Durango Telegraph - April 23, 2020

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April 23, 2020 Vol. XIX, No. 15 durangotelegraph.com

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T H E

O R I G I N A L

I N D I E

W E E K L Y

L I N E

O N

D U R A N G O

&

B E Y O N D

Homeschooling 101

A hill of beans

Quarantine fun

A teacher’s guide to keeping kids learning and parents sane p8

And what to do with them now that you’ve got them home p10

Stay-at-home ’dos (and don’ts) plus virtual prom p12

Like a virtual road trip.

Issue 12 is now out!

Wherever you find the Telegraph or at www.gulchmag.com.

To find out about advertising opportunities, email: steve@gulchmag.com

2 n April 23, 2020

telegraph

lineup

4

4 La Vida Local

One must learn to walk before he can tango

4 Thumbin’ It

All the right moves

Getting shafted

by Zach Hively

5 Word on the Street

8

6-7 Soapbox

Sum of all parts Some basic guidelines for the newbie homeschool parent

8 Local News

10

Beans for dummies A little work goes a long way for the magical fruit

by Ari LeVaux

10 Flash in the Pan 11 Ask Rachel 12-13 Activities Pages

12

14 Free Will Astrology

McHappy Hour This week’s winner in the Telegraph coloring contest (OK, it’s Dan again)

15 Classifieds 15 Haiku Movie Review

13

A hairy situation Looking for ideas on how to tame the mane? Look no further than the Telegraph’s ’dos and dont’s

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ADVERTISING AFICIONADO: Lainie Maxson (lainie@durangotelegraph.com) STAFF PHOTOGRAPHER: Stephen Eginoire steve@gulchmag.com

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he Durango Telegraph publishes every Thursday, come hell, high water, beckoning singletrack or monster powder days. We are wholly owned and operated independently by the Durango Telegraph LLC and

Although most of us have been feeling a little trapped during this extended stint of home confinement, it’s likely nothing like what a stray elk near Creede recently experienced.

Last Sat., April 18, two women hiking in the upper Rio Grande Valley came across a cow elk trapped at the bottom of a 30-foot mine shaft.

7 ReTooned

by Sarah Rankin

EDITORIALISTA: Missy Votel (missy@durangotelegraph.com)

Ear to the ground: “Well, if you start Rollerblading, you won’t have to worry about social distancing. People will automatically stay away from you.”

– One upside to the oft-snubbed pastime

thepole

RegularOccurrences

STAR-STUDDED CAST: Lainie Maxson, Sarah Rankin, Clint Reid, Jesse Anderson, Ari LeVaux, Zach Hively and Shan Wells

On the cover: A flowering tree helps usher in the 50th anniversary of Earth Day this week, while offering a small reminder to get out and smell the flowers./ Photo by Missy Votel

REAL WORLD ADDRESS: 679 E. 2nd Ave., Ste E2 Durango, CO 81301 PHONE: 970-259-0133

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distributed in the finest and most discerning locations throughout the greater Durango area.

We’re only human. If, by chance, we defame someone’s good name or that of their family, neighbor, best

friend or dog, we will accept full responsibility in a public flogging in the following week’s issue.

Although “free but not easy,” we can be plied with schwag, booze and flattery.

telegraph

The elk was discovered by longtime Creede resident Chere Waters, who knew about the open shaft and decided to show it to her friend. She told wildlife officials that she “belly crawled” on the ground and had her friend hold onto her ankles so she could peer over the edge.

“I looked in and see this animal in there. I was so surprised, I couldn’t believe it,” Waters said.

Fortunately, Waters’ hiking partner had a phone and called the Mineral County Sheriff’s Department, which immediately dispatched wildlife officers Brent Woodward and Jeremy Gallegos to the scene.

“When I got the call, I was told that a deer was stuck in a hole,” Woodward said. “When I got there, I could see it was an elk, and it was probably 30 feet down.”

He could also see where the animal’s tracks disappeared at the edge of the hole.

According to Waters, it’s no surprise the animal wandered into danger. The hole abruptly opens up, with little or no warning, on the edge of the forest. “It’s the scariest thing, it’s at the edge of some trees so it’s hard to see,” she said.

Fortunately, the 250-pound animal was agile enough to land unharmed. The wildlife officers were able to dart and sedate her, and a member of Mineral County Search and Rescue shimmied down the shaft and placed straps around the animal, in what was surely one of his more interesting rescues. A winch from a nearby truck then hauled the large ungulate out.

Back on the surface, the elk rested for a few minutes while officials examined its condition.

When found to be in good health – other than being a little scrawny from what appeared to be two or three days in the well – the elk was given a drug to reverse the tranquilizer.

Fortunately, all’s “well” that ends well. Eventually, the cow stood up, albeit a bit groggy from the ordeal, surveyed her rescuers and scampered off. “When she stood up, she moved a few yards, turned and looked at us for a few seconds and then turned and trotted away,” Woodward said.

As for Waters, she can’t explain what it was that drew her to the shaft – and to peer inside.

Maybe it was some sort of cosmic elk call – but whatever it was, she was thankful for it.

“I don’t know what it was,” Waters said. “I was just called to go to that place.”

April 23, 2020 n

3

opinion

LaVidaLocal One step forward During this pandemic, we are all surviving however we can. For some people, that’s reading books and preparing gardens and creating costumes to wear while taking out the trash. Me? I just watched a video of a woman playing cello with animal hand puppets, like, 20 times in a row, because I needed a break from learning how to walk again.

