Durango Telegraph - March 28, 2019

We will rock you

elegraph the durango

FREE March 28, 2019

Vol. XVIII, No. 13 durangotelegraph.com

inside

T H E

O R I G I N A L

I N D I E

W E E K L Y

L I N E

O N

D U R A N G O

&

B E Y O N D

Staying afloat

Out on a limb

Seeds of change

After falling short, lake opens with renewed expectations p9

Local prosthetist gives amputees new lease on outdoor life p14

Selective seed breeding is sewing change among farmers p16

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lineup

9

4 La Vida Local

On the water Lake Nighthorse opens with renewed expectations after lackluster year

4 Thumbin’ It

by Tracy Chamberlin

5 Word on the Street

12-13

6 ReTooned

Etched in stone

6-8 Soapbox

A trip through history, and the imagination, in Southeastern Utah photos by Stephen Eginoire

11 Mountain Town News 12-13 Day in the Life

14

16 Flash in the pan

Getting a handle Local prosthetist gives amputees new lease on outdoor life

17 Top Shelf

by Joy Martin

18 On the Town

16

20 Ask Rachel

Seeds of change New approach to selective breeding opens door for organic farming

21 Free Will Astrology

by Ari LeVaux

22 Classifieds

17

22 Haiku Movie Review On the cover: Getting up close with the “Duckhead Petroglyph” near the base of Cedar Mesa in Southeast Utah./ Photo by Stephen Eginoire

Crying in our beer Saying “adieu” to BREW with Liver Down the River

by Chris Aaland

boilerplate

EDITORIALISTA: Missy Votel (missy@durangotelegraph.com) ADVERTISING AFICIONADO: Lainie Maxson (lainie@durangotelegraph.com) RESIDENT FORMULA ONE FAN: Tracy Chamberlin (tracy@durangotelegraph.com)

T

he Durango Telegraph publishes every Thursday, come hell, high water, beckoning singletrack or monster powder days. We are wholly owned and operated independently by the Durango Telegraph LLC and

STAR-STUDDED CAST: Lainie Maxson, Chris Aaland, Clint Reid, Stephen Eginoire, Jesse Anderson, Zach Hively, Joy Martin, Ari LeVaux, Tracy Chamberlin and Shan Wells

MAILING ADDRESS: P.O. Box 332 Durango, CO 81302

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distributed in the finest and most discerning locations throughout the greater Durango area.

We’re only human. If, by chance, we defame someone’s good name or that of their family, neighbor, best

friend or dog, we will accept full responsibility in a public flogging in the following week’s issue.

Although “free but not easy,” we can be plied with schwa, booze and flattery.

PHONE: 970.259.0133

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Ear to the ground: “Give it some time. It’s like presidents – every four to eight years you get a shot at a really good one.”

– Advice to a lovelorn friend on dating in a mountain town

thepole

RegularOccurrences

Getting Rancid This week, the pride of Bodo Park announced it is collaborating with Bay Area punk rock legends Rancid on its newest offering, “Brewstomper Golden Ale.” The beer, which will be available on tap and in cans, will feature the cover art from the band’s seminal 1994 album “Let’s Go.” It’s billed as a “crushable crowdpleaser” at 5 percent ABV, with both the beer and label evoking a “sense of punk rock nostalgia, bringing you back to the days of sweaty, indie garage shows and oodles of easydrinking beers,” Ska’s head mosher Dave Thibodeau said.

“Brewstomper is a crisp, refreshing ale designed to be enjoyed with music and friends, the type of beer that doesn’t dominate the conversation, but simply enhances it,” Ska extolled in a press release.

“While the hops and malt work quietly backstage without bravado, the show certainly couldn’t go on without them.”

Of course, Ska’s band crush for Rancid and its precursor, Operation Ivy, is no secret – Hop Ivy and Rue B. Soho are stalwarts in the brewery’s line up. “Rancid and Op Ivy both provided the soundtrack to our lives as we were planning out the brewery in the early ’90s,” Thibodeau said.

“Their music, along with a heavy dose of an unnamed American light lager, really are the roots of what has become Ska’s World Headquarters.”

Despite the long-running love affair, the idea for the latest beer didn’t come about until Ska’s sales characters, Kristen Muraro and Arlo Grammatica, “found” their way backstage at a Rancid show and discussions of collaboration began.

Many beers and a couple shows later, Brewstomper is set to go on the production line in April and debut May 11 at The Bash Music & Craft Beer Festival in Phoenix. The multi-city punk-apalooza features Rancid, Pennywise, Suicidal Tendencies, L7 and the Mighty Mighty Bosstones, among others. (Since we’re sure you’re wondering, here’s the website: www.thebashmusicfesti val.com.)

“This is a beer concept we should have brewed up a long time ago, and we have Rancid to thank for making it happen.”

For its part, Rancid is happy – well, as happy as punk rockers can be – at the end result. “Working with Ska was really a no-brainer,” Rancid founder (formerly of Op Ivy fame) Matt Freeman said. “They make great beer and they’ve got that Do-Shit-Yourselves ethos that’s woven into all of our DNA.” Now only if Ska could get Rancid to play a show in Durango. Just throwing it out there … .

March 28, 2019 n

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opinion

LaVidaLocal Disenchanted It’s true – living in Durango can make one a bit “soft” in the security department.

We leave doors open, bikes unlocked and gear unsecured. I’ll even admit to the biggest small town faux pas of all: leaving my keys in the ignition. (This might be a subconscious attempt to get the crappy thing stolen, but apparently no thief is that desperate.) Sure, occasionally petty theft happens (speaking of which, could whoever raided my change cup please return my rocket box key? It’s the only one I have.) But for the most part, we are an honest, wallet-returning, neighborhood-watching bunch.

Of course, this means when we go to the big city, those green plates can be a bit of a target. Take a recent hockey roadtrip to the Land of Disenchantment. After returning to the hotel late one night, I got into my car the next morning to find things in slight disarray. Not thinking much of it, we drove the family truckster to the rink for that morning’s game. We pulled into the mommy circle and that’s when it dawned on us: my daughter’s hockey bag, which we left in the car overnight, was MIA. Confusion set in, followed by that Perry Mason moment.

The raided console, the missing bag … we were robbed.

As anyone who has ever had something stolen can attest to, it is not only a total personal violation but one of the creepiest feelings ever. I mean, what kind of sicko pervert goes into a random car and takes a giant bag filled with gear soaked in someone else’s sweat and bodily fluids? (I believe I’ve mentioned this before, but if hockey gear was a Febreeze scent, it would be called “Grim Reaper No. 5.”)

I’ve heard of low blows, like snaking your neighbor’s freshly shoveled parking spot, not picking up your dog’s poop, or cutting in the lift, eddy or beer line. But stealing a kid’s sporting gear – that’s a sign of a seriously disturbed individual.

OK, this is the part where I need to interject my fault in all this. I was not so stupid as to think I could leave my car unlocked in an urban area. I even parked close to the door and under the security cam (which we later learned was a fake). I am, however, stupid enough not to realize that when there’s another set of keys lurking somewhere deep inside your car unbeknownst to you, it won’t lock. No matter how many times you push the new-fangled lock thingamafobby.

Crushed, my daughter sat out her game while an enraged father combed the alleyways and dumpsters. I could imagine the thief’s disappointment upon lugging the 40-pound bag to his troll cave, only to open up the booty and discover not a flat-screen TV, kilos of contraband or even something remotely resellable, but instead – waahwaahwaah – what amounted to a stinky gym locker on wheels. I hope he gagged.

I derived a certain amount of satisfaction from this and the fact that his troll cave now likely reeked of subway platform, at least more than usual. Dare I say, I almost felt a tiny pang of sympathy for this pathetic loser. But, it was short lived.

With the alley dragnet failing to turn up anything, we called in a report to the cops and headed home. Low and behold, by the time we reached Durango, the gear was up on Craigslist (perhaps not your smartest thief). Adding insult to injury, he was selling the “little girls hockey gear” (which made me throw up a little in my mouth) and associated “body pads” and “roller blades” (I guess New Mexico is a long way from

Canada) for $100 – a mere fraction of what we paid.

I excitedly called the police and told them about the break in the case. Not only was it unequivocally her stuff (a sticker with her name was visible on the front of her helmet in his shaky DTs photo, as were her fuzzy pink skate guards). Better yet, the thief provided his phone number, email and physical address. All they had to do was politely knock on the door, retrieve the stuff and congratulate themselves on a job well done, knowing they had helped restore a young person’s faith in humanity But apparently, things only happen that way in Mayberry. In the real world, crime-solving works a little differently – or, in this case, not at all. After several calls and being shuffled around to various officers, I was given the strong arm from the long arm. They told me they would “try” but “not to expect anything” (cop speak for “Lady, we don’t give a H-E-double hockey sticks about your stupid stuff.”)

Sure, I get this wasn’t a heist of the queen’s jewels, and there are murderers, drug lords, and Trader Joe and gallery parking scofflaws running loose in their fair city. (I will refrain from telling you the name because I know there are lots of nice, law-abiding people there, except to say it rhymes with Fanta Se.) So, that’s when we decided to take matters into our own hands – hey, hockey gear may not be pretty but it does cost a pretty penny. We would show the thief who’s boss, go down there and … buy our stuff back. (OK, maybe not the retaliation you hoped for, but after being told by the police that most of these criminals make Breaking Bad look like the Brady Bunch, we opted for the path of least resistance.)

A friend, who perhaps has watched one too many vigilante movies, just so happened to be headed down there and offered to be the middle man. My husband sent a message to the number on Craigslist, and eventually a meeting was arranged to get the goods from “Dave” at a nearby Schlotzsky’s (funny, I always envisioned these things going down at a Dunkin Doughnuts or a Denny’s). As the day grew near, anticipation built, and Dave’s unsolicited story became better and better. He had bought the gear from a “lady” (me) who had a moving sale in her “apartment” (back of her Subaru) and wished “his daughter” (he) had “enjoyed ice sports” (picked a better tourist’s car to rip off).

Although I had delusions of sting-operation grandeur, we were to never find out the end to Dave’s story. He had been “hit by a car” (thrown his back out lugging a giant hockey bag) and was “going to the doctor’s office” (dumping it in the nearest arroyo).

And then the case went cold – but not before choice words were exchanged and unprintable things texted about both parties.

In hindsight, maybe Dave did us a favor – I’m not sure if we would have wanted the stuff back anyway. I’m a firm believer in juju, and after being in his possession, this stuff was definitely tainted. Plus he taught us mountain bumpkins an important lesson about never keeping valuables in one’s car as well as the efficacy, and lack thereof, of the justice system.

As for Dave, all I can wish is that karma high-sticks him in the junk and the overwhelming stench of hockey jocks forever haunts his days and nights.

