The Durango Telegraph, May 23, 2024

the durango

5 Speaking up

New effort seeks to call attention to truth behind “Last Indian War” by Sean Ketchum Jr. / Writers on the Range

10

Remembering Ed

As the Iron Horse turns 52, looking back at its roots and founder by David Marston / Writers on the Range

EDITORIALISTA: Missy Votel missy@durangotelegraph.com

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The Durango Telegraph publishes every Thursday, come hell, high water, tacky singletrack or mon-

4 Free at last

Now that the healthcare struggle is settled, let’s go to Disneyland by Addyson Santese

8

Broad strokes

Learning to “Paint like Steve Ross” helps vets connect, heal by Missy Votel

STAR-STUDDED CAST: Addyson Santese, Sean Ketchum Jr., Dave Marston, Ari LeVaux, Rob Brezsny, Lainie Maxson, Jesse Anderson & Clint Reid

P.O. Box 332, Durango, CO 81302

www.durangotelegraph.com

ster powder days. We are wholly independently owned and operated by the Durango Telegraph LLC and dis-

Ear to the ground:

“Bikes have been my Prozac for years.”

– Well, looks like you’ll be getting an extra-big dose this Saturday

Pushing up shrooms

With Memorial Day upon us, perhaps there’s no better time to broach the uncomfortable but necessary subject of one of life’s certainties. No, not taxes: death. OK, now that we’ve sufficiently killed everyone’s buzz, here’s the good news. These days, there’s lots more options than the pine box or glossy, satin-lined Cadillac casket.

According to a survey by Choice Mutual, which specializes in funeral insurance, more Americans are ditching coffins in favor of green burials for their post-mortem journey.

A green burial skips traditional resourceintensive embalming, cremation or burial, instead using biodegradable caskets or shrouds, tree pods, coral reefs, space burials and mushroom suits. Yes, mushroom suits (more on that in a sec.)

Beyond eco-friendliness, another advantage is cost. The typical traditional funeral/burial can run upwards of $12,000 when accounting for casket, fees, gravesite and preparation, headstones, and ceremonies.

So without further ado – after all, life is short – here are the top “green” burial methods among Americans:

• Green burial - Biodegradable casket allows body to decompose naturally without harming the environment.

• Natural organic reduction (human composting) - The body is placed with organic materials like wood chips and straw. Over several weeks, it decomposes into nutrientrich soil, which, in turn, can be used on things like vegetable gardens. Best not to think too hard about this.

On the cover

In honor of this week’s full moon, we bring you “Sunset Moon” by artist Jenn Rawling.

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• Tree pod burial - The body is placed in a biodegradable pod that is buried in the ground. A tree is planted above the pod, and as the body decomposes, it nourishes the tree.

• Memorial reef – Remains are mixed with an environmentally safe cement, providing an artificial reef habitat for marine life. Best for lovers of “Nemo.”

• Mushroom suit – The body is covered in a biodegradable shroud embedded with mushroom spores. The mushrooms decompose the body and neutralize toxins. After all the mushrooms you’ve ingested, it’s only fair they get to eat you for a change.

• Aquamation - Water and lye are used to break down the body. Uses less energy and releases fewer emissions than regular cremation.

• Space burial - An avant-garde choice that involves sending ashes into orbit. Since it involves rocket fuel and only adds to the space junk problem, we’re not so sure this is so sustainable, though. And who wants to spend the rest of eternity with Elon Musk?

LaVidaLocal

Hostage situation

Dear valued hostage,

As you may have heard, us folks over here at the FBI Crisis Negotiation Unit and Greg (your abductor and health insurance specialist) have recently reached a new agreement, restoring your access to freedom and somewhat tolerable insurance rates. We’d like to congratulate ourselves on this achievement because we couldn’t have done it without us. We’re proud that both parties stayed at the negotiation table even though, to be honest, you made it really difficult.

Seriously, every time we came up with a reasonable solution, you were a huge jerk about it. Greg decided he was willing to let you roam within a 50foot radius of his house, chained up to a pipe in the wall so you could get some yard time and what did you say? You said no. That’s not good enough. Didn’t even stop to consider the Vitamin D.

And what about when you sprained your ankle, foolishly trying to run away to some other health insurance specialist when you know Greg is the only provider in your area? That man generously offered you an aspirin at the rate-adjusted price of 50 bucks per pill, and you turned it down. It was all or nothing with you from the start.

But you know who was willing to compromise? Greg.

At first, we were kind of like, what’s this guy’s deal? It’s like all he wants is to have a total, unquestioned monopoly over healthcare options in your region. Then he offered to take us on a group trip to Disneyland with a cut of the profits from extorting you, and we were like, you know what? Greg’s chill.

How are Greg and the FBI holding up?

Gosh, thanks for finally asking. This hostage situation or insurance adjustment period or whatever you want to call it has been tough for everyone (us especially). It’s not every day you have to deal with the world’s most selfcentered captive, always blabbing on and on about “basic human rights” and “unethical treatment” and whatnot. We’ve got stuff going on too, you know.

Not that you asked, but Greg actually suffers from a rare health condition where his eyeballs turn into giant cartoon dollar signs and pop out of his head à la Scrooge McDuck whenever he sees a vulnerable policyholder. Since you keep insisting on having a body and existing outside of a metroplex, Greg has no choice but to keep financially exploiting your lack of healthcare options. It wears on him.

Look, we get that these last few months have left you feeling frustrated and helpless, asking yourself questions like why is this happening? How come my health insurance company sent Greg after me in an unmarked van with a chloroform-soaked rag? Will my primary care doctor still be in-network by the time I escape because I’m pretty sure my ankle is broken, and I definitely need an X-ray? All good questions. But you never stopped to ask the most important one.

Thumbin’It

A win in the fight against fossil fuel emissions, with the BLM announcing last week a plan to end future leasing on its lands in the Powder River Basin.

Anthem and CommonSpirit reaching an agreement on benefits at CommonSpirit hospitals, of which Mercy is one. Good thing since Mercy also happens to be the only hospital in Durango.

