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I FEEL I WISH I AM

a guide to help kids name & navigate hard emotions

written by: ebony shumpert

illustrated by: TBD

HiReader,

IwasakidwithBIGemotions,thatstartedatanearlyage.Ididnothavetheintrospection orvocabularytoclearlycommunicatefeelingslikebetrayal,humiliation,ordisappointment. Instead,Iusedpassive-aggression(tantrums)andevenoutrightaggression(violence)to expressmyself.Itdidnotgowell.IendeduphurtingthepeopleIlikedthemost.Youdon't havetogothroughthatandIdon'twantyouto.

Usethisbookasatoolto:

Understandwhoyouareandwhy

Loveyourselffully

3. Identifyyourallies

Learntocommunicatewhoyouare,andwhatyouneed,totheworldaroundyou

Youmaythinkaboutsomehardthingsasyoureadthisbook.Itsimportanttohaveallies, Anallyisapersonwhohelpsandsupportsyouinchallengingmoments.

Introspection: study your own thoughts and feelings

Passive Aggressive: seeking attention without really saying what is wrong

Aggression: unfriendliness and violence toward others

ThisbookisdedicatedtokidswithBIGemotions,andto thepeoplewhoaretryingtheirbesttolovethemwell.

Camden&Kendall,mommylovesyou!

ISBN###-#-####-####-#

WAYS TO READ THIS BOOK 7 "I FEEL" 8 "I WISH" 10 "I AM" 12 DIFFERENT DEANDRE 14 DISCOURAGED DEEPTI 16 EMBARASSED EMANI 18 GUILTY GABBY 20 INVISIBLE IVANNA 22 BETRAYED BRANDON 24 LONELY LISA 26 POWERLESS PASHA 28 REJECTED RURI 30 SCARED SCOTTI 32 STUPID STEVEN 34 UGLY URIAH 36 WORRIED WHITNEY 38 PRACTICE PAGES 40 GLOSSARY 42

TABLE OF CONTENTS

this book is designed to be read 4 different ways. choose which works best for you.

There are many kids in this book who might relate to you. Read cover to cover so you can learn about them all.

I FEEL BETRAYED

I FEEL LONELY

I FEEL (TOO) DIFFERENT

I FEEL DISCOURAGED

I FEEL POWERLESS

I FEEL REJECTED

14 16 24 26 28 30

Choose an emotion you understand,

I FEEL EMBARASSED I FEEL GUILTY I FEEL INVISIBLE

I FEEL SCARED and learn who feels the same way YOU do. 18 20 22 32 34 36 38

I FEEL STUPID I FEEL UGLY

FEEL WORRIED

I WISH someone liked what i like I WISH: (so and so) WAS PROUD OF ME

find a wish that you have made before,

I WISH (so and so) HAD NOT DONE THAT TO ME

I WISH SOMEONE UNDERSTOOD WHAT I’M FEELING

I WISH THERE WAS SOMETHING I COULD DO I WISH I WAS INCLUDED 16 24 26 28 30

I WISH THAT HAPPENED WHEN NOBODY WAS AROUND

I WISH I HANDLED THAT DIFFERENTLY

I WISH: (so and so) PAID ATTENTION TO ME

and see who wants the same things you want.

I WISH I WAS BIGGER, STRONGER AND BRAVER

I WISH I WAS SMART(ER)

I WISH I LOOKED DIFFERENT

I WISH I DID NOT HAVE TO DO THIS

18 20 22 32 34 36 38

I AM TRUSTWORTHY I AM unique I AM RESILIENT I AM LOVED I AM CAPABLE I AM CHOSEN Pick a sentence that makes you feel warm inside. 14 16 24 26 28 30

see what these kids have overcome to believe in themselves.

I AM precious

I AM UNIQUELY GIFTED

I AM OBSERVERNT

I AM HUMAN I AM HUMBLE I AM IMPORTANT

i am FEARFULLY & WONDERFULLY MADE 18 20 22 32 34 36 38

Elaborate:

Whatclubsareyou guysjoiningthis year?

Trackforsure. Gottabeatmybig brother's record

TENNIS!! Thebestsport ever.

