Syracuse Woman Magazine May 2016 by Eagle Newspapers

COVER Elizabeth Nolan

May 2016

SYRACUSEWOMANMAG.COM

The Family Edition

May 2016

SYRACUSEWOMANMAG.COM

May C O N T E N T S

Letter from the Editor.............................................................. 6

Past SWM Events...................................................................... 7 Fashion Forward: Generation Alpha is the Future............... 8 Platter Chatter: Tabatha’s Family Tree................................ 10

WISE Women: Amy Wyant & Justina Kane....................... 13

........................................................................... Special Feature: Family Leave ............................................ 16 In Her Own Words: Multiple Moms Mingle....................... 20

Special Feature: Talk Early, Talk Often................................ 22 Cover Story: Elizabeth Nolan .............................................. 25 WISE Latina: Patricia Farfan-Caceres .................................. 32

For a Good Cause: A Cause to Celebrate ........................ 34 New in the ‘Cuse: International Language Center........... 36 Busy Woman’s Guide: How to Revel in “Me Time” ......... 38 SW Inspire: Nancy Linton..................................................... 40

SW Inspire: Sally Santangelo............................................... 42 SW Inspire: Barbara Huntress Tresness.............................. 44

32 SYRACUSEWOMANMAG.COM

34 The Family Edition

May 2016

SYRACUSEWOMANMAG.COM

LETTER from the Editor

ere’s the thing about Letters from the Editor: they’re the most difficult part of the magazine to write. When it comes to the amazing people I interview and write about, I could go on for days (and sometimes do, you should see some of my first drafts). But reflecting on my own life and trying to convey those thoughts outward is sometimes trickier than you might imagine. Take this month, for instance. Our topic is family, so the ideal would be to write a compelling short article about mine. Well… easier said than done. Where to start? I’m one of those people who is oddly close to both of her parents. They’re two of my best friends. My little brother is a hero of mine. My grandpa, one of the strongest people I know, had open heart surgery within the last month; the day after the operation, he was joking with the nurses about how hospital food has nothing on my grandma’s meatloaf. She’s one of the other strongest people on the planet. My aunts, uncles and cousins are the very best people to celebrate the holidays with, not to mention some of the most skilled pitch partners you’ll ever meet. My boyfriend is my No. 1 supporter and daily inspiration. My coworkers at my part-time job, Pastabilities, are the people with whom I spend most every Saturday afternoon and evening, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I could write about all these people – my family – for ages and ages. They always have my back. They can always make me smile. And they formed me. I wouldn’t be the person I am proud to be today if not for every single one of those amazing and inspiring people. It’s like this month’s cover woman, Hillside Children’s Center Central Region Executive Director Elizabeth Nolan, said: “Family is who you define it to be.” It’s the people around whom you are your most genuine and best self. In the cover story, Elizabeth talks about the continuum of services Hillside offers for children and families in Central New York, and addresses the organization’s need for more foster families. The first of this month’s Inspires introduces us to Nancy Linton, “glamma” of NCAA national champion Villanova’s Jalen Brunson. Nancy, the cornerstone of a large and close family, worked hard as a single mother to raise her five children. In our second Inspire, Barbara Huntress Tresness, recently published author and founder of CHAT Collective, shares the story of how her son Graham, who was diagnosed at birth with cerebral palsy, is teaching her and the world to communicate differently. CNY Fair Housing Executive Director Sally Santangelo, this month’s third Inspire, learned from her family’s struggles with poverty that safe and affordable housing should be a right and not a privilege, and fights for that justice every day. It was a treat to be welcomed into so many family memories and stories for this edition. Before I sign off, I’m going to circle back to my family for another thought or two. I might never quite master the ability to write about my life, but I hope that I did convey just how close my family is to my heart. They mean the world to me. This family edition is for you, my dears.

Lorna

On Our Cover Hillside Children’s Center Central Region Executive Director Elizabeth Nolan was photographed by Chris Szulwach at Hillside Children’s Center in Syracuse.

OUR TEAM Publisher David Tyler

Editor

Lorna Oppedisano

Design

Andrea Reeves

Photography

Cindy Bell Gerard H. Gaskin Nicole James Photography Mary Nichols Steven J. Pallone Alice G. Patterson Rick Policastro Kraig Pritts Chris Szulwach Jacqueline Vidler

CONTRIBUTING WRITERS

Arianna Allen Michelle Brancaccio Ann Canastra Karen J. Cordano Nicole Ginsburg Hayleigh Gowans Alison Grimes Sarah Hall Lorna Oppedisano Lindsay Wickham

Advertising sales

Linda Jabbour Renee Moonan 315.657.0849 315.657.7690

ADVERTISE WITH US

Unlike any other publication in the Syracuse area, our feature articles address major topics that interest local women. Each issue includes articles on health, fashion, fitness, finance, home matters, dining, lifestyle and personal perspectives, as well as a spotlight on local Syracuse women. Ads are due on the 15th of the month prior to publication. The print magazines will be distributed locally in over 350 locations and will be in your inbox electronically by the middle of every month. The publication is available free of charge.

CONTACT OUR HOME OFFICE

315.434.8889 | 2501 James Street, Suite 100, Syracuse, NY 13206 info@syracusewomanmag.com

DOWNLOAD OUR MEDIA KIT

www.syracusewomanmag.com

The magazine is published 11 times a year by Syracuse Woman Magazine, LLC and Eagle Publications, 2501 James St., Suite 100, Syracuse, NY 13206

Copyright © 2016 Syracuse Woman Magazine, LLC. No part of this magazine may be reproduced or republished without the consent of the publishers. Syracuse Woman Magazine is not responsible for unsolicited submissions, manuscripts, photos or artwork. All such submissions become the property of Syracuse Woman Magazine, LLC and will not be returned.

SYRACUSEWOMANMAG.COM

The Family Edition

PAST SWM Events

The sixth annual Breakfast at Tiffany’s Fashion Show and Brunch was hosted by the Sheraton Syracuse University Hotel and Conference on April 3. Proceeds benefitted Hope for Heather. Photos courtesy Rick Policastro Photography. April’s WBOC Wine Wednesday was hosted by the Genesee Grande Hotel on April 6. Event partners included WISE Women’s Business

Center Syracuse Woman Magazine. Photos courtesy Jacqueline Vidler, Enfoque Images. LoFo’s presented a cover girl party hosted at Chuck Hafner’s Garden Center on April 1. The event included local hors d’oeuvres and wine, and live music by Jess Novak.

May 2016

SYRACUSEWOMANMAG.COM

Photography by Mary Nicholas Photography

FASHION FORWARD Generation Alpha is the Future

Generation Alpha is the Future By Michelle Brancaccio and Arianna Allen

he kids of tomorrow will be a more diverse, educated and techsavvy group than any preceding generation. Their parents have been exposed to much more media themselves, and are open to encouraging self-expression in their offspring. And one of the easiest ways to express yourself in your day-to-day life is through your sense of fashion. Children’s fashion should have fewer boundaries than that of adults. Let the kids wear what they choose. There are no rules. A girl can get away with wearing a boy’s shirt and a tutu. She may have a dress in her closet that she only wears for special occasions. Let her wear the dress to school with a denim jacket and a pair of Converse, or even a leather jacket and a pair of combat boots. And voilà! That dress you thought she would never wear again has become an “any day” item. The suit stashed away in the back of your son’s closet doesn’t need to be worn with an Oxford shirt and shiny dress shoes. Let him pair the fancy duds with his favorite T-shirt and sneakers, and rock it to school. As parents, we need to expand our horizons to some extent and allow our children to be playful with what they choose to wear. After all, you’re only that young once. Let their spirits fly free, and their minds and hearts will follow. Kids’ fashion is more than what’s-in-what’s-out, what-matcheswhat-doesn’t. It’s about a child’s growth into developing his or her own identity and fostering independence.

Clothing is an introduction to someone’s character, a glimpse of who that person is. Outfits bring out a certain confidence. As adults, we all have that one specific outfit that we can rock above all others; it exudes our sense of self and we constantly look forward to donning it again. Children are the same way. Kids always have that favorite item to wear, whether it’s a hat, headband, dress or shoes… even if that piece doesn’t match anything else. When they feel good about something, they’re discovering what they like, and in turn learning a little bit more of who they are. Children’s fashion offers a variety of pieces for our kids. Today they can choose from gender-neutral clothing, throwbacks to when we were kids, bowties, basketball shorts, band T-shirts and even outfits to match mommy. Of course, every child is different and develops individual quirks to mirror their own styles. Remember, parents, children are the best part of you. So help your child express the best part of them. SWM

Michelle Brancaccio is a mother of two and owner of Armory Square children’s clothing shop, Indie Kids. For more information on her store, visit facebook.com/indiekidsyracuseny. Her family and her business bring her joy. Photo features, from left to right, Stella and AMS Models Christian, Sebastian, Aida and Makayle.