The threatened wolverine is getting a new lease on life, with Colorado planning to reintroduce the species, a solitary, wandering weasel capable of traversing mountain passes and covering up to 15 miles a day – sort of like some people we know.

And then you dragged the FBI into it. We exist for serious stuff, OK? Federal crimes. Threats to national security. Actual hostage negotiations. Americans being bent over by poor coverage and high costs is as routine as the Spam and mustard sandwich Greg brought to your cage three times a day. (Admit it. You were starting to like Spam.)

It took months of wearing us down, complaining and threatening legal action, but you finally got what you wanted: release from Greg’s basement and a $7,000 deductible plan. At least Greg’s got fastpass tickets so we can skip the line when we all ride Space Mountain.

Anyway, we recognize that you have little to no choice in your abductor/hostage negotiation team, and we thank you for your cooperation. While we were able to reach an agreement to broker your freedom today, we can’t guarantee that Greg won’t try to kidnap you or another policyholder the next time his insurance company needs a human life to use as collateral.

– Best wishes,

Your negotiators and Greg – Addyson Santese

Farmington High School faculty confiscated Lakota student Genesis White Bull’s graduation cap, which was decorated with an aópazan – a ceremonial tribal feather – and proceeded to cut it off with scissors. Ugh. Just ugh.

Time to put away the Avs and Nuggets jerseys and get off the couch, after both teams’ play-off dreams were dashed in dramatic, heart-breaking fashion last week. Can’t win ’em all.

OK, this whole AI thing is effed up. A voice sounding exactly like Scarlett Johannson was used, against her will, as the voice of ChatGBT. She is now suing – can’t blame her. No one wants to be the new Siri.

Nair-do-well

Onigiri, or “rice balls,” is a traditional Japanese snack made from sticky rice that chefs usually roll with their hands. However, a few restaurants in Tokyo have figured out that they can charge 10 times as much per onigiri if they have a cute girl use her armpits to role the rice balls, and now, the trend is spreading with sweatbreaking speed. Granted, the girls are first required to disinfect their armpits, but then they do a quick workout for “flavor,” coat their underarms with sesame seeds and get to work proving that the signs of our downfall don’t just come from Florida.

WritersontheRange

We won’t forget

“100 Years of Silence” draws attention to brutal incarceration of Utes

by Shaun Ketchum Jr.

One hundred and one years ago, my Ute ancestors were forced to live within a barbed-wire camp in Blanding, a small town in southeast Utah.

For six weeks, nearly 80 people were trapped in a cage, sleeping in tents and hastily constructed hogans. Only meager meals were provided, and the captors sometimes tossed food over the fence.

Like the infamous Japanese American prison camps during World War II, the only crime my relatives committed was belonging to a group of people that the white majority deemed a threat. There was no due process for Japanese Americans or for the Utes.

But while Japanese American incarceration sites, including the Topaz Camp near Delta, Utah, have memorials to the victims, there are no plaques or interpretive displays in Blanding acknowledging the suffering my ancestors endured.

In fact, the events that led up to their imprisonment are best known by misleading names like the “Posey War’’ and the “Last Indian Uprising.” My ancestor William Posey was a leader in the Ute Anikanuche Band who continued traditional hunting across the vast Canyonlands and Bears Ears region into the 1920s, long after many other Indigenous people had been forced onto reservations.

On March 19, 1923, two Ute men were convicted for the alleged raiding of a shepherd’s camp. After an altercation with the San Juan County sheriff, the two men fled and joined their families.

They escaped over Comb Ridge into what is now Bears Ears National Monument. A posse of 50 armed white settlers pursued the Ute people on horseback and in a Model-T Ford. County commissioners also requested an airplane equipped with WWI bombs for use in the chase. Before a plane arrived, the posse found the families, forced them into trucks at gunpoint, then transported them to a barbed-wire stockade in Blanding.

I tell this story because the jailing of Ute people 101 years ago had devastating consequences for my community,

and healing is necessary even today.

Two Ute men were murdered, including Posey. Ute children were among those shipped to Indian Boarding Schools, separating them from their families and cutting off traditional teachings. As a condition of release, prisoners in the camp had to sign allotment papers for small parcels of land that relinquished their claims to the large Ute reservation that had once been proposed for nearly all of San Juan County.

These events were tragic but they were not a “war” or an “uprising.” Like the Long Walk of the Diné people in 1864, or the Trail of Tears that began in the 1830s, my Anikanuche ancestors were subjected to brutal settler violence in Utah, which had no similarities to a war fought between two nations’ militaries.

Despite these injustices, my people carry on what we call a Legacy of Resilience, and last year the Ute Mountain Ute community of White Mesa began telling our side of the story for the first time.

I was selected to direct the “100 Years of Silence” project, and I’ve been working with elders, historians and artists to facilitate healing. We’ve hosted many meetings to listen to community members talk about this history. Seven local artists produced pieces now on display at The Leonardo Museum of Creativity and Innovation in Salt Lake City

until May 28. On March 23, we hosted a public launch for the project with presentations from 18 Ute tribal members.

Throughout the process, I’ve been inspired by the courage and wisdom of my community. Our collective effort aims to end a century of silence to usher in an era of recognition and empowerment for all sides.

As the 101st anniversary of the Anikanuche incarceration drew to a close last month, we hoped Utahns would begin to acknowledge the events of 1923. We ask that those awful weeks no longer be referred to as the “Posey War,” a term based on misinformation that spread as the events unfolded. The 100 Years of Silence project is currently seeking input from the White Mesa community to rename this series of traumatic events.

Perhaps one day, a memorial could be installed on the site of the incarceration camp that is near the historic bank building that still stands in Blanding. As the Ute scholar Forrest Cuch reminded us at the anniversary, healing cannot occur until the truth is known and accepted.