Do you tell jokes that nobody laughs at?

Are your hobbies and interests called “weird” or “dumb”?

Do you wish you had more people in your life that understood you?

Yes, I agree with one or more of these

No, none of these sound like me

I FEEL (TOO) DIFFERENT " I W I S H S O M E B O D Y L I K E D W H A T I L I K E

Iwasactuallythinking ofjoingtheband.I've alwayswantedto learnthedrums. Band?!Whata weirdo!

The world is full of so many different kinds of people, and guess what that means? There is a whole community of people excited to meet you! You can seek them out or find ways to draw them to you. What are at least three things you can do to connect with your community?

Examples: Join a club or wear a t-shirt with your favorite character on it.

Community: Group of people interested in the same things

Empathy: understanding and sensitivity to other people

I A M c o m p l e t e l y u n i q u e . M y I n t e r e s t s a r e m e a n i n g f u l a n d u n l i k e a n y o n e e l s e . M y d i f f e r e n c e s C A N h e l p o t h e r s t o L E A R N S O M E T H I N G N E W o r g r o w i n e m p a t h y . R E M I N D E R

Thisis unacceptable!

Deepti,Iamgoingto havetobenchyou untilyougetyour gradeup.Mom's orders.

it'sabouttime! Keepitup!

" I W I S H ( S O A N D S O ) W A S P R O U D O F M E "

Think about a time when you felt like you did your best and it was not enough. You did not pass the quiz. You did not win the race. Or, you were proud of yourself and wanted someone else to say, “Good Job”.

I FEEL DISCOURAGED

How can you be more prepared for the next hard task you will face?

How can you encourage yourself even if nobody else does?

Next time I feel discouraged, I can...

Encourage: Give support, confidence or hope

Resilient: Able to recover from life’s ups and downs

I A M R E S I L I E N T . I c a n d o h a r d t h i n g s . C h a l l e n g e s a r e o p p o r t u n i t i e s t o g r o w a n d i m p r o v e . I w i l l l e a r n f r o m m y m i s s t e p s a n d k e e p o n t r y i n g . R E M I N D E R

_________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________

Let'spickupwhere weleftoffinourbook. Yourturntoread Emani

I FEEL EMBARRASSED EMBARRASSED

N N O B O D Y W A S A R O U N D "

Have you ever done something in front of people, that you wish would have happened privately? How did you feel at the moment? What is something you can say or do next time to make you less uncomfortable?

EMBARRASSED: feeling of self-consciousness, shame, or awkwardness

" I

A P P E

W I S H T H A T H

D W H E

Whathappened?

How can you handle yourself if it happens again?

What thoughts went through your mind?

I A M H U M A N . I ’ m n o t t h e f i r s t p e r s o n t h i s h a s h a p p e n e d t o a n d I w o n ’ t b e t h e l a s t . I c a n l e a r n t o l a u g h a t m y s e l f a n d m o v e o n . T h e n e g a t i v e f e e l i n g w i l l p a s s . R E M I N D E R

Gabby,Did youcallme aname?

Wow,Ithoughtwe werefriends.Why wouldyoublame me?

Thisisobviously favoritism.IDEF deservedMVP. Coachissuch anidiot

No,That wasLisa

" I W I S H I H A N D L E D T H A T D I F F E R E N T L Y "

Consider a time when you did or said something you regret. Write a letter answering these questions:

What did you do?

What do you wish you would have done differently?

How can you make amends?

Regret: Feeling sorry about something

Amends: To make something right, restore relationship

I FEEL GUILTY

Please forgive me. Is there something I can do to make it right?

Sincerely,

I A M H U M B L E . I w i l l a d m i t m y w r o n g s a n d

s k f o r f o r g i v e n e s s . M y l o v a b i l i t y i s n o t

a s e d o n m y m i s t a k e s a l o n e . R E M I N D E R

Dear , I'm sorry for I wish I had

HUMBLE: NOT THINKING OR TREATING OTHERS LESS IMPORTANT

(

I FEEL INVISIBLE

Sometimes the people in our lives do not give us the attention and connection we crave. And sometimes it has nothing to do with us, and everything to do with them. Imagine speaking to someone you want a connection with. How would an ideal conversation go?