You see, a whole bunch of people lied to me for years about walking. If you can walk, they said, then you can tango. Nevermind that tango dancers seldom ever have the space to walk in a straight line for more than about, oh, a step and a half. (I mean, NOW we have all the space in the world, but no one to dance with. C’est la vie, which is French for “That blows livestock.”) The way we used to walk down the streets, going along what used to be our business, is not the way we step in tango.

Leastwise, not the way I do it. If a train wreck could defy its very own definition to continue rolling down the tracks with no physical awareness of its disadvantages, that’s akin to how I walk.

Tango is hardly an essential service. Heck, going without fresh bananas is honestly more challenging than going without tango. But I needed SOMETHING to write about. So I signed up for Zoom tango lessons with two Belgian teachers – let’s call them “Liz” and “Yannick,” because those are their names.

Poor Liz and poor Yannick wanted to fix my walk.

But first, they needed to teach me how to stand.

Like a couple of overseas webcam voyeurs, they watched me dance all by myself. They said something to each other that sounded like the Dutch version of c’est la vie, then they said something to me that I had not heard in a long time: “Zach, stand straight.”

Talk about flashbacks to teenagerdom. I’d hear that command, and I had no idea what that meant in my body. I still don’t. But I stood as straight as I knew how.

“Now do it with your body in alignment,” they said.

“Like this?”

“No, straight. With your shoulders stacked above your hips.”

“They’re not?”

“No, they’re like this.” And Yannick showed me. Turns out, I stand permanently like Manneken Pis, only with sloppier posture.

When they gave up on fixing my stance, they told me to walk.

I felt alright about that. I’ve been tango walking for nearly four years. Regular

walking many times that long. I hardly ever even fall down doing it, so I thought I must be decent enough.

Oh, they said – keep your pelvis neutral. And your diaphragm too. Now move your entire body. Land on a straight leg. Use your foot for power, not your knee. No, a straight leg. Like this. Good. Except for your happy butt. And your diaphragm.

And your pelvis.

The last four weeks of my self-isolation experience have been, in essence, thinking about walking. At a lesson a week, you might figure I’d have started to get the hang of it. I might have thought so too. I did think so, in fact. Until, on the sage advice of my teachers, I videotaped my practice.

It all went well, until I actually watched the tape.

Now I could make excuses for my performance. Like, it was late in the evening, and besides, the entire right side of my body was tight, from the back of my knee to inside my shoulder blade, because I had unloaded straw bales for my garden from my pickup truck and my foot slipped on some loose straw on the tailgate and I heroically stayed more or less unspilled along the ground despite the fact that I was probably thinking about walking and therefore approximately 1,000 times more likely to flub the landing. But I’m not here to make excuses: the videos were brutal.

And not brutal in the way you hate to hear your own voice on your voicemail recording. Brutal in the way that I realized I moved like a lock-jawed marionette handled by an early-stage puppeteering apprentice. Brutal in the way I walked like a golem assembled out of well-worn Tinker Toys. Brutal in the way I had paid for this privilege in quarantine time I could have used doing absolutely anything else with more success.

I described the feeling to Yannick in our next lesson.

“Good,” he said. “You’re learning.”

He also said something else about the people who don’t work through these hard moments when all you want to do is give up and eat Cheetos. “They’re riding an old three-legged pony and calling it the most beautiful ride they’ve ever had,” he said. “But they don’t realize they could be flying through the rainbow-filled heavens on the magical fluffy back of a winged unicorn.”

If I take one thing away from this pandemic, it better be a revamped walk. And if I take two things away from it, I choose magical fluffy winged unicorns. The easy stuff doesn’t shape us; in fact, one more internet video and I will lose my shape altogether. Believe me, every day I want to rewatch the entire “Star Wars: The Clone Wars” series instead of practicing tango. But the hard stuff, if we step into it, defines who we are.

And even if we fall down doing it? C’est la vie.

Sign of the Downfall:

Thumbin’It Local residents mobilizing to bring medical supplies, food and water to the Navajo Nation, which has been hit especially hard by the COVID-19 pandemic

The Western U.S. is in the midst of a “megadrought,” with the past 20 years have been the driest since the 1500s, according to a new climate report in the journal Science

Hope for small businesses left out in the cold when SBA stimulus money ran out last week, with a new aid package likely to be approved by lawmakers this week

Large corporations taking much of the exhausted federal stimulus funds that were meant for small businesses, while hard-working mom and pops all over the country were left empty-handed and frustrated

Work beginning place this week on the long-awaited and much-anticipated Oxbow Park put-in, giving rafters, tubers and other river users a safe and legal option for river runs

4 n April 23, 2020

– Zach Hively

The smattering of conspiracy theorists who turned out to protest stay-at-home orders, despite data that shows distancing measures are working to stop the spread and flatten the COVID curve

telegraph

Butterfly Belgian scientists at Ghent University are experimenting with ways to replace butter with blended larva fat, and in an odd twist, the sign of our downfall is that we didn’t think of it first.

Using grease from insects is more eco-friendly than farming cows, and food made from insects is higher in protein, vitamins, and fiber than the “real” stuff. This is something we need to do ASAP, because when it comes to the environment, the margarine for error is too big, and because it’s butter late than never.

WordontheCouch

Q

With coronavirus 4/20 this week, the Telegraph asked, “What would you name your weed strain?”

Joey

"When smoke gets in your IPA."

