost eleven consecutive points to give their rivals an 18-5 lead. Inevitably, the Blues picked up the set 25-16. The guests however recovered surprisingly fast from the loss in the previous set, as they 3-7 in the third. Three superb blocks from Montevecchi made it 6-7, but it wasn’t until a fantastic spike from Attila Berndt that Newcastle were able to tie the scores at 13 apiece. Leeds proceeded to regain control over the play, scoring four points in a row and seemingly securing themselves
the set. But it wasn’t all over, as the hosts fought back with an astonishing performance to even up the score at 20-20. With newfound wings on their backs, Newcastle’s boys won five of the next six rallies to take the set, and the 2-1 lead overall. After winning the most decisive set of the match, Newcastle had little problem in finishing the job. The hosts steadily built-up their advantage to a 15-10 lead. Then four bombs exploded in Leeds’ field, as Berndt totally broke their receiving, scoring four consecutive aces. A few minutes later it was 22-12. The Blues needed just three more points, eventually won by their captain Al Shafai and heroic Montevecchi to make the result safe.
Uni surfers left all washed up Surfing
By James Simpson in Newquay Last weekend witnessed the annual BUCS surf competition in Newquay. The student-based competition is the largest of its kind in Europe, with 348 competitors surfing over three days to clench titles and all important BUCS points. A team of Newcastle’s finest athletes headed down with high hopes. They took on the mammoth 10-hour drive, headed straight for Fistral beach - renowned for holding the famous Broadmastes Competition and being one of the best surfing beaches in the UK. With the weather staying bright and the water a few degrees warmer than Newcastle’s usual Tynemouthpspot in the North Sea, the weekend was showered with good fortune. A surf competition works with heats of 5 people sent onto the waves into a marked out competition area. They are then given a 15 minute time limit to catch as many waves as they can. Judges situated on the beach watch the waves that the surfers catch and score them. They are scored on everything from their ability to get up quickly, balance, length of the ride and if tricks are performed. The best 2 wave scores
they achieve are then taken and averaged. The two highest scorers proceed through to the next round. 17 hours of heats over days one and two whittled down the surfers until 16 were left to fight it out for those all-important podium places. Out of the 15 Newcastle competitors, only four of the boys; brothers Alex and James Hindle, Will Duncan, and Robin O’Connell who has competed in five BUCS competitions, made it through to the second heats. Unfortunately Newcastle’s Dave Noble suffered a returning injury of a dislocated shoulder whilst paddling his first wave ruling him out for the whole weekend, and much to his dismay, was too close to shore to be offered a Jet Ski ride by the lifeguards. Previous experience wasn’t enough for masters student Robin who faced tough opposition and failed to progress. An early morning heat for Alex Hindle left him washed up along with Newcastle’s hopes after his brother James was also knocked out. Spirits were not dampened too much as four of the girls managed to progress from the first heats. Emily Walton, Juliette Braithwaite, Pippa Inderwick all made it through but were sadly eliminated after valiant attempts. Fifth year medic Rachel Mannings managed to get through to the quarter finals, however the pressure of a whole
Quarter ﬁnalist Rachel Mannings in action Photography: Sean Hooker
team resting on her shoulders appeared to prove too much as she joined the rest of the team on the beach. The men’s winner of the weekend was University College London’s 3-time winner Iaron Madden who coincidently is Irish Junior champion. The women’s winner was Falmouth University student Holly Donnelly, scoring a monster 9.5 on the Saturday of the competition. The weekend was far from over though. With near perfect conditions
and glorious sunshine there was a lot of non-competitive surfing to do. This was also good chance for the newbies and beginners to really get down to some intense surfing experience. Surf committee member Cathy Prowde said ‘BUCS is the highlight of our calendar. Every year we try to pull the card that we have come the furthest but we are trumped by the likes of Aberdeen. It’s a great weekend with sun, surf, and sandy wetsuits!’
