The Durango Telegraph, May 2, 2024

*Yes, it’s fine if you want to bring one to your nextdoor neighbor, friends, grandma, etc. Just don’t poach the whole stack. That’s lame.

If you need extra papers for fire-starter, piñatas, hamster cages, gift wrap or stuffing in your walls, we keep backstock at many of our racks around town including:

• The Durango Post Office

• Peerless Tire

• Tele HQ, 679 E. 2nd Ave.

Or give us a call at 970-259-0133 & we’ll try to hook you up.

4 Signing off

RegularOccurrences

Ear to the ground:

“We socialized, but not with each other.”

– Ah, dating in the Snapchat age

In the same boat

Storage wars

Americans and their stuff have created a booming industry, but at what cost? by Rich Wandschneider / Writers on the Range

Festival flow

Musical CFS cranks up with bluegrass, reggae and everything in between by Stephen Sellers

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he Durango Telegraph publishes every Thursday, come hell, high water, tacky singletrack or mon-

Election sign season is almost upon us – does anyone pay attention? by David Feela 8

Desert solitaire

Six days alone in the backcountry can make the heart grow fonder by Stephen Eginoire

STAR-STUDDED CAST: David feela, Stephen Eginoire, Stephen Sellers, Jeffrey Mannix, Rob Brezsny, Lainie Maxson, Jesse Anderson & Clint Reid

CO 81302

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ster powder days. We are wholly independently owned and operated by the Durango Telegraph LLC and dis-

For many Durangoans, spring is time to hit the water. But for a few extra hearty souls, it will be time to really hit the water. On June 8, team “Human Powered Potential” will be setting out in their 28-foot fiberglass sea home, American Spirit, to row from California’s Monterey Bay to Kauai. The four-man team is made up of Brendan Cusick, Patrick Morrissey and Peter Durso, all of Durango, and Scott Forman, of Albuquerque.

Known as the “World’s Toughest Row,” the 2,800-mile journey is expected to take 30-40 days. Or about three times longer than the average Grand Canyon trip, but with no beer. The men plan to row in two-person teams in two-hour shifts, while the other two conceivably nap in what appears to be a cubby the size of a Subaru hatchback or order out for pizza. (Just kidding – the delivery fees would be a fortune.)

The team, which combined has more than 125 years of land-based adventuring throughout the world, has been working in earnest to get its sea legs on for more than a year. (And, luckily there are a few MDs on the team, just in case).

On the cover A red packraft on the shores of a new adventure in the desert. For more, see “Day in the Life,” p. 8-9./ Photo by Stephen Eginoire.

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But, they aren’t rowing across the Pacific just for glory and great suntans. They are doing it to raise funds for Parkinson’s Disease research through the Michael J. Fox Foundation. Morrissey, who grew up in Durango, has a spot on the DHS athletic wall of fame and was a Division I wrestler in college, was diagnosed with Parkinson’s in 2019. (The disease is characterized by tremors, however, Morrissey said that his tremors seem to be calmed while on the water.)

Matt Ackerman, an “honorary” team member and the team’s fundraising lead, also lives with Parkinson’s.

“We know with the right support and resources, individuals living with Parkinson’s can lead fulfilling lives,” the team wrote.

The team has set a goal of raising $28 million, in honor of the 2,800 miles. And thanks to an anonymous donor, all donations will be matched three to one.

If you’d like to meet the men behind the mission, shake their soon-to-be very calloused hands or throw some money into the pot, Team HPP will be at 11th St. Station this Fri., May 3, from 4-9 p.m. The event will also feature a question-and-answer session (prize to the first person who asks about the groover). If you can’t attend but still want to donate, visit humanpoweredpotential.org. And if you’d like to know more about the World’s Toughest Row (we have a hard enough time on the rower at the gym) or track the team’s progress, go to: worldstoughestrow.com.

LaVidaLocal

Signs of the times

Spring brings not only warmer temperatures but also dandelions, those little yellow badges popping up on the lawn where bees arrive and stop to share their opinions about the weather, not so different from our own election seasons when campaign signs pop up across our neighborhoods. But the bees don’t pay much attention when it comes to the political climate.

Walking down Durango’s historic 3rd Avenue, I spotted a most curious sign in a window, possibly a student housing residence. I had to smile, because it reminded me of my own college days, renting various rooms in a variety of subdued landmark structures still standing like scarecrows in the midst of the more elaborately restored private homes.

A sparkly red, white and blue poster in all CAPS spelled out “This sign will totally make you vote differently.” I had to stop and take a picture. At first, I wasn’t sure I understood what it intended to say, but I continued to ponder what it had to say while walking down the street. Aside from its patriotic colors, the poster didn’t actually endorse any political party or candidate. Could the resident who hung it in the window be confused? Not likely, and that’s when I got it, like totally!

Traditional political candidates canvas entire neighborhoods, trying to meet and greet, glad-handing when necessary, working to break through to any undecided or bewildered voters who maybe don’t recognize the individual or even care who is asking for their support. Just like the old lightbulb jokes, I wondered how many doorsteps it takes to win an election? My answer would be none. People vote on ballots.

During these days of political intimidation, I suspect many voters avoid answering the door without first glancing at the door-cam or peeking through a curtain. Even the candidates must be a little hesitant to knock. Like dust devils, incendiary rhetoric creates its own inhospitable climate. Admittedly, some voters are like NASCAR or hockey fans. They look forward to the roar of the crowd, and anticipate the inevitable crash-bang-brawl of politics. I prefer a quieter life, enjoying an easy chair and the comfort a softer voice delivers. If I did post campaign signs it would be to aerate my lawn with their wire stands.

In an effort to briefly explain political signage to the ordinary voter, consider these possible motives to advertise in any race for our democracy’s future.

• Name-recognition: as if a person’s name could tell any passerby anything useful about that particular candidate...

• Personal identity: like, I’m a Republican or I’m a Democrat or I’m one of those crazy Independents, so there...

• Popularity: as if tallying up the name with the most signs could accurately predict the candidate who’s most likely to win

• Subliminal psychology: if you can’t remember all the names by election day you can rely on the sign’s Doppler effect...

• Motives: as if a simple sign might clarify the honesty that a candidate intends to bring to the office ...

This sign will totally make you vote differently suggests, in a tongue-in-cheek manner, the futility of trying to change voters’ minds once they’ve decided it doesn’t matter what anyone else says.

Thumbin’It

The Biden Administration announced this week that marijuana will be reclassified from a Schedule 1 drug – in the same class as heroin – to Schedule 3, leveling the playing field for marijuana businesses and opening the door for more research.

Durango mountain biker Savilia Blunk is headed to the Olympics this summer after securing her spot on the U.S. team with two recent World Cup top-three finishes.

Woohoo – no more laps around the Gulch (not that there’s anything wrong with that.) Area trails that were off-limits for winter wildlife closures are now officially open for business.

