The Courier 1262

www.thecourieronline.co.uk Monday 10 December 2012 Issue 1262 Free

Winter 2012 special pullout inside Uni splashes Honorary Degrees for Shami & Co. £95k on staffonly bike shed •

Accommodates 60 bicycles, with each space costing over £1,500

By George Sandeman News Editor A staff-only bicycle shelter costing £95,000 has been built under Claremont Bridge by the University.

The Courier can reveal that the multicolour panelled structure will house up to 60 bicycles and has been specifically designed in response to demand by staff for more secure storage.

The Estate Security Service released figures showing 54 bicycles were reported stolen on campus last year, without differentiating between students and staff, but the new shelter will not be available for student use.

With each bicycle space in the shelter costing over £1,500 each, some students have reacted angrily to this latest expenditure.

Masters degree student Chris Smith said: “It’s a joke. I think a lot of students are already confused as to where their tuition fees are actually going and this just adds insult to injury.”

Speaking to The Courier, David Watt, Head of Improvements at the Estate

Support Service, explained much of the cost could be put down to the “European style ‘double stacker’ bicycle racks” which the University have spent £63,000 equipping the new shelter with.

Boasting CCTV monitoring and a reinforced inner metal mesh built behind the multicoloured panels, the shelter looks to provide staff with some of The shelter the safest bicycle features CCTV storage on campus.

The decision to monitoring build the shelter and a renearer the ceninforced inner tre of the campus as part of metal mesh comes the ‘Coherent Campus’ initiative that, in part, seeks to free up space and build more student bicycle racks outside of lecture halls and the Robinson Library.

According to Lynne Edis of the Estate Support Service, this is done “in response to student demand from the annual Student Travel Survey” but last year some of the bicycle racks outside continued on page 4

Sunil and Rakesh Mittal, Shami Chakrabarti and Garry Runciman were awarded special honorary graduate awards for their outstanding contributions to societies in the UK and across the world.

Photo: Rakesh Mittal, Shami Chakrabati and Lord Runciman (North News and Pictures)

Council plans to close City Pool not going swimmingly

By Anna Templeton News Editor Amongst the 1,300 job losses, closure of 10 libraries and severe cuts to culture venues, Newcastle City Pool could also be under threat.

As part of the council’s planned £90 million cutbacks, the widely-used facility could be targeted. The City Council has said that amongst the other cuts to public services, the City Pool could

close by 2016.

Currently in the process of consultation, the council’s budget proposals include closing the pool and the adjourning City Hall concert venue.

Gordon Rae, coach of the City of Newcastle Amateur Swimming Club said: “We have hours of training time during the week based at this pool with seven squads working out here, not just elite swimmers, so it’s not just about a handful of elites. There isn’t another facility

that could accommodate, as far as I’m aware, within the city that amount of swimmers swimming in both pools for a number of hours each evening and number of hours in the morning too.

“We have a total of 10 lanes, it’s a massive facility for us, and to try and relocate all 10 lanes somewhere else is just not going to be possible as far as I can see.

“So far we’ve have no concrete proposal about where the council would

relocate us to.”

The Newcastle Amateur Swimming Club, who train for 70 hours a week and have more than 200 swimmers, have also begun a campaign to save the pool.

Their online petition says: “If we allow the council to close this Grade II Listed Building to the public and the club, not only will the pool remain empty and unused, it will almost certainly mean the end of the swimming club as we know it, as there are very limited alter-

native facilities that could house such a large club.

“The prospect of the next generation of Olympic hopefuls having their fate sealed by a decision that was announced without consultation is unthinkable.”

The proposal to close the pool in Newcastle city centre is part of a bid to save £45m from the council’s budget for 2013 to 2016. continued on page 2

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Newcastle boat club have bared all for a naked calendar

BODY SIZE STUDY Researchers at Newcastle have discovered ‘ideal’ size

Monday 10 December 2012

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“Not only will the team suffer, but also the University”

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COMMENT

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Do gap years affect employment chances?

UNWANTED ATTENTION

continued from page 1 Tony McKenna, Head of Leisure Services at the council, said: “There is such a high investment needed for the building.

“We also know there is a pool that the University of Northumbria have at their Sports Central complex which is on the same road and that has a community use agreement associated with it.

“The combination of the capital investment that is needed, and there is a viable option so close to the City Pool, lead us to propose the closure of the pool.”

As well as swimming teams, the potential closure will affect the Newcastle University Swimming and Water Polo Club.

Newcastle University Swimming and Water Polo Club’s Secretary and President, Rachael Lucas and Tom Connolly, said: “NUSWPC is one of the university’s biggest sports clubs with well over 100 members.

“The proposed closure of City Pool will lead to a substantial reduction in our training time, time that is already limited due to the lack of a university pool.

“The time lost will have a major impact on the BUCS prospects of the swim team and our two top tier water polo teams.

“Recent years have been the most successful in club history so it is sad to think of all this time and effort going to waste.

“Away from the high performance athletes at our club there is the wider student community to consider.

“Due to the lack of a university pool numerous students use the City Pool, so closure would leave them without anywhere to exercise.”

Michael Carney, the swimming men’s captain spoke to The Courier, saying: “I find the potential closure is very disappointing as we will have to find somewhere else to train and considering the effect of the Olympics this summer; Newcastle students will be without a key ingredient for the continuation of this ‘legacy’.”

Newcastle Amateur Swimming Club have set up a social media campaign, Save Newcastle City Pool, which is currently supported by 3,428 members.

Sara Ragan, membership secretary at City Pool and part of the campaign told

The Courier: “I have been involved in the campaigning to save City Pool and from the moment we first heard about the threat, we have been working hard to oppose the council’s decision.

“My daughter trains there every night and some mornings – it is a large part of her life and ours and we are only too aware that if this pool closes – nowhere else in the city can accommodate our club and its swimmers.

“We are encouraging as many people as possible to write to their local councilors and MPs opposing the council plans, because that is all they are at this stage.

“We need people to ask their MPs to write to Hugh Robertson, Minister of Sport to ask what his plans are for supporting swimming in Newcastle if the council presses ahead with the cuts.”

Olivia Lawrence, captain of Newcastle’s women’s water polo team, said: “This will impact upon the ladies water polo team greatly.

“We only get two training sessions per week, and with the closure of City Pool would mean we lose half of our sessions a week. With water polo being a team sport, we need all the time we can get

to bond as a team in the pool and currently City Pool can offer us this opportunity. Over the last couple of years our team has improved greatly and we have once again made the national semifinals, meaning we gain a lot of BUCS points for the University.

“With the closure of City Pool not only will the team suffer, but also the University.”

In regards to the closure, Newcastle MP Chi Onwurah said: “I will be writing to the Sports Minister to ask what he is doing to ensure the Olympic legacy is not undermined by Government cuts.”

Chris Cook, an Olympian who trained at Newcastle’s City Pool, explained how swimming quads would suffer.

He said it would mean looking at “options of closing down swimming squads and telling young people to either go elsewhere or that this is not the career for you.”

“I created my dreams there and to see City Pool facing closure is quite heartbreaking for me. There are other people living out their dream there and it’s really important we have facilities.”

Public consultation on the proposed cuts will end in March 2013.

Why sexual assault is even more of an issue than we think

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REVIEW OF THE YEAR The Courier’s alternative sports review

HEAD ABOVE WATER

INTRA MURAL

Intra Mural review of the semester

All NUSWPC teams will be affected by the potential closure of City Pool, leaving their training hours severely cut back Image: Rachel Ellis

Council scrooges to axe decorations

By Sarah Pratley It has been revealed that council bosses are considering cutting the city’s Christmas decorations from 2014.

Lights alone cost £140,000 this year and the council are looking for new commercial sponsors to help with funding.

NUSU, King’s Walk, Newcastle upon Tyne, NE1 8QB. Tel: 0191 239 3940

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Grey’s Monument, the Tyne Bridge and other city landmarks could be used to advertise companies paying for the lights.

Councillor Henri Murison said: “We are under severe financial pressure due to the £90m reduction in our revenue budget.”

Opposition councillors are supporting the cuts. Greg Stone, Liberal Democrat

councillor said “when people are fighting for their libraries and their swimming pools, Christmas lights seem like quite a sensible thing to go.”

Durham council has already had to decrease its Christmas decorations budget and Hartlepool has cut its £18,000 budget to £13,000.

However, independent retail consultant Graham Soult argues against the

Editor Ben Travis News Editors George Sandeman, Susie Beever and Anna Templeton Online News Editor Aine Stott Comment Editors Georgie Moule and Laura Wotton Online Comment Editor Jennifer Evans Features Editor Tom Nicholson Listings Editor Sally Priddle Lifestyle Editors Emily Rae, Catherine Davison and Ellie Cropper Online Lifestyle Editors Rosie Devonshire Colette Hunter Fashion Editors Elissa Hudson and Lizzie Hampson Online Fashion Editor Sally Greenwood Beauty Editor Annie Morgan Online Beauty Editor Amy Macauley Arts Editors Lisa Bernhardt and Millie Walton Online Arts Editor Grace Harvey Film Editors Hayley Hamilton and Sam Hopkins Online Film Editor Chris Binding TV Editor Chris Taylor Online TV Editor Ben Parkin Music Editors Chris Haywood and Sam Summers Online Music Editor Sophie Coletta Sports Editors Ralph Blackburn, Nick Gabriel and Lucy Williams Online Sports Editors Freddie Caldwell and Jack Gelsthorpe Copy Editors Harriet Andrews, Helen Battrick, Georgina Grant, Rachel Horrocks, Maddie McNeill, Charley Monteith, Leanne Penning, Amy Preston, Tom Rhodes, Gemma Thompson, Jessica Timms, Chris Smith, Matty Aston, Sabine Kutcher

council’s budgeting.

“You need to look at what they bring – like footfall to the city centre,” Mr Soult said, “The figure of £140,000 is fairly small compared to what Newcastle generates over the Christmas period.”

“When you are a major city, people expect you to do something special.

Christmas wouldn’t be Christmas without the lights.”

The Courier is printed by: Print and Digital Associates, Fernleigh House, 10 Uttoxeter Road, Derby, Derbyshire, United Kingdom, DE3 0DA. Established in 1948, The Courier is the fully independent student newspaper of the Students’ Union at Newcastle University. The Courier is published weekly during term time, and is free of charge.

The design, text, photographs and graphics are copyright of The Courier and its individual contributors. No parts of this newspaper may be reproduced without the prior permission of the Editor. Any views expressed in this newspaper’s opinion pieces are those of the individual writing, and not of The Courier, the Students’ Union or Newcastle University.

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Monday 10 December 2012

Move over Jim Carrey, it’s ‘Yes Woman’ time

By George Sandeman News Editor For 30 days Alesha Sethia found herself in some rather more awkward spots than usual.

From a rather uncomfortable blind date to “really fun” glass blowing, the 21-year-old didn’t have much choice but to go with the flow.

Taking her cue from the Danny Wallace book Yes Man, and the film of the same name featuring Jim Carrey, the third year English Literature student decided to make things interesting for all of last November by not saying no.

“It’s surprising, I was expecting more people to ask me to do bits and bobs.”

Possessing a seemingly kind and compassionate group of friends, most felt “too bad” to make her do anything too embarrassing with the Worcestershire native’s initial task being to clean her flatmate’s room.

“Nobody asked me to run around naked or anything and I would have done it if it was on a quiet street. But nobody asked me to so it was all fine.”

In order to minimise the chance of being totally exploited by the rest of her friends, and strangers, the Guinness promotions girl kept her challenge largely under wraps.

“Not that many people actually found out about it in the end but sometimes, when people were asking about certain things, I couldn’t really answer them without explaining that I was doing the ‘yes’ challenge.”

She added: “I kept having to ask people to promise not to use the challenge to their advantage.”

It wasn’t all plain sailing however as “the worst bits were definitely when I was out with sleazy guys around.”

When not staving off creeping men, the Shortridge Terrace resident was helping the city’s most unfortunate. “I did have to buy The Big Issue quite a lot, that was like the stock task that people asked me to do.”

After taking a leaflet from the wellknown white-bearded man outside of Campus Coffee last week, Alesha also experienced her first foray into the local

YES IT’S A BIG ISSUE

Third year English Lit student Alesha Sethia has become quite the avid reader of the famed homeless publication Image: Alesha Sethia

jazz scene.

With a particularly large slice of luck, Alesha managed to avoid the dreaded and annoyingly persistent ‘charity muggers’ that crowed Northumberland Street.

However, such good fortune was not to last throughout. “I didn’t get approached by a charity person until the second to last day, I was so happy until then. But as I got off the Metro at Monument, I saw the charity guy and I was like ‘oh fuck.’ So I am a member of Oxfam now.”

A new piercing and several copies of The Big Issue later, Alesha was able to reflect on what had been a laugh, but As I got off the also a life-affirmMetro at Monu- ing experience. it as ment, I saw the I “Ikindstarted of felt like charity guy and life was too short and that you I was like ‘oh really do fuck.’ So I am should everything that a member of you can while you can. I wanted to Oxfam now look back and feel like I did everything I could.

“I didn’t want to miss out on an opportunity because I felt I couldn’t be bothered.”

She described how the experience had permanently changed the way she approached her everyday life.

“I’ve genuinely started saying yes to more things and it has snowballed from there. You meet so many more different types of people by being more open to doing things and they are people who I wouldn’t otherwise have met or talked to.

“They aren’t all good friends yet but there are definitely some people that I’ve met who I want to keep in contact with, it’s early days.”

Addressing one of the odder activities she participated it: “I went glass blowing which was really fun and obviously something I wouldn’t ordinarily find myself doing. My friend suggested it and it ended up being really good. I made something cool through blood, sweat and tears. And blowing.”

Hundreds pay tribute to Toon’s Geordie Godfather Newcastle’s very own veteran criminal died on Monday, aged 70, after losing the fight against cancer.

John ‘Mario’ Cunningham, aka the ‘Geordie Godfather’, was responsible for a string of raids on post office and banks over a period of 40 years.

Champagne with friends, wives and girlfriends.

“It was like a scene from Goodfellas.

The Dolce Vita Club, where The Gate is now, was the Krays’ haunt. He would drink in there. The city was like Las Vegas-on-Tyne.”

The Kray brothers arrived in Newcastle in the mid-1960s and frequented the Dolce Vita nightclub most nights.

Geordie Godfather and The Boy from Barnado’s.

He described in his book how he fell into crime following an abusive childhood at a children’s home in County Durham.

Close friend Michael McGarvie, 41, said: “He did change his life around.

“He was one of life’s characters and one of the staunchest men in Newcas-

He also infamously broke out of Durham Prison, the first person to do so in 100 years.

Mario worked closely with film producer Steve Wraith for a documentary entitled The Day The Krays Came to Town, following the arrival of notorious London gangster brothers, Ronnie and Reggie Kray, on Tyneside.

Wraith had this to say about Mario: “He said every night was a party...

Wraith continues: “They came up not just once, but a lot of times.

“He knew them but he didn’t have anything to do with them crime-wise.

“He was always careful to stay away from people that were too well-known in case it brought attention to him.”

Mario described 1960s Newcastle as the ‘mini Las Vegas’ and has had two books published about his life: The

tle.”

The funeral was held on December 4 with hundreds of attendees.

The minister who ran the service had this to say: “There will be people out there who will only ever remember Mario as the Geordie Godfather, and many more who will cherish him for his love of a good party.

“But only his family can claim him as their own.”

By Leanne Penning

“It was like a scene from Goodfellas. The Dolce Vita Club was the Kray’s haunt. The city was like Las-Vegas-On-Tyne”

LAS VEGASONTYNE

John ‘Merio’ Cunningham’s funeral was attended by hundreds of people paying their respects to the ‘Geordie Godfather’ Image: Drunken Monkey

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Monday 10 December 2012

The Courier

“I never in a million years thought News Editor Susie Beever chats with former Newcastle Uni graduate and shadow cabinet member Lisa Nandy about graduate unemployment and floating nightclubs

EXCLUSIVE

Life has treated Lisa Nandy well since graduating from Newcastle back in 2001. Nandy, who has since been promoted to shadow Children’s Minister, as well as being elected constituent MP for her hometown of Wigan, has paved a highly successful career path in politics.

In an exclusive interview with The Courier, the former Newcastle student talked about issues including lowering the voting age, graduate unemployment and The Boat, Newcastle’s sadly foundered floating nightclub.

“Newcastle was probably the most fun I’ve ever had in my life, I would say. It was just an absolutely brilliant three years. I forget how great the city is until I go back.

I went back recently and the view coming in over the bridge made me remember everything. The Boat seems to have disappeared though, which is disappointing. It was a floating nightclub, built in to a boat.”

Nandy looks back on her time as a politics undergraduate with fond memories, claiming: “Some universi-

ties just didn’t want to attract very political students, they see it much more as something you have to be academic and dispassionate about. Newcastle wanted to attract a lot of political students with strong points of view.”

I grew up in Manchester in the ‘80s and ‘90s, which was obviously a political time. When I came to university I wasn’t interested in student politics at “Newcastle all, I was much was probably more interested in doing things the most fun for the student I’ve ever had newspaper.”

Nandy, who was in my life. Just Editor at an absolutely Features The Courier durbrilliant three ing her time as an undergraduate, years.” gave praise for the publication and its benefits on her career as a politician. “I’d studied politics and had already been interested, but I’d been able to observe it more from the outside having worked for the paper. I got involved in a different way which made me think, actually, I’d like to do more of this.”

The MP to this day puts her experi-

ence at Newcastle down to the reason for her success. “Being at university was definitely one of the things that gave me more of a sense of what I wanted to do next.

I went to work for a member of parliament after I left university, it was just after Tony Blair had won his second election, and I was working for a back bench MP who was really passionate, he had lots of integrity and was very intelligent, unfortunately he didn’t have a lot of influence because of being a backbencher.”

Nandy added: “When I left Newcastle, it was a time when there were plenty of jobs around and the economy was having a boom time. Even then it was really difficult to get into what you wanted to do. But the key is to pick something, stick at it and see where it takes you.”

Memories of the MP’s first day at university seem to remain highly vivid, as Nandy discussed motivation strategies for making the most out of her experience at Newcastle, and advised today’s undergraduates to do the same.

Nandy discussed motivation strategies for making the most out of her experience at Newcastle, and advised today’s undergraduates to do the same.

NEWCASTLE NOSTALGIA

Newcastle alumni Lisa Nandy on BBC’s The Daily Politics from Westminster last Wednesday.

“A lot of students are already confused as to where their tuition fees are actually going” continued from page 1 the library were removed and with the space converted into a sheltered smoking area.

Whilst these lost bicycle spaces were replaced with new bicycle racks that were added nearby outside of the Politics Building, a shortage of spaces is still a significant problem.

A large overflow of bicycles are frequently visible each morning with many being locked up to fences that border a busy slip road.

The shelter occupies what was once a van loading bay but the redundant space has been converted as part of the University’s ‘Coherent Campus’ initiative.

Edis commented the building of the shelter in the ‘dead space’ seemed like an “ideal opportunity to build secure bicycle storage because it is very difficult to find adequate space on campus for these kind of improvements.”

The ‘Coherent Campus’ initiative has also been responsible for the increased pedestrianisation of the areas surrounding the Students’ Union and Northern Stage that has taken place in the last couple of years.

Edis explained that this has led to 600 fewer car parking spaces on campus which had resulted in a 22% modal shift that helped the University become more eco-friendly and sustainable.

Shameful wastefulness raises wider concerns

By Jake Unsworth Commentary

T

his appears to be a fantastic example of an institution with a gigantic budget, allocating money with shameful wastefulness.

Why is it that time and again so called ‘green’ projects attract this kind of financial recklessness.

I understand the requirement for secure bike storage on campus, I use a bike and know that capacity is not good enough.

But to spend £1,500 per bike is absolutely inexcusable; students who pay

£9,000 per year deserve to have their money spent in a more responsible fashion.

This brings into question what else the University is using its resources on, my fear is that this sort of thing might only be the tip of the iceberg.

The individual responsible for this decision should come forward and explain this disgraceful waste of money, which could so easily be put to better use.

But I also think the student body need to be reassured that this sort of thing is not endemic, and will not happen again.

The Courier

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Monday 10 December 2012

I’d end up doing a job like this” “I was told on my first day that there’s going to be so many people in three years time to leave this university with a 2:1 degree. You’ve got to do something that will differentiate you, and it was then that I went and joined The Courier.

The newspaper was so much fun, just a microcosm of what it’s like in politics or the media. All the same egos and personalities.”

ing the deficit. “EMA was obviously really important in terms of the money it gave to students. For the sort of people I was representing in Wigan it was the crucial difference between whether you went to college or not.

The other thing about it was symbolically it was really important because it was a deal between the state and young people, saying that if you work hard and

“Don’t worry too much about what you want to do with your life. Just try and pick something you like and keep working at it.”

The Labour MP also discussed an issue of major importance to today’s student population, the lowering of the voting age to 16.

“The main reason I feel it should be lowered is that there are huge decisions being made at the moment, things that will determine what will happen in generations to come. If we get those decisions wrong now then it will be the younger generation left to pick up the pieces and sort it out.

It just seems to me completely wrong that you can say to 14 year-olds that they don’t have a stake in shaping the society they’re going to one day inherit.”

Nandy also brought up the issue of EMA, which was recently cut by the government as part of the aim in reduc-

you try hard then we will support you to go on and achieve what you can without having to suffer hardship.”

On entering parliament from a red brick university, Nandy claims: “It’s still very male dominated, and very Oxbridge dominated. You can feel it on your first day in parliament. People who have been to Oxbridge and perhaps studied at the bar, they’re all very comfortable in these sorts of surroundings. Confidence is really important in politics.

I think it’s aged quite a bit since I got elected. The whole MPs expenses scandal brought a lot of new people into parliament, including younger people, more women and people from different social backgrounds. It’s still not perfect

but it’s better.”

In light of Nandy’s successful career, the politician has few regrets from her time as an undergraduate, yet warned students of the importance of making the most out of what the university has to offer.

“I don’t think I’d change anything about my time at Newcastle. I loved the city, I met some amazing people and I just got stuck in.

That’s what I’d say to the students there today-just get involved. It doesn’t really matter what you do, whether you join the student newspaper or go and do volunteering in the local community. Just get stuck in because you won’t get any other opportunities like it.”

“Don’t worry too much about what you want to do with your life. Just try and pick something that you’re interested in and just keep on working at it.

Pretty much everyone I worked with who had some sort of goal and just persevered got there in the end, even if it took a few years.”

Nandy hastened to discuss graduate unemployment with The Courier, an issue looming over many stressed and uncertain undergraduates. “Don’t worry about it too much, I know that the situation’s really tough for graduates. I think sometimes there’s a sense that if you’ve missed the boat then it’s all over.

In my experience this is not true at all. I never in a million years thought I’d end up doing a job like this. Just pick something and see where it takes you.”

Rowers get their cox out in oar-some calendar

By Sally Hickey With the purchase of a new boat on the horizon, Newcastle University Boat Club have been pulling out all the stops in order to raise the right funds. One of the most unusual ways the rowers have gone about this includes The Naked Calendar.

Despite having been done in the past and have proved rather popular, the boat club have this year provided an interesting twist.

pictures.”

The calendars have already garnered a shocking amount of attention, with requests from France, the USA and even Afghanistan. Some have even asked whether they can have poster-sized copies to hang on their living room walls.

NUBC underestimated the cult following these calendars have created, and are in the process of ordering hundreds more just to keep up with the demand.

It is true that some members were more eager to get their kit off than others. Most of the men were alarmingly comfortable being naked around one

“It was such a laugh making the calendar. I think we startled a few dog-walkers while posing for one of the shots. It’s a shame oars aren’t a bit more concealing.”

With a long history of competition between the men’s and women’s squads, from who performs better at BUCS to who is the last one standing in Sinners, competition has extended to whose bodies shift the most calendars off the shelves.

Instead of creating one calendar, both squads have produced their own, with 24 pages of naked delights. Decisions have been left to the general public as to which squad wins the competition, with guaranteed bragging rights for the entire year.

Emily Keen, a second-year rower who posed for the calendar, told The Courier: “It was such a laugh making it. I think we startled a few dog-walkers while posing for one of the shots. It’s a shame oars aren’t a bit more concealing!”

“It’s getting quite competitive between the boys and girls over who can sell the most calendars. The boys should be worried, we’ve got some pretty great

another, whilst the women made good use of a few strategically placed throws.

For those among you who will study the calendar with a microscope, you will be able to find two nipples, an awkwardly positioned mirror, and if you turn to December you will find a festive surprise.

Calendars will be sold on the NUBC website and outside the Union from next week for anyone in need of an emergency Christmas present, or who would just enjoy having the company of some very good-looking athletes on your bedroom wall.

To see more pictures from the shoot, go to the NUBC Facebook page: www.facebook.com/nubcmen

NICE ABS

Newcastle University rowers bare all in an unusual way to raise funds. Image: NUBC

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Monday 10 December 2012

The Courier

Festive frivolities for the Christmas season

By Anna Templeton News Editor

For the first time, the University has teamed up with Northumbria University and the City Council to provide all students staying in Newcastle over the Christmas period with a programme of activities and subsidised ticket prices.

The coordinated series of events will provide home and foreign student staying in the city an opportunity to get to know each other as well as enjoy the entertainment provided.

Dr Alison Oldam, Head of the Student Wellbeing Service at the University, said: “It’s really important to all of our students who are in the area over We’ve worked the Christmas and New Year closely with period. We recNorthumbria ognise that stuUniversity and dents sometimes get back to the City Council can’t their families in to ensure that that time and for we have more international students they might activities not be able to go back home to their families.”

She added: “It may be a difficult time for them at university without lectures on so we really wanted to put something on to give them the opportunity to meet up with other people in a similar situation to enjoy themselves and learn about what Christmas and New Year means in the UK.” Asked about how the events over the festive period can help home and in-

ternational students mix, Oldam said: “Anything that can help the experience of our international and our home students to integrate is absolutely key.”

Prof Ella Ritchie, the Deputy ViceChancellor, said: “This is the first time we’ve done something like this. We’ve been in partnership with Northumbria University and the City Council which have been absolutely instrumental in the planning.”

Sporting a damaged wrist after an unfortunate fall on the ice last week, the OBE holder added: “What we’ve realised is that it’s not just international students that stay over the holidays, it’s home students as well.”

Amongst the events planned is a Christmas Ceilidh at the Sage on 22 December at 8pm, at a subsidised cost of £3.50.

Another event at the Sage is The Snowman, accompanied by the Northern Sinfonia, who will play Howard Blake’s original score. This will take place on 23 December at 5pm and 24 December at 11am, costing £6.50.

Jeannette Strachan, Academic Registrar, said: “We have a range of activities going on and we’ve worked closely with Northumbria University and the City Council to ensure that we have more activities than we would be able to do alone, so we’re really pleased with that.”

“It’s really important to know what’s going on over Christmas in the city. Visit the Facebook page and get involved!”

Tickets for various events are available from Elyse Merriman in the Activities Centre on Level 1 of the Students’ Union.

CHRISTMAS IS COMING Events are being organised by the University, the City Council Northumbria University for the first time Image: El Ronzo

The Courier

Monday 10 December 2012

news.7

Researchers reveal ideal body size

By Sophie Green Researchers at Newcastle University have conducted a new study into male and female perceptions of body shape.

Eighty heterosexual men and women, average age nineteen, were asked what shape and size they would like their own bodies to be, and what shape and size they find most attractive in the opposite sex.

They were also asked to identify particular important physical features, such as waist or chest measurements.

The findings of the research have been published in the journal PLOS One, and are part of a bigger project to investigate causes of anorexia, and possible treatments for it.

Participants in the study used a special programme to create a 3D image of their ideal body shape.

The programme allows the shape and size of a 3D body to be altered in over 94 independent dimensions using sliders, allowing each participant to create the exact size and shape of the body they want.

Lead author of the paper, Dr Martin Tovee, reader in visual cognition at Newcastle University, said of this new programme: “Previous studies have been a lot more limited in the options it gave people to select their ideal body shapes.

“This way gave them complete freedom to create what they thought would

be attractive and what they found attractive themselves.”

Researchers were then able to use the programme to calculate the BMI of these models and other features such as waist and chest measurements.

The results showed that both men and women selected body shapes for themselves, and members of the opposite sex, that were within the healthy BMI range.

However, whilst thirty nine out of forty women were heavier than their Upper body BMI, this was strength and ideal only true for half muscular the men. legs were The ideal BMI for women was presented to be 19. The as being the found BMI range most impor- healthy is 20-25, with anytant physical thing under 18.5 considered to be features for unhealthy. men A woman with a BMI under 17.5 is classified as anorexic.

Men and women both said the ideal female BMI should be 19.

However, the findings were very different for men, with the ideal BMI being right at the other end of the scale, at 25.

Men and women both presented the ideal atheistic for men to be the classic V-shaped torso: wide shoulders and chest, with a thin waist.

Upper body strength and muscular legs were presented as being the most important physical features for men.

BODY BEAUTIFUL

The findings have been used as part of research into the causes of anorexia and potential treatments Image: Charlotte Astrid

Students turn to sex industry to pay fees

By Sabine Kutcher Students have always struggled to pay their way through university, but research suggests that their financial situation has worsened considerably after the recent rise in tuition fees.

A significant number of young men and women are turning to jobs that pay more than just the minimum wage just to make end meet: pole dancing, escort work or even prostitution.

Estimates by Professor Roberts of Kingston University regarding the size of student involvement in these professions are staggering, with between 600,000 and £3m per institution is going into universities straight from the sex industry.

The researchers found that number of students working in the industry have more than doubled in the past year.

The English Collective of Prostitutes, which operates a helpline, said that the number of student callers has doubled as well.

At first, high wages and flexible hours might make this line of work seem appealing, but the reality is be different for most.

Researchers at Leeds University revealed that women reported physical and verbal harassment from customers as they were forced to work in dangerous conditions.

Dr Dan Boucher, director of Parliamentary Affairs for the international christian charity Care said: “With a background of an 8 percent fall in applications to university this year and mounting concerns about debts, it is clear that sexual predators have seen an

SEX EDUCATION

SponsorAAScholar.com is now under investigation by Metropolitan Police for offering students tuition money in exchange for sexual services

opportunity to exploit the financial vulnerability of struggling students.”

Only last week, an undercover investigation discovered organisations targetting students who may need extra funding for education.

The website SponsorAScholar.co.uk offers students up to 100 percent of their tuition fees paid in return for having sex with a stranger.

The website claims to have arranged for 1,400 women aged between 17 and 24 to be funded through their studies by wealthy businessmen seekThe website “discreet SponsorASchol- ing adventures”. ar.co.uk offers After making contact with students up to the website, the 100 percent women would of their tuition be asked to meet fees in return for an ‘assessor’ to having sex with a be interviewed.

Then the man stranger would require the women to undertake a ‘practical assessment’ in a nearby hotel room and later inform them that their application had been unsuccessful, leaving the women with the suspicion that the website is a scam.

In fact SponsorAScholar.co.uk uses a false company and VAT number as well as the name and contact details of an innocent senior academic.

In a reaction the National Union of Students accused those behind the website of trying to exploit poor women students in financial difficulties.

The website and those operating it are under investigation by Metropolitan Police.

8.news

Monday 10 December 2012

The Courier

Local producer in solidarity with Palestine

By George Sandeman News Editor A local Fairtrade producer has launched a line of hand creams and lip balms that use Palestinian olive oil in order to show solidarity with the people of the exiled state.

Late last month, the United Nations recognised a sovereign state of Palestine for the Fair Squared rst time by uphave launched figrading its clasa line of hand sification from “permanent obcreams and to “nonlip balms that server” member observer use Palestinian state” which puts it on a par with olive oil the Vatican in terms of statehood.

In the weeks running up to the vote, there was increasingly fierce fighting between Israel and Palestine with casualties suffered by both sides and hostil-

ing a strong moral message in terms of paying fair prices and sourcing responsible suppliers.

The brand was the subject of national media attention after they produced the world’s first condoms using Fairtrade rubber that’s grown on a sustainable plantation in Kerala, south India.

It’s sustainability is maintained through limiting how many times a day the tree is tapped for its latex.

Most rubber producers will tap each rubber tree eight times a day which limits the life of the tree to just a few days but in Kerala they tap the trees only three times a day which extends their producing lifetime to 25 years.

The almond scented honey and olive oil hand cream, which utilises the Palestinian olive oil, sources the Fairtrade honey from Guatemala.

Founder Salvatore Pignatoro set up the company after years of working in the sector and describes the company as being “shaped by the Fairtrade movement and a passion for social justice, with an

The United Nations recognised a sovereign state of Palestine for the first time by upgrading its classification from “permanent observer” to “non-member observer state” ity has only continued with Israel approving 3,000 new settler homes in the West Bank.

Fair Squared seeks to offer ethical alternative products whilst also project-

edge.” He adds: “We aim to bring contemporary ethical products that are fun, useful and create a stir, benefiting the producers with minimal impact on the environment.”

NOT AVAILABLE IN YOUR LOCAL

Palestinian olive oil is farmed in the West Bank, one of the most dangerous arable areas in the world. Image: rachelandrew

The Courier

nationalstudentnews.9

Monday 10 December 2012

A&E warn Durham over drinking

By Emily Armstrong Recent heavy drinking from Durham students is prompting Accident and Emergency consultants to contact Durham University to express their concerns.

Despite Newcastle’s reputation for partying too hard, it seems students at Durham are the ones who don’t know their limits, with a significant number of undergraduates ending their nights in the University Hospital of North Durham’s A&E unit after heavy drinking sessions.

MP Kevan Jones spent Friday evening with staff in the A&E. He said: “There has been a worrying increase in the number of students needing treatment in A&E following excessive drinking.”

Job Title: Newcastle Work Experience - Marketing Officer Employer: MSI Closing date: 09.12.2012 Salary: £600 bursary upon completion of placement Basic job description: We’d like to take a more proactive approach to our marketing strategy in order to expand the business beyond our current client base. We are looking for an individual to take responsibility in producing a marketing brochure and assist us in researching and compiling the marketing database.

Person requirements: The ideal candidate will have an active interest in all aspects of marketing and digital media. You should be creative, enthusiastic and able to work independently. The candidate should also be open to learn about the technical aspects of the business.

Location: Newcastle upon Tyne.

Job Title: Newcastle Work Experience - Events and Communications Assistant Employer: Nova International Closing date: 09.12.2012 Salary: £600 bursary upon completion of placement Basic job description: We are looking for an individual to support the Youth and Community development aspect of our business. The successful candidate will assist in organising and planning local sporting events and outreach programmes, as well as assisting in arranging venues and logistics for the Tesco Great School Run. Person requirements: This placement will suit a student studying one of the following degrees (or contain elements of): Business Education Sport Design or Marketing.

Location: Newcastle upon Tyne.

Job Title: Newcastle Work Experience - Communications Officer Employer: Visual Arts in Rural Communities - VARC Closing date: 09.12.2012 Salary: £600 bursary upon completion of placement Basic job description: Visual Arts in Rural Communities (VARC) is a charity based at Highgreen in Northumberland. It aims to benefit local people and visiting groups through engagement with contemporary art. The main aim of the successful individual is to effectively communicate promotional material to new, and existing audiences to encourage participation with our ‘Walking Art’ event.

The post holder will also create and place advertisements where necessary and liaise with contacts at each venue so events they

“It is a major concern in the A&E department that staff who have to deal with seriously ill people also have to treat irresponsible drunks, including students.

“This is something they plan to Some students raise with the uniget carried versity authorities.” away with He added, “A heavy drinkcouple of students ing and have were brought in ended up in during my visit the hospital’s and the consultants informed me A&E departthere had been a ment worrying increase recently and they had several drunk students the previous weekend.”

A representative from Durham Uni-

versity has responded to the complaints, accepting that some students may drink excessively but pointing out that a university “cannot mother students”.

Jenny James, education and welfare officer for Durham University Students’ Union, said: “We do what we can to promote sensible drinking, but we cannot mother our students.”

“There is an element of them going mad after being away from home for the first time.

“Some students do get a little carried away and have ended up in the hospital’s A&E department.

We do try to promote sensible drinking – we offer free soft drinks in college bars, each college has a student welfare officer and we also advise students to have a drink of water between alcoholic drinks.”

also feature can be promoted together.

Person requirements: You must be available from the 11th - 14th July for the event. Solid communication skills with excellent written English are a must. Thoroughly conversant with the use of computer database systems and also experience of using Twitter and Facebook as promotional tools.

Location: Northumberland.

expect extensive training and development programmes and outstanding career progression opportunities. Please note the start date of this position is 14th January. The hours for this position are up to 16 per week.

Person requirements: We are looking for team players with the drive to succeed in a targeted environment. Handling both inbound and outbound calls, it is essential that you have experience of dealing with customers over the phone, the ability to demonstrate excellent rapport building, excellent communication skills and proven experience of working in a sales environment. You must be able to pass a credit check.

Location: North Shields.

Job Title: Sales Co-worker (Textiles & Bathshop) Employer: IKEA Closing date: 10.12.2012 Salary: To be confirmed Basic job description: A Sales Co-Worker is required to work 16 hours per week at the IKEA store in Gateshead. An IKEA coworker’s main task is to maximise sales and profitability in his/her area of responsibility using knowledge of the IKEA product range, local market conditions and the needs of customers.

Person requirements: Confident, enthusiastic, work well as part of a team, flexible approach to work, prioritisation and organisation skills. An interest in home furnishing is also required.

Location: Gateshead.

Job Title: Healthcare Assistant Employer: Co-operative Group Closing date: 13.12.2012 Salary: £6.47 per hour Basic job description: A Healthcare Assistant is required to work 8 hours per week at the Co-operative Pharmacy in North Shields.

You will provide amazing customer service alongside giving healthcare advice, nonprescription sales assistance and medicines in line with the relevant protocols. Handling day-to-day healthcare queries, your assistance will support the smooth running of the pharmacy branch.

Person requirements: We’re looking for someone who has completed or is working towards the relevant pharmacy services qualification needed to meet GPhC requirements. We’ll also expect you to be great with people.

Location: North Shields.

Job Title: Part Time Sales and Retentions Advisor Employer: NRG Closing date: None given – Apply ASAP Salary: Competitive Basic job description: NRG are currently recruiting for a Sales and Retentions Advisor, working in a fast paced sales environment for a large financial organisation. You can

Job Title: Checkouts Assistant (Self Service) Employer: Tesco Closing date: 03.12.2012 Salary: To be confirmed.