Shaun Ketchum Jr is a contributor to Writers on the Range, writersontherange.org, an independent nonprofit dedicated to spurring conversation about the West. He directs the “100 Years of Silence” project and is a member of the Ute Mountain Ute Tribe. ■

The La Sal range in northern San Juan County, Utah, an area with a deep history of Native violence and misinformation./ Photo by Wikimedia Commons

Trump’s wage assault

Although Donald Trump, as president, proclaimed in 2020 that he had produced a “blue-collar boom” in wages, the reality was quite different. Using the powers of the executive branch, Trump repeatedly undermined wages by blocking raises and imposing wage reductions.

In 2019 – with the pathetically low federal minimum wage at $7.25 per hour for a decade – the Democratic-controlled House of Representatives passed the Raise the Wage Act. It would have gradually increased the federal minimum wage to $15 per hour over a six-year period. But, instead of supporting the bill or proposing an alternative, Trump announced that, if the Senate passed the bill, he would veto it. Consequently, the measure died in the Republican-controlled Senate. According to the AFL-CIO, the legislation would have raised the pay of 40 million Americans

That same year, Trump’s Department of Labor rolled back wage increases for millions of workers by restricting eligibility for overtime pay, depriving 8.2 million Americans of overtime pay.

In August 2018, Trump canceled a 2 percent pay raise for federal employees,

leading to criticism even from some Republicans. This, plus other assaults on public employees, led to a massive flight of government service workers. By fall of 2019, there were 45,000 vacancies in the Department of Veterans Affairs alone. To fill these vacancies, the Trump Administration hired temp workers.

Yet another policy that undercut workers’ wages emerged with the Trump Labor Department’s issuance of a “jointemployer” rule, which made it harder for workers to hold employers accountable. As a result, U.S. workers lost an estimated $1 billion annually.

Of course, not all Trump attempts at holding down wages succeeded. In 2017, Trump proposed that employers could pocket workers’ tips, as long as the workers were paid minimum wage. Economists estimated this would lead to the loss of $5.8 billion per year for workers, 80 percent of whom were women. Congress stepped in and prohibited employers from seizing tips.

Although “real wages” (after adjusting for inflation) of workers did rise during Trump’s presidency, the rise was minimal. According to a Congressional report, during Trump’s first three years

in office, workers’ “real average hourly earnings increased by an average of just 0.9 percent.” Admittedly, there was a substantial jump in the fourth year. But this reflected the fact that, in 2020, a number of workers lost their jobs to the pandemic and, therefore, were not included in wage calculations. And these minimal wage gains reflected factors other than administration

actions. Responding to the failure of the federal government, many states and cities enacted their own minimum wage raises. In addition, strikes by teachers and union workers increased wages for another portion of the workforce. Far from sparking a wage boom, the policies of Trump depressed wages.

– Lawrence Wittner, Professor of History at SUNY/Albany, syndicated by PeaceVoice

Through the wilderness

Veterans, families heal and connect by learning to paint in the Bob Ross style

by Missy Votel

For more than a decade, oil painter Bob Ross taught millions of Americans how to paint with his soothing tone, calm demeanor and talk of “happy little trees.” His instructional PBS show “The Joy of Painting,” which aired from 1983-1994, catapulted the gentle, bearded, frizzy-headed (rumored to be a perm), animal-loving artist to instant pop icon status.

Sadly, Ross, an avid smoker off-screen, passed away in 1995 at only 52. However, Ross is still reaching aspiring artists from the great painting easel in the sky, including a group of local veterans and their families, thanks to local artist and instructor Deborah Kelroy.

But first, back to Bob Ross. Soon after

his passing, his estate, use of his name and even the term “happy little trees” became embroiled in ugly legalities from forces outside the Ross family known as Bob Ross International. Fortunately, Ross, who was married more than a few times, had two sons. One son, Steve, regularly appeared on Bob’s show and studied under his father as heir apparent to the family business. It was Steve who helped carry on the family legacy after Bob’s passing.

“Steve’s an even better painter than his father,” Kelroy said.

And she should know. Kelroy, who has a degree in studio arts from FLC, attended a weeklong “Paint Like Steve Ross” workshop in Texas in 2022. In another chapter in the Ross family tragedy, Steve had a heart attack soon after that class and is no longer teaching. So, Kelroy was among

the last to learn from an actual Ross the “wet-on-wet” technique made famous by Bob, who learned it from a German painter he studied under. The process uses a product called “liquid white” or linseed oil to wet the canvas, making the painting process go much quicker than conventional methods.

Kelroy said she took the course because she learned from teaching oil painting classes that often the learning curve was too steep. “Traditional oil painting takes people a year or two to paint well, and nobody wants that. We want instant gratification these days,” she said. “I learned to complete a finished painting in one session – no drawing, no patterns, no tracing.”

After the course, Kelroy got the idea to share what she had learned with local

would-be painters, particularly those with disabilities, or veterans and others suffering from PTSD.

Not only is her son an Army veteran, Kelroy herself is a victim of assault that resulted in PTSD for years. “It really sucked; it really cramped my style. I was a single mom, three kids, and I went out and got myself a service dog and had years of counseling,” she said. Living in Arizona at the time, she moved to Durango, where she first attended Pueblo Community College and later FLC to study art. There, she said her forte became oil painting, which she credits with helping her heal. “From there, things just fell into place,” she said of life after discovering painting.

Still, Kelroy wasn’t sure how to get the brush moving, so to speak, and then she

David Oliveras works on a piece during the VFW’s “Paint Like Steve Ross” class. The younger son of famed painter Bob Ross, Steve helped carry on the family legacy. Eighteen people, mostly veterans and their families, took part in the class, which was funded by the City’s Lodgers’ Tax./ Courtesy photo

learned about the City of Durango’s Lodgers’ Tax funding for arts. “I thought, ‘This is the perfect time to start this program with the VFW,’” she said.

After being approved for funding, she approached VFW Board Member Demetrius “D” Lewis about teaching a weekly class at the VFW. He agreed, and she held the first six-class session this spring. Although the cost for the class and materials was $600, the Lodgers’ Tax grants allowed her to give full-ride scholarships to veterans and people with disabilities and 50% off to relatives.