Sign of the Downfall:

Thumbin’It Crews working round the clock to reopen Red Mountain Pass after nearly three weeks of closure due to some of the most epic slides ever seen

Mud season arriving with a vengeance, with debris flows inundating CR 250 and flooding in the Midwest spelling disaster for the nation’s farmers

SW Colorado moving out of the purple and into the yellow on the latest U.S. Drought Monitor report which came out last week

A new report that found last year’s drought increased tree mortality by 50 percent in New Mexico, wiping our 120,000 acres of ponderosa, piñon-juniper and spruce forest

The Navajo Nation taking steps toward a cleaner future by ending a bid to acquire the Navajo Generating Station and Peabody Coal Mine and passing a resolution to end a nearly 50-year economic dependence on coal

4 n March 28, 2019

– Missy Votel

Signs that trauma from mass shootings far beyond the victimd, with two Parkland survivors and the father of a child killed in Sandy Hook taking their own lives in the last week

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I Conch Hear You There’s been a lot of buzz lately about the man who traveled to Australia to have his conch removed (don’t worry, it’s the ear’s inner-lobe). But really, this body-mod has been around for a while – you can even pay extra to pair it with an “elven ear,” where they mold the top of your ear into a point. But the reason the conch-removal is extra odd is that you have to sign a waiver because the procedure reduces your ability to hear … as it turns out, ears do things.

WordontheStreet With Durango schools on spring break this week, the Telegraph asked, “What do you need a break from?”

Q

Diane Tipton

“Waking up at 6 a.m.”

Jim Sims

“Politics.”

Moon Pelham

“Our threedimensional reality.”

Trey Tipton

“I hope it’s only a short break – shoveling snow.”

Natalie Mora

“School.”

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March 28, 2019 n 5

SoapBox

ReTooned/by Shan Wells

Breaking down the math of 1A To the editor, Ballot Issue 1A poses a difficult choice for Durango voters on how to maintain basic functions supported by the city’s General Fund. Here are relevant facts.

The 2019 General Fund budget includes $40.9M in expenses. However, offsetting revenues plus contractual obligations (e.g. fire protection) account for $17.5M, leaving $23.4M for potential reallocation. Of this, half goes to the net costs (expense minus revenue) of the Police Department, 911 Communications Center and streets. According to a recent workload study, the Police Department needs more officers, not fewer. Unmet street needs are the focus of 1A. Excluding these important expenditures would leave just $11.7M. The now unfunded Streets Capital Improvement Plan (CIP) proposes at least $2M per year in upgrades, in addition to already budgeted maintenance. (For details, see durangogov.org/1180/City-of-Durango-Streets). To fund the CIP from the General Fund would require roughly 17 percent cuts elsewhere. Because about 60 percent of expenses are personnel costs, 17 percent reallocation would require layoffs and service reductions. Significant layoffs occurred during the last recession. If such cuts now happen in “good” times, what option would remain when the next recession hits?

Some opponents of 1A propose reallocating revenues from the 2015 Sales Tax Fund. They would suspend Parks and Rec capital investments, instead funding general P&R operations. This strategy of “robbing Peter to pay Paul” would not address the underlying problem of revenue growth failing to keep up with expenses. Moreover, many of the 70 percent of voters who approved the 2015 initiative would regard this choice as a betrayal. Subject to decisions by future councils, the “temporary” diversion could

become permanent, further undermining public trust.

Defeat of Ballot Issue 1A would force the new City Council to make extremely challenging decisions to fund the multi-year street CIP and avoid much larger future

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costs. Given likely competing tax initiatives in November, the next realistic opportunity to approach Durango voters will not come until the 2021 city election. Alternatively, passage of 1A would allow restoration of a “rainy day”4

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fund and afford the community two years to come together to identify a sustainable fiscal strategy. This would enable the new City Council, rather than engaging in damage control, to focus on building a better Durango.

– Dick White, Durango City Council

Noseworthy, Baxter bring skills To the editor, Durango is about to elect two new City Councilors. I am backing Kim Baxter and Barbara Noseworthy because each has a strong background for this position. Kim Baxter has spent 10 years preparing for the job by working on Advisory Boards and the City Planning Commission. She knows the budget, the ins and outs of City government, and the challenges faced by businesses and developers in remarkable detail. Her small-business background is perfect to understand the challenges of Durango’s entrepreneurs.

Noseworthy offers an intriguing macro perspective, which I’ve seen firsthand over the past few years. She’s worked in Western oil and gas (read: boom and bust) towns but has also had leadership positions with large, complex organizations – colleges and universities, the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, etc. She’s run organizations with $38 million budgets and 160 staff. She has an eye for creative, cost-effective solutions to deferred-maintenance problems, long-term planning and big-picture strategy. During a time of unprecedented budget concerns, experience matters. Noseworthy and Baxter would work really well together and demand accountability from government. Please join me in voting for both.

– Anne Markward, Durango

1A represents long-term planning To the editor, So now the City has proposed a new ½ cent tax for 10 years. Why? With sales tax revenue threatened by increasing online sales, decreasing oil & gas tax revenue, increas-

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ing construction costs, and higher minimum wages, the City needs to raise money to adequately maintain and repair the streets of Durango. This will save the citizens millions of dollars over time. The tax will be used for specific projects that the City has prioritized based on paving assessments and other metrics. This is not some haphazard plan, but one based on careful, long-term planning. Please visit the www.A1durango.com website for answers to many of the questions and criticisms that have been raised.

As to raiding the 2015 recreation tax funding (approved by 70 percent), this would require a vote of the citizens and also be detrimental to our large recreation economy, negatively impact the health of our community, and damage our local culture and reputation. Rarely mentioned or discussed are the myriad programs and activities that the recreation department provides for the children of our working parents such as Gametime, Lego building, chess club, kids club, etc. These provide an affordable, safe, healthy, educational space after school, during school vacations and over the summer for the children of Durango that allows their parents to work in our community.

Fifty cents for every $100 is money well spent to maintain our streets. I urge all residents to go to www.A1durango.com for more information and to vote YES on 1A! – Sandy Burke, Durango

City needs to listen to citizens To the editor, Recently, the City Council approved the formation of a long-term finance committee, based on a flawed proposal by the city manager. Thankfully, only Melissa Youssef advocated for withholding determination of the members until our new City Council is seated. More shocking is that the current council seems deaf when it comes to citizen participation in city government. Based on the November vote and listening sessions, citizens are very dissatisfied with the council and city manager regarding finances, and citizens called for a finance committee.

Without any public participation, the council determined the committee by-laws and structure. Why is this council so arrogant that it chooses to bypass citizen input in a structure/process suggested by citizens? If the committee is to have credibility and be an interface between the council and citizens regarding the city’s financial future, then listen and utilize public input in its design.

Nominating two former council members, per Le Blanc’s suggestion, is pure folly and suggests only that Le Blanc wants to protect his territory. To be successful, this committee needs people versed in a variety of areas, who can challenge long held assumptions, be skillful and think out of the box, and be credible with citizens and councilors.

I also hope with the new council, citizen participation will be once again valued, when councilors will respond to citizen emails, and where dialogue between councilors and citizens can occur. This might lessen the mistrust citizens have for the council and city management.

– Pete Johnson, Durango

Bring common sense to City gov’t To the editor, Deferred maintenance on federal, state and local roads has been a problem since the 1980s. Clearly, the City needs to fund road maintenance, but the City’s proposed 1-A tax is not the way to address this issue! Even with this tax the City would be unable to fund: • Snow removal – if heavy snow occurs after snow removal funds are used.

• The homeless issue, the council’s highest priority, no money to work with the County and volunteer groups.

• Adequate water supply – If the drought continues, tapping water from Lake Nighthorse would be required to supply water to Durango. Piping and pumping stations would be needed.

The best way to get voters to approve a bond to fund a new police station or expand the sub-station – buying the

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March 28, 2019 n 7

proposed property, prepare a design of the structure, then ask voters to approve a bond to construct it.

In each of these scenarios, funds from this new tax would not help. What will voters think if in two years the City asks for yet a new tax to address one of these issues?

Do you want a series of proposed tax raises to address these foreseeable issues? Is this good fiscal planning?

Advocates of 1-A have exaggerated the need and urgency of dealing with this problem by approving a poorly thought-out tax. By rejecting 1-A and electing city councilors who will explore other solutions, we can do better.

Kim Baxter and Barbara Noseworthy propose to fund parks and rec facilities maintenance thru the 2015 halfcent tax for parks and rec., not the General Fund. This would free up $1.2 million immediately for road maintenance. Both would analyze the City’s budget and operations to make operations more effective and efficient. For example, the City does not plan to fund maintenance of parks and rec. facilities or City buildings. Does this make sense? Noseworthy proposes to establish a long-term financial planning committee reporting to City Council.

Clearly the City needs to do this.

We are fortunate to have two well-qualified City Council candidates who will listen to the citizens and work to deal more effectively with fiscal issues, make the city more transparent and restore trust of the City’s fiscal management and planning. Please join me in voting against 1-A and electing Noseworthy and Baxter to City Council.

– John Viner, Durango

1A won’t fix poor decision making To the editor, As a person who usually supports tax increases for valid needs, justifying them as “what we pay for civilized society,” I am reluctant to support ballot measure 1A. Road repairs and upgrades are important, but I feel that

recent and planned road projects have been unwise. In 2018, a traffic light was installed at E. College and 2nd Ave. at a cost of $564,000 to accommodate construction of two new, for-profit hotels. This work also included changing E. College from four lanes to two, based on the dubious theory that making it more difficult to drive a route will reduce speed. Well, that worked, as there are often lines of cars stopped in front of my residence on E. College that makes it tough to get out of my parking area.

An additional inconvenience to pedestrians is the timing and preferences of the traffic lights and walk signs that make the delay in crossing in any direction excessive, resulting in about one-third of observed pedestrians jaywalking in frustration.

The city website describes further work planned to reduce E. College lanes from E. 3rd to 8th, a five-block stretch of road that will cost $2.1 million. Over $1 million of this is city money. The rest may be grant money, but it still is tax money, whether city or state or fed, and still comes out of the pockets of taxpayers. That stretch of road is one that currently requires only minor pot-hole repairs, and spending over $2 million to eliminate some lanes while major pot holes remain throughout the city seems a bit short-sighted. I will vote no on 1A in hopes that future city councils make more sensible decisions.

– Rhys Schrock, Durango

Yes on 1A; keep Durango beautiful To the editor, I am voting yes on 1A on the April ballot because I love Durango, and I want visitors and locals alike to be amazed by our infrastructure as well as our natural beauty. I am voting yes because I can’t always find what I need locally, and I know that every online purchase takes a little out of our local sales tax revenue. As a matter of fact, increases in online shopping have made a serious impact on the amount of sales tax coming in to the city. I

am voting yes because I know that operational costs of maintaining roads have gone up due to increased cost of materials and are not able to keep pace with our General Fund revenue. I am voting yes because I know that if the City doesn’t maintain our roads now, it will cost taxpayers millions more dollars to repair them later. I am voting yes because Durango is my home, and I want to take care of it. I hope you will join me in voting yes on 1A. It’s the right choice for Durango.

– Sarah Brown, Durango

Wisner next-generation leadership To the editor, It’s that time, Durango, to dust off any political apathy and return your ballot for City Council and the sales tax question. I’m supporting Marcos Wisner for council. He is a Durango native, which is almost a rare breed these days. Marcos works very hard as a business owner, employer and community member. Let’s vote in the next generation of leadership for our fair city.

