YC Magazine - The Alliance, January 2019 by Deanna Johnson

JANUARY 2019

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A PARENT’S GREATEST GIFT: SELF MANAGEMENT » Is it Stress? Insights From Your Child’s Behavior and Emotions » Calming the Perfect Storm » Navigating Self Time and Family Time

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Join the Oakland County Youth Collaborative

The Alliance of Coalitions for Healthy Communities Peers Educating and Empowering Peers (PEEPS) Oakland County Youth Collaborative has been restructured this year thanks to amazing work of our Youth Development Coordinator, Amy Ostrand.

This collaborative youth group seeks to connect students with leadership, community service, and educational opportunities. Students engage with peers from across the county to plan events, participate in safe and sober social outings, and promote positive prevention messaging. This group looks to utilize the unique talents and passions of each student to help make a difference in the community. To keep up with the busy schedules and transportation concerns of youth, monthly PEEPS meetings are now held in various regions throughout the county. Groups meet at fun locations in Clawson, Ferndale, Auburn Hills, and Birmingham/Beverly Hills. Be on the lookout for an upcoming new group being launched in White Lake next month! One of the best parts of PEEPS is working together with other youth from different communities that you might not otherwise have the chance to do. It’s an exciting way to experience diversity and learn from others. Although the mission is still the same, the feel of PEEPS is rejuvenated. PEEPS gives students a community in which they feel connected. Groups receive weekly texts of inspiring messages along with a cartoon, meme, or tip regarding reducing stress – the #1 concern expressed by teens. We recognize one another’s accomplishments and stressors and support each other. PEEPS will continue to plan additional events such as the Teen Awareness Night, a teen panel, Youth Dialogue Day, kindness scavenger hunt, and summer ReNEWed Retreat. All meetings and events are youth lead and provide an opportunity for each regional PEEPS group to come together collectively as a countywide group making a difference together! PEEPS is also discussing having various stress relievers such as kick boxing, yoga, meditation, etc as part of each meeting to keep us energized and stress free. FOR MORE INFORMATION EMAIL: PEEPS@ACHCMI.ORG 3

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FEATURES

A Parent’s Greatest Gift: Self Management

Is it Stress? Insights From Your Child’s Behavior and Emotions

16 20

Calming the Perfect Storm

Opioids and Your Family

Navigating Self Time and Family Time

IN EVERY ISSUE

2 From the Director 5 The Kitchen Table 10 Faces in the Crowd 11 40 Developmental Assets 12 Assets in Action 18 Q&A and By the Numbers BROUGHT TO YOU BY

PRODUCED IN CONJUNCTION WITH

TO ADVERTISE OR CONTRIBUTE Julie Brenner: (248) 221-7101 jbrenner@achcmi.org

COVER PHOTO BY Floating Leaf Studios

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ABOUT THE ALLIANCE OF COALITIONS FOR HEALTHY COMMUNITIES The Alliance of Coalitions for Healthy Communities (Alliance) formed as an extension of the successful Coalition of Healthy Communities (CHC) network. CHC was founded in 1993 by four local coalition groups seeking to strengthen their existing collaboration through the creation of an umbrella organization. In 2003, CHC members, with the support of Oakland Countyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Office of Substance Abuse Services, launched the Alliance to begin the next phase in Oakland Prevention. Today, the Alliance has grown to include 19 community prevention coalitions serving over 50+ local communities and an Oakland County Families Against Narcotics chapter with five dedicated regions to increase supportive environments and decrease the stigma of addiction. Working together, and in a collaborative environment, the Alliance strives to bring quality, evidence-based prevention, wellness, support, and recovery programs to all community members.

MISSION Through substance abuse prevention, mental and physical wellness, and recovery support programs, the Alliance connects, strengthens, and mobilizes strategic partners to promote healthier communities.

VISION Will be nationally recognized as a leader of best practices in collaboration on substance abuse prevention initiatives that create and sustain healthy communities.

CORE VALUES As stewards of community trust, the Alliance of Coalitions for Healthy Communities believes in: Collaboration. Prevention. Results.

Director FROM THE

new year is upon us, and the Alliance of Coalitions for Healthy Communities is jumping right in with strong prevention work to keep our youth safe and healthy! With so much forward momentum on revitalizing the Alliance, I am very excited to share our new direction with you! Look over to your left and see our new mission, vision, and core values. Much of the work the Board of Directors, staff, JULIE and coalition network focused on is truly BRENNER encapsulated in our slogan: Building healthy communities through substance abuse prevention, wellness, and recovery support. For a full copy of the new direction and our strategic direction for 2019-2021, please visit our website achcmi.org. A true highlight is the increased engagement with youth through our Oakland County Youth Collaborative, PEEPS, led by Amy Ostrand. Take a look at the article inside that explains this fantastic opportunity for youth to engage. By regionalizing access to these efforts, youth are engaging at an increased rate and truly impacting positive prevention efforts across the county. With increased efforts to combat youth vaping, Minou Jones, our Greater Urban Community Coalition Intiative Program Manager and Designated Youth Tobacco Use Representative, organized a Vape Work Group that includes multiple county prevention leaders. Her article on page 22 on how to not let your teen vape is critical information. Great news! CADCA (Community Anti-Drug Coalitions of America) has chosen the Alliance as the winner for the 2018 GOT OUTCOMES! Coalition of Excellence Long-term Outcomes Award! This award highlights the work we have done to achieve successful population level change in Oakland County. Many thanks to our Prevention Program Director, Mary Ann Vergith, and Alliance Evaluator, Dr. Darren Lubbers, for their hard work on this! Did you know that we provide FREE prevention programming to all Oakland County schools and their students? Give the office a call at (248) 221-7101 to find out more or email us at info@achcmi.org. Thanks to the Oakland Community Health Network, we also provide FREE naloxone trainings through a program called Save A Life. With 19 strong prevention coalitions blanketing Oakland County with resources and tools, I encourage you to reach out in your local communities and get involved. We are stronger together. Wishing you a very happy and healthy 2019!