Kelroy said her past life experience allowed her to bond especially well with her students. “That’s why I like working with the veterans and people with PTSD,” she said. “Anyone is welcome, but I work really well with people with disabilities because art is so therapeutic. We have a blast; we just have so much fun.”

Durango husband and wife Josie and David Latham, the latter an Army veteran, were among Kelroy’s 18 students.

“We both love art and thought it would be really fun to spend some quality time together,” Josie said.

Both she and David found the classes to be enriching not only on an artistic level, but an emotional level as well. “We were able to be present in the moment,” she said. “It was a calm, peaceful place to be.”

Nicole Williams, also of Durango, took the class with her uncle, Travis Williams, who served in the Army during Desert Storm. Nicole said she was drawn to the class because she is a big lover of hiking, backpacking and the mountains, and she wanted to spend more time with her uncle.

“It was a fun experience,” she said. “I got to try oil painting for the first time, and I got to know more about my uncle.”

She said she noticed a camaraderie develop among the veterans in the class. “They would talk about their experiences together,” she said. “And a lot of them were there with family, so it was cool to see that support.”

Artists in the class will have a chance to show off their works to the public during the VFW’s Memorial Day open house, 11 a.m. - 3 p.m., Mon., May 27. There will also be a public reception open at 6 p.m., Thurs., June 6, at the Durango Library.

Kelroy said it will be up to the artists whether or not they’d like to put their works up for sale. (As an aside, one of the few Bob Ross paintings not under lockdown at Bob Ross International, “A Walk in the Woods,” from his first TV episode, is currently on the block for $9.85 million.) However, Williams said she will probably keep her paintings or give them as gifts.

Which, according to Kelroy, was the

Travis, left, and Nicole Williams show off some of their works done in the “Paint Like Steve Ross” class. Travis’ painting in the middle is of Black Mesa, near their family home in Kayenta, Ariz. It was painted using only three colors./ Courtesy photo

way Bob Ross would have wanted it. He never accepted a penny for any of his shows (although, according to son Steve, he hated having to “slap together” a painting in 27 minutes.) In fact, after receiving

a letter from a viewer who was colorblind, Bob dedicated an entire show to painting using only black and white paint.

“Bob was for the little guy, too,” Kelroy said. ■

Gear Rentals

BikeClassics

Leaving tracks

Five years after Ed Zink’s passing, remembering the Iron Horse’s roots

by Dave Marston

The Iron Horse is a brutal bike race, pitting cyclists against a narrow gauge train that takes a relatively easy route up a valley.

Riders, though, must climb a curvy route of 47 miles over two passes, both more than 10,000 feet high, as the road threads its way through the San Juan Mountains.

Winners finish about two and a half hours, the train chugs in an hour later.

The race’s enduring legacy belongs to one man, Ed Zink, who died five years ago. From 1972-2019, he ran the race, which is now 52 years old, attracts 3,000 riders and has a big budget and staff, But its beginnings were entirely local.

According to well-known local lore, in 1971, two brothers named Mayer thought it would be fun to pit bicycles against the Durango and Silverton Railroad, where Jim Mayer worked as a brakeman. Jim’s brother, Tom, bet his brother he could beat the train riding his bicycle. He did just that, winning a candy bar.

The next year, the brothers teamed up with Zink, a born organizer, to start what became an annual event over Memorial Day weekend.

For the next 30 years, said Patty Zink, Ed’s widow, the race was a bootstrap operation. Her husband and his kids and employees at their Mountain Bike Specialists store led the volunteering, food and cleanup. “It’s fabulous that it’s thrived and now is the second oldest bike race in the United States,” she said.

Zink worked so hard organizing the race, he didn’t get to ride in it until 2006, when he was 59, according to Gaige Sippy, who took over as director from 2007-22.

Sippy said to this day, there has always been at least one Zink family member helping out along the route of the race.

More recently, the race has featured the remarkable Mara Abbott, an Olympian biker who’s also the winningest Iron Horse rider. She’s beaten thousands of men six times.

In a TEDx Talk, she recounted almost winning an Olympic race until running out of gas with just a few hundred yards to the finish. At that point, she said, three cyclists passed her, leaving her “with the privilege of a broken heart.”

Sippy credits Abbott and local legend Ned Overend, who owns the second most wins, with inspiring legions of riders to take on the mountain passes every year.

But before Abbott and Overend and the race’s national reputation, there was Zink. He kept the race going until it became an institution that helped define this sports-loving town.

Many recall Zink as a man who loved to get good things going. An example was his founding of the easier Quarter Horse Bike Race, where riders only grind out 25 miles uphill to Purgatory. Once the shorter race was established, Zink let someone else lead the event.

Zink was also early to the idea of mountain biking having its own home. Sippy recalls him saying, “We’re always trying to fit in, riding on trails, sharing with other folks. It would be great if cycling had its own stadium.”

Back in 1990, it was because of Zink’s work that the

Ed Zink on his steel-framed bike in 1985. Zink worked so hard organizing the race founded in 1972 that he didn’t get to ride in it until 2006 when he was 59./Courtesy photo

Mountain Bike World Championships came to Durango. It was early days for mountain biking – just a decade after riders on homemade Klunker bikes started traversing old mining trails.

Marc Katz, founder of Durango Mesa Park, which aspires to eventually become a new training home for mountain bikers, said he deeply feels Zink’s loss. “I had many chats with Ed Zink along the way. I am sad he isn’t around to talk with now that we’re getting this thing done,” he said, referring to the new park, which is under construction.

Dave Marston is the publisher of Writers on the Range, writerson therange.org, an independent nonprofit that seeks to spur lively conversation about the West. He lives in Durango. ■

by Ari LeVaux

WRamenology Using spring greens to up your instant-noodle IQ

ho among us does not have a trick or two up their sleeve for when they make instant ramen? A vegetable or egg in the pot, your special sauce or powder, and, if you’ve got some game, perhaps a garnish on top. Congratulations. But there are levels to this soup.

My breakthrough happened when I stopped thinking in terms of which ingredients should I add to my ramen and instead began looking at a package of instant ramen as itself an ingredient, a raw material to be used in the creation of a truly unique bowl of noodle soup.