• Déjà vu: so, didn’t we just have an election?...

• Post-it marketing: like, this homeowner wants to use these wire thingies for garage sale signs after the election...

• Familiarity: Oh, I think I know who that is, maybe...

Dozens of internet sites sell optional design packages that include the actual signs printed and delivered to your doorstep, some priced as little as 84 cents apiece. I wondered, could just anyone run an imaginary campaign, not even bothering with the registration to appear on a legal election ballot? A grassroots movement for your lawn?

A woman named Cindy Kam, a political lab professor at Vanderbilt University, pondered the same questions. She ran what’s called the “Ben Griffin” experiment, placing two fictitiously named yard-sign contenders on a busy street corner beside a multitude of other legitimate atlarge candidates. A survey mailed two days after her study ended revealed a quarter of the respondents chose Ben as one of their top three choices. She concluded, “that in races where little information is available, having some sense of name recognition, having seen (it on) multiple signs that convey a sense of viability (and) electability can be useful.”

Could the name Ben Griffin contain an element of suggestibility the professor hadn’t counted on, something like “been grift’n?” Who knows? My conclusion would have been more concerning, realizing that so many voters treat filling out a ballot as a kind lottery. And what’s the jackpot? In this era of hyper-partisan politics, we actually might vote for what we really don’t want: a name that stands for nothing, or maybe nothing more than rage and grievance.

– David Feela

SignoftheDownfall:

We’re not sure what’s worse: that S.D. Gov. Kristi Noem shot the family dog or that she proceeded to boast about it in her book. No, that’s not courage; it’s cowardly cruelty. We hope you stay in South Dakota.

The recent rash of car break-ins at local climbing crags. The good news is, the perp appears to have been caught, but best to leave the valuables at home. Even if it’s just a banana peel and some dirty socks in the back seat.

Echoes of Kent State, with pro-Palestinian and pro-Israeli clashes at colleges turning violent and hundreds of protestors and “infiltrators” being arrested

For $9,420, you can order an AI-powered robotic dog that comes with a flamethrower mounted on its back. For real, the gasoline-fueled flamethrower uses a plasma laser that gives it a 300-foot range, and the dog never trips because it has lidar-powered terrain mapping. It’s called

“The Thermonator,” it’s sold online by Throwflame, and it ships for free to all 48 states where remote-controlled robotic flamethrowing AI dogs are legal (California and Maryland being the exceptions.) But the good news is that The Thermonator also has an onboard camera users can view through a headset, which has got to be the best way to watch the end times.

WritersontheRange

So much stuff

Perhaps best way to deal with belongings is to give – not store – them away

by Rich Wandschneider

Afew years ago, I turned a carport into a bedroom. But first I had to empty out the books, papers, furniture, rugs and tools that were in the carport. Then I took it all to a storage unit where rent was $50 a month.

After three years of thinking about it, and only occasionally pawing through the storage unit for a lost item, I finally sorted out a handful of books and items that meant something – I could have fit them in a suitcase! – and held a yard sale for the rest.

building their own inventories of stuff. In a previous age, when there was a family house and three or more children to a house, the house and its basic furnishings would go to one child, and the remaining children would parcel out anything else.

In my nuclear family, it worked like this: Mom passed on, and no one wanted or needed the house, so Dad called a summit meeting as he prepared to go into assisted living.

Wandschneider

I think about that when I see storage facilities spreading and expanding across the country.

At least 500 units have been built here in eastern Oregon’s Wallowa County, population 7,500, and storage businesses can be found in towns and suburbs across the West.

A local entrepreneur who owns about half the local units is now building in regional towns as well: Concrete slabs with metal buildings on top, single lightbulbs inside, no plumbing.

I’m past 80 now, and although my house is small, I have held onto a lot of stuff. In the normal course of events, my children would inherit it.

But my two children and their families live in Arizona and Guam, busy

We four siblings gathered for a week in the sunny Southern California back yard and emptied the house. Dad sat in his captain’s chair and laid down the rules: if you brought it into the house –sculpture from Africa, old sports equipment – you took it away. Or traded with a sibling. One table was set up for stuff to go to Dad’s best friend and another for a yard sale, and off we went to sort through the remaining items.

When it came to Dad’s fine collection of old cameras, they went to brother Phil, in Dad’s estimation the only one of us who knew how to take a decent photo. The tools were split between sister Mary and me: “You both at least know the difference between an end wrench and a crescent.”

Dad said that he had seen families argue and split over parental leavings, and he wanted no part of that. So on we went, sorting through grandma’s rag rugs, old diplomas, a collection of bell bottom pants and lots of keepsakes, all the while drinking beer and retelling old stories.

We cried some as we set Dad up with a few things for the assisted-living place, then left for our own homes. I got Dad’s last Ford – his cars were always Fords –

Storage units have become commonplace across the country, leading to the question: do we really need all that stuff?/ Adam Winger, courtesy Unsplash

as he figured my family needed a good second car more than did the others.

It was a wonderful week.

I don’t have plans for a summit, but I am looking around the house and thinking about what child or grandchild might want the things I have held onto, such as carpets from Turkey, artwork by friends, cast iron cookware and so many books.

Books written and signed by Ivan Doig and Ursula LeGuin – they can go to libraries now. And I smile thinking about taking my best Turkish carpet to a granddaughter’s first house.

Last week, Nez Perce artist Carla Timentwa brought a fine collection of beadwork, woven basket hats and shell dresses to the Josephy Center in the town of Joseph, where I work. She said she’d ig-

nored her grandmother’s teachings as a child, but on becoming a grandmother herself, took up the arts and began making things to give away: hats for granddaughters who serve food in the Longhouse; a fine beaded vest for her husband; dresses for young women to wear at naming and mourning ceremonies.

It’s important, Carla said, to take care of others as they come into the world, as they grow and as they leave. It’s a good lesson – giving is always more important than storing stuff away.

Rich Wandschneider is a contributor to Writers on the Range, writersonthe range.org, an independent nonprofit dedicated to spurring lively conversation about the West. He feels lighter in Joseph, Ore. ■

Help Hive, help community

The decision by the seemingly non-local McLean Family LTD Partnership to leave The Hive without a space to operate shows once again that people are not the priority in this community. Whether it’s unhoused people, low-income families or children looking for safe and healthy outlets, prioritizing people continues to move further down the list.

The Hive offers a safe space for kids to partake in age-appropriate activities as well as connect with other youths who often find themselves feeling alone or outcast. It also offers a space for adults to enjoy these same benefits, hosting programs for local nonprofits like In the Weeds, among others. When children and adults are allowed to seek refuge in these kinds of spaces, they are less likely to find themselves in situations that lead to things like substance abuse, homelessness and other taboos that many in the community self-righteously cast shame over.

