The Courier 1276

www.thecourieronline.co.uk Monday 21 October 2013 Issue 1276 Free

SPIDERMAN HITS SINNERS Blind Date: A reinvention

The Independent Voice of Newcastle Students

THE VOICE OF REASON

Pugs displays his pedigree p.11

of romance in the cage p.13

Est 1948

HOME AGAIN p.26

Adidas to pay up after Far East factory dispute

By Anna Templeton News Editor Concerns have been raised about Adidas’ suitability as a university partner after it agreed to pay out approximately $1.8 million to factory workers in Indonesia.

More than 2,700 workers from the PT Kizone factory failed to receive severance payments from the former owner of the factory, who fled Indonesia in January 2011.

PT Kizone was declared bankrupt in April 2011, leaving thousands of employees without jobs. Workers had been stitching sportswear for the likes of Adidas, Nike and the Dallas Cowboys at an average wage of $0.6 per hour.

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Indonesian workers were owed $1.8 milion in pay

US. Nine American universities - Cornell University, Oberlin College, University of Washington, Brown University, Rutgers University, Georgetown University, College of William & Mary, Santa Clara University and Pennsylvania State University - terminated or pledged not to renew contracts with Adidas due to their initial refusal to pay workers at PT Kizone.

With the two-year-deal between Newcastle University, the Students’ Union and Adidas having been agreed in the last few months, members of the student body have raised concerns about

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such factory workers. There have been disputes over unfair pay and poor working conditions in other factories such as PT Panarub Dwikarya in Indonesia and in other countries such as China and Nicaragua.

“The increased anger from factory workers at Adidas’s poor treatment has spurred protest across the world. As we speak, a global protest against Adidas is taking place throughout October, with

Nine US universities severed ties with Adidas over refusal to pay full amount demonstrations and direct action taking place at Adidas outlets and offices.”

When asked if the partnership would benefit students at the university, Toby responded: “Adidas is not a company specialising in education. Furthermore, there are no sports degrees at Newcastle University, so I believe what they can offer students is very limited. The involvement of multinational corporations in education serves only for the

privatization of education, and to profit from students.

One can see clearly only in the first two weeks of this semester that Adidas have had a significant presence on campus, distributing discount cards and setting up info stalls to draw Newcastle students into their client base.”

When asked about these ethical concerns, a spokesperson from Adidas said: Continued on page 4

“Adidas’ payout to the PT Kizone workers came substantially later than the payout from other companies also using the factory, only agreeing ... after a two year campaign” When the factory closed down in 2011 a total of $3.4 million was owed to workers in severance pay. Nike and other companies agreed to provide their share of the severance pay at a total of $1.6 million. At the time, Adidas decided not to provide the full severance pay owed to the workers; instead paying a lesser sum of $525,000.

Following two years of campaigning by pressure groups and trade unions, both in Indonesia and abroad, Adidas eventually agreed to pay the full amount; a total of $1.8 million.

The campaign was led by PT Kizone workers in Indonesia and labour rights activists worldwide, including: War on Want, People and Planet, the Clean Clothes Campaign in Europe and United Students Against Sweatshops in the

the sports company’s suitability.

Speaking to The Courier, Toby Munnion from the People and Planet society at the University, said: “Adidas’ payout to PT Kizone this year was a victory for the workers at PT Kizone. However, the payout only certifies Adidas’ concerning lack of regard for the proper treatment of their factory workers.

“Adidas’ payout to the PT Kizone workers came substantially later than the payout from other companies also using the factory, only agreeing to pay the workers the money they were owed after a two year campaign led by the workers. This highlights their reluctance and hesitation to do what is morally right.

“Furthermore, PT Kizone is only one factory where Adidas has employed

BADIDAS? Students enjoyed a starfilled dodgeball tournament as Adidas’ launched its presence on campus Image: Rachel King

News

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Monday 21 October 2013

News Editors: Anna Templeton and James Simpson Deputy News Editors: Sabine Kucher and Emily Keen courier.news@ncl.ac.uk | @TheCourier_News

NEWCASTLE JOURNAL Newcastle PhD student’s film premieres in NY

COMMENT

10 11 SPORT

TEQUILA LOCKIN BIRDS Offensive promo video highlights uni lad culture

THE NAME GAME

Corporates trying desperately to advertise to YOU

36 39

‘Let us pick up our books and our pens, they are our most powerful weapons’

In

The Union’s ‘giving it a go’ & exploring the toon - amazing pics

- Malala Yousafzai

Sportspeople that crush all opponents

Closed for good?

Wet’N’Filed - in administration

Wet’N’Wild, the North Tyneside waterpark has gone into administration, putting nearly 70 jobs at risk. The indoor waterpark opened its doors 20 years ago and will be forced to make staff redundant as administrators PwC claimed there was ‘no alternative’.

In a report earlier today, the BBC suggests that the company has been working with North Tyneside Council to pay off tens of thousands of pounds worth of business rates and other liabilities.

Despite operating profitably for most of the year, the quieter winter period meant the end of business. PwC is now looking for a buyer.

OVERWHELMING WIN

10:0 win for Newcastle women’s footie

“Rollin’ with my homies” in toon

Masterchefs? Not in a student house

BORING SPORTS?

Good Grub Entertainment

Chelsea cast made in Jesmond?

Three quarters of the new members of Made in Chelsea’s series 6 cast hail from Newcastle University; expect Geordiesims and Brown Ale to become an integral part of the show about rich kids from the London borough.

NUSU, King’s Walk, Newcastle upon Tyne, NE1 8QB. Tel: 0191 239 3940

The Courier is a weekly newspaper produced by students, for students. It’s never too late to get involved in the paper, whether you’re a writer, illustrator or photographer. Just visit thecourieronline.co.uk/getinvolved for more information.

Newcastle University is looking for a contractor for a £37 million project that will see almost 1000 en-suite rooms being built on the site of the current Richardson Road student accommodation, along with a new £4m sports centre and a possible swimming pool.

Surprise!!

Student life

More than three quarters of students don’t know how to boil an egg, while more than half are “not confident” with mashing potatoes or cooking rice, research has revealed.

A further 57% can’t cook vegetables, while 49% are unable to slice a pepper.

Two in five students would rate their diet unhealthy, with more than a third eating at least one microwave ready meal per week.

Ricky Road raze and rebuild

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5 7

CLIMBING MONUMENT

Wise Words:

Redevelopment

m

e h t

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NEWS

The Courier

Globetrotting gourmet Geordie Geordie sunglasses salesman Phil Blackett has visited a staggering 780 reviews of restaurants and hotels across 36 countries since 2008. He gave Papa John’s in Newcastle a 5 star review, which fared better than 2 Michelinstarred Venetian Met Restaurant which he described as ‘Style over substance’.

Rapper and cult icon Coolio gave a group of lucky students a rendition of ‘Gangsta’s Paradise’ at their student house in Preston. He even took them to Tesco to buy ingredients to cook them all a meal.

We can only hope that such a thing happens to us…

Bizarre

Chanting students cause road closure

Last Wednesday night dozens of merry Newcast;e and Northumbria students exited the clubs in the city centre and launched into the Yaya and Kolo Toure chant.

Their intention? Paying hommage to one of their mate’s favourite Manchester City playing brothers.

Their merriment blocked the road leaving puzzled and increasingly infuriated taxi drivers to beep their horns in the hope that the lads would disperse.

After the story hit the news, Yaya Toure himself took to Twitter to thank Novocastrians for their dedication.

Night out

Geordie fights with a bouncer

Within the last week a shocking video has emerged of a drunken man being bodyslammed outside the infamous Tyneside trebles bar.

The video shows the victim fighting with the doorman before he grabs him and slams him down on the pavement with passers-by chanting “kill him, kill him.” A sickening crack can be heard as the man hits the floor.

Northumbria police are treating the incident as assault.

Research

Addictively sweet Researchers from Connecticut College have found that Oreos can be as addictive as cocaine to the brain.

Research was carried out on rats that were given Oreos and rice cakes to eat; they then had to choose which snack they preferred.

The researchers added that the cream middle of the biscuit is the best part that drives the addiction.

Editor George Sandeman Deputy Editor Tom Nicholson Web Editor Ben Brown News Editors Anna Templeton and James Simpson Deputy News Editors Sabine Kucher and Emily Keen Comment Editors Lydia Carroll and Joe Wood Deputy Comment Editor Victoria Armstrong Culture Editor Sam Summers Lifestyle Editors Evie O’Sullivan, Elizabeth Archer, Hazel Parnell and Katie Smith Fashion Editors Amy O’Rourke and Frances Stephenson Deputy Fashion Editors Rebekah Finney Beauty Editors Amy Macauley and Safiya Ahmed Arts Editors Millie Walton and Charlie Dearnley Deputy Arts Editor Laura Wotton Film Editors Muneeb Hafiz and Jacob Crompton-Schreiber Music Editors Kate Bennett and Ian Mason TV Editor Beth Durant Deputy TV Editor Helen Daly Science Editor Lizzie Hampson Deputy Science Editors Peter Style and Emad Ahmed Sports Editors Nick Gabriel, Freddie Caldwell and Francesca Fitzsimmons Copy Editors Lucy Davis, Emma Broadhouse and Megan Ayres

Images: J. Whyte/Mihoda

The Courier is printed by: Print and Digital Associates, Fernleigh House, 10 Uttoxeter Road, Derby, Derbyshire, United Kingdom, DE3 0DA. Established in 1948, The Courier is the fully independent student newspaper of the Students’ Union at Newcastle University. The Courier is published weekly during term time, and is free of charge.

The design, text, photographs and graphics are copyright of The Courier and its individual contributors. No parts of this newspaper may be reproduced without the prior permission of the Editor. Any views expressed in this newspaper’s opinion pieces are those of the individual writing, and not of The Courier, the Students’ Union or Newcastle University.

The Courier

news.3

Monday 21 October 2013

Student gives back to Gap Year community by running marathon

By Holly Callis Newcastle University student Kathryn Wright is running the London Marathon this year in an attempt to raise £3000 in aid of Lattitude Global Vol-

unteering and Ndui Ndui School in Vanuatu.

Ndui Ndui School is one of the largest on the island of Amnae, Vanuatu with 200 students housed in a single concrete block Katie became involved with them through Lattitude Global Volunteer-

ing, a charity who arrange volunteer projects for gap year students. After working there for seven months, Katie returned to Newcastle University hoping the money she raises will give something back to the community and help other people have a similar experience

in their gap years.

During her time working at Ndui Ndui School Katie shared a class of 16 children between the ages of seven to nine. Katie said, “at first, our class was a crowd of quiet, little faces looking up from neatly crossed legs and arms with

big, scared eyes wondering what this white girl was doing at their school.

By the end they were all big personalities, waving hands in the air and singing along to little learning songs that we did with them; it was fantastic. I can say without a doubt that every child in my class made progress.”

“I can say without a doubt that every child in my class made progress” Without the influx of volunteer teachers from charities such as Lattidude Global Volunteering, however, there would be no class teacher available. Katie said, “that’s one of the reasons I think they’re a great charity - they help out where they’re really needed.” This is why £1500 of Katie’s target of £3000 will be going to Lattitude Global Volunteering so they can continue to provide teaching staff where they are needed. Anything above £1500 will be going directly to Ndui Ndui School.

So far, Katie has raised £300 of her £3000 target just by opening her Facebook page and “walking around Jesmond with a crate full of cakes, telling my story!” She is hoping to raise a large amount of her target by running the London marathon. She said, “I’m so grateful to Lattitude for giving me the

“Walking around Jesmond with a crate full of cakes!” opportunity to run and to give something back to them and the community that took me in for seven months during my gap year.” The fundraising doesn’t stop there, however, and she is planning other events round campus over the next few weeks.

You can follow Katie’s progress at: www.facebook.com/nduinduimarathon

Or donate at: www.justgiving.com/katie16b

Student secures dream job through work experience

By Emily Watton Eleanor Hargreaves, a Stage 4 Fine Art student, lands her choice job right after completing a work experience attained through Newcastle Work Experience programme (NWE).

Eleanor applied to do Newcastle Work Experience on the website, and was given a work experience attuned to her

degree and ability. The NWE gave her the relevant work experience placement at the Toffee Factory – the creative hotspot of Newcastle. She appreciated the tasks set to her by the Toffee Factory knowing that she was being entrusted with “worthwhile solo projects” in which to get creative and use the knowledge gained through her degree. One of these was the substantial assignment of an outdoor exhibition in which she

excelled and impressed The Toffee Factory enough to offer her a real job at the end in Leeds.

Eleanor particularly appreciated the help the NWE gave in tackling the bridge between education and a career, which she described as “one of the most daunting experiences I can think of.” Many surely would agree with that perspective, however, she overcame the scary prospect. Another incentive to

apply for a term-time or summer work experience is the pay that comes along with it. The NWE required her to give 100 hours during term time with no more than 20 hours a week dedication, and then by the end she was given £600.

Therefore, she received the agreeable salary of £6 an hour, which is more than most students receive for doing a job that they hate.

The longer summer placements re-

quire more time commitment but with the end result of £2400.

Eleanor Hargreaves is one of Newcastle University’s many success stories through her own proactivity and support of the Newcastle Work Experience programme.

This programme began on the 1 October this year and is still open to applications now.

4.news

Monday 21 October 2013

The Courier

Students save lives through links

By Nathalie O’Donovan For those who have always wanted to learn basic first aid and life saving skills, or even go as far as being a certified first aider, then Newcastle LINKS Society will be a perfect group to join.

The Courier spoke to Nicholas Holmes and Adam Lisik to find out more about their society and the work they do with St John Ambulance, the nation’s leading first aid charity.

A joint society with Northumbria University, Newcastle LINKS meets every Thursday 8-9pm to teach its members basic first aid skills and how to be the difference between a life lost and a life saved. This includes CPR, the recovery position and the chance to learn how to stop severe bleeds, deal with sprains and choking scenarios. Links members will be taught how to confidently deal with a situation from the time an accident happens until the ambulance arrives.

Nick Holmes, President of LINKS explains: “St John Ambulance believes that nobody should die because they needed first aid and didn’t get it. Yet every year up to 140,000 die in situations where first aid could have given them a chance to live. It is our mission to teach as many people as possible basic first aid skills and to raise awareness of our society”.

Some members join to help cope with a family member’s condition such as

epilepsy, whilst others just want to be prepared for whatever life throws at them. LINKS is particularly popular as it is affiliated to the student union and offers a great opportunity to perfect the work-life balance of studying hard and enjoying student life.”

There may be the perception that LINKS is boring, but as Nick explains they are a very social society that team up with Northumbria to put on events, nights out and even “weekenders”. These weekends are organised by LINKS and involve training sessions during the day, with intense “scenario role play” on the last day and plenty of fun activities and socialising in the evenings.

For those who enjoy learning these basic skills and want to take things further, Nick describes how LINKS can be “a stepping stone for St John Ambulance.”

They work closely with the charity and can access many opportunities to volunteer in the local community, whether this is through providing first aid services, training in first aid or youth work.

Members also have the opportunity to take the official credited first aid course. There are qualified first aiders from LINKS at every CCTV night at the Union and even at Bigg Market, football matches and concerts across the North East. Some LINKS members, who have qualified with the charity can even be called in as 999 responders in St John Ambulance vehicles alongside trained paramedics.

FIRST AID

LINKS can be a starting point for anyone with an interest in first aid and welcome anyone to their society Image: Newcastle LINKS

Continued from front page “The Adidas group is committed to ensuring fair labour practices, fair wages and safe working conditions in factories throughout our global supply chain.

“Newcastle University has assured us that it is happy with and has complete confidence in Adidas’ ethical standards.

“With regard to PT Kizone, as a responsible business, we have been supportive of the factory workers since we first learned about the unethical factory’s closure, providing aid through job placement programs, food vouchers and direct advocacy with government officials. The additional assistance announced in April 2013 provided additional relief to workers and their families still impacted from the unethical factory closure.”

The Courier asked the University whether they had reconsidered the partnership after the controversy over PT Kizone. A Newcastle University spokesperson said: “We carried out due diligence when we were considering going into partnership with Adidas and were satisfied with the company’s ethical standards and compliance with industry guidelines.”

Katie Rimmer, the Athletic Union Officer, added: “Before embarking on this partnership, the University and the SU undertook appropriate due diligence in looking into the points raised around ethics and values and we remain satisfied with Adidas’ responses. The primary benefit of the partnership is for an improved student experience and increased opportunities available and we are confident that Adidas are providing this.”

However, compounding these ethical questions, are further concerns about whether student voices are being stifled because of the new corporate partnership. This comes after students were moved away from the Adidas stall by university security during the Clubs & Societies Fair in September.

Luke Neal, a third year Politics & History student who was moved during Freshers’ Fair, spoke to The Courier. He

said: “It was the acutest example to date of a point that Newcastle Free Education Network made in our statement on Adidas back in April. As corporate power in education increases, democracy and political freedoms are undermined.

“Adidas have no interest in our freedom to criticise and to educate students about the effects of privatisation. Their only interest is making profit. Where this conflicts with students wishing to criticise or campaign against their invasion of HE, we are suppressed and they are protected.”

“This is part of a wider trend integrating private interests into education - a direct effect of the creation of a market in HE by government funding cuts and the trebling of tuition fees, compelling institutions to compete for students and find alternative funding.”

Responding to this assertion, a Newcastle University spokesperson said: “Each student at Newcastle University has the right to protest and make their views on issues known but they must do so in a way that does not stop the University carrying out its day-to-day business.

“In this instance a student was handing out leaflets in an area of the sports centre which was extremely busy due to the Freshers’ Fair.

“He was told by sports centre staff that he was welcome to do this in the sports hall or outside the sports centre but he refused to move and continued his activities.

“After ignoring repeated requests to move, he was escorted back to the Newcastle Free Education Network stall where he was more than welcome to continue handing out leaflets.”

Ella Dorton, a third year Fine Art student, gave her opinion: “The Adidas partnership is bad news... the Union is supposed to be ‘student led’ and instead it is becoming a business. How can the Union be student led with the involvement of such a huge corporate brand such as Adidas? And why would they want to, knowing Adidas’ shameful human rights record?”

The Courier

Monday 21 October 2013

news.5

Spotify launch nationwide student campaign with chance to win big prizes

By Kate Dewey Last week saw the release of a brand new Spotify campaign aimed specifically at university students. The campaign boasts of offering some incredible student exclusive prizes just for signing up to the free service.

Jacob Weber, Newcastle University’s ambassador for the Spotify camIt brings all paign, states that the music that the vision of this is to students may campaign elevate Spotify to be listening to being the: “one together in one stop shop for [stumusic”. accessible and dents’] The benefits of simple domain signing up, as well as being entered into weekly prize draws, include the ability to share music freely and to see what other fellow Newcastle students are listening to. It brings all the music that students may be listening to together in one accessible and simple domain. Students can easily listen to their favourite songs with, as Jacob said: “no messing around with Youtube videos or sketchy iTunes”.

The vision is to widen Spotify’s audience by appealing more to the student community. By following Newcastle

TUNE IN Students can win prizes by merely signing up to Spotify Image: babyben

Uni’s Spotify profile, students will be able to contribute to, and access, the themed playlist of the week. Some playlist titles include, “Let Loose”, “Hangovers”, and: “Gym”. Also, Newcastle University are acting as a team against other universities throughout the country in a bid to secure the most sign ups and the best playlists. The incentive for this?

Prizes.

Also, by signing up through the Facebook page Newcastle students get the exclusive option of a free trial of Spotify premium. This upgrade removes the adverts in between the songs which are necessary to fund the free digital music sharing space. The premium version gives you unlimited, privileged access to, and usage of, your favourite music.

As Jacob puts it “the bigger the response [from Newcastle students] the better” the chances are for Newcastle students to win the individual prizes.

The prizes include a set of Pioneer DJ decks, a brand-new T.V, gym subscription for a year, and even a year’s supply of popcorn.

Want to win?

Visit: www.facebook.com/ newcastleunispotify

Ain’t no monument high enough

By Sophie Norris The majority of people will have seen the Grey’s Monument in Newcastle Town Centre, it’s in the middle of town and surrounded by the shops and right next to the metro station. Many people will know this outstanding structure, yet few have realised you can climb it on to a viewing platform which is approximately 130ft high.

The ‘Give It A Go!’ department in the Student’s Union have provided numerous exciting activities for all Newcastle University students to attend over the past few weeks. From coffee mornings to dance classes, there are a lot of thrilling things on offer for those long, lecture-free afternoons, or to simply provide a break for those of us who are locked up in our rooms all of the time.

On 16 October, a group of lucky students got the chance to climb to the top of the monument for a historical talk and to admire the beautiful views of Newcastle from an alternative perspective. Grey’s Monument is a structure erected in 1838 to celebrate the achievements of Earl Grey, Prime Minister of the United Kingdom in the years 1830 to 1834, and to acknowledge his contribution to the passing the Great Reform Act 1832 and the work which helped in the banning of slavery in Britain.

From 135ft high, viewers can see such sights as St. James’ Park, The Sage, The BALTIC art gallery and certain bridges on the River Tyne, as well as miles of attractive nature. Not necessarily the most obvious choice for people-watch-

ing, the students of Newcastle University were especially lucky as the Monument is only open at certain intervals in the year. When asked why he thinks it is important to open up the Monument to the general public, one volunteer pointed out, “I think it is important to run these visits as it helps to teach people about the fascinating history of Grey’s Monument which many people always wonder about, but never take the time to find out.”

Ammar, a second-year student said: “I came here today because I had always wondered about the history of Newcastle and especially what the Monument was commemorating. I also won“The city is dered what the beautiful and view would be like from the top we were of it.” curious about The talk was eswhat it looked pecially interestas it involved like from all the ing some of the hisway up here.” tory of the city as a whole, including information on the famous people that are from Newcastle.

The trip was an exciting twist to the normality of a Wednesday afternoon. It enabled students to gain more knowledge about their surroundings and learn some exciting facts to tell their flatmates. Regina, a third-year English and Spanish exchange student from Germany, and her friend said, “the city is beautiful and we were curious about what it looked like from all the way up here.”

GREAT HEIGHTS The 130ft high structure provides spectacular views of the city centre Image: Sophie Norris

6.news

Monday 21 October 2013

The Courier

Sessions help students settle into Uni life

By Kirsty McGregor An ex-Newcastle student has organised sessions to help students settle in to their new lives in Newcastle.

Doug Graham, a recent Spanish and French graduate of Newcastle University, has dedicated his time to the youth of Newcastle as the youth coordinator for the local church-based charity of International Harvest Church and started up the ‘What is your life?’ scheme.

Dubbed as ‘the ultimate life coach’, ‘What is your life?’ involved a set of

to meet new faces, whilst also offering practical tips covering different aspects of student living such as holding on to your student loan, dealing with annoying flatmates and managing your time.

The topics were covered by speakers of a variation of occupational background including an international conference speaker and a paediatric nurse at the Royal Victoria Infirmary, each giving their own well-informed and valuable advice. The nights were said to be lively and great fun, gaining momentum with the number of people attending as the month progressed.

‘What is your life?’involved a set of events for students, intending to put something on that wasn’t explicitly of church influence events for students, intending to put something on that wasn’t explicitly of church influence but useful in giving practical advice to all students.

Doug stated that making the transition to University “can be overwhelming and part of the reason for these events was to give good advice to the students but part of it as well was to help students get connected into life in Newcastle and make Newcastle their home from home.”

The events took place throughout October over four evenings in Costa Coffee and provided the opportunity to enjoy live music, food and drink, and

There are other events and general social activities coming up as part of ‘What is your life?’ such as a bowling night on Friday 18th October, 8-10pm, at AMF Bowling, Westgate Road, NE4 8RN, as well as free student lunches hosted by young families at the church.

“It doesn’t matter what you believe or where you come from, just come to have fun,” said Doug.

Want more information? www.iharvest.org.uk/whatisyourlife

HELPING HAND Doug has dedicated his time to helping students make the transition to University life Image: Doug Graham

The Courier

news.7

Monday 21 October 2013

Newcastle-based film makes it to NY

By June Chan

Xing Chen, a Singaporean PhD student from Newcastle University has directed and produced her first film ‘Beleave Me’.

Xing’s film was screened at The Yonkers Film Festival in New York, also named as YoFi Fest, from 11 to 13 October.

‘Beleave Me’ tells a story of a young man, far from home, struggling with the news that his mother is refusing medical intervention for a life-threatening disease on religious grounds.

Telephone conversations, worried family members, and a son’s growing sense of helplessness and desperation, highlight the tensions faced by a family divided by space, time, and conflicting beliefs.

This 11-minute long film has featured locations in and around Newcastle, including scenic spots along Hadrian’s Wall, the campus of Newcastle University, and St. Peter’s Marina, offering a good opportunity to promote the Northeast of England to a wide range of audiences.

“I was motivated to create this film “Never take er my mother rejections too aft was diagnosed personally. with breast canPerseverance cer two years ago, and our family is the key” had experienced a situation similar to that portrayed in the film”, said Xing, trying to explain her inspiration behind, “I have realised that many other people are facing medical issues that potentially have life and death consequences as well.”. Xing therefore decided to produce ‘Beleave Me’, as a way to share her story, and remind these people that they are never alone.

FILM FAME

Xing at LoFi Festival with Phil and Jackie Hope, who play the grandparents in ‘Beleave Me’ Image: Phil Hope

At the same time, Xing was also trying to convey the message that a family is a ‘unit’ itself - which goes through ups and downs together. “What I do affects both my parents and vice versa.”, said Xing.

“But we are independent, and we should always make decisions based on what we feel most comfortable with.”.

Xing revealed that the film was primarily her own experience, but she tried to

portray it with a third-person point of view – how different characters feel, and an insight into why the mother, for example, made the choices she did.

‘Beleave Me’ was a joint effort of the outstanding and talented production team, which was comprised of a crew of experienced local and international members. “This was truly a team effort.’” said Xing.

“I relied heavily on the expertise of my

cast and crew. In fact, without the support from my director of photography, Magali Pettier, a wonderful independent filmmaker, this project would not likely to happen.”

Xing encountered insurmountable difficulties during the filming process.

“Initially, I did not receive the goahead from the National Trust to shoot at Hadrian’s Wall, as they were concerned about being affiliated in some

ways with a particular religion,” Xing recalled. Fortunately, permission was finally granted after repeated reassurances and numerous negotiations with the concerned party. Xing also revealed that to her, editing the film was a challenge, since it was operating on a minimal budget and had limited time during the shooting with only one camera.

“I was absolutely thrilled and immensely grateful to hear the news that ‘Beleave Me’ will be screened in the YoFi Fest. It’s an affirmation to all we have done.”

YoFi Fest consists of a lineup of guest speakers in a series of workshops, along the Hudson River. Xing also got the chance meeting some incredibly inspiring independent filmmakers as well.

The Courier asked Xing what kept her motivated: “A vision to reach, a message to deliver, and a goal to aim for.”

“Working with the best talents I could find, not afraid of emailing people I thought would be great to work with, and daring enough to overcome hardships, despite of occasional discouragements.” Xing also told her story of being rejected by two festivals: “Never take rejections too personally. Perseverance is the key.”

Xing is now working avidly on promoting the festival. Also bearing in mind her role as a scientist, she wishes to bring science and technology into the public domain. This film has given her confidence to tackle future related projects.

Xing ended her interview with encouraging words to budding filmmakers, who might want to bring their creative projects to screen as well, to follow their visions and indeed, dare to expand them. “If you want to produce a film, pick up a camera, or find someone who has one, and just do it.”

Ex politics lecturer steps down as MP In August, veteran North East MP and former Newcastle University politics lecturer, Sir Alan Beith announced he is to stand down from Parliament in 2015, leaving the seat open to a Tory gain.

The Courier spoke to Sir Alan, who has been Member of Parliament for Berwick-upon-Tweed since 1973, and attend a party celebrating his 40 years as MP. Prior to running for election, Beith taught at Newcastle’s Politics Department. He spoke about his passion for teaching and how at the time he taught

geries to the constituency so that as an MP he is more accessible. On a more national level, he campaigned for fixedterm elections and has been Chair of the Justice Select Committee since 2007.

At the celebration to mark his 40th year as MP. The atmosphere was jovial with many of his former colleagues greeting each other for the first time in years. Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg was also in attendance and he said it was “farewell to an era” and expressed how Sir Alan displayed devotion to his constituency.

This devotion has clearly made constituents loyal to Sir Alan Beith given how long he has served as MP. This will

he was not a lot older than the students themselves. He offered advice to those students who may wish to pursue politics as a career, recommending getting involved with political societies, as in politics you are judged by how hard you have worked at a voluntary-level.

The former Deputy Leader of the Liberal Democrats, names his proudest moments of being MP as helping to save RAF Boulmer on the Northumberland coast from being moved to Lincolnshire, ensuring more trains stop at Alnmouth and Berwick on the East Coast Mainline and introducing sur-

be problematic for the Liberal Democrats in Berwick-upon-Tweed, a notion echoed at the celebration by a number of people. The next candidate, Julie Pörksen was announced the previous night, told me she plans to carry on Beith’s legacy. Sir Alan said he believes with hard work she can win the seat, however with a 7.7% swing to the Conservatives at the last election and Tory candidate Anne Marie Trevelyan already well known in the area, it seems increasingly unlikely.

Nationally, the Liberal Democrats have suffered as a result of the coalition government.

By Lydia Durrant

He offered advice to students who may wish to pursue politics as a career, recommending getting involved with political societies

RETIRED

Sir Beith served as MP for 40 years in the Berwick-Upon-Tweed constituency Image: Berwick Liberal Democrats

8.nationalstudentnews

Monday 21 October 2013

40% decline in part-time students

By Sabine Kucher News Editor A recent study by Universities UK looked at the steep decline in part-time undergraduate students and found 105,000 fewer students compared to a similar study only two years ago, an equivalent of a 40% fall.

Nationwide there are roughly 500,000 part-time students who are mostly adults, a majority of which are women.

While some of them study out of pure interest, most will be studying a workrelated or vocational course.

However, the numbers of part-time students have been falling consistently and the trend in next year’s recruitment figures suggest that this tendency is here to stay.

Job Title: Part-time Receptionist Employer: Macdonald Hotels and Resorts Closing date: 29.10.2013 Salary: Competitive Basic job description: A Receptionist is required to work part-time hours at Linden Hall Hotel in Morpeth. The Receptionist is responsible for ensuring that we offer a warm and professional welcome to all our guests.