This time of year, the farmers markets are awash in greenery, full of nutrients, fiber and flavor. Green tops to the radishes, lettuce, kale, bok choy, herbs, pea shoots, spinach, watercress, chard, onions, chives, garlic, scallions, green onions and many other shades of green. Keeping it seasonal, like I do, means a decidedly green ramen. And minus the lettuce (eew), most any green will work. I like to add a mix of greens to my ramen. This diversity gives the broth a unique and delicate bouquet.

Most enthusiasts will have their preferred make and model of instant ramen. Mine is of the Korean brand Nongshim. It’s called Premium Shin Black with Beef Bone Broth and comes in four-packs that cost north of $15. It’s also extremely spicy, though nowhere on the package is this mentioned. Another great Nongshim product is the Spicy Seafood. For me, ramen has to be spicy. If the brick I’m working with isn’t, I will have to adjust with spice of my own.

Ingredients

1 package Nongshim Premium Shin Black with Beef Bone Broth, or instant ramen of choice

Cooking greens, ideally three of the following: kale, bok choy, gai long, mustard greens, spinach or chard 1 or 2 egg(s) Mayo, hoisin, soy sauce, hot sauce, etc.

Cilantro, basil, chives or green onions for garnish Instructions

Clean and chop 4-6 cups of greens. Crack the egg(s) into a small bowl.

Add four cups of water to a pan with a lid. With the water still cold, add the contents of the flavor packets contained within the package of instant ramen. Atop that, add the brick of noodles. Turn on the heat to high. Put the lid on.

When the ramen reaches a bouncing boil, add the greens, spreading them out so they are even atop the noodles. Pour the egg(s) atop the greens, gently so they nest stably. Put the lid back on and cook for 2 minutes. Turn off the heat and assess. You don’t want to overcook the egg. Or maybe you do. Egg cookery is a

personal thing. If you think the egg needs a bit more, put the lid back on for a minute.

By this time, the pile of greens will have tightened into a mat atop the noodles. With a spatula or some kind of wide spoon, scoop the green puck, eggs and all, into a bowl. Then use a fork or chopsticks to transfer as many noodles to the bowl as you care to eat.

Before you eat, pour off any remaining broth into a separate container like a small bowl or cup. Don’t leave extra noodles lingering in the broth like a damn rookie. They will suck it up and render themselves too soggy to be of any use.

Finally, adorn your bowl with garnish and sauces, chopped chives or cilantro, hoisin sauce or my favorite, Vegenaise, mayo. ■

Thursday23

Durango Trails Dawn Patrol Trailwork, 8:3011:30 a.m., Lion’s Den

Ska-B-Q with music by the Illegal Aliens, 5-7 p.m., Ska Brewing, 225 Girard St.

Live music by Leah Orlikowski, 5-8 p.m., El Rancho Tavern, 975 Main Ave.

Durango Fiesta Days Carnival, 5-9 p.m., La Plata County Fairgrounds, 2500 Main Ave.

Live music by Tim Sullivan, 5:30-10 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave.

Live music by Terry Rickard, 5:30-8:30 p.m., 701 Public House, 701 E. 2nd Ave.

Bluegrass Jam, 6 p.m., Durango Beer & Ice Co., 3000 Main Ave.

“A Poetry Event,” 6 p.m., Create Art and Tea, 1015 Main Ave.

Live music by Ben Gibson, 6 p.m., 11th St Station, 1101 Main Ave.

Live music by Jeff Solon Jazz, 6-8 p.m., Lola’s Place, 725 E. 2nd Ave.

Live music by Andrew Schuhmann, 6-9 p.m., The Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave.

Trivia Night, 6:30 p.m., Powerhouse Science Center, 1330 Camino del Rio

Country, Western, and Bluegrass night, 6:30 p.m., Roxy’s, 639 Main Ave.

The Polish Ambassador, 7 p.m., Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Dr.

The Climbing Zine celebrates the release of Volume 24, 7 p.m., Gravity Lab, 732 CR 233

Drag Trivia Night, 7:30 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave.

Friday24

Downtown Clean Day, 8:30-11:30 a.m., meet at Keller Williams Realty parking lot, 700 Main Ave.

Iron Horse Kick-Off Bike Rally & Tapping Party, 4 p.m., Ska Brewing World HQ, 225 Girard St., with bike parade to Steamworks Brewing

Opening Reception “Duality” solo exhibition by Tad Smith, 5-7 p.m., Durango Arts Center, 802 E. 2nd Ave.

Artist Reception “Call of the Wild” by Raymond Gibby, 5-7 p.m., Blue Rain Gallery, 934 Main Ave.

Live music by Dustin Burley, 5-8 p.m., Serious Texas BBQ South, 650 S. Camino Del Rio

Live music by Leah Orlikowski, 5-8 p.m., El Rancho Tavern, 975 Main Ave.

Live music by Ben Gibson, 5 p.m., The Balcony, 600 Main Ave.

Durango Fiesta Days Carnival, 5-10 p.m., La Plata County Fairgrounds, 2500 Main Ave.

Live music by Mike Testa, 5:30-8:30 p.m.,701 Public House, 701 E. 2nd Ave.

Live music by Jack Ellis & Larry Carver, 5:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave.

Live music by Dustin Burley, 6-9 p.m., The Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave.

“Mind Your Manners,” original comedy sketches by Lower Left Improv, 7-9 p.m., Lightbox Theatre, Stillwater Music, 1316 Main Ave.

Aria PettyOne presents Aria’s Pizza Party, 8:30-9:30 p.m., Father’s Daughters Pizza, 640 Main Ave.

Fresh Baked Fridays: house, techno and electro, 9 p.m., Roxy’s, 639 Main Ave.

Saturday25

Iron Horse Bicycle Classic, 7:30 a.m., start at 33rd Street & 2nd Avenue

Durango Farmers Market, 8 a.m.-12 p.m., TBK Bank parking lot

Sri Chinmoy Oneness-Home Peace Run, 11 a.m., Durango Welcome Center, 802 Main Ave.