If we are serious about making our community a place with more people who “contribute,” then one obvious step is for those of us with means to step in and help when an organization like The Hive is in need. It’s easy, and common, to judge those in the community who are struggling to survive and get themselves on solid footing; early intervention is a huge step in ameliorating these situations. The Hive provides a place for people to find healthy outlets and a robust sense of self-worth that helps to prevent the aforementioned conditions from taking hold. Durango desperately needs more organizations like

The Hive. If you are in a position to help, please do so, and know that you’re not just helping one organization; you’re helping a large swath of community members who might not find that help anywhere else.

– Jeff Dunn, Durango

Stop wolf-killing free-for-all

You must find it as hard to believe as I do that Republican leaders in the U.S. House of Representatives are so hellbent on killing wolves that they are working to eviscerate any and all federal Endangered Species Act protections for wolves across their entire range in the lower 48 states. But that’s exactly what’s on deck in the House this week with a vote slated for the Boebert-Tiffany bill, H.R. 764.

They are charging ahead even after what happened with Cody Roberts and his choice to run over a young female wolf in Wyoming and then to take possession of her and torture her.

It was a Congressional rider in 2012 that resulted in the loss of federal protection of wolves in the Northern Rockies, and that left wolves at the mercy of state legislators in Wyoming. Legislators responded by allowing killing of wolves every day of the year, without limit on numbers and by any means on 85 % of the land area of Wyoming. It became legal in Wyoming to run down animals even with snowmobiles.

Cody Roberts took advantage of this wolf-killing free-for-all and caused so much cruelty. Unrestrained

killing may now infect as many as 12 other states unless we defeat this bill.

If we don’t act, we may see a replay of what happened in Wyoming in other states, particularly in Wisconsin, where the legislature has mandated all sorts of Draconian policies to kill wolves if the species is removed from the federal protected list.

To take one example, Wisconsin lawmakers ordered the use of dogs to attack wolves, neck snares, nighttime hunts with night-vision goggles, and more as soon as federal protections for wolves are lifted in the

Upper Great Lakes region.

I know you must find it hard to believe that Congress could initiate this proposal in the wake of the galling and disgusting torture of wolf pup Theia in Wyoming. But it is true.

We must send a message to all federal lawmakers to oppose a mass expansion of the assault on wolves. There is no time to waste.

– Wayne Pacelle, president, Animal Wellness Action

No more BS & other good news

From the BS Factor to impact fees for fire districts, from wolverines to perinatal health outcomes, I have sponsored a wide range of bills this year. It’s been an interesting one!

When I ran for this office in 2016, I was a recently retired teacher; one campaign promise was to work for educators and get rid of the onerous Budget Stabilization Factor. We did it, and the BS Factor will be paid off this year. It has been hanging over our heads since 1988 when we hit a nationwide budget crisis, and Colorado borrowed from the Education Fund to help balance the state’s budget. The state promised to pay it back. We finally did.

I am honored to be on the School Finance Bill, SB24-188, that made it happen, but I am really honored to work with some amazing Joint Budget Committee members who, every year, kept this goal in mind. My part is small; theirs is huge.

SB24-017 is one I ran for our fire protection districts. They are almost entirely dependent on

property taxes for their budget, but with angst and uncertainty about the future of property taxes, these districts need to know they can financially protect people when needed.

The bill gives permission to these districts, which has already been given to every other special district in Colorado, to ask for impact fees or sales taxes to cover extra expenses for new construction, though not the construction of affordable housing.

The wolverine reintroduction bill, SB24-17, brings this native species back into Colorado. They disappeared a century ago because of increased trapping and hunting. Wolverines are large weasels, not wolves, who live in high, snowy mountains and are scavengers. They eat the dead animals that may attract wolves. Wolverines are solitary creatures are very shy, and are currently on the federally threatened list. They will help balance the state’s biodiversity.

The highest human infant mortality rates are among Native Americans, Blacks and rural residents, for a variety of reasons. SB24-175 helps babies and their mothers thrive, with help from the Perinatal Health Quality Improvement Engagement Program and doulas, strong support systems, focused collaboration with financial support and structured insurance programs.

HB24-1444 extends a research study started two years ago concerning the effects Native American boarding schools have on past and future generations. The first study was a year long; this bill increases the next phase to four years, covering many more tribes with many more in-person consultations. Tribal members will also be specifically included in the decision-making.

Two bills came to me from Durango students:

• The Opiate Antagonist bill, HB24-1003, has been signed into law. It creates an optional program for schools to train students, educators, parents, coaches and bus drivers how to use Narcan to prevent drug overdoses. Students were concerned about other students dying needlessly and became the force behind this bill.

• SB24-014 creates a Seal of Climate Literacy for a graduate’s diploma, a program for students who want to learn more about how a changing climate affects their lives. The official seal is earned by taking at least two high school classes specifically addressing the issue and doing a project outside of class with a professional in the field on a subject of interest. Students asked for this bill because they want jobs in an industry that has piqued their curiosity, all while making a difference.

Several of my water-related bills have already been signed into law, saving water and money: SB24-005, SB24-031 and SB24-148. We think a lot about Colorado’s treasured water.

– Rep. Barbara McLachlan, D-Durango

“We’ll print damn near anything”

The Telegraph prides itself on a liberal letters policy. We have only three requests: limit letters to 500 words; letters must be signed by the writer; and thank-you lists and libelous, personal attacks are unwelcome. Send your profundities by Monday at noon to telegraph@durangotelegraph.com

Solo mission

Six days alone, exploring a very special place

by Stephen Eginoire

Notes from the field:

• Day 1 - Boat and paddle stashed in a pile of bleached boulders and zebra mussel shells, I make an impassioned dash away from the shores of reservoir Powell to the west rim. Marching up the first 500 vertical feet of sprawling slickrock, it feels like my overloaded backpack could potentially kick my ass in the coming miles, which proves correct. Atop the mesa, it is flat and sandy for miles, strewn end to end with blackbrush and just as many lithics.

The views are impressive. Far below, the remote and once bustling outposts of Halls Crossing and Bullfrog Marina appear miniscule against the surrounding kingdom of canyons, mountains and mesas. Sprinkled along the flats at one of the only breaks in the entire canyon that could possibly accommodate industry, the

area is now mostly depopulated, on its way to becoming a relic of a short-sighted, bygone era. Bearing due west, with my back to the reservoir, I pass from one world and into another.

