A peaceful pregnancy during a pandemic

By Molly Ovenden

Motherhood brings about hopes and dreams both for Mom and her baby and how she will parent. It’s also full of fears. The normal anxiety that comes along with being a mom of a newborn has been amplified when paired with the global pandemic. Staying flexible, connected relationally and staying positive have been crucial for mother’s and baby’s wellbeing. In a time when there has been so much grief, newborns have been a gift and picture of hope to celebrate with new parents.

Temper expectations

Erin Considine, 32, speech language pathologist at Essentia Health, is a mother of two girls, Clara and Lucy, and still has the “giddy newborn, new-mom feel.” With a toddler born pre-pandemic and a newborn in fall 2020, she is grateful for what she’s been able to do at home with both girls through this early season of motherhood.

On the same day that news broke of COVID-19 hitting the U.S., Considine found out she was pregnant. When her husband, Clint, came home, asking how her day was, she said: “Well, I’m freaking out a little bit.” He said, he was freaking out, too, like everyone else, but, Considine said, “‘No! There’s more.”

Considine has loved watching her girls growing up as sisters. As a family, they have enjoyed lots of walks, reading books and lots of baking, too, courtesy of her husband.

Considine encourages new moms to acknowledge that sometimes there are bad days, but to focus on what they can do, instead of what they are missing. She believes it’s important to remember that “it’s more the mom that’s missing out than the baby.” She also encourages her mom friends to spend time allowing themselves to feel the sadness of expectations not going to plan and to reach out for support when they need it without feeling guilty.

Being a new mom can be isolating already, so being proactive to arrange regular digital, or in-person when appropriate, visits is crucial.

For her firstborn, Considine and her husband eagerly allowed anyone to visit at the hospital, thankful so many people wanted to meet the baby. She also remembers being overwhelmed, feeling crowded and hot, learning to breastfeed. Then, the pandemic set the boundaries, and “in a lot of ways it’s been nice,” she said. Although it was disappointing to not be able to have her husband at the initial ultrasound appointments, she says it was “a beautiful hospital visit” with Mom, Dad and baby No. 2, having a quiet and peaceful delivery without the happy commotion of visitors.

The doctors’ standard advice given to protect new babies is society’s new normal: Wash your hands and avoid large crowds.

“Clint and I took Clara everywhere when she was born. I mean, we were at church when she was 5 days old. We would bring her shopping. I went and stayed in the Cities for a week and a half before she was even a month. And now, I’ve left my house, I think, three times (in the first six weeks) since Lucy was born.” Letting go of her once tightly held expectations has meant enjoying the start to both of her daughters’ lives. Support and shared experiences

Kindergarten teacher, Jill Ellison, 29, says her newborn daughter, Tova, “is just so cool.” Ellison wants to be a cheerleader for every mom she meets because COVID-19 has been hard. All the normal fears and anxieties of being a mom are hard. Doing them both together is even harder.

Ellison’s positive outlook on life and her faith have helped her during pregnancy and postpartum since so much of what she imagined for this time was not what happened. Allowing herself to talk about and feel the depths of sadness has decreased the overwhelm.

Hospital protocols matching her own desires relieved a lot of social pressure of disappointing people. For Ellison and her husband, Scott, being together in the hospital only with their newborn and the hospital staff, felt sacred in a world that has felt dangerous.

Surprised by how much fear and anxiety she experienced leading up to giving birth and afterward, she said: “I really wanted to feel connected to other moms and I wanted to have my fear lessened knowing that I was in a group of people going through the same thing. I’ve never felt anxiety in that way where my entire body is buzzing and I couldn’t sleep.”

Normal postpartum anxiety caused by changing hormones is one thing, but added with anxiety about whether the coronavirus will ever end weighs heavily on many parents’ minds.

Ellison and her husband met with a marriage counselor before their baby was born. This was beneficial, helping them understand the importance of having their friends involved in a plan to alleviate stress. They arranged with a couple close friends who could be oncall for any help they might need mentally, physically, emotionally or spiritually. She recommends all new moms talk to their partner and a counselor, if possible, to make a plan to stay well and to not be isolated, especially during pregnancy and the first part of their newborn’s life.

Doctor’s advice

Dr. Margaret Perko, Essentia family medicine physician, gives five top tips for new moms:

1. Be flexible. Protocols about COVID-19 change continually in the hospital and in society. Not only does caring for a newborn require adaptation to many new scenarios, but the coronavirus adds even more to adapt to.

2. Be protective. Don’t feel guilty about protecting the health and wellbeing of your newborn. You have permission to be Mama Bear.

3. Assert boundaries. You are the parent, so you get to decide what is and what is not appropriate for your newborn to encounter. This is something that only you and your partner can decide.

4. Reach out. If you need help, get in touch with someone. Being a new mom can be isolating, so let a friend or family member know how you are doing.

5. Get support. Many in-person groups have not been able to meet, but medical professionals still want to help. Call your doctor or clinic for advice. D