– Beth Lamberson Warren, Durango

1A recoups money lost to internet To the editor, To the very real extent that the 1A sales tax will replace local sales taxes we no longer pay when we purchase goods online, 1A is simply a continuation of the community investment we’ve long made to maintain our city’s streets.

Moreover, the burden of 1A will be shared fairly among all those who use Durango’s infrastructure – town citizens, county residents working and shopping in town, and visitors from out of town alike.

Please join me in voting yes for 1A, and for Durango’s well-maintained future.

– Scott Graham, Durango

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Lake Nighthorse, still surrounded by snow, opens this weekend. Last year, stand-up paddle boarders, kayakers and canoeists made up 37 percent of the lake’s users./Photo by Stephen Eginoire

Staying afloat After falling short in first year, Nighthorse opens with renewed expectations

by Tracy Chamberlin

A

fter taking a couple hits in the first year, Lake Nighthorse fell short of expectations.

Attendance wasn’t what city officials anticipated, nor did the exceedingly long-awaited recreation opportunity bring in the kind of the money they’d hoped for.

One of the biggest hits came from the 416 Fire, which broke out June 1 and burned more than 55,000 acres north of Durango.

The San Juan National Forest was closed, the Durango & Silverton Narrow Gauge Railroad was shut down, and many of the area’s outdoor activities were put on hold as thick smoke lingered over the Southwest. The entire community took a financial hit – restaurants, hotels, river companies and more – and many employees were furloughed for weeks.

City officials ended up closing parks and open spaces

When to go: Lake Nighthorse • Opening Day for nonmotorized use: March 31; continues Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays thru April 28 • Daily operations begin May 1 • Motorized recreation allowed after May 15 • Closes for the season Nov. 15 Hours of operation: • March 31 - May 14: 9 a.m. - 4 p.m.

• May 15 - 31: 8 a.m. - 6 p.m.

• June 1 - Sept. 2: 7 a.m. - 8 p.m.

• Sept. 3 - 30: 8 a.m. - 7 p.m.

• Oct. 1 - Nov. 14: 9 a.m. - 4 p.m.

For more, visit www.durangogov.org

across town over concerns about fire danger for about a week and a half, including Lake Nighthorse.

Even after the lake was reopened, it’s likely some potential visitors decided to stay indoors or head out of town because of the smoke.

In addition to the impacts from the fire, the boat ramp at Lake Nighthorse was closed for a total of 35 days during May and June because of construction.

Overall attendance at the lake was just more than 48,000 for the year, a number city officials hope will double in 2019. Financially, they were expecting to take in enough money to cover about 80 percent of operating costs. But, they only generated about 74 percent.

Parks and Recreation Director Cathy Metz said, eventually, the City hopes to take in 90 percent of operating costs – a goal set for all Parks and Rec facilities. “That’s our target,” she added.

And, this year, things are certainly looking up. After 4

Put Your Money Where Your Heart Is! A member-owned food co-op where everyone can shop.

Specializing in Local, Organic Produce & Groceries Full Service Made-to-Order Deli 575 E. 8th Ave • The corner of 8th & College • durangonaturalfoods.coop

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March 28, 2019 n

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a winter of record snowfall, lake levels are high, along with expectations.

It all kicks off with the Kids Fish First event Sat., March 30, and an official opening the following day, Sun., March 31.

There are some minor changes to the schedule and a few construction projects in the works. In addition, Metz said the City recently purchased what’s called a floating sport court, which will allow the lake to host drop-in kayak football and stand-up paddle board hockey. Another activity Metz touted was the 4th of July Parade of Boats, which is open to motorized and nonmotorized watercraft.

Anyone coming back after last year will likely notice one change over the winter.

Throughout 2018, residents struggled in the thick mud at the “beach” area along the eastern shore near the existing dock. It made access to the lake a dirty business.

Actual construction of a beach isn’t on

the schedule until next year, but in an effort to address the mess, Metz said crews have chipped dead trees near the overflow parking lot and distributed the mulch in an effort to mitigate the muddy beach.

The City has also made minor changes to the hours of operation – adding Fridays to the spring calendar in April and staying open until 7 p.m. in the fall – but nothing major is in the works when it comes to “No Wake” days, which was the most contentious issue ahead of the 2018 opening.

In the countdown to opening day last year, a group of area residents formed the Quiet No Wake Lake Nighthorse coalition.

They campaigned for quiet use of the lake, requesting speed limits for motorboats and other restrictions on motorized use.

Although the City decided to allow for motorized uses, like wake boarding and water skiing, they created specific days and times when motorboats would be limited to

5 miles per hour.

These “No Wake” days run from opening day March 31 - May 15, and throughout the summer and fall on Mondays and Wednesdays.

This schedule is similar to last year’s, except for the addition of Fridays in the spring and daily operations beginning a couple weeks earlier. Metz said there were several reasons for the decision.

First, the spring construction last year and 416 Fire meant it was not going to be an average year. In addition, she said, they found lake users weren’t limited by designations.

In the early morning hours, the lake is calmer, which lends itself to paddle sports, and winds tend to pick up in the afternoon, which is better for other activities like sailing.

City officials still have the authority to adjust the schedule in the years ahead and

make changes if needed.

One thing the City are unable to do without permission is construction. Agreements made during the decades-long debate over the Animas-La Plata Project – which eventually spawned Lake Nighthorse – require local Native American tribes to approve construction plans in an effort to protect historical sites.

Metz said that process is already under way, and lake managers hope to begin building an ADA (Americans with Disabilities Act) compliant pier and boat launch this summer in addition to the existing one. Unlike work done on the boat ramp last year, though, construction won’t result in any closures, according to Metz, only minimal disruptions.

“I think we’ve learned a lot,” she added.

“Last year we learned how to manage this lake, and this year we’re starting to have some fun with it.” n

Down the road: City reveals future plans for Parks and Rec projects The future is filled with parks, trails and underpasses – all laid out in the City’s Parks and Recreation Five-year Draft Strategic Plan, released earlier this week.

The coming year brings construction of the Animas River Trail on the north side of town, connecting it from Animas City Park to Oxbow, as well as building facilities and adding parking at Oxbow.

Another top project for 2019 is the “road diet” – which includes narrowing of existing lanes and the addition of bike lanes – along College Drive and 8th Street, much of which will be in the hands of the Colorado Department of Transportation.

In ensuing years, Parks and Rec will tackle the city’s loftier

10 n March 28, 2019

goals. Some of the notable mentions: • Final designs for Santa Rita Park, which has been partially closed for construction of the city’s new water treatment plant, will happen this year and construction is slated for next year.

• Plans for Phase I of the Durango Mesa Area, formerly called Ewing Mesa, will be completed this year and implementation begins in 2020 with a natural surface trail system.

Construction of the Durango Mesa Park, which includes sports fields, a BMX track, events center and more, is on the schedule for 2021.

• Plans to begin design and engineering of the Camino Crossing underpass – which will connect downtown with the

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Animas River Trail – are on the schedule for 2021 with actual construction set for 2022.

• Improvements to the Chapman Hill Ski Area and Mason Center are farther down on the priority list with Chapman on the docket for 2023 and no mention of design or construction for the Mason Center property.

City officials are hosting a joint meeting of the Parks and Recreation, Natural Lands and Multimodal advisory boards for Wed., April 3, at 5 p.m. at the Durango Rec Center to discuss the Strategic Plan. For more on the draft plan, visit www.durangogov.org/parksandrec.

– Tracy Chamberlin

MountainTownNews CB likely to get OK for expansion CRESTED BUTTE – Vail Resorts continues on its mission to reshape Crested Butte Mountain Resort into a more valuable member of its money-making fleet of ski areas.

Even under the past two prior owners, Crested Butte felt the need to grow in order to better compete with the larger ski areas of the West. But they had a hard time pushing forward the expansion, in part because of ill-advised designs (think Snodgrass Mountain) but also because ski area expansions take a lot of front-end money for planning.

The Crested Butte News reports that the U.S. Forest Service has given the ski area preliminary approval for a 50-acre terrain expansion. Included in the plans are two new chairlifts and reconfiguration of an existing lift.

One of the local environmental groups, High Country Conservation Advocates, raised no flags.

A story from a lucky snowslide survivor CRESTED BUTTE – Alex Theaker will likely have the most interesting personal story in any room for the rest of his life. The 28year-old Crested Butte resident almost lost his life in early March when he went to shovel at a house in Mount Crested Butte.

He sat down with Mark Reaman, of the Crested Butte News, to share his full story. He thought the roof might be ready to avalanche but was very close to getting his work done. He wasn’t quick enough.

Buried, he immediately started wiggling.

“The snow was really heavy. If it had happened in December, I might have been able to pop right out. But that snow was so wet and heavy, it formed like cement around me. I was kind of on my side and barely had any room to move my legs or anything. I had my phone in my pocket but couldn’t get my hand down to my phone because the snow just had me. Luckily, I had both hands up by my head.”

That may have made all the difference. He was able to move his hands just enough to carve out a portal of air. He thinks he was also able to create just enough of a passageway to allow oxygen to reach him.

Then he stayed calm. “I only remember about 10 minutes of it, and then I remember waking up in the hospital.” He had been buried for up to 2½ hours. His core body temperature was 86 degrees.

In that time, he remembers trying to channel to his wife. “I couldn’t get to my phone so I was trying to communicate with her mentally or through my energy, saying ‘I need help. I need help.’”

He also had Tupac’s Greatest Hits playing in his ear. “They were telling me, ‘Nope, you’re not ready. You forgot the ticket for the party, so you gotta go back and remember the ticket next time, you idiot. You can see what it’s all about, but you can’t get in. You have to dance from the outside.’”

Novel approach to affordable housing ASPEN – Why live in a down-valley trailer when houses in Aspen are sitting empty?

That was the thought process for two men who have been charged with squatting in an unoccupied house. To make matters worse, police found heroin on the premises as well as a stolen trailer and a stolen motorcycle.

The Aspen Daily News reported that the house is registered to a couple that lives in California. One told a Pitkin County sheriff’s deputy that they had been trying to sell the house and did not have caretakers for the property.

The couple’s daughter told the deputy she had noticed the utility bill was higher than usual for the last month for a property that was supposed to be vacant.

Towns take aim at youth nicotine use ASPEN – Two Colorado ski towns have been moving forward with efforts to discourage youthful use of nicotine.

In Aspen, the city government will soon consider a law that would ban all flavored tobacco sales, including menthol cigarettes and many types of chew and vaping products.

The intent is to discourage young people from experimenting with nicotine. “Dr. Kim Levin, medical officer for the Pitkin County Board

of Health, said flavored tobacco products clearly intend to manipulate young customers into becoming lifetime customers.

The law would be modeled on one adopted by San Francisco.

That law includes all types of flavored tobacco products, including cigarettes, e-cigarettes, chewing tobacco, and cigars. All flavors, including menthol and spice flavors such as clove, would be banned.

Jim True, the city attorney for Aspen, warned that adopting the law could trigger a lawsuit. However, Aspen has restricted free market sales in the past with both plastic bags and, decades ago, a ban on the sale of furs.

The U.S. Food & Drug Administration reported a 78 percent increase in adolescent use of e-cigarettes nationally within the last year. The Pitkin County Health Department found that the numbers for the Roaring Fork Valley were nearly three times higher than the national average.

