First-time TMU voters are heading to the Ontario polls for snap election
By Daniyah Yaqoob
Ontario Premier Doug Ford called a snap election for Feb. 27, which will send many students at Toronto Metropolitan University (TMU) to the polls for the first time.
The provincial election, originally scheduled to be held in June 2026, was preponed due to Ford’s desire to have a “strong mandate to outlast President Trump,” as he said to in a press conference last week.
The last provincial election in June 2022 saw a record low turnout rate in Ontario at 44 per cent, according to Elections Ontario.
According to Statistics Canada’s data from 2021, young voters aged 18 to 24 had one of the lowest turnout rates in the 2021 federal election, with only 66 per cent casting a ballot.
“[I feel] nervous the candidates are never quite…satisfactory,” said Saraf Anzum, a first-year aerospace engineering student, about voting in the upcoming election.
She added, “No candidate exactly matches up to what any one person might want. But it’s been getting more and more tough.”
Jaydn Chin, a third-year civil engineering student and first-time voter said the ability to vote is “one of the very few concrete, uncor-
rupted ways you can participate in your government.”
Though many first-time voters are eager to participate in the democratic process, some said they do not see the point of the snap election.
“It’s an entirely self-serving decision [for Ford],” Chin said.
Matthew Walker, a first-year psychology student, said Ford is relying on voter apathy and his party’s good standing in the polls.
Polling currently shows the Progressive Conservatives with the biggest lead since the “turn of the century,” according to research firm Ipsos Canada.
“If the election was held in 2026, obviously it would also outlast the Trump presidency,” he said, referring to one of Ford’s justifications for the early election.
Though Walker said he found the election unnecessary, he is still excited to do his part.
First-time voters who spoke with The Eyeopener said their identity as students influences which issues matter most to them in the current election.
For many students, issues related to transportation and housing are core factors they will focus on as parties release their platforms.
“I commute into school every day. But the public transit that
I am using is infrequent and unreliable,” said Walker. He added, “I’m paying too much for rent on my apartment.”
Walker said that he will be using this newly-acquired right to vote because it affects his “everyday life.”
Education for first-time voters’ is also closely intertwined with their voting intentions. Walker indicated mental health to be an issue he is keeping an eye on due to his field of study.
Chin said he is prioritizing transportation-related issues, given his commute to TMU’s downtown campus. “I’m basing my choices on the…general fact that I’m a student in civil engineering–so transportation engineering focused,” he said.
Chin explained the importance of acknowledging how his major adds to his political focus.
“I probably [otherwise] wouldn’t care at all about his transportation policy.”
Bill 212, which allows the provincial government to remove bike lanes in Toronto, is one Chin said will be important to many students at TMU because of its downtown-centric focus. He said that he will pay attention to how party’s will deal with the legislation.
Based on his own personal priorities for the future of Ontario, Chin said he isn’t particularly excited about any of the candidates running in the provincial elections—instead, he’ll be voting for “the least worst one.”
“As a voter, I expect elected officials to fight for people’s right to vote. So this is one interesting thing I’m grappling with.” Chin expressed.
Walker said the past years under the Ford government have shaped his voting intentions.
“Every step of my conscious life, I have felt that Ford has made decisions that have negatively impacted me,” Walker said. He mentioned cuts to education funding and Ford’s COVID-19
pandemic response which kept Ontario students in online school longer than others across the country.
Walker said his new right to vote is a new way to make his voice heard.
For Anzum, the voting process remains somewhat unclear—she believes TMU should do more to educate students.
“The university should definitely provide more information to students in as unbiased a manner as possible,” She noted. “I need to get started on my own research as well.”
TMU President Mohamed Lachemi said he encourages students to participate in the election, emphasizing the importance of civic engagement. “The bottom line is…to make sure that [students] show up and vote”
He noted the election will take place during the semester, giving students the opportunity to “vote here on campus.”
Lachemi also urged students to consider the long-term impact of their participation.
“Many of the policies adopted by the government will affect them in the future, and it’s better for them to have their voices heard now by voting,” he said.
Despite mixed feelings around the election, students who will soon vote for the first time are confident about the value of participating in the civic process.
Walker believes there is a consensus among his generation that there is a severe lack of action on the issues that matter most to them. For him, voting is the way for young people to bring those issues to the forefront.
“If you don’t vote, you’re not giving [the government] accountability. You’re the last check and balance. You have to use [your vote],” Chin said.
TMU students can register to vote at www.registertovoteon.ca and learn more about the process at www.elections.on.ca.
KHADIJAH GHAURI/THE EYEOPENER
A love letter to heartbreak
By Nalyn Tindall
With every step forward, I leave a piece of my heart behind—it’s made me who I am today
At the international gate of the Melbourne Airport, tears rolling off my cheeks, I say I’ll see you soon—we both know it’s because I can’t muster up the courage to actually say goodbye. I love you so much but we both know it could never be.
leave something behind. I know I become a better person for it yet that doesn’t make the heartache any easier. Growth is a truly painful process.
Standing on the crumbling sidewalk in front of my parents’ house, we kiss for the final time, and though I continue to see you, that version of us is gone. I love you so much but we can’t hold each other back.
Without heartbreak, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. I wouldn’t have met all of the people who have shaped me, but more importantly I wouldn’t have met myself.
loss that comes with letting go of those who help to brighten your day, help you love yourself for your own quirks and habits and form your brightest memories is a pain unlike any other.
“I am a culmination of every person I’ve loved”
So wallow in the pain that heartbreak holds—cry and scream and curse the world as I have. It won’t get easier, but what I’ve realized after a few times is that you will love again.
On a secluded park bench downtown, we really do say goodbye, and though that won’t be the last time we talk, I know your hand will never be in mine again. I love you so much but you were never meant for me.
I am a culmination of every person I’ve loved—each friend, co-worker, teacher and partner I’ve had the privilege to know. Each of them instilling their quirks and habits into me. In every piece of artwork hanging on my wall and each trinket or piece of clothing that’s made its way into my belongings, I’m reminded throughout the day of everyone who’s shaped me.
Surrounded by relics of lost love, not weighing me down, but lifting me up and reminding me that I have loved and been loved.
My tear-stained pillowcases tell my stories of lost love better than I ever could. So instead of reading those, relish in the many forms of heartbreak represented in the pages which unfold before you.
By Haley Sengsavanh
There are currently over eight billion people in the world. Given those odds, it’s entirely possible that you may be interested in— or even in a relationship with— someone you are sexually incompatible with. But what does a path forward even look like? How do you foster healthy communication or set strong boundaries in the bedroom?
Sex and Self is a non-profit organization dedicated to providing inclusive and comprehensive sexual education, with branches operating out of McGill University and Concordia University. Their founder, Felicia Gisondi, provided her insight.
Q: I want to introduce a new kink in the bedroom. How do I communicate these desires without my partner feeling pressured to go along with it?
Heartbreak is a word I’m all too familiar with. It’s a feeling I’ve become accustomed to, yet one that never becomes easier. I’ve moved across the country and then across the world, letting go of people who taught me how to love each time, and every time I’ve had to remind myself that heartbreak isn’t the end.
Without heartbreak, I wouldn’t have learned how important pain can be. I wouldn’t have learned how strong I am, how persistent I can be or how much my love truly matters. I wouldn’t have learned how to let go, and despite it being a struggle of mine, I’m happy to say it’s gradually becoming a strength.
I hope this issue can help you reflect on the times your heart’s been broken, from the smallest cracks to the most cataclysmic shatter. Whether you were ghosted by a two-day situationship or had to say goodbye to the love of your life, I hope you can find something you relate to and realize if heartbreak is anything, it’s OK.