SYRACUSEWOMANMAG.COM

The Family Edition

May 2016

SYRACUSEWOMANMAG.COM

PLATTER CHATTER Tabatha’s Family Tree

Photography by Steven J. Pallone

TABATHA’S FAMILY TREE

SYRACUSEWOMANMAG.COM

The Family Edition

All in the Family By Lorna Oppedisano

ucked away on Cold Springs Road, just outside the village of Baldwinsville, is a medium-sized, unassuming ranch-style building surrounded by a small parking lot. Upon entering the maroon double doors, you’ll find two quaint dining rooms separated by a small greeting area and a wall adorned with award plaque after award plaque, acknowledging Tabatha’s Family Tree’s culinary presence in the area. Co-owner Tabatha Babbitt always knew she wanted to run her own restaurant. When she found out this spot was available, even though she’d never heard of Baldwinsville, she decided to check it out. “We came out and looked at it, and it seemed a nice size and nice fit,” said Tabatha’s mother and co-owner of the restaurant, Pat Personius. “We decided we could make it our own, and here we are 16 years later.” From server to hostess to cook, Tabatha’s resume consists of a variety of restaurants. The interaction with all types of people and challenges that differed from day to day drove her to love the industry. She’s had the dream of owning a restaurant for so long that

she honestly can’t remember what originally propelled her in that direction, other than the urge to have people wake up and eat in her restaurant, she said. Her mother Pat had worked in several fields before she joined the ranks of the culinary world. A few years before they found their own space, Tabatha was managing at Auburn Family Restaurant, and they were in need of a baker. Pat had a passion for dessert, so it was a perfect fit for her. When Tabatha found the space for Tabatha’s Family Tree, the women decided to co-own and run the Italian restaurant together. They kept the existing menu of the previous establishment, and added a few of their own meals and culinary tricks. The duo stressed that every dish is homemade, right down to the sauces. The menu includes everything from appetizers to pasta dishes to chicken, veal and seafood. Every item on the dessert menu, except cannoli and ice cream, is homemade. If it’s your first time at Tabatha’s, try two customer favorites: the chicken parmesan, followed by the famous “Martha” four-layer

coconut cake for dessert. The restaurant also offers a catering menu for off-site events. Since the beginning, Tabatha’s Family Tree has always been a family affair. While the business started out mostly with family, they’ve branched out over the years to hire more staff. Pat’s mother also lends a hand on the weekends to greet customers as they walk through the doors. “Unless SU’s playing, because we can’t interrupt the SU game,” Tabatha added with a laugh. Right now, Tabatha’s runs with the help of six full-time, cross-trained employees, most of whom have been part of the team since the restaurant was established. Both women stressed the fact that their business couldn’t function without their dedicated staff. “My heart and soul believes that it really is a team effort, all the way from the dish washers doing a great job and making things look great, to the cooks that cook the food and put it out and make it look amazing, to the way it’s described and presented and the customers are catered to,” Pat said. “I think of all of those things when I think of a restaurant.” SWM

My heart and soul believes that it really is a team effort.” — Co-owner Pat Personius

Tabatha’s Family Tree is located at 3160 Cold Springs Road, Baldwinsville. Hours are 4 to 8:30 p.m. Tuesday through Thursday; 4 to 9 p.m. Friday and Saturday. For more information, visit tabathasfamilytree.com or call 638-0315. May 2016

SYRACUSEWOMANMAG.COM

Like what you see?

You know what to do. ANDREA REEVES DESIGN 315.481.6524 AndreaReevesDesign.com areeves.design@gmail.com

SYRACUSEWOMANMAG.COM

The Family Edition

WISE WOMAN Amy Wyant & Justina Kane

May 2016

SYRACUSEWOMANMAG.COM

The Family Edition

May 2016

SYRACUSEWOMANMAG.COM

SPECIAL FEATURE A New State Stance on Paid Family Leave

A New State Stance on Paid Family Leave By Sarah Hall

hen Nicole Gibson’s mother was diagnosed with a brain tumor, there was no question in her mind that she and her two brothers would make whatever sacrifice necessary to take care of her. “If I have to put my life on hold to take care of the woman who took care of me for all of my 30-some years, that’s okay,” Nicole said. “We’re a very close-knit family, and it was not an option to put her in a home. It was a family decision we all made together.” However, those sacrifices ended up being pretty substantial. At first, Nicole’s mother was able to move in with her brother, whose job was flexible enough that he was able to be home with her during the day. When he had to change jobs, Nicole volunteered to take over. As her mother’s illness stretched on, she used up all of her sick time and paid time off. She applied for FMLA leave and took 12 weeks of unpaid time off. Ultimately, she had to leave her job. “We made the decision that it was best for my family for me to leave my job,” Nicole said. “There were only two circumstances under which I was coming back to work: if some miracle happened and my mom got better, or she would see her last days and we would lay her to rest. And that’s what happened. I ended up being out of work for six months.”

Nicole, a single mother to an 8-year-old son, had to give up her apartment and move in with her mother. She relied on family members to help pay her bills. While she has no regrets — “Making the choice to walk away from my job, to do what was best for my mom, was not hard. This is my mother,” she said. “She passed away in her home, and that’s what she wanted”— the situation certainly presented a financial hardship. “I’m a single parent. I have an 8-year-old to take care of,” she explained. “At the end of the day, I didn’t know I’d have a job to go back to. We’re very fortunate that we have a lot of support from our family.” In the end, because she worked for a caring company that was able and willing to hold her job for her, Nicole returned to work at ACR Health after her mother’s passing. But millions of others statewide have not been nearly as lucky. The lack of a cohesive paid family leave policy has meant that many people – those taking care of ailing parents or sick children, or facing illness themselves, as well as those with a deployed spouse or parents expecting or adopting a baby – have had to either leave their jobs or work through family crises to avoid missed pay. But that’s all about to change. New York passed its paid family leave policy as part of the 2016-17 budget; the state has been trying to enact such a policy since 2009. The proposal had the

SYRACUSEWOMANMAG.COM

The Family Edition

overwhelming support of New Yorkers; according to a poll released by the Siena Research Institute Feb. 1, 80 percent of New York voters supported paid family leave, while 18 percent were opposed and 2 percent were undecided.

Zach also noted that many New York businesses may already be providing their employees with substantial paid leave time. “They might not call it paid family leave; maybe they call it sick leave or personal leave. Some offer extended maternity leave or paternity leave,” he said. “They’re doing this because they believe it’s what is necessary to keep their employees happy and New York’s policy to compete for employees in this competitive environment. New York’s bill will provide workers with up to 12 weeks of leave They’re doing it because they believe it’s the right thing to do.” in order to bond with a new child, including adopted and foster While the Business Council has some 2,400 members, children; care for a seriously ill child, parent, parent-in-law, spouse, it certainly doesn’t speak for all New York businesses. Both the domestic partner, grandchild or grandparent; or address certain Small Business Majority, an advocacy group for small businesses, military family needs. The policy applies to both men and women. It will be phased in gradually; in 2018, workers will be eligible for up and the New York State Sustainable Business Council have spoken in favor of the legislation. to eight weeks of leave; up to 10 in 2019 and 2020; and up to 12 “By implementing a statewide paid leave insurance program, in 2021 and thereafter. The program applies to all businesses, no matter the size, and includes job protection. Both full- and part-time New York is making paid leave a universal practice, which will help level the playing field for small businesses that want to employees are eligible after working for a company for six months. offer this benefit to their employees,” said Eric Rettig, outreach The program will be funded through a small employee payroll manager for the Small Business Majority. “The state’s legislative deduction, roughly a dollar a week. In 2018, a worker will receive leaders have made a smart move for New York’s small businesses 50 percent of his or her average weekly wages, up to a cap equal by passing this legislation.” to 50 percent of the statewide average weekly wage, which was Laura Ornstein, coordinator $1,266.44 in 2014. The payout will of the New York State Sustainable increase during the next three years Business Council, issued a stateto 67 percent of the worker’s average People are making sacrifices for their loved ment echoing those sentiments. weekly wages, up to a cap of 67 ones, but they still have another life to worry “By passing a paid family leave percent of the statewide average program, our state leaders have weekly wage. about. It’s great to have a little bit of made NYS a more attractive New York is the fourth state in the a cushion and security.” — Nicole Gibson place to do business,” Laura said. nation to enact a paid family leave “Business owners understand policy, though other states’ programs that treating employees well is good for the financial bottom line. aren’t nearly as extensive. California, New Jersey and Rhode Island all offer either four or six weeks of paid leave. Washington approved Paid family leave will cut costs by reducing turnover and boosting job loyalty and productivity, since employees will no longer be a paid leave policy in 2007, but it has not yet put it into practice. forced to choose between losing pay or quitting their job to care In addition, similar legislation has been introduced at the federal level. New York Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand introduced the Family and for a sick family member or showing up to work distracted by their worry for a loved one.” Medical Insurance Leave Act in March 2015, which includes the Research has certainly suggested that paid leave is good for same provisions as New York’s newly-adopted law. business. A paper by the U.S. Department of Health and Human New York’s legislation is the most extensive in the nation, Services found that “flexible workplace initiatives [including a something of which its proponents are quite proud. paid leave policy] have resulted in greater worker productivity “Twelve weeks of job-protected paid family leave is a tremendous and reduced turnover.” In 2012, Forbes Magazine advised victory for New York families that will no longer have to choose businesses to embrace paid family leave as a good business practice: between paying the bills and caring for a loved one or being there “The truth is that we are all potential caregivers. We may not for a new child,” said Eric Williams, director of the New York Paid end up having children, but all of us have parents and aging Family Leave Insurance Campaign. “This policy leads the nation relatives who will very likely at some point require care,” and contains the key components we’ve felt are critical to a paid contributor Cali Williams Yost wrote. “I think every card-carrying, family leave policy that works for New York workers and the state’s profit-oriented capitalist should support paid family leave policy.” small businesses.” Nicole is certainly a supporter of the policy, although it Mixed reaction from businesses comes too late to help her. However, not all New Yorkers are on board with the program. “I’m glad people are starting to recognize that there are a lot In particular, business groups are concerned about the potential of people working day-to-day who are providing 24-hour care impact on their bottom line. for a loved one,” she said. “People are making sacrifices for their “We have several reasons for our opposition to these proposals, loved ones, but they still have another life to worry about. not the least of which is that we don’t believe it will be strictly It’s great to have a little bit of a cushion and security.” SWM employee-funded,” said Zach Hutchins of the Business Council of New York State, the state’s largest business advocacy group. He pointed to the administrative costs of covering leave. “This is a cost that will be borne by businesses. It’s actually right in the governor’s proposal. We have no idea what those will be.” May 2016