Nate

“Treehorn Gold.”

Jake

"Permanently Damaged."

Joel

"Lil Stoner."

Dave

Bryan

“Donnie Darko.”

"Swamp Donkey." telegraph

April 23, 2020 n 5

SoapBox Left in the dust in Falls Creek To the editor, On Fri., April 10, my dog, Naura, and I went to Falls Creek with the goal of reaching the top of a tree-lined ridge that lay north of the expansive red bluffs. Although Naura is a strong, sometimes bullheaded dog, she tugged gently on her leash from one exciting smell to the next.

For most of you, this climb is an easy stroll. But I’m 78 and for years have suffered crippling back pain, multiple back surgeries and weekly visits for manipulative therapies. In all that time, I have had one goal – to be hiking!

We crossed the meadow and climbed up to the rocky, dry-pine covered ridge, happy no one was on the trail.

The view was magic.

Muffled voices came from above. We moved far off the trail. Mountain bikes charged out from the brush, more than five people, a girl about 12 years, mom, dad and friends, all 30 somethings. In a blur their unleashed dog bolted, running right for us.

I held Naura’s leash tightly, expecting the cyclists to stop their dog from being hurt – they did nothing. The dog taunted Naura. In an instant, she lunged at him, dragging me, crashing forward and slamming my hip onto the rocky ground, pain piercing my shoulder. I lay there too stunned to move, the dogs’ vicious fighting above me, stumbling on me, kicking silt-dust in my face. The fighting let up, their dog backing away. I pulled myself to sit up, screaming at the mutt. Still they did nothing.

Disoriented, covered in filth, I glared up at the cyclists who leaned on their bikes forming a long line, staring at me stupidly. Painfully, I staggered to my feet. Not one of them moved, no one spoke, not one of them ever called their dog or tried to stop him, not one apologized for their negligence, not one asked me if I was OK. Silently, they turned away, climbed on their bikes and left. The

last guy in the group rode by laughing loudly, sneering, greeting and speaking.

“Have a nice day.”

I appreciate the wonderful folks I’ve met on this trip; Overwhelming adrenaline came in a wave – fury rage many of whom helped me in various ways. Your preshate injustice betrayal revenge pain – alone. ence, your questions and your suggestions have helped – Diane Dalton, Durango me learn about each county, your concerns and needs.

If lives matter, quit overpopulating To the editor.

In response to the many recently published signatures in Durango in memory of the almost 62 million lives lost to abortion in the U.S. since 1973, yes, all life matters … but, our God-given reason and common sense should inform us that there’s a limit to the numbers that our planet can support. We’ve already reached that. Each child born now is in danger of not having enough water, food or clean air to survive unless someone else’s survival is put at risk – 62 million lives plus all of our lives threatened by our irresponsibility.

Abortion is between a man, woman and their God and not a matter for public prohibition. But we do have and should promote other choices – abstinence and both self and birth control. Which would negate the reason for abortion, unless like lemmings we irresponsibly run over the overpopulation cliff to our doom. When we choose logical ways to limit our population, we truly give meaning to the motto that all life matters.

– Cynthia L. Van Dyke, via e-mail

Winning the war for the future To the editor, A 2020 candidate for U.S. Congress, I’ve lived in Durango 26 years. After driving 5,000 miles last winter, through mountain pass blizzards, I’ve twice visited all 29 of our 3rd Congressional District counties; meeting,

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telegraph

I am leading on our climate crisis, while addressing four strategic threat areas: healthy democracy; healthy population; healthy economy; and healthy environment.

We are now beset with a highly contagious and rapidly spreading coronavirus pandemic; please be safe and come out of it whole.

We are also in the midst of a “war for the future.”

These crises expose the fragility of our societal systems.

We are ill-prepared to deal with these cascading crises and the collapsing of our two-tiered economy. It not only involves technical systemic issues, it is a profoundly moral challenge of justice and fairness.

There are economic impacts transitioning from fossil fuel energy to renewables. A just transition through both of these crises can be eased with two major systemic policies: Medicare for All and Green New Deal. Having worked with system problems all my life as an industrial consultant and systems engineer, I’m the candidate best prepared to address the challenges of the job as your representative.

America faces an ongoing stream of “shock events” due to pandemics, the collapse of ecosystems and climate emergencies. Everything interacts, which challenges effective policy legislation to address all the tradeoffs involved. That is a systems challenge, requiring systems expertise. My website, RootForCitizenCongressman.org, demonstrates that.

Please vote for Root. I’ve already confronted policies of Republican incumbent Scott Tipton, with guest columns in public media.

– Root Routledge, Durango 4

LPEA Election

ReTooned/by Shan Wells

Ballots due May 15; meeting moves online La Plata Electric Association ballots arrived in mailboxes this week, and members are being asked to vote for the representative in their district: District 2 - South and West La Plata County: • Newcomers Doug Fults and John Lee Jr. are vying to fill the seat vacated by retiring director Davin Montoya.

District 3 - City of Durango: • Rachel Landis (incumbent) • Dave Nulton (challenger) District 4 - North and East La Plata County: • Guinn Unger (incumbent) • Sue McWilliams (challenger) For more details on candidates, check out the candidate packet that was mailed with the ballots. Four directors are elected each year to the 12-member board and serve three-year terms. Winners are typically announced at LPEA’s annual meeting. However, due to the COVID19 crisis, this year’s winners will be announced at a virtual meeting starting at 10:30 a.m. Sat., May 16. As a result, all ballots must be received, either by mail or at a listed drop box location, by 4 p.m. Fri., May 15.