• Day 2 - Beyond the mesa top, the terrain buckles upward, raking the sky at a sharp 45-degree angle. Traversing directly alongside the dip, I marvel at the jumble of slickrock domes closing in around me. My world shrinks to a limited radius, and within a short distance from the wide-open vistas surrounding the mesa, I am completely reliant on map and GPS to find my way. Aiming for an area riddled with jointed rock, I locate a fault cutting a straight line directly through the topographic mess to where I hope to make camp. At first glance, the fault appears unnavigable, its interior pulverized and ground to bits. But as I close in, I am delighted to see all manner of fresh mammalian tracks coming and going from the split. Fox, coyote, hare,

The wild interplay of light, sky and wind that can only be found in the deserts of southeastern Utah./ Photo by Stephen Eginoire

bobcat and lion all clearly use this route, and I follow suit. Hemmed in on either end is a slender dune; sand from the ages shifting and drifting within the corridor. I imagine this would have been a good place to hunt, and not a moment after, I spot the translucent tip of a projectile emerging from the sand. Between my thumb and forefinger, I hold it against the blue sky for a better look. After 1,000 years or so in the sand, it’s still sharp as a razor.

• Day 3 - Finding a route to the summit of a prominent free-standing dome, I work well into the night taking photos. The air is utterly still. From this high vista, a narrow canyon below winds like a ribbon of smoke toward the reservoir, its walls revealing swirling layers of sand deposited by wind 200 million years ago. Venus sets over the crest of the monocline. Orion rises over Navajo Mountain. I remain in awe until the last blue light disappears from the sky before heading to camp. This is indeed a place of penetrating beauty and solitude.

• Day 4 - How quickly this relatively small Glen Canyon tributary transforms from a teeming oasis into a dark, inhospitable dungeon is striking. It is so narrow and deep that nearly all of it lies hidden beneath its own two rims. And, as far as I can tell, it is a seldom-visited place. These early days of spring have been luminous and warm, but tomorrow I intend to explore the shadowy realm contained between the walls of this canyon.

• Day 5 - I explode the contents of my pack on various clammy boulders to prepare for full cold-water submersion. It’s just the essentials today: tripod, two strobes, two lenses, camera, headlamp, extra batteries, 100 feet of rope, means to ascend/descend rope, means to escape potholes, sand anchor, harness, drysuit and … unfortunately, the list goes on. My pack is way too heavy.

The water in the canyon is surprisingly frigid, even in a drysuit, and the first slotted-up section is awkward and dark. I have to fight my way to get through it. Half swimming, half floundering against tight, opposing walls, it takes 25 minutes to thrash a total distance of about a hundred feet. Shivering cold but also somehow sweating, I jettison unnecessary items from my pack onto a dry ledge at the first sign of higher ground, including all camera gear, but the camera. I justified a well-rounded photo kit, because you just never know what you are going to see, but that has now lost its appeal.

Buckled into a lighter pack, I climb, swim and squeeze downstream through a long series of dimly lit chambers. A soft breeze blows through the narrows carrying with it the scent of algae and wet juniper. It’s been a long time since I’ve been totally alone in such a place. Quiet, hidden and dark, a warm sense of wellbeing washes over me. Forty-three years old and utterly absorbed in deep time, my current surroundings are as good a venue as any to contemplate a new life chapter that’s about to begin: fatherhood.

• Day 6 - What is it about a place that calls to us? Since I embarked on this journey six days ago, I haven’t seen a soul. A pang of loneliness rings like a bell, and for the first time, I feel far away. I miss my person and the mango-sized person growing inside her. I cast my gaze south, in the direction of Navajo Mountain, where humanity has evolved alongside this landscape, and one another, for thousands of years. Perhaps what we seek from the places we choose to

call home, as well as the people we choose, boils down to a simple sense of belonging. I set out before daybreak, homeward bound.

The area is now mostly depopulated, on its way to becoming a relic of a short-sighted, bygone era./

Congratulations to longtime Telegraph contributor Steve Eginoire and partner, Miriam, who are expecting baby “mango” in September. ■

Above: The striated slickrock of the Waterpocket Fold, a landscape sculpted by eons of wind and water.

Left: The Henry Mountains loom over the once bustling outposts of Halls Crossing and Bullfrog Marina.

Photos by Stephen Eginoire

BetweentheBeats

The festival flood

Musical CFS cranks up with reggae, bluegrass & everything in between

by Stephen Sellers

Greetings, dear readers! As promised in the last forecast, we’re kicking into spring festival season at a rapid rate. Expect the musical CFS to rise rather precipitously this month as promoters, production companies, volunteers and support personnel work diligently to bring you wonderful options to gather, lift your hands in the air and celebrate life one head nod or dance move at a time. The multi-day festivals this month are the iAM Music Festival in downtown Durango and the rather new Rise and Vibes and Bluegrass festivals, both at Tico Time. The single-day sleepers you might not have considered are the Dandelion Festival and the annual Mancos Bloom. Both of these are free and fun for the whole family. As you hopefully find yourself at a festival this month, consider the question, “What makes a great festival great?” Is it the caliber of art and music? The headiness index of vendors from around the region selling their ice-dyed shirts and wares? Perhaps it’s the weather. I’d like to suggest what makes a festival great is nothing more than you. Your presence, openness and respect for the art as well as the physical spaces and beings around you. Go forth, dear reader, raise your freak flag if you like, and be the best you that you can be this festy season. Hands in the air, see you on the dancefloor!

• iAM Music Festival: Stillhouse Junkies, ORA, Mojo Birds, Desiderata and more, May 2-4 - Cutting straight to the chase. We are very lucky to have this festival in town. With more than 20 incredibly unique bookings spanning African funk, vibey psych-rock, and hometown heroes such as the Stillhouse Junkies and Mojo Birds, the iAM Festival is leveling up in 2024. In the absence of events like Taste of Durango, theiAM Ffestival has quickly become the space to hang out and groove with your neighbors but with more of an emphasis on world-class music and less on rowdy consumption. Bonus: the passes are incredibly affordable and buying them helps get instruments in the hands of young people who don’t otherwise have the means. Check the website for the lineup details because there’s just way too dang much to cover here: www.iammusic.us

• Dandelion Festival: Salamander Collective, Six Dollar String Band and more, Rotary Park, Sat., May 4, 1-9 p.m.Gather round the Maypole, ye turtles and fellow enthusiasts of organic land stewardship! The dandelions hath been plucked, the beer brewed, and the mycelium in the ground beckons us to dance! On Saturday, Rotary Park will be filled with merriment for all. The Dandelion Festival is a free music and art festival hosted by our local heroes at Turtle Lake Refuge to celebrate organic land stewardship and the arrival of spring. It’s truly a not-to-miss Durango event. More information can be found at: www.dandelionfestivaldurango.org

• Mancos Bloom: Lawn Chair Kings, Mount Lookout Grange, Mancos, Sun., May 5, 1 p.m. - This one’s for the folks in the M.C. The Lawn Chair Kings touch down for a nice Sunday afternoon of dirt-drenched garage rock at the annual Mancos Bloom. Attendees are encouraged to bring their own cups and plates to enjoy food being served during the event.