The Receptionist will ensure a consistently high quality of service to all guests by delivering Macdonald Hotels brand standards. The Receptionist will support other members of the front desk team and draw on previous customer facing experience to achieve service and revenue targets.

Person requirements: An able communicator, the Receptionist must be able to demonstrate their ability to converse with a wide variety of guests and colleagues at all levels; therefore a high standard of written and spoken English is essential. Good standards of numeracy and computer systems are also essential. The Receptionist must be able to demonstrate their immaculate personal and department presentation standards and attention to detail at all times.

Location: Morpeth.

Job Title: Office Assistant Employer: Anne Mckenzie Properties Closing date: 30.10.2013 Salary: £15.00 per hour Basic job description: Anne Mckenzie Properties is seeking a hardworking, energetic and optimistic individual with great organizational skills to take care of a to-do list and provide time-saving solutions for our busy schedule.

The position includes general office and light customer service duties. Hours are flexible, 10-15 hours per week. Duties may include: Computer data entry; Filing/paperwork; Taking customer/account payments; Placing orders; Light cleaning. Maintaining an office schedule by picking up and delivering items using automobile.

Person requirements: Excellent interpersonal skills, dependability and common sense a must.

Location: Newcastle upon Tyne.

Job Title: Sales Assistant Employer: Peter Werth Closing date: 31.10.2013 Salary: National Minimum Wage Basic job description: A Sales Assistant is required to work 0-12+ hours per week at the Peter Werth concession within House of Fraser (Metrocentre). Duties will include: stock replenishment, handling deliveries, liaising with customers to create sales and meet targets, cash handling and other general duties.

Person requirements: Candidates should have previous retail experience, possess excellent customer service, numeracy and communication skills and be able to work within a team.

Location: Gateshead.

The authors of the Universities UK study lay the blame squarely at the feet of an increasingly difficult financial situation for these students. fees and The numbers of Rising living costs put part-time student more strain on have been falling the household consistently and budget while from the trend in next support employers is year’s recruitdeclining. ment figures Part-time courses have suggests that this tendency is been widely recognised here to stay in the past to provide skills needed by employers since they allowed

workers to vastly improve their skills while working.

Professor Thomas, who led the study, told the BBC: “The reality is that the UK needs more graduates and relies heavily on part-time higher education to meet these fast-changing skills needs in a fast-changing world.”

Therefore the report calls for an ‘urgent push’ to help prospective students and their employers understand the value of a part-time degree.

It calls for part-time courses to be seen as an integral part of higher education and “not as an add-on”.

Rachel Wenstone, National Union of Students vice president, said there needed to be more thought about how part-time degree courses were compatible with people’s lives.

Job Title: Sales Associate Employer: Lego Closing date: 02.11.2013 Salary: £6.40 per hour Basic job description: A Sales Associate is required to work 10+ hours per week at the Lego store in the Metrocentre. Duties will include providing the best possible service, complying with all company policies and procedures, organising the stockroom, merchandising, and any other related duties as required by the Line Manager.

Person requirements: Some experience in retail would be an advantage but is not necessary, excellent Customer Service skills, good organisational, verbal and written communication skills, outgoing and enthusiastic.

Location: Gateshead.

duties. This is an excellent opportunity to work with some of the finest brands in the fashion world.

Person Requirement: Must have previous retail experience and good communication skills.

Flexibility towards working hours is essential as days and shift patterns will vary, and there may be opportunity to work more hours. A high level of customer service is required and brand knowledge within the target market preferable.

Location: Gateshead.

Job Title: Midday Supervisor Employer: North Tyneside Council Closing date: 25.10.2013 Salary: £10,826 per annum, pro rata Basic job description: A Midday Supervisor is required to work part-time hours at Hazlewood Community Primary School in Wideopen. You will be responsible for promoting healthy living by providing activities and play during the lunchtime break.

Person requirements: The successful candidate will be a positive role model and have a caring nature with a love of children.

Location: Wideopen.

Job Title: Collections Advisor Employer: Northern Recruitment Group Closing date: 30.11.2013 Salary: £7.11 per hour Basic job description: Our client Geoban part of the Santander Group based on Cobalt Business Park in North Tyneside are currently looking for Customer Service Professionals to work as part of their Collections team within their call centre. This position involves a mix of both inbound and outbound calls regarding customer’s accounts where they are struggling with their current payment plan. You will discuss with the customer their current financial situation and agree a suitable repayment plan.

Every call will offer a different challenge and Advisors need to be clear, concise and accurate with the information that is both received and recorded.

Person requirements: We are looking for customer service driven candidates with excellent communication and listening skills.

A friendly, empathetic and resilient nature is a must for this role.

Location: North Shields.

Job Title: Sales Assistant Employer: Van Mildert Closing date: 31.10.2013 Salary: National Minimum Wage Basic job description: A Sales Assistant is required to work 12 hours per week at the Van Mildert store in the Metrocentre. Duties include stock replenishment, liaising with customers, meeting targets and all other general store

Job Title: Newcastle Work Experience – iOS Developer Employer: Ridee Closing date: 27.10.2013 Salary: £600 bursary upon completion of placement Basic job description: Newcastle Work Experience (NWE) is a 100 hour flexible work experience programme providing undergraduate and postgraduate students with the opportunity to undertake challenging projects within North East businesses and charities.

Ridee is a new way of moving around the city. If you’re a driver share your ride to cover costs and meet new people. With Ridee you can find a driver in real-time and get a taxi-like experience for the price of a bus ticket! We’re seeking an individual with experience using iOS to assist the team with the launch of our iPhone app.

Person requirements: You must have a passion for development, always ready to learn and to share knowledge. You should have proven experience of iOS applications.

Location: Newcastle upon Tyne.

Job Title: Newcastle Work Experience – Web Developer Employer: Bizpora Closing Date: 27.10.2013 Salary: £600 bursary upon completion of placement Basic job description: Bizpora.com is a global, trusted community of passionate entrepreneurs, freelancers and mobile workers who travel. They stay with and meet like-minded professionals, gain local insights and make money hosting other members. We’re seeking a creative web designer with great Photoshop, CSS/HTML skills for a fast moving start-up, part of this year’s Ignite100 accelerator programme (Generatorstudios.co.uk). You’ll work closely with Bizpora.com’s founders, taking responsibility for designing the UI/UX of the platform, ensuring a clean, elegant user interface that places the user at the centre of the design.

Person requirements: Required skills: Keen interest in UI/UK, Photoshop, HTML 4/5, CSS 2/3, Twitter, Bootstrap 2 Optional: Less, Javascript, AngularJS Bonus: Python, Django, REST Location: Newcastle upon Tyne.

The Courier

Rowers Students shun boozy ignore critics nights out and strip University of Manchester

University of Warwick

A group of first-year students at the University of Manchester have ditched boozy student nights out in favour of their own sober social events organised through a Facebook group. ‘Pub-Preferring People’ was set up after discussion on the Manchester University Freshers 2013/2014 Facebook page, where some students admitted they preferred chatting to people at the pub rather than binge-drinking at night clubs. First-year Jessica Doorbar, organiser of the group, said ‘someone posted saying they preferred pubs. Suddenly you had about 100 more people saying the same thing, so we decided to create our own group.’

There are now over 180 members of the group and events so far have included a poker night and bowling at The Trafford Centre. The group say they hope to become an official university society next year if interest is maintained. “It could be reassuring for next years freshers’ to know there is an alternative,” said Jessica.

Female rowers at the University of Warwick have once again stripped off to pose for a charity calendar, despite being criticised for their efforts last year. The 2013 calendar featured various semi-nude photographs of members of The University of Warwick Rowers Society and was labelled ‘tacky’ and ‘sexist’ by critics.

However, the rowers were undeterred, and 17 members of the society have stripped off completely naked for the new 2014 edition, claiming the criticism “spurred them on.” Last year, the calendar raised over £600 for Macmillan Cancer Support and creators of the calendar- Hettie Reed, Frankie Salzano and Sophie Bell- are hoping to raise even more money this year for the charity, which they describe as “close to their hearts.” The rowers say they have had “an extremely positive reaction so far” and have already received 200 orders. The 2014 calendar is priced at £7.99 and can be bought online.

Pole dancing society banned by Uni

Freshers cautioned for plucking partridges

Swansea University

Oxford Brookes University

Trustees of the Swansea University Students Union have refused to accept the Swansea University Pole Fitness Society as an official society for the 2013-2014 academic year.

The board members have outlined their decision in a letter to the society which explains the reasoning behind the move.

The letter states that allowing the society ‘would not be in line with [the union’s] gender equality work’ and that activities such as Pole Fitness contribute to an atmosphere where ‘women are viewed as sexual objects and where violence against them is acceptable.’ The Trustees were unanimous in their decision not to grant official Students’ Union Status to the society. The society had previously competed against the Newcastle University Pole Dance Society at interuniversity competitions.

Four freshers from Oxford Brookes University have clashed with accommodation wardens after returning to halls with 17 red-legged partridges they had caught whilst out shooting.

Johnny WindsorClive, Miles Pattison-Appleton, Alex Archer and James Birley caused upset when they hung the birds in their rooms and later plucked them in a courtyard.

They were told their behaviour could cause upset to other students, particular foreign students from different backgrounds, and they were ordered to clean up blood and feathers from the courtyard. The four posted photos of the birds on Facebook and later threw a dinner party for 12 people. A spokesperson said the four boys would not be disciplined.

Images: Ben Didier/MBK (Marjie)

Lauren Smith

Comment The Courier

.9

Monday 21 October 2013

thecourieronline.co.uk/comment

Comment Editors: Joe Wood and Lydia Carroll Deputy Comment Editor: Victoria Armstrong courier.comment@ncl.ac.uk | @Courier_Comment

Should Newcastle University reject fossil fuel?

The divestment movement argues universities have a moral responsibility to protect the planet and reject investment in fossil fuel companies. Already big in America, the debate over whether universities should divest from fossil fuel now reaches Newcastle. Louise Bingham will be arguing no, Newcastle University should not reject fossil fuels, and Jack Marley will be arguing yes, that it should.

NO

Louise Bingham

We have been using fossil fuels as our primary source of external energy for thousands of years. Cavemen burned coal as a heat source and its use, along with oil and gas, has been increasingly used to fuel our way of life since the introduction of new technologies in the industrial revolution. Newcastle University is no different. We have relied upon fossil fuels to reliably supply our energy for almost 180 years and with good reason. Fossil fuels, whether its coal, oil or gas, are reliable and energy efficient making them a dependable source of energy. Some scare-mongers have suggested that we will have fully exploited our known oil deposits by 2052 as we burn through crude oil at a rate of 4 billion tonnes per year.

However, this simply isn’t true. New reserves of fossil fuels are constantly being discovered, and as our technologies improve we are finding new, cleaner methods of using fossil fuels with our University at the forefront of this research: for example, the use of methane from accelerated microbial degradation of coal to gas in situ. It makes both financial and environmental sense to continue investing in the fossil fuel industry, which employs over half a million people in the UK alone. Attempting to change our energy supply would end up burning more fossil fuels through construction, transportation and set up of a new supply than the university would use in half a decade and the cost would be simply unjustifiable.

YES

If you’re reading this then there’s a good chance that you’re a member of “Generation Y”. For you, Kurt Cobain was dead before you knew he’d ever existed and the 90s were a colourful blur. The children born to you, your friends, relatives and complete strangers over the next several years will fill the ranks of “Generation Z” and complete the alphabet of human progress. If you’re a young person alive today then it’s pretty apt that you’re labelled by the final letters of the ABCs because the future sadly doesn’t offer much hope for continuity in the richness and abundance of life your ancestors took for granted. That’s why it’s all the more insulting to hear our current energy demands compared to the methods of keeping warm that our prehistorical cave-dwelling cousins relied on. It perfectly summarises the backward thinking in the mainstream press towards clean energy alternatives, itself heavily lobbied by powerful oil and gas companies. Seven million years of human evolution and we’re still powering the lives of 7 billion people with the same rocks we dug up as cavemen? Rocks that we’re now unequivocally aware are burying us in an unprecedented global climate where our oceans turn to acid and our forests to ash? Even the caveman knew to adapt or die and we can expect to join the fossil record if we don’t stop sentimentalising ill-gotten dinosaur remains as our eternal key to prosperity.

New reserves of fossil fuel are constantly being discovered

Jack Marley

NO

In terms of democracy on this issue, a YouGov poll conducted in The fossil fuel business is rightly the most powerful industry on Earth. What other sources of energy are proven to be as reliable and energy efficient?

The only realistic alternatives we have are wind, solar and nuclear power. All of which are far less efficient than our traditional source of energy. Firstly, why would we want our energy supply to be dependent on something as unpredictable as the Great British weather? In order to be worthwhile, wind turbines need an average wind-speed of 25km/h, too stronger wind and the turbines are stopped to prevent damage, too weaker wind and the turbines are inefficient. It is a similar story with solar power, which only creates energy when the sun is shining. It is simply foolish to depend on a source of energy which is itself dependent on a variable external factor. Nuclear power isn’t much better as the events at Fukushima have proven.

Newcastle University should make the sensible decision to continue its investment in fossil fuels, even if the investment is into research to find cleaner methods of using this source. The money saved from not changing the entire University electrical system to run off an alternative source could be put to so much better use such as improving research facilities, or better yet, reducing the extortionate tuition fees we all face.

YES

What conventional opinion would call “sensible” currently amounts to spending $6 subsidising finite resources for every $1 spent on research into renewables and sacrificing the greater number of jobs generated along the way. If this were an economic argument fossil fuels would already be defunct but it’s not- it’s so much more than that.

If we are to have any hope of preventing runaway climate change (a scenario where Earth becomes largely uninhabitable) we cannot emit more than 880 gigatonnes of CO2. We’ve already burned through more than 530 gigatonnes. Leaving two-thirds of all fossil fuel reserves remaining in the ground would work, but the only way we can do that is to send a clear message that we won’t fund the destruction of our planet and that’s where this question comes down to you.

What kind of legacy do you want to leave? The generation that stood up to the most powerful industry on Earth for the good of all life on it? Or would you rather toil for polluters that care nothing for your future whilst the planet burns? You and I face challenges like none that have faced those before us and for that reason, no one is coming to help us. The decision is yours but remember: Divestment is our Million Man March- our first step towards the future we all deserve. Previous generations didn’t shrink from shaping their legacy, it would be tragic for us and catastrophic for everything else if we turned away now.

We won’t fund the destruction of our planet

Images: Comodity Markets and pkorsmok

What’s Nick whimpering?

What he said:

‘Don’t worry, we’re not going to raise tuition fees to £16,000’

What he meant:

We’re going to raise tuition fees to £16,000

What he said:

‘Together, we’ve made history with #equalmarriage! When will you pop the question?’

What he meant:

Dave, when will you pop the question?

What he said:

‘We must be in government again in 2015 to finish the job and finish it fairly. Labour or Tory single party govt would squander the recovery.’

What he meant:

Please let me join in. Dave says no one likes me and he keeps giving me noogies. It’s not fair!

Joe Wood

Clegg lowers party estimations Image: Liberal Democrats

10.comment

Monday 21 October 2013

The Courier

Tequila lock-in birds

Following last week’s piece on banning songs like ‘Blurred Lines’ in the Union, Jamie Shepherd argues that student events are perpetuating rape culture Jamie Shepherd

L

ast Tuesday, the management of a student night in Leeds called Tequila uploaded a video on YouTube, promoting a Fresher’s event. Within 4 hours the video was taken down and replaced with a heavily edited cut, due to a surge in negative comments and complaints. In the original promo video, titled ‘Freshers Violation’, various male second and third year students described what they were going to do and how they were going to treat female Freshers students.

In the original cut, one student said of the fresher he met that night, “she’s paying for the cab, she’s paying for the drinks. She’s going to get raped”. Another confessed that he did not like the term “violate”, but instead preferred to say “take advantage of ”. Despite these tasteless comments not appearing in the re-edited cut, the new edition still maintained the same name. Also included was footage of young female students

being complicitly led to dance in what the management of Tequila deemed to be appropriately named “Jailbait Cages”, the entire clip peppered with gratuitous cleavage shots.

Unsurprisingly, the video was removed for a second time, and this time it was not replaced. If you were to scroll through the back catalogue of videos that the Tequila YouTube channel has uploaded there is a whole host of similar clips. Although not many reach the

“I found it humiliating being asked if I ‘like to f*** sluts’ in the nightclub toilets” extremes of ‘Freshers Violation’, they are still in keeping with the ugly picture painted by the debasing and demeaning night that Tequila wants students to claim as their own. It is video footage and marketing such as this that is

keeping this dangerous misogyny alive on University campuses in the form of the scourge of Unions throughout the country, “Uni Lad banter”.

As a fresher myself, I found it humiliating and awkward being asked by a bunch of rugby lads if I “like to f*ck sluts”, as I was trying to innocently do my business when stood in the toilets on a night out and. When I didn’t engage in this “banter”, it was almost as if I became the pariah of the bathroom, an abnormality in the university pecking order because I did not boast of my machismo and prowess. However, it was just as dismaying to meet up with a friend who’d been in the female toilets, who’d overheard girls discussing and laughing about how they liked being at university because it meant that they could shag who they want “just because everyone else is doing it”. At a time when University campuses seem to be acting progressively by banning Robin Thicke’s ‘Blurred Lines’, why is it that there is a visibly noticeable section of the student demographic, both male and female, that actively seeks to perpetuate a permissible, sexist acceptance of the objectification of women as

just “banter”?

In what other circumstances would “banter” such as this be deemed to be acceptable? I can wager that “banter” will never be an acceptable defence in a rape charge, just as I cannot see this sort of behaviour becoming acceptable at Sunday dinner at Gran’s – or, heaven

forbid, a seminar. Though their actions may suggest otherwise to some, the women in the “Jailbait Cages” most likely do not want to condone rape culture and female objectification, just as I doubt that these young men really want to rape their fellow Freshers (or at least, I hope).

NSA OK? Europe raises the bar O

Josh Corlett

ver four months ago, the scandal surrounding Edward Snowden arose. This Central Intelligence Agency technical worker leaked thousands of documents to the Guardian Newspaper regarding phone hacking and information gathering by the NSA (National Security Agency). The programme, ‘Prism’, allowed the NSA to access and collect material including emails, live chats and search the histories of hundreds of thousands of people throughout the world.

The NSA also paid the British government a reported sum of £100 million for access to GCHQ and any intelligence they wished to view on British citizens. The NSA indiscriminately accesses peoples personal emails by using servers based overseas, acquiring intimate details of your life every time you log on or send an email. This is all done in the name of security and governments and security agencies alike ardently claim its necessity The NSA argues that in order to find

“The NSA argues that in order to find the needle, one must first create the haystack” the needle one must first create the haystack. We are the metaphorical haystack and our security and wellbeing is entirely down to the government’s ability to track down that infamous needle. It is here that we emerge into the murky underworld of security versus rights. A

world of unconstitutional governments, laden with responsibilities, against the overzealous idealist who puts pen to paper and placard to post, venting their grievances in the mysteriously safe world they inhabit.

It is very easy to play the role of the liberal idealist. To value principles, values and rights over concrete realities. After all, people fight and die for the most basic of rights every day: it must therefore be a just and worthwhile cause.

They cling to these as if they were to be dragged away at any moment, without ever asking themselves how they got them in the first place. The rights we have in this country are only ours because of the security that ensures they remain our rights. Whether we like it or not, agencies like the NSA or GCHQ, who snoop in the shadows and preserve this security (by means legal or otherwise), allow us to fight to keep the rights we have. Not to gain rights we don’t.

But where then does one draw the line, the infamous line between security and rights? The line that Edward Snowden has plonked right into the public zeitgeist over the past few months. It is for raising this question that I am thankful to him. I personally do not care all too much that my emails may be read and my Facebook viewed. But I do care that the government feel they can get away with it.

It takes a man like Snowden to lift us all onto our moral high horse and, for a few months at least, feign disgust at our government’s actions. Actions that, let’s face it, we all knew were going on anyway. All Snowden has done is expose the truth we all knew but didn’t want to acknowledge. It seems that for a while at least international governments will be wary about extending their own snooping privileges. For this reason, and this reason alone, I am glad for Mr Snowden.

Working for a degree in the UK is one of the most strenuous tests of intellect and application there is (well, probably). But we still lag behind continental standards, writes Sabine Kucher

Sabine Kucher

S

omething I had long suspected was confirmed last week: Degrees in the UK are simply not as challenging as in the rest of Europe.

Bahram Bekhradnia, director of the Higher Education Policy Institute, said the average undergraduate in the UK receives just 14 hours a week in “contact time” and has a total workload of less than 30 hours when private study is factored in.

That’s 10 hours a week less than recommended – so on average, students in the UK are needing to do much less for their degrees when compared to their European counterparts.

Since I already hear heckling from the back: This was a robust study carried out by Higher Education Policy Institute with more than 100,000 students being surveyed over a period of five years. Also please don’t tell me (and regrettably I’ve actually heard this before) you think that the average European student just isn’t as smart and therefore needs to study longer hours, or that they are all lying on their forms. That is

Image: Louis Shackleton

plain insulting.

Granted, there are great differences between most universities, but that is true for every country – they all have their own Oxbridge Russell Groups. So that isn’t an explanation either.

So I’ll take a step back to see how our systems are different. Having studied in the UK and Austria (for a little while) I can assure you they are vastly different.

The most intriguing difference, to me, is the way we go about our studies. UK institutions seem to molly-coddle their students. Everything is organised for you: You’re automatically enrolled on all your modules (only need to pick the optional ones), get told when to be where for lectures and all the material is spoon-fed to you. I mean first year was basically a recap on A-Levels, or at least for me (having taken weird Austrian ones, that may be different). My ‘Maths for Economics’ 20-credit module had recommended reading whose first chapter told you how to add 2 and 3 I’m not even joking. And just today as a third-year I was told that note-taking is vital. Thanks, I really didn’t know…

Austria’s model, on the other hand, focuses on self-reliance. Once you become a student, it’s up to you to arrange your timetable in a way that means you

can go to all lectures, to wrangle yourself a place on the seminar slot you want and to deal with the bureaucracy – valuable if hugely annoying life-lesson right there. In lectures nobody cares if you have the maths (or other) skills you need to understand the material or if you even bother to turn up, it’s your responsibility. I’ve always liked this approach because it gives students a taste of the real world. Nobody will hold your hand and help you when you want a job later – if you don’t have the skills, they simply won’t hire you.

I’d also stipulate that raising the bar means you work harder and learn more because fundamentally everyone wants to pass, otherwise what’s the point? On a related note: the pass mark is 51% in Austria and to get a first, I needed roughly 85%. So that might explain the need for more work.

So the question arises: what are the £9,000 paying for given I arguably learn more and pay less on the continent? It certainly isn’t libraries or student support (we have those too). The only real difference I can think of is the student experience with all the clubs and societies. But there are plenty of places to get together, do sport, volunteer or follow your passion outside of uni.

The Courier

comment.11

Monday 21 October 2013

Corporations play the name game

The

Voice of

Reason

Ever had your name butchered by a Starbucks barista? Or do you obsess over finding your name on a Coke bottle?

Jessica Ryan asks whether all these ‘personalisation’ campaigns are actually effective Jessica Ryan

O

kay: hands up those of you who can honestly say that they have not spent in excess of five precious minutes of this summer rummaging amongst the ‘Sams’, ‘Jos’ and ‘Lauras’ in avid yet absurd pursuit of the bottle upon which the familiar Coke logo has been temporarily replaced with your name?

Alas, me neither.

None the less, it hasn’t stopped general manager for Coca-Cola Great Britain and Ireland, Jon Woods, declaring, ‘This summer’s ‘Share a Coke’ campaign sparked the nation’s imagination. We’ve already seen thousands of people engaging with it; sharing their bottles online or tweeting their excitement when they find a bottle with the name of a friend or loved one on it.’ Whilst Andy Warhol may have said ‘a Coke is a Coke and no amount of money can get you a better Coke than the one the bum on the corner is drinking,’ the company’s impressive performance since the campaign’s launch in April, could convincingly dispute Warhol’s claim. In fact, by 23rd June, retail sales of Coca-Cola jumped 2.9 per cent compared to last year, to £292.93m, causing the brand to outpace its rival Pepsi by ‘a clear margin’, while the company has also seen a promising rise in its social media status, with the Coca-Cola hash tag used 29,000 times on twitter and Coke’s Facebook community growing globally by 6.8%.

But not every application of the personalisation strategy has been so effec-

tive. Take the global coffee chain Starbucks’ latest attempt to personalise its customer service in an apparent ‘bid to appear friendlier’ in a world where ‘we’ve all become user names, reference numbers and IP addresses.’ The ‘Nice to meet you’ campaign – whereby baristas now insist that customers ‘introduce themselves’ when ordering their coffee, was introduced in UK outlets last year.

Whilst an established tradition in Starbucks’ native US stores, the chain’s ‘overfamiliar’ approach does not appear to have been as warmly reciprocated by the company’s reserved British patrons. Indeed, since its launch, the promotion has been confronted by a swarm of critics who have created blogs mocking the humorous mistakes made by baristas.

But why, then, given that the aim of both campaigns was to deepen the relationship between the two companies and their respective consumers, was Coke’s ingenious bottle labelling received with respect and enthusiasm, causing bottles to roll off the shelves, while Starbucks’ name calling was immediately ridiculed and responded to by customers abusing the strategy with a flurry of joke names?

One key factor behind the contrasting performance of the giants’ respective campaigns is the difference between the companies’ products. That is, while on the face of it Coca Cola and Starbucks appear alike in the sense that they are both essentially drinks retailers, Star-

bucks sells a customer an ‘experience’.

Unfortunately, this ‘experience’ is sometimes not all it cracks up to be.

Just picture the scene during peak morning hours as a queue of predominantly stressed and over-tired early morning commuters wait longingly for their turn to order a much needed caffeine boost. Now, as part of Starbucks new policy, baristas will expend precious minutes insisting Colin (for instance) introduces himself, shouting his name over the whir of Frappuccino machines and general coffee shop din, so that they can then waste yet more precious time miswriting the name upon the cup. To add insult to injury, by the time the cup has made its way down the line of hands to the end of the till, Colin may well have undergone a gender reassignment as his name is mistaken for Coleen.

In one particularly appalling/ hilarious example, a distressed Victoria Goh told The Daily Mail how her sister Veronica was handed a cup labelled ‘Vagina’ at one of the chain’s Hong Kong outlets (after the photo of the cup had attracted a flurry of likes when posted on Facebook). She added that on previous occasions she has also had her beautiful name distressingly misspelt as ‘virgin’.

By contrast, Coca Cola’s focus on individualizing the packaging of its drinks, whilst keeping both the logo easily recognizable and the products’ contents unchanged, meant that the company

was able to succeed in personalizing and thus generating excitement about its products, without damaging either its reputation or the taste-based appeal of its products.

In any event, there is certainly something much less offensive about having to sip from a coke bottle labeled with a random name, than having your actual name butchered by an overworked young barista in one of Starbucks’ stores as he impersonally, robotically passes you your mislabelled drink.

A final factor thought to be triggering fans’ ostensible resistance towards the strategy is that many customers feel the company is falsely trying to mimic the honest and authentic relationships developed between smaller cafés and their regular patrons. As Martin Lewis, founder of Moneysavingexpert.com points out, ‘There are many wonderful friendly small coffee shops where they actually do know your name – Starbucks isn’t one – and this is a mechanistic attempt to be friendly.’

Sure enough, while the coffee titan is fully able to force its staff to ask customers for their names, Starbucks will have to do substantially more to convince its customers that it truly values them as individuals.

As beautifully summarized in the heading of one critical article by the Guardian, ‘this mug’s got my name on it, but that doesn’t mean Starbucks cares.’ Besides, let’s face it, how many of us have actually walked out of the store holding another person’s skinny soy double shot Frappuccino instead of our Grande Americano?

So please, just pass me my ‘friend’s’ bottle of Coke, and be done with it.

Time to leave the McCanns alone?

New leads have been discovered in the six year long investigation to find Madeleine McCann. As media interest in her story resurfaces, Lydia Clark debates whether the media’s treatment of the Mcann family has been ethically sound

I

Lydia Clark

t’s six years on and yet everyone still knows Madeleine McCann’s name. They know her story and they recognise those distinctive eyes, largely due to the fact that in the months following her disappearance back in 2007 her photo made regular appearances on almost every front page Kate and Gerry McCann have always been keen on pursuing a high profile PR campaign in order to keep Madeleine in the public eye, but the media’s insensitivity towards both the situation and themselves has at times been “distressing” and made them feel “totally violated”. Everyone has their own theories about what happened that night, with ideas ranging from Madeleine being kidnapped when a burglary went wrong to more disturbing ideas involving either her parents or their friends. It’s natural for such intense media attention to cause speculation but does the media’s desire to fill their pages with the latest up-to-date news and their insatiable need to sell papers justify their intrusive and sometimes fabricated stories?

There’s no denying that both Madeleine’s parents have tried their hardest to keep the media attention on her. Gerry has openly acknowledged that the media have generally been very helpful, especially when it came to launching appeals. However, there comes a point

when the attention becomes overly intrusive and tactless. When The News of the World (may it rest in peace) published extracts from Kate McCann’s private diary, she reportedly said she felt “mentally raped” and went on to say that when “a story is so negative, it’s not helpful”. It was not the only disturbing story the McCanns had to endure, considering The Daily Mirror’s headline

“She’s Dead” and the Portuguese articles that suggested that it was all a sinister cover up between the couple and their friends. By exaggerating speculation and rumour and reporting it as factual news, often not caring if their source is accurate, they become, as Gerry put it, “downright untruthful”.

The McCann’s are just ordinary people, who unlike celebrities did not ‘sign

Image: Malcolm Stanley

up’ for constant press coverage; who, when they had intense media speculation forced upon them, tried to use it to help their daughter. But it was taken too far. The media serves to inform, educate and entertain us, and there’s

The McCann’s are just ordinary people, who did not ‘sign up’ for constant coverage no doubt that without the amount of coverage that Madeleine has received she wouldn’t be at the forefront of many people’s minds. Crimewatch, on BBC1 on Monday, showed us that the investigation into her disappearance is still very much ongoing with several news leads now being followed, so the question isn’t whether or not the media attention helped, but rather the ethics of how the press went – and continue to go - about it. When accusations and dubious truths are plastered all over the papers, it leads us to question what they are really trying to achieve; helping the search for a missing child, or creating stories without regard to the consequences.

