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www.thecourieronline.co.uk Monday 17 November 2014 Issue 1300 Free

The Independent Voice of Newcastle Students

JOE McELDERRY BIZARRE BAZAAR A big chat with the The weirdest stuff Grainger wee lad from South Market has to offer p. 15 Shields p.28

Est 1948

BLIND DATE

They’re in love now apparently p. 13

American Road Trip storm race to be Freshers’ Week Organisers 425 votes separate new FWOs from second place

NUS delegation and Students with Disabilities Officer picked

The American Road Trip team (L-R: Chris Iyer, Oli Bate, Alyssia Rawlins, Tom Newell) Image: Emily Rooms

By Antonia Velikova and Tom Nicholson

Last week’s elections ended with The American Road Trip, with members Alyssia Rawlins, Tom Newell, Oli Bate and Chris Iyer, winning by a stretch to claim the title of 2015’s Freshers’ Week Organisers (FWOs). The American Road Trip came out on top after a tough competition with the two other contestantING teams, Fresh to Impress and The ProFRESHionals, with 1168 votes to Fresh to Impress’ 743 and The ProFRESHionals’ 683 in the first round of voting. After Re-Open Nominations and the ProFRESHionals were knocked out and their votes redistributed were according to the alternative vote system, Fresh to Impress had 901 votes compared to the American Road Trip’s 1353. “I cannot believe I’m standing here as an organiser,” Bate said immediately after the announcement of the winning team. “We were always the underdogs, we always knew we had to work harder.” “We just wanted to shake things up a bit in terms of our campaign,” Newell added. The team extended their thanks to the two other teams, saying, “It’s been a really friendly and fair campaign.” The FWOs will be in between November 2014 to October 2015. The successful candidates are paid a full time salary from late June to early October and they are expected to be full-time members of staff at the Students’ Union during this period. The American Road Trip won the hearts of their supporters by putting forward their project for a six-day Freshers’ Week - upping the ante from this year’s five days. Within their manifesto, Bates, Rawlings, Newell and Iyer suggest that there will now be more events open to students of all stages within the University. The American Road Trip are also promising to use new and alternative venues, later hall pickups, a redesign of Freshers’ Fair, as well as free food for all Freshers’ Crew members every day. Freshers’ Crew interviews will commence in Easter, the winning team confirmed. They’re well aware that more nights means more work and they are very much set on making next year’s Freshers’ Week one of the biggest and best the University has ever seen.

Additionally, five delegates have been elected to represent Newcastle University Students’ Union at the annual conference of the National Union of Students. Feminist Society President Lucy Morgan, Saman Khalid, Eve McGeady, Max Thienel and Courier Editor Tom Nicholson will be joining President Claire Boothman in Liverpool as the voice of Newcastle students at the conference. The delegation was elected in accordance to the motion of “Fair Representation on NUS Conference Delegations” which was passed at the 2014 conference and requires at least 50% of all delegates from all delegations nationwide to consist of self-defining women. Morgan said: “I am thrilled to have been elected as an NUS Conference Delegate. Seeing as only two women applied we were effectively uncontested however I still campaigned regardless of the policy and got enough votes to get in on merit alone. I am incredibly grateful for the support of the Feminist Society and anyone else who voted for me, I intend to repay them by diligently listening to their views and making sure they are represented at the NUS conference. I am very excited to work with Max, Tom, Eve and Saman and think we will make a great team for the rest of the year.” Charlotte Maxwell, President of the Mind the Gap mental health society and beauty editor of the Courier, stood head to head with Dejean Easmon to be the Students with Disabilities Officer. The competition was tough, but Maxwell emerged victorious with 937 votes compared to 338 for Easmon. When asked about her win, Maxwell said: “So happy that I’ve got this position, it’ll be a great pedestal for something that I’m passionate about and for me to implement changes and improvements. Very excited for campaigns planning and meeting so many more students. Big thanks to everyone who voted, it really does mean a lot.” Part Time Officers are a crucial part of the Students’ Union, as they support and represent students while working closely with the Welfare and Equality officer. Additionally, part time officers sit and vote on Student Council meetings.

News

Monday 17 November 2014

News Editors: Charlie Dearnley, Antonia Velikova and Kate Dewey Online News Editor: Mark Sleightholm courier.news@ncl.ac.uk | @TheCourier_News

thecourieronline.co.uk/news

NEWS

Canoe club splash through beauty spot

- John Lubbock

COMMENT

9 CULTURE

RENT ASUNDER

Residential

Are landlords really that bad? Well, yeah

Luxury?

19 21 29

PALETTE WARS How does cheapo makeup compare to top-end gear?

A 67-bedroom Georgian stately home is now on the market, ready for sale. Costs a fortune? Probably - but still the price is much lower than that of a two-bedroom flat in London. Hawkstone Hall is now on the market for £4.5m. While that may look like a lot, it’s still half a million pounds cheaper than the London flat in Mayfair advertised earlier this year.

Steve McShane

GLASSTERPIECES Make art out of your empties

Denis Bourez

Antonia Velikova

MosqWHYto

It’s often the case with mosquito bites that we find ourselves wondering why me? Apparently, body odour helped disease-spreading mosquitoes switch from furry hosts to naked humans many thousands of years ago. US lead scientist Professor Leslie Vosshall, from The Rockefeller University, said: “It was a really good evolutionary move.” Apparently, our bodies are a perfect living/feeding space for the annoying mozzies.

NUSU, King’s Walk, Newcastle upon Tyne, NE1 8QB. Tel: 0191 239 3940

The Courier is a weekly newspaper produced by students, for students. It’s never too late to get involved in the paper, whether you’re a writer, illustrator or photographer. Email editor. union@ncl.ac.uk for more information.

Science

Use the Force

A gene has been switched on in experiments, which scientists compare to the Jedi-wielded Force from Star Wars. Headsets, which record brain activity, release the protein into mice. Different types are produced at different states of mind and volunteers, who meditate, produce the most. These thought controlled implants help fight headache, back pain, and epilepsy and are mostly described as being “a dream come true.” This therapy will be used in varying degrees and is still being tested.

Lifestyle

Romance

All by myself

iRejected

A man in China proposed to his girlfriend in a public square, by surrounding her with a makeshift heart made out of 99 iPhones. The computer programmer wasn’t playing cheap - he used the latest iPhone 6 for his proposal stunt and, apparently, the entire cost of the set-up was over £50,000. However, the romantic was disappointed as his partner stormed out, claiming that all the iPhones in the world wouldn’t impress her.

Media

That awkward moment

Nature

GREEN IS GO

Why we need to divest from fossil fuel investments

eXtraordinary

Several Marvel fans’ hearts nearly jumped out of their chests as they seemed to be able to locate the XMansion, training site for Marvel’s XMen, on Google Maps. Sadly for any budding mutant teenagers hoping to join up with Professor Charles Xavier, Wolverine and chums, the school has been added to Google by a prankster.

DENE THERE DONE THAT

“A day of worry is more exhausting than a week of work.”

Beliefs

6 7

New name mooted for SU bar

e h t

Wise words:

MENS REA?

The Courier

Indolences

The greatest and biggest online shopping day happened on a global scale however, the reason is not Christmas. No, it was the uniquely Chinese answer to Valentines Day - Singles’ Day. Chinese online retailer Alibaba has reported over $1bn in sales in the first twenty minutes of Singles Day. Ever since 2009, Singles’ Day has been the biggest event in Alibaba’s calendar, and they have even trademark “Double Eleven” as a brand name.

Editor Tom Nicholson News Editors Charlie Dearnley, Antonia Velikova, Kate Dewey and Mark Sleightholm Comment Editors Victoria Armstrong, Matt Corden and Ruth Davis Culture Editor Kate Bennett Lifestyle Editors Tom Tibble, Annie Lord, Jack Dempsey and Holly Suttle Fashion Editors Amy O’Rourke, Hannah Fitton and Hannah Goldstein Beauty Editors Charlotte Davies, Charlotte Maxwell and Kathy Davidson Arts Editors Becka Crawshaw, Lucy Chenery and Jess Harman Film Editors David Leighton, Rosie Bellini and Lucas Fothergill Music Editors Jamie Shepherd, Dominique Daly and Chris Addison TV Editor Helen Daly, Ellie Mclaren and Rebecca Dooley Gaming Editors Sophie Baines and Ben Tyrer Science Editors Penny Polson, Laura Staniforth and Jack Marley Sports Editors Jonty Mawer, Peter Georgiev, Huezin Lim and Josh Nicholson Copy Editors Megan Ayres and Emma Broadhouse

This week we have had quite a tremendous awkward moment from a usually very sensible publication. In its recent poll, Time magazine asked its readers which word they think should be banned in 2015. All was well until they decided it was a brilliant idea to include “feminist” in the poll. The idea is that readers vote for the one word they never want to see in media again. While the author argued that it was a statement condemning the commercialisation of feminism and its use in popular culture, it probably wasn’t the best way to put it.

Politics

Do we remember?

While “Lest We Forget” may be the phrase often used in Remembrance Day, the British National Party seemed to disregard their own advice. They urged their followers on Twitter for a 2 minute silence a day late. Later, whoever was running the BNP account was quick to blame the mistake on “smart phones”. Johntex

The Courier is printed by: Print and Digital Associates, Fernleigh House, 10 Uttoxeter Road, Derby, Derbyshire, United Kingdom, DE3 0DA. Established in 1948, The Courier is the fully independent student newspaper of the Students’ Union at Newcastle University. The Courier is published weekly during term time, and is free of charge. The design, text, photographs and graphics are copyright of The Courier and its individual contributors. No parts of this newspaper may be reproduced without the prior permission of the Editor. Any views expressed in this newspaper’s comment pieces are those of the individual writing, and not of The Courier, the Students’ Union or Newcastle University.

The Courier

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Monday 17 November 2014

Minor arson and vomiting on ice-creams: book shows misdemeanours of yesteryear A recent find in the Union’s History Room shows that rather than living in a sepia-tinted time of tweed blazers and sensible haircuts, students of the late 50s and early 60s had as much a penchant for drunkenness and bad behaviour as anyone around today. A book of minutes from meetings of the Union Society’s disciplinary committee has resurfaced, 47 years after the last entry in its pages. The most eye-catching entry comes from 1 May 1962, and concerns a bustup between the Agric Society and the rugby club. The book records that between thirty and forty rugby club members turned up at an Agric Society dance without tickets, barged past the two Agrics on the door and “after a scuffle in the foyer of the Old Mill, about ten had succeeded in gaining access”. One Mr. Sweetman, giving evidence, then said that he “had his girlfriend dragged away by a procession of rugby team members. When he endeavoured to retrieve her, beer was thrown over him”. Aside from playing keep-away with various Agrics’ partners, “the rugby

tal of £55 today. He was also suspended from the Union for the rest of the academic year. Yet more bizarrely still, the book records that a production of Let’s Get Together and Talk This Over in May 1967 degenerated into anarchy, with one audience member, a Mr Jacobs (described by a witness as “a tall, leather-jacketed, large-nosed person”), started several small fires within the Union building. Speaking in his defence, a Miss Wood said that “the production was a ‘happening’ where audience participation was expected”, and that “in her opinion Mr Jacobs was making an artistic contribution fully in keeping with the activities”. Mr Jacobs “admitted that he was the only person lighting fires although others were encouraging him”, and, “claimed that although the fires were a little dramatic, he felt that he was responsible enough to control them”. Further, Mr Jacobs said that he felt “the production was a flop and by lighting fires in the ashtrays he thought he was making a useful contribution”. He did concede that, on balance, he had “lit probably six fires”. Mr Gray, who had attempted to put out the fires with a water pistol, also al-

team… went into the ladies’ toilet and one female was passed over their heads into the toilet”. All members of the rugby club were fined 40 shillings apiece, roughly £35 in today’s money, for their parts in this palava. The book also reveals that students of the time habitually exited the building through the windows of the Bun Room, which stood where Mensbar and Venue are now situated. Every third entry records at least some reference to students swinging from the roof beams in the Bun Room, though the amount of people who pleaded ignorance of this being an offence suggests that it was simply the done thing at the time. One slightly less convincing explanation for beam-swinging comes from 23 January 1958 a Mr Wilkinson, an Agric who attempted to explain that: “During a Strip the Willow dance at the Agric social he had lost his shoe and in the ensuing confusion a crowd had collected and climbing on the beams had begun.” This was shot down by one committee member, who pointed out that Mr Wilkinson “ought to know the regulations, and pointed out that he was upside down drinking beer” at the time. Perhaps one of the most bizarre incidents recounted in the book is that of a Mr. Swift, whose entry from 3 March 1959 begins: “Mr Swift said that he was very drunk at the time and did not recollect the incidents fully… he said that it was true he had been sick on the icecream refrigerator, but that this had not been deliberate.” Alas, Mr Swift’s defence didn’t do him much good, as he was fined £3, 4s and 6d for the cost of the ice-cream which was “contaminated” by his vomit, and a further 5s 6d for the cleaning bill, a to-

leged that Mr Jacobs “annoyed several members of the brass band by pouring beer down the upturned bells of their instruments”, and condemned the “dreadful mess made of the carpet with beer, wet cigarette ash and molten rubber”. On top of this, Mr Gray said that “if Mr Jacobs was not aware that his action was wrong then he was a bloody fool who had no right to be at University”. There is no record of what happened to Mr Jacobs, but an attached review of the show itself from the New Statesman praises “its almost Swedish, disciplined exuberance”. When read in one sitting, the disciplinary committee minute book does give the impression that rampant stupidity with a side order of mindless vandalism was de rigeur in days gone by. However, just as entertaining and illuminating are the more banal, trivial cases brought to the committee. For example, an entry from 23 January 1958 records the case of a smashed glass in one of the Union bars, and that a porter called Mr Lappin “stated quite definitely that it was Mr Carr whom he saw kick the glass with his foot”. The Mr Carr in question, apparently stunned by this stunning attack on his integrity, “said that he placed [the glass] on the barrier and another person took it and dropped it on the stone floor”, and that he had merely, “brushed the fragments aside with his feet”. Further intrigue was added by a member of the disciplinary committee, who speculated that “it was also possible that there may have been some beer in the glass but this was doubtful”. In the end, Mr Carr was was let off with a slap on the wrist and a fine, “to refund the Union Society for one pint pot”.

By Tom Nicholson Editor

“Mr Jacobs ‘admitted that he was the only person lighting fires although others were encouraging him’, and, ‘claimed that although the fires were a little dramatic, he felt that he was responsible enough to control them’”

4.news

Monday 17 November 2014

The Courier

On yer bike: Coast to Coast pedal for charity By Kate Dewey News Editor

PEDAL POWER: Coast to Coast member Rosie Simpson and President George Watkinson. Image: Coast to Coast

The Coast to Coast society recently undertook a feat to cycle non-stop for 24 hours. Between the hours of 9am on 11 November and 9am on 12 November, 24 members of the society took turns in two hour shifts in cycling on static turbo trainer bikes outside of the Stu“Last year dents’ Union. Society memCoast to bers shook buckets Coast raised outside the Union over £20,000 in order to collect and so this donations from students and the year we’re passing public. The aiming cyclathon raised higher” a staggering £870 over the 24 hour period for their chosen charities. President of the society, George Watkinson said regarding the donations: “We found that a surprising amount was donated during the commute home. We did particularly well when a Shakespeare performance at the Northern Stage finished”. He continued: “All the money from this event will go directly to the charities. The main purpose of it was to raise awareness of the main event next March and to start our fundraising”. The newly formed society has decided to donate their raised funds to the charities Emmaus and Marrow. Marrow is the student branch of Antony Nolan, which works to encourage people to sign up to the bone marrow donor register. Finding transplant matches is po-

tentially life saving for those diagnosed with leukaemia. Emmaus North East is a local homeless charity currently trying to set up a new centre in Gateshead to aid the homeless community there. George Watkinson spoke of the experience of cycling for two hours nonstop: “We’re all quite used to cycling fair distances, but two hours on the turbo trainer is still pretty tough. I thought the cycling would be the hardest part, but collecting with buckets was exhausting!” The cyclathon was the first of many of Coast to Coast’s charity fund-raising events and aimed to raise awareness of the society and their main bike ride event in March. It involves cycling literally from coast to coast, from Whitehaven to Tynemouth. Jo Armstead, secretary of the society told the Courier: “The Coast to Coast event has been run for the past few years and has always raised lots of money for Anthony Nolan Marrow. This year we thought we’d set it up as a separate society and split the money raised 50:50 between Anthony Nolan Marrow and Emmaus. Last year Coast to Coast raised over £20,000 and so this year we’re aiming higher.” George added: “This year we’re looking to smash that target.” The ride is 140 miles long and George commented: “It’s a real challenge and we’re hoping to take as many people along with us as we can”. He encourages anyone keen to get involved to get in touch either by their Facebook page ‘Newcastle Uni Coast to Coast’ or by email at: newcastlecoast2coast@gmail. com

Teach First sparks learning revolution By Charlotte Maxwell Last week, Teach First launched their new access programme, ‘Futures’, at Newcastle University. The project is targeted at sixth form students who come from disadvantaged backgrounds, across the North East. Statistically, only 15% of pupils within this bracket will progress to university compared to 37% of their more affluent peers. The social divide that lies amongst today’s youth is apparent within the North East and across the UK. This is particularly apparent when it comes to both applications and offers from the more selective universities across the country. The presence of this inequality has led Teach First to take action. Their concern for the ability of young people to progress despite socio-economic challenges is high. Thus, they have carried out a selection of projects in the past to provide young people with the opportunity to overcome such challenges. This level of activity led to the development of ‘Futures’: a mentoring programme for sixth-formers across the country to step away from social disadvantage and strive towards developing career and education aims for the future. This new scheme launched with an event that took place on Saturday 8 November. It presented the opportunity for twenty gifted and talented pupils from Gateshead to meet their mentors. The pupils were sourced from four local schools and matched with mentors from businesses within the local com-

munity. A number of these mentors are employees of the North East Deloitte office. Throughout the programme, pupils will receive on-going support and access to resources to help them make informed decisions about higher education, such as workshops and summer schools. This ‘meet and greet’ event marked the first interaction of a two year mentorship between the pupils and their mentors. During the pupils’ time at college, their mentors will provide guidance and industry expertise to support their mentees in their applications to university and work. The primary aim of the relationships is for sixth formers to be encouraged to realise their ambitions and plan how they will meet their goals, despite challenges they may face along the way. Teach First aim to roll out this scheme across England and Wales. The intention is that they will hold similar welcome events to provide over 900 students with some 450 Teach First Futures mentors. The company has a track record of successfully working with pupils from disadvantaged backgrounds, where said pupils have been 50% more likely to attend some of the country’s top universities. Given these achievements Teach First hopes to continue and expand their work in this field by reaching out to a greater number of young people who could benefit from their mentoring programme. Their target is to successfully engage with over 2,000 students by 2018 and given their current interaction rates, this is a feasible aim.

The Courier

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Monday 17 November 2014

Enactus breaks menstruation taboo in Rwanda By Ashley Williams Enactus Newcastle is working hard to fight against the menstrual stigma facing women in Rwanda. Currently menstruation is considered a taboo subject in many African countries, causing some women to be treated as second-class citizens. School girls often miss days of school from fear of embarrassment. As a response, nine members of the University’s non-profit “The have project will organisation developed the Duempower fatanye project to severe sanitawomen to tackle tion problems within gain more a local community Rwanda’s Nyanza FRQÀ GHQFH in district. and a Project member Geography stuhealthier and dent Claire Hill said lifestyle” the project plans to teach Rwandan women to use a common natural resource to produce an alternative sanitary towel. Group members have researched social, economic and environmental factors facing Rwandans, and have chosen banana plant fibre as the safer option for menstruating women. Women currently use materials such as rags and leaves during menstruation, which put them at risk for infection. Hill said: “The production of an alternative sanitary towel will help reduce the inequalities in terms of missing

school and work days as well as social inequalities faced by girls and women within Rwandan communities.” Dufatanye project members are producing education videos that will teach women the importance of good sanitation and the impact it will have on their livelihoods. As part of the group’s aim to empower women through gaining new skills, members plan to choose about three female entrepreneurs to produce the alternative sanitary towels. Dufatanye expects those newly acquired skills will then be passed on to other women within the community. Hill said: “The project will empower women to gain more confidence and a healthier lifestyle. Women and girls will feel more confident to leave the house during menstruation. Therefore, girls will have a better educational attainment to achieve the best grades possible.” The Dufatanye project also sees the potential for wider benefit to the community and farmers as women will become more economically active. There is a large emphasis on long-term sustainability within the worldwide community of Enactus, which includes about 66,000 students from universities in 36 countries. Hill said: “By making the most of the banana plants donated to the community, a sustainable income will be achieved, as well as the development of business skills, by the farmers, and the women selling the sanitary towels within the community.”

Hyena opens doors to charity BREAKING TABOO: Enactus aim to eliminate prejudices concerning female health in Rwanda. Images: Rebecca Jordan

By Emily Jeffrey The Hyena Comedy Club will host an iSessions charity gig night this week, as part of a nation-wide student competition. Sponsored by the i newspaper, the iSessions gigs provide students from universities across the country the chance to showcase their talents and perform their music in front of a live audience. Following the gig, the acts’ performances will be posted online and the public must vote for their favourite. In true talent competition style, the act with the most votes will go through to the national final, which is to take place in spring. The prize is rather enviable as well - a recording session in a top studio, a handful of festival “All money tickets and, of course, raised on the a sense of night will go pride and towards chosen a c h i e v e ment. charities ABF The four The Soldier’s acts that will Charity and be performing on the Veterans Aid” night are all Newcastle University students. The gig has been promoted, managed and organised on a national level by student brand ambassadors in every university, recruited through The i Paper’s student brand ambassador programme. English student George Suddaby will be one of the acts that we will be seeing on the night. He said: “I’m really looking forward to playing in the iSession gig next Wednesday. and being able to

showcase my music to a host of new people and raise money for charity”. He added “My music has been influenced by Frank “I’m really look- Turner, and ing forward to issoft generally and lyriplaying, and cal, alongside some being able to more upbeat showcase my numbers.” music to a host Also perof new people forming on night, is and raise mon- the singer and ey for charity” musician Alice O’Brien, who took part in the project last year. She said “I was asked to play last year, so was recommended to play again this year. I really admire how the i ambassadors organise every part of the event themselves, and I’m more than happy to take part again. “I enjoy performing in Newcastle, as I have done over the last couple of years and this promises to be a great evening. I’m really looking forward to performing’. The two other acts are alternative rock band Cobana and a rock ‘n’ roll act Ali’s Love Child, who claim to “rock harder than Dwayne Johnson”. All money raised on the night will go towards chosen charities: ABF The Soldier’s Charity and Veterans Aid. These non-profit organisations provide care, advice and financial support to both serving and retired service men and women and their families. The gig will take place on Wednesday 19th November at the Hyena Comedy Club, with doors opening at 7pm.

The bands are looking forward to showcasing their talent - all for charity. Image: Antonia Velikova

6.news

Monday 17 November 2014

The Courier

Whosebar?: Mensbar faces name change after challenge over ‘patriarchal confusion’ Mensbar could be in for a change of name after proposals were made to change the name at the last Students’ Union Council meeting.

The bar, which was given a £40,000 refurbishment over the summer break, is no stranger to the possibility of changing names. In 2011, after an extensive £8 million refurbishment of the entire Students’ Union, the possibility of a name change was put to the student body in a

David Morris, NUSU Education Officer, put forward the proposal to change the name of the historic Students’ Union bar, citing “patriarchal confusion”. In the minutes from the last meeting, it is stated that students may not connect with the Latin origins of the name - ‘Mens agitat molem’, meaning mind over matter - any more. Another issue brought about by the name is the confusion that it causes, particularly amongst international students, who believe that the bar is exclusively for men. This also led to “patriarchal confusion amongst: students, potential students and stakeholders”.

vote. The majority of students voted in favour of keeping the name. However, in the union’s efforts to promote further gender equality, the issue has once more been raised, due to the patriarchal concerns. NUSU President Claire Boothman said “I do support the motion to look into changing the name of the bar. “I think this is a progressive move forward for the Union”. Lucy Morgan, President of the Newcastle University Feminist Society, welcomes the proposed change saying: “FemSoc committee were impressed that David, the education officer, had

By Jack Parker

Claire Boothman, NUSU President: “I support this motion, and I think this is a progressive move forward for the Union”

proposed the motion to rename Mensbar.” Morgan also pointed out that some members of FemSoc were initially confused over the name ‘Mensbar’, although it became much clearer to them once explained, but felt that the name may lack clarity: “If something has to be explained so many times then surely it’s not worth the effort? “We fully support the motion and are excited to find out the new name.” The Union has encouraged students to take to Twitter to post their new name suggestions for Mensbar, using #NewMB. Current suggestions include ‘The Cochrane Bar’, named after Cecil Cochrane, who gifted the Student’s Union building to the union in 1923, as well as ‘Lions’ Lounge’. As well as the aptly named ‘King’s Bar’, a reference to the visit by Martin Luther King to the University in 1967 to give a speech and receive an honorary degree. Students are invited to suggest new names for Mensbar, or to give their thoughts on the proposal to the Union using the hashtag #NewMensbar on Twitter. Boothman notes that “The name Mensbar will still be included in the potential names as it was voted on only 3 years ago to keep it.”

The Courier

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Monday 17 November 2014

Row, row, row your boat gently down the Dene By Mark Sleightholm Online News Editor Three members of the Canoe Club recently paddled where few have dared to go before, braving dangerous water and even paddling down a waterfall. The location for this exciting escapade? Jesmond Dene. Angus MacKay, Matt Lane and George Pinder paddled down the river on 6 November, because they were: “bored in the library”. There is only sufficient water in Jes“Some of mond Dene after the water heavy rain, and so in the Dene the three canoetook advantage comes from ists of the recent bad Newcastle’s weather to try out “a ‘mythical’ river in sewers, centre of Newand so the the castle”, as MacKay river ‘smells describes it. When they got to revolting’” Jesmond Dene there was less water than they had anticipated, but they decided to give it a go anyway. “Kamikaze George” went over the famous waterfall first, because, according to MacKay: “He’s good at going off stuff first to see if it’s safe.” Once Pinder had shown the way, MacKay and Lane followed, completing what they describe as: “quite an exciting trip”. Unfortunately, some of the water in the Dene comes from Newcastle’s sewers, and so the river “smells revolting”,

and all three students got ill from their stunt. For this reason they have decided they are unlikely to repeat the trip, even though they all thoroughly enjoyed themselves. The river at Jesmond Dene has several small weirs and of course the waterfall, which is about 15 feet, or, as MacKay says: “25 after a few beers”. The trip was just for fun, but has given them a new story to tell, especially since it is believed only three people have ever paddled down Jesmond Dene before. Several Art students from Northumbria University were passing when MacKay, Lane and Pinder were completing their paddle, and despite thinking that the Newcastle students were, “a bit mental”, took photos of Lane and MacKay going over the waterfall. They were also prepared to phone for an ambulance in case anything went wrong, although fortunately this was not necessary. Newcastle University’s Canoe Club has been running since 1969 and currently boasts around 80 members. It is open to canoeists of all abilities, and members frequently take part in competitions, with the club coming second in last year’s BUCS competition. They also organise non-competitive trips, including an upcoming trip to the River Tees. Impromptu trips, such as this one to Jesmond Dene, are also encouraged. MacKay, Lane and Pinder had an experience they are unlikely to forget in a hurry, and certainly solved their problem of being bored in the library.

WATER WAY TO HAVE A NICE TIME: Angus canoes down the Jesmond Dene waterfall. Image: Laura Joyce.

International Development Society dishes out advice on volunteering

Feminist society campaign for free menstrual care in Union By Charlie Dearnley News Editor

VOLUNTEER WE GO: Members of IDS and IVS gather for the event. Image: Kate Dewey

By Kate Dewey News Editor

On 12 November members of the International Development Society (IDS) gathered on campus to gain advice about volunteering schemes. The event included a talk by Professor Jesse Ovadia, lecturer in International Political Economy, a panel discussion followed by a question and answer session, and stalls representing volunteering companies. About 30 IDS members attended the event where information was provided about volunteer schemes International Voluntary Service (IVS), COCO, and AIESEC, alongside information from SCAN, African Revival, STA Travel and Azuko. The aim of the event was to encourage students to think more broadly about what it means to undertake an international volunteer placement. Jesse spoke about the benefits of schemes that enable people to volunteer abroad but he also brought to light how they can be

potentially damaging to the community. The panel consisted of three students: Gavin Stead, fifth year medic; Lotte Elton, president of Medsin; and Isobel Thompson, student ambassador for IVS. Jesse also sat on the panel. They encouraged students wishing to volunteer abroad to think who they are volunteering for and, as Gavin revealed: “think critically about volunteering”. “IVS is about The event highbringing lighted, “the impeople to- portance of doing into the gether from research place and culture all backyou want to go to. As well as research grounds” into the company you’re going with”, fourth year medic and member of IDS Javier Nunez-Vicandi said. Olivia Petie, President for IDS said: “Think about what skills you have that could benefit the placement”. Gavin continued the response: “don’t assume just because you’re a relatively wealthy

westerner that you can go into third world countries and save the day.” Instead, use the experience to: “contribute a little bit and… experience cultures”. Gavin has volunteered in a variety of places with different companies. He has undertaken volunteer work in Greece, working to aid people with mental disabilities by doing tasks such as building fences, and in health clinics in East Timor and South Africa. He expressed that he was encouraged by the positive responses at the event: “people were pretty engaged [there was] a lot of interest”. Helen Wass-O’Donnell, Development Director for IVS, said: “IVS is about bringing people together from all backgrounds to learn about each other, support local initiatives, and through doing that be involved in grass roots peace building”. IDS will hold their annual conference on 21 and 22 of February. Those interested in more information about the society can get in touch with them at intdev@ncl.ac.uk.

Beginning Tuesday 17 November, the Feminist Society (FemSoc) will be launching their first campaign of the year. Entitled, ‘Free Periods @ NUSU’. it is part of a larger campaign pushing for the luxury tax placed upon menstrual care products to be removed. The eventual aim of Free Periods @ NUSU is to create a system where anyone requiring menstrual care products would be eligible to receive one free pack of tampons/pads each month from the Students’ Union. Women’s menstrual care products have been taxed as luxury goods “Women’s since 1975. Deemed as nonmenstrual care products essential items, the tax remained have been at 17.5% until taxed as 2001 when it luxury goods was lowered to since 1975” 5%. At the same time men’s razors are void of tax and classed as essential items. Rohan Kon, Femsoc Campaigns Officer, commented that: “The main reason for advocating Free Periods @ NUSU is to eradicate some of the inequality facing people who have periods. Periods

are biological and so products used to manage them are not a luxury because people don’t choose to buy them – they have to. If people don’t use menstrual care products it is an issue of hygiene and health and there would be a huge backlash if people didn’t use products.” As part of their ‘Free Periods’ campaign, the feminist society will start a ‘Give and Take’ scheme in the women’s and gender-neutral toilets on 1 December. If anyone has any spare women’s sanitary prod“Periods are ucts then they leave them biological and can in a designated so products spot for others used to man- to use. age them are After the Januexam period not a luxury” ary the feminist society will run a workshop called ‘Period Pride’, focusing on eradicating period shame, getting rid of the ‘time of the month’ stigma, and teaching people how to create their own reusable menstrual care products. FemSoc will be outside the Students’ Union on 17 November talking to students and researching how people feel about having to pay for menstrual care. They are also starting a Change.org petition to explore how many people care about this issue.