• March Fourth & High Step Society, Animas City The-

/

atre, Thurs., May 9, 7 p.m. – The beloved March Fourth band returns for a high-energy, “kaleidoscopic” performance it’s known for, both in terms of genre and costume. You can count on March Fourth shaking any vestiges of winter right off the seedling in your soul that has just broken ground. Find out more at: www.animascitytheatre.com

• Rise and Vibes Festival, Tico Time, May 10-12 - Tico Time season kicks into high gear with their annual reggae music festival. (No, I will not make that pun.) Believe it or not, young reader, Durango used to have quite the reggae music scene. Shoutout to A-Dub Rock Band alumni who read this and local promoter Eugene Salaz who ran more than his fair share of errands trying to appease international touring reggae bands as they passed through Durango. This year’s lineup at Rise and Vibes is punching well above the belt with legends Steel Pulse joining headliners Tribal Seeds, the Elovaters and more for three full days of bass that will move your soul. More info. can be found at: www.riseandvibes.com

• Tico Time Bluegrass Festival, Fri-Sat., May 17-19 - Damn, y’all! This festival is shaping up to be a major player in the region for years to come. Let’s keep our flat-picking fingers crossed that this festival only continues to gather momentum. Railroad Earth, Elephant Revival, The Kitchen Dwellers, The Lil’ Smokies, Larry Keel, and Sticks & Thorns are bringing big headliner energy to this three-day festival interspersed with some of our favorite local acts like Alex Graff, High Country Hustle, Liver Down the River, and others. Find out more at: www.ticotimebluegrass.com

• The Polish Ambassador, Animas City Theatre, Wed.Thurs., May 22-23, 7 p.m. - Durango’s monthly dose of legit dance music returns to the Animas City Theatre for not one, but two nights with The Polish Ambassador. Expect but both nights to sell out. TPA is one of the funkier DJs to come out of San Francisco in the last couple of decades. His sets incorporate a healthy amount of rhythms from around the world blended with what I dare say is a tasteful approach to EDM (rather than just straight house or techno). Find out more at: www.animascitytheatre.com ■

Elephant Revival will grace the stage of Tico Time Bluegrass Festival on May 17-19.

Courtesy photo

Through the frosted window

“Missing White Woman” mesmerizing modern twist on the whodunit

by Jeffrey Mannix

Before the introduction of forensics and psychological profiling in crime investigation and crime fiction, there was the “whodunit.” In fact, true crime reporting goes back in time to the 16th century in every country in the world, including the late Ming dynasty that prominently featured “The Book of Swindles” (1612) by one Zhang Yingyu.

As literacy increased and cheap new printing methods became widespread, pamphlets, broadsides, chapbooks and gimcrack publications about murders and other sensational crimes became widespread. Ballads were also created, with verses posted on walls and lampposts usually glorifying perpetrators’ points of view in an attempt to understand the psychological motivations of crime. The business of lawlessness –from criminals to police and private eyes – has a long history of public interest.

Arthur Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes became literary fashion beginning with the 1891 edition of The Strand Magazine and set a high standard in creative crime investigation and reader numbers and loyalty. Agatha Christie came along in 1920 to advance the genre’s more human nature, and from there crime fiction grew and encompassed every socioeconomic sector and category of reader.

True crime led the charge for a hundred years.

Truman Capote’s 1966 “In Cold Blood” is the second best-selling true-crime whudunit in history, behind Vincent Bugliosi’s “Helter Skelter,” published in 1977. Norman Mailer’s “The Executioner’s Song” (1979) was the first book in the crime genre to win a Pulitzer Prize. We began to notice around this time French, Italian and Scandinavian novelists bending the true crime genre into their literary writing, featuring nefarious intention, societal influences and personal relationships into suspenseful puzzles. Offshore crime fiction writers didn’t so much pop your eyes as break your heart, and called it “noir” – a French word for black, characterized by cynicism, fatalism and moral ambiguity.

Notwithstanding my preference for European writers of literary crime fiction in the noir style, a nicely wrought whodunit is always addictive and robs one of sleep. And we have a good one, a peculiar one, for Murder Ink this month with the inflammatory title that surely puts pressure on the author and the publisher to offer up something that snuffs out the

social innuendo. “Missing White Woman,” by veteran mystery writer Kellye Garrett and published by Mulholland Books, has the mesmerizing drive of Maurice Ravel’s “Boléro” – an accelerating, pounding intrigue that first appears monotonous before being narcotizing.

Breanna Wright and Ty Franklin are a new and still unsettled thirty-something couple living in Baltimore. Breanna is an overqualified manager of a stationery store and troubled by her lack of ambition, both professionally and socially. She is also indelibly mortified by an arrest for running a stop sign accompanied by a jail sentence for a baggie of weed the cop planted in her back seat. Ty is an unreliable new boyfriend, a golden boy in an investment firm specializing in cryptocurrency, absent most of the time in Breanna’s bed but leaving a trail of fatuous text messages.

Garrett has written a slow-burn novel that I soon gave up on as either being too slow for the hollowedout circumstances she introduces, or a debut novel in a publisher’s mid-list category with modest expectations. But just as I was eyeing another upcoming release, I gave “Missing White Woman” another go to see if I could recover my 80page investment. I began to see what I believe to be a kind of authorial modern art, something like impressionistic word-painting. Once it’s understood that the narrative was about the feelings and aspirations of an incomplete, mediocre and vague cast, I couldn’t put “Missing White Woman” down.

Here’s briefly what you’ll almost see. First off, you needn’t take as long as I did to realize that Breanna and Ty are Black. And the missing white woman is a comely blonde who we only know as being dead and a cause célèbre on all the required social media. Being black never really comes up except reflexively when Bree was dealing with the police over finding a dead blonde in an Airbnb at 110 Little St. in Jersey City, N.J., at 11 in the morning.

Ty swirled Bree up for their first vacation together and a tour of Manhattan in-between him working part time at his firm’s Jersey City office. A dream come true for Breanna, save for the dead blonde in the living room of a very posh rental on their second day. And a missing boyfriend. Or is Ty really a boyfriend? And where was he that morning when Bree came down from the bedroom and saw a dead woman lying in a puddle of blood?

Nobody gets excited – the cops don’t seem to care as they go through their unenthusiastic routine. Ty can’t be found, and by some specious logic driven by TikTok and Instagram, he becomes suspect No. 1.

I could go on about zeitgeist and Breanna’s highschool-friend-turned-enemy (it was she who stashed the baggie of weed in Breanna’s car), and how inflamed social media can get in a matter of hours over something as irrelevant as a dead woman among 241,000 people in Jersey City.