For more details and meeting access details, visit lpea.coop/annual-meeting.

Still undecided? Tune in to durangotelegraph.com for even more letters.

Landis is a selfless leader To the editor, I urge you to re-elect Rachel Landis to the LPEA Board when ballots arrive by mail around April 20. As LPEA Board Director, Rachel has worked hard to enhance transparency and exchange between co-op members and the Board; maintain fiscal responsibility and keep energy dollars local; and increase energy sources that protect our ecosystem and health.

Rachel is soft-spoken and humble, so you may never know what a champion she is for every resident in our region. Consider some of her accomplishments – the full list, including many Board positions, cannot fit here.

Rachel had the vision to co-found SOLES (a mentoring program for young women “rooted in big mountains, confident leadership and authentic community engagement”), the Good Food Collective (which has collected and distributed hundreds of thousands of pounds of food to folks in need) and the New Normal Initiative (which reduces local energy use and created a local, soil-based offset program). Her farm to institution efforts created $450,000 in potential marketshare for our agricultural community. For seven years, she was Director of the Environmental Center at Fort Lewis College. She’s also part of the Telluride Ski Patrol.

Rachel is currently coordinating the COVID Emergency Food Response Sub-Committee for La Plata, San Juan, Archuleta and Montezuma counties. Clearly, she prizes the welfare of those around her more than her own. Inspired by her excellence and determination, I am proud to know her. Vote for Landis – we need her leadership and brilliance.

– Matt Griffis, Durango

Keep solar dollars in Durango To the editor, Thanks to the leadership of directors Rachel Landis and Guinn Unger, our LPEA Board is moving toward local generation facilities, to support our workers with jobs and lower rates. Fact: clean energy is now the cheapest and employs more workers. What’s the best path forward?

Tri-State building local solar will gain us some jobs. But our $70 million/year in payments will still leave our local economy bound for Denver. Although Tri-State will save

money replacing some coal production with solar, our rates will not drop. Those savings will pay interest on Tri-State’s $3 billion plus debt. Oh, and the salaries of Tri-State’s executive team of four – more than $2.5 million combined.

If LPEA builds community-owned solar, we will gain more jobs and our rates will decline. Our millions in payments will recirculate here, adding prosperity to Durango, Bayfield and the region. This is very significant, in these uncertain times. We need to think carefully not only about how we spend our money, but how we can build our own economic and job base.

With local generation, our rates will dramatically drop when our equipment is paid off in eight to 10 years. The more we build, the lower our ultimate costs. This is the reason municipalities across America are aggressively building their own renewable energy facilities. Can we go 100 percent renewable? Probably, depending on how quickly energy storage prices drop.

Thank you LPEA Board for your careful hard work!

Vote for Landis, Unger and Fults.

– Christie Chatterley, Durango

Vote for LPEA’s bright future To the editor, As this community responds to COVID-19, I feel proud to live in La Plata County. Our neighbors have stepped up to care for each other. Great community!

Meanwhile, we should take wise steps to care for our world and invest in our future. When LPEA ballots arrive around April 20, I urge readers to vote for Rachel Landis, Guinn Unger and Doug Fults. These candidates understand that embracing the world’s transition to clean energy technology is the logical solution to our current high prices. South La Plata County is lucky to have abundant solar resources; let’s use them!

In April, the Colorado Public Utilities Commission will rule on LPEA’s request for an adjudicated exit price from our contract with Tri-State, our coal-heavy electricity provider. That costly contract allows unlimited rate increases and lasts until 2050!

Open market prices are so cheap that – if our exit price is affordable – we can pay that debt, enter a fixed-rate market contract and still watch our rates drop. If we then build our own solar facilities, we’d reach the cheap-

telegraph

est rates when equipment pays for itself in eight to 10 years. That would bolster our local economy and make us energy independent, and more reliable against cyber attacks and natural disaster.

Doug Fults, Guinn Unger and Rachel Landis will support a data-driven decision to pursue LPEA’s goal: reduce carbon emissions by 50 percent from 2018 levels by 2030, while keeping rates below 70 percent of regional cooperative peers.

– Karen Pontius, Durango

Keep buy-out options on table To the editor, According to the Montrose Press, Delta-Montrose Electric Association will pay $62.5 million to leave Tri-State, also LPEA’s wholesale provider. This is important news for our community, another indicator that LPEA could exit its expensive Tri-State contract for a reasonable amount – possibly around twice what DMEA paid, since LPEA is bigger and our contract runs longer.

Every cent/kWh we can save with a new contract adds up to about $10 million/year that LPEA saves, and open market contracts (all costs included) run one to two cents cheaper than Tri-State. That means that LPEA can save between $10-20 million per year by exiting Tri-State – precisely why DMEA is leaving its contract. Those savings pay off a debt quickly.

The Press continues, DMEA board president Bill Patterson said every month the deal was delayed cost DMEA members over $500,000, referring to the difference between what DMEA pays Tri-State per kilowatt hour and what it will pay Guzman. Guzman is one of several open market power providers that offers flexible power provision to allow co-ops to expand their own generation facilities. Guzman’s fixed-rate contracts compare favorably to Tri-State’s variable rate, which “can change every month if they wanted to” as Patterson points out in the Press article.