Monday 17 November 2014

8.nationalstudentnews

The Courier

NEWSTACK

125,000 could have data at risk

Job Â Title: Â 2 Â x Â Sales Â Consultants Â Employer: Â Swarovski Closing Â Date: Â 20/11/2014 Salary: Â Competitive Basic Â job Â description: Â 2 Â x Â Sales Â Consultants Â are Â required Â to Â work Â at Â the Â Swarovski Â store Â at Â the Â Metrocentre, Â Gateshead, Â 12 Â hours Â per Â week Â to Â work Â a Â variety Â of Â shift Â patterns Â Mon Â -Â Â Sun. Person Â Requirements: Â Previous Â retail Â experi-Â ence Â essential, Â along Â with Â excellent Â customer Â service, Â communication, Â numeracy Â skills Â and Â the Â ability Â to Â work Â as Â part Â of Â a Â team. Location: Â Gateshead Â Job Â Title: Â Newcastle Â Work Â Experience Â â€“ Â Mar-Â keting Â and Â Fundraising Â Coordinator Â Employer: Â Newcastle Â University Closing Â Date: Â 23/11/2014 Salary: Â ÂŁ700 Â Bursary Â Basic Â job Â description: Â Marie Â Curie Â Cancer Â Care Â is Â a Â national Â charity Â with Â local Â nursing Â and Â hospice Â services Â in Â the Â North Â East. Â We Â are Â seeking Â a Â placement Â student Â to Â support Â us Â in Â raising Â awareness Â of Â our Â services Â and Â fundraising Â campaigns Â at Â the Â Marie Â Curie Â Hospice Â Newcastle. Â Marie Â Curieâ€™s Â national Â fundraising Â events Â and Â campaigns Â require Â local Â marketing Â to Â ensure Â their Â success. Â We Â need Â your Â enthusiasm Â and Â drive Â to Â help Â recruit Â more Â participants Â to Â our Â campaigns Â and Â events. Â Using Â your Â marketing Â experience, Â you Â will Â promote Â our Â events Â and Â campaigns Â locally. Â You Â will Â bring Â new Â ideas Â to Â the Â team, Â helping Â us Â target Â new Â audiences Â and Â smash Â our Â recruitment Â and Â fundraising Â targets Person Â Requirements: Â Experience Â in Â market-Â ing Â and Â PR, Â strong Â organisation Â and Â research Â skills, Â self-Âmotivation Â and Â ability Â to Â work Â LQGHSHQGHQWO\ FRQÂż GHQW YHUEDO DQG ZULWWHQ FRPPXQLFDWLRQ VNLOOV JRRG 0LFURVRIW RIÂż FH skills Â and Â experience Â in, Â or Â willingness Â to Â use Â a Â database. Â Previous Â experience Â in Â fundrais-Â ing, Â marketing Â and Â PR Â is Â essential. Location: Â Newcastle Â upon Â Tyne Â Job Â Title: Â Christmas Â Stockroom Â Assistant Â Employer: Â Topshop Â Closing Â Date: Â 22/11/2014 Salary: Â Competitive Â Basic Â job Â description: Â Our Â Metrocentre Â store Â is Â looking Â for Â Part Â Time Â Stockroom Â Assistants Â to Â support Â over Â the Â busy Â festive Â period. Â With Â over Â 7 Â deliveries Â a Â week Â the Â role Â of Â Stockroom Â Assistant Â is Â vital Â to Â ensure Â the Â stores Â â€˜engine Â roomâ€™ Â remains Â in Â control. Person Â Requirements: Â Availability Â to Â work Â early Â starts Â (6am) Â weekends, Â lates Â (11pm) Â and Â nightshifts Â is Â essential. Â Please Â ensure Â your Â travel Â arrangements Â accommodate Â the Â previ-Â ously Â mentioned Â availability Â requirements Â before Â you Â apply. Location: Â Gateshead Â Person Â Requirements: Â The Â ideal Â candidate Â ZLOO EH Ă€ H[LEOH DV VKLIWV PD\ LQFOXGH GD\V evenings Â or Â weekends, Â you Â must Â have Â a Â pro-Â fessional Â approach Â with Â a Â passion Â for Â deliver-Â ing Â exceptional Â customer Â service. Location: Â Newcastle Â upon Â Tyne Job Â Title: Â Newcastle Â Work Â Experience Â â€“ Â Festi-Â val Â Coordinator Â Employer: Â ÂĄVAMOS! Â Festival Closing Â Date: Â 23/11/2014 Salary: Â ÂŁ700 Â Bursary Â Basic Â job Â description: Â The Â ÂĄVAMOS! Â Festival Â will Â return Â for Â itâ€™s Â 10th Â edition Â between Â the Â 4th Â and Â 14th Â June Â 2015. Â Celebrating Â Spanish Â and Â Portuguese Â speaking Â cultures, Â it Â com-Â ELQHV FXLVLQH DUW Âż OP WKHDWUH GDQFH PXVLF literature, Â sport Â and Â education. Â Activities Â will Â include Â Mexican Â wrestling, Â street Â carnivals, Â SRS XS Âż OP DQG IRRG HYHQWV DQG D SURJUDPPH of Â lectures Â and Â debates. Â The Â successful Â applicant Â will Â provide Â support Â to Â the Â festival Â directors. Â Duties Â include;Íž Â event Â delivery Â sup-Â port Â for Â the Â main Â festival Â weekends, Â additional Â event Â delivery Â support Â for Â the Â press Â launch Â and Â fringe Â event, Â scheduling Â and Â onsite Â management Â of Â the Â festival Â volunteer Â team, Â support Â in Â social Â media, Â website Â and Â newslet-Â ter Â scheduling Â and Â much Â more! Person Â Requirements: Â Experience Â of Â and Â an Â interest/passion Â for Â events Â management, Â DQ LQWHUHVW LQ DQG EH SURÂż FLHQW LQ WKH XVH RI all Â social Â media Â channels, Â understanding Â of Â event Â documentation Â (in Â the Â form Â of Â photo-Â JUDSKLF DQG YLGHR Âż OPLQJ LQFOXGLQJ XSORDG

ing Â to Â appropriate Â social Â media Â channels, Â an Â interest Â in Â the Â North Â East Â region Â and Â the Â arts Â and Â cultural Â sector Â and an Â interest Â in Â Spanish, Â Portuguese Â and Â / Â or Â Latin Â American Â culture. Location: Â Newcastle Â upon Â Tyne Â Job Â Title: Â Receptionist Â Employer: Â Sleeperz Â Hotel Â Closing Â Date: Â 03/12/2014 Salary: Â ÂŁ6.50 Â Basic Â job Â description: Â If Â you Â love Â deliver-Â ing Â Customer Â Service, Â are Â passionate Â about Â leading Â a Â team Â with Â spirit Â and Â personality Â and Â believe Â there Â is Â no Â second Â best Â when Â driving Â NH\ SURÂż W LQ D KRWHO WKHQ \RX DUH VRPHRQH we Â want Â at Â Sleeperz. Â As Â a Â new Â brand Â within Â the Â UK, Â Sleeperz Â Hotel Â offer Â guests Â a Â unique Â experience Â from Â traditional Â hotels. Â The Â Re-Â ceptionist Â core Â purpose Â is Â to Â appreciate Â the Â dynamic Â nature Â of Â Sleeperz Â and Â extend Â our Â service Â attributes Â to Â all Â internal Â customers. Â 16 Â hours Â per Â week. Â Person Â Requirements: Â Candidates Â must Â be Â well Â organised, Â friendly Â and Â approachable Â with Â a Â passion Â for Â providing Â great Â customer Â service. Location: Â Newcastle Â upon Â Tyne Job Â Title: Â Retail Â Team Â Member Â Employer: Â Krispy Â Kreme Â Closing Â Date: Â 23/11/2014 Salary: Â Competitive Â Â Basic Â job Â description: Â At Â Krispy Â Kreme, Â youâ€™ll Â Âż QG D FRPSDQ\ WKDW WKULYHV RQ WKH SDVVLRQ energy Â and Â commitment Â of Â its Â people. Â What-Â ever Â your Â role, Â youâ€™ll Â take Â absolute Â pride Â in Â a Â job Â well Â done, Â always Â looking Â to Â show Â your Â initiative Â and Â reach Â for Â the Â highest Â standards. Â And Â above Â all, Â youâ€™ll Â love Â having Â a Â good Â time Â -Â Â the Â ingredient Â that Â makes Â a Â Krispy Â Kreme Â moment Â so Â magical. For Â you, Â itâ€™s Â all Â about Â the Â best Â possible Â ser-Â vice. Â Whether Â our Â guests Â are Â looking Â for Â one Â doughnut Â and Â a Â coffee Â or Â a Â dozen Â of Â our Â as-Â sorted Â favourites, Â whether Â they Â are Â eating Â in Â or Â taking Â away, Â youâ€™ll Â ensure Â that Â every Â single Â guest Â that Â visits Â us Â experiences Â the Â Krispy Â Kreme Â magic. Â And Â if Â any Â of Â our Â customers Â arenâ€™t Â too Â sure Â what Â to Â have, Â youâ€™re Â always Â ready Â to Â give Â them Â some Â hints Â and Â tips. Person Â Requirements: Â When Â it Â comes Â to Â great Â customer Â service Â and Â keeping Â the Â store Â in Â tip-Â top Â shape, Â youâ€™re Â a Â natural Â -Â Â happy, Â friendly, Â polite Â and Â nothing Â is Â ever Â too Â much Â trouble. Location: Â Gateshead Â Job Â Title: Â Newcastle Â Work Â Experience Â â€“ Â NCLA Â Marketing Â Assistant Â Employer: Â Newcastle Â University Closing Â Date: Â 23/11/2014 Salary: Â ÂŁ700 Â Bursary Â Basic Â job Â description: Â Established Â as Â a Â University Â Research Â Centre Â in Â 2009 Â and Â led Â by Â Director Â Linda Â Anderson, Â NCLAâ€™s Â primary Â mission Â is Â to Â contribute Â to Â the Â cultural Â life Â of Â the Â North Â East Â region Â through Â the Â provision Â of Â events, Â education, Â projects Â and Â publica-Â WLRQV LQ WKH Âż HOG RI FUHDWLYH ZULWLQJ 7KH 1&/$ programme Â brings Â writers Â from Â around Â the Â world Â to Â Newcastle Â to Â take Â part Â in Â readings, Â discussion Â and Â debate. Â The Â role Â of Â market-Â ing Â assistant Â is Â to Â ensure Â that Â all Â events Â are Â promoted Â through Â all Â appropriate Â channels Â in Â time Â to Â attract Â an Â audience Â appropriate Â to Â the Â venue Â and Â writer. Person Â Requirements: Â The Â role Â will Â suit Â a Â student Â who Â has Â experience Â in Â promotion Â and Â marketing Â of Â arts Â and Â cultural Â events Â through Â a Â variety Â of Â channels. Â The Â placement Â will Â report Â to Â the Â Director Â of Â the Â NCLA Â and Â work Â with Â other Â NCLA Â staff Â therefore Â excellent Â com-Â munication Â skills Â are Â key Â to Â this Â role. Location: Â Newcastle Â University Â Campus Â

A laptop has been stolen from Staffordshire University containing the details of 125,000 potential and past students. The data includes street addresses, email addresses, and telephone numbers for students and applicants dating back to 2006. The laptop was taken home by a member of staff where it was then stolen from their car. The Director of Information Services, Bernard Shaw, has said: â€œWe are fairly certain the laptop wasnâ€™t taken to access the information because of the way the theft took place. Thatâ€™s some comfort, but not much comfort to the people who are concernedâ€?. Staffordshire University have written to affected students to apologise for any concern caused, and have said that the files are password protected. The University has also said it is undertaking a review of security and will be carrying out â€œessential trainingâ€? to ensure that all staff members understand their data protection responsibilities.

Islamic extremist report launch cancelled The University of West London has been criticised and questioned following its decision to cancel an event set up by Sharia Watch UK. The event was organised to host the launch of a report into the number of talks given by hard-line Islamist extremists in British schools, universities and scout groups. The study follows assertions that in the past universities have failed to crack down on gender segregation and extremist speakers for religious reasons. The report set to be released at the University of West London mentions 15 individuals it claims hold extremist views who were allowed to give lectures at over 20 separate establishments over six months. The launch had been booked for a number of weeks, but the University cancelled the event on grounds that the room had not been booked properly through approved channels, alongside safety concerns that attendance will be bigger than has been allowed for.

Taxi cabs in cohorts with criminals A recent increase in burglaries in student houses in Cardiff could be the result of taxi drivers tipping off thieves as to which houses will be empty for the night. South Wales Police have now warned students against ordering taxis directly to their houses, suggestions have also been made that using landlines traceable to an address could be potentially dangerous, and students should ensure to always order taxis from a mobile phone. PC Tim Davies, the student liaison officer for Cardiff University has said that as of yet no one has been arrested in connection with aiding a robbery, but recently thefts have coincided with a trend in taxi drivers asking students questions about their evening plans. He has recommended leaving a light or a radio on when leaving the house empty, pretending that someone is in, and not answering any questions from strangers as to where you will be in the evenings.

Cold accommodation and freezing showers UCL students have been told to travel two miles for a shower. This was after hot water was unavailable for several days in two halls of residence, and tenants were informed that they could journey to a gym two miles away to wash. This also left the students without any heating. The affected 500 students are living in the Ifor Evans and Max Payne accommodation blocks, and conditions have been criticised as â€œappallingâ€?. The journey to the Bloomsbury fitness gym where they were told to shower would cost ÂŁ2.80 on an oyster card to reach. Aside from this is would also cost the students valuable time to journey back and forth from the gym. An accommodation representative, David Dahlborn, said â€œitâ€™s our job to be there for students when they are let downâ€?. Images: Bs0u10e01, Jamie Kennedy, Epaunov72, LordHarris

Charlie Dearnley

The Courier

Monday 17 November 2014

Comment

thecourieronline.co.uk/comment

Comment Editors: Victoria Armstrong & Matt Corden Online Comment Editor: Ruth Davis courier.comment@ncl.ac.uk | @Courier_Comment

That’s rent-ertainment As the renting season begins, our authors reflect on their student house-viewing and leasing experiences Student landlords. Our arch nemeses. The common enemy. The money grabbing, deposit hostage-taking (and never returning), bluetac-hating, house-inspecting grumpy owners of the run down fridges we live in. Blind to the shitty state the house was in when we moved in but who have a sixth sense when it comes to wine stains we covered with a cushion or doorframes that broke off at a house party-but did make the effort to bluetac back on (okay admittedly they are allowed to be annoyed by this, but it was a very good party, as was the one when the hole in the wall appeared…), or those tiny marks on the white walls (why paint them white? Give us a fighting chance). Actually though, if I was them id hate us. Their wall disregarding, rodent welcoming, rudely complaining squatters, refusing to clean for house viewings. But to be fair, they make a packet off us. I therefore retain the moral high ground. DISCLAIMER: this does not apply to my current landlord - please still fix the dishwasher. Lucy Howarth The thing about my landlord is we don’t even know who he or she is. We made the choice (or mistake, only time will tell) of going through an agency. My own experiences have been a ride of mixed emotions. Our estate agents did provide us with an awesome house that everyone is jealous of when they come round. The balcony, the fact we live above a café so we steal their heat during cold nights, the huge bedrooms, it has everything going for it. But here’s where they take the piss: they attempted to charge us over £200 when we needed to change one of the tenants, just to scribble one name out and write another one in. A huge amount of arguing and passive resistance ensued, until the finally agreed to only charge us £35. Why couldn’t they have done that in the first place? I think they’re used to shoving bills in front of students’ noses with no questions asked. This is on top of agency fees of well over £100 too, by the way. Agencies can find you a perfect house, but never forget: they love money and know every trick in the book to squeeze it out of you. Matt Corden

“For many students, now is the absurdly early point at which these slimeballs enter your lives...” To write an article on the estate agency process is to give thought to something so dull it hurts. I’d rather watch paint dry, or inhale it, or even eat the mould it conceals on walls all over Jesmond. Fortunately, we are able to keep these special agents away from most forms of human contact, to the peripheries, in their brightly lit offices. Agents not like Bond, but like an adopted and jealous little brother by the name of Jamie. You can spot Jamie from a mile off;

he has gel in his hair, wears a River Island suit and looks like a disorientated Apprentice contestant. For many students, now is the absurdly early point at which these slimeballs enter your lives; the baptism of fire. Increasing sightings of the species will occur over the coming weeks, shepherding their flock of victims from one ‘characterful’ house to another. It is the season of the estate agent. It’s Christmas come early, the gift that keeps on taking, if only

you could wrap up commission. The whole episode is a sickly deja vu. Smiles melt from faces, sex is walked in on, the admin fees swindle the best of us, and dyslexic groups sprint to sign for their Devonshire palace. That’s before they’ve even worked out that Jamie is their agent and not a bloke called Pat Robson. The whole thing is a farce and i’ll glad to be rid of it now, damage deposit returned or not. Joe Tetlow

I believe that students are treated appallingly by student landlords, although I don’t think it is altogether unexpected. It happens because the letting agents are aware what our attitude, as students, is to a house. Young professionals or families looking to rent a house not only have more money to invest, but are also looking to make a home. They will make more effort than students to make their home an attractive place to live and be in. As a result of that, they will obviously also treat it with more respect. Landlords and letting agents know that by contrast, we will only be in a house a year, and not invest into it in the same way. They know we will only be in the house short term, so why should they make an effort when we don’t? We have no lasting allegiance to either the house or the landlords. And because we all need houses, they can get away with treating us in this disgraceful way. Rob Douglas

“...watch as the smug bastard wanders off looking angry, knowing they’ll will win the final battle...” I think it’s fair to say that student real estates and landlords are a controversial topic to many, known for inflaming passions as yet another deposit gets reclaimed in its entirety for an issue such as ‘dust on surfaces’ or ‘singular wall marking’. Whilst I know the odd person who’d say their landlord is reasonable and humane, make no mistake in that the vast majority are hungry, leech-like beings. Slimy and smiling, they slither into your life to show you around some tiny crap-holes with a variety of current residents in various states of living: mid-fornication in a bedroom (“uh just look around them”) to vomiting up the night before in a locked toiler (“this bathroom is unavail-

able now, but it’s just been very recently redone”). This viewing will likely end with “so when shall I bring the paperwork by to sign”, cheerfully stated in complete ignorance of the looks of disgust and horrified surprise on the faces of yourself and future flat-mates. This will not be the only highlight of your experience in student renting - fear not. You can also expect to be told about the fines and cleaning costs you will incur upon the tenancy’s completion, before the tenancy has even begun. The fact that such fines are not mentioned in the contract is of no relevance here. The best advice you can get is to read the contract and refuse to do a single thing more - just because your real es-

tate agent shows up one morning with a handful of prospective renters in tow, mumbling something about forgetting to have given you notice they were coming, does not mean you have any obligation to let them in. They are contractually bound to give you 24 hours notice and it is at this point that you refuse them access and say you’ll call the police if they continue to haunt your doorstep, then watch as the smug bastard wanders off looking angry, knowing that he will have won the final battle when he takes your entire damage deposit for reasons unclear in one fatal swoop. Victoria Armstrong

THE VERDICT: We hate you all.

The verdict is in and it is clear and unanimous - whilst the odd fantastical rumour is heard about someone with a landlord and accompanying agent who treats them with the basic respect and professionalism that would be provided to absolutely anyone else in the property market, student-focused landlords and estate agents are despised. Known for cutting corners, and inventing legal provisions, most would strongly advise to those new houseseekers to think very carefully before you sign any contract, and make sure to ask any and all questions. Whether this will improve your situation is dubious however, as unless you intend to be homeless for the remainder of your university life, or buy your own Jesmondite residence (not unheard of), you are fated to interact with these sub-humans who likely have lower approval ratings than convicted paedophiles.

10.comment

SOAP BOX

Monday 17 November 2014

The Courier

E-cigs’ uncertain future Shaun Forster SRQGHUV ZKDW OLHV DKHDG IRU H FLJDUHWWHV DV WKH ¿ UVW DGYHUW DLUV

SILENCE Silence, as the old saying goes, is truly deafening. Nothing is louder than absolute silence. For me, I simply cannot work in a silent space, I need some sort of background noise, some kind of hubbub or chatter to stimulate work. Music is also helpful in helping me work. It’s why I cannot often enter the vacuum of a space that is the Robinson Library. Nowhere else on earth is as silent as it is at times, you feel as though you have entered some kind of dead space, and woe betide you if you even dare to make a sound. Every single one of your actions, any little noise you may make is noticed, analysed and scrutinised, creating an uncomfortable atmosphere to work in and even exist in. Silence encourages others to make eyes with daggers at those who subvert the norm of making absolutely no noise at all. Even in the non-silent study areas you’ll still get looks. I might be a talkative person, but I’m not excessively loud, but silence stifles conversation and possible human contact, and is just plain off-putting. Jack Parker

JOURNO PERILS You heroically offer to write an article, you forget about it, you write it hungover. There is nothing heroic about this. No moisture can be summoned from the reservoir of my salivary glands. Time is running out, and I keep getting distracted by Premier League Years 2009/10. Did you know that Tottenham were still shit back then? Of course you did. The temptation not to write this is completely there, or here rather. There is no tangible incentive to student journalism and much of it goes unread. As I said the other week, it serves no purpose other than CV building for failed journo’s of the future. I am only doing this out of human compassion for my unsuspecting substitute. Committing to an article is an act of pure stupidity, a moment of misguided arrogance. Although right now, and with extreme irony, I do feel very strongly about the issue. Maybe next week I’ll write more than 180 words on it. And maybe I’m a goldfish. Have I finished yet? No, fuck. Just a few more words, then I can go back to sleep... Joe Tetlow

Image: Allan Ajifo @ Flickr

Lindsay Fox

Shaun Forster

he first advert featuring somebody smoking (sort of) in nearly half a century aired last week; a controversial change in legislation means that e-cigarettes now have the privilege of screen-time. This might be a little confusing as plenty of us have already seen e-cigarette adverts on television and online, however the product itself has never been visualised. Considering the recent uproar regarding the lack of viable research into e-cigarettes, it certainly felt like the integrity of the advert was in question, and

“As they say, there’s no such thing as bad publicity”

their press coverage was only going one way. For the pendulum to swing so suddenly and profoundly in the other direction comes as a huge surprise. Furthermore, the company who have the privilege of airing the first smoking advert in 49 years are… the company behind the most complained about advert of 2013. Right.

The ad by VIP last year centred on an attractive woman saying the likes of “I want you to get it out” and “put it in my mouth”. This is the company entrusted with developing an advert that caused huge controversy before it even hit our screens. The company sexualise smoking in the same way adverts of the 50s did before they were banned. VIP co-founder Dave Levin said of the ad, “this is a first for the country and I’m sure it will be a real conversation starter”. As they say, there’s no such thing as bad publicity and VIP have everything to gain by being in the spotlight. The Committee of Advertising Practice ruled that e-cigarette advertisements must not be “likely to appeal particularly to people under 18, especially by reflecting or being associated with youth culture”, employ anybody who is or appears to be under 25, encourage non-smokers to use e-cigarettes, claim e-cigarettes are “safer” or “healthier” than smoking tobacco or make any health claims without approval from the Medicines and Healthcare Products Regulatory Agency. Forgive me if I’m wrong, but I thought that e-cigarettes were introduced as a healthier alternative to smoking, with the long-term goal of quitting altogether. If CAP has ruled that ads cannot claim e-cigs to be healthier or safer than smoking, then they clearly do not believe that they are, so why on earth did they approve it? Not being able to use the health angle in the adverts means one thing; they

are merely another advertisement selling a brand. The ad features a short clip of an attractive woman inhaling and exhaling the vapour, before text reads “89% prefer VIP over other brands”. It seems e-cigs have become so fashionable that their power to bring in cash can no longer be overlooked by the government.

“I thought the long term goal was quitting altogether?”

Furthermore, there is cause for concern regarding the power structure behind e-cig companies. A number of them are owned from within the tobacco industry; therefore worries that the ads sexualise smoking are legitimate ones, as it is win-win for the industry whichever form of smoking the audience take up. Positively, the change in legislation will be reviewed after 12 months, “as advertising regulation must match changes in the market”. If the change in the market is a massive boost in revenue, I don’t think the decision makers will be complaining. Hopefully within those 12 months solid scientific research on which to evaluate e-cigs surfaces, or at least a justifiable explanation of this very strange backwards step.

URINAL BANTER I, like most people, love a good pint. There is nothing better than having a John Smiths or a Pale Ale with a pie of some description. Unlike most people, however, each pint I imbibe translates to around three wees. I must have a bladder the size of a thimble and made out of sponge, and I hate it. Still, there is nothing I hate more than people who talk to me whilst I’m weeing. There’s nothing worse than finishing a delightful pint-full, popping for a trickle, taking a moment of contemplation and then boom – a stranger walks in and starts gabbing. I’ve seen worse too, only two weeks ago my housemate was slapped on the sac by some overly aggressive turd-burger who must have assumed that kind of thing was funny. To summarise, I’m going to speak for all of us (or at least for the more private of us out there) when I say urinal banter is, always has been and always will be, completely unacceptable. Shut your mouth and let me piss in peace. David Leighton

Lewis Bedford

The Courier

comment.11

Monday 17 November 2014

Class A idiocy over drugs

As Â the Â idea Â of Â a Â constant Â war Â on Â drugs Â loses Â its Â potency, Â Thomas Â Montague Â considers Â WKH DGYDQWDJHV RI OHJDOLVDWLRQ DQG UHJXODWLRQ RYHU FULPLQDOLVDWLRQ DQG GHPRQLVDWLRQ

Thomas Montague

Home Office Study released last week (somewhat contradictorily alongside a report calling for the banning of a range of legal highs) has suggested that there is no link between harsh sentencing and drug use. It stops short of recommending the legalisation of many banned substances, as is the case in countries such as Portugal, New Zealand, and, most famously, the Netherlands (as well as a number of US States such as Colorado, Washington and, most recently, Oregon, which have all legalised marijuana), but certainly suggests a change of tone, particularly for the Conservative Party which has traditionally had a tough, authoritarian stance on drug use. I feel that this is definitely a step in the right direction, but it is my opinion that many of the drugs which are banned in the UK should be legalised. A key reason for this is that due to them being illegal, they have a certain allure amongst younger people who may wish to appear rebellious. By legalising popular drugs, this allure would be removed, thus maybe even helping to curb drug use amongst young adults.

ment greater control over such substances. We all watched videos at high school about someone who died after taking cocaine or heroin that was contaminated with god knows what, so giving the government greater regulatory powers over drugs would ensure greater quality, leading to drug use being safer. Regulating drugs could also give the government a new revenue stream, should they decide to charge a tax on drugs. This would also lead to a loss in revenue for groups producing drugs- in particular, the Taliban, a group that would use revenue from drugs sales to spread terror in the Middle East. Legalising drugs would also bring to an end the so-called â€˜War on Drugsâ€™, which has been a massive drain on the resources of many Western countries, with the USA in particular spending an estimated $40 billion on combatting drug producers and smugglers in 2010 alone.

Finally, and most importantly in my opinion, legalising drugs would end the ridiculous practice of jailing drug addicts, rather than attempting to rehabilitate and help them back into society. This rehabilitation method could be financed from any money saved on prosecuting drug addicts, thus en-

â€œThis is definitely a step in the right directionâ€? suring that it wouldnâ€™t cost the taxpayer any more than under the current system. Surely rehabilitating some of the most unfortunate members of society is far more likely to be effective (and would save money in the long term) than locking someone away, just for them to be released into the same vicious cycle all over again?

Food banks in need Image: moneysoldiers @ Flickr

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â€œFood poverty is happening right here on your doorstepâ€?

Protecting its citizens from going hungry should be one of the most fundamental duties of the government. Most of us have grown up with the assumption that when we fall on hard times, the social security safety net will kick in, and prevent us from falling into destitution and hunger. The social security safety net principle is now being funda-

Wisdom

ell what a week it has been. Kanyeâ€™s other half has been exposed, as has Keira Knightley. Keira Knightly, a human female, has breasts. Who would have guessed that? The fascination of naked celebrities really is a strange phenomenon, but we all know Iâ€™ve had a long hard look anyway. On that note actually, I never understood why Jennifer Lawrence would publish those photos of herself naked and then be so unhappy about everyone looking at them? Celebrities are weird. And meanwhile, Amy Childs thought Ebola was a boy band, and that theyâ€™re â€œgoing to be massive.â€? Bizarre isnâ€™t the word. Also the weather has become noticeably worse, the need for my inner body temperature to stay at 37 degrees means itâ€™s no longer acceptable to wear flip flops on my daily commute to the Metro, or my tank top to let the world know how big my biceps are.

While the prospect of a ton of essays are looming, FIFA has become my choice of procrastination. My ultimate team has been built up with a sad amount of money spent on it, yet Iâ€™m still fucking losing innumerable matches to people who havenâ€™t spent half as much on their team as I have. I also find myself taking trips to Tesco, purchasing tiny amounts of food at a time, I think subconsciously wasting more time to avoid stepping into the sweat box that is Robinson Library.

A second good argument in support of legalising drugs would be that it would free up police time to investigate more serious crime, rather than the petty crime sometimes associated with drugs. Indeed, legalising many of the drugs which are banned under current legislation may even cut crime rates as people would feel more able to get help for their drug addiction, rather than committing crime to feed their habit. Legalising drugs would also give the govern-

ondering where your next meal will come from should not be a consideration for those living in the UK â€“ the 6th richest country in the world. Nevertheless, food poverty is happening right here on your doorstep. Last year, just one of the food banks in Newcastle (the Trussell Trust) provided emergency food for 59,146 people, showing just how extreme the problem of food poverty is.

Voice

â€œMeanwhile, Amy Childs thought Ebola was a boy band. Bizarre isnâ€™t the wordâ€?

â€œLegalising drugs would end the ridiculous practise of jailing drug addictsâ€?

Helen Matthews

The

mentally undermined. For many people with little or no regular income, and no savings to draw on, a regular social security payment is a lifeline through difficult times. More than half of the people who are referred to food banks are there due to prob-

â€œThe social security safety net principle is being fundamentally underminedâ€?

years. Food banks provide support for people in need and an increase in number can only indicate an increase in need. There are a number of reasons for this, from the difficult economic situation to changes to benefit rules, meaning that many people end up with no other option. With no sign of immediate improvement, food banks are becoming a familiar sight in local communities. This is why they so vitally need help and donations. Groups of volunteers, such as Newcastleâ€™s Team V, campaign to raise awareness about the realities facing people in food poverty, exploring the causes and consequences of it, and galvanising the public

lems with social security payments, or because they have been refused a crisis loan. Social security and its failures should not be making people destitute, and forcing them to turn to food banks out of desperation, as they have no means of acquiring their next meal. Until the government starts providing adequate support for the most vulnerable in our society, food banks desperately need the support of as many people as possible. They provide a minimum of 3 days worth of emergency food and support to those in crisis, but the constant need means that supplies are always limited. Since 2011, the number of people using food banks has gone up 610%, from just over 128,000 to nearly 1 million in three

to support food aid initiatives. They raise awareness of the causes and consequences of food poverty. Practical ways of helping the food poverty situation can include donating tinned or canned goods to food banks, or volunteering at food banks. Further information on the food poverty situation in Newcastle can be found at http://www. trusselltrust.org/foodbank-projects.

â€œFood banks are becoming a familiar sight in local communitiesâ€?

â€œKeira Knightley, a human female, has breasts. Who would have guessed?â€?

With the general election six months away, thereâ€™s only one thing for a student to do: to fight against intolerance, homophobia, xenophobia, racism, nationalism, fascism, neo-Naziism, UKIP and the State of Israel. What else is there possibly to think about? ISIS? Nope, not our problem. Thank god for the National Union of Students for resisting UKIP fascism and campaigning for a free Palestine. I hope whoever was elected as the NUS delegate in the Union elections last week can carry on this tradition. Otherwise itâ€™s back in the USSR we go. Back to a sad, sad tradition of Communism and misery which our forefathers fought so hard to repress. Finally, quick reference absolutely must be made to the Christmas adverts out this week. Not going to lie, Iâ€™ve never quite gotten the watery crap that John Lewis comes out with - my mum cries over it every year, but what even is it. Does John Lewis even sell penguin stuff ? Surely the real sad note of the advert is the boy who illegally keeps a penguin in his house. Now, the same cannot be said for the newest Sainsburyâ€™s advert. People may have been spewing crap about it being disrespectful but they donâ€™t know what they speak. Nothing like a heartwarming reminder of the brave servicemen and women this Christmas time. Clearly, some people are just enemies of all that is good in the world. Ah well, twats, the lot of them.

STEVE HOLT

As overheard by Victoria Armstrong Illustration by Lewis Bedford

12.lifestyle

Monday 17 November 2014

The Courier

Lifestyle Editors: Jack Dempsey, Annie Lord, Holly Suttle & Tom Tibble

What makes a dickhead tick? Jack Dempsey dives inside the brain of That Guy at your party and has a rummage around to see if there’s anything going on in there

ocation: West Jesmond. Setting: A raging house party sponsored by Red Bull SugarFree Energy Drink Cranberry™. Me: Leaning coolly against a speaker holding a six pack of tequila-flavoured beer - because I don’t play by the rulebook; the rulebook went out when I torrented The Hangover Part III (and what a movie, am I right?). I am soaking up The Vibe. This place is hot. FHM hot. If the pigs showed up, they’d probably turn into pork chops. The ratio is just right, about five sexually active señoritas to every dude. Being a dude, statistically I should sleep with at least five chicks tonight, and that’s not even taking my mad charisma into account. It’s time to unzip the bubble jacket and air the torso. Now which one to pick. Let’s not aim too high, this is the preliminaries remember. It’s currently nine o’clock, so chances are I won’t have enough banter in my banter decanter to reach the acceptable ‘bedding’ time of nine thirty. Best to pick a warm-up girl for now, an underlay. But who?

“I know your game buddy, you’re the exact sort of twat who acts like a hot-shot, then tells a girl that you’re ‘just tired of being used’ and how you read The Bell Jar over the summer”

Maybe her; she’s not exactly bad looking, but she’s average enough that she’ll have to be nice to me. That’s what I need right now, the sort of girl who’ll be selling herself as ‘bubbly and vivacious’ on eHarmony in ten years time. But how can I shuffle over when that dick is already shuffling up in her space? Get your own dance style pal, this one’s taken. Look at him, pretending his mates are pushing him into her. I know your game buddy, you’re the exact sort of twat who acts like a hotshot, then later tells a girl that you’re ‘just tired of being used’ and how you read The Bell Jar over summer. OK, so I read it myself once; it still doesn’t make it right. I’d totally go over and confront him if my beers weren’t getting warm. Hello, what have we here? Standing in front of the fridge are we? Very strategic. She’s a fridge magnet. Well, let’s see if she’s attracts anything else. Namely, my Rod Stewart. “Hello there. Don’t mind if I pop my Desperado in your Hotpoint do you?” “What?” “The fridge, darling, I need to use it.” The fridge door closes, revealing my damning sex eyes. “Well, isn’t this a coincidence?” I coo. “Us two hotties stood next to something so cold. Maybe we should migrate upstairs, if you catch my drift.” “The fuck did you just say?” “Whoa there, I hope you don’t kiss your mother with that squalid mouth.” “My mum’s dead.” “Well… your father then.” “I don’t know who my dad is.” I sense she’s playing hard to get. “Listen you minx, you may be an orphan, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have an orph-ful lot of fun together.” “Was that supposed to be a joke?” “There’s no supposing about it, baby, it was a joke.” “You are the most beastly person ever.” “Well,” I say, subtly flexing my quads, “we can thank Mr David Lloyd for that. When I sit down to pedal, boy do I pedal.” “Mick,” she squawks into the distance, “this posh prick is taking the piss out of me.” A burly prole materialises out of the smoky ether, and I shuffle away as fast as my Air Max™ will carry me.