O

h dogdarnit, it’s political party season.

I shudder at the parties’ rise in flatulent attempts to attract the votes of the nation’s plebeian troglodytes. My manservant, Timmons, has to stroke me with some vigour to keep me calm.

It is sickening to witness our magnificent Conservative party crawl through the mud like a runt promising the Communist nightmares of subsidised education. Dear Maggie turns in her grave.

Universities are hot spots of hoi polloi uprisings… coincidence? Balderdash!

The poor pups are bewildered.

Litters of baffling liberal sensibilities, these universities breed the worst excesses of the proletariat. I remember my youth, leaking on the delightful lawns of Oxford like true nobility. Do not get me wrong, I had my naughty dalliances too – I recollect one mildly voyeuristic experience with a delightfully fluffy poodle, but alas… I digress. The STIflinging habits of today’s flantageristic students is beyond mind-boggling. A spot of syphilis is one thing, but some of the infections of today’s students…

Crabs! An illness cured by a simple spraying with a garden hose! Now no pedigree likes a bath, but it is clear what the true threat to modern civilisation is: ‘The Great Unwashed’. We must cease all subsidisation of university funding and allow the fees to be hiked higher than Miley’s shorts! T’is the only way to ensure those of the pedigree class need not mingle with the mutts.

Alas, even our smashing Tory leaders struggle to achieve this. I weep for their plight in Westminster, forced to share the bone with the runt they call Clegg.

Think of the unwashed hippies of the Green party, most likely crab-infested.

Or the mongrel litter led by whimpish Ed. Think of UKIP and their ghastly, syphilis-infected step-brother, the BNP. I have great admiration for my Tory comrades who continue their pursuit of the British future in a land of pig’s ears for all pedigrees.

One must admire the smashing cunning of parties such as UKIP. You see, the average troggish pleb is moronic.

Thus, when thrown into the intellectual depths of politics they chase their tail till tired out completely and retreat back home to blissful ignorance. And, of course, for some Asda own-brand beer-swilling from their plastic dog bowls. UKIP and the BNP have overcome such plebeian ineptitudes! By entertaining only one political policy of ‘it’s mine’, they have embraced the average man’s intellect. A result of a leadership exclusively made of such yahoos.

T’is only a shame that they don’t understand, the true test of worthiness lies less in one’s national identity and more in their tastes in wine and brandy. I’ll always trust a man who smokes a Hoyo de Monterrey, regardless of his nation.

Yours,

Pugs

(overheard by Victoria Armstrong) Illustration by Flora Anderson Pugs’ got a new iPad, and he’s been dictating tweets to his manservant Timmons.

Follow him on Twitter at @LaVoiceofReason

12.lifestyle

Monday 21 October 2013

The Courier

Lifestyle Editors: Evie O’Sullivan, Elizabeth Archer, Hazel Parnell and Katie Smith

It’s a boy/ girl thing

What boys and girls really think about the ‘friends with benefits’ situation

Annie Lord Stage fright #1

R

ecently I have experienced some non-penis specific cock fright; when for the first time in my life I bought chicken from Grainger market.

Me being me, I left it on the kitchen counter, unaware of the bacteria flourishing on its’ surface. A few days later when I decided it was time to cook, I was greeted by a warm smelly packet of flesh dropping on the kitchen floor. My flatmate told me it would be fine to eat as long as it was put in the freezer immediately. However, rumour has it, this is not correct.

Despite learning a lot about chicken I have also developed a severe case of cock fright. Just like my issues with fresh chicken, I seem to share a similar type of unsuccessful relationship with another kind of cock. So I have now sussed that not only do I not get along with chicken, but despite numerous attempts, I also do not get along with men.

At the moment, my love life remains rotted and mouldy, much like the fate of the chicken. The only difference is that with the chicken, I had the cock fright, and with men it is they who seem to fear me.

I always get to the point where I am dating a guy, we are texting, good flirty vibes are flowing and they seem to really like me. Then a few weeks’ later things start to drop off. Statistically, I have been on the brink of a relationship 14 times (not that I’m counting or anything). To keep you up to date, the most recent rejection came from Danny.

The start of our fling resembled a scene from The Notebook. Yes Danny was shy and sweet, he was embarrassed when he spoke to me and if anything, he was rather clingy. It all started of well, we went on nights out together and I ‘accidently’ bumped into him at the park more times than is appropriate. After weeks of what appeared to be the most promising male pursuit to date, I invited him to a party. It began well, Danny got on well with all of my friends. I was also anxiously aware that later we would be sharing a bed. However, things started to go wrong when my friend Marisa decided to have a downing competition with Danny. This foolish exercise of cock measuring finished with him projectile vomiting all over himself, me, the floor and the table. Perhaps he had eaten rotten chicken or perhaps it was because Marisa has the tolerance of a true Geordie. But either way, the outcome was messy.

Danny’s projectile performance was closely followed by him passing out on my bed, which I had hoped, would be dirty for another reason other than vomit and urine.

In the morning we briefly kissed and for a moment, I thought there was hope. But it was not long before he was ignoring my texts, liking other girls profile pictures and not inviting me out. Yes, the sad truth was that I had been friend-zoned. I tried to ignore his efforts to blow me off, but unfortunately this cruel act of zoning was confirmed to me on a night out when things came to a dramatic end. Much like a scene from Romeo and Juliet one might imagine.

But no, the sad truth was that after bumping into Danny, he proceeded to walk around chatting to all of my friends whilst simultaneously blanking me. After a cruel half an hour of ignorance and the cold-shoulder, he finally got to me and patronizingly patted me on the shoulder, saying the words that all girls dread to her- “alright pal”. He then gave me a sarcastic smile before skipping off into the night; so you will not be surprised to hear that we have not spoken since.

I have asked several boys what the root of my problem is and so far no one seems able to provide a definitive answer. I choose to believe that boys treat me like I treated the chicken, carelessly, idiotically and pathetically, ignorant of the knowledge that it may have been incredibly tasty.

Boy: take one

Girl: take one

‘Friends with benefits’, ‘no strings attached’, ‘f*ck buddies’… Call it what you want but they all mean the same thing. Real question is, can it work? From personal experience, it’s probably the bestno, in fact, it is the only sort of relationship to have whilst at Uni. Nothing messy, no feelings, no emotions involved, just meaningless regular sex with the same person. Standards still count

Friends with benefits looks ideal on paper if you are too busy to date or not looking for a relationship; you skip awkward first dates, wondering if he likes you, and the agonizing texting back and forth. You can cut straight to the fun part; sex.

Sex is a great way to de-stress and have some fun. Doing it with a friend means it is someone you trust and you can fit it in your day without having to bother with any romance leading up to it. However, being a girl, you may let emotions get the best of you. If you are sleeping with your friend, it can be confusing. You are friends, you are attracted to one another- so what’s missing? Why are you not in a relationship?

The answer to this question is usually because one of you is more into the other. Sadly, this is often the girl- we get in too deep. We over-think and over-analyse things, dissecting a guys every ‘see you later x’ text. We wonder when later is, we wonder if the ‘x’ at the end is a courtesy or if it means something more.

This is why I believe very few cases of ‘friends with benefits’ works. You have to be completely emotionally disconnected- an almost impossible task.

If one of you has feelings for the other GET OUT NOW! There is the possibility that it will destroy your friendship and may turn you into a jealous monster. If you want something more, and he doesn’t, it will end in tears- and not the happy kind that we have seen in films such as ‘friends with benefits’ and ‘no strings attached’. They will be the sad, eating ice

“So unless you want to shove a bag over her head, she’s got to be fit”

though, so she has got to be at least a 7/10 because after all, it’s not like a one night-stand. Think about it, you’re not only going to be with them when you’re drunk- you’re going be with her when you’re sober too.

I think the key to making the whole ‘friends with benefits’ thing work is to make sure you’re both sleeping with other people. Because let’s face it, if you’re only sleeping with each other then you can’t really last long until one of you falls for the other person. Perfect example- my mate was with a girl for about six months. No strings attached, they were just having sex. But then all of a sudden, BOOM, they admitted they had feelings for each other. They had spent so much time together as friends and as they were only seeing each other they were practically in a relationship already. So they went from being friends with benefits, to ‘in an open relationship’ and from that he moved on to become completel y whipped. Honestly, if you had met this guy a year ago and spoken to the same guy now, you would think they were twot completely different people.

So yeah, the key to having a successful friends with benefits ‘relationship’ is other people. I don’t know why people at our age decide to be in a relationship when they can have a friend with benefits sitch. It’s like playing ‘would you rather’ at pre-drinks and someone asking you “would you rather take over as Hugh Heffner or piss every time you stand up”… The answer is obvious! I mean lets face it lads, who doesn’t want to be with someone they can have banter with like a mate and sleep with on a regular basis without the commitment of not being able to bag other birds?! Fair enough when you’ve finished Uni and life is beginning to become more structred, then you may think about settling down. Maybe. But why not while you’re still young and because you know that some day you will eventually get married and have that commitment with someone… why don’t you just take a chill pill and experience the best sort of relationship there is? Well, for a couple of months anyway.

“If you are having bad sex with a friend, you are just wasting time fumbling around and potentially ruining your relationship” cream with your friends while watching Bridget Jones because he has kissed another girl and you can’t blame him for it because you’re just his ‘mate’-kind.

If the sex is great, and you are sure that neither of you have feelings for the other than sure, go ahead! But if the sex isn’t amazing, why are you bothering?

Everybody is tempted to try this once, so, if you must, here are some golden rules: Number one: be sure you don’t have feelings for him (or he doesn’t have feelings for you). Number two: make it worth your while (don’t ruin a friendship for bad sex). And finally, keep it short and sweet. If you continue this for over 6 months, you’re kidding yourselves. Overall, I’m sorry to break the news to you people, but I’d say this is a no-go zone, it’s just far too messy.

Louise Evans and Jenny Revell, based on an interview and research by relationships charity OnePlusOne and youth charity Youthnet Illustrations by Daisy Billowes

What the fudge...

Alex Morgan and Lizzie Liley spill the beans on some of the ridiculous things that they overheard around campus this week. Brace yourself Babe, I’ve run out of Laura Mercier primer and Nudo is shut. My life is literally over right now

Every time I tell someone I live at Ricky Road they give me the same sympathetic look

Followed someone into the unisex toilets last night... can’t quite remember the gender but any holes a goal right dude?

Mixed day to be honest, one free onesie up, one eyebrow down

I’m allergic to cheap vodka don’t ya know Alex Morgan and Lizzie Liley Illustrations by Caroline Mackrill and Daisy Billowes

Culture The Courier

.13

Monday 21 October 2013

thecourieronline.co.uk/culture

Culture Editor: Sam Summers Sections: Lifestyle, Fashion, Beauty, Arts, Music, Film, TV and Science courier.culture@ncl.ac.uk | @CourierOnline

Blind Date:

Caleb Jones, 3rd Year Geography and Planning meets Anne Murray, 2nd Year Politics and Economics

Caleb on Anne

Where? - The Hancock, Bar Loco, Sinners, Gotham, Digital What they drank? - A lot, including but not limited to 5 pints and a jaeger bomb each, 3 trebles (shared) and an Amaretto and Coke (Anne)

Anne on Caleb

Describe your first impression of her in three words...

Petite, pretty and punctual.

Any awkward moments?

No, absolutely none. The cage in Sinners could have been awkward but can only be described as brilliant.

Describe your first impression of him in three words...

Friendly, hairy and sweet like chocolate (he bought chocolate).

Any weird conversation topics?

My memory is slightly blurred but there was a discussion about a picture of the devil in the Hancock which regarded something about consumption and crotches. We got on a level pretty quickly and the conversation was quite intellectual before all the booze.

What is your usual type and how far did Caleb meet it?

I don’t think I have a type in terms of looks, more in terms of personalities. So, intelligence is important. He has to be easy-going, witty and musical.

So yes, basically Caleb!

At any point did you understand why she was single?

She had a boyfriend for 2 and a half years. But she’s certainly not single for lack of dirty dancing.

Were there any awkward moments?

Our friends kept popping up at different places and his friends were taking pictures of us in Sinners’ cage. The only really awkward moment came the next morning when I realised I tweeted something about myself and ‘Calum’.

Oops.

Oh, did the ex-files come up then?

There was a brief discussion regarding exes but generally its a topic I would try to stay away from.

What were her best and worst traits?

Best: Pint drinking ability (she matched me drink for drink), Dancing abilities (Massive feature of the night, good show), Musical taste.

Worst: Ability to match just under perform me in sweatiness. It got sweaty… And she’s vegan.

Enough said.

Any weird conversation topics?

I don’t remember much…

At any point did you understand why he was single?

He probably just doesn’t want a girlfriend. There was nothing wrong with him.

Would you let her meet your mum?

Yeah. She’s kind of similar to my mum.

What were his best and worst traits?

Best: nice shoes, plays guitar and was interesting, we had a lot to talk about.

Worst: He can’t salsa

On that note: Shag, marry or “See ya later”?

Well she’s Catholic, so I would have to marry her in order to shag her. But yeah, shag.

Will a second date happen?

Yes.

Would you let him meet your mum?

Yeah - well, I’m not going to but in the hypothetical sense, yeah.

Was she cute, sexy or hot?

She’s a serious combination, cute to talk to and sexy in everything else.

Shag, marry or “See ya later”?

Marry, no, I don’t like the word shag. But yes. That.

Intelligent, funny or sweet?

Intelligent.

How did it end? Anything filthy?

Walked her home at 3am. Little kiss on the cheek.

A few memorable kisses in the night. I hung upside down in Sinners cage and she kissed me. The Mary Jane to my Spiderman, the Summer to my Seth.

Will a second date happen?

I don’t know… maybe.

Was he cute, sexy or hot?

Cute.

Intelligent, funny or sweet?

All of them.

Rate yo’ date 8.6 - a good date.

How did it end? Any kissing?

He walked me home and took my number.

Rate yo’ date 8.

Unlucky in love? The Courier is here to help!

Send your details to: c2.lifestyle@ncl.ac.uk

14.lifestyle

Monday 21 October 2013

The Courier

Lifestyle Editors: Evie O’Sullivan, Elizabeth Archer, Hazel Parnell and Katie Smith

Reduced food challenge

Ten

things

only students find acceptable

Words by Sara Macauley Illustrations by Daisy Billowes Watching your laundry pile up for so long that 1. you eventually realise the only clean clothes you

have left are a tacky promotional nightclub t-shirt and a single abandoned sock. Then inevitably being forced to wear said items to your 9am lecture (ironically, of course.)

by Amy Macauley

W

hen I accepted this challenge I naively thought it would be a walk in the park.

After 2 full years of being a student I’m pretty used to lurking around the reduced section of M & S at 4pm waiting for the good stuff.

However, what I didn’t count on was leaving the challenge to the last minute on a Sunday, approximately half an hour before the supermarkets shut.

What I managed to cobble together was definitely the best of a bad bunch, so this article might as well be called ‘Extreme Reduced Food Challenge’.

Items in the Waitrose reduced food section included: sushi, fish cakes, bacon, withered vegetables, many sandwiches and a suspicious looking jelly. I obviously picked the bacon, withered peppers and onion and, yep you guessed it, the dodgy jelly.

The absolutely dire reduced selection forced me to hunt around my cupboard for something to make my ingredients into something kind of edible. I eventually came up with some rice and chopped tomatoes, ingredients which most students have around.

I put the rice on to boil and then began by dicing the onion and frying it in some oil, then added the bacon, then the pepper until cooked.

I then added the full can of chopped tomato and let it simmer. Once both parts were cooked I added them together to make what I can only describe as a ‘ricey/bacony thing’.

Feeling dubious I sat down to this culinary delight and was pleasantly surprised. It really wasn’t as bad as I had expected, in fact it was strangely comforting. Reduced bacon didn’t taste any differ-

ent from normal bacon, and the vegetables were absolutely fine once cooked properly.

The rice added a bit of bulk to the meal and filled me up nicely. Strangely impressive was the healthiness of the reduced meal.

Meat, rice and vegetables aren’t a horribly unhealthy combination by pretty much anyone’s standards, and the dubious looking jelly turned out to be quite a tasty elderflower and berry variety.

For the low, low price of 45p, I enjoyed a refreshing dessert that 2 housemates commented on without realising the murky underworld of reduced food from whence it came.

Doing this challenge has opened my eyes to the tasty and filling meals that can be concocted with nothing but £2 and a dollop of creativity.

Restaurant Review: The Living Room

2.

Attending a lecture/your job/any official meeting still highly intoxicated from the night before whilst attempting to convince onlookers that you are sooo not drunk.

3.

Delish desserts

Playing Russian roulette with the questionable dish found tucked away at the back of the fridge.

Food shopping is expensive and what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

4.

Screaming ‘down it fresher’ at random intervals during pre-drinks and consequently forcing your friends to down any form of liquid within arm’s reach. Vodka? Down it. Peach Schnapps?

5.

Being quite satisfied that your main meal of the day was the dodgy kebab and chips you purchased on the way home from Digital.

6.

Nipping into the local Wetherspoons at the end of the month to fill your pockets with as many free sachets of tomato ketchup as humanly possible. Your student loan doesn’t come through for another three weeks - 18p Tesco Value Ketchup is merely a fond memory of the golden days.

7.

Replacing the RDA of fruit and vegetables with a pint of Berocca, a handful of own brand multivitamins, and a tin of beans.

8.

Sleeping absolutely anywhere. Prime locations include the floor just outside your bedroom door, the lecture theatre and most commonly, club toilets.

9.

Feeling perfectly justified in ranting about how much work you have to do for your deadline on Friday to every person within a five mile radius, despite the fact you went out Every Single Night This Week.

10.

Playing rubbish bin Jenga. It’s all fun and games until maintenance fine you at the end of the week for tower building without suitable planning permission.

Shake it baby

!

Cocktail Masterclass

Living Lunch

have a sneaking suspicion that the staff at The Living Room may have been trying to bribe us slightly when they invited us to try the cocktail masterclass before reviewing their new lunchtime menu.

The result? Having had no more than a banana each for breakfast, we were soon clinging to our bar stools for dear life, feeling more than a little unstable. But being committed journalists, we bravely soldiered on.

The masterclass took place in the upstairs bar which was everything you’d expect from the classy end of Grey Street: hardwood floors, oversized mirrors and sparkly lighting. If it hadn’t been two o’clock on a Wednesday afternoon, I imagine it would have been buzzing.

We started by choosing a cocktail each from the menu and our bartender Ram explained the different drinks to us as she mixed.

Inspired by “a journey to the New World,” the menu offers an elegant twist on classic cocktails, such a Mojito made with Kraken spiced rum.

Alongside these are some more unusual contenders, such a glass of Key Lime Pie (Citrus vodka and Vanilla Schnapps flavoured with lime juice, pineapple juice, egg white and sugar.)

Questionable colonial connotations of ‘The New World’ theme aside, the cocktails on the menu were beautifully balanced in flavour, and more to the point they’re two-for-one on Sundays.

Next it was our turn to try our own hand at mixing. Have you ever wondered what your sex face looks like? Apparently, it’s the same face you make when you’re shaking a cocktail. Who knew?

Having decided from our shaking faces that Hazel was definitely the minx-ist one of us, we were left with the task of reviewing the afternoon.

We all agreed that the service had been amazing, especially from our new favourite bartender Ram. At £25 per head, it wouldn’t have been the cheapest afternoon, but considering the sheer volume of alcohol we had consumed, it almost paid for itself.

21st birthday party anyone?

Elizabeth Archer

lot of famous bums have graced the leather booths at The Living Room. Princess Eugenie, Alan Sheerer, and even Linda Bellingham have squished their cheeks on the very seats we sat in last Wednesday afternoon – or so we were told as we sat down to lunch.

Much like the cocktail menu, the ‘Living Lunch’ is quite a safe collection of homely classics, featuring dishes like Chicken, Tarragon and Sweet Potato Pie and even posh fish fingers and chips.

Since I consider myself something of a burger connoisseur, I felt obliged to sample The Living Room’s pork and chorizo offering. And “dayum” I was not disappointed. Having the chorizo in the patty itself was inspired, and like all good burgers it defeated me halfway through.

Katie was equally impressed with her confit of duck, which she said was “cooked to perfection.

The duck fell effortlessly off the bone and melted in the mouth.

“The tart taste of the cabbage acted as the perfect

I

A

counterpart to the richness of the red wine sauce.”

But it was the desserts which really stole the show.

Between the four of us we shared two Grande Desserts: beautifully presented platters of four miniature English puddings (pictured above.) The Eton mess was delicately infused with basil and black pepper, which, quote Katie “makes for an inventive and flavourful alternative to a British classic.”

The rest of the platter was equally scrummy, and it was a great way to round off the meal without having to float out of the restaurant afterwards feeling like a less attractive version of Harry’s Aunt Marge.

Overall, our first experience at The Living Room was - like many first times - passed in a drunken haze and over far too quickly. We thoroughly enjoyed ourselves and the staff were extremely accommodating throughout the afternoon.

Since all the main courses on the Living Lunch menu are priced at under £10, it could easily become a favourite for lunch with the rents or visiting VIPs.

The Courier

lifestyle.15

Monday 21 October 2013

thecourieronline.co.uk/lifestyle c2.lifestyle@ncl.ac.uk | @Courier_Life

Ask Uncle LeBron

Wassup homeslice! Uncle LeBron here, Castle Leazes’ third best rapper and sixth biggest baller, your bestie from another teste. Now I know times is tough like my rhymes is rough, but just come take a seat here on my lap - mind the erection - and I promise I’ll make it all better for y’all. Swerve.

“I can’t sleep! What can I do?”

Hit up that Nytol homie! Best 5 big boys I ever spent! And I aint lyin’. Boots or any local pusha sell it behind the counter, so get poppin’! Give it a few hours and you’ll be snoozin’ dawg. Hollaaa.

Illustration by Caroline Mackill

“I kissed someone… and I have a girlfriend!

What should I do?”

Be honest bro! Grow some bawlls and be a mayn! But if that’s not a legit POA, then you got issues, yo. If ya don’t text her back for a bit, she’ll soon get bored and sack yo empty sac off ! Problem solved, LeBron style! Save ya blowin’ for the girl ya hoein’

“Three weeks into Uni and I’ve spent half my loan.. HELP!”

Mateeee, that ain’t good by no-one’s standards! I’m all about spreadin’ the Gs but just how you gotta think about that liver on occasion, do the same for ya dolla box! Take it Eazy E and plan yo spending week by week. An’ cut down on those takeaways, I’s sick a yo fat aaaaass!

“Someone keeps stealing my food and I don’t know who it is” Grinds on me when this ‘appens. Nicking ya Tesco’s finest when they’re only got coin for Coop! Get a lock for ya cupboard and a Desert E for ya own self and merc that playa!

If y’all have any problems and are in real need of Uncle LeBron’s words of wisdom then holla at your dawg: c2.lifestyle@ncl.ac.uk

LeBron by Gemma Yeadon

Metro Mayhem: Destination - Tynemouth For this week’s Metro Mayhem feature, Lifestyle editors Katie Smith and Hazel Parnell ventured out of their West Jesmond comfort zone and into a pair wetsuits for their first ever surf lesson Preconceptions:

Katie: I’m a bit of a baby about being cold. So I did imagine that I was going to have to be dragged into the water, kicking and screaming. I also had low expectations about my surfing abilities.

Hazel: I love the sea but I was afraid of knocking myself out with the surfboard as I have very dyspraxic tendencies.

The Lesson: Katie: We walked down to the beach and I was looking out at the sea and thinking, ‘why are we doing this?’.

It looked pretty f*cking cold. We got our bright yellow boards and had a quick safety talk from Tom. I never knew that a fist in the air was the international sign for being in distress but was also hoping I didn’t need to know either.

Getting the gear:

We met up with Tom, a Newcastle Uni medical student who is also a surf instructor and he took us to Tynemouth Surf Co where we got our gear.

Hazel: Tom was fit and I was incredibly jel that his man pecks were larger than my lady pecks especially as his were not even squashed down in the wetsuit.

I also was baffled about how I managed to squeeze into a wet suit that looked like it

Interested in Surfing?

Take a look at tynemouthsurf.co.uk and book a lesson with a sexy surf instructor.

Tom will get you wet.

was for a 12 year old…breathing was difficult.

Katie: Initially, I wasn’t impressed that Hazel’s wet suit was a lot cuter than mine. Then Tom informed me mine was just inside out and I was very pleased with the baby blue highlights on it.

Hazel: The wetsuit highlighted everything that is wrong with my body.

Katie: Wetsuits, although bodycon in theory, are not as flattering to the female form as you may expect. Hazel and I were quickly transformed into two long haired boys.

Hazel: Although unflattering, they are very practical as you can still slut drop in them. The fist in the air quickly encompassed all of the dangers of the sea…sharks.

Katie: I couldn’t believe how not cold it was! Wetsuits, though not flattering, are an amazing invention.

Hazel: We started with body boarding, which was easy enough… Katie struggled a bit more than me to stay lying down on her board.

Katie: Tom tipped it over! I was better than Hazel at getting up onto my knees.

Hazel: Hehe, good on your knees.

Katie: Nice surf bants.

Hazel: But seriously, neither of us succeeded in standing up. But we still had a lot of fun trying!

Katie: It was a great way to spend a Saturday, doing something different and I’m glad I did it. Marks out of 10?

Tom: I’ll give you both a 10 for effort, you got stuck in and there were no tears or temper tantrums.

Max Survetty

Dat Shit Cray

T

he trouble with having optimal confidence levels is that you always presume you will be on time for everything, no matter what.

Sadly, that is not the truth. I was worn out last night and desperately tried to force myself to do some work, in the process of getting my laundry done and preparing for a night out all at the same time! Men can’t multitask, so don’t.

With no work done, I returned to the laundry room. To my sheer horror, some advanced homosapien decided they would remove all of my washing from the drier, stack it in a bag and just leave it there.

What. The. Actual. F*ck. Who does that sh*t!?

After returning to my room and discovering that I had acquired an extra pair of socks, I turned my attention to the task at hand: getting ready for the night out.

I was feeling really tired from the night before and I really needed a kick, so I figured I would try mixing low strength alcohol with caffeine. After three red bulls and some Caribbean rum, I have

“And no, it’s not because of the size of it. Okay maybe it is because of the size of it.” never felt so hyped for a night out in my life!

We hit the standard local, aka Bijoux, where I danced like a lunatic on Ketamine. In all seriousness though, I should probably cut down on the caffeine and rein in my extravagant dancing skills, before people start to think I am constantly high.

Mind dulled by alcohol, adrenaline running through my veins, I decided I would join ‘ma homies’ in their voyage to the clubs.

Yay clubs; nothing like getting trebles spilt all over your best clothes, being deafened by meaningless sounds, oh and also getting looked at like your some kind of sexual predator every time you push past a member of the opposite sex: ‘no darling, I don’t want to rape you, I just want to get to the bar so I can buy more alcohol to make this shitty music sound just that little bit better’. Yay clubs!

My biggest problem is toilet people. Who invented them? No seriously, who thought it would be a good idea to stick someone in the toilet to stand behind you and watch you piss. I get stage fright ok! And no, it’s not because of the size of it. Okay maybe it is because of the size of it.

Do you know how hard it is to get a semi on so you can make your penis looks larger whilst trying to pee? Men can’t multi task, so don’t.

I also never have a clue about how much tip to give them; do I make up for my inadequacy by pretending I have a stash of cash… or do I just shuffle away awkwardly hoping they’ll never mention it to anyone. Urgh. Rant Over. (Until next time.)

Illustration by Daisy Billowes

16.fashion

Monday 21 October 2013

The Courier

Fashion Editors: Frances Stephenson and Amy O’Rourke Deputy Fashion Editor: Bex Finney

Day to Night - check mate

Rachel I’Anson shows us how to take a classic tartan skirt from off duty to on the dance floor OFF DUTY

DANCE FLOOR

T

artan is huge this autumn, pretty much every shop and designer is offering us their own take on this season’s hottest pattern. Understandably, however, many of us are unsure how to wear it, given that no one wants to look like they’re going to a Burns night shindig.

Luckily we’ve found a piece which ticks all the right boxes. This flirty, leather trimmed, checked skirt is a perfect way to get experimenting.

DAY;

It’s already more than chilly so a super soft jumper like this leopard print number will look fierce and keep you oh so cosy. We love these über practical yet stylish Chelsea boots - great for running around on campus and are a bargain. If you’re still looking for that perfect between seasons cover up, then layer a stylish biker jacket with the look. And last but not least, don’t forget a pair of black tights.

NIGHT;

Much to our stomachs dismay, crop tops are still in, especially if they have a playful texture like this black velvet beauty. Don’t panic, this skirt is highwaisted so you can create a glam night time look without flashing too much flesh. Add a punk-pretty necklace and a clutch like this tactile fur one and you’re ready to hit the dance floor, faster than you can say ‘Check me out’!

Skirt; Marks and Spencer £35 Jumper; ASOS £32 Boots; Primark £10 Crop-top; Missguided £9.99 Necklace; Betty Jackson for Debenhams £12 Clutch; Bank Fashion £25

Man vs. Clothes

Revival of the retro rubber: Brogan McKellar asks Nico Chow for a man’s opinion on one of summer’s top trends - Jelly Shoes

I

BROGAN

first saw jelly shoes on Instagram at the beginning of summer. A girl was wearing a black pair with high waisted shorts, a halterneck crop tucked in and a yellow kimono.

That was a really good outfit. I love jelly shoes.

They’re better than plain trainers or converse and they’re more comfortable than heels when you’re on a student night out. They’re easy to wipe if you get a drink split on them too; they’re just so practical. Everyone needs a pair in their life! I really like the 90’s look and jelly shoes are perfect for this. My favourite look is with frilly socks, mom jeans and

JuJu M axi £2

0

my hair in a scrunchie. I like the coloured ones but prefer them in glitter because they’re more versatile and then you haven’t got just one block of colour. I like to stand out on a night out rather than just looking like everyone else.

At least I know I’m going to get attention, whether it’s good or bad. A boy has asked me before “What are those shoes?!” and I just replied “They’re my Juju’s.” I don’t care what boys think of my style.