I appreciate our LPEA Board’s due diligence and loyalty to co-op members by pursuing open-market options. I support our incumbents, Guinn Unger and Rachel Landis, and electrical engineer Doug Fults in this month’s LPEA Board election.

– Laurie Roberts, Bayfield April 23, 2020 n 7

LocalNews

One of Sarah Rankin’s three children works on homework recently. A former elementary school teacher, Rankin suggests setting a schedule and keeping to it – and leaving plenty of time for exploration, fun and outdoor activities. / Photo by Sarah Rankin

Homeschooling 101 Mix it up, experiment and have fun, but please, just get out of the PJ’s

by Sarah Rankin

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he days were long and wide, mine to fill with whatever content my imagination could inspire. I spent most of my time outside, and solid literature was the backbone to my literacy. Math was based on real-world applications.

But where were the gold stars? Where was the red pen to highlight my shortcomings? How was I to know how I stacked up, without the loaded color coding of my reading group? “You’re making me stupid!”

I berated my mom at the ripe age of 7. I began counting down the remaining days of my second-grade homeschool career.

Like many parents, you may be in the position of adding a new title to your al-

8 n April 23, 2020

ready long list of daily obligations: homeschool teacher. After a couple weeks under your belt, you have figured out some things that are working, but with several more weeks ahead of you, it may be helpful to refine your practice.

Perhaps you are looking to balance online instruction (and screen time) or maybe you want to take the reins all together. Whatever your motive, the following ideas are intended to support you. After 12 years in the classroom and five years of homeschooling my own children, I have discovered some routines and practices that work for us. As in all facets of life and parenting, take what you will, leave the rest, and remember that there is no one right way. Valuable learning is happening in your home, with your family, even

if it is not quantifiable.

The first idea has to do with setting the tone. If you don’t take the time seriously, your kids probably won’t either. Therefore, no matter how tempting it might be to stay in PJ’s all day (or finally be the victor in that old going-to-school-naked dream), my kids and I are more focused and productive if we all get ready for the day. Eat breakfast, brush teeth, and yes, get dressed in something other than pajamas.

Next, come up with a schedule that you can stick with. Try to spend 20-30 minutes on math and each of the four blocks of literacy (reading alone, working with words, guided reading and writing). PE should be every day, and you can work in art and music in the afternoons, or as related to content. If

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you are working from home and time is limited, think about hitting these areas every day: your child reading alone or with your help, you reading to your child, writing something every day, and math. Use a big piece of paper or dry-erase board to post the schedule. At our house, we finish everything by 12 or 1 p.m. every day and then play around with art or music in the afternoons.

You might choose to take Fridays off so everyone feels rested and balanced.

As far as how you teach, there are tons of options online and with the games your kids’ teachers provide, but feel free to mix it up. Maybe one day, read alone from one of the books you have at home and the next day, use an online reading program.

Working with words can be a review of4

flash cards with phonemes or digraphs (aka “word chunks”) for younger kids. Older learners can work with spelling grade-level words or editing a piece of original writing.

Guided reading is reading with your child and discussions that follow, ranging from the basics such as characters, point of view, setting and plot, to bigger questions that connect reads to other books, the world or themselves.

Writing is where we have the most fun but it may be tough to find online practice and support. I know it is tempting to make corrections to your kid’s writing, but it is more effective to let your child express him or herself – leave the corrections for when you are in your “working with words” block. This is especially true for young or reluctant learners. Writing is about the original and uncensored expression of ideas.

To accomplish this block, on Mondays, we do “Monday Mail” where we all sit down and write letters to friends or family members. We also make a point of heading outside once a week to do Nature Writing. You can walk your child through an exercise where you isolate Rankin’s three children work on art outside. While homeschooling each of the five senses and talk about first only can be stressful, the important thing to remember is, there is no the things you can hear, then see, smell, feel, one right way (even taking a day off is OK.)/Photo by Sarah Rankin and touch. Then, for about 20 minutes, find some alone space in the yard or park and write about all the year, days of the week, shapes, money, tally marks, time, the things you sense or think about. When you come back and counting by 10s, fives and twos.

Whatever path forward you choose in the coming together and read these, you may be surprised by the poetry weeks, know that just being at home with your family is you have created.

Math is another area that can be fun from home. Cooking providing valuable learning in what it means to listen to together provides practice with fractions and time. Garden- others, be patient, maintain relationships and find balance, ing invites practice with the calendar and measurement. however imperfect those practices may appear at Making a shopping list and sticking to a budget is a great one times. Check with your child’s teacher before branching for working with money and addition (hopefully you will not out, but chances are, your teacher will be in support of be working with multiplication with the price of toilet what works for you.

Sarah Rankin spent 12 years as an elementary school teacher. paper). For younger learners, you can make a set of popsicle sticks with skills that are worth reciting every day: months of She now teaches her three kids from her home in Durango. n

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Kids bored?

From horse to naming houseplants, the Big Fun Button has the answer With Colorado announcing schools will remain closed for the rest of the school year, kids and parents may be getting a little ... restless.

Even as parents re-evaluate their expectations in these weird times, or help with online classes and try to support their child’s mental well-being, there are still two words that can strike dread: “I’m bored.”

When Kate Sheldon’s 10year-old daughter transitioned to remote learning because of the pandemic, she had to rethink and reprioritize her family’s time and value – and became a lot more creative in the process.

“My daughter’s school ends at noon, so after she’s done, we’re creating things, or we go out and explore,” the mom from Eagle said. There used to be a lot of rushing around, but now they can be intentional and “do more epic things.”