Website: www.achcmi.org Facebook: www.facebook.com/allianceofcoalitions Twitter: @achcmichigan ALLIANCE OF COALITIONS FOR HEALTHY COMMUNITIES Julie Brenner, President and CEO (248) 221-7101 jbrenner@achcmi.org 895 N Opdyke Rd, Ste D Auburn Hills, MI 48326

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Alliance of Coalitions for Healthy Communities Receives National Substance Abuse Prevention Award Alliance of Coalitions for Healthy Communities (Alliance) received the Coalition of Excellence Award for Long-term Outcomes from CADCA (Community Anti-Drug Coalitions of America), the nation’s leading substance abuse prevention organization. The Coalition of Excellence award is part of CADCA’s GOT OUTCOMES! award program, which gives national recognition to exemplary coalitions that have clearly documented their impact on population-level substance abuse outcomes.

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CONFESSIONS FROM THE KITCHEN TABLE This is a child’s perspective of ‘coming out.’ P.S. I’m a lesbian.” I remember writing those words on a $2 card I’d bought from the craft store my mom worked at, sitting on my bed, begging my best friend to help me keep my courage. I knew my parents weren’t homophobic, but that didn’t make it any easier. Dozens of “what if ?” questions ran through my head for weeks before I finally came out. But finally, finally—I had found something that ‘fit.’ Something that felt genuine. Real. It took me years to figure out what fit. Now, after befriending countless other lesbians, I’ve learned that the long, grueling thought processes and identity shifts I went through weren’t uncommon at all for lesbians. Growing up, I always knew I liked girls, at least on a subconscious level. Boys never felt ‘right’, and in fifth grade, when all of the other girls in my class were talking about which boy they wanted to dance with at the graduation dance, I remember looking at a friend—and crush—of mine, and asking myself if it was really okay if I wanted to dance with girls instead of boys. At this point, I started trying to force myself to ‘like’ boys, too. I continued to try and force myself to at least like boys in addition to girls up for years, and it was infinitely frustrating. The idea that lesbians were

“closed minded” and “just misandrists and exclusionists!” was pumped into my brain as soon as I started trying to find my place, and even more upsetting, was the idea that the trauma that accompanied my childhood memories was the ‘reason’ I was a lesbian. I entertained both of these ideas until I simply couldn’t anymore. Throughout everything, I had people trying to “guide” me, but unfortunately, it took years for anyone around me to ever ask me if I had ever considered that maybe I was simply a lesbian. When I first started using the term ‘lesbian’ in reference to myself, it was hard. Knowing that ‘lesbian’ was thought of by many as a purely sexual term had to be one of the biggest roadblocks. But, after a few weeks of trying it out, I realized how right it felt. I was a lesbian, and that word doesn’t need to have any sexual connotation. It took a lot of crying in the shower, writing countless short stories featuring my personified insecurities, and the right people in my life to finally help me come to terms with and embrace the fact that I was a Lesbian, with a capital L—and that was okay. After coming out, it was—honestly—a bit of a rollercoaster. Everyone in my immediate family was okay with it, and did incredibly with the news. Obviously, there were a few frustrating questions and comments from those around me, and while

she didn’t want to talk about it, I knew it took my mom a while to really ‘come to terms’ with everything. If I could give a few words of advice to parents, they would be…don’t try and force your child to come out. Don’t joke around about things regarding their orientation unless you know they’re okay with it. Don’t take it too seriously or make it the only point of conversation, but don’t push it aside and ignore it. Don’t out them to people they haven’t given you permission to, especially other family members. Don’t act like it doesn’t exist. Don’t say things like ‘but you’re so young, your feelings will probably change as you age,’ or ‘I don’t care if you’re gay!’ Lastly, I’m going to repeat the first tip I mentioned—do not attempt to force your child to come out. Most of the time, all of the things I touched on are done with the purest, and kindest of intentions, but they can seriously damage your relationship with your child. If you’re guilty of any of the aforementioned, don’t feel bad, so long as you’re able to acknowledge that it wasn’t the greatest idea, and grow past it. Don’t focus on your past mistakes, focus on what you can do now and in the future to support your child. Work on getting past any misconceptions you have, and simply…love, and listen to your child. Really, that’s all. ■

YOU CAN SUBMIT YOUR STORY TO: jbrenner@achcmi.org For many of us the kitchen table represents the typical family experience. We have laughed while having family game night. We have cried over our children’s choices. We have blown out the candles on many cakes. We have argued our way out of doing the dishes. We have struggled through those “three more bites.” We have learned hard lessons and celebrated many deserved successes. One thing is for sure though—if our kitchen tables could talk, there would be plenty of stories! So often it is in relating to others’ stories that we realize there isn’t always one answer, or even a right answer. Parenting is hard work! If you have a story of lessons learned, we invite you to share it with our readers. Sometimes, knowing we aren’t the only ones struggling to find the answer is all the help we need.

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a parentâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s greatest

SELF MANAG

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gift:

GEMENT By JENNIFER MILLER, M.ED.