Mirror, mirror, on the screen With social media taking over the 21st century, Benazir Parween discusses the pressure of self-image on the internet

e are living in a generation where our online identity defines us. The pressure starts once you upload that image from not getting enough ‘likes’ or positive comments to boost your ego and confidence. The need to document everything and make your life look worthwhile is astonishing. For many, you only upload an image when you feel like the receiving party will appreciate you for it. Social media validates you and that should not be it. Let it be selfies, travel, food, activities, workouts – unless you upload them online, it did not happen. You only want to be tagged in pictures that you look good in.

trol of your life. Let’s put down our phones and experience moments as they happen — and not through our snaps. It is okay not to be internet-famous. Becoming obsessed with these ‘approvals’ of your online-image will only tarnish your offline-image. You become conscious of yourself for the wrong reasons too. You question every aspect of yourself and try really hard to look like you’re living it. Social media first started out to keep in touch with

friends. It has come a long way and the discourses have changed. While it is difficult to go back, it is not difficult to not go down the drain. Self-image starts with you. This is not aimed at only the women but men too. Both genders fall victim into the dark pits of social media. They feel that only the ‘likes’ is going to get them out of there. It is only going to push you inside deeper. As clichéd as it sounds, they are not a reflection of your true happiness. Get out while you can.

“Self-image starts with you. Both genders fall victim into the dark pits of social media”

With the thousand and one editing apps available, we spend hours perfecting that one shot. The hash-tags aren’t helping anyone’s case either. These are essentially used to get your image out there and again, to get more ‘likes’. We are investing so much into something that we created for our pleasure. It’s only pressure now. We know it’s just for show, we know the ‘likes’ do not mean anything at the end of the day, we know the post is going to be lost amongst others, almost never to be seen. So why do we do it? We all like attention. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. We want our presence to be noticed and liked. Sometimes, we want to rub it in someone else’s face too. But it’s only bad when you let it take con-

Should home friends of old meet your new uni friends? Can friends from home mix successfully with newfound university pals? Lauren Exell and Tom Tibble discuss the pluses and the pitfalls

Although it’s always nice to think your home friends and uni friends will get on when they finally meet, in my experience it’s never been particularly feasible. It’s like mixing together two worlds that don’t really fit. You’ve usually known home friends from childhood – they know you better than anyone and you’re usually very similar. However, there’s typically a different relationship with your friends at uni – they’re people you have to live with so generally not that similar to each other. Though you have different interests and come from different backgrounds, you get on amazingly well. Yet, when the two worlds collide they rarely get on like a house on fire. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like they argue – but it’s just an awkward first encounter. Reminiscent of that uncomfortable first meeting with your flatmates during Freshers’ Week, there isn’t really any common ground there as of yet.

“I’ve tried to overcome the awkwardness - but it’s never gone down well” In my experience, I’ve tried to overcome this awkwardness but it’s never really gone down too well; trying to bring up stories from home never works because your uni mates don’t really get it, and vice versa. More often than not, particularly on a night out, a certain split occurs. To be fair, this isn’t particularly surprising – your flatmates already have established friendship groups here, and your home

friends just want to stick with you. In some respects it might feel like you have slightly more loyalties to your friends from home when they come to visit. Not only have you known them longer and haven’t seen them for the past two months – but they just don’t know the city and you need to show them round. Plus, they’ve come up just to see you, so it definitely feels like you should focus your time on them. In my experience, though it’s nice for them to meet your flatmates, more often than not you end up doing your own thing with a friend from home, so the only encounters the two have with each other is a brief passing through the kitchen.

Yes

Is hauling your childhood chums up to university a good idea? Yes. Why shouldn’t it be? Okay, so maybe you haven’t found any mates at uni. If so, the answer to the original question is a resounding ‘yes’ – you’re alone – childhood chums can’t be hauled up quickly enough. Maybe the case is that you never had any friends from home to begin with. Well then don’t worry about bringing nonexistent home friends to meet your now existent uni ones; instead, celebrate the good company that you now have; because that, as well as being your best, is also your only option. Maybe you have no home friends to invite up and no uni friends for the nonexistent home friends to meet? In that case, you’ve won, you’re probably nailing your degree, the ironing, and your

computer monitor with shed loads of cum. The biggest problem with bringing your friends from home to meet your uni ones is that it exposes how much of an arsehole you have become. You leave your hometown a loser with loser mates and so reinvent yourself at uni as the cool guy. Your home friends are lowly Charmanders yet you have now evolved to Charizard-level cool and are surrounded by other obviously cool Charizards. What group of self-respecting Charizards wants to hang around with Charmanders? None that I know of.

“What group of Charizards wants to hang around with Charmanders?” The key, however, is that those once lovely home Charmanders of yours have reinvented themselves into arseholes too and so inviting your home friends up to party with your uni ones now presents itself as an epic Pokemon battle. What fun. Chuck a few bottles of beer into the action and soon everyone realises that humans (and Charizards alike) are all just similarly compassionate people looking for a good time. So go ahead and invite your home buds up. Except if they’re water Pokemon.

The Courier

.13

Monday 17 November 2014

Culture

thecourieronline.co.uk/culture

The Date

Culture Editor: Kate Bennett Sections: Lifestyle, Fashion, Beauty, Arts, Music, Film, TV, Gaming and Science courier.culture@ncl.ac.uk | @CourierOnline

Hannah Goldstein, 3rd Year English Lit meets Nik Pierlejewski, 2nd Year Philosophy

Hannah on Nik

Where did you and Nik go on the date? The South African night on at the Northern Stage.

Whose idea was that? Well the original idea fell through so I did some Googling and - it’s always my idea, come on. What were your first impressions of Nik? Very stylish. Super duper lovely. Chilled. I suppose it was less of an effort than meeting the other guys. He was more relaxed, being himself a lot more. What did you do after you saw the show? Well it was a whole night of events. But because it said ‘free event’, I didn’t realise the play cost money, and I’m really skint at the moment. So when he said “Shall we go to the play?”, I told him I don’t really have the funds, and he said “Well I really want to see the play so I’ll just pay for both of us.” So to make up for it I just kept buying lots and lots of drinks for the both of us. Did the play have any romantic themes? Oh God no. It was such a bad shout. The play was about racial injustice in South Africa and was so intense. He was really lovely though and bought me this little baked muffin thing at the beginning of the date, which I had just been carrying around, so we had that as a sugar boost to raise the spirits afterwards.

Where did you and Hannah go on the date? Northern Stage. It wasn’t the plan but, we turned up and had a drink and some people started talking about a play and we realised there was stuff going on after so we got tickets to see the play. What was the play? It was maybe a bit intense for a first date, it was a heavy social criticism of post apartheid South Africa. What did you do afterwards? Had another drink, and then went downstairs to see what was going on around. There was some really good South African music going on.

“It was a bit intense for a first date, it was a heavy social criticism of post apartheid South Africa” Well I can safely say that was not our intention. What sort of things did you and Hannah chat about? Oh all sorts. From really trivial shit to quite deep stuff. I remember towards the end we were talking family and stuff like that.

“We were talking about the future of sex, and how we’re going to have Sex Bots where you can have sex from different countries”

Were there any unusual points in the conversation? There was nothing that really took me aback. She was interesting but there was nothing that freaked me out. What did you do after seeing the music acts? Walked back to hers, chilled for a bit. She gave me some really nice cheese. And then her mate turned up who had come over from Brussels for the weekend, so I left.

Were there any strange moments on the date? There was this South African singer, and she was singing and had a really beautiful voice, who just randomly started dropping beats. And the crowd were quite old so, no one was really dancing much, there was maybe some head bopping but not really. Then all of a sudden Nik just jumped up and started dancing, so I was like shit, now I have to too. So we just started dancing, and then the other people started dancing. By her third song there was a group of about 10 people stood up doing some weird line dance. So that was pretty cool, that was impressive.

“We walked back to hers, chilled for a bit. She gave me some really nice cheese”

What did you do after all this? He came round to mine, and we chatted until my mate who was coming over from Brussels arrived at 1am, and then it was like, you gotta go, because I haven’t seen her in a while. Do you think the date could have gone any better? No, I think we did alright. Things could have been very weird after the very very sad play, but we brought it back I think. Is Nik potentially the one that you want? Out of the three definitely.

Is this the end of our feature then? I think it must be, because I’m in love.

What impression did you have of Hannah from reading the previous dates? She seemed like fun. Seemed like she might be a laugh.

Did your impression of Hannah accurately reflect what you’d read in The Courier? Yeah I think so. She was maybe less of a dickhead than you’d made her out to be.

So after the play, what did you find yourself talking about with Nik? It was great. It was like, actual conversations rather than ‘dating’ conversations. The other dates got a bit frustrating. The guy before this one I tried to talk about politics with and he just shut me down. But on this date, we were talking about the future of sex, and how we’re going to have Sex Bots where you can have sex from different countries. We were talking about how we’re both from small towns and racism and prejudice and sexism where we grew up. It was interesting. It was actually interesting.

How did it all end? There was quite a nice goodbye kiss.

Nik on Hannah

Did you feel that there were any romantic vibes during the date? Who writes these questions? [Jack Dempsey writes these questions - Culture Ed.]Yeah Ed.] I think so, she was super easy to get on with. Really nice. And also I only realised the day after that we were with each other for about seven hours. Did you get the impression she liked you back? Maybe. She said she really enjoyed the date. Was there a kiss? There were kisses involved, yes. Have you arranged to meet Hannah again then? Kind of yeah. Think I’m seeing her later this week.

Looking for love? Send in your details to c2.lifestyle@ncl.ac.uk

14.lifestyle

Monday 17 November 2014

The Courier

Lifestyle Editors: Jack Dempsey, Annie Lord, Holly Suttle and Tom Tibble

Ellie McLaren Third Degree Burn: Arts vs. Science

s a student of English Literature, I have had to bear the weight of accusations such as, “you’re just wasting three years fannying around” and “like that will get you anywhere in life”, for years. Even through GCSE and A Level, I was mocked for being so passionate about books and told that it was “just a hobby”, not a worthwhile scholarship. And to be honest, as I reach the midpoint of my degree, I’m getting pretty sick of it, along with every other suffering Arts student out there.

“Have you ever tried reading three books a week?”

I’m not going to bore you with all the bullshit about how Arts students are ‘learning for learning’s sake’ and that we’re preparing ourselves for employment by becoming ‘independent thinkers’ blah blah blah, because these kinds of responses don’t reveal the intensity of an Arts degree at all, rather they just seem to confirm what all the smug Chemists are saying behind their test-tubes. On paper, it looks like I glide into Uni for a few hours a week, talk about feelings, sex, and any other bollocks the author probably didn’t mean, then go back home to bed and the latest box set. But that is simply not the case. Yes, I have a lot less contact time than Science students. Yes, I probably do spend the majority of my time in a onesie. But that doesn’t mean I’m not working. Have you ever tried reading three books a week? Have you ever tried to make sense of Ulysses? No, of course you haven’t. So shut up.

“English Literature is a 10 hour day kind of subject”

When accounting for the time it takes me to read the three texts a week required for my course, English Literature is a 10 hour day kind of subject. And even then, an all-nighter or two a term is necessary to not look like a moron in a seminar. And it’s not just reading the texts then giving my opinion on them that gets me the grades. I have to learn all about the history, the psychology, the sociology, the SCIENCE, that surrounds the text as well. So really, as an English Literature student, I am engaging in all degree programmes and getting half the credit. But then of course, that’s not good enough for my fellow students and potential employers.

“They’re like tortoises in hibernation 365 days of the year”

Oh no. So I have to immerse myself into the world of extracurricular societies and awful weekend jobs in retail to make my CV ‘stand out’ when I graduate. I’m not complaining about being part of societies – they’re a fantastic way to meet new people – but could you ever even fathom the idea of a Medic joining a society? They’re like tortoises in hibernation 365 days of the year. Yet they’re not judged. Because they’re going to be doctors. They’ll still get a job at the end of it, without the weekends of serving the Newcastle masses for minimum wage. So next time you go to ridicule your Arts student flatmate about how they’ve got it easy, just stop and think about how when you go to bed at night, they’re upstairs in a cave made of duvet, with copious amounts of tea and custard creams, trying to decipher James Joyce’s undecipherable texts until the sun rises.

Go hard or go Rome Sacha Morton gives us a cheapo tour of the Italian capital

ancy some guaranteed sun next summer? A trip with rich culture, incredible food, vibrant nightlife, pretty beaches and all within a student budget? I’ve got the perfect solution for you - Italy. A friend and I spent an incredible, and affordable, 10 days here last summer. Here’s how we appeared to be rich and fabulous without the price tag. Start your adventure in romantic, historic Rome. Flights from the UK are cheap as chips… or pizza! The Roman Forum, the Colosseum and the Vatican City are just a few of the world-famous cultural sights to explore, and a walking tour proved the best, and cheapest way for us to see the highlights and soak up the cultural vibes. When in Rome, make sure you do as the Romans do — eat, drink and eat some more. Tip: avoid the overpriced tourist menus and head

oured town. Continue the night in super cool cave club, Africana. In the mountains above Positano, fringed by lemon terraces and olive groves, lies The Path of the Gods. A hike is a must-do, providing the most breathtakingly beautiful views of lush mountains

“A hike is a must-do, providing the most breathtakingly beautiful views”

plunging into azure waters. And the bonus – you are going to sweat out that hangover and get a perfectly perky behind! My top tips to keep this trip on the cheap: Hostels - book them in advance so you get the best deals. Food - if your budget is tight, make use of the supermarkets’ delis for breakfast and lunches and save eating out for evenings. Travel - return flights to London are around £120 and public transport is very cheap. Activities - mostly free. Total cost of trip: £400 for 10 days.

“Enjoy a refreshing Campari and absorb the vibrancy of this magical city”

to a traditional Roman trattoria in Campo di Fiori for an authentic Italian feed. This is al fresco dining at its best. Enjoy a refreshing Campari and absorb the vibrancy of this magical city. After a few sticky 30-degree days we’d had our fill of city culture and were ready for some sea air. You can sit back and enjoy the scenic two-hour train ride down to Naples (for around €10 if booked in advance), then get the metro to Sorrento and stay in Seven hostel, about €15 a night including breakfast. Wander down to the pretty pebbled beach or stroll the streets around the quaint town. When life gives them lemons, Italians make limoncello, and the free samples are everywhere – salute!

“When in Rome, make sure you do as the Romans do”

Just a quick (and cheap, €2) bus ride away is the impossibly beautiful town of Positano. Hostel Brikette is the best, and only, hostel. Enjoy happy hour’s €5 bottles of wine with fellow young travelers as the sun goes down across the confetti-col-

Sacha Morton

Finger lickin’ chicken pasanda Rebecca Harrison WHOOV \RX KRZ WR JHW D FXUU\ ¿ [ ZLWKRXW EDQNUXSWLQJ \RXUVHOI

urry is one of my favourite takeaway substitutes because it’s so easy to make. Plus, if you taste it mid-cook and you’re bordering on indifference, you can just throw something else in. It’s classic one pot cookery, add whatever you like, let it stew and it won’t be far off the one you’d pay a tenner for down the road. Don’t worry if you don’t have the spices, it’ll taste fine without - but do splash out a couple of quid for the curry paste. I opted for a chicken pasanda, which is a mild curry great for pleasing a crowd. For those who like a bit of a kick, add a chilli or two - just make sure you remember whose plates are whose, else you might blow the mouth off an unsuspecting housemate. For sides, keep it simple. Boiled white rice is perfect, but if you want to be a cooking guru add some fresh coriander. Naan bread, poppadoms, lime wedges and some mango chutney are all great if you’re feeding a crowd.

namon, salt and pepper Keep the chicken moving until its cooked all the way through. Don’t be afraid to cut through it and

“If you want to be a cooking guru, add some fresh coriander”

check, it won’t affect the aesthetic, and your guests won’t get salmonella - bonus. Add the garlic and onions, and keep it all on a low heat until they’re softened. Add the coconut milk, ground almonds, and around two hundred ml of chicken stock. Have a taste - if it’s lacking a punch, add some more curry paste and spices. Top up with more stock if you can’t get enough of that chicken flavour. Leave it to simmer while you sort out your sides, and marvel at your own magnificent cookery skills.

It’ll sit there happily while you boil rice/stuff your face with naan bread, just keep it on a low heat, and when the sauce is at a nice thick consistency, take it off the heat entirely. The more liquid you add, the longer it’ll take to thicken. Serve with a good portion of rice, and some bread to mop up all of that delicious sauce. A squeeze of lime doesn’t go amiss either. Leftovers? This will keep well in the fridge covered for two or three days, providing you know when the sell by date of that chicken is. Heat through on the hob again to serve, as opposed to a microwave - it’ll taste much nicer. Do not reheat the rice, it’ll be dry and disgusting. Fancy a cheat? If you can’t be bothered with all of this cooking malarkey, jarred sauces do work fine. I’d recommend Uncle Ben’s or Patak’s - if you go for Tesco’s Everyday you’ll be ordering online as soon as you’ve smelled the contents of the jar.

Ingredients 4x chicken breasts, 2x Tbsp curry paste, 2 tsp turmeric, 2 tsp paprika, 2 tsp cinnamon, a liberal sprinkling of salt and pepper, 1x brown onion, 1x red onion, 1x clove garlic, 400ml coconut milk, 100g ground almonds, 200ml chicken stock, plus more to taste. Method: Dice your chicken breasts with a sharp knife, and finely chop the onions and garlic. Add a splash of oil to a big casserole pan ideally, but any hefty pan will do. Set to a low heat, and add your chicken, curry paste, tur meric, paprika, cin-

Rebecca Harrison

The Courier

lifestyle.15

Monday 17 November 2014

Grainger Â danger

Culture Â Editor Â Kate Â Bennett Â went Â out Â on Â the Â hunt Â for Â the Â weirdest Â things Â in Â *UDLQJHU 0DUNHW DQG IRXQG HYHQ PRUH EL]DUUHQHVV WKDQ VKHÂśG RULJLQDOO\ IHDUHG Jean Â Paul Â Gaultier Â Classique Â rip-Âoff Â perfume Indistinguishable from the original, if youâ€™re blind. And have no sense of smell. And have never actually seen, heard of or smelt Jean Paul Gaultierâ€™s Classique. Classique But otherwise, basically the same. The perfect gift for anyone whoâ€™d appreciate a kneeling headless glass woman whose contents will probably give you a nasty rash. Weirdness rating: 2.5

â€˜Spearmint Â Gunpowderâ€™ Â tea

An explosive taste sensation! (See what I did there? Do ya? Eh?) People who are into their tea tell me that this is not a made up thing and is actually very nice.

â€˜Tiger Â Nutsâ€™ â€œTiger nuts! Theyâ€™re grrrrreat- AH FECK GET OFF ME KNACKERS WITH THAT KNIFE!â€?.

rating:

I wouldâ€™ve thought that a Jimmy Nail best of compilation would consist of â€˜Ainâ€™t No Doubtâ€™ repeated nine times, plus maybe the Auf Wiedersehen Pet theme tune. Itâ€™s on sale for the hefty sum of ÂŁ6.99, though, so what do I know? Weirdness rating: 4

â€˜Mouliesâ€™ Moulies are apparently a very popular vegetable in Asian cuisine, but Iâ€™m somewhat put off by the fact that they look like a cross between a giant, mutant maggot and a large, fleshy dildo. Weirdness rating: 5.5

Tommy Â Scott Â in Â Ireland: Â 60 Â Great Â Ceilidh Â Party Â Songs These Great Ceilidh Party Songs include numbers called â€˜Seven Drunken Nightsâ€™, â€˜Iâ€™ll Take You Home Again Kathleenâ€™ and â€˜Forty Shades of Greenâ€™, which makes me suspect that this is in fact a low-budget porn video made by a bloke from Carrigaline called Brian. Weirdness rating: 6.25

These Â shoes

Patent multicoloured snakeskin-effect pointtoed loafers. Available in a variety of colourways. For the camp Russian oligarch in your life. Weirdness rating: 7

Gangsters Â Wives Â by Â Lee Â Martin This has a â€˜fuck off plotâ€™, according to the Martina Cole quote on the front, and I for one am in total agreement with the First Lady of British gangster crime. I wish it would fuck off, too, and not only because there should almost definitely be an apostrophe in â€˜Gangstersâ€™. Weirdness rating: 7.75

Chucky Â doll

Because what right-thinking person doesnâ€™t want a replica of the doll that contains the soul of a serial killer called â€˜The Lakeshore Stranglerâ€™ and rampages around massacring people in order to try and inhabit their lifeless bodies? I think itâ€™d look really nice arranged between your freezer of dead animal carcasses and your Charles Manson shrine. Weirdness rating: 9.9 recurring

â€˜Jamonnaiseâ€™

I thought weâ€™d reached peak mayonnaise bastardization with Baconnaise, but that mayonnaise is a filthy harlot of a condiment and has gone one worse. If weâ€™re comparing mayonnaise offspring to horror film kids, which we are, Jammonaise is basically the baby from Eraserhead after Jack Nance takes the bandages off. Just the fact that we live in a world where this stuff can exist is almost enough to make you want to swear off food altogether and exist on a diet of high-tech vitamin tablets and holy water. Weirdness rating: 11

The Â heavy Â lifter

Mr Â Running Â Machine

Weirdness rating: 2.75

The Â Nail Â File: Â The Â Best Â of Â Jimmy Â Nail

ereâ€™s a selection of well-loved exercising personas available for you to adopt when you start regularly hitting the gym.

Find the bulkiest looking piece of gym equipment you can find. Lift it up. Put it back down again. Grunt a bit. Swig some protein. Check out your awesome gains (bonus points for flexing). Repeat. If you stop to chat to someone you know, make sure not to look them in the eye. Rather, stare straight past them at that incredible specimen looking right back at you that is your own reflection.

Seriously though, Iâ€™m pretty sure thereâ€™s a strict ban on the trading of tiger organs in this country, so these could literally be anything. Weirdness 3.5

Mairi Shimmins Fitting Â in Â at Â the Â gym

Cod Â shoulders

A great way to feel even more impressed with yourself during a hard workout is to make sure youâ€™ve been going for more minutes, burnt more calories and are on a higher level than the exerciser next to you. Make sure you make it super-obvious that youâ€™re looking. Theyâ€™ll most likely check out your stats in return, forcing them to realise that you are the superior treadmiller and they should just really stop trying before they embarrass themselves. Respond to any of their level increases by turning your machine to breakneck sprinting speed. Intimidation is key.

The Â â€˜Uh, Â girls Â do Â not Â sweatâ€™ Â girl Turn up in the most provocative Lycra you own. Donâ€™t be fooled by these unflattering â€˜sportsâ€™ bras, a push-up will do the job just fine. Only move for a maximum of five minutes at a time to avoid any perspiration. You donâ€™t want to ruin your perfectly applied make-up and fake tan, of course. For best effects, travel in packs and aim to spend your time in a 3:1 chatting to exercising ratio. In-gym selfies are by all means encouraged #summerbod.

The Â loyal Â next-Âdoor Â neighbour

Model your gym behaviour around the phrase â€˜no man is an islandâ€™. To do this, go to the gym at the quietest time. Disregard the vast expanse of rows of empty machines with plenty of room to breathe. Seek out one of the handful of people enjoying a nice solitary workout - theyâ€™re most likely feeling a bit too smug about picking such a good time to come. Jesus, who even knew fish had shoulders? What do they even use them for? Itâ€™s a bit like finding out that Johnny Ramone was a Republican, or discovering that your gran was a beatnik in the 50s and has therefore probably done more drugs than you. Iâ€™d give these the co(l)d shoulder, if I were you. Weirdness rating: 9

Bonus Â terrifying Â stallholder

Apologies for the poor quality of this photo of some bellydancing paraphernalia, but the owner of the shop came up behind me while I was taking it and said â€œCAN I HELP YOU?â€? in a way that very much meant, â€œIf youâ€™re still here in three seconds I will physically eject you from the premises and you will never see your family alive againâ€?, so I left fairly quickly without having a chance to get up close and personal with the product in question. As you can see, though, theyâ€™re very sparkly, whatever they are.

â€œSelect the machine directly next to someone and begin sweating as pungently as you can manageâ€?

Select the machine directly next to them and begin sweating as profusely and pungently as you can manage. NOTE: this is also a great way to keep warm in the frosty Newcastle climate, sharing is caring when it comes to body heat.

The Â total Â klutz

Everyone loves the gym clown. Make your fellow gym-goers chuckle by being as clumsy as humanly possible. Catch your headphone wires and send your iPod spinning through the air. Trip over stray medicine balls and leave yourself cowering under weights that only Schwarzenegger would attempt. Under no circumstances should you stop the treadmill moving when trying to mount or dismount. Snapchatting your friends on-the-go could never end badly. Most importantly, you know youâ€™ve truly made it in this field when you complete the coveted high-speed faceplant. Standing ovation to you my friend.

16.fashion

Monday 17 November 2014

The Courier

Fashion Editors: Amy O’Rourke and Hannah Fitton Online Fashion Editor: Hannah Goldstein

50 shades of Wang Tessa Jones With Alexander Wang launching his new range with H&M, designer gear has never looked so affordable

can’t have been alone in lusting after Alexander Wang’s offerings at NYFW in September, with his luxe-street inspired collection, and then left feeling morose after realising my loan wouldn’t stretch anywhere near as far. But, our spirits were lifted on November 6th. This was when Wang launched a more affordable collection with H&M, the latest in a long line of highend designer collaborations with the popular high street brand, including Stella McCartney and Karl Lagerfeld. The American designer has brought through his sport-inspired style, with jumpers and leggings featuring heavily. Remaining in line with the current trend of logos and obvious branding, he has emblazoned WANG across a lot of his collection, so people will know exactly who you’re wearing.

“There are crop tops from £24.99 and jumpers from £34.99, with shoes and socks also on offer, so you really can get a piece of designer at a reasonable price”

A lot of the pieces would be perfect to go to the gym in, especially if style still matters to you when you’re working up a sweat, but the leather jogging pants are maybe not the best idea for the treadmill. The trend for wearing athletic clothing as everyday-wear has been around for a long while now, so even if you’re not a gym bunny, you could still get a lot of wear out of these pieces. Speaking of everyday wear, the collection features a couple of bags, such as a holdall and a rucksack, which look roomy enough to use for all your uni stuff or even for that weekend trip home. However, Wang’s new offering might not appeal to everyone, with the colour scheme of black and varying shades of grey – not the best palette to be lightening your wintery blues. There are crop tops from £24.99 and jumpers from £34.99, with shoes and socks also on offer, so you really can get a piece of designer at a reasonable price. If the previous collaboration sales are anything to go by, you’d better get in there quick.

Has the choker got a hold over you? Victoria Thewlis and Phoebe-Claire Bower go neck and neck to decide whether this popular trend should be in or out

ecently it’s been hard to walk down the high street without catching a glimpse of someone wearing a choker. But is this a trend we should be latching on to? I say NO. My problem with chokers is in the name, it’s a necklace that actively encourages the feeling of being choked. Whilst I am willing to suffer some kinds of discomfort for fashion, I am not willing to be choked. They are irritating, itchy, and uncomfortable, so why is everyone wearing them? When I first saw that chokers were back in fashion I did jump on the band wagon and buy one, although I veered away from the classic tattoo style and went for something a bit fancier. Much to my disappointment, it didn’t suit me half as much as some of the girls I wandered past who were wearing them. If this wasn’t enough, this is not a piece of neck gear that suits all necks, and I find them hard to ‘pull off ’. Though I have seen some girls rocking the choker look I’ve seen an equal number of people get the look so wrong. It is not a piece of jewellery that suits all outfits and I found it hard to find something to wear with mine. So for now my choker, that only made one appearance out of my jewellery box, will remain unworn until this crazy fad comes back around and I realise I look as stupid in it as I did when I bought it.

yes

Lou Lou’s Vintage Fair Paige Roddam headed down to the Biscuit Factory with the hope of bagging a vintage bargain at Lou Lou’s Vintage Fair

Image; Alicia Roddy

hokers are a statement piece of jewellery, and deserve a place of pride on everyone’s jewellery stand. There are a number of positives surrounding the Choker. Historically, they were associated with high fashion, meaning not only are you currently trendtastic, but you would have been a couple of hundred years ago too. A classic 90s fashion item, they are perfect for recreating the Look from the ultimate decade, whether for costume purposes or simply fancying a throwback. Chokers are a very attractive piece. They streamline the wearer’s neck, enhancing elegance and beauty. The neck is an erogenous zone, and chokers draw attention to it, heightening the sex appeal of the wearer, and upgrading any outfit. Lastly, they are cost friendly; a black tattoo wire choker is £1.99 from New Look, a Women’s Mini Coin Choker £6.50 from Topshop. Feeling creative? They are simple to make, requiring ribbon, and a pendant which you loop on and tie. Moreover, they are highly accessible due to their current popularity, sold in all major high-street retailers (Claire’s Accessories and Topshop) and online (ASOS and Missguided). Chokers truly are a must-have item, and are seriously popular at the moment. Don’t miss out on being one of the stylish students on campus, and get down to Grainger Market for a metre of ribbon and jewel or two. Just remember if you are creating your own, do not tie it too tight! Fashion is one thing, breathing easily is pretty important too.

oasting over 40 different vintage traders, Newcastle’s Affordable Vintage Fair was a whirlwind of bold prints and retro fashions. From stylish scarves to beautiful vintage brooches, each and every stall held a treasure trove of bargain buys. Located in the Biscuit Factory’s new venue, The Biscuit Rooms, the fair ran from midday to 5pm with cake and a fully stocked bar to greet you as you walk through the door. Each trader had rails bursting with vintage bargains, from second-hand Converse selling for around £12 to old-school records priced at just £5 each, it was easy to become overwhelmed by the

stunning items lining the walls. I went with a pretty tight budget in mind, but after seeing just how much the fair had to offer, it had to go out of the window! How can you go wrong with three for £25 on all woollen plaid shirts? And some fab friendship bracelets for just £3 each? As expected, many smaller items were selling for much lower than most retail prices (Levi shorts for £12 anyone?), but there were also many items of a more luxurious nature, such as floor-length fur coats and ornately embroidered gowns, that were still priced at a very moderate £45-80. If you’re looking for a unique bargain, or even just a super trendy shirt for your night out, I thor-

oughly recommend visiting the fair next time it’s in Newcastle (or travel to a different city if you’re super keen). Get yourself down to The Biscuit Rooms next time they’re in the toon, grab a slice of cake and a G&T on your way through the door and prepare to be lost for hours among the rails. Stocking everything from Indian rag rugs to ornate glass homeware, Newcastle’s Affordable Vintage Fair is perfect for buying Christmas presents or even just updating your winter wardrobe. Vintage fairs happen regularly in Newcastle, and following www.facebook.com/VintageFair is the best way to keep updated.

The Courier

fashion.17

Monday 17 November 2014

thecourieronline.co.uk/fashion Instagram:@thecourierfashion | Facebook: facebook.com/thecourierfash |Email: c2.fashion@ncl.ac.uk |

You put my love on Top-shop

Tessa Jones explores one of the most anticipated fashion collaborations of the year, as Beyonce and Topshop launch an activewear range

ish you could wake up like Beyoncé? Well, now you can as activewear has just been given a whole new starstudded seal of approval. The 17-time Grammy award winning megastar has announced a partnership with Topshop, where they will together create their own brand of athletic streetwear to be released in 2015. This may not be the Queen of Pop’s first foray in the fashion world, with her launching high-end label House of Dereon with her mother in 2004, but this dance and fitness inspired collection will be accessible to the masses – without crippling our overdrafts. Philip Green, chairman of the Arcadia Group which owns Topshop, has been keen to stress that this is a 50/50 deal with the ‘Halo’ singer, and not just another celebrity collaboration.

“You can bet design will be at the top of her list since she is likely to wear the collection during her constant performance rehearsals”

If you’re concerned that you will be just wearing a name then you need not, Beyoncé has revealed in a statement that she intends on “participating in all aspects of this partnership”, and you can bet design will be right at the top of her list since she is likely to wear the collection during her constant performance rehearsals. The unveiling of this exciting deal, which will include clothing, footwear and accessories, will come as no surprise to her fans, as it is well known that Beyoncé has long been a lover of the London-based high street giant. In her statement, she said herself that she has “always loved Topshop for its fashion credentials and forward thinking”, and this venture

into the latest trend hitting a lot of catwalks proves her point well. Topshop itself has only recently broken out across the pond in the past couple of years, and the ever-increasing star quality of this Texas-born songstress will only propel the brand further - long gone are the days of the gaudy matching outfits from her years in Destiny’s Child. Since she began topping the charts with the widely-loved girl band in 1990, Beyoncé’s personal style has seen quite the evolution from the glittered and oh-so-90s garments she used to co-ordinate so expertly with her bandmates. For me, the real changes began around 2003, 3 years after her relationship with music mogul Jay-Z began, when she made a notable move towards more classically elegant outfits and her reputation as a redcarpet goddess was starting to form. Most recently, her arguably most impressive awards ceremony moments have been in this year: the uber-glamourous black lace Givenchy gown, teamed with netted face veil at the Met Gala and her ultrasexy semi-sheer white lace Michael Costello dress at the Grammy’s.

Equally as iconic, Beyoncé’s downtime looks are relaxed and ever-stylish, with leather, skinny jeans and bold colours featuring heavily – and the odd double-denim ensemble to remind us of her 90s pop roots. Never one to shy away from her curves, her performance outfits are revealingly sexy with a very high-class fashion edge, such as her stunning sheer bodysuit and jewel-encrusted tights for her performance of ‘Drunk In Love’ at the 2014 Grammys. This is one woman who certainly knows how to dress for maximum impact. Her eponymous label is still in its early stages, but for now we can rejoice in the fact that one day soon we’ll all be a step closer to being as flawless as Beyoncé.

