5 Things You're Doing That Are Driving Away Your Teen
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Teenagers can be a complete mystery. No matter how seasoned or prepared a parent you may be, every teen is an experience unto him/herself. Since they do not come with a ready manual, we learn through our own mistakes as parents. Very often our best intentions backfire, and the most noble of gestures hit naught. So here is a little help- here are a few things you’re probably doing that are driving away your teen. These may not be as obvious to you, especially as these can rise out of our most well-meaning aims and actions. But a little attention and awareness, and you can really give your relationship with your teen a second chance. 5 Things You're Doing That Are Driving Away Your Teen 1. Not Listening Of all the things you are possibly doing that are driving away your teen, not listening to them is one of the most common. We may feel that we are engaging our kids in healthy dialogue and communication, but your teen may not really be expressing him/herself at all! Besides not speaking up, teens often communicate in mediums other than mutual dialogue; every grunt, every expression and even their silence often speaks much louder than any number of hours spent talking. But our inability to notice these subtle cues means we often miss out completely on what our teen is trying to say, making them feel unheard and alienated. 2. Being Overprotective There is a fine line between being protective and all out smothering our kids, with the latter boxing them in and suffocating any possibilities of self-expression or exploration. Your teen is gradually growing into the adult he/she will soon be, and as such is actively involved in establishing their own identity and space. Exploring the world around them is a vital aspect of this process, and if interrupted by you and your parenting is bound to drive your teen away. 3. Dictating their Behavior and Responses
Nothing is more vital to a healthy teen and his/her development than offering a safe space for emotional and mental expression. With a cocktail of hormones flowing through them, it is important that as a parent you help them process the myriad emotions, feelings and sensations that they now encounter and experience, teaching them to channel these into productive pursuits. This does not however entail setting up a rigid code of behavior and responses, telling them how to feel, act or react; this only suffocates your teen and drives them away. 4. Being Inauthentic Your children are highly observant, and a lot smarter than you may give them credit for. They can see and appreciate when you are being real, and see when you are not. Teens need a secure environment and emotional anchors to help them through the confusion and trials of every day. But if they see you colored in inauthenticity, this does not make them feel safe or secure in your presence; they are resultantly not only going to lose respect for you, but are also bound to look elsewhere. Therefore stop trying to be someone you are not, or act in a manner that is less than authentic- it doesn’t matter if you are just trying to be their friend or find middle ground between the two of you, just be yourself. 5. Constant Criticism Pointing out their flaws may seem like a path for self-assessment and growth to you; to your teen however it can translate into constant criticism and blows to their self-esteem and confidence. Criticism, no matter how well intentioned, is guaranteed to drive your teen away-especially if you are blessed with a strongly willed, defensive teen. While there are moments when you must impress your point of view and insight, it is a good idea to seat your teen down and have a heart to heart at other times. This helps create a space for sharing, and they may not view your comments as thoughtless criticism. It is also a good idea to ask them if they want your opinion to begin with, so that your perspectives do not lose value in their space and minds.