One of those things is the “Idea Jar,” Sheldon’s Swiss Army Knife against boredom and too much screen time.

We figured, “Hey, sometimes we get bored too,” so we happily borrowed some of Sheldon’s ideas and mixed them up with ideas from parents at Colorado Public Radio to create the Big Fun Button.

To check out the BFB, go to www.cpr.org.

– Francie Swidler and Jim Hill, Colorado Public Radio

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April 23, 2020 n

9

FlashinthePan

A hill of beans

by Ari LeVaux

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ike most of you, I have been sheltering in place for what feels like forever. It feels oddly familiar, because in some ways I have been preparing to shelter in place since about Y2K. Back then, it seemed totally reasonable to expect computers to trigger societal collapse, and activities like gardening, canning and raising chickens were a reasonable response to the coming chaos. Some of us also have noticed the sweet and savory rewards of being self-sufficient, whether because of disaster or just winter. Crisis or not, you still eat the canned peaches. As the years went by, I became so distracted by the pleasures of food storage that I forgot I was also preparing for the big one.

There’s no food shortage, yet, but many people are stockpiling. Canned food is the most popular, especially beans but also vegetables. You don’t hear stories about people hoarding fresh produce, even though we all should be eating more of that if we are trying to stay healthy.

I did most of my stockpiling last fall, and this is the time of year when I normally focus on eating my stash. I have frozen bags of tomato sauce and pesto to make noodle time extra special, as well as frozen meat, cutlets of eggplant and zucchini, jars of salsa, pickled peppers and chutney, dried fruit, and many more things, packaged when it was fresh.

You don’t have to aim big if you are just starting out stocking a pantry. Stick to an amount that’s doable, and fun. Experiment. Most importantly, find some good produce and start cutting it up. Figure out how to cook it, maybe preserve it. At the very least, cook a big batch of something and freeze the leftovers.

My local store is cleaned out of canned beans, and yours probably is too, but the dry beans are usually available. This is good, as dried beans are preferable. The only advantage of canned beans is that they are ready to go.

But dried beans are cheaper than canned beans and occupy less space in the bunker. And when you are truly sheltering in place, time is no longer in as short supply.

At this point in a normal spring, I would be loading up

on potatoes and young greens at my local farmers market. Since the market is closed, I have been reaching out to farmer friends to schedule some socially distant parking lot deals for carrots, onions, potatoes, cabbage and other winter staples. And fresh greens like baby bok choy and spinach for my ramen noodles, and sweet radish, pea shoots and whatever random stuff they might have.

Here is a bean soup recipe from the south of Spain, where my own personal quarantine began. Cocido de Hinojos is traditionally made with fennel, which grows wild in the Andalusian hills, but this recipe uses parsley and kale, as fennel can be scarce these days. In this soup, as in life, the more greens and veggies, the better.

This recipe is written for dried beans. If using an Instant Pot, slow cooker or canned beans, adjust accordingly. Whatever you do, don’t throw out the bean water, including from a can – add that to the pot.

Andalusian-Style Potato and Bean Soup Serves 4, with another four servings for the freezer 1 cup of dry big white beans (or 2 14-oz can of beans)

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1 large onion, one half minced 2 stalks celery, cut in half crosswise to fit in pot 2 large carrots, cut in half 1 large potato, ½-inch cubed 2 quarts stock (vegetable, beef or chicken) 1 tablespoon thyme ½ cup olive oil 2 slices bacon, whole or chopped (optional) 1 modest bunch parsley 3 cloves garlic, minced ½ cup dry sherry or rice wine ½ lemon, juiced and zested 1 bunch kale or collards, trimmed and minced 1 teaspoon salt More salt, and pepper, to taste Rinse the beans and soak overnight in 4 quarts of water in a large pot. The next day, cook beans for an hour or so, until soft. Add the stock, thyme, celery, carrot, potato and half of the onion, peel and all. Cook for another hour.

Hold the parsley bunch by the leaf end and slice the stems as thinly as possible. Chop the leaves and set aside for later.

Heat olive oil in a heavy-bottomed pot on med/high, with bacon if using, and add the minced parsley stems.

Fry about 5 minutes, add the onions, and cook another 5 or so minutes, until onions are nearly caramelized.

Stir in garlic. When the delicious garlic aroma is almost developing a burnt edge, about 2 minutes, deglaze with the sherry/rice wine.

Remove the large pieces of celery, carrots and onion from the bean pot and use a slotted spoon to scoop the beany remains into the fried onion, parsley and garlic.

Add the lemon juice and zest, kale and salt, and enough bean broth to cover everything by an inch. Turn heat to medium. Cover with a tight-fitting lid, and cook for another 30 minutes, adjusting the broth level to your liking with stock from the bean pot.

About 10 minutes before turning off the heat, add the chopped parsley leaves. Serve drizzled with your finest olive oil or a splash of hot sauce.n

AskRachel

Man boobs, walking the dog & city slickers Interesting fact: Smartwatch manufacturers recommend wearing their products on your, ahem, non-dominant hand to avoid falsely inflating step counts throughout the day. No mention of people who use one of the numerous two-handed methods.

Dear Rachel, I’m a single man getting targeted by Facebook ads for milk-pumping bras. The models, naturally, appear to be breastfeeding women. These algorithms are increasingly intelligent. So I’m worried what the AI knows about me that I haven’t learned yet. Am I about to give a virgin birth? Turn to alternative milk products? Reenact the final scene in The Grapes of Wrath? And it’s no blip – the ads have shown up every day since we’ve been socially isolated.