If Aspen adopts this restriction, it will be the first in Colorado.

It was also the first in Colorado to raise the age for purchase of tobacco products from 18 to 21.

In Crested Butte, town officials are considering a law that would prohibit the possession of tobacco and nicotine by those under the age of 18. Nobody disagrees with the intent of the proposed law, which is to create conversations between youth and adults about the dangers of tobacco use.

But there’s considerable discussion about whether violations would force youngsters into the judicial system, possibly leaving a lasting record of guilt.

“Think of a 14-year-old who gets caught at school with a vaping device and now has to be part of the court system,” one community resident told the Crested Butte News. “He or she has to go in front of a judge, and the record stays with them.”

The executive director of the Gunnison County Substance Abuse Prevention Project sees this not as a criminalization, but rather as a useful tool in the pathway of education. The proposed law is based on one adopted by the town of Gunnison, where tobacco use by local students has declined.

Linking snowmaking & climate change ASPEN – Last week, a federal judge ruled that the federal government must at least acknowledge the climate change impacts created by fossil fuels when deciding whether to issue oil and gas leases in Wyoming.

In Colorado, an environmental group is asking a parallel question about ski areas and snowmaking. Wilderness Workshop argues that the U.S. Forest Service – the landlord for most of the ski areas in the West – needs to do a comprehensive analysis of the impacts of increased water diversion from rivers to endangered fish in the Colorado River, changes in runoff patterns, and increased energy use associated with the expansion of snowmaking.

The Forest Service has approved expanded snowmaking at Vail, Copper Mountain, Steamboat and other ski areas in recent years, and now it is looking at allowing expanded snowmaking and terrain at Aspen.

Ski areas have been adding snowmaking almost annually for decades to remove the uncertainties of weather. The warming climate will have a general effect of shortening the season and replacing snow with rain.

In response to the lessened reliability of natural snow, the ski companies “need to use more diesel fuel and coal to generate the electricity to pump water to the snow guns and fan it out over the slopes,” says the Wilderness Workshop. “They rely on diesel-powered snow cats to spread the snow into a skiable surface.”

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What’s with all the loitering moose?

JACKSON, Wyo. – What’s up with moose? They’ve been loitering around Jackson in ways rarely seen.

The long-legged, dopey-looking ungulates, as Mike Koshmrl of the Jackson Hole News&Guide, describes them, have lingered near bus stops, lunched (on aspen leaves) at McDonald’s, and hung around the local Wells Fargo Bank. Some people have had trouble getting into their garages because of the moose.

Their uncommon presence is really not a mystery. As of March 19, the snow stood 28 inches deep in Jackson, tied with 1952 as the deepest snowpack ever for that date in the town.

– Allen Best

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ith tens of thou sites spanning th orates countless d cliff walls. These ancient e most seem best left to the

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Etched in Stone

by Stephen Eginoire

sands of Ancestral Puebloan he Four Corners, rock art decdesert-varnished boulders and tchings conjure tales that ale imagination. It is no doubt

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our predecessors were adept storytellers, leaving explicit symbols for other viewers to ponder. Here’s a look at a recent “art walk” to sites located in Bears Ears National Monument – an area home so some of the best preserved ancestral sites in the region.

March 28, 2019 n 13

thesecondsection Otto Yerke takes his new robotic arms for a spin recently at 2nd Ave. Sports. Yerke, who formerly lived in Montrose but now lives in California, was put in touch with local prosthetist Bryan Lott, of the Hanger Clinic. Lott put together a local “dream team” that helped customize not just Yerke’s arms but his bike so he could better enjoy his favorite pastime./Photo be Stephen Eginoire

Out on a limb Amputees get new lease on outdoor lives with help of local prosthetist

by Joy Martin

O

n June 2, 1861, three months into the Civil War, 18-year-old James Edward Hanger enlisted in the Confederate Army. As rain fell heavily the next morning, surprise gunfire from the Union Army unleashed on the shoddy Rebel cavalry. Hanger, who was on guard duty, leapt from the hayloft to his horse just as a cannonball ripped through the stable walls, ricocheting smackdab into Hanger’s leg.

Four hours later, the unconscious lad received the first documented battlefield amputation, a procedure performed by Union doctor, Dr. James Robinson, who removed Hanger’s leg 7 inches below the hip. Hanger was fitted with a peg leg and held captive until a prisoner exchange returned him home to Virginia. There, the former engineering student immediately got to work whittling away at an oak barrel stave, attaching hinges to create what would become his new “artificial leg.” In 1871, Hanger got a patent for the device, setting into motion the next era of advancements in prosthetic technology.

Nearly 160 years later, the Hanger Clinic thrives as a $1-billion-plus company providing prosthetics and orthotics for amputees around the globe. Like Hanger,

14 n March 28, 2019

many amputees are war veterans or victims of trauma, but the rise of prosthetics in the last decade is largely due to aging baby boomers and an increase in diabetes, Bryan Lott, clinical specialist with Durango’s Hanger Clinic, says.

“Amputees will tell you that people assume they’re vets and thank them for their service,” says Lott. “My dad, who has a lower-leg amputation, jokes that it was a shark attack when really it’s from too many running injuries and surgeries.”

Lott discovered the industry when his dad, an elective amputee, was showing off his prosthetic leg and suggested Lott pursue a career in prosthetics. Seems like a weird job, thought Lott. Weird, but intriguing.

A project manager for homebuilders in Santa Fe, Lott was struggling during the housing crash of 2008 and ready for something fresh. So, he and his wife, Megan, spent the evening Googling what it would take to break into the field of prosthetics. He woke up the next morning resolved to go for it.

Lott enrolled in a distance-learning certificate program through the University of Hartford and started as a volunteer tech at the VA hospital in Albuquerque. The work was menial, mixing plaster, pulling plastic over molds, and sweeping up messes. Lott spent any spare

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moments trying to see as many patients as possible.

Meanwhile, he unraveled the mysteries of biomechanics, kinesiology and materials science, learning the differences between orthotics – which focuses on bracing, diabetic shoes and spinal halos, for example – and prosthetics, or artificial limbs. As a climber, Lott felt a strong connection to prosthetics. He loved the study of human body movement, balance and how subtleties in alignment could mean sending a project (or not), or how, in prosthetics, alignment addresses function (or not).

When he completed his post-graduate certificate in prosthetics (CP), Lott landed a year-long residency at the Hanger Clinic in Albuquerque. He primarily worked with patients requesting devices for everyday activities, such as lower-extremity amputees in need of a foot or leg. On the other hand, most upper-extremity amputees can lean on their, er, other hand to, say, brush their teeth.

For those actions and hobbies that involve two hands, like golfing or fly fishing, activity-specific devices come to the rescue. A baseball mitt can be attached to an arm, for instance. In our neck of the woods, climbing-specific or cycling-specific devices are hot-ticket items. 4

Lott was naturally drawn to wielding prostheses for these adventure-prone patients. He recognized a developing niche at the Hanger Clinic in Durango, where he envisioned a mecca for outdoor athletes with missing limbs.

“It’s totally self-serving,” says Lott. “Mountain sports athletes are the most awesome population to work with.”

He scored an interview, and while in Durango, ducked into 4Corners Riversports. Co-owner Tony Miely chatted him up, and Lott couldn’t help but notice that Miely was missing his right hand. It had been squashed at the wrist during an ATV accident in 2009. Unabashed by the scenario, Lott blurted out that he was in town interviewing for a job as a prosthetist and would love to assist Miely.

Miely was thrilled with the thought of access to adjustments that didn’t involve a drive to Denver.

Lott got the job at Hanger in 2011 and moved his family to Durango. He reconnected with Miely, who brought his collection of prostheses that included fixtures for everything from kayaking to lawnmowing. Miely shared with Lott his observations about how each worked well – or didn’t. Lott took notes and contemplated solutions.

“The problem-solving takes trips to Home Depot, sketching out ideas, 3D prototypes, and all the brain work,” says Lott. “Sometimes everything gels and sometimes it doesn’t, so we try something else. You have to take your ego out of it and remember that there’s a human on the other side of the device.”

For kayaking, Lott ordered Miely a right-hand paddle/glove fitted with neoprene for added insulation. His mountain bike gadget was a little trickier. Lott tried a Mert’s Hand, which features a ball mounted to a prosthetic hand that attaches to a socket on the handlebar with a release system akin to clipless pedals. When it was fitted to Miely’s arm though, the result was 6 inches longer than his left arm. Not ideal. Lott called the inventor, Mert Lawwill, who came up with a newfangled Mert’s Hand just for Miely.

Word of Lott’s passion for getting amputees back to their passions spread throughout Durango. When Bee Mathis crushed her foot while bouldering in Sailing Hawks in 2011, she went through multiple surgeries before asking Lott about alternatives. Over time, Mathis realized amputation would be less of a loss and more of an opportunity to get back to living her life to the fullest.

Mathis worked with Lott to conjure up prostheses for rock climbing, ice climbing, biking and whatever else her heart desired. She claims she’s stronger now than ever, a nonstop tour de force, who puts purpose behind her adventures, summiting peaks to raise awareness for underserved communities that don’t have access to prosthetics.

Mathis was so inspired by Lott’s work that she switched from nursing to an exercise science degree from Fort Lewis College in 2015.

Mathis assisted on one of Lott’s most recent projects with Otto Yerke, who rides his mountain bike 20 miles a day – no matter he’s a double upper-extremity amputee.

He MacGyver’ed a way to brake, bracing his foot against the handlebar and hoping for the best.

“I crashed a lot,” he smiles, adding that he doesn’t wear

From left: Ron Andrews, of King Cage; Harris Bucklin, from 2nd Ave. Sports; Yerke; Lott; and Anthony Diaz, of Diaz Suspension Designs./Photo by Stephen Eginoire a helmet because it’s too hard to clip without fingers.

On Aug. 14, 1990, Yerke was working on powerlines in Los Angeles when he spotted a “bad pole” with six wires, one of which was loose. As he reached to fix it from his bucket, the truck lurched, throwing Yerke into the wires – not once but twice.

“The second time blew my arms off,” says Yerke. “I died twice: then and the next week on my 29th birthday in the hospital when I got gangrene.”

A self-proclaimed fearless adventurer, Yerke went from comfortably standing atop 250-foot poles to experiencing vertigo as he relearned how to walk without arms. But he didn’t stop with walking. Yerke picked up snowboarding through the Adaptive Sports Association. He started riding his wife’s bicycle after they moved to Montrose in 1995, but she wasn’t thrilled with what Yerke’s clawed devices were doing to her handlebars. Yerke bought a Huffy and later upgraded to the GT Karakoram hardtail he’s currently riding in his new home of Bodfish, Calif.

“Biking puts my head in a totally different place,” says Yerke. “I do all my best thinking. It’s heavenly.”

In September 2018, Yerke’s prosthetist in Grand Junction recommended Yerke give Lott a call to discuss potential myoelectric options, which didn’t work for Yerke. But the conversation drifted to Yerke’s biking, and Lott couldn’t resist scheming ways to address the unsustainable braking situation.