SYRACUSEWOMANMAG.COM

The Family Edition

May 2016

SYRACUSEWOMANMAG.COM

IN HER OWN WORDS Multiple Moms Mingle

Multiple Moms Mingle Photography by Nicole James Photography

By Ann Canastra and Nicole Ginsburg

Our cowriters Ann and Nicole are members of Multiple Moms Mingle, a club for moms of twins, triplets and more.

In the beginning

A: Shock. The moment we found out we were having multiples, we were in shock. It was a funny moment where time stood still. I had no pants on, was sitting on the table, and I couldn’t get a word out. The doctor hugged me awkwardly and said, “Isn’t this a blessing?” I shook my head and said, “Of course!” On the way home, we talked about calling our church’s prayer committee and asking them to “Not pray so hard.” Not that we weren’t grateful, but because we wanted one more healthy baby, and got blessed with multiples. We smiled as we talked about things like, “Will three car seats even fit in the back of a Jetta?” N: January 2012: “Do you see those two dots?” “…Yes” “Congratulations, you’re having twins!” Tears of joy, fear and excitement rolled down my face. I turned to my husband, who was beaming with the largest, most nervous smile I had ever seen. TWINS! We’d been waiting years for this moment, and then we ended up with the best deal of a lifetime. From that moment on, my husband and I joined forces, grabbed hands and leapt into this crazy thing called parenting... times TWO!

Getting support

A: I joined the local Multiple Moms Mingle club when I was 20 weeks into my pregnancy. I got advice, found friends and made life-long bonds with women who “get it.” These mommies understand crying over spilled milk and fielding questions like, “Are your twins real?” We have all sorts of creative responses to questions about IVF, and if our anatomy is really of concern to anyone else. 20

The support of finding moms who understand the multiple blessing is unlike any other circle I roll in. I am connected through Multiple Mom’s Mingle to mommies who are doctors, lawyers, SAHMs, teachers, bloggers, therapists, scientists, nurses, entrepreneurs... the list goes on and on.

Myths and facts

A: I’d like to set the record straight for a moment to mothers who tell me their kids are “like twins because they are so close.” No, no. They aren’t twins. They aren’t twins until you’ve had two babies exit your body at once. And if you are taking the racecar shopping cart at Wegmans, you need to have at least two children in that cart. I’ve actually shed tears in the parking lot over a woman who took the cart “for fun,” but didn’t have kids. Breastfeeding is possible with multiples. It was hard for me, and I made it almost six months. I don’t feel like a failure for supplementing formula; I feel like a momma who rocked it and fed her kids the best way she could. I never bought into the guilt game and shaming. My thinking is that you are a mom, you know your body, and you know what’s best. N: The most surprising element of having twins is the questions we are asked by complete strangers. Yes, they do run in my family. They run all over the place and often in different directions. Yes, my husband and I have drifted apart; a full arm’s length that is filled with cuddle monsters in our bed on a Sunday morning, wiggle worms on the couch and the best group hugs in the world! Nope, I don’t sleep… ever. That’s because I am trying to conquer the entrepreneurial world while my boys sleep. Yes, my husband and I both work full time. Yes, they are twins even though they look nothing alike. Yes, I am sure!

SYRACUSEWOMANMAG.COM

The Family Edition

Yes, my hands are quite full…would you mind holding that door for us?!

Daycare

A: The first year of my twins’ life, we paid more than $24,000 in daycare costs. We had three kids in daycare. Awesome daycare. The kind of daycare that you trust with your most prized possessions. The kind that is life-changing and would do anything for your kids. This drew criticism from people who offered comments like: “Why are you working if one whole paycheck is going there?” or “Why would you want someone else raising your children?” I answer by saying that in our case, I’m a better mother because I go to work. My twins plus one see a strong woman and supportive husband who both work, and we teach them that they can all equally achieve their best. Buying into stereotypical roles is a personal family choice, and one that our home doesn’t subscribe to. OH! One more thing about daycare: you get what you pay for. Even my teenage babysitters are role models and I’ll be so proud when my children grow to be like them.

Advice

A: My advice to women hoping to have multiples, pregnant with multiples, and/or already have multiples is simple: you can do this. One diaper turns into two. Daycare money never ends; it just turns into karate, gymnastics, dance, camps, and the list goes on. Seek out friends who have been down this road. When you’re debating if they should be in the same classroom, ask a friend who’s made that choice.

Don’t allow anyone to judge you for the choices you make for your family. You know best. You and your partner are parents to these beautiful babies, and can grow them however you choose. Will you struggle? Yes. But it’s okay, and you never have to struggle alone. N: My best advice for any mom expecting twins: first, join Multiple Moms Mingle. The support is priceless! Second: remember to laugh. If not at the exact moment you are literally covered in unmentionables, then at your next MMM meeting!

Going forward

A: Having twins was the biggest and best unexpected blessing in my entire life. My children are my proudest moment, and remind me each day just how great life is. It’s fun and joyful. It’s John Cena, Princess Elsa and Batman in the back seat on the way to a birthday party. I have yet to come across anything more rewarding than having these twins plus one. N: Our life is crazy. Our life is chaotic. Our life is stressful. But above all, our life is amazing because of our twins, and we wouldn’t have it any other way! The last three plus years have been a journey; some days, we’re sporting superhero capes, other days firefighter helmets (and not just during dress up time). We are incredibly blessed with amazing little men who bring joy to so many. To learn more about Multiple Moms Mingle, visit multiplemomsmingle.com. Along with being moms and full-time professionals, Ann and Nicole each recently started their own business. For more information on Ann’s new tech start up, the mobile photo app Happy Snap, visit happysnap.pics. For more information on Nicole’s fullyemersive, team-building escape room, Escape the Estate, visit escapetheestate.com.

May 2016

SYRACUSEWOMANMAG.COM

SPECIAL FEATURE Listen before you talk; Talk to Your Child and Ask Open Ended Questions

LISTEN BEFORE YOUTALK; Talk to Your Child and Ask Open Ended Questions

he need to provide meaningful education on the dangers of underage drinking and other drug use has never been greater. It is important to know that parents can play a significant role. As kids get older and alcohol and other drugs enter the picture, parents are faced with a unique set of challenges. They can simply sit back and hope their kids will “get through it,” or they can take an active role in learning about alcohol/other drugs and helping their kids do the same. It can be daunting to talk with your children about drinking and drug use, but well worth the effort. In fact, research has shown that kids who have conversations with their parents to learn about the dangers of alcohol and other drug use are 50 percent less likely to use these substances than those who don’t have such conversations. As a parent, you can be a primary source of positive and reliable information. It is important to take advantage of “teachable moments.” It’s not so much about “the big talk,” but about being there for them when the issues come up -- on TV, at the movies, on the radio, about celebrities or sports figures, or about their friends. Don’t miss an opportunity to teach your kids. If you don’t, they will get their information from the media, the internet or other sources that not only misrepresent the potential negative impact of alcohol and other drugs, but may glorify their use. You have more influence over your kids’ attitudes and decisions about substance use than you think. So start early! Children go through many different stages as they grow up and what’s appropriate to tell an 18-year-old and a 9-yearold can vary quite a bit. Yet, it’s never too early to begin the conversation. The more informed children are, the better off they’ll be. The National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence provides some basic guidelines to assist you: Listen before you talk: Encourage Conversation: As parents, we want to have “all the answers.” Sometimes we are so anxious to share our wisdom – or our opinion – that we don’t take the time