Live music by Tracy Wiebeck, 12-3 p.m., 11th Street Station, 1101 Main Ave.

Durango Fiesta Days Carnival, 2-11 p.m., La Plata County Fairgrounds, 2500 Main Ave.

Free Summer Music Kickoff

May 23: Ben Gibson, 6-9pm

May 24: Shawn Arrington Blues Band, 7-10pm

May 25: Tracy Wiebeck, 12-3pm May 25: Agave, 7-10pm

May 25: DJ Squoze, 10pm-1am

May 26: Devin Scott, 12-3pm

Live music by the Smelter Mountain String Band, 5 p.m., The Balcony, 600 Main Ave.

Live music by Dustin Burley, 5-8 p.m., Serious Texas BBQ South, 650 S. Camino Del Rio

Live music by Darryl Kuntz, 5:30-10 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave.

Live music by Matt Rupnow, 6-9 p.m., The Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave.

Thee Fearless Peasants, 7-9 p.m., Durango Beer & Ice Co., 3000 Main Ave.

“Mind Your Manners,” original comedy sketches by Lower Left Improv, 7-9 p.m., Lightbox Theatre, Stillwater Music, 1316 Main Ave.

Live music by Tashi T with special guests The Monkberries, 7 p.m., The Subterrain, 900 Main Ave., Suite f

Silent Disco, 10 p.m.-12:30 a.m., 11th Street Station, 1101 Main Ave.

Sunday26

Narrow Gauge 10-Mile/5K Run, 9 a.m.-12 noon, Santa Rita Park, 149 S. Camino del Rio

Irish jam session, 12:30-3 p.m., Durango Beer & Ice Co., 3000 Main Ave.

Durango Food Not Bombs mutual aid and potluck, 2-4 p.m., Buckley Park

Board Game Sundays, 2 p.m., Lola’s Place, 725 E. 2nd Ave.

Durango Fiesta Days Carnival, 2-10 p.m., La Plata County Fairgrounds, 2500 Main Ave.

Durango Palestine Solidarity Rally, 4 p.m., Buckley Park, 12th St. and Main Ave.

Bar D Chuckwagon Suppers, 4:30 p.m., Bar D Chuckwagon Suppers, 8080 County Road 250

Michael Franti & Spearhead presented by KSUT Public Radio and the Community Concert Hall at Fort Lewis College, 4:45 p.m., Durango Mesa Park, 661 Ewing Mesa Rd.

Sunday Funday, 6 p.m., Starlight 937 Main Ave.

Live music by José Villarreal, 6-9 p.m., The Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave.

Glitching out, home alone and seeing red

Interesting fact: Remember The Sims? Their language, Simlish, is actually a combination of Ukrainian, French, Latin, Finnish, English, Fijian, Cebuan, and Tagalog. I wonder if they have a term for “existential angst.”

Dear Rachel,

How do we know we’re not just living in a simulation? Not an original existential crisis. I know. But for some reason it sank its teeth into me lately. I was having a klutzy morning and bumping into things that have been in place for years. Things like my counter, the walls. All I could think was that the entire program reset and shifted things in an update. Is there a way out of this?

- Bug in the Machine

Dear Glitch,

You played one too many rounds of The Sims when you were younger, didn’t you? Some part of your psyche is still thinking of ways to toy with the little people and their little families in their increasingly less little houses, and this other part of your psyche (the part called “having a conscience”) starts to ponder if you’re the one being controlled. It would be easier, in some ways. No guilt, no responsibility. But if we’re all in a sim, at least the programmers thought to give us things like taste buds.

– Power down, Rachel

Blue Moon Ramblers, 6-9 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave.

Rock and roll show with Megafauna, Pussyfoot and Townies, 7 p.m., Anarchy Brewing, 225 E. 8th Ave.

Monday27

Vietnam War Remembrance Ceremony, 10-11 a.m., Iris Park,1235 Camino Del Rio

Veterans Remembrance Ceremony, 11 a.m.-12 noon, Greenmount Cemetery, 900 Cemetery Road

VFW Post 4031 Open House, 12-3 p.m., VFW Post 4031,1550 Main Ave.

Durango Fiesta Days Carnival, 2-9 p.m., La Plata County Fairgrounds, 2500 Main Ave.

Tuesday28

Cowboy Tuesdays, 12 noon, Strater Hotel/Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave.

La Plata County Humane Society’s Julie Dreyfuss and Colleen Dunning present to the Rotary Club of Durango, 6 p.m., Strater Hotel, 699 Main Ave.

Dear Rachel, I’ve heard that our parents age back into childhood, and we become the caretakers. But this is a new one. My mom, in her quest for feeling safe in the Big Scary World Out There, has started boobie trapping her house. I walked in the front door (after being invited!) and a small bookshelf fell on me. I asked her WTF and she said oh that’s to scare off robbers. I don’t even know what my question is for you, except the one I asked her: WTF?

- Ambushed Son

Dear Gotcha!

I have no idea WTF is up with yo mama, but I DO have, all of a sudden, a brilliant idea for a “Home Alone” remake. I’m not going to write it down here, because I don’t want you stealing it like some hapless burglar, but I’m guessing you can extrapolate using context clues.

– Thirsty for more, Rachel

Dear Rachel,

Can you tell me why the cyclist crosswalks are painted green? Green means go, not stop. Don’t you think it should be painted red for “stop, dummy?” Then have a green or white bike painted in the middle of the red cross walk. Hey, cyclists need all the protection

Live music by Randy Crumbaugh, 6-9 p.m., The Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave.

Open Mic Night, 7 p.m., Starlight, 937 Main Ave.

Wednesday29

Open Mic, 6:30 p.m., EsoTerra Ciderworks, 558 Main Ave.

True Western Roundup, 6:30-9:30 p.m., La Plata County Fairgrounds, 2500 Main Ave.

Trivia Night, 7 p.m., Bottom Shelf Brewery, 118 Mill St., Bayfield

Geeks Who Drink Trivia, 8 p.m., The Roost, 128 E. College Dr.