“My teacher wants you to sign my test,” my son said as he placed a paper quickly on the table nowhere near where I was sitting and walked out of the room. My curiosity rose. Clearly, he was not eager to show it to me. Glancing at the content, it was immediately recognizable - the science test for which he had genuinely studied. But it appeared as is if he hadn’t cracked his book. How was this possible? asked what happened. And I began to understand when he said, “Mom, it was ‘bring-your-pet-to-school’ day.” My son is allergic to all animals furry. It’s an intense allergy that often ushers in a two-week sickness with wheezing and misery. Yet, and perhaps not surprisingly, there’s nothing my son loves more than animals. So on “bring-your-pet-to-school” day, it’s a painful reminder of his heartache over not having a dog or a cat. He came home that day and ran straight to his room - upset. So, it’s no wonder that a test he was well prepared to take resulted in a failed grade. He couldn’t focus. The acute sadness about his unique position among his classmates - that he remained petless - took over his ability to think. The ability to manage our most intense emotions can challenge even the most studious child making it impossible to focus. Children are faced with this issue not only in the midst of an important test but even on the playground when they are stopped in their tracks unable to respond after a classmate taunts them with cruel words like “No one likes you!” Or, at home, our child may melt down, shut her door, and refuse to come out when we need her to attend a family-obligated event. This inability to focus on a test, to respond to a bully on the playground, or to constructively communicate about an undesirable event is evidence of what is happening in a child’s brain - indeed anyone’s brain - when they are highly emotional. continued on page 9

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Daniel Goleman, author of the bestseller Emotional Intelligence, called it “emotional hijacking.” The primal - or survival center of your brain called the amygdala - takes over thinking in those heated moments. If a tiger were hunting your daughter in the woods, it would serve to protect her as she focused only on fighting, fleeing, or freezing. But there are times when that fight, flight, or freeze focus does not help. Because in that moment, your child does not have access to the language, logic, and creativity that reside in the higher regions of the brain that might help her think of a clever response or solution. So too if a parent is yelling at or punishing a child and the child is upset, frightened, or awash with shame, they are unable to think about any lessons you might want to teach. Instead, their focus is on fight, flight, or freeze. So then, what restores higher level thinking skills when upset? Your child’s deep, slowed breath is like the whistle blowing at recess time. There was a chaotic mess of running, playing children (read: your internal upset mess) and when that whistle sounds, all children quietly move toward lining up. Deep breathing is that signaling function for your body. The message it sends is “All clear. Return to normal functioning.” Considering the fact that this mental hijacking occurs, how can you prepare your child to respond so that s/he doesn’t get harmed or harm others in those toughest moments? The answer lies in cultivating the skill of self-management. And selfmanagement can engage a host of other important social and emotional skills like impulse control, feelings identification, empathy for others, and responsible decision making. If we work with our children on multiple ways to calm down in a variety of settings, then they can respond to problems safely and constructively. In doing so, they can also more quickly return to learning, return to play, or return to cooperating with family plans while feeling more competent in the process. Check out the following ideas for how parents can best promote the invaluable skill of self-management at various ages and stages. 3 TO 5-YEAR-OLDS Teach the language of feelings. Remember when it was popular for parents and teachers to say to an upset child, “Use your words”? But what words? Children ages 3-5 have not learned the words to express

the whole body takeover that happens when they are angry or frustrated. So when you see your child is emotional, offer her language. “Seems like you’re feeling disappointed. Is that right?” The simple act of attempting to understand her feelings can release some of her built-up tension. As she becomes more adept at seeking understanding from those around her, she’ll grow in her ability to manage her upset effectively. 5 TO 7-YEAR-OLDS Promote self-discipline. Children, ages 5-7, are learning the rules of family and school life, and that learning sometimes involves testing or even breaking the rules to understand where the real boundaries lie. Parents can easily be baited into power struggles when they seek their child’s cooperation and he refuses. Using your own self-management skills are key. As you model, you’ll enjoy the multiplier effect improving your skills and your child’s. The person who is the most emotionally attached to a particular outcome has the least power. So first, if you are frustrated by your child who has just refused to get his shoes on, stop, breathe, and calm down first. Consider that any nagging you engage in could make you later and less successful. When calm, offer a limited but authentic choice. This gives your child a sense of control in a situation where he is attempting to gain power inappropriately. “Would you like to wear your red sneakers or your blue sandals? Either are fine.” Then, move on with your preparations with the expectation that he will do it. 8 TO 10-YEAR-OLDS Practice upstander skills. In a recent survey of U.S. kids by Highlights for Children, they found most children want to take action when they see an injustice, but they need to know what to say and do when a classmate says mean words and uses harmful actions against them or another. Give your child some practice in what to say. For example, when a girl on the playground says, “We don’t want you in our game” your child could be dumbstruck as her amygdala freezes her ability to respond. But if you practice (role playing with family members) some ways to assert herself without harming others like: “I want to play with classmates who want me to join their game,” she’ll be ready to self-manage with competence.

11 TO 14-YEAR-OLDS Brainstorm healthy ways to handle stress. It seems the pressure is on in every aspect of the tween and teens’ life as they tackle rigorous academics, participate in extracurricular activities, attempt to fit in, and find and keep friends. In addition to the many social and academic expectations, they are also in the midst of all of the awkwardness that comes with puberty. Helping your tween or teen develop coping strategies to manage pressure will serve him through high school, college, and beyond. So, brainstorm together. “When you are feeling stress, what can you do?” Make a long list of options and post it somewhere you can refer to later. “Can you take a brain break and walk outside away from your frustrating homework? Can you smell the fresh air and spend a little time outdoors?” These may seem like simple ideas to you, but your teen needs options for calming down when the pressure is mounting. Instead of building up and leading to a volcanic explosion, your tween can manage his stress along the way. This also begins a trusting dialogue in which you acknowledge stress is normal and expected so that when your teen is feeling the pressure, he may confide in you. Self-management just may be one of the greatest tests of our family life. How do we not harm the ones we love when we feel angry, anxious, or hurt? In a recent large survey of parents in the state of Montana, for example, many said they struggled with losing their temper and saying something to their child they later regretted. Those situations need not occur if parents have thought through what they’ll do in those “lose it” moments. How can we calm down to regain our brain’s full capacity? What will we say like ‘Mom needs a minute’? Where will we go? Will we walk outside and breathe in the fresh air? Let your family know your plan for dealing with upset in advance so that when you take a moment, they know that you are self-managing. This is what it means to parent with social and emotional learning. Imagine if you used self-management skills throughout your child’s developing years. When your child faced her toughest life moment and you weren’t there to save her, she’d have internalized the skill of self-management to regain focus, to respond constructively, and to bring her best. There may not be any greater gift a parent could give a child. ■