Basic job description: A Checkouts Assistant is required to work 10 hours per week (Mon: 17:00 - 22:00, Thur: 08:00 - 13:00) at the Tesco store in Eldon Square, Newcastle.

Working as a Self Service Assistant, you will need to have great communication skills, topped with a passion to deliver a great service to our customers, so that each customer feels that they have had a great shopping experience.

Person requirements: Someone who is able to work well in a team, is committed and makes every effort to do a good job for themselves, their department, and their store. Someone who is reliable and turns up to work on time, is smart and tidy and who is ready to roll their sleeves up and get stuck in where ever they are needed.

Location: Newcastle upon Tyne.

Job Title: Women Sessional Drama Workers Employer: Them Wifies Closing date: 05.12.2012 Salary: £15.00 - £20.00 per hour Basic job description: Them Wifies is a community arts organisation based in Newcastle which, for 30 years, has worked with individuals and groups disadvantaged by their circumstances. We are seeking to recruit a number of experienced women sessional workers to add to a pool of staff to deliver a range of activities, workshops and training programmes as either lead or support drama workers working with vulnerable young women and women with learning disabilities.

Person requirements: An Enhanced CRB disclosure will be required.

Location: Newcastle upon Tyne.

Strathclyde win Uni of the year

Cambridge told to ‘pipe down’

Strathclyde University

University of Cambridge

Strathclyde University has been named University of the year at the Times Higher Education Awards in London with judges proclaiming it a “bold, imaginative and innovative institution”.

It beat off competition from a shortlist containing several other major universities.

The cere m o n y, conducted by comedian David Walliams, was attended by over a thousand individuals associated with the UK’s higher education sector.

Newcastle University won the award for “Outstanding Contribution to Leadership Development” beating a shortlist including Northumbria University.

Cambridge University has introduced a rule dictating that students must leave city centre exam halls with “regard for the welfare of others, including the general public”. Passers-by routinely have to dodge “over-exub erant” students while there is a long held tradition of students spraying each other with sparkling wine and throwing flour at each ot h e r as they leave exam halls.

A third year student at King’s college claimed “It’s a tradition to open a bottle of wine or champagne as you leave your exams. After weeks of revising, students want to celebrate at the first opportunity so I think they will have trouble accepting this rule.”

Scottish university criticised

by NUS

Broke students continually seek loans

University of St. Andrew’s

University of Sussex

The University of St. Andrew’s has been criticised by the National Union of Students Scotland for its “miniscule” attempt at increasing the number of intakes from the most deprived areas of Scotland. Of the 482 new Scottish students accepted by the University in 2011 just 14 were from the 20 most deprived areas in the country.

S t .

A n drew’s viceprincipal Stephen Magee, who is charged with the responsibility of overseeing admissions at the University, claimed “Our doors are open here in St Andrews. We have comprehensive bursary, scholarship and personal support. We want Scotland’s brightest here, regardless of background.”

The University of Brighton’s student services has claimed six per cent of its students are using payday loans to supplement their income. The most common amount withdrawn is a hundred pounds and the university feels the amount is seemingly insignificant enough to encourage students to continue borrowing.

In a statement, Br ig hto n ’ s Student Advice Centre Coordinator, Helen Abrahams said “We know they are accessing payday loans for different reasons. Once you get into the cycle of a positive experience of paying it back in a couple of weeks time so you’re not experiencing that high interest rate - you are then more inclined to take another loan out. I think that’s when the problem really starts.”

Images: JohnSeb and wwarby (Flickr)

Ciaran McKenna

10.comment 3 reasons why... ...I don’t think the living wage should be the norm...

Adam Thompson

1) It doesn’t make sense for small businesses One of the main arguments supporting the living wage is that it makes “good business sense”. To some degree I support the idea: more money in peoples pockets will help stimulate the economy and higher wages will remove at least some strain on the benefit system.

Small businesses provide one very large problem though. How can we expect struggling independent businesses to increase the wages they already offer?

Of course, some might counter that increased earnings will have a positive effect on these small businesses but this seems optimistic and the argument becomes circular.

2) The rate hasn’t been figured out sensibly

Another problem appears when we consider the method for calculating what the living wage should be, and whether it is actually the minimum amount people can be expected to live on. According to a JRF report, a single person requires £193 after basic rent, tax and national insurance costs.

This seems high, and it is because 15% has been added to what they consider an acceptable living wage in case of unforeseen circumstances. It has to be asked who decided on an apparently random 15% hike in pay and how they arrived at it.

3) There are too many flaws in the living wage system The basic idea is a laudable one. I agree businesses making billions in profit should have the decency to not pay staff less than they can afford but implementing a living wage is problematic.

Since many points in favour of the living wage can be comfortably contested, it would appear best to go back to the drawing board and consider ways of protecting small businesses while hitting larger companies harder. As it stands, multi-national companies will pay out pocket change and smaller enterprise will be stifled.

Photography: Georgie Moule

Monday 10 December 2012

The Courier

Why the NHS needs to change Many hospitals are overpaying for supplies, resulting in the NHS wasting millions of pounds every year. Victoria Armstrong discusses how the public service needs to evolve in modern times VICTORIA ARMSTRONG

A

recent assessment by the consultancy firm Ernst & Young has revealed many English NHS hospitals are overpaying for supplies with massive discrepancies across spending prices in various NHS trusts.

This wasteful procurement is estimated to cost the NHS £500 million with an obvious detrimental affect to healthcare. The introduction of an efficient system has been estimated to save billions over the next few years. Despite such recommendations beginning from 2011, little has been altered.

This ongoing incident only serves as one of many reminders of the shocking inefficiencies existent in our public healthcare. As such, it is beyond my comprehension as to why the idea of private involvement or even outright privatisation of the NHS still causes outrage.

One need not look far to identify flaws

in our healthcare system. The NHS’s website itself speaks of “one of the most generous… benefits systems in the UK” and an average working week over four hours beneath national average.

“Focus today should fall on the quality of care for patients.”

A tad generous for a system billions of pounds in debt which consumes over 9% of our Gross National Income.

You imagine your Income Tax will contribute to the NHS: fund hardworking nurses and doctors and the treatments that cure your ailments; not multiple layers of bureaucracy with “an excellent package of pension benefits”.

Whilst this is magnificent for the NHS’s 1.3 million employees, it is unvi-

able and quite frankly inappropriate for a public institution.

Theoretically, privatisation of the NHS seems the best approach, yet it is highly unlikely to gain the necessary political support. Perhaps the most realistic solution would combine the best of both state and private involvement. This would allow for development of the state’s role as a regulator of care as well as provider.

Change is undeniably essential when reasonable suggestions for NHS improvement currently go ignored. For instance, one competent, although heavily criticized idea is the sale of patient records accumulated over the last 60 plus years for drugs research.

Despite political scare mongering about the “sale of your personal details”, this would be anonymous data collection with every patient retaining the right to request their data withheld. The drug industry is worth approximately 50 billion pounds and is “the third largest contributor to economic growth in the UK” according to a press release from 10 Downing Street.

The NHS has the potential to earn money. Instead we insist on leaving our relic from the past unaltered and in-

creasingly ineffective.

Problems run deeper than finances however as shown by the convention whereby any medical graduate is entitled to a place on the NHS’s foundation programme. With increasing numbers of foreign applicants, should competition not be introduced for entry into one of the most lucrative careers?

Numerous doctors have called out for focus to move to the training of existing doctors over the initial teaching of many foundation course students.

Considering research shows a 10% spike in mortalities in NHS hospitals on weekends due to the lack of experienced doctors, this failing of the NHS becomes unbearably real.

Clearly our NHS flounders in modern times. Consequently, we must overcome the romanticism surrounding the NHS; yes, it was magnificent in the mid-20th century when grand national problems required grand national institutions, but focus today should fall on the quality of care for patients. It is true that the road ahead is unclear, but certainly evolution is required before our system crumbles to pieces.

Mind the gap... year After a recent study showed taking a gap year could have a detrimental effect on students’ future salaries, Comment Editor Georgie Moule argues in favour of taking a year out of education before starting university

GEORGIE MOULE COMMENT EDITOR

S

o apparently, I’m going to earn less than most of you by the time I’m 30. I’m also more prone to risky behaviour, more likely to have smoked cannabis and bizarrely, I apparently feel ‘less in control of my destiny’ than the majority. Why? Because I took a gap year.

The results of the recent study, conducted by The Centre for Analysis of Youth Transitions, also said that students who had taken gap years had lower ability beliefs and were more likely to have played truant at school.

All of that, on top of the depression that comes from being almost 2 years older than my housemates, and therefore being known as ‘Old Lady Moule’.

For me, my gap year was the most educational and rewarding experiences of my life. It sounds cliché, I know, but holding down a full time job for 8 months taught me more than anything I learnt in first year (Second year is a different matter. I’ve learnt loads of stuff, including how to make cheese on toast...sort of).

In recent years, gap years have become automatically associated with spoilt rich kids with more money than sense, drinking non-stop for 6 months in an attempt to ‘find themselves’. Despite the seemingly endless stream of ‘Gap Yah’ comedy videos and people in hareem

pants’ telling you how amazing their experience in Cambodia was, the majority of people taking gap years spend them working, mixing with new people and learning a lot about the world of work.

Even if time is spent travelling, surely

“Gap years have become automatically associated with spoilt rich kids” the nerve it takes to go across the world alone is to be applauded. If our generation are going to take over as world leaders in a few decades, I’d rather at least a handful of us had some experience other than education and work to go on.

It baffles me that in a country where Kate Middleton, who seems to have been on a constant gap year since her graduation, is looked up to as a role model, whilst kids who want to have a break from education after 13 years of non-stop schooling and assessment and do something different are looked down on as spoilt, reckless and irresponsible.

The idea that taking time out of education being detrimental to your future career is laughable. Surely we’re all at university so we can hopefully get a half decent job in the future. The idea that education is all we need to get ahead is all too prevalent in our society.

GAP YEAH?

Many graduates will be forced to move abroad to get employed.

“We’re all at university so we can hopefully get a half decent job in the future” Sometimes, it’s fun to be left to your own devices and take some time to do what you want to do, regardless what others want. My gap year taught me what a luxury it is to be able to press the

snooze-button a few too many times in the morning without fear of losing my job.

Education doesn’t always translate to knowledge and wisdom. Some things can only be learnt through experience.

So who cares if my salary in 10 years is lower than yours, or if it takes me that bit longer to figure out my ‘destiny’?

Definitely not me.

Follow the Comment section on Twitter: @courier_comment

The Courier

.11

Monday 10 December 2012

Comment

Comment Editors: Georgina Moule and Laura Wotton Online Comment Editor: Jennifer Evans thecourieronline.co.uk/comment courier.comment@ncl.ac.uk | @Courier_Comment

PRESS FREEDOM

The Leveson report made recommendations for press regulations to be underpinned in law.

Image: ProtoplasmaKid (Wikimedia)

Should the recommendations in the Leveson report be implemented?

JOE WOOD

YES M

essages deleted from the phone of a murdered school girl, a 167 year old newspaper brought to its knees, politicians and police alike disgraced by their involvement with the press, and of course Piers Morgan. All-in-all the past 18 months has proved to be fascinating and alarming.

What we have learnt about our nation’s press is that some of its members have been exceptional protectors for the interest of the public; it was the Guardian reporter Nick Davies whose journalistic report on phone hacking led to the Leveson inquiry. However, we have also ‘discovered’ that other areas of the press have been involved in horrendously illegal activity.

It is important not to forget the origins of the Leveson inquiry in which it was revealed that the mobile phone of the murdered school girl Millie Dowler was hacked by a News of the World reporter.

This lead to the closure of the newspaper, but more pivotally it forced the public to examine the means to which newspapers would serve the interests of their readers.

Other revelations included the phones of dead soldiers being hacked. Such illegal behaviour is not a feature of what is in the public interest; it is an example of a grotesque loss of basic ethical codes in order to satisfy the public’s interests.

Does this not demonstrate there is a great flaw in a self-regulated press? We must be entitled to free print journalism of course, but evidently it is a free press who must be monitored by another body in so far as to ensure such criminality is not repeated.

Critics of the Leveson report have claimed that Britain could see the freedom of its press destroyed by a

“The British press is in dire need of a new regulator to keep newspapers from trailing into the criminal” government run regulator. Max Hastings voiced his concern that ‘the price of creating such a body [independent regulator] through legislation is to sacrifice the centuries-old tradition of a free press’.

Contrary to the arguments put against him, Lord Justice Leveson is not proposing a state controlled body which picks and chooses what information is released to the public. Instead, it would be an independent regulator unaffiliated with the government or Fleet Street.

With an independent body, such texts as those between David Cameron and Rebekah Brooks that revealed the incredibly close relationship the press has had with politicians could become impossible. As would the bribing of police officers for confidential information

classified to the public.

The press in Britain is in dire need of a new regulator to keep newspapers from trailing into the criminal. It should not be thought that with a regulator comes a halt to our most trusted freedom to speak and write.

The press will of course remain free in what it does, but with a regulator it will also become legal by necessity and it will no longer be a case of: newspapers who abide by the law and those that do not. All press will be free and legal.

Politicians will be less involved in the press if it is independently regulated, not more. U.K print media will be freer.

SIMON HARWOOD

NO T

he Leveson Report, published last week, represented a serious threat to Britain’s 317-year history of press freedom.

Arguing that the press should not be regulated, after the furore over phone hacking and other various abuses of its power, is not necessarily straightforward, or easy, but it has to be done.

We’re all aware of the useless sensatiolisation of issues, the damage to victims like the Dowler family from socalled ‘gutter stories’, and the bending of the law by the press.

The Leveson Report rightly highlights these issues, as well as the importance

of a free press as a safeguard of democracy. It stresses that it is not a call for statutory regulation, but fails to rule out the prospect of press legislation. It is unclear what shape a Bill would take if and when it leaves Parliament.

These stories wouldn’t exist if people

“The press should not, under any circumstances, be subordinated to Parliament” weren’t reading them. So they won’t go away, even if the Report’s recommendations are introduced. Especially given the significance of the internet in the circulation of news stories, whether true or false, as shown by the various rumours surrounding the unfortunate Lord McAlpine recently. The Leveson Report doesn’t give much thought to this, suggesting that if it’s not in print, it doesn’t matter. What would happen to the Twitterati, or the home sleuths?

They will still bounce stories (or rumours) across the internet to their hearts’ content, and these can cause just as much damage to members of the public.

But Leveson’s neglect of the internet in his report is merely a secondary reason why his proposals should be set aside. They imply an ominous prelude to state control, and it is not hard to foresee a situation when a future government expands the regulatory body’s existing powers. It is, in effect, a call for

state licensing of the press. What would happen to the stories a government might not necessarily want published?

What would happen to the investigative journalism that Lord Leveson himself so admires?

The press should not, under any circumstances, be subordinated to Parliament. It should be a check on government, rather than the other way around. Various press abuses do not necessitate a change in the system, and it is arrogant to think that if an institution is corrupt the Government can correct it.

They require the police to prosecute those who have broken the law. Regulation of the press would do nothing but stifle an ancient liberty that has stood the test of time, and resisted previous encroachments.

It will not increase the responsibility of the press. The Prime Minister should stand firm, and he has thus far, having expressed his fears of the creation of a “vehicle” for politicians to impose regulations on the press.

The Leveson Report is right in deploring the certain sections of the press which caused great damage to many (albeit, mostly celebrities). It is crucial we don’t leap head-first into legislating the press, as we don’t know where it will end.

The Leveson Report declares that the free press is a fundamental virtue of freedom whilst simultaneously calling for measures that will undermine it. So let’s get past the emotion, let’s ignore the political point-scoring, and resist the recommendations of the Report because this is, ultimately, an issue of liberty.

To quote a respected politician: a free press is “the unsleeping guardian of every other right that men prize”. Let’s keep it free.

12.comment

Monday 10 December 2012

The Courier

Txtng: soon to be a thing of the past?

SMS messaging has now been around for two decades and is a staple mode of communication - but for how much longer?

LAURA WOTTON COMMENT EDITOR

W

e’re all capable of sending a text. Half a minute worth of keypad jabbing and you’ve effectively saved yourself the tedium of actually calling someone, or worse still, the face-to-face conversation.

The 3rd of this month welcomed not only the arrival of unwarranted snow, but also the 20th anniversary of the ‘short message’, essentially the text. Yet despite accepted norms of frenzied texting, mobile operators have seen a notable drop in revenue over the last year as unlimited data schemes and smart phones appeal to an ever self-modernizing world.

Is this an insight into the future, the all-together abandonment of texting?

Despite many contracts offering enticing promises of unlimited texts, there

are other, more instant, messaging allows for speedier connection and lazier chat, a surely unbeatable blend for the

“Isn’t there something vaguely reassuring about the simplicity of the text?” average student ‘too busy’ for a two-line elaboration.

The text message originally had the winning formula; to communicate with people who were not readily available, reliably. Yet we only have to peer down the row in our lectures to observe that absolutely everyone is available, all the time, and thus the initial convenience of the text is no more.

Ironically, whilst text messaging has opened an entirely new social dimension, numerous studies have witnessed the damage that electronic communication has had upon real human contact.

Indeed a Communications Market Report calculated that teenagers spend over 7 hours a day immersed in some sort of media content or communications services, a figure that surely questions the time we spend actually chatting to people in the flesh.

To further our excessive ‘availability’, I bring you iMessage, brought to our screens by our favourite multinational corporation Apple. I’ve realised with the haughty smugness of any iPhone user, that I don’t need signal to send catalogues of pointless pictures and senseless autodance videos to ungracious friends. The text loses its edge when, leaning precariously out of a window whilst waving your phone, you realize that the ‘immediacy’ crumbles and thus the text looses any scrap of relevance.

Yet isn’t there something vaguely reassuring about the simplicity of the text?

It was, after all, the communications tool we grew up with and, I admit, used

‘TTFN’ As we celebrate the 20th anniversary of text messaging, mobile operators face decline in revenue as users turn other communication mediums.

Image: Matthew WMF (Wikimedia)

shamelessly to send coquettish remarks to our 14 year old ‘suitors’ without interference from our eavesdropping parents. Yet whilst operating as some sort of digital testimony for our teenage years, the text bore witness to perhaps the most significant moments of the past two decades; text messages during 9/11 bore both terrifying warnings and heartfelt gestures of condolence whilst texting allowed activists in the Middle East to organise support and proce-

dures during the Arab Spring.

Despite losing its youthful appeal in the face of new market trends, the text message is key to those who can neither afford nor have need for a smartphone.

Indeed India, labelled one of the world’s fastest growing smartphone markets, has a comparatively low number of smartphone users, and thus the text message remains just as dominant as it was ten years ago.

Unwanted attention

News Editor Susie Beever discusses why sexual assault is even more of a problem than we may think

SUSIE BEEVER

A

night out in Newcastle. What could be better? Having my fingers fed slowly through a mangle whilst chewing on a cyanide capsule like a piece of chewing gum. It’s Friday night, I’m in Sinners and I’m being involuntarily groped by a fresher in a snapback smelling of Lynx.

Lovely. Except that it isn’t; I feel like a piece of furniture being manhandled.

And the shocking thing is that this happens to every other female student in the room.

For every woman that has been whistled at by her colleague, there is an equivalent student who has had her arse pinched in some sticky dive whilst out enjoying herself with her friends.

It’s one of those inevitable experiences that comes with being a woman. Like the way mosquito bites are an unwanted by-product from going on your holidays.

Sexual assault doesn’t necessarily equate to an act of violence, the US department of women’s health claims that it may be ‘unwanted or inappropriate sexual contact’, as well as visual or verbal abuse.

I’m not jumping on any form of lawabiding bandwagon, and I’m certainly not implying that every pair of wandering hands in Florita’s belong to a potential rapist.

However, assault is still assault, no matter how severe or seemingly insignificant. If you wouldn’t dream of groping a stranger in the middle of the day on campus, why do it in a nightclub?

According to a recent survey by More magazine, a staggering 95% of women don’t feel safe walking the streets at night. The British Crime Survey further report that there are 47,000 rapes a year, 40,000 attempted rapes and 300,000

claims of sexual assault.

However, in spite of the shocking statistics, it is an ingrained doublestandard attitude within us that needs to change first. We seem to be using a ‘blame the victim’ attitude when it comes to assault and alcohol, when going out wearing a short skirt does not necessarily mean said female student is asking to be rubbed up by a drunk prepubescent fresher.

“You wouldn’t grope a stranger in the middle of the day, why do it in a nightclub? ” When did it become okay for antiassault campaigns to warn students to watch out for their drinks being spiked, rather than warning prize jebends to watch their alcohol limit and their hands? It is not illegal to go out and get drunk; it is illegal to sexually assault someone.

It’s definitely time we changed our attitudes to where the blame lies in sexual assault, if we continue to take the attitude whereby students are warned not to get assaulted rather than vice versa, is that not then implying that we condone the antidote, rather than cutting it off at the original cause?

What do you think? Let us know at: www.courieronline.co.uk

The Courier

comment.13

Monday 10 December 2012

Liam egged as our money Burns

What should the aims of the NUS #Demo2012 have been? Jake Unsworth gives us his take JAKE UNSWORTH

T

he NUS has failed you and I, which is why it’s right that Liam Burns was ‘pelted with eggs and a satsuma’, because he, and his Union have achieved nothing and have fundamentally failed to promote our best interests.

What is the job of a political ‘Union’?

The NUS isn’t a typical trades union because we’re students, not professionals or frankly even ‘workers’. Nonetheless the NUS has established itself as a spokesperson and ‘safeguard’ for the interests of students.

The job of this union is not to tell people what the student body might think of a particular political issue, but to stand up for our student-specific best interests. The biggest such issue of Liam Burns’ tenure as the head of the NUS is tuition fees. On this issue the NUS achieved absolutely zero – not a thing.

Why?!

The NUS got it hopelessly, embarrassingly and infuriatingly wrong over tui-

tion fees. The NUS were too busy trying to change the political tide by shouting about the immorality of fees. Whilst they may have a point, frankly the politics in play was a little above Liam Burns’ pay-grade.

“Over tuition fees the NUS got it hopelessly, embarrassingly and infuriatingly wrong” He tried to stop something he did not have the political power to, had he tried something achievable he may have secured at least something in our best interests. Liam Burns, and the NUS, should have aimed for a realistic political goal – he didn’t and you and I, and many more, will suffer the consequences.

He should have argued for higher maintenance loan options for students.

The idea that a 21 year-old must still be economically linked to their parents is obtuse. If university is going to cost a student, then it must be truly free at the point of access.

As it is, maintenance loans do not cover most accommodation, leaving students reliant on parental help. The focus should be on providing equal opportunities – loans – for all. Not free bursaries for a small minority, and too small a loan for the vast majority.

“The unbelievably opaque rules surrounding early repayment of loans should have been clarified” He should, in addition, have worked to limit interest rates on these state loans. At current the Retail Price Index is used. This rate; currently 3.6%, is

Joy to the world?

U

niversity, the best years of my life, a freedom never before experienced, a path in which you are paid money to engage in the pursuit of knowledge.

It is a dream unattainable to most people in the world but what I have found on this journey is an uncomfortable reality. A reality in which we are all complicit in.

I’m sure we would all acknowledge the cruelty that exists in the world, the burning inequality between those that have everything and those that have nothing.

It seems contrived to argue the old case that 800 million people live on less than a dollar a day and that over 2 billion live on less than 2 dollars a day, because those are arbitrary statistics that for us are incredibly hard to relate to or even care about. I seek to go further and uncover the wilful ignorance in which we live our day to day lives.

Most of us will have given to charity at some point in an act of cathartic appeasement, appeasing our own consciences that we do in fact care about the poor. The problem is we are part of the problem, unless there is a real change in the norms and economic way in which we live our lives, there will always be grave inequality.

Just take a look at reports released in early November that actually show charity in the third world increases inequality. It is the equivalent of putting a ‘Band-Aid’ over a bullet wound.

The debate in the media on poverty and inequality is distorted. We are frequently told that by fiscal investment

Can you get your views into 140 characters? Tweet us at @Courier_comment

WILFUL IGNORANCE A Christmas tree

With Christmas just around the corner, Marik Hachemane asks if it really is a time when we think of others, or just of ourselves MARIK HACHEMANE

cheap, but with efficient NUS pressure, could have been even cheaper.

In addition, the unbelievably opaque rules surrounding early repayment of loans should have been clarified. These elements were achievable, but Burns scuppered the opportunity to deliver anything on these issues.

Instead Liam Burns was too busy pandering to those who want the NUS to resemble the Socialist Workers Party.

Well if this was his aim, he achieved it; neither the NUS nor the SWP can claim to have achieved anything in recent times.

Albeit that they did it for the wrong reasons, protestors were right to pelt Liam Burns with eggs. This chap got caught up with the anarchism of much contemporary unionism and managed to hold the hard-line and therefore achieve precisely 100% of nothing. It’s current and future students who will pay the price.

in Italy, but is there a sinister side to our celebrations?

Image: Wikimedia Commons

in third world countries their population’s living standards will rise in what is known as the economic trickle down effect. To a large extent this is not true; poverty in the favelas of Brazil is still rife as landowners and industrial fat cats benefit from the countries huge economic growth as the poor stay poor.

In Britain, a supposedly developed country, the root causes of inequality are still the same as they were in Victorian England. My objection is with the way we have been brainwashed into thinking that we are intrinsically good

“We willingly forget the working conditions of the poorest people in the world” people; man at its very core is selfish.

We pretend to care about those dying but still buy that ‘iPod’ made by the girl on two dollars a day working in terrible conditions in a factory in China. We buy those Nike trainers made by the sweatshop worker in Vietnam and willingly forget the working conditions of the poorest people in the world, supporting companies that make their shareholders the richest people in the world at the expense of the poorest.

But as we enter the Christmas season I suggest a new approach; let’s not pretend we care about the poorest in the world. It’s hypocrisy of the highest order, we are the problem; we are the consumers that ultimately perpetuate most

conflicts and problems in the world.

So my advice is when you go to tuck in to your nice big turkey, in your nice warm living room and pretend to give thanks to a man who gave up his life to help others, lean back on your faux

leather Ikea sofa, quench your thirst with a nice glass of champagne and give thanks for the fact that it’s them and not you who lives in poverty beyond our imagination.

LYDIA CARROLL

ON THE BLOG

#9-’OK!’ Come ‘Closer,’ it’s ‘Heat’-ing up ‘Now!’ I have two simple, life affirming New Year’s resolutions for next year. The first is to never pass out drunk on a kitchen worktop again. The second is to never, ever touch women’s lifestyle and gossip magazines, ever.

Why? Because these magazines don’t actually like us. They will make you feel like shit. You know those passive aggressive friends you had back in year nine who were nice to your face, but would then tell everyone behind your back that your house smelt like tuna?

Grazia, Closer, More and their pals are pretty much the magazine equivalents of those girls.

The content of women’s magazines has always been a veritable landmine of shitplosions. Navigating it usually involves at least one or two blows to your self-esteem. Their content can usually be summarised as diet advice implying that you are both fat and that you should care about it, some pictures of harem trousers, and a couple of hysterical ‘IS YOUR BOYFRIEND CHEATING?’ quizzes. The bulk of articles however – and certainly the lead cover stories at least – are almost always about women as victims. Famous, miserable women are the bread and butter of the women’s lifestyle magazine.

Case study one: Taylor Swift. You know – multi-millionaire, dozens of awards, gaspingly beautiful, makes your boyfriend say ‘ooh ahh’ a bit whenever she’s on TV? Well, actually, she can’t stop getting dumped, is lonely, and tragically undesirable. The Mail Online’s ‘Femail’ section recently ran a feature about her being ‘unlucky in love’ and ‘lonely’ after she was photographed serenely walking out of an airport by herself – e.g. without a man standing nearby. For other examples of these phenomena, see any article any about Jennifer Anniston being marriage/baby desperate, and Coleen Rooney on the front of Closer with the oh-so-dignified (and apparently falsified) headline ‘I CAN’T STOP CRYING’.

This voyeuristic interest in women’s lives falling apart is as bizarre and incongruous within women’s media as it would be to publish articles about women being eaten slowly by giant spiders, whilst crying. Watching women who are richer, more successful and attractive than us suffer so miserably is clearly not going to be psychologically good for the rest of us at all, unless you believe that; a)It will make us feel better about our own lives. I’m telling you - it won’t. If Taylor Swift (successful pop star) can’t get it right, then I (sitting in my pyjamas with half a biscuit falling out of my mouth) certainly don’t stand chance. b)Women just relish seeing one another destroyed. Fuck the sisterhood -Lauren Goodger has cellulite, man!

Whoever she is! She’s going down! Yes, all women are clearly that evil.

I would also venture that we might maybe - just be insecure enough already, without handing over two quid for a magazine to really hammer it home.

And whilst diet issues and relationship advice litter magazines for both genders, this celebrity-baiting seems to be unique to women’s media alone. Until I see David Beckham on the front of Nuts or Zoo next to the headline ‘I CAN’T STOP CRYING’, then I’ll still believe women’s magazines are bad for women.

14.features

Once upon a time...

Monday 10 December 2012

The Courier

The Fashion and Beauty Team headed down to Jesmond Dene to recreate some of our favourite fairy-tales and childhood stories with a fashion twist

Photography: Amy O’Rourke Models: Leta Bernhoeft (Sleeping Beauty), Olivia Jeffrey (Alice in Wonderland), Mathilde McKenna (The Little Mermaid), Hazel Parnell (Goldilocks), Daisy Ridley (Little Red Riding Hood) and Nicole Stevenson (Snow White) Make-up: Hayley Durrant, Emma Graveling, Annie Morgan and Heather Ratcliffe Directed by: Sally Greenwood and Lizzie Hampson

The Courier

Monday 10 December 2012

features.15

16.features

Monday 10 December 2012

The Courier

Ho, ho, howay man!

From left to right: Ross Millard, The Futureheads; Peter Brewis, Field Music; Frankie Francis, Frankie & The Heartstrings; Kingsley Chapman, The Chapman Family.

Ian Mason and Music Editor Sam Summers catch up with some of the biggest bands in the North East to talk their upcoming charity gig, and have a chat about the things they love and loathe during the holiday season...

The Futureheads & Field Music

Ross: He would like, he’s got the gravel. What about you?

Ross: We don’t have to have women dressed up as men anymore.

Pete: I don’t know. A decent singer, really. Paul Young. He’s got a soulful voice.

What’s you favourite Christmas TV advert this year?

Is the Newcastle Christmas market better than Sunderland’s German market?

Peter: I don’t have a telly. I used to like... there was an Argos one that I had on a video from about 1989 or something, that was quite good. Animated reindeer... I can’t remember much about it.

Pete: There’s a German market in Sunderland? Oh, that hot dog stand? Yeah, it’s good, it’s good. It’s all kind of meat and mustard products. If you don’t like hot meat then it’s not great.

Ross: No good for the veggies.

Ross: The only Christmas ad that I know of this year is the John Lewis snowman. I prefer the original ‘Power of Love’, frankly.

What’s your favourite Christmas Carol?

What’s your favourite item on the Greggs Christmas Menu?

Pete: What’s on the Gregg’s Christmas menu?

Ross: He’s assumed we know ourselves, you see. He knows we’re from the region.

What inspired St Os Fest?

Ross: The Futureheads have done a few fundraising things with St. Oswalds over the years hear and there, and we’d spoken for quite a while about putting a gig on, because it’s a little more natural for us than a lot of the other activities that fundraise here, like zip-lining over the Tyne, or climbing walls or owt like that. In a period of about six months we’ve managed to get it together, and all the bands from the north east that are involved have very kindly agreed to give up their time for it.

‘The Holly Field Music: “I haven’t I Pete: and the Ivy’. r].

I quite [got an advent calenda ego Ross: like ‘We Three L e th Kings’, does that do like the look of count?

Star Wars one” Pete: We did one

Pete: I don’t know. I’d just go for an egg mayonnaise sandwich with a bit of tinsel on it, I suppose.

Ross: The most bought product for me would just be a stottie, but for Christmas I think they might do a brie and cranberry slice. I’d go for that.

Which pantomime are you most looking forward to? The Theatre Royal’s Aladdin or The Empire’s Peter Pan? Ross: I’m gonna stay loyal to the Empire, me.

once, years ago...

child...

Both sing: Lully lula, thou little tiny

Ross: Solid. The hardest Christmas song I’ve ever heard.

Pete: Quite Gregorian.

What’s your favourite adaptation of Charles Dickens’s A Christmas Carol?

Pete: Scrooged, probably. It’s not really an adaptation.

The event is Stars In Their Eyes themed. Who would you most like to see singing your songs on Stars In Their Eyes?

Pete: Yeah, I always liked the idea of Peter Pan being a girl. I found it ludicrous when I was four years old and I still find it a bit odd.

Ross: It’s the only one with Bill Murray in.

Ross: Tom Jones. I wanna hear Tom Jones do any of ours. ‘Man Ray’, a capella version.

Ross: It’s positively Shakespearean that, innit?

Ross: There’s a Disney one that was alright, with the mouse. Good one for the kids. I’m 30 now.

Pete: He’d nail that.

Pete: We’ve moved on a lot since then though, no offence to Will Shakespeare or anything.

Pete: Yeah, I like that one.

Have you got an advent calendar this year?

Pete: Nah, I haven’t. I do like the look of the Lego one. The Lego Star Wars advent calendar. Are you getting one?

Ross: No, I’m not an advent calendar type of man.

I’ve seen a whiskey one. Of course, if you just got greedy and necked them all in a oner then it’d be the last Christmas you ever saw, I suppose... so stay away from advent calendars.

Who’s your favourite character in the Nativity?

Pete: Angel Gabriel. That always got played by a girl, as well. I just think there’s not enough good female roles.

Ross: Mary’s the only gig, really. Unless you’re the narrator.

Pete: You’ve got the three wise men, the shepherds are always blokes as well.

Ross: I was always the narrator at school, like. Just moving the story on.

What about Herod?

Ross: He’s alright.

Pete: Misunderstood.

Ross: It was a long time ago. Forgive and forget, man.

The Courier

features.17

Monday 10 December 2012

Who would you most like to see singing your songs on Stars In Their Eyes?

David Cameron. I tend to be quite a shouty, horrible person – I don’t mean to be, I am actually quite nice and sensible – but we released an EP over the summer called Cruel Britannia that was kind of an attack on Herr Fuehrer Cameron, so it would be very nice to hear him sing it. Or Prince William, cause we also do songs about the Queen.

Is the Newcastle Christmas market better than Stockton’s?

The Chapman Family

There’s a campaign actually, called ‘Stockton Sparkles’. Has Newcastle got a ‘Newcastle Sparkles’? No? Well, there you go then. I think we’ve found our answer. The lights are getting turned on tonight, actually, by out Olympic gold medallist Kat Copeland...

Will Stockton have better lights than Newcastle?

What’s you favourite Christmas TV advert this year?

We had the Coca Cola truck in Stockton last week, and it disrupted traffic around the Teesside area for twelve hours, so I’m pretty much anti the Coca Cola Christmas truck. I don’t understand what a fizzy drink has to do with Christmas.

I quite like the Iceland ones that are on in-between I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here!, with the little squares of mini-lasagne. It’s not Kerry Katona anymore; they’ve abandoned her because she was a drug addict. They had to get rid of her, she had a bit of baggage. It’s just any old Tom, Dick or Harry now, they just have to hold nice, little, tiny squares of lasagne.

My palette for Greggs in quite small, cause I’m a vegetarian, so it’s difficult. I know you get everyone going ‘ah, festive bake, fantastic’, but I could literally only have a cheese and onion pasty. Have you tried the veg bake? I don’t like it. It’s too pea-y. It’s got too many peas in it, whereas with cheese and onion you know what you’re getting. It’s fairly obvious.

Why did you want to get involved in St. Os Fest?

Ant and Dec there once, it was quite good.

merch stand?

It’s something we’ve never ever done before, an event like this. It’s the first event we’ve ever done for anyone, to be honest, and when we were asked by Ross from The Futureheads to get involved it was something we were very happy to do.

What’s you favourite Christmas TV advert this year?

That’s not a legend, that’s true. We made our first album with Edwyn Collins, and his son William is a layabout. He does nothing, so we took him, against his will, on tour to do the merch for us, because we didn’t have anyone to sell it and he was just sitting around the house playing FIFA. We just thought, “this guy needs a job”.

Why did you want to get involved in St. Os Fest?

Ross asked us. We did a gig about this time last year in Newcastle, and Ross was DJing. I don’t think he’d seen us in about two years, and he asked us to play at Split Festival. I went down ok, so on the back of that he asked us to do this.

The event is Stars In Their Eyes themed. If you could go on Stars In Their Eyes, who would you be?

My girlfriend’s got a thing about Steven Tyler out of Aerosmith, or American Idol, whichever one you want to think of. Yeah, probably Aerosmith, cause I quite like the song from Armageddon. I quite like the Armageddon bit, cause I’d like people to crowd to have their hands up like Liv Tyler when she sees Bruce Willis dying, and I could be Bruce... or Steven.

The event is Stars In Their Eyes themed. Who would you most like to see singing your songs on Stars In Their Eyes?

I think if someone did it in a comedy style it would be quite good. Not Michael McIntyre, he’s an arsehole. James Corden?

He gets on my nerves.

There’s a lot of arseholes out there. I really like Stewart Lee. He’s my favourite comedian, but I think he’d really hate our band. I’ve got this vision of going to see him in concert and he’d see us in the crowd and go ‘“you’re in that shit band, that’s you!”

“[Stockton] can’t aff Christmas lights. W ord e just have sparklers”

What’s your favourite item on the Greggs Christmas Menu?

Well when it’s coming up to Christmas you always see the Coca Cola one, with lorries and stuff like that. John Lewis? Those adverts always get on my tits.

What’s your favourite Christmas Carol?

I’m more of a contemporary Christmas song fella, you know? I like Wham!, ‘Last Christmas’.

“Do you think in Germany there’ll be a What’s your favourite adg in ll se et k aptation of Sunderland mar Charles Dickens’s A Christmas pasties?”

Carol?

Is the Newcastle Christmas market better than Sunderland’s German market?

I just want to know why there’s a German market in every town at the moment. There’s a German market in Sunderland, I was in Leeds the other day and there’s a German market there... do you think if we go to Germany there’ll be a Sunderland market somewhere selling pasties?

What’s your favourite item on the Greggs Christmas Menu?

Well I’m a vegetarian, so I can only really get a cheese pasty or a sweet mince pie, so I guess that.