Karaoke Roulette, 8 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave.

The Sadies, 8 p.m., Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Dr.

Ongoing

The artwork of Caryl Goode on display thru May, Create Art & Tea, 1015 Main Ave.

they can get. The one I think is so dumb is at the light at South City Market. - Green Jeans

Dear Greenie Meanie,

Why do you think the cyclist at the light at South City Market is so dumb? Is it because they are, presumably, constantly there, foiled by the crosswalks? It’s not nice to call them dumb, when for all you know they are colorblind, and they think the crosswalk is red, telling them to stop instead of go, and so there they are stuck, unable to move forward, unable to think laterally, stuck forever like an old Sims character walking into an immovable corner. – Beep beep, Rachel Email

Smithsonian Museum on Main Street (MoMS) exhibit: “Crossroads: Change in Rural America,” thru June 2, Ignacio Community Library, 470 Goddard Ave.

“The Return of the Force,” art exhibit exploring the influence of “Star Wars” on Native artists, FLC’s Center for Southwest Studies. Thru August 2024

Upcoming

14th Annual 10 Minute Play Festival, May 31June 2, various times, Durango Arts Center, 802 E. 2nd Ave.

Big Head Todd and the Monsters, June 4 & 5, 7 p.m., Community Concert Hall at Fort Lewis College

Community Concert Series featuring The Funk Express, Wed., June 5, 5-7:30 p.m., The Powerhouse,1333 Camino Del Rio

Deadline to submit items for “Stuff to Do” is Monday at noon.

FreeWillAstrology

by Rob Brezsny

ARIES (March 21-April 19): In the coming weeks, you will experience uncomfortable weirdness if you do the following: 1. Meander without focus or purpose; 2. give yourself permission to postpone, procrastinate and engage in avoidance; 3. ignore the interesting though challenging truths that are in front of you; 4. hang out with people with mediocre ambitions. But you will experience healthy, uplifting oddness if you do the following: 1. Trust your instincts and intuitions; 2. authorize your spontaneity to invigorate and guide you; 3. take the straightforward path that gets you to the destination most efficiently; 4. be crisp and nimble.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Mysterious energies will soon begin healing at least some of the wounds in your financial genius. As a result, I predict new powers of attraction will awaken in you, making it likely you will add to your wealth in the coming months. To synergize these happy developments, give yourself permission to have joyous fun as you lust for more cash. I will supplement your good fortune by casting a benevolent spell to boost the flow of riches into your bank account.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): When I first got my job, I wasn’t looking for it. It found me. My bike had been stolen, and I was looking for a new one in the classified ads of Good Times, a Santa Cruz newspaper. There I serendipitously spied a “Help Wanted” ad. The publisher of the Good Times was hiring a new astrology writer to replace Robert Cole, who had just quit. I quickly applied and got it. Ever since, Robert Cole has been a symbol for me of an accidental and unexpected opportunity appearing out of nowhere. I mention this, Gemini, because when I meditate on you lately, I see the face of Robert Cole.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): In myths, the spiritual goal has various names: the Holy Grail, philosopher’s stone, pearl of great price, nirvana, alchemical gold, key of life, and others. I appreciate this profusion. It encourages us to not be too literal about identifying the highest reward. The old fables are equally equivocal about where the prize can be found. Is it in an empty desert or dark forest? In the deepest abyss, on a mountaintop, or in the back yard? The coming months will be an excellent time to conduct a quest for the marvelous treasure. What do you need most right now? What’s the best way to begin your search?

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): I have good news for any Leos who are devoted to pragmatism and rational analysis. Just this once, my horoscope will offer no lyrical teasers or mystical riddles. Your pressing need for nononsense grit has moved me to offer straightforward, unembellished counsel. Here it is: Cultivate connections that will serve your passionate ambitions. Make vigorous use of your network and community to gather information that will serve your ambitions. Meditate on what course corrections might be necessary to serve your ambitions.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): For many Virgos, your health seems chronically unsettled. You may be constantly hyper-vigilant about the next glitch that could possibly affect your well-being. There’s a problem with that: It may intensify your fear of frailty, which in turn saps your vigor. But in the coming months, you will have an enhanced power to break out of this pattern. To get started, try this: Every morning for four minutes, picture yourself overflowing with vitality. Visualize every part of your body working with joyful heartiness. Send streams of love and gratitude to all your organs. Do this for the next 21 days.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Many people regard the word “faith” as referring to wishful thinking. But I ask you to rethink its meaning – and consider the possibility that it could be an empowering force in the coming months. How? Imagine a faith that’s earthy and robust. You actually feel it vibrating in your heart and gut. It literally alters your brain chemistry, fortifying your natural talents and attracting needed resources. It liberates you to feel pragmatically excited as you pursue your goal of fulfilling your soul’s code.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): When I was born, my parents gave me the name “Robert.” It’s derived from an Old North French word meaning “shining” and “bright with glory.” In Middle English, though, “robert” was a designation for “a wastrel, a marauder, a goodfor-nothing.” I use this dichotomy as a reminder that my own nature is a mix of brightness and darkness. A lot of me is shining and inspirational, but there’s also a part that’s ignorant and confused. And what’s true about me is true about everyone else, including you: We are blends of the best and not-so-best. Now is a good time to draw strength and wisdom from meditating on this. Your shadowy aspects have important and interesting truths to reveal to your brilliant aspects –and vice versa.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Here are some meditations on emotions. They are as key to our intelligence as our thoughts! But it’s crucial that we distinguish between emotions generated by delusions and emotions that are responses to true perceptions. Let’s say I get angry because I imagine a friend stole money from my room while visiting, but then later I put on my vest and find the supposedly stolen cash in the vest pocket. That is a delusional emotion. But if I am sad because my friend’s beloved dog is sick, that is emotion based on an accurate perception. I bring this to your attention, Sagittarius, because I believe it is essential that in the coming weeks you discern between the two.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): As an adjunct to the 10 Commandments, I have formulated the 10 Suggestions. Here’s Suggestion #1: Wash your own brain at least three times a year. What I mean is that like me and everyone else, you are always accumulating junky thoughts and useless feelings. Some are generated by old, conditioned responses and some pour into us from the media industries. And it’s best to be proactive about the toxic build-up – don’t allow it to become monumental. Now is an excellent time for a regular mind cleanse.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Many writers have said terrible things about our existence. “Life is a disease,” George Bernard Shaw wrote. “Life is a bad dream,” Eugene O’Neill declared. Life is “a vast cold junkpile,” according to Stephen King. Why? Here are the facts, as I see them: As tough as it can be to navigate through problems and pain, being alive in our miraculous bodies is a sublime gift. We are all blessed with a fascinating destiny. In accordance with the astrological omens, Aquarius, I invite you to celebrate being alive with extra gratitude and ebullience. Begin the jubilee by feeling awe for your mysterious destiny. Second step: Identify five sublime gifts in your life.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): In the coming weeks, I ask you to refrain from indulging in extreme nostalgia. On the other hand, I encourage you to explore the past and sift through memories with the intention of clarifying what really happened. Pluck new lessons from the old days that will help you forge smart decisions in the near future. Use your history as a resource while you redefine the meanings of pivotal events. For extra credit, create a new title for the book you may someday write about your life story.