A : We have to realize that sex is an intimate and personal discussion that you have with your partner or partners but it’s no different than having a challenging conversation of [other] sensitive nature.
If you’re looking to bring something new to the bedroom, doing as much research as possible on what you’re looking for is the first step. What kind of toy do you want to use? What is that going to look like? If your partner isn’t willing to explore that kink, is that the end of the relationship or is that something you’re willing to compromise on? Figure that out before you have that conversation, because you don’t want to pressure anyone to do anything they don’t want to, but you also don’t want to compromise your own desires. Where a lot of people get lost in the conversations around sex is that they’re having these conversations either right before
Each time I take a step forward in life, I find myself having to
I’d be lying, however, if I said heartbreak is all for gain. The
P.S. I hope you know, I’ll always love you—I know I said I’m getting better at letting go, but I really don’t think I ever could.
Opposites might attract but can they satisfy?
Sex and Self founder Felicia Gisondi answers our questions on sexual incompatibility, boundaries in the bedroom and more
having sex or right after, which is not the time to. You need to be having these conversations in a non-sexual setting. Removing any sort of pressure or vulnerability from an already challenging discussion is really critical.
Q: My partner wants to bring someone else into our sex life but I don’t feel comfortable with it. How do I set that boundary?
A: You say no, and that’s it. It’s a little bit of a sad reality. If you have a partner who doesn’t respect your boundaries, that’s no relationship to be in. I think [most] professionals will say that if they don’t respect that, there’s no convincing them otherwise. You don’t need to explain yourself.
Q: I don’t really know how to reach orgasm with my partner and I don’t know how to explain it to them either. Any tips on how I figure this out?
A: I defi nitely would say it’s trial and error. We’re the experts of our own bodies. I’m a huge advocate for masturbation and self-pleasuring and doing that independently in whatever means you fi nd necessary. Then, articulate exactly what you need and want from your partner because there’s no way that they’re going to be able to guess. Everyone’s got their own ways in which orgasm is achieved, especially vulva owners. There’s no two vulvas that look exactly the same. Obviously, because sex is sensitive, we do often recommend [a lot of] positive reinforcement. Any positive feedback is important because then they’ll know exactly what works and what doesn’t.
Q: I’m going to lose my virginity to my partner who has had other sexual experiences already. How can I feel more secure in our relationship?
A: Just because someone has a lot of sex doesn’t mean they’re good at it. I also think there’s a lot of shame, especially for women, around having sex for the fi rst time and not being experienced. When we think about virginity and the construct of it, for men, it’s a notch on their belt, and for women, it’s a loss. I don’t really even like using the word virginity anymore because it’s so religious and there’s so many weird connotations to it.
You’re doing something for the fi rst time, so you’re going to feel anxiety or fear, and that’s totally normal. We think it’s going to be this big momentous thing, but it’s just something new that we unfortunately put a lot of taboo and shame on. Everyone’s body is different, so you can’t expect your partner to have sex with you the same way they had sex with 50 people before. It’s not a one-sizefits-all solution.
All visuals by Sammy Kogan Nageen Riaz
Khadijah Ghauri
Your brain on heartbreak
By Melanie Nava Urribarri
The heart has always been the bearer of our emotions. According to the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy, Greek philosophers including Plato and Aristotle believed that the heart’s dominant role in the body was controlling love and strong emotions such as anger and pain. Over time, they expanded the role of the heart to hold sovereignty in all human processes including human emotions, cognition and awareness.
The search for the secrets of the heart isn’t new and neither is the need to understand heartbreak on a deeper psychological and physical level.
The term ‘broken heart’ was first recorded in the mid-1500s, used by evangelical author George Joye. There’s even a medical condition called ‘takotsubo cardiomyopathy,’ or simply broken heart syndrome,’ first described in 1990 in Japan.
The reasoning for its nickname?
According to Harvard Medical School, the condition is a weakening of the left ventricle—the heart’s main pumping chamber— which typically results from severe emotional or physical stress. This stress doesn’t only include physical illnesses but loss and grief as well.
However, in reality, it’s not the heart itself that is in control of these reactions—it’s the brain— and you are its victim.
Heartbreak isn’t only an emotional and symbolic experience—it’s a physical one. It’s the brain that regulates your emotions in the midst of messy breakups and 2 a.m. crash-outs over your situationship that hasn’t texted you back. You aren’t only feeling the effects of that inexplicable chemistry with the one you desperately want to think is your person—you are also feeling the effects of your own brain chemistry and neural pathways that create patterns based on physical reactions.
Dr. Brenda Lee, a psychologist based in Vancouver, explained the reason behind these reactions.
Lee pointed out a dissonance
created between two realities— the loss of the positive emotional states we have with a person and the negative emotional state of the breakup.
“A break up is sudden and separating yourself from those habits can be quite tough. It takes a transition period generally,” said Lee. It’s a “jarring” psychological experience from the start, she added, highlighting the loss of a significant connection in our lives.
According to research published by the National Institute of Health, relationship breakups are consistently ranked as one of the biggest stressors that people experience in their lifetimes.
“It’s a similar chemical pathway that we would see with addictions”
Lee shared that stress hormones, like cortisol, are released when going through a high-stress experience. The large and constant influx of these hormones can make the body and brain perceive itself as being under threat, potentially triggering a fight, flight or freeze response. She further explained that this brings certain changes within your body as an involuntary sympathetic nervous system (SNS) response.
As explained by the Cleveland Clinic, the SNS is one of two divisions in the autonomic nervous system, which controls many bodily functions without conscious thought. The SNS specifically rises when you’re stressed, in danger or physically active. It redirects oxygen-filled blood to areas of the body that need it during intense physical activity, leading to increased heart rate and blood pressure, slowed digestion and enlarged pupils.
When the SNS is in a constant increase of activity during a stressful period, these symptoms can deteriorate one’s physical health.
Adding another perspective, Lee described how the stress ex-
perienced during a breakup can additionally mirror that of an addiction withdrawal.
“The release of [chemicals like] dopamine and oxytocin, do help foster closeness and help foster reward when we’re interacting with someone,” said Lee, “It’s a similar chemical pathway that we would see with addictions and addictive behaviours.”
Allison Abrams, a licensed psychotherapist, wrote in Psychology Today how a breakup neurologically mirrors withdrawals specifically from drugs like heroin. Illustrating that, research from leading Chinese universities, including a study titled Romantic Love vs. Drug Addiction May Inspire a New Treatment for Addiction, have found through the usage of brain scans that the same areas of the brain are activated during heartbreak and drug withdrawal.
Lee added that this is one explanation of why people may often want to return to their partners following a breakup. She explained that combining withdrawal symptoms with the challenges involved in breaking a habit creates a significant hurdle. As a result, the dysfunction of a relationship can feel more comfortable than initiating change because the brain associates a particular person and behavior with chemical rewards.
“This is the path of least effort,” said Lee.
In the past, Lee’s research has focused on cyberstalking behaviours post-relationship breakups. She clarified that it can be a problematic pattern having to do with a difficulty of letting go and the combination of a burst of behaviours seeking that chemical reward. “It’s kind of poor coping with change, poor coping with kind of emotional difficulties,” she said.
“Even if change is positive, it’s still stressful and it’s a shock to our system. And so it will always take time for us to re-establish a baseline.”
Heartbreak can be a transformative experience, often marking a necessary conclusion, the end of toxic patterns or a healthy resolution. However, when coupled with the queer experience there are many unique challenges—especially if one has to deal with heartbreak while in the closet.