I wear them for me. I look at other girls and get ideas from their styling and I want girls to do the same with me.

I don’t care what boys think of my style, I wear them for me

F

NICO

irst of all, I understand why people would try and be retro or a bit edgy but at the same time, some people just take being unique too far. For example; these shoes.

I think they’re suitable for three and four year olds; I used to have a pair when I was younger! But that’s about it. I just think they’re really inappropriate for people our age. They’re too in your face and to be honest, they’re just not very nice looking. I much prefer a girl in a pair of vans with some nice skinny jeans, rolled up at the ankle, with a nice bit of bum cleavage. The first time I saw a girl wearing

jelly shoes was in a vintage boutique in Manchester. She was very retro and just about pulled them off but only a small minority can. I don’t think they would look right on an average girl who likes high street fashion like Topshop. If I met a really nice girl on a night out and then I looked down and she was wearing these, I’d probably look past it to be honest but I think I’d judge her on her sense of fashion. I’d probably be the one pointing at her and laughing with my mates. I wouldn’t recommend anyone to wear them.

Some people just take being unique too far

The Courier

fashion.17

Monday 21 October 2013

thecourieronline.co.uk/fashion c2.fashion@ncl.ac.uk | @Courier_Fashion

Fashion Genie

What would you do if you had a fashion fairy Godmother? Anna Goodman-Jones lets us in on her designer wish-list and we grant her wishes with two high-street alternatives Valentino Mini Dress - £2,975 This weeks item of obsession has tulle-lined sheer sleeves, a mesh scalloped hem and a seriously hefty price tag. Valentino’s beautifully crafted tapestry-lace mini dress is a perfect statement piece for winter, and versatile enough to almost justify actually owning it (I say almost because, let’s be honest, my entire student loan would barely cover it).

It’s antique print inspired by the art of Dutch masters, this dress is bang on trend with dark floral prints seen at many style-setting Autumn/Winter catwalks earlier this year including Givenchy, Christopher Kane and Roberto Cavalli. I would dress it up with pointed courts and a cherry red clutch in the evening, and for a daytime outfit I’d wear it with black tights, ballet pumps and a satchel-style bag. As upsetting as it is that I won’t be able to unleash my inner Blair Waldorf and strut around campus in this beautiful creation, it can definitely act as an inspiration for a feminine look this winter.

ASOS Premium - £85

For those of us with no wishes left in our magic lamp, the high street has plenty of alternatives, and if this Valentino number has got you in the mood for the Renaissance tapestry vibe, this ASOS skater dress is a far more realistic option. Nothing compares to a designer piece like Valentino, but the same theme seeps into the high street. You can see the darker, more sultry floral design running throughout other collections in our favourite shops.

I love the embellished collar and ruffled sleeves but most of all, the mini hem line which flashes a flirty length of leg, even in tights. The bold print means there’s little need to accessories making this dress the perfect throw on and go piece. Rock this mock Valentio dress and dream on that you could maybe one day you could afford the real deal.

River Island - £65

Saving you an extra twenty pounds (or as I like to put it, one night out) is this River Island piece, which again, takes inspiration from the print seen in the Valentino dress. Although losing the sleeves and becoming a little more revealing than the previous two options, the V-neck and nipped-in waist would flatter any figure perfectly without baring too much skin. Easy to wear during the day with a pair of tights and a leather jacket, or paired with killer heels and a clutch for a night out, this dress makes for the perfect cheaper alternative. On a student budget, sixty five pounds can still break the bank, but with tapestry print storming the high street it’s easy to embrace the trend with a printed clutch or a pair of pumps and still keep hold of your cash.

Illustration by Matt Antoniak

River Isla nd

ASOS £2 8

£38

Fashion Editors Amy O’Rourke and Frances Stephenson pick three of the best jumpers on the high street 14

A

small treasure cave of dreamy vintage and vintage-inspired pieces, Retro is my favourite boutique in Newcastle. Retro stocks fantastic vintage home décor, clothes and accessories and offers both good quality and affordable prices. Most recently I bought a vintage sheepskin coat for £40 and I absolutely love it.

It is the perfect coat for throwing on over dresses and jumpers this winter and it will work well to finish off many an outfit.

Retro is certainly best for vintage jackets and coats, just go upstairs to the second floor for coat heaven – this week I even spotted a vintage Burberry trench coat!

Retro is also particularly good for their beautiful vintage handbags, right now I have got my eye on a small navy blue and brown leather satchel which I spied there this week. Retro can be found on 29 High Bridge and is undoubtedly well worth the visit!

Emmanuel O’Brien tells us why Amy Winehouse is his tragic yet stylish fashion icon

Valentino Dress - 1190 Jägerbombs ASOS Premium - 35 Jägerbombs River Island - 26 Jägerbombs

Primark £

Find out why Retro is Maria Frances Case’s favourite place to find vintage gems

Style Icon

Fashion Genie is here to help, she’s created a crafty Jägerbomb chart to help spendaholic students see how many shots one dress is worth:

Jump on board

Boutique of the Week

T

he ruling force in my fashion choices has always been inspired by tragic women, I’m a moth to a flame for a woman with substance abuse problems, always have been always will be.

Now you might wonder who these are; namely Amy Winehouse and Janis Joplin.

Not only did Winehouse grip me with her beautifully tragic songs but also with her look.

She showed me that there were alternatives to the teenage boys standard jeans, printed tee and trainers look, or worse, leisure wear.

Her dishevelled 50‘s tailored rebel look was fashion gold for me, much like her music her look had a tragic, blaze elegance.

And through my idolization of Amy Winehouse I discovered Janis Joplin, who also had messy big hair and effortless cool. Characterized by loose tailoring and eclectic hoarding of jewellery have always made sure that my limbs are never bare of embellishment, it’s very much a hippy look, poles apart from Amy’s 50’s cool but I do pride myself having a certain style through keeping a broad mind and fusing these together.

Photo by Greg Gebhardt

18.beauty

Monday 21st October 2013

The Courier

Beauty Editors: Safiya Ahmed and Amy Macauley

Parisian Pretty

Charlotte Dickson takes you through the key trends picked up from the catwalks of Paris fashion week, and the products you can buy to create your own.

S

eptember 24th saw the opening of Paris Fashion Week, and with it a whole new range of beauty and fashion trends for Spring/Summer 2014.

However, what linked all of these beauty trends together was what the Telegraph is calling “super skin”. Lipstick, blusher and bronzer were all left behind to focus on a base of natural-looking, dewy, porcelain skin. Top make-up artist Pat McGrath revealed that she used high street brand Max Factor Whipped Creme Foundation (a steal at only £7.99!) to create this look on the Valentino runway. This particular product gave off a matte finish, and simultaneously reflected light to emanate the illusion of dewy skin.

‘Super skin’ then worked as a brilliant backdrop for the reigning trend of pow-

erful brows, and with Cara Delevingne still ruling as top model, big eyebrows look as though they’re here to stay for a while longer! So it is worth investing in a good eyebrow setting gel and pencil. The eyebrow trend was then embellished at Dior, where they were given a gold metallic makeover and eye shadow to match.

The traditional Parisian beauty look is deemed to be effortless looking, and its main base is flawless, porcelain skin, therefore continuing all that was seen during Paris Fashion Week!

However, rosy cheeks and pink lips are usually thrown into the mix, and the occasional cat-eye flick of black eyeliner (see Brigitte Bardot for inspiration).

The black

winged flick was even given a modern twist at the Haider Ackermann show, where MAC 3D Silver Glitter was pressed over the liner giving the look a punky edge that would be perfect for nights out.

French make-up brands have always been big in the beauty industry, and it is easy to see how the classic Parisian look came to be, when all the products are such good quality. I am now going to talk through the French products that I highly recommend, and would act as a great base to recreate the look. Clear skin starts with a good cleansing routine, and beauty bloggers’ favourite Bioderma Créaline Water, is a must if you can get hold of it! There is then the iconic Touche Éclait by Yves Saint Laurent, which doubles up as both a highlighter and concealer, and works in harmony with Chanel’s Vital-

Autumn

Blogger’s corner

As Autumn approaches and the leaves start to change colour, so does the contents of our make up bags. Lucy Cochrane talks us through the must have products of the moment to make a stylish transition from summer to Autumn.

The Foundation My favourite foundation this season is Revlon Colourstay, especially for oily/combination skin, which provides full coverage without looking heavy. This works brilliantly at creating a flawless, velvety matte base. The radiant, dewy skin popularised these past few months has moved aside for immaculate, satin skin. Follow this up with a liberal amount of powder, my favourite is Stay Matte from Rimmel, which really sets your make up and helps keep skin matte.

The Liquid Eyeliner L’Oreal’s perfect slim super liner is indispensible for me all year round, but this season liner is a necessity. For autumn I love pairing a bold lip with a subtle thin feline line to create a really feminine look which is right on trend, especially a skinny line along the top lash line to add almost invisible definition. Its tiny applicator makes the task of liquid liner stress-free, creating the perfect sized line to add definition.

The Cream Eyeshadow Another autumn essential is my Smashbox cream shadow in Amethyst. This is perfect for creating the dark, metallic eye trend to make your mark for autumn. Not only is this electric purple shade seriously irresistible; but the pigmentation and staying power is incredible which means you only need a small amount of product. It will not budge until you take it off, even without a primer underneath.

Apply all over the lid and then blend out the edges around the crease to create an edgy yet soft look.

The Red Lip One of the most obvious trends for autumn is the classic dark lipstick. My go-to favourite shade this season is Rebel from MAC. Rebel is a deep, rich purple with pink undertones which makes it a lot more wearable. It has a satin formula therefore it glides on really smoothly and is extremely moisturising, leaving a slightly shiny appearance. My favourite thing about this shade is that you can really build it up to make it super intense and almost dangerous, yet if you want to achieve a slightly softer look you can just dab it onto the centre of the lip and blend out, leaving a subtle yet gorgeous berry stain which is also right on trend this season.

As usual with MAC lipsticks, their staying power is unassailable; the satin effect wears off yet the vivid plum colour stays put all night, and even the next day there is still a faint stain which is unbelievable!

umière Aqua foundation, which is lightweight, suitable for all skin types and has a perfect dewy finish.

If you don’t want to splurge out the £15 for Rebel, another favourite autumnal lipstick is Rimmel’s Kate Moss lasting finish lipstick in the shade 107. This shade is immensely popular; it is such a classic deep blue-toned red that will suit a vast array of skin tones. Its matte finish is right on trend for autumn and it rivals Rebel in terms of longevity; it will not budge all night.

The Berry Nailpolish My favourite autumnal nail polish is Raspberry, a deep toned wine colour, from Barry M which looks classic this time of year.

Illustrations by Emily North

This week Charlotte Davies reveals her favourite online blogger

F

or me choosing my favourite blogger was a bit of a challenge. Hours of procrastinating on beauty blogs has resulted in me becoming loyal to quite a lengthy list.

So, I thought I’d tell you a little about the first blog that really got me addicted. Corrie, a personal shopper from the UK, runs the fantastic blog http://www.dizzybrunette3.com. A place to indulge in all things beauty, I really was hooked after my first spy. The blog covers a wide variety, from endless product reviews to solutions for all your beauty problems. I’ve followed the blog for quite some time now and so it was great to see her hard work pay off a couple weeks ago when Corrie was awarded Cosmo’s highly commended established beauty blog. She also has a YouTube channel with loads of makeup and hair tutorials on it. So, if you want to know how to achieve that much lusted after big wavy hair then her channel is definitely worth a visit too.

All in all, a really fun and girly blog. Be careful though, she’ll have you wanting to buy absolutely everything on there!

The Courier

beauty.19

Monday 21st October 2013

Blokey beauty

thecourieronline.co.uk/beauty courier.beauty@ncl.ac.uk | @Courier_Beauty

Tom Tibble lets us into the mind of a lad with a fool proof guide to taming your tresses for a night on the town and a review of the barber shop where an ice cold beer is just as common as a cuppa.

H

ere is an eye-opening guide on how to make your hair look like hair, but with stuff done to it to make it look better. If you want a hairstyle, with hair and style, then follow these steps to avoid a hair tragedy.

No, do not follow these Steps...

1

First, check that you aren’t bald. Run your hand over your skull to check for hair, or just as effectively, use a mirror to assess the situation. If you are struggling, do not be afraid to ask a friend for help. If you have hair, then proceed to Step 2. If you do not see, feel or have a friend’s confirmation of the existence of hair, then this is a considerable barrier to the hair styling process. Sound advice given throughout the industry on this predicament is as follows; if the weather is chilly wear a woolly hat and in sunnier climes be sure to regularly apply a generous amount of sunscreen or better yet, wear a trendy cap. The thing about hair is that it can be frustrating to maintain anyway, so you are probably better off without it.

4

The final step. Let your hair do the talking. Listen as to where it wants to take you.

Curtains, mohican, afro - let your hair command its own shape. You can help your hair reach its destiny with a range of hair products. One to avoid immediately is 17p Savers gel, you’d get better results massaging your head with custard, but do not let this horror story put you off experimentation. Most hair products have some strengths, so waste lots of money finding the ones that work for you, your hair and your look. Good luck hair fans.

2

So you are one of the lucky people who have made it this far. Now that you have hair, a hair care routine needs to be developed to fit into your daily lifestyle. Showering everyday is advised, not only for the benefits of having sleek hair but because generally, when done correctly with the application of a reputable brand of soap, showering stops people from smelling. Now that you have nicely-shampooed, well-conditioned hair, you are permitted to move forward to Step 3.

3

The drying stage. Either use a hairdryer or just let it dry out naturally. Pegging yourself onto a washing line is an interesting idea but not particularly effective, especially if it starts raining.

Patrick Forster Barber and Shop 67 High Bridge NE1 6BX 01912221296

I

t’s not very often you walk into a barber’s that has a finer selection of world beers and a wider range of spirits than most pubs and bars, especially compared to those in the alcohol kingdom that is Newcastle, but this place literally put the bar in barbers.

The décor of the place was impressive. Mounted on the main wall is the head of a chap called Stan. Stan the bodiless stag is considered a trusty member of the team and though he does not do any hairdressing himself, the presence of his head adds to the friendly unconventionality of the place.

Panning to the left of Stan is the mother of all barber furniture, the beer fridge and spirit cupboard.

I cannot remember my initial reaction but it was probably something uninspiring like, ‘hmm, this is a barbers and that’s quite a lot of alcohol… for anywhere’.

It goes without saying that upon entry I was met with typical lovable Geordie hospitality and I was duly offered a drink to which I accepted a cup of coffee. This was a decision I was soon to regret as it slowly became apparent that the beer fridge was not a decoration but was in fact an actual working asset. Whilst I was more than happy with my cup of coffee and a complimentary hob nob I could not help but wish I had taken the route of the customer next to me who was supping a pint of Hoegaarden.

In chatting to the hairdressers I found that despite the place only having been open a year, it had

Review: Bobbi Brown BB Cream Safiya Ahmed, Annah Baines and Olivia Jeffery review Bobbi Brown’s innovative BB cream which can also be used as a primer.

As I have very pale skin , I often struggle to find a foundation or tinted moisturiser that matches my skin tone. Bobbi Brown’s cream in shade ‘extra light’ blended in perfectly. As I usually like a full coverage foundation , I thought this product may not be for me. However, after applying my primer as usual and a thin layer of the cream , I was surprised by how good the coverage was. I applied another thin layer and found this product was easy to build up without clogging up my skin or becoming uneven. I tried applying this product with both a foundation brush and my fingers and both worked well however the foundation brush gave the best overall finish on my skin. This product lasted all day (despite the wet weather and wind outside!) without becoming patchy or coming off at all.

Overall, I was very impressed with this product and would rate it an 8/10!

Annah Baines

After recently becoming a Bobbi Brown convert and being on the hunt for new day time skin wear, I was excited to try their BB Cream for fair skin. The colour was a great match and blended in so easily to my skin. As I’ve found with other Bobbi Brown face makeup, the cream gave me a soft, dewy look on the cheeks which I prefer so much more than a thicker, matte finish for during the day time, thisBB cream could also be used as a primer to create a ‘blank canvas’. under makeup. However, I found just like every other BB cream or tinted moisturiser I have tried in the past; it didn’t last much longer than a few hours. Perhaps this is down to my oily t-zone, so for dryer skin types, I’d recommend giving it a try as when it was first applied, it gave me a flawless, smooth finish that looked more natural than any other face make up I have used previously.

Olivia Jeffery

Having never used a BB cream before but having heard all the hype, I was quite excited to be trying my first Bobbi Brown BB cream. I first found the cream to be relatively thick but was fine once blended onto the skin with a foundation brush.

The shade ‘natural’ was a perfect match, with no orangey undertones which was great. It worked well as a tinted moisturiser, but for my skin it was a bit too oily so instead I used it as a primer under foundation which worked extremely well, covered imperfections and gave me a healthy, dewy glow.

As a BB cream it wasn’t for me but is a great product to use as a base. I’d definitely recommend this to anyone with normal to dry skin, but unfortunately for those with oily to combination skin it just didn’t have the staying power I’d require to ditch my regular foundation.

Safiya Ahmed

seen the face (and subsequently the hair) of many a Newcastle and Sunderland player, such as the midfield maestro that is Yohan Cabaye – quite a boast to have.

Regrettably I had already had a haircut the week before and so there was not a lot of hair left to challenge the hairdresser with, but she did a smart job nonetheless. If you are there for the first time is it customary to have your photo taken as you hold up an empty frame. That was a nice touch and added to the welcoming, friendly and relaxed atmosphere that the pleasant staff had put a lot of time in, in creating. I would certainly recommend Patrick Forster’s Barbers, but avoid the coffee and take the chance to have something stronger.

Holy Grail Product M

y hair has never fared well on the beach.

Endless summers I have hoped for that perfect tousled beach look; my wish unfortunately has never come true, until now.

Vo5’s Give me Texture Dry Texturising spray with salt answers the prayers of all girls hoping for that perfect beach look. Even though winter is definitely on its way out there’s no need to say goodbye to the perfect summer wave.

My natural hair lacks any kind of volume but this instantly lifts the roots and makes any style look bigger and more texturised.

Loosely sprayed all over it fixes the hair in place without making it appear greasy and matte. What’s more used after a night out it reactivates any style adding a bit of that sexy bed head look at the same time. I often have my hair tied up especially whilst I’m at uni but a quick spray and scrunch and tousle with your fingers gives the appearance of a fuller, bouncier pony!

The one and only problem with this product is there is simply not enough in one bottle for some one who uses it every day, and at £3.69 a bottle it could be seen as a bit of an excessive purchase!

Looking past this however, my and hair need this to survive, it truly is my Holy Grail beauty product.

Kathryn Holland

The Courier

21-28Octoberlistings.21

Monday 21 October 2013

thecourieronline.co.uk courier.listings@ncl.ac.uk | @Courier_Listings

Listings M People

23 October Newcastle City Hall

Image: Colin Smith

The Nutcracker

22 October Mill Volvo Tyne Theatre

Moscow Ballet - La Classique return to the Mill Volvo Tyne with their world-renowned production of The Nutcracker. Quickly becoming one of the most acclaimed ballet companies on the planet, their production stars Nadejda Ivanova, Ekaterina Shalyapina, Dmitry Smirnov, and Andrey Shalin under the direction of Elik Melikov in the classic tale of girl meets toy, girl falls in love with toy, toy fights mice, and they all live happly ever after. And of course, we all know the banging Tchaikovsky score. All together now: ‘dododo, dododo, dododododo, doobedooDOO...’

Tickets £18-22.50

Remembrance Of The Daleks 23 October Infinity Bar

In honour of the Doctor’s 50th anniversary, Infinity are showing free episodes on the big screen every Wednesday. Catch a classic Sylvester McCoy Dalek adventure this week, followed by Paul McGann’s Doctor Who: The Movie, Christopher Eccleston’s ‘The Empty Child’, David Tennant’s ‘The End of Time’ and Matt Smith’s ‘The Bells of St John’.

Free

What were you doing 20 years ago? Probably weeping uncontrollably and defecating, you daft idiot. Meanwhile, Heather Small, Paul Heard and Shovell were getting ready to storm both the pop charts and the hearts of millions as M People, one of the bands responsible for bringing house music to a mass audience. Now on their 20th anniversary tour, they’ll be knocking out such feel-good hits as ‘Moving On Up’, ‘Search For The Hero’, and if you’re very luck they might even play Heather’s solo joint ‘Proud’. Fingers crossed, ey?

Tickets £37-57

Jessie J 26 October Metro Radio Arena

After rescheduling her tour due to recording commitments, the most beloved bald popstress since Sinead O’Connor fell from the nation’s favour will be landing onstage at the Metro Radio Arena this week. That’s right, it’s J-J-J-Jessie J, supported by current damp squibs du jour LL-L-Lawson. Pop along for such hits and ‘Price Tag’, ‘It’s My Party’, and possibly the greatest song about Shewees ever written, ‘Do It Like A Dude’.

Tickets £25-32.50

An Audience with Ken Livingston 24 October Customs House

If you’ve always fancied having a chat with the notoriously outspoken former Mayor of London but you’ve never managed to bump into him in the street, now is your chance. Everyone’s favourite socialist – ok, maybe not, but surely some people’s – is popping in to South Shields’ Customs House for a Q&A, and if this is anything like ITV’s An Audience With... he’ll probably sing a few of his greatest hits as well. It may be part of the South Tyneside Older People’s Festival, but Red Ken has something to offer people of all ages.

Tickets £16

Elvis: That’s The Way It Is 25 October Tyneside Cinema Bob Stanley, founder of genius ‘90s art pop act Saint Etienne, will appear live and in person to introduce this 1970 documentary about the King of Rock and Roll, a revealing snapshot of the man’s life long held as the definitive filmic portrayal of Elvis by people who don’t realise that Bubba Ho-Tep is the definitive filmic portrayal of Elvis. Part of the promo trail for Stanley’s new book Yeah Yeah Yeah: The Story of Modern Pop, a history of popular music which is by all accounts very, very good. To that end, Stanley will be doing a book signing after the film, giving you all a chance to pat him on the back and thank him for all he’s done in the world.

Tickets £8.80, £5.50 for students

Image: World Economic Forum

Hamlet

Runs to 26 October Theatre Royal

This year’s Royal Shakespeare Company season at the Theatre Royal looks set to be an absolute corker, with a modern military take on All’s Well That Ends Well and a production of As You Like It set at Glastonbury with music from Laura Marling. As well as offering unique takes on some of the Bard’s lesser known works, they’re also bringing in the big guns in the form of David Farr’s Hamlet, starring Jonathan Slinger in the much-sought after title role. You know the story by now – if you haven’t studied it at sixth form then you’ve at least seen the Simpsons version – but the RSC are known for offering new surprises to even the most seasones student of Shakespeare, and at £5 for young people it’s a steal.

Tickets from £12, £5 for people aged 16-12

Random Acts

Opens 28 October BALTIC

Along with Northern Film & Media and Channel 4, BALTIC have co-commissioned ten new films in the Random Acts series, a short-form daily arts strand on Channel 4, which launched in 2011. Both established and emerging artists are contributing films to the exhibition, all chosed for their bold expressions of creativity. Artists include Reuben Jacob Abraham, Maxy Neil Bianco, Ed Carter, Andrew Coats, Ian Cottage, Michelle Fox, Lyn Hagan, Ben Jeans Houghton, Heather Phillipson and Lesley Ann Rose. The films are all being broadcast on Channel 4 this autumn, but this is your chance to be among the first to see a collection of works which not only constitute an astounding display of talent, but are also helping to further cement BALTIC’s reputation on the national arts scene.

Free

22.arts

Monday 21 October 2013

The Courier

Arts Editors: Millie Walton and Charlie Dearnley Deputy Arts Editor: Laura Wotton

THE NEWCASTLE ADVENTURES OF...

Jones: Sad about the Boy?

On the release of Helen Fielding’s latest novel ‘Mad About the Boy’, Harriet Sale discusses the Bridget Jones phenomenon and the return of those big bad knickers...

BRIDGET JONES

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merge from slumber and find that I am not alone. Nay, not just not alone, but also not alone and naked. Fantastic work Bridget, day three and skinny but flabby (nickname for last night’s specimen- Dave? Dan?) has, it appears, coerced me into a sleepover. That or I attacked him in Legends and it’s all over pull cam (old habits die hard).

Shazzer and I actually nicknamed him the above lst year, whilst trolleyed at lunchtime in Blanc. Oh how we laughed. Oh how she will laugh. Snapchat to Shazzer and the team ‘Emergency session in T minus two hours. Must get obliterated and forget last night ever occurred!’

Feeling better already as I search for house keys and knickers. Bloomers is probably the appropriate word here- how they are suddenly being so elusive I could not say when, it has been said, they could fit half of Wales inside. Half of Wales and a bacon sandwich. Ooo, maybe I’ll pick one up on walk home.

Must try and act nonchalant and stay on pavement this time (near-death encounter on last walk of shame involving pram, bicycle and bag of frozen fruit-new diet regime- must not be repeated).

Could make 12 o’clock lecture but need to go to gym. Plus lecture is boring and smoozy, sexy lecturer is off sick. Alas the trials. Make it home unscathed (quick dash into Tesco for ciggies but 85% sure went unnoticed) and put on gym clothes. Cup of tea and observe arse in leggings in the mirror. I’ll go when I’ve lost a few pounds.

Change into onesie (another of Mother’s Christmas specials- ‘Oh but darling they’re fabulous because they really do cover up EVERYTHING’) and crawl into bed with Tom. He is also adorned in pink onesie and together we watch New Girl and discuss Elton John’s latest fashion statement. This is productive, as lately I have been considering a career in fashion.

“Pouring a whole VK over him was a good way of letting him know I am a strong independant woman who will be taken seriously” I feel like I could create a Devil Wears Prada scenario, and wow everyone with slick style and organisational prowess. Vague memories of telling Dave/ Dan this last night. I’m sure his response ‘you could be like Ugly Betty!’ was made in jest, although pouring a whole VK over him was a good way of letting him know I am a strong, independent woman who will be taken seriously. Necking another two straight after this may have been a contradictory move; won’t mention that when relaying details to team.

Long afternoon in Berlise where we discuss various important matters that have nothing to do with university or prospective careers. Come to conclusion that need to remain coherent on nights out and am going to concentrate on dissertation, not size of thighs or new target.

Return home half-sozzled and write apology email to smoozy, sexy lecturer for missing his lecture. Hit send and then remember he is off sick.

Write apology email for apology email and then head to Blanc to discuss measure of embarrassment and whether he might invite me for a catchup session anyway. Decide only way forward is to head to Mimos- to Flares, to Koos, to…

Nonie Heal Want to write for Arts? Come along to our weekly meeting, Wednesday 1PM in the Curtis Auditorium.

QUOTES SO SIMPLE:

ridget Jones became the imperfectly perfect icon of a generation. Helen Fielding’s masterpiece was the creation of an utterly and adorably flawed thirty-something singleton.

Bridget bumbled through a series of unfortunate events in ‘Bridget Jones’ Diary’ and in ‘The Edge Of Reason’. They are funny because her slip-ups and mishaps are all too true; Fielding has a fabulous perception of daily dramas that we can all relate to.

No one can deny a little innocent ignorance, owning a pair of naughty knickers or a few great big granny pants. For this reason every woman instantly fell in love Bridget; through Bridget Jones, Fielding was a pioneer in articulating that it’s ok to not always be ok.

We all make mistakes that are blindingly obvious to everyone else and at such times we must just laugh at ourselves, for sanity’s sake if nothing else. With the dashing Mark Darcy appearing out

“Despite being single again, Bridget is not the same Bridget we know and love” of a pond in a wet white linen shirt and good oldfashioned fisty fights, Fielding was the master of a new twenty-first century genre of ‘chick-lit;’ lighthearted, realistic, romantic comedy.

But since that beautifully faulty romantic proposal where we left these much-loved characters, so much has changed. Contrary to what the title ‘Mad About The Boy’ would suggest, Bridget faces new challenges in the third novel of the series. She

is looking for love again, but she is now a fifty-one year old, widowed mother of two. That’s right, Darcy is dead.

Whilst Darcy’s absence was the main disappointment to some fans, unfortunately there are larger issues with this third installment. Bridget is not merely flawed with innocence, but foolishness. ‘The Leaves in His Hair’ is the screenplay that Bridget writes throughout the novel; she says that it is her modern interpretation of ‘Hedda Gabler.’

Yet disappointingly Jones just appears slightly stupid when she does not know the author and

certainly the apparent tone of the novel.

Yet Bridget struggles on, sadly there is no true happily ever after for Bridget and Mark Darcy, but

happy-ever-afters are undeniably unrealistic. Like

misspells this it as ‘Heddar Gabbler.’ Indeed there are comic moments, not least to say with the loveto-hate Daniel Cleaver, although I do feel that his obsession with Bridget’s giant knickers has now been totally exhausted.

The author has not lost her ability to produce authentic slapstick but these scenes are few and far between in comparison to the earlier editions, and indeed in the on screen adaptations.

So despite being single again, Bridget is not the same Bridget that we knew and loved. Yet who can negate character or technological development over the past fourteen years?

Similar to Bridget, Fielding is now also a single mother of two. So much has happened to Bridget and in the world around her, perhaps she is allowed to feel a bit of ‘doom and gloom,’ which is

“Bridget is not merely flawed with innocence, but foolishness too” fifteen years ago, Fielding may be verbalizing how middle-aged woman really do feel today, and that’s ok, but it is not the most innovative or engaging fiction.

If you work through the chapters of mundane ignorance’s where Jones diets, sets up Twitter, Facebook and other social media and dating accounts, there is a twist in the plot to keep you going. Near the end Fielding lets go of the former Bridget, and as a result she is transformed.

However, I doubt this new novel will be as transformative a text as the others for any girl or woman.

Harriet Sale

Desert Island Books

Arts Editor Millie Walton digs out the four books she would take with her to a deserted island and explains why she thinks they’d keep her sane.

Brave New World Aldous Huxley

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uxley’s test-tube world, disguised as a type of Utopia, is deeply unsettling and totally bereft of individual thought and freedom. If nothing else, reading this on a deserted island would discourage me from dabbling with weird science experiments in attempt to create the perfect race ( people to talk to).

The Great Gatsby F. Scott Fitzgerald

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chose this mainly because it contains some of the most beautiful descriptions I’ve ever read and because it’s unbelievably moving - if I’m isolated from all human contact, it would be quite reassuring to know I can still feel something.