Maeve McKeivor delves into the expanding world of vegan clothing

Hannah Fitton Dynamic design duo, Marques’ Almeida, launch their new lustworthy range for Topshop

arques’ Almeida is the eponymous brand of designers Marta Marques and Paulo Almeida. The dynamic duo began working together in 2009, after both working stints at leading design houses, Vivienne Westwood and Preen, they began their Fashion MA at Central Saint Martins where they collaborated together for the first time. The duo state that their look is “raw, young, effortless and lived-in”, and with ruffed up denim crop tops, layered tops knotted together and frayed edging their S/S 14 range exudes this. The couple have paired these “lived-in” pieces with iridescent pearly pink jackets, sheer neon green vests and white flared trousers; the juxtaposition of the ruff against the luxurious makes for a unique and captivating combination.

“The juxtaposition of the ruff against the luxurious makes for a unique and captivating combination”

Less of the leather

Couer, and Beyond Skin to name a few. Even Doc Martens have their very own vegan line. However, “I have never thought for those that do not live the vegan or vegetarian about the implications of lifestyle, do not be put off, these shoes are univerwearing leather goods before sal, and are for everybody. - a real eye opener.” The next time you are intending on purchasing a new pair of shoes, have a browse of non-leather shoes. What’s not to like? “There isn’t such a variety of choices in Vegan clothing as in none, maybe in time this will change.”

Whilst Marques’ Almeida’s usual price tag is too much for the mere student loan, their current collaboration with Topshop is more student friendly. Some collaborations can be a shoddy affair; how much of that latest collection was actually designed by said designer/celebrity, or was it just their name that was bought? Or some are just quite tragic, I still remember the gold sparkly skirt over trouser combo I picked up from the Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen range in Asda, this was circa 2000 though, and surely I can claim that I saw their future potential with The Row? But designer/high street collaborations are BIG now. Shoppers today are more clued up, they want in or the latest designer without having to splash out. Designers are clued up too, when previous collaborations have hit the high street there have been colossal queues, cat fights and stock sold out in minutes, all good news to these big brands. Remember Kate Moss’ first collaboration with Topshop in 2007? Exactly. Marques’ Almeida have perfected it with Topshop. Their pieces for Topshop emulate their runway looks, but don’t carry that hefty price tag. There are fluorescent fluffy pink bags, colourful silk co-ords and leather blazers, all mixed in with their typical sheers tops and ripped up denim. Take to Topshop now.

“I wouldn’t know where on earth to start with Vegan clothing, so I’m going to check out these companies now”.

“It is interesting to know what Vegan clothing is made out of, I never considered looking into the options available before.”

“I really like the fact clothing companies are beginning to stand up for animal rights and be more ethically aware”

Topsho

eather is the most common material used by foot wear manufacturers as it is the most important co-product of the meat industry. Many people do not realise that by purchasing leather they are directly subsidizing factory farms and slaughterhouses. By supporting these businesses individuals are effectively financing the barbaric treatment of animals. Animals that are regularly branded, castrated, docked and dehorned without any anesthetic, serving as a form of torture. However, in recent years there has been a drastic increase in the amount of top designers switching from leather to non-leather products. Many footwear companies pride themselves on being ethical and actively standing up against animal cruelty. The exploitation of animals can be significantly reduced if individuals faced up to the facts of the leather industry, and took action by purchasing non-leather products. It is possible to maintain an affinity for shoes, without leather playing a role in the romance. Five years ago I bought my first pair of vegetarian shoes, an ethical company that promotes their product as ‘The ultimate cruelty free shoes’. Vegetarian shoes use materials such as pleather, Vegetan Mycro, hemp and faux suede as alternatives to animal skin. I bought my pair of Kennedy shoes in the Brighton Gardner Street shop. Retailing at £69.95, they are durable, waterproof and mold to the shape of your foot instantly, as well as almost replicating Vans authentic shoes. I also own a pair of the Veg Supreme Hemp Hi Tops made out of black enviro-friendly hemp. There are numerous companies that have begun to avoid using animal products to make their shoes; Good Guys Don’t Weather Leather, Cri de

Marques’ Almeida x Topshop

18.beauty

Monday 17 November 2014

The Courier

Beauty Â Editors: Â Charlotte Â Davies Â and Â Charlotte Â Maxwell Online Â Editor: Â Kathy Â Davidson

The Â best Â of Â beauty This Â week Â Kathryn Â Holland Â LV EDFN DQG VKHÂśV telling Â us Â about Â the Â top Â scents Â that Â get Â her Â senses Â going

â€œS

econd only to the search of the perfect male, is the search for the perfect scentâ€?: these wise words from my idol Carrie Bradshaw have stayed with me. Scent is a very important thing, and something that I think we need to pay more attention to. The selling of designer fragrances is a hugely profitable business, worth an estimated ÂŁ10.5bn. Picking the right perfume for you is as important as picking the right shade of foundation. Perfume smells differently on different people. Not only is it personal preference, there is also a science behind it. Each one of us produces a body chemical thatâ€™s unique and completely our own. This paired with skin temperature effects the way a perfume smells once applied to the skin. In short a perfume that smells great on you may smell disgusting on someone else. Another thing to consider is that all perfumes have top, middle and base notes. The base note is the scent that last the longest, because of this it is important that you find a base note that suits you. Spray the perfume onto your wrists (DO NOT rub your wrists together as this will crush the scent) and leave until that all that remains is that base note.

â€œSecond only to the search of the perfect male, is the search for the perfect scentâ€?

At the tender age of 12 when I was given my very first perfume, Baby Doll by Yves Saint Laurent (a bad choice looking back) I have been very choosey with the fragrances I pick. I had a long term relationship with DKNYâ€™s Be Delicious from the ages of 13 to 16. Then a brief infatuation with Paul Smith Rose, a lovely summery smell, that unfortunately didnâ€™t last through the winter months. Now Iâ€™ve reached my twenties I felt it was time I tied myself to at least a few relationships I could stay loyal to. These currently are: Tom Ford Velvet Orchid, Yves Saint Laurent Black Opium and Wood Sage and Sea Salt by Jo Malone. The first is a twist on Tom Fordâ€™s original scent Black Orchid. Itâ€™s less heavy than its predecessor but still has a wonderfully deep intoxicating smell which lasts all day. The second was released this year and was instantly a winner with base notes of sandalwood, vanilla and patchouli itâ€™s a highly decadent smell which is undeniably feminine. The third is a perfect scent for the day time. The smell instantly conjures images of rugged cliffs and shingle beaches - pure heaven!

â€œI bet Daisy Buchanan of The Great Gatsby wasnâ€™t so much moved to tears by the sight of Gatsbyâ€™s â€œbeautiful shirtsâ€? as by the memories stirred by the scent of them â€“ and himâ€? My mum has always been loyal to Chanel No5, and for as long as I can remember there has always been a bottle on her dressing table. When I smell it I immediately feel comforted. The past few years of being at uni and travelling during the summers I have spent less and less time at home, because of this whenever I pass through a duty free or perfume hall I like to spray a card with it to take with me wherever I go. I bet Daisy Buchanan of The Great Gatsby wasnâ€™t so much moved to tears by the sight of Gatsbyâ€™s â€œbeautiful shirtsâ€? as by the memories stirred by the scent of them â€“ and him.

7LPH IRU P\ VTXDWWLQJ VHOÂż H" $V RXU ,QVWDJUDP IHHGV EULP ZLWK FHOHE J\P VHOÂż HV Charlotte Â Callaghan Â and Â Ellen Â Dixon Â debate Â whether Â itâ€™s Â possible Â for Â all Â of Â us Â non-ÂKardashians Â to Â still Â look Â good Â whilst Â breaking Â a Â sweat

Yes, definitely

Not a chance

â€™m sure many of us here can attest to having seen at least one celebrity â€˜post-workout healthieâ€™. Yep you heard right. Replacing the dreaded â€˜selfieâ€™ which 2014 appears to have deemed acceptable, this new form of photobragging sees stars posting self-satisfied photos of themselves working on their slim and toned bodies. From lean Lucy Mecklenburgh to kurvaceous Kim Kardashian, A to Z-list celebrities are showing us that theyâ€™re proud to be gyminâ€™ it. And why wouldnâ€™t they be? Clad head to toe in designer gear, sporting shiny slicked back locks and unfeasibly fine physiques, these celeb â€˜healthiesâ€™ have the knock-on effect of making anyone not currently in a gym or hiking up a mountain feel positively slovenly. So what about the rest of us who have yet to achieve Miranda Kerrâ€™s perfectly sculpted abs? Is it possible to take our own â€˜healthiesâ€™ and have the entirety of Instagram drooling in envy? The simple answer to this is no, itâ€™s not. My philosophy at the gym is something along the lines of, â€˜if youâ€™re looking right, youâ€™re doing it wrongâ€™, which is certainly true in my case. To achieve the kind of figures we see these famous-faces flaunting, you have to push your body to the limit and for me that just canâ€™t be reached by walking on incline hardly breaking a sweat, hair perfectly coiffed and make up intact. Sure the likes of Gisele Bundchen and Heidi Klum work hard at the gym to maintain their killer bods, but what about those of us who are still in the process of attaining them? I can assure you that the only way my â€˜post workout healthieâ€™ would make it on to Facebook would be as a result of a horrendous hijacking attempt. A scraped back ponytail, sweaty face and a defeated expression is never going to rack up the likes.

would be lying if I said I didnâ€™t usually leave the gym looking like a red, damp mess. But quite often, there will be a number of girls who look like they are ready for a night out before they start and even once theyâ€™ve finished. Their hair will be perfectly slicked into a ponytail, their skin effortlessly bronzed and their make-up flawless. This may seem unlikely but itâ€™s doable and there are ways to maintain a solid, get to the 1â€™oâ€™clock lecture, look. This may be important for those wanting to impress a significant other in the gym; if itâ€™s a boy whoâ€™s catching your eye, youâ€™ll notice they pull off the glazed inner boob look better than we do. Powder is the number one saviour at the gym. Donâ€™t use too much or youâ€™ll block much needed air to the follicles, but it will mask the redness and stop the shine. Avoid the blusher though; you wonâ€™t need the extra colour once you get going. The best way to keep your hair looking lively instead of flattened to your head is dry shampoo. This isnâ€™t to say donâ€™t wash your hair, but it will add volume, keep a sweaty scalp at bay and can help with a messy up-do. To avoid the impression that the idea of exercise has caused emotional trauma, wear minimal eye make-up or it WILL run under your eyes, if needed try a good waterproof mascara. Finally, if you want to dodge wearing makeup at all, use a reliable tan wipe the night before as it will cover the pink glow â€“ but exfoliate later because a patchy neck is a bad look for anyone.

Rated: Â Menâ€™s Â Skin Â Care Tom Â Nicholson, Â Errol Â Kerr Â and Â Josh Â Nicholson Â review Â Scaramouche Â & Â Fandangoâ€™s Â range

When youâ€™re sprinting from home to lecture to a mateâ€™s house to Tesco to Osborne Road to wherever else after that, itâ€™s easy to neglect oneâ€™s skin hydration levels. Before you know it youâ€™ve got cheeks like flapjacks and a forehead like a hardboiled orange, and youâ€™ll look far less delicious than that description implies. Fortunately, the Scaramouche & Fandango Hydrator cream (which, it appears, comes packed with â€œanti-fatigue chronodynâ€? and â€œcell energiserâ€?, which is reassuringly scientific-sounding) is a little wonder: I did feel that I looked less knackered after a few daysâ€™ use, as it made fairly hefty inroads into the bin bags under my eyes. The only thing I was unimpressed by is the smell. I lived with it for a while, mulling over quite what its different notes, nuances and intricacies were. Then it hit me: it smells like Lynx Africa. I had been smelling like a school dressing room full of 13-year-old boys after P.E. for a week. That pretty much killed my enthusiasm for the product stonedead, though perhaps wearing it while alone would be bearable. Itâ€™s paraben-free too, which I assume is a bonus.

Sometimes itâ€™s worth looking outside the usual box of Lynx body washes â€“ which leave you clean, but with a ridiculously overpowering scent â€“ and trying something else. Hence, why the Scaramouche & Fandango Body Wash was an ideal choice. Not only is the name reminiscent of a certain Queen song which is always a selling point, but the product itself leaves you feeling perfectly clean and your skin fresh. Containing papaya, this wash suggests that it will reduce minerals lost during the previous day and reduce signs of fatigue. Indeed, this shower gel is immediately refreshing first thing on a Monday morning (or any morning these days, as who actually wants to get out of bed?) and in replacing your usual handful of shower gel with a smaller amount of this, youâ€™ll find yourself far more refreshed for the day ahead, without an overpowering scent making everyone avoid your presence. Bonus: due to not containing oil, silicone or parabens, itâ€™s a completely safe shower gel to use, so if anyone is understandably concerned about having these on their skin, Scaramouche & Fandangoâ€™s Body Wash is definitely worth keeping an eye out for.

Having started Movember the beard had to be shaved down to just a moustache this week and with the help of Scaramouche & Fandango I was dancing all the way to the sink. Initially the cream was hard to get out of the tube and when down to the last third I imagine this might become a problem when you want to use every last ounce and get every last drop of value out of this premium looking product. Having wrestled the cream out of the tube the feel was smooth, which was encouraging. Moreover, what is impressive about this product is the way in which it gives good coverage and gives a really clean cut shave. There was no problem at all with the shave and, as well as making my face smooth afterwards, it aided the glide of my razor, though that didnâ€™t stop me cutting myself twice. Furthermore it claims to fight signs of fatigue and at this time of year with innumerate deadlines thatâ€™s something none of us can resist. Itâ€™s made in the UK as well for those who are eco-conscious thatâ€™s a large thumbs up as well. I would definitely recommend this product to all considering that cop out Christmas present for a male family member.

The Courier

beauty.19

Monday 17 November 2014

thecourieronline.co.uk/beauty Instagram Â @courier_beauty Â Â | Â Twitter Â @CourierBeauty

Palette Â Wars: Â budget Â vs. Â high-Âend Ellen Â Walker Â WDONV XV WKURXJK WKH EHVW SDOHWWHV RQ WKH PDUNHW IURP WKH SULFH\ WR WKH FKHDS DV FKLSV

The Â artistry Â of Â make-Âup Liz Â Rosling Â discusses Â the Â Âż QH OLQH EHWZHHQ PDNH XS and Â visual Â art

aving hundreds of tiny loose eye shadows in your makeup bag can be a nightmare, especially when you have to tip the entire contents out onto your floor and rummage round to find the one exact shade youâ€™re looking for. This age old woe has been eradicated by the invention of the â€˜paletteâ€™; a handy little compact that keeps all your eye shadows in one, easy to locate place. My favourite high street palette is Sleekâ€™s Make up i-Divine Eye shadow Palette in â€˜Au Naturelâ€™. Itâ€™s deep, gothic shades are perfect for creating in depth smokey eyes, while the more natural nudes and browns allow simple every day use as well. The hues mostly move around the purple region, from lilac to deep plum, the perfect colour for the autumn/winter months. Sleek have loads of palettes containing different colour ranges; for 12 different shades at only ÂŁ7.99 itâ€™s really the best low end pal-

Illustrations by Laura Marsh ette you can get your hands on. If youâ€™re willing to splash out a bit, thereâ€™s really nothing better out there than a MAC pro palette: the world class make-up brand have fashioned palette inserts for two, four or fifteen eye shadows and even sell the appropriate sized compact boxes for each to keep them safe and protected. What really makes this product unique is that you can choose the colours you want to put in the palette yourself, therefore avoiding the inevitable problem of hating half the eye shadows in most ready made palettes you buy. You donâ€™t even have to fill the palette there and then, you can build it bit by bit with your personal style in mind. The palette of fifteen eye shadows with the box will set you back ÂŁ16.50, and then each palette version of eye shadow costs ÂŁ10 each, which is pretty reasonable for the quality of makeup that MAC cosmetics always provides. Moving away from Eye shadow: contouring is a

technique which has really hit off in the make-up industry recently, made popular by Kim Kardashian and leaving the world desperate for her killer cheekbones. For the finest quality in face shaping tools head to Urban Decay to grab yourself a naked flushed lush palette; the perfect complementary combination of highlighter, blusher and bronzer to leave you with the healthy, glowing complexion youâ€™ve always dreamed of. At ÂŁ22 it wonâ€™t break the bank, you may just end up having to live on beans on toast for a couple of days or so, a sacrifice well worth making. A cheaper and more basic alternative is Seventeenâ€™s define and conquer palette, containing simply a light highlighting powder and a darker powder used to create the illusions of shadows on the face. Although this version is far more basic, with the right technique and complementing products it can be really effective. At ÂŁ5.99, you may as well give it a try!

A Â brow-Âraising Â experience Emily Â Pentony Â meets Â Ifza Â Tindall Â for Â tips Â on Â becoming Â a Â brow Â engineer

Emily: The Client

ossibly the most defining and well groomed part of any girls face, brows have become a style statement in their own right with different styles and trends appearing every season. The brow infatuation has hit everyone: Caraâ€™s made millions from hers and bizarrely Kim K has taken to bleaching hers (when will it end?). With our commitment to the perfect brows the question ponders- Do we pluck, wax or thread? Pencil, shade or go au naturel? Being fully committed to the cause, I have tried and tested them all and I can safely say threading is the way forward. Donâ€™t let the tales of pain and streaming, bright red eyes put you off. Itâ€™s really not that bad and anyway, you have to go through the pain to get the gain right? The next step is defining the brows. Staying well clear from the â€˜scouse browâ€™, apply any pencil or powder softly and pick shades depending on your hair colour. In my opinion, the holy grail of all things brows is the HD brows eyebrow and brow palette. It includes a highlighting shade, two brow shades, carbon black definer and wax. It really has it all and youâ€™ll never have a bad â€˜brow dayâ€™ (yes, they do exist) in your life. If you prefer a pencil, â€œLâ€™Oreal Paris Brow Artisteâ€™ eyebrow pencil, is one of the best. Itâ€™s long lasting, has a clear wax based formula and keeps them looking sleek all day. Last week, I was lucky enough to be treated to an eyebrow thread by Ifza Tindall. They were in serious need of some TLC and she lovingly trimmed, shaped and threaded them. She seriously knows her stuff about eyebrows and I was really impressed with the end result. They were shaped without being too thin and left areas that needed to be grown thicker. Here, she tells us everything you need to know about brows.

Ifza: The Expert

have been practicing the ancient method of threading for almost four years. Iâ€™d like to think of myself and others in this trade as more than a brow person, rather a Brow Engineer. We consider brows in relation to the features on your face; the space between your eyes, shape of your nose and even length of hair. Something a clientâ€™s partner once said stuck in my mind- â€œI thought hair removal was barbaric but this is actually an art form.â€? And he was most certainly right. The way makeup and tattoo artists are self proclaimed artists, eyebrow engineers should not be overlooked. Threading is a precise form of removing hair usually used for facial hair. I think I forgot to mention, boys, you can get a pretty banging beard line with threading. Iâ€™ve never waxed my eyebrows and to be honest the idea of potentially giving myself wax burns doesnâ€™t seem enticing. Apart from that, waxing can leave you with open pores and is nowhere near as accurate as threading. Plucking should be avoided as it distorts hair regrowth and can leave you with hair growing in all sorts of directions. Girls and guys alike, brows really make a difference. Do not underestimate them. If you have thick eyebrows, brilliant! Make the most of them. If you canâ€™t invest in a brow gel to keep them tidy, grab an old mascara brush, give it a wash and spray it with hairspray. Brush through and they wonâ€™t be shifting. If you have sparse eyebrows, try and grow them. Itâ€™s hard, I know itâ€™s hard, but so worth it. To give the illusion of thicker brows brush them upwards and give them a trim. Lastly, if you are filling your brows in, to make them look less one dimensional, apply a darker shade to the arched area of the brow.

s makeup art? A controversial debate in our modern day society where such artistic creativity is constantly changing and evolvingâ€Ś However, the definition of art alone is enough to explain the reasons why I believe that makeup is indefinitely an art form. If art really is â€˜the expression or application of human creative skill and imagination, typically in a visual form such as painting or sculpture, producing works to be appreciated primarily for their beauty or emotional powerâ€™ then artworks similar to those of makeup artist Valeriya Kutsanâ€™s tick all the boxes. With creativity, inspiration and individual appreciation being at the heart of what art truly is, the variety of forms, symbols and ideas of expression give huge flexibility as to what can be counted as â€˜actual artâ€™. It is difficult to understand reasons why one would dispute the legitimacy of Kutsanâ€™s artwork as seen in both her black and white series entitled Weird Beauty and her more recent works 2D or not 2D. These art forms manage to depict images and tell stories in the same way that photographers, painters and sketchers do, and what makes Kutsanâ€™s works particularly interesting and beautifully unique is the way in which she manages to create such intricate optical allusions through a simple medium that has become such a widely popular commodity in modern day society â€“ makeup.

â€œIt is remarkable to see the way in which makeup artists manage to use a variety of these facial painting techniques to portray vivid imagesâ€?

Whilst the original practice of body art has been around for centuries, with the tradition of body and face painting remaining prevalent and increasing in popularity to present day 2014, it is remarkable to see the way in which makeup artists such as Kutsan manage to use a variety of these facial painting techniques to portray vivid images, aided by the natural emotion seen through the models expressions, artistsâ€™ manipulation of natural lines and contours off models faces create transformations that truly entice art observers, another reason why I believe that using models for art does work. Stand out pieces in Valeriya Kutsanâ€™s collection put a spin on original artists work such as Roy Lichtenstein and Piet Mondrian (as seen in photographs), and the fact that such creations have been achieved through makeup techniques, warrant the accreditation of makeup artists and their human artforms.

Tip Â of Â the Â Week

If youâ€™re running low on sleep following a heavy night on the toon, drink Soya Milk. It has the charm of reducing puffiness and redness around the eyes. The proteins help hydrate the skin and prevent any premature wrinkles you may be developing after too many nights in Sinners. Whilst you could drink the milk, you can put a few drops on a cotton wool ball and dab onto the eyes for refreshingly perfect peepers.

20.arts

Monday 17 November 2014

The Courier

Arts Editors: Lucy Chenery and Becka Crawshaw Online Arts Editor: Jess Harman

Don’t kill my Afrovibes

Charlotte Davies, reviewing Rainbow Scars, and Hannah Goldstein, reporting on the pop-up events, visited Afrovibes Festival and returned with high praise

ast week I visited the Afrovibes Festival, found both at Northern Stage and by the Quayside and featuring a mix of plays, discussions, music and workshops. Northern Stage truly embraced the festival with the Township café, where South African food was served from a quirky little stand; I opted for a cup of ‘chakalaka’. Though I’m at a slight loss as to exactly what this was, I can tell you it tasted divine.

Holly Argent enjoys an evening of live video and performance at The Northern Charter

orthern Charter’s night of performance certainly ticked all the boxes. Crowds gathered on the fifth floor of Commercial Union House, creating a considerably more upbeat atmosphere than usual. Hip-hop music and plentiful amounts of homemade punch made you feel somewhat nostalgic rather than pretentious. However, as per usual, people gathered on the periphery of the ‘stage’, by the few chairs available. I’ve always wondered why people fear being in the centre of a room, too worried they’d be watched or seen as performers perhaps, what they don’t realise is they’re (in a way) performing all the time in everyday life and by behaving collectively, this ‘performance’ becomes even more apparent. I digress, back on to the actual performers of the evening… Something about the stage being on the same level as the audience makes it more immediate, like you can feel a performer’s energy or hear the breathes in between bursts of tone, for example, from Cara Tolmie. Loops of tone were recorded through her microphone as she repeatedly traced her own steps in a circle, each time recording the new sound via the looping device, layering it over the previous. Escalating tones of pitch were often intersected with the line “the story we endure knows nothing of us”, which erupts “the end is a tumultuous noise” – this quote taken from the title of the experimental narrative text accompanying the live performance. There was a total of five performances: Cara Tolmie, Kathryn Elkin, Romany Dear & Ashanti Harris, Ditte Goard, Luliia Iarova, Nellie Saunby, Beth Edwards & Chloe Nicholls and 3 video screenings of work by Pil & Galia Kollectiv, Tim Etchells and Aïda Ruilov. I’ll just talk of 2 more. Night Walk by Ditte Goard involved five performers. With blue triangles painted on their face, one of which wearing a Mad Hatter-esque gentleman’s coat, recited an enchanting mythical narrative. Impressed by memory capacity alone, she delivered it with gust and particular intonation. In turn, the four other subordinates chanted a tune to the words of “Show, me, night, walk” which seemed to accompany the protagonist with bells and a song to her death. Finally, a short note on the final performance by Kathryn Elkin. When an artist asks for volunteers, the majority of the audience recline in their seats and shy away from the potential of being embarrassed or exposed but with the offer of red wine as an incentive I wasn’t going to say no (and perhaps because I’d already seen the performance in Glasgow so knew what was going to happen). A group of us surrounded a table each with a glass of red wine and attempted to make the wine glasses ‘sing’ – we’ve all tried licking our finger and running it around the rim of the glass to try and get a tune. The amplified, albeit struggling sound was supplement to Kathryn’s half spoken/sung voice over depicting in such a light-hearted manner a surreal encounter with a butcher - “Shove it in me, big boy” - got a few titters out of the audience. With red wine flowing and laughs all round it was a fun ending to a great evening of talent curated by Newcastle University’s own teaching fellow Giles Bailey. Image: Holly Argent

“The acting standard could not be faulted” Thursday night saw the performance of Mike van Graan’s Rainbow Scars taking place. Before I attended I confess I had little-to-no idea what to expect. What I was not expecting was to feel so moved by the performance of just three actors. The play was minimalistic yet extremely powerful, the simple story line following a teenaged black girl adopted by a white family. The play tackles the serious racial issues surrounding this situation and the relationship between the mother

and daughter serves as an effective microcosm for much wider universal issues. Though serious issues form the plot, this did not create an overly sombre tone. An equal mix of provoking topics and lighthearted humour could be found throughout, and the presentation of the mother-daughter relationship was very much relatable, bringing the play a little closer to home. Throughout the entire performance the acting standard could not be faulted: I felt completely drawn in by the believable characters and their storyline. The interesting post-show discussion again highlighted the issues found throughout and served as the perfect ending to the show. Charlotte Davies

ow much talent can be shoved into a single room without it exploding? The South African night at Northern Stage was bloated with just that: talent, raw and sometimes hard to watch but always engrossing. A woman spouted effortless alliteration, accompanied by only a guitar and her own powerful thoughts. She commented on revolution, on the personal and societal scale, her first piece describing the revolution that happens when a

“Media attention isn’t given to these artists, so they must fight for their place within both their country, and ours”

woman realizes the relationship she is in is toxic, the second, about the revolution when it takes to the streets and shakes a nation. This woman was performing as one of the free events, which all took place downstairs in the Township café. Once inside we were treated to a questions and answers session about the performance that was to take place upstairs called Rainbow Scars. During this questions and answers, one woman described the difficulties of being a South African female singer and songwriter. She then continued to emphasize the way in which the art scene in South Africa is shifting away from our imposed English ideals. The art that doesn’t represent South African culture still infiltrates shops and televisions, but in this talented woman’s eyes the attention beginning to look away from our culture, which fails to represent the new South African person. After experiencing Afrovibes Festival I think it is a travesty that attention isn’t given more freely to all the incredibly talented artists that took part. The fact that the event was free only re-emphasizes the issue that was brought up. Media attention isn’t given to these artists, so they must fight for their place within both their country, and ours. Hannah Goldstein

Alison Unsworth: Vane

‘T

hings to think with’ has, surprisingly, been a recurrent theme amongst my peers: are we spending so much time engaged with various social mediums, we aren’t noticing what is going on directly around us? Unsworth’s exhibition certainly makes you stop and think. Maybe we should take a step back, and take some time to engage with our surroundings. Her photographs of a man wandering along the river have a beautiful simplicity about them. It appears to me he is taking life at a pace that is all too often forgotten in peoples increasingly frantic lives. We are so absorbed in our own lives, we forget to live in and appreciate the moment. Notice the weather, the birdsong or the landscape?

“We are so absorbed in our own lives, we forget to live in and appreciate the moment”

Unsworth’s video Promenade expands on this. Taking us at a monotonous yet almost calming pace along the sea front. We are forced to stop and absorb everything that is going on around us, we have no choice but to dwell on the details. There is something almost therapeutic about leaving our hectic lives for a second, and look for its own sake as we ponder what, if anything, we are really missing. My favourite piece took the form of a series of models all miniature in size. Here Unsworth had taken various idyllic landscapes, constructed a dwelling and then demolished it, commemorated by a plaque or the rubble tossed into a skip. Another thought-provoking critique on the modern way of life, through images of continual demolition and rebuilding, what is mankind seeking to achieve? Ria Fretwell-Deery

Erratic Landscapes: Vane

alking into a room flooded with light, I was greeted by various boulders dispersed randomly around the room, like washed up shells on the sea shore. The rocks were multifaceted, each face a differing shade; one has to navigate around them to fully understand “the landscape of representation”. The exhibition by Matthew Smith seeks to evaluate the interaction between man-made and natural environment. The most resonant for me, was what at first sight appeared a corporate graph, but on closer inspection revealed individual logos depicting snow-capped mountains. These images create a thought-provoking metaphor of the corporate world. The graph shows peaks and troughs, creating a rugged mountain range. It was suggestive of the highs and lows of the cities, and the peaks and troughs of the mountain range, forging a link between the polarities.

“His work is a reflection of man’s relentless pursuit of knowledge and wealth”

His final piece is a series of ‘Cloud’ drawings, again made of up varying corporate logos from technology companies that use cloud to store data. Through the use of the word cloud, Smith encourages us to think of this storage of information as celestial, having no real impact on this world. However these mass warehouses that store cloud information on these ‘clouds’ have a detrimental effect on our environment. His work is a reflection of man’s relentless pursuit of knowledge and wealth, regardless of the impact on the natural world. Ria Fretwell-Deery

The Courier

arts.21

Monday 17 November 2014

Under the covers Joy Division Unknown Pleasures (1979)

My Bloody Valentine Loveless (1991)

thecourieronline.co.uk/arts c2.arts@ncl.ac.uk | @CourierArts

Kate Bennett takes a look at some of her favourite album art Hookworms Pearl Mystic (2013)

Over the past ten years, Unknown Pleasures has been massively overused in terms of shitty memorabilia (mugs, trainers, enough T shirts to clothe the entire North Korean military), but somehow, as an album cover, it’s lost none of its potency.

“Dreamy and disorientating, but also very punk”

The melodies on Pearl Mystic are buried deep under washes of reverb and distortion, and its mysterious cover art fits it like a well-made glove. There are so many questions raised – who’s the hooded figure? Where is he or she? – and the monochrome, faded effect harks back to pre-Internet zine culture, an aesthetic that perfectly matches Hookworms’ spacey, fuzzed-up sound.

When The Lamps Went Out: Discovery Museum

Accessible Arts: Turning bottles to Botticellis

t’s a massive cliché for a reason: it’s probably the best album cover of all time. Based on a diagram drummer Stephen Morris found in an astronomy book, depicting the radiation emitted by a pulsar, it sums up everything that Joy Division’s music was - enigmatic, pareddown, light emerging from an enveloping gloom.

“Light emerging from an enveloping gloom”

aving proudly pinned my poppy on my chest last week, I headed to the Discovery Museum where commemorating 100 years since the outbreak of World War I, a new exhibition has just opened. When The Lamps Went Out travels back to the streets of Newcastle when the city was faced with the threat of attack and the loss of an entire generation of young men. By Christmas 1914, the city of Newcastle upon Tyne reported that over 21,000 men had joined up to fight for their country in what was to become known as the Great War. With so many uprooted from their daily lives Newcastle sprung into action to play its part in the national war effort making munitions and tending to the wounded.

“It travels back to the streets of Newcastle when the city was faced with the threat of attack and the loss of an entire generation”

One in a series of exhibitions and events exploring life on the home front during the First World War, When The Lamps Went Out takes you on an interactive journey of pictures, memoirs and video clips offering an extraordinary look into wartime Newcastle. Whether you’re an avid historian or not, this really is a not-to-miss exhibition presenting a short but sweet snapshot into the history of our much loved city and the lives of those left back at home. The Discovery Museum is open between 10am4pm Monday to Friday and 11am-4pm on weekends. Isabelle Granger

ike Unknown Pleasures, Loveless is another album cover that is essentially the album’s music in visual form. The songs on Loveless are dreamy and disorientating, but also noisy and grating, and its cover straddles these same elements – it’s woozy and outof-focus, as if taken by someone who isn’t quite in control of their senses, but it’s also very punk, with its in-your-face hot-pink colouring and closeup photo of Kevin Shields’ Fender Jaguar. Weird, beautiful and totally iconic.

eeds psych band Hookworms only released their debut album Pearl Mystic last year, but its trippy turquoise cover has already worked its way up into my favourites.

“This mysterious cover art fits like a well-made glove”

“This is a way to turn your excessive drinking into art and a bit of money”

Livio Seguso is a famous glass artist and his pieces are currently on eBay for between £500 and £5000. Admittedly these are beautiful blown glass pieces which require slightly more skill than your average student has, but you can

onathan Yeo is best known for his celebrity portraits – most notably the portrait of George W. Bush made of cuttings from pornographic magazines, which catapulted him to notoriety. From Sienna Miller to Michael Parkinson, George Clooney to Malala Yousafzai, his latest collection of paintings being exhibited at the Laing Art Gallery is a diverse assortment of portraits from the different spheres of celebrity – here, the worlds of entertainment and politics intermingle on canvas.