His big plans called for a dream team of Durango ge-

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niuses. Lott crafted arms affixed with Fox Shock elbows and cycling-specific Mert’s Hand models (the same design that was reworked for Miely). Mathis sewed the harness holding the arms together, much like backpack straps. Anthony Diaz, of Diaz Suspension Designs, custom-tuned the preload of the Fox Shock elbows. Ron Andrews, creator of King Cage water bottle cages, and Eric Tomczak, founder of Myth Cycles, developed a bracket for the butt brake that Lott envisioned. Harris Bucklin, mechanic at Second Ave. Sports, put the brake onto Yerke’s GT Karakoram and added the Mert’s Hand connections to the handlebars.

“This is what I always wanted but didn’t know it,” says Yerke, shrugging off his every-day arms and slipping into the robotic limbs designed just for his cycling pursuits. “Except after going into Second Ave., I’m screwed; I’ll be putting this setup on a new fat-tire bike as soon as possible.”

For Lott, Yerke’s contraption was an all-time project, highlighting the power of collaboration in an uber-talented community.

“When I started talking with Otto about this idea, I realized I would have to collaborate with all these people who have skills outside of health care and prosthetics,” says Lott. “It’s awesome to think outside the box and come up with solutions, but I can’t weld. I needed experts. That’s where the cycling folks came in, blending my two passions of work and fun. It was beyond rewarding to work within the community and not go outside of Durango. No arms and a butt brake? That’s pretty amazing.” n

March 28, 2019 n 15

FlashinthePan

A new breed of seed

by Ari LeVaux

W

hen planting seeds, it pays to think about recipes you will make with the produce. Plans for pesto call for Genovese basil. A mojito enthusiast needs a big ole’ mint patch. One should have five recipes, minimum, at the ready for each zucchini plant.

My garden is currently being redesigned by a Filipino sauté of corn and spinach. It’s a colorful combination, like green trees under the summer sun, and my family crowds the pan when I make it.

My garden plan includes enough corn to eat while still having a few quarts to freeze, so that by this time next year I’ll have frozen corn for my sauté. And I will finally plant my spinach, which will overwinter, so that this time next year I’ll have fresh spinach for my sauté.

As my seeds have not even arrived yet, much less been planted or harvested, I still have plenty of time to mess around with my sauté using pre-grown ingredients. I have tweaked and modified the original recipe so many times that its original creator may no longer wish to be associated with it. But nonetheless, a shout-out to Liza Agbanlog and her blog “Salu Salo,” which means “getting together to eat” in Filipino.

I replaced her shrimp paste with anchovies, which were in turn replaced by sardines. The hoisin sauce and cheese came later.

This year’s seed order includes a variety of yellow and white corn called “Who Gets Kissed?” and a spinach by the name of “Abundant Bloomsdale.” Both varieties were developed via a process called participatory plant breeding, in which breeders seek input from a wide variety of stakeholders. These advisors include the likes of farmers, plant-disease specialists, seed companies, chefs and consumer tasters-anyone with an interest in helping improve a seed.

For as long as humans have been planting seeds, we have been seeking to customize them for our own purposes. Today, the tools are sharper, but modern seed breeders still follow the basic protocols established when plants were first domesticated: namely, to save and replant seeds from favored plants. Nowadays, breeders can mix and match traits from different individuals and combine them in a seed with impressive dexterity. Participatory plant breeding adds a new level of input by,

essentially, connecting a network of brains together to program a vegetable plant.

“Who Gets Kissed?” – named after a game once played by young cornhuskers – was developed for vigor in cool soils, resistance to diseases and high yields. It has a rich, sweet flavor. It also is one of only a handful of open-pollinated sweet corn seeds on the market, according to Kiki Hubbard of the Organic Seed Alliance, a non-profit that supports the development and use of organic seeds.

“Open-pollinated” refers to seeds that grow into plants, the seeds of which can be saved and replanted – as opposed to hybrid seeds, which won’t grow up to resemble their parents and aren’t worth saving. Over time, farmers who select and save their seed may become defacto breeders, helping their seed stock adapt to local conditions. The Organic Seed Alliance’s support for organic seed is rooted in a similar concept of adaptation: seeds developed under organic conditions are better suited, genetically, to be grown organically.

Hubbard says that seeds bred for organic farms, which prioritize soil health and biodiversity, have different needs than seeds bred for conventional agriculture systems and face different challenges. “Seed provides genetic tools with which a plant can meet these challenges, and breeding plants in the environment of their intended use can deliver these beneficial genetics.”

She told me about another participatory plant breeding project, a cucumber strain called DMR 401 that

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shrugs off downy mildew, a disease that is currently terrorizing the cucumber industry in the East and Midwest.

The strain is so resistant that non-organic growers are seeking out DMR 401 seed. “Pesticide controls are losing their effectiveness against this ever-evolving pathogen,” she said. But breeders, with the assistance of participatory plant breeding, are proving able to breed their plants faster than the pathogen itself can evolve, and stay ahead of the disease.

As for that Abundant Bloomsdale Spinach, Hubbard’s experience is more anecdotal but equally impressive. Bred for its dark, glossy, thick leaves and slow-to-bolt temperament, it’s also so irresistibly sweet that last year her young son pillaged the patch on a daily basis.

This dish is extremely flexible, forgiving and accommodating. Feel free to add whatever proteins, spices or extra vegetables you can think of, and otherwise adapt the recipe to your home kitchen environment. Here I offer one variation, but if sardines, cheese and hoisin sauce aren’t favored at your household, don’t select those traits. Like seeds in the hands of a breeder, this recipe may take a few incarnations until you have it where you want it.

Sautéed Spinach and Corn 1 tablespoon olive oil 2 cloves garlic, minced ½ large onion, chopped 2 cups frozen corn 1 5-oz tin of sardines (or anchovies, anchovy paste, shrimp paste, or non-fishy protein like bacon, stewed meat or lentils) ¼ teaspoon salt ½ pound fresh spinach 2 ounces mild, meltable cheese, cut into cubes Optional: hoisin sauce, ground black pepper, hot sauce Heat the oil on medium and brown the garlic. Add the onion and cook until translucent. Stir in the corn and salt, and spread the mixture evenly in the pan.

Cook five minutes or so, then stir and spread again.

Layer on the sardines and then the spinach, followed by chunks of cheese. Cover and cook until the spinach wilts, then remove the lid and cook off any remaining water. Turn off the heat when you smell the corn start to brown, and leave it on the hot burner to rest until it cools to room temperature. Serve with freshly ground black pepper, a spoonful of hoisin sauce and your favorite hot sauce. n

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TopShelf

Goodbye to BREW, gospelninja-soul & Cuckoo’s 20th

by Chris Aaland

don’t have Alex or Zach, two of my favorite restaurant employees of all time. But mostly, they don’t have Erik and Lainie, who adly, one of Durango’s favorite nightspots and a magical brew- toiled for the past seven years to launch a dream that made thoupub, BREW Pub & Kitchen, closes its doors this month. sands of people very happy.

Like many other restaurants and businesses, the aftermath of Cheers, BREW. the 416 Fire chipped away. Erik and Lainie Maxson fought the good Get your dance on at 9 p.m. Friday when Zach Deputy fight for nine months after the devastating event, but the cards brings his self-dubbed “island-infused, drum ’n’ bass, gospelweren’t in their favor. If you suffer a string of dismal months in the ninja-soul” to the Animas City Theatre. He dropped his first winter or the shoulder season, you might survive. Lose nearly three album, “Out of the Water,” in 2008 and has since released four months of peak revenue during the height of tourist season and remore critically acclaimed records. He’s pioneered looping and covery is next to impossible. synth guitar, which sets the stage for BREW was more than just one of his live show. Tone Ranger opens the Durango’s six –then five, and now show. He’s an electronic DJ whose exfour – breweries. It was a unique and periences at Standing Rock and with daring vision that allowed Erik, one native tribes throughout the Southof this town’s most celebrated brewwest allow him to unite light and masters for the past decade and a shadow, chaos and order, future and half, to explore small-batch, craft retro. beers. He had no mainline beers. No The ACT also hosts the Cuckoo’s Pinstripe or Colorado Kolsch or Du20th anniversary party at 7:30 rango Wheat. Instead, Erik brewed p.m. Monday, with ’90s music from three or four new varieties each DJ P.A. Jackson. Cuckoo’s itself will month, working his way through the have food and drink specials before alphabet by giving them people’s the party, closing at 8 to let its staff names. One would feature hops, anget down and party like it’s 1999. other malts, another yeast, and anKSUT announced four upcoming other would be a session. Big beers spring and summer concerts this like barrel-aged barleywines were also week. Tickets are already available onfeatured on tap and in bombers. If line at ksut.org for Americana/rockayou loved one, you’d have to show billy sensation Eilen Jewell (May up regularly before the keg ran dry 24), Four Corners alt-country/indiebecause once the batch was gone, a rock favorites the Black Lillies (June new beer would replace it. It was per27, with an opening set by the Stillfect for A.D.D. drinkers like myself House Junkies) and rock & roll legacy (refer to my 38 bricks at the old Lady Amy Helm (Levon’s daughter, July Falconburgh’s for additional proof of 26), all at the Henry Strater Theatre. this wonderful affliction).

These KSUT concerts at the Hank usuSure, there were favorites that made ally sell out, and pricing is set for disannual appearances: Zen, with cucumcounted advance-ticket sales. Plus, ber and lemongrass; Jesus, brewed with Raise one last glass to BREW this weekend for their tickets will go on-sale tomorrow at yarrow and set for Easter resurrections; Grand Closing party with Liver Down the River play- durangoconcerts.com for a June 26 and Joey, a coffee kolsch, were just a coproduction of legendary folksinger ing at 9 p.m. Saturday. few so-called “regulars” that appeared Patty Griffin at the Community year after year. Erik challenged you as a beer connoisseur, tasting Concert Hall. Station manager Tami Graham promises even more new styles and ingredients. These weren’t your run-of-the-mill pilthis summer, including an outdoor show at the station’s annual sners.

Party in the Park. All this is in addition to the long-sold-out Joan The doors will close for good Saturday night, with a 9 p.m.

Osborne 4/20 concert at the Hank, which celebrates Durango Liver Down the River performance to turn the wake into a Acoustic Music’s 20-plus years of bringing live music to the Four festive event. It’s fitting because Liver’s mandolin player, Corners.

Patrick Storen, is a longtime BREW employee. This gives you It’s still a week away, but the Sheridan Opera House welcomes one last chance to guzzle Woody, a spectacular double bock and the Tim O’Brien Band at 8 p.m. on Thurs., April 4. Ever since one of the finest beers I’ve ever sipped. Or Patty, a sassy Irish launching a solo career in 1991, O’Brien has strayed from the red named after Lainie’s mom. Or the aforementioned Joey, bluegrass he’s most associated with to incorporate country, folk, which confuses me every time I tip back a pint … my brain Celtic, Cajun and rock elements into his mix, crafting pure Amerthinks a clear, yellow kolsch shouldn’t have dominant coffee icana even before that term was the all-encompassing genre asaftertastes, yet somehow it works beautifully. signed to American roots artists. And the formula worked, BREW was always there for a nonprofit putting on a fundraiser, especially since Hot Rize always gave Tim a fix for his bluegrass offering up kegs, growlers, gift cards and swag for silent auctions, Jones. This winter, he released the eponymous “Tim O’Brien donor events, concerts in the park and more. It didn’t matter the Band” album, which returns to his bluegrass roots. This week’s cause. The Maxsons are generous folk who truly believe in commusun certainly brought on mud season, and time’s a wasting if you nity. Perhaps they gave more than they should have. hope to get a few more turns up in Telluride. Tim O’Brien might I’ll miss my intimate relationship with Erik’s beers. But I have be just the excuse you need to head high into the San Juans. a soft spot for ABC, Carver’s, Ska and Steamworks, too. There will Finally, the Dolores River Brewery brings Americana from New be no shortage of suds. But none of those places have BREWtine, York to the region at 8 p.m. Wednesday when Upstate Ruban interpretation of Canada’s national food. Or that delicious down comes to Montezuma County.