" I W I S H

S O A N D S O ) P A I D A T T E N T I O N T O M E "

OoooohIlook CUTEcute!

Let’sTake aSelfie!

Thatgirlnext toyouis socool

Thanks.She’s mycousin.

What is one question you wish someone would ask you?

Who do you wish would ask you the question?

Why this question and why this person?

What will you do if the conversation ends in disappointment?

I A M I M P O R T A N T . M y j o y , f e a r , d r e a m s , w i s h e s & c o n c e r n s , A L L d e s e r v e a t t e n t i o n . R E M I N D E R Disappointment: Sadness caused by unmet desires and hopes

Sam,Youthink RuriWilllike these?

I FEEL BETRAYED

Ithinkshe willLOVE them.

ThanksSam!And yeswecangoto thedancetogether

I W I S H ( S O A N D S O ) H A D N O T

D O N E T H A T T O M E "

Sometimes our friends and family do things that deeply hurt our feelings and/or bodies. Consider a time when your loved one’s words or actions were unloving, and it shocked you?

Betrayal: feeling harmed by the actions of someone you trust

What happened?

What do you wish had happened differently?

Do you want to mend the relationship?

What expectations and boundaries can you set moving forward?

boundary: personal relationship guidelines to protect yourself from harm and maintain your mental health

I A M T R U S T W O R T H Y . I w o r k h a r d t o b e a g o o d p e r s o n a n d I d e s e r v e r e l a t i o n s h i p s w i t h p e o p l e w h o d o t h e s a m e . R E M I N D E R

Yes

IDK

No Open to it

W H A T I ’ M F E E L I N G "

Have you ever been the new kid at school?

Have you been really close to someone who passed away?

Are your parents getting divorced and you feel stuck in the middle?

Do you wish the people around you would acknowledge how you are feeling?

Yes, I agree with one or more of these

No, none of these sound like me

Acknowledge: admit the truth or existence of something

I FEEL LONELY " I

I S

E U N D E R S T

H S O M

O N

O O D

Loneliness is when you feel like you are the only person going through your situation. It can happen when you are alone, but it can also happen when you are with other people.

when do you feel lonely?

Share this with your ally and ask for help to brainstorm solutions together. That companionship might make you feel better sooner than you think.

who is your ally?

I a m l o v e d . G o d a n d t h e p e o p l e i n m y l i f e c a r e a b o u t m e . I c a n i n v i t e m y a l l y i n t o m y l o n e l i n e s s . R E M I N D E R

I have to go son. I love you.

I love you too. Bye Dad.

" I W I S H T H E R E W A S

S O M E T H I N G I C O U L D D O "

Do you feel overwhelmed by problems in your life? Do you wish there was something you could do or that someone else would step up to help? What is your ideal solution?

Overwhelmed: When a thought , feeling, or problem is “too much” or “too big” for you to handle

I FEEL POWERLESS

Sometimes when life feels out of control, it helps to get organized. Use this chart to map out your thoughts and empower yourself to make a difference.

THINGS ICAN CHANGE WHAT ICAN COURAGEOUSLY DO?

THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE WHOCAN BE MY GROWN UP ALLY

I A M C A P A B L E . I c a n d o h a r d t h i n g s . R E M I N D E R

empower: to give someone permission and tools to make a change

Thosearecool! Iwonderwhere Icangetone.

Ohyea,weallgot thosefrom Erica'sparty.

" I W I S H I W A S I N C L U D E D "

Do you try to play with your older siblings, but they tell you to “go away”?

Did you get picked last at recess?

Were you the only person who did not get invited to the birthday party? Do you wish people would be more considerate and include you?

Yes, I agree with one or more of these

No, none of these sound like me

Considerate: careful not to hurt others or make things harder for them

I FEEL REJECTED

Some people arehurtfulonpurpose,whichisabummer. But there arealso people who are hurtfulonaccident.Andifyoudon‘ttell them,they will neverknow. It is your responsibilitytomakeyourselfknown!