Some queer students at Toronto Metropolitan University (TMU) have faced the distinct challenges that come with heartbreak as a member of the 2SLGBTQIA+ community.
The experience of going through a breakup while still in the closet presents its own unique set of challenges. For someone navigating both their identity and the end of a relationship, isolation can feel especially intense.
First-year history student Mint Bardwell said being in the closet while in a relationship can impact one’s autonomy and self-perception. “Dating while in the closet is like the equivalent of being in a relationship where something is not quite met—needs wise. Not because of a fault [but because] there’s a gap in the picture that doesn’t quite make sense, regardless if you’re aware of your sexuality or not,” said Bardwell. “And then when you do know, it’s between deciding whether you’d like to leave the situation you’re in now or continue to play this role you’ve been playing.”
The inability to be open about one’s identity can
mean there’s less support as friends and family might not even know the relationship ever existed. The lack of a safe space to share feelings and seek guidance can contribute to heightening the emotional strain of a breakup. The Trevor Project, a LGBTQ+ non-profit organization, found that “the way youth are treated in their homes, schools and communities, and the level of support they have in their life,” are all factors that affect an individual’s wellbeing.
Bardwell said, “Having to be in the closet while breaking up versus having the freedom to come out allows for a very different aspect of who you are and how you even navigate relationships.”
Some may feel torn between the heartache of losing their
partner and the fear of being outed before they’re ready. On the other hand, a breakup could raise deeper questions about their identity. These added complexities can make moving on much harder when you’re still in the process of discovering who you are.
Logan Chu, a first-year psychology student, said exploring oneself isn’t always simple as a queer person. “When you’re navigating your identity as a queer person in the early stages of finding yourself, it’s difficult to separate your platonic and romantic ideologies,” said Chu. “Everybody is different, and queer people aren’t really given the same tools as everybody else to navigate that. It’s such a confusing distinction.”
Discovering one’s identity as a queer person can be deeply complicated and is often shaped by both per-
ecutive order requiring federal agencies to discriminate against transgender people by denying who they are and threatening the freedom of self-determination and self-expression for all.”
These challenges are rooted in a long history of LGBTQ+ oppression, from the criminalization of homosexuality to the AIDS epidemic and more recently, the rollback of trans healthcare access in the U.S. and the erosion of protections against discrimination. This history of adversity has
Flint Longman, a first-year undeclared arts student, shared how remaining in the closet for so long acted as his turning point, leading Longman to come out as transgender. In this process, he found himself “really fortunate” to have access to a trans support group where he and his parents had the opportunity to speak to trans youth and their parents alike.
“I knew that I needed to come out for my own happiness and sanity,” said Longman. “I think it’s really underrated to give your support system their own community to understand and appreciate queer identities. It was a big thing for me and my parents to have those conversations.”
Ariella Cueller, a communications specialist at the California LGBTQ Health &
with pride and courage.”
Bardwell said while figuring out sexuality looks differently for everyone, there’s almost always a significant imprint on your life and identity. “Coming into your queerness gives you a much better comprehension of the degrees of support that exist within the people in your life,” he said.
“I think coming out really has to teach you a lot of self-respect in order to validate your own identity. I have taught myself through coming out that this [identity] has been there, and the people that I want to be around will want to be around me. And if the person they want around is not the person I actually am, I’m not gonna bother,” said Bardwell. “The experience gives you a different kind of empathy for the people around you, and other queer people.”
A 2024 study by Ipsos highlighted the ongoing struggle that queer individuals face in coming into themselves as they grow, particularly when questioning whether their loved ones will offer the support they need. The study found that, “Support among Canadians for various aspects of LGBT+
By Harley Swinamer
Heartache in the closet
How queer youth face heartbreak in silence
sonal and societal struggles. Social stigmas, along with historical adversities, weigh heavily on the process of coming into one’s queer identity. The current political climate in the United States— with ongoing debates over trans rights and discriminatory policies, creates a hostile climate across borders where many queer people, especially trans and non-binary individuals, feel their identities are being invalidated or criminalized.
According to the American Civil Liberties Union, “On his first day back in office, President Trump signed a far-reaching ex-
left a lasting impact, making it harder for young people to feel secure in their identities.
Many young queer people struggle to feel as though they can truly step into themselves while also honouring their lived experiences. The pressure to conform to societal expectations, the fear of rejection or violence and the lack of supportive spaces can make selfdiscovery feel like a daunting and isolating process. In a world that often tries to erase or silence their identities, the journey to self-acceptance becomes even more challenging.
Human Services Network said, “In a society that seeks to erase our identities and invalidate our experiences, learning to love ourselves unapologetically is an act of resistance. It requires us to confront systems of oppression, to challenge the narratives of shame and inadequacy that have been imposed upon us.”
Cueller explained that accepting your queerness allows you to accept yourself as an individual.
She reminded her audience that, “Everyone’s journey of self-discovery is different and I hope that it uncovers the beauty of one’s authenticity and identity
visibility, including LGBT+ characters on screen, in sports and in public displays of affection, is lower now than three years ago. Support in Canada is lower in most cases than the 26-country average.”
Despite this, community remains a crucial aspect for many queer youth. Longman said, “Community is so important. Humans are social creatures. It ties back into breakups because it’s way harder to go through something like that if you are lacking a support system,” he said. “When someone doesn’t have that, I think it’s heartbreaking.”
Recollecting LOVE
How memory distorts our past relationships
By Ariel Tozman
Content Warning - This story contains personal experiences of intimate partner violence, harassment, depression and paranoia.
August 2023 is Matigan Crozier’s summer of first dates.
After three years of singledom, the third-year biomedical sciences student is ready to leave hook-up culture behind.
Following days of half-involved texting with a cookiecutter hockey boy from the United States (U.S.) who had slid into her direct messages (DMs), she agrees to a first date at Toronto’s Broadview Hotel.
Seated across from Finn* on the airy, glass-walled rooftop patio, the hot sun dances through Crozier’s fair curls as it sets on Queen Street East. She is so anxious she can’t stomach her food.
After dinner, the pair head to the Queen Street Viaduct—a quirky green bridge overlooking the Don Valley Parkway. As they walk back, the harsh yellow streetlights framing their silhouettes and the sound of cars turning off the highway, he begins to skip. He tells her how nervous he was to meet her and how interesting she seemed online.
That was the moment Crozier became attracted to him—or in hindsight, to his obsession with her.
“Growing up, or when I was a teenager, I definitely had more of an anxious attachment style. To see somebody who was so openly obsessive, it felt like I had met somebody I could have this mutual obsession with,” she says.
What do we remember about our past relationships and what do we choose to forget? A 2018 study from the journal Romantic Dissolution in Early Adulthood refers to “the problem of what to do” with the memories of our previous romantic entanglements as “grave-dressing.” The study explains that people “dress” the graves marked with the names of our exes in a self-affirming narrative, rewriting the “characters, motivations, and events” to move on.
Arela Agako, a Toronto-based psychologist specializing in dialectical behavioural therapy, emotional regulation, trauma therapy and couples therapy, says our attachment styles can determine how we remember our past relationships. The less stable our sense of identity is, the emptier we feel after a relationship ends. To compensate, those with anxious attachment styles are more likely to idealize their exes.
“We can’t tolerate feeling empty. This feels like our whole world is crashing down upon us,” she notes.
We tell the story of our past relationship based on how we feel at the moment of recall—and breakups can be miserable, she explains. Our hearts ache for lost love, and sooner or later, for the ex-lover.