to listen. For kids, knowing that we are really listening is the most important thing we can do to help. Talk to your child and ask open ended questions: Talk to your child regularly about their feelings, their friends and their activities. As much as you can, and sometimes it’s not easy, try to avoid questions that have a simple “yes” or “no” answer. Be involved: Get to know your child’s friends and continue to educate your child about the importance of maintaining good health – psychological, emotional and physical. Set expectations, limits and consequences: Make it clear that you do not want your child drinking or using drugs and that you trust them not to. Talk about possible consequences, both legal and medical, and be clear about what you will do if the rules are broken. Be honest and open: Care about what your child is going through as they face and make decisions that will affect their lives now and for the future. Be positive: Many parents have discovered that talking about these issues with their children has built bridges rather than walls between them, and have proudly watched those children learn to make healthy, mature decisions on their own. Explore family history: Both research and personal experience have clearly documented that addiction is a chronic, progressive disease that can be linked to family history and genetics. So, if you have a family history of problems with alcohol or other drugs, be matter of fact about it, as you would any other chronic disease, such as heart disease, diabetes or cancer. The longer children delay drinking and other drug use, the less likely they are to develop any problems associated with it. That’s why it is so important to help your child make smart decisions. For more information about NCADD Alcohol Awareness Month, visit ncadd.org or contact Prevention Network at 471-1359 or online at PreventionNetworkCNY.org.

SYRACUSEWOMANMAG.COM

The Family Edition

May 2016

SYRACUSEWOMANMAG.COM

The Family Edition

COVER STORY Elizabeth Nolan

ELIZABETH NOLAN

Executive Director Hillside Children’s Center Central Region

How am I going to make the world a better place today?” Photography by Chris Szulwach

—Elizabeth Nolan

May 2016

SYRACUSEWOMANMAG.COM

COVER STORY Elizabeth Nolan

Defining Family By Lorna Oppedisano

hink about what family meant to you growing up. Besides the typical nuclear and extended family, maybe you had a mentor. A close neighbor. A teacher who made a connection and an impact. A family friend. Now imagine you hadn’t had any of those people – not a single branch of that support system – and at age 18, you were released into the world and expected to be a decently-functioning adult. Tough, right? Elizabeth Nolan, executive director at the Hillside Children’s Center Central Region, sees situations like this often in her work. “If I had to pick a population and say what makes my heart hurt the most and makes me want to do the most, it’s kids who have been through our systems – not-for-profit agencies, government, foster care – and very often don’t have good outcomes,” she said. Elizabeth’s mission is to fix that.

Social Syracuse roots

Elizabeth knew she wanted to be a social worker from the moment in college when she realized it was a professional career choice. Growing up on Long Island, there was no singular event that propelled her toward social work. Rather, her parents simply taught her and her siblings to care about people who have less. “It was a justice orientation,” she explained, “that everybody deserves to live a life of dignity, that everybody deserves the right to health care and education, and a chance to follow their dreams.” After discovering social work in college, Elizabeth eventually decided that she didn’t want to pursue her career in New York City. For one thing, she’d just had a child with her husband; the city seemed like too big a place to raise a baby. She also wanted to directly affect change in her community. So off the family went to Syracuse. Soon after settling in, Elizabeth got involved with St. Lucy’s Church and the Near Westside community. Since then, she’s served on the Near Westside Initiative’s board of directors and as a church trustee. In the past 26 years, she’s seen violence and poverty increase in the neighborhoods of the Near Westside, but has also seen organizations and institutions like the initiative and church work to improve the area. “The thing I love about the Near Westside Initiative and St. Lucy’s is that it’s a community working to make itself better,” she explained, adding that the area has an “inclusive, ground-up kind of effort. I love that, being part of a place that’s trying to make itself better for all its people.”

Finding her niche

When Elizabeth entered the field of social work, she wanted to make an impact on a community level. She began doing hands-on work with domestic violence cases in Albany, but was soon chosen for a broader level of responsibility. “I wanted to not just work with individuals impacting domestic violence, but impact the laws and the culture that contribute to and support domestic violence,” she said. In her administrative positions since then, she still works as a social worker, she explained, adding that all Hillside staff – licensed social workers or not – still do “small-s small-w social work.” Elizabeth’s passion for working with teenage youth was sparked when she joined the Salvation Army. As director of residential services, she oversaw seven shelters and transitional housing locations, some of which were devoted to helping the youth population. During her time there, one of the things that affected her most was the lack of the concept of “home” for the children with whom she worked. Elizabeth had grown up with a mother, father, two sisters and a brother; these children had nothing. She described them as “disconnected kids,” explaining that their trajectory is terrible, often landing them on the street, chemically-addicted or in jail. She eventually left the Salvation Army to take the position of chief operating officer at Liberty Resources, where she gained experience working to help adults with developmental disabilities. After about 14 years with Liberty Resources, she was recommended to apply for the job of central region services leader at Hillside Family of Agencies in October 2008. Her responsibilities changed slightly in 2012, when her title was shifted to her current position. With her dedication to the area and passion for helping disconnected and troubled youth, it was the perfect fit. “I get to bring the benefit of Hillside to Syracuse and Central New York, have an impact on my community and help Hillside to run through this community,” she said. “So it’s a great partnership.”

The Hillside continuum

The history of Hillside Family of Agencies dates back to 1837. What started as the Rochester Orphan Asylum in Rochester now extends through the state and Prince George’s County, Md. Elizabeth oversees the Central New York region’s Hillside Children’s Center. While the organization doesn’t have an age cap dictating which populations it serves – meaning its services can be extended to adults – its major focus is on children and families. continued on page 28

SYRACUSEWOMANMAG.COM

The Family Edition

May 2016

SYRACUSEWOMANMAG.COM

Photography by Chris Szulwach

How do I spread more love today?”—Elizabeth Nolan

COVER STORY Elizabeth Nolan

Defining Family continued from page 26 Elizabeth explained the range of services as a continuum, all aimed at getting children back to their families. “It sounds obvious that every child thrives in a family and should be in a family, but it hasn’t been obvious to our system for years,” she said. “Kids grew up in institutions, in residential placements.” The continuum of care starts with the belief that every family is doing the best they can. Hillside meets the family where they are, Elizabeth said. They assess the situation, look at the strengths and then offer services to get the family where they want to go. The next level is therapeutic foster care, for those families that, for whatever reason, are not able to care for their child. “The really cool thing is that our foster families partner with the birth families to help the birth families know how to care for their child,” Elizabeth explained. Again, the end goal is to reunite child and family. The foster families are trained to work with the birth families in areas like coaching and other supportive services. Hillside is always looking for new foster families, Elizabeth stressed, explaining that when they lose foster families, it’s often because the parents choose to adopt the child. There are hundreds of children in Onondaga County in need of foster care for one reason or another, Therapeutic Foster Care Program Manager Jeremy Webster explained. “It’s not something that a lot of people want to do, to open their homes and bring in kids who may have behavioral and mental health issues,” he said. But it’s rewarding, he added, because foster parents get to bear witness to children regaining their youth and hope. Along with full-time foster care parents, Hillside also has youth mentoring and respite foster care programs, the latter of which allows foster parents to care for children for a shorter period of time. The last level of the continuum is residential services, which includes a 16-bed program for traumatized, high-risk girls, as well as a 40-bed facility, regulated by the Office of Mental Health, that aims to help children with psychiatric illness. Both are located in Auburn and serve the Central New York region. Similar to other programs, the goal is to help children build hope and return to their families. Realistically speaking, that’s not always an option. The next step is Family Finding, a focused effort to find and engage a network of support for the child. In every situation along the continuum, the first priority is safety, followed by permanency and then well-being.

“It’s a huge priority that every kid needs to know that there is at least one adult, preferably more,” Elizabeth said. “If I only had one person, they would get really tired of me. You have to have a few people.” The children and families that Hillside aims to help come to the agency through government doors, Elizabeth explained, adding that she’s happy to help anyone in need find their way to whichever door best serves them. She stressed that even though children come to Hillside with different problems, “they’re all the same kids and the same families.” Maybe someone came through the “mental health entrance,” and the possible issue of poverty isn’t taken into account. There’s many elements to every individual’s story: “If you tried to help them learn in school, and they didn’t eat breakfast, or they’re worried about what’s going to happen when they go home,” she listed. “You have to deal with the whole person and the whole community.” The idea of a community effort is one reason Elizabeth loves working in Syracuse, especially when it comes to combating issues like generational or situational poverty. The human service sector, in particular, is highly collaborative, she explained. As chair of the Human Service Leadership Coalition, a member organization of local human service agency executive directors, she sees the groups all striving toward one end goal. “We are just all about working together to solve the community’s problems and impact the community in a positive way,” she said. Along with aiming to be part of the solution for Syracuse’s poverty problem, Hillside also combats the stigma of mental illness, Elizabeth said. “Mental illness – emotional and behavioral health challenges – crosses all class and income,” she explained. “I think people don’t realize. They might think, ‘Oh, Hillside deals with those people.’” In some cases, poverty might exacerbate the situation, but there’s a percentage of children across the board who exhibit early signs of emotional and behavioral challenges, she said. Elizabeth cited a parent of a child that Hillside has aided: that parent shared that if their child had cancer or childhood diabetes, people would assume the illness had physical roots. Mental health problems are physiological too, Elizabeth explained, and, at times, deliberately brushed aside or ignored. “A lot of the work that we do with other agencies is to try to impact that stigma that somebody caused it, the family’s to blame or it’s a bad kid,” she said.