About The Author: Jennifer Miller, M.Ed., author of the popular site, Confident Parents, Confident Kids, has twenty years of experience helping adults become more effective with the children they love through social and emotional learning. Among other roles, she serves as lead writer for Parenting Montana: Tools for Your Child’s Success, a statewide media campaign to educate parents on social and emotional learning

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Check out who’s standing out in our community. IS THERE SOMEONE YOU’D LIKE TO NOMINATE? Please visit http://achcmi.org/student-nomination-form/ and tell us why this individual has stood out in your crowd.

Jesse Custer

FACES IN THE CROWD

CLAWSON MIDDLE SCHOOL, 8TH GRADE

Jesse is the student advisor for CMS STAT Club (Students Taking Action Together). She has led the club for the last two years, facilitating activities such as Red Ribbon Week, Random Acts of Kindness Week, and local Gleaners Outreach, among numerous others. Jesse has also been actively involved in CMS Student Council (X officer) and the school’s ASD (Autism) LINK program. She is a member of Jr. Optimist Club and National Junior Honor Society. In 2017, Jesse was awarded the Be Fearless Be Kind award by Hasbro Children’s Fund. She earmarked the $1000 prize toward school programs which promote unity and inclusion. Jesse is a great example of what it means to truly serve your community.

Noah Brown

CLAWSON MIDDLE SCHOOL, 8TH GRADE

Noah is the president of the CMS Junior Optimist Club. He has been a leader in the club for the last three years. Noah has also been actively involved in Student Council. He is a member and treasurer of the National Junior Honor Society and STAT (Students Taking Action Together); in fact, he was the one who created the club’s acronym and image. He recently represented Clawson MS at the Unified Champion Schools Leadership Launch at Central Michigan University. Outside of school Noah has been patrol leader, webmaster and chaplain’s aid for his local Boy Scout chapter. Noah makes his community a better place for every person who is a part of it.

Kyla Cummings

BERKLEY HIGH SCHOOL, JUNIOR

As the president of the YOU Youth Coalition, Kyla embodies the characteristics, values and attributes that make her a natural born leader. She possesses a positive attitude, bright smile and a persuasive, yet gentle personality which is admired by so many. She maintains a 3.8 GPA and leads numerous youth group board meetings, planning a campaign against underage drinking at a BHS ‘Clubs in the Courtyard’ event, and speaking as an inspirational panelist at the Teen Awareness Night by the Alliance of Coalitions/PEEPS. She also participates in the Berkley High School Symphony Orchestra and Varsity Sideline Cheer Team and is a member of the Music National Honor Society.

Sydney Sailor

WALLED LAKE NORTHERN HIGH SCHOOL, JUNIOR

Sydney is the co-founder (2017) of the Walled Lake Northern Students Leading Students organization. She serves as the current president. This group has made a positive impact on Walled Lake Northern. They took a leading role in the inaugural Umatter week program last year that focused on bringing mental health awareness and suicide prevention efforts to our school. They are leading the charge for our second annual Umatter program for the 2018-2019 school year, as well. Additionally, she is working with the group to create a Zen Den at Walled Lake Northern that will be a safe place for students who are having anxiety or just need a quiet place to relax and regroup during the school day.

Makenzie Ryder

WALLED LAKE NORTHERN HIGH SCHOOL, JUNIOR

Makenzie is the co-founder (2017) of the Walled Lake Northern Students Leading Students organization. She serves as the current vice president. Together with Sydney and fellow group members, she has made a positive impact on Walled Lake Northern. With a Zen Den in the works, this group has also led the charge in sponsoring a car safety week last year that was well received. They are making a difference in the lives of their fellow students at Walled Lake Northern! A strong advocate for youth voices, this initiative is supported by the Lakes Area Community Coalition that seeks to prevent drug and alcohol use among our youth by promoting healthy activities that reduce risk factors and increase protective factors.

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40 DEVELOPMENTAL ASSETS

For local meetings dates and times, go to: familiesagainstnarcotics.org/achcoakland

40 Developmental Assets are essential qualities of life that help young people thrive, do well in school, and avoid risky behavior. Youth Connections utilizes the 40 Developmental Assets Framework to guide the work we do in promoting positive youth development. The 40 Assets model was developed by the Minneapolis-based Search Institute based on extensive research. Just as we are coached to diversify our financial assets so that all our eggs are not in one basket, the strength that the 40 Assets model can build in our youth comes through diversity. In a nutshell, the more of the 40 Assets youth possess, the more likely they are to exhibit positive behaviors and attitudes (such as good health and school success) and the less likely they are to exhibit risky behaviors (such as drug use and promiscuity). It’s that simple: if we want to empower and protect our children, building the 40 Assets in our youth is a great way to start. Look over the list of Assets on the following page and think about what Assets may be lacking in our community and what Assets you can help build in our young people. Do what you can do with the knowledge that even through helping build one asset in one child, you are increasing the chances that child will grow up safe and successful. Through our combined efforts, we will continue to be a place where Great Kids Make Great Communities.