“Missing White Woman” is a world seen through a frosted glass window, and if that dawns on you (and I may be way off base and the book really is just mediocre), this book is a new kind of whudunit and shouldn’t be missed. As always, ask Maria’s Bookshop for your Murder Ink 15% discount, and screw Amazon. ■

Thursday02

Bear spray demonstration, 11 a.m.-12 noon, Manna, 1100 Avenida Del Sol

Live music by Chuck Hank and His Fabulous Warlocks, 5-7 p.m., Ska Brewing, 225 Girard St.

Live music by Leah Orlikowski, 5-8 p.m., El Rancho Tavern, 975 Main Ave.

Live music by Tim Sullivan, 5:30-10 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave.

Bluegrass Jam, 6 p.m., Durango Beer & Ice Co., 3000 Main Ave.

Live music Jeff Solon Jazz, 6-8 p.m., Lola’s Place, 725 E. 2nd Ave.

Live music by Andrew Schuhmann, 6-9 p.m., The Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave.

Trivia Night, 6:30 p.m., Powerhouse Science Center, 1330 Camino del Rio

Drag Trivia Night, 7:30 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave.

iAM Music Fest Pre-Party, 8-10 p.m., iNDIGO Room, 1315 N. Main Ave., #207

Friday03

Piano music by Gary B. Walker, 10:15 a.m.-12 noon, Jean-Pierre Bakery & Restaurant, 601 Main Ave.

Adaptive Sports Association Volunteer Open House, 4-6 p.m., 463 Turner Drive, #105

First Friday, presented by Local First, Durango Creative District and The ArtRoom Collective, 4-7 p.m., around town

“Petro-Logically Deduced” new work from Bram Jenkins, opening reception 4-8 p.m., The Recess Gallery, Studio &, 1027 Main Ave.

2024 iAM Music Fest, 5 p.m., various locations in Durango

“Portraits of the Future,” works by Robin Jones, 5-7 p.m., Blue Rain Gallery, 934 Main Ave.

Artworks of Carol Goode, opening reception, 57 p.m., Create Art & Tea, 1015 Main Ave.

Farewell Ramp Jam, 5-8 p.m., The Hive DGO, 1150 Main Ave.

Live music by Leah Orlikowski, 5-8 p.m., El Rancho Tavern, 975 Main Ave.

Live music by Jack Ellis & Larry Carver, 5:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave.

Live music by Dustin Burley, 6-9 p.m., The Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave.

Merely Players presents “Chicago: A RazzleDazzle Musical,” 7 p.m., Merely Underground, 789 Tech Center Dr.

Aria PettyOne presents Aria’s Pizza Party, 8:30-9:30 p.m., Father’s Daughters Pizza, 640 Main Ave.

Fresh Baked Fridays: house, techno and electro, 9 p.m., Roxy’s, 639 Main Ave.

iAM Music Fest Late Night, 9:30 p.m.-12 a.m., Durango Arts Center, 802 E. 2nd Ave.

Saturday04

May the 4th be with you trailwork on Star Wars, 9 a.m.-12 p.m., Overend Mountain Park, Leyden St.

Star Wars Day: May the Fourth Be With You, 9 a.m.–1 p.m., The Powerhouse, 1333 Camino Del Rio

Benefit for a Badass motorcycle ride and after party to benefit Jim Meyer, 10 a.m. – 2 p.m., Durango Harley-Davidson, 750 S. Camino Del Rio

iAM Music Fest Artist Brunch, 11 a.m.-1 p.m., Lola’s Place, 725 E. 2nd Ave.

15th annual Dandelion Festival, 1-9 p.m., Rotary Park

Ballet Durango’s “Encore,” 4 p.m., Community Concert Hall at FLC

Adam Swanson plays Ragtime, 5:30-10 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave.

“Take a Bow” concert showcasing local students, 4 p.m., FLC Roshong Recital Hall

iAM Music Fest, 5 p.m., various locations in Durango

Live music with Carute Roma, 5:30-7:30 p.m., Mancos Brewing Co., 494 Hwy 160, Mancos

Karaoke, 6 p.m., Durango Beer & Ice Co., 3000 Main Ave.

Community Yoga, 6-7 p.m., Yoga Durango, 1485 Florida Rd. Donations accepted

Live music by Matt Rupnow, 6-9 p.m., The Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave.

Merely Players presents “Chicago: A RazzleDazzle Musical,” 7 p.m., Merely Underground, 789 Tech Center Dr.

Star Wars party with 100 Year Flood Strikes Back, 7 p.m., The Subterrain, 900 Main Ave.

iAM Music Fest Late Night, 9:30 p.m.-12 a.m., Durango Arts Center, 802 E. 2nd Ave.

Silent Disco, 10 p.m.-12:30 a.m., 11th St. Station, 1101 Main Ave.

Sunday05

iAM Music Fest Artist Brunch, 11 a.m.-1 p.m., Lola’s Place, 725 E. 2nd Ave.

Studio 444 Performing Arts Academy Showcase, 12 p.m., Community Concert Hall at FLC

Irish jam session, 12:30-3 p.m., Durango Beer & Ice Co., 3000 Main Ave.

Cinco de Mayo Celebration, 1-9 p.m., Zia Taqueria & Cantina, 2977 Main Ave.

Merely Players presents “Chicago: A RazzleDazzle Musical,” 2 p.m., Merely Underground, 789 Tech Center Dr.

Durango Food Not Bombs mutual aid and potluck, 2-4 p.m., Buckley Park

Durango Palestine Solidarity Rally, 4 p.m., Buckley Park, 12th St. and Main Ave.

Sensacion Cinco De Mayo, 5-8 p.m., Gazpacho, 431 E. 2nd Ave.

Cinco de Mayo Celebration with Mariachi band and DJ, 5 p.m.-1 a.m., Frida’s Mexican Restaurant & Cantina, 2525 Main Ave.

Swingin’ Sunday with the Civic Winds Jazz Orchestra, 6 p.m., Christ the King Lutheran Church, 495 Florida Rd.

Live music by Ben Gibson, 6-9 p.m., The Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave.

Blue Moon Ramblers, 6-9 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave.

Salsa Night, 6:30-9:30 p.m., Roxy’s, 639 Main Ave.

Monday06

Comedy Showcase, 7:30 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave.

Live music by Jason Myers, 6-9 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave.

Tuesday07

Cowboy Tuesdays, 12 noon, Strater Hotel/Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave.

Great Decisions International Affairs

Discussion: Understanding Indonesia, 11:45 a.m. - 1:45 p.m., Durango Public Library

AskRachel

Greasy men, distracted listening and germaphobia

Interesting fact: Henry Cavill, yes, actual Superman, was bullied as a kid and called “Fat Cavill,” because he was so darn chubby. So there’s hope for us all.

Dear Rachel,

Yeah, I’m behind the curve, don’t care. I’m suddenly and madly in love with Henry Cavill in the Witcher. What is it about these dirty, greasy, road-weary men that is just so dang … hot? I think my type is extremely clean cut and wearing an immaculate suit. But then give me those unbrushed locks and I just crumble inside. Any insight on this phenomenon and how to embrace it?