Which pantomime are you most looking forward to? The Theatre Royal’s Aladdin or The Empire’s Peter Pan? I don’t really know who’s performing in any of them. Someone from Emmerdale, I assume. Probably Sunderland, cause it’s a beautiful theatre. I saw

When: 11 January 2013 Where: NUSU Venue Price: £15

Have you got an advent calendar this year?

No, but my dog does. What’s inside? How am I supposed to know that now? What’s the date? 30th?

Exactly. How am I supposed to know what’s inside this dog calendar at this very point in time, when 1 December is tomorrow? It’s not even a fair point, it’s a bloody iron-clad point. How am I supposed to know what’s inside it?

I’m assuming little doggy biscuits.

I’ve actually just got him this... thing. It was supposed to be a Christmas present, but I decided I’d just give him it anyway. It’s like a wooden... circular... thing.

You put dog treats inside of it, and it’s like a quiz game for him. He has to push something over with his paw, and a little flap opens and he gets his nose in and eats it... but my dog’s a black Labrador retriever, and he’s just stupid. He had it an hour and broke it, he ripped up one of the things... he just picks it up now and slams it against the floor, which isn’t really the way you’re supposed to do it.

No, cause we can’t afford them. We just have sparklers. We just hold them up. We hire children to hold sparkles up and have candles in their hands. When they go out, that’s it, Christmas is gone. It’s just very long candles.

St. Os Fest

The Muppet Christmas Carol.

Have you got an advent calendar this year?

I haven’t, no. We’ve been on tour so I haven’t got one. I did find out a couple of months ago – I was in Sainsbury’s and some little kid was like ‘oh, can we get an advent calendar?’, and it was only like October at the time – but you can actually get November ones, starting in November. That’s stupid, isn’t it?

You can get ones for dogs as well. I’d get one for a dog. I haven’t actually got a dog, but I’d like to know what was in the windows.

If you had to give one musical artist a lump of coal for Christmas, who would it be?

Ed Sheeran. I hate him. Or Mumford & Sons, I hate them as well.

Who’s your favourite character in the Nativity?

Jesus Christ. J.C. That’s what I call him.

Is it true that Edwyn Collins’s son runs your

His dad’s a millionaire, if he wants to work in a studio one day he can because his dad owns a studio.

We just thought he needed to get out on the road.

We fed him some alcohol, made him smoke a spliff.

We get him out every year. If we pop round Edwyn’s we’ll say, “William, what’re you doing? Nothing, obviously, so get in the van. Pack five pairs of pants”.

Frankie & The Heartstrings

S

t. Os Fest is a one-off charity spectacular which aims to answer one of life’s eternal questions: who would your favourite artists impersonate if they were on Stars In Their Eyes?

In many cases the answer is obvious – Little Mix would be The Spice Girls; Justin Bieber would be Justin Timberlake; Bruno Mars, it turns out, would be Sting – but if you’ve ever asked that question of the biggest bands in the North East, now is your once-in-a-lifetime chance to find out.

The Futureheads, Field Music, Frankie & The Heartstrings and The Chapman Family will each be performing sets in the style of their favourite artists in what promises to be a hilarious, enlightening and singular experience. The night will be capped off with a DJ set from Maximo Park frontman Paul Smith.

“We’re incredibly excited to be hosting such a unique event featuring a wealth of North East musical talent”, says St. Oswald’s Fundraiser Hugh Medcalf. “ It’s a really fun way to celebrate the fantastic music scene in the region while raising vital funds for the Hospice.”

“We’re looking forward to St Os Fest because it’ll be a really fun start to the New Year”, says Futureheads guitarist Ross Millard. “Lots of great musicians and bands, all together, playing the music that got them inspired in the first place - all in aid of a wonderful cause.

“It’ll be a one-off event, which makes it even more special, as people will get to see these bands like they’ve never seen them before!”

The show is in aid of St. Oswald’s hospice, a local charity which offers free specialist care for local adults, young people and children, including end-of-life care for those with terminal illnesses.

All proceeds from the gig will be donated to the hospice, which relies on donations and fundraising to provide £6.5 million of its £9.5 million running costs.

The event will be held in the NUSU Venue on 11 January, and tickets can be purchased at www. seetickets.com for £15.

Sam Summers

Watch the video interviews and read the full, uncut versions at www.thecourieronline.co.uk/ music

18.features

Monday 10 December

The Courier

A Christmas window on the soul

WARNING: os t May be alm ate accur n i y l e r i t n e

The dazzling Christmas display in Fenwick’s window on Northumberland Street is the stuff of local legend. However, behind the bright colours and hot jazz soundtrack lies a wealth of rich symbolism and allegory. Features Editor Tom Nicholson presents his pseud’s guide to a work of art which is completely wasted on children Onward, Comrades!

Part I Lego Santa has become a fixture of the Fenwick window in recent years, beloved of children and emotionally immature adults alike.

He is a testament to the power of perseverance in the face of a seemingly insurmountable pile of unconnected red and white plastic bricks. He is, in essence, a subtle nod to Newcastle’s industrial heritage. Did the workers who built the Tyne Bridge give up when they saw how big the task ahead of them was? Did they turn to each other and say, “Ee, Bert, we might well fall into the river and die while doing the riveting”? No, they did not. Did they, however, work despite the ever-present danger of accidentally standing on a Lego brick while wearing only socks? No, they did not, and for this reason Lego Santa surpasses the bridge on every level. Please never leave us, Lego Santa. You represent the best of mankind.

Lego Santa: Light of the World

Here we have the first piece of what I’m sure art historians will call the Onward, Comrades!

Strangle The Complacent Reindeer Bourgeoisie With Their Velvet Cloaks! quadtych. This poor little chap has got himself in quite a pickle, hasn’t he - forced to do everyone else’s washing, he’s gone and got a peg stuck on his nose.

How adorable! Or is it? On closer inspection, this looks very much like an allegory for the brutal repression of the proletariat by their bourgeois paymasters. The poor elf doesn’t like it (look at the downwardly-curved edges of his mouth, a tell-tale sign of what humans call ‘sadness’) but he is powerless to stop it. The sock is perhaps a nod to the so-called Stocking Uprising of 1376, when textile workers in north Wales protested against their pitiful wages by getting smashed on mead and, as historian E.J. Hobsbawm put it, “having a proper fucking barney”. Needless to say, due to their inebriated state the protestors weren’t best prepared when the barons turned up to crush the rebellion. There were no survivors.

Onward, Comrades!

Part II

In this window we see the victory of the glorious revolution, and a depiction of the beginning of the reign of terror. The oppressive reindeer patriarchy is here shown being spun around on the Turntable Of Truth in an elaborately constructed show trial, signposted by the sticky tape around the elf-judge. Note also the maniacal fervour with which the elf brandishes the scissors, and the glint of fanaticism and wild blood-lust in those eyes. Who is on the jury?

Judging by the direction of the elf-judge’s stare, it is we, the observers, who have power over the reindeer. At one stage in its development, the design for the window included an interactive voting platform wherein spectators could decide whether a live reindeer defendant was guilty or not. If they decided he was innocent, the reindeer would be set free and allowed to trot home with the person who had released him. If not, the animal would be immediately destroyed by a flamethrower. Sadly, the killjoys at the RSPCA had some sort of problem with this and vetoed it. Not to be put off the designer proposed firing the reindeer out of the window vertically.

Fenwick themselves decided not to go along with this, citing firstly the likelihood of sudden, gory reindeer re-entry onto (and all over) Northumberland Street, secondly the cost of buying in thousands of reindeer to burst, and thirdly because, y’know, reindeers are generally better appreciated with their ribcages intact.

The Courier

features.19

Monday 10 December

The conveyor belt of Christmas puddings is an intriguingly multi-layered piece of symbolism.

On one level, it can be seen as a comment on Western indulgence – the puddings are sent down a chute to be presumably destroyed in some kind of hellish inferno, much like the incinerator in Huddersfield which is used to destroy Oxfam’s unwanted donations. However, the conveyor belt also serves as a seasonal memento mori, a light-hearted, child-friendly reference to the Grim Reaper’s remorseless, everswinging blade. The display is reminding us that, in the end, we are all Christmas puddings trudging closer to oblivion and endless nothingness. While it’s heartening that a corporate behemoth such as Fenwick is committed to distilling the essence of the true meaning of Christmas, an insider informs me that an early draft design of the Christmas shop front involved blacking out the windows and employing a lone bugler to play the Last Post every quarter of an hour.

This would surely have been an artistic tour de force, but the powers that be decided it was a little de trop, and insisted that there be a little tinsel draped around the bugler’s neck. Outraged, the original designer quit on the spot. It is our loss.

The Conveyor Belt of Infinite Sadness

After the show trial, what we can only assume is the leader of the reindeer government, Rudulph, has been summarily executed and tossed unceremoniously onto the frozen winter ground beside a railway line. The red nose, however, suggests that all might not be lost for the reindeers: like T-101 before him, Rudolph is apparently a cyborg sent from the future to protect mankind and is merely waiting in the snowdrift for his reboot to complete. If you go down to see the display, hang around and watch the nose for a while. After about two and a half hours, the nose should flash a couple of times and the Windows start-up noise will play.

There have been reports from observers that every other Wednesday at half past five in the morning the cyborg wakes up and breakdances for thirty seconds before bursting into flames. Unfortunately, these observers had been camped outside Fenwick for over 120 consecutive hours, so their visions of a body-popping Blitzen might have been as much a product of extreme exhaustion as utterly sick moves.

The End of Days

Onward, Comrades!

Part III

Onward, Comrades!

Epilogue

This is a dense one. Judging by the hi-tech wizardry which the two elves are operating (two computer screens with menacing green-on-black displays; a calculator; a hot air balloon) and the oversized compass hanging behind them, it appears that these two elves are engaged in some kind of resistance operation, or possibly counter-terrorist operations in an homage to 24. At first glance, this might seem an odd choice of motif for a Christmas window. However, as Cliff Richard reminded us, we are edging closer to the Saviour’s Day. I don’t want to blaspheme, but agent Jack Bauer has certainly done a great deal of good for mankind. Of course, this reading is complicated somewhat by the globe on the left. Its bright red colouring is clearly a reference to the point in the Book of Revelations where shit gets real: rivers start running blood-red, cats and dogs cohabit peacefully and Olly Murs’ reality show Life on Murs is nominated for fifteen Emmys. Similarly to the Conveyor Belt Of Death (above), this tableau reminds us all of the dark side of Christmas which is so often overlooked. The overall message is, “The end times are coming kids, but feel safe in the knowledge that they’ll be heralded by two cute and inoffensive elves.”

Comrade Elf has somewhat upgraded his firepower from scissors: he looks suspiciously like he’s about to call in an air strike. In this cautionary epilogue, the revolutionaries have managed to develop nuclear capabilities. One wouldn’t think that an H-bomb could be constructed using only wooden mallets in a picturesque chalet, but here we have the proof.

Maybe we should have checked the chalets in Iraq; we might have had a bit more luck in finding those pesky WMDs (SATIRE).

Gingerbread Man: Really Chilled Dude, Actually

I have absolutely no idea what’s going on here. Certainly, the use of a toaster to cook gingerbread is absolutely not what Delia would recommend. The little lad seems determined to enjoy it though, so more power to him. He looks more like he’s kicking back in a jacuzzi than having his genitals roasted to a cinder. Of course, this is exactly the kind of thing the Turner Prize judges love; who can forget Damien Hirst’s Gingerbread Man in Formaldehyde (2001)? The elf in the box is being devoured by teddy bears. By this point in the window, the aural assault has somewhat eroded one’s sense of reality.

It’s the visual equivalent of an Aphex Twin album.

20.fashion

Monday 10 December 2012

The Courier

Fashion Editors: Elissa Hudson and Lizzie Hampson Online Fashion Editor: Sally Greenwood

Christmas couture Onesie: oncepiece.co.uk, £100 For me, Christmas Day is all about lounging around the house with the fire on, opening presents and spending time with my family. This outfit is perfect for just that.

A onesie will keep you cosy all day and with the cute Christmas fair isle pattern on this one, I’m guaranteed to feel festive. It’s also perfect for a post-Christmas dinner nap. Onesies have recently exploded in the fashion and celebrity world, with boy bands such as JLS, Union J and One Direction sporting this new, cosy trend.

Dress: Zara, £49.99 Shoes: Zara, £49.99 The festive period is certainly the most glamorous time of the year, so even though Christmas Day is spent indoors, why dress casually? In my house it’s essential to glam up, so I’ll be wearing this Zara peplum style dress with a diamante and pearl embellishment across the neckline. To accentuate the detailing on the dress, I’ll be piling my hair around a doughnut bun so my it doesn’t detract attention away from the sparkle. This festive piece can also be dressed down with woolly cardigans and boots, but for that extra ‘something’ on Christmas day I’ll be pairing it with these gem encrusted sandals from Zara.

Laura Nicholson

Daisy Ridley

Daisy Ridley and Laura Nicholson tell us what they’ll be wearing on Christmas Day

Accessorise, accessorise, accessorise

Heather Ratcliffe gives us some top tips for dressing-up your winter wardrobe

laredoute.co.uk, £11

Topshop, £25

Topshop, £8.50

Accessorize, £28

Pretty but practical

All that glitters is not gold…

Mixed metals

Take a walk on the wild side

Hats, of course, are a key trend this winter, so why not invest in a simple beanie? They’re everywhere on the high-street at the moment in a range of colours, from classic black to oxblood red. Topshop have released a range of cosy cable knit pom-pom hats, providing a twist on the classic beanie that is both pretty and practical. At a purse friendly price, they make a great early Christmas present to yourself, or you could buy one as a stocking filler for someone else. Lastly, the 1920s inspired cloche has made a stylish comeback, and is a more alternative elegant winter warming accessory.

To avoid being mistaken for a garishly decorated Christmas tree this winter, you should aim to be selective with your choice of accessories. For example, when working with chunky pieces of jewellery, choose either a statement necklace or bold drop earrings, as wearing both will look far too bulky and over the top; this Christmas you want to stand out for the right reasons! The same applies when dressing your wrists. Instead of stacking chunky bangles, multiple bracelets and your Leeds Festival 2011 wristband, why not try a simplistic but chic statement watch, or even a few dainty chain bracelets?

I was always under the impression that if you’re wearing lots of different pieces of jewellery, you should pick either gold or silver. However, it has recently become very on-trend to mix your metals, as proven by celebrities and high street adcampaigns. But why stop there? Rose gold jewellery has proven to be a trend with staying power, and this is set to continue into winter. To tap into this look, check out Topshop’s collection of stackable gold, silver, rose gold and bronze rings. Mixing metals is an awesome way of jazzing up a simplistic ensemble, Most importantly, it allows you to have more freedom with your accessorising!

Fur is an ever-popular winter trend on both the runway and the high-street, and 2012 has been no exception. Accessory-wise this season, why not pick up a faux fur scarf? They are surprisingly versatile and can transform an outfit with minimal effort. Wear one with a black leather jacket for an effortless chic look, or with a tailored trench coat to give a sophisticated edge. However, if it’s just a touch of fur you prefer, why not invest in some fur mittens or ear muffs? They are a very cute, warm and stylish way of accessorising your winter wardrobe, whilst tapping into one of this season’s biggest trends.

The Courier

fashion.21

Monday 10 December 2012

thecourieronline.co.uk/fashion c2.fashion@ncl.ac.uk | @Courier_Fashion

Happily ever after

Online Fashion Editor Sally Greenwood fills us in on the ensembles featured in this issue’s fairy-tale winter photo shoot

Alice in Wonderland

Red Riding Hood

Goldilocks

Dress: Topshop, £34 Shoes: model’s own

Playsuit: Urban Outfitters (sale), £30 Kimono: Topshop, £65 Shoes: model’s own

Dress: Zara, £29.99 Rings: ASOS.com, £8 Shoes: model’s own

The body-con dress is a great staple piece for any party wardrobe. The geometric prints, flattering colour tones and forgiving fabrics that the highstreet has to offer this season have allowed this style to become increasingly accessible. Even the most body-conscious amongst us can now feel comfortable in these figure-enhancing alternatives.

Investing in versatile statement pieces is always a good idea. Bright jackets, patterned trousers and embellished tops can all add a touch of glamour to a plain outfit. Statement pieces can be re-styled however you choose and worn in many different ways, making them a must-have for this year’s party season.

Metal accessories and studding have been popping up all over the high-street this season. If you want to play it safe, stick to just one metal, however mixing metals is a big trend at the moment, so don’t be afraid to experiment. Some gold accessories always look great, but too much can definitely overwhelm the clothing itself, so be careful!

Fashion Blog of the Week www.redbricklipstick.com

At redbricklipstick.com, a blog dreamt up by 17-year-old Lily, you’ll delve into a world of photography, fashion and lifestyle. Each and every post has you lost in delightfully written accounts of Lily’s day-to-day life and adventures, perfectly accompanied by her lovely photography. Her fashion posts are perhaps the best thing about Lily’s blog, with adorable patterned dresses, heels to die for and amazing charity shop finds that are all beautifully photographed, reflecting her impeccable skills behind the lens. So, whether you love to lust over pretty dresses, get lost in photography or read inspiring lifestyle posts, redbricklipstick.com definitely makes for the perfect read.

Follow Lily on Twitter: @lilyfmason Amy O’Rourke

Online Boutique of the Week

Snow White Top: H&M, £24.99 Shorts: Topshop, £32 Necklace: River Island, £25 Headband: River Island, £15 Shoes: model’s own Investing in some versatile separates is always a good idea when numerous party occasions are coming up. Simple, well cut separates can always be dressed up or down, such as this peplum top, which can be worn with something short or full length for either a night out or even for causal drinks.

The Little Mermaid

Sleeping Beauty

Dress: H&M, £34.99 Boots: Charity shop, £3 Belt: Primark, £4

Dress: vintage Necklaces: model’s own Hand chain: model’s own

The midi dress has come onto the high-street this year with a boom. A simple, jersey midi dress can be a lifesaver when you have nothing to wear.

When dressed up with well chosen accessories and heels can make you stand out at any Christmas party. The figure hugging style and flattering length makes this piece a must have for the upcoming festive season.

Gone are the days when just one simple necklace was enough to complete your look. When choosing accessories for your Christmas party outfit, consider layering a few necklaces and bracelets.

A simple dress can be turned into something dazzling when accessorised with simple, layered necklaces.

Established in 2009, bitchingandjunkfood.com is an online store inspired by London street style. The store sells its in-house label ‘Remade’ along with designer and vintage pieces. Since the store began designing jewellery and head-dress collections for Urban Outfitters, media attention surrounding bitchingandjunkfood.com has exploded, resulting in it being featured in Grazia, Company and Elle, with pop princesses Rihanna and Jessie J even being spotted sporting the brand.

Bitchingandjunkfood.com has an unwavering badass persona, with prices to suit every budget (especially in its current sale!) The brand certainly won’t be to everyone’s taste, but incorporating an item from bitchingandjunkfood.com into your outfit can really add a bit of edge. So, are you going to get bitchy?

Kate Errington

22.beauty

Monday 10 December 2012

The Courier

Beauty Editor: Annie Morgan Online Beauty Editor: Amy Macauley

Fairytale fantasy beauty

Behind the scenes of this issue’s fashion photoshoot was a busy team transforming the beautiful models into various fairy tale characters.

All the looks are based on the original characters, yet they have been adapted to suit a modern time frame and to suit the party season.

Beauty Editor Annie Morgan, Heather Ratcliffe, Hayley Durrant and Emma Graveling were behind the hair and makeup.

Alice in Wonderland For the Alice in Wonderland makeup, we wanted the model to look sweet and innocent, reflecting the more childlike, naïve aspects of the character.

The colour scheme consists only of pastel colours such as pinks, purples and blues and her eye makeup is winged and doe-eyed in order to achieve a sixties look, which is the twist in this look. The

Snow White model’s hair was straightened and smoothed with a hair oil, with a simple headband in her hair, to compliment the pure, childlike look.

Model: Olivia Jeffery Makeup by: Annie Morgan

final touch was to add a fake gold plait in her hair, which the model is wearing as a headband.

Model: Hazel Parnell Makeup by: Emma Graveling

Sleeping Beauty Sleeping beauty is the quintessential fairy tale princess and her girly makeup reflects this. Similarly to Alice in Wonderland, the main colours used were pastels, notably her bright pink, bubble-gum cheeks and her glossy pink lips. The key to this makeup is to make sure the colours do not

little gold was added for an extra bit of sparkle and fantasy. A red lip was the final touch in order to keep some of the original elements of Snow White’s look.

Model: Nicole Stevenson Makeup by: Heather Ratcliffe

Ariel

Goldilocks Goldilocks is very much a children’s fictional character and so her look was kept quite natural, glowing and pretty. The colours used are all neutral which makes this look extremely current and wearable. Her hair was curled and volume was added with hairspray and salt spray and the

Instead of the Snow White from the Disney movie, who comes across as a naïve, innocent character, here she is portrayed as a modern day, strong version of the original character. The model’s hair was styled into tight curls and she wore a red, velvet hair band in order to add a modern twist. Her eye makeup is classically dark an d smoky, but a

The model for this look was absolutely perfect for Ariel thanks to her colouring, and so all that was needed for this look was to add a bit of an aquatic feel. Blue and green shimmery eyeshadows were applied on her eyelids and around her eyes with plenty of mascara. The blusher and lipstick were

similarly coloured corals to add to the aquatic theme and her hair was given some extra curls for volume.

Model: Mathilde Mckenna Makeup by: Annie Morgan

Little Red Riding Hood clash with each other and that the skin looks flawless. Her hair was smoothed out and a slight wave was added.

Model: Leta Bernhoeft Makeup by: Annie Morgan

The look for Little Red Riding Hood is very adult, vampy and sultry. Her hair was straightened to make her makeup the main focus as it is quite heavy and dark. Her eyebrows were made to be quite strong and angular to match the rest of her makeup. The matte textures are also quite grown

up looking and suitable for this time of year which makes this look a perfect Autumn/Winter evening look.

Model: Daisy Jane Ridley Makeup by: Hayley Durrant

The Courier

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Monday 10 December 2012

thecourieronline.co.uk/beauty courier.beauty@ncl.ac.uk | @Courier_Beauty

How to: Holy grail product Gold eyes, Red lips

Tip of the week

So many different products come out around this time of year specifically for Christmas, but if you have a look in your cupboards you might find some products that you already have that will add a bit of sparkle. Nicole Stevenson shares her personal favourite product for the party season.

Red and gold are the perfect colours for the festive party season. Although it can be pretty daunting going for both statement eyes and lips, the trick is to be subtle but make a statement at the same time! Safiya Ahmed shows us how.

Step One:

After applying your base. Start by applying primer to the eyelid, then grab a creamy gold eyeshadow and use your finger or a brush to rub the colour onto the whole lid. You can use a matte or glittery eyeshadow depending on the look.

Step Two:

Product: Sparkle Skin Body Exfoliating Cream by Clinique (available at Boots) Price Tag: £20 (250ml) Cheaper Alternative: Sanctuary Spa Covent Garden Body Scrub (£5.50)

Invest in some serious frosting this Christmas, with the ultimate body scrub – Clinique’s Sparkle Skin Body Exfoliating Cream. My discovery of this amazing product is down me being a loyal Clinique customer, as I first encountered a sample of this scrub in a bonus gift from Clinique. The highly concentrated scrub gives you the desired treatment, it cleanses thoroughly, yet it is gentle enough to apply to delicate skin and leaves your body feeling soft and looking radiant. The beauty factor of this scrub is its tough texture, which is great for massaging into the skin for firming purposes. What better way to start the season than treating yourself to this beauty find?

With Sparkle Skin, you don’t have to wear a dress to sparkle!

As the name suggests, the exfoliator indeed adds a glow to your skin, after its smoothing magic – this also makes the scrub perfect for preparing your skin for self-tanning. It reduces the effects of cold weather, as it polishes away dry or rough skin.

Speaking of the cold; you will feel a slight tingle of wintery freshness when using the Sparkle Skin Body Exfoliating Cream as it contains menthol. Brrr.

You can rest assured that any Clinique product delivers results beyond average. This is mirrored by the slightly raised price, but outweighed by the fact that with Sparkle Skin a little goes a long way, as the thick creamy texture proliferates as you apply it. However, a cheaper alternative is always available to suit individual preferences. I would recommend Sanctuary Spa Covent Garden Body Scrub. It has a much less concentrated texture, making it considerably gentler on the skin. Like Clinique’s exfoliator, Sanctuary Body Scrub also has polishing properties to refine the skin. If you are a girly girl, you would love the slightly exotic ‘patchouli’ smell– a warm scent similar to Christmas marzipan.

Thanks to the likes of Cheryl Cole and Beyoncé big hair is in! To achieve glamorous curls this Christmas why not invest in some heated rollers?

Simply heat the rollers for the instructed time and then you can begin. Start from the top of your hair and work down. It is important to use the larger barrels at the top of the head and smaller towards the bottom. Put your hair into a centre parting and take equal parts from each side, roughly enough to fit neatly round the roller.

Roll from the ends of the hair, wrapping down as you go until you reach your root. Secure the roller with a clip or pin ensuring it feels taught and stable, this will guarantee an effective curl.

Continue working backwards from the centre, creating a sort of roller Mohawk. Once the top and crown of your head is complete, continue the same steps all over the head.

Approximately twenty minutes later, your hair should be done! Begin to remove the pins and clips and take out the rollers. Finish off the look by brushing through the curls, back comb and apply hairspray liberally. This is such an easy yet effective way of adding volume and achieving big, bouncy curls!

Heather Ratcliffe

Five best festive beauty products

Now take a darker colour (dark brown/black) and apply it between your lid and crease of the eye for a subtle smoke effect. Blend in thoroughly using back and forth motions. Use a dab of gold on the inner corners of the eye to make them pop.

Step Three:

Christmas is a time for giving, receiving and sometimes it is okay to be the giver and receiver all at once. Here are Alexandra Bonnett’s ’s top five Christmas and holiday themed beauty products MAC Lipstick in Ruby Woo Price: £14

While red lipstick can tend to be out of many people’s comfort zone, this deep, matte red would compliment most skin tones and is an easy way to take the plunge into the world of dark lipstick. The key is to keep the rest of your makeup simple and paired with lashings of mascara on your eyes. Ruby Woo can be used to create an effortless and chic look, perfect for Christmas Day.

Nails Inc The After Party Collection (Debenhams) Price: £25 This pretty pack of three glitter nail varnishes is perfect for the party season. These black, red and rainbow polishes would look great on their own, or layered on top of other nail varnishes.

Next apply eyeliner to the top and bottom of the eyes, flick out at the edges for a cat eye effect. Fill in your eyebrows with a dark shadow and add mascara. Follow this with false lashes if you wish.

Add a flash of bronzer to finish off the look.

Step Four:

MAC Mineralize Skin Finish in Soft & Gentle Price: £21.50 This highlighter sits perfectly on top of your cheekbones to create some Christmas shimmer. If you buff it into your skin it is not overly shiny and just catches the light to enhance your cheekbones. I also use a little under my eyebrows and on the inner corners of my eyes as a highlight.

Lacoste EDT Red (Debenhams) Price: £45 It is not only the girls that like a good beauty product. An easy, safe option for men is aftershave or perfume. This Lacoste perfume is perfect for Christmas because not only will it keep them smelling good for the new year, but the bright red bottle fits in with the festivities.

Redken All Soft Argan 6 Oil Price: £13-£22 For the lips neatly apply red lip liner to the lips then fill them in with a red lipstick. Use a lip brush for extra precision and blot down on a napkin, add gloss if you are feeling brave.

As well as keeping skin healthy, dry hair can be a real problem throughout winter and the Christmas period. Argan Oil is used on the ends of your hair to soften dry and split ends. This product always makes my hair feel really soft, especially if you blow-dry your hair or straighten it. Some lower budget hair care brands have also been bringing out their own Argan Oils such as TRESemmé and Lee Stafford.

24.listingsyuletidespecial

Monday 10 December 2012

The Courier

Listings Editor: Sally Priddle

Pantos

Aladdin

5 Reasons why everyone should see a Pantomime this Christmas

The Suggestibles Improv Panto

Sleeping Beauty

1.

You legitimately get to laugh at jokes about poo, winkies and people throwing buckets of water over old people.

2.

Audience participation is undeniably fun for people of all ages - who doesn’t love booing a bad guy?

3. You go in knowing that it will

all be alright in the end, a very comfortable feeling during exam and assignment period.

27 November- 19 January Theatre Royal

Tickets from £11 available from Theatre Royal’s website and box office

13th December, 8pm Northern Stage

Tickets from £15 available from Northern Stage’s website and box office

29 November- 5 January Gala Theatre, Durham

Tickets from £6.50 available from Gala Theatre’s website and box office

NUTs Lord of the Rings Pantomime

Robin Hood

Peter Pan

9-11 December, 7.30pm Venue, Students’ Union

7 December- 6 January Tyne Theatre

13 December- 6 January Sunderland Empire

4.

All local Pantomimes make expected references to how great Newcastle is and how bad Sunderland is, which always justifies a laddish ‘wheyyyy’

5.

There is a chance they may ask you to go on stage, sing a song, hold something hilarious and best of all you will get a goodie bag. A GOODIE BAG!

Scroogemas

Tickets from £6 available from NUTs’ Stands around the Union

Hoo Har at Head of Steam

Tickets from £10 available from Tyne Theatre’s website and box office

Jim Shaw Exhibition at BALTIC

Tickets from £10 available from Sunderland Empire’s website and box office

The Hobbit

Fed up with all this talk of Christmas which has been going on since October?

Well, these are the events for you.

The XX

22 December, 11pm-3am Head of Steam

Get cultural instead of Chrismassy with the Jim Shaw exhibition The Rinse Cycle at BALTIC on the quayside. This is the first ever full-scale survey of Jim Shaw’s work internationally and will bring together more than one hundred paintings, sculptures, drawings and videos from the last twenty-five years.

Homemade Jam

Admiral Fallow

Andre Rieu

14 December, 8pm The Cluny

15 December, 6.30pm Metro Radio Arena

Enjoy soul, reggae and some wonderful vinyl shenanigans.

Showing at all local cinemas (including Tyneside), it has been 9 years since we last journeyed to Middle Earth. This time, Bilbo Baggins and a band of dwarves set out on a journey to reclaim the Lonely Mountain, on the way facing goblins and orcs, wargs and giant spiders, and have their first encounter with Gollum and the One Ring.

11 December, 7pm o2 Academy

Following the release of their second album Coexist, The XX announce some live UK dates.

Most other dates have sold out, so you should get in there fast so you don’t miss you chance to see this award winning band.

Tickets £24 available from o2 Academy’s website and box office.

11 December, 8pm Mens Bar, Students’ Union

Your chance to show off your musical skills, just turn up and take your time to shine.

Admiral Fallow are, quite probably, a newto-you band, but they’re wintry, blustery and generally wonderful. This gig is sure to be a beautifully intimate setting to see them.

Tickets from £9 available from Cluny’s website

André Rieu, the world’s most popular classical artist, is renowned for his energetic and festive live concerts.

Tickets from £40 available from Metro Radio Arena’s website and box office.

Winter special 2012

Illustration: Fran Ede

2.winterextravaganza

Monday 10 December 2012

The Courier

Feed the World: Let your flatmates know it’s Christmas time

We set our Lifestyle writers a challenge: to feed six friends for a set amount. Did it make for a yummy Yuletide, or was it a recipe for disaster?

Save

£3 a head

Garlic and rosemary roast lamb Crispy roast potatoes and carrots Pigs in blankets Sprouts Gravy Mint sauce *** Victoria Sponge Mince Pies *** Bucks Fizz Shopping List Half leg of lamb £7.97 Potatoes (the cheapest) 95p Everyday Value carrots 89p Sprouts £1.00 Pigs-in-blankets, on offer at £1.50 (half price) Everyday Value gravy Granules 20p Dried Rosemary 75p 1 lemon 30p Bulb of garlic 50p Everyday Value Mint Sauce 24p Everyday Value Victoria Sponge cake mix 22p

1 Egg 13p (it’s a box of 10 Value ones for £1.29) Everyday Value jam 29p Everyday Value butter 98p Icing sugar £1.29 Everyday Value mince pies 75p Bucks Fizz £1.99 Extras Oil Salt and pepper Mixed herbs Sugar Cake decorations/sweets My mission was to scour Tesco for the ultimate student Christmas dinner for 6, all for a grand total of £18. It’s the end of term and the overdraft limit is looming, but its Christmas, and we’re going to have a feast- even if it is on a budget!

First I thought, lets go traditional and get a turkey, but jeez those things are expensive! The pauper-student alternative is chicken, but if you’re only stretching the budget to around £3 per head, you are probably already well acquaint-

Spend £5 a head

Roast turkey Roast potatoes in goose fat Garlic roasted brussel sprouts and carrot Sticky bacon wrapped parsnips Sweet potato mash Christmas pudding with brandy butter or cream Shopping list Turkey (£12, Asda) 2 packets of Bacon (£1.60 for a pack of streaky, Asda) Goose fat (£2.20 for a 220g pot, Asda) Parsnips (70p a bag, Asda) Maris piper potatoes (£2.30 for a 2kg bag, Asda) Carrots (55p a bag, Asda) Brussel sprouts (Frozen ones, 75p, Asda) Garlic (30p each, Asda) Sweet potatoes (£1.44 for 1kg bag, Asda) Crème fraiche (Asda’s extra special is 85p)

Butter (250g Smartprice salted is 98p) Asda’s Christmas (85p each) Photo:Puddings Mike_fleming Flickr Brandy butter (£1, Morrisons) Double Cream (£1.68, 600ml, Asda) Extras Foil Sunflower Oil Rosemary Ketchup Mustard Honey This time of year is the biggest culprit for overspending, and with presents to buy and Christmas and New-Year parties just around the corner, the last thing anybody wants to do is overspend on Christmas dinner. A well-planned shop can enable everyone to eat well without breaking the bank. My challenge was to plan a Christmas din-

ed with the Everyday Value chicken range.

Christmas is a time for celebration, so what about roast lamb instead? It’s the kind of meal reserved for those luxurious visits back home, this mouldy student house won’t know what’s hit it.

I’m much more used to cooking 60p fish fingers than roast lamb. Its ok, Google directed me to the guru of tasty food, Jamie Oliver, and a recipe I could nick.

Firstly, crush up a couple of cloves of garlic Jamie suggests using a whole bulb of garlic, but as I don’t want to smell until the end of the week, I cut it down a bit. Mix the garlic with some rosemary, the zest of a lemon, salt, pepper and oil and spread it all on the meat before putting in the oven at 200 degrees.

Next, peel, chop and boil the potatoes. Sprinkle with salt and doused in oil, for about an hour in the oven. Cut the carrots into batons, season with mixed herbs and a pinch of sugar before roasting them. Boil the sprouts and pop the pigsin-blankets in the oven. Finally, whip us some gravy from the meat juice, veg water and gravy granules.

I was struggling to find a tasty pudding until I spotted Everyday Value cake mix for 22p! Although not as good as real home-made cake, it is actually pretty nice. I put jam in the middle and buttercream (50g butter mixed with 100g icing sugar) on top, then covered it in midget gems (Everyday Value ones of course).

Finally, lay the table, not forgetting the mint sauce and mince pies. If you could scrape together another 95p, get a box of crackers from Poundland. Serving 6 on such a tight budget is tough, but with some careful planning, it is totally possible to make a frugal feast for your friends to enjoy.

The whole Jamie Oliver recipe, without my penny saving alterations, is available at http://www. jamieoliver.com/recipes/lamb-recipes/bestroast-leg-of-lamb.

ner for 6 at a cost of only £5 a head. This entire feast came to £30.20, just 3p over budget per person, and should leave everyone happy and unable to eat again any time soon.

Something that I believe is important with Christmas dinner is having a wide selection of different foods and of course, being so stuffed by the end of dinner that all you want to do is chill out with the traditional Christmas TV in your new onesie. For this reason, I have chosen a lot of smart-priced products - the old debate of quality vs. quantity resurfaces, but this time quantity wins as cheap ingredients cooked well are still capable of making amazing food!

The centre-piece of any meal like this is definitely the turkey, and this takes a big chunk of the budget. At £12, ASDA ‘Chosen By You’ small frozen turkey will feed everyone well (it’s recommended to serve 6-8). A non-frozen turkey is far out of the price range of this budget, so this will have to do – it turns out turkeys are expensive!

Hoping that a drunken housemate does not have any hilarious ideas, leave this on the kitchen table overnight to defrost.

This 3.6 kg turkey will take three hours to roast.

First pre-heat the oven to 180ºC and remove the giblets (just inside the body cavity). Don’t worry, this is the worst job over! Spread butter over the turkey (use around half a pack) and lay a pack of streaky bacon over the top. Wrap the turkey in two large bits of foil, so that it is tightly sealed, but with air still able to circulate within the foil.

Cook at this temperature for 2.5 hours, remove the foil and cook at 200ºC for half an hour. Cover it loosely with foil and allow to stand for half an hour. Or if you’re really hungry and you were overeager preparing the other things, you can skip this part! Just make sure that the middle of the turkey is not pink (stab with a knife and if the juice is clear, then you’re ok to eat it).

The next thing to go in the oven will be the potatoes. Christmas potatoes are definitely best roasted in goose fat - you can use normal white

Top tips for the penny-pincher’s perfect Christmas dinner 1. Unlike me, be bothered to go to Granger Market, its much cheaper for veg and meat than the supermarkets.

2. Check the clearance section for food nearing its sell by date 3. Buy from the ‘value’ range, especially for things like veg which will taste exactly the same as more expensive varieties.

Danielle Crispin

potatoes but for the best results I recommend Maris Pipers. To start: peel and boil these for 10 minutes. Place 180g of goose fat in the oven tray and place in the oven for 5 minutes. Tip the potatoes in and make sure that they are coated in the fat (careful, it’ll be hot!). Sprinkle with salt, pepper and chopped rosemary and roast for an hour.

Prepare the carrots and Brussels in the normal way- peel discoloured leaves off and cut a cross in the top of each sprout and peel and quarter lengthways each carrot. Peel and crush cloves of garlic with a knife and put all these into a baking tray. Cover liberally with olive oil and put in the oven for 30 minutes as you remove the turkey. A small student oven can totally handle all of this cooking!