The Journal Of Social Psychology refers to a psychological phenomenon known as fading affect bias (FAB), wherein memories associated with negative emotions are forgotten more quickly than positive ones. The study found that we
instinctively push the bad moments out of our minds, making it harder to move on.
Something about John* catches Sarina Hu’s attention when he walks into her Grade 11 functions class. Whether it’s the fact he was new or some sweet, secret melody in the pitter-patter of his footsteps down the halls of her St. Thomas, Ont. high school—a town of 40-odd thousand— she sees “something different” in him.
In this so-called “honeymoon phase,” everything feels fine—more than fine. This blossomed into the nowsecond-year business technology management student’s first relationship.
The then-16-year-old tells herself everything is perfect, however, over the next two-and-half-years, fighting begins and progressively intensifies.
The following summer after Grade 12, John starts working at a waterfront restaurant in Port Stanley, Ont., a 15-minute drive from St. Thomas. Warm weather brings local teenagers like Hu and her friends to the beach in droves, with many kids from her high school working part-time gigs there.
Incidentally, John begins hanging out with one of his female co-workers. When he tells Hu her name, she recognizes the coworker as a St. Thomas local, one “with a history of home-wrecking.”
In October 2022, Hu stays the night at John’s house. She gets up to use the bathroom when she notices his phone light up with an Instagram notification, illuminating her uneasy face. Her gut tells her to open the message, so she does—it’s a DM from his co-worker. The text itself is “something casual,” but has no context as he’s deleted their previous exchange.
“Very peaceful,” she now reflects.
They break up over text, and for a whole month after, he love-bombs her incessantly. When she meets him in-person to give back his belongings, he behaves “like a jerk.” She recalls his demeanour as cold, unforgiving and apathetic.
After the break-up, he ignores her desire for no contact. He emails her, texts her from different numbers and enlists his friends to message her on his behalf.
Data from the World Health Organization suggests that one in three women will become a victim of Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) in her lifetime. IPV ranges from ‘mild’ abuse, such as insulting, swearing or yelling at a partner, to ‘severe’ abuse, constituted by extreme acts of bodily harm.
A dissertation published by Walden University finds that adult female victims will make, on average, seven attempts to leave their abusive partner before they succeed. The study suggests victims will return to their abusers because they have not learned that they are valuable, and no matter what they do or say, their partner won’t change.
James**, a third-year English and history major, met Lori* on Tinder in June of 2021. It was “totally just meant to be a one-time hook-up” but they ended up liking each other “more than [they] expected to,” he says.
The two fell into dating, never having spoken about exclusivity or what they were to each other, as they continued to spend time together.
It’s deep into the winter of 2022 and James bartends at Club 44, a slick, neon nightclub on King Street West. For five days a week, he lives without seeing the sun. He wakes to darkness and falls asleep to the first rays of dawn.
“I had basically zero autonomy. I was taking two classes at the time because I didn’t have the energy to take more,” he says.
At the time, he would often walk home late at night, feeling as if he was being followed. He recalls experiencing a sense of paranoia, where shadows and lights seemed to distort reality. “There were points where I was convinced I was being stalked.”
He says, “That period of my life just doesn’t really exist in my head all that much.”
James believes he is battling depression.
A study published in Occupational Medicine found that higher levels of burnout and depression “coexisted” with higher levels of paranoia.
Hu suggests they take a break. This happens “sporadically”—a couple of times a month, for over a year. Each time they meet to discuss pausing or ending things but then make up.
The end of a romantic relationship “is one of the most distressing events an adult can experience,” according to a thesis published by Iowa State University. The Journal of Psychology says the effect of heartbreak on our memory is similar to the effect of watching a violent movie—with both scenarios inducing acute stress. Confronted by distress, the human mind intentionally surpresses its capacity to remember.
One Sunday afternoon, James is watching a Buffalo Bills game. The Bills are in overtime, and he is on the edge of his seat, eyes glued to the television. Suddenly, his phone begins to ring. Lori’s name flashes on the screen. He picks up her call with immense difficulty and no small amount of irritation.
Over the next 15 minutes, Lori ends things with him. She cites many reasons for leaving. They see each other infrequently, and when they do, it is brief. She lives in Oshawa Ont., and James works most weekends. He gets home at 5 a.m. and wakes up at noon, giving them about six or seven hours together from the time she gets in to the start of his shift. Plus, he’s struggling to communicate his dark, tangled feelings.
Lori hangs up and James returns to the TV. The game is over. The Bills have lost. He is more upset about the game than he is about the breakup.
It’s now March 2023. Hu loans John the money to buy a new computer monitor. Weeks go by as he makes up excuses as to why he can’t pay her back—while simultaneously going for dinners with friends and buying new, expensive clothing.
Hu grows increasingly frustrated. They argue over text and she tells him she feels as though he is taking advantage of her kindness. He responds by insulting her, calling her a “bitch.”
She turns off her phone, and for the first time in years, she begins to see what her life would be like without him.
The Journal of Social Psychology article demonstrates how attachment styles produce distinct patterns of “experiencing and encoding relational memories.” Avoidant individuals downplay the significance of relationship-specific memories, making them more likely to fade. In the article, otherwise-healthy ‘victims of heartbreak’ also exhibited working memory alteration and depression-like symptoms.
A study in Trends in Neurosciences corroborates the adverse impact of depression on cognitive functioning, finding that depressed individuals showed impaired recollection and poor memory of positive events.
According to Agako, anger causes us to remember all the times our partner hurt us. When anger gets activated, negative recollections come easily. We subsist on rage, impairing our capacity to empathize with the other person.
“I do think some level of anger can be really healthy in sort of healing from a breakup because anger is the emotion that gets us to set boundaries,” she notes.
However, when memories associated with this emotion are triggered, others can follow suit. “So all of a sudden, we’re not just thinking about all the ways in which our recent ex harmed us but all the ways in which all the other people have harmed us,” says Agako.
For months afterward, James distracts himself with casual sex to avoid thinking about his past relationship. Just as the pair fell into dating without talking about it, they wordlessly agree to zero contact.
Remembering his relationship with Lori is intimately tied to his depression, he reflexively avoids thinking about it, but feels no bitterness towards her.
“That whole six, seven, eight months, whatever it was, is almost not even real in my head, because I felt like I was living through some sort of cut scene of my life,” says James.
Despite the sunless space he had occupied, he retains a positive view of their relationship. He regards their connection as one of mutual respect, shared interests and effective communication.
It was a good relationship that “was also never really a relationship.”
It’s January 2024. Crozier has been in a long-distance relationship with Finn for four months, who is now playing pro hockey in the U.S. Every evening, the two sit on FaceTime for hours. One night, her phone is propped up on her desk as she studies. They are discussing the possibility of a threesome. They’ve had honest conversations about her queerness in the past, about her desire to have sex with a woman and the things he is unable to provide.
He asks her if she’s had a threesome before and Crozier— feeling no threat being honest—responds with yes.
His face fills with hurt. He makes her feel small, dirty and undesirable. He tells her she is “disgusting.”
“That was the beginning of the end for me,” she says.
In the weeks following, she checks out of the relationship. She flirts with other people, says cruel things behind his back and lies to his face. On the last Wednesday of the month, she is sitting in her genetics class when she is overcome with the urge to break up with him.
She leaves school and calls him from her kitchen counter. The hard line of his mouth appears above the kitchen sink, asking if she’s breaking up with him. He tells her she never loved him, she is a horrible human being and he never wants to hear from her again.
inforcement. “Sometimes a relationship is so painful, so the lows are very low, but every once in a while there’s a high…you don’t know when you’re going to get these highs, and that is very addicting.” She also notes we develop “really intense empathy for the other person,” causing us to justify their bad behavior. “It’s like wearing off the love drug.”