– Mama’s Milk Dear Suckling Pig, Oooooooh! Someone’s got dirty, dirty skeletons in his closet! Don’t tell me. It’s lactating porn, isn’t it? It’s lactating porn. You searched once for lactating porn, and the algorithms got you only slightly confused with a mother-soon-to-be. Congratulations on whatever happens next! Most of us will emerge from these times with neck beards and pasty skin. You’ll have the souvenir to outshine them all.

– Soup’s on, Rachel Dear Rachel, My fitness smartwatch counts my steps throughout the day. Or it tries to. I recently fig-

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ured out that I get step-credit not just when I walk the dog, but when I “walk the dog.” Sometimes it’s a couple thousand bonus steps. Sometimes it’s just 50 or 75. Either way, am I cheating on my step count? Or does “walking the dog” count as aerobic exercise, without leaving my bedroom?

– Giving the Dog a Bone Dear Hound Dog, I would have gone with “pounding the pavement” or “my evening constitutional” as the euphemism, but then again, I like to leave animals out of it. To each their own.

So long as you actually do leave the dog out of it. As for your steps: I have the opposite problem. Half my fitness comes from grocery shopping. And with my hand on the cart, my arm doesn’t move so my steps don’t count. So maybe it all comes out in the wash. (You do wash your sheets afterward, right?)

– One foot in front of the other, Rachel Dear Rachel, I thought I’d take advantage of the coronavirus to finally realize my dream of homesteading. Become self-sufficient. You know, grow my own food, harvest rainwater for my outdoor showers, compost my own poo. But it turns out it’s really hard to do all that while living in the city, especially when you lack motivation. Any advice for getting started in ways that will stick?

- Mediocre Homes & Gardens Dear Laura Ingalls Tamer, Surviving a global pandemic is traumatic, even if you

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haven’t decided to find out what Tiger King is all about.

It’s OK not to be magazine-perfect throughout the process. But if you truly want to change your life, start small. Pick one thing and run with it. Like, try planting just carrots and really throw yourself into it. Or, start jarring and preserving your own breast milk. There’s a bra for that.

– Onward ho, Rachel

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Email Rachel at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com

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1480 E. 2nd Ave. & 15th St. • 970-764-4577 • www.jimmysmusic.supply telegraph

April 23, 2020 n 11

QuarantineActivityPage

Stay-at-Home ’Dos With hair salons and barber shops closed for several weeks, it’s a good chance your tresses have grown to unprecedented and unmanageable lengths (and heights.) While the home buzz cut is always an option, the growing-out phase can be disastrous. So before you take matters, and clippers, into your own hands, the Telegraph presents several options for the man about the house.

Match the ‘do with the name, and when stay-athome orders are lifted, be sure to take this handy guide to the barbers with you.

1. Beef Fondue – A sizzling and meaty good time, just don’t get too close to the Sterno, or your fingers will get burned.

2. Knight in White Satin – Hard on the outside, soft on the inside. You’ll never be able to get him out of your head 3. 8th Grade Science Teacher – Don’t let the pocket protector fool you. Once that bell rings, there will definitely be chemistry 4. The HedgeHog – Cute and cuddly, but cunning and sharp. He can weasel his way in, or out, of any situation 5. The Middle Child – Always in the middle, right down to his part. Loves his parents and refuses to move out of the basement.

6. The Game Show Host – Can you guess what’s behind Door No. 2? Pick him and you’ll soon find out.

Help Durango Dude go to prom This week’s activity: Since prom got cancelled, Durango Dude has decided to hold a make-believe prom in his house. Please help him decorate, get dressed and invite his make-believe friends, including the princess. Who really is fake. Sorry.

12 n April 23, 2020

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Congratulations to this week’s winner of the Telegraph coloring contest, Dan Groth, again, for his colorful McDonald’s-inspired Zoom get-together. It sure adds new meaning to “happy hour” ... with maybe a few psychedelics thrown in. Thanks for your hard work Dan, we can’t wait to be invited to your next happy hour. Or maybe we can.

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April 23, 2020 n 13

While I know times are challenging and things seem uncertain, we will get through this together with strength and dignity.

Durango is strong, and we will come out the other side of this a better and even stronger community by working together in this time of transition.

FreeWillAstrology

by Rob Brezsny ARIES (March 21-April 19): In the future, when the coronavirus crisis has a diminished power to disrupt our lives, I would love for you to have more of the money you need to finance interesting new experiences that help you learn and thrive. Now is a good time to brainstorm about how you might arrange for that to happen. For best results, begin your meditations with vivid fantasies in which you envision yourself doing those interesting new experiences that will help you learn and thrive TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Renowned Taurus composer Johannes Brahms (1833–97) completed his first symphony when he was 43 years old – even though he’d started work on it at age 22. Why did it take him so long? One factor was his reverence for Ludwig van Beethoven, the composer who had such a huge impact on the development of classical music. In light of Beethoven’s mastery, Brahms felt unworthy. How could any composer add new musical ideas that Beethoven hadn’t already created? But after more than two decades, Brahms finally managed to overcome his inhibition.