For a break from tradition, why not try ‘sticky bacon-wrapped parsnips’? Boil the parsnips in lightly salted water for 5 minutes, drain and allow to cool. Wrap a rasher of bacon around each parsnip. Mix 3tbsp ketchup, 1tbsp mustard, 1 tbsp honey and 2 tbsp sunflower oil together in a bowl and brush this mixture over the baconwrapped parsnips and roast for 25 minutes.

Despite the fact that we already have traditional roast potatoes, I also recommended luxury sweet potato mash. It is a delicious extra and very wintery. A 1kg bag of sweet potatoes only costs £1.44 and you will need about ¾ of this, roughly diced and boiled for 15 mins. Melt 40g of butter in a separate pan and fry 2 tsps of cumin seeds in this.

Mash this and 4 tbsp of creme fraiche into the cooked potato and serve.

You can’t have a Christmas dinner without the all-important Christmas pudding! For this I chose to buy two ASDA smart-price Christmas puddings. Simply follow the instructions on the box to microwave. Serve this with some brandy butter and/or some double cream. Simple yet sensational!

Cathy Bundy

The Courier

winterextravaganza.3

Monday 10 December 2012

Splurge £10 a head

Peppered roast beef Bacon and butter cabbage Goosefat roast potatoes Butter roasted parsnips and carrots Mashed carrots and rutabaga Steamed runnerbeans, peas and sweetcorn Shopping List 3 quality ribs of beef (£35, Grainger Market) 1lb carrots (£2, Grainger Market) 0.5 kg parsnips (£1, Grainger Market) 0.5 kg rutabaga/swede (£1, Grainger Market) 1kg potatoes (70p, Grainger Market) 1 Savoy Cabbage (75p Grainger Market) 250g runner beans (£1 Grainger Market) Peas and Sweetcorn (£1 for frozen bag, tesco) Horseradish (£1, Asda) Gravy (£1, Asda) Bacon (£1.60 for a pack, Asda) Goosefat (£2.20, Asda) Butter (85p, Asda) 24 cans of Budweiser (£12, Asda) So, it’s December, which means it’s actually nearly Christmas. If your local supermarket is

presumptuously assuming that you have a tenner, and you have five friends who also have tenners.

Apologies in advance to our vast global readership, but Grainger Market has to be your first port of call. Here the veg is cheap, fresh and sold with the cherry on top that is student discount.

So a suitably strong back pack and get ready to fill it.

(N.B.: You will not need to buy cauliflower as it is not traditional, however, if you are willing to fork out an extra 50p - £1 you may purchase a cauliflower and a block of cheese to melt upon it; this doesn’t constitute blasphemy).

Now, if you really are sick of turkey and desire a truly alternative meat you will need to purchase a pig’s head while at the market. To prepare this correctly you will need to shove a braeburn in its mouth before covering it in treacle, setting it on fire and burying it for a fortnight – because Heston Blumenthal says so.

Alternatively, why not be less alternative and afford yourself a delicious meat you haven’t had all term. Three high quality ribs of beef can be purchased and will provide sufficient cow for sandwiches the next day.

Whatever you can’t find at the magical Aladdin’s cave that is Grainger Market can be brought to you by the three wise of Asda who have the whole sensational supermarket at their finger tips.

(N.B.: mulled wine isn’t on the shopping list

because it isn’t that nice. The same rule applies to sprouts. Besides, Bud is traditional).

If you are cooking as a group designate superfluous veg such as runner beans, broccoli, peas and corn to your most inept teammate; these simply need steaming until appropriately soft.

The Savoy cabbage and a few rashers of bacon should be chopped into strips and placed in a pan with just a couple of tablespoons of water, before being cooked with the lid on for five minutes, shaking at intervals. Meanwhile, hours prior to this, your chunk of bovine will have been peppered with pepper and introduced to a heat of 220 degrees for 25 minutes, before being left to sizzle for a further 3 hours at 170 degrees – a period during which your chin/neck shall become damp with saliva. In order to nail the allimportant roast tatties you will need to parboil them for 8 minutes while simultaneously allowing a dollop of lard/goose fat to melt in a pan.

Once boiled, brush with the melted fattiness and roast for 1 hour at 200 degrees. As for the carrots and parsnips, parboil for half the time and roast in butter for 45 minutes. The remaining carrots should be steamed with the rutabaga, before adding butter, cream, black pepper and mashing it to smithereens.

Make sure to serve piping hot and slightly tipsy. Oh and here’s the number for Desserts Delivered – 0191 276 1375. I can’t do puddings.

Jake Massey

to be believed then it has nearly been Christmas since September, when they replaced their disposable barbeques with advent calendars and tinsel. This is in no way emblematic of Christmas’s evolution into a drawn out capitalist celebration of consumerism; Tesco do this because they believe it is what Jesus would have wanted (his Dad actually invented tinsel).

Yet, while it may be less traumatic slaughtering a ball-necked turkey than a doe-eyed cow, the former is hardly the most delicious meat; it’s a division two poultry at best. Thankfully we are no longer obliged to ‘sleigh’ our Christmas dinner, and I have been tasked with suggesting an alternative festive meat. Yet, I feel it is unfair to exclude our veggie readership, for whom I have the following advice: adhere to the guidance provided for omnivores before spending your meat savings on more potatoes (they’re probably the best bit other than the meat) or on more alcohol (to help you forget about the fact you’re a vegetarian).

So, if you just can’t wait for Christ our Saviour’s birthday itself and you wish to have an alternative student feast to celebrate, here’s what to do,

Spud Wars: The Eternal Struggle

Photos: E

Which is the right potato for a Christmas dinner? Tom Nicholson defends the classic roast, while Jack Gelsthorpe suggests a left-field alternative: mash

“Roast has the most to boast; yours will toast other hosts’ coast-to-coast” Frankly, it’s absolutely absurd that we’re even having this argument. Roast potatoes are the only choice for Christmas dinner. What kind of awful wrong ‘un could even contemplate an alternative?

Sure, a good mash is a noble thing, but it tastes like freeze-dried arse-flakes compared to the majesty of a well-roasted potato. For starters, there’s so much variation available: you can play it safe and roast with vegetable oil, go traditional with dripping or lard, or branch out into more exotic herbs and spices. Some people like goose fat – hey, this is the twenty-first century after all, people should

be able to live their lives however they see fit – but this feels rather like gilding the lily. Another plus is that it’s very hard to make bad roast potatoes, so even if you have to suffer great-aunt Ethel’s Sahara-dry turkey and ill-advised foray into cauliflower (definitely not a traditional Christmas vegetable, don’t listen to her) you can always rely on the roast spuds as a bastion of elegance and taste.

Compare this to the omnipresent danger of raw potato lumps sneaking into mash like a carbohydrate-based Banquo haunting the feast. I’ve been at Sunday roasts where the afternoon has passed in silence, such was the level of anxiety over raw potato lumps in the mash. I don’t know about you, but an atmosphere of terror is not on my list of things which make a great Christmas. Do yourself a favour (and, indeed, a flavour) and stick with roasties – they’re the height of good taste.

Tom Nicholson

“Mashed potato? More like mashed po-great-o!”

Let’s face it, everybody loves mashed potato; those who deny the creamy and mushy potato goodness and claim this form as ‘childish’ and ‘immature’ are just kidding themselves. Sure, roast potatoes when done well are great; but most of the time students absolutely massacre them by burning them or undercooking them leaving them either hard as granite or as soggy as your favourite polo shirt after a couple of hours in CCTV. You cannot get mashed potato wrong. It is creamy, easy to prepare, and more importantly it fills you up. You can accessorise (yes I do mean accessorise) mashed potato with peppercorns, or leeks, or even bacon. The world really is your oyster with this choice of potato. However the best way to serve it with a Christmas dinner is just to pour gallons of gravy over it and tuck right in. It is not ridiculously pretentious like dauphinoise, nor is it just plain boring like new potatoes. It complements Christmas dinner perfectly and warms you

up as you enjoy your meal with your flatmates, forgetting completely of the chill winds outside.

All I want for Christmas is mashed potato.

Jack Gelsthorpe

4.winterspecial Moneyless mixology No loan left for proper shakers, strainers or those long spoons?

Never fear, your cocktail party can still be a hit with a little creative thinking Whoever came up with the phrase ‘Don’t mix your drinks’ was clearly unenlightened in the noble and delicate art of cocktailry. However, with proper cocktail mixing sets costing anything up to £10 (THAT’S TEN WHOLE POUNDS) and decent-ish standard of booze is the priority, cheapskate alternatives to so-called ‘professional’ apparatus have to be found.

Sieves make a great replacement for a strainer when it comes to the shifting of the delicious nectar from shaker to glass/to mug/directly into face.

If you’ve no sieve, ask a friend to cup their hands and pour your drink into the well. The ice will be separated from the precious alcohol, and you’ll have formed a lifelong bond with your chosen partner.

Your first choice for an alternative shaker should be a plastic sports bottle, specifically the kind you can get for free. I’ve got an 18 inch-long Newcastle Falcons-branded one from the Freshers’ Fair, which is particularly useful if, like me, you have a friend who might come round to your house demanding an Alabama Slammer. Or you could just make yourself a litre and a half of cocktail, it’s your choice. If you can’t find a sports bottle, you could always just scout around local building sites for a cement mixer to liberate. The nuggets of dried cement really do give a certain je ne sais quoi,, and add vital roughage to one’s diet. Goats have eaten stones in order to help grind up food in their stomachs for centuries. Who are we to dispute their wisdom? By ridiculing their traditions you’re basically being racist against goats. While you’re on the building site, you might think about taking a cordless power drill too. Tape a spoon to the drill bit and you’ve got yourself one mighty mixing weapon. Conservative estimates by the Home Office say a POWER MIXER (capitalisation is a must) can mix at over sixteen horsepower, though quite why anyone would trust horses to mix them a drink is beyond me. Besides that, even one horse is going to make a terrible mess, never mind sixteen of them.

More serious mixologists might demand more exact results than the methods outlined above are capable of. With that in mind, you might think about peer pressuring any scientifically-inclined friends into commandeering a centrifuge. It’s how Einstein used to rustle up his legendary mojitos.

The washing machine in my house is so wobbly it sounds like it’s about to take off. I’m sure the good people at Whirlpool didn’t intend for their baby to be used this way, but putting a tumbler of drink on the top of it does ensure a good mix. If you’re feeling devil-may-care you could put your drink in the washing machine itself and whack it on spin, but don’t come crying to me when you’re picking shards of glass from your larynx.

If the worst comes to the worst, you can always just mix your drinks by popping the ingredients into your mouth and shaking your head around until the desired level of mixing has been reached.

This method has the advantage of giving you real-time updates on the status of your cocktail, though NHS Direct suggests keeping a neck brace on standby at all times. Still, it’s a very ancient and traditional North-Eastern way of doing things: legend has it that this technique was invented in the Dark Ages by King Gazza, who stopped an attack on Gallowgate by challenging a rival clan leader to a showdown in the dentist’s chair. Incapacitated, Gazza’s rival could not effectively marshal his forces and attempted to launch an offensive on a bull grazing on the Town Moor. Needless to say, he was horribly gored and died soon after. Happy Christmas everybody!

Tom Nicholson

Monday 10 December 2012

The Courier

Cocktails:We mix you a Merry Christmas

Fancy something a bit more refined than a treble this Yuletide?

Chris Taylor will teach you how to shake up a storm Christmas Eve: Hot Toddy As we’re bombarded with snow and ice, there’s nothing better than snuggling up under your duvet with a Christmas film of your choice (if it doesn’t feature ninja Santas, you’re just wrong though) and a nice warm drink. So why not make it a bit alcoholic at the same time?

The hot toddy is a drink that has been around for years, apparently brought over to Scotland through the East India Company. A mix of alcohol and spices with a bit of lemon juice it was, for a long time, considered a suitable cold/ flu cure but is now just a pretty tasty nightcap.

As you wait for Santa to finish his rounds like a much more reliable postman, a hot toddy is a

perfect Christmas Eve drink. Stupidly easy to make, you can knock up a couple of glasses in just a few minutes.

Ingredients: 150ml whisky 200ml water 1 tablespoon of runny honey 1 lemon, zest and juice 1 teaspoon of ground cinnamon 8 cloves • Place all the above ingredients into a small pan and stir until simmering and your kitchen

smells a bit spicy and wintery.

• If you’re a bit more extravagant and have any cinnamon sticks, pop them in the pan as the drink starts to simmer a bit.

• Pour all resulting concoction into a few mugs and add the cinnamon sticks.

• Sit down with your flatmates and just watch Jingle All The Way at least five times in a row.

Christmas morning: Let It Snow If you want to class up your Christmas party, why not serve your guests this cocktail? Easy to make, it can instantly turn your party from a National Lampoon failure to something from a James Bond film, minus the espionage and constant threats of terrorism while you’re trying drink. Served in a martini glass with a little candy cane garnish, it’s minty and it’s vodka-y (a proper technical term) with a little bit of lemon. It takes a bit more effort than the other

cocktails, since it involves a bit of muddling.

That doesn’t involve you throwing your cocktail shaker about in the mud for a little bit, you just need to use the back of a heavy spoon to smash the mint leaves up a bit to release a more minty flavour. Luckily, it is probably the cheapest to make since nearly everyone has some vodka and lemonade in their house and a pack of fresh mint leaves is really cheap in supermarkets. Looks really nice and is pretty cheap; worth the extra effort I’d say!

Ingredients: 50ml Vodka 5 fresh mint leaves Ice cubes Lemonade Tiny mint candy canes for garnish

Pre-Christmas Dinner: Santa Baby

Be it your flat Christmas dinner or your family Christmas dinner, this cocktail is perfect as a little fun cocktail before you tuck into your £10 Aldi dinner or one that your mum prepared where the turkey probably cost more than your entire flat dinner did. Suitable for adults and kids (just replace the vodka with a bit more juice because you’re responsible), it looks a bit like Santa’s hat which is always nice for a bit novelty when you’re fed up of yet another glass of some plonk from the corner shop. The mix of cranberry and orange juice keeps it both fruity and a bit festive while the vodka helps

to make listening to your uncle’s re-telling of his venture into the world of banking for the fourth time or the screaming cousins being little terrors go down a little bit easier.

Ingredients: 25ml Vodka 50ml cranberry juice 25ml orange juice Ice cubes Granulated sugar to rim the glass

• Pour your vodka into the cocktail shaker (with a strainer so you don’t get stray mint leave bits in the drink) and add your mint leaves.

• Muddle your mint leaves with the back of a spoon to bash the minty flavours out to make it all Polo like.

• Fill the rest of the shaker with ice cubes, pop the lid of the shaker on (making sure it’s on properly so drink doesn’t just fly everywhere) and shake it like a Polaroid picture (hurray for way out-dated musical references).

• Strain it into your cocktail glass and top it up with your lemonade and pop your candy cane in the glass as garnish.

then the plate of granulated sugar to make the edge of your glass look like the fluffy bit of Santa’s hat.

• Pour the vodka, cranberry juice and orange juice into your cocktail shaker and fill it up with ice cubes.

• Shake hard and strain it into your proper fancy decorated cocktail glass.

• Dip the rim of your cocktail glass into water,

Boxing Day morning: Bloody Mary Christmas Boxing Day. You drank too much. Your Nan drank too much. Your little cousins have worn themselves out by running around the house on a chocolate coin sugar high. Your head probably feels like it’s been cracked open. That boozy Christmas pudding probably didn’t help your case either. Whilst Bloody Marys probably don’t alleviate hangovers as is commonly suggested, there’s nothing quite like the hair of the dog with a few dashes of

cupboard essentials (at least if you really really love cheese on toast) and tomato juice (which barely anyone has in their cupboard but is not that expensive). With a huge celery stalk left over from the Christmas buffet because, when you have breadsticks as well, celery gets overlooked like Pippa Middleton next to Kate, you have yourself an impromptu stirring implement and, with a post-Christmas nap, you’ll be right as rain in no time.

Ingredients: 50ml vodka ½ lemon for juice 6 dashes of Worcestershire sauce 3 dashes of Tabasco sauce 150ml tomato juice

Ice cubes Salt and black pepper • Place the ice cubes in a tall glass and add the vodka.

• Add the lemon juice, Worcestershire sauce, Tabasco sauce and tomato juice. Stir well.

• Add salt and pepper to taste and drink that right up to ease that nasty nasty hangover.

The Courier

winterspecial.5

Monday 10 December 2012

Countdown: The top albums of 2012 Our writers give their verdict on the ten best records bestowed on us in the past 12 months in a revolutionary list format (© The Courier. Our lawyers are watching very closely) The Maccabees 10 Given To The Wild

9

Jessie Ware

Devotion

8

Celebration Rock

Lamar 7 KendrickGood Kid,

Japandroids

M.A.A.D City

Released in January, The Maccabees ensured 2012 got off to a great start with this corker. The Mercury-nominated Given To The Wild saw the five-piece take a more mature approach following their critically successful 2009 effort Wall of Arms. Gone are the commercial tracks that heralded their arrival on the British indie music scene back in 2007. Instead, they are replaced by gentle, soothing numbers such as ‘Child’ and ‘Forever I’ve Known’ that epitomise the dreamy feel surrounding the record. Lead single ‘Pelican,’ with its punchy riff and powerful vocals, is perhaps the track most reminiscent of their former selves.

It’s nice to be reminded of what they once were, however it’s even more pleasing to see the band moving in a new direction. Orlando Weeks and co have created a masterpiece that is richly deserving of its place in this top ten.

Jessie Ware has had an amazing year; Devotion was shortlisted for the Mercury Prize and earlier this year peaked at number 5 in the charts. It is nothing short of a breakthrough, a mix of her classy and effortless singing with a subtle dance undertone. She is the textbook female artist that we’ve had a surge of in the last few years, and she has that vintage voice full of raw emotion that has been combined with contemporary music. The album itself is a romantic declaration of, yep, you guessed it, devotion. You could easily dismiss it as dreary musings or pick it apart and declare it a work of art, but none of this is relevant. The best route to take is to listen to the soft lullaby tones and appreciate her voice and her craft for what it is: a beautifully romantic album, which is liberal and slightly pretentious, yet timeless.

At 35 minutes long and with only eight songs, Celebration Rock feels like an unusual addition to an end of year list, but there’s something here that make those 35 minutes a true rollercoaster ride. It’s the equivalent of a really good party; it starts off loud and it shows no sign of letting up until someone files a noise complaint and shuts it down. Its predecessor, Post-Nothing, felt a little bit disjointed and often hard to get into; there was the underlying energy but it was never really tapped. Celebration Rock uses that energy and taps it until the tree is dry, focusing on the trials and tribulations of the teenage wasteland. The Hold Steady and Springsteen influences are very prominent, with shouty group vocals galore. This album sees the true Japandroids come out to play, and they’re not going back in the box until everything is smashed up.

The city of Compton, to which the album title refers has long been something of a hip hop hotbed, producing rappers who have helped shaped the genre itself. Kendrick Lamar’s debut has proved that he is no exception. With a flow and cadence reminiscent of the great rap storytellers, he gives an unpretentious and brutally honest biographical account of his formative years in the city. The downbeat production, courtesy of a number of hip hop’s finest producers including Pharrell Williams, is the perfect backdrop for Lamar’s tempered delivery. The album features a small number of high-profile artists, including Drake and Compton’s own Dr. Dre, who add another layer to an already complex and accomplished album. The follow-up to 2011’s Section .80 is a fresh take on classic themes, and cements Lamar’s position as the new ‘Compton’s Finest’.

Matty Aston

Eve McGeady

Chris Taylor

Lewis Lister

6

Ill Manors

Normally film scores are the domain of large orchestras and composers, but Plan B changed this with his album Ill Manors, the soundtrack to his own urban drama of the same name.

The album shows the talent of Ben Drew in his writing and composition, with tracks like the soulful ‘Deepest Shame’ sounding at times like poetry, and the dark themes spelt out in the lyrics of the record tie in with the gritty nature of the film.

There are still big grime/rap tunes, more like the Plan B of old, for example the title track ‘Ill Manors’ which, though obviously a big single, brilliantly critiques the state of modern British society.

The album stands well on its own, and while not being a second Defamation of Strickland Banks, goes far in highlighting Plan B’s ability to write a concept record and his position at the forefront of British musical talent.

Tim Sewell

2

5

Plan B

Alt-J (∆) An Awesome Wave

Alt-J’s debut album An Awesome Wave is suitably named. It hit the music world with a sudden and unforeseen rush, taking everyone by surprise. With the band winning this year’s Mercury Prize, this rising tide seems never-ending.

The key to their debut album’s success is variety. Touching on folk themes, with sections reminiscent of The Maccabees and Bombay Bicycle Club, warbling falsetto vocals and nonsensical lyrics, each track presents a different idea.

‘Bloodflood’ provides a smooth comforting swell of sound in its last moments that both invigorates and calms the listener, whilst their most famous track, ‘Tessellate’, throws you between harsh tinny piano chords and delicate guitar lines.

The band’s immediate triumph is undeniable, but will it last? Or are they, as Brian Ferry stated, ‘one step away from the dole queue’? Only time will tell, but for now they’ll continue to ride their wave of triumph.

Charlie Dearnley

Chairlift

Something

The titular Something of Chairlift’s second album could just refer to vocalist Caroline Polachek. Few can so effortlessly segue from such venomously delivered lyrics as ‘the bones in your body are in way too few pieces for me’ to a syrupy ‘when I’m melting into you’ in the space of a track skip. Rarely are her vocals without a knowing quirkiness that pervades almost every track on the album.

This self conscious near-wackiness is what keeps Something just out of reach of definition – yeah, it’s technically synthpop, but it’s somewhere on the edge of mainstream pop and a more hipster-friendly new wave electro.

Love Song of the Year arrives in ‘I Belong in Your Arms’ – soaring, gushing synth that somehow manages to actually replicate the sound of being in love. ‘Amanaemonesia’ is excellently crafted pop, right down to its surreal, witchy lyrics – a nod to the roots of a band who started out ‘writing music for haunted houses’. Magic.

1

4

Django Django

Django Django

Hot Chip In Our Heads

The critically-acclaimed debut album from Django Django is like a Beach Boys album transported into the 21st century with a bit of early-indie thrown in. Mix the mind-melting harmonies with electronica-inspired backbeats and you’ll have an ultra-updated ‘60s-esque LP that’ll be in your head for days.

From the outset, mouth-watering riffs transport you into the psychedelic world of the Scottish quartet, and the entire thing is undeniably unpredictable.

The songs blend seamlessly together, from the uplifting ‘Hail Bop’ melting into to the fast-paced ‘Default’; it’s incredibly hard to see any weak-links in this strong chain of tracks. Taking every influence at their disposal, they’ve meshed it together to create something new and fresh whilst maintaining that retro sound that makes it so zealous. Django Django is an ambitious album, to say the least, and the two years it’s taken to write it has been well worth the wait. The top 10 spot is well deserved.

Hot Chip’s fifth LP In Our Heads sees the band stick to the formula that has made them one of the UK’s most established pop acts. Colourful and bouncy synths, guitars and rhythms combine with an emphasis on hooks, dance beats and enticing grooves. Though not a departure from Hot Chip’s trademark sound, In Our Heads is an aesthetically varied album; R&B slow-jams sit comfortably alongside house influenced dance-pop, disco, synth and electronica numbers.

These songs are unified by their quirky, indie sensibilities as well as Hot Chip’s instantly recognisable personality. The songwriting is simple but effective; the band eschews complexity in favour of an overriding sense of fun. It’s innocent, heartfelt music that is sweet and uplifting. Whilst Hot Chip can be described as ‘safe’, one cannot overlook the art with which they consistently create music that is tasteful, knowing and unashamedly poppy.

Beth Durant

Mike Slaski

Lydia Carroll

Frank Ocean Channel Orange

To understand Channel Orange you must first understand Frank Ocean, though the album stands on its own as a fantastic representation of the musings of a man coming to terms with not only love but also his sexuality. The album’s release was preceded by a ‘coming out letter’, which takes a romantic album and opens its content up, making it heart wrenchingly honest. ‘Sleep I would often share with him’, he wrote. ‘By the time I realized I was in love, it was malignant. It was hopeless’.

Channel Orange draws on a range of influences and has been described as neo-soul and R&B, it shows a clear transition from his previous writing on his previous effort Nostalgia, Ultra. The writing is based upon his ‘gloriously painful love-life’ and relates not only past experiences but encounters dreamt up

by Ocean. ‘Thinkin Bout You’ is clearly about the former and it sets the scene for the love-lost landscape conjured up as Ocean lets you under his skin.

The mid-tempo beat and stripped down instrumentation recurrent throughout the record is the perfect setting for Ocean to bare his soul as his voice gives weight to

3

already intelligent lyrics. ‘Sweet Life’ is a standout track; the bass has a groove reminiscent of Marvin Gaye or Solomon Burke, with nothing more than vocal harmonies and his powerful voice carrying the melody. This simplicity makes room for Ocean’s descriptive lyrics and the freedom felt in the song is melodically and lyrically apparent: ‘So why see the world, when you got the beach’.

‘Super Rich Kids’ features Earl Sweatshirt, Ocean’s fellow Odd Future Wolf Gang Kill Them All alumnus. The song is a reflection on the rich suburban lifestyle, which is a common theme for OFWGKTA, and appears deeply personal as Ocean states that, rather than the lifestyle, all he wants is real love.

The albums real strength is that it can be played start to finish and enjoyed as an album rather than a collection of singles with filler tracks.

Songs such as ‘Pink Matter’ can easily stand alongside lead single ‘Pyramids’. A modern classic.

Max Palmer-Geaves

6.winterspecial

Monday 10 December 2012

The Courier

Countdown: The top 10 films of 2012 From Bond to Batman, The Master to Moonrise Kingdom, it’s been a brilliantly diverse year for cinema. Arthouse concepts infiltrated the mainstream, Joseph Gordon-Levitt semi-morphed into Bruce Willis and Channing Tatum found his true calling as a surprisingly likeable (but still thick-necked) comedian. Here are the film writers’ top 10 cinematic releases of the year

10

Looper

From writer and director Rian Johnson, scifi action flick Looper gained critical acclaim and has drawn comparisons with films such as The Matrix and Blade Runner. Looper is set in the year 2074 when time travel, although outlawed, is used by criminal organisations to send targets into the past where they are killed by “loopers”. Joe (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) comes face to face with himself as his older self (Bruce Willis) is sent back in time to me killed in order to “close the loop”. The more you reflect on this film, the more time travel related plot holes you can find, however, the film moves at such a pace and is made with such vivacity that you just go with it. With Bruce Willis at his best and solid performances all round, Looper is a thoroughly entertaining rip-roaring action romp and earns its place as one of the best films of the year.

Tom Chapman

6

Alex Morgan

2

Lawless

Lawless tells the true story of the Bondurant brothers, three Bootleggers in prohibition-era Virginia, who run a successful business brewing Moonshine and driving it across the border by car. Tom Hardy plays elder brother, Forrest, with effortless cool, his brooding demeanour perfectly offset by cocky younger brother Jack (Shia Leboeuf), who accidentally reveals their secret distillery to detectives whilst showing it off to love interest Bertha. The film also features excellent performances from Gary Oldman and a perfectly-cast Guy Pearce.

Jessica Chastain is also phenomenal really cementing her position as woman of the moment. The screenplay and original soundtrack both come from the incredibly talented Nick Cave, who provided his own take on the music of the era. Lawless is not your average prohibitionera period drama - it has enough violent fight scenes to satiate even the most sadistic movie-goer, but enough romance and backstory to offset it.

Lewis Lister

21 Jump Street

5

The Dark Knight Rises

One of the many comedies released in 2012, 21 Jump Street manages to stand out from the crowd with its genuine humour and style; traits which most comedies nowadays severely lack. Of course, comedy is one of the most subjective genres but this film has a wide-ranging thanks to top performances

by Jonah Hill, Channing Tatum and even Ice Cube, as well as plenty of smart and witty jokes thrown in. The story holds well and sets up many humorous situations as perennial underachievers and cop buddies Jenko (Tatum) and Schmidt (Hill) head back to school to take down a drugs ring. However, being back at school leads on to some comical consequences, particularly when Jenko and Schmidt try the drug themselves. Competing with Ted for the crown of ‘funniest comedy of 2012’, this film is wild, outrageous and utterly hilarious!

Jacob Crompton-Schreiber

The Hunger Games

The Hunger Games was always going to a big film, but surprised many people in just how good it was.

Based on the young adult novel by Suzanne Collins, the story is set in a dystopian future where six outlying districts are each forced to place two teenagers in a horrific battle to the last one standing. When Katniss Everdeen’s sister is chosen, Katniss (Jennifer Lawrence) immediately volunteers in her place, and along with the wealthier Peeta Mellark (Josh Hutcherson) are sent to fight. Lawrence and Hutcherson are excellent, with their relationship developing beautifully and heartbreakingly, but the minor cast members are also strong, doing a lot with very little screen time. Although rated a 12A, this film still does not shy away from violence, leading to incredibly tense and heart racing scenes, culminating in a breathtaking finale, well earning its place in a top ten list for 2012.

9

8

Argo

4

Moonrise Kingdom

Ben Affleck’s latest directorial effort, Argo, is worthy of a place on any list of top films of 2012. After the plaudits that Gone Baby Gone and The Town received, the pressure was on. However, Affleck delivered; Argo is a genuine thriller managing to be gripping and tense throughout. A bearded Ben Affleck is as comfortable acting as he is directing and pulls off the throwback to the ‘70s perfectly, down to the last governmental suit.

Based on the true story of the 1980 CIA-led operation to rescue six Americans out of revolutionary Iran, the dramatization is slick and works well even if you know what happens. The film doesn’t over-complicate things and boasts a fantastic supporting cast, including Alan Arkin and Bryan Cranston. The ending in particular sets hearts racing and keeps you at the edge of your seat. This real film, about a fake film, is as dramatic as they come.

Jacob Crompton-Schreiber

Few films have had to deal with a level of public anticipation like The Dark Knight Rises.

Following up two of the most critically and commercial successful superhero films ever made, and dealing with mid-series disasters like Heath Ledger’s death, would a near-impossible task for anyone. Luckily, Christopher Nolan can handle that sort of thing. Rises combined the themes and styles from both Batman Begins and The Dark Knight, and ramped up every possible variable; the visual scale of the action scenes, the number of individual plot points, the impossible amount of disaster and misery brought upon Gotham. The result was three hour film that never seemed to drag, which makes it easier to overlook its more implausible moments. Most big budget, trilogyending summer blockbusters wouldn’t get away with being anywhere near as over-the-top as The Dark Knight Rises, but somehow, everything worked. Great cinematic trilogies are rare, but this completed the set.

Becca Price

Wes Anderson’s charming comedy-drama Moonrise Kingdom was always an outsider, but like so many of his now cult-classics, it received critical acclaim and won the hearts of viewers. The story follows 12 year-old misfit Sam Shakusky as he plots his escape from ‘Khaki Scout’ summer camp on an idyllic New England Island with his lover, Suzy Bishop. The New England countryside provides the perfect hazy backdrop for a summer of scouting, while Benjamin Britten’s score (featuring music from the production of ‘Noah’s Fludde’ at which Sam and Suzy first met) provides continuity. This culminates in a final scene where the two protagonists are apprehended on a church steeple during a violent hurricane reminiscent of the flood itself. Jared Gilman (Sam Shukosky) completely steals the show, which is no mean feat given that Edward Norton, Bill Murray and Bruce Willis all play sublime supporting roles. A must-see, this was easily the most charming and loveable film of 2012.

Lewis Lister

Skyfall was the film Bond fans had been waiting for.

Whilst it could be argued that Casino Royale and Quantum of Solace were lacking in personality, Skyfall was pure Bond and made up for in spades. Daniel Craig’s third attempt as James Bond finally saw him nail that smug glint in his eye that had been so badly missing of late.

This was just one of so many ways that Skyfall seamlessly fused with the old the new. We saw the return of countless Bond staples: the DB5, a camp, outlandish villain (played superbly by the brilliant Javier Bardem), knowingly awful one-liners and witty exchanges with Q (Ben Whishaw is also brilliant). All these throwbacks, and yet the film is at once sleek and stylish: this really is an accomplishment.

And yet this was still an ideas-driven Bond, which for all its spectacular action-sequences, exotic locations and slightly dodgy CGI komodo dragons also had a thoughtprovoking head on its shoulders, elevating it above simple adrenaline-junkie fare. Bringing things closer to home, Skyfall felt thoroughly British and made for a

much more personal adventure, placing much of the focus on the little-explored relationship between Bond and M. Judi Dench delivers a fantastic performance, particularly towards the film’s conclusion as the tension and emotion ramps up.

So much of the film felt especially memorable - from the stunning opening action sequence (it’s a shooutout!

It’s a bike chase! It’s a digger-on-a-train chase!), to the globe-hopping segment, and then on to a pleasingly oldschool back-to-basics conclusion in rural Scotland. As well as melding current Bond with its extensive heritage, Skyfall simply brought together everything a fan could want, while still being extremely entertaining viewing for those who might have somehow never managed to see a 007 film before.

With Sam Mendes (American Beauty, Road to Perdition) on board as director, this was always going to be a very interesting take on Bond. He pitches it perfectly, deftly combining his slightly more arthouse instincts with the thrills that audiences have rightly come to expect from the franchise. It also made for one of the bestlooking Bond movies ever, with gorgeous cinematography and a stunningly animated credit sequence. Oh, and of course there’s THAT Adele theme - a pure Shirley Bassey-esque diva ballad, a nice switch-up after the rockier Chris Cornell and Jack White/Alicia Keys themes.

This is a Bond film for Bond fans. It ties up loose ends created by the previous two films and leaves the viewer gagging for future instalments.

Lewis Lister and Ben Travis

1

Skyfall

7

The Cabin In The Woods

Sometimes you find something isn’t what you anticipated. It’s called ‘the Zebra effect’ - something you thought you understood, but turns out to be the opposite. That’s the reaction evoked upon the release of soon-to-beclassic The Cabin in the Woods. When you have the genius behind cult dialogue of the ‘90s Joss Whedon penning the script and master of mystery Drew Goddard directing, you get a game-changer. The Cabin in the Woods is not just one of the best films of the year, but also of the last decade. Goddard and Whedon take everything they love about the horror genre and spin it on its head, adhering to the conventional patterns of scary films but in a self-aware ironic way. To explain the actual plot would be a spoiler, so do yourself a favour and simply see it. A masterful monster mash-up of screams and laughter - The Cabin in the Woods is a real winner.

Luke Hearfield

3

The Avengers

The Avengers was long in the making, with several prequels building up to it.

Directed by Joss Whedon, and with a cast including Robert Downey Jnr, Scarlett Johansson, Jeremy Renner, Chris Hemsworth and Mark Ruffalo, it more than delivered on the hype, becoming the third highest grossing film to date. The story is somewhat silly, involving recovering the Tesseract (a device for endless energy) back from Loki, played by Tom Hiddleston as a very enigmatic and complex villain. However, the script is hilarious, with fast-paced humour, even faster action sequences, and space allowed for moments of real depth and sadness. Given the size of the main cast, it is amazing that each character had their own story arc, without the film feeling rushed. The Avengers genuinely fulfills the cliché of being a rollercoaster ride, and it is lovely seeing Joss Whedon finally getting the mainstream acknowledgement he deserves.

Alex Morgan

The Courier

winterspecial.7

Monday 10 December 2012

Top 5 Books of 2012 Top 5 TV moments

If you’re still in need of a Christmas present or simply want to As the ‘golden age’ of TV continues, TV Editor Chris Taylor take a break from course reading, Milli Atkinson’s selection takes a look at five of the most striking moments to hit the of this year’s top reads will not disappoint you small screen in the UK and across the pond in 2012

The hilarious one

Game of Thrones - ‘Blackwater’

The Teleportation Accident by Ned Beauman

Blackwater, the second season of Game of Thrones’ penultimate episode, is the definition of an ambitious episode. Penned by George R. R. Martin himself, the author of the books the show is based on, he found difficulty in cutting down the actual battle of Blackwater to fit a TV budget. It’s a six chapter long battle that takes part on both land and sea which needed to be cut down to an hour. With fleet upon fleet of ships, a huge army and a lot of explosions, most other screenwriters would sniff at it, but Martin took the mantra to “Put it in. You can always take it out later if you can’t afford to do it. But if you don’t put it in to begin with, then it’ll never be in.” The result is one of the most visually spectacular episodes of 2012. A true emotional rollercoaster.

Ned Beauman’s The Teleportation Accident was longlisted for the 2012 Man Booker Prize. The novel is one of the most hilarious and utterly bizarre books of 2012 and a personal favourite of mine. The story follows the life of Egon Loesor, an unlucky-in-love, sex-starved, German set designer in the 1930s. Unaware of the current political conditions, Loeser spends his life in a constant hungover and drug-fuelled haze travelling across the world in order to persuade his infatuation, Adele Hitler (of no relation to the Führer), to sleep with him. In addition to his obsession with Miss Hitler, he uses his travels as an opportunity to discover more about the unfortunate circumstances of his ultimate hero, Adriano Lavicini. With elements of Nazism, sex, politics and laugh out loud jokes, this novel is a definite must-have on your bookshelf.

The enchanting one The Snow Child by Eowyn Ivey The Snow Child is one of the most beautiful, emotional and heart-breaking novels of 2012. Jack and Mabel, an old and childless couple, move to Alaska in the 1920s to start a new life. On a lonely and freezing evening, the couple build a girl out of snow and adorn her with mittens and a scarf. The next morning, the snow child has gone but from then on they start to notice a small girl with the same mittens and scarf running through the woods. Mabel draws parallels with an old Russian folk tale and starts to truly believe that her and her husband have created this child. Mabel longs for a child of her own but this elusive young girl of the woods becomes more and more mysterious as she starts to play a prominent part in their lives. This novel is a poignant and enchanting read that should be on everyone’s Christmas list this year.

The adventurous one Snake Ropes by Jess Richards It has recently been announced that Jess Richard’s Snake Ropes has made it onto the shortlist for the 2012 Costa First Novel Award. This debut novel is an original, dark and thoroughly engaging read. The story is narrated by two teenage girls who are complete strangers living on an isolated island. When Mary’s younger brother goes missing, her life is thrown into turmoil and her search leads her to meet Morgan and discover some haunting secrets about the community on the island. The girls unite, both with their own agendas, and soon their lives are changed forever. The story is unique and inventive and we must not be put off by the haunted fairy tale theme. Admittedly, this is not normally the type of book I would be interested in, however, I was pleasantly surprised to discover that it is a fantastically entertaining and intriguing story.