BREW burger with sautéed onions, a fried egg and that special So stack those chairs upon those tables, and stack those empties upon aioli. Or the beet salad (yes, I occasionally eat healthy). And they the bar. Email me at chrisa@gobrainstorm.net. n

S

telegraph

March 28, 2019 n 17

onthetown

Thursday28

ter, 2424 Main Ave.

“Yoga for Good,” proceeds donated to a different local charity each week, 8 a.m., Pine Needle Dry Goods, 858 Main Ave.

STEAM Lab, for ages 5-12, 3:30-4:30 p.m., Durango Public Library.

Here to Hear: Office Hour with Councilor Dick White, 9-10 a.m., downstairs at the Irish Embassy, 900 Main Ave. ​ aby Meetup with Durango Café au Play, 9:30-11:30 B a.m., 2307 Columbine. 749-9607.

“Abstract Expressionism” free lecture on Elaine de Kooning and Frank O’Hara, 4-5:30 p.m., Durango Arts Center Theater, 802 E. 2nd Ave. www.durangoarts.org.

“Doc Swords,” PTSD Social Club for Veterans, 4-6 p.m., VFW, 1550 Main Ave. Pete Giuliani Trio performs with Richard Leavitt and Brian Ahern, 5-7 p.m., Ska Brewing, 225 Girard St. Tim Sullivan performs, 5:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave.

Submit “On the Town” items by Monday at noon to: calendar@durangotelegraph.com

Sitting Meditation, 5:30-6:15 p.m., Durango Dharma Center, 1800 E. 3rd Ave. Open Mic Night, 6 p.m., Eno Wine Bar, 723 E. 2nd Ave. “The Vietnam Era: What Happened and Why?” part of the Life Long Learning Lecture Series, 7 p.m., Noble Hall at Fort Lewis College, Room 130. www.fortlewis.edu/professionalassociates.

Open Mic & Stand-Up, 8 p.m., El Rancho Tavern, 975 Main Ave. Karaoke, 8 p.m.-close, Wild Horse Saloon, 601 E. 2nd Ave. Ayla Nereo performs with special guests Elijah Ray and Amber Lily, 9 p.m., Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Drive. www.animascitytheatre.com.

Plursday featuring DJ Amnesia, 9 p.m.-close, Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave.

Friday29 Durango Early Bird Toastmasters, 7-8:30 a.m., LPEA, 45 Stewart St. 769-7615.

Free yoga, 8:30-9:30 a.m., Lively Boutique, 809 Main Ave. Zumba Gold, 9:30-10:15 a.m., La Plata Senior Cen-

18 n March 28, 2019

Spanish Speaking Parents & Littles Fridays, 4-6 p.m., Durango Café au Play, 1309 E. 3rd Ave., Room 201. durangocafeauplay.org.

Live music, 5:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave. Casual Fridays perform, 6-9 p.m., DJ Hakan, 9 p.m.-close, Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave. Live music, 7 p.m., The Office, 699 Main Ave.

The Black Velvet Duo performs, 6-10 p.m., Seven Rivers Steakhouse at Sky Ute Casino in Ignacio.

Live music, 7 p.m., The Office, 699 Main Ave. DRAGRANGO 2019, fundraiser hosted by the Four Corners Alliance for Diversity featuring performers, comedians and more, 8 p.m., Henry Strater Theatre, 699 Main Ave. www.durangopride.org or www.henrystratertheatre.com.

Comedy Cocktail open mic stand up, 8 p.m., Eno Wine Bar, 723 E. 2nd Ave. Live as One Pre-Party, 8:30 p.m., Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Drive. www.animascitytheatre.com.

Shawn Arrington Blues Band performs, 8 p.m., The Billy Goat Saloon in Gem Village.

DJ Affex, 9 p.m.-close, Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave.

Zach Deputy performs with special guest Tone Ranger, 9 p.m., Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Drive. www.animascitytheatre.com.

BREW’s Grand Closing Party with Liver Down the River, 9 p.m., 117 W. College Dr.

Saturday30 2019 Stanley Keg Championship, adult hockey tournament and celebration with live music, food and drink, 8 a.m.-10 p.m., Chapman Hill Ice Arena. flc hockey@hgmail.com or 459-4737.

Pine River Garden Club Seed Exchange and Workshop Day, 10 a.m., Pine River Library in Bayfield.

Henry Stoy performs, 10 a.m.-1 p.m., Jean-Pierre Restaurant & Wine Bar, 601 Main Ave. VFW Indoor Flea Market, 10 a.m.-4 p.m., 1550 Main Ave. 247-0384.

“Die Walküre,” presented by the Met: Live in HD, 10:55 a.m., Student Union at FLC. www.durangocon certs.com.

“Country Music, Collaborative Research and Ethnographic Songwriting on the Navajo Nation” with Kristina Jacobsen and guest performer Candice Craig, 1 p.m., Roshong Recital Hall at Fort Lewis College. www.fortlewis.edu/music.

DJ CodeStar spins, 2-4 p.m., The Beach at Purgy’s. djcodestar.com.

Live music, 5:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave. Pete Giuliani performs, 6-8 p.m., Swing Restaurant at Dalton Ranch, 589 County Road 252.

telegraph

Sunday31 Henry Stoy performs, 10 a.m.-1 p.m., Jean-Pierre Restaurant & Wine Bar, 601 Main Ave. Traditional Irish Music Jam, 12:30-4 p.m., Irish Embassy, 900 Main Ave. “The Road Less Traveled,” performance by the Red Shoe Trio, 5 p.m., Roshong Recital Hall at Fort Lewis College. www.fortlewis.edu/music.

Blue Moon Ramblers, 5:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave.

Monday01 Yoga Storytime, 9:30-10:45 a.m., Smiley Building Studio 10, 1309 E. 3rd Ave. Health First and CHP+ Help Desk, hosted by San Juan Basin Health, 9:30 a.m.-noon, Durango Public Library, study room 5.

Watch Your Step class, 10:15 a.m., Durango Senior Center, 2424 Main Ave. Meet and Greet with Jaime McMillan, City Council candidate, 11:30 a.m.-6 p.m., Durango Cannabis Discovery Center, 965 Main Ave. Joel Racheff performs, 5:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave. Trivia Night, 7 p.m., Blondies in Cortez.4

Live music, 7 p.m., The Office, 699 Main Ave.

The sounds of Navajo country

Cuckoo’s 20th Anniversary: Party Like It’s 1999, 7:30 p.m., Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Drive.

Country music and Navajo culture come together at FLC

Contiki Party with the Aussies, 9 p.m.-close, Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave.

What: Rocky Mountain College Music Singer-songwriter Society Regional conference Who: Singer-songwriter Kristina Ja- Kristina Jacobsen cobsen, keynote speaker, with special guest Candice Craig When: 1 – 2:30 p.m., Sat., March 30 The intersection of country music and Navajo culture will come to the forefront this Saturday when Fort Lewis College hosts a free concert and lecture from Albuquerque-based singer-songwriter Kristina Jacobsen.

A member of the all-female honky tonk band the Merlettes by night and assistant professor of ethnomusicology at the University of New Mexico by day, Jacobsen will present “Country Music, Collaborative Research and Ethnographic Songwriting on the Navajo Nation,” from 1-2:30 p.m.

Sat., March 30, in Roshong Recital Hall. The free lecture is part of the Rocky Mountain College Music Society Regional Conference, also being held at the college.

The multilingual Jacobsen holds a doctorate in cultural anthropology from Duke University and has taught courses in linguistic anthropology, Native American studies, ethnomusicology and cultural anthropology at Duke, Diné College and Northern Arizona University. In addition, she plays guitar and lapsteel and recently completed tours in Denmark, Sweden and Italy. Her most recent solo album, “Three Roses,” was nominated for three New Mexico Music awards.

Jacobsen is also a writer, penning several articles on ethnomusicology and the Navajo Nation. Her 2017 book, The Sound of Navajo Country: Music, Language and Diné Belong-

Tuesday02 Zumba Gold, 9:30-10:15 a.m., La Plata Senior Center, 2424 Main Ave. “Meet the Candidates” Luncheon, hosted by The Club – La Plata Dems on the Move, noon-1 p.m., DoubleTree Hotel, 501 Camino del Rio. theclubdems@gmail.com.

Employee Ownership Panel, hosted by Local First, noon-1 p.m., Durango Rec Center. Register at kiki@localfirst.org.

Public Health Planning: Using Science and Action to Improve Health, presentation of SJBPH’s Public Health Improvement Plan as part of Public Health Week, 4:30-6 p.m., Durango Rec Center. 335-2044.

Terry Rickard performs, 5:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave. Town Hall with LPEA directors Jack Turner, Guinn Unger and Tim Wheeler, 6-7:30 p.m., Animas Grange.

Super Ted’s Super Trivia, 6:12 p.m., Henry Strater Theatre, 699 Main Ave. Trivia Factory, hosted by Ben Bernstein, 6:30-8:30 p.m., The Roost, 128 E. College Dr. DJ Crazy Charlie, 6:30-10:30 p.m., Billy Goat Saloon, Gem Village.

Live music, 7 p.m., The Office, 699 Main Ave. Latin Social Nights, 8-11 p.m., Wild Horse Saloon, 601 E. 2nd Ave. 375-2568.

Open Mic Night, 8 p.m.-close, Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave.

Creative Connection Hour, social gathering for Durango’s creative businesses and individuals, 5-7 p.m., Powerhouse Science Center, 1333 Camino del Rio. www.durango creativedistrict.org.

Greg Ryder performs, 5:30 p.m., Diamond Belle Saloon, 699 Main Ave.

Wednesday03

“Gender, Kinship and Colonial Violence in Texas, 1820-1880,” presented by doctoral fellow Patrick Troester, 5:30 p.m., Center of Southwest Studies at Fort Lewis College, Lyceum Room. 247-7456.

Early Literacy Playdate, 10:30 a.m.-noon, Durango Public Library.

Free Trauma Conscious Yoga for Veterans and Families, noon-1 p.m., Elks Lodge, 901 E. 2nd Ave. Tween Time: Trivia Night, 4-5 p.m., Durango Library.

Thank the Veterans potluck, Peter Neds and Glenn Keefe perform, 5:30-8:30 p.m., VFW, 1550 Main Ave. 8287777.

Donut Happy Hour

ing, was based on 2½ years of singing and playing with Navajo country western bands.