Turn the page to learn more!

Report anything that threatens your safety or the safety of others.

The 40 Developmental Assets® may be reproduced for educational, noncommercial uses only. Copyright © 1997 Search Institute®, 615 First Avenue NE, Suite 125, Minneapolis, MN 55413; 800-888-7828; www.search-institute.org. All rights reserved.

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assets in action

40 DEVELOPMENTAL ASSETS

3 SUPPORT

1. Family support: Family life provides high levels of love and support. 2. Positive family communication: Young person and her or his parent(s) communicate positively, and young person is willing to seek advice and counsel from parent(s). 3. Other adult relationships: Young person receives support from three or more nonparent adults. 4. Caring neighborhood: Young person experiences caring neighbors. 5. Caring school climate: School provides a caring, encouraging environment. 6. Parent involvement in school: Parent(s) are actively involved in helping young person succeed in school.

Coalition in Novi helping create future leaders

EMPOWERMENT

7. Community values youth: Young person perceives that adults in the community value youth. 8. Youth as resources: Young people are given useful roles in the community. 9. Service to others: Young person serves in the community one hour or more per week. 10. Safety: Young person feels safe at home, at school, and in the neighborhood.

BOUNDARIES & EXPECTATIONS Helping at Rx Take Back Day in Lake Orion

Huron Valley youth having fun at leadership conference

11. Family boundaries: Family has clear rules and consequences and monitors the young person’s whereabouts. 12. School boundaries: School provides clear rules and consequences. 13. Neighborhood boundaries: Neighbors take responsibility for monitoring young people’s behavior. 14. Adult role models: Parent(s) and other adults model positive, responsible behavior. 15. Positive peer influence: Young person’s best friends model responsible behavior. 16. High expectations: Both parent(s) and teachers encourage the young person to do well.

CONSTRUCTIVE USE OF TIME

Best friends in Pontiac working with TRUTH Coalition

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17. Creative activities: Young person spends three or more hours per week in lessons or practice in music, theater, or other arts. 18. Youth programs: Young person spends three or more hours per week in sports, clubs, or organizations at school and/or in the community. 19. Religious community: Young person spends one or more hours per week in activities in a religious institution. 20. Time at home: Young person is out with friends “with nothing special to do” two or fewer nights per week.

If you or your child would like to submit a picture that represents one of the 40 Developmental Assets, please email jbrenner@achcmi.org with a picture and the number of the asset the picture represents.

Not all pictures are guaranteed publication.

28 COMMITMENT TO LEARNING

21. Achievement motivation: Young person is motivated to do well in school. 22. School engagement: Young person is actively engaged in learning. 23. Homework: Young person reports doing at least one hour of homework every school day. 24. Bonding to school: Young person cares about her or his school. 25. Reading for pleasure: Young person reads for pleasure three or more hours per week.

Life Is Your Playbook leadership lessons in Madison Heights

POSITIVE VALUES

SOCIAL COMPETENCIES

32. Planning and decision making: Young person knows how to plan ahead and make choices. 33. Interpersonal competence: Young person has empathy, sensitivity, and friendship skills. 34. Cultural competence: Young person has knowledge of and comfort with people of different cultural/racial/ethnic backgrounds. 35. Resistance skills: Young person can resist negative peer pressure and dangerous situations. 36. Peaceful conflict resolution: Young person seeks to resolve conflict nonviolently.

26. Caring: Young person places high value on helping other people. 27. Equality and social justice: Young person places high value on promoting equality and reducing hunger and poverty. 28. Integrity: Young person acts on convictions and stands up for her or his beliefs. 29. Honesty: Young person “tells the truth even when it is not easy.” 30. Responsibility: Young person accepts and takes personal responsibility. 31. Restraint: Young person believes it is important not to be sexually active or to use alcohol or other drugs. Dedicated to learning in Berkley with YOU

Preparing a powerful youth message through the Keke Challenge

POSITIVE IDENTITY

37. Personal power: Young person feels he or she has control over “things that happen to me.” 38. Self-esteem: Young person reports having a high self-esteem. 39. Sense of purpose: Young person reports that “my life has a purpose.” 40. Positive view of personal future: Young person is optimistic about her or his personal future.

Developing positivity and increasing prevention at Geisler Middle School

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IS IT STRESS?

insights from your child’s behavior and emotions By STEFFANI TURNER, LCSW

ast night, my normally laid back 11-year-old started sassing me at bed time. He subtly began to make fun of me and started to challenge some of the directions that I gave him to start getting ready for bed. As many parents would do, I gave him the warning that he was getting out of line – to which he swore he wasn’t. Is this sounding familiar yet? And then after I tucked him in bed, I started thinking, this isn’t how he usually behaves, especially around bed time… hmmmm? So, I went back in and asked what was going on and asked him about a few things that might be happening in the next few days. It was then, after some prompting and being curious that he was able to tell me how he “might, maybe be a LITTLE worried” about his upcoming first airplane trip. This is one of the million little ways our children let us know that they are stressed. They don’t usually just come out and say it. It would be great if they did. But often our children, especially our young children do not recognize that what they are feeling is “stress.” It is only by adults recognizing the signs and supporting our children that they learn to identify the feeling in their own bodies. So, how do we know our child is stressed? For infants and young toddlers, the cues can be very simple, they can be whimpering, crying or behaving restlessly. It could also be subtler than that, perhaps they appear frozen, or “spaced out.” They could be experiencing an uncomfortable sensation in their body, they could be hungry or need a diaper change and possibly they just feel disconnected and need some snuggles from their parents. As our children get older, their cues continue to adapt and change with their

needs. They also learn through all the little interactions they have with their caregivers. If a child cries and their mom is attentive and gives them comfort, they learn that crying is an acceptable cue to