Homeland - “I was right” ‘State of Independence’, the third episode of the second season, was a bit of a mixed bag. The episode is a spiral of self-destruction for Carrie. Locked out of the debriefing on her mission to Beirut, and generally been thrown out of the loop, she attempts to commit suicide but quickly changes her mind just in time for Saul to bring the key piece of evidence from the Beirut mission. This is where the episode comes into its own, as she sits down and watches Brody’s confession. She sits back and simply says, “I was right”. No one has believed her for an entire season and now she has proof of her assumptions. It’s odd how a single line can make it into the top five TV moments but when it’s been a season in the making, its so much more affecting.

Sherlock - ‘The Reichenbach Fall’ Stephen Moffat is renowned for throwing in twists and turns that just leave you with a headache. The final episode of the second series of the modern retelling of the Sherlock Holmes stories, based around the battle between Sherlock and his nemesis, Professor Moriarty, sees even more twists than Lombard Street in San Francisco. The entire episode is Sherlock attempting track down and chase Moriarty after he broke into the Tower of London, just to show he could do it. Everything, from then on, just seems to crank up to even more ridiculous heights until the face off between Moriarty and Sherlock on the roof of the hospital. What follows is both a fantastic confrontation between two equals and the beginnings of one of the most hotly debated endings to any show this year. A show that can send so many people into a frenzy trying to figure out what the heck just happened is one that deserves a spot in our Top 5.

The one we’ve been waiting for

Olympic coverage

The Casual Vacancy by J.K. Rowling

For almost a month, coverage of London 2012 dominated the BBC. For those not even all that keen on sport, it was hard not to get sucked in by the range of sports available and the great commentators that were in abundance. For those madly into their sport, there was probably way too much to choose from. It was a feat and the BBC managed to pull it off. Not only showing the fantastic Danny Boyle-directed opening ceremony in full, they also had interviews every other minute and quick guides to all the many different sports on offer. Credit where credit is due to Channel 4 for their coverage of the Paralympics as well, but the range of coverage and fantastic selection of pundits (with Ian Thorpe seemingly never leaving the studio) pushed viewing of the Olympics into obsessive mode. Whether you were drawn in by handball or could not stop watching the cycling, the BBC provided a smorgasbord of sporting goodness which, alongside the tennis coverage, made for a wonderful summer of British sport.

The Casual Vacancy was one of the most anticipated novels of 2012 with the infamous J.K. Rowling debuting her brand new book for adults.

Gone are the wands and broomsticks, instead we are presented with a story about ‘Muggles’ in a parish council election in the town of Pagford.

The election causes a great divide amongst the community and becomes the catalyst for the biggest war the town has ever seen. The novel has elements of politics, drugs, child abuse and occasional comedy and tends to exhibit some more daring themes than that of Harry Potter. In fact, the novel is possibly the furthest it could get from the well-loved wizardry book. Rowling has received mixed reviews, with some claiming it to be ‘unadventurous and bleak,’ whilst others praise its brilliance. Despite the varied feedback, it is definitely worth a read in order to appreciate Rowling’s departure from the world of magic.

The scandalous one

The return of Alan Partridge

Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L.James

Although Steve Coogan’s (kind of) professional DJ alter ego, Alan Partridge, did most recently have a quick foray into producing a show for the World Wide Web (www) with Mid-Morning Matters and released a memoir of his life and times, 2012 seems to have been the year of Partridge. Not only were “special editions” of Mid-Morning Matters shown on Sky Atlantic, we also got an insightful tour of Partridge’s home town of Norfolk in Alan Partridge: Welcome to the Places of My Life. As with most Partridge-based ventures, it is loaded with more pathos than a Greek tragedy and all the funnier for it. With Partridgisms galore, this was yet another great turn for Armando Iannucci (whose latest series of The Thick of It was also critically applauded). Alan is back and, with a movie on the way, 2012 might be a jump start to his ever-professional and personal life.

What can be said about Fifty Shades of Grey? Well, I cannot praise it for being the most well-written book of this year, however it deserves a mention for being the bestseller of 2012 and one of the best selling books of all time. More than 60 million copies of the erotic novel have been sold worldwide. The story follows innocent 22-year-old student Ana who meets and instantly falls for successful and wealthy Christian Grey.

The couple begins a steamy love affair with adventurous and dominating bedroom scenes. Whether you enjoy the novel or not, E. L. James can be congratulated for starting a new trend in the book world whereby erotic novels are no longer kept under lock-and-key and are instead celebrated and enjoyed quite publicly (a bit too publicly) everywhere.

8. winterspecial

Monday 10 December 2012

The Courier

12 days of Christmas shopping The Fashion and Beauty Editors give us a run down of 12 of the best gifts on the high-street this year

1

Alpine Socks: Next, £12

2 Shea Butter Up Duo:

It’s a well known fact that Dads love to stock up on socks at Christmas. These colourful, alpine print ones from Next will make you feel a little less bitter about parting with your cash for the dullest present in the world. Make sure he knows it’s mandatory to wear them on Christmas day too; hopefully they’ll induce some festive cheer and help to keep his inner Scrooge at bay.

The Body Shop’s infamous Shea Body Butter now comes in a bauble shaped box along with the matching lip butter.

For only £7, this would make a great Secret Santa present that any girl would love to receive. Keep dry, chapped skin at bay this winter with this great value duo, whilst smelling great at the same time.

4

The Paparazzi Collection: Nails Inc at Debenhams, £39.50 This collection of fifteen mini nail colours contains Nails Inc’s best sellers, some neon shades as well as glitter and metallic colours, which are perfect for the party season. Any beauty junkie would welcome this gift, or you could separate them and give them as small presents to spread out the cost.

The Body Shop, £7

5

Irregular Mixed Metal Stone Rings: Topshop, £12.50 If on the fifth day of Christmas your budget doesn’t quite stretch to five golden rings, this statement pair from Topshop makes a lovely, affordable alternative. Stacked rings have been a big trend this season, so these would make a great stocking filler for a sister or friend who loves to accessorise.

3

Christmas Pudding Hat: River Island, £15 The novelty hat is a great twist on the traditional Christmas jumper. With the same festive spirit, this Christmas accessory is often cheaper and more practical than a seasonal knit.

6

Limited Edition Mini Shower Trio Set: Korres at ASOS.com, £10 These fig, lemon and guava shower gels are beautifully packaged and would be a great gift for anyone unfamiliar with the brand that wants to try them out before committing to full size products.

They would also be great for anyone who travels a lot, or just as a stocking filler. You can also get student discount at ASOS.com, which is a big bonus.

7

8

9

Boxers: Topman, £7 Lingerie Set: £16, M&S

Bronze Shimmer Brick Compact: Bobbi Brown at Debenhams, £32

Shoes: Office, £65

Underwear is another nice twist on the traditional Chritsmas pyjamas that you receive annually. Try something in festive colours for her, and perhaps something a little more novelty for him. The women’s lingerie range in Marks & Spencer’s offers lovely underwear gifts for women whereas Topman, as always, delivers excellent Christmas themed boxers for men.

The Shimmer Brick is one of Bobbi Brown’s cult products.

It’s not only beautiful to look at, but is a high quality, multipurpose product. You can swirl a big fluffy brush onto all the colours and use it as a bronzer, pick out particular colours for highlighting and bronzing or you can use them individually as eyeshadows.

10

11

These smart silver studded pumps from Office will add a touch of class and comfort to any Christmas day outfit.

They’ll look perfect with high waisted skinny jeans and a chunky knit jumper to complete the look. If you’re feeling like splashing the cash this year these are a great present for your girlfriend.

Beauty Boutique Hand and Nail Gift: Next, £8

This gift contains a hand scrub, a hand cream, cuticle cream, an emery board as well as a soap, all for the tiny price of £8. The smell is fruity and floral so it will appeal to lovers of girly scents. If you are stuck for what to buy your sister, this is a great option.

Embellished clutch: Miss Selfridge, £38

This clutch is perfect for a girly girl at Christmas time.

With its heavy gold embellishment, deep jewelled tones and black leather, this little bag ticks all the trend boxes this season has delivered.

This would make the perfect present for any girl to add a bit of glamour to her seasonal party outfits.

12

Chanel N°5 Eau de Parfum Spray 100ml: Chanel at Debenhams, £92 If you need to buy a gift for someone special and have a bit of extra cash to splash, Chanel’s iconic perfume N°5 is a feminine, floral and elegant fragrance that screams luxury. If you want to treat someone without spending an absolute fortune, designer perfumes are always a good bet. Although it is a little on the pricey side, it’s a gift that is bound to spread a smile across the lucky receiver’s face.

The Courier

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Monday 10 December 2012

thecourieronline.co.uk/listings courier.listings@ncl.ac.uk | @Courier_Listings

Christmas Specials

CCTV Christmas Special

Christmas Markets

Tyneside Cinema’s Christmas Specials

Loving all the extra events that crop up all over around winter?

Seek out these treats from across the North East

The Stand’s Comedy Christmas Specials

15 December Venue, Students Union

Tickets £5 on the door or £4 when you write on guestlist on Facebook.

The Outrageous Itchy Feet Caper

Newcastle

Saturday and Sundays Monument and Grainger Market 9am-5pm

Durham

Fridays - Sundays University Palace Green

Tickets £3 in advance or £3.50 on the door

Sunderland

10-15 December, 7pm The Stand Comedy Club

Featuring The Stand’s finest comedic talent, here is your chance to indulge in some festive fun, without your unnecessary cheesy tack.

Forget your over-cooked turkey and cheap paper hats this is the kind of Christmas cheer we can all get on board with.

Tickets from £10 available from The Stand’s website and box office.

25 November- 19 December Mowbray Park Fun Fair and Market

Thursday- Saturday: 10am-8pm Sunday: 11am-4pm

11 December World Headquarters

Tickets £5 available from World Headquarters and Itchy Feet websites.

New Years’ Eve Feeling sophisticated?

Fire Eating Stilt Walking Masquerade Ball at Chase 9pm-12am

Whoever thought we would associate the word sophisticated with infamous trebles bar Chase? Well at New Years anything can happen.

A chance to dress up, dance, enjoy an evening of entertainment and at midnight experience a fantastic firework display.

Free entry but you can book a table in the Lounge bar for just £10 & receive a bottle of bubbly free of charge

007 Party at The Caledonian Hotel Jesmond A night full of entertainment this is one not to be missed! Start your night with a Vodka Martini followed by a four course meal, choice of two discos, casino tables, paparazzi photographer, magician, fire artist, snake charmers and, of course, Bond girls!

Tickets £59 available from The Caledonian’s reception and website.

Middlesborough 15 December Middlesborough Town Hall

11am-4pm

Feeling cultural?

Want to party ?

New Years Eve at The Star and Shadow Cinema

WHQ uplifting New Year’s Eve Groove featuring Tom Caulker and Lively Up

10pm-4am

Another year, another New Year’s Eve bash at the Star & Shadow. Newcastle might be suffering from some severe cuts to the Arts right now (and to everything else, for that matter), but the show must go on. You know the drill: fun, dancing, joy, embarrassment, good memories, memory loss. We only ever go all the way.

Tickets available on The Star and Shadow’s website and box office

The Stand’s New Year Special 7pm

Laugh your way to the end of the year at Newcastle’s favourite comedy club.

With Gavin Webster, Simon Donald, John Scott and host Martin Mor. Tickets from £19 available from The Stand’s Website and box office.

10pm-6am (at least)

2 floors, 2 parties, and with the promise of decor that has to be seen to be believed get ready for a night like no other. Resident DJ Tom Caulker will be doing an 8 hour set upstairs all night and downstairs will be host to L ively Up, with a lots of special DJ guests includiNG: Jack Pearce & Josh Rea (SoulJam), Ghloop (Lively Up), Zico (Lively Up/Serenity), Joonipah b2b Tomb (Lively Up/Serenity), Fridgeman (Raw Vibe), Serenity Dubs & Vandy V (Serenity/Lively Up).

Tickets £15 available from WHQ’s website, same drinks prices as normal

@CourierListings

Up until Christmas experience some true Christmas wonder.

Films Enjoy some true Christmas classics: It’s a

Wonderful Life, The Nightmare Before Christmas, Home Alone, When Santa Fell to Earth, The Muppet Christmas Carol, Scrooged and, of course, Die Hard.

Christmas Songs

Singing is an intrinsic part of Christmas, think male choirs, Christmas Classics jazzed up by local comedian and music- aficionado Mr Drayton and his festive record player as well as free live music with Maine Street Trio.

Christmas Quiz

19 December

Do you know your Home Alone from your Home Alone 2: Lost in New York? Your Scrooge from your Scrooged? Your National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation from your Ernest Saves Christmas? Then you are ready to take on The Great Tyneside Christmas Quiz. Have yourself a merry little Quizmas!

Love your food?

New Year’s Eve at GUSTO on the Quayside 6pm-1am

With a beautiful view of the quayside, a great atmosphere and a chance to indulge in some phenomenal food, if you don’t fancy a night out this may be the New Years for you. A special menu includes a fine 3 course meal and a complimentary half bottle of champagne per person. £60 available from GUSTO’s website or you can phone the restaurant to book on 0191 260 2291

MalMaison: NYE’s Extravaganda 7pm-1am

Feeling flush? well this seven-course event is for you. Cooked by MalMaison’s critically acclaimed chefs before dancing the night away to our live band, Hard to Handle.

Tickets £99 available from Mal Maison’s website or you can phone the restaurant to book on 0191 245 5000.

26.lifestyle

Monday 10 December 2012

The Courier

Lifestyle Editors: Em Rae, Catherine Davison and Ellie Cropper Online Editors: Rosie Devonshire and Colette Hunter

How to: buy that awkward Secret Santa present Last few weeks of Uni means Secret Santa time. Use our guide to find that awkward person the perfect prezzie...

You have to buy a present for someone you secretly hate.

Do you use the present as a means of conveying your hatred, finally breaking free and letting them know the truth or do you continue living a lie, being nice to their face but continuing to hate them behind their back?

First, let me say, it is Christmas and the point is to not be a scrooge. So really, you only have one option. Suck it up and get them something nice that they will like. Ask someone who actually likes them what they would buy them, it doesn’t have to be overtly personal to be a nice gift. Alcohol and beauty products are a good shout. Be the bigger person and Father Christmas might just reward you.

So typical, you pull out the name of the one person that has everything.

If only it could have been the friend whose shoes got ruined in Sinner’s last week or the house mate that will have your hairdryer hidden in her room somewhere every time you need it in a hurry. No you get the one person that has it all, who constantly receives a room full of angry glares as they declare “there’s just nothing I really need, I’ve got it all.” Well for that douche get them nothing. Get yourself that new top you ‘really need’ instead. Or if you chicken out, buy them something they don’t need and will definitely not have. Go on Iwantoneofthose.com it’s defiantly the most fun you’ll ever have shopping due to the ridiculous and useless nature of the items. What about a self-stirring mug? Or socks that look like sandals?!

Santa may just have to bring them coal this year

START

What was your initial reaction when you pulled their name out of the hat?

Uh oh, going to have to put some thought into this one

Have you ever laid eyes on this person?

Why’s it awky?

How much are you going to fork out?

It’s likely that you’re going to use this present to engineer some sort of promotion, so a ‘World’s Best Boss’ mug just isn’t going to cut it. What you need to do is some background research: follow them home, go through their rubbish, consider hiring a private investigator. If they stop to pat a dog – buy them two dogs and a lifetime Crufts membership. If there’s a pizza box in the bin – buy them a wood-burning oven, complete with Italian pizza chef called Dolmio. If they mention that they like power ballads, kidnap Leona Lewis and install her in their house as a doorbell. On second thoughts, maybe just stick with the mug.

A warm hug, you want to keep them in your good books

...Who?!

They don’t come on nights out, join in communal meals or even speak.

They are that housemate that you never see, who comes and goes without a word. If they are asked something they reply monosyllabically in monotone. But it is Christmas, the season of giving and all that crap.

So, the right thing to do is to include them in Secret Santa, it’s not like you’re going to pick their name. You pick their name. WTF do you buy for someone with no personality or interests? You must venture where no man has been before: into their personal space to do some recon on what they like. Does the food they hide in their room spark any ideas?

Do they have posters on their walls that indicate they would like an Xmen figurine? If not, my next piece of advice is: socks. Everyone has feet.

Like once a month

I think I once bought them a Jagerbomb..?

There’s pressure to impress

May pay a trip to Poundland

You’ll have one of those awkward are we going to hug/sidestepping/shoulder punch moments

Words: Katie Smith, Suzanne Cassels, Caroline Mackrill and Em Rae. Illustrator: Ellie Hegarty

More than I want to

Would you be excited if you knew they’d picked your name out the hat?

How will you greet them when you hand over the prezzie?

So you thought this whole secret Santa lark was a bit of good old fashioned fun… until you picked the only person that you don’t actually know. And as you’re not Facebook friends you can’t even stalk them to see what sort of clothes/jewelry/ racket sports/animals/weird religious cults they’re into.

In this case you’ve just got to embrace it, go on the offensive and buy the most outrageously unhelpful thing you can find. That way there’s no weird hidden meanings or awkward “Why did you get me bath salts? Didn’t you know that I’m allergic to water?!” moments. A personal favourite is bacon flavoured toothpaste (iwantoneofthose.com) or a lifesize cut out of a Star Wars battle droid (eBay) because who in their right mind doesn’t want to wake up to that?

I’d be curious to see what they think I’d like

Yeah, I think they’ve enough money in order to get me something pretty decent

Your boyfriend’s mum, wow now that is an awkward secret Santa.

You need to please and get yourself sitting in their good books, but at the same time you can’t look like a try hard. Why don’t you go for the risky move of testing her banteromiter by getting her a ‘world best mum’ mug. I’m going to assume this is a tad too risky (mums just don’t have banter these days) and instead suggest the safe option that can be summed up as ‘pretty things’. How about a Cath Kidson item, (try to avoid an apron for women in the kitchen joke reasons), anything from the home wear section should be bang on. Another option would be a picture frame as you can’t really go wrong there. To gain an aww from the audience put in a family photo.

You’re at that awkward stage where you’re practically together, but not official. You’ve been seeing them for a few months now and after all the nights you’ve spent trying to know every teeny tiny bit about them all you know is that they love Lindt chocolate but hate Snapbacks. However a ‘giving’ situation hasn’t really hit your coupledom radar yet, at least not like this. Do you buy a jokey gift for a fiver or are they expecting something with a bit more thought? Would a comedy willy warmer create laughs or kill the sexual tension that’s been building up these past weeks?

My advice: keep it light hearted but with a personal touch. Think of any private jokes or nicknames that have accumulated since you met them and incorporate them into a gift.

In terms of a Christmas card, now is not the time to whip out a photo collage of all the times you’ve pulled them in Koos, go for a humorous Moonpig special.

The Courier

Monday 10 December 2012

sex&relationshipslifestyle.27 thecourieronline.co.uk/lifestyle c2.lifestyle@ncl.ac.uk | @Courier_Life

Blind Date Mike, 3rd Year Politics meets Christy, 3rd Year English Language and Literature Christy on Mike

Mike on Christy

What’s your usual type?

I don’t really have a type looks wise. But I like easy going guys who aren’t trying too hard to impress.

First impressions?

Well he picked me up from mine which is always nice, although it did mean that he got to see our Quotes Wall with a few gems from me like ‘is a duck not a type of fish?’ – not good.

What did you think they’d look like?

He didn’t have Facebook so I had no idea what to expect. But I was pleasantly surprised, he looked good!

What was the weirdest thing you talked about?

Well pretty much our first conversation was agreeing how much of a bastard John Terry is!

And we figured out that the girl whose baking show I film for TCTV is his housemate, and I definitely mentioned slightly too many times how hot she is!

Any awkward moments?

I slipped on the ice on the walk home – graceful as always.

Halfway through the date, would you have ‘No likey, no lightey’-ed by now?

Well as a Man U fan, I can’t say he was best impressed when he brought up THAT Aguero goal, but I let it slide.

Do you think they fancied you?

After dinner I agreed to play road ice hockey with his housemates as the roads were so icy from the snow, which he then used as an opportunity to go in for a kiss, so I’d say yes!

Would your parents approve?

He’s into sports so that would make my dad happy, and he’s chatty enough to handle the inevitable one thousand and one questions from my mum so he’d do alright! And telling her that he’s the Newcastle representative for the Aegis charity wouldn’t hurt either.

What was their most attractive physical feature?

He’s got great broad shoulders, and covered them in a Christmas jumper, win.

Would you see him again?

He’s told me about a pub off Northumberland Street where a game of pool only costs 20p so it would be rude not to check it out.

What’s your usual type?

I don’t like really girly girls, so the fact that she suggested a pint as soon as we got to the restaurant was a good start!

First impressions?

Well apart from her forgetting her own house number and originally sending me to the wrong door, I was pleased. I had no idea where she was from accent-wise, but was still really surprised when she said Spain!

What did you think they’d look like?

I had my heart set on a Shakira lookalike, but I suppose it’s too cold for Columbians in these parts.

What was the weirdest thing you talked about?

We both knew the same guy who’d ruined his first date with a girl he really liked by pushing her into a clump of bushes. She wasn’t amused and I made a mental note not to do the same.

Any awkward moments?

I thought I’d blown it when I told her that my house has a cat. She was more impressed when I reassured her that I’m actually a dog person.

Halfway through the date, would you have ‘No likey, no lightey’-ed by now?

No, we chatted constantly so I didn’t even have a chance to consider that.

She’s probably the slowest eater I’ve ever met though so I had to try hard not to eye up her food.

Do you think they fancied you?

Of course! Yeah, we got on well.

Were you tempted to lean in for a kiss?

I may have done.

Would your parents approve?

I don’t really take girls home to meet my parents but yeah, if I did then probably.

What was their most attractive physical feature?

I got her to speak Spanish to me which was extremely sexy. And she didn’t seem to be wearing much makeup but still looked good.

Would you see her again?

Yeah I could see that happening, absolutely.

Marks out of 10?

Saying 10 just isn’t cool is it? I’ll go 9.

Snog, marry or avoid?

Snog.

Marks out of 10?

He’d definitely get a 9 – would have been a 10 if he’d caught me before I’d toppled over and saved some of my dignity...

Snog, marry or avoid?

I hate that word! But the first.

Unlucky in love? The Courier is here to help! Send your details to c2.lifestyle@ncl.ac.uk

28.lifestyle

Monday 10 December 2012

The Courier

thecourieronline.co.uk/lifestyle c2.lifestyle@ncl.ac.uk | @courier_life

Christmas Recipe

Diary of a Party Boy

Mulled Wine

#2 - Sunderland

Mulled wine is one of the best festive treats - it’s a pity that it’s not drunk all year. It’s warm, tasty, and the only form of alcohol which is acceptable to sell at a Primary School Christmas jumble sale.

It’s easy to buy ready-made bottles and packet mixes, but they’re not the same as letting a large pan of wine, fruit and spices fill the kitchen with fragrance.

There is no universal recipe for making mulled wine, so experimenting with spices, extra shots, citrus fruits and sugar will still probably lead to an equally warm and tasty end result. This is particularly true with the spices - as long as you have one or two adding flavour to the wine, it will still taste pretty good (and I’m aware that most student cupboards don’t have nutmeg grinders and whole cloves hanging around the place).

This is also a drink best served for groups, particularly if everyone can join in with the fruit chopping and stirring. Although this recipe is for one bottle of wine, you will find that two or three will typically be needed for a small party or family gathering, so multiply the amounts accordingly.

Ingredients: One bottle of red wine 1 orange (though clementines or satsumas are a good substitute) 1-2 Cinnamon sticks, or one teaspoon of ground cinnamon.

Half teaspoon each of ground nutmeg, ginger and/or allspice.

Optional: 1 teaspoon of whole cloves Sugar, to taste Optional: 1-2 shots of brandy or dark rum.

1. Chop the orange into large, chunky slices with the peel still on. If you are using whole cloves, put them into the orange peel by piercing with the sharp end.

2. Pour the wine into a large saucepan. For some reason, cheap wine tends to work better in mulled wine, so if you’ve got a bottle of something nice, save it for another time.

3. Add in the sliced oranges, the spices and the extra shots if you are using them. Stir well so that the spices are thoroughly mixed in.

4. Warm the mixture on a low heat for around fifteen to twenty minutes, stirring occasionally.

Make sure it doesn’t boil; this will start reducing the amount of flavour and alcohol in your drink.

5. It may taste a little bitter at first while all the flavours are mixing at different rates - if it’s still bitter by the time comes for serving, try mixing in a large spoonful of honey or sugar to sweeten it up. If the taste is too strong, try watering down the wine by adding 50ml of water at a time.

6. Serve in mugs or heatproof glasses. The orange segments are usually quite tasty once they’ve cooked and soaked up the wine. They can be used to decorate the cups, or served as snacks on the side.

Becca Price

Rafiq Ahmed One of the biggest disadvantages of attending university in Newcastle is my inability to regularly attend the matches of my beloved Queens Park Rangers. Therefore when the chance arose to attend their match against Sunderland last week I jumped at it. After recently venturing out of my comfort zone and spending an evening on Osborne Road I decided this would also be a great opportunity to have a night out in Sunderland after the match.

I’ll skip the ins and outs of the match - if I wanted to write match reports I would work for the Sports section - the basics are we drew 0-0. With the match complete it was off into Sunderland to see what delights it had to offer me. My friend Robert couldn’t attend as he had lost all of his money playing the bandit machine in the bookies, so I was on my own: a lone ranger.

The first bar I went to was a Spoonstype environment: old men who haven’t washed for several weeks, no music and a constant smell of food. I ordered a pint and to my amazement it was presented to me in a plastic glass. I looked around puzzled; there were about 6 men and a dog in this place, what was the need for a no glass policy?! After a few pints there I came to the conclusion that no young, or old, ladies were going to venture into

Christmas Food review Top 5 highstreet treats

this pub. So I set off in search of another watering hole.

I entered a pub further down the street. However before I even got to the bar I was approached by a shots girl. I’d seen more meat on a butchers pencil; I have never understood girls need to be so thin. Maintaining yourself is one thing but being so thin that Baby Gap doesn’t even fit you is another. A note to my female readers from Rafiq: we lads like a girl with a little something to hold onto, so ditch your super skinny diets and starvation techniques, you’re all fine just as you are.

Anyway, once I had escaped the shots girl (whom I must add was one of the pushiest I had ever come across), I decided to speak to some girls in the corner and offer them some of the shots I had just purchased.

These girls were in a whole different world from those of Ozzy Road; I’ve never seen such a wild bunch before. However, when in

Rome and all that - I didn’t come all the way to Sunderland to go home empty handed.

After some negotiations I was making out with a young woman, but a few moments later her boyfriend turned up and chased me down the street. It was time to get out of there. With the last Metro minutes away, it was time to head back to my local in Newcastle.

In my view my local in Denton is a fine establishment; I have sometimes given the girls who hang around the place bad press but after experiencing the women of Sunderland these girls now seemed like angels.

Within five minutes of arriving I was on the bus home. Sunderland can keep their crap football team, their plastic pint glasses and their size zero shot girls; I will be sticking to my local.

Illustrations: Francesca Ede and Daisy Billowes

This week, we investigated the most scrumptious Christmas treats on the high street.

Whether you’re looking for Lunch or just a snack, there’s something here for you

5)McDonald’s Quality Street Fudge McFlury 3/5

I happen to love McDonalds, even though admitting this nowadays doesn’t seem to be socially acceptable. I also love McFlurries, they are cheap and cheerful. Plus, I love Quality Street so you’d think I couldn’t go wrong with The Quality Street Fudge McFlurry. But unfortunately, it doesn’t live up to expectations. It was partly my own fault, eating ice cream in this weather and wondering why I was so cold. But other than that, it’s just not very good.

They aren’t very generous on the fudge and the whole thing just doesn’t seem to work. Stick to the oreo McFlurries please, McDonalds.

4)Subway’s Festive Deal 3/5 For a Christmas deal this isn’t very Christmasy. It’s a chicken and bacon ranch melt with a cookie and drink for just under a fiver. But you can get a chicken and bacon ranch melt all year round... If you can buy it all year round then this deal shouldn’t be called a Christmas deal! The sandwich is alright but a Christmas sandwich should have turkey, not chicken, cranberry, not bacon and really, ranch?

Ranch? You can’t get less festive than ranch sauce.

Disappointing Subway, disappointing.

3)Starbuck’s Mince Pie 4/5

No where on the high street is better known for its festive menu than Starbucks, for some people it’s what lets them know that Christmas is here. That

“Nowhere on the high street is better known for its festive menu than Starbucks”

is, its coffee menu. Can its snacks menu do the same? Well, if the Praline Mocha, Toffee Nut and Gingerbread Lattes are the Three Wise Men then the Starbuck’s mince pie might just be their Star of Bethlehem (the mince pie even has a butter pastry star on it!). It’s packed with sultanas and raisins and has the perfect amount of spice. Nutmeg, nutmeg and nutmeg.

2) Greggs Gingerbread Tree 4/5

The ultimate source of my snacking all year round when I’m out in town keeps the Christmas spirit alive with some truly festive menu additions. Maybe

I’m easy to please, maybe I’m cheap or maybe, just maybe, Greggs is actually heaven... I think Newcastle must agree with me given the sheer number of stores in the city centre. One of them is even 24 hour. Anyway, its gingerbread, it has hundreds and thousands sprinkles, is the shape of a Christmas tree and is only 65p. What could be a better companion to a spot of Christmas shopping?

1)Pret A Manger’s Christmas Lunch Sandwich 5/5 I have to admit this is the first Christmas Lunch Sandwich I have ever had. And it was good.

Perhaps my inexperience does not make me the best judge but you can’t really go wrong with a store bought sandwich which, for once, isn’t soggy and insn’t stingy on the good stuff. This bad boy is heavy on the turkey, generous with the stuffing, tangy with the cranberry and crunchy with the onions. Additionally, this sandwich donates 5p to the homeless. ‘Tis the season of giving after all!

Katie Smith

The Courier

lifestyle.29

Monday 10 December 2012

Lifestyle Editors: Em Rae, Catherine Davison and Ellie Cropper Online Editors: Rosie Devonshire and Colette Hunter

Feminist Society and Poledancing Society swap members - here’s the result...

Feminist Society to Poledancing

Poledancing to Feminist Society Swapping the spins and stretches of the Poledancing Society for the high-brow intellect of the Feminism Society had me quaking in my sports bra. Despite my brief phase of screaming ‘Girl Power’ as a five year old Spice Girl wannabe, feminism was not at the top of my agenda. Was I destined to be burnt at the stake, sacrificed for my crimes as a poledancer against female self-respect? Days were spent in preparation, memorising speeches of how ‘it’s an empowering way to gain contact with one’s femininity’ and ‘I keep my clothes on…honest.’ So rather nervously, with my IQ-enhancing spectacles, high-collared shirt and tough-cookie housemate by my side (just in case…), I set off for the Culture Café – or on Wednesdays, Feminism headquarters.

Reaching the top of the world’s crumbliest staircase (after repeatedly getting lost), I saw a friendly looking group of girls sitting in the corner. I don’t know what I expected the feminist meetings to be like, but this wasn’t it. Shoes off, flavoured teas ordered and bums planted firmly in some fluffy cushions, we began.

The meetings generally surround discussing relevant issues – this week, abortion… with a bit of Unay Confessions, ‘sperm-jacking’ (don’t ask) and talking to cats thrown in for good measure. Contrary to what I believed, feminists aren’t men-hating, bra-burning hippies. Feminists are inspirational men and women who hold a more modern view of society and make a stand for people who can’t. For example, the group plan to create a zine in the near future with all proceeds given to Rape Crisis, and are continuously planning further charity work on campus.

I thought that the pole dancing and feminist society were about as compatible as drinking champagne in Sinners – but I was wrong. It doesn’t matter where you get your kicks from, even legs akimbo halfway up a pole, as long as you’re free to do it. This society swap had the potential to be horrific – but it was enlightening! For 19 years I’ve been a feminist in denial, now I’m proud to say – ‘my name is Eleanor Moore, and I’m a feminist.’

Hottie of the Week

Eleanor Moore

Alexey Larin, 19

Interviewed by Alison Stainsby

Most people would assume pole dancing and feminism aren’t two things that mix well - after all, we’re a bunch of irrational fun-killers, and pole dancers are just trying to get men’s attention, right?

I was already aware how diverse feminists are, but knew nothing about pole dancing or why girls and women are so enthusiastic about it. I’ve been a member of both the Dance Society and Cheerleading Squad, so I had an idea of the athleticism behind the stereotypes, but I wasn’t prepared for what we’d walked into.

The girls were overwhelmingly welcoming and keen to share something they obviously adored. Within moments of the start of class they were shimmy-ing up the poles with grace and ease I can barely manage to walk with. At the cheers of their enthusiastic classmates they would flip upside and hang effortlessly with their legs as if they were merely perched on a pedestal.

All three of us who went to the class had dance backgrounds, but it became immediately clear after our first haphazard swing around the pole that a whole different level of skill was needed to look good. The girls were incredibly strong, and when we asked how they had such good bodies one girl began to haul herself up the pole with just her arms, and we realised, that’s why. You also have to be pretty fearless and trust how strong your body is when you whirl yourself round a poll – and we were only a couple of feet off the ground.

And most importantly you have to be confident that your body looks good; these girls knew how good they looked and owned their sexuality because of it. What was abundantly clear was that they were dancing for themselves and their pride in their own performance.

The girls confirmed this when I chatted to them in between our attempts on the pole, pointing out that there were no men to watch them or pay to see them, and they were dancing because they loved it. A lot of girls seemed to have poles at home in their rooms to practise, which goes to show how dedicated they are.

We all came away buzzing off the hour and keen to go back. The adrenaline rush and the self-confidence it gives you is addictive – and it’s pretty empowering.

Natasha Spreadborough

Course: Mechanical Engineering St. 2 Describe yourself in three words: Russian, Rebellious and Romantic.

Single or taken taken: Its complicated, I recently met someone. We’ll see...

What do you look for in a woman?

I like to be kept on my toes. I like my women how I like my apple crumble: warm, sweet, and with cream on top.

Worst ever date?

I once picked up a girl back in my hometown of Moscow. As we were leaving the drive, my chauffeur backed into her father’s brand new Porsche.

Lets just say I only got to second base.

What Christmas gift would you give your girlfriend?

It is customary in Russia to give a necklace with a personal message inscribed, like “I am forever yours, A”.

Ten year plan?

Successful. But as long as I’m happy, and spending my life with the woman I love, that will suffice.

Trending Topics of the week #Movember Movember has come to an end and there have been mixed emotions circulating Twitter. Women have been celebrating the removal of the male population’s dodgy facial hair whilst men have been commiserating the same loss. #Christmas Christmas day is fast approaching and excitement is growing. Pictures of newly decorated Christmas trees and plees for snow have dominated the Twittersphere this week and the Christmas spirit seems to be in full swing. #iTunes11 The eventual release of iTunes 11 by Apple led to the Twitter population airing their opinions on the technology. Verdicts ranged from ‘perfect’ to the eloquent ‘pile of crap’ so it looks like users will simply have to download it for themselves and form their own opinion. #WorldAIDSDay The 1st December was World AIDS Day around the globe, which aims to provide support for those infected with HIV, whilst advising others how to prevent it. #AskMicky X Factor rejects District3 have been trending almost every week since first appearing on the show. This week the 3 piece vocal harmony band held a Q&A session over Twitter, allowing fans to get to know 18 year old member Micky on a more personal level.

TWEET OF THE WEEK: ‘That’s it. The week has finished. The UK is now closed for the weekend. It’s gin time boys and girls. #bottomsup’ Elizabeth Windsor @ Queen_UK Another classic from our favourite member of the royal family. God save the Queen. And gin.

Jen Alexander

With George Parnell Dec 2 Been a well stressful day, parents been all over me to book my train ticket home early but tbh they always end up paying me back for it anyway so what’s the point? At least this way I can rock up whenever I want - nothing worse than having to work through a hangover to catch a train.

Still, free coffee in First Class so that’s something. Freddie and Henry are coming shooting for New Year in Scotland, going to be cracking banter. Freddie’s not going to show me up either, he’s sick at shooting, his Dad’s got a shoot in Norfolk, and Henry and I go stalking so I know he’s got a good shot on him. Anyway, gotta dash, meeting a DJ from Leazes, seriously the music on his iPhone is sick. Then I have a lecture - gonna drop it in that my Mum has a real Rembrandt painting, my lecturer might actually take me seriously knowing that.

Dec 6 So, major beef went down in Legends last night at my Relentless night, obv plenty of the girls I knew back in Leazes were out. Anyway, I’m on the door, Rory my boy rocks up with Hettie, Lousia’s housemate. She looks hot, not gonna lie, so I give her free entry, let Rory off too - he is my boy after all. After giving only a few of my mates free entry, the senior promoter, Geordie Dave, starts giving me grief about all the freebies I’m giving out. I’m like dude, chill out, seriously, you’re so tight. He starts giving me the line, it’s a business not a charity and I’m like mate I’m getting the business in, who cares? I’m freezing, it takes up a lot of my time and I do it for the social status, it’s not about the money, that’s why Mum and Dad give me an allowance. And I said that to Geordie Dave, so the fucker fired me. Anyway, not a massive deal, Pandora’s sister was sleeping with a guy who works at Perdu called Hugo, massive LAD, so I’m now promoting for Perdu’s Mission Monday.

Dec 8 Mission Monday is so much better than Relentless, they’ve started flyering outside Waitrose - I mean that’s a sophisticated marketing move, and most of my mates do their weekly shop there. So, did a few hours there, bumped into some of the guys from school, they can’t believe I’m this cool club promoter that can get you free entry and maybe a cheeky bottle of Don Perignon if it’s your birthday. Anyway, cheeky 30 minutes weights sesh at Pinetree, then sauna, steam to wind down from a stressful week. Met up with Henry in Berlise for a man pint, talked about problems with the birds, ended up smashed.

Btdubs, remember Mission Monday @ Perdu, £7 entry after 11pm, £5 if you get an orange wristband. Say George Parnell on the door and it’s £4, if you’re fit it could be free.

Roseleen Coleman Illustrations: Daisy Billowes

30.arts

Monday 10 December 2012

The Courier

Arts Editors: Lisa Bernhardt and Millie Walton Online Arts Editors: Grace Harvey

Writers’ Corner The Sandwich

by Shaun Thomas

S

am was always out to get food, and would beg or threaten to get his hands on some. I usually gave it to him quickly, with a scowl, but today I ate on the way over and was wearing a squirrel-cheeked grin. Mark, however, was the target of Sam’s efforts and he paced around him, rolling his broad shoulders like a panther ready to strike.