Life of Pi Yann Martel

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f Pi can survive 227 days stranded on a boat in the Pacific Ocean with a Bengal tiger named Richard Parker, survival on a desert island seems more plausible (unless of course there’s something nastier hidden in the jungle).

Pi’s practicality when faced with hardship is hugely admirable.

The Song of Achilles Madeline Miller

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adeline Miller’s debut novel has pretty much everything you’d ever want: ancient Greeks, big weapons, romance and a dash of the supernatural. It tells the love story of Achilles and Patronolus and is at once, profoundly moving and utterly compelling.

“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars.” Jack Kerouac, On the Road

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Monday 21 October 2013

Pic of the Week

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Must See!

#nclarts

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ach week we choose the best arty instagram pic to feature in the paper. Whether its taken on campus, on a night out or in your own house, we want your snaps!

Simply hashtag #nclarts and we’ll pick a weekly winner. Besides featuring in an award winning paper, the winning pic is worth a delicious bag of sweets too.

Get instagramming folks!

I’ve got a Shed

This week’s winning pic is ‘Raining Colour’ by

Sally Hailbury

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Creativity & Coffee

T Cosy and original

Mill Volvo Tyne Theatre 26 October

ndy Parsons is coming to Newcastle. On October 26th he’s bringing his show ‘I’ve Got a Shed’ to the Mill Volvo Tyne Thea-

This week Hannah Goldstein takes a pew at the Settle Down Cafe on Thornton Street.

Drinks Art Vibe

he Settle Down café seems to be mid-renovation, or else in a constant process of reinvention. The art, though sparse in comparison to the wall space, has been chosen with obvious care and appreciation of originality.

The staff serves you with a quirky smile, fun patterned clothing and full beards are in abundance.

The freshly brewed coffee fills the venue with an internal warmth and earthy scent.

When sipped, the espresso sits heavy on the tongue leaving an almost chocolaty residue. Customers needn’t bother diluting the espresso with milk (though the milk is acceptably frothed).

A shot by itself delivers your caffeine rush with a satisfying bite.

tre.

Parson is mainly known for his appearances on Mock The Week and Live at the Apollo. He started of on Spitting Image, becoming a main writer before finally going into stand-up. He has had three sold-out national tours and brought out two DVDs. So, does that make this show worth seeing?

His past tours and this one have gotten brilliant reviews, the show sounds like a must-see. Seeing him on Mock The Week already gives quite a good impression of his style of comedy. It’s on the spot, highly satirical and mainly hilarious.

Parson picks up current and political topics, yet managing to be critical – while having at least me in stitches. The show is only £15.00, definitley a bargain for seeing a comedian like Parson.

Just to give you a hint about the show, yes it’s about sheds and how comfortable they are. But no worries, that’s not all. Parson talks about us student’s favourite acitivy: procrasination. And makes plenty of fun of himself, dishing in some current topics in his classical Mr. Angry-manner.

Certainly sounds like a good way to spend a Saturday evening.

The Toffee Factory 10 -19 October

The Noise

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t Made North’s exhibition Edition#1, part of the Northern Design Festival 2013, I was introduced to a bunch of eccentric designers and images. The evening began with each designer giving an informal talk about their working life up North, while generously passing round celebratory beers. After two hours of heavyduty wisdom, impassioned experience and ceaseless swearing, I moved on to look at the exhibition.

Graphic design is a fairly new territory for me so naturally I met the immaculate, regimented style with a little apprehension, however, certain elements really stood out for me. The vibrant colour, the typography and the quirky nature of the stylized images felt refreshingly original and almost as striking as the previous surplus of curse words.

My favourite pieces, however, came in the form of publications by Craig Oldham: ‘The Hand Written Letter Project’ and ‘The Democratic Lecture’.

The sharp, satirical language and his cutting edge presentation gripped me - check him out, he’s awesome. It was a stimulating introduction to graphic design and I left with one quote still resonating in my mind, preached by Mr. Oldham himself: “Creativity starts with an individual”.

Lucy Chenery

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The Northern Stage 4-12 October

his compelling and thought-provoking piece follows the journey of a 17 year-old girl, Charlie (played convincingly by Rachel Gay), who uncovers the source and the secrets of the constant and ever-changing “noise” that torments her Island.

The staging provided a raw, industrial setting that complemented the intrusive nature of “the noise” and uniformly strong performances from the cast.

Powerful acting carried the audience throughout the plot revealing both the physical and psychological struggle of the characters as a result of being constantly surrounded by mysterious sounds.

The play’s writers’, Unlimited and Newcastle University’s Institute of Neuroscience took this further arranging a series of activities explaining the brain’s reactions to constant noise and disorientation.

The audience experienced the contrast of Charlie’s curiosity and fascination for the noise with the frustration and anger of her mother as they faced a series of dramatic events. Ending on a direct audience address, the performance succeeded in captivating its audience as the theatre sat in silence for a moment after the end of the final scene.

Jessica Harman

The People’s Theatre 29 October - 2 November

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lan Bennett’s ‘The History Boys’ has unsurprisingly become one of the most wellknown plays of the 21st Century.

It’s set in the 1980s in a boys’ grammar school in Sheffield and follows teachers’, Hector and Irwin, efforts to prep eight potential Oxbridge candidates in a system where education is purely a means to an end. Both Hector, the English teacher, and Irwin, the history teacher, attempt to shut out this narrow minded system led by the upright headmaster Felix who is obsessed with league tables and results.

The class room atmosphere provides plenty of space for comedy and not only mediates on questions of education, but also of growing up as the boys humorously recount their sexual and sporting conquests.

Far from being a ‘terribly middle-class’ and conservative, Bennett offers an interesting and revealing insight into our education system and the struggles of growing up.

This latest production of the widely celebrated play will be produced entirely by members of the People’s Theatre, Newcastle’s main amateur theatre company, and will cast yet another angle on the familiar story.

It will be interesting to see what a fresh cast, set and director make of Bennett’s most beloved script.

Tanya Nies

reviews

Made North: Edition #1

The History Boys

Particle Velocity

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Northern Stage 10-11 October

he Phoenix Dance company gave a stunning and dynamic performance of their new show ‘Particle Velocity’ at the Northern Stage on Friday night.

They opened with ‘All Alight’, performed to the music of Ravel’s Sonata for violin and cello, which was elegant and graceful, showcasing the lyrical skill of the dancers as they performed creative and difficult routines with ease and fluidity.

The bare-chested John Wille executed a powerful display of physicality that created mounting intensity in the theatre. The next duet, ‘Tender Crazy Love’, was a total contrast: explosive, passionate and intense.

The final piece, ‘Repetition of Change’, showed equally expressive dancing. However I felt that the props were a distraction from the dancing itself and I found it difficult to see how the inspiration for this piece, DNA, came across in the choreography.

Despite this, the overall performance was vibrant and engaging. The dancers performed with spontaneity that made it feel like it was opening night and they showed why they are one of Britain’s leading contemporary dance groups.

Katie Sunley

Millie Walton

Dancing at Lughnasa

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The People’s Theatre 8-12 October

ancing at Lughnasa,’ set in Ireland’s Donegal, recounts the childhood memories of adult narrator, Michael Evans.

He recounts a summer spent at his aunt’s cottage when he was seven years old. A beautiful script, a poignant story, and more than one amateur actor were present in this play.

Brian Friel’s ability to create an atmosphere of what life was like for the sisters living in Ireland at the time came through in the dialogue. However the actors severely let the play down through their unengaging performances.

The lead was convincing, however he faltered at times. Perhaps the most interesting aspect of the play was the absence of a child, with Michael narrating from another part of the stage.

There was a particular problem with pace, the play was over two hours long, and couldn’t keep my attention for much longer than ten minutes at a time.

A well-written and moving play about the struggles in Ireland at the time, weakened by the actors’ inability to convince the audience of who they really are.

Annelies De Jong

24.filmfeatures

Monday 21 October 2013

The Courier

Film Editors: Muneeb Hafiz and Jacob Crompton-Schreiber

Wingardium Cameo-sa

Editor’s Will Babbington ponders the potential risk and reward of the cameo.

Word Roller-Poster Whether on your wall – brightening up your somewhat dingy student accommodation – or massively enlarged to cover the entire face of a building; movie posters are iconic symbols of the Hollywood glamour of filmmaking and the industry as a whole. Often they are synonymous with the film itself and form two halves, which together create the full ‘picture’. Along with being equally as famous and well known in popular culture thanks to their widespread proliferation, most people will recognise a famous poster whether having seen the film in question or not (shame on you for not seeing the said film yet).

Film posters have been around since the time when films were first exhibited to the public and they have evolved a great deal since then. At first they were beautifully illustrated and kept art buried right in the heart of film poster creation. These posters of years past needed to sell the film to the audience, if the poster looked like it had been scrawled by the studio boss’s pre-pubescent kid, well, then the picture was already on the rocks.

‘Pointless and bizarre’: this review of Quentin Tarantino’s cringe-worthy appearance in Django Unchained aptly describes the dangers that accompany the precocious realm of the cameo. This realm is one in which directors and actors of distinction have often dwelt; Hitchcock, Scorsese, Clooney, and Seymour-Hoffman have all appeared in films that have nothing to do with them for a very little amount of time.

Deployed badly, the cameo becomes an embarrassing mess, often a desperate and obvious attempt from studios to garner attention for their film through the minor inclusion of a major name.

Madonna’s role as the fencing instructor in Die Another Day sees her woodenly deliver some dismal innuendo such as ‘I see you handle your weapon well’ (lol?), and Mike Myers brief, prosthetic-laden appearance as a British military advisor in Inglorious Basterds just reminds us of Fat Bastard. Directors, too, often get the cameo very wrong: M. Night Shyamalan’s roles in his own films achieve exactly the opposite to Hitchcock’s: they are often noisy, self-indulgent affairs only serving as obnoxious icing on top of the always disappointing cake that is a Shyamalan film. Tarantino may argue that the very process of him moving from behind the screen to the centre resonates with the post-modern genre he is now synonymous with.

Yet, his terrible acting, most notably in Reservoir Dogs, means his films would ultimately be stronger if he remained in the director’s chair. These brief roles, whether watched for three seconds or three minutes, are performed by an individual that has spent the majority of his entire career behind a lens, and though he may be a master of direction, he simply isn’t good enough to be in front of it. Whilst Jamie Foxx’s masterful portrayal of a vengeful cowboy is sufficient for us to suspend our disbelief, Tarantino’s acting breaks this sus-

pension. Until he leaves the screen, therefore, we do not watch the film but rather watch, embarrassed, Tarantino.

Despite obviously egotistical bitparts, however, this phenomenon should not be viewed as merely self-indulgence or the acquisition of an easy pay-check.

Deployed well, cameos wield huge potential, allowing an intimate a n d

“Deployed well, cameos wield huge potential, allowing an intimate and subtle exchange between filmmaker and audience.” subtle exchange between filmmaker and audience.

Stan Lee’s role as ‘The Man’ in each Marvel film is almost a love-letter to the devoted fandom that make up the majority of his audience, his cameos a quiet thank you to those that could only spot him if they were part of that gang usually so derided. This personal form of communication from the stars to the spectators can also be seen in Bill Murray’s Zombieland, where he effectively apologises role in Zombieland for his involvement in the dreadful Garfield, and charisma-vacuum Michael Cera, who temporarily redeems his manhood by disposing of his understandably despised Nice Wimp persona through consuming so much cocaine in This is the End that we almost forgive him for being him.

Ultimately, the cameo is a potentially powerful device often perverted for selfish means. Though the blink-and-you’ll-miss-them roles such as Richard Branson’s in Casino Royale (we all blinked and we all missed it) are forgivable ego-trips, the extended ones are not. The cameo gained notoriety for the right reasons from the right directors: Hitchcock was able to always include himself in all his films without disrupting the narrative or compromising the pacing, something the inclusion of pop stars can only do. The definition of a cameo is ‘a generally small, brief appearance of a known person’. For the good of what they are spoiling, it is time Tarantino and others of his persuasion stop attempting to re-define this.

Rocky Horror Cult-ure Show David Leighton questions the idea of ‘Cult’ cinema: when and how does it come about?

Now legendary graphic designers and artists, such as Saul Bass, were called upon by directors such as Hitchcock, Wilder, Preminger and Kubrick just so their film’s posters looked as stylish and inviting as possible. Old posters looked so great, becoming classics in their own right, that some of them sell for hundreds of thousands of pounds, they truly are an art form in themselves; the older they are, the more valuable they are – this seems to be a general rule for most objects of interest actually - thus they have become one of the largest contributors to the burgeoning movie memorabilia trade. Since the 1980s, the art of the posters has declined as computers started doing the job, the importance of trailers grew and dodgy photoshopping has reduced some recent posters to ridicule (Bangkok Dangerous anyone). Is this trend simply following the supposed decline of film as an art form? Well, that’s an argument for another day.

In the meantime, us poor students will have to get by with poster copies from the Fresher’s Week stall and HMV on Northumberland Street – at the very least our walls need adorning with something, anything and film posters, whether modern and minimalistic or old illustrated classics, fit the bill rather nicely indeed.

As it happens, Don Corleone silently watches over my living room; and if film posters can provide a re-assuring presence then The Godfather one certainly does.

JCS

I would usually start an article like this by asking ‘What is a cult film?’, but I kind of feel like it might be redundant in this case so I’m going to start with something a little different; why are cult films so popular to their “cult”? I mean, you’ve got Frank N. Furter splicing Meatloaf up and using him to create a sex-slave (Rocky Horror Picture Show), Donnie making you question your very nature of time, destiny and what it means to be a Smurf (Donnie Darko) and Jimmy sending scooters rocketing over cliff edges (Quadrophenia). So why are all these films good? It’s a tough one because “good” is vague, subjective and really quite hard to explain, so I’m going to give you a scenario.

You mention a film/reference to a person you know, they say tell you that they have not seen it – you splutter blasphemies about how they must see it and make them watch it, they watch it and love it and then reference it to someone else at which point the cycle begins all over again…do you see what I’m getting at here? A cult film is usually something that (whilst not popular in the conventional sense) leaves such a lasting impression that those who watch it are infected by its brilliance/humour/naughtiness and love it forever. By that end, a truly great cult film is one that anyone who watches it becomes an immediate fan. Seriously I have yet to meet a person who has watched Rocky Horror at least twice and doesn’t love it with every inch of their now sexually liberated frame.

So what makes these any different to popular mainstream movies? Why do they acquire this cult status? Is it really just so pretentious selfinvolved hipsters can claim some sort of regency over them – so that the masses can’t watch and spoil them and they can remain cool forever?

Well, as much as I love a good hipster-bashing, I don’t think that’s the case. Cult films don’t usu-

ally reach a mainstream audience, be it because they are subversive, offensive or just underrated but they never quite get that oomph that “mainstream” films do. Stanley Kubrick’s A Clockwork Orange is a perfect example of this; a film withdrawn by its own director because of the reception it received, yet now critically acclaimed as one of the best cult films ever to be released. So yeah, you might get the occasional über-rah telling you in their raspy drawl why Pulp Fiction is “amaahhhzing” but don’t let that put you off; Pulp Fiction is amazing! Sometimes even a rah is right (yeah, you thought I was going to get through an article about cult films and not mention Pulp Fiction right?).

I think the real selling point for cult films might just have to be their unrecreatability (real word, honest). Cult classics aren’t just genius, or sub-

versive or funny, they’re one of a kind. This can be a drawback, however, when attempts to recreate said works of genius actually get somewhere.

This kind of stupid money grabbing tomfoolery usually leads to such atrocities as S. Darko which I would consider most closely akin to a pile of steaming vomit.

Now if you’re already a cult film fan it’s quite probable that all I’ve done is whet your appetite to go and revisit some of your favourite two hour wonders, but if you’ve never plumbed the depths of Tim Curry’s strangely attractive form, if you’ve never asked yourself if you look like a bitch, and if it hasn’t ever occurred to you what Natalie Portman and Hugo Weaving (in a Guy Fawkes mask) look like dancing then get your DVD player out and have a bloody field day!

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Monday 21 October 2013

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“Shut the f*ck up Donny” The Big Lebowski (1998)

LOVE

The Fifth Estate (15)

Benedict Cumberbatch

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s Benedict Cumberbatch’s Assange paraphrases Oscar Wilde, “Give a man a mask and he will tell you the truth”, in a self-righteous speech in a sparse auditorium, you can’t help but feel this film masks the real Wikileaks story.

Cumberbatch’s Assange is an ego-maniac, Brühl’s Domscheit-Berg wrestles with his conscience and Thewlis’ Davies is the leather jacket laden archetypal investigative reporter.

The problem comes when you start reeling off the rest of the quality acting talent: Peter Capaldi as Alan Rusbridger, Dan Stevens as Ian Katz, Laura Linney as Sarah Shaw, Anthony Mackie as Sam Coulson, Stanley Tucci as James Boswell and Alexander Siddig as Dr. Tarek Haliseh.

There is some serious star power here and half of them are wasted whilst the other half are unnecessary. The film employs a couple of storytelling methods that frankly detract from what seemed to be the central point of the film. A nonlinear narrative is one thing but to employ it in both time and space within the same storyline is downright confusing, needless and unhelpful.

Two thirds of the film focuses on the AssangeBerg relationship whilst a third seeks to explore the

reckless effects of Wikileaks’ unedited disclosure of sensitive information. Why? The time constraints make the exploration of the US diplomatic fallout very superficial and you feel like it’s taking valuable time away from the central thread of the story which is the evolution and demise of the AssangeBerg relationship and thus Wikileaks.

Consequently, the film doesn’t do a good enough job telling the viewer why Assange and Berg fell out. It mentions it, alludes to it but doesn’t actually make you feel it which means the central reason why Wikileaks’ failed isn’t properly explained and makes the film rather redundant.

Which is a shame because Cumberbatch is a convincing Assange displaying his curiosities, his manipulative behaviours and ego-centric approach to vitally important work. You feel so much empathy for Brühl’s Berg as he tries to balance Assange’s unrestrained activism against putting people’s lives

in danger. And then there are the aforementioned actors who you only see fleeting glimpses of but wish they’d given more screen time too, in particular Thewlis’ portrayal of Nick Davies and Capaldi’s Rusbridger.

Machete Kills (15)

Le Week-End (15)

Baggage Claim (12A)

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obert Rodriguez (director of Sin City and the Spy Kids film series) usually knows how to make a film fun and Machete Kills, the sequel to the 2010 film Machete, truly is no exception.

The film, about a ex-soldier Machete (Danny Trejo) who is hired by the President of the United States (Charlie Sheen) to put an end to the actions of a Mexican Revolutionary Leader (Demián Bichir), to be blunt, is completely crazy and truly does bring a new meaning to the word ‘ridiculous’ in film. However, this is by no means a bad thing.

It is a dumb film without a shadow of a doubt, but that is what it’s premise actually is. In this sense, it succeeds very well in doing so. The cast is a quality set of actors which also includes Michelle Rodriguez (Avatar) and Mel Gibson (Braveheart), and though none of them are outstanding, each member of the cast is fun to watch on screen.

The humour itself is varied with it at times being very crude, times it plays on Machete’s one-liners, as well as plenty of times when parts of the film just don’t make any logical sense. As story and plot go, it’s all over the place, but really in films like these, plot really doesn’t matter. It has everything you would expect in terms of the amount of deaths in violence there is, but like it’s predecessor Machete it is creative in it’s violence and generally knows what the audience wants to see.

Though it won’t be winning any Academy Awards, it most likely would win the hearts of many in the cinema with it’s craziness, violence and comedic moments. A classic thrill ride but must not be taken at all seriously.

More like this: Rambo: First Blood Part II (1985) Chris Young

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s a fan of any actor over the age of thirty five getting a lead role in a film, I must admit I was inclined to like Le Week-End. On the other hand, I have had several issues with director Mitchell’s past work (his Ian McEwan’s novel Enduring Love, don’t get me started). Yet, my enjoyment of this film was met with pleasant surprise.

Le Week-End recounts an anniversary trip to Paris for sixty-something couple, Nick (Jim Broadbent) and Meg (Lindsay Duncan), who haven’t really paid any attention to each other for a decade, however, the change of scenery and routine pulls the distant couple out of the denial, forced to see each other and their relationship in rare clarity.

Despite this sombre subject matter the film contains some wonderfully tender scenes and laugh out loud moments and is, at times, a love letter to Paris, albeit a slightly sarcastic one. The intelligent, sharp screenplay is handled expertly, delivering witty, honest characters who you could imagine as Paris honeymooners.

The only downside is that in their desperation to claw back some vitality and excitement that they once had, Nick and Meg’s acts of so-called charming recklessness often come off as unpleasant, and the arguments become just a bit too mean.

This occasional sharpness does sometimes feel uncomfortable, but in the end this nasty edge only adds realism. Just like in the film, when someone falls over in the street, once you know their alright, we all have a giggle don’t we?

More like this: 2 Days in Paris (2007)

All in all, it’s a film you want to like but the storyline is wayward and ends up losing the characters. At points, it is visually arresting and, on occasion, capable of reaching out and grabbing you by the heart strings to wrench the emotion out of you but really you just wish the film wrenched the actual Wikileaks story from the muddied waters of the script.

More like this: All The President’s Men (1976) George Sandeman

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fter the announcement of her younger sister‘s wedding flight attendant Montana tries to find Mister Right in just 30 days, mostly to please her mother, who his disappointed that her oldest daughter doesn‘t even have a boyfriend before her youngest gets married.

With the help of her friends, Montana arranges her flights to ‘accidentally’ bump into her Exes to see if any of them have changed and might be husband-material now. With only four days until the wedding and still no ring on her finger she realizes that the man of her dreams might have lived just across the hall the entire time.

Even knowing it was chick flick, I didn‘t expect the movie to be THAT clichéd. An overly romantic woman with a gay friend and another that has one fling after the other, who in the end falls in love with her best friend from high school. Could it be any cheesier? After only ten minutes into the movie it was clear how it would end and left one wondering for how long they would delay the inevitable. What follows are more chlichés of the broke wannabe rapper, the politician who has to be the leader and can‘t have someone else tell him what to do and the millionair hotelier.

This movie really isn‘t very deep, but if that‘s what you‘re looking for it might be just right. A little drama, and no jokes that are hard to get, makes it an enjoyable amusement. It wasn‘t terrible to watch, but I‘d rather not watch it again.

More like this: What’s Your Number? (2011) Beth Storey

Dragging the adventures of Sherlock Holmes crashing into the 21st Century. It’s no secret that BBC One’s drama, Sherlock, is wildly popular. Do I think that’s down to brilliant scripts and clever adaptations of well-loved novels? Absolutely. Do I think that it would be half as good without Benedict? Not bloody likely. Holmes is always a tricky character for an audience to relate to. But Benedict’s seemingly effortless, nuanced performance brings you that much closer to the super-sleuth.

Katharina Forchhammer

He’s a scarily good villain. In taking on the role of Khan in 2013’s Star Trek Into Darkness, he was entering the domain of super-fandom, and any nerves he may have had about stepping into such an iconic role clearly didn’t get the better of him.

He’s cold, calculating and unbelievably badass.

And whilst you won’t be rooting for him to win, there’s no denying he’s a formidable, worthy enemy for Kirk and Spock.

He looks great in a suit; especially a period one.

See: Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy (2011), Atonement (2007), the BBC’s Parade’s End (2012), War Horse (2011)… But looking good is nothing without the talent to back it up, and Benedict is brilliant in all of these dramas.

His fantastically evocative voice. You probably know he is the voice of Smaug in The Hobbit, but you may be unaware that he also narrated a 6-part BBC documentary, South Pacific, which aired in 2009. The intricate lives of the majestic, exotic animals which live amongst the crashing blue waves and pure white sands, has never before sounded so appealing. (I just hope David Attenborough never reads this.)

Somehow, he remains modest in the face of his rapidly growing success, and can’t fathom that half the world has fallen in love with him. Just ahead of the release of, he said: “Do I like being thought of as attractive? I do find it funny… It’s not me being humble. I just think it’s weird.” A gentleman to the core.

Jasmin Hall

26.tvhighlights

Monday 21 October 2013

The Courier

TV Editor: Beth Durant Deputy TV Editor: Helen Daly

TVintage

Kate Stokes discusses why 50/50 and inflatable obstacle courses made so many of us green (or even yellow/ blue) with envy

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f you were a 90’s child, you would come home from a day of learning long multiplication, switch on CBBC (back when it was actually good) and watch 50/50. If you had a deprived childhood and genuinely haven’t got a clue what I’m talking about then allow me to create a short synopsis of my favourite inflatable game show that doesn’t feature Dave Benson Phillips.

Broadcasting from 1997 to 2005 (Yes, we really are that old!) 50/50 was a children’s game show where two schools would compete against each other in order to win and take part in the final to win the much “coveted” 50/50 trophy. The schools would put forward 50 students, aged 11-12 who would each be given a number from 1-50 which they would wear during the show. Before each round a random number generator (A.K.A Flynn) picked which students would take part in the next game.

My personal favourite game was The Observator: this was the round where a classic 90’s music video would be played such a ‘C’est La Vie’ by B*Witched (yes, it IS a classic) and then ‘Flynn’ would ask true or false questions. It may not seem as high energy as some of the larger, inflatable games such as The Rollometer, The Cube or any of the other games that are important enough to have a determiner in front of it, but I liked it because it was something I could play along with at home. If you got it right and the contestant got it wrong, then your six-year-old self couldn’t help but feel slightly superior; a trait that try as you might have carried into your adult life.

Beat that 80 year old pensioner on The Chaser?

Smashed it! Knew an answer that Thomas Farrington from Christ’s College, Cambridge didn’t?

Boom! At the end of the day, little old you loved

getting things right, especially when these privileged 12 year olds didn’t.

However, the legend of Sally Gray, the presenter, hasn’t survived its time into the noughties. In an era of Andi Peters, Neil Buchanon and Otis the Aardvark, it’s unsurprising really that no one really knows who Sally Gray is. I honestly think hat’s more to do with how much we loved the concept of the show and the contestants, not the presenter.

However, Sally Gray does have a LinkedIn page if anyone wants to contact her.

The one thing that unites all the kids who watched this show was the fact that we were all desperate to be on it. Unless of course, you had relatively simple tastes, in which case it was do you like the colour Yellow or Blue?

Homeland has returned to deal with the aftermath of the explosion at Langley. Ellie Mclaren brings us up to speed Homeland

ast week held, quite possibly, the most anticipated event of 2013 so far (for TV geeks like me anyway): the return of political thriller Homeland. Attracting an audience ranging from 18 year old students at Newcastle University to the most powerful man in the world, Barack Obama, you have to have been living under a rock for the past two years to have missed this televised explosion.

For those hermits who have let Homeland slip under their radar, here’s a quick recap of the first two seasons. Carrie Mathison (Claire Danes), a CIA officer struggling to contain her erratic bipolar disorder, isolates herself as a paranoid stalker when she tries to prove that returning POW turned hero turned congressmen, Nick Brody (Lewis), has been brainwashed during his eight years of captivity and is now planning the biggest terrorist attack on American soil since 9/11. Even when she develops feelings for Brody and begins an illicit affair with him, she is still obsessed with the idea. That is until his car explodes and destroys Langley; she isolates herself again, after finally getting her life back on

track, by being the only one in the entire world to be convinced of his innocence.

The wait for the third series has been even more agonising than the gap between season one and two, simply because of the phenomenal finale which saw the destruction of the CIA, both physically and in status, leaving all the characters in a sort of limbo. As Senator Lockhart brutally remarks in episode one of the third series, “how can the CIA be expected to protect this country if it can’t even protect itself?”, and with the death of David Estes during the 12/12 attack, the CIA don’t even have a defined leader to guide them back to the force they once were (although, in my opinion, Estes was never any good anyway). It is left to Saul Berenson to grab hold of the reigns and try and hold the CIA together after the attack, a clever move by the writersw of the show as there has been great speculation about the character of Saul, with many (myself included) believing he is actually one of the bad guys. Right at the start of season one, the producers of the show promised a mole. Two years later this mole is still underground, wearing glasses and a flat cap. Possibly.

For dedicated fans of the show, you’ll be happy to hear that Carrie’s crying face is still the main character of the show, with everything from the local store running out of liquor to being betrayed by her mentor and friend (I told you Saul was evil!)

acting as catalysts for tears. And I predict that by the end of the third season, the ‘face’ will have its own mention on the title credits. But with Carrie’s crying face taking up so much airtime, it seems the producers have decided that Nick Brody, the only character we want to see, isn’t as important. Rumours that he will make an appearance in episode three are some consolation, but I’d much rather be seeing what Brody has been up to since he went on the run than his teenage daughter taking topless selfies and sending it to her boyfriend in a mental institution.

Whilst many critics feel the show has lost its way, Homeland still remains my TV highlight of the past few years, and I anticipate a lot of twists in the next few weeks. The trailers for this season have indicated that Brody is in the Middle East; will he be reunited with Carrie? Or will he be captured and brought to trial? Who knows, maybe he is actually a terrorist. With so many unanswered questions, we’re all going to have to tune in to find out.

Made in Chelsea

The Moaning of Life Sky1, Sunday 9pm

Masters of Sex

Channel 4, Tuesday 9pm

t’s back! Everybody’s favourite ‘structured reality’ show (well, mine at least) is here for another series of staged phone calls, awkward silence stare-offs and the latest contest of ‘who can insult Spencer in the funniest way?’.

If you’ve been watching E4 during the past fortnight, no doubt you will have seen the new, eccentric, all-singing advert, but in case you need more encouragement to watch, here’s what to look out for in the new series of Made in Chelsea.

Firstly, we’re sure to see some character changes.

With the absence of former Made in Chelsea staples Millie and Ollie, our screens will undoubtedly be filled with more minor characters (we’ll hopefully see more of Binky’s legendary Mum) and some new characters from our beloved Toon.

Three of Newcastle University’s own will be joining the cast and will probably be swarmed over by Jamie, Spencer, Francis and the other single guys if female, and sized up as competition if not.

We can also expect some more drama from Made in Chelsea regulars Spencer and Louise. Spencer is often confused about his relationship status and it’s hard to tell if he actually has feelings for Louise, and judging by the latest trailers, he still doesn’t know. The perpetual look of puzzlement on his face cracks me up every time. And speaking of Louise, we can safely say that she will end up crying. Constantly. Seriously, it’s so frequent that it’s not even fun to use in a drinking game anymore.