We can’t make the test go away or make sure their best friend doesn’t stay mad at them, but we can understand, be with, validate and support them. We can’t fix it all, but by being there helping them handle the feeling, we are teaching them that this feeling doesn’t feel great, but it’s not the end of the world.

get their need met. But if the crying is met with yelling, they may learn that crying is not a good idea. Children can be open and out there with their cues of stress, they may be irritable, grumpy, angry, picking on others, weepy, or very busy. Or they could

be subtler, isolating themselves, becoming very quiet, perhaps being overly concerned about something. Whatever it is, a change in your child’s behavior is their attempt at trying to tell you something. And it’s probably not what they are saying with their words! So, what does a child need when they are stressed? They need us to “be there” with them and for them, according to Circle of Security cofounder Kent Hoffman. They first need us to help them recognize what their feeling is. What are they stressing about? Be curious about how they are behaving and what they are thinking. I’m sure that before I asked my son what was going on, he didn’t recognize that he was stressing out about something; it can sneak up on us all. Once we help them recognize what the feeling is, then we can decide if an action can be taken or not. In the case of my son, I was able to educate him some about my experiences on an airplane. But I did NOT try to talk him out of his feelings of worry. Instead, I told him that I would be there with him and we would go through it together. Sometimes there is nothing we can do about whatever they are stressing about. We can’t make the test go away or make sure their best friend doesn’t stay mad at them, but we can understand, be with, validate and support them. We can’t fix it all, but by being there helping them handle the feeling, we are teaching them that this feeling doesn’t feel great, but it’s not the end of the world. So currently I’m wrapping up this short article while sitting on the plane with my son. Sure, he was a “LITTLE” worried, for all of a second, but now he’s excited, staring out the window taking pictures. He learned to deal with his worry over flying, helped by a caring adult and he’s off and away! ■

Steffani Turner, LCSW, is the Community Services Director at Intermountain in Helena, Montana. She has a Bachelors in Psychology and a Masters in Social Work. She is the mother of two.

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calming the

PERFECT STORM By TRACIE DAHL, LCPC

ool clothes. Good grades. Lots of friends. The pressures of being an adolescent have always been great. However, there seem to be an increasing number of demands, stressors, and fears being experienced by youth today which are affecting their ability to socialize, attend school, and prepare for the future. It’s often difficult to clearly define all of the reasons for the rising anxiety and because of this, it can be just as challenging to generate solutions. Parents can easily describe many pressures from their own “tween” and teen years which bring back awkward memories and cringe-worthy recollections. However, the world has changed exponentially in the last several decades and continues to undergo rapid changes at an erratic and unpredictable pace. Societal change aside, understanding the stage of development that adolescents are going though between the ages of 10 and 15 is a significant part of understanding the anxiety that is created during this time frame. The physiological changes alone are progressing at a rate so great that the body is undergoing more developmental change than at any other time except from birth to two years old. Bones are growing faster than muscles. Fluctuations in basal metabolism occur. Puberty begins. Youth start to develop the capacity for abstract thought processes as the prefrontal cortex continues to develop. To make sense of the world around them, young adolescents, as learners, build upon their individual experiences and prior knowledge (Piaget, 1960). In order to understand how adolescents today are experiencing their world, constructing meaning out of it, and how this is affecting them, we must first recognize and

acknowledge the experiences that the world is giving to our adolescents, which serves up a perfect storm of exhaustion, confusion, and internalizing or externalizing behaviors. The world today is filled with what can only be perceived by teens as unsafe events. War, bullying, gun violence, natural disasters, and the constant stream of reporting of these events via every available media source from television to internet streams; there is a never ending, shock provoking flood of horrifying news. The time that children and adolescents spend absorbing this news via the media is also increasing and the method of absorption is rapid and relentless. There is no way to describe our youth’s use of social media other than “it’s complicated.” There are no empirical research studies to say with certainty, one way or another, whether the role that technology is playing in our children’s lives is good or bad. Teens themselves will attest that social media forges friendships, creates a sense of belonging, and provides support. However, they will also admit that it can create anxiety and contribute to depression and sleep deprivation. All of the above being considered, the task of fostering resiliency in the face of so much adversity may seem daunting. Adults must help adolescents learn how to navigate the perils, reduce anxiety, and build the strength and tools they will need when their instinct is to protect and shelter them as the adult response to the very real threats in the world today may also be an increase in fear and anxiety. Start by using supportive problem solving; giving adolescents the opportunity to learn to think for themselves instead of making decisions for them, which takes away their power. Any setbacks or mistakes become learning experiences,

while successes allow children the ability to feel truly capable of handling difficult situations. As a result, both their resilience and confidence will grow. Oftentimes, I have coached parents in my practice to ask their kids when they present a problematic situation to them to respond with the question, “Do you want me to help you with this or do you just need to vent?” Kids really just need someone they trust to talk through a situation and are searching for a way to find the answer for themselves. By just facilitating this process, adults can build very key components of responsibility and resiliency. Be a model of responsibility and allow children opportunities to help others. A child’s intrinsic need to help triggers anxiety in the face of tragic news while feeling helpless creates a sense of hopelessness about the state of the world we live in. Having the ability to actually help others reinforces both responsibility and a sense of empathy while giving kids a sense of ownership and investment in their own destiny, an appreciation of how their actions affect and impact others, and a genuine feeling of positivity and success. Finally, approach life with a healthy dose of optimism, hope, and courage. We must remember that what is reported on the news and coming across our social media platforms is largely (some research studies estimate up to 90%) negative and this translates into negative thought patterns, so it is apparent why anxiety, fear, and depression are triggered. As adults we can choose to be optimistic about situations, people, and the future and we can choose hope while instilling courage in adolescents. The solution lies in changing our mindset, shifting our view, and promoting strengths instead of weaknesses. ■

Tracie Dahl is the Day Treatment Director for Intermountain in Helena, Montana. Previously, Tracie worked primarily with middle school-aged students and families as a School Based Outpatient Therapist and has worked with all age levels in school-based counseling since 2010. Tracie is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor (LCPC) and holds a M.Ed.