‘Heard you finally had to face Mrs Morrison.’ said Mark, not looking up from his food.

‘Yeah, she’s going to send a letter to my parents.’

I replied, giving them a grim look. We began to move towards our usual haunt; it was a corner at the back of the school by the art classroom windows where we wouldn’t be bothered. It wasn’t that we were doing anything bad; it was that Sam was as big as a wardrobe; Mark’s ears were so big he picked up radio signals and I wore thick glasses. It was a combination which brought a lot of unwarranted attention.

When we arrived, we headed straight for the windows and leant against them. Mark managed to drop his bag from his shoulder without losing a crumb of his sandwiches and Sam looked at him with intent.

Mark always had the most interesting sounding sandwiches, and was very willing to give them away. Nobody ever asked him though; they had a tendency to upturn eyebrows, and downturn stomachs all at the same time. One lunch time when Mr Rodgers asked him what he was eating Mark turned, looked up at him, and said: ‘Jam and cucumber.’ to which Mr Rodgers found less and less hilarious as he realised Mark’s face didn’t twitch, or approach a smile.

‘Really?’ he replied. Mark then peeled away one slice of bread, presented it to him, and then smiled. Where his face was filled with prospects of a good joke only moments before, was then slack and pale. He has never been able to look at Mark the same way since.

I was busy working out how to explain how much trouble I was in to my parents when Sam’s better nature kicked in: ‘Mark.’ He stopped, mouth wide open, and turned his eyes up towards him.

‘What’s in the sandwich? Can I have one?’ he said.

‘Erm, Yeah. Peanut butter and –’ Sam yanked Mark’s last sandwich from his free hand and bit down. His face relaxed for a slow moment, his eyes closed, and his heavy brow partly covered his eyes. He swallowed and returned Mark’s gaze with a twisted face.

‘That isn’t peanut butter.’ Sam said, now carrying the sandwich between his index finger and thumb, at arm’s length.

‘And banana.’ he replied, with a smile. I could see sunlight shining through his ears, making them glow pink. Sam looked at Mark, and Mark returned his gaze haltingly, breaking eye contact only to look at his sandwich. I held my breath, expecting the worst. Sam took two steps from the wall, turned and threw the sandwich, all without taking his eyes away from Mark. I started to back away. It had landed on one of the art room windows and stuck. Mrs Morrison was sat behind her desk, with her eyes wide, and a pen still hovering above some exam papers she was marking. Mark and I took a quick intake of breath and Sam pried his attention away to look where we were staring. She had one hand lay flat on the table, the other clenched and strangling her pen. Her mouth was a thin line and the smeared peanut butter on the window shrouded half her face in darkness. ‘Get in here. Now.’ she said.

I turned to look at the others, but found myself alone. This is going to take a lot of explaining to do, I thought to myself.

To read more contributions to our Writers’ Corner column, visit www.thecourieronline.co.uk/arts

A Royal disappointment James Ricketts talked to Theatre Royal’s CEO Philip Bernays about the recent arts funding cuts and the future of the established theatre

W

hat is your current relationship with the local community?

In the current year we are expecting 355,000 people to see the shows we have got on here. Given the size of the local community, the average attendance here is 1.5 a year. Which is about the national average of people going to theatre. That’s a quarter of a million people coming to the Theatre Royal. If that’s not a good enough relationship with the local community, I don’t know what is.

We have a hugely diverse programme; it ranges from opera, ballet, dance, both contemporary and popular, into drama and comedy. We also run big western musicals and we also have an upcoming Irish dance show. This is also on top of children’s shows, such as the Gruffalo. We have something for everyone.

Do you believe the cuts to the arts will have a long-term impact within Newcastle?

Considering the investment Newcastle and Gateshead have made in the arts over the last twentyfive years, just to throw it all away in an instant is madness. We, and other organisations, accept that we are in a time of austerity and our funding will have to go down like everything else. But why

The arts are part of what makes Newcastle an attractive place does a 30% cut across the local authorities budget end up in a 100% cut to the Theatre Royal, the math’s just doesn’t add up. For us in this current year we receive £613,000, that represents about 6.5% of our turnover. So it’s a relatively small part of the turnover that passes through the building each year. However, taking £613,00 from any organization is going to damage it. We cannot just find the money, we are a very lean organisation already and we can’t go fire some cleaners as we have little enough as it is. We cannot fire our office staff as they are always occupied, we do not have any more staff than we need to run the building efficiently and provide a quality service to our many customers.

Do you feel that the government doesn’t understand your situation, by wanting to make things more efficient than what is possible?

I do not know what they think, to be honest. We have good working relationship with councilors already and they often sit on our board of directors. They know how hard we work to make it work. I know that the council is in a very hard place. They have to, by law, make a budget that balances and that means they have to find 30% savings. Though I do believe it to be very short sighted, like many others, to pull the rug out from under an organisation like the Theatre Royal. We may have to find new ways of getting around the loss of financial support.

Do you feel that funding for the arts is an investment for the future?

Exactly that. You need to give people creative opportunities. This does not mean that we are all going to be an artist. We need to allow people a system to express themselves and to grow. One thing that the arts do is develop peoples’ thinking in how they work together, behave together and be together. From a citizenship point of view, the arts can bring huge benefits to colleges and schools.

As an example, we had a programme with young boys who had been excluded from school and we involved them in a project including Shakespearian fight scenes. We talked about stage conflict and fight scenes and this subversively taught them that fighting people isn’t a solution to a problem.

These were kids who previously may have thought otherwise. That’s the sort of power that these cultural interventions can have on peoples’ lives. It’s part of a bigger picture, I’m not pretending that the arts are the be-all-end-all, but it’s one of those parts in society that make it work.

Do you feel that the local art scene has had a major impact in Newcastle?

The arts have transformed Newcastle and the outer-perception of the city. It has gone from industrial wasteland to a lively, vibrant and attractive place for people to come to. From an economic point of view, when investors are looking to place their money; they look for somewhere interesting with a motivated outlook. The arts are a part of

what makes Newcastle an attractive place, also in regards to 50.000 university students deciding to come here. By no means is it the only factor, but it does play a large part in it. Art is a fundamental argument for the economy and benefits educational and social development. We know that for every £1 invested into the Theatre Royal in funding, there is a £5 return; there are tangible benefits to investing in the arts. The cuts are something the council does not want to do; they would prefer not to make any cuts. However, their decisions in where they withdraw support needs to be more proportionate.

Read the extended interview online at www.thecourieronline.co.uk/arts

Twinkle, twinkle little fairy lights...

James Ricketts and Rachel Horrocks discuss whether Christmassy light decorations are just garish and a fest of excessiveness, or a festive and magical addition to the dark winter months James Ricketts: Switch ‘em off !

Rachel Horrocks: Let there be light!

ver since humanity discovered the flame, we have used light for rituals, celebrations and everyday life. From dancing naked around a fire to the 2012 LED light display emitting from the Empire State Building, playing with light is ingrained in our nature. In this technologically advanced and energy rich era, why should we not use our modern advancements to fuel our glowing obsession?

Christmas is perhaps the ‘Western’ world’s biggest celebration of consumerism; at this bleak and cold time of year, every self-respecting family household will be digging into their debt-ridden pockets to cash out on the latest Christmas lights.

Yes, their next electricity bill will be gigantic. Yes, the lights kill off the very polar bears and penguins that the plastic models of lights are meant to be imitating. But do the naysayers know of the beautiful words “yes, we can’” spoken by the president of the USA? Do the naysayers know that buying ‘junk’ supports the glorious non-local international business monopolies? These charlatans know nothing, yet they are suppressing the people’s freedom to excess.

As families come together this Christmas, with nothing worthwhile to tell one another because of the meaningless reality of modern living, let them instead look towards beautiful mass-produced Christmas light in silence. How tremendously silly it is for people to craft their own cost-effective, environmentally sound and sustainable decorations that involve individual creative expression! Instead let us go shopping for huge plastic Christmas lights. On this small uninteresting island called Britain we all have the opportunity to briefly taste the far superior American dream.

hristmas lights are just another form of lighting so they’re not a waste of energy; they’re a transfer of energy. They’re also more attractive than the ‘efficient’ energy saving bulb where you’ve got to wait a good three and a half minutes before it kicks in and a further five minutes before it’ll even consider perking up.

Christmas lights – you flick the switch – boom instant life.

One of the many joys of Christmas is decorating your house - it’s the stress-free, interactive, giggling about the dilapidated angel, it’s the taking a step back and marvelling at your masterpiece (which wouldn’t be complete without the aid of fairy lights here and there). Ok – I think we’re all in agreement regarding the tackiness of making your house resemble Santa’s grotto, but fairy lights are pretty, they twinkle and wink at you as you snuggle on your couch with a cuppa after a cold and miserable winter’s day.

On my Christmas tree the lights are built in (yes, they’re that essential), and have 26 settings – that’s 26 ways of jazzing up my lounge and boosting Christmas joy. There’s the slow transition between all the colours of the rainbow spectrum, there’s the radical grooves of flashing, jiving lights, there’s the winky one, and there’s the continuous I’m-going-to-stay-here-and-just-light-up-your-baubles one. I’m sure the Bah-Humbugs of you will claim: ‘that’s twenty-six ways to cause an epileptic fit!’ – meh, perhaps, but that’s the joy of having twentyfive other choices. Also, I’d like to point out that Rudolph, who had ‘a nose so bright’, was never tarred with the ecological brush of disapproving Scrooges. Haters gonna hate.

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The Courier

arts.31

Monday 10 December 2012

thecourieronline.co.uk/arts c2.arts@ncl.ac.uk | @courier_arts

previews

All I want for Christmas...

Broken Christmas Cabaret

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Beatrice Walker sorts out the Christmas present dilemma with her unique and (mostly) cheap arty gift suggestions for all the family

f you think the Christmas lights on Northumberland Street are a bit garish and you feel nauseous at the sound of Christmas tunes, then Live Theatre’s Broken Christmas Cabaret could be for you.

Billed as the ‘dark alternative to the yuletide season’, Broken Christmas Cabaret offers a night of cabaret, theatre, live music and poetry-making for something a bit different to the standard festivities. Performances by the wonderfully surrealist Noize Choir and award-winning poet and comedian Kate Fox feature on the line-up as well as some of the North East’s most exciting music acts, including sets from the six-piece folk collective Matt Stalker & Fables and blues band Monkey Junk. Not to mention two alternative Christmas monologues performed by playwrights Alison Carr and Paddy Campbell. It’s not your average Christmas event, but with a hugely varied line-up that’s sure to provide a unique and entertaining evening, ‘Broken Christmas Cabaret’ looks set to bring in the festive season in style.

For Mum: Take your mum to a local gallery exhibition- quality time spent with her which she’ll love plus tickets are usually under a tenner or even free! (£10 each, unless it’s free of course) For Dad: The latest Ian Rankin novel is always a good choice, however, if you want to branch out of the book realm, then his favourite comedian’s latest DVD (around £9 for the book or £15 for the DVD) For the Grandparents: Theatre tickets will go down a storm, even better if you go with them (starting at around £15 each, depending on the seats)

Live Theatre 12 December

reviews

The Suggestibles

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Northern Stage 13 December

he Newcastle-based impro comedy group, The Suggestibles, will be coming to Northern Stage on Thursday 13th December with their ingenious improvised pantomime.

The Impro Pantso has been a huge hit with audiences for the past 6 years. The whole production is made up entirely on the spot whilst the audience shouts out suggestions to inspire the plot, characters and songs.

‘You supply the suggestions. They supply the laughs!’ This means the show will never been the same as spontaneity is the key.

The Suggestibles play two monthly residencies at The Cumberland Arms in Ouseburn and The Stand in Newcastle. Their shows are monumentally popular and the group produces an incredibly high standard of entirely improvised comedy.

This year the North East’s top comedy group welcomes accomplished author Stella Duffy and Richard Vranch from Whose Line is it Anyway as their guests. Full of festive fun and innovative ideas, the cast will have you laughing all evening long. The production will be at the Northern Stage for one night only so get tickets early to avoid disappointment!

Georgia Snow Milli Atkinson

For a young sibling: A set of new felt tips or a new tube of paints will never fail to thrill (around £5) For the Brother: Puppetry of the Penis by Simon Morley - your mum will hate it, but he will love it. And yes, it is exactly what it says on the package- pardon the pun (£5 on amazon) For the Sister: Go to the top floor of Waterstones where you’ll find the art/photography section and select one of their many beautiful photography books. Whether she’s into nature, fashion or politics, there is something for everyone (around £20) For the Girlfriend: Take her to her favourite musical in London followed by a romantic evening in the capital city (around £50 each, depending on the seats and whether you travel by train or Megabus) For the Boyfriend: A poster of urban art/ Banksy or his favourite band. Attempts to culture him are (usually) futile (around £10) And in case you’re skint... Why not make your own presents this year- everyone thinks your amazing for making such an effort and you save some pennies, so everyone’s happy!

Try personalising a t-shirt with some fabric pens and stickers that you can iron on, or paint an old jam jar with their name and festive pictures and then fill it with sweets or fudge! (around £2-3, Poundland is the place to go!)

No Time for Fig Leaves Culture Lab 25- 27 November

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world run solely by women is a scary thought for anyone, male or female. So when an atomic explosion occurs, wiping out all but two of mankind (but not womankind), the NUT’s performance of ‘No Time for Fig Leaves’ demonstrated the hilarity that may occur.

With an eclectic cast of the floosy prime minister, the docile sergeant major, the power-hungry naval commander and many others, a farcical plot gave way to a very amusing performance. The two remaining men gave hilarious performances, one being an egotistical officer ready to fulfil his ‘duties’ to womankind, the other being an eccentric scientist, more focused on books than a wish to impregnate the world. A definite favourite of mine was the adorable relationship enacted between David (male scientist) and Lydia (female scientist) as they melted the hearts of the audience with their plans to run away to the country and rear frogs (strange I know).

All in all, the play provided both an interesting social experiment and a completely farcical comedy, which highlighted the complete breakdown that would occur if women ran the world (sorry Beyoncé).

Alexandra Walker

Aladdin

Theatre Royal 27 November - 19 January

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he Theatre Royal’s pantomimes are infamous for being everything a panto should be; they are comical, current and manage to make a hundred more inappropriate penis jokes in front of children then you would ever be allowed to on TV. This year, we were welcomed into the wonderful world of Aladdin which saw some hilariously stereotypical outfits for the amazing Dame Rita, whose legs blow my mind every year. The jokes were brilliantly bad and crude, but that is all you need from a panto. There was water being thrown, plate being smashing, people fell over and an awkward non-scripted moment when a children held a balloon in the wrong place leaving the actors and audience in pieces.

The story admittedly lacked a real plot, but then again this is not really what people except from a pantomime for it is the timing and the atmosphere of fun that is created.

The three main actors Chris Hayward, Clive Webb and Danny Adams showed us what a true panto is, and the fact they are local heroes didn’t hinder their performance either; plenty of colloquialisms and jokes about Sunderland went down well with the audience who loved every second of it as much as I did.

Sally Priddle

Twelfth Night

Culture Lab 29 November - 1 December

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he recent NUTS production of Twelfth Night was a lively revival of the classic. Shipwrecked in Illyria, and pining her brother Sebastian, Viola disguises herself as a male attendant of Count Orsino. She quickly finds herself in the awkward love triangle between the Master that she loves and his unrequited lover, Olivia. Throw into the mix Olivia’s drunken uncle, his foolish friend, a clever clown and the plotting household maid, Maria, who together scheme against the dour (yet stunningly performed) Malvolio, leading him to believe that Olivia in fact loves him, and you get calculated chaos!

The directors opted for a post-First World War English setting, with an authentically minimal Shakespearean set, the scarceness of which was disguised by the novel use of an open stage, entailing audience members situated on two sides.

Whilst this is a play all about deception and disguise, nothing was hidden from the audience’s view, a risk that certainly paid off.

Sticking to Shakespearean language can be daunting for actors and audiences alike, but this performance was fantastically cast, proved by the faultlessly eloquent, engaging and entertaining production.

Harriet Sale

32.musicreviews

Monday 10 December 2012

The Courier

Music Editors: Chris Haywood and Sam Summers Online Music Editor: Sophie Coletta

How To Buy...

Christmas Records

Album Previews: Anticipated records of 2013

A$AP Rocky

Kris Holland gives his guide to what you should be smooching to under the mistletoe and what should be thrown out with the wrapping paper For Beginners: Cee Lo Green Cee Lo’s Magic Moments (1980) It’s tricky to define how you can be a beginner at Christmas, as there are a lot of regurgitated songs that you hear every year, without fail and can’t really avoid. So if you really want something that serves as a great introduction to... Christmas, then Cee Lo takes you through all the classics with a couple of originals in there. He also brings in Rod Stewart and The Muppets. Be careful though: if you listen to this before any other Christmas albums, it sets the benchmark pretty high, and you won’t be prepared to listen to any of the schmoozy sentimental crap.

For Experts: She & Him A Very She & Him Christmas (1984) For the seasoned Christmasser who’s seen and heard it all this is perfect Christmas Day music, but it takes a bit of finding.

It’s music to have on in the background that will win over the whole family. Your grandma, whilst munching on her broccoli, will comment on how lovely it is, and ask who it is and the teenagers of both genders will be instantly enamoured with it when you tell them it’s Zooey Deschanel off of New Girl and (500) Days Of Summer singing it. She’s universally loved, not unlike Christmas, and it’s exactly the sort of Christmas album a Christmas expert would endorse. I think. Or at least, I hope.

For The Bin: Cliff Richard Cliff At Christmas (2008) Cliff Richard, for many, is the epitome of Christmas. For me, he is everything that is wrong with it.

He’s the Queen’s speech, he’s the cleaning up of wrapping paper, and he shouldn’t still be putting out music. He should just leave us all alone to open our presents and gorge ourselves in peace. It’s too smarmy, it’s too sugary, and it’s also a bit electro in a strange way that’s just horrifically out of date.

This may not be too pleasing for some people, but there’s a simple test. Play Cee Lo’s version of ‘Silent Night’, then play Cliff ’s. Then tell me who you want to get coal for Christmas. (It’s Cliff, he’s crap.) So yes, leave this album to go the way of Cliff ’s sexuality: into a land of ambiguity, tuts and hushed whispers. Then go back and listen to Cee and Zooey.

Kris Holland

Album Title: LongLiveA$AP Release Date: Early Spring 2013

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$AP Rocky is the hottest thing to come out of Harlem since the foul-mouthed Azealia Banks. Despite critical acclaim for his 2011 mixtape LiveLoveA$AP, next year will see the release of his studio debut. Entitled LongLiveA$AP, the album was initially due for release earlier this year, but the date has been postponed twice, and apparently is taking longer to master than anticipated. Speculation is rife as to what we might expect.

Already released to tide fans over are ‘Goldie’ and ‘Fuckin’ Problems’, which lit up blogs across the world as the first releases from the up-coming album. The latter features verses from 2Chainz, Drake and Kendrick Lamar, all three of whom are currently operating at the top of their game (with the possible exception of Hip Hop’s latest novelty act, 2Chainz). If the sinister keyboards and infectious drumbeat are anything to go by, we are in for a treat.

A$AP’s lackadaisical New York drawl has lost none of its appeal, and collaborations with Lil Wayne, Schoolboy Q and DJ Khaled suggest that Hip Hop’s new school agree. From the new album we can expect low-key but infectious production, and plenty of high-profile guest stars. Let’s just hope he gets it finished ASAP.

Album Title: Arc Release Date: 14 January 2013

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verything Everything’s debut album was a conquest. Like a journey in a malfunctioning U.F.O with a small choir and an assortment of percussion for company, you never quite knew where you were. The album was exciting and new, emerging from the ripples of British indie-rock, and rising triumphantly. How will their new album Arc compare?

‘Cough Cough’ provides an exploration into many different musical ideas, and is just what we have come to expect from the diverse Everything Everything. Opening with intricate rhythms, marching band percussion, and those instantly familiar falsetto vocals, it is recognisable and yet not tedious. It manages to provide something new and innovative, twisting and turning at every corner.

With all the energy and excitement in ‘Cough Cough’, the first listen is slightly overwhelming and it ends so abruptly it takes a moment to realise it’s finished. The second track, ‘Kemosabe’, provides some immediate and cherished respite, without lacking in rhythmic and dynamic diversions.

The rest of the album sits beautifully with these two songs, with some intense focus on singer Jonathan Higg’s mesmerizing melodies, and sections of instrumental genius. Arc looks to be an incredibly diverse album, and it should be met with success.

Charlie Dearnley

Album Title: Opposites Release Date: 28 January 2013

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zealia Banks refuses to put an album out on time. She has constantly put her debut back, and back, and now apparently we can hear it in 2013. If it’s to be like the rest of her releases, such as the Fantasea mixtape or the 1991 EP, then we have absolutely no idea what to expect because they’re both batshit mental, and it’s pretty hard to hear what she says on the songs.

She’s best known for rapping really quickly about rude things being eaten, but apart from that it’s really hard to tell what to expect from her proposed LP next year.

To dig a little deeper, I headed over to her website to try and figure out what we were in for. I then spent the next 20 minutes playing Fantasea: The Game, whereby you swim around an ocean, as a mermaid Azealia Banks, collecting stars to the sound of ‘212’. So, again, I’m left not knowing a great deal except that she’s batshit mental.

It’s difficult to judge her future output based on her current tracks because they just DONT MAKE ANY SENSE AT ALL. I’d expect mermaids, swearing, gravelly vocals and some ridiculously crude spitting from Azealia. But that really is just a very vague guess, and we’ll all be waiting with baited breath if we don’t get bored of the madness and constant delays from the woman who told Nicki Minaj she was ‘too busy’ to tour with her. Oof.

iffy Clyro’s distinctive pop/rock sound is one that has enjoyed increasing success over the last few years and their next record, planned to be a double album, is highly anticipated.

Some lucky concert goers have already had the treat of seeing several of the upcoming release’s songs performed live, and what little they reveal about the forthcoming album is promising. The unique Scottish vocals that everyone knows and loves are of course still there and while many bands seem to fall prey to the clichés of pop it is heartening to see this is not the case with Biffy.

‘Black Chandelier’ for the most part continues in the more indie vein, starting with vocal harmonies which could have come from a band like Alt J. ‘Stingin’ Belle’, on the other hand, delivers a much heavier and grungier feel with guitar riffs that sound like they are straight out of a metal act and that would’ve been at home on one of their earlier albums. Both songs of course feature the band’s trademark uplifting choruses.

The variety and experimentation shown in these two tracks are a good sign for the rest of the album.

Biffy seem all set to deliver a killer album that will continue their slow trend of change towards stadium rock while perhaps delivering a few nice little numbers for their older fans as well.

Kris Holland

Adam Bristow-Smith

Lewis Lister

Everything Everything

Biffy Clyro

Azealia Banks

Album Title: Broke With Expensive Taste Release Date: February 2013

Foals

Lady Gaga

Album Title: Holy Fire Release Date: February 2013

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ith new track ‘Inhaler’, Foals have blasted the front door off the safe indie cottage they used to live in with a defiant ‘FU’ to their expectations. By the time we get to the chorus after a tense build-up, we are slapped in the face with a sledgehammer riff unlike anything that I believed the little guys from Oxford could have done. Clearly Andrew Mears has a few tricks hidden in that beard.

The video is another matter; dark yes, sinister yes, unsettling yes, and altogether quite pretentious.

Featuring some sort of ritualistic cult breathing together and short clips of people standing about a bit and doing stuff I was left wondering what the bloody hell was going on. It definitely has some sort of effect. I just don’t know what that is.

After all this thrashing about they took a step back into their safe indie cottage for a cup of tea on Jools Holland last week, with the new new track ‘My Number’. With little guitar riffs floating about around a catchy bass line, this is altogether more like the Foals we know. The contrast, though, leaves a big question in your face: what will Holy Fire be like as a whole upon its release on February 11th?

In-your-face-melting rock or sit-back-and-relax indie? Most likely it will sound like a schizophrenic maniac on Red Bull and a seesaw; and quite frankly I can’t wait.

Tom Payne

Album Title: ARTPOP! Release Date: Spring 2013

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t’s hard being the world’s biggest popstar, and with a new album due in early 2013, Stefani Germanotta has a hell of a lot to live up to. The singer is now renowned as a hypedup Madonna-on-E-numbers for the 21st Century. Outside the music, she’s pure art Marmite: her relatively short career has been a headlinebaiting flurry of stunts, alter-egos and general craziness. Whether you love her or hate her, you can’t deny her influence as a thoroughly modern, imaginative icon, and ARTPOP! is set to be an acknowledgment of Gaga’s status as a living, breathing work of art.

Musically, we don’t have much to go by so far.

The bizarrely sexy ‘Cake’ sounds like vintage Gaga, carefully constructed and with that wonderfully addictive polished pop sensibility. And with ‘like 50 songs’ to choose from, there’s sure to be plenty more of the same on what could be an epic-scale album.

The only foreseeable problem is that Gaga has peaked. Although Born This Way was a huge success, it couldn’t hit the highs of her debut. Maybe she has set the bar too high - and it’s important that she doesn’t come across as trying too hard.

In short, then, it’s hard to know exactly what to expect from the world’s premier purveyor of madhouse pop, but it’s sure to be exciting.

Alex Bell

The Courier

localmusic.33

Monday 10 December 2012

thecourieronline.co.uk/music c2.music@ncl.ac.uk | @courier_music

sceNE: Roundup of 2012

Delving into the region’s exploding music scene, for our final issue of the year we remember some of the best material to have come out of the North East over the last twelve months sol.

Kaleidoscope

EP 2

Natasha Haws

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Shields

Mausi

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Young Liar

ulture clash at its finest is one way to describe the electric stylings of Italian siblings Thomas and Daisy Finetto, and home grown Geordies Ben and Benjamin. Combining in 2010 after meeting at University in the Northeast, to form Mausi, an uplifting four piece whose EP sol., released by label All Things Go, transports the listener to a scene of sun scorched euphoria upon European dance floors.

The EP’s electronic-indie vibe soaked in the carefree flair of a disco floor-filler, blend perfectly to create catchy, feel-good tracks which shine a refreshing ray of light into this otherwise overcast genre. The punchy and explosive remixes of the title track ‘sol.’, each contrasting slightly from the next yet retaining the exuberant ethos of this EP, are harmonized perfectly by the effortless yet vibrant vocals of the Finetto brood, to create an effervescent array of future festival sensations. The upbeat and fun loving atmosphere of the EP is complemented by a driving pulse and beat reminiscent of influential artists such as Breakbot, Pony Pony Run Run and Phoenix, from whence flows the inspiration for Mausi’s shimmering sound.

Originally made available by way of free download, alongside the self-produced video which cleverly reflects the EPs summer-fun feel with scenes of idyllic seascapes, Mausi have kicked up a storm since the release. Already hailed as one of ‘Amazing Radio’s Tips for 2013’ off the back of their success, ‘sol.’s heat is set to intensify in the coming year, making them a must on any January bluesbusting playlist. Whether you’re sunning yourself on beaches in the meditation or battling the blistering cold of Newcastle’s icy wind, Mausi will heat you up and have you dancing in no time.

hields have emerged this year with their EP Kaleidoscope in an undeniably exciting fashion, providing infectious melodies and professional musicianship. They’ve succeeded in creating a recognizable sound amid a growing scene of alt-pop in the region, and are set to explode onto bigger things in the near future.

The local band have ventured far afield, touring around Europe in the past year, and have played some extraordinary concerts. This success in touring is irrefutably due to their exhilarating and energetic live performance; they thrive on the stage, and seek to provide a unique and personal performance for everyone in the audience.

Their music is made for dancing; upbeat synth melodies and choruses make it difficult not to move your feet when listening to this EP, with ‘Momentum’ and ‘Silhouette’ providing a strong driving force through to the last crotchet. It makes for a captivating listen, to say the very least.

Their ambitious cover of SBTRKT’s ‘Pharaohs’ epitomizes their innovative musical capability, as they have transformed the indie-electro track into something that is immediately recognizable as their own. It blends in effortlessly, with next to no recognizable diversion from their energetic synth and vocal orientated sound.

The band are already receiving growing recognition, with Kylie Minogue tweeting about their childishly illogical music video for ‘Mezzanine’, involving love, heartbreak, abuse and resurrection, acted out with sock puppets.

With such an electrifying debut release, I for one am waiting with anticipation to see what the future promises for this seemingly unstoppable force from the North-East.

Dominique Daly

Charlie Dearnley

Natasha Haws

his EP combines some of the greater moments of modern day British music and should see Young Liars getting the attention they greatly deserve.

‘Stay Hungry, Stay Crazy’ immediately builds into a Mogwai-esc wall of sound, the heavy drums and bass line which rumble like a Joy Division track, though the Shoegaze element to their sound drags the listener into a dream, which builds to a crescendo.

This couldn’t be a better precursor for ‘Sponsored Silence’, which begins with the break-beat of a Wisdom track but through delays and reverbs ends with an ever-ascending noise, which is beautifully melodic and begs the question why any band has a vocalist when emotion can be translated into sound so perfectly.

The latter two tracks of the EP both begin with an early Foals feel, as the guitars are syncopated.

This is not, however, an accurate comparison. ‘It’s Your IQ That’s In Danger’ and ‘Don’t Tell Marlow’ both transcend like a good National track, showing intelligent writing. An EP which would translate fantastically to a live setting.

t isn’t uncommon for a girl of seventeen to have a beautiful voice. However, for Natasha Haws to have not only this but also the ability to tell such wonderful stories that will melt the heart of any listener is a rare find. With these three heartfelt stories on her eponymous EP, Natasha blossomed and cemented her place at the forefront of the thriving music scene in the North East.

The opening track, ‘Stepping Stone’, tells her saddening tale of being on the wrong side of a selfish relationship, in such a way that it is impossible not to feel a lump in your throat and identify with her.

There’s a similar sentiment to her second track, ‘Happiness’; as the call of a girl crying out for the same thing most teenagers cry out for, the title says it all. The closing track, ‘Constant Fairytale’, again is quite lovely, in viewing the world through the ‘spaceman’s eyes’ of her disabled brother.

It’s safe to say that it is a matter of time before Natasha is important to a lot more people than those of us who live locally. A sure star in the making.

Max Palmer-Geaves

Ian Mason

Go online and find out which upcoming releases from local artists we’re already looking forward to from 2013, as well as a bunch of exclusive live reviews and interviews, at www.thecourieronline.co.uk/music

Oh, what a night: Mumford & Sons

Rachel Horrocks gives us the lowdown on The Mumf’s show at the Metro Radio Arena...

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efore I get to Mumford & Sons, I feel I should mention the pre-show ‘entertainment’ – Piff The Magic Dragon. It was a guy dressed as a dragon with next-to-no banter and no talent.

A discombobulating display of dissatisfactory magic and animal cruelty, he whipped out a terrified Chihuahua, also dressed as a dragon, and dragged it along the stage on its hind legs in a desperate plea to make it do the moon walk. I do not condone such behaviour. The high regard that I

once held for Marcus Mumford and the rest of the guys decreased slightly for allowing such terrible antics to fill in. Let’s just stick to music between acts shall we?

Anyway, Mumford & Sons – they were good. Really good. For a recent band, formed in the back end of 2007, I was really impressed with their wealth of experience and their sheer talent. The guys took to the stage with an explosion of cheering and screams from a very excited and hyped up audience, this atmosphere continued throughout

the night, and as I took time to scan the seating area for their reaction I was impressed to see a great majority of them standing up and clapping and joining in too.

They opened their set with the relatively heavy song ‘Babel’ from their latest album of the same name. It was amazing; they demonstrated a powerful opening performance, and they continued in this vein throughout the evening. I don’t think I’ve been to a gig with so much swaying, yet also a fair bit of frantic dancing too. ‘I Will Wait’ was played next, a song which strikes you to the core, which was also amazing, tantalizing in fact. Marcus has a beautiful voice, which was, in my opinion, even truer on the night, as his similarly beautiful face was plastered on big screen in monochrome – it was just beautiful. They’re hot. They’re hotter in monochrome.

The band played their most well-known songs from both Babel and Sigh No More, including: ‘Little Lion Man’, ‘Awake My Soul’, ‘Lover of the Light’ and ‘Ghosts That We Knew’. Every single song was played incredibly, and Marcus, Ben, Country, and Ted all excelled themselves. My particular favourite was ‘White Blank Page’. It came on fairly late, with lyrics to melt your heart, beautiful faces, raw emotion and fancy strobe lighting; this song was certainly what it was all about. I must note here

that Mumford & Sons’ fan-base was largely composed of couples, who were massively PDA-ing to their cute songs. It was cute but also soul destroying, I’d imagine, for the singletons in the room swaying on their own.

They ended by going to the podium in the middle-back of the standing area to play a near-a capella ‘Timshel’ and ‘Reminder’, which was great for those at the back but unfortunate for everyone else as obviously the sound system was at the main stage. It was really quiet, and annoying when you battled your way to the front then they finish elsewhere. You try battle your way backwards, but then the encore was back at the main stage. Pingponging in a sweaty audience wasn’t my highlight.

The encore consisted of their ultimate classic ‘The Cave’, which was greeted with a wave of cheers, and thousands of giggers singing their hearts out in unison. Again, t’was beautiful. Then there was the finale – an unexpected and highly welcomed rendition of ‘With a Little Help From My Friends’

by The Beatles, the support act The Dawes collaborating with them. It was a cracking note to end on – everyone was already loved up by this point so when the classic came on in Mumford-style a wave of people throughout the arena grabbed hold of their mates and had a few emotional moments of love spreading.

The Courier

musicfeatures.35

Monday 10 December 2012

So, what went on in 2012 then?

From Whitney Houston to MCA, Cheryl Cole to Ian Brown, and Frank Ocean to Pussy Riot, The Courier looks back at some of the biggest music headlines of 2012...

February

- Deaths in the music industry -

May

- The Stone Roses reunite -

They said it would never happen, but money talks, and 2012 saw the triumphant return of influential Manchester four-piece The Stones Roses. Putting aside their differences to give their fans what they wanted, Ian Brown, John Squire, Reni and Mani called a news conference late last year and announced three homecoming concerts in Heaton Park, Manchester for the summer of 2012. Speculation mounted as to whether they could pull it off, but they stormed through the comeback gigs without a hitch and followed them up with dates across Europe. Apart from a brief spat in Amsterdam that saw drummer Reni walk off stage after a disagreement with Brown, the reunion went off without any problems. With shows already lined up for next summer and continued talk of a new album, it’s safe to say we haven’t seen the last of The Stones Roses.

Matty Aston

It’s fair to say 2012 has proved to be another particularly brutal year for deaths in the music industry. February brought arguably the greatest loss of the past twelve months with the death of 48-year-old American superstar Whitney Houston. The ‘I Will Always Love You’ singer was sadly never able to overcome her near decade-long addiction to crack cocaine, to the despair of her millions of fans around the world. Adam ‘MCA’ Yauch, founding member of pioneering rap trio the Beastie Boys was another notable loss to the music world in 2012. Despite an initially positive prognosis, the 47 year old succumbed following a three-year battle with cancer of the salivary gland. Of the slightly older generation, soul singer Etta James, legendary crooner Andy Williams and Davy Jones, lead singer of The Monkees, were among those who passed on. It’s been a bad year all round.

Matty Aston

- Frank Ocean comes out of the closet -

July

- Music in the Olympic ceremonies -

The Olympics were obviously a massive event in 2012, and did a lot for promoting British music on the world stage. The opening ceremony took people on a journey through 40 years of British Music, as well as performances from such artists as Dizzee Rascal, Arctic Monkeys and of course Paul McCartney, with a classic rendition of that Beatles crowd pleaser ‘Hey Jude’. The closing ceremony was also a musical extravaganza, with key performers including Emeli Sandé, The Spice Girls, Ed Sheeran, Pet Shop Boys, Jessie J, Elbow, and The Who. Both ceremonies did much for the British music scene, with rave reviews for artists like Sandé rife among the world press, and some newspapers labelling the opening ceremony the most rock n roll ever. Even though music stole the show, it was still brilliant seeing Daniel Craig supposedly leap from a helicopter with the Queen.

July

On 4 July the Odd Future singer admitted that his first love was a man whom ‘four summers ago’ he had spent ‘everyday almost’ with. As an urban artist he knew he was going to face a lot of naysayers and people willing to make a joke out of his sexuality. After homophobic lyrics from Odd Future and those affiliated with them – including Tyler, The Creator’s ‘Yonkers’, possibly the most disgusting song ever – you can see why people wouldn’t believe. Tyler, however, tweeted “My Big Brother Finally Fucking Did That. Proud Of That Nigga”. Deep words. The sincerity of the post could bring about a possible breakthrough in the urban music world; Lil Wayne has already slagged him off and made homophobic comments in his new song, will he be next to change his ways?

Josh Nicholson

Tim Sewell

- Pussy Riot imprisoned -

October

- Girls Aloud get back together -

After solo success for Geordie Queen Wor Cheryl and a one hit wonder for Nadine, the girls finally decided to reform. The reformation coincides with the 10th anniversary of the group being formed on Popstars: The Rivals. The anniversary has seen the group of ‘Sound Of The Underground’ and ‘No Good Advice’ fame release a new single, ‘Something New’, which is as catchy as any other Girls Aloud song. The girls are going on an arena tour next year, starting right here in Newcastle at the Metro Radio Arena. You can go to the concert with the girls’ own brand of eyelashes on, and be ready for them to get the party started. With groups such as Little Mix trying to emulate their success Girls Aloud the reformation will put a spanner in the works, and hopefully people will realise what a great girl group can once more.

Josh Nicholson

August

One of the major news stories of 2012 centred on the plight of Russian female punk outfit Pussy Riot, and their trial and subsequent detention. The band was arrested and 3 members of the group put on trial, after they performed an anti-Putin song in a Moscow cathedral in February. Their detainment was justified on the grounds that they were guilty of ‘hooliganism motivated by religious hatred’, though the band claimed it was as a result of a crackdown

by Russia on free speech and political activism. One of those arrested was released but the other 2 were sentenced to two years in harsh remote prisons in Russia. All of this was not surprising in the year of an election which Putin was contesting, but it does not reflect well on Russia’s tolerance of musical activism, and it is a shame for the world music scene that artists in other countries are unable to speak freely about issues.