SYRACUSEWOMANMAG.COM

The Family Edition

Thinking About Becoming a Foster Parent? Hundreds of local youth and families need your help as they work through challenging times in their lives. Hillside foster parents provide a living environment for youth from birth to age 21, and help them learn important life skills. Both full-time and part-time foster parenting options are available.

How am I going to be my best self today?”—Elizabeth Nolan

• Diverse individuals who are loving, caring and patient, and who provide a structured and safe environment. • Individuals who are willing to dedicate themselves to the healing and development of youth, based on their individual needs. • Individuals who understand or are willing to understand the effects of trauma on children’s development, and are willing to be mindful and helpful as the youth overcome their struggles. • Individuals who are willing to work as part of a treatment team to meet the needs of the youth. Text provided by Hillside Children’s Center Therapeutic Foster Care.

After recent changes in health care, Hillside has started working more actively with hospitals, health providers and behavioral health providers. As Hillside’s expertise leans toward the behavioral health end of the spectrum, it’s important to look for ways to partner with physical health providers, Elizabeth explained. “People are realizing more and more that they have to focus on physical health and behavioral health,” Elizabeth said. “We’re the whole person.”

Elizabeth, the whole person

To take care of her whole self, Elizabeth begins each day with meditation, asking herself: “How am I going to be my best self today? How am I going to make the world a better place today? How do I spread love more today?”

Photography by Chris Szulwach

What Hillside looks for in new foster parents:

While she has been involved with St. Lucy’s Church for decades, Elizabeth says she considers herself a spiritual person more than a religious person. Some sort of spiritual grounding is good for mental health, she explained, adding that there’s “a spirit of love that unites us all.” Along with her spirituality, Elizabeth’s family is crucially important to her; and that extends beyond her immediate family to her friends as well. Her definition of family is the group of people around whom she feels most welcome and can completely be herself. “What we say all the time here [at Hillside] – and I really believe it – is that family is who you define it to be,” Elizabeth said, adding that “family” doesn’t necessarily have to be biological. “It’s whoever feels like family to you; who’s going to be with you for the long haul, no matter what happens.” SWM

May 2016

SYRACUSEWOMANMAG.COM

The Family Edition

May 2016

SYRACUSEWOMANMAG.COM

WISE LATINA Patricia Farfan-Caceres

The Wealth of Family By Alison Grimes

atricia “Patty” Farfan-Caceres, the oldest of four siblings in Peru, was proudly named godmother to four of her nieces and nephews. Little did she realize, she would soon be on a journey to a new life in the United States. Patty, a woman who had always been career- and communityfocused, arrived in Syracuse with her husband Jorge in 2002. She soon became close to her sisters-in-law, each of whom was actively involved in their communities and family; Patty was ready for the same lifestyle. She was eager to brush up on her English, move forward with her career and build a family. Patty became involved with the West Side Learning Center, which places students in internships. She was placed in the business office of Onondaga County Public Library’s personnel department. She learned employee payroll formalities and office procedures that were different than her previous 10 years of work experience in Peru. So she enrolled in an office technology course at Onondaga Community College while interning. She also reinstated a Spanish Conversation Club between Syracuse City School District Spanish teachers and West Side Learning Center students. Students and teachers had the opportunity to share conversation, culture and experiences while improving and practicing their language skills. By early 2004, Patty was expecting her first child and was ready to work. During her pregnancy, Patty worked part time at the library. She joined the Syracuse Cooperative Federal Credit Union and was asked to volunteer as a member of the board of directors. She continued at the library, while also serving on the board, until she noticed a job opening at the credit union. She applied, and remembers her interview day: “My husband and I only had one car at the time. My young daughter was in

the car with my husband while I was in my interview.” Patty was asked on that Friday when she could begin working. “I can work as early as Monday, but I’d like to resign from the board of directors,” Patty remembered with a chuckle. Shortly after, she was offered the opportunity to work part time in billing and as a teller. After a year, she was promoted to senior teller, and then supervisor. In 2008, her supervisors approached her with plans to open a new branch; they wanted her to supervise the ATM, registers, billings and loans. Patty even eventually pioneered a new Visa credit offering. No matter how much of Patty’s time her job demanded, she and her husband always put family first. “I feel blessed with the husband who accompanies me, and my two precious daughters Ysabella and Alejandra,” she said. Patty eventually transitioned out of the credit union, and took a job with BNY Mellon-Latin America Group. “My position at BNY Mellon-Latin America Group is giving me the possibility to apply my experience delivering excellent service to our customers and share my culture with my colleagues,” she explained, adding that achieving a good work-life balance is now more plausible. Today, Patty is proud to have been awarded “Woman of the Year” by the Nosotros Radio, and more proud to put family first. Though her children attend Most Holy Rosary School, education begins at home. She and her husband teach their girls love, respect, responsibility and an appreciation for their close family. Overall, Patty “thanks God for the gift of her family,” she said. SWM This article was provided by the CNY Latino newspaper, the only Hispanicoriented publication in Central New York. The Spanish version of this article can be read in the May edition of CNY Latino, in both the traditional paper version and the digital format at cnylatinonewspaper.com.

SYRACUSEWOMANMAG.COM

The Family Edition

May 2016

SYRACUSEWOMANMAG.COM

FOR A GOOD CAUSE A Cause to Celebrate

Celebrating Community Photography by Alice G. Patterson

By Lorna Oppedisano

ike a lot of us, Cheryl Heller gets her best inspiration at odd community, this seemed like a great fit, Cheryl said. Some of the moments. Her idea for last year’s inaugural A Cause to Celebrate money raised at this year’s event is slated to fund a Baldwinsville was no different. youth-specific summer clinic coached by a Baldwinsville-native “The committee always laughs at me, because they refer to it as Silver Knights player. ‘my shower moments,’” she explained with a chuckle. “It seems like “Their motto is changing children’s lives one goal at a time, and it just gives the child the opportunity to discover some of their I’m always taking my shower in the morning, and then all of the potential or their gifts,” Cheryl explained. sudden – ‘DING!’ – the light goes off.” For this year’s event, “A Knight on the Riviera,” the committee That’s when Cheryl’s idea for a Baldwinsville fundraising effort is planning a “French Riviera-themed, James Bond, Rat Pack kind grew from the bare bones details of a single-evening event into a full-blown, two-day extravaganza; the Friday evening fashion show of feel,” Cheryl said. The event is slated to include a martini bar, was about businesses giving back to the community, and Saturday gaming, fashion show and a complimentary tasting bar. offered those guests a chance to experience village shops and The Saturday portion of the event – the “Spring Shop & Stroll” – businesses. is planned to feature guided walking tours of the Last year’s fundraising efforts raised $2,500 shops, as well as a luncheon at a local restaurant. There’s just such a diverse for the Baldwinsville Theatre Guild, $1,500 The end goal for A Cause to Celebrate is twomore than the committee’s goal. The Downton group of businesses here. fold: to give businesses a chance to give back to Abbey-themed evening had sold-out attendance. It surprises me when people their community, and to acquaint people from Even though committee members had the Baldwinsville and the greater Syracuse area with still say, ‘Oh, I didn’t know challenge of getting the word out quickly after the possibilities the village has to offer. Baldwinsville had that!’ or the committee formed in mid-February, “There’s just such a diverse group of businesses Cheryl was pleased to see the village here,” Cheryl said. “It surprises me when people ‘Oh, I never even thought of come together. still say, ‘Oh, I didn’t know Baldwinsville had “It was a shot of adrenalin into the community coming to Baldwinsville for that!’ or ‘Oh, I never even thought of coming a day.’” — Cheryl Heller to Baldwinsville for a day.’” SWM for the spring,” she said. This year’s event is slated for Friday, May 13 A Cause to Celebrate committee members: at CNY Family Sports Centre, and Saturday, May 14 in the village Event chair: Cheryl Heller, owner of The Savvy Chick Boutique of Baldwinsville. Proceeds from the event are planned to benefit Finance chair: Terri Webb, co-owner of Two Twisted Sisters and Olive’s Eatery the Silver Knights Foundation, an organization dedicated to area Fashion show chair: Stephanie Long, owner of Mirror Mirror Inc. Design Chair: Heather Jensen, manager at Mirror Mirror Inc. youth and headquartered at the sports centre. Diane Richardson, owner of Beyond the Attic Door When picking a nonprofit organization for this year’s event to Kera Wassenbach, owner of Looking Glass Events benefit – the beneficiary is set to change each year – the committee wanted a group that aimed to help youth. As 40 percent of the For more information on A Cause to Celebrate, visit bvillecausetocelebrate.com. revenue raised by the foundation directly aids the Baldwinsville