– Be-Witchered

Dear Red-blooded Human, We always want what we can’t have. And that’s a greasy man who is also insanely attractive. Yours is the Witcher, mine was Aragorn, son of Arathorn. Ya know, he of Lord of the Rings fame. Others love Snape for whatever reason, even though he’s not so much greasy as just in need of a better showerhead. These are all fantasy characters for a reason: real dirt and real grease do not play up the real sexy. I mean… (gestures at all of Durango).

– Man up, Rachel

Dear Rachel, I finally gave in and tried books on tape. I

La Plata Dems Club lunchtime zoom featuring Grant Wilson, of Earth Law Center, 12-1:30 p.m., Register at www.laplatadems.org/events

Live music by Terry Rickard, 6-9 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave.

Music in the Mountains Executive Director Angie Beach presents to the Rotary Club of Durango, 6 p.m., Strater Hotel, 699 Main Ave.

Hideaway Ukulele jam, 6-7:30 p.m., Smiley Building Studio #114 and online via Zoom

Live music with The Black Velvet duo, Nina Sasaki & Larry Carver, 6-8 p.m., Lola’s Place, 725 E. 2nd Ave.

Live music by Sean O’Brien, 6-9 p.m., The Office Spiritorium, 699 Main Ave.

Wednesday08

Durango Trails Happy Hour Wednesday trailwork, 5-7 p.m., Skyline Trail, La Questa Dr.

Open Mic, 6:30 p.m., EsoTerra, 558 Main Ave.

mean, not literally. That was like four or five formats ago. You know what I mean. Library card, download the app, check out a book, listen to it. My friends said oh you’ll love it, you can listen while driving or doing chores or going to sleep or whatever. But I get distracted and miss a whole chapter. Or, I get too caught up and burn dinner. What’s the secret to enjoying audiobooks like a normal person?

– Audio Illiterate

Dear Distracted,

I am the wrong, wrong person to ask. I’m the one who listens to podcasts at 2x speed in hopes that finishing them quicker means I will absorb more before ooh look a shiny object. Ain’t no shame in not being an audiobooker. The printed word is where it’s at. Just look at what you’re doing right now.

– Read to me, Rachel

Email Rachel at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com

Dear Doting Dolt,

Dear Rachel,

My girlfriend has a cold. Never mind that we shouldn’t be having colds this time of year. She expects me to care for her, with like cuddles and crap. I don’t want to get sick! I wore a mask around her once, and she got hurt. So now I hold my breath and breathe through my nose. Did Covid ruin me or shouldn’t we always be worried about germs? I’m not wrong for wanting to stay well, am I?

– Unmasked

“Evidence of humans in North America during the Last Glacial Maximum,“ presented by The San Juan Basin Archaeological Society, 7 p.m., FLC Lyceum Room

Geeks Who Drink Trivia, 8 p.m., The Roost, 128 E. College Dr.

Karaoke Roulette, 8 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave.

Ongoing

“Emergence,” by local art collective The Art Squirrels, thru mid-May, Smiley Cafe Gallery, 1309 E. 3rd Ave.

The artwork of Caryl Goode on display thru May, Create Art & Tea, 1015 Main Ave.

Smithsonian’s Museum on Main Street (MoMS) exhibit: “Crossroads: Change in Rural America,” thru June 2, Ignacio Community Library, 470 Goddard Ave.

“The Return of the Force,” art exhibit exploring the influence of “Star Wars” on Native artists, FLC’s Center for Southwest Studies. Thru August 2024

You’re not wrong – but that doesn’t put you in the right. It is your Sacred Duty to acknowledge that you are probably going to catch whatever your girlfriend has, probably right when she is starting to feel better. That means it will be your turn to receive pity and buttered toast and whatever you desire! And she’s contractually obligated to return the favor. I recommend playing up the unshowered/unkempt angle for better success. Or, suggest you binge-watch the Witcher together.

Ah-choo, Rachel

Upcoming

Merely Players presents “Chicago: A RazzleDazzle Musical,” May 9-11 & 16-18, 7 p.m., and May 5, 12 & 16 at 2 p.m. Merely Underground, 789 Tech Center Dr.

MarchFourth with High Step Society, Thurs., May 9, 7 p.m., Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Dr.

Author Event & Book Signing with Anne Hillerman “Lost Birds,” Thur., May 9, 6-8 p.m., Maria’s Bookshop, 960 Main Ave.

“Rust” an invitational exhibit, opening reception, Fri., May 10, 5-9 p.m., Studio & Gallery, 1027 Main Ave.

Deadline to submit items for “Stuff to Do” is Monday at noon.

Please include: • Date and time of event • Location of event E-mail your stuff to: calendar@durangotelegraph.com

FreeWillAstrology

by Rob Brezsny

ARIES (March 21-April 19): The world’s record for jumping rope in 6 inches of mud is held by an Aries. So is the world’s record for consecutive wallops administered to a plastic inflatable punching doll. Other top accomplishments performed by Aries people: longest distance walking on one’s hands; number of curse words uttered in two minutes; and most push-ups with three bulldogs sitting on one’s back. As impressive as these feats are, I hope you will channel your drive for excellence in more constructive directions during the coming weeks. You are primed to be a star wherever you focus on high-minded goals. Be as intense as you want to be while having maximum fun giving your best gifts.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): I don’t casually invoke the terms “marvels,” “splendors” and “miracles.” I place a high value on rational thinking. If someone tells me a marvel, splendor or miracle has occurred, I will thoroughly analyze the evidence. Having said that, though, I want you to know that during the coming weeks, marvels, splendors and miracles are far more likely than usual – even more so if you have faith that they will. I will make a similar prediction about magnificence, sublimity and resplendence. They are headed your way. Are you ready for blessed excess? For best results, welcome them all and share them lavishly.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): In accordance with astrological omens, I recommend you enjoy a celebratory purge sometime soon. You could call it a Cleansing Jubilee, or a Gleeful Festival of Purification, or a Jamboree of Cathartic Healing. This would be a fun holiday that lasted for at least a day and maybe as long as two weeks. During this liberating revel, you would discard anything associated with histories you want to stop repeating. You’d get rid of garbage and excess. You may even thrive by jettisoning perfectly good stuff that you no longer have any use for.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Graduation day will soon arrive. Congrats, Cancerian! You have mostly excelled in navigating through a labyrinthine system that once upon a time discombobulated you. With panache and skill, you have wrangled chaos into submission and gathered a useful set of resources. So are you ready to collect your graduation presents? I hope so. Don’t allow lingering fears of success to cheat you out of your well-deserved harvest. Don’t let shyness prevent you from beaming like a champion in the

winner’s circle. PS: I encourage you to meditate on the likelihood that your new bounty will transform your life almost as much as did your struggle to earn it.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Ritualist and author Sobonfu Somé was born in Burkina Faso but spent many years teaching around the world. According to her philosophy, we should periodically ask ourselves two questions: 1. “What masks have been imposed on us by our culture and loved ones?” 2. “What masks have we chosen for ourselves to wear?” The coming months will be an excellent time for you to ruminate on these inquiries – and take action. Are you willing to remove your disguises to reveal the hidden or unappreciated beauty that lies beneath? Can you visualize how your life may change if you intensify your devotion to expressing your deepest, most authentic self?