Her other research interests include: language, anthropology of the voice, music as cultural performance, indigenous language revitalization and working-class expressive cultures.

“Kristina Jacobsen’s first album, ‘Three Roses,’ proves that she is a certified country singer/songwriter who couldn’t be more authentic if she had been born backstage at the Louisiana Hayride in Shreveport,” Mel Minter, of Musically Speaking, wrote. “She delivers her 11 originals in a yodeling alto that can warm your heart, bite off a searing denunciation or celebrate good times with equal fervor. … There’s grit, dust, desolation and abandonment – hey, it’s country music – and love and redemption enough to make up for it.”

The annual conference begins at 9 a.m. March 30 and includes performances, presentations, round table discussions and more. The Rocky Mountain College Music Society was established in 1986 and boasts several hundred members across Colorado, Idaho, Montana, New Mexico, Wyoming, North Dakota, South Dakota, Utah, Alberta and Saskatchewan.

Jacobsen’s music can be heard at Kristina-jacobsen.com or on Soundcloud.

For more information on the music conference, go to music.org.

Preview of “Energy in Action,” season finale from San Juan Symphony, 6 p.m., Sorrel Sky Gallery, 828 Main Ave. Durango Diaries Season 3: Second Acts, three residents who made a career change discuss making the transition to new professions, 6-7 p.m., Durango Public Library.

Loki Moon – Raw Experiments, 6-8 p.m., Eno Wine Bar, 723 E. 2nd Ave. “Equal Means Equal” documentary screening, 7:30-9 p.m., Noble Hall at Fort Lewis College, Room 125.

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telegraph

March 28, 2019 n 19

AskRachel Interesting fact: Exotic spring break destinations like Panama City are starting to ban alcohol on the beaches.

This could explain Purgatory’s popularity with the Texas crowds.

Dear Rachel, Spring break is a tradition, an institution, as depended upon and perhaps more sacred than Santa Claus. But as a parent, my biggest question is: why? Why do we have to handle our kids without the help of taxpayer-funded babysitters for an entire week, plus surrounding weekends?

I can handle one- or two-day breaks. Not a week, though. If I loved my kids that much, I’d be home-schooling them.

– Spring Broke Dear Guardian, I’m wondering what the opposite of a helicopter parent is. One who operates their kids at a distance. A drone parent? Sounds like boarding schools were invented for parents like you. But at the same time, I get it. I’m sitting in an airport terminal, watching a mother with what looks like young twins, and thinking that the only thing worse than being on the same flight as them is being on the same flight as them and being responsible for them.

– Beginning the preboarding process, Rachel Dear Rachel, I just got a shipment notification email from FedEx. The jinky part is, I didn’t order anything, and I’m not expecting anything. It seems like the email would be spam, except that it has a lot of

my personal information correct, like my mailing address, and the tracking number checks out on the website. There’s no sender info, though, other than an origin city. Should I be worried that I’m about to be in an untitled Unabomber sequel?

– (Un)intended Recipient

Dear Current Resident, Ooh, a true surprise! I always have to pretend to be surprised when I get presents. I am pretty good at guessing what’s in wrapped packages. Mostly because, most people suck at disguising what’s clearly a T-shirt, or a bottle of wine, or a box of Legos. Don’t answer your phone or check your email or communicate with anyone in any way until your package arrives! You don’t want to risk spoiling what is a complete surprise, especially if it is your last.

– Kaboom, Rachel Email Rachel at telegraph@durangotelegraph.com Dear Rachel, I recently flew through the Durango airport.

Before going through the invasive body scanner, the nice uniformed man told me that there were no hats allowed in there. I went in anyway, and he repeated himself less nicely. I realized he meant my beanie. I had to take it off for the first time since December. Doesn’t he realize that our beanies are our second skins around here? That he essentially made me walk naked through the scanner, without even the joy of a pat-down?

– Topless

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20 n March 28, 2019

telegraph

Dear Nekkid, This is where we’ve gotten with the security theater.

High-ranking politicians could be smuggling endangered animals in their ridiculous a-toupee-would-be-better coifs. But you, a Coloradan just trying to stay warm, get stripped down because you could be stashing… what, exactly? in your cap. Marijuana? Every ’Radan worth their beanies has already ingested, inhaled, injected, whatever, before taking to the friendly skies. I’d help you take a stand, but I have to catch my flight.

– Final boarding, Rachel

FreeWillAstrology

by Rob Brezsny ARIES (March 21-April 19): Kermit the Frog from “Sesame Street” is the world’s most famous puppet. He has recorded songs, starred in films and TV shows, and written an autobiography. His image has appeared on postage stamps and he has a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Kermit’s beginnings were humble, however. When his creator Jim Henson first assembled him, he consisted of Henson’s mom’s green coat and two halves of a white ping pong ball. I mention this, Aries, because the current astrological omens suggest that you, too, could make a puppet that will one day have great influence. APRIL FOOL! I half-lied. Here’s the whole truth: now isn’t a favorable time to start work on a magnificent puppet. But it is a perfect moment to launch the rough beginnings of a project that’s well-suited for your unique talents.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Taurus businessman Chuck Feeney made a huge fortune as the entrepreneur who co-developed duty-free shopping.

But at age 87, he lives frugally, having given away $8 billion to philanthropic causes. He doesn’t even own a house or car. In accordance with astrological omens, I invite you to follow his lead in the coming weeks. Be unreasonably generous and exorbitantly helpful. APRIL FOOL! I exaggerated a bit. While it’s true that now is an extra favorable time to bestow blessings on everyone, you shouldn’t go overboard. Make sure your giving is artful, not careless or compulsive.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Now is a perfect time to start learning the Inuktitut language spoken by the indigenous people of Eastern Canada. Here are some key phrases to get you underway. 1. UllusiuKattagit inosek: Celebrate your life! 2. Pitsialagigavit, piggogutivagit!: Because you’re doing amazing things, I’m proud of you! 3. Nalligijauvutit: You are loved! 4. Kajusitsiatuinnagit: Keep it up! APRIL FOOL! I lied. Now isn’t really a better time than any other to learn the Inuktitut language. But it is an important time to talk to yourself using phrases like those I mentioned. You need to be extra kind and super positive toward yourself.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): When he was 20 years old, Greek military leader Alexander the Great began to conquer the world. By age 30, he ruled the vast territory between Greece and northwest India. Never shy about extolling his own glory, he named 70 cities after himself. I offer his example as a model for you. Now is a favorable time to name clouds after yourself, as well as groves of trees, stretches of highway, buses, fire hydrants, parking spaces and rocks. APRIL FOOL. I got a bit carried

away. It’s true that now is a good time to assert your authority, extend your clout, and put your unique stamp on every situation. But I don’t recommend that you name entire cities after yourself.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Now is an excellent time to join an exotic religion. How about the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, which believes that true spiritual devotion requires an appreciation of satire? Or how about Discordianism, which worships the goddess of chaos and disorder? Then there’s the United Church of Bacon, whose members exult in the flavor of their favorite food. (Here’s a list of more: tinyurl.com/WeirdReligions.) APRIL FOOL! I wasn’t entirely truthful. It’s accurate to say that now is a great time to reinvigorate and transform your spiritual practice. But it’s better if you figure that out by yourself. There’s no need to get your ideas from a bizarre cult.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Studies show that people who love grilled cheese sandwiches engage in more sexual escapades than those who don’t gorge on grilled cheese sandwiches. So I advise you to eat a lot of grilled cheese sandwiches, because then you will have more sex than usual. And that’s important, because you are now in a phase when you will reap huge healing benefits from having as much sex as possible.

APRIL FOOL! I lied when I implied that eating more grilled cheese sandwiches would motivate you to have more sex. But I wasn’t lying when I said that you should have more sex than usual. And I wasn’t lying when I said you will reap huge benefits from having as much sex as possible.

(P.S. If you don’t have a partner, have sex with your fantasies or yourself.)

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): If you ever spend time at the McMurdo Station in Antarctica, you’ll get a chance to become a member of the 300 Club. To be eligible, you wait till the temperature outside drops to minus 100 degrees Fahrenheit. When it does, you spend 20 minutes in a sauna heated to 200 degrees. Then you exit into the snow and ice wearing nothing but white rubber boots, and run a few hundred feet to a ceremonial pole and back. In so doing, you expose your naked body to a swing of 300 degrees. According to my astrological analysis, now is an ideal time to pull off this feat. APRIL FOOL! I lied. I’m not really urging you to join the 300 Club. On the other hand, I do think it’s a favorable phase to go to extremes for an authentically good cause.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Scientific research shows that if you arrange to get bitten by thousands of mosquitoes in a relatively short time, you make

yourself immune. Forever after, mosquito bites won’t itch you. Now would be an excellent time for you to launch such a project. APRIL FOOL! I lied. I don’t really think you should do that. On the contrary. You should scrupulously avoid irritations and aggravations, especially little ones. Instead, immerse yourself in comfort and ease. Be as free from vexation as you have ever been!

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22Dec. 21): If allowed to do what comes naturally, two rabbits and their immediate descendants will produce 1,300 new rabbits in 12 months’ time. In five years, their offspring would amount to 94 million. I suspect that you will approach this level of fertility in the next four weeks, at least in a metaphorical sense. APRIL FOOL! I stretched the truth a bit. There’s no way you will produce more than a hundred good new ideas and productions and gifts. At the most, you’ll generate a mere 50.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): The weather is warm yearround and the crime rate is low on Pitcairn, a remote South Pacific island that is a 30-hour boat ride from the nearest airport. The population has been dwindling in recent years, however, which is why the government offers foreigners free land if they choose to relocate. You might want to consider taking advantage of this opportunity. APRIL FOOL! I was exaggerating. It’s true that you could get major health benefits by taking a sabbatical from civilization. But there’s no need to be so drastic about it.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): You don’t have to run faster than the bear that’s chasing you. You just have to run faster than the slowest person the bear is chasing. OK? So don’t worry! APRIL FOOL! What I just said wasn’t your real horoscope. I hope you know me well enough to understand that I would NEVER advise you to save your own ass by betraying or sacrificing someone else. It’s also important to note that the bear I mentioned is entirely metaphorical in nature. So please ignore what I said earlier. However, I do want you to know that there are effective ways to elude the symbolic bear that are also honorable. To discover them, meditate on calming down the beastly bear-like qualities in yourself.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Now is a favorable time to disguise yourself as a bland nerd with no vivid qualities, or a shy wallflower with no strong opinions, or a polite wimp who prefers to avoid adventure. Please don’t even consider doing anything that’s too interesting or controversial. APRIL FOOL! I lied. The truth is, I hope you’ll do the opposite of what I suggested. I think it’s time to express your deep authentic self with aggressive clarity.

Be brave and candid and enterprising.

telegraph

March 28, 2019 n 21

classifieds

Deadline for Telegraph classified ads is Tuesday at noon.

Ads are a bargain at 10 cents a character with a $5 minimum. Even better, ads can now be placed online: durangotelegraph.com. Prepayment is required via cash, credit card or check.

(Sorry, no refunds or substitutions.)