Crozier hangs up and gets in the shower where she washes her tears away.
Finn becomes relentless. For months, he writes her letters, leaves cheesecake at her doorstep, brings her his favourite Starbucks coffee and tattoos a bouquet of lavender flowers on his wrist—symbolic of the only cocktail she drinks, a lavender haze.
Crozier blocks Finn on everything but his emails pop up in her spam folder. He sprays love letters with his cologne and slips them through her mailbox.
“The smell of his cologne stank up our apartment for days,” she says.
As a result of his love-bombing, they decide to continue seeing each other.
As Agako notes, when feelings of love occur, we hyper-fixate on positive memories meaning negative events appear less significant than they are. The more we miss our lost partner, the more intensely we crave their affection.
A study in the Journal of Neurophysiology found that a group of participants who were intensely “in love” from a period of one to 17 months showed strikingly similar brain activity in the ventral tegmental area (VTA) when they merely imagined their partner compared to when they were actually receiving their affection in-person. The VTA is the same part of the brain that lights up under the influence of addictive substances.
Agako says part of the reason people tend to go back to abusive relationships has to do with intermittent re-
Crozier doesn’t reply for several days, Finn
When Crozier doesn’t reply for several days, Finn engages in self-destructive behaviour and tells her, after the fact, that he thought about killing himself. He always comes back and apologizes, begs her to give him another shot and promises he will be better.
One day, he takes Crozier for lunch. He showers her with presents including white wine and a small bouquet of summer flowers. For once, there is no fighting—only a fragile sort of tenderness.
After, they go back to her mom’s house to savour the wine on her balcony. Stepping outside, she spots a familiar man in the next backyard—her ninth-grade ex’s dad. Crozier isn’t feeling up to the interaction and tells Finn they’d better go inside, knowing he had just discovered her ex is her next door neighbour.
He yells at her, picks up a wine glass and smashes it on the kitchen floor. It breaks into a million pieces. She then follows him to his car, where he begs to go through her phone. He begins hitting everything in sight from the steering wheel to the side mirrors.
Finally, Crozier finds the strength to end the relationship for good. By contacting her against her wishes, she tells Finn he is only hurting himself. She will never be, and refuses to become, the girl he imagines her to be.
“No matter how I behaved, no matter how small I made myself, he would always find something to tear me apart for,” Crozier says. “I realized that I was completely hiding parts of myself from him and that I was going to become a shell of a human being by the end of it.”
Anonymity Statements:
*This fictional name represents an ex-partner identified by a source whose name is exempt for privacy.
**This source’s name has been changed for anonymity.
When
Elora Kalk, a second-year performance dance student at Toronto Metropolitan University (TMU), used to be against dating apps, thinking they were useless and would lead people to feel worse about themselves. However, feeling as if she was missing out on a modern phenomenon, “I downloaded it and I was still pretty hesitant at first. But after a while I thought, ‘You know what? It’s kind of fun,’” she recalled. But that excitement didn’t last. “Nothing really felt real,” she remembered. “You might have talked to someone for a day or two, and then you kind of fizzle out and it never really goes anywhere.”
Kalk’s experience is common among today’s young adults. In a world where thousands of people swipe right every day, dating apps like Tinder, Bumble and Hinge have become go-to platforms for meeting a potential partner. With endless options available, it seems there should be a stronger connection than ever. But paradoxically, many users—especially young adults—find themselves feeling more lonely than before.
“It’s so easy for someone to just block you and cut you off”
Despite the convenience these apps may offer, many users are more disconnected than ever, according to Jonathan Haidt, a professor at New York University and psychologist. What starts as an easy way to connect with one another can quickly turn into a superficial game of validation and ego boosting—leaving many craving for a genuine connection. As university students navigate the modern dating scene, some have discovered that while these apps promise endless opportunities, an abundance of matches can quickly become overwhelming. Instead of focusing on quality connections, many users find themselves lost in a sea of options, constantly swiping without taking the time to have a meaningful engagement.
Sarah Knudson, a sociology professor at the University of Saskatchewan noted that this paradox of choice in online dating often leads to feelings of frustration and disinterest in the apps.
“People keep swiping and sitting with the options,” she explained. This prevents them from focusing on a few individuals who might genuinely want to engage in a real conversation.
“I feel like it’s when you overeat food or you’re overconsuming media”
Love, Sex & Heartbreak
them off, and all of a sudden they’re gone.”
Christina Kennedy, a first-year RTA media production student at TMU, shares a similar experience with dating apps. “I feel like it’s when you overeat food or you’re overconsuming media...it kind of just makes you feel sick a little bit.” she reflected. “It’s like, ‘Where’s the genuine connection?’”
that takes time and effort. That’s what a lot of people are missing these days.”
“It’s like, ‘Where’s the genuine connection?’”
users pour time and energy into these connections that end up not being reciprocated.
Kalk invites users to ask themselves an important question. “Why am I on the dating app? Am I really looking for something or am I just feeling the need for attention?”
The constant cycle of swiping and matching also brings with it a significant emotional toll.
Toronto-baseddating expert Shannon Tebb refers to this as “online dating burnout”—the emotional exhaustion users can experience from endless interactions that never turn into real connections.
A painful aspect many users face today is “ghosting,” a social phenomenon where conversations suddenly come to a halt, frequently leaving individuals without any closure or explanation.
Dating apps promise endless possibilities, yet in reality they may be contributing to a growing sense of disconnection.
Kennedy’s concern highlights a common challenge that many dating app users face—the shift from seeking meaningful connections to simply pursuing an ego boost. In the process, the pursuit of validation may overtake the goal of building a genuine relationship. “It’s more than just a quick match,” she explained. “You have to build a connec-
According to certified post betrayal transformation coach Gretta Perlmutter, this cycle can become emotionally exhausting and create a loop of rejection and self esteem issues, especially when
Ryan Sykes, a first-year professional music student at TMU, described the unpleasant feeling of matching with someone, only for the conversation to abruptly end— often without an explanation. “It’s so easy for someone to just block you and cut you off...that definitely makes you feel lonely,” he admitted. For many, including Sykes, the lack of closure from these sudden endings leaves them questioning their selfworth, deepening their feelings of loneliness.
tion, and
While thousands of people swipe right every day, these platforms have transformed how we approach relationships. In an era where ghosting and hookup culture have become more common, having endless options can make forming a true bond more challenging. With so many choices at our fingertips, it’s easy to forget that meaningful connections aren’t as simple as
Tebb explained that even though you’re connecting through technology, there’s still a lingering emptiness. “There’s a lot of rejection and ghosting happening. Even if you match with someone and you start messaging them, you may say something that turns
Swiping right on loneliness
The paradox of modern online dating
By Sophia Shahani Durán
Loving you, losing you
When you lose a pet, it’s more than just goodbye—it’s losing a piece of your heart
By Hania Noor
Dear
Lucy,
I was a baby when you were a baby. I remember my friend Aamir telling me about you in elementary school and then rushing home to tell my family about this cat that could be ours.
I remember seeing you for the first time, thinking you were quite big for a kitten—bigger than the one Aamir had described. I remember my family being a little hesitant to take in a 10-month-old cat, one who was clearly attached to her owner and had no idea she would be going home with a completely different family.
I remember how scared you were. You did not let us pet or hold you. I can still hear the sound of the bells around your collar as you wandered through our apartment—all of us holding our breath and hoping you were okay. Hoping you were happy, that you liked us and that maybe one day you’d want us as much as we wanted you.