Thinkof someonewhohasmadeyoufeelleftout.Tellthemhow you felt and why. Ifyou are upforthechallenge,figureouthow youwould prefer things to happennexttime andcommunicatethataswell.

what happened in the past?

what would you prefer in the future?

I A M C H O S E N . T h e r e a r e p e o p l e i n m y l i f e w h o c h o o s e t o i n c l u d e a n d l o v e m e . A b o v e a l l , I c h o o s e t o c a r e f o r m y s e l f a n d g r a c i o u s l y t e a c h o t h e r s h o w t o t r e a t m e . R E M I N D E R Graciously: show kindness and patience knowing people make mistakes

Scotti. Your granny said your cousins will be at her house this weekend too!

I FEEL SCARED

Do what I say or you know what's coming.

She keeps hurting me.

No,Idon't think she would do that.

I W I S H I W A S B I G G E R , S T R O N G E R & B R A V E R "

Fearcanbeasmallsignalthatyouarenotreadyforsomethingyet,butitcanalsobeabigsignal thatsomethingiswrongandyouneedhelp.

Doyougetnervousortensewhenyouseeacertainperson,hearcertainsoundsorgotocertain places?

Doyouwishyoucouldprotectyourselforsomeoneelse?

Why do you feel that way? Did something happen?

How can he/she to help? I

who?

there an adult or peer that you trust to be your ally?

A M p r e c i o u s . I d e s e r v e t o f e e l s a f e , c o n f i d e n t a n d c o m f o r t a b l e i n m y b o d y . A N D W H E N I a m b r a v e e n o u g h t o T A L K A B O U T a b u s e , I D E S E R V E T O B E B E L I E V E D . R E M I N D E R

Abuse: harm or cruelty being done to someone repeatedly

Mom,Iknowthe answersinclass,butI alwaysgetconfusedon thetest.

It'sokayhon.Letme talktoyourteacher. Shecanhelpus makeaplan.

OkaySteven,Iam goingtoreadthe questionaloudand youtellmethe answer.

" I W I S H I W A S S M A R T ( E R ) "

Do you find yourself in situations where you don’t know what steps to take or what questions to ask? Do you wish things came to you as easily as they come to others?

Yes, some of this sounds like me

No, none of these sound like me

I FEEL

STUPID

If you do, don’t beatyourselfup.Everyone struggles with something and sometimesyou have to advocate foryourselfandwhat you need.

Thinkofsomethingyouwish youwere better at.Now thinkofsomeone you know whoisalready goodatit.Askthem fortips to help you improve.

I A M U N I Q U E L Y G I F T E D . I w i l l n o t b e g r e a t a t e v e r y t h i n g a n d t h a t i s o k a y . I t ’ s m o r e i m p o r t a n t t h a t I d o n ' t g i v e u p . I c a n t r y i n g a n o t h e r s t r a t e g y a n d a s k f o r h e l p .

R E M I N D E R Advocate: fight for the needs and rights of yourself or others I W I S H I W A S B E T T E R A T . . . I C A N A S K F O R A D V I C E . T H E A D V I C E W A S . . .

Okclass,let'sgetstarted withouricebreaker! Chooseapaperfromthe jarandanswersowecan gettoknowyou.Uriah, youstart.

Hewouldprobably rathergetatan.Lookat him!

Idontwantto playthisgame anymore.

Would you rather be 10 feet tall or 10 inches tall?

Close your eyes and think of a time when you wished your appearance (face, smile, hair, skin, glasses, figure, height, clothes, etc) was different.

Does the criticism in your head sound like your voice or someone else's?

ME NOT ME WHO?

" I W I S H I L O O K E D D I F F E R E N T

FEEL UGLY

Criticism: a

observation

harsh

or comment

What

Write

I A M F e a r f u l l y & W o n d e r f u l l y M a d e . I h a v e b e a u t i f u l q u a l i t i e s i n s i d e a n d o u t . I c a n c h o o s e w h o I s h a r e m y s e l f w i t h b a s e d o n h o w t h e y t r e a t m e a n d m a k e m e f e e l . Example:Lookinthemirror andcomplimentyourself eachmorning. R E M I N D E R

your self-esteem and drown out the negative voice(s)?

can you do

rebuild

spaces

how you feel about who you are and what you have to offer

down some ideas in the

below. self-esteem:

Have you ever wished you could just skip to the end of a situation? Have you ever felt fine one minute, and then suddenly your body goes haywire.