“Even a complete outsider to visual art (yours truly) finds something to connect with in his work”

Inspiringly, Jonathan Yeo taught himself to paint whilst recovering from Hodgkins’ disease. His unique contemporary realism has gained him prestige – his piece Proportional Representation a few years back depicted Tony Blair, William Hague and Charles Kennedy sized according to their popularity with their voters. His accessibility as an artist is one of the key features of his appeal – even a complete outsider to visual art (yours truly) finds something to connect with in his work. The exhibition at Laing features intriguing pieces such as the piece of Kevin Spacey in his role as Richard III, or his captivating portrait of Helena Bonham Carter, seemingly ageless and aloof. In his interview with GQ in 2013, Yeo stated that the nature of his subjects’ lives doesn’t allow for much sitting-time – his portraits are based on rudimentary drawings, with the posture and Yeo’s own love for faces crafting the story each subject has to tell. The Jonathan Yeo exhibition runs until February 2015. Iqra Choudhry

Lord of The Flies Re:Bourne: Theatre Royal

Jennifer Hopps explores a creative way to make use of your drunken evidence e’re halfway through the first semester. Your house is cold and damp and you’ve given up all hope of making it to your Monday 9am. Your living room is cluttered with random objects you’ve ‘collected’ (nicked) on nights out. Empty wine, vodka and beer bottles are lined up on your kitchen counter and you’ve promised to take them out for weeks. But what if you didn’t throw them out? I’ve had an idea that will get rid of this collection of shameful reminders and sort your financial problems at the same time – glass art. Bear with me, I promise I’ve thought it through. Glass art is exactly what it says on the tin – art pieces such as sculptures constructed out of glass. Yes, some of them do look like a five-year-old smashed a milk bottle, got some glue and stuck the pieces together, but they have a much more appealing price tag.

Jonathan Yeo: The Laing

W “Empty wine, vodka and beer bottles are lined up on your kitchen counter and you’ve been promising to take them out for weeks. But what if you didn’t throw them out?

still make a fair bit from smashing up your collected glass and making something pretty in the process. Glass collages don’t require as much ‘special equipment’ as glass blowing and are still respected as incredible pieces of artwork. Have a go; smash up a few different coloured bottles (safely, of course) and stick them into the shape of a flower or something. Flog it on Ebay for £200 – job’s a good ‘un. So there you have it – a way to use your excessive drinking to make art and a bit of money. You can thank me later.

e’ve all suffered those English lessons, wading through Lord of the Flies like it was knee-deep mud. But the recent adaptation by Matthew Bourne (Swan Lake) and Scott Ambler depicts Lord of the Flies as you’ve never seen it before. Part of the Re:Bourne project, the production offers inexperienced or underprivileged local boys the chance to participate in a professional dance show. Alongside a handful of qualified dancers, these children produce an incredibly high level of performance.

“An incredibly high level of performance”

Although initially underwhelming, the artificial soundtrack and repetitive choreography quickly gives way to spine-chilling chaos as the boys spiral out of control – their boyish wrestling and uniformity are transformed into violent hunt scenes and war paint, overseen by the iconic, red-lit pig head. The pig hunt in the middle of the first act utilises one of the younger boys wearing ears and a pig nose to portray the boys’ prey – this world is kill-or-be-killed. The music creates a jangling atmosphere which characterises aggressive members of the group with blaring horns, and the thoughtful, introspective Simon (played by Layton Williams from Bad Education) with Robin Mason’s poignant cello accompaniment. Mason’s is the only live instrument, and the artificiality of the soundtrack occasionally distracts from the performance, but the cast do a fantastic job of keeping us on the edge of our seats as the show progresses. By the end of the first act you’ll be shivering in your seat and wondering how this familiar text could be brought to life so vividly. Elle Monaghan

22.filmfeatures features

Monday 17 November 2014

The Courier

Film Editors: Rosie Rosie Bellini & David Leighton Online Editor: Lucas Lucas Fothergill

Pleasure Island

escribed by The New York Times’ Scott Weinberg as a “schmaltzy little piece of obvious fluff that’s directed in truly horrendous fashion and populated by cardboard characters who spit out one-dimensional platitudes and breathy pop tunes”, High School Musical is renowned for being one of the worst films of my generation. And alright, I’ll admit that I’m not oblivious to the film’s simplistic storyline, clichéd characters and palpable plot-holes, nor am I suggesting it should have trounced Graham King’s The Departed for Best Picture at the 2007 Academy Awards. There is, however, a certain charm to Kenny Ortega’s wholesome revival of the high school experience which has made the Disney flick into something of a tween phenomenon and for all the same reasons, a guilty pleasure in my eyes. For the uninitiated, some background information is perhaps in order. Just as new faiths grow out of old belief systems, High School Musical is essentially derived from a previous mythology promulgated in the latter days of the 20th century namely, Grease, albeit without the unwanted pregnancy and frequent references to ‘gang-bangs’. Similarly to Grease, in which a boy and a girl from opposite worlds fight social ostracism to find true love in high school, Troy Bolton and Gabriella Montez battle peer pressure and self-doubt on the rocky road to romance. However in High School Musical neither the jock Troy nor the studious Gabriella is forced to abandon a ‘clique’, but instead find true fulfilment and express their individuality by trying out for East High’s Winter Musical. Riveting stuff. Okay, so maybe my initial love for the film has something to do with the fact that I was of target audience age when it was released in 2006, so yes perhaps the story line of High School Musical rang slightly truer to a 12 year with no preconceived notions of adolescence. Yet still to this day I find it impossible to resist the euphoria that spirals High School Musical into a candy-coloured nevernever land that Peter Pan might envy. So what if these wholesome singingand-dancing characters include no teenagers you or I will ever meet? It’s nice to willingly suspend our disbelief and step into a world where the entire cafeteria can spontaneously break out in a rousing production number and ‘the school’s freaky genius girl’ hasn’t been caught up in a naked photo scandal. The songs a r e catchy, the acting’s impressive and the didactic message about breaking social boundaries, whilst undeniably corny, is very sweet. Sure, it won’t be up everyone’s street, but you never know until you try, so ‘Get’cha Head In The Game’ and give High School Musical a go. You might be pleasantly surprised. Charlotte Callaghan

Nolan rollin’ in it

With Interstellar hitting the big screen, Simon Ramshaw looks at the work of the million dollar man and his incredible ability to get funding

t’s an unexpected comfort to find two of your favourite directors giving positive backing to yet another one of your favourites. That’s the situation that surfaced recently at the New York Film Festival when Paul Thomas Anderson told critics that Christopher Nolan’s just-released Interstellar was ‘beautiful’, and Quentin Tarantino echoed the same glowing admiration, comparing him with the great cinematic visionaries of Tarkovsky and Malick with what appears to be a new frontier of cinema. Nolan is a filmmaker still riding the crest of the wave he mounted so incredibly nearly a decade ago with Batman Begins.. He’s not just a lucky sonovabitch, either; he’s a self-made auteur, working his way to the top by genuine talent and ingenuity. Today, there are endless swathes of indie directors struggling to get a break, crying at the injustice of Nolan being granted nine figure budgets at a whim. But what people often forget is that he, too, started small. Look at his first feature, Following… At a lean 69 minutes, it’s a super low-budget thriller that he funded by himself, his wife Emma Thomas (a producer in nearly every Nolan film) and friend Jeremy Theobald. It effectively launched him into Memento, a ballsy thriller that plays out backwards without sacrificing substance for its ingenious style. One remake of Scandinavian thriller (Insomnia) later and Nolan was given free-rein over the re-suited, rebooted Batman franchise, which is what most fans now know and adore him for. And rightly so. Resurrecting the franchise after Joel Schumacher’s two campy death knells, Nolan’s suffocating darkness created what is arguably the most consistently great superhero franchise of all time. His Batman is a brooding, layered creation, while his adversaries are perhaps even more plausible in today’s paranoid post-9/11 world. The late Heath Ledger’s final completed performance as

the Joker became instantly legendary, and even he threatens to steal the show from Nolan’s auteur-like directorial prowess. The Dark Knight is arguably the pinnacle of the modern action blockbuster; a sprawling over two and a half hour spectacle that juggles immense set-pieces, dense characters and complex arcs…it makes a thrilling sight to behold.

“Today, there are endless swathes of indie directors struggling to get a break, crying at the injustice of Nolan being granted nine figure budgets at a whim”

mate fantasy is testament to why he simply needs his extensive budgets. Beyond entertainment value, his films also make incredible fortunes, with The Dark Knight being the fourth highest grossing film of all time. As the old saying goes, ‘You’ve got to spend money to make money’, and in Hollywood’s case it also helps if a large source of profit is also produces highclass, awe-inspiring cinema. Remember, little bigthinkers; Nolan was once one of you.

Beyond his impressively pyrotechnic handling of a budget, his more personal projects are the real reason people keep forking over cash to keep him going. In between the Batman saga, Nolan made the two immense mind-benders of The Prestige and Inception, both dealing with fantastical ideas and making them a breath-taking reality. While the former relies on sleight-of-hand and structural trickery, Inception is a brash but bold exploration of dreamscapes and the endless possibilities within. Nolan’s real magic extends beyond his groundbreaking visual design and into the impossibility of making two-and-a-half hours of exposition into a gripping screenplay; a feat never before achieved. Functioning fully on its own terms, Nolan’s ulti-

Lights, camera, hacktion

Recent release Nightcrawler has every journalist who dares to pick up a pen quaking in their M&S cardies, but should journalism be represented in such a harsh light? Andrew Beadling investigates

ollywood has often had a strange relationship with the press. It simultaneously depends on it (thriving on its coverage) yet derides it for its shortcomings. Released earlier this month, Nightcrawler takes this disdain to the extreme. The film follows Lou Bloom (Jake Gyllenhaal), a morally bankrupt drifter who becomes a freelance crime journalist, selling graphic accident footage to local television stations. As Lou becomes more consumed by his work he resorts to increasingly questionable means of collecting footage, implicating both the television stations that favour the use of ethically dubious footage as well as the viewers for their willing consumption. However, Hollywood has not always subscribed to this view. In Classical Hollywood cinema the notion of ‘the press’ evokes the fast-talking, wisecrack-laden journalism of screwball comedies like Howard Hawks’ His Girl Friday. Morning Post editor Cary Grant and his plucky ex-wife Rosalind Russell are unrelenting in their pursuit of cold hard facts and, often, this is the point of identification with journalists in film. They take on the role of vigilante detective, battling against the system in order to uncover the truth a la All The President’s Men. Perhaps it is only in contemporary revisions that journalists have been re-signified to be perceived as self-serving and insensitive. After all, it is quite hard to imagine either of the aforementioned do-gooders sharing an office with Danny DeVito’s sleazy Sid Hudgens of neo-noir L.A Confidential. This has been further exaggerated by the increased prevalence of television news, touted by Hollywood as a breeding ground for conjecture and the perpetuation of myths. Gone Girl serves as a recent example of this – in which the disappearance of a young woman and questions surrounding her husband’s guilt are played out under the constant scrutiny of rolling news. This cynicism

towards television is understandable, especially given its steady displacement of cinema as the dominant mode of popular entertainment since its inception. In this sense the television industry is portrayed as inhuman or robotic in its endless quest for viewing figures. This is never more evident than in Network as a television anchor’s onair breakdown is exploited as ratings gold, or in Die Hard as the interference of the illjudged news team is directly responsible for compromising John McClane’s heroics. Even in less scathing portrayals like Bruce Almighty, in which we are encouraged to identify with a character working in television, the viewer is implicitly aware that Jim Carrey’s success as a reporter is directly linked to the fact that he can manipulate circumstances for his own gain.

“Journalists have been re-signified to be perceived as self-serving and insensitive”

Of course there is a degree to which Hollywood is deflecting criticisms of its own onto the media. It too is guilty of a heavy reliance on figures and often omits mundane details in fa-

vour of the fantastic. But perhaps this intensified scepticism towards the media is reflective of society’s increased scrutiny of the notion of truth in general. Now more than ever, everyone has the potential to become part of media, with the increased availability of affordable handheld digital cameras as well as the ability to share footage easily via the internet. We are the luckiest children of earth, privileged – at any time - to instant coverage spanning many perspectives regarding anything, ever.

The Courier

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Monday 17 November 2014

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“You’re tearing me apart, Lisa!” - The Room (2003)

Nightcrawler (15)

don’t think I have ever given a film a 5/5 rating, and I’m not sure I ever will – although I’m pretty darn close to doing it right now. Perhaps I will have decided by the end of this review but I can’t quite be sure because I can’t think straight because Nightcrawler blew my bloody mind into tiny self-hating pieces. Easily the best release in at least half a year, it has received exceptional praise from nearly everyone (a scorching 94% from Rotten Tomatoes) and quite rightly, it’s rather wonderful. As I walked into the cinema I didn’t really know what to expect. I had seen the trailer and read the synopsis - ‘When Lou Bloom, a driven man desperate for work, muscles into the world of L.A. crime journalism, he blurs the line between observer and participant to become star of his own story’ - but I remained mostly in the dark. What followed was a two hour cacophony of sound, visual and psychological intricacy that left me dazzled. The plot follows Lou Bloom (Jake Gyllenhaal), a Patrick Bateman-esque character as his strong desire for success and complete absence of any moral compass leads him to some brutally dark places. Gyllenhaal regarded his performance as a portrayal of how far one can go with a complete lack of empathy and it was far-and-away one of his best, combining the sociopathic elements of the typical Bateman horror-figure with an incredible passion, intelligence and wit that makes him downright

likeable and considering the events that follow, that is a masterpiece task in itself. Aside from the brilliant casting of Rene Russo as Nina Romina, or Michael Hyatt as Detective Fronteiri or the frankly incredible visuals, or the stunning use of suspense and build-up, this is what Nightcrawler truly excels at. It invites you to be as apathetic and morally bankrupt as Lou, Nina and the journalism industry that it is critiques and, to an extent, it shows that you already are. The score is beautifully cultivated to produce exactly this effect. Lou’s utter jubilation at being the first on the scene to any major crime (be it a murder, car-crash or fire) is part and parcel of his job – “I like to say that if you see me you’re having the worst day of your life” – and it shows. He is pleased because he is getting the scoop and despite all the blood, all the gore, gristle and brutality the score follows Lou’s mood, becoming almost angelic. You feel it, a small tug in your heart that invites you to revel in

it all and you’re repulsed. It’s this internal tugging, this constant feeling of moral uncertainty and the gentle pit in your stomach that shows Nightcrawler for what it truly is: a brilliant analysis of the lines between good and bad and a representation of how each and every one of us engages in these grey areas every single bloody day. Complete with beautiful visuals, the most intense long wait scene I have ever experienced and a fantastic supporting cast that beautifully complements Gyllenhaal’s acting talents, Nightcrawler really takes the biscuit when it comes to keeping you on the edge of your seat. So you must go, you must go and watch it and you must go and hate yourself – because after watching Nightcrawler, I know I do.

Northern Soul (15)

Horns (15)

Maze Runner (12A)

et in 1974 in the fictional Lancashire town of ‘Burnsworth’ (a thinly-veiled amalgamation of the likes of Blackburn and Burnley), Northern Soul examines the drug-fuelled underground soul scene that swept up thousands of young people in the early 70s. Shy teenager John spends his time writing poetry, clashing with his overbearing parents, pining after Angela, the only mixed-race girl in town (Misfits’ Antonia Thomas), and being bullied by his arrogant teacher (Steve Coogan in a comically overdone turn that feels out of step with the rest of the film). A chance encounter down at the local youth club sees John befriend outgoing soul fan Matt, and he’s quickly drawn into Matt’s world of amphetamines, all-night dancing, and obsessively tracking down obscure soul singles on vinyl. The combination of his newfound zest for life and the death of his beloved grandfather (Ricky Tomlinson) pushes John to abandon his old existence. He leaves both home and school in dramatic circumstances, moves in with Matt and gets a job at a local factory while the two of them attempt to start their own soul night. But the all-or-nothing, substance-reliant nature of their link with the soul scene takes its toll. At times Northern Soul betrays its first-time-director status. While the drabness of early 70s Britain and the energy of the soul scene are rendered brilliantly, characterisation is a little patchy, often falling back on clichés, using people as devices rather than rounding them out as real characters. John’s entrance into the scene feels very rushed and with not so much a character development as an abrupt personality transplant; Thomas’ Angela is also woefully under used. All in all, though, Northern Soul is a beguiling window into a particular time and place, and a fantastic soul soundtrack ultimately hides a multitude of sins. More like this: This Is England (2007) Kate Bennett

orns is a Jack of all trades, but unfortunately a master of none. It tries desperately hard to intelligently mingle the genres of horror, murder mystery, black comedy and romance but this weird concoction results in something disappointingly average. It tells the story of the unfortunate Ig Perrish (Daniel Radcliffe) who is recently bereft by the loss of his girlfriend, Merrin (Juno Temple). One day Ig awakens with horns (obviously) and that is when the chaos begins. Not only are the horns uncomfortable for poor Ig, but they also emit a strange control over the townspeople. Daniel Radcliffe gives a career best performance, finally shaking off his chains as the boy wizard Harry Potter, although the stand out performance has to be Kelli Garner who plays the sadly self-conscious ‘town bike’, Glenna Shepherd. She provides the first laugh in the film in a rather bizarre, but hilarious, doughnut scene. This hilarity at the beginning of the film twists into blackly comic, and also slightly scary, violence and vengeance in the middle of the film when Ig finally grows into his horns. However, this exciting turn soon loses pace and quickly slips into horror B-movie territory by the end. This is not helped by the rather more-primitive-than-expected visual effects, which a film like Horns should be doing a lot better with. One of the most disappointing things about Horns however is that it is not the film it promotes itself to be. It’s not a bad film by any means, but it is unfortunately a victim of its own hype. Although the majority of the film is predominantly entertaining, the ending pulls it into the pits of hell, leaving it sadly in the land of average. One thing that can be learnt from Horns however, is that it is a good job Harry was not sorted into Slytherin. More like this: The Woman in Black (2012) Emma Allsopp

ver the weekend I suffered a ‘near death experience’. However, it was not the usual kind; there was no close scrape between my body and a bus, or an accidental slip into the tub whilst holding the hair dryer. It was in fact the sadness that crept into my tiny, Grinch-like heart when I read the (hoax) story of Macaulay Culkin’s death. Obviously at that time I was unaware of the evil trick that was being played on me and other unsuspecting and fragile childhood fans. Quickly my fears were quashed, but lingering in my head was the thought of Macaulay and all those other child stars who have faded slowly into the background of adult life.

More like this: Gone Girl (2014) David Leighton

aving made no secret of my disdain for Young Adult adaptations, I cheerfully proclaimed I would eat a hat if The Maze Runner had me invested at any point. Yet on exiting the theatre I was willing to eat every hat that I came across, even merrily buy a new hat and then eat it for good measure. Protagonist Thomas is thrown by a mysterious individual into the middle of a seemingly infinite maze. There live a handful of other boys whose hopes of survival rest on navigating the maze, which is full of... er, something nasty. No one can remember who they were, or where they came from, and from here on out, it’s all thrills, twists and mysteries. That is not to say that The Maze Runner doesn’t face-plant into pitfalls that make me hate the Young Adult ‘genre’. I lost count of how many times a perplexed youth said “We’re all in this together”a direct quote - and stared emotionally into the distance while music too awe-inspiring for Lord of the Rings rang out in the background. Now rip out the negative part of this review and throw it out the window, because that’s what you’ll do if you go and see The Maze Runner. Visually it’s exceptional - the scale and beauty of the shots provides a refreshing change from the usual slapdash CGI approach. However the thing that really sets The Maze Runner apart is the execution of its storyline, which is perfectly translated into cinema. It’s fast paced, it’s exciting, and doesn’t allow you to become complacent - it waits till you’re nearing a conclusion and then throws you back into uncertainty. To say The Maze Runner has challenged my preconceptions about Young Adult adaptations would be an understatement. Whether it will hold its own next to The Hunger Games I cannot say, but as my mouthful of metaphorical hat proves, it is certainly worth a watch. More like this: Logan Run (1976) Rebecca Harrison

Culkin, it is safe to say, is a poster boy for childhood stardom gone wrong. After starring in unforgettable classics like Home Alone, Richie Rich and Uncle Buck, the loveable little tyke seems to have somewhat lost his way. Most recently his escapades have seen him turn from a fresh faced lad into an allegedly heroin-addicted bag of bones, as well as taking a side step from film into the music business. That’s right, if you want to find Maccaulay now days, look no further than The Pizza Underground: a pizza-themed Velvet Underground parody band.

And how about The Parent Trap’s double trouble star Lindsay Lohan - trouble indeed. Another case of childhood stardom gone awry, Lohan has battled for years with addiction, with numerous stays in rehab. After childhood roles and great success it seemed plain sailing for young Lindsay, but since then we’ve seen her in some pretty dire roles, continuously typecast and unable to create a career worth taking seriously. Audiences just didn’t seem to be able to move on from that freckle faced little girl, which can lead an adult actress frustrated with her inability to progress, into some dark places.

But surely all child stars can’t be train wrecks. Remember that kid who told Bruce Willis “I see dead people”, Haley Joel Osment? He seems to have beat the system (lets overlook his little DUI/weed arrest in 2006 shall we - everybody makes mistakes), trading the big screen to tread the boards of Broadway in 2008 for David Mamet’s American Buffalo revival and graduating from NYU’s Tisch School of Arts in 2010. Pretty stable, huh? Even the little sweetheart from Matilda, otherwise known as Mara Wilson managed to hold it together long enough to make it out of the spotlight in one piece. Now working as a playwright, Wilson remembers acting as a child like some kids remember finger painting – something its best to grow out of. Pity the others didn’t see it that way. Dominique Daly

24.tvhighlights

Monday 17 November 2014

The Courier

TV Editors: Helen Daly and Ellie McLaren Online TV Editor: Rebecca Dooley

Appy Hour

elevision is slowly taking over every aspect of our lives. And not content with just slobbing in front of the box for hours on end, we’ve turned to our phones for our latest TV fixes. And the market is capitalising big time because of our addiction; the number of TV inspired apps has rocketed over the last year or two. We asked our writers to give us the lowdown of the best apps available to fuel your obsessions.

Made In Chelsea Let’s face it, after watching an episode of MIC we’ve all imagined ourselves strutting the streets of Chelsea on our way to find out exactly what Spencer’s done this time over a very expensive brunch. So it doesn’t get much better than sharing a flat with Stevie as he teaches you the ropes of Chelsea life, going on dates with your favourite characters, and then, of course, gossiping about them afterwards. What better way to fill the time until the next episode? Sophia Miller

The Voice If you’re like me and you shout at the TV during The Voice, honestly, download the app immediately. Firstly, you can ‘turn around’ for the artists while they’re live on the show. Then once you’ve done that, you can pick which judge the act will pick, should they be successful with their song. To finish off, you even get to see what percentage of the country agrees with you; what’s better than graphs and maths, eh? Throughout the weeks, you get to see exclusive clips and all of the backstage gossip becomes available at the click of your fingers; and personally, the relationships between the judges are the best part of the show for me. I need to know on a weekly basis how Tom Jones and will.i.am are getting on. It’s essential. Helen Daly

The X Factor As the world’s biggest talent show it’s unsurprising that X Factor now even has it’s own app that makes you the ‘fifth judge’. Downloaders are given five free votes each week, access to unseen backstage gossip and it even allows you to ‘test your X Factor knowledge’ and share the results on Facebook and Twitter (because really what’s a better way to highlight your lack of social life at the weekend). Rebecca Dooley

Pointless

The best quiz show in existence now has its very own app. Yes, Pointless has jumped on the bandwagon and created an app so you can play along from wherever you are. The various modes mean you can challenge your friends or, if you don’t have any (sorry about that), you can go solo, making it perfect if you want to challenge your brain a bit and find that all-important pointless answer. Although you have to buy it, the adorable cartoons of Alexander and Richard alone make it worth the money. Too cute. It’s the next best thing to actually being on the show itself. Chloe Carroll

Children In Need BBC1&2, Friday, 7.30pm

It’s that time of year again already. Can you believe it? Marking the start of winter for TV addicts like me, the Children In Need telethon brought together some of the biggest names in showbiz for an unmissable extravaganza of special one-offs and appeals for charity. Managed by Children In Need regulars Sir Terry Wogan, Tess Daly, Fearne Cotton and Nick Grimshaw, and with the addition of This Morning’s Rochelle Humes, this year’s spectacular promised to be fun-filled as celebrities including Cheryl Fernandez-Versini (yes, I very much almost typed the dreaded C word), Jo Brand, and One Direction, joined in Eastenders’ infamous Albert Square to entertain the masses. Why they chose the number

one murder spot on earth for their night of fundraising, I’m not so sure: thankfully there was no mention of guns hidden in bouquets. My personal highlight of this year’s Children In Need was the reformation of childhood-idols S Club 7. Yep, all 7 (none of that S Club 3 crap) reunited on stage to perform a medley of their well-loved hits. In their heyday, they had a strong relationship with Children In Need, releasing two of their singles - ‘Never Had A Dream Come True’ and ‘Have You Ever’ – to coincide with the campaign. In my dreams, their performance will inspire a full on album and tour campaign from the band, but will it come true? Another comeback arose from Strictly Come Dancing, as national treasure Sir Bruce Forsyth hosted a one-off of the elegant competition. But rather than getting celebrities to compete in a mini version of the show, as in previous years, this year’s Children In Need saw as four young ballroom champions partnered up with the Strictly

Remember Me

Posh Pawn

BBC One, Sunday, 9pm

ontinuing their run of brilliant ‘Original British Drama’, the BBC brings us this new three-part mystery starring the legendary Michael Palin in his first leading TV role in more than twenty years. Remember Me focuses on Tom Parfitt, a frail, old Yorkshireman who has recently moved into a residential care home. On the day of arrival, Tom becomes the sole witness to a violent death. Teenage care assistant Hannah and police detective Rob Fairholme soon become embroiled in the mystery of Tom’s life, as they try to unravel his strange past. The supporting cast also include Julia Sawalha and Mina Anwar, as Jodie’s mum and Tom’s neighbour respectively. Dubbed a ‘supernatural thriller’, it’s safe to say this won’t be your usual mystery drama. The few clips that have already been released show that it’ll be decidedly spooky (rocking chairs moving on their own accord is pretty standard) and hopefully it’ll give us a good healthy scare. And it’s got the lovely Michael Palin in it, arguably the best Python. That’s as good as any reason to watch. Penned by the award-winning writer Gwyneth Hughes, we can expect a gripping and tense script with perhaps a few lighter character moments along the way. Set and filmed in Yorkshire, it provides the perfect backdrop to this ‘ghost story’. The BBC has really been delivering some outstanding pieces of drama recently and Remember Me has a lot to live up to, in both the eyes of the critics and the viewers. If it’s anything as riveting as current thriller The Missing, this show will be one to remember. Chloe Carroll

professionals in a bid to win the coveted Pudsey glitter ball; showcasing the talented youth of today seemed much more appropriate for a show raising money for the deprived youth, than getting newsreaders to put on some gladrags and stumble through a paso doble. Yes, his presenting skills and not-so-funny jokes may have got a bit tedious during his time on Strictly, but for one night only, it was nice to see him (to see him, nice). The fun didn’t stop there, though. Cartoon legends Tom & Jerry starred in a special episode; mums’ favourite Gareth Malone hilariously attempted to train a group of celebs to sing in his choir; there were appearances from Doctor Who and Call The Midwife; live performances of West End hits such as Made In Dagenham; and who can forget loveable Pudsey? Let’s be honest, it’s morally wrong if you didn’t at least tune in and watch Children In Need. It’s for charity after all. And with all this excitement, why were you watching anything else? Ellie McLaren

The Flash

Channel 4, Wednesday, 8pm

rom high-end designer gear, extravagant motors and dazzling jewellery Posh Pawn has it all. Based in Prestige Pawnbrokers Weybridge, the self-dubbed “Beverley Hills of Surrey”, the Channel 4 show returns after a successful one-off documentary for a second season uncovering the mysterious world of high-end pawnbroking. How else can the citizens of this exclusive sect of Surrey fund their lavish lifestyles other than getting loans on their valuables and prized heirlooms? We follow shop owner James Constantinou and his employees as they exchange money for highend items, and everyday at Prestige entails a new experience, from the mundane to the weird and wacky, Posh Pawn has seen it all. No item is too big for this pawn brokers as in its past they have secured multi-million pound loans for items such as ten units of fighter jets. (You’ve got to wonder where they stored them?) We’re not talking a Bargain Hunt rummage in the attic for some tat and a couple of twenties with these guys - this is strictly the big leagues. Although it does give a secret bit of satisfaction to these people who can boast of owning rare collectibles fit for Aladdin’s cave, having to stoop for a quick injection of cash like some commoner. Whether some City banker needs it for a quickie divorce, or to fund an excessive shopping spree for a bored ‘homemaker’, or simply a last resort, you’re certain to eat up the drama-filled antics of Posh Pawn. Rebecca Dooley

Sky1, Tuesday, 8pm

he Flash hit the UK on October 28 and has been running (geddit) ever since. Spawned as a spin-of ’ of the hugely popular CW hit Arrow it is yet another example of DC really vying for a medium that they can own – the small screen to Marvel’s big. It came about after an episode of Arrow that featured Barry Allen (The Flash). His character was so successful it was immediately green lighted for a pilot and very quickly gained the traction for a full season, the first episode being the most watched pilot CW has ever had. The first episode deals with Barry (Grant Gustin) waking up from a coma (as last seen in Arrow) and discovering he is superpowered – he can run really bloody fast. Obviously this is a lot to take in and he deals with it the only way he now knows – he runs really bloody fast. Enter The Weather Wizard and watch as Barry quakes in fear at DC’s most unoriginally named villain since Captain Cold or Killer Frost or Mr Freeze or… oh, bugger. Add a large heaping of clichéd dialogue - “I don’t think that lightning struck you Barry, I think it chose you” - and some pretty run-of-the-mill acting, and you’ve got The Flash. Derision aside, I do actually like The Flash, both on-screen and off it. I enjoy Tom Cavanagh as Harrison Wells (it’s a damn good casting choice) and tack, cheese and cliché aside it’s a very fun show to watch. The Flash is all about the cheese, it’s kind of like The OC but with superheroes and it always manages to be comfortably above par for every single episode. So go and watch it, and say hello to Firestorm for me. David Leighton

The Courier

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Monday 17 November 2014

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Past their air-by date

The land of trope and glory

There’s nothing worse than life being forced into a dying concept to the point of ridiculousness. Here are our top 5 ‘should have ended sooner’ TV series

Skins

Supernatural

I loved Skins, I really did. It spoke to my angsty side, and as I was officially too young to be watching the first generation, that probably only added to the appeal. And the fact that the producers did have the gumption to almost completely recast the third series is to be applauded, as far as I’m concerned. However, the third generation of Skins, not to mention the frankly dreadful follow-ups to Effie, Cassie and Cook, were completely inferior to the first series (though not as bad as the woeful American remake). The third generation characters were thinly sketched and unlikeable, whilst the final series proved just how cringe worthy sequels can be. The series should have ended after the second generation of characters left in series four, when it was still popular, and as witty as it was gritty.

Don’t even get me started on this. I loved Supernatural all through seasons 1-5 and while I have, on many occasions, disagreed with Eric Kripke on his narrative decisions, it was generally a very thrilling, exciting show to watch. It was painfully obvious that everything post-season 5 was sucked out of the new showrunners’ fingers. Seasons 6 and 7 had several good moments but after that it just plummeted down. I have to say I have not seen one episode from season 8 onwards (and how I struggled all the way through six and seven is still a mystery), and the show is well into its tenth year now. Staggering, I’d say. There’s knowing when to stop and there’s knowing when to stop but not doing it because you’ll ‘break the fans’ hearts’. I say let them break. A good show has been destroyed by catering to, I would imagine, mostly financial whims. Tony Velikova

Lauren Hickin

Glee Yes, Glee is still trundling on but thankfully, it’ll put all of us out of our misery when it finishes next year. What was once a show that could tackle important social issues whilst remaining refreshingly fun and upbeat has morphed into something quite unrecognisable. The characters have become unbearable and the storylines are shamelessly outrageous. If you are going to address a topic as controversial and relevant such as gun crime, it needs to be executed with sensitivity. Not call the episode ‘Shooting Star’, and gloss over and make a joke of it the next week. The new characters drafted in are poor copycats modelled on fan favourites with zero originality or likeability. The producers have obviously run out of ideas and dwindling ratings show that viewers are no longer inspired by this once entertaining and, at times, moving show. Glee is still a talking point, but for all the wrong reasons. Chloe Carroll

Downton Abbey When Downton Abbey first started, it was my favourite series. The Dowager Countess’s stinging one-liners, back-biting above and below stairs, the shadows of impending war and the resistance to the decline of the aristocracy as symbolised by the new heir, middle-class lawyer Matthew Crawley…it was perfect Sunday night viewing. I cheered when Anna finally asked Mr Bates to “just come out with it”, tutted at Matthew and Mary failing to realise that they are perfect for one another, and genuinely sobbed when Sybil died in childbirth. But as the series became popular both sides of the Atlantic, two of the main stars jumped ship (Jessica Brown-Findlay as Sybil, and Dan Stevens as Matthew), and the storylines became ever more unrealistic and sometimes – unintentionally – laughable. I haven’t bothered with the latest series and wish it had ended at the height of its quality, after the Christmas special which closed the second series. I would not miss Lady Rose, Mary’s interchangeable suitors or any of the insufferable young footmen. Lauren Hickin

Lost

Somehow, when I started watching Lost, I always knew that it would end up being a train wreck. I did love it at first. It was a wonderful Lord of the Flies-esque -esque little story, very complicated in its simplicity. I loved the story of every single one of the people from the plane, I loved the flashbacks, I loved the way they interacted and the way the island was this unknown, terrifying being that just seemed to be there like a character on its own. Then – and this is probably the best explanation of where things went wrong – they cluttered it. Literally all of it – the unnecessary mythology, the unnecessary deaths, the unnecessary characters. Frankly, I felt relieved when it was over and done with. Even though it should have ended much earlier than it actually did, Lost had the common decency to pull the plug just before I completely gave up on it. Tony Velikova

Tria Lawrence

his week’s trope is a personal favourite of mine is called ‘The Noodle Incident’. The Noodle Incident an event that is referenced, but never explained, leaving it entirely up to the imagination of the viewer. And lo and behold, our imaginations go haywire and nothing could ever live up to the fictions we have created in our heads. Ever. Like, ever ever. If the writers actually tried to explain it, it would be completely ruined. Almost every programme has a noodle incident, right down to soap operas and reality TV shows, but there are some that are so well done that they are incredibly hard to compete with. First up is Gavin and Stacey, where something happened between Bryn and Jason on a fishing trip. What happened? Not a clue, but it’s completely legal in Wales and only happened because they were incredibly cold. This is one of the best utilised Noodle Incidents on television, partly because it is given a decent amount of screen time, but also because the line “We promised we wouldn’t talk about this” is never uttered. This gives the incident space to realise its full potential, leading to beautifully intense discussions in the middle of the night, awkward silences, and just enough of a hint of incest to send the imagination crazy.