SYRACUSEWOMANMAG.COM

The Family Edition

May 2016

SYRACUSEWOMANMAG.COM

NEW IN THE ‘CUSE Interact Language Center

Breaking Down Barriers By Hayleigh Gowans

n an age of ubiquitous Internet access, easy and affordable travel and booming international business opportunities, being multilingual is not just a professional asset, but a personal one as well. Many people may think they don’t have the skills or time to learn a new language, but InterAct Language Center, a new language learning center, is seeking to help them overcome those obstacles. The new center, located at 7153 E. Genesee St. in Fayetteville, provides lessons in a wide array of languages aimed at helping those who want to expand their cultural horizons. InterAct Language Center co-owners Engracia Schuster and Ana Guerrero, both natives of Barcelona, Spain, teamed up to open the center early this year with the hopes of providing a language and cultural learning center, something Engracia says is lacking in the greater Syracuse area. “Syracuse is rapidly becoming a more culturally diverse place, but there really aren’t any centers for people to go to learn a new language and the culture that surrounds it,” she said. InterAct Language Center offers private and group language instruction for all ages in Arabic, Chinese, English, French, Portuguese, Russian, Spanish and many other languages. The center also offers after-school tutoring, professional workshops, editing and translation. Free initial consultations are provided to gain a sense of the skill level possessed by a student in the language the student wishes to learn. Instructors at InterAct can meet with students at the center, but can also utilize FaceTime, Skype and phone calls, or meet a student offsite. Engracia explained that when people in the area want to learn a language, they have to rely on expensive computer programs or pay

to take a language course at a local college or university. And while learning a language through an online program may be helpful, she said having in-person conversations and gaining feedback – something stressed at InterAct – is beneficial. “Anyone can learn a new language. Learning a new language can improve brain function and exercise the mind,” Engracia said. “It also opens up job opportunities both globally and locally. And it helps people connect with relatives and friends around the world … Today our world is so interconnected. It’s so valuable to be able to speak another language.” Engracia stressed that the instructional programs are designed to be flexible, so people can learn at their own pace. Lessons are tailored for each student’s goals, including travel, work, family background or just for fun. “We want people to feel comfortable and be able to learn in their own way,” Engracia said. “We hope this provides a flexible and affordable option for those who want to learn another language.” In the future, Engracia said she hopes the center will be able to expand and offer cultural events aimed at producing a greater interest and understanding between people of different cultures in the Syracuse area. She said the center is also interested in training and hiring those fluent in multiple languages to become language instructors. SWM

Prices for adult private sessions are $45 per hour, and $25 per hour for group sessions. Prices for children ages 13 and younger are $20 per 45-minute private session. To learn more about the center and the services that are offered, call 391-6652, email info@interactlanguagecenter.com or go to interactlanguagecenter.com. Photos courtesy of InterAct Language Center.

SYRACUSEWOMANMAG.COM

The Family Edition

May 2016

SYRACUSEWOMANMAG.COM

BUSY WOMAN’S GUIDE How to Revel in “Me Time”

How to Revel in “Me Time” By Karen J. Cordano

orning sickness came early and often when I was pregnant with my second. Our eldest wasn’t yet 18 months old. He needed constant supervision, which meant Tom joined me in the bathroom while I horked my brains out. One memorable day, he climbed up my back, threw his arms around my neck, and asked “Whatcha doing?” as I coughed up a lung. Pity party aside, even unpleasantness becomes routine, and I quickly resigned to throwing up with an audience. Then Saturday would roll around. It was the highlight of my world. Tom played with his father while I embraced the porcelain throne with complete privacy, door locked and everything. It was grand. During that pregnancy, I phoned my sister daily. She also had a little one and was expecting. All we seemed to talk about was how exhausted we were. I told her my secret fantasy was to develop a mild and non-life-threatening illness that would land me in the hospital for two or three days. “I don’t want to court tragedy here, I just want to have a couple of days in bed. I want someone to make my food, even if it is terrible hospital food,” I would explain. “I want to sleep, and when I’m done sleeping, I want to sleep a little more.” I am not a stoic or selfless person. But even for a deeply flawed newish Mom like me, motherhood was so overwhelming that “me time” fantasies involved hospital stays or throwing up alone. All Moms can’t be placed in the same box. Learning to carve out and enjoy “me time” isn’t achieved using a simple and universal formula. When one emerges from the fog of the first couple of years of motherhood, who wouldn’t want a massage a week,

or a cleaning service, or a regular yoga class at a fancy studio? Many of us don’t have the time or resources to make those dreams a reality. But small moments can be every bit as impactful as an expensive facial. Over the years I’ve learned I cannot parent effectively if I do not have some time to myself. Or should I say my endlessly patient husband Zeke figured it out for me. Evidently, it becomes unpleasant for everyone in our house when I am overwhelmed. Zeke is a morning person. I hate the dawn and would do anything to milk a few more minutes of sleep. He gets up and deals with our guys for the first hour, sending Tom or Charlie to rouse me at 7:30. During that lovely extra hour, I drift in and out of sleep while reveling in the complete lack of responsibility. After wakeup, I still have plenty of time to make lunches and get the kiddos dressed, with teeth brushed, before school drop-off. But the most restorative “me time” happens on Wednesday mornings after taking the boys to their schools. When I drop my son at Ed Smith, I do love hearing the other kids call me “Tom’s Mom.” I am proud of being that person. But I am also Karen. And remembering what it feels like to be her is vital to my happiness. Once Charlie is deposited at his preschool, Bernice Wright, I meet up with a small group of dear friends. The location has varied, the cast of characters expands and contracts depending on obligations; but for an hour or two, we don’t have to worry about being Moms. We can simply be friends. I cannot think of a more wonderful version of “me time.” And on the best weeks, someone brings a selection from Picasso’s Pastries. SWM

SYRACUSEWOMANMAG.COM

The Family Edition

May 2016

SYRACUSEWOMANMAG.COM

INSPIRE Nancy Linton

Photo by Steven J. Pallone

NANCY LINTON

SYRACUSEWOMANMAG.COM

The Family Edition

The Reigning Glamma By Lorna Oppedisano

ancy Linto is the ultimate matriarch. She’ll laugh it off with With the responsibility of five children, you might assume a humble wave of her hand, bangle bracelets jingling all the that Nancy never had time to herself during all those years, while, and say, “Oh honey, that’s just me.” But the reality is but the truth is quite the contrary. that she, like many grandmothers, is the glue that holds together “Oh, no,” she said, with a smile and a youthful twinkle in her incredibly close family. her eye. “I made time for myself, too. I went out, honey.” Being a single mother of a biracial family in the inner city Nancy balanced everything with the help of three close of Syracuse wasn’t always easy. Nancy worked, and made sure friends, she explained. “There were three of us girl friends and her five children had the basic necessities, be it food, clothing or we all took care of each other,” she said. “And it’s a good thing manners. Through the ebbs and flows of single motherhood – I did, because now I’m settled. I feel like I’ve done stuff.” “Everybody has ups and downs,” she said simply – she taught Reminiscing, Nancy stressed the importance of keeping her lessons and gathered stories. priorities straight. Rent was always first. Groceries were second. “I’m a character,” she said with a laugh. “I was telling my kids… Anything else for her children was third. “And other than that, I said, ‘If I was important, I could write a book.’” you try to divvy it out,” she said. But Nancy is important. It’s not just because she raised Temple To meet her priorities, she worked for Blue Cross for years. University and NBA star basketball player Rick Brunson, or is Even when her neighbors invited her to join them outside – grandmother to rising freshman Villanova basketball star Jalen “smokin’, drinkin’, having a good ol’ time,” she described Brunson. It’s not just because to the best of her ability, she doesn’t with a chuckle – she knew her priorities and kept them. miss one game or recital of her 11 grandchildren. And it’s not just It wasn’t pride that kept her going; it was principle. because her hip-shaking dance to “Single Ladies,” filmed in her “Everybody else didn’t work, because you did better not living room one morning on a lark, working. I always wanted to work,” she said. “And I would was featured on The Today Show. go out to work every day and I’d come home. Nancy is important in the way that all And I’d be dragging. I’d be tired.” grandmothers and mothers are important: Now that her children are older and have I’m a character. I was she’s the center of the family, from whom families of their own, Nancy sees that sense all traditions, stories and lessons originate. of hard work daily in her growing family. telling my kids...I said, Nancy’s roots and legacy start with her Having moved out of the city some years ago ‘If I was important, own mother. While they weren’t extremely into a house that her son bought her, Nancy well off, her mother made sure that Nancy and her husband of 12 years split their time I could write a book.’” had opportunities that her mother hadn’t between work – Nancy works per diem for —Nancy Linto been offered growing up in the country. Crouse Hospital – traveling and spending time When Nancy grew up and had five children with their grandchildren. Whether she’s of her own, she in turn wanted more for them cheering on Jalen at a Villanova game or her than she had had for herself. They’re now five well-rounded granddaughter at a local dance recital, it’s safe to say that and responsible adults, she said proudly. Nancy’s grandchildren are now her No. 1 priority. She tells Nancy attributes her successful single motherhood to a them all they’re her favorite, she joked; the bond of love, few things: family, friends and faith. humor and respect she created with her children carried on Her own mother was a convert to Catholicism, and raised to the next generation. Nancy in the Church. “And so she said, ‘You have to raise your “The kids named me ‘Glamma’,” she said with a proud laugh. children in some faith, whether it’s Catholic or [something else],’” Nancy suggested that the tight family bond grew from her Nancy reminisced, explaining that she couldn’t have made it role as a single mother in her children’s lives. She explained that this far without having been powered by her faith. not only is she close to her children and grandchildren, but she Through the ups and downs of motherhood, Nancy’s own even regularly vacations with her in-laws. mother was always there for her and they remained close until She thought about that family bond a moment longer. she passed away a few years ago. While her mother didn’t have “I don’t know if I even answered the question about the bond,” a lot of money, she was always willing to give Nancy her very she mused, thinking back over the last few decades. “It just is.” SWM last dollar.