In any case, this series promises plenty of pouting, plotting and implausibility- I certainly will be watching.

Jonny Lusha

arl Pilkington has become somewhat of an unlikely hero, a legend if you will.

Pilkington became famous after partaking on the trip of a lifetime and not really enjoying it.

An Idiot Abroad saw Karl visit The Great Wall of China, wing-walk over Route 66 and camp out in the middle of the desert, all the while moaning about what a bad time he was having.

The new Sky series, The Moaning of Life, focusses more on the deeper aspects of life. Instead of travelling around the world having a nice jolly-holiday, Karl will be looking at how different cultures deal with the big issues of life, such as marriage, family and death. He will travel all over the world, including places in Japan and the USA in order to discover the true meaning of life. Maybe then, this will change Karl, and make him see the world in a different light, perhaps he won’t moan when he’s away…

Of course, we all know him too well, Karl loves to moan and a life-affirming trip abroad is sure to cause some reason for moaning. The genius of Karl Pilkington is that he doesn’t hold his tongue; he’s not ashamed to say that he doesn’t like the food that someone has cooked for him, or say that The Great Wall of China should really be called ‘The Alright Wall of China’. Perhaps Karl is on to something here; perhaps we should take a leaf out of his book and accept that we don’t have to like things that we are told we should like. Maybe Karl has cracked the real meaning of life; being honest with ourselves.

Helen Daly

ichael Sheen and Lizzy Caplan star as Dr. William Master’s and Virginia Johnson in Channel 4’s biographic drama Masters of Sex, based on Thomas Maier’s book of the same name.

The show chronicles the intimate relationship of Masters and Johnson as they undertake pioneering research into human sexuality in the late 1950’s. Perhaps not as smutty as Channel 4’s other recent sexual based show Sex Box, Masters of Sex premiered to positive reviews and was lauded as a clever and witty portrayal of the work of two popular figures who led the sexual revolution of the 1960’s.

Originally premiering across the pond on the 29th September, there is already plenty of opinion and critique widely stating that the series is a little slow starting but improves as it progresses. A provocative period piece with an aura of style despite its possible crude nature, we are quickly shown Masters surveying two people humping from inside a wardrobe.

It is the complex nature of the characters where the show really shines, with critics citing Sheen’s and Caplan’s performances as particular highlights.

Dealing with its subject content with remarkable maturity, this appears to be a thoroughly enjoyable drama as we follow Masters and Johnson on their journey of sexual discovery against the adversity of their prudish co-workers and the judgemental time period. Assuming it improves as critics have claimed I shall be definitely staying on the course.

Channel 4, Sunday 9pm

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E4, Monday 10pm

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K

Ellie Mclaren If you like this, try... Criminal Minds, the serialised crime drama with even more Mandy Patinkin

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Lewis Ancrum

The Courier

featurestv.27

Monday 21 October 2013

thecourieronline.co.uk/tv c2.tv@ncl.ac.uk | @courier_tv

A fly on the school wall

Educating Yorkshire and Harrow: A Very British School have quickly taken over the TV withith their likable and reconisable characters. Chloe Carroll investigates whether these shows are teaching us anything, or if they should go back to the classroom

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f you have yet to catch an episode of Educating Yorkshire or Harrow: A Very British School, then where have you been? In the few short weeks both shows have been on, they have had millions of viewers tuning in every week. Both shows document the daily routines of two very different schools, one a recently made academy where bad behaviour is a serious issue and the other school is one of the country’s best, and most expensive, all boys’ schools. Most of us hated school and couldn’t wait to get out of the place, so the big question is why do we love these shows so much?

As university students, it wasn’t long ago that the majority of us left our secondary schools to come here, so it’s easy for us to identify with the pupils we see, particularly the testing students in Educating Yorkshire. Even in Harrow, there are people we know, like Olly, who complains that the boater he has to wear is uncool, or homesick Sachin who is intimidated by his surroundings.

Educating Yorkshire has a feeling of intimacy; as it is a fly-on-the-wall documentary the cameras follow every move of the teachers and students, including any slight moments of misbehaviour, disciplinary action or even witty one-liners (‘I’m having a latte, sir. Sets you up for t’day’). Harrow, on the other hand, is not a typical fly-on-the-wall and instead has the camera capturing certain moments of school life, like the traditional school play the ‘Shells’ (aka the new boys) have to do. Despite this, you grasp what life must be like there.

Both shows also take the opportunity to tell both sides of the story, from the students and from the teachers. It’s great to see voices be given to each, and it’s eye-opening to see the teachers outside of the classroom talking about their love lives and hobbies. Who knew? For older viewers, an insight

Elizabeth Atkin takes a look at everything Game of Thrones has taught her

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fter years of shunning the books and dismissing my then-boyfriend’s love of A Song of Fire and Ice as merely an extension of his sad World of Warcraft addiction, I finally caved in during the Red Wedding uproar on Facebook and watched all three seasons of Game of Thrones. At an alarming rate, too.

There’s a week of my life I’ll never get back. But in that week of back to back episodes, I laughed, I cried and most importantly, I learned a few lessons along the way.

Nice guys always finish last. It doesn’t pay to be nice in Westeros, especially if you value having your head still attached to your body. It pays much more to kill all of your friends and neighbours or at least, be a scheming, power-hungry blonde with a disturbing crush on your own brother. And on that note, incest never ends well. See: King Joffrey Baratheon

is given into how difficult being a teenager in the 21st century can be, with exam pressures being topped by worries of how they look and the importance to be popular. They show how all children are different in the way they handle various situations and each other, and their struggle to find their place in the world.

But the most uplifting show has to be Educating Yorkshire. The enormous hard work of the teachers really shines through and their ability to listen to and understand their students is inspiring. The nation watched in shock as deputy head and maths teacher Mr Steer’s health deteriorated rapidly due to the stress he was putting himself under to make sure his GCSE pupils got the grades they needed.

Head teacher Mr Mitchell’s heart-to-heart with Tom after the loss of his step-brother was incredibly touching. It has also provided us with some of the funniest TV moments this year; who can forget Bailey and ‘I’ve shaved all my eyebrows off ’? These moments were genuine and definitely not staged, which simply adds to the sheer drama and brilliance of the show.

In a time where more questions are being raised about the state of Britain’s education system, these shows prove that if there is a problem, it is most definitely not due to lack of dedication or hard work. Michael Gove, you should be watching very closely.

Downton’s deadly shark

Lauren Hickin takes a look at ITV’s pride and glory to see if it is actually still good, or if it has jumped the proverbial shark and is plunging deep into the abyss of recycled lines and so-so characters

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ast week, long-running series Downton Abbey caused a social media frenzy when, in the last ten minutes of a fairly light-hearted episode in which the only cause for concern was Mrs Patmore’s overcooked vegetables, Lady’s maid Anna, one of the series’ most popular characters, was attacked. While actress Joanne Frogatt’s performance was undeniably powerful, the storyline has faced a barrage of criticism from viewers and reviewers alike. Many have accused Julian Fellowes, the series’ creator, of attempting to revive Downton’s ailing ratings with this shocking and uncharacteristic storyline.

However, I would argue that this latest plot twist is merely a symptom of the disease known as ‘Jumping the Shark’.

‘Jumping the Shark’ is far from a new phenomenon. With the rise of long-running series, it has become all too common to see a show you loved descend into cliché and mundanity. This is even worse when the characters who made the show popular leave for greener pastures and are replaced, as perfectly exemplified in Skins. Changes in the creative team can also derail a good series, as seen in Glee, which once contained a few great songs is now littered with them. The first series of Glee averaged four songs an episode, by the fourth, it was eight.

For me, Downton’s shark was first jumped when, after one fantastic series a respectable follow-up, Fellowes lazily got rid of Matthew’s inconvenient fiancé by killing her off. It was a silly end to a poorly developed character, whose sole function was to keep Mary and Matthew apart. And it didn’t end there. Youngest sister Lady Sybil and unlikely heir Matthew also exited the series in coffins in alarmingly quick succession.

The recycling of plotlines is also, incidentally, one

Lizzy’s Life Lessons

of the key signs of jumping the shark; while I have nothing but the greatest admiration for Maggie Smith, it does seem highly unlikely that Downton’s best loved matriarch and Dowager Countess of Grantham would continue to churn out the same one-liners while the younger members of the cast have quit the show for good before they got stuck in an endless perpetuation of plot and dialogue.

Could it be that some of these young actors have elected to move on to greener pastures? Is Downton doomed? Is there no hope of redemption for the perfect Sunday night’s viewing? I would like

Note: not an actual shot from the show to think so, if Fellowes can step back and return to what made the series so wonderful in the first place: the strength of the characters, not juvenile shock tactics.

Only one question remains: are all long-running series fated to jump the shark? It seems that there is still hope for the consistently high-quality longrunning series, as exemplified by the fantastic recent Breaking Bad finale. Should great series be limited and quit while they’re ahead, or should we keep the faith and stick it out with our old favourites?

Secondly, nice guys always finish last… or end up in the friend zone. You can be as sexy and strapping and ginger as you like, the queen is never going to fancy you if you keep treating her like a princess. See: Ser Jorah Mormont Thirdly, nice guys always finish last. This needs to be stressed. Ned Stark, man, Ned Stark and it wasn’t even the season finale. Tyrion Lannister has a really tough time being a wise-cracking dwarf who refuses to rape his fourteen year old wife and when Jaime Lannister finally decides to stop being a knob, they cut off his hand and drag him through loads of mud. And don’t even talk to me about the nicest guy of all – Robb Stark. I’m still trapped in a glass cage of emotion about that one.

As much as I don’t want to admit it, Game of Thrones has also taught me how and where to get it on: In a castle, on a sheepskin rug in a tent, with your sister atop a fine-looking horse. Position wise: behind, always from behind. From Daenerys being taught by a slave how to please the delectable Khal Drogo all the way to the Melisandre seducing Gendry with some sexy leeches – there’s a lot of weird, wonderful animalistic sex that we should all

aspire to in our everyday lives.

Next lesson: don’t be a smart arse. You will get slapped. Be afraid of the dark. Don’t trust anyone.

Absolutely power corrupts absolutely and babies make for excellent bartering tools with strange creatures in the woods. If you say you’re going to marry someone, just do it. Try not to become attached to your family members or your pets. In fact, don’t expect to ever see your beloved family or dogs again once they take off for the South because chances are, they won’t be coming back.

Finally, don’t pack up your bikini just yet, because winter isn’t coming. It’s not even close! The moral of the story is that just about everyone can learn something from HBO’s classic fantasy actiondrama series, except for Jon Snow. He still knows nothing.

28.sciencefeature

Monday 21 October 2013

The Courier

Science Editor: Elizabeth Hampson Deputy Science Editors: Emad Ahmed & Peter Style

The truth behind tashing on

We’ve all done it: the good, bad and indifferent. Now Penny Polson explores scientific reasons to justify the act

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he memories of our first kisses are rarely thought about with much ceremony. The words ‘slimey’ and ‘weird’ are often used.

Yet most of us continue to kiss for the rest of our lives, why? On face value it definitely doesn’t make much sense. The deputy editor of this section put it best when he exclaimed with some paranoia that kissing was ‘BIOLOGICALLY DANGEROUS’. There is some truth to this, as kissing has the potential of transferring salivabased diseases such as mono and herpes, or passing on bacteria which causes tonsillitis. Philematologists (scientists who study kissing… yeah, that’s really a thing) have a few ideas, but there is no easy answer. There are arguments in both camps about whether kissing is a learnt behaviour, which has been passed down the ages, or an instinctive one, which is built into our behaviour to benefit reproductive selection. Here are a few suggested explanations about why we kiss.

Before baby food, we were birds We have all seen footage of a mummy bird hurling into a baby bird’s mouth. Well, humanity’s survival may have been due to something similar, way back when. Early on in human evolution, there weren’t very many Tescos, or at least most of them were Tesco Metros and therefore too expensive for our ape-like ancestors to shop at. No supermarket meant no pre-mushed baby food, and to fix this gap in the market, is has been suggested that parents would chew solid food in their own mouth, and then pass it to the baby by locking lips.

This in turn may have made us associate the touching of lips, and exchange of saliva, with the affection and comfort that food brings.

In this event, kissing would be a learnt behaviour which has stuck around in our culture and simply morphed from being food providing, to a demonstration of affection (or drunkenness at Tiger Tiger).

Chimpanzees feed their infants in this manner, which does support the idea that our ancestors may have done something similar. However, for obvious reasons it is a difficult theory to provide evidence for or against. Also it’s a bit gross.

Jersey

Men trying. to get sex

In 2007, just over 1000 undergrads were involved in a study with suggested that deep kissing for men was a way of getting into to the next physical phase (if you know what I mean), whereas women, having sampled the genes in his saliva (as in Point 1 above), were more interested in seeing how the relationship could progress emotionally in the long term.

This is apparently due to the ladies need to be pickier about mates, due to their biological clock ticking a bit faster than guys, who can make babies a lot later in their lives than women. In this sense, women need to ensure they are mating with people of quality so that their offspring will be strong. This is subscribing to the whole ‘women don’t want sex as much as men’ myth, which is old fashioned and tedious. Similarly, it is pretty insulting to guys to suggest that they do not have the same emotional capacity as women and that all they are thinking about is sex.

This is just a taster (pardon the pun) of some of the science behind kissing and as it is quite a personal activity, there still may be a slight taboo surrounding research on it and therefore plenty more still to learn. It is also important to note that not all cultures kiss, or did not do so until Western culture headed their way. So it might not be as ingrained in human behaviour or genes as some of the theories above suggest.

There does seem to be a lot of good that comes from kissing, so science’s advice is to go forth and share your immune system and let those endorphins flow, but maybe skip the bird feeding kiss, that might seem a bit weird.

Tonsil hockey leads to health and happiness

Kissing (and even hand-holding) reduces the presence of the stress hormone cortisol, so a kiss can make you feel calm and soothed. Serotonin is also released after a good lip interaction, which induces a ‘feel good’ state. Overall, after a kiss, a person may experience lowered anxiety and blood pressure levels.

It has also been indicated that it will reduce tooth decay in both parties, with the physical movement and saliva from the other person dislodging food particles and giving your mouth a general clean (yuck). However, it was noted that kissing should not replace normal dental hygiene, and that brushing and flossing before bed is still advised.

Furthermore, a Japanese study completed in 2006 suggests that the humble kiss can reduce allergic inflammation. 24 eczema sufferers, and 24 allergic rhinitis sufferers (inflammation of the nasal passage, due to reactions to pollen, pets, dust etc.) were asked to kiss their partner or spouse in a private room for 30 minutes, while soothing music such as ‘My heart will go on’ played in the background. Blood samples were taken immediately before and after this and researchers found that those who had been kissing had fewer plasma cells which caused inflammation.

Personally, I have never seen reduction of hay fever while around my other half, so I think it would be sensible to be sceptical about this anti-allergen kissing revelation and also about the music tastes of the scientists.

Say it with saliva

One theory is that when we kiss, we are passing on genetic information that gets analysed and subconsciously leads to decisions about how you feel about your partner. If the person we are kissing has protein indicators which suggest that they have a different immune system to our own, then some scientists argue this will lead to us being more attracted to them.

It is evolutionarily beneficial to reproduce with someone with a different immune system in order to create an off-spring with more genetic diversity. On a more obvious level, the smell of someone’s breath can be an

indicator of health. Nasty breath means a less fit individual (in more than one sense), which would lead to us being less attracted to them, as we should generally only want to breed with healthy specimens.

The obvious downside of this idea is that for most of us, reproduction is the last thing on our mind when we pull.

This suggests that kissing is an instinctive behaviour, left over from times gone by, which we do in order to analyse potential mates. Even though most of us don’t think we’re going to have babies with every person we kiss.

People usually describe rubbing noses together as an ‘Eskimo kiss’, when in fact it is only similar to a traditional Inuit greeting, called a ‘kunik’. This is where a family member or loved one expresses affection by pressing their nose and upper lip against the skin (often cheek) of their partner, and breathing in.

‘Osculate’ is the scientific word for ‘kiss’. It literally means ‘little mouth’. Why not tell that to the next person you kiss. “Hi. Can we osculate?”, “Bro, do you even osculate?” etc.

Romans had three words for kiss, depending on the type of kiss and situation: ‘oscula’ were kisses of friendship and affection; ‘basin’ were kisses of love; and ‘suavia’ were passionate kisses.

The main muscle that is used to kiss is called the orbicularis oris, which runs around the outside of your mouth, although all 34 facial muscles are used in some way. Your lips have the one of the highest concentrations of touch receptor cells, making it one of the most sensitive regions in the human body. Yep, even more sensitive than you know where.

The ‘Kiss of death’ is described in a Mafia context as a kiss delivered to someone typically within the mob’s own family, who have betrayed them (Godfather II anyone? ‘I knew it was you Fredo. You broke my heart...’ – followed by a weirdly passionate kiss on the forehead). As usual with anything Mafia, it may have originated from Sicily, where assassins were kissed for good luck before they went off to complete a job.

Ancient Romans would have a passionate kiss in front of a group of people when they became betrothed (could be seen as an influence for the modern day marriage ceremony). Similarly, if you were kissed under the mistletoe before about 1400 AD, it was a significant indicator that you were engaged to that person.

Between ten million and one billion bacteria are exchanged when we kiss (included in up to 278 colonies). Around 80% of these are common to most humans and a majority of the remaining percentage containing different antibodies to those found in your own body meaning they are beneficial to your immune system.

Kissing burns calories (obviously depending on the intensity and length of the kiss). Your heart pumps faster and your metabolic rate increases. One shady source on the internet suggests you should kiss for at least 5 hours in order to lose a pound in weight.

The ‘x’s placed at the end of messages represent kiss in its shape, with the two angles coming in from both the left and right and meeting in the middle, supposedly signifying the outline of two people kissing. ‘Kiss my ass’ is suggested to have come from a story from 1705, in which the anatomy mentioned is kissed by an unsuspecting character.

The Courier

artsfeature.29

Monday 21 October 2013

Classics for cretins

The Courier’s guide to the best of the best in decidedly dodgy animated adaptations

Picture the scene: you get in from a night out, your arms plastered in stamps and your bra full of free mix CDs, only to find your copy of Ivanhoe lying open on your bed. It’s your ‘Boring Old Books’ seminar tomorrow, and you’re only halfway through! Luckily for you, Culture Editor Sam Summers has trawled through his collection of terrible, low-budget literary cartoons, guaranteed to give you the general gist in 50 minutes or less

The Classic Walter Scott’s Ivanhoe tells of the struggle between the Saxons and the Normans in medieval Britain, as both groups adjust to life in the wake of the Norman invasion. I say ‘adjust’, but mainly they just kick seven shades of shit out of each other in a series of epic action sequences featuring such classic medieval characters as Robin Hood and the Black Knight. Into the fray comes Ivanhoe, a gifted knight torn between his Saxon blood and his Norman allegiances.

The Ridiculous Adaptation

The Ridiculous Adaptation

The evil Normans – you can tell they’re evil because they’ve got lilac skin – have taken over England, and it’s up to the heroic Ivanhoe, with a haircut straight out of He-Man, to save the day.

Brian de Bois-Guilbert, the novel’s tragic antihero, has been reduced to a moustache-twirling, Dick Dastardly-channeling pervert, while the virtuous, Saxon Rowena and the strong-willed, Jewish Rebecca are pretty much the same woman with different hair. Also, the Jews have magic powers, because what even is a Jew? It’s like a house elf, right?

If you were wondering how they managed to squeeze Walter Scott’s 500+ page monster into a 50 minute cartoon, you’d be surprised that this version actually adds a scene at the beginning, showing Ivanhoe and King Richard crusading in Jerusalem, including an extended fight between two unmanned horses. You’d think they’d pick up the pace after this, but there’s also a five minute long jousting sequence – that’s 10% of the film’s runtime – in which the villainous Front-de-Boeuf dresses up as a fat Satan and Ivanhoe slices through his enemies’ swords as if they were made of polystyrene.

All this nonsense leaves the cartoon with an awful lot of catching up to do to fit the rest of the novel in, particularly the tense final section in which Brian kidnaps his beloved Rebecca. Luckily, as he escapes with his hostage, Robin Hood pops up and shoots de Bois-Guilbert in his skinny lilac arse, eradicating about 150 pages of plot in the process.

Problem solved.

One of the strangest things about this version of Ivanhoe is the all-Australian cast, which makes all their talk of ‘true English hearts’ more than a tad awkward. It also adds layers of subtext to the novel’s themes of imperialism and colonisation, but I’d hazard a guess that it’s unintentional.

Rather than following the crew of the Pequod, this version brings us the adventures of a young Moby Dick as his mother tries to teach him how to leap out of the water. In what is surely the strangest ripoff of Bambi since Bambi vs Godzilla, this somehow leads to the death of Moby’s mother, and sees him ostracised from the whale tribe and cast off into the lonely ocean.

There he meets Winnie, a Brooklyn-accented seahorse from the wrong side of the tracks, and Stella, a starfish obsessed with becoming an actress and modelled on Mae West. All pretty far removed from Melville’s opus, I’m sure we’ll agree, but that was to be expected from a film which purports to be ‘the classic tale of the friendship between a whale and a young boy’.

Ah, yes, the young boy. In this version Ishmael is a young orphan, who joins Ahab’s crew along with his best friend Queequeg. Queequeg, a member of a cannibal tribe, is somehow even more of a racial caricature here than in the book, by the way. A decidedly un-maimed Captain Ahab is still obsessed with killing Moby Dick, albeit with no discernible motive, but he’s a bit less ‘from hell’s heart I stab at thee’ and a bit more ‘for levity’s sake I sing at thee’.

Moby Dick is full of songs, actually; songs about whaling, songs about loneliness and songs about the cruel prejudices faced by starfishes in the theatre industry. Each and every song is an ungodly abomination rivalling Moby himself, and I’m not talking about the little bald DJ. Moby and Ishmael don’t even properly meet until the last five minutes. They start off as enemies, but soon bond over their common orphanhood, with Ishmael’s miraculous ability to talk to sea life going unmentioned. Ahab then puts his foot in it – and by ‘it’ I mean ‘the ocean’ – and drowns, which is a shame, because he’s quite a nice guy in this.

The Classic Herman Melville’s Moby Dick is a bloody big book about a bloody big whale, and the man who’d go to any lengths to kill him. Captain Ahab is what Freud might call a ‘complete f*cking nutter’, and is obsessed with harpooning Moby Dick, the whale that took his leg. The story is narrated

by Ishmael, a jaded crewman on Ahab’s ship, the Pequod, who tells the sordid tale his captain’s descent into lunacy and the subsequent decimation of the Pequod and its crew.

The Ridiculous Adaptation

The Classic Homer’s epic poem The Odyssey is a catalogue of the many, many heroic achievements of Oddyseus, a consummate badass who pretty much single handedly ended the Trojan War, on his way home from Troy. He kills a lot of monsters, sleeps with a lot of women, and pisses of a lot of gods in his quest to return to the his kingdom of Ithica and his long-suffering wife, Penelope. It takes him ten years, which sounds like a while, but he spent seven of those years having sex with the nymph Calypso, so I imagine he hardly noticed.

Odysseus, known far and wide for his ‘bravery and cleverness’, is on his way home after giving the Trojans a carpentry lesson they’ll never forget when Poseidon decides to blow his ship off course.

In Homer’s original it’s because Odysseus blinds his son the Cyclops, but here the God of the Sea is just ‘feeling bored’. I hope I’m not committing any grave heresy when I say that the His Watery Highness sounds like a bit of a dick.

One of the main issues with this version is the character design. Some discrepancies are minor but baffling (Cerberus, the three headed dog, is downgraded to a paltry two noggins) while some are outright hilarious (the terrifying serpent Scylla becomes an adorable, Pete’s Dragon-esque creature). Worst of all, none of the male characters have been blessed with necks, implying that Prometheus got a bit stingy with the clay when he was sculpting mankind.

Probably the most egregious deviation from the text – bar the ending, which we’ll get to – comes in the scene with the Sirens. Sea dwelling women who lure sailors to their deaths with their beautiful song. Here that beautiful song sounds like a bunch of five-year-old girls trying it on with several outof-sync car alarms. When our hero screams in terror, he says he’s struggling to resist but he’s really thinking ‘turn that shit off !’

Now, everyone knows how the Odyssey ends: Odysseus returns to find his palace besieged by a randy band of bachelors getting all Robin Thicke on his wife, and then he kills them all. After sitting through this rot, I was gagging for the catharsis of seeing the Neckless Wonder hacking his way through an army of Robin Thickes but, like Ivanhoe before it, this adaptation took the liberty of doing away with the original ending completely.

Odysseus marries Nausicaa of all people, with nary a sea of dead bodies in sight.

The Ridiculous Adaptation

The Classic Robert Louis Stevenson’s novella The Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde is a much-adapted morality tale about an easy-going guy with an ill-defined doctorate who takes it upon himself to separate the two sides of human nature – good and evil – with a secret formula. Around the same time, London is plagued by a nasty little feller named Edward Hyde, who runs around town busting nuts until he attracts the attention of Jekyll’s lawyer, who decides to investigate. Spoiler alert: Jekyll and Hyde are the same person. I know, right?

The first thing you’ll notice about this film is it’s soundtrack. Mr Hyde’s every appearance is accompanied by an absolutely filthy funk riff, straight out of a ‘70s blaxploitation flick. There’s probably some pretty dodgy racial undertones in there if you want to look for them, but bloody hell, what a soundtrack. Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde is the Dolemite of crappy animated literary adaptations, and that is not a comparison I make lightly.

All of the other films I’ve looked at have had trouble squashing the book’s plot into their 50 minute runtimes, but Dr Jekyll has trouble stretching it out. This becomes painfully apparent when they bring in an aborted subplot about a mouse who takes Jekyll’s potion, and reaches its apex in a prolonged scene showing Hyde chasing a cat around his lab, a clear precursor of Breaking Bad’s famous ‘Fly’ episode.

Filler scenes like these are likely an attempt to cover up that fact that the animators can’t bring themselves to animate the particulars of Mr Hyde’s reign of terror, which in the novel involves a job lot of murder and, implicitly, a job lot of rape. Here, Hyde’s litany of evil deeds are condensed into a montage, in which he tips over an apple cart, nicks some cutlery, throws a man’s business card back in his face and, most brutally, jumps up and down on a man’s back like Crash Bandicoot. I went on a worse rampage than that when James Arthur won X Factor.

After a good 45 minutes of skulking around with his pimp cane and his Isaac Hayes vibes, vexing small-business owners left, right and, indeed, centre, people finally start to suspect that Mr Hyde might be a bit evil – his lilac skin is a dead giveaway – and Dr Jekyll decides enough is enough.

He makes the one decision we all pray we never have to make, and resolves to... die mysteriously offscreen.

30.music

Monday 21 October 2013

The Courier

Music Editors: Kate Bennett and Ian Mason

SONGS for the

DEAF Metal Machine Music

We gave Lou Reed’s 1975 horrorshow to Will Ibbott. He couldn’t possibly like it... could he?

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ou Reed is known for his vociferousness over his much-maligned 1975 LP Metal Machine Music. “No-one is meant to do a thing like that and survive”, he remarked, after releasing a musical work so mindless and uncomfortable it seriously alienate his fan base (the majority of them returned the album to music retailers demanding refunds soon after buying it). It’s fair to say that by the mid-seventies the coffin of Reed’s musical career was quickly gathering nails – a shadow of his outings with The Velvet Underground or even the later success of 1973’s Transformer.

Metal Machine Music (MMM), when weighed up against the likes of ‘Venus in Furs’, ‘Walk on the Wild Side’ or ‘Perfect Day’, quite honestly comes as a kick in the balls: 94 minutes of white noise and dissonant guitar feedback, basically devoid of any conventions of a rock album. It only has to be listened to in order to reach such an impression – but I wouldn’t recommend doing that. It doesn’t even have to be listened to in order to make sense of its leftfield structural style, as it doesn’t feature tracks – it’s only been quartered which I suppose is what you’d do when filling up some empty vinyl space with white noise. MMM is maddening and mindless - I sat through the entire length of it and it was something to endure rather than enjoy. By the album’s end I felt like I could understand Van Gogh’s reasons for so famously going to work on his own ears...

Throwing away the traditional conventions of an LP, Lou Reed usurps them with warped sound, creating a dystopian sonic landscape. The first few minutes sound like the far-off call of a ship horn, interspersed with the sound of fairground music which has been abandoned since all the people who used to frequent it went underground to seek safety. There’s the occasional sound of what I can only describe as the noise of seagull being fed into some kind of ominous contraption (maybe this is the Metal Machine of the album title???). Make no mistake that MMM is every inch as dreary and isolating as the title of it would suggest.

In defence of MMM, it can’t be denied that it is stylistically consistent (largely due to the album being so damn repetitive), but in all other respects Lou Reed’s swooping career nosedive which took place in the mid-Seventies can be done away with and forgotten about. Lock the door, throw away the key and turn off that bloody guitar amplifier.

Will Ibbott

Aftershock Motörhead

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here aren’t too many bands that reach their twenty-first studio album. On that note there aren’t too many artists who have stuck together for nearly forty years (It’s not uncommon for rock stars to not even live that long!), and even less who would downplay a hospital stint for a hematoma at the age of sixty-seven as “nothing,” before heading straight back out on the road, but naturally the legendary Lemmy Kilmister takes it all in his stride.

Motörhead’s new album Aftershock, released in the UK on October 21st as a combined package along with Classic Rock magazine follows up their 2010 release The Wörld Is Yours, as a continuation of everything you would expect from the hard drinking rock titans.

Whether you want to regard Motörhead as heavy metal pioneers, speed punk or as good old fashioned rock ‘n’ roll, they as a band probably won’t bat an eyelid; but Aftershock will probably offer something for you to get your teeth into.

The opening track ‘Heartbreaker’ is the kind of rock song you’ll catch yourself singing along to, a trademark of Motörhead through the years, (Don’t kid anyone; you sing along to ‘Ace of Spades’ every time it comes onto the radio!), it’s definitely worth checking out ‘End of Time’ and ‘Going to Mexico’ on that note as well.

On a differing note the tracks ‘Lost Woman Blues’ and ‘Dust and Glass’ offer a slowed down change of pace in a series of blues themed rock ballads.