Tim Sewell

36.tvlistings

Monday 10 December 2012

The Courier

TV Editor: Chris Taylor Online TV Editor: Ben Parkin

Top

5

TV Christmas Specials

Gavin And Stacey The Christmas special from the Billericay based sitcom is a hilarious extended episode that features the Welsh contingent coming to visit, and Smithy spending his first Christmas with his son. However revelations mean that this Christmas isn’t going to stay peaceful with that many people under one roof.

Holiday Highlights: What to watch this festive season After stuffing your face with turkey and Christmas pudding, there’s little better than sitting in front of the TV and chilling out like a couch potato. But with every channel putting out show after show just for the Christmas season, it can be hard choosing what to pick. Let The Courier writers help you choose!

The Of�ice The swansong from Steven Merchant and Ricky Gervais’ critically acclaimed comedy series. The first special focuses on David Brent and his life after the office, trying to maintain his status. But all the best bits are in the second one, set at the Office Christmas Party, with Dawn and Tim finally getting together, and Brent telling Finchy where to stick it, while Brent finally manages to make the office laugh…with an impression of Frank Spencer from Some Mothers Do ‘Ave ‘Em.

Knowing Me, Knowing Yule Alan Partidge’s Christmas special of Knowing Me, Knowing You, his chat show, is an example of the best in cringe comedy. Predictably for the Norwich celebrity, everything that can go wrong, does. Alan gets more and more desperate for a second series, pleading the commissioning editor of the BBC to give him one, ending disastrously. AH-HA!

Downton Abbey Christmas Special ITV1

W

hen we last saw the people of Downton Abbey, they were all playing a not-soexciting game of cricket (and we didn’t even find out who won).

But now, for the Christmas special, we pick up several months later and the Crawleys are off on their annual summer holiday to Scotland (doesn’t sound very Christmassy to me).

Edith’s boss just so happens to be on holiday nearby – and Matthew and Mary are none too pleased as Edith gets closer to Gregson, and feisty Lady Rose is back. But while upstairs is away, downstairs will play. There is yet another new maid in the form of Edna and love is finally in the air for Mrs Patmore, all while Carson is trying to retain some form of order, as ever.

And with the news that Dan Stevens has quit the show, will Matthew’s relationship with Mary take a turn for the worse? Anything’s possible.

Chloe Carroll

Room on the Broom BBC1

Call The Midwife BBC1

A

nother animated festive treat presented to us by Magic Light Pictures, who gave us The Gruffalo and The Gruffalo’s Child.

Room on The Broom is based on the children’s picture book by Children’s Laureate Julia Donaldson and Axel Scheffler.

The half-hour film is about a nice witch who goes all Noah and invites a collection of animals to join her on her broom. Unsurprisingly, this doesn’t go down very well with her cat. Without spoiling too much, the groups of misfits find themselves up against a fearsome beast, and have to combine forces to save the day.

The film, narrated by Simon Pegg, stars an impressive array of voice talent, boasting Gillian Anderson as the Witch, with Rob Brydon, Martin Clunes, Sally Hawkins, David Walliams and Timothy Spall comprising the rest of the cast. If you’re after a cartoon Christmas caper, this could be the one to look out for.

Matt Tate

M

iranda Hart and the other bicycling midwives return for a one off Call the Midwife Christmas special, leading up to a new series starting next year.

It’s Christmas 1957, and a baby is found left on the doorsteps of the midwives’ convent because, as we all know, babies are often involved in Christmas miracles. Everyone rallies together to try and find the mother, while still dealing with the show’s usual mix of medical emergencies, romances and Cockney community dramas. And there’s still a Nativity play which needs organising too. Plus, Pam Ferris does a fart gag. Everything you need at Christmas!

The first series of the East End baby-a-thon has been one of the most watched new dramas BBC One has ever produced, so it’s been paired against Downton Abbey as part of a festive ratings war. Expect your Mum and your Nan to be fighting over the remote for this one.

Becca Price

The Royle Family Most families will all gather round the TV this Christmas, so it makes sense to watch a family doing the same. Denise can’t cook the turkey and Dave’s dad can’t say “Barbara”… but Denise has a new sofa so it’s all okay. Although not every family has a turkey in the bath, the Christmas gathering is one we can all see ourselves involved in.

Father Ted Ted and Dougal head to a department store for presents when they mistakably end up in the lingerie section of the store. There, they find several other priests and try desperately to escape with the help from Father Ted’s genius. A Christmas cracker full of awkward humour and a hilarious strategic escape. Truly one to remember year after year.

Helen Daly & Tim Sewell

The Girl BBC2

The Snowman and The Snowdog Channel 4

aving been trailed in glossy BBC 2 drama adverts since September, The Girl is finally set to be broadcast over Christmas.

A BBC-HBO drama, it focuses on the relationship between Alfred Hitchcock and Tippi Hedren, the star of a few of his films, most famously The Birds. As filming of The Birds goes on, Hitchcock, played by the always excellent Toby Jones, becomes infatuated with his new blonde star, played by Sienna Miller, and eventually begins making sexual demands of her. This results in damage to both their careers, with Hedren being cast in low-budget films and Hitchcock only making a few more films.

With supporting cast members including Imelda Staunton as Alma Hitchcock, Hitchcock’s wife, and Penelope Wilton as Peggy Robertson, his production assistant, and a script by Gwyneth Hughes, writer of The Mysteries Of Edwin Drood, this should be an excellent drama, with the added bonus of no Christmas schmaltz.

ne of the most beloved things ever broadcast around Christmas, The Snowman, is a wordless, hand drawn piece of perfection which gets broadcast at least once every year.

This year however, Channel 4 have created a sequel to celebrate its thirtieth anniversary, with much of the original team returning to use the same traditional animation techniques. It sees another boy making friends with the Snowman, only this time with a magical snow pet, going on more snowy adventures around the world.

It will be interesting to see if this version can live up to the heights of its predecessor. The production worked closely with author Raymond Briggs, who has called it ‘absolutely super’, but the music is partly being done by the drummer from Razorlight, so we’ll see. Channel 4 will be broadcasting both of them back to back, which will hopefully guarantee an hour of sheer childlike joy.

Alex Morgan

Becca Price

H

O

Doctor Who Christmas Special BBC1

Y

ou’re full up on turkey and festive spirit, the first programme you’ll probably watch after a busy day of presents and fun will be the Doctor Who Christmas Special, The Snowmen.

Always my Christmas highlight, Doctor Who never fails to deliver some fun and adventure to the TV. And this year promises to be a cracker! From the trailer, we’ve been promised scary snowmen, Richard E. Grant and most importantly, a Christmas adventure.

Let us not forget also that this episode is the premier outing for the Doctor’s new assistant, Jenna Louise Coleman (apart from THAT appearance in Asylum of the Daleks earlier this year). The story is set after the emotional departure of Amy and Rory in Manhattan, and the Doctor feels lonely and considers giving up on his adventures.

Enter a breath of fresh air from Clara (Coleman) and he seems sure to change his mind immediately! Let the adventures continue!

Helen Daly

The Courier

featurestv.37

Monday 10 December 2012

thecourieronline.co.uk/tv c2.tv@ncl.ac.uk | @courier_tv

‘Tis the season to spend loads of money Christmas adverts have already been around for a few months. John Lewis have unveiled their latest nostalgia filled, schmaltz-fest so we thought it only right to take a look at a few of the best/worst Waitrose Very

Waitrose are claiming that this year they’re not having another typical “fancy advert” for Christmas and are instead focusing their efforts on giving to charity. Slightly ironic then that their parent John Lewis is continuing with the over the top Christmas ad theme, presumably costing millions… While there has been some controversy over the celebrity endorsement, apparently both Delia Smith and Heston Blumenthal have waived their fees.

But arguably the most expensive part of advertising is buying the slot on prime time television in the first place. The dressing up, or in Waitrose’s case, dressing down of the set doesn’t make much of a difference to the overall cost. Maybe we shouldn’t be too cynical, though. After all, promoting charity giving rather than advocating sexist themes such as mum the housewife being behind the success of Christmas is not necessarily a bad thing. Waitrose, therefore, definitely win the “holier than thou” prize in comparison to other supermarket’s substandard advertising.

Debenhams

Men, amirite? You can’t trust them to buy Christmas presents on their own. They’ll only embarrass themselves. They’d probably try to eat the wrapping paper if left unsupervised. Thank goodness the women have it sorted, with an instant line to Holly Willoughby and Fearne Cotton and their army of pink present-purchasing paratroopers.

When the two indistinguishable Willo-Cottons are alerted of a Man Gift, they immediately dispatch a troop of parcel-wielding agents from their arctic Bond Villain lair. Emergency presents arrive immediately to halt the disaster. Mother-In-Law enjoys her perfume, Silly Man smiles cluelessly, Clever Woman winks knowingly at the camera. Willo-Cottons’ minions cheer like NASA at the Moon Landing. Disaster averted.

Very have decided the best way of reaching out to consumers is by dismissing half the planet as a bunch of blundering morons who can’t handle the responsibility of buying bubble bath for their own mothers. It fits in neatly with the ‘Women do everything for their lazy, ungrateful families’ image of other Christmas ads. If the genders were reversed, OFCOM would have been firebombed by now.

Becca Price

Rosanna Hutchings

It seems Debenhams are not ones to do Christmas adverts. This year’s “Christmas Made Fabulous” is the first in about 6 years. So, instead of splashing the cash year in year out like John Lewis to create something a bit too schmaltzy, Debenhams seems to capture the reality, not the nostalgia, of Christmas. Busy city streets, people getting ready for the annual Christmas party in which they’ll look nice but, after a few bottles of wine, will probably be making out with the guy from HR in the toilets, people getting ready to celebrate in their own special way. The basis of the advert is going home for Christmas, something most non-local students can understand. Train through the country, arriving at home to be greeted by family.

OK, it might not be as snowy and pretty as the advert, and instead of a man of a smashing jumper, you’d probably get someone blaring music stupidly loud sat next to you, but it captures something proper about Christmas.

It’s either that or I just really fancy the main girl in the red coat that does the cute spin when she leaves the train station.

Morrisons It’s that time of the year again; the bells are jingling, people are dragging trees into their living rooms and everybody’s on snow watch. The supermarkets meanwhile, are busy dabbling in some traditional festive sexism. Whilst some retailers are swooning over the power of love, foodie powerhouses Morrisons are more interested in the power of Mum. In the Morrisons one, it’s not only the haircuts that harbour a distinctly retro feel. The first time we see Mum, she is dangling helplessly from the attic flailing her leg around in search of the stepladder. Luckily, she doesn’t fall and break both of her legs, which really would be controversial. Nevertheless, after watching Dad frazzle the Christmas tree, his only real contribution to the preparation, things only get more daunting for our heroine. Whether she’s wrestling the oversized turkey in the ring, or sat on top of a mountainous pile of brussel sprouts, there is no downtime for the Morrisons mum. And when she finally sits down to enjoy her handiwork, her face does little to conceal the psychological damage only possible in the aftermath of single-handedly catering for what appears to be the entire neighborhood.

The adverts are undoubtedly just a bit of light-hearted fun, and most households are indeed indebted to Santa Mum on the big day. But the sexist undertones are more than a bit lazy in 2012. Behind every great Christmas there may well be Mum, but the modern family likes to chip in as well. Hopefully next year in supermarket fantasyland, Dad and the kids might offer to peel a few potatoes.

Chris Taylor

We asked our TV writers and fellow The Courier editors their favourite memories of TV at Christmas

Watching the Only Fools and Horses Christmas specials at the beginning of the noughties became essential TV viewing with my family over the festive period. Seeing Del Boy and Rodney enjoying their millionaire lifestyles before being firmly brought back down to earth always provided good entertainment. That for me was the one programme that stood out above the rest and made TV worth watching on Christmas night! – Matty Aston

It’s that time of the year where awful adverts upon awful adverts are everywhere. None moreso than the “harbinger” of Christmas, Coca Cola.

Here, Becca Price takes a look about why trucks transporting drink is not the sign of Christmas

W

hat does it say about our society when the universally acknowledged herald of our most important religious/cultural festival is publicity for a soft drink?

‘OMG just saw the Coca Cola ad on TV =] totally Xmas!’

Shut up. Christmas isn’t Christmas until all of the following have happened: ‘Fairytale of New York’ is on the radio, Quality Street become part of your five-a-day and Baileys is a staple milk substitute.

Around the time that primary school teachers give up for the year and announce two solid weeks of decoration making and party games.

The Coca-Cola advert is usually shown the day after Halloween, which you catch a split second of while flicking channels or making a cup of tea.

That’s not particularly festive. Particularly as their ‘classic’ ad is just a bunch of lorries going down a motorway (but they have fairy lights, so we know it’s Christmassy).

When they withdrew that particular advert a few years ago, people started ringing up the company, demanding it be brought back, because it wasn’t Christmas without the image of a late night product shipping. Think of those poor lorry drivers.

They’re not at home with their families; they’re working over Christmas, driving up and down some icy B-Roads in terrible conditions to pay for Tiny Tim’s awful new Furby.

Matt Tate

And we’ll watch Christmas TV We have a rule in our house where we can’t open presents until everyone is awake and has had their breakfast. Luckily, as we wait for those in hibernation to emerge from their sleepy dens, A Muppets Christmas Carol is usually on some channel at some point in the morning. Nearly every year, Kermit and his pals soundtracks the opening of our Christmas presents.

Who better to soundtrack it? – Chris Taylor

BADvertisement

The Snowman leads to the only moment of harmonious bliss my family have on Christmas day; the fire is on, there is some form of large tin of chocolatey goodness and we sit and enjoy the magic of Bowie and the children’s classic. My love for this film means that despite being a semi-normal person, I remain utterly convinced that if I make a good enough snowman it will come alive – Sally Priddle

Christmas TV for my family usually consists of me and my sister getting annoyed with the other family members when they talk over the top of Doctor Who. It then comes down to a battle of whether to watch Coronation Street or the Strictly Come Dancing special. But it wouldn’t be the same without it. – Alexandra Stonebanks

Christmas isn’t all about warm, fuzzy cuddliness: back in the 1970s and 80s, the BBC commissioned adaptations of several of M.R. James’ masterful ghost stories for their Christmas schedule. Even having seen them all many times, there’s nothing I like more of a Christmas Eve than to settle down next to the fire, mulled wine in hand, watch fog roll in outside and scare myself shitless - Tom Nicholson Illustration: Hannah Scully

Their other typical seasonal ads usually involve kindly old Santa handing glass bottles of coke to smiling children in the snow; a sort of Victorian Christmas Card mash-up where Saint Nick himself is just another celebrity plugging Coca-Cola in a sponsorship deal.

And it’s not only Christmas. Their Indian arm is already making them a Diwali tradition too. Perhaps this is what will end global religious conflicts, when the world realises that our various Gods and philosophical systems don’t have the same emotional significance as a certain brand of fizzy drink.

But then other companies may fight back, and we end up battling over which gets served in restaurants in the Middle East instead.

‘Sorry, we don’t have coke, is Pepsi ok?’

‘DIE, HERETIC!’ Besides, this is Coca-Cola. The ultimate symbol of evil corporations, man. Their Wikipedia page summarises a century of criticism into one glorious sentence, accusing them of everything from ‘building plants in Nazi Germany which employed slave labour’ to ‘hiring paramilitary units to murder trade union leaders’.

Para-bloody-military units. Seriously. God, I could do with a Baileys hot chocolate right now.

38.filmfeatures

Monday 10 December 2012

The Courier

Film Editors: Hayley Hamilton and Sam Hopkins Online Film Editor: Chris Binding

5

Top

Festive fi lm-fest Thinking of a movie night in to end the winter term? Luke Hearfield gives The Courier his recommendations for the perfect film night

Alternative Christmas Films

Jingle All The Way

5

Arnold Schwarzenegger and Christmas: what’s not to love! The anti-consumerist message rings true as two fathers fight it out for the ultimate Christmas toy for their sons. Silly but fun, this film is so bad it’s actually kind of good.

4

Bad Santa

This film strips away all your childhood conceptions of Santa Claus, as Billy Bob Thornton takes the reins and is a very bad Santa. Involved in drinking, robbery and many more hedonistic misdemeanours, this particular Santa would definitely make it on to his own ‘naughty list’.

Twas the night before winter break, when the flatmates decided That a film fest was in order, but the room was divided While the girls wanted The Holiday, the men sighed with a moan “Stuff that” they said, “it’s got to be Home Alone!”

How about a film, that we can all enjoy?

What flick could satisfy, both girl and a boy?

The answer was obvious; simple of course As they all gathered round and watched, The Santa Clause.

All right, enough with the poetry I’ve stretched my festive creativity as far as it’s willing to bend. So, much like any annual Christmas bonanza that arrives far too early with Coca Cola adverts and Toys R Us jingles, it’s time to get lost in the spirit and partake in some holiday favourites. You and your flatmates can indulge in a night of festive favourites after you’ve attempted to cook whatever holiday treats you’ve spotted in the Lifestyle section.

As you gather in your living rooms, in your Primark jumpers and snuggling under a blanket because you’re too cheap to turn on the heating, here’s my

recommendations as to what movies will add a little bit of extra yuletide merriment to the occasion.

Commence the seasonal programming with Christmas one of the newest and Arthur Christmas, sweetest Christmas tales which even uni students can resonate with. Many Christmas films of late have failed to capture the magic we once felt when we were the runts of the family, Arthur Christmas is the wonderful optimistic tale of Santa’s son who will stop at nothing to make sure every child has the perfect Xmas.

Change the mood then to a more loveydovey atmosphere by popping Love Actually in your DVD player; the only film with an insane amount of intertangling plots which somehow works. While you may think it’s one for just the couples, the truth is that it’s actually a delightful comedy that just so happens to be set in the holidays.

While everyone has their guilty pleasure film, here is mine that I watch annually every year with my family: Way. This is by far the Jingle all the Way. best bad Christmas film ever.

Watch Arnold Schwarzenegger get into all kinds of shenanigans as he does some last minute shopping for the year’s hottest action figure ‘Turbo Man’. Stay tuned for one of my favourite lines in cinema history. “Put that cookie down! Now!” - Brilliant.

And to top it all off I would recommend finish-

ing on a film that will send you to bed with a smile on your face and warmth in your heart. Either The Muppets Christmas Carol, It’s a Wonderful Life or A Miracle on 34th Street.

You can’t go wrong with any of these films - it’s implied in their titles that you’re in for a happy ending (yes, The Muppets makes me smile).

And remember ‘tis the season to put on a few extra pounds, so be sure you have an assortment of sugary treats to choose from.

Whether it’s candy canes, After Eights or gingerbread men, be sure to over-indulge in all that is yummy and fattening – hey, it’s what New Year’s Resolutions are for, right?

Illustrations by: Isabelle Owens

3 Jingle All The Way all day

A Nightmare Before Christmas

A typical Burton film with plenty of gothic themes and a pinch of Halloween thrown in too, even though it is about Christmas. Jack Skellington discovers Christmas Town but cannot comprehend the odd concept of it. The dark, shadow-filled Burton style goes against everything bright and festive and makes this a truly alternative Christmas film.

2 Brazil This odd film about a bureaucrat in an Orwellian and dystopian future is actually Christmas-related.

The whole film is set in the festive period and takes swipes at commercialism; even Santa makes an appearance! A surreal masterpiece with Christmas, but not much cheer mixed in.

Die Hard

1

A Christmas party at the Nakatomi Plaza in LA, what could go wrong? Well in the eyes of NYPD officer John McClane, everything. A Christmas film without any presents, thanks to Alan Rickman’s plotting as notorious terrorist Hans Gruber. The perfect alternative Xmas film with plenty of ‘ho, ho, ho’s’ and machine gun fire.

Jacob Crompton-Schreiber

Online Film Editor Chris Binding discusses his favourite Christmas film

It’s evidently that type of year again: the powerguzzling light displays blaze brightly throughout the month, chuggers come out in strategic force and hell spills over as the dead shamble mindlessly outside Fennicks shop window. Yes it’s Christmas... bah humbug. If there’s one thing you can find reassuring about the festive month, it is the wave of yuletide cinematic capers adorning both TV and silver screen alike and everyone has a favourite.

For some it’s the classic It’s a Wonderful Life, others the extreme violence of Home Alone but personally, nothing sums up Christmas like Arnold Schwarzenegger punching a reindeer in the jaw.

Yes I’m talking about Jingle all The Way, potentially the best festive film ever made, with a cult status, replay value and one of the best (worst) performances of Ahhnold’s career.

For anyone who hasn’t yet experienced the caper about a father’s crazy journey to get the best selling Christmas toy for his son, here is a definitive guide to the film of bomb scares, consumer violence and secret Santa syndicates.

While Jingle All The Way is often remembered for remixed versions of quotes (“PUT THAT COOKIE DOWN!”) it actually captures the darker side of Christmas due to its consumerist themes.

The whole narrative drive of the film couples being a good father with providing consumer goods.

While Arnold risks life and limb for the fickle material cause, sociopath Sinbad is prepared to go to further lengths detonating explosives, taking people hostage and (potentially) killing children to achieveIllustrations by: Isabelle Owens

his goals. With a secret society of Santas creating bootleg Christmas toys and masses of bodies crawling over each other in survivalist mode attempting to gain bingo balls, the fact that the consumerist drive is left bare in its most farcical form doesn’t mean it is far removed from reality. Don’t believe me? Go to the ‘Next’ boxing day sale.

When taking a break from ripping peoples’ spines out, Schwarzenegger is a family man at heart and Jingle All The Way pushes him to the absolute limit. From hostage situations, covert gift-stealing operations, accusations of being a pervert and fighting the Santa-suited wrestler ‘Big Show’, the film is actually a festive movie masquerading as a classic ‘80s

actioner. If you disagree, just wait till the Power Rangers-esque jet pack finale and attempt to keep the harrowing Joel Schumacher flashbacks at bay.

Nevertheless the journey is a beautiful fable filled with (literal) ups and downs and doesn’t need to rely on the ‘noble pigeon lady type’ for drama, standing tall on the weight of its own stupidity.

Jingle all the Way also teaches us some important lessons about Christmas that one should follow to have a relatively carefree festive period: •

Don’t steal another man’s cookies, put a star on another man’s tree or attempt to seduce married women with homemade Egg Nogg

•

Get your Christmas shopping out the way early and never trust a mall Santa

•

If you punch a Reindeer, apologise and appease it with product-placed beer.

The Courier

reviewsfilm.39

Monday 10 December 2012

thecourieronline.co.uk/film c2.film@ncl.ac.uk | @Courier_Film

Rise of the Guardians (PG) Never really been attracted to an animated character? Well, think again. How could you not love an adorable little scamp trying to save all those magical holidays you loved as a child?

This film definitely brought out the child in me.

The focus surrounds good versus evil, and all you want to do throughout is stomp on the bad guy Pitch Black, who’s there to ruin the hopes and dreams of small children. If you’ve ever considered a magical team of heroes to climb together to save the world, how does Santa, the Tooth Fairy, the Easter bunny, the Sandman and Jack Frost sound?

Probably not what you were expecting, but you’ll be routing for these guys in no time with their amazing talents that are beautifully created throughout the animation, particularly Sandy’s powers and the inventions he creates.

If you had the impression that this animation is a feel good film where simple morals win over the bad guys, then you will be pleasantly surprised.

There are numerous fight sequences throughout the film which creatively use holiday-themed weapons like exploding Easter eggs, baby tooth fairies, and a pirate-themed Santa to get you hooked. It is, of course, backlighted by good morals teaching kids how to behave, but there are plenty of jokes put throughout the film directed at an older audience.

For example, even the stereotypical nationalities of the main characters had us giggling throughout, as well as the ‘boy-band’ image that Jack Frost represents.

For a character that doesn’t say a word, the Sandman is probably the most lovable hero in the film.

He comes across so innocent and sweet, but still ready to kick the hell out of the bad guys when the time comes. His story is an emotional roller coaster that you can’t help but become over-attached to.

Well, maybe that was just me loving animation a little bit too much.

The film’s cast really does speak for itself: Alex Baldwin takes on Santa, Hugh Jackman as the Easter bunny, Isla Fisher as the Tooth Fairy, Chris Pine as Jack Frost, and Jude Law taking on the baddy Pitch. Law pulls off a villain to perfection, with his character always being one step ahead and having you constantly worrying about how our protagonists will save the day, if they ever will.

The only fault I could pull out is the extreme similarity between Santa and his elves to Gru and his minions from Despicable Me. Their behaviour was practically identical, and they were there to create as much humour as they possibly could. Dreamworks should have seriously thought this part through before releasing this at the same time as

Alex Cross (15)

Great Expectations (15)

Sightseers (15)

Trouble With The Curve (15)

While I know Tyler Perry is known for his comedic ability, his latest endeavour of breaking off the shackles of ‘funny man’ in this bleak crime/thriller is by itself a laughable attempt.

Based on the novel Cross by James Patterson, Perry plays the ‘black Sherlock’ with the knack for puzzling out vindictive serial killers. You may be already be familiar with Alex Cross as Morgan Freeman once helmed this character in the film adaptations of Kiss the Girl and Along Came a Spider. But seeing as Rob Cohen was entrusted to direct the gritty literature, and Perry was supposed to somehow top Freeman as an engaging patriarch - it seems the producers were going in with a half-empty barrel of ideas. Idiots.

The story revolves around Cross on the hunt for a violent psychopath known as Picasso (Matthew Fox) who specialises in inflicting pain upon his victims. Fox was by far the most powerful character on screen. He’s managed to shake off his ‘Jack Sheppard’ image and completely immerse himself into a role refreshingly juxtaposed to his typecast.

Perry on the other hand made a feeble attempt as the troubled cop. Never does the audience ever really care for his character, which is a shame because if the role had been given to someone with a more emotive depth, this film might have been salvageable. Director Cohen was far too obsessed with emphasising his locations for each scene by using wide lense camera shots, and most of the character interaction within them was sadly dull.

Filming a classic piece of literature is probably one of the major challenges a director can tackle during their career: Chances are that the book has already been turned into multiple movies against which the new project will be compared.

If it is a much loved and hugely popular novel

by Charles Dickens, the case is even trickier.

The British director Mike Newell, who won a BAFTA award for Four Weddings and a Funeral, certainly didn‘t pick the easiest literary work to turn into a screenplay, but he managed to tell the story in a gripping, visually pleasing way.

Most English students will know the plot by heart: Young labour boy Pip is introduced to London‘s high society as an adult thanks to an anonymous benefactor. In his pursuit of establishing himself as a gentleman and winning over childhood sweetheart Estella, he gets entangled in all sorts of shady business.

Despite being overall compelling, the film has a few slow moments and owes a lot of its quality to its sublime cast. Helena Bonham Carter fits into the role of the melancholic old spinster Miss Havisham like nobody else could whilst Jeremy Irvine makes for the eye candy factor.

Furthermore, the superb Robbie Coltraine contributes a certain British edge to the whole and comedian David Walliams entertains in a hilarious supporting role.

Directed by Ben Wheatley, and produced by Edgar Wright (this film incidentally makes the blood and gore of Hot Fuzz look like children’s play), Sightseers sees homicidal protagonist Chris (Steve Oram), invite his strange girlfriend Tina (Alice Lowe, who co-wrote the film) on a jaunt around the scenic delights of the Yorkshire countryside in his beloved caravan. She delightfully accepts and the two take off together, happy and loved up as can be.

Chris seems like quite a lovely bloke, as he tries to convey his passion for transportation to Tina, at the Tram museum, the couple’s first stop on their trip. It’s not long though before we see his Achilles heel emerge, that is his murderous appetite for anybody that so much as mildly irritates him.

This is a seriously strange film, brimming with disturbing eroticism and depravity at every turn.

But it is very funny. Especially as Chris’s psychopathic tendencies begin to rub off on his other half.

Beneath all the disturbing humour lies quite a sad tale of a girl desperately in love with a man, and willing to do anything to keep him happy.

In the end though, she demonstrates how black and white (mostly black) life can become when you surrender all respect for human rights. It is a wickedly satirical take on British holiday making though, the stand out line being delivered by Chris after Tina questions his despicable hobby: “He’s not a person Tina, he’s a Daily Mail reader”. The midlands accents only help matters.

Clint Eastwood stars as Gus, a past his best baseball scout who unwillingly accepts the help of his daughter Mickey (played by Amy Adams) on his last scouting assignment. Adams, a high flying lawyer goes to the aid of her father, at the sacrifice of her career despite their volatile relationship.

Reluctant to admit that he is losing his sight, Gus relies on old timer’s instinct when hearing the bat hit the ball. Gus and Mickey set out on a mission to find the best players, but Mickey is trying to manage her father’s crisis alongside the demands of her new job and the advances of failed baseball player Justin Timberlake.

But, as usual, events fail to run smoothly and gruff Eastwood refuses to let Adams reach out to him.

However, predictably the pair bond in their fight against the money driven company they are answering to and learn from each other along the way.

Despite a star studded cast, the plot is formulaic, predictable and extremely slow moving. Eastwood’s snarling retorts at all who try to help becomes tiresome and all too familiar as it repeats throughout the film. Timberlake, despite seeming slightly out of place in the plot, provided relief in his comic attempts to resolve issues between Adams and Eastwood.

However, the romantic plotline between Adams and Timberlake was clichéd and the ending, where all loose ends and conflicts are resolved may have been satisfying for some but dull to others. Overall, it proved a disappointing last film for Eastwood, which despite being very well acted by all, was systematic and predictable throughout.

VERDICT: Even though Fox makes a brilliant wacko, this film bumbles around with a very lucid narrative which doesn’t even grab the viewer until two thirds of the way in. It’s a disjointed thriller with a nonsensical approach to directing that simply feels like a waste of time.

Luke Hearfield

VERDICT: Whether you‘ve written countless essays on Dickens‘s work or have never even touched a book by him, Great Expectations is a well-made take on the story that you‘ll enjoy. The setting in the Victorian era even adds a hint of a Christmas feeling to the experience.

Lisa Bernhardt

the promotion for Despicable Me 2 has started - It’s a bit difficult to ignore.

VERDICT: Beautiful piece of animation that really is a must this Christmas! It’s a feel-good film that’s greatly disguised behind tonnes of actionpacked scenes that are perfectly presented. Even if you’re not big on animation, you really need to give this film a chance. It’ll bring back that wonder you had as a child, just in time for the Christmas period.

Still Showing End of Watch (15) Gambit (12A) Silver Linings Playbook (15)

Ben Parkin

VERDICT: Sightseers is not for those easily offended, or indeed those without a strong stomach.

If this isn’t you though, then prepare to laugh a lot at a film that never lets up on shock factor, and whilst the ending may be disappointing to some, to others it will just encapsulate what is a (quite literally) painfully funny film only possible in the green and peaceful land that is Great Britain.

Matt Tate

VERDICT: A well acted if disappointing and predictable last film for Clint Eastwood. A shame.

Isabelle Owens

40.sportfeatures

Monday 10 December 2012

The Courier

Stepping out of the Olympic shadow

In the last weeks of 2012 there will be many sporting reviews of the year espousing the magic of the London Olympics,and rightly so. Yet there was more to 2012 than that here are the sporting stories that have been overshadowed in this eventful year RYDER CUP In September of this year, captained by José María Olazábal, the European Ryder Cup team made history with the greatest comeback victory since the record recovery of Ben Crenshaw’s US team in Boston in 1999.

This final-day retaliation saw Europe clinch eight and a half of the available twelve points in order to grasp a remarkable 14½13½ victory over the U.S. Going into the concluding day of the tournament, the U.S had only needed to secure four of these twelve points in order to win overall, but a blinding European performance saw them pipped well and truly to the post.

The pinnacle moment of the day came when Martin Kaymer sank his five-foot-putt on the eighteenth green against Steve Stricker to give his side the fourteen points they needed to retain the Ryder Cup trophy. This was followed by a Tiger Woods bogey on the final green that gave

SERITA SHONE him the half against Antonio Molinari, properly confirming a European victory. Playing before an ear-splitting American crowd, for the first time in the tournament the final day saw the European side began to truly perform, with Luke Donald taking in an early lead against Bubba Watson, Justin Rose landing himself two up against Phil Mickelson, and Paul Lawrie taking control against Brandt Snedeker.

Despite a highly disorganised start to the day for Rory McIlroy, who arrived at the course with only ten minutes to spare before he was due to tee off after some confusion over timings, the brilliant Northern Ireland sportsman held off the seemingly invincible Keegan Bradley in a match that closed with the Irishman three up after the 17th.

The atmosphere had altered and the European fighting spirit had begun to show itself.

Having trailed ten points to four at one stage on the Saturday, it had appeared that Europe were unable to cope with the pressure, the crowds, or the course, and going into the final day it seemed as if nothing more would be achieved than a slight softening of the inevitable blow of defeat.

However, some incredible nerve and skill from the European team meant that out of the five matches that reached the eighteenth green on the final day, the U.S only managed to win one.

After a summer that saw an Englishman win the Tour de France, a Scotsman win the U.S Open and Great Britain come third in both the Olympics and the Paralympics, this victory was the cherry on top of the sporting year of 2012.

Izzy Rice

As she drove her feet into the ground and turned the wheels of the 155kg sled down the practice track at Bath University, Serita Shone was delighted to return to the sport that nearly claimed her life 12 months ago. It was during a training run for the British Championships that the Bobsled Shone was acting as a Brakewoman and came off the track, which left her with two fractured vertebrae in her spine. Having only recently switched to the sport after success as a heptathlete, her career ran the risk of being over before it had begun.

Doctors had warned the performance team that she would never walk again. Instead, through a dedicated and concentrated series of rehabilitation exercises, she now finds herself back in training and hopeful of a position within the Great Britain team for this season’s Wo r l d C u p events and the possibility of a place at the Winter Olympics in Sochi in 2014. In an

interview with the BBC, Shone said, “It is still an aim, but I’ve got to work very hard and keep improving to be in for a shout for that, I’m still going to try.”

James Docherty

GB Women’s Bobsleigh team Photography: Getty Images

AFC WIMBLEDON

Ryder Cup success for Europe Photography: Getty Images

AFC Wimbledon originally began their ascent of the English football pyramid back in 2002. However, 2012 will forever be remembered as the year in which the country’s original ‘phoenix football club’ completed their rise from the proverbial ashes, following a remarkable five promotions in nine seasons that began in the Combined Counties league.

This year marked AFC’s first ever competitive meeting with the MK Dons - the club formed as a result of the Football Association’s incredible decision to back an independent commission to allow chairman Pete Winkleman’s to relocate Wimbledon F.C. 56 miles north in the new town of Milton Keynes. The fact that it was not until 2007 that MK Dons relinquished Wimbledon F.C.’s history, including a famous 1988 FA Cup 1-0 win over Liverpool, positions itself as the crux of what MK Dons were allowed to do. The club remains keen for Winkleman

to formally drop and return the ‘Dons’ part of MK’s name, as it is seen as a part of the original Wimbledon’s identity that the Milton Keynes’ outfit do not deserve.

Following the drawing of one another in the second round of the FA Cup, 2012 saw the first meeting of the two sides, bringing with it a tidal wave of emotion for AFC supporters of past pain at having their local side ripped away from them.

Many of the club’s supporters vowed not to travel to the Stadium for the tie. In the words of Simon Wheeler, chairman of the Independent Wimbledon Supporters Association: “The draw has reopened a lot of scars,” he said. “We never wanted this to happen and frankly I feel numb.

I won’t be going and I know lots of other fans won’t be going. Personally I would rather take my girlfriend’s mother to the garden centre than go to that game.”

Although AFC Wimbledon would go on to lose the game 2-1 following a last minute winner

from Milton Keynes’ full-back Jon Otsemobor, the result of the fixture can be seen as meaning relatively little between the two sides in the grand scheme of things. Embarrassingly billed as a ‘grudge match’ or, even worse, ‘the Dons Derby’, these mediaspun labels undoubtedly do not do justice to the inherent emotion tied to the encounter for AFC fans. More fittingly, the fixture serves as a way of bringing the fantastic, yet saddening story of AFC Wimbledon to the fore – the tale of a modest, historic establishment that refused to be beaten by the ruthlessness and corporate greed that plagues modern football.

Nick Gabriel

Photography: Getty Images

The Courier

featuressport.41

Monday 10 December 2012

BRITISH WOMEN’S TENNIS: LAURA ROBSON AND HEATHER WATSON

COUNTY CRICKET

Everyone knows that 2012 was the best year in British men’s tennis in the post-war era with Andy Murray securing Britain’s first men’s Grand Slam title since 1938 with his thrilling late night victory over Novak Djokovic at the US Open in early September.

Of course, we also remember Murray’s obliteration of Roger Federer in the final of the Olympics tournament at Wimbledon, as well as his historic journey to the Wimbledon final over two memorable summer weeks at SW19.

Yet, the great year for British women’s tennis has slipped rather under the radar. Admittedly, in the context of 2012 where so much went right for British sport, it is very little to write home about, but after years in the wilderness, it appears the British women are finding their feet on the world stage once again.

Laura Robson and Heather Watson, aged 18 and 20, are the key to this feeling of rejuvenation with both youngsters climbing the rankings throughout 2012.

Robson enjoyed the best two months

Warwickshire CCC put the heartbreak of 2011 behind them to romp to the LV County Championship title with a game to spare. Warwickshire’s crushing victory over Worcestershire, which secured the title, erased any lingering memories the Bears had of the final day of the 2011 season when they were held to a draw by a stubborn Hampshire line-up, spearheaded by Neil McKenzie, allowing Lancashire to snatch the title out of their hands at the death.

Warwickshire led the table for much of the season and were deserved winners finishing twenty-four points ahead of nearest rivals and perennial runners-up Somerset. Ashley Giles proved himself to be a dynamic coach of the Birmingham based side and he will be sorely missed at the county next year, as he has taken up a role coaching England’s T20 and ODI teams. Star performers with the ball for the Bears were rather unheralded county bowlers Chris Wright and former professional footballer Keith Barker, who took 118 Championship wickets between them.

The Champions’ record of losing just one game was built around a solid batting line up with Chris Woakes, Rikki Clarke, Ian Westwood, Varun Chopra and Tim Ambrose all averaging over 40 for the Midlands side. Couple this with sporadic appearances from England stars Ian Bell and Jonathan Trott, as well as the presence of a quality overseas spinner in Jeetan Patel, and it is not surprising that Warwickshire were crowned Champions of the Shires for the

of her career between July and September this year. She firstly partnered Murray to win a silver medal in the Olympics mixed doubles competition, narrowly missing out on the gold medal as they lost 10-8 in the decisive Champions tiebreak to Belarusians Max Mirnyi and Victoria Azarenka.