May 2016

SYRACUSEWOMANMAG.COM

INSPIRE Sally Santangelo

SALLY SANTANGELO

Photography by Gerard H. Gaskin

CNY Fair Housing executive director

SYRACUSEWOMANMAG.COM

The Family Edition

The Right of Fair Housing By Lorna Oppedisano

“W

e fell on hard times when I was young. My father lost his “We’re also trying to get to the broader issues, like making business, and we lost most everything. We had to rely sure there are more affordable housing choices for families in the on public assistance and food stamps and a lot of charity community. Right now there’s very limited affordable housing of friends and neighbors and family. But we never lost our house,” choices for people to even live outside of the city,” she said. said CNY Fair Housing Executive Director Sally Santangelo. Seventy-five percent of the affordable living units in Onondaga Sally was only six years old when that happened, but it clearly County are within Syracuse city limits, Sally said, explaining that affected her path in life. Having seen firsthand the importance of this severely limits options for low-income families. CNY Fair a safe, reliable space to live, she now fights for all of Central New Housing is working to increase the number of affordable housing York to have that right. spaces outside of the city. Sally grew up in a small three-bedroom, one-bathroom ranch Investing in preexisting units is also a priority, whether that home in North Syracuse, where she lived with seven brothers and means improving their quality, so children don’t get lead poisoning sisters and her parents. Although it was a struggle for her family in their homes, or forcing landlords to fulfill responsibilities to when her father lost his business, Sally knew their poverty was provide safe living space, Sally explained. When a tenant faces daily temporary. Both her parents had college educations, and a few safety and health issues, it can lead to missed work, which in turn years later, when the family opened a new business – Santangelo’s means less money, and the end result can be eviction – all caused Restaurant – they used their house as collateral in purchasing by problems outside of the tenant’s control. restaurant equipment. Although they nearly lost the business a few “And people end up in this cycle of eviction, which is incredibly years in, the Santangelos did eventually escape poverty. expensive, to continue to have to move and come up with a new Sally studied political science in college. She returned to Syracuse security deposit and the moving expenses,” Sally said. “So trying to to work in politics for a while, and then eventually was hired as make sure those legal protections for people [are there] will help in an investigator at CNY Fair Housing. Within six months, she was terms of housing.” promoted to director of enforcement. CNY Fair Housing also deals with a number Another eight months passed, and she became of disability cases – about 60 percent interim director, and then executive director of the workload, Sally said. Sometimes that It’s estimated that 90 about three and a half years ago. It wasn’t means denial of housing, like a housing percent of fair housing a career she’d planned, she explained, provider saying “he doesn’t need to rent to but everything she did perfectly led to it. crazy people,” Sally cited. A lot of the time, cases go unreported. Now that she strives to provide fair housing the agency deals with housing providers So we know there are for everyone, her biggest overall frustration is who refuse reasonable accommodations or the fact that there are always more people in modifications. The agency spends a lot of a lot of people who are need of the organization’s help. time fighting for people who need things being discriminated “It’s estimated that 90 percent of fair housing like permission granted for an emotional cases go unreported,” she explained. “So we support animal, or grab bars installed in against that we aren’t know there are a lot of people who are being their apartment. even hearing about.” discriminated against that we aren’t even Sally’s work has influenced her own life, hearing about.” she said. In a lot of cases, she sees people —Sally Santangelo A lot of the cases deal with generational treating others horribly. She stresses empathy poverty, she said. When you have literally and kindness toward all people, and teaches generations of people who have known nothing but poverty, her three young boys to fight for what’s right. it’s a hard cycle to break. Citing her childhood, Sally explained “If there was just more common decency, we wouldn’t have jobs, that many people don’t have those extra supports that her family and that would be OK with me. I would find something else to did; primarily, they were lucky to own their home, but they also do,” Sally said with a smile. SWM had social supports, a good school and a parks and recreation program during the summer. Sally explained that they deal with individual cases on a dayto-day basis – like an African American family being harassed by neighbors for moving to the suburbs, or not even being given the For more information about CNY Fair Housing, including resources and how opportunity to apply for such housing – but wants to address the to get involved, visit cnyfairhousing.org. roots of the problem.

May 2016

SYRACUSEWOMANMAG.COM

INSPIRE Barbara Huntress Tresness

BARBARA HUNTRESS TRESNESS

Photography by Gerard H. Gaskin

Barbara Huntress Tresness, author and CHAT Collective founder

SYRACUSEWOMANMAG.COM

Entrepreneurs/WISE The Family Edition

CHATting Together By Lorna Oppedisano

arbara Huntress Tresness lived a storybook life. She didn’t have “And the only thing I’d done differently was the dolphin therapy with Upledger. So I knew then that there was something birds braiding her hair and forest creatures doing her dishes, really magical about this,” she said. She continued on her journey but her life had no major issues. She met her husband while with Graham, becoming a licensed massage therapist and studying psychology at the University of Vermont, and eventually learning craniosacral therapy. moved to the Syracuse area. The couple was raising two boys, with a third on the way. Despite all of this growth, Graham still faced one major issue: Then Barb’s placenta abrupted. She had an emergency communication. It’s not that people were intentionally dismissive; C-section. Her son Graham was born at 35 weeks with cerebral many simply didn’t know how to interact with someone like palsy. Doctors told Barb that he might not make it through the Graham, who Barb describes as a “nonverbal communicator.” night. He did, and now he’s one of Barb’s greatest inspirations. “I was telling our story, and I’m passionate about it. I realized “As a person, when you’re faced with a challenge, some people that I’m just a mom in Manlius, NY. This is a global issue. This is misunderstanding disability and communication up get stuck. And I just, as a person, said I’m not going to get stuck in the anger or the bitter,” she reminisced. “I’m going to find a here,” she said, raising her hand to a high “macro” level. way through.” In the last few years, Barb and her husband have partnered with organizations like Syracuse University’s Burton Blatt The first few years were tough. When Graham was born in Institute and AccessCNY to found CHAT Collective. 2000, he was silent. It consumed Barb. She remembers thinking, The business started as a week-long summer camp, and then ‘Why was he not crying?’ When the tears came, it was loud, hard and continuous. a club, but Barb wanted something less labor-intensive that could reach more people. “You have a bad time with a sick child, and it’s a few days. This was unending,” she said, explaining that it lasted for years, “How can we take what worked – the socialization, the communication and the awareness – and bring it to the and she didn’t know what to do for him. She followed the experts’ community?” she pondered. instructions, but nothing seemed to work; in some cases, medicines seemed Now, CHAT Collective aims to help to agitate her son even more. verbal communicators understand that I’m not going to get stuck in When Graham was 4 years old, is a universal concept, the anger or the bitter. I’m going communication Barb heard about craniosacral therapy, and doesn’t always occur in an exchange a form of massage founded by Dr. John of spoken words. She’s written a to find a way through.” Upledger. She contacted a therapist, and designed hand bands, —Barbara Huntress Tresness guidebook and he came to the house. When he communication cards, dog tags and began his work, it didn’t appear he was T-shirts to help bridge the gap. doing much, Barb admits, but then Barb remembers every piece of her Graham stopped crying. 16-year tale in great detail. In sharing it, she’s not looking for pity “And I’m staring,” she recalled. “And then all of the sudden, or sympathy for herself or Graham. She’s not bragging about her he smiled for the first time.” strength. She’s just straightforward and honest. Around the same time, the family took a trip to Las Vegas, “The whole journey started with me as a mom, who was and stayed in a hotel with animals. Barb was surprised when a overwhelmed,” Barb said simply. trainer asked her if Graham wanted to touch a dolphin. They still have trying days. People still stare. While there are She hesitantly agreed, not even sure that her son could touch it. many people who – thanks to CHAT Collective – know how to Much to her amazement, he did; and in return, the dolphin interact with nonverbal and limited communicators, there are still picked up her head and touched Graham. The crowd was in plenty who lack that knowledge. awe, Barb remembered. At the end of last year, Barb shared her story in the memoir, “They had this connection, and it was immediate,” she said. “Beyond a Charmed Life: A Mother’s Unconditional Love.” “And I thought, ‘OK, there’s something to this dolphin thing. “I wanted people to know that they’re not alone. And I I’ve got to pursue this.’” wanted them to take the journey with me and see all that we went through,” she explained. “And then you can appreciate In August 2004, Barb followed the idea of dolphin therapy to the Upledger Institute in the Bahamas. She had no idea whatever your next challenge is. You might come at it differently, what to expect, but the animals seemed to intuitively know because you’ve lived through someone else’s journey.” SWM how to approach Graham, and had a positive effect on him. If you want to learn more about Barb and Graham’s story, Moreover, shortly after the family returned home, Graham took visit barbarahuntresstresness.com. For more about CHAT Collective, his first unaided weight-bearing steps. visit chatcollective.com.