He eventually produced four symphonies and scores of other pieces, and left a major mark on musical history. For you, Taurus, I see the coming months as a phase comparable to the time when Brahms finally built the strength necessary to emerge from the shadow that had inhibited him.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): A Gemini friend sent me and three of her other allies a poignant email. “This note is a tender apology to those of you whom I’ve hurt in the process of hurting myself,” she began. “I want you to know that I have been working hard and with great success to eliminate my unconscious tendency to hurt myself. And I am confident this means I will also treat you very well in the future.” I received her message with joy and appreciation. Her action was brave and wise. I invite you to consider making a comparable adjustment in the weeks ahead.

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14 n April 23, 2020

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CANCER (June 21-July 22): The Ojibwe are indigenous people of North America. Professor of Ojibwe studies Anton Treuer writes that in their traditional culture, there have been men who act and dress like women and women who act and dress like men. The former are called ikwekaazo and the latter ikwekaazowag. Both have been “always honored” and “considered to be strong spiritually.”

Many other Native American groups have had similar arrangements. Transcending traditional gender behavior is not unique to modern Western civilization. With that as inspiration, and in accordance with astrological omens, I invite you to explore

any inclinations you might have to be your own unique gender. The time is ripe for experimenting with and deepening your relationship with the constructs of “masculine” and “feminine.”

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): “The history of my stupidity would fill many volumes,” Nobel Prize-winning poet Czesław Miłosz wrote. Wow! If a highly respected genius like him has spawned so much nonsense and ignorance, what about the rest of us? Here’s what I have to say about the subject: Each of us should strive to be at peace with the fact that we are a blend of wisdom and folly. We should be tenderly compassionate toward our failures and weaknesses, and not allow them to overshadow our brilliance and beauty. Now would be a good time for you Leos to cultivate this acceptance and perform this blessing for yourself.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Helen Traubel (1899–1972) was best-known for her opera career, although she also sang in concerts, nightclubs and musical theater. But in her autobiography, she confessed, “Opera bored me.” She reminds me of Georgia O’Keeffe, famous painter of flowers. “I hate flowers,” O’Keeffe said. “I paint them because they’re cheaper than models and they don’t move.” Now of course most of us have to do some things that we don’t enjoy; that seems to be a routine part of being human. And since the coronavirus arrived in our midst, you may have been saddled with even more of this burden. But I’m happy to inform you that the coming weeks will be a favorable time to brainstorm about how you could do more of what you love to do once the crisis has abated.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): What’s the current state of the relationship between your ego and your soul? Is there an uneasy truce between the ambitious part of you that craves success and recognition and the lyrical part of you that yearns for rich experiences and deep meaning? Or do those two aspects of you get along pretty well – maybe even love and respect each other? Now is a favorable time to honor your ego and soul equally, Libra – to delight in the activities of both, to give them plenty of room to play and improvise, and to encourage them to collaborate in ways that will further your well-rounded happiness and health.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Scorpio author Voltaire (1694– 1778) was a crusader for freedom of thought and civil liberties, as well as a key player in the Enlightenment. He was very prolific.

In addition to producing 2,000 books and pamphlets, his carried on such voluminous written correspondences with so many interesting people that his collected letters fill

telegraph

98 volumes. Would you consider getting inspired by Voltaire’s approach to cross-pollination? According to my calculations, the next phase of the coronavirus crisis will be a favorable time for you to intensify your communication via the written word.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22Dec. 21): I like musician David Byrne’s views on what constitutes meaningful work.

It’s not just the tasks you do to earn money. “Sex is a job,” he says.

“Growing up is a job. School is a job.

Going to parties is a job. Religion is a job.

Being creative is a job.” In other words, all the activities he names, to be done well, require a commitment to excellence and an attention to detail. They are worthy of your diligent efforts, strenuous exertion, and creative struggle. I encourage you to meditate on these thoughts during the coming weeks. Identify what jobs you want to get better at and are willing to work hard on and would like to enjoy even more than you already do.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): At its best and brightest, Capricornian love isn’t frivolous or flighty. It’s not shallow or sloppy or slapdash. When Capricornian love is at its highest potency, it’s rigorous, thoughtful, and full-bodied. It benefits anyone who’s involved with it. I bring this up because I expect the coming weeks to be a Golden Age of Capricornian Love – a time when you will have the inspiration and intelligence necessary to lift your own experience of love to a higher octave.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): I hope you’re not one of those Aquarians who regards stability and security as boring. I hope you don’t have an unconscious predilection for keeping yourself in a permanent state of nervous uncertainty. If you do suffer from those bad habits, you’ll be hard-pressed to stick to them in the coming weeks. That’s because the cosmic energies will be working to settle you down into a steady groove. If you cooperate, you will naturally enhance your ability to be well-anchored, calmly steadfast and at home in your life. Please don’t resist this opportunity.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): I foresee that you’ll be having brilliant and evocative conversations with yourself in the coming weeks. Your heart and your head may become almost blissful as they discuss how best to create a dynamic new kind of harmony. Your left side and right side will declare a truce, no longer wrestling each other for supremacy, and they may even join forces to conjure up unprecedented collaborations. The little voices in your head that speak for the past will find common ground with the little voices in your head that speak for the future – and as a result you may be inspired to formulate a fresh master plan that appeals both.

classifieds

Deadline for Telegraph classified ads is Tuesday at noon. Ads are a bargain at 10 cents a character with a $5 minimum. Prepayment is required via cash, card or check.

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HaikuMovieReview ‘Angel Has Fallen’ Do you like lots of explosions? This dude-bro-fest will bring your balls joy – Lainie Maxson

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telegraph

An Iris April 23, 2020 n 15

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