Ads can be submitted via: n classifieds@durango telegraph.com n 970-259-0133 n 777 Main Ave., #214 Approximate office hours: Mon., 9ish - 5ish Tues., 9ish - 5ish Wed., 9ish - 3ish Thurs., On delivery Fri., 10:30ish - 2ish please call ahead: 259-0133.

Lost/Found Lost: Ring of Four Gold Keys Lost awhile ago, way before the snow.

937-271-9633.

Announcements Studio Art Quilt Associates 2019 Trunk Show of 57 small art quilts 7”x 10” – hosted

by Stitch. Visit www.stitchonline.net to register for the event.

The Perfect Gift for your favorite dirtbag. Literature from Durango’s own Benighted Publications. The Climbing Zine, The Great American Dirtbags, American Climber, Climbing Out of Bed and Graduating From College Me are available at: Maria’s Bookshop, Pine Needle Mountaineering, the Sky Store, or on the interweb at www.climbingzine.com.

Wanted Small Electric Wizard To repair lamp, table fan that have both mysteriously stopped working and/or has a short. Would rather fix than trash. 970-749-2595 Turn Vehicles, Copper, Alum, Etc. Into Cash! at RJ Metal Recycle, also free appliance and other metal drop off. 970-259-3494.

HelpWanted Contract Massage Therapist Busy physical therapy office seeking a contract massage therapist. Please email resume and references to frontdesk@advantageptwellness.com.

22 n March 28, 2019

Doggy Day Care Attendant and/or retail associate needed. Year round position. Pay DOE, 6 month bonus. Email resume to info@healthyhoundsandfatcats.com or bring it in to 21738 Hwy 160 West, Durango.

Reruns – Sales Associate High energy person needed to start in April. Approximately 30hrs/week. Stop by and drop off a resume. 572 E. 6th Ave.

Classes/Workshops Tame Your Inner Critic and …

Tame Your Inner Critic and Find Peace and Balance: Mindful Self-Compassion Date: 8 Wednesdays: 4/3 - 5/22 Time: 5:30 - 8pm The Smiley Building, #105 sliding scale fee- $250 - $350 - payment plan available. Register by e-mail - MyahMindfulness@gmail.com or by phone970-946-5379. Myoung Lee, Certified Mindfulness Teacher.

Mommy and Me Dance Class Come join the fun! Now registering for classes. Call 970-749-6456. mom myandmedance.com.

Services

duces dust and allergens, energy bills and fire risk. 970-247-2462 www.advanced ductcleaninginc.com

House Keeper Professional, detailed, reliable local references Barbara 516-480-8343.

Marketing Small and Local Businesses Media, social media, website content, SEO, etc. for small, local, independent or startup businesses. Email jnderge@gmail.com Harmony Organizing and Cleaning Services Home and office 970-403-6192.

Advanced Duct Cleaning Air duct cleaning specializing in dryer vents. Improves indoor air quality; re-

telegraph

‘The Dirt’ It is amazing that Mötley Crüe hasn’t all died of syphilis – Lainie Maxson

BodyWork Massage by Meg Bush, LMT 30, 60 & 90 min 970-759-0199. massageintervention.life Voted best massage in Durango 2018.

Couples, sauna, outdoor shower, cupping. Reviews on FB + Yelp. 970-903-2984

made midcentury maple sideboard; side tables; lamps & coffee tables; and lots of cool art. New great stuff and daily markdowns. 572 E. 6th Ave. 385-7336.

Massage with Kathryn 20+ years experience offering a fusion of esalen style, deep tissue massage with therapeutic stretching & Acutonics. New clients receive $5 off first session. To schedule appt. call 970-201-3373.

CommunityService

RealEstate Radon Services Free radon testing and consultation.

Call Colorado Radon Abatement and Detection for details. 970- 946-1618.

ForRent Trailer for Rent.

N. Durango near river. $800 /mo call 970-560-8753 for a showing.

ForSale

Low Price on Storage!

Inside/outside near Durango, RJ Mini Storage. 970-259-3494

HaikuMovieReview

Rossignol Soul 7 Skis 163 cm, 106 cm under foot. Red and black 2014s. Drilled twice but skied minimally. They’re hole-y but will still work for the right person/set up. $50 OBO. Text for pics: 970-749-2495.

Reruns Home Furnishings Winter sales in both stores! Custom-

Volunteer Opportunities We are looking for 4-5 individuals to help with the Bayfield Downtown Farmers Market. We will have our premier opening June 20 at the Bayfield Block Party. The market then runs each Thursday from 3:30-7 p.m. until the end of Sept. Go to: www.bayfielddowntownfarmersmarket.org or 970-769-6873 for more info or to volunteer.

Nonprofit Financial Training April 4-5 Registration open for comprehensive 2-day training on nonprofit financial operations and best practices. “Financial Focus: Mission and Money.” This training is designed for executive directors, finance directors and board treasurers.

Cost: $150 and includes lunch both days.

Visit https://bit.ly/2SLJ3J7.

Alternative Horizons, a local nonprofit that supports and empowers survivors of domestic violence, is looking for volunteer advocates to staff its 24-Hour hotline. The next training session is June 20 and 21. To learn more, call 247-4374. If you or anyone you know is experiencing domestic violence please call our 24-Hour hotline at 970-247-9619.

Get in the Guide!

Durango Telegraph Dining Guide listings include a 50-word description of your establishment and your logo for the screaming deal of just $20/week.

For info, email: lainie@durangotelegraph.com

OntheTown from p. 19 Karaoke with Crazy Charlie, 8 p.m.-close, Wild Horse Saloon, 601 E. 2nd Ave.

Ongoing

Power UP the LPEA Election, hosted by San Juan Citizens Alliance, 5-8 p.m., April 5, Durango Arts Center, 802 E. 2nd Ave.

Voters and featuring Sen. Don Coram, R-Montrose, and Rep. Barbara McLachlan, D-Durango, 10:30 a.m., April 6, Durango Public Library.

5th annual Casino Night, fundraiser for the Durango Area Youth Hockey Association featuring gaming, food, music, prizes, silent auction and more, 6-11 p.m., April 5, Durango Elks Club, 901 E. 2nd Ave. 759-2298.

Cocktails with the Conductor, presented by Music in the Mountains, 6 p.m., April 6, Sorrel Sky Gallery, 828 Main Ave. musicinthemountains.tix.com.

Bitnova performs, 6-9 p.m., April 6, Mancos Brewing Co.

“Imprint” by Andrea Martens, thru April 27, Friends of the Art Library at Durango Arts Center, 802 E. 2nd Ave. www.durangoarts.org.

10th annual Daddy Daughter Dance and Dessert, 6:30-9 p.m., April 5, The River Church, 860 Plymouth Drive. trcdurango.com/dance.

After-school program, 4:15-5:15 p.m. Wednesdays, Mancos Library.

Black Velvet Trio performs, 7-11 p.m., April 5, Derailed Pour House.

Free Morning Yoga with YogaDurango, 8:30-9:30 a.m., Saturdays and Sundays, Durango Mountain Institute at Purgatory.

Blue Lotus Feet Kirtan, 7:30-9:30 p.m., April 5, YogaDurango, Florida Road.

Karaoke, 8 p.m., Thur-Sun, 8th Ave. Tavern, 509 E 8th Ave.

The Durango Voice Finals, fundraiser for Manna Soup Kitchen, April 6, Henry Strater Theatre, 699 Main Ave. www.henrystratertheatre.com.

Elder Grown, 9 p.m., April 4, Animas City Theatre, 128 E. College Drive. www.animascitytheatre.com.

Free Maintenance Clinic with Darian Harvey, hosted by Mountain Bike Specialists, 10-11:30 a.m., April 6, MBS, 949 Main Ave. Register at 247-4066 or service@moun tainbikespecialists.com.

Disney’s “The Lion King Experience, Jr.”part of the Creativity Festivity’s 25th Anniversary, April 5-7, Durango Arts Center, 802 E. 2nd Ave. www.durangoarts.org.

Coffee & Car Care, meet the mechanics, learn the basics and more, 10 a.m.-noon, April 6, Durango Small Car, 138 Bodo Drive. 259-3460 or 247-4040.

“The Inside Out: Visions from the Artist’s Mind,” opening reception, 5-7 p.m., April 5, Southern Ute Museum, 503 Ouray Drive. www.southernutemuseum.org.

Big Brothers Big Sisters Bowl for Kids’ Sake fundraier 10 a.m.-5 p.m., April 6, Rolling Thunder Lanes at the Sky Ute Casino, Ignacio. www.bbig.org/events/bowl-forkids-sake/.

Upcoming

Plein air painter Peggy Immel, 5-7 p.m., April 5, Sorrel Sky Gallery, 828 Main Ave. www.sorrelsky.com.

La Plata Family Center Celebrate its 35th Anniversary, AfroBeatNiks perform, 6-9 p.m., April 6, Grange Hall at the Durango & Silverton Narrow Gauge Railroad. 385-4747.

“Energy in Action,” season finale from San Juan Symphony, 3 p.m., April 7, Community Concert Hall at Fort Lewis College. www.durangoconcerts.com.

2019 Copa del Sol 3v3 Soccer Tournament, fundraiser for FLC Soccer, April 7, Smith Sports Complex at Fort Lewis College. www.durangosoccer.com.

Veterans Breakfast, 9-11 a.m., April 7, Elks Club, 901 E. 2nd Ave. 946-4831.

Deadline for “On the Town” submissions is Monday at noon.

To submit an item, email: calendar@durango telegraph.com

Legislative Lowdown, hosted by the League of Women

Back on top.

Drinking&DiningGuide Himalayan Kitchen 992 Main Ave., 970-259-0956 www.himkitchen.com Bringing you a taste of Nepal, Tibet & India. Try our all-you-can-eat lunch buffet. The dinner menu offers a variety of tempting choices, including yak, lamb, chicken, beef & seafood; extensive veggies; freshly baked bread. Full bar. Get your lunch punch card – 10th lunch free.

Hours: Lunch, 11am-2:30 p.m. & dinner, Sun. - Thurs., 5-9:30 p.m., Fri. & Sat. ‘til 10 p.m. Closed 2:30 to 5 daily $$ Crossroads Coffee 1099 Main Ave., 970-903-9051 Crossroads coffee proudly serves locally roasted Fahrenheit coffee and delicious baked goods. Menu includes gluten-free items along with bullet-proof coffee, or bullet-proof chai! Come in for friendly service and the perfect buzz!

Hours: Mon.- Fri., 7 a.m. - 4 p.m. $

Issue 7 is now out!

Wherever you find the Telegraph or at www.gulchmag.com.

To find out about advertising opportunities, email steve@gulchmag.com

BREW Pub & Kitchen 117 W. College Drive, 970-259-5959 www.brewpubkitchen.com Experience Durango’s award-winning brewery & restaurant featuring unique, hand-crafted beers, delicious food made from scratch, and wonderful wines & cocktails.

Happy Hour, Tues.- Fri. 4-6 pm & all day Sunday with $1 off beers, wines & wells & enjoy select appetizers at 20% off. Watch the sunset behind Smelter Mountain as the train goes by.

Hours: Wed.-Sun., Noon - 9p.m., Tues. 4p.m. - 9 p.m. Closed on Mon. $$

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March 28, 2019 n 23

24 n March 28, 2019

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