“‘If the writers actually tried to explain it, it would be completely ruined”

Community is one of the most self-aware and troperiffic programmes to ever grace TV, and it obviously managed to get in quite a few noodle incidents. There was even a clips episode - (a moneysaving technique where old clips from a show are reused to make a ‘new’ episode) - where they had entirely new clips of events that we’ve never seen. Anyone who saw this episode probably still wants to know how they got involved with drug runners in Mexico. The best bit of Community, however, is that they know exactly what they’re doing. They have one episode where Abed, who loves his buttered noodles, is upset with Annie for doing something to them. If it were anything other than noodles, this incident wouldn’t be worth mentioning, but to geeks like me, it adds a new layer of enjoyment. Of course the greatest of all Noodle Incidents can be found in How I Met Your Mother and is known as ‘The Pineapple Incident’. Most Noodle incidents are used as a running joke in one episode, and are then dropped. HIMYM introduced the Pineapple Incident in its tenth episode and continued to refer to it periodically for the next TEN YEARS. Due to self-referential nature of HIMYM and the way it constantly time jumps, they managed to exploit every facet of the incident. What makes it even better is that even the characters don’t know what happened and HIMYM seemingly ended without clearing up the mystery. Therefore HIMYM has to steal the crown as the greatest and longest running Noodle Incident of all time, despite the fact they have since revealed all in the extra footage of the complete DVD collection. Prepare yourselves; it turned out that Ted had unbeknownst to him stolen the pineapple from outside the Captain’s town house, which he kept in his doorway as an old seaman’s tradition. …Anyone else let down by that after the sheer amount of build up?

26.music

Monday 17 November 2014

The Courier

Music Â Editors: Â Jamie Â Shepherd, Â Dominique Â Daly Â and Â Chris Â Addison

Electronic Â Blanket Max Â Palmer-ÂGeaves Â goes Â FUXLVLQJ WKH FOXEV IRU WKH EHVW electronic Â music Â the Â toon Â has Â WR RIIHU 7KLV ZHHN KHÂśV EULQJ LQJ EHDWV IURP %HOIDVW '-ÂśV DW 'LJLWDO DQG DZHVRPH $XVVLHV Bicep and Midland (Audio Asylum) @ WHQ 21st November Audio Asylum has always hosted the best acts in World Headquarters and itâ€™s not hard to see why. It has previously showcased the likes of Dusky, Four Tet (playing a five hour set), Paul Woolford and Redlight, who played a set that leant more towards his older heavier tracks before the likes of â€˜Lost In Your Loveâ€™. Its very common these days to have DJ acts who are producers first and foremost, who simply build their set towards dropping their big hit, playing to a crowd who arenâ€™t really worried about the rest of the set. Midland is the opposite. Itâ€™s true he has produced fantastic tracks such as â€˜Traceâ€™ but itâ€™s his sets that are truly fantastic and set him apart from others on the circuit. He will melt your mind. Bicep are a duo championing a return to old school house values, razor sharp production, choice vocal sampling and thumping, rolling beats. There is an undeniable pleasure in the simplicity of their productions and sets, which always deliver an unstoppable groove. They also are the owners of Feel My Bicep records, which has put out records by Huxley, Homework and Detroit Swindle. Expect good things. Listen to: Bicep â€“ â€˜Vision of Loveâ€™ Route 94 (Troupe) @ Digital 21st November Troupe records are bringing their distinctive London sound to Newcastle to tear up Digital once again. I saw Route 94 at the end of last year and Iâ€™ll be honest I wasnâ€™t really expecting much. Iâ€™m more of a David August kind of guy. I like long sets that rise and fall and Iâ€™m not really one for shuffling. I was, however, pleasantly surprised. Itâ€™s not a night for vinyl-loving purists but bangers were dropped and the quality of his productions really shone through. He played some really unexpected stuff such as the truly terrifying â€˜Geffenâ€™ by Barnt, which can only be described as music to murder your nan to. Another surprise came at the end of the night: I would have put money on â€˜My Loveâ€™ getting dropped for the third time, but Route 94 didnâ€™t disappoint with the left field choice of â€˜Darlinâ€™ by Tom Zanetti, a dark, brooding, northern classic. The low end driven sound of last years set was a perfect companion to Digitalâ€™s dry ice-filled, perpetual strobe atmosphere, an evening of perpetual momentum. A word of warning though, there probably will be some kid in brand new Air Max, with his new short back and deep house haircut shuffling his tits off and offering you three quid for a Rizla and filter. Listen To: Route 94 â€“ â€˜Forget The Girlâ€™ You Need To Hear This â€“ George Maple You may not have heard of this gorgeous Australian singer but you will have heard her sing. She has appeared with both Flume and Flight Facilities live, not to mention releasing a string of singles on the excellent Aussie label Future Classic. My personal favourite by Maple is a little known song called â€˜OPSTâ€™, which Iâ€™m a little sad wonâ€™t be appearing on her forthcoming EP Vacant Space. The first single from it has been released though and itâ€™s a corker, â€˜Talk Talkâ€™ was apparently co-produced with Flume who is both an advocate and close friend of Mapleâ€™s and that should be all the convincing you need really. Listen to: George Maple - â€˜Talk Talkâ€™ For more stuff like this, other stuff not at all like this, and music to ease off those end of the weekend blues be sure to tune into Maxâ€™s show The Electronic Blanket on NSR, Sunday, 8pm

Live: Â Jamie Â T Â at Â O2 Â Academy

Tim Â Hardy Â H[SHULHQFHG HXSKRULD ZKHQ KH VDZ LQGLH PXVLFÂśV Âż QHVW WURXEDGRXU RQ KLV UHWXUQ WR WKH 7RRQ

s he strode out smiling onto the stage at Newcastleâ€™s O2 Academy, trademark cap pulled down close around his ears, there was little to indicate the troubled five years Jamie T has undoubtedly suffered during his long, unexpected hiatus. Public appetite for the artist has, without question, remained high despite this extended absence, a sell-out crowd filling the venue long before his 9pm arrival. The seventeen song set list that followed left little doubt of the singer-songwriterâ€™s continuing ability to move, excite and thrill his audience in equal measure. Despite the official premise of his ongoing UK tour being the promotion of his long-awaited, dark album Carry On The Grudge, Jamieâ€™s set features as many songs from 2009â€™s Kings and Queens as his 2014 release. Reception was therefore rapturous, with songs such as â€˜Spiderâ€™s Webâ€™ seeing the London-born artist drowned out by the crowd from start-to-finish. Thatâ€™s not to say his new songs completely failed to capture the imagination: this yearâ€™s first single, â€˜Donâ€™t You Findâ€™, performed with the same broken, detached air as in the album version, proved a notable highlight of the early stages of the set.

crowd. â€˜Emilyâ€™s Heartâ€™ proves to be the highlight of the set; a stark reminder of Jamie Tâ€™s incredible skill as a lyricist, singer and performer. After a quick nod to his debut album with the ever-popular â€˜Salvadorâ€™, â€˜368â€™ causes pure bedlam in the pit. Its simple chorus still as eminently memorable as the day it was released, the song provides unadulterated joy the whole venue over. Jamie seems suitably impressed, playing the closing note with a smile which belies the troubled state heâ€™s rumoured to find himself in. The three-song encore provides the liveliest crowd reaction of the evening. â€˜Zombieâ€™, despite its release just a matter of months ago, seems instantly at home at the tail-end of the set; its catchy guitar riff and chorus ideal for the sing-a-long ending Jamie undoubtedly wished to create. Predictably, however, â€˜Sticks â€˜nâ€™ Stonesâ€™ ends the gig on a note of absolute euphoria. In truth, Jamie neednâ€™t have

sung a word of his most popular single to date: each lyric being delivered back to him word perfectly by what seemed to be every person in the venue. â€˜Sticks â€˜nâ€™ Stonesâ€™ seems now to have gained the status of a classic, a song representative of the time it was released undeniably boosted in appeal by the artistâ€™s subsequent hiatus. After such a long period away from touring, Jamie Tâ€™s Newcastle gig was always bound to be a success. With public demand and acclaim heightened, rather than diminished, by his disappearance from the music scene, the crowdâ€™s lapping up and obvious knowledge of each lyric sung proved entirely unsurprising. The set list chosen, however, proved the most pleasing element of the evening. Refusing to ignore his fan baseâ€™s obvious love for his early material, Jamie combined his obviously darker new output with the memorable songs which built him such an impressive following in the first place.

Storytone Neil Young

My Favourite Faded Fantasy Damian Rice

Motion Calvin Harris

â€œJamie stands alone with his acoustic guitar, singing emotionally of a failed relationship leaving him â€˜bruised and bloodyâ€™â€?

Jamie Tâ€™s on-stage persona exudes calmness. Equally adept at exciting his audience as at displaying his sensitivity to them, it is evident that his ability to perform has failed to diminish during his long absence. Never is this more apparent than during â€˜Emilyâ€™s Heartâ€™, popular single from his sophomore album. Abandoning the support of his capable band The Pacemakers, Jamie stands alone with his acoustic guitar, singing emotionally of a failed relationship leaving him â€œbruised and bloodyâ€?. The 02 responds, every word uttered echoed at double volume by the almost 2000-strong

ill Neil Young ever stop making music? He has been able to remain a staple of Americana without any kind of great stylistic shift for five decades and new album Storytone is no different. Young churns out the same distinct mix of country and blues with the same sad drawl he always has. The sound then, is nothing to get excited over. What is always interesting however, is the way in which Neil Young has always been able to weave a fascinating yarn amidst his music. From the sweet positivity of â€˜Tumbleweedâ€™ to the rather more straightforward call-to-arms protestations of â€˜Whoâ€™s Gonna Stand Up?â€™, we see Young demonstrate his ability in both charismatic lullabies and powerful protest songs alike. On the latter he questions â€œWhoâ€™s gonna take on the big machine?â€? and his following argument is always startlingly raw. Refreshingly, this album (the deluxe edition at least) has two different versions of each track, one solo and the other orchestral or with a live band. Despite the latter songs sometimes sounding like an over-the-top, pompous Disney soundtrack, it is surprisingly satisfying to see the songs grow from small solo tracks to great pieces of orchestration. That Youngâ€™s songs can morph so smoothly into totally different beasts with both entities still being appealing pieces is quite an achievement. What it also gives us though is a contrast to the sincerity of his solo pieces, and we find the orchestration of the alternate versions distancing us from the song itself, whereas the bare bones of the songs truly hit the heart. Artists very rarely survive as long as Neil Young has in the demolition derby that is the music industry but perhaps the answer is simply good, raw song writing. This is why Young survives. Liam Keeble

amien Rice is back. After eight years of silence, Irelandâ€™s gentle voice is once again here, but he has grown and changed considerably. Riceâ€™s break up with former musical associate and ex-girlfriend Lisa Hannigan has definitely affected his music â€“ itâ€™s no longer about the lyrical romantic, praising love in song form. Itâ€™s the sound of a man haunted, a man looking for an escape and a way to move on. Itâ€™s My Favourite Faded Fantasy and, unsurprisingly, it works. Rice hasnâ€™t lost his touch and he knows just how to convey his raw emotions and mould them into sound. The albumâ€™s narrative flows effortlessly and skipping songs or playing them or shuffle is downright impossible. It kicks right off with probably the boldest experiment Damien Rice has offered us up to date â€“ â€˜My Favourite Faded Fantasyâ€™. Definitely a bold move, and a hugely successful one at that, â€˜My Favourite Faded Fantasyâ€™ is definitely the strongest starting point throughout all of his albums. The next song throws us into a bit of a more familiar territory. â€˜It Takes a Lot to Know a Manâ€™ could have been taken straight from 9. Itâ€™s classic Rice with the very beautiful piano ballads we know and love him for. The change between songs is quick, effortless, and smooth. The flow is perfect, as â€˜The Greatest Bastardâ€™ moves right into the first single of the album â€˜I Donâ€™t Want to Change Youâ€™. Similarly, â€˜Colour Me Inâ€™ fades right into â€˜The Boxâ€™, perhaps the only song in the album that I found myself somehow waiting to end quicker. Still, I found myself unable to press the skip button. I felt like it would ruin the story that the album has built so thoroughly throughout the rest of the track list. A piece for the very refined acoustic tastes, Damien Rice is back, and he doesnâ€™t disappoint. Antonia Velikova

arrisâ€™ follow up album to 2012â€™s 18 Months sees the artist playing it safe. Gone are the grime cameos that gave his previous album an unexpected edge and muscle. As Harris has gained more and more fame (he is the highest-paid DJ in the world, and the only EDM act to feature in Heat magazineâ€™s 101 Hottest Hunks poll) he has given up trying to re-imagine his EDM template; using the same old formula again and again to no surprise of his listeners. This album simply shows a slightly updated version of what has come before. This isnâ€™t necessarily a bad thing: the albums big hitters â€˜It Was Youâ€™, â€˜Blameâ€™ and â€˜Summerâ€™ are there to make people dance, with a catchy beat and simple vocals. â€˜Blameâ€™ and â€˜Summerâ€™ have already topped the charts this year but there are a few surprises. These come from the dazzling collaboration with Haim on â€˜Pray to Godâ€™, an anthem of loss and regret, and the powerful steel-drum effect on â€˜Dollar Signsâ€™, sung by upcoming R&B star Tinashe. It is clear that in this album in particular Harris gets by with a little help from his friends but his best results, as in previous albums, are when he steps away from the mainstream sounds that he is known for. Tracks such as â€˜Slow Acidâ€™ and â€˜Overdriveâ€™ (which sounds like a cloud of bees high on MDMA buzzing incessantly around your ear on a hot day) are there if you want to sample a bit of Harrisâ€™ true sound. In short what Harris has created is a polished EDM monolith, which entertains but doesnâ€™t wow. The chart hitters are here, but there is little sense of Calvin Harrisâ€™ true personality, which has resonated clearly through past records- it seems like Calvin has lost that little something special that used to stand out from the crowd. Kathryn Holland

The Courier

music.27

Monday 17 November 2014

thecourieronline.co.uk/music c2.music@ncl.ac.uk Â | Â @courier_music Â

Spotify Â and Â Swift Â are Â never, Â ever, Â ever Â getting Â back Â together Â 7D\ORU JDYH 6SRWLI\ WKH VDFN DQG ZHQW RQ WR EUHDN PXVLF UHFRUGV SRVLQJ WKH TXHVWLRQ GR VWUHDPLQJ VLWHV UHDOO\ EHQHÂż W WKH DUWLVWV RU DUH WKH\ DOO DERXW EXVLQHVV"

rom day one, premiums paid to the artists, producers and composers of music uploaded to Spotify has been a ceaseless topic of debate. Following the recent news of Taylor Swiftâ€™s removal of her entire catalogue from the streaming service, once again this argument has been brought to the forefront of discussion â€“ are artists being paid fairly for their work, and are streaming services the future of the music industry? Launched for public use in October 2008 by Stockholm businessmen Daniel Ek and Martin Lorentzon, Spotify has become a household name for music streaming. Initially an invitation-only service to control growth, the company runs via the â€˜freemiumâ€™ revenue model in which basic access is free but a premium account must be purchased to remove third-party advertisements and gain offline listening. Spotify makes its millions from advertisements on the free tier and subscriptions on the premium service - simple. That which isnâ€™t so clear is that out of the 70% of the total revenue Spotify declares is paid to the rights holders (ÂŁ320m in 2013), artists alone are receiving a laughable ÂŁ0.004 and ÂŁ0.006 per stream. A unit Spotify prefers not to use (for obvious reasons). Spotify claims that an artist is paid relative to their market share (artistâ€™s streams / total Spotify streams) which quite evidently isnâ€™t a system suitable for new artists receiving very few streams. The underlying situation that has come to the surface with Spotify is that major labels are receiving a larger slice of the pie. Early back door agreements were made with these labels based on the vast catalogue

of which they own, allowing them to receive more favorable royalties. This obviously doesnâ€™t take into account the varying royalty deals artists have with their label. On the whole, a label such as Sony will receive the same income per stream from an album released 40 years ago to one they released last week â€“ streaming is perfect for catalogues but fails for new artists. Although no artist in 2014 should rely on streams to create a living wage, those not signed and marketed by a major are unlikely to gain many streams, if any (in addition to paying a third party to get their tracks uploaded in the first place). For the artist wishing to stay independent, they find themselves in a catch-22.

dustry is moving needs to be addressed. Music sale success should be looked at over a longer period of time rather than the amount shipping out a week following the release as one ÂŁ0.79 single purchase could be made back over a series of listens. With Taylor Swiftâ€™s latest album set to have the largest sales week since Eminemâ€™s The Eminem Show in 2002 she is not exactly in a terrible position for reaping the rewards for her art.

â€œThe main point running through Taylorâ€™s reasoning for parting from the service is that she believes streaming to be devaluing the art that musicians are makingâ€?

For many of these reasons, a handful of artists have decided to stay away from Spotify, these include AC/DC, Metallica, The Black Keys and most recently Taylor Swift. A big deal is made about acts as famous as these not being on the service because they are the kind of people that the streaming service is built for â€“ high traffic artists that would actually make millions from the site. The main point running through Taylorâ€™s reasoning for parting from the service is that she believes streaming to be devaluing the art that musicians are making. This may seem true in some ways, as music piracy is as high as it has ever been, but the way the music in-

â€œFrom countercultural groups railing against the Vietnam War to punkâ€™s explosive attack on the class system, political music was cool and subversiveâ€? pretty much fallen by the wayside, and weâ€™ve been reduced to a collection of apathetic blobs whose idea of activism is sharing a Facebook link to a petition on Change.org. The 80s saw the rise of yuppie culture, while popular protest was crushed and demoralized. This reformed the political and musical scenes, shifting the focus towards individualism, wealth and good times - a trend thatâ€™s pret-

Tom Ardron

Kate Bennett

s Jarvis Cocker majestically waggled his arse in Michael Jacksonâ€™s general direction at the 1996 BRIT Awards, the King of Popâ€™s delusions of grandeur and intellectual nous were emphatically crushed. Cocker, in one simple yet undeniably brilliant act, had summed up the stink that musicians engaging in political discussion tend to create. â€˜Earth Songâ€™, the target of the Pulp front manâ€™s disdain, was a preachy â€“ yet painfully simplistic â€“ attempt to denounce humankindâ€™s treatment of Mother Earth. Quite how a song consisting solely

of meaningless noises for a chorus â€“ â€˜aaaaahoooooooooooooooh!â€™ â€“ could hope to shock a listener into a hippy hatred for the destruction our wars cause remains a baffling mystery. The failure that is â€˜Earth Songâ€™ is not an isolated example. Just this year, â€˜eez-ehâ€™ from the ordinarily brilliant Kasabian signalled, as Serge put it, the bandâ€™s attempt at a move into â€˜punkâ€™. The lyrical content proved - if nothing else - unique, with cutting insight such as: â€˜The wrong men have the power/ itâ€™s turning my milk sourâ€™. Hmm. The problem, as I see it, lies in the detachment from everyday reality which emerges as bands and musicians grow in popularity. Tracks such as â€˜Earth Songâ€™ and â€˜eez-ehâ€™ are difficult to take seriously due to the knowledge that those who write them are multimillionaire beneficiaries of the capitalist system they seek to condemn. Some artists, most notably Billy Bragg, are undeniably adept at expressing political views through the medium of music. For those who specialise in pop and rock, however, attempts at reflection on the society we live in are inevitably plagued with a lack of genuine insight, ridiculous lyrical work, and a sense that it simply a desperate attempt to stay â€˜relevantâ€™ after many years of output. Tim Hardy

Who could forget Michael Jacksonâ€™s adorable little Â friend Â Â Â Â Â Â Bubbles? Jackson bought himself the primate pal in the late 80â€™s from a research facility in texes. Bubbles became a frequent travel companion to Jackson which led to much media mockery.Bubbleâ€™s slept in a crib in Jacksons bed room, used his toilet and ate candy.

3 ty much held over into the popular music of today. 80s bands such as Gang of Four and Killing Joke held the political fort for a while, combining their uncompromising critiques of commodification culture and war with brutally catchy post-punk, but the lure of extravagant lifestyles ultimately won out. Today, politics is basically a choice between a bunch of boring middle-aged white blokes, and radical ideas are seen as the preserve of fringe nutcases. We desperately need music to become politicized again â€“ to put the disempowered and the downtrodden back into popular discourse.

Ozzy snorts ants

Â Weâ€™ve all heard of the rock legendâ€™s taste for bats, but did you know that Ozzy Osborne was also partial to a nice noseful of ants? Once in 1984 while on tour with Motley Crue, Osborne and Nikki Sixx entered into an extreme competition that saw Sixx set himself on fire and Ozzy retaliate by snorting a line of ants off the pavement. I hope they werenâ€™t fire ants.

Wacko Jacko and Bubbles

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Talking Â Heads

he collective response to any band or musician who describes themselves as â€˜politicalâ€™, these days, generally falls somewhere between complete indifference and active derision. Political music is seen as overly earnest, haranguing, boring and depressing; why would anyone want to listen to someone banging on about genocide or the plutocratic structure of global society when you can yelp along to tracks about pills and parties, is the general thinking. Up until the early 80s, political music had a very different rep. From counter cultural groups railing against the Vietnam War to punkâ€™s explosive attack on the class system, political music was cool and subversive, which in turn fostered political engagement among fans. The music was exciting, but it also pricked peopleâ€™s consciences, and injected new discourses and ideas into the cultural landscape. Since the early 80s, though, political music has

There Â are Â 9 Â million Â spiders Â in Â my Â ear

Â Â

Cash vs The Ostrich

In 1997 in his biography Johnny Â Â Â Â Â Â Cash admitteed to having a serious disagreement with an ostrich at an animal park near his home. The bird tried to gore Cash with its toe and as a result he ended up with two broken ribs and his stomach ripped open to below his belt.

Â Â

Dappy gets the hoof

The N-Dubz cap wear Â Â ing â€˜na na naâ€™-ing member was hospitalized last year after taking a swift hoof to the head from a horse. Sources have said that the horse was a big music fan and found Dappyâ€™s output audibly offensive. â€œI was trying to do the music world a favour, nehhhâ€? said the horse, in an exclusive statement to The Courier.

Â Incy wincy Katie Â And last but not least the insect

Â Â Â Â Â Â started it all when it burthat rowed into the head of singersongwriter Katie Melua. The singer discovered the creature in her ear after suffering scratching pain for a week. Truly, a nightmare come to life.

28.musicfeature

Monday 17 November 2014

The Courier

Big Chat: Joe McElderry Legend has it that Alexander the Great wept salty tears when he saw the breadth of his kingdom, for he realised there were no more worlds for him to conquer. The parallels between him and South Shields’ favourite son are uncanny, as Editor Tom Nicholson found out when he spoke to the only man alive who has won both X Factor and The Jump Hello, can I interview Joe McElderry please? Yes, hello. Joe speaking. (1) Hello Joe. Can you describe the scene around you please? Where are you? I’m in my house (2). It’s quite modern, homely. How’ve you made it homely? Was it homely before you moved in? Well I travel around a lot in my job, so no matter where I go I take little comforts, candles, things like that. If you were making a dressing room feel homely, what would you need? Good lighting. Dressing rooms usually have really bright, sterile lights, so good lighting, lamps, candles, things that smell nice, smells that you’re

Well I’ll use that one. I was just looking at your Twitter feed before and your default setting seems to be to use two exclamation marks when you’re excited. I use exclamation marks all the time, even on things that aren’t really that exciting. I think it just adds another dimension to whatever you’re saying. I also think sometimes when you use exclamation marks, people think you’re angry, so if I use them all the time then people will know that I’m not angry. But then they might stop noticing them if you’re using them all the time. That’s fine. I don’t really do them for anyone else, I just enjoy putting them on me sentences.

used to. There’s nothing worse than an unexpected smell. Exactly. What does your house smell of? I don’t know actually. It doesn’t smell horrible, that’s the main thing. Maybe you’re just used to the smell of your house. It’s not a surprising smell anymore. Would you rather have a finger for a tongue or tongues for fingers? [A very, very long pause] Finger for a tongue. You wouldn’t really be able to do anything if you had tongues for fingers. Although, they do say that the tongue is the strongest muscle in the body, because it’s not tethered at both ends, so it’s got to be ultrastrong to wobble about like it does. Really? I definitely did hear that once. [Firmly] Well I’d rather have a finger for a tongue. What colour is happiness? I think it’s bright colours, a mixture of colours. I would say yellow, maybe like an orange-y colour, and a little bit of bright green. It sounds like morning, in a field. Yes. Or beach colours, blues, yellows. If you owned a pub, what would you name it? Maybe ‘Joey’s’. Or just something as simple as ‘The Pub’. “I’m going to The Pub.” “Which pub?” “THE PUB.” “Right, I’ll see you there.” It’d make people talk about it, everyone’d be repeating the name (3). It’d become its own marketing campaign. What’s your favourite Metro station? I used to go on the Metro from Chichester every day. I’d stand there every morning in the freezing cold... so maybe Chi? (4) There was always something about Monument as well when you used to go shopping, I always used to find that quite cool as a kid. Is there anything architecturally interesting about Chichester station? No. There’s a very confusing roundabout nearby though. It’s very hard to pull out of the junction. That’s not really architectural, but it’s confusing. What is the best phrase that you’ve picked up in another language? Ummm... I don’t really know. [Suddenly aghast] I don’t really know one. I could give you one in French that I found out in French the other day: esprit d’escalier. It means literally thinking of something you should have said at the bottom of the stairs when you get to the top of the stairs. Like when you have an argument and afterwards you realise what you should have said. Oh I do that all the time. When I’m in a meeting I think “DAMN. WHY DIDN’T I THINK OF THAT”. Say it again? Esprit d’escalier.

Well as long as you’re happy, Joe. Would you ever be tempted to go to three? Three might mean I’m a bit annoyed. If it gets to six or seven, you’re really in trouble. Do not cross. Don’t even reply, actually. How many hats do you own and how many do you think is the optimum? I have about four or five caps that I wear for rehearsals if me hair’s a mess, then I have a few winter hats, because I go skiing quite a lot. Some funky hats, some really cool bobble hats. I’m not really a trilby wearer. It’s a certain type of person who wears a trilby. It puts me on guard if I see someone in a trilby. Yeah, don’t trust anyone who wears a trilby. [Maniacal laughter] I’ll get into trouble for saying that. That was a joke. Do you have any notable ancestors.

“If I use three exclamation marks, I’m a bit annoyed. If it gets to six or seven, you’re really in trouble. Do not cross. Don’t even reply, actually”

I don’t think so, no. Oh well. I suppose you’re making family history then. Yeah, I’ve done some things that’ll be recognised for a few years, buYou won The Jump! How many people can say that they’ve done that? Yeah, I suppose so, but I doubt I’m making family history (5). Maybe I’m making history between me friends and family, but it won’t go down in history. Well it is literally history, in that it did happen. True, true, but if someone was reading this and I said I’d gone down in family history they’d be like, ‘How arrogant is he?’. If you were a condiment, what condiment would you be? Maybe salt. Everybody uses salt. I like mustard. I use a lot of mustard. I’m going to say salt, vinegar or mustard (6). Did you ever pass your cycling proficiency test as a kid? No, I didn’t even do it actually. I can ride, I’ve done a lot of charity bike rides over, like, 300 miles, so I think I passed it in another way. You got a cycling proficiency test certificate from the University of Life. That’s the highest honour that can be bestowed in the cycling proficiency test world. [A slightly tense silence.] Have you ever been lost on a moor? Probably, yes. I come from a family who are well into the outdoors and go on adventures and stuff. I’ve been lost on a skiing mountain before, which was quite full-on. (7) I’m not frightened of adventures. Have you ever been skiing before? I’ve been to Runcorn dry ski slope twice (8). Little bit different to that (9). When you go up to the top of the mountain, certain bits are above the cloud level, so what happens is sometimes the clouds close in and it’s like being in fog, you can’t even see your hand in front of your face. Sometimes it comes out of nowhere. It happened to us once in Austria and we were lost for about three hours. Obviously everything around you is white, you have no sense of direction. It’s very scary. When it comes to kitchen bins, do you use the pedal or swing variety? We just have a lifty-open bin. Two, to be precise. One

for waste, one for recycling. Top work. The polar bears thank you. Can you think of a nice poem about Newcastle? ‘Blaydon Races’? I mean, can you think of a Joe McElderry original? People might clock on if I just print the entirety of ‘Blaydon Races’. Erm. Oh God. Not really. I’m good at writing songs but it takes a while. Just print ‘Blaydon Races’, change a few words. What was the last substance you accidentally put your hand in? I was doing a training session this morning and I accidentally put me hand in mud. I’ll be honest with you, this training session malarkey sounds absolutely awful. I actually really enjoyed it. I’m a bit of an exercise freak. Sometimes you get wet, sometimes you get a bit of mud on you, but you’ve got to plough through it. When was the last time you said aloud “That is absolutely disgusting”? I say it about many things. Sometimes people’s behaviour. I went for a meal recently and it was a very horrible meal, so after I finished I said that. It wasn’t disgusting, it just wasn’t very nice, I just said it for effect. Could you describe yourself in the style of a lonely hearts ad? Male, 23, fun, likes to have a good time, very sociable. Would like to meet somebody who is normal. Seems to be very rare these days [cackles]. Someone normal and nice. Okay, close your eyes, Joe. Mm-hmm. Are they shut? Yep. Go to your happy place. Are you there Joe? Yep. Describe the scene around you. I’m on a boiling hot beach somewhere where the water is like see-through turquoise, and the water would be not big waves but just trickling along the shore. And there would be a table with a laptop and some WiFi and a nice alcoholic cocktail. Oooh, lovely. Ahhh. You can come back now, Joe. I presume you’re keeping up with X Factor this year? [Coyly] A little bit. Anyone caught your eye? I like Fleur actually. Andrea’s great, and he’s got a great voice, but I prefer Fleur. She hasn’t got the strongest voice but she can sing well, and she mixes the element of singing with her performance, which is good. She certainly has a certain je ne sais quoi. She looks great as well. Excellent hair. Thanks Joe! Pleasure, thank you for your time. Probably the most random interview I’ve ever had.

NOTES

1) Joe is almost unique in the pop world in that he answers his own telephone. 2) Someone should probably tell Joe’s PR person that it’s not really industry standard practice to give out a clients’ home phone number. 3) A masterclass in marketing. 4) We’ve yet to ascertain whether this is a legit nickname for Chichester (which it turns out is pronounced ‘Chai-chester’ rather than ‘Chichester’) but seeing as Joe apparently spent his formative years trapped on that bloody roundabout he’d probably know. 5) Get the boy on Who Do You Think You Are right this bloody instant and find out if any of his antecedents have beaten the combined might of Marcus Brigstocke, Amy Childs and Anthea Turner (or their Victorian equivalents) in a winner-takes-all winter sports-themed reality TV show. 6) This answer deftly sums up Joe’s cross-generational, multi-dimensional appeal. Much like salt, Joe works with everything, can prevent meat going off, and many tons of Joe are mined from underneath Cheshire each year. 7) It took a lot not to shout “IIIIIIT’S THE CLIIIIIMB” at this point. 8) Fell over on the nursery slope. Never again. 9) Joe is a master of understatement.

The Courier

Monday 17 November 2014

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,3&& WKH ¿ QDO ZDUQLQJ RQ ZDUPLQJ The world has been issued an ultimatum. Louise Bingham discovers what this means

he Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) have issued a ‘final warning’ about the potentially disastrous effects on climate if we don’t curb our emissions of greenhouse gases. The IPCC’s latest Synthesis Report, published on November 1st, warns that fossil fuel consumption will have to be massively reduced in the coming decades and eradicated entirely by 2100 if we are to stay within the targeted 20C increase in global average temperatures. Dr Rajendra Pachauri, chairman of the IPCC, stated that there is limited time remaining “before the window of opportunity to stay within the 20C of warming closes.”