You were always a feisty little kitty, slow to trust—and that was OK. You’d been through a lot. Your trust wasn’t given—it was earned. You loved hesitantly, but you loved, even when others didn’t think you did.
I remember the first time you nuzzled your little face against our legs. I remember your quiet purr. I remember when you’d sit beside us just to show us you were there. I remember your soft meows in the middle of the night—hearing your voice for the first time and wondering why you didn’t use it much. What made you so quiet?
I remember sharing my secrets with you under the bed, amazed that you let me come so close
without moving. I was a baby when you were a baby but you were so much wiser than anyone I had known. My confidant—my personal jar of secrets.
I remember the family fights— my mom, sisters and I—the yelling in the house sometimes. I remember crying on the bed and you jumping up and quietly laying down next to my feet. You never said a word and never blinked an eye. You were just there. You always came when someone was upset. That’s how I knew you loved me as much as I loved you.
I remember high school. Old ‘friends’ would come over and you’d inspect them. One sniff and you’d turn around and hide in the room—almost as if you were telling me what was to come. Such a clever little kitty.
I remember when we got Hubert, our second cat. We should’ve asked you first. I’ve always felt sorry about that. You didn’t trust easily and we knew that. But we fell in love with him as we did you and suddenly your home became his. You didn’t get along much at first, but over time, I knew you loved him as he loved you. Your fights could get intense but you two got used to each other. Sometimes, I think about how he must have felt when you weren’t there anymore.
I remember my first heartbreak and I remember you being there. I wish you were there to experience my first love—I bet you would’ve liked him. You always liked the pretty ones.
I remember when I realized I might be your favourite. You’d follow me up the stairs when I came home. You’d come over when I called you. We had a special bond. I saw so much of myself in you.
You were a baby when I was a baby. In many ways, we grew up together. You understood me as I understood you. I remember sitting outside in the summer, reading while you lay beside me, basking in the sun. I remember seeing your face at the door every time I came home.
I remember finding out you were sick. I ignored my mom when she first told us you weren’t eating. I couldn’t fathom it. How could you be sick? You were Lucy. You could never be sick.
But you were. I remember how much weight you lost, taking you to the doctor and hearing them say they couldn’t do the tests without sedating you, which might end your life. I was so angry. I still am. You didn’t trust easily and they were doctors. How could they do that to you? You were my sweet girl. You couldn’t hurt anyone. You’d gotten so weak.
I remember hearing it was cancer. I cried every single day. I remember you struggling to breathe, and I thought about all the times I should’ve been there for you—all the times I was careless. I remember you getting better with medicine at first and how happy we were. Then it got worse. I fed you with my fingers because it was the only way you’d eat. I watched you like a hawk because I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you.
I remember when we knew we were losing you. I remember the day we said goodbye.
Now, I come home and no one is at the door. I read alone. I cry in my room, imagining you at the end of the bed. Nothing is the same without you. It’s been three years but you’re always on my mind.
I’ve never loved anyone the way I loved you. I’ve never felt the loss of someone the way I felt yours.
But even in your absence, you’re still here. You weren’t just my cat— you were my friend, my confidant, my family. I’ll carry you with me always. In every quiet moment, in every warm sunbeam, in every memory of a life we shared.
You’ll always be my baby, just as I was yours.
Rerouting after rejection: when dreams take a different path
How TMU’s
ASB has adapted in the face of adversity
By Kayla Solway
“The meeting started like any other,” recalled Zintiat Kolly, a fourth-year social work student at Toronto Metropolitan University (TMU). “We were discussing our recent pub night fundraiser. What went wrong, what we could have done differently and ideas for our next event. Little did I know, we were about to hear the worst news ever.”
Kolly is one of the team leaders for Alternative Spring Break (ASB) at TMU. This student-led initiative combines travel with volunteering, allowing students to make a tangible impact while exploring a different part of the world. For 2025, the team partnered with the grassroots organization YearOutIndia (YOI) and planned to visit Kerala, India throughout the month of May. For Kolly, it was a perfect opportunity to combine some of her passions.
“I’ve always been really interested in travelling,” she said. “I started my solo travelling journey about three years ago now. In 2021 I went to Cuba and ever since then I’ve been travelling every other quarter.”
But Kolly didn’t just see ASB as a travel opportunity—it also aligned with her passion for giving back.
“Outside of school, I love to volunteer,” she said. “ASB merges the two things together, my love for travelling and my love for helping people and making a difference.”
This year’s ASB trip was particularly special. It marked the group’s first trip since the COVID-19 pandemic. They had been preparing for months—fundraising, marketing the club and spreading the news that they were back on campus.
Attending weekly team meetings on Tuesdays along with virtual team lead meetings on weekends had become a regular part of her weekends.
Discussions in these weekly meetings often revolved around unfortunate updates—such as failures to reach a certain fundraiser goal or a team member unexpectedly being unable to attend the trip in May— but nothing could have prepared Kolly for this briefing.
“The team leader and project coordinator, Jordan, shared the news with us,” Kolly recalled. “She said, ‘I have good news, and I have bad news,’ and I was like, ‘Just drop the bad news, just drop it, then cover it up with the good news,’ not knowing that the two were intertwined.”
The bad news was devastating. “We are no longer going to India, but the good news is we can still continue as a team.”
For Kolly and the other leaders, the announcement was shocking. “Out of all the worst-case scenarios, that was one we never thought of,” she said.
For the first time since 2008, the club did not receive their usual funding. It felt as though there was no tangible reason and seemingly came out of nowhere, especially given that the club had applied in September.
“Out of all the worst-case scenarios, that was one we never thought of”
Everyone has dreams and goals. They’re a fundamental part of the human experience.
According to the Journal of Human Development and Capabilities, “Aspirations matter because they are a manifestation of the freedom to aspire which is valuable for human flourishing in its own right.”
But what happens when those dreams are derailed by rejection? How do we cope, move forward and make new ones?
Read more at theeyeopenertmu.com
By Saif-Ullah Khan
After dealing with cheating, emotional immaturity and a list of other issues, Katerina* became mentally checked out of her second high school relationship. As a self-described “chronic relationship girl,” the now second-year professional communication student shared she became detached from the idea of what relationships were meant to be.
Despite her high school exboyfriend “fixing” his behavior, Katerina felt that it was too late to save the relationship and that it didn’t serve her anymore. This inspired her to do what she believed any reasonable teenager would do nowadays—cut off her boyfriend without any explanation.
The term ‘ghosting’ is defined by Urban Dictionary as “the act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date.” It is a word commonly used by young people navigating the modern world of dating, where ghosting has become a frequent phenomenon.
“Sometimes the ability to opt out is easier than having to grapple with the consequences of the interaction,” said LeFebvre.
For Katerina, the decision to ghost her boyfriend was caused by what she claimed was her immaturity at the time. Since then, she’s shared that she has grown to navigate her relationships with more caution, even if the world around her seems to advise otherwise.
“It just leaves you with a lot of questions. ‘What happened? What did I do wrong?’”
avoid a face-saving negative potential interaction is much easier.”
Her research on “Ghosting as a Relationship Dissolution Strategy in the Technological Age” shows how the rise of technology has increased the amount of access people have to each other, while also decreasing the involved consequences of avoiding difficult interactions. She has also linked the act of ghosting to problematic personality traits such as narcissism, Machiavellianism and conflict aversion.
being related to dating.
“Social media culture as a whole has diminished this responsibility we have with each other,” said Katerina. “People are so comfortable being terrible online and saying all sorts of stuff they wouldn’t face to face. That diminished responsibility carries into why ghosting becomes so normalized.”