Monday 28 October 2013
First XV continue winning streak Newcastle attempt to claim a line-out Photography: Jonty Mawer
Rugby Union Newcastle 1sts
By Jonty Mawer at Cochrane Park The Newcastle Men’s Rugby 1st XV continued their sterling run of form in the BUCS Premier Division this week by beating the University of Notting-
ham by 20-7, making it three wins out of three for a team exuding confidence, and showing no sign of lack of commitment to the task in hand. On a blustery day at Cochrane Park, it was Newcastle who seemed the stronger during the opening exchanges. Although the weather conditions could easily be classed as challenging to say the least, George Cullen was able to kick Newcastle into a three-point lead early on in the first half. Newcastle were indisputably on the front foot from the word go, controlling the pace of the game via the half backs with the forwards showing good resolve at ruck time. The first scrum of the match, however, the Nottingham
Richards runs riot Women’s Football Newcastle 1sts
By Claudia Wilson Fresh with excitement after their win against Sheffield last week, Newcastle University Women’s Football firsts were geared up for a fight against Teesside. The visitors suffered similar dismissal and were sent home with a 6-0 defeat to contemplate. The game began with NUWFC getting off to a flying start - exhibiting confident passing and running rings around the sluggish Teesside defence. Lucy Crann fired a cracking corner into the box and Dutch supremo, Gisella Otten, managed to connect a toe to it, giving the Royals a 1-0 lead. Esme Richards then cranked up the pressure
on the Teesside defence, leaving them dazzled by her Ronaldo-esque skills. There was some delightful connecting play between Rutter and Crann on the left and although Teesside challenged us with a few counter-attacks, they could not match the Royals’ precise passes. Richards popped in two fantastic goals: a cheeky volley and a beautiful left-footed masterpiece, putting NUWFC in a great position with a 3-0 lead. Helen Knott then stormed down the left wing and hammered home another goal before the half-time whistle, leaving the Royals with a 4-0 lead. After half time, NUWFC took a while to settle and lost some momentum, leaving Teesside free to make a couple of shots. However, the keeper, Sofia Hernnas, expertly dealt them with. After bringing on a few pairs of fresh legs, NUWFC mounted the pressure once more and the unstoppable Richards raged on and scored another two goals, taking the Royals to a 6-0 victory. Man of the Match: Esme Richards
pack showed their resolve with a spirited collective shove that put Newcastle on the back foot inside their own half. The first ten minutes went flew by with both teams trying to edge their way in front with a myriad of backs moves and charges from set piece. After the first ten minutes, however, the game entered a prolonged period of static and almost nervous rugby where basic handling errors and issues at the breakdown were prominent. This was compounded by the quality of defense from both teams, with huge hits flying in during every phase of play. Newcastle still managed to maintain their hold on the match with several darts into the Nottingham 22 by captain
Joe Beckett and if not for a forward pass by the left-winger, Newcastle would have been over for a try in the corner. Their persistence, however, seemed to pay off when a stray kick was collected again by Beckett who proceeded to weave his way through flailing Nottingham defense to score a try under the posts- giving Newcastle an 8-point lead. Following Cullen’s conversion, Newcastle found themselves firmly in control going into the latter stages of the first half. The physical nature of the encounter was clearly taking its toll on players from both sides with numerous injury stoppages throughout the first half. Nottingham were forced into an early change in the front row, whilst the Newcastle inside centre Ben Perkins went down with an ankle injury. Luckily for his team, a brief consultation with the physio was all that was needed and so he continued to play for the majority of the match. Newcastle looked very much as if they were playing with the momentum as shown by a number of barnstorming runs by number 8 Alex Hinds and spirited bursts in and around the fringes by scrum half Tom Banks. Mistakes and poor discipline continued to hinder their progress however, as their inability to retain crucial ball at ruck time and the needless giving away of penalties ultimately ensured that although though they spent the majority of their time in the Nottingham half, they were unable to capitalize. Though they had gained parity at set piece, if they wanted to win the game they would need to take their chances when they appeared to them. Straight from the kick off, there was no quarter given by either side in terms of defense. Continuing in the same vein as the first half, both sets of back row proceeded to run around the field like men possessed; making ferocious tackles and generally making a nuisance of themselves. Along with this increased commit-
ment from the players, the weather conditions took a turn for the worst as the blustery weather proceeded to cause havoc in the line out and in open play. In spite of this, Newcastle continued to exert pressure on the Nottingham defense, making another score an apparent inevitability. Although Cullen failed to convert, Newcastle still had held a seemingly insurmountable 15-point lead over the visitors with time fast running out. Nottingham, however, refused to give in and continued to pepper the Newcastle defense with creative back play and imaginative running lines. Their endeavors were rewarded with another Newcastle penalty. They were able to craft a beautiful free-flowing back move, ending with an off load to the outside centre who ran on home under the sticks. This character was emblematic of the spirit in which the entirety of the game was played. This brief comeback only spurred the home side on and after a string of near misses, a run from replacement centre Ethan Harding from inside his own half set up an opportunity for Beckett to go over for a second try and the last nail in the coffin for the visitors. With the kick converted, the referee blew the final whistle and Newcastle’s 100% record in the league was maintained. Overall, another positive result for Newcastle, particularly considering the level of opposition they faced. Putting the conditions into consideration, they played well, though with last year’s champions Durham visiting at the end of the month, Newcastle will hope to be slightly less wasteful with regards to scoring opportunities. All things considered, however, it was game remarkably well played. Man of the Match: Alex Hind For full video coverage of the match, see thecourieronline.co.uk/ sport, courtesy of TCTV.