May 2016

SYRACUSEWOMANMAG.COM

schools of excellence

SYRACUSEWOMANMAG.COM

The Family Edition

May 2016

SYRACUSEWOMANMAG.COM

UPCOMING SWM Events Wednesday, May 4

WBOC Monthly Meeting

When: 4:30 to 6:30 p.m. What: This month’s topic is “Financial Lessons & Wisdom in Entrepreneurship.” Where: Genesee Grande Hotel, 1060 E. Genesee St., Syracuse. Info: Women Business Opportunities Connections, wboconnection.org. Wednesday, May 4 through Sunday, May 8

Cirque du Soleil OVO

When: 7 p.m. Wednesday through Friday; 4 and 7:30 p.m. Saturday; 1:30 and 5 p.m. Sunday. What: Cirque du Soleil’s newest touring show. Cost: $41 to $145 plus services charges, dependent on day and seat. Where: The Oncenter War Memorial Arena, 760 S. State St., Syracuse. Info: Cirque du Soleil, cirquedusoleil.com. Thursday, May 5

Beer Garden: Cinco de Mayo

When: 5 to 8 p.m. What: Fine craft beverages from local breweries, music by Castle Creek and access to all current exhibits. Cost: Everson members, $10; nonmembers, $15. Where: Everson Museum of Art, 401 Harrison St., Syracuse. Info: Museum, everson.org. Saturday, May 7

Culture 2016

When: 6 to 11 p.m. What: Cultural exhibits, basket raffles, complimentary cocktails, cash bar and a five-course meal. Proceeds to benefit Hopeprint in its efforts to empower resettled refugees. Cost: $100. Where: Sky Armory, 351 S. Clinton St., Syracuse. Info: Hopeprint, myhopeprint.org. Sunday, May 8

Mother’s Day Brunch

When: 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. What: Food, drinks and live music. Cost: Adults, $34.95; children ages 10 and younger, $14.95. Where: Sky Armory, 351 S. Clinton St., Syracuse. Info: Sky Armory, skyarmory.com or 473-0826.

Sunday, May 8

Amberations Bike Ride, Open House and Mother’s Day Brunch

When: Bike ride registration, 8 a.m.; ride, 9 a.m.; brunch, 10 a.m. to 1 p.m. What: Seventeen-mile bike ride around Otisco Lake and Mother’s Day brunch. Race sponsored by the Bikery and supported by Wegmans. Cost: Individual rider, $20; family of riders, $40; brunch for non-riders, $12; brunch for children ages 11 and younger, $6. Where: Amberations, 2223 Amber Road, Marietta. Info: Amberations, amberations.org, 636-7166 or info@amberations.org. Friday, May 13

A Cause to Celebrate

When: 6 to 10 p.m. What: Gaming tables, fashion show, complimentary tastings, DJ, photo booth, cash bar and VIP lounge. Proceeds to benefit the Silver Knight Foundation. Cost: In cash, $25; online, $26.75; VIP ticket, cash, $50; VIP ticket online, $51.75. Where: Central New York Family Sports Centre, 7201 Jones Road, Syracuse. Info: bvillecausetocelebrate.com. Sunday, May 15

Pilates & Yoga Retreat

When: 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. What: Classes, workshops, vendors, educators and food. Hosted by Core Pilates & Yoga. Cost: $20 per class or workshop; entire day, $90. Where: Green Lakes State Park, 7900 Green Lakes Road, Fayetteville. Info: Core Pilates & Yoga, corepilatesyoga.com or 480-9727. Tuesday, May 17

An Evening with David Greene

When: Doors at 6:30 p.m.; event, 7:30 p.m. What: Veteran journalist and current co-host of NPR’s Morning Edition to speak about his experiences reporting and hosting around the world. Cost: General admission, $20. Where: Syracuse Stage, 820 E. Genesee St., Syracuse. Info: WRVO, wrvo.org.

SYRACUSEWOMANMAG.COM

The Family Edition

Tuesday, May 17 through Thursday, May 19

Saturday, May 21

When: 7:30 p.m. each day. What: Famous Artists touring production of the Broadway musical comedy. Cost: $30 to $60 plus services charges. Where: The Oncenter Crouse Hinds Theater, 421 Montgomery St., Syracuse. Info: Famous Artists, nacentertainment.com/cities/syracuse.

When: Noon to 7 p.m. What: More than 25 food trucks and more than 50 craft beers. Hosted by Food Truck Festivals of America. Cost: Admission in advance, $5; sampler ticket in advance, $30; admission day of, $10; sampler ticket day of, $40. Where: NYS Fairgrounds, 581 State Fair Blvd., Syracuse. Info: Food Truck Festivals of America, foodtruckfestivalsofamerica.com.

42nd Street

Thursday, May 19

9th Annual Celebrating Life through Chocolate When: 5:30 to 8 p.m. What: Desserts from local chocolatiers and bakeries, wine tasting, silent auction and music by Donna Colton. Proceeds to benefit Hospice of Central New York. Cost: In advance, $20; at the door, $35. Where: Bella Domani Catering & Banquets, 5988 E. Taft Road, Syracuse. Info: Hospice, hospicecny.org or 634-1100. Saturday, May 21

The Promise Walk for Preeclampsia

When: Registration begins at 8:30 a.m.; opening ceremonies, 9:30 a.m.; walk, 10 a.m.; event concludes by 11:30 a.m. What: Walk, children’s activities, coffee and light breakfast. Cost: No required registration fee, but donations to the Preeclampsia Foundation encouraged. Where: Willow Bay Shelter Area at Onondaga Lake Park, 6851 Onondaga Lake Parkway, Liverpool. Info: promisewalk.org. Saturday, May 21

Band Together for Suicide Prevention

Syracuse Food Truck Festival

Saturday, May 21

Apple Blossom Festival and Cookout When: Noon to 5 p.m. What: Wagon rides, cow train rides, live music, cookout, games and more. Cost: Free admission. Where: Critz Farms, 3232 Rippleton Road, Cazenovia. Info: Critz Farms, critzfarms.com or 662-3355. Tuesday, May 24

Central New York’s Best Places to Work When: 7:30 to 10 a.m. What: Presented by BizEventz and RMS. Where: SRC Arena & Events Center, Onondaga Community College, 4585 W. Seneca Turnpike, Syracuse. Info: BizEventz, cnybj.com/bizeventz. Thursday, May 26

12th Annual Mr. Habitat

When: 2 to 6 p.m. What: Performances by Driftwater, The Lightkeepers, D. RAS and The Lizard. All proceeds benefit American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. Cost: In advance, $15; at the door, $20; ticket includes food. Where: Sharkey’s Bar and Grill, 7240 Oswego Road, Liverpool. Info: American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, afsp.org/centralny or 664-0346.

When: 6 to 9 p.m. What: Raffles, giveaways, live music, silent auction, food and more. Proceeds benefit Women Build. Cost: $20. Where: Drumlins Country Club Ballroom, 800 Nottingham Road, Syracuse. Info: Register to attend, bizeventz.com; information, syracusehabitat.org.

Saturday, May 21

Saturday, May 28 & Sunday, May 29

CNY Kids Expo

When: 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. What: Interactive exhibits, raffles, bounce houses, book fair, puppy rescues, shopping and more. Benefits Make A Wish of Central New York and The Keys Program. Cost: $3; family pack of four tickets, $10. Where: NYS Fairgrounds, 581 State Fair Blvd., Syracuse. Info: CNY Kids Expo, cnykidsexpo.com or facebook.com/CNYKidsExpo.

13th Annual Shearing Festival When: 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. What: Animals, games, live music, food and more. Cost: Free admission. Where: Springside Farm, 1940 Jerome Road, Fabius. Info: springsidefarm.net.

May 2016

SYRACUSEWOMANMAG.COM

The Family Edition

May 2016

SYRACUSEWOMANMAG.COM

Burdick Audi Full Page

SYRACUSEWOMANMAG.COM

The Family Edition