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): If human culture were organized according to my principles, there would be more than 8 billion religions – one for every person alive. Eight billion altars. Eight billion saviors. If anyone wanted to enlist priestesses, gurus and other spiritual intermediaries to help them out in their worship, they would be encouraged. And we would all borrow beliefs and rituals from each other. There would be an extensive trade about the art of achieving ecstatic union with the Great Mystery. I bring this up, Virgo, because the coming weeks will be an ideal time for you to craft your own personalized and idiosyncratic religious path.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Hidden agendas and simmering secrets will soon leak into view. Mysteries will become even more intimate and mysterious. Questions that have been suppressed will become pressing and productive. Are you willing to wander through the amazing maze of emotional teases to gather clues about the provocative riddles? I think you will have the poise and grace to do these things. If I’m right, you can expect deep revelations to appear and long-lost connections to re-emerge. Intriguing new connections are also possible. Be on high alert for subtle revelations and nuanced intuitions.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): It’s fun and easy to love people for their magnificent qualities and the pleasure you feel when they’re nice to you. What’s more challenging is to love the way they disappoint you. You should love them *even if* they disappoint you. Rather, I invite you to love them BECAUSE they disappoint you. In other words, use disappointment to expand your un-

derstanding of who they are and develop a more realistic love for them. Regard your disappointment as an opportunity to deepen your compassion – and as a motivation to become wiser and more patient. (PS: In general, now is a time when so-called “negative” feelings can lead to creative breakthroughs.)

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): I assure you that you don’t need “allies” who encourage you to indulge in delusions or excesses. Nor do I recommend that you seek counsel from people who think you’re perfect. But you could benefit from colleagues who offer you judicious feedback. Do you know any respectful and perceptive observers who can provide advice about possible course corrections you could make? If not, I will fill the role as best as I can. Here’s one suggestion: Consider phasing out a mild pleasure and a small goal so you can better pursue an extra-fine pleasure and a major goal.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): I invite you to take an inventory of what gives you pleasure and bliss. It’s an excellent time to identify the thrills that you love most. When you have made a master list of the fun that enhances your intelligence and drives you half-wild with joy, devise a master plan to ensure you will experience it as much as you need to – not just in the coming weeks, but forever. As you do, experiment with this theory: By stimulating delight and glee, you boost your physical, emotional and spiritual health.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Aquarian author Lewis Carroll said, “You know what the issue is with this world? Everyone wants some magical solution to their problem, and everyone refuses to believe in magic.” In my astrological opinion, this won’t be an theme for you in the coming weeks, Aquarius. I suspect you will be inclined to believe fervently in magic, which will ensure that you attract and create a magical solution to at least one of your problems – and probably more.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Which would you prefer in the coming weeks: lots of itches, prickles, twitches and stings? Or, instead, lots of tingles, quivers, shimmers and soothings? To ensure the latter types of experiences, you need to cultivate moods of surrender, relaxation, welcome and forgiveness. You will be plagued with the aggravating sensations only if you resist, hinder, impede and engage in combat. Your assignment is to explore new frontiers of elegant and graceful receptivity.

Deadline for Telegraph classified ads is Tuesday at noon. Ads are a bargain at 10 cents a character with a $5 minimum. Even better, ads can now be placed online: durangotelegraph.com Prepayment is required via cash, credit card or check.

(Sorry, no refunds or substitutions.) Ads can be submitted via: n www.durangotelegraph.com

n classifieds@durango telegraph.com

n 970-259-0133

n 679 E. 2nd Ave., #E2

Approximate office hours: Mon-Wed: 9ish - 5ish

Thurs: On delivery

Fri: Gone fishing; call first

Announcements

Earn Your Master of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Denver (DU) here in Durango – for the two-year program starting in fall 2024. Classes are held on Fridays. For more info contact Janelle.Doughty@du.edu or www.du.edu/ socialwork.

Man 2 Man Prostate Cancer Support

Group of Durango meets Tues., May 7, 6:30-7:30 p.m. via Zoom. Contact prostate groupdro@gmail .com for details.

Three Rivers Art Center

Come to Farmington to get great deals on art at TRAC, an art coop. Next time you’re in Farmington, we are downtown next to the Chile Pod.

Wanted

Books Wanted at White Rabbit! Donate/trade/sell (970) 259-2213

Cash for Vehicles, Copper, Alum Etc. at RJ Metal Recycle. Also free appliance and other metal drop off. 970259-3494.

HelpWanted

Administrative Assistant

Great Old Broads for Wilderness seeks a PT administrative assistant to support our operations, administration, and staff. This position is based at Broads’ national office in Durango. Part time, 10–15 hours per week, hourly position. More info & how to apply: www.greatoldbroads.org/careers/

Bare Hands Landscape

ISO help to join our garden maintenance crews. Positions from 2-4 days per week available, flexible days. Transportation required. $18/hr. Call or text David, 970 403 6325.

Durango Office Space Rental

Affordable co-working office space. Located near 11th Street, this office boasts abundant natural light and is furnished. Monthly pricing varies based on anticipated usage, $400 - $650. Please text or call Erica at 847-946-0898

ForSale

Reruns Home Furnishings

Get ready for warm weather entertaining. Beautiful servingware, glassware and baskets. Patio sets, bistros, chaise lounges and yard art. Looking to consign smaller furniture items. 572 E. 6th Ave. Open Mon.-Sat. 385-7336.

Services

Boiler Service - Water Heater

Serving Durango over 30 years. Brad, 970-759-2869. Master Plbg Lic #179917

Lowest Prices on Storage! Inside/outside storage near Durango

and Bayfield. 10-x-20, $130. Outside spots: $65, with discounts available. RJ Mini Storage. 970-259-3494.

HaikuMovieReview

“Anyone But You”

This rom-com is quite cheeky, and by that I mean lots of bare asses

– Lainie Maxson

BodyWork

Massage by Meg Bush LMT, 30, 60 & 90 min., 970-759-0199.

Lotus Path Healing Arts Esalen massage, deep tissue & Acutonics, Kathryn, 970-201-3373.

ForRent

Electric Repair

Roof, gutter cleaning, fence, floors, walls, flood damage, mold, heating service.