Your heart beats faster, you can't catch your breath, you start sweating, you feel shaky or your stomach hurts. This feeling is called anxiety and you are not alone. LOTS of people go through this!

I FEEL WORRIED " I W I S H I D I D N O T H A V E T

O T H I S "

Anxiety: Feeling nervous about how something will turn out

What situations make you feel anxious? (Meeting new people, doing a presentation in front of your class, an argument with somebody you love?)

When you are in these situations, here are things you can do to help.

Take slow, deep breaths

Get a hug (sometimes adding more pressure helps)

Take a walk outside

Listen to music that makes you happy Journal to get your thoughts and feelings out

I A M o b s e r v a n t . I w i l l b e a w a r e o f h o w m y b o d y f e e l s a n d p r a c t i c e s e l f - c a r e . T h i s i s a p a r t o f m y l i f e - l o n g j o u r n e y t o b e h e a l t h y . R E M I N D E R Self- Care: Protecting your own well-being and happiness

PUTITINTOPRACTICE... PUTITINTOPRACTICE... PUTITINTOPRACTICE...

I FEEL: What emotion(s) are you feeling?

I WISH: Why are you feeling that way? What do you wish were different about your situation?

I AM: What do you believe about yourself that you want others to know? Or What do you wish you believed about yourself that other people do?

Date:

I FEEL _____________________________

I WISH ____________________________ __________________________________ __________________________________

I AM ______________________________ ___________________________________

Date:

I FEEL _____________________________

I WISH ____________________________ __________________________________ __________________________________ I AM ______________________________ ___________________________________

Date:

I FEEL _____________________________

I WISH ____________________________ __________________________________ __________________________________

I AM ______________________________ ___________________________________

Date: I FEEL _____________________________

I WISH ____________________________ __________________________________ __________________________________ I AM ______________________________ ___________________________________

Date: I FEEL _____________________________ I WISH ____________________________ __________________________________ __________________________________ I AM ______________________________ ___________________________________ Date: I FEEL _____________________________ I WISH ____________________________ __________________________________ __________________________________ I AM ______________________________ ___________________________________ Date: I FEEL _____________________________ I WISH ____________________________ __________________________________ __________________________________ I AM ______________________________ ___________________________________ Date: I FEEL _____________________________ I WISH ____________________________ __________________________________ __________________________________ I AM ______________________________ ___________________________________ Date: I FEEL _____________________________ I WISH ____________________________ __________________________________ __________________________________ I AM ______________________________ ___________________________________ Date: I FEEL _____________________________ I WISH ____________________________ __________________________________ __________________________________ I AM ______________________________ ___________________________________

Abuse

to be cruel to someone repeatedly

Ally a person who provides help and support in a struggle

Acknowledge admit the truth or existence of something Advocate

fight for the needs and rights of Affirmation something said as a fact to support and encourage

Amends

to make something right, restore relationship

Anxiety

feeling nervous about how something will turn out

Betrayal

feeling harmed by the actions of someone you trust(ed)

Aggression

unfriendliness and violence toward others

Community a group of people interested in the same things

Alienate

to no longer feel close or connected

Considerate

being careful not to hurt others or make things harder for them

GLOSSARY GLOSSARY GLOSSARY

Criticism

a harsh observation or comment

Introspection study your own thoughts and feelings

Disappointment sadness caused by unmet desires and hopes

Overwhelmed when a thought , feeling, or problem is “too much” or “too big”

Embarrassed feeling of self-consciousness, shame, or awkwardness

Passive Aggressive indirectly expressing negative feelings instead of openly addressing them

Empathy

understanding and sensitivity to other people

Regret feeling sorry about something

Encourage give support, confidence or hope

Resilient

able to recover from life’s ups and downs

Graciously show kindness and patience even when people make mistakes

Self- Care

protecting your own well-being and happiness