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NUMBERS Why should I talk to my kids about drugs/alcohol and what do I say? Whether your child smokes, drinks, or uses drugs is more likely to be determined by what they learn from home than anything they learn at school. The key is to know the facts and stick to them. For example, if a teen states, “Marijuana is all-natural,” you can reply, “So is arsenic.” If they say, “Everyone is doing it,” you can state that according to the most recent survey of teens, the majority are not choosing to drink and do drugs. We know that the earlier and more often an adolescent smokes, drinks, or uses drugs, the more likely they are to become addicted. Every day they don’t use reduces the chances they’ll develop mental or physical illnesses or suffer from a substance-related accident. Think of it as a war where you’re batting the forces of evil to keep your kids safe— because that’s what you’re doing. Explain to your child that experimenting with drugs at an early age can change his/her brain permanently, even if he/ she just experiments once or twice. With drugs, there is no way of knowing what has been added to the substance. The threat of damage to the brain from heavy drinking can be one of the best arguments you can make to your teen for saying no. According to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, teens who begin drinking before age 15 are four times more likely to become alcohol dependent than those who wait until 21. Daily marijuana use in high school is associated with a six-fold increase in depression and anxiety later in life. Probably not the life we envision for our kids. Try this effective script: “I expect you not to drink or do drugs until you’re 21 (if at all). It’s dangerous, illegal, and unhealthy for kids your age to be at parties where drugs/ alcohol are provided. The possible consequences of drunk driving, aggressive sexual advances, and alcohol poisoning are things I don’t want you to experience. It’s not that I don’t trust you, it’s that I know how easily things can get out of hand where kids are using drugs or alcohol. I’m concerned with your health and safety.” Talk early. Talk often. Stick to the facts. It’s hard to argue with science. Here are some resources: www.drugabuse.gov www.drugfree.org

www.theparenttoolkit.org www.talkingwithkids.org www.whitehousedrugpolicy.gov

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The number of escalators in all of Wyoming.

200

The number of muscles used to take a step.

200,000 The number of glasses of milk a cow produces in her lifetime.

167.04

The highest speed recorded on a bicycle (mph).

46,001

The world record for most push ups in a day.

Percentage of people that experience “phantomvibration syndrome” (feeling their phone is buzzing when it’s not)

Keep Them Safe, Keep Them Healthy! Community & School Programs because prevention works. For more details on how you can get this program into your school or community group email info@achcmi.org call (248) 221-7101

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navigating

SELF TIME AND FAMILY TIME By TINA EBLEN, Super Mom

think most of us are looking for balance in life. Especially as a parent, I am constantly looking at how to balance several aspects of my life – parenting, working, social life, spiritual life, working out and sleeping. At one point in my life, I had hoped that maybe someone would add more time to each day so I could accomplish more, but then I would have to prioritize more. We only have 24 hours in a day and the experts tell us that we should be getting between seven and eight hours of sleep a night, so that leaves me with only 16 hours to get everything that needs to be done, done. I am also a working mom, I usually work from 8:00 a.m.–4:00 p.m. and I work through lunch, so work accounts for another eight hours. The remaining eight hours are split up between getting ready for work in the morning, running kids to after school activities, cooking dinner and eating, cleaning up the house, making sure homework is done, working out and getting things ready for the next day. How could I possibly fit in one more thing? I had to get smarter with my time and become more organized. I had to figure out how to balance my life with everything that was going on in my family. So, this was my journey on learning how to create that balance in my life. Two and a half years ago I experienced a medical emergency which put me on bed rest for four days. This medical emergency opened my eyes to my poor physical health. I decided to set a goal and incorporate physical activity, specifically biking. I signed up for a biking competition and asked people to sponsor me which forced me to complete my goal. How could I add a new hobby, a new activity, or a new relationship when I have a family to care for? Communication Communication was the first step in this process. I found that adding a new activity to my life would impact my whole family. I

How could I possibly fit in one more thing? I had to get smarter with my time and become more organized. I had to figure out how to balance my life with everything that was going on in my family.

sat my kids down and explained the plan to incorporate this new activity of biking into my daily routine. I explained that I would need their support and encouragement to make this activity stick. I also stressed that I needed to make a change in my physical health. This helped them understand that mom needed to be healthier in order to keep taking good care of them. Timing Determining when was the second step. I had to look at my schedule and decide when would be the best time to add this activity. I found that I needed to add my new activity in the morning. For my family and me, the morning was the easiest time to add something new. Now it was quite an adjustment to start biking at 5:30 in the morning but I found that way I could get in what I needed before the kids woke up. This ultimately allowed me more time to spend with my children.