Robson followed this up with a record-breaking performance at the US Open becoming the first British woman to reach the fourth round (Last 16) of a Grand Slam since Sam Smith in 1998. This run included an historic win over four-time Grand Slam winner Kim Clijsters, in what proved to be Clijsters’ final match before her retirement, as well as a shock victory over Li Na, the 9th seed from China. Robson continued her fine run of form by reaching the final of the Guangzhou Open in S e p t e m b e r, becoming the first British finalist in a WTA tournament since 1990. Unfortunately, she was defeated by Hsieh Su-Wei as

she surrendered a 3-0 final set lead, but the rich vein of form helped push her ranking up to a career high 53 by the end of the 2012 season.

Heather Watson’s rise up the rankings has perhaps been more steady and stolen less of the headlines than Robson’s attention grabbing victories, yet Watson has enjoyed a consistent but also record breaking year. Her highlight came at the 2012 HP Open when she came through the draw before beating Chang Kai-Chen in a dramatic final, which lasted 3 hours 12 minutes. Watson showed great grit and determination to save four match points on her way to a 7-5, 5-7, 7-6 triumph, which secured her first WTA title, and Britain’s first WTA title since 1988. This tournament victory lifted Watson’s ranking inside the top 50 for the first time in her career and she closed the year ranked four places ahead of Robson in 49th place. The Guernsey girl also proved she can perform on the big stage by reaching the third round at Wimbledon, the first British woman to do so since 2002 (note the record breaking theme!) before falling to eventual runner up Agnieszka Radwanska. It

must not be forgotten that Watson has also reached four WTA doubles finals this year, winning two of them when partnering New Zealander Marina Erakovic.The emergence of both these youngsters at the same time is encouraging for British women’s tennis, and hopefully at long last it will be lifted from the doldrums in which it has been since the glory days of Virginia Wade and Sue Barker.

Joey Barton

fourth tier match with a crowd of 49, 118, which easily surpassed the previous record of 37,774 in a 1961 tie between Crystal Palace and Millwall. On the 20th October, Rangers then went on to break their own record with a crowd of 49,463 in a match against Queen’s Park to further cement the mantra that ‘they don’t do walking away’, the statement coined by their manager Ally McCoist at the beginning of the whole tax saga.

However, in the latest twist to the tale, Rangers fans will be walking away for one game, as a unanimous decision has been reached to boycott the Scottish cup tie away to Dundee United due to take place in February. To some, this judgement made by Rangers may seem nonsensical, since there will now be no fans supporting the team at what is to be one of their toughest games so far this season. Yet, there needs to be an understanding of how raw the feelings still are for all involved with the club. This

choice has been made on moral grounds in consideration of the fact that Dundee United were particularly vociferous in their opposition to Ranger being submitted back into the SPL. Dundee United has stated that they are disappointed with Rangers’ decision; they do not condone this boycott, as “fans are the lifeblood of the game”.

Ironically, this comes from the same club whose fans threatened to boycott if their chairman Stephen Thompson voted Rangers back into the SPL. This simply epitomises the hypocrisy and irrationality that has made the game far from beautiful in Scotland this year.

Next year will most likely see Rangers take one step forward in their climb back up to the SPL by being promoted to the Scottish Second Division, whereas it will be much longer before any reconciliation process can begin between Rangers and all the teams that went out of their way to ensure that they had this uphill battle in the first place.

Photography: Getty Images

RANGERS FOOTBALL CLUB There is no doubt that 2012 will be forever remembered as a golden year for British sport.

Never has sport had such a unifying effect on a nation: the Olympics led to Britain joining in unison to celebrate the staggering achievements of our sportsmen and women. Paradoxically, the year 2012 will forever be etched in the history of Scottish football, not for memories of alliance, but instead as a year that highlighted a deep faultline within the Scottish footballing world.

On Valentine’s Day, Glasgow Rangers Football Club were plunged into administration for not paying a nine million pound PAYE and VAT bill, yet no-one could have anticipated the unseemly mess that this one tax bill then spiralled out into. It is this Rangers financial crisis that has caused an immense division separating those in support of Rangers and those against them, with the majority falling on the side actively trying to kick the club while they are down. Rangers were battling against the ruthless taxman in the most challenging match of their 140-year history whilst the buzzwords of

‘sporting integrity’ became the backbone of the arguments of many as to why Rangers should be rightfully punished.

After failing to resolve issues with the club’s creditors, Rangers went into liquidation in June 2012, and thus had to re-launch themselves as a new company.

They were successful in registering back with the Scottish Football Association, but their Scottish Premier League application was predictably rejected by all but one SPL team, and thus Rangers were sentenced to the surreal position of competing in the Scottish Third Division.

Within this epic tale of anguish, Rangers fans have come out fighting and proved themselves to be some of the most loyal fans in the world. Despite Rangers playing in one of the poorest and lowest tiers of British football, their home ground Ibrox is still a mass of red, white and blue every league game. In the opening home game of this season against East Stirlingshire, Rangers set a world record attendance for a

Joey Barton

Lucy Williams

Rangers fans - loyal always Photography: Getty Images

seventh time in their history.

Elsewhere, it was a torrid season for 2011 champions Lancashire who were relegated from the top flight alongside predictable whipping boys Worcestershire. Both these sides found it particularly difficult to score big first innings totals and ultimately won just two games between them.

The story of the season came in Division Two with Derbyshire securing an unlikely title led by skipper Wayne Madsen. Derbyshire, so often the wooden spoon winners in county cricket, led the table for much of the season and were worthy winners of the second division pennant ahead of big boys Yorkshire, who also secured immediate promotion back to Division One after their shock relegation of 2011.

In the one day arena Hampshire were unstoppable securing both the CB40 and FLT20 titles. The Hawks secured their second T20 title in three years with a ten run victory in the final over Yorkshire on a typically action packed finals day in Cardiff in August. Spare a thought for Somerset once again who qualified for the semi finals for the fourth successive year, yet still could not win their first t20 title since 2005 with Hampshire denying them in the semi finals, just as the Hawks had in the 2010 final.

The CB40 tournament, which is widely regarded around county cricket as the least prestigious of the three competitions, provided the climax for the season at Lords in mid-September and provided fans with an absolute thriller. Hampshire and Warwickshire tied their game but the south coast side were victorious on virtue of losing fewer wickets.

This victory was made possible after a nerveless final over from Kabir Ali prevented Neil Carter from securing the title for the Bears on his final appearance for the county he served for so many years.

Ajmal Shahzad bowling for Lancashire Photography: Getty Images

42.sportintramural

The Courier

Monday 10 December 2012

End of Semester League Tables

(Accurate as of 6/12/12)

Wednesday 11 a-side Football

Division 1 1

Division 13

Division 2

Team

Pld

W

D

L

F

A

Pts

Newcastle Medics 2nds

6

4

1

1

23

9

13

1

Team

Pld

W

D

L

F

A

Pts

Ecosoccer

4

4

0

0

13

5

12

1

Division 41

Team

Pld

W

D

L

F

A

Pts

Jesmondino FC

4

3

1

0

23

7

10

Team Team 1 1 Sub-Standard Barca Law NaLiege

Pld Pld WW

DD

LL

FF

5 12

21

02

25 50 13 15 11 28

39

AA

Pts Pts

2

Newcastle Medics 1sts

5

4

0

1

21

4

12

2

The Hurricanes

5

4

0

1

17

12

12

2

Brown Magic FC

5

3

0

2

14

11

9

2 2 FCNewcastle Bayern Toonich Medics 1sts

4 12

38

12

02

26 36 8 20 10 26

3

Henderson Hall FC

5

3

1

1

13

10

10

3

Aftermath FC

4

3

0

1

20

12

9

3

Politic Thistle

5

3

0

2

13

13

9

3 3 Thundercats Henderson Hall

4 12

27

11

14

22 41 8 29 722

4

Crayola

5

2

1

2

11

16

7

4

Roman Villa FC

5

2

0

3

11

15

6

4

Newhist FC

4

3

0

1

10

10

9

Dyslexic Untied 4 4 The Establishment

4 12

26

01

25

32 1026 619 13

5

Barca-Law-Na

4

2

0

2

16

9

6

5

Boca Seniors

4

1

1

2

11

14

4

5

Newcastle Dynamos

5

2

0

3

6

9

6

5 5 Geomatics Crayola FC

5 12

25

00

37

13 18 15 22 615 6 14 26 47

6

Dyslexic Untied

5

1

1

4

9

24

4

6

Lokomotiv

5

1

1

3

16

20

4

6

Multiple Scoregasms

5

0

1

4

7

13

1

6 (R) Trigger Happy Aftermath

4 12

13

00

39

7

Borussia Forsyth

5

0

0

5

6

27

0

7

Castle Leazes

5

0

0

5

4

14

0

7

Bio Neverlosen

5

0

1

3

2

12

1

7 (R) Crystal CastlePhallus Leazes

4 12

01

01

4 10 2 12 2742 0 4

Top Goalscorers 16: Batham (Medic 2s) 6: Campbell (Medic 1s), Hurworth (Barca)

Top Goalscorers

4: Robson (Dyslexic), Holt (Medics 2s), Womersley (Crayola), Hoctor (Barca) 3: Kemp (Borussia)

13: Duckworth (Hurricanes)

(Aftermath), Wilson math) 4: Stacey (Ecosoccer)

5: McCrory (Hurricanes), Jones

3: Golzari (Aftermath),

Top Goalscorers

(After-

Top Goalscorers

3:Wren (Brown Magic)

9: Thornton (Politic Thistle)

Fixtures - 12/12/12

Division Two Division Four Division Three Division One Crayola vs Barca Close House 2.00PM Aftermath vs Boca Close House 2.00PM Bio Never vs Brown M Close House 2.00PM T’cats vs Toonich Close House 2.00PM 2.00PM 2.00PM Trigger vs Phallus Redhall Medics 2nds vs Dyslexic L’benton Gr 2.00PM Hurricanes vs Eco Close House 2.00PM Scorgasms vs Jesmond Redhall L’benton Gr 2.00PM Geo vs The Est. L’benton 3G 8.00PM Hendo vs Medics 1sts L’benton Gr 2.00PM Lokomotiv vs Villa L’benton 3G 3.45PM Dynamos vs Newhist

Mixed Hockey

Group A Team

Pld

W

D

L

F

A

Pts

1

Pink Panthers

2

1

1

0

6

1

4

2

NUTS

1

1

0

0

5

0

3

3

Toon Raiders

1

1

0

0

3

1

3

4

Victorious 22

2

2

1

1

2

4

1

5

Agrics

0

0

0

0

0

0

0

6

MLS

1

1

0

1

0

5

0

7

Combined Honours

1

1

0

1

0

5

0

Group B

Results - 2/12/12

Team

Pld

W

D

L

F

A

Pts

Combined Hon MLS

P P

1

BioSci Hockey Legends

3

2

0

1

10

7

6

2

Law School

3

1

1

1

16

12

4

Toon Raiders Pink Panthers

P P

3

Rizzle Sticks

2

1

1

0

6

5

4

4

NUSSC

2

1

0

1

8

12

3

P P

5

Oral Specialists

2

0

1

1

6

8

1

6

Medics HC

2

0

1

1

1

3

1

Victorious 22 Agrics

6: Prichard (Thundercats) 5. O’Callaghan (Toonich)

15: Wimshurst (Sub2: Grosvenor (Scorgasms),, Standard Liege) Walton (Newhist) 9: Armour (Toonich)

6: Smith (Jesmondino),

Fixtures - 9/12/12 Medics NUSSC Rizzle Sticks Oral Specialists

39

4: Page (Toonich), Parkinson (Liege)

Rugby Union Division 1 1

Team

Pld

W

D

L

F

A

BP

Pts

Cheeky Ladies

5

4

0

1

97

57

2

18

2

Armstrong

4

4

0

0

83

3

3

16

3

Agrics 1

3

2

0

1

91

27

2

10

4

Engines

3

1

0

2

54

31

3

7

vs

5

Titans

3

1

0

2

57

44

2

6

6

Southern Fairies

2

1

0

1

24

21

2

6

vs

7

Agrics 2

1

1

0

0

14

10

0

4

8

Law Blacks

1

0

0

1

0

30

0

0

9

Medics

3

0

0

3

3

84

0

0

10

BioSci Falcons

3

0

0

3

22

138

0

0

Netball Saturday 10am-11am Team

Pld

W

D

L

F

A

Pts

1

Pollies Dollies

9

8

0

1

121

57

32

2

Mansoc

9

7

1

1

91

40

30

3

Swin Polo

9

6

0

3

83

52

24

4

Agrics

9

6

0

3

85

55

24

5

Time Team

9

4

1

4

65

60

18

6

Toothfairies

8

2

0

6

46

96

8

7

Riding Club

8

1

0

7

28

83

4

8

BioSoc

9

0

0

9

34

110

0

Fixtures 8/12/12 Toothfairies MANSOC vs Swim Polo Riding Club

Pollies Dollies Time Team

vs

Saturday 11am-12am Team

Pld

W

D

L

F

A

Pts

1

Blue Lightning

9

8

0

1

166

50

32

2

ACCSOC

9

7

0

2

103

64

28

3

BioSci

9

6

1

2

100

61

26

4

Medics

9

6

0

3

121

76

24

5

Docs

9

3

1

5

71

100

14

6

Lawyers Netball

9

1

3

5

73

113

10

7

The Denominatrixes

9

2

1

6

50

114

10

8

NWR Netball

9

0

0

9

32

138

0

Fixtures 8/12/12 NWR Netball Medics vs Docs BioSci

Team

Pld

W

D

L

F

A

Pts

1

Hot Shots

9

6

2

1

97

35

28

2

Combined Honours

9

6

1

2

98

66

26

3

Uni Hockey

9

6

0

3

121

69

24

4

MANSOC

9

6

0

3

107

70

24

5

Combined Honours 2nds

9

3

1

5

96

102

14

6

Geog Soc

9

3

0

6

91

112

12

7

Mathletes

9

2

0

7

65

136

8

8

Senioritas

9

2

0

7

39

124

8

Fixtures 11/12/12 Combined Honours Senoritas vs Combined Hon 2s vs Uni Hockey

MANSOC Geog Soc

5pm-6pm Team

Pld

W

D

L

F

A

Pts

1

Netball Ninjas

9

7

0

2

157

67

28

2

ACCSOC

9

7

0

2

127

78

28

3

Medics

9

6

1

2

120

87

26

4

Pollies Dollies

9

6

0

3

127

98

24

5

Time Team

9

3

1

5

92

120

14

6

Agrics Netball

9

3

0

6

86

109

12

7

Chem Eng

9

2

0

7

56

125

8

8

History Girls

9

1

0

8

54

135

4

vs

Pollies Dollies Time Team

3 10 9 7

Toothfairies Agrics

6 10

Biosoc Polly’s Dollies

4 11

vs

Agrics BioSoc

Results - 1/12/12 BioSci NWR Netball Medics ACCSOC Blue Lightning Docs Denominatrixes Lawyers Netball

Lawyers Netball vs ACCSOC

vs

Tuesday 4pm-5pm

Fixtures 11/12/12 Chem Eng Netball Ninjas vs ACCSOC Medics

Results - 1/12/12 Riding Club Swim Polo MANSOC Time Team

vs

15 4 11 14 16 6 11 11

Blue Lightning Denominatrixes vs

Results - 4/12/12 Senoritas Uni Hockey

1 20

Combined Honours MANSOC Hot Shots Combined Honours 2s

8 9 15 5

Mathletes Geog Soc

15 13

vs

Mathletes Hot Shots

Results - 4/12/12 ACCSOC Netball Ninjas Time Team Medics Chem Eng Agrics History Girls Polly’s Dollies vs

Agrics History Girls

vs

14 13 4 14 8 14 8 21

vs

The Courier

intramuralsport.43

Monday 10 December 2012

The Courier’s Intra Mural XI of the first half of the season

The Secret Intra Mural Footballer

#7 The Winter Break GK Robert Shelton (Aftermath) Shelton has been in magnificant form for the Mathematicians so far this season. The captain’s commanding presence is a key reason for their Division 2 title challenge.

RB Jon Dennis (Ecosoccer) Veteran right back Dennis, frequently referred to as Bacary Sagna, has played no small part in Eco having the meanest defense in all four divisions.

CB Owen Elias (Politic)

CB Dan Jones (Medics 1sts)

Captain and leader Elias, has led his Division 3 side from the back. He keeps his team organised, and also slots in a goal or two.

Cultured centre back Dan Jones, is arguably the player of the season so far. Never hurried on the ball, he always makes a telling pass, as well as weighing in with a few goals

Olly Ingram (Barca)

LB

Captain Ingram has managed a tough transition following the Josh Cryer scandal. Despite a rocky start, he has helped Barca back to form, and his team look good to their crown.

RM Ben Chalot (Barca)

CM Jack Mellor (Hendo)

French Erasmus student Chalot, who plays all across the midfield has had a similar impact to fellow Frenchmen Cabaye and Ben Arfa at St James’. Chalot’s neat touch has revolutionised the way Barca play, making them comparable to their namesakes.

Hendo’s early season surge as this This is veteran Stacey’s last year in IM, and After last season’s disastrous seasons surprise package was down he appears determined to see Eco to Division campaign, it was unknown how to, in no small part, Mellor. He was 1, deputising as a striker with goals, as well Newhist’s players would respond. able to control the midfield, and as bossing the centre of the park with flying Crisp has responded emphatirelease the likes of Zafar and McAl- tackles. Eco are sitting pretty unbeaten, thanks cally, speeding down the left wing, lister upfront, as well as getting goals to Stacey’s superhuman efforts. putting over marvellous crosses, from midfield. and with a knack of scoring very important goals in key games.

CM Rob Stacey (Ecosoccer)

LM Ray Crisp (Newhist)

ST Josh Batham (Medics 2nds)

ST Jake Wimshurst (Liege)

After rattling in the goals the previous season for Ecosoccer, it remained to be seen if he could cope with the step up to Division 1. Batham is certainly no David Nugent he’s notched 16, even scoring 8 in one game.

Wimshurst, a proven goal scorer in IM, has taken Division 4 by storm. He’s single-handedly won games for Liege, and with 15 goals is one of the players of the season so far.

Back of the net Video of the week

Spot the ball

Testing times

A

1) The female tennis player Laura Robson is British but what country was she born in?

2) In what decade was the Ryder Cup established?

3) Who was managing MK Dons in their debut season?

4) What County Cricket club did Freddie Flintoff play for?

5) Rangers FC hold the world record for most domestic

1 2

1.) Australia ; 2.)1920s 3.) Stuart Murdoch ; 4.) Lancashire ; 5.) 54

Tip of the week

Despite topping their group, Schalke 04 have much lower odds than Arsenal, the team they finished above in their Prior to kick off at the Rangers v Elgin City Scottish Cup match group and never lost against, at Ibrox, an away fan decides to go for a rather unique warm up to win the Champions League. routine.

The Courier thinks that the impressive German outfit - Gary Lineker - @GaryLineker should not be ruled out of contention for Europe’s “Arsene’s team are as bad as his coat” (4 Dec) The Match of the Day presenter pokes fun at Arsenal’s premium prize this year and form against Olympiakos in last week’s Champions League worth a bet at such potentially match at the expense of Arsene Wenger’s infamous over-sized, rewarding odds sleeping-bag-esque coat (Odds from William Hill) Elgin City fan seemingly challenging the whole of Ibrox to a dance-off : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EkRWa-5uAyo

50/1

3 4 5 6

B

C

Frostbite hit Intra Mural football this week, as the blizzard weather caused a total wipeout of last Wednesday’s games. There are worries that this might lead to an extension of the league’s already lengthy winter break, designed to allow the players a period of rest after a gruelling start to the season.

Many people on the outside of the game are unaware of the toil that the Intra Mural game inflicts on our footballers. Many players are grateful for the opportunity to take a few weeks off, enabling them to catch up on some lesser priorities, such as coursework and spending time with their families. There are worries that the poor weather might lead to a backlog of fixtures during the notorious ‘squeaky bum’ period at the end of the season.

Many fans are raging after the late decision to postpone this week’s games, with many travelling for hours to cheer on their team, only to be told to turn back and go home. With many clubs quick to refund their travelling faithful, there are concerns that the Christmas pinch will lead to a rather quiet January transfer window.

At this, the half-way point of the season, it is customary to reflect on the highs and lows from the opening months. Sadly, this will make miserable reading for Borussia Forsyth, Castle Leazes, Bio Neverlosen and Crystal Phallus. Stats provided by ‘Opta Joe’ show that no side going into Christmas at the foot of the table have ever survived. On the upside, league football has been particularly competitive this year, with the gap in points between top and bottom no more than thirteen points in any division. Here’s hoping 2013 will see plenty more shocks and revelations.

D

E

F

The Courier

universitysport.45

Monday 10 December 2012

The Ultimate: Toon come within a sniff of BUCS finals Ultimate Frisbee

By Jeffrey Hogg in Coventry

Newcastle’s Alex Clements makes a vital catch Photography: NUUFC

Ultimate Frisbee; two words that usually yield a look of puzzlement or the hoisting of an eyebrow. This 50 yearsyoung sport is growing fast and has been one of the larger clubs here at Newcastle, with over 70 members for the last few of its 12 years of existence.

Outdoors matches are played on a full sized rugby pitch, minus the posts, with scores made by catches in the end zone.

Indoors sees the same game on a smaller pitch, with the same rules against moving with the Frisbee and limiting time to make a pass.

For the last six years Newcastle University has consistently placed in the top 20 teams in the UK. Twenty or more Northern teams contest the three qualification spots for the national competition of each division. The men’s 1st team hampered by injuries had a shaky route through this year. Losing in sudden death to Leeds at the start of the second day left a challenging trundle to a third place finish.

A premature celebratory tweet revelling in their “second breakfast” made

Newcastle’s eventual theft of their Yorkshire based rivals qualification spot all the sweeter. As one of the rare opportunities for a Frisbee player to so much as smell a BUCS point, open nationals in Coventry hosted a highly competitive clash of the UK’s best. Close losses against Southampton, Birmingham and Bath, were reconciled by victories against Sheffield, Cardiff and Portsmouth leaving the home team with a commendable 11th seed.

The ladies have long been the brighter feather in the club’s cap and last weekend was no disappointment. Having a similar skin-of-teeth qualification situation, Newcastle women went on to dominate much of the competition in Cardiff. Fierce competition from across the Northern border denied a shot at the top spots but still left them as the second best English team. An eventual stunning sixth place finish was a just reward for their efforts.

The unfortunate title of this game does little justice to the speedy and strategic sport which it describes. With a solid 2nd place World Championship finish by the GB men’s team in Japan this summer and a promising outdoor season for Newcastle University just round the bend, to get to grips with a Frisbee and lowering that questioning eyebrow there is no place like home.

NUWRC claim iconic victory Women’s Rugby Loughborough 1sts

5

Newcastle 1sts

14

By Rachel O’Neill in Loughborough The Women’s Rugby team gave an outstanding performance last Wednesday, against a formidable Loughborough side. Early on, great play from Lucy Henson and captain Holly Malins in the centre partnership meant Loughborough struggle to get out of their own half. Newcastle varied their attack but the home side held strong, resulting in a 0-0 scoreline at half time despite Loughborough never seeing the Newcastle half.

Scott “Coach of the Year” Powell proved his worth in the interval, calling for some clinical finishing and continued pressure. Rhian Hockey dealt well with the second half kick off, and once again Newcastle steadily progressed on the pitch winning a scrum on Loughborough’s 10-metre line.

Charlotte Flint marvellously picked up from the base of the scrum at eight,

popped off to Rosie Neal in her new position at halfback, who gained yards before passing to Jade Hawkins.

Hawkins offloaded to the rapid Henson who stepped and broke numerous tackles, making excellent ground.

Unselfishly she slipped the ball to her captain Malins, who finished off Newcastle’s hard work with a well-earned try. Finally her try-drought was over!

Hawkins, unfazed by the difficult angle, easily converted the try to put Newcastle seven points up.

Newcastle knew Loughborough would not give up without a fight so prepared for an onslaught. However, Newcastle more than stepped up to the mark, and Loughborough began to get more and more riled resulting in a talking to from the ref. Katie ‘Magic’ McEvoy almost took a punch due to her quick mouth and dirty hands. Loughborough’s bad temper did not deter Newcastle, who continued to make inroads into Loughborough’s defence. When in the Loughborough twenty-two, quick thinking by Hawkins led to perfectly weighted chip for Malins to dive on the ball and score the crucial next try. Hawkins easily converted.

Loughborough came back with a vengeance, making distance into the Newcastle twenty-two. Great defence by Newcastle, with huge tackles coming in from all, kept the Midlands outfit at bay.

A penalty against Loughborough for

holding on centimetres from the line finally gave Newcastle a chance to relieve some pressure. Now into the last ten minutes, Loughborough were getting desperate and renewed determination saw them break the defence. The Royals were only saved by full-back Georgie Keyte putting in try saving tackles. Newcastle were penalised for a questionable offside which saw Loughborough react quickly, and their nippy number 8 crossed the line. No conversion meant Loughborough were still two scores behind with only ten minutes to play.

Newcastle slowed the game down via the forwards, however Loughborough turned the ball over with excellent work in the ruck. This was nothing to worry about though as Newcastle’s quick line speed meant Loughborough’s backs were crumbling under the pressure.

In the final play, Loughborough attempted one last attack but were unsuccessful as Flint and Natercia Correia crashed their centre into touch.

The final whistle was drowned out by the Newcastle roar - Malins’ inexperienced side had felled the undefeated Loughborough. An amazing performance by the whole team, with 110% dedication and commitment truly paid off with a fantastic win proving why the Royal’s deserve to be in the Premiership.

Player of the Match: Jade Hawkins

Stand out performer Jade Hawkins in action Photography: NUWRC

46.sportbucs

Monday 10 December 2012

Rowing, a significant strength of Newcastle, is at risk of being culled Photography: Boat Club

The Courier

Mountain biking is another sport at risk of facing the chop from the Stan Calvert itinerary Photography: NUCC

Stan Calvert changes recommended continued from page 48 However, outdoor sports would still have to be played out of the centre of town at locations such as Longbenton, which is arguably harder to reach than Gateshead for most students. Under the new plans the rugby would still be played at Gateshead, which may mean that spectator numbers suffer.

this would not technically be a neutral venue, it would make the basketball more of a signature event given the status of the Newcastle Eagles who are the most successful team in the history of the British Basketball League. Consequently they draw reasonable crowds to the 3,000 capacity arena in Sports Central which would be beneficial for the status of the basketball match.

It seems that most changes to Stan Calvert are likely to be opposed by the Newcastle sports teams; however, this may not make much difference if the decision-makers higher up the chain decide otherwise. The man in charge of everything relating to Stan Calvert at Newcastle is Performance Sport Manager Fraser Kennedy. When contacted

by The Courier, he declined to offer

“If fixtures are away from the venue, it splits the club up and many people won’t make the effort to watch the rugby at Gateshead. This would be a serious problem given that rugby is the signature event of Stan Calvert Day.” Kurran Dhugga from the men’s football club was concerned by this, stating “when the fixtures are away from the venue, it splits the club up and many people won’t make the effort to come and watch the rugby at Gateshead”.

This would be a serious problem given that rugby is the signature event of Stan Calvert day.

Basketball is another sport where changes have been mooted; there is a suggestion that the men’s game may be played on a Friday night as a warm-up for a Newcastle Eagles game that would be played at Sports Central. Although

There was also a suggestion that the women’s basketball game would be played before the men’s game, however, this has met with some resistance from the Newcastle team given that it would be in the afternoon which presents an issue of clashes with academic commitments. Jacqui Fisher from the women’s basketball club said that changing the date of the match to Friday “completely removes the atmosphere of Stan Calvert”. She also expressed concerned that “splitting all the indoor sports up and away from Gateshead would completely ruin the fun of Stan Calvert.”

comment on any proposed changes to the competition although he did state that he was “working hard to preserve the essence of Stan Calvert and what it stands for” and that his main concern was making the event “memorable and enjoyable for everyone”.

The Courier also contacted Northumbria’s Student Sport President Josie Pointon who confirmed “we are currently working with our colleagues in Newcastle University on the format of the Stan Calvert”. She continued, “Both Universities work extremely hard to try and ensure the Stan Calvert is the best

student sport event in the Country and we are currently discussing different ideas in order to ensure that happens”.

It is difficult to tell from this statement how much the views of sports clubs will be taken into account, and it remains to be seen how clubs at Northumbria will react when these changes are revealed.

It is worth questioning why Northumbria feels that the competition needs changing; one possible answer is the increasingly one-sided nature of the contest: Newcastle has won for the last five years, and last year the margin of victory was nearly 50 points. It could be argued that the competition is not sustainable if this disparity continues, however, it is hard to address this issue without introducing measures that would be unfair to the Newcastle teams.

It appears that Newcastle is already los ing many potential points due to several fixtures being lost because Northumbria will not compete in them; such as some of the rowing, cycling and gymnastics events. President of Newcastle University cycling team Tristan Tinn questioned why Northumbria could not raise a team for the downhill event; he explained that “even if they can’t submit as many cyclists as Newcastle, the competition should still go ahead given that points can be worked out on an individual basis”. There are 16 events that Newcastle could enter teams for but Northumbria cannot; this is surprising given its reputation as a strong sporting institution.

This is frustrating for the Newcastle sports clubs who are not able to compete and consequently miss out on the atmosphere of Stan Calvert, which has been described as akin to the Ryder Cup. For most teams it is the biggest fixture on the calendar, and is therefore frustrating if not everyone can take part. If changes do take place, those who are involved in Newcastle sport will surely be hoping that as many teams as possible are allowed to compete, and in a location that is conducive to the best atmosphere for participants and spectators alike.

STAN CALVERT PAST WINNERS 2012 - Newcastle 2011 - Newcastle 2010 - Newcastle 2009 - Newcastle 2008 - Newcastle 2007 - Northumbria 2006 - Newcastle 2005 - Northumbria 2004 - Newcastle 2003 - Draw

The Courier

bucssport.47

Monday 10 December 2012

Pivotal points: Another clean sweep for NUNC Netball

By Sophie Haslam at the Sports Centre Newcastle 2nds 41 vs Leeds Met 3rds 38 The seconds faced Leets Met 3rds this week at home and started the game really strong from the off. Tess Richardson applied constant pressure up court, which flowed well with great play from joint players of the match, Sassa Hamilton and Harriet Humphries. Accurate feeding from Tesni Fellows allowed Louisa Sorensen to continue her season of excellent shooting.

Although the lead began to drop by

sure up the court and Lauren Parker made excellent feeds in attack, but goals were few and far between with equal play by both sides.

The last quarter was the final push, with an unfortunate injury in defence, Newcastle made a few changes, bringing on Clare Bond as WD. If anything this fresh pair of legs made Newcastle push even harder.

On-point shooting from Olivia Gordon and player of the match Sophie Haslam meant Newcastle secured an important victory of 35-33, and so remain top of the league.

Newcastle 4ths 40 vs Northumbria 4ths 19 The 4th team not only had to face second in the table this week, but also this

“The Leeds GS began to make a bit of a nuisance of herself” a few goals after each quarter, and by the final quarter, to quote Gill Mason, “the Leeds GS began to make a bit of nuisance of herself ”, which resulted in a very close score of 41-38.

Albeit this was an impressive win from the seconds, who finish the first half of the season in a comfortable 2nd position in the league, eager and on track to get promoted next year.

Newcastle 3rds 35 vs Leeds Uni 3rds 33 Newcastle 3rds faced Leeds University 3rds this week, who are only marginally behind the blues in the table, so this would be a tough game.

Newcastle started well and were up throughout the first quarter.

With strong defence and solid work down the court, Leeds struggled to keep up. Circle defence with Freya Cromarty and Charlotte Plumtree remained tight on the shooters and made it difficult for them to get close to the post.

The second and third quarters saw Newcastle become slightly tired and Leeds managed to pull it back to an even score. Amy Hill applied good pres-

team was varsity rivals Northumbria.

However, this did not deter our girls and Newcastle dominated the game from the first centre pass.

Northumbria started the game poorly giving away a lot of penalties and allowing the Royals to assert themselves on the court.

The play down centre court was beautiful, topped off with some amazing shooting from Ella Davison and Pippa Jackson from the edge of the circle.

The Poly started to get frustrated and let this anger out with aggressive play throughout the game, which only worked against them, as they gave away even more penalties.

Player of the match, Sadie Neve, defended brilliantly, forcing many errors when Northumbria were on the attack.

The final score was a convincing win of 40-19, securing the 4ths position at the top of their league.

The Poly will have to pick up their game significantly to make a dent in Newcastle’s Stan Calvert dominance.

The bragging rights remained with the Royals to wild celebrations.

The 4ths in action during their 40-19 thrashing of Northumbria Photography: Ralph Blackburn

It’s snow bother! Knights tip Cheshire to bottom Women’s Basketball MMU Cheshire 1sts

37

Newcastle 1sts

83

By Rosie Wowk in Crewe Even a blizzard could not stop Newcastle from sealing a third victory of the year over a beleaguered MMU Cheshire side on Wednesday afternoon, with the Knights securing a comfortable 83-37 win, despite adverse weather conditions that meant their journey to and from Crewe took 10 hours in total.

The team’s delayed arrival and an

untimely lack of hydration caused the Knights to start the game sluggishly, and this gave MMU the opportunity to sink some surprisingly efficient threepointers from outside the key.

The away side soon overcame their slow opening, however, and it was not long before MMU failed to track DJ Duleckytė, and she was able to register the Knights’ first points of the game. It was strange that the home team had not done their homework on Duleckytė, who just so happens to be the best three-point shooter in the league.

The Knights’ new zone offence was soon put into play, as they started to control the game, and with stacked forward Rosie Wowk setting an impressive concrete screen, the fearless Corinne Vaughan was left open to sink an easy three.

MMU began to sense an impending third defeat of the year against the

Knights, and their play suffered accordingly. The home team took a more physical approach to the game in an attempt to stop Newcastle’s fluent attack, but this too was in vain, as Sergeant Tognarelli marched to the free-throw line and punished them for their aggressive tactics.

The Knights’ belated carbohydrates finally kicked in the second quarter, as the away team came to life on the dusty court. Snappy passes around the key caused the defence to shift across court, which left their Lithuanian newbie Danielė Stukaitė wide open for an unexpected three-pointer.

Then, like a flash of lightening that had somehow got inside an indoor basketball court, Virginian-born Olivia Bowles darted to the top of the key to receive an excellent entry pass and dive to the basket for a tidy lay-up.

MMU’s tactics became increasingly

desperate as the game wore on, with their number six particular guilty of a handful of unsportsmanlike fouls.

Fortunately for the visitors, their third-quarter syndrome was buried back at home under the snow, and the Knights were able to soar easily through the penultimate period. Action Jackson was double the trouble in the second half as she dropped a Christmas jumper, which was quickly followed by some well-deserved shots on the line.

Dr Jenny Monney was another Knight who impressed in the latter stages of the match, with her strong defensive play hypnotising MMU’s attack and luring them into a false sense of security, which subsequently allowed the rest of the team to pick off their opponent’s substandard passes.

Newcastle made an explosive start to the final quarter through Stukaitė, the player securing a fine defensive re-

bound before galloping up the court for a coast-to-coast lay-up.

Although a win was clearly on the Christmas cards, the Knights’ hunger was yet to be adequately satisfied and shots continued to rain down on the MMU basket from all over the court.

Newcastle’s American All-Star Bowles hoovered up the rebounds for Coach Bunten’s side and her perfect finishes added a gloss to the already imposing score.

Their coach and serial hash-tagger was over the moon with the result, and took a moment to speak to The Courier following the game.

Bunten enthused: “The girls truly are an inspiration and with each game their talent surprises me more and more. The year ahead faces some tough challenges, but it is nothing that we cannot overcome together #seeyouatthetop #ayeokaythen #numberonegirls #onit”.

Sport

www.thecourieronline.co.uk Monday 10 December 2012 Issue 1262 Free

thecourieronline.co.uk/sport

Sports Editors: Ralph Blackburn, Nick Gabriel and Lucy Williams Online Sports Editors: Freddie Caldwell and Jack Gelsthorpe courier.sport@ncl.ac.uk | @Courier_Sport

FORGET THE OLYMPICS! WE LOOK AT THE FORGOTTEN SPORTING MOMENTS OF 2012 - P.40-41

Track events are set to stay in Gateshead, but field events and sports such as netball could be moved elsewhere Photography: Moises Bedrossian

Northumbria propose major changes to Stan Calvert Cup

changes would see multiple • Suggested events moved away from Gateshead set to stay, but all indoor • Athletics sports, football and rugby league could be relocated to non-neutral venues

suggest need for as many • Northumbria as 16 sports to be scrapped over disputed claims of player unavailabily for events in which Newcastle are strong

By Freddie Caldwell Onlne Sports Editor It has emerged this week that Northumbria University is keen on making some significant changes to the annual varsity match with Newcastle, the Stan Calvert Memorial Cup. Several modifications to the current format have been suggested, including moving matches away from the Gateshead International Stadium to Northumbria and Newcastle’s own facilities.

This change has possibly been recommended because of the difference in quality between the facilities at GIS and at Northumbria, whose Sports Central building opened in 2010 at a cost of £30

million. This is in contrast not only to GIS, but also to Newcastle’s own considerably older Sports Centre, which is not nearly as advanced as Sports Central.

However, it would be necessary for both the Newcastle Sports Centre and Sports Central to be used in place of GIS to ensure that all the fixtures could be played on Stan Calvert day, and also that the support would be fair for most teams. However, the move away from a neutral venue is problematic, and has proved an unpopular idea with the Newcastle University sports clubs.

Joanna Murname from the netball club said: “For such a competitive day as Stan Calvert, we want the play to be as neutral as possible”.

It would be difficult to achieve neutrality if fixtures were played on Univer-

sity grounds. GIS also offers the advantage of allowing a very large number of sports to be played on the same day at the same location.

Emily Waller from the badminton club stressed that: “The neutrality of the venue is considered very important, as is the ability to watch other sports throughout the day and so is the camaraderie of those who are present.”

Chris Griffiths, representing Rugby League, spoke of the “overlapping support” which comes as a result of playing at GIS. There is also the question of accessibility for spectators. Northumbria might argue that playing matches on campus may make it easier for more people to spectate over the course of the day. continued on page 46