These differ pleasantly from the expected slow ballads you’ll find on many hard rock albums and break the album up nicely, giving those aging neck muscles a rest from the involuntary head banging a Motörhead album unduly brings with it.

With their everything louder than everything

Lightning Bolt

else attitude Motörhead always come through with more than their fair share of air-guitar inducing numbers and if like me that’s what draws your towards Lemmy, Wizzo and Mikkey D; then ‘Queen of the Damned’ the track for you. The chorus is catchy enough but the following riff will have you finger picking at your hips with little knowledge of doing as much, and even less care or regard.

Aftershock isn’t Motörhead’s greatest ever album, but at their twenty-first offering it’s a solid effort and will definitely add another aspect to

Ian Mason

The riff will have you finger picking at your hips with little knowledge of doing as much, and even less care or regard

their ever expanding and seemingly never-ending live show. And whether you’ll casually toe-tap along during their brief radio outings, roar with glee when the lycra clad Triple H strides to the ring in the WWE or don the leathers yourself as a Marlboro Red smoking, Harley Davidson riding rocker; with Motörhead you generally know what you’re getting before you press play. It’s music to let your hair down too, literally.

Recommended download: ‘Queen of the Damned’ Ian Mason

If you like this, try ...

Metallica Through The Never

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f rocking out is your thing, then why not check out the newly released soundtrack to the new Metallica 3D movie Through The Never. A collection of their greatest tracks recorded live and unedited to remain true to their epic performance.

Static Cults

Tattoos

Pearl Jam

Jason Derulo

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aving picked up a neck injury during an attempted backflip which threatened to end his career, Derulo has done well to come back with his third effort, Tattoos.

The album contains two absolute bangers in the form of ‘Talk Dirty To Me’ and ‘Take Me To The Otherside’, though the rest of the record feels like it was made simply to support the big singles - the two mentioned and ‘Marry Me’, which is a classic soulful Derulo number. Elsewhere, the songs on Tattoos feel like filler… largely because they are.

There’s too much of the same in the form of romantic, heart-on-sleeve ballads, which are fairly dull. To be fair to Derulo he does drop some pretty witty one liners - notable lyrics come when he harks back to being the player he was before finding himself in a serious relationship with Jordin Sparks, ‘one friend can come t(w)o and we’ll make it three’. Let’s be honest though, the main reason people will be buying the record is because of the main singles, which do him proud. ‘Talk Dirty To Me’ is a departure for Derulo sonically - but definitely a welcome one, the brass element giving the song a certain swagger which is seriously catchy.

The album is, as with his previous efforts, a cool affair full of catchy sing-along choruses and rousing melodies and even though its not really much of a departure from his old sound it is a fair effort.

Derulo has proven himself to be a very successful singles artist, so don’t be expecting a well-written concept driven album.

H

tatic is the new effort from trippy New York pop duo Cults. As a sequel to their loveydovey self-titled debut it conveniently conveys how you feel when you find yourself shitted out of the rear-end of a long term relationship.

When singer Madeline Follin and guitarist Brian Oblivion ended their four-year relationship and began writing their sophomore album, who would’ve thought we’d be walking in the air a la The Snowman? The first track on the album, entitled ‘I Know’, serves merely to confuse any listener into thinking they’re listening to a group of little choir boys hooked on LSD. The album continues with similarly eerie, repetitive tracks - including ‘Always Forever’, which I had to endure a fair few times before confirming that Kate Bush isn’t making an unwelcome comeback and it is actually just a sorrowful Madeline Follin expressing her fear about being dumped, again.

Admittedly, ‘Were Before’ and ‘Keep Your Head Up’ channel the shroom-induced girl pop numbers from the first album, and a bit of swag is injected with some jazzy drumming in ‘Shine A Light’, but this cannot compensate for the embarrassingly clingy lyrics - clearly extracted from Follin’s diary.

The album can only be described as a drugged-up banshee’s soundtrack of loss and yearning.

The lyrics of final song ‘No Hope’ unintentionally encapsulate my feelings towards the album: “the days much colder” - you will undoubtedly feel a little depressed and spaced out if you give this album a whirl - “and there’s not much left to say” - other than approach with caution.

Recommended download: ‘Mind Your Manners’

Recommended download: ‘Talk Dirty To Me’

Recommended download: ‘We’ve Got It’

ightning Bolt, the tenth studio album from Seattle grunge kings Pearl Jam, suffers from the longevity of their career in that Eddie Vedder‘s quintet have journeyed through familiar territory with this LP, failing to bring anything new to the table.

That is not to say that this is a poor album; Lightning Bolt is a solid addition to an already accomplished back catalogue. It demonstrates more of a return to normal than 2009’s more experimental Backspacer, and has a clear resemblance to the band’s earlier work. Pearl Jam have made a career of adding small variants to their grunge foundations, relying on its simplicity to create a sound that has stood the test of time - their material still sounds current in the modern day.

The occasional flirtation with modernity can be heard in some of the album’s higher energy tracks, such as ‘Getaway’ and lead single ‘Mind Your Manners’, while softer tracks such as ‘Sirens’ and ‘Sleeping By Myself ’ highlight the maturity achieved through a twenty year career. Mike McCready’s guitar work shines throughout the album ranging from artful acoustic numbers to powerful shredding solos, and Eddie Vedder’s vocals are still top notch, even if his lyrics are not quite as deep and meaningful as they used to be.

All this accumulates to ensure the band’s sound is still very Pearl Jam, and definitely still worth a listen for old and new fans alike - but the question arises of how much longer can they keep this going before bowing out gracefully is the best option.

Lewis Ancrum

Max Palmer-Geaves

S

Maisie Mitchell

The Courier

music.31

Monday 21 October 2013

thecourieronline.co.uk/music c2.music@ncl.ac.uk | @courier_music

SceNE: Venues Each week we take a closer look

Singles

club

at a different spot in Newcastle’s music scene. This week: Think Tank?

Charlie Dearnley rifles through this week’s contenders then decides he probably shouldn’t have bothered

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ewcastle as a city has one major advantage over many of England’s bigger cities in the compactness and ease within which you can get around; that however doesn’t stop many of us from being lazy and refusing to wander outside of the inner city. If that sounds like you, then Think Tank? - now situated in Times Square right next to Digital nightclub and the Life Centre in what was formerly known as The Other Rooms, means that the eclectic music not quite fitted to the Arena or the O2 Academy is now right on your doorstep.

Having up until recently been situated in what was essentially a barn in Hoults Yard, several miles outside of the city centre, Think Tank? attracted a variety of acts from multiple genres but often struggled to attract last minute custom given it’s isolated location, the move makes perfect sense both for promoters and customers. Moving to the city centre means that gigs such as Ghostpoet, Hayseed Dixie and New Order’s Peter Hook are accessible to even the most static of students.

Many of those who have visited downstairs nightclub Digital will know that the sound system in the building is of a far higher standard than many other smaller venues not only locally but nationally.

Given the show-

Talking Heads

David Byrne and Stevie Nicks have both recently claimed the internet is ‘killing the music industry’ - Eve McGeady and Kezziah Hall wade into the debate

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he internet has undeniably given music a whole new lease of life. It’s made music universally accessible to millions of people whilst giving those up and coming bands that all important “foot in the door”.

However, I seriously think that it has ruined the way we experience music; it’s almost taken the

T

his week’s singles round up begins with a certain factor - a factor supposedly marking quality and superiority over many other inferior cast-offs.

Having won the ninth show title, James Arthur has the X Factor, although he shares this sought after attribute with eight others, and really, what is the X Factor divided by nine? A predictable commercialized conveyor belt of shit, that’s what. I do pity James: his single ‘You’re Nobody ‘Til Somebody Loves You’ is perfectly suited for the charts, and I’m sure many young women will swoon at his striking blue eyes and bad boy hipster tattoo sleeves - but sadly, in the video for his new single, he has been surpassed. Outshone by his accompanying guitarist’s vivacious and vicious afro, which miraculously upheld a comb as if it were superglued in place. Poor James’s mop top just can’t compete.

casing of multiple genres of music it means that when bands who are more melodic folk or goosebump-inducing ambience than high-octane guitar acts play, the sound carries much more crisply, rather than reverberating around the room, a frustration I’m sure many of ou reasing this will have shared.

Drinks prices are reasonable if not bargain basement and there is a well stocked selection of choices, from bottled beers to spirits. There are also plenty of surrounding drinking establishments to suit all variety of evenings should you wish for a cheaper one beforehand or a wilder one afterwards.

Directions; Walk: Turn left out of central station and walk for what is essentially a brief stroll into Times Square, well indicated with the neon Life Centre signs, and you’ll find it tucked away down in the bottom left corner of the square to the right of Digital nightclub Public Transport: Any bus that takes you to Central Station will drop you right outside of Times Square,.

Metro: Just like regional and national rail, the Metro stops at Central Station which is no more than two minutes walk away.

pleasure out of it. Besides the whole illegal downloading “we don’t get paid” issue that we’re all sick of hearing A-listers cry about into their caviar, there’s the whole element of surprise, which we seem to have forfeited. In our hectic and fastpaced technology-based lives, we seem to have lost the simple pleasure of buying an actual CD, vinyl or even, dare I say it, cassette. I rue the day that these physical representations of music become obsolete.

ternet and its connections with music; I’m simply urging people to remember the joys of music before the internet. Go forth and buy a cassette.

There’s no more exciting experience than buying an album without knowing what’s on it I challenge you to find a more exciting experience than buying an album, not knowing what on Earth is on it and finding that you’ve only discovered the greatest hidden gem of all time.

I’m sure we’re all in mutual agreement that the greatest part of anything is the suspense (Christmas, birthdays, Saturdays) and why shouldn’t it be the same for new releases? The world turned into bedlam when GTA came out: men of all ages did not sleep or eat for about 2 weeks, eager to hold their new obsession - why do we not do this when it comes to music?

It’s because we know that if we really want a track or album before its release date we can probably find it somewhere on the internet. Most highly anticipated albums are leaked, and although we all sit there, smug as ever listening to it, we’ve taken away the build-up and it’s just not as satisfying.

I’m not campaigning for a ban on the in-

Ian Mason

W

Eve McGeady

here would we be without Youtube, iTunes, Pandora, Spotify or the internet in general?

For a start, we’d be dependent on the ever overhyped UK Top 40. In the ages before the internet, people would have to rely on radio, word of mouth or music channels (when MTV would broadcast actual music videos - I am not making this up).

Even then, it would only be fashionable, mainstream artists or the lucky few that managed to breakout who would receive any kind of attention.

Up and coming bands of a variety of genres were left to lurk in the shadows and hope for the best.

The internet is the gateway to a multitude of sounds. You might just find that band that suits you perfectly, making you wonder where they’ve been all your life. It’s so easy just to type your favourite artists into YouTube or Spotify and find numerous recommendations waiting for you, leading you to even more great music. I would say a good 90% of

Without the internet we’d be dependent on the Top 40 my iPod is made up of music I’ve found thanks to the internet.

Not only does this benefit you, but it’s great for aspiring artists hoping to make their mark on the industry. By sharing their new single, you’ll really be helping them out. Also, with the web at their fingertips, artists of all kinds are able to reach out to a larger audience, rather than a considerably smaller one in a local pub gig. Myspace may be long gone, but in its place we have Facebook and Twitter, both with massive amounts of users. You could say the relationship between artist and listener is balanced, you find some amazing new music and they can make money doing what they love. The more support they have, the more awesome albums they’ll release.

Kezziah Hall

The second single comes from a band that didn’t quite have the X Factor; they were close but the fat lady didn’t sing - instead, four pretty boys did.

Union J’s new single ‘Beautiful Life’ will appeal to a certain target audience, within which I do not include myself. If you’re a teenage girl with a preexisting adoration of One Direction then you’re in luck! You might just like these guys too, as they’re more or less exactly the same. The video accompanying ‘Beautiful Life’ is a touch confusing, as the four young gents unmask a slavery ring and save two-dozen teenagers from confinement in shipping containers before they’re dispatched across the globe. Everybody – of course – then has a quick party to celebrate their new-found free and beautiful lives.

I breathe a heavy sigh of relief as we move onto a group that have nothing to do with X-Factor.

Swedish dance duo Icona Pop has released a new single, ‘All Night’, packed to the brim with synth hooks, pounding bass and vocal melodies. It’s nauseatingly catchy and will bounce round your head long after the music has stopped. Sober I would pretend to dislike this in order to maintain my street cred, which of course is currently flourishing with my recent venture into baggy Hawaiian shirts. However, after a few drinks I’d regrettably be the loose-limbed fool joyously spinning around the dance floor, though I highly doubt I’d maintain that level of enthusiasm all night.

Little Nikki is back, though saying that I was never aware she was here in the first place. Ironically, in her new single ‘Little Nikki Says’ she doesn’t have a great deal to say. She talks a bit about how she likes cake, invites us to skip to her loo...

I didn’t really pick up on much else. I miss old R ‘n’ B. Why was there ever a need to blend it with techno and dance? It’s just plain wrong, and Little Nikki’s smug smirks do nothing to pull me any further away from the likes of Kelis. ‘Milkshake’ will have me twerking long before I conform to Little Nikki’s game of Simon Says.

Is the internet killing music?

Who won the debate: Eve or Kezziah? Vote in our online poll at thecourieronline.co.uk/music

32.science

Monday 21 October 2013

The Courier

Science Editor: Elizabeth Hampson Deputy Science Editors: Emad Ahmed & Peter Style

Are we pandering to pandas?

The news of Edinburgh Zoo’s potentially pregnant giant panda Tian Tian has swept across the world’s media like wildfire, but what’s all the fuss about? Tom Mackenzie investigates

In August the news of Edinburgh Zoo’s potentially pregnant giant panda Tian Tian swept across the world’s media like wildfire but now, unfortunately, experts believe that Tian Tian has lost her cub. Miscarriage is just one problem that could have occurred, many others would have ended the story before it began. So what’s the big issue with pandas? The zoo has one male and one female, surely a cub should be inevitable at some point? The problem with pandas is it’s rarely quite that simple.

The distinct monochrome image of the giant panda is instantly recognisable as a symbol of wildlife conservation worldwide, and for good reason; on the face of it though, the choice may not appear to be so obvious. The panda is classified as endangered, the middle of the three categories in the ‘threatened’ spectrum, so in terms of becoming extinct, it’s not the planet’s most vulnerable species.

So if pandas are not teetering on the edge of existence, why invest so much time, money and effort into helping them survive? A shrinking habitat (of our own doing), continued poaching and the species’ total reliance on bamboo as a food source are some answers, but perhaps the most baffling lies in their almost complete ineptitude at reproducing. The first problem is that females come into heat – when successful fertilisation can occur – for only 2 or 3 days in an entire year, so if they don’t meet a male within this brief window of opportunity the chance is wasted. Even if a male panda does stumble across a receptive female, success is by no means certain; often males appear not to know what to do or can have trouble mating due to their diminutive equipment, not to mention that their female counterpart may simply take a dislike and attack.

The woes of producing a panda cub do not end there however; after a variable gestation period lasting several months the female gives birth to a pink, blind, hamster-sized cub which is periodically left alone and defenceless for numerous hours while the mother feeds. Pandas do sometimes give birth to two cubs, which might initially appear to be a blessing, but unfortunately the low-nutrition diet of bamboo only allows for production of enough milk to fuel the survival of one cub in the wild – yet another pitfall of the panda’s survival strategy.

It’s not cheap for Edinburgh to keep their pandas – £600,000 annually in ‘rent’ alone – but the likelihood of the birth of a cub is dramatically raised in captivity. This is partly down to potential for artificial fertilisation – as was the case with Tian Tian after she’d taken a swipe at Edinburgh’s male Yang Guang in the heat of the moment, so in the wild their encounter

would have been over before it got going.

The fight to keep pandas from tumbling towards extinction and attempting to breed them appears to require a huge amount of effort, financial input and vast quantities of patience. Is it worth it then? Considering that their previously plummeting population was mainly our doing, not to mention the astronomic rise in the chances of reproduction in captivity compared to the wild, I’d say we should give it a go.

FACT FILE: Pandas Nobody is completely sure how long pandas survive in the wild but the longest a panda has lived in captivity is 35.

Pandas eat for 12 hours a day, taking 28 pounds of bamboo a day to satisfy their dietary requirements.

These laid back creatures have been known to climb as high as 13,000 feet in the summer season in order to feed on the higher slopes

“

Often, males appear not to know what to do or can have trouble mating due to their diminutive equipment, not to mention that their female counterpart may simply take a dislike and attack.

” Four things you didn’t know about...

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Photo by Jballeis

Marine life: This week Laura Staniforth dives into the watery unknown depths of the sea The Japanese spider crab

Forget the cute little critters you used to find while rock pooling in your younger years, this behemoth is on a whole other level. Considered to be the largest arthropod in the world, it can weigh up to 19kg and has a maximum leg span of up to 3.8m from claw to claw. To put that in perspective, the biggest specimens weigh the same as a Border collie and are longer than a Fiat Panda! Despite their creepily imposing appearance, it is often thought to be a gentle creature, chowing down on small molluscs or animal carcasses. Don’t provoke one though, as there have been reports of foolish Japanese fisherman taking one on barehanded for a laugh, and ending up with broken limbs for their trouble thanks to the powerful claws.

Photo: Momotarou2012

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2

The Mantis shrimp

As popularised by the now-famed Oatmeal comic, this little crustacean is making waves for being one of the most fabulous (yet surprisingly deadly) marine animals. Mantis shrimps have over five times the number of colour-receptive cones than humans, meaning they can see colours we can’t even comprehend. This may be why it looks like they’re wearing Joseph’s Technicolour Dreamcoat, a snazzy warning to keep predators away. Don’t let that fool you, they have appendages to spear prey that accelerate as fast as a bullet. Many aquariums have often had problems when their specimens manage to break out of their tanks, despite being only 20cm long. Thankfully all that violence doesn’t stop the love in the ocean! The shrimps often mate for life – around 20 years. Cute.

Photo: Fred Hsu

The Chimaera

No, not the fire-breathing monstrosity from Greek mythology (that’s a Chimera), but it’s pretty damn odd anyway. This cartilaginous fish - like most creatures from the deep sea - it’s a tad quirky. It has an elongated snout, passing to and fro over the ocean floor as it swims.

As a biological metal detector, the sensory organs pick up electrical impulses from hidden prey buried under the surface.

Let’s be frank here, the dodgiest thing about the Chimaera is that males have a retractable sexual appendage on their foreheads. It’s a special clasper used to hold the ladies in place so they can get it on during intercourse. Whatever floats your boat, I guess.

Illustration: Tony Ayling

4

The Ocean sunfish

Now, this is a strange looking creature.

A quick glance makes it seem like the sunfish has no tail. Its scientific name is the Mola mola, which is Latin for millstone, as sailors in the past have often mistaken it for a lumpy and unfortunately featured rock. Despite weighing over 900kg the sunfish is harmless to humans, and in some circumstances even likes to be petted.

They’re frequently spotted by whale watchers, who report that Molas sometimes lay flat on the surface of the water, as if they’re playing dead. The truth is far from that though; instead they’re just basking in the sun while waiting to be visited by the ocean’s version of a carwash! Seabirds from high and fish from below will flock to give the sunfish some needed TLC and get rid of the parasites on their skin.

The Courier

science.33

Monday 21 October 2013

thecourieronline.co.uk/science c2.science@ncl.ac.uk | @courier_science

Grow your own burger kin Scientists have managed to grow and develop a burger in the lab from the stem cells of a cow begging the question: would you eat it?

A

burger developed from the stem cells of a cow and grown in a lab was consumed at a London news conference in August.

As a vegetarian, I am conscious of the ever increasing negative environmental effects of the meat industry. These include mass deforestation to make space for cattle ranches, use of pesticides and fertilisers which may have harmful effects in humans, and methane produced from cows contributing to the greenhouse effect - which in turn affects climate change. Also, the grain used to feed livestock in the US alone could feed nearly 800 million people, if consumed directly by humans.

This new synthetic burger has considerably less environmental impact. To manufacture one, it required 45% less energy than farming cattle, produced 96% less greenhouse gas emissions, and used 99% less land. Although it must be noted that these are the results for one burger, and the meat production industry caters for many more.

The burger was created using stem cells, which are animal cells that are not yet specialised.

Thereby, these cells have the potential to develop into any cell required as they have not yet taken on the characteristics of a particular type of cell.

Stem cells were extracted from foetal calf serum, then cultured with nutrients and chemicals to

“Scientists think in future it would be possible to harvest the stem cells without killing animals” promote growth. When they have developed and multiplied, the cells are separated into small dishes and coalesce into small strips of muscle. These are compacted into a patty, which is then cooked.

In this case, the stem cells were taken from a dead animal, however scientists think in the future it would be possible to harvest the stem cells without killing animals. This knowl-

edge may convince some vegetarians to eat this food, as it is not harming animals and has less of a detrimental environmental impact.

So, would I eat this type of synthetic burger? I would not. The food is still meat.

It is the by-product of animal slaughter.

This is the primary reason I would not eat it, however a significant number of my fellow carnivores also have qualms about this new synthetic meat. To prevent it from rotting, there would have to be high levels of antibiotics and antifungal chemicals added. There is no way of knowing what the effects of these chemicals would have on humans, and how safe they would be in the long run if they were consumed. Last year’s horse meat scandal with the Findus products caused outrage because people want to know what they are eating, and there is anger over huge levels of misinformation. Although the cells of this meat come from a cow, not enough is known about the other chemicals added, or the broth which the cells are grown, and how these chemicals would react with the human body.

Whilst synthetic meat may appear to be a viable option for environmental reasons, it is still the byproduct of killing an animal. Therefore, I am one among many who would not consider consuming this new meat.

Ruth Davis

“

A burger developed from the stem cells of a cow and grown in a lab consumed at a London news conference

”

A Nobel effort is what matters

Matt Byrne profiles the Higgs Boson particle after it scoops the most prestigious prize in science Newcastle-born physicist Dr. Peter Higgs has been jointly awarded the Noble prize for Physics with Francois Englert after the discovery of the Higgs Boson. The Higgs Boson controversially nicknamed as the “God particle” is the subatomic particle that gives matter mass.

Peter Higgs did not know he had won the Noble Prize and was only informed when one of his neighbours congratulated him, however in an official statement from the University of Edinburgh he said he was “overwhelmed to receive this award, and I hope this recognition of

“The Higgs Boson, nicknamed the ‘God particle’, gives matter mass” fundamental science will help raise awareness of the value of blue-sky research.’’ Upon notification Englert was “very, very happy to have the recognition of this extraordinary award.”

The £1.25 million prize was awarded to Francois Englert of the Free University of Brussels and Peter Higgs of Edinburgh University after they jointly and independently proposed theories for how mass arises in the universe in 1964.

The Higgs particle has a pivotal role in the standard model of particle physics describing how the universe is constructed. The particle originates from an invisible energy field that fills all space and the theory proposed by the Higgs and Englert describes how interac-

tion with this field gives particles their mass.

Despite first being proposed almost four decades ago, scientists had no way to test the hypothesis as the Higgs particles are very hard to produce and detect as they breakdown in ten sixtillionths of a second (10-22 seconds). It took thirty years to develop particle colliders, detectors and computers capable of detecting and processing the particle found inside CERN. CERN is the $8 billion Large Hadron Collider at the European Organization for Nuclear Research in Switzerland, built to test the hypothesis. It is the world’s largest particle accelerator, capable of accelerating particles to three metres per second slower than the speed of light.

After initial rumours that the particle collider would create a doomsday phenomenon, in which thousands of stable microscopic black holes would form the experiment was a success, scientists are now certain they have discovered the Higgs particle, and that the concept of a form of Higgs field does exist.

Further testing will reveal more about the Higgs field, but the real benefit of the presentation of the noble prize is the vast news coverage that comes with it, bolstering the already growing public interest in science. An interest that could see further “blue-sky” research proposals. The success of the international effort to construct the Large Hadron Collider may make way for grander projects and already rumours that plans for a Super Large Hardron Collider have started to be drawn up and are beginning to surface.

8-bit 4 life

Thousands of games are released every year so why are some so forgettable and why do some of them stick with us forever? David Leighton looks back through the gaming archives a to find out

Pokemon Yellow I still remember the day my parents pulled into Comet and asked if I wanted a Gameboy Colour complete with Pokémon Yellow – hell, I wish it was yesterday all over again.

‘Hello there! I’m Professor Oak!’ was some pretty classic dialogue. Really though, this game had some serious play-a-bility. Hours could be spent on this little beauty and you still wouldn’t have caught Mewtwo (which I did first time round for your information).

Between that and the interconnectivity of being able to trade games with your friends, indeed the only way to fill up your pokedex and the huge variety of Pokémon meant this was one of the first games I ever encountered as a child that I could play more than a million times. It’s the reason that this twenty year old still has it on his computer. Though I must admit the series has been evolving a little slowly for the past couple of years, but we’ve yet to see what X & Y’s ‘Mega-evolutions’ are going to do… watch this space.

Oddworld: Abe’s Odessy Considering there’s a remake in the works for it, I thought I’d throw my opinion towards this cheeky little minx of a game. You know that weird kid at school you always hung around with because he got in trouble with the teachers, or threw food at girls and it was funny to watch? No? Just me then?

Well, anyway this game is that guy – and trust me, he was hilarious.

Farting, exploding crab people and some really weird dialect had this game gain a cult following in no time. It didn’t hurt that the platforming was intense, the learning curve was a bitch and the cut scenes were pretty awesome. It didn’t hurt that there were multiple endings, great graphics and did I mention, Abe farts?

Batman: Arkham Asylum Whilst I admit four years doesn’t exactly class something as ‘retro’, I figured with the current generation of consoles soon to become obsolete, this was a pretty good time to get a review out there of one of my favourite games of all time.

Plus, if you consider that Morrissey’s book is about to enter the “Penguin World Classics” next to Chaucer and Coleridge, I think you’ll consider this the lesser of two evils.

Arkham Asylum is a prime example of what goes right when you mix stealth, combat, storytelling and Batman. It’s the psychological thriller that had you wondering if your PlayStation was breaking during the Scarecrow “incidents” and the epic combat that had you beating up a giant venom-filled Joker. Add to the mix an excellent voice cast, innovative combat system and some pretty cool gadgets and you’ve got yourself a winner. I’d say the one drawback to this game were the boss fights. Throwing metal bats at giant henchmen so they ran into walls and hurt their head is hardly a test of Batman’s intellect.

The Courier

35.puzzles

Monday 21 October 2013

Puzzles Editors: Tom Nicholson and Sam Summers

Puzzles

Supermarket Sweep

Crossword

Guess how much my basket’s worth in total and the closest guess will win a Mensbar voucher. Tidy.”

Win a MensBar voucher

Izzy wizzy, let’s get quizzy. Hand in your crossword andd Supermarket Sweep answers at The Courier office “Hello geezers and gals, it’s your pal Dale Winton here to have a chance of winning drinks at MensBar with a big old bag of shopping for you to sort through.

1

2

3

4

5

6 7 8

9

10 11 13

16

12

14

17

15

18

19

20

Across

1 One who stabs people with needles (13) 6 Veils worn by some Muslim women which cover the lower half of the face (6) 7 Vic _____, surreal comedian and occasional pop star (6) 8 Small insect with pincers in its arse (6) 13 Patella (7) 15 Nothing at all 16 Knowingly disrespectful of serious matters 20 Smashing tools; Miley’s lollipops of choice (13)

Down

1 Prof. Brian Cox’s area of expertise (12) 2 WWE superstar of yesteryear; one who

The first person to bring the completed crossword to The Courier office in the Students’ Union will be awarded the prize and the respect of their peers, which let’s be honest is priceless

looks after corpses (10) 3 Claptrap (8) 4, 9 The most charismatic fifth of Take That (6, 8) 5 Foot digit (3) 9 See 4 down 11 ‘Dark art’ of manipulating information for the benefit of one or another party; type of bowler in cricket (4) 12 Classic family card game beloved of infants and those too dim to play proper card games (3) 17 First lady of Eden (3) 18 Span of time (3) 19 ___ Henman, former British tennis no. 1, progenitor of Henmania (3)

- Bacardi Breezer (Watermelon, 70cl) - Fray Bentos steak & ale pie (475g) - Johnson’s baby oil (500ml) - Two chunky breaded cod fillets (350g) - Shredded suet (200g) - Sundried tomato antipasti (535 g)

Sudoku

2 8

9

4

7

3

9 2 7 5 9 6 7 3 4 6 7 6 1 3 9 5 8 7 6 8 4 8 6 9 3

Oh, Smiggsy!

36.sportfeatures

Monday 21 October 2013

The Courier

Sebastian of Invincibility With Sebastian Vettel on the cusp of clinching his fourth successive world title, The Courier’s Tim Hardy and Liam Ramshaw debate whether the dominance of individuals in sport should be seen as a negative thing.

YES

TIM HARDY

With Sebastian Vettel steaming towards a fourth consecutive world championship win, watching F1 is fast becoming more a chore than a pleasure. Sure, there have been occasional lapses allowing the mere ‘mortals’ who quarrel weekly behind him to gain wins; Lewis Hamilton has picked up a few victories in his Mercedes, while Fernando Alonso remains a vague threat despite driving a horrendously unimpressive Ferrari, but the German continues to dominate the F1 podium.

be spread over a number of players and making tennis more unpredictable. It also led to a heightened sense of rivalry between the Swiss and his opponents; matches against Rafael Nadal have become far more closely matched, while the emergence of Djokovic as a genuine threat brought yet another element of interest to the sport.

Never was the importance of unpredictable sport more apparent than at Wimbledon 2013, an event which naturally caught the attention of the nation with Andy Murray’s sensational victory. Nadal and Federer crashing out in the 1st and 2nd rounds respectively were two of the most genuinely thrill-

The pressure genuine rivalries provide is indisputable, and can add a real point of interest for the viewing public Whilst I don’t dislike Vettel as a person or a driver, my issue lies in the effect this has had on F1 as a viewing spectacle:.

While in the 2010 season four drivers were in the running for championship victory going into the final race of the season, in the past two years Vettel’s title wins have been wrapped up long before the season’s end.

This has had a marked effect on the appeal of the sport, rendering it highly predictable and killing its previously gripping watch-ability.