Knights shine on the road Women’s Basketball Manchester 1sts
By Rosie Wowk A loss of talent at the end of last year meant the girls recruited some fresh meat this September - the goods being delivered with nippy point guards and rejected netballers. Despite a long journey, it became evident early on in the first quarter that the Mancunians were no match for a revitalized Newcastle. The points began to tot up on the scoreboard from the get-go, with selfie-lover, Anne Heiaas, hitting several baseline jump shots. Meanwhile fresher Julia ‘The Gazelle’ Lovas used her height to crash the boards, scooping up deflected balls and tapping them into the basket for easy points. Captain snatcher Dani Maloney made her presence felt by driving through some bewildered Manchester players to convert more buckets and leaving them whimpering on the baseline. Numerous suicides in training and intensive pre-season fitness was paying off as the beginning of the second quarter saw freshers Maloney and Heiaas us-
ing quick passes to allow veteran, Rosie Wowk, to use her speed to dart down the court for a faultlessly executed fast break. Manchester’s score became increasingly embarrassing as they failed to make it past Maloney, who was hustling hard. Despite lateness in training, fresher Ashley Todd timed her fastbreak drive to perfection, as she drove the ball past the home team, end to end, for a tidy lay-up. The close of the half finished on a snug score of 35-6 to Newcastle. It looked as though the home team were too nervous to play the remainder of the game, as Newcastle stood waiting for their opposition at the commencement of the second half. Shy by day, aggressive and destructive by court, American Mary-Caitlin ‘MK’ King dived on every loose ball and punched her way to secure possession for Newcastle, setting up some effortless plays and leaving new point guard/parttime Northumbrian, Izzy Johns, open for a slick jump-shot. As the Knights rolled comfortably into the last quarter, Danielė Stukaitė, sent the perfect pass to new giant, Rose Walker, as she powered to the basket for a bank-shot. In sheer desperation, the Mancunians began to lash out, backpunching permitted MK to take shots from the line. As the game drew to a close, the defence gave The Gazelle a last chance to bound down the court for a final lay-up, leaving the score an
impressive score of 62-13 to Newcastle. Coach Bunten reported from his love nest in Benton “This is a great squad this year, with a wealth of new talent. Despite just three weeks of training with an entirely new team, today showed how well the girls work together. We will continue our quest to the top of the table.” The Knights have a hard task next week as they take on rivals, UCLAN, in
Photography: Rosie Wowk
www.thecourieronline.co.uk Monday 28 October 2013 Issue 1277 Free
Sports Editors: Nick Gabriel, Freddie Caldwell and Fran Fitzsimmons firstname.lastname@example.org | @Courier_Sport
Surfing NU-SA p.38
Barca win nine goal epic at Longbenton P.37
NUNC KNOCKOUT Photography: Sean Hooker
LAX give Leeds a licking Men’s Lacrosse Newcastle 1sts Leeds 1sts
By Fran Fitzsimmons at Leeds Weetwood After finishing 2nd in the BUCS league last season, Newcastle University Men’s Lacrosse 1sts are keen to prove they deserve the top spot this time around. Following an impressive win against Manchester Met the week before, an away tie against Leeds 1sts would test the consistency of the boys in blue. An energetic start saw the Royals win the first face-off of the match and take an early lead after only two minutes; settling the nerves slightly for those on the pitch and on the side line. A series of patient play from Sam Licker and James Fletcher ensured Newcastle maintained possession and worked the team into an attacking position. After some perseverance, the visitors put some daylight between themselves and Leeds with a second goal at the tenminute mark. However, a resilient Leeds came straight back at Newcastle with a series of attacking plays, thundering downfield towards the Newcastle defence. On the fly substitutions from Newcastle did enough to confuse the Leeds attackers, and initiated tight marking from the blue’s back three. Effective marking and hustling from Andy Baldwin forced the Leeds attacker