LeFebvre recently conducted a study that surveyed those who have ghosted someone. The result: around 60 per cent of participants regretted their decision.
“Some regret they didn’t tell the other person honestly and some regret losing that person entirely. Others feel bad about hurting someone else, knowing that’s the last thing the person will remember of them,” LeFebvre explained.
Since the term has a relatively loose definition, there is also a grey area in what can be considered ghosting or not in the context of dating apps. For example, not answering one of 50 matches on Tinder might be considered ghosting to some, but not to others.
Matches to memories: The ghosting epidemic in modern dating
In a world of dating apps, direct messages and block buttons, TMU students navigate disappearing dates
Though ghosting is most commonly seen in a romance setting, for some couples it can be a recurring phenomenon.
ing is common behavior, it can be beneficial to let people know what you feel.
“There’s so many points in an exchange of information where it drops off that could be considered ghosting,” said LeFebrve. “Particularly with mobile dating apps, they’re sort of built to keep you as the commodity.”
“[Ghosting] is a normative behav-
In her research, Leah LeFebvre, a communications professor at the University of Alabama describes the act as a unilateral one, which only one person initiates towards
only one person the other.
Through her research on communication, dating and breakups, LeFebvre has linked ghosting to the emergence of technology and online apps, which have changed the landscape of modern dating.
For third-year business technology management student Abdullah Atif, ghosting is a byproduct of the amount of options young people have when pursuing relationships online.
it, you that you’re no
“[Ghosting] is a normative behavior, but if you’re still thinking about probably just need to consider suggesting longer interested, to allow closure for another person, and also closure for
“A lot of people don’t really like
“On dating apps, you swipe, swipe, swipe and you get like 80 matches,” said Atif. “As soon as one of those matches gets a little bit serious, you forget about the rest because you just have so many options.”
Danielle Pagulayan, a third-year business management student, found herself in a difficult scenario when her “situationship” kept coming back just months after ghosting her.
action and are choosing to end things,” said LeFebvre. “So,
“I kind of just accepted it because that’s typical boy behavior,” said Pagulayan.
ern dating. “A lot of people negative interhaving the ability to use asynchronous com-
munication to
While having a difficult ‘breakup’ conversation can be more awkward than ghosting someone, he shared that it’s better to be upfront because there are more opportunities for closure. For Atif, ghosting is frustrating as it could possibly leave the other person with a list of unanswered questions—something he experienced recently.
After planning to see a girl he was speaking to for a short time, their first time hanging out turned out to be their last—he never got a text back.
“I don’t know what I did…I felt like I did everything right,” said Atif. “It just leaves you with a lot of questions. ‘What happened? What did I do wrong? How can I better myself?’”
He believes ghosting comes from a lack of transparency and honesty from the way people communicate with their partners.“If people spoke their truth more often and actually talked about their feelings, people would be more emotionally healthy,” said Atif.
An online poll by Research Co. in 2023 found that 55 per cent of Canadians have been ghosted before— with 23 per cent of those instances
“They always come back and then you give in, or you don’t. Eventually you have to say, ‘No, I don’t want to do this anymore.’”
LeFebvre noted a link in her research with ghosting to ‘on again, off again’ relationships, which can often be a point of frustration for the person who was ghosted and expecting to move on. She described this through the lens of a “digital memory archive” where it can be difficult to navigate a reemerging relationship after deleting everything you shared with the person.
Pagaulayan now sees ghosting as a regular part of life and thinks students should prepare themselves to expect it when meeting people.
“We should be more aware that [ghosting is] so common,” she said. “If you meet someone at a bar or on an app, go in with the mindset that it’s not that serious and might not go anywhere.”
As students navigate the complexities of ghosting and being ghosted, LeFebvre said they should learn how to better communicate with the people they speak to. While ghost-
yourself,” said LeFebvre. “You don’t have to be honest…you’re just suggesting an end to the relationship, not necessarily [required to explain] why the relationship ended.”
After ghosting him, Katerina’s ex-boyfriend remained in the dark about why their relationship ended until years later when she found out her roommate was related to him. Katerina and her ex now laugh whenever they look back on their high school experience.
As she moves into future relationships, Katerina shared she intends to do her best to communicate when she knows things won’t work out.
“Getting ghosted is definitely harder…you have no closure. If you already have foundational issues with abandonment or an anxious attachment style…for someone to pull the rug out from under you like that, you’re blind sided,” said Katerina. “Rejection isn’t a positive feeling, but at least you have an understanding of what went wrong.”
*This source’s name has been changed for anonymity.
Getting back on the market: how to craft the perfect dating profile
By Zarmminaa Rehman
So, you’ve just broken up with the one you had pictured spending countless Christmases with, walking around in your jammies together for years to come. Or maybe your most recent holiday fling ended with a classic ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ moment.
If you’re looking for a way to get back on the market, online dating might be right for you. The online dating world is full of fun and excitement until everything you post online has to simultaneously explain everything about you, leave some sort of mystery, be straightforward,
not seem too desperate—but still be bold.
Writing your dating profile bio often feels akin to writing a cover letter but to all your ideal local singles. The writing rules of the best essays and speeches still seem to apply for a dating profile. In a digital age, it seems inevitable that many people will be tasked with crafting a dating profile at some point in their lives. So here are some tips to help you begin your very own journey. Before someone even gets the chance to read your meticulously curated bio that required several hours
of planning, your pictures are front and center—their first impression of you, if you will. It can be stressful to post the photo or the perfect set of captivating pics, but in truth, it may be more worthwhile to post the pictures that show your best sense of self—upfront and unashamed. This doesn’t mean you have to bare the nitty gritty of your life and show yourself in a vulnerable state—say, tear-ridden selfies—rather, have a select group of pictures that make you feel content.
Read more at theeyeopenertmu.com
The pain of platonic heartbreak: navigating the heartache of
By Lucy Kebirungi
Losing meaningful relationships—whether due to heated discourse or simply growing apart— is something many people face. However, the grief that comes along with this process is more often associated with romantic breakups rather than the loss of platonic relationships. In reality, losing a friend can be just as painful—if not more so—than losing a romantic partner.
According to research by Beverly Fehr, a social psychology professor at the University of Winnipeg, people felt more comfortable pulling away from friendships when conflict arose. However, individuals found it easier to settle disputes with open communication in romantic relationships. This often leads to ambiguity towards the end of relationships, leaving many blindsided.
Gillian Bedford, a third-year graphic communications management student at Toronto Metropolitan University (TMU), was left feeling this way last summer after one of her high school friends gradually stopped contacting her.
The two had been close friends throughout their teenage years, forming a close bond after learning they had attended the same summer camp when they were younger. Their relationship grew stronger as they spent more time together, both in and outside of school.
However, Bedford came to find that leaving high school and moving away from each other challenged their relationship.
“We wouldn’t really talk to each other when we were at university because we were busy with our own things,” she said, adding they didn’t speak much other than when they both were in their hometown.
Meeting mostly during reading weeks and summer breaks, the two fell into a habit of keeping in contact periodically, though that came to a standstill last summer.
Bedford reached out on a day they had agreed to meet but was left with no answer.
“I tried continuously reaching out to her and getting no response,” she said. “It was sort of hurtful in a way, especially because this was someone who I spent a lot of my time with.”
This lack of contact carried on for weeks—with no explanation given. Bedford attempted to reach out using different platforms but was left with no answer. The silence was deafening.
Reflecting on that moment now, Bedford believes the pain was similar to a romantic breakup.
“You go from having someone in your life that you’re seeing super frequently and that you’re in touch with to then almost going to being like strangers.”