This is arguably the most definitive of the four reports published by the IPCC, highlighting the environmental, social and economic need for CO2 emissions policy reform. Despite warning from the previous three reports from the UN’s advisory body, the use of fossil fuels and CO2 emissions has continually increased for decades, even reaching a record high at 36 billion

tons of CO2 emissions last year. The report states that it is “extremely likely” that anthropogenic greenhouse gas emissions has caused current climate change, which is unequivocally happening, and it has already impacted human life and ecosystems. “Many of the (current) observed changes are unprecedented over decades to millennia. The atmosphere and ocean have warmed. The amounts of snow and ice have diminished, and sea level has risen” and in order to survive “we need both adaption and mitigation”. Although it is not enough to simply cut emissions from

“By transforming the way we fuel our lives now, we can avoid the most serious effects of global warming”

fossil fuels, we already have the means and a variety of solutions needed to limit climate change. By transforming the way we fuel our lives now, we can avoid the most serious effects of global warming but with every year we leave it, the harder, more

“Dr Rajendra Pachauri, chairman of the IPCC, stated that there is limited time remaining ‘before the window of opportunity to stay within the 20°C of warming closes’”

expensive and less achievable a low carbon future will be. No one is saying that a future powered without fossil fuels will be easy, but the alternative is gloomy. If global ice caps were to melt (a rather unlikely worst-case scenario, I know) there would be a minimum rise of 216m on current sea levels, submerging around 40% of England, predominantly the south east. Eliminating the use of fossil fuels in order to stop global warming is possibly the biggest issue mankind will ever face, but it is do-able. In the words of Pachauri: “All we need is the will to change.”

Pachauri goes on to say that the world must act immediately whilst it is still technically and economically possible to remain within the ‘safe zone’ of global warming; “Our emissions should drop by 40 to 70% globally between 2010 and 2050, and fall to zero or below by 2100.”

A good day to divest hard

Jack Marley DUJXHV WKDW 1HZFDVWOH VKRXOG EHFRPH (QJODQG¶V ¿ UVW XQLYHUVLW\ WR TXLW IRVVLO IXHOV

n 1981 a 19-year old Barack Obama was dragged off a stage on his college campus by fellow students pretending to be white paramilitaries. It was intended as a symbolic gesture to draw attention to the muzzling of black leaders in Apartheid era South Africa, but, the now president admits, it was all a bit embarrassing. “I thought to myself: What’s a bunch of university kids doing in California that is somehow going to make a difference?” But make a difference it did. You might have noticed references to the People and Planet Society’s Fossil Free initiative fly posted around campus. They’re a group of environmentally-minded students who want to see the university put its money where its mouth is on climate change, just as Obama demanded of Occidental College and their South African ties in his student days, and agree to purge the £4 million invested in the fossil fuel industry from their portfolio. The idea of divestment is simple. Big, legislative changes are slow, corruptible and difficult to attain. In a capitalist economy, your buying power matters more than your vote. If we all decided to stop filling our cars with petrol tomorrow then the leviathans

Image: Jack Marley

of industry that engineer our lifestyles would collapse. Such a thing is of course unthinkable, but if enough influential people and institutions were to cease investing in a business, if they were to divest their assets and encourage others to do so, pretty soon that business would have to take notice. On the college campuses of the US, divestment campaigns have stormed the Ivy League towers of even the most prestigious institutions and convinced many to dump their fossil fuel endowments with surprising success. It’s enough to have earned the activists the respect of their forebears - the students who demanded the release of Nelson Mandela nearly three decades ago, and won. As one of those ex-students now writing for the Chicago Tribune recently conceded however, we are a generation burdened by far greater challenges. As he sees it, all the idealistic youth of the 1980s were demanding was for big multinationals to jettison their socially toxic stock from an economy beset by scandal and crises. They were not attacking the core business models of the largest industry on earth. They weren’t, as he puts it, “telling General Motors to stop making cars”.

“Realistically, climate change won’t be solved with one symbolic gesture, or even thousands”

Time isn’t on our side either, and as more of our forests turn to ash and greater swathes of the ocean warm and acidify, we aren’t gripped with the sense of existential terror that the situation implores. It’s now became so notoriously difficult to communicate the consequences of our reckless experimentation with the planet’s climate system that anyone trying to comes off sounding like a broken record. There’s a bleak humour therefore in the fact that most of what scientists are communicating is broken records. Temperature, weather extremes and glacial decline - they all represent all-time highs and lows that surpass themselves on an annual basis. California’s seemingly endless drought, Siberia’s thawing tundra, Australia’s gluttonous bush fires - all theatres in a global campaign of loss and destruction. The North East of England gave the world steam locomotion and laid the tracks to the industrial age. The achievement remains etched into our col-

lective legacy as students of this university in the commemoration of the Stephenson Building to the inventor himself, George Stephenson. This place, however humble it may seem today, stoked the fires that would fuel a century of innovation and in doing so, transformed the world. Why then, would I recommend Newcastle University turn its back on such an intrinsic part of its history and cultural identity? Because, as a cornerstone of the city consistently voted the UK’s greenest, we’ve already begun creating a new legacy.

“Time isn’t on our side either, as more of our forests turn to ash and greater swathes of the ocean warm and acidify”

In matters of social justice too, our university has led a noble and indefatigable example. We can all be proud to belong to the only UK university that received Martin Luther King and awarded him an honorary degree while he was alive, at a time

when the world creaked under the weight of social change and speaking out against inequality could still be unpopular. And climate change is a matter of social justice too. Who will suffer the most in an increasingly inhospitable world but the very poorest? Those most responsible for wrecking the climate meanwhile, the unfathomably wealthy, will not suffer in solidarity, but will continue to profit as the world burns. Would Dr. King accept praise from an institution that overlooked the victims of such a colossal injustice? Realistically, climate change won’t be solved with one symbolic gesture, or even thousands. But it may help win the argument. The world meets in Paris a year from now to broker a deal on carbon emissions that is likely to be our final chance to turn the tide. Without public pressure it’s likely to fail, but assurances from us that we won’t fund the destruction of our planet will pay dividends at the negotiation table next year. Fossil fuel divestment may be a student campaign that’s finally come of age. And at what better time than now? What better place than here?

30.science&technology

Monday 17 November 2014

The Courier

Science Editors: Laura Staniforth and Penny Polson Online Science Editor: Jack Marley

Heads in the clouds

Science of the Tyne For the sophisticated shut-in

Anna Jastrzembska talked to TED prize winner Professor Sugata Mitra about his revolutionary projects

s you might have already heard, Sugata Mitra, was built inside a high school in Killingworth, NorthProfessor of Educational Technology at our umberland. After winning the TED Prize, it’s Professor university, has won the 2013 TED Prize. What Mitra’s goal to concentrate on these schools. “I have built you probably don’t know, is that The TED (Technoloseven ‘Schools in the Cloud’. Five in India ranging from gy, Entertainment, Design) Prize is a $1 million award, the very remote to urban middle class India,” he explains. given ‘to an exceptional individual with “One Wish to “Two inside excellent schools in North Eastern England. Change the World’. So how is Sugata Mitra managed to Here children take charge of their own learning. We will change the world? study what happens over a three year period.” It all started in 1999, with a ‘Minimally Invasive Educa‘School in the Cloud’ provides the same chance for untion’, better known as ‘The Hole in the Wall’. That’s literally what happened- Professor Mitra’s team carved a hole in the wall, which separated premises of a company for which Mitra worked from a slum in Kalkaji, New Delhi. They put a freely accessible computer inside. “I had no idea where we were headed,” admits Professor Mitra. “I thought children could have fun with computers, without instruction (remember it was 1999 – computers used to be ‘taught’). If you had told me then that those experiments might change the way education happens, I would have said, ‘Don’t be silly.’” But it did. This groundbreaking experiment showed that, motivated by curiosity and peer contest, children can teach themselves and each other in absence of formal teaching or supervision. Without any previous experience, children taught themselves how to use computers. They taught themselves enough English to search the Internet, e-mail and chat. They improved their mathematics and science skills and were able to answer examination questions even few years ahead of time. Soon, there were 300 computer stations, covering up to 300,000 children in India and several African countries. Professor Mitra had visited the children from the first experiment. Some have started small businesses, some have become teachers. One is doing a Ph.D. on Evolutionary Biology at Yale, USA and another one is studying to be a doctor, in Malaysia. Still, there are thousands that Professor Mitra doesn’t know about. ‘The Hole in the Wall’ inspired another Image: Flavia de Quadros project: ‘School in the Cloud’. The first one

“I had no idea where we were headed... If you had told me then that those experiments might change the way education happens, I would have said, ‘Don’t be silly’”

supervised education that ‘The Hole in the Wall’ offered. There is a digital ‘School in the Cloud’ platform, with core technology provided by Microsoft and Skype. The platform gives anyone in the world with an opportunity to try self-organized learning. A part of the platform is the ‘Granny Cloud’, which aims towards creating a global network of educators and retired teachers to support and engage the children through the Cloud. The next step is engaging communities, parents, after school programs worldwide - virtually anyone who influences education - to share Self Organized Learning Environment (SOLE) toolkit with children - how-to videos and educational resources. As the online platform promises, “Anyone can create a SOLE - spark curiosity in children by asking them to explore a Big Question using the Internet and their ability to work together. Learning happens spontaneously in these purposefully chaotic environments.” According to Professor Mitra, the biggest flaw in education today is the assessment system - “we examine for unimportant or obsolete things that were important centuries ago.” A well-rounded education is not thoughtless reciting of formulas. The goal is for the children to be able to form independent opinions, detect indoctrination and, maybe, change the world. That is what ‘The Hole in the Wall’ did and what ‘Schools in the Cloud’ will carry on.

More TED winning wishes City 2.0 - Encouraging citizen led projects within city planning to create spaces that cater to everyone. Inside-out - The people’s art project: encouraging the contribution of art by local people, which is then collated and produced as art installations within the community. Food Revolution - Instigated by Jamie Oliver, to fight childhood obesity and save the world from our food habits. SETIlive - Jill Tarter’s team use radio telescopes to look for life elsewhere in the universe. Mission Blue - Sylvia Earle’s wishes to include 20% of the world’s oceans in protected zones

Image: Steve Jurvetson

Are we deaf to sound advice?

We asked Harriet Lane to explore the damage those massive bass bins in Cosmic are doing to your ears

o, you’ve just got in from a gig or club, all snuggled up cosy in bed longing for silence and a good night’s kip but all you can hear is ringing in your ears. Sound familiar? You’re not alone. Thousands of students up and down the country are abusing their hearing by exposing themselves to prolonged loud noise. Is the student lifestyle causing permanent damage to our hearing? Clubbing, gigging, and listening to your iPod can all cause irreversible damage to this precious sense but none of us seem to be too worried about it. Do you find yourself sometimes struggling to hear what your mates are saying? How much damage are we doing? Noise is measured in decibels (dB) with the level of around 85dB starting to cause damage to the ears and the average pain threshold at 110dB. Putting this into perspective, a normal conversation is around 60-65 dB, so just that bit louder and you’re possibly subjecting yourself to dangerous limits. However, it’s not quite that simple. The time spent listening to anything within the damaging range correlates to how drastic the damage may be. A typical student night out starts off with some buzzing pre-drinks, maybe a couple of hours or more. During this time you’re probably within the range of about 70-85dB, depending on how crazy

volume up too high could be causing damage to your ears whilst you’re oblivious. Equally, concerts can reach similar volumes, with the average being 115dB (a jet taking off is 130dB). Repeated exposure to this can bring different effects, one being earlier onset of hearing loss.

Image: Matthijs

the party is. At this level of noise, very minimal damage, if any is going to occur. Now lets move on to the main event - the club! Here you can expect to be listening to about 110dB of music for roughly 3 hours - this can vary depending on how long you can last in those heels or until you’ve had enough and are ready for the big finale of the evening, a kebab and chips. Whilst

exposing yourself to this volume, the harsh reality is that the tiny hair cells in our ears are dying, as these cells die, hearing declines - and there’s no way of undoing this. This form of noise pollution doesn’t just come with going to clubs, so don’t think you’re safe just because you don’t go out. Some MP3 players can reach a whopping 100dB, so listening with the

“A noise level of around 85 decibels starts to cause damage to the ears, and the average pain threshold is at 110dB. Putting this into perspective, a normal conversation is around 60-65 dB”

So, instead of getting to the grand old age of 75 with your hearing still intact, expect to start getting hearing loss at a much younger age, depending on the level of damage. You may also experience tinnitus, that annoying ringing sound in your ears. But instead of this being occasional, you could end up having to live with this permanently, so listen with care and keep the decibels down.

The Courier

technology&science.31

Monday 17 November 2014

thecourieronline.co.uk/science c2.science@ncl.ac.uk | @courier_science

I’m feeling S.A.D. Are the darkening nights bringing you down? Natalie Farmer explains what’s wrong

here’s no denying it now: winter is fast approaching. As the nights turn colder, the days grow shorter and the threat of snow becomes increasingly worrying, the biggest dilemma for most of us is whether or not to finally stick on the heating or just throw on that awful Christmas jumper your nan knitted for you last year. For some people, however, there is something much more foreboding about winter than the considerable increase in bills.

Illustration by Daisy Billowes

Depression. We’ve all heard of it. Some of us will have even experienced it, with as many as 1 in 5 adults suffering from it in the UK. It’s almost a taboo subject, something that is rarely brought up because frankly, people don’t know how to bring it up. It’s important to be aware of it now more than ever, because as the temperature drops, people are starting to get SAD – and no, I don’t mean sorrowful or upset. Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a type of depression that gets worse in the winter months, resulting in low mood, tiredness and irritability. Approximately two million people in the UK are affected by it, and those aged between 18 and 30 are most likely to develop symptoms. I know what you’re thinking, and yes, that does include the student population. But wait, aren’t we supposed to be having the time of our lives? Shouldn’t we be genuinely enjoying university, rather than just pretending? Isn’t depression just for those who are no fun? The simple answer to that is: no, not necessarily. Depression can strike at any time, and it doesn’t just affect older people or those going through a tough period in their life. That happy-go-lucky flatmate of yours, your over-enthusiastic course friend, the zealous president of a society you belong to… all of them could find themselves struck down by low mood in the coming months. At the risk of sounding depressing, even you yourself may experience feelings of loneliness or despair a bit more than usual. This is because of a protein known as the serotonin transporter, or SERT. Serotonin is a chemical with many roles in the human body, involving digestion, sleep, arousal, and emotion, to name a few. SERT transports serotonin into nerve cells to inactivate it and keep the serotonin levels constant. Scien-

tists at the University of Copenhagen have recently discovered that sunlight could affect the levels of SERT in the body; the higher the levels of SERT, the lower the levels of serotonin, resulting in low mood or depression. This explains why people are more susceptible during the winter, since we tend to spend more time indoors and the days become shorter.

“Seasonal Affective Disorder is a type of depression that gets worse in the winter months, resulting in low mood, tiredness and irritability”

So what can we do about it? The main messages are to be aware of it, know that it can happen to anyone, and not judge or criticise those who are affected. Depression is often associated with a social stigma, and the legitimacy of SAD is doubted by many. Evidently, thoughts like these need to be vanquished from people’s minds, and being aware is the first step of this uphill journey. A second important step is knowing how to recognise it – in yourself, and in others. Common signs include a change in sleeping pattern, an inability to concentrate, change in appetite, increased irritability, aggression and an increased consumption of alcohol (although the last one may not be so obvious in students). It is also important to remember that it can be helped. If spending more time outside and exercising (an activity shown to increase serotonin levels) doesn’t help, seek medical advice. Of course, we have all probably realised by now that life at university isn’t all sunshine and rainbows (or, in Newcastle’s case, trebles and the Toon), what with dissertation deadlines, January exams and stress. Everyone experiences low mood every now and again, so it’s nothing to panic about. But the next time your flatmate bites your head off about being 5 minutes late or rejects an invitation to go out in favour of sitting alone in their room, think twice about the cause. You might just be able to make a difference.

Whale of the Week Blue Whale (Balaenoptera musculus)

The weird side of evolution Georgie Murray went on DQ DGYHQWXUH WR ¿ QG VRPH of the stranger beasts nature has thrown up

Tufted or fanged deer (Elaphodus cephalophus) Count Bambi has recently come back onto the freaky scene in Northern China. Its little fangs are thought to be used for foraging in the forested areas in which it lives, pulling up roots and such. I like to think the real reason they have them is to prey on blood of the other innocent deer of Asia under the full moon.

Image: Momotaru

Banded piglet squid (Helicocranchia pfefferi)

Image: Edie Widder

This deep sea creature feeds and behaves like any other squid, it just looks way cuter. This little guy is on average 3cm long, and travels to the seas deepest depths once it’s about to reach maturity.

“They’re some of the world’s best survivors yet only measure 0.3 to 0.5 mm, Mother Nature proving once again that size isn’t everything” The tardigrade (Hypsibius duhardini) In my humble opinion, these amazing little animals are THE most awesome things to have ever walked, or at least shuffled very slowly, on this earth. Not only do they have some of the cutest nicknames ever, like the waterbear and moss piglet, but they are the only animals to have every survived in the vacuum of space! They’re some of the world’s best survivors yet only measure 0.3 to 0.5 mm, Mother Nature proving once again that size isn’t everything.

Yeti Crab (Kiwa hirsute) This benthic (sea floor) critter is dressed in his winter best all year round. The crab itself is a carnivore, preying on the small invertebrates living on the hydrothermal thermal vents where it makes its home. The reason it had such fluffily adorned appendages is to carry bacteria which process toxins out of the water around it, to allow it to maintain high metabolic rates.

Illustration by Georgie Murray

Image: Wanada

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Monday 17 November 2014

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Gaming Â Editors: Â Sophie Â Baines Â and Â Ben Â Tyrer

Review: Â The Â Report: Â Evolve Â -Â Â Big Â Alpha Binding Â Of Â Isaac: Â ,W FRPHV ZLWK D KLJK SHGLJUHH EXW ZKHUH GRHV LW SODFH LQ WKH IRRG Rebirth FKDLQ" Drew Â Baxter VKDUHV KHU HQFRXQWHU ZLWK Evolve Â -Â Â Big Â Alpha

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hat exactly makes a successful remake? Some would say that itâ€™s a game that builds on the originalâ€™s concept, others would argue that itâ€™s a game which tries something else entirely. The Binding of Isaac: Rebirth has chosen to throw its eggs into the â€˜expand on the originalâ€™ basket. It also decided to make sure that all subsequent expansions would look small, by creating a game within which youâ€™ll never get the same run twice. One of the biggest thrills within the original The Binding of Isaac was that each run would be different, giving you brand new chances to either prove your skill within a twin-stick bullet-hell shooter, or to get a hilariously overpowered run where everything melts before your mighty gaze. Rebirth has done the same, then taken the overpowered runs and introduced hundreds of ways to make them more overpowered. One of the original faults I personally had with The Binding of Isaac was the limited number of item synergies and the bugs there were with some of the items. Rebirth, with all these new item combinations, has brought many, many more synergies - some of which come as a complete surprise - to the table. For example, the combination of an item named â€˜Midasâ€™ Touchâ€™ which causes any enemy touching you to turn to gold, and an item named â€˜E.coliâ€™ which causes any enemy touching you to turn into a pile of poop, produces the interesting effect where whenever an enemy touches you, they turn into a golden pile of poop, which can be shot for a number of coins.

ecently, I got the chance to play the â€˜Big Alphaâ€™ for my most anticipated game of 2015, Evolve. Evolve is developed by the same studio that brought us, my all-time favourite game, Left 4 Dead. So I was over-the-moon when I received the email with my code for the invite-only alpha. The alpha consisted of one game mode: The Hunt. You either play as one of four hunters (trapper, assault, support, or medic) to hunt down the monster, or as the monster to either hunt down the players, or evolve up to stage three and destroy the power relay. Each class has itâ€™s own unique skills and weapons, and each is vital to the success of the team â€“ thereâ€™s not one â€˜bestâ€™ class to play as. For each class, there are two characters you can play as, with the second one unlocked after completing certain challenges while playing as the first. As the monster you can only play as the Goliath, unless you complete challenges to unlock the Kraken. Completing challenges also enables you to choose cool perks (such as increased damage) for your character/monster.

â€œEvolve requires a great amount of teamwork in order to succeed; one player can make or break your successâ€?

A fifth member joins the hunter team, Daisy the pet trapjaw, if you play as the trapper Maggie. Daisyâ€™s purpose is to help you track the monster and to revive downed players. I didnâ€™t find Daisy all that useful; she tracked the monster by following footprints that were clearly visible to the players already, and on many occasions I noticed her running directly into attacks. Daisy does start the

App Â review: The Â Room Â series

game by coming down from the ship with a cute little parachute on, so she does have that going for her. In order to evolve you need to fill your evolution bar by eating wild animals that also help you regenerate your armour. There are certain elite wild animals that when killed, give players/monster extra perks. These extra perks are a great incentive for hunters to go after the animals, however my teammates normally avoided them altogether in favour of tracking down the monster. I would like to see the animals being harder to avoid, though not as hard to avoid as the carnivorous plants that trap you and can kill you if not rescued by your teammates in time. Evolve requires a great amount of teamwork in order to win as a hunter; if you have one player letting the team down, then you will probably lose.

A â€˜vote to kickâ€™ option would perhaps help fix this, but then again that will always be open to abuse as seen often in the voting system in Left 4 Dead. But when you do have a decent team, the game is really enjoyable. The technical aspects of the alpha itself was plagued with problems: the PS4 version was delayed due to problems with the consoles firmware update; black and blue screens were common; and it took forever to find a game â€“ my record was an hour. However, the developers have stated the purpose of the alpha was to test the servers and the progression/challenges system, so hopefully the long wait times will not be present in the game. I really enjoyed playing the alpha, and Iâ€™m excited for the Xbox exclusive beta in January. I just hope a few of my complaints about the game are sorted out before the game sees its final release.

What Â Iâ€™m Â Playing: Â The Â Novelist

Ben Â Tyrer Â SRVVHVVHV OLJKW Âż [WXUHV DQG EDWKHV LQ HPRWLRQ LQ WKH LQGHSHQGHQW KHDUWEUHDNHU The Â Novelist

â€œRebirth is a game of strategy, skill and a fair amount of luckâ€?

The combinations only get weirder and more insane as you go on. Some runs, you find yourself scrounging together every last penny you can find in order to buy a single heart from the shop, others, you fly right by the shop, waving it goodbye as you waltz towards the boss fight, arm-in-arm with the devil who gave you some very handy items. Cooperative play has also been introduced into the game, allowing your friends to share in the experience as a floating baby. And yet, a lot of effort has been put into making the game balanced except for the odd one or two runs which have you shrugging off entire waves of enemies. If you want the best items, youâ€™re going to have to be prepared to pay for them, whether thatâ€™s with your important coins, your precious heart containers, or your incredibly valuable keys. It is a game that manages to test your decision making skills and your confidence: knowing that you could take that damage upgrade that would melt everything before you, but also knowing that youâ€™d be left only able to withstand a single hit, is one of the decisions that makes the game an exercise in tense strategy, skill, and a fair amount of luck. It is still a very odd game, which is putting it lightly considering the bible-inspired story centres around your mother trying to kill you, and its inherent weirdness is perhaps one of the reasons why the original was as well received as it was. However, despite its oddness, I recommend it for the sheer replay value it offers, and for the one run in a hundred where everything goes right and you feel like some sort of god.

nlike most app games, The Room series is not one Iâ€™d recommend for playing idly on the Metro. Both titles absorbed my full interest for a good few hours, as I figured out some truly fiendish puzzles. Considering this is meant to be played on a small screen, the ambience is potently creepy. While I wouldnâ€™t go as far as to say that I was scared while playing, I was definitely on edge. What is the mysterious safe holding? Why are there cryptic symbols daubed in bloodstains? Where is that horrible noise coming from? The puzzles are extremely challenging, but the hints provided are helpful without being patronising, appearing right at the moment you feel like packing it all in for an internet walkthrough. Iâ€™ll admit the feeling of success when solving something did make me punch the air on some occasions; the games are great at rewarding you for progress. While The Room was a very good game in its own right, all the action is focused in (surprise, surprise) one room. The sequel opens up the setting to a number of locations like a ship or temple, adding even more challenges you have to face. If I had to pick a weak point, it would be the storyline. I barely noticed it, and the bits that did appear seemed to be muddled for the sake of being cryptic. Honestly though, it didnâ€™t detract from a very good puzzle game. Laura Staniforth

love spooky games. Going up against ghosts, ghouls or - in the case of Condemned: Criminal Origins - even the crazed homeless population, I love searching for a good scare. Whether earned cerebrally or audaciously taken with a well-timed jump, spooks and tension are some of my favourite things in gaming. Imagine my enthusiasm when I stumbled across The Novelist, a game which puts you in the spectral shoes of a spirit inhabiting a secluded vacation home. What I wasnâ€™t expecting was a thoughtful, delicate and touching story about what it means to be a family, and the sacrifices we often make for the benefit of those we love. So it wasnâ€™t what I was expecting, but I stuck with it. The game follows novelist Dan Kaplan who takes his wife Linda and son Tommy on holiday in the hopes of the scenery curing a serious case of writerâ€™s block. With pressure to meet deadlines applied by his agent, the job begins to take its toll on Danâ€™s marriage and his capacity to be a father to Tommy, a quiet lonely boy who needs some guidance through the troubles in his own life. You play as a ghost who has inhabited the home for generations, listening in on the familyâ€™s exchanges and discovering clues about their history by exploring the holiday home, being careful to remain hidden by possessing light fixtures and finding letters, shopping lists, notes from teachers,

brochures for holiday camps, and so on. You can also delve into the memories of the family to ascertain what it is they want and how it can be accomplished. Itâ€™s effective and authentic world building that makes the family seem real and causes you to be invested in their problems.

â€œItâ€™s a touching interactive tale, and its surprising how bad you can feel when a bit of well-meaning intervention goes wrongâ€?

Luckily, you arenâ€™t a passive observer in the drama, but rather must collate all of this information and decide how Dan should best proceed. You do this by whispering advice to Dan in the dead of night, but this canâ€™t please everyone: making a choice in Tommyâ€™s favour will disappoint Linda and Dan, for example, and change the way the story pans out. Itâ€™s a touching interactive tale, and itâ€™s surprising how bad you can feel when a bit of well-meaning intervention doesnâ€™t pan out how you thought it would. Well written and paced, itâ€™s definitely one to play with headphones on and the lights off with some hot chocolate â€“ but be prepared to have your heartstrings tugged.

The Courier

puzzles.35

Monday 17 November 2014

Puzzles 1

Puzzles Editor: Kate Bennett

Courier Catch- phrase

See if you can guess (catch) the common idiom (phrase) shown in these picture combos?

9 10

11 12

14 15

16 18

17 19 21

Across

1 across and 2 down British-French actress, starred in The English Patient (7, 5, 6) 5 Scandinavian inlet (5) 7 Bodies of water separated from larger body of water by coral reef or barrier island (6) 9 Spice used heavily in Hungarian cuisine (7) 10 Mildly comedic kitchen implement (7) 12 Wacky (4) 13 Untanned animal skin (7) 14 Compere in hip-hop/dance music (2) 15 Vegetable used extensively in Caribbean, Cajun and West African cuisine (4) 17 Rigid principles (6) 19 Mexican spirit (7) 21 Fleshy exterior of the mouth (4) 23 Copular verb (2) 24 Novice (6) 25 Fibre density of tights/stockings (6)

For even more news, views, sports and culture, make sure you head over to thecourieronline. co.uk

“I’m Roy Walker and I heartily endorse this event and/or product”

Down

1 The Book of _ _ _ _ _, illuminated Irish manuscript (5) 2 See 1 across 3 Atom with unequal numbers of protons and electrons (3) 4 Oat and syrup based traybake (8) 5 Turn to bone (6) 6 Energetic (7) 8 Pampering and relaxation business (3) 11 Naturally magnetized mineral rock (9) 13 Enemy of Batman (7) 16 Dried grape (2) 18 Wire; Vince _ _ _ _ _, business secretary (5) 20 Pound (4) 22 Experienced or qualified person (3)

Word Link

7 2 9 7 2 7 3 8 2 6 7 6 4 9 9 8 4 3 8 5 9 4 8 3 5 8 5 7 7 5 2 Aboard

Saints

Spice

_ _ _

Find the word that con- nects these three words. Hint: Every

36.sportfeatures

Monday 17 November 2014

The Courier

1300 not out

Celebrating The Courier’s 1300th issue, we take a look at some of the moments which have shaped the last eight decades of sport

‘40s

‘50s

Robinson breaks the ‘colour wall’

After the devastation caused by the second World War, one story stands out as one of the most significant moments in America’s sporting history. On April 15th, 1947, Jackie Robinson became the first African-American to play professional baseball in a major league. This iconic moment may have been one of the first movements to break the ‘colour wall’ and allow greater integration of white and African-American individuals. Not only was Robinson an inspirational figure as a result of his breaking down the barriers between ethnicities in a major American sport, he was also a world class athlete in his own right due to his proficiency in a number of sports including track, Americanfootball and basketball. Born in Cairo, Georgia on January 31, 1919, Robinson was raised in a state of relative poverty by his single mother. His family included his older brother Matthew Robinson, the recipient of a silver medal in the 200m sprint at the 1936 Olympic Games in Berlin, finishing 2nd to the famous Jesse Owens. Clearly, there was a genetic proficiency in the family to excel at sports. After graduating from Pasadena Junior College, Robinson continued his education at the University of California, Los Angeles in which he became the university’s first student to win Varsity letters in four sports. Despite his athletic proficiency, Robinson was forced to leave UCLA due to financial issues, moving to Honolulu and subsequently repre-

The Dodgers and the Mets played in memory of Robinson in 1997 Photography by Getty Images

senting the semi-professional football team the Honolulu Bears. After the Second World War, Robinson moved to Florida and was signed by Branch Rickey to join the Brooklyn Dodgers. This moment is iconic in baseball as being the first time an African-American played in a major baseball league. Robinson’s career is impressive as well with a batting average of .311 home

‘60s Champions of the World The swinging 60s, Britain dominating the airwaves with the likes of the Beatles and Cliff Richard and the Shadows firing out hits. Flower power fashion was in full bloom with Carnaby Street in London being a hub of all that was the sixties. On the football field, Burnley and Manchester United were battling it out for supremacy here and abroad. There is, however, one thing that overarches all these things - that World Cup win. In The Courier’s 18th birthday year, England won the world cup 4-2 at Wembley against the old enemy West Germany with a hat-trick from the effervescent Geoff Hurst. With the country in turmoil after the Second World War devastation, this meeting had much more to it than just being a football match. It was hope, the football team was something to believe in after a 20-year financial, social and political crisis. There will always be that spectacular piece of commentary and video to remind us all of what a moment it must have been. Everyone’s heard the “Some

people are on the pitch, they think it’s all over...”, then moments later commentator, as Kenneth Wolstenholme shouts “IT IS NOW!”, the crowd erupts and a pitch invasion ensues. It is that moment of pure unadulterated ecstacy that England still has a hangover from and clings onto for dear life until the next time. When will this be? Nobody knows but until then 1966 will be the antithesis of English spirit standing together in the face of adversity to come out stronger. This was also the year that Pickles the dog found the World Cup after it was stolen from a walk through exhibition. Whether or not this recovery adds to the fact that it was clearly meant to be the hosts that won this year nobody knows. However, one thing is for sure, England were definitely glad of that dog on its walkies. The likes of Moore, Hurst, Hunt and Charlton sparkled on that final day and without that black and white collie there would have been no trophy to celebrate. Josh Nicholson

England celebrate the third goal against West Germany Photography by Getty Images

runs per game. Robinson retired in 1957 after helping the Dodgers win the National League pennant. This distinguished career, coupled with the social implications of his inclusion into a professional baseball team, make Jackie Robinson a true sporting great and possibly the most significant sporting moment of the 1940s. Stuart Ward

‘70s

The great boxing legacy

There aren’t many boxers, even the greatest champions of all time, who can boast an unbeaten career. Rocky Marciano fought professionally from 19481956 winning all 49 fights, including a staggering 43 knockouts and a reign as World Heavyweight Champion 19521956. Perhaps Marciano’s most famous legacy is the inspiration for the name and fighting style of character Rocky Balboa in the film series with Sylvester Stallone. In the original, set in 1975, Balboa dreams of emulating his great idol, Marciano. Away from the famous theme tune and punching meat, Marciano, the Brockton Blockbuster, dominated the world of boxing, the Ali of his time. In fact, then known to the world as Cassius Clay, Ali was once quoted as saying he wasn’t sure who would win in a fight between the two. The two had a mini media spat during the 1960’s after Marciano told the late, great Ron Casey, Australia’s leading sports broadcaster of the time, that Clay was a “young loudmouth”, referring to Clay’s decision to bring religion and a change of name, now Ali, into the world of boxing. Back in the ring, Marciano was most famed for his cagey, in-your-face fighting method. This unique style coming as a result of his relatively small reach (67 inches), thought to be the smallest of any heavyweight champion in history. Rocky often knocked his opponents out by getting in close and low and striking from underneath with deadly

Marciano was the inspiration for the Rocky films Photography by Getty Images

power to the chin. Perhaps his most famous of knockouts came against the almighty Joe Louis in 1951 where his crowding technique was used to full effect against the lanky Louis. In his 1966 interview with Casey, Marciano described how Joe Louis held an 11-inch reach advantage over the small, stocky, Italian-American. Rocky Marciano died in 1969, in a light-aircraft crash in Iowa, along with the pilot and one other passenger. Perhaps for this reason, non-boxing fanatics might not have heard of the Brockton Blockbuster although his legacy will forever be preserved and promoted through the world-famous Rocky films, a fitting tribute to the undefeated champion. Calum Wilson