into taking an adventurous shot, which soared wide of the net. After a wayward counter attack from Newcastle, Leeds found themselves with a fast break. Strong shadowing from Toby Hoskins forced the home side out of an attacking position and got rid of any danger. Darragh O’Keefe pursued a solo run to the Leeds net, but it was skilfully knocked wide out of the air by the Leeds keeper. With tensions mounting, an aggressive encounter between the Leeds skipper and Newcastle’s George Prescott resulted in them both being sent off to cool down. This alongside a bout of attacking opportunities for Leeds increased Newcastle’s frustrations, but composure under pressure and solid defence from Oliver Lumley kept Leeds from gaining any convincing attacking opportunities. Andy Donnelly expertly forced Leeds to commit the foul and give away possession – throwing away one of their few attacking opportunities of the second quarter. After Donnelly played a
Newcastle subs watch on as the rest of the team demolishes Leeds Photography: Fran Fitzsimmons
long ball to safety down field, Newcastle quickly scored a third and gave Newcastle a convincing three-goal cushion. Newcastle’s dominance was supreme once again with a fourth goal, seconds after the half time whistle blew to restart the match. A physical Leeds defence did little to dampen Newcastle’s relentless pressure. Runs in and out of the Leeds’ defence left them scrambling for possession and a fifth goal was inevitable in the 45th minute. The first attacking opportunity of the third quarter came from a counter attack by Leeds. However, convincing checking from the Newcastle back three extinguished any hopes of a Leeds goal. Morgan Beeson ran the ball out of defence and once again gave Newcastle the territory they were after. Weaving in and out of the opposition, Beeson did enough to confuse the Leeds’ defenders once again and found the back of the net and set up a 6-0 lead. The seventh goal came from Bobby Grove, with an acrobatic shot over the
shoulder shot into the bottom corner. ‘Wow-ed’ by his teammates impressive efforts, the Royals celebrated and seemed to relax and enjoy the game with their comfortable seven-goal lead. The face-off resulted in Club President Darragh O’Keefe obtaining the ball and playing a long pass forward – leaving the attackers to torment the Leeds’ defence once more. Leeds cleared the ball unconvincingly and it fell to Tom Ellecker to pick up on the move and lead an attack once again. A series of back and forth play resulted in the ball finding its way into the possession of Bobby Grove once more who shot from 20 yards out into the bottom corner of the net, leaving the Leeds’ keeper scrambling. After relentless attack from Newcastle in the third and fourth quarters, the scoreline soon escalated to 11-0. However, Newcastle tired slightly and failed to maintain their energetic possession, allowing two sloppy goals to pass through the defensive line. With two goals to their name, Leeds’ gained a spark, and took some impressive shots on goal. With the final ten minutes looming, Newcastle stepped up the pace once more and took advantage of gaps in the opposition’s defence scoring three more goals. With the final whistle blaring, the Royals celebrated their second BUCS win of the season. President Darragh O’Keefe said of the victory, ‘An impressive effort by all the lads, spurred on by the sideline support. This season will be a good one if we carry on like today!’ Overall, a highly convincing performance, it was the perfect masterclass from the Newcastle 1sts.
Netballers run rings round perennial Loughbourgh P.38 Photography: Jonty Mawer
WINNING ATTITUDE Rugby boys continue unbeaten start to the season P.39