A Tried And True Parenting Method to Promote Peace
http://www.fireflydaily.com/kids-do-you-really-want-them/
I love flying. Unlike a lot of other people I know, I relish the speed and thrill of flying; give me a choice and I would rather fly than drive or sail to you. Alone or with family, I always look forward to my next flight- whether for work, leisure or sheer escape. But I know many a mom who fret at the very thought of travelling with their kids, let alone flying halfway around the world with them. With kids sometimes being impossible to contain and conquer, they have quite a few nightmares to share- horrific tales of being holed in with their young children, shocking stories of their little angels morphing into harbingers of chaos and embarrassment. But I simply shrug and smile these well-meant warnings away; my kids and I are at peace- on land and mid-air. No my kids aren’t puffy clouds of sugar; they are just as strong willed as I am. But after years of trying the tested methods and approach to parenting, and fed up of the constant bickering and discord between us, I chucked the expertise to find my own key to keeping the peace- no matter what the situation. And I am thrilled to tell you all- it works! Here is what I do to promote peace, cooperation and understanding between my kids and I. 1. I stopped shushing them. Children (especially the stubborn and strong willed variety) like everything else in the Universe, follow the simple law of physics- for every action there is an equal reaction. I started by stepping out of the battlefield we had created; I stopped using force and my place as their mum to impress my will over theirs. Instead I sought other more peaceful and effective mediums of communication my requests and desires to them. 2. I started viewing my kids as individuals. Children are adults in development; they may be tiny on the outside, but inside they are a brewing storm of individual ideas, personalities, opinions and perspectives. I stopped relying on the experts to teach me about my children, and began to turn to them to so do. I let my kids show me what they liked and what they didn’t; I let my kids
teach me what approach worked with them and what didn’t. My elder for instance does not like to be told what to do; she loves to figure things out herself. The younger one, on the other hand, likes clarity of instructions so he can adapt these in his typical creative style. Instead thus of dispensing standardized orders to both, I began to really listen and communicate with my kids- one on one. 3. I began to respect them more. Children need to be respected and honored too just like us adults; this is critical to their developing personalities and fragile egos. When a child is throwing a tantrum we all get angry at the embarrassment they are causing us; but very often we forget that they might be reacting to their own feelings of anger and embarrassment. I make it a point now to speak to my kids very softly in public; no conversation is entertained in loud tones or volumes. This way I help not only my kids respect me more, but also ensure I do too. 4. I firmed up on the boundaries. Being clearer on what is negotiable and what isn’t is important to establishing a clear platform for communication between my kids and me. Instead of trying to explain every point to my kids, I got clearer on the ground rules. This helped my kids realize what mum was willing to entertain, and just where the lines were drawn. But it also allowed for a healthy space to be created for my kids to bend and explore their world without endangering themselves or anyone else. 5. I stopped running away from conflict. My parenting style before was to take all the steps necessary to avoid conflict, but having established a strong framework for communication and dialogue I did not harbor these fears and anxiety any more. Disagreements now stopped being triggers for big meltdowns, and instead became just a normal part of our communications. Embracing the conflict that came from my kid’s growing personality let me find a new balance between us. Each experience helps me learn more about them and my parenting, adapting it as I go along.