Eventually, though she grieved the relationship, she grew past it—despite getting no closure from the abrupt end. While it was painful to move on, she strengthened other relationships around her and leaned on them for support. Bedford was able to grow from this loss, cherishing memories but reminding herself to, “Not dwell on [them] for too long because that’s how you end up getting more hurt.”
of Markham to live in downtown Toronto last fall.
Once situated in TMU’s residence, Chen noticed their friend became more protective of them. They developed minor disagreements on Chen’s ability to lie to their parents and friends regarding getting piercings, experimenting with cannabis and exploring dating apps—which “started building up a lot of resentment between us.”
“It felt like I was being controlled. I decided to just stop the friendship,” Chen said, “I think we shouldn’t be as close as we are because I feel like this is…deteriorating the both of us,” they recalled telling their friend.
Chen ended their relationship in March, which was particularly difficult given how close they had become. Through thick and thin, Chen’s friend was “almost like a sibling to me.” They said cutting off the bond hurt them deeply, affecting their sleep, day-to-day life and existing relationships.
which friends would be on my side and which friends would be on their side.”
Months went by, leaving the two friends distressed. Chen noticed that while talking to others about the situation relieved some of the stress, thinking about their friend made the grieving process harder. This stalemate continued until November, following heavy reflection from both of them.
Chen reached out after learning from mutual friends that they had moved downtown.
While their first conversation after reuniting was initially stiff, they gradually found their footing. After roughly four hours of quietly shed tears and hushed conversation in the back of a boba shop, the two agreed that a lack of communication tore them apart—but they were willing to fix it.
losing a friend
their high school’s football team or navigating the mystery that was high school together.
Both driven and passionate, Callender and her friend found familiarity in one another. Like most friendships, the two bumped heads occasionally, then would return to normal. However, one conflict was different from the rest, shaking the core of their relationship. Following an argument, Callender’s friend took matters too far and refused to apologize.
Rather, she criticised Callender’s reaction to the argument, referring to her as sensitive and aggressive, something that was especially painful to hear as a person of colour. “And she wasn’t Black also,” said Callender, “So, the aggressive comment kind of made me feel some type of way.”
Since the two shared a lot of friends, an unspoken divide developed within their circles, making them feel as though they “had to pick and choose
Fortunately, closure can heal old relationships, allowing friends to build new bridges and cross them together.
“We set boundaries and everything about the friendship to make sure that nothing from before happened again,” Chen said. “I think there was a lot of…internal resentment that I [could] sense. But I don’t really sense it as much anymore because I know that they are willing to communicate with me.”
In some cases, one specific event can lead to the downfall of a friendship. Second-year business management student Michaela Callender recalls losing a close friend this way during their final year of high school.
Alex Chen, a second-year fashion student, rekindled a lost friendship after reaching out to them.
The comment stung but a lack of a proper apology was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Callender recalls feeling deeply upset. “This is supposed to be like my best friend, right?” she said. “Why [are] there so many hurtful things being said?” Feeling confused and distressed, Callender pulled away, making an effort only to go to school when they needed to.
Like Bedford, the two slowly drifted apart once Chen left their hometown
Callendar grew close with their friend in ninth grade but they knew each other for years—meeting back in elementary school. The two encouraged each other, whether it was by sharing snacks during a bus ride to Dryden, Ont. with
Luckily, their mother provided support while they were dealing with the loss. Their mom allowed them to grieve the relationship in full, which allowed them to take the steps to grow past the loss. Reflecting on the nature of the relationship and the falling out “really opened [their] eyes” to how extensive grief can be.
“I was grieving a person. I was grieving a friend,” Callender shared. “Grief is not just the loss of a human being physically within life, it’s also losing that connection.”
Learning this allowed them to mourn the connection—applying the lessons learned to new relationships they’d eventually form.
Red flags to look out for
By Sam Santos
Relationships can be complicated, especially when romance is involved. Red flags in a potential partner can range from small concerns to absolute deal-breakers. These factors are pretty important to consider before you make a commitment to someone longterm. Do they exclusively listen to Clairo and Laufey in the car and won’t let you touch the aux?
A forgivable offence, surely— maybe just take the train instead. Do they plan the Toronto Maple Leafs’ championship parade route every year just to fall apart when the team is eliminated? Tragically hilarious, yes, but not necessarily indicative of deeper issues. Do they have a history of manipula-
tive behaviour or lying for no reason? In that case, you may want to steer clear.
In this word search puzzle, we’ve hidden eight red flag traits you should look out for when seeking your next potential partner. If you find that too many of these traits remind you of your Valentine this year, it might be time to search for a new one (or just buy chocolates for yourself, no one can stop you).
Submit a photo of your completed crossword to have a chance to win one of two prize bundles including one $30 giftcard to IKEA and one $20 gift card to Chatime. Winners will be contacted on Feb. 25. Find the giveaway rules through the link in our Instagram bio.
It’s not me, it’s TMU
By Dylan Marks
Top breakup spots on campus
Disclaimer: Similar to my Tinder match’s profile, this story is completely fake. Please don’t take anything mentioned below as actual advice, unless you really want to— maybe it’s good advice.
windows while trying to scroll on TikTok in peace can gaze upon you as you break it off with your honey boo bear on the dog-shit covered grass.
Eric Palin Hall
stoned if you think this idea isn’t completely rock and roll. So while your s/o learns why they shouldn’t have taken you for granite, aim to speak your true feelings and leave no stone unturned. You may feel as though you have hit rock bottom but at the end of the day there’s nothing to quarry about.
Breaking up is hard to do but choosing the right place to do it can make all the difference. Whether you’re looking for a dramatic exit or just a place to avoid your mutual friends, The Eyeopener has you covered with the best places to break up with your significant other (s/o) on campus!
If you’re in a relationship that you desperately need to get out of, why not take your s/o to Eric Palin Hall? Not only does nobody know where Eric Palin Hall actually is, nobody fucking cares! After you break up with them, they’ll have no idea where they are and, in turn, no idea how to come find you after you leave them there sobbing like a newborn calf.
An SLC elevator
Victoria Street Timmy’s
If you break up here, things might escalate quickly…
Toronto Metropolitan University (TMU) President and Vice-Chancellor, Mohamed Lachemi’s office
Pitman Quad
If you have a love for the dramatic, this is likely the spot for you. Everyone knows Pitman Quad is the place to be if you have a dog. So why not take your s/o and walk ‘em like a dog all the way down to the end of your relationship? Everyone watching from the
Submit a photo of the completed crossword here by Feb. 20
At any given time of day or night on Victoria Street, there’s likely some sort of shenanigans and foolish business being conducted by people lurking in the looming hallowed darkness. If you bring your nighttime dry hump pal here and hit them with the sad news that “it’s not you, it’s me,” nobody will care for whatever commotion you both ensue because there’s probably three or four early-morning commuters fighting in the Tim Hortons line.
On top of the large rock by Lake Devo
Your s/o may think your relationship is rock solid, so you could bring them to an actual rock to break it to them that it really isn’t. You might be
President Mohamed Lachemi clearly cares for the student body, so he’d be totally chill if you break up with your s/o in his office. If you are looking for the perfect place to end it all, “it” being your relationship, try this spot out and see how it goes. While the two of you try to work out your problems, good ol’ Lachemi is there to help! Don’t be shy with him, ask for advice on how to better yourself. He’s the president of a university, of course he’d understand what students are going through!
Feel free to use these recommended places for any of your breakup endeavors. If these places don’t seem like the right fit for you to break up with your s/o, just shoot them a text instead.