Terrorism scars the Munich Olympics

The 1972 Summer Olympic Games held in Munich, then officially part of West Germany, was an event aimed to present to the world a democratic, peaceful Germany after the previous German Olympics in 1936 being held under Nazi regime. However, unfortunately for the keen to impress Germans, the Games weren’t without severe controversy due to the ongoing tensions of the Cold War. The whole affair exploded into a climax just five days before the Games were due to end when the Palestinian terrorist group Black September broke into the Israel camp and took athletes and members of the coaching staff hostage. In what became known as the ‘Munich massacre’, eleven Israelis were murdered as well as a West German police officer and five of the terrorists. The upsetting events of the 5th of September became what the 1972 Olympics were known for. Nonetheless, since that date Olympic security has been increased monumentally and let’s not forget the achievements and successes of the Munich Games aside from this tragedy. Perhaps the biggest feat of the Games came from American swimmer Mark Spitz who set the world record for gold medals in one Olympic Games winning seven in Munich’s Schwimmhalle - a record unbeaten until fellow US swimmer Michael Phelps won eight in 2008. Not only did Spitz win gold in seven different events but he also set a world record speed for every single one of them making him one of the most successful swimmers of all time. Other remarkable achievements include Dave Wottle, another American, winning the men’s 800m after being in last place for the first 600m and win-

Rod Milburn (USA) leads in the 110m hurdles final Photography by Getty Images

ning by just 0.03 seconds. More poolside success came in the form of Shane Gould from Australia who won three golds, a silver and a bronze at the age of just fifteen which is somewhere between remarkable and depressing. Meanwhile, the US wrestler Dan Gable won gold without having a single point scored in the opponents favour and the USSR won the men’s basketball in the final second, 51-50 against the USA in the clash of the Cold War titans The Courier’s 1st Issue 1948

to end the Americans’ winning streak that stretched as far back as the Berlin Games in 1936. The game was surrounded by controversy, not least due to political rivalry, with the final three seconds apparently being played twice and as a result the US team refused to accept their silver medals in what was another iconic moment of an iconic Summer Olympic Games. Alex Hendley

Jackie Robinson Rocky Marciano Football World The Munich voted MVP Dominance Cup Triumph Olympics 1949

1952

1966

1972

The Courier

‘80s

sportfeatures.37

Monday 17 November 2014

‘90s The Premier League lands

Senna vs Prost

Formula One has seen many rivalries develop between drivers competing for the World Championship trophy. 2014 has been predominantly dominated by the intriguingly close battle between Lewis Hamilton and Nico Rosberg. None of this has come close to the rivalry between Ayrton Senna and Alan Prost in the late 1980s. However, this rivalry only came to a fore once Senna joined Mclaren in 1988. Senna won his first title with McLaren in his maiden season with the Woking team; amassing eight of McLaren’s 15 race wins that year. Prost won seven races and outscored Senna by 11 points

was able to come back towards the end of the season where madness would ensue in Japan. Prost took the 1989 world title after a collision with Senna at the Suzuka Circuit in Japan, the penultimate race of the season which Senna needed to win. On lap 46, Senna attempted a pass on the inside of Prost at the last chicane. However, the pair collided and caused both McLaren cars to slide to a standstill. Prost abandoned the race while Senna urged marshals for a push-start recovering to win only to be disqualified by a post-race stewards meeting. During the winter, Senna became inAyrton Senna and Alan Prost were both part of McLaren Photography by Getty Images

but only the 11 best results from the season counted; giving Senna the title by three points. This understandably angered Prost. To make matters worse for the Frenchman, Honda openly informed him that they preferred Senna despite Prost being a double world champion. The following year, tensions were still rife between the pair. Prost was angered at the San Marino Grand Prix by what he felt was Senna breaking an agreement not to pass him. Despite Senna building an early lead in his title defence, reliability issues meant that Prost

volved in a war of words with the FIA and President Jean-Marie Balestre. Senna blamed him for the disqualification in Japan claiming that Baestre influenced the stewards’ decision in order to see Prost become World Champion. Thankfully for Ron Dennis and the rest of his team at McLaren, Prost left for Ferrari for the 1990 season so they would not need deal with the two conflicting personalities in house. The following year, having been infuriated with decisions by the FIA, Senna took his revenge. Michael Rowan

‘00s Champions Down Under Celebrations after England’s World Cup Rugby triumph Photography by Getty Images

Almost every sporting fan knows the moment. 26 seconds from time. Dawson passes to a figure 10 yards behind, roughly 30 yards from the posts. The crowd, and all of England, hold their breath. And with one swing of his right boot, Johnny Wilkinson seals a historic victory, both for England and the whole of Rugby Union. This was the first time a Northern Hemisphere side had won the coveted trophy, a trophy that had been passed back and forth between the likes of South Africa, New Zealand and Australia. At the time, England and Australia were undoubtedly the best teams in the world. Having seen off France and New Zealand in their respective semi-finals, the stage was set for a final that promised to be an absolute belter. In front of a capacity stadium, the sides traded blows in a fierce encounter that dripped with tension and talent. Australia took the early lead with a try from Lote Tuqiri to make it 5-0 before Ayrton Senna vs Alan Prost 1980

a couple of Wilkinson penalties brought the score to 9-5. Moments before half time, Jason Robinson flew into the corner to score England’s only try of the game, barking a triumphant “COME ON” at the camera as he did so, making the score 14-5 at half time. A second half revival by Australia saw three penalties sail over the bar from fly half Elton Flatley, one being the last kick of the half, forced the game into extra time. As each side began to tire, Wilkinson and Flatley traded penalties, bringing the score to 17-17. However, with just 26 seconds left on the clock, Johnny Wilkinson brought relief and elation to the traveling supporters with possibly the most memorable moment in English, and international, rugby history. Not only is the match a historic moment for sport, it is indisputably one of the greatest rugby matches of all times. Plus, they beat the Aussies, which is always a bonus. Stuart Ward

Premier League Rugby World is born Cup Triumph 1992

2003

The London Olympics

The Courier’s 1300th Issue

2012

2014

English football would not be the same without the Premier League and the 1990s saw its formation. It was formed on 20 February 1992, with discussions primarily concerned with Manchester United, Tottenham, Everton, Liverpool and Arsenal and their aim of increasing the shares of TV revenue for these clubs. The Premier League started for the 1992-93 season and set up a period of sheer dominance for Manchester United, a period which many football fans up and down the country are enjoying being rid of now they seem to be in decline. There are features of the Premier League that supporters enjoy. The array of big name players such as Alan Shearer, who remains the competitions highest goal scorer with 260 goals, Thiery Henry, Denis Bergkamp, David Beckham, Cesc Fabregas and Cristiano Ronaldo have been a huge asset to the league. Your weekend football also wouldn’t be the same without the coverage of Sky Sports. Whether it’s Jeff Stelling and the boys on Gillette Soccer Saturday providing you with the scores (and Chris Kamara occasionally not realising a player has been sent off ), the pundits, or the commentary from Martin Tyler. Some of his commentary lines will go down in history including two of my personal favourites: “Newcastle are looking for five and ALBERT!”; and “Balotelli on to AGUEROOOOOOO...” The Premier League has also seen so many great games and great title battles down the years. As a Newcastle fan, those 4-3 defeats to Liverpool are just depressing as well as that “I would LOVE IT” interview by Kevin Keegan.

‘10s

Sports Editor Peter Georgiev inspects the most bizarre moments from the sporting world this week

T The Premier League trophy in Manchester City colours Photography by Getty Images

On the other hand, the Premier League has helped us witness a decline in tradition in the beautiful game. Whether it’s Mike Ashley temporarily renaming St James Park to the dreaded Sports Direct Arena or Assam Allan trying to change Hull City to the ‘Tigers’, tradition and heritage are now a thing of the past. The league can now effectively be won by who has the biggest chequebook. It has been witnessed by the meteoric rise of Chelsea and Manchester City under their owners. It has also seen the demise of many clubs fortunes that have gone for bust in order to compete at this highest level. Just look to Leeds United and Portsmouth for examples of how this has gone wrong. Michael Rowan

here is no question about it. Only one thing is better than a 45-yard goal. That’s right - a 45-yard own goal. Seriously, ask anyone. Okay, scratch that, anyone except Christoph Kramer. After last weekend, he might have a slightly different perspective on that discussion. In case you missed it, against Borussia Dortmund, the Borussia Mönchengladbach midfielder received a precise lay-off from Tony Jantschke before chipping his goalkeeper from the centre of the field with the finest of touches. His exquisite masterpiece made history immediately for three reasons. First, it ended Mönchengladbach’s 18-game unbeaten streak in all competitions. Second, it paved the way for Dortmund’s first Bundesliga win after five consecutive losses. And third, it was simply breathtaking. One would not imagine that Kramer was going to have a worse football experience than his concussion during the World Cup final in Rio de Janeiro. Still, his face locked in the same shocked grimace at Signal Iduna Park. At least, he was conscious this time.

The London Olympics

4 August 2012, London Olympics. The night that marked itself in British athletics history. A sensational Saturday that saw Jessica Ennis, Mo Farah and Greg Rutherford all claim Gold medals in the nighttime events. Team GBR, with the contribution of those famous three athletes, recorded their most successful medal count in a single day in over 104 Olympic games. The morning session saw the British rowing team gain three medals, two gold and one silver, combined with a gold from the women’s team pursuit cyclists also breaking the world record for a sixth time and achieving a further gold medal to add to the British tally. However, it was the nighttime session that stole the spotlight of British athletics. The team won six times more gold medals in one day than during the entire Atlanta 1996 Olympic Games. Inside the cauldron of the London Olympic Stadium, Britain’s poster girl of the games truly lived up to her image and all the pressure that was placed upon her shoulders. Having lead the heptathlon throughout the entire games, Ennis, the golden girl of the games, achieved her lifetime goal and took gold for Britain in the first medal of the night. Following closely behind

her, up-and-coming long jumper Greg Rutherford showed the nerves of the big occasion did not shake his concentration. Taking what could be referred to as a literal leap of faith, Rutherford risked it all and jumped a massive 8.31m whilst leaving himself with two jumps to ensure his lead. Rutherford managed to hold off competitors to secure Great Britain’s fifth gold medal of the day. The concluding event of the night saw Great Britain’s arguably most recognizable athlete Mo Farah take on the 10,000m inside the flood lit Olympic Stadium with spine tingling atmosphere in tow. Crossing the line to take home the gold in an unbelievable time of under half an hour, Farah left the rest of the field in his wake storming to the top of the podium. This night was sure to go down in history as the one when Britain proved themselves on the athletic stage. The standout hour of the games is one that everyone who witnessed this remarkable spectacle will never forget. Stepping up to the plate in front of a home crowd, wearing their pride and patriotism on their sleeves, these three athletes cemented both themselves and Britain in the Olympic record books. Lynsey Brownlie

Rutherford on his way to the gold medal in the long jump Photography by Getty Images

Kramer smiling ironically after his stunning own goal Photography by Getty Images

Own goals have always been every football fan’s guilty pleasure. No matter how much you watch them, they never get old or less amusing. The viewers know they should show the unfortunate scorer some empathy but they never do. However, especially in Kramer’s case, this is hardly a sin. Come on, Christoph has to be proud of that finish. With it, he even managed to overshadow the five-own-goal fest between two Indonesian teams two weeks ago. What a way for the German to make the headlines, indeed. Now, is this the greatest own goal in football history? Of course, not. The audience tends to exaggerate the importance of an event while still affected by the following media hype about it. In the past, we have seen many stranger self-destructive shots. Chris Brass, Festus Baise and Lauren (my personal favourite) are only some of the antiheroes worth checking out. Nonetheless, Christoph Kramer definitely entered this list with a bang. At the age of 23, Kramer is perhaps yet to reach his career apogee. Given the recent transfer talks, the German could soon rejoice in a famous move to Real Madrid. Who knows, he might even lift the Golden Ball someday. But, hey, even if Christoph doesn’t better his previous achievements, a World Cup trophy and a special place in the own goal vault – not a terrible story to tell your grandchildren. Illustration by Daisy Billowes

38.sportintramural

Monday 17 November 2014

The Courier

Boca snatch victory in 7-goal thriller Intramural Football Boca Seniors

Medics Firsts

tap in from very close range. The striker seemed to have been stood in an offside position. Despite the wave of complaints from Boca Seniors, the referee allowed the goal to stand. In an explosive opening five minutes, the trailing side were then awarded a penalty for a blatant push by Medics’ winger Joel English. Jordan Crosland was the man entrusted with the spot kick, but his lacklustre shot went straight down the middle and proved an easy save for keeper Midward. The league leaders pushed hard for an equaliser, spurning a number of chances in a frustrating first half for them. The best of the bunch fell to forward Ryan Grant on 27 minutes, a thunderous strike from 18 yards bouncing back off the bar. Grant, new to the Boca’s XI this year, has certainly made an impression, playing a big part in their surge up the competition’s top division. As is so often the case, Boca Seniors were made to pay for their missed opportunities. After Joel English’s shot from a tight angle was deflected onto the post, the ball bounced just outside the box, where the Medics then drew a daft foul out of a lunging Boca defender. The resulting free kick curled into the top left corner with Pirlo-like precision. Listening in to the half time team talk of the unbeaten Boca Seniors, there was a definite confidence that they possessed the quality to get themselves back into the game. That chance came just five minutes into the second half, marauding full back Ben Hunter knocking the ball onto the arm of Medics’ right back Kokayi, to hand the leaders their second penalty of the game. This time, in true captain spirit, Dom Oldham took the responsibility upon himself and drilled home with enough power to beat Midward. Seconds later there was further controversy as Boca

By Calum Wilson at Longbenton

Boca Seniors carried on their domination of Intramural Division 1 with a 4–3 win over last year’s champions, the Medics 1s. It’s now five wins out of five for the team in yellow, as they emerge as early favourites for the title. They had to win the hard way last Wednesday, twice coming from behind before eventually snatching the points in the 82nd minute. Whilst Boca have surprised all with their 100% record, the Medics 1s form is also a surprise, only managing one point from their first four matches. Billed as one of the most important games of the season for both sides, the clash certainly lived up to the expectations; seven goals, two penalties, a disallowed goal and the woodwork struck four times in an enthralling 90 minutes at a very cold Cochrane Park. The start of the tie did not go according to form. The Medics 1s, clearly keen to record their first win of the season, came out of the blocks fastest. Within the first few seconds, a quick attack from the champions in their famous claret and blue, forced a scramble in the box and a snap shot hit Boca centre back Jonny Toal on the line. The inevitable shouts for handball followed but the defender had his arm tucked safely by his side. Two minutes later, the Medics made their early pressure tell albeit in a controversial manner. A close range shot deflected off a Boca defender and fell at the feet of Medics frontman Dan Cox to

Boca maintain their unbeaten record with win Photography by Calum Wilson

thought they had levelled the game. A headed shot seemed to be about to nestle in the far corner when Jack Payne was adjudged to have added a touch from an offside position, although his teammates argued otherwise. They needn’t have bothered, as the league leaders were soon level moments later. Having worked back well to block heroically on the line, Medics’ number five Kokayi was then helpless as he watched Ben Hunter steam into the box to bundle the loose ball into the back of the net. With the pressure telling on the outof-form Medics, they sprung a further surprise, catching the Boca advance

off-guard with a quick counterattack to re-take the lead. Goal scorer Hunter was caught up field, allowing the Medic O’Hara to race in behind and squeeze the ball under the keeper. O’Hara lead the charge as the match became increasingly fiery, the winger flying in with a strong but fair challenge on Boca captain Oldham. With half an hour to go, Boca midfielder Mark Chadwick limped off injured with a nasty stud mark to show off on his right ankle. Luckily there were one or two medics on hand to sort him out. With a little over 15 minutes to play, Boca captain Dom Oldham brought the game level again in fortuitous fashion.

Oldham’s deep over hit cross found Medics’ keeper Midward off his line and dropped into the far corner of the goal. Midward must have had horrible flashbacks of the 2002 World Cup quarterfinal between England and Brazil, and Seaman vs. Ronaldinho. The turnaround was complete eight minutes from the end. Two substitutes combininged; Matty Mortimer’s cross eventually found Greg Salt for the finish. So far then, a Brazilian-style domination for the Boca Seniors as they continue to establish themselves as favourites for the Division 1 title.

come. Much like the Npower championship Division 2a is wide open with Marris Saint-Germain (MSG) winning their first two games only to be knocked off their cloud at the top of the table by Samba Stars who announced their arrival with a 7-3 victory after a shaky

but 2 Goals 1 Cup and Barca Boner see their lynchpins return this week and will hope to get their seasons started. Hopefully, 2 Goals 1 Cup will not play disgusting football and can contain Boner for another week in what is sure to be an interesting game. All this in a week where Borussia Monchenflapjack

start. FC Woolybacks have probably the most intriguing name in either of the leagues and again after a slow start they have found form winning the rest of their games with a plus 9-goal difference, the best in the league. Division 2a however has had two teams who have been slowed by injuries to their captains

hope to gain their first win having lost all three of their games so far it is hard to see them not being squashed at the bottom of the table. Windsor United are this leagues mid-table hoggers with two wins and a loss. The B league hosts many unknown quantities like debutants Luanda United

who led the way with their skill, pace and movement in attack and stubbornness in defence with a strong 8-1 victory against Crystal Palace who, much like their premier league namesakes, are early strugglers at the bottom of the table. Their performances so far have been far from regal with the loss to Luanda United being a sickener after losing 8-3 in the first game to promotion chasing Baghdad United who are early promotion candidates. With the league filling up with reinforcements for the next week with the new additions of Viewcastle, The Balotellitubbies (who will hope they are not as erratic as the Liverpool striker they are named after) and two currently unnamed teams who will hopefully bring their A game to both the league and the best name competition.

The winner takes it Hall

Hall Sports Football

this league are Nottinyourmums Forest who respresent Castle Leazes and are still unbeaten in their first three games. Forest have scored 25 goals with Luke Hill being voted MVP for the tournament so far, having collected all three man of the match awards. An investigation is ongoing as to whether daddy has paid the ref or not. There was a feisty clash between Team Ricky (presumably nailed on for the least imaginative name gong) vs Warren’s Little Helpers. After going down 5-2 in an early flurry of goals Warren gathered his helpers to fight back to and 11-10 victory, one can only presume that Team Ricky lost their imagination once more on the pitch. An honourable mention also to Bafletico Madrid who are unbeaten also with a game in hand on Nottinyourmums Forest, a clash that will wet the appetites for players and fans alike for weeks to

By Josh Nicholson at Soccerworld Never heard of hall sports? Neither had we until a few days ago and the first games proved to be very interesting. The new sports initiative from NUSU encourages the age-old rivalries of the halls to come to further fruition. All games are to be played at Soccerworld under the floodlights to pack audiences every week bringing the Champions league to Newcastle. Division 1 sees teams form Richardson Road, Castle Leazes, Windsor Terrace and the new posh halls of INTO pit themselves against two other controversial mixed teams which seemingly go against the idea of the competition in itself. The early leaders in

League Tables

“The new sports initiative from NUSU encourages the age old rivalries of the halls to come to further fruition”

League Details Start Date - 8 October 2014 End Date - 12 June 2015

Wednesday 11-‐a-‐Side Football Division 1

Division 2

Team

Pld

Pts

Boca Seniors

Newcastle Medics 2nds

Division 4

Division31 Division Team

Pld

Pts

Team

Pld

Fc Twente Bag

Jesmond Tutu F.C.

KFC

Boca Tooniors

Team

Pld

Pts

Barca-Law-Na

Aftermath FC

Pts

Dyslexic Untied

Thundercats

Borussia MöQFKHQÁ DSMDFN

Archletico Madrid

S.S. Ladzio

Roman Vila

Agrics FC

2[ERZ /DNHUV

Henderson Hall

Sons of Pitches

Jesmondinho FC

5RGDOOHJD %RPEV

Newcastle Medics 1sts

Castle Leazes

%XFNPLQVWHU )XOOHUHQH

&RPELQHG +RQRXUV

Ecosoccer

Politic Thistle FC

:H 1HHG 7R 7DON $ERXW . .

Hangover 96

The Courier

sportbucs.39

Monday 17 November 2014

Seconds uphold rep as others falter Netball By Abi Dodwell at The Sports Centre NUNC 1sts 39-52 Loughborough 1sts It was clear that this match was never going to be an easy one for Newcastle 1st but we still stepped onto court with the confidence of winners. We began with a solid start as we kept our centre passes strong thanks to great movement from Emily Whiteside and Hattie Grant in attack as their determined drives created great space. As the game developed into the second quarter the score Newcastle began to fall behind slightly as the fierce determination of Loughborough defence made it had to feed into the D. But Newcastle still continued to play our hardest and made the most out of every error which Loughborough made and pressured every single ball. By half time Newcastle were only trailing by a few goals and were determined to bring the score back in their favour. They fought their hardest with

Mia Archer gaining crucial tips in the circle and allowing Newcastle to gain numerous turnovers. However in the end the team’s greatest efforts were still not enough to defect Loughborough as we emerged with a loss. However the 1st team left feeling that they had achieved a lot through their play as they had worked well together in communicating and driving each other forward. It truly was an intense game to watch. NUNC 2nds 65-16 Manchester Met 4ths

The team started out strong in the first quarter although not as strong as usual as the team took a few centre passes to find their feet. However once Newcastle picked up the momentum they truly were unstoppable with Tess Richardson giving ‘great’ feeds , as stated by Clare Bond, into the D therefore allowing the team to guarantee more opportunities to shoot. The great play of the centre court in the first fifteen minutes carried over as the game progressed into the second quarter as the shooters held and shot perfectly, especially Tesni Fellows who

earned the title of player of the match. After the first half the 2nds had a strong lead over Manchester but they still kept going with the same intensity as the defence pressured every ball ensuring that Manchester Met’s score remained low. The team were fantastic at supporting each other all down the court even until the final few seconds as the communication and teamwork really secured the win. Fantastic play from the 2nd team and yet another well-earned win. NUNC 3rds 27-48 Chester 1sts After once again having a difficult start with transport NUNC 3rds had to pretty much run straight from their coach onto the court. But they did their best to not let their rushed start effect their game as they defended Chester’s first centre pass superbly and immediately showed that they were going to be a challenge. A great performance from Grace Brumhill at centre throughout the first quarter as she helped move the ball up the court and made countless interceptions playing her opponent out

of the game. But despite this solid effort from centre court the strong attack from Chester rarely missed giving them the lead going into the second quarter. Newcastle continued to keep their heads up as the game progressed challenging every pass made by Chester with some brilliant interceptions from WD Sophie Houghton whose tips lead to crucial turnovers which kept Newcastle in the game. Although still down at half time the team kept fighting to stay in the match with the attack putting immense pressure on their defence as Flo Bauer and Olivia Gordon secured their shots and fought for every rebound. However unfortunately entering the final quarter Chester had managed to build a considerable lead. But the fighting NUNC spirit stayed strong in the team and even until the whistle was blown the team kept their heads together and exhibited great support and teamwork. NUNC 4ths 30-28 Manchester Met 2nds

Yet another brilliant win from NUNC’s 4th team as they demonstrate how to

play clean netball and represent the University incredibly. The team went in strong with Steph Garfield making excellent interceptions in attack allowing GS Jess wheeler to nail her shots with perfect accuracy. Also the perfect feeding into the D from Ellie Rutter made the attack indestructible even against Manchester Mets towering defence. By half time the 4ths were up by 6 goals and still fighting strong with Natalie Brown making numerous tips in defence and interrupting Manchester’s play. Captain Isa Telford noted that ‘we didn’t let our heads drop and kept fighting for every ball’. Although Manchester at one point turned up their game and managed to catch up to our score the 4ths worked together to ensure the win and left the game with a victory. Player of the match deservedly went to Jess Wheeler who truly played a superb game never letting play interfere with her shooting. This was another great game from the 4ths, and continues their excellent run of form at the start of this season.

Newcastle squeaks win over Durham Men’s Squash Newcastle 1sts

Durham 1sts

By Jack Marley at Squash Courts A top of the table clash between the Newcastle and Durham 1st teams ended in a narrow victory for the home side last Wednesday. The win over their closest competitors leaves the fresh-faced Newcastle side in good stead for the title run and in striking distance of upsetting Durham from their league top spot. Pre-season nerves likely ran high in the Newcastle camp. With the departure of veteran #1 James Worsick and the recruitment of relatively untested #4 Alex Wilson and #5 Matt Setterfield, the team had a tougher road ahead than in previous years to continue their unbeaten record as league champions. It’s probable too that Durham felt uneasy in the lead up to last week’s match. Riding the crest of an undefeated streak,

it at least allowed the #5 an air of intimidation that might have thrown his opponent. To the credit of Setterfield, he matched Durham’s energy serve for serve in their second game with a finesse that made his opponent’s hastiness hurt, relying on well-placed drives and boasts that more articulate racquet work might have caught. 5 games later, and, despite setbacks with ruptured strings and commendable resistance from Setterfield, Bose ended the first match 3-2 and gave his side a 1-0 lead on match points. The #4s brought with them a softer approach. The propensity of Newcastle’s Alex Wilson for trick shots and his unmatched speed kept the pace fluid and interesting, although this flashy style often left him prone to error, which his more cautious opponent Elliot Park capitalised on. A gradual transition to a more conservative style of play actually suited Wilson better and their match ended with another 3-2, this time in Newcastle’s favour. The match scores drew level. Club president Sam Smith’s face-off with Durham #3 Ben Vickers gave spec-

“The scores in each game of the final match inched agonisingly upwards with advantages evaporating as quickly as they came” supplanting Leeds as Newcastle’s main rival in the Bucs Northern Division 1 and with 2 new players of their own, the pressure was on Durham to deliver a convincing victory and legitimise their place as current table leaders. After the #5 players had taken to the campus squash courts, it seemed as if Durham needn’t have worried. Newcastle captain and #5 Setterfield had to match the playing style of his Durham counterpart Laite Bose, which for the most part involved a surplus of aggressive straight drives that left the front wall considerably more dented than at the outset. The high tempo play that followed disadvantaged the players as much as it benefited them. Bose threw away a 6-2 lead in his first game with 4 consecutive mistakes whilst Setterfield struggled to keep up. Coarse strokes and reckless force may have acted as a double-edged sword for Durham but

tators some of the closest rallies yet. Shots hovered close to the bottom line, as both players hoped to tempt the other into the tin. Smith made good use of his advantages in reach and speed whereas Vickers frequently pulled ahead with drives of clinical precision. The tit-fortat saga ended when Vickers found 11 points just before Smith, delivering yet another score of 3 games to 2 and sending Durham ahead. The challenge to stop the game being all but over before the #1s even had a chance to take to the courts then fell to Newcastle #2 Mike Collins. Against James Wass, Collins showed great potential to read the game as it unravelled – anticipating the path of the ball and moving accordingly. Both Collins and Wass played with dexterity, making for a more delicate game with fewer lets, but the Durham competitor all too often came undone with high shots that

Victory by the narrowest of margins for Newcastle Photography by Jack Marley

sailed out of the court entirely. Collins manipulated this well and wrenched Newcastle back into the running. A fourth 3-2 scoreline and an equalising of match scores left the final result on a knife edge- whichever team clinched victory here, it was going to be close. The scores in each game of the final match inched agonisingly upwards, with advantages evaporating as quickly as they came. The first game went to Durham, the second, to Newcastle. The darkest moment of the day came for the

home team as Chris Garner rang the tin like a bell and let Durham’s Oliver Palmer steal an 11-2 win to make it 2-1. Determined not to accept another routing, the Newcastle #1 took a commanding lead with a flurry of strong drives that kept Palmer on the back foot. It was 105, and Newcastle looked set to draw level. That was until Durham regained the serve and clawed back enough points to creep up on Garner’s advantage. A wide cross-court drive vapourised fears of a Durham insurgency however, and kept

home side hopes alive for the fixturedeciding game. Newcastle started confidently and never lapsed, levelling low strokes that kept Palmer in the undesirable habit of raking the floor with his racquet. As the game escalated Garner continued with devastating effect, literally bringing Palmer to his knees several times, which was to become symbolic. Newcastle stormed to an 11-6 decider, snatching victory and reasserting themselves as favourites for this season’s strongest side.

Sport

www.thecourieronline.co.uk Monday 17 November 2014 Issue 1300 Free

thecourieronline.co.uk/sport

Sports Editors: Peter Georgiev, Jonty Mawer & Huezin Lim Online Sports Editor: Josh Nicholson courier.sport@ncl.ac.uk | @Courier_Sport

Newcastle 91-43 Northumbria

A superb team effort from Knights sees off rivals Photography by Huezin Lim

Knights taste victory against ball odds By Huezin Lim at the Sports Centre There was no need for any forced friendly greetings or acknowledgements from either side as both Newcastle and Northumbria were familiar with one another as bitter cross-city rivals. Having lost their most recent matchup at Stan Calvert, the Newcastle Knights were eager for vengeance and right from the start of the match, the pace of the match was intense and physical. Newcastle led at the end of the first quarter, 19 to 9 and with two offensive rebounds by captain Te’O Oyefusi, allowing Newcastle to grab multiple possessions. The coach asked for greater tempo as Northumbria called for a timeout to slow down the momentum of the Newcastle offence. It was a competitive game throughout as both coaches called for fouls, moving into the second quarter. Newcastle employed the full-court trap and reaching fouls were constantly being called on them, inciting the fury of Coach Hewitt. Fortunately for them, Northumbria were making their open shots. Despite this, Newcastle went up to a 28 to 14 lead, Nick Yii being a super sub for Maurice Evans who was substituted for foul trouble, assisting and penetrating the defence with ease. Soft fouls were being called by the ref for tight defending, ignoring the fact that this was a physical and heated exchange. With 6 minutes left in the quarter, Newcastle was already over 5 team fouls, key to avoid cheap fouls After a sloppy turnover, it got heated with Troy Baugh drawing a charge and Hewitt subbing him out to relieve the tension, with that, Northumbria took it to the basket and scored an and-one. With a lot of fouls throughout the quar-

ter, Northumbria was sharper with their defence, forcing tipped balls and steals. As Northumbria began inching back, reducing the lead to six points, Hewitt was getting visibly distressed by the referee’s decision-making. The timeout was very effective, with some sleek offense, Northumbria was forced to call their own time-out as well. Tight defence ruled the day for Newcastle, they were unable to find penetration and with stat-padding blocks and steals left, right and centre, one wondered how Northumbria were going to come back into this match. Right before the end of the half, there was a tip-in from New-

Sloppy with passes and no penetration, any offensive player in the paint was instantly surrounded by white Knights. As play went on, Evans being fouled on the three-pointer was definitely not what Northumbria coach had in mind, stretching the led even further, just as the second half began. Taking the ball on the other end, Evans and Oyefusi went for the flashy alleyoop but unfortunately threw it away to the groans of the Newcastle audience. With Newcastle centre, Sfikas hitting the three-pointer, everything was going perfectly for Newcastle on offence and defence. It reached the point where

“It was a complete and utter domination of Northumbria by Newcastle and the former never really found themselves in this game, playing catch up from the start” castle and the score was 44 to 22. At the half-time break, Hewitt said to overload defence with power, look out for the open player and getting it into the paint. Northumbria coach was focused on the specific positions of the defence saying that offence can’t get high post up, leading to an open layup. Northumbria needed to box out the players and prevent second-chance opportunities. With their pride at stake, Northumbria strived to give it their all but with a twenty point lead at the half, Newcastle would have to have had a complete meltdown to lose the match at this point. A sloppy first possession from Northumbria and Newcastle seemed to point that there was little hope for them coming back into the match.

the Northumbria coach cheered loudest for a Newcastle shot clock violation but with not much else going for the team, small victories clearly do matter. Understandably, Evans visibly frustrated Northumbria’s Horta and the fine Newcastle guard revelled in the physical play Northumbria invited. With 4 minutes left in the third, Newcastle led 56 to 28. Newcastle was at this best with run-and-gun and scored two easy baskets towards the end of the quarter with Northumbria clearly tiring. To end the quarter, despite Baugh missing both free throws, Newcastle’s Chicken picked up the offensive rebound and hit the basket at the buzzer, ending the quarter at 67 to 33. There was more of the same as Newcastle were relentless with a threepointer from Baugh and a steal and

basket from Evans. Northumbria simply could find no answer for Newcastle as they committed a shot clock violation. When one of the shortest players on team Newcastle gets the offensive rebound, you knew the Knights had simply broken the Northumbrian spirit. One of the standout players, Baugh was taking over in the fourth quarter, with 3 three pointers in a row. A steal and a dunk from Jackie capped off a night with huge smiles from the Knights team as Northumbria called time-out. It was no wonder why, as the score sat at 41 to 82 to Newcastle. With sullen faces and dull eyes, Northumbria just wanted it to end, as their passes and play got more and more sloppy. Northumbria coach grew more and more quiet as the game went on and his frustrations clearly boiled over when he was called a technical by the referee. Only he knows what he could have said to cause this in a collegiate match such as this. Even with such a dominant lead, Newcastle always returned to basic basketball and find the extra pass to the open man, unrelenting and vicious. The Newcastle players were racking up steals and blocks, Northumbria too predictable and unable to find a shot. When the game finally ended, the final score was 91 to 43 to Newcastle. It was a complete and utter domination of Northumbria by Newcastle and the former never really found themselves in this game, playing catch up from the start. At the end of the match, Coach Hewitt mentioned that the key was switching to the 2-3 zone on defenCe, passing the ball well and finding the open looks. Undoubtedly, Newcastle’s 9, Maurice Evans deserved the man of the match with 23 points, several assists and steals contributing decisively this victory.

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