Scheduling The third step was looking at and rearranging our weekly schedule. I started looking at our schedule. What could I do smarter and free up more time in the evening so I would be able to get to bed sooner? I started writing down the week’s schedule on Sunday so everyone in the family could see what was happening over the next week. Re-organizing Preparing/organizing for the week ahead was the last step. I started making a dinner menu and really looking at it strategically. For example, I would make a crockpot meal on Monday and then save the leftovers for another night. Having dinners lined up for the week allowed me to add at least 30 minutes- to one hour to my life. Circling back, communication was the key to making this work. Again, involving my family in this change was the most important piece to implementing this new activity. I found that having the support of my family and loved ones, made the implementation of the new activity easier. The family would discuss how things were going over the week and I allowed my children to give feedback as well. The first couple of weeks I made some time to get used to this new activity. I think of all the activities that one could use these steps for to add a new activity: sport/working out, craft club, book club, going back to school/taking a class and even a new relationship. All of these things can impact the balance of life and family. Now, life is unexpected and sometimes unpredictable. It’s important to be patient and give ourselves and our families some grace. There are times when life throws curve balls; however, I have found that if I get back on schedule and begin organizing again, then it falls back into place. ■ www.achcmi.org

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Play It Safe. Don’t Let Your Teen Vape. Minou Jones, Alliance of Coalitions Program Manager

https://tinyurl.com/preventvaping

While traditional tobacco use has declined in the last decade, use of electronic-cigarettes (also referred to as vapes) has increased among youth. More than 2 million middle school, high school and college students currently vape. The Food and Drug Administration has declared vape use an epidemic among our youth. What are Vapes? Vapes are battery-operated devices that allow users to inhale, or vape an aerosolized liquid (e-juice). E-cigarettes, vapes, hookah pens, e-pipes and other vaping products look like cigarettes, pens and thumb drives. E-cigarettes are sold in gas stations, vape shops and convenience stores but the majority of youth who use e-cigarettes reported they borrow it from a friend. What’s the Big Deal? Originally invented to help smokers kick the habit, the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has found the vast majority of vape products contain the same cancer-causing agents as cigarettes and highly addictive nicotine that is found in cigarettes. The FDA has categorized vape products as another form of tobacco. Vape products are not approved as a safe alternative to smoking cigarettes. Under the Food and Drug Tobacco Cosmetic Act of 2009, it is illegal for a minor under the age of 18 to purchase e-cigarettes, vape devices, e-hookah or e-juice. Vape product use may be difficult to detect. Vapor can be odorless. Among those youth who reported vaping, nearly 1 in 3 high school students and 1 in 4 middle school students reported using marijuana concentrates in their vape device. E-cigarette companies use celebrity endorsements, novelty products and flavorings to attract youth. Research shows flavorings play a key role in youth using tobacco products like ecigarettes. The Bottom Line Scientific research shows vaping can have serious health consequences. Some vape products claim to be organic, water vapor or nicotine-free but these are not harmless. The lungs are exposed to tiny particles of metal when the user inhales through the battery heated device. It may be decades before scientists discover additional health consequences caused from vaping. In the meantime, play it safe, don’t let your teen vape.

Tips to help protect your teen: ❖ Have the conversation. Children begin experimenting with vaping, tobacco, alcohol and marijuana at young ages. Share your concern for their health and safety. ❖ Have a clear message. Make sure your teen knows your expectations. Let them know there are health consequences and consequences for breaking your rules. ❖ Set a good example. Be a role model for healthy habits. If you use tobacco, it is never too late to quit. If your teen is vaping, quit together by visiting smokefree.gov or calling 1-800-QUIT-NOW. Oakland County Michigan Profile for Healthy Youth Survey, 2017 & Tobacco Free Kids

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opioids

AND YOUR FAMILY By SHELBY KOPPANY, PHARM.D. Candidate, 2020

rug overdose deaths are widespread in the United States. It is crucial to recognize the dangers that can be associated with the misuse of opioids. The term “opiate” refers natural or synthetic compounds derived from the opium poppy. Common prescription opioids include hydrocodone, oxycodone, hydromorphone, morphine, and fentanyl. In the body, these substances bind to opioid receptors and work to reduce pain. While these medications can be effective and beneficial when used correctly, misuse can have devastating outcomes. Along with pain relief, euphoria is commonly associated with opioids. Euphoria is an intense feeling often considered “the high.” Other effects of opioids include: sedation, mental clouding, constipation, and respiratory depression. Decreased breathing (respiratory depression) is a major concern and is often the cause of death following an overdose. Signs of opioid overdose: abnormally small pupil size, loss of consciousness that does not return upon stimulation, and slowed breathing. If these symptoms are observed, it is important to contact help immediately. The use of alcohol with opioids can further increase the risk of overdose. There are times when a child may be prescribed opioids to treat pain from an injury or surgery. These medications are safe and

effective when used as prescribed. It is always important to ask your child’s provider and pharmacist about medication dose, frequency, side effects, and length of treatment. Always mention any other medications your child is taking, including prescription, nonprescription, and herbal products. It is also important to discuss any family history of substance use disorder. There are important steps you can take to avoid misuse and diversion. Store opioids in a secure location where access is limited to adults that will be dosing the medication. Start with the lowest recommended dose and monitor your child carefully. Non-prescription pain relief products, such as ibuprofen and acetaminophen, can often be used in conjunction with opioids to minimize opioid exposure. Dispose of remaining medication immediately when it is no longer needed. Most cities have drug take-back locations at local police stations or local pharmacies and many communities hold drug take back events twice a year. Visit DEATakeBack.com to find locations, dates, and times. Although prescription drug abuse is a widespread issue, there are measures that can be taken to deter this issue from affecting your household. Never hesitate to ask your trusted healthcare professional when questions arise regarding opioid use and safety. ■

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For Formore moreinformation information about aboutfree freecommunity community prevention preventioneducation, education, please pleaseemail email info@achcmi.org info@achcmi.org or orcall call(248) (248)221-7101 221-7101 www.achcmi.org www.achcmi.org

Alliance of Coalitions for Healthy Communities 895 N. Opdyke Road, Suite D Auburn Hills, MI 48326

Oakland County Prevention Coalitions

For contact info, please visit www.achcmi.org

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