Deadline for Telegraph classified ads is Tuesday at noon. Ads are a bargain at 10 cents a character with a $5 minimum. Even better, ads can now be placed online: durangotelegraph.com Prepayment is required via cash, credit card or check.

(Sorry, no refunds or substitutions.)

Ads can be submitted via: n www.durangotelegraph.com

n classifieds@durango telegraph.com

n 970-259-0133

n 679 E. 2nd Ave., #E2

Approximate office hours:

Mon-Wed: 9ish - 5ish

Thurs: On delivery

Fri: Gone fishing; call first

Announcements

Prostate Cancer Support Group

Meets June 4, 6:30-7:30 p.m., Durango Public Library, Room 1. Our group consists of survivors of prostate cancer and men who have been diagnosed with prostate issues including BPH and cancer. We discuss resources, diagnosis and treatments. Anyone is welcome. For more information, contact prostategroupdro@gmail.com. This month’s guest speaker will be Dr. Christopher Stewart of Mercy Urology.

Ladies, Roe Overturned by you know who ... So! Overturn Viagra for MAGA supporters. Hello Don.

KDUR is Celebrating 50 years in 2025. Staff is on the hunt for past DJs who have a fond memory, story or even some recorded material! Email station manager Bryant Liggett, Liggett_b @fortlewis.edu.

Classes/Workshops

West Coast Swing Dance

Trade two left feet for smooth moves. West Coast Swing starts now! 6-week class starts May 29. Learn the basics of West Coast Swing. Registration is required at www.westslopewesties.com

Wanted

Cash for Vehicles, Copper, Alum

Etc. at RJ Metal Recycle. Also free appliance and other metal drop off. 970259-3494.

Books Wanted at White Rabbit!

Donate/trade/sell (970) 259-2213

ForSale

‘09 Yamaha XT 250 Dualsport!

Excellent condition, trip ready! Rear rack, skid plate, new battery. Hitch rack, oil/filter, new tail lights, tank bag. $2600 obo. 970.422.2042

Sol Inflatable Paddleboard!

Want to rule the underground paddle scene? Sol Sonic carbon inflatable paddleboard like new. Removable fin, carbon paddle, hand pump, roller/backpack case. $650 obo 970.422.2042

Reruns Home Furnishings

Get ready for patio season. Beautiful servingware, glassware and baskets. Bistros, chaise lounges and yard art. Also furniture, art, linens and other housewares. Looking to consign smaller furniture pieces. 572 E. 6th Ave. Open Mon.-Sat. 385-7336.

Services

Boiler Service - Water Heater

Serving Durango over 30 years. Brad, 970-759-2869. Master Plbg Lic #179917

Animas Paint and Repair

A local painting contractor/handyman. Call for painting, drywall, flooring and other installation or repairs. No job too small. 970 946-8806

Lowest Prices on Storage!

Inside/outside storage near Durango and Bayfield. 10-x-20, $130. Outside spots: $65, with discounts available. RJ Mini Storage. 970-259-3494.

Electric Repair

Roof, gutter cleaning, fence, floors, walls, flood damage, mold, heating service.

BodyWork

Empower Yourself to Flourish!

Bring alignment to all aspects of your life. Remove blocks and interference...physical, mental, emotional & chemical. Guidance and healing for creating more balance in your life. Dr. Erin 970-903-7176

Massage by Meg Bush

LMT, 30, 60 & 90 min., 970-759-0199.

Lotus Path Healing Arts

Now accepting new clients. Offering a unique, intuitive fusion of Esalen massage, deep tissue & Acutonics, 24 years of experience. To schedule call Kathryn, 970-201-3373.

‘The Holdovers’

Whether you view this through the lens of laughter or loss, look to the left

CommunityService

Bring the World to Your Home

ASSE International Student Exchange Programs (ASSE), a nonprofit organization, is inviting local families to host a foreign exchange student. ASSE students are between the ages of 15-18. Host families may be single parents, couples and single persons. The students have money for personal expenses and are selected based on academics and personality, and host families  choose their student. If interested, call Elena at 1-800-733-2773 or email asseusawest@asse.com

Volunteers Needed

Do you want to make a difference in your community and the lives of others? Alternative Horizons is always in need of volunteers to staff our hotline. Training and ongoing support provided. For more info., visit alternativehorizons.org/

Read by thousands of discerning eyeballs every week. (*And a few that just look at the pictures.)

– Lainie Maxson

Durango,s only independent ice cream maker

Made in small batches with local & organic ingredients

Two locations:

Downtown, 1021 Main Ave.

Open daily, noon - 10 p.m.

In the Silver Trailer @ 2957 Main Ave.

Open daily, noon ’til dusk

See our Instagram and Facebook pages for updates