Total domination of a sport by a single individual should never be considered a positive thing. Sticking with Formula One, the most interesting periods in the sport’s history have stemmed from rivalries between legendary drivers: Prost vs Senna, Hunt vs Lauda, even Alonso vs Hamilton prior to the Vettel’s emergence onto the scene. Audiences tuned in to see battles between evenlymatched drivers unfold, rather than marvel at the individual brilliance of a single superior racer.

The pressure genuine rivalries provide is indisputable, and can add a real point of interest for the viewing public. The 1996 Premier League title race was all the more interesting for the long-fought battle between Manchester United and Newcastle, eventually entering into folklore due to Kevin Keegan’s infamous breakdown during an interview (“I would love it if we beat them!”).

The pressure that rivalries such as Manchester United-Newcastle produce – thankfully common in English football – add an additional sense of passion to the sport, and perhaps go some way to explaining the nation’s continued interest in, and affiliation with, the beautiful game.

The past year or two of tennis has seen a welcome relief from Roger Federer’s dominance of the tennis court, allowing new names to emerge as Grand Slam challengers. Federer’s record 237-consecutive-week stretch at the top of the men’s rankings, while undeniably impressive, is indicative of a complete lack of players capable of matching the Swiss at the peak of his powers.

Federer’s decline over the past fewyears has sparked new life into the sport, allowing the Grand Slam titles to

ing sporting watches of the year. While Murray’s bout against Djokovic in the final remained gripping right up until the final shot. The tournament was truly sport at its finest: consistent displays of technical brilliance enshrouded in a sense that anything could happen.

Grand Slams.

When Vettel inevitably claims his fourth consecutive championship over the coming weeks, the F1 world will undoubtedly toast a driver who is fast becoming one of the greatest in the sport’s history. I, however, will not be watching.

Instead I will be watching the football, rugby or tennis; sports where the winner is always unpredictable and competitiveness reign supreme.

NO

LIAM RAMSHAW

Tiger Woods, Roger Federer, Usain Bolt, Sebastian Vettel. All have had a period of dominance in their respective sports since the turn of the century.

They have been standard bearers that have enhanced the entertainment values and levels of quality in their sports.

Understandably, viewers may get bored of seeing Vettel winning F1 Grand Prix every week and he certainly divides opinion, but the spectacle of Formula One would suffer without him. Sports need a dominant figure to raise the standard and give other competitors the stimulus to increase their levels.

Tiger Woods is a prime example of an athlete often considered invincible.

When Woods was in his prime in the noughties he was virtually unbeatable on the golf course. You could see in Tiger’s eyes on the Sunday of a Major that he was going to win. Punters were virtually guaranteed to be on a winner if they backed Woods in a Major and he was leading going into the last day. He even won the US Open in 2008 with damaged knee ligaments. Of course, like Vettel, this superiority led to many becoming bored of Woods’ dominance.

Only between 2008 and 2010 when Woods missed the majority of the golfing campaign due to injury and per-

sonal issues did people realize that golf needed Tiger Woods. Of course other golfers tried to step up to the plate and produce quality performances but they didn’t have the image that Woods had built up during his golden period.

When Padraig Harrington won back to back Majors in 2008, his achievements were belittled by many in the media who claimed it would have been a different story if Woods was playing. While this was perhaps harsh, they had a point.

The sport simply wasn’t the same without Tiger Woods.

Individual dominance also provides athletes with a stimulus to raise the bar. Take Roger Federer for instance. Federer, like Woods was simply dominant in tennis in our generation. Between 2004 and 2008, he was World Number One for 237 consecutive weeks.

In Grand Slams, he swept aside the likes of Andy Roddick and Rafael Nadal with relative ease in finals, especially at Wimbledon – winning 7 titles. During this period, Federer simply kept getting better.

However, instead of giving up and complaining that Federer was too good, his opponents simply worked harder and stepped up their game.

Individual dominance improves the quality of the sport in question, encouraging competitors to step up and raise their game Vettel celebrates his win in this season’s Japanese Grand Prix Photography: Getty Images

Nadal began to match Federer, beating him in possibly the greatest game of all time - the 2008 Wimbledon Final, showing that individual dominance improves t h e

Photography: Getty Images quality of the sport, encouraging competitors to raise their game. These days, although Federer’s talents are waning, when a player beats him, it is still viewed as an outstanding achievement and his period of dominance over the past decade has certainly progressed the sport.

Additionally, individual dominance provides spectators with amazing spectacles that will never be forgotten. Can anybody honestly say that Usain Bolt’s dominant record breaking performances in Beijing 2008 and London 2012 were boring? Although it is usually obvious that Bolt is going to win, the audience are still left on the edge of their seats waiting for history to be made. Bolt’s feats have raised the standards of the sport. Running 100 meters in under 10 seconds is no longer seen as an achievement and has seen others strive to contest it.

Perhaps in a couple of years Bolt will be regularly challenged like Woods and Federer as others try and up their standards.

Therefore, every sport needs an era of individual dominance. The likes of Woods, Federer and Bolt bring the glamour and fascination to their respective sports, and when they are beaten it is seen as a remarkable achievement and a major scalp. Vettel’s dominance in F1 will cause drivers to push themselves to the limit to try and match and surpass Vettel.

In the next few years, the boo boys will stop against Vettel and audiences will begin to realize how beneficial his period of dominance has been for the sport.

It will eventually improve the standard of competition as has happened in tennis and golf, and he will be appreciated as a sporting legend alongside Woods, Federer and Bolt.

The Courier

intramuralsport.37

Monday 21 October 2013

Barca leave it late in Eco-shocker Division One

Barca-Law-Na

It was the favourites Barca who began in controlling fashion against a side new to premier division football this season.

Passing the ball well around the back, Barca struggled to find an outlet and the game remained camped in the middle of the park with neither side threatening in the early stages.

With Barca’s slick passing game failing to push out of their own half, it was a hopeful punt by Barca keeper Ray Von which created the game’s opening goal.

2

Paulin 20, Greenstock 85

Ecosoccer

2

Goddard 30, Macdonald 70

By Scott Rawson at Longbenton After a strong start in the Saturday league, Barca were hoping to continue the good form into their first Wednesday league game of the new season, against newly promoted outfit Ecosoccer.

Rocked by the failure of a late fitness test by former Leicester City child prodigy Shaun ‘Power’ Nyland, Barca manager Alex Hoctor was forced into a late re-shuffle.

Opponents Eco-soccer, after the loss of several key players over the summer, were heading into the game as underdogs.

Injuries to Bart Smith and Will Timperley left manager James Homer rueing his luck following their opening day 5-1 defeat to the Medics.

yards out by Zach Goddard.

The remainder of the first half was played out with neither side taking control of the tie and petered out with Barca dominating the ball but Eco certainly looking the more dangerous on the counter.

The second half began with a renewed purpose from the Barca side following veteran Dan Allinson’s scathing half time words and the half began with Barca controlling without ever finding

Talking after the game, Barca manger Hoctor cited the abscence of AWOL club mascot as the reason why his side dropped points A long kick caught Eco keeper Tenanty by surprise and his misjudgement left Paulin with the simple task of stroking the ball home into an empty goal for Barca to take the lead.

Failing to take the initiative from the lead, Barca’s passing game remained unimaginative and the keen pressing of the Eco soccer midfield, led by the energetic Joe Murray, forced an equaliser shortly after.

A quick break caught out the Barca back line and Seb Dune on the left was unselfish in rolling the ball back across goal for a well taken strike from 10

the cutting ball.

Eco’s counter attacking was proving ever-dangerous and one swift break with the scores tied at 1-1 saw an intelligent professional foul from Barca’s Redmond to take a booking and ease the pressure.

The persistent pressure was building and key interceptions from Allinson and Shaw kept Eco at bay. However, it was this mounting pressure which eventually resulted in Eco’s second on the 70 minute mark.

Eco overpowered Barca in the midfield department and a decisive cross

game. Keen to stamp their authority on their league, this weeks fixtures and next weeks against Broca Seniors would prove to pivotal.

Ladzio began strongly and created a prime goal scoring opportunity early on with an exquisite flowing attack, culminating in striker Rob Goodier

mid-way through the first half when a controversial refereeing decision gifted Leazes a penalty.

The Leazes centre forward stepped up to take the penalty but a spectacular save by Cameron Smee denied him, with the cat-like keeper leaping to his right to tip the shot wide.

field pass from the impressive Goddard left substitute Connor Macdonald free down the left who took his finish well one on one down to Ray Von’s left hand side.

Seemingly shocked going down 2-1, Barca lifted their game slightly and pressed, having a very strong penalty appeal waved away for an overzealous Will Marks tackle on creative Barca forward Hoctor.

As Barca pushed on they became more susceptible at the back with Eco having their fair share of chances to seal the 3 points, and the Barca backline withstanding heavy pressure. With Eco soccer continuing to get forward, it was a marvellous, Schmeichel-esque one on one stop from Ray Von which kept Barca in the game.

Barca eventually found a way through and they were able to equalise in somewhat fortuitous circumstances; a 30 yard Joe Greenstock strike taking a wicked deflection before landing in Tenanty’s goal.

This equaliser saw Barca visibly lifted and it was the last 5 minutes in which they played their most direct and pressing football of the game, Eco unrelenting and both sides ultimately taking a share of the spoils.

Speaking after the game, Barca manager Hoctor was in an angry, dismissive mood and cited the absence of the

AWOL club mascot ‘Slaz’ as one of the reasons behind what he saw as ‘two points dropped’.

Eco skipper Homer on the other hand felt that despite it being “a solid point” getting them “off the mark”, he would have liked his side to have taken the three he felt they were capable of.

Man of the match: Joe Murray

Ray Von Greenless

Allinson

Ajuh

Greenstock

Shaw

Southgate

Redmond

Ross

Paulin

Hoctor

Dunne

Goddard

Murray

Dolby

Loy

Jacobs

Smith

Homer

Marks

Quest

Tenanty

S.S. strike it lucky against Leazes Division Two

S.S. Ladzio

2

Goodier 72, Cooke 82

Castle Leazes

0

A clinical counter attack, rounded off with a delightful Fifa-esque chip over the onrushing keeper from Nate Cooke sealed all three points for Ladzio

By Dom Brooke and Dan Skyte at Redhall Last Wednesday, Redhall 5 played host to a gritty encounter between S.S Ladzio and Castle Leazes. On the back of an opening day loss this was a must win game for title contenders Ladzio, who have high hopes in the intra mural league.

Castle Leazes on the other hand had dispelled early season concerns that they would be prime relegation candidates with a 4-1 win in their first

narrowly turning Nate Cooke’s cross wide of the post.

From there Leazes grew into the game, and it was a tightly contested affair with both sides struggling to assert their dominance in the wet conditions.

The game was short of chances until

The game continued to be a cagey affair with both sides locked at 0-0 going into the break.

A rousing Ladzio team talk left tears in the eyes of some of the newer recruits and fired up the boys in blue for a huge second half.

The impact was instantaneous as Ladzio began to take a grip on the game and the introduction of Ladzio’s newest recruit Alex Martin provided the catalyst to turn possession into goals. His more direct style helped to open the game up, but the damage wasn’t done until the 72nd minute when Cal Street picked out the perfectly timed run of Rob Goodier who steered the ball past the keeper with a composed finish.

The next goal was always going to be a crucial one and Leazes continued to look dangerous, pouring men forward and threatening from set pieces.

However they were the masters of their own downfall as a clinical counter attack, rounded off with a delightful Fifa-esque chip over the keeper from Nate Cooke, sealed the game.

From there the rock-solid Ladzio defence saw out the rest of the game to give them their first 3 points of what is set to be a promising season for the blue boys.

Man of the Match: Dom Brooke

Smee Skyte

Worthington

Frodsham Street

Bliss

Brooke

Milner Cooke

Goodier

Wright Green

Jones

Scott

Johnston Barbour

Sweatman

Fishpool

Bean

Hill

Walsh

Spence

League Tables Wednesday 11 a-side Football Division 1

Division 13

Division 2

Division 41

Team

Pld

W

D

L

F

A

Pts

Team

Pld

W

D

L

F

A

Pts

Team

Pld

W

D

L

F

A

Pts

Pld Pld WW

DD

LL

1

Newcastle Medics 1sts

2

2

0

0

16

1

6

1

Roman Villa FC

2

2

0

0

5

1

6

1

Politic Thistle

2

2

0

0

12

2

6

1 1 Newhist FC Na Barca Law

Team Team

1 12

19

01

0 2 8 50 1 15

F F AA

Pts Pts 328

2

Newcastle Medics 2nds

1

1

0

0

3

0

3

2

Aftermath FC

1

1

0

0

2

0

3

2

FC Bayern Toonich

1

1

0

0

2

0

3

2 2 Sons of Pitches Newcastle Medics 1sts

2 12

18

12

1 2 7 36 4 20

326

3

Barca-Law-Na

1

0

1

0

2

2

1

3

Boca Seniors

1

1

0

0

2

0

3

3

Sub-Standard Liege

2

1

0

1

4

5

3

3 3 We need to talk Henderson Hallabout Kevin

2 12

17

11

1 4 4 41 3 29

322

4

Henderson Hall

1

0

1

0

0

0

1

4

Castle Leazes

2

1

0

1

4

3

3

4

South Sandwich FC

2

1

0

1

2

3

3

Dyslexic Untied 4 4 Geogsoc

2 12

16

01

1 5 3 32 9 26

319

5

Ecosoccer

2

0

1

1

3

7

1

5

S.S. Ladzio

2

1

0

1

2

2

3

5

Thundercats

2

1

0

1

7

9

3

5 5 KFC Crayola

1 12

05

10

0 7 3 18 3 22

115

6

Larrikins

2

0

1

1

0

11

1

6

Brown Magic F.C

2

0

0

2

0

4

0

6

Buckminster Fullerenes

1

0

0

1

0

4

0

6 (R) FCAftermath Twente Bag

2 12

03

10

1 9 4 14 9 47

19

7

Dyslexic United

1

0

0

1

0

3

0

7

Newcastle Dynamos

2

0

0

2

2

7

0

7

Newcastle Agrics FC

2

0

0

2

0

4

0

7 (R) Mochenfl apjack Castle Leazes

0 12

01

01

0 10 0 12 0 42

04

38.sportbucs

Monday 21 October 2013

The Courier

I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a netballer Netball

By Sassa Hamilton Leeds 1sts 40 - 22 Newcastle 1sts The 1sts were looking to come out strongly against a team they had beaten several times last year, but sadly this was not to be the case. A very aggressive Leeds team took the advantage from the first whistle. Newcastle held themselves together despite this onslaught, with patience waiting for the right pass.

However the strength of Leeds meant they struggled to get it to the top of the circle and into the D. In the face of this pressure the team held together and encouraged each other throughout.

Great potential was seen in passages of play, and there were glimmers of brilliance for the future.

Durham 1sts 40 - 34 Newcastle 2nds

Newcastle 3rds 31 - 36 Leeds 3rds

The 2nd team faced a tough match in their first game of League 1A, the newly demoted Durham 1sts from Premiership. From the outset the 2nds flew out, shocking the Durham team.

With some great shooting from Player of the Match Tesni Fellows and Harriet Humphries, and many turnovers from loose play by Durham allowed the 2nds to gain a lead of 5 goals at half time.

Durham retaliated aggressively, and with a strong entourage behind them on the bench they managed to take advantage in the 3rd quarter. Newcastle came back fighting in the 4th quarter but it was too little, too late.

An incredible show put on by the girls, and although disappointed by the loss, signs of great determination were shown and many positive marks going forward.

The 3rds started strongly and were rewarded with a 17-10 lead at half time.

Olivia Gordon and Katharine Hunter were on fine form shooting accurately from all around the circle.

Leeds rallied in the 3rd quarter, and after a strong team talk from their captain, they took the lead and led 24-22 by the end of the 3rd. NUNC never looked the same, and despite some good interceptions from Frankie Fenn, the final result was a frustrating loss, but one that the girls will learn and grow from going forward.

It wasn’t all bad news for the netballers thanks to the 4ths. Playing their first game in a new division having been promoted last season, they secured an impressive 55-18 win over Teeside 1sts.

NULHC win over Poly Women’s Hockey Newcastle 1sts

3

Northumbria 1sts

2

By Katie Sutton at Longbenton This Wednesday, 16th October, saw the opening game in the BUCS League for NULHC’s 1st XI. After a solid start to the season, and currently sitting in strong stead in respect to their Saturday league, the pressure was on for this to continue into the prestigious inter-university matches, especially following a phenomenal performance at the weekend away against Leeds. Tensions were mounted further with this particular match also presenting the season’s first derby with rival Northumbria University.

From push back, the commitment and desire from both teams was evident, with the voracious appetite to win from resulting in some impressive play. Newcastle were first to open the scoring, with Rachel Fackey converting a difficult play with a controlled, professional reverse stick strike low into the corner.

Northumbria pushed back however, and continuous pressure eventually lead to an equaliser. The teams ended the first half evenly with 1-1, fairly reflecting the distribution of play during this first thirty five minutes.

The second half commenced with further tight play displayed from both sides, with many close look-ins at both ends arising from field play and welldrilled set pieces.

However, cracks began to show in the thus far collected fronts, with

Footballers soggy start to Men’s Football

The ladies in action Photography: NULHC the physical match resulting in some tough, and at times controversial, calls from the umpires - adding to the frustrations of both teams. It was clear that neither side would be content to settle for a draw.

An agile counter attack after relentless pressure from the home team allowed Kirsty Walker and Becky Hawkins to penetrate the Northumbria defence, with Becky executing a collected finish to score her debut, lifting the spirits of the tiring blue side whilst fuelling the passion from the reds. A sensational ball into the attacking quarter from Milly Powers was supremely deflected past the pads of the Northumbria keeper by Kirsty– an ultimately implausible goal, already in contention for goal of the season.

This somewhat comfortable two goal lead, with just ten minutes remaining, enabled Newcastle to toy with

the hearts of the crestfallen home-end supporters. This meant sanctioning a final effort from Northumbria, who capitalised on a well-worked opportunity with minutes remaining. Despite these final efforts from their opposition, encouraged by the spectators, Newcastle subsequently regained their stoical nature at the back, safely maintaining possession and sealing off the first clash with a 3-2 away victory over their rivals.

The game indicated the high quality of play, which is to be expected in the league this season, with both Newcastle and their opposition illustrating the hours of training going in each week paying off.

The girls returned exhausted but exultant, hoping to recreate such a result next Wednesday, against league toppers Leeds Met Carnegie, presenting another tough challenge for the team.

Newcastle 1sts

0

Leeds 2nds

1

By Huezin Lim at Longbenton

Salisbury Ames

Wheeler Sexton

Fisher

Jesse Watson

Pilkinson

Spencer

Smythe

Last Wednesday, Newcastle’s 1st XI slipped to a narrow defeat 1-0 against Leeds 2nd XI, in the opening fixture of their BUCS campaign.

On such a windy day, conditions were difficult for both teams during the first half.

The showers that arrived at the start of the second period further exacerbated the already hellish conditions, and in

turn made for an increasingly scrappy contest.

The shear number of stoppages as a result of cramp and fatigue as the game wore on was testament to the intensity of the markedly attritional affair.

It was Newcastle who began the better of the two sides, pressing the ball effectively as a way of enforcing rushed play from the Leeds midfield, a tactic that amounted to a period of superior possession for the home side.

Left-back Elliot Campbell was a key figure in the Leeds defence, commanding the backline with his dominating presence.

He, along with the rest of the Leeds back-four were well-organised and sharp in the tackle, making it difficult for Newcastle to fashion any decent openings in spite of some nifty one-two passing and well utilized wing play.

Newcastle’s hopes of unlocking the stern-looking Leeds backline suffered a major blow midway through the first period, as creative outlet Johnny Sexton was forced off due to injury.

This enforced change marked a shift in the game’s momentum, as Leeds began grow steadily more into the contest as the half wore on.

One sublime cross in from the righthand side would have been a certain goal if met by a Leeds head.

During his half-time team talk, Newcastle coach Mark Woodhall called for composure in the second half: “Stick to principles, stick to ability and we’ll win

The Courier

sportbucs.39

Monday 21 October 2013

Knights edge past Teeside Women’s Basketball Newcastle 2nds

53

Teeside 1sts

50

By Anna Mitchell at The Sports Centre

Newcastle coach Mark Woodhall attempts to rally his troops Photography: Huezin Lim

fall flat in new season the game”.

Regrettably this wasn’t to be the case.

The second half began and Leeds maintained their steady play with much more composure and swiftness, now finding the same passes that Newcastle had previously been enjoying.

Unlike Newcastle, the away side were eventually able to make their dominance pay however, as their front man Andy George was on hand to scramble the ball home, after the home side failed to deal with an in-swinging corner.

The goal came at the most inopportune of moments for the men in red, as

An army of Teesside’s most antagonistic players arrived at Newcastle’s home court, thinking they had a shot at winning the first game of the season. They didn’t.

A solid line up of veteran players and talented freshers ensured Newcastle owned the first victory despite a series of dramas unfolding in the week preceding to the match.

Long standing coach, Dan, resigned his position, but luckily first team coach Chris Bunten stepped in to save the day.

An unlucky starting tip in Teesside’s favor lead to them scoring the first baskets, however the longest defender Lucy Jillings was quick to put an end to this.

A strong box out ensured she snapped up a great rebound and put the Knights in rightful possession, passing to point guard Eleanor Heraclidou who went for a fast break full of cross overs and fake steps which baffled the opposition.

Fresh face Jane Chan was then sure to

make herself seen and sunk the first of the many Knights baskets.

With the Knights really coming into their game, Teesside were threatened and got feisty and were quick to give away team fouls.

Captain Charlotte Warren thrived in this opportunity and got into the habit of putting the shots up and seeing the scoreboard rise. The Knight’s points were increasing quickly, however Teesside were edging ahead at the end of the first quarter.

at the start of the Fourth quarter.

The Knights gave a last push, spurred on by the masses of crowd support. Annika Gaiani and Rhia Morgan were sure to keep the defence strong with their quick defensive slides and intimidating ‘BALL BALL BALL’ chants. Teesside were struggling to keep up with energy and with two minutes until the buzzer, the game had leveled.

A last minute sub from Teesside allowed them to swoop in and score a left handed lay up, but the Knights had not

A solid line up of veteran players and talented freshers ensured Newcastle were able to earn their first victory of the season American all star fresher Kirsten, kicked off the second quarter with a sneaky under the basket cut, resulting in a another spectacular 2 points. Teesside were tiring and Warren went to face more fouls being made against her.

A motivational time out talk by Bunten kept the Knight’s spirits high. Back on court Teesside made a sly fast break but fresher Dianne Lopez was quick to get back and mark the secure the defence.

The start of the third quarter saw the Knights undeservedly behind Teesside by seven points but the knight’s spirits were still high and it was all to play for

given up.

Veteran Josie Chandler made a fight for the ball sacrificing her brain cells as she got head-butted in a sandwich of Teesside’s most aggressive players.

With this, foul shots were handed out and the Knights stood one point up.

More determined than ever, Newcastle made the most of the remaining 9 seconds with a shot going up from Captain warren; almost inevitably, it went in.

The Knight’s had secured their first game by a close 3 points.

After showing such a strong fight in the first game the season promises to be very exciting.

The women’s 2nds were not the only team to enjoy a narrow victory this week after the first triumphed over Loughborough by another 3-point margin, 64-61. All three of the men’s basketball teams also enjoyed wins.

the heavy showers that arrived soon after poetically compounded their misery.

Some formation changes made some slight impact, but the general build up play was ineffective with too many long balls and misplaced passes.

All in all, it was a disappointing match for Newcastle who dominated the game’s opening stages.

There are undoubtedly lessons to be learnt from this first BUCS league match, but one definite positive can be drawn from the resilience shown by the Royals over the course of the contest.

Starter for 10 Women’s Football Newcastle 2nds York St John 2nds

BUCS Football Northern Division 2B Team

Pld

W

D

L

F

A

Pts

1

Leeds Met Carnegie 2nd

1

1

0

0

4

0

3

2

Sheffield Hallam 2nd

1

1

0

0

5

2

3

3

Leeds 2nd

1

1

0

0

1

0

3

4

Newcastle 1st

1

0

0

1

0

1

0

5

York St John 1st

1

0

0

1

2

5

0

6

Leeds Met Carnegie 3rd

1

0

0

1

0

4

0

Newcastle face some tough competition in their BUCS league, the majority of which comes from teams from Leeds with both Leeds Met Carnegie 2nds and 3rds joining their tormentors from this week Leeds 2nds

10 0

By Claudia Wilson at Cochrane Park Cochrane Park was alive with excitement and anticipation as the first BUCS games got underway and Newcastle University’s Women’s 2nd Football team certainly showed their prowess, power and precision on the field, with a 10-0 win against York St. John’s.

As soon as the first half got underway, NUWFC quickly asserted their dominance over York with some clever footwork and textbook passes, and within minutes Beth Clayton slotted in a magnificent goal.

There was some magical interlinking play down the right wing from Beth

Bradbury and the experienced Heather Campbell, with both of these players running rings around York’s defence.

Becky Hardy then scored a fantastic goal, whistling the ball past the keeper and into the top left-hand corner, putting the Royals 2-0 up.

NUWFC continued to apply the pressure, and despite a couple of counter-attacks from York, they maintained their shape. Heather Campbell then put away a goal followed by Becky Hardy scoring two more in quick succession. Hardy’s

A lob in the final seconds of the half from Campbell resulted in another goal, leaving the Royals with a 6-0 lead in the first half.

The second half continued much like the first with the Royals showing no mercy towards the team from York.

New girl on the block, Jenny Coles, hammered home a great strike, taking the lead up to 7-0.

Becky Hardy then scored another two goals, taking her total up to five, and the lead up to 9-0. A final goal from Becky

NUWFC quickly asserted their dominance over York with some clever footwork and textbook passes hatrick spurred on the team, helping them to hold off attacks from York at the end of the half.

However, NUWFCs defence remained strong; there were fearless tackles from courageous Crabtree, strong clearances from McCormack and lunging defencework from Ladlow.

Crossland finished the match and allowed the Royals to finish with a double-figure lead.

The whole team integrated well together and their fitness really shone through, which bodes well for the rest of the season.

Sport

www.thecourieronline.co.uk Monday 21 October 2013 Issue 1276 Free

thecourieronline.co.uk/sport

Sports Editors: Nick Gabriel, Freddie Caldwell and Fran Fitzsimmons courier.sport@ncl.ac.uk | @Courier_Sport

DROWN AND OUT

Wet Royals beaten in opening day clash - p.38-9

Newcastle’s Ben Peleg successfully converts a free-throw Photography: Tim Hardy

Knights poleaxe rivals Men’s Basketball Newcastle 1sts

97

Northumbria 2nds

77

By Tim Hardy at Newcastle Sports Hall The Newcastle Knights successfully began their quest for promotion to the Premier Division with a comprehensive victory over Northumbria 2nds. The Knights completely outclassed their opponents at the University sports centre, leading the score line from the first minute to the last.

Newcastle began the game at a furious pace, asserting their authority by establishing a 5-0 lead within just 30 seconds of play. This furious tenacity continued throughout much the first quarter as the home team, led in the main by the speedy duo of Davide Miculan and Chuck Duru, cut through their opponents with effective use of fast breaks.

As a derby match, it was perhaps unsurprising that the first quarter saw a succession of increasingly malign personal fouls from both sides. The referee eventually decided to punish each infringement with a free shot, presumably as a deterrent from aggressive behaviour. Nonetheless, both the Knights and Northumbria continued to infringe

upon the rules, resulting in a remarkably stop-start first quarter.

Credit should be given to Northumbria for their recovery toward the end of the first quarter; from trailing 24-6 midway through the quarter, the away outfit battled back to a respectable 3020 as they sought to make up for a poor start to the game.

Nonetheless, it was a Knights’ player who provided one of the moments of the match as the first quarter drew to a close. The constantly involved Chuck Duru successfully dribbled past several opponents before converting from a jump shot, flooring a defending Northumbria player in the process. Clearly impressed by the quality of the basket,

however, a moment of controversy provided both a major talking point and cause for extreme anger from the Knights players. Davide Miculan fell awkwardly on the court, seemingly having been pushed over by an opponent while blocking a shot.

Miculan remained on the floor for several minutes, with neither the referees nor the Northumbria players halting the match despite the Knights player’s screams of agony. Eventually, much to the obvious frustration of the away side, the action was paused to allow Miculan to leave the court. He was carried off by teammates and played no further part in proceedings.

The Knights battled on, however, re-

As a derby match, it was not a surprise to see an early succession of malign fouls from both sides several of the relatively sizeable crowd produced rounds of applause as Duru drained the bucket with ease.

The second quarter served to produce a rather more tightly-matched affair.

Newcastle maintained their lead impressively, however, with captain Mark Elderkin scoring a succession of jump shots to push the scoreline to 46-31, midway through the second quarter.

Around two minutes before half time,

fusing to allow their opponents to level the score-line despite a nervy end to the second quarter.

With the lead being reduced at one stage to just six points, there was a growing tension amongst the crowd as it appeared increasingly likely Northumbria could complete an epic comeback. The reintroduction of Chuck Duru following a spell on the bench proved the catalyst for an explosive final two quar-

ters from the Knights, as a succession of three pointers from seemingly-impossible positions allowed a commanding lead to be re-established.

The Knights clearly took great delight in the lead they were building over their local rivals, with the taunts toward their opponents building with every passing three-pointer.

The home outfit’s best putdown, however, occurred simply through the act of sinking a basket. The Northumbria bench, obviously keen to inspire a late - and increasingly unlikely looking - comeback, began chanting “DEFENCE!” with remarkable enthusiasm as Newcastle began yet another attack.

The trailing side were swiftly torn apart, a basket was converted, and the bench fell silent once more. Ouch!

The final quarter of the game was played with Northumbria seemingly resigned to defeat, their players showing increasing frustration followed by sheer disappointment.

Chuck Duru continued to dominate on the court until the end of the game, with chances falling to the Knights player with an almost magnetic quality and baskets never far behind.

A composed performance from the Knights served to produce the desired result at the sports centre, the 97-77 score-line completely reflecting the sheer level of control they held over the passage of the game. Sterner tests will surely come for Newcastle 1sts, but an impressive start to the season nonetheless.

ECOSHOCKER All your Intra Mural action inside - p.37

IN TOTAL CONTROL

Is individual domination bad for sport?

- p.36