“A Clean Slate”, Rachel Shkolnik ‘23

A Clean Slate

by Rachel Shkolnik she/her '23

Into the ice kissed air, akes of pure white danced in the frigid wind as they came to settle on the frozen ground. e cabin in the distance, one that brought warmth to my heart as my skin was frozen from the frosty wind and snow, dancing an especially choreographed ballet through the air. e wood seemed weathered and thin, yet the re inside it made it all worth the hike. e snow piles in the walkway that I had myself built the previous year. It covers every imperfection of that e snow piles in the walkway that I had myself built the previous year. It covers every imperfection of that cracked cement. e once luscious grass, now crippled and dead, can no longer be seen under the sheet of pure white. e snow erases the awed ground beneath it, hiding the deformities and giving a new chance - a new beginning to mother nature's creations. e rst snowfall had always given me hope, a chance to change my destiny into something greater than what e rst snowfall had always given me hope, a chance to change my destiny into something greater than what it once was before, to nd myself again. I would stare at the mirror of my bedroom and not even recognize my own re ection. e crippling worry of my everyday life was degrading me from the inside out. With every invasive thought went a piece of my soul, of my once caring heart, that I could not even see within me anymore. Reminiscing on my once simple life: falling back onto a 3 inch deep snow in my backyard, just to lay and ail Reminiscing on my once simple life: falling back onto a 3 inch deep snow in my backyard, just to lay and ail my arms and legs and call it an angel; the snowball ghts, with my sister they always got intense; cleaning the car from the snow that covered its windshield, an uncommon delight. It's the small things that I hang onto for the last bit of happiness that resides within me. I walk to the replace and quickly ick the lighter on and onto the dried wood that had been laying there since that last year. I hover my hands over the heat, thawing them from the icy chill. e silence, just me and the wilderness on this mountain side provided me with comfort. It gave me a path to escape the responsibilities of a past day, to leave the anxiety in the dust behind me. I look outside the window to see holes in the snow with the smallest bit of grass peaking through. As the snow helps bring a new life to the earth, it does the same for me. Once the snow melts, it gives way for Spring to lighten the darkened world, a new chance at a changed life. I quickly dusted off my hands from the ashes that had piled up on them from the burning wood. Reaching into my bag, I grabbed my comfort book and walked to the rotting rocking chair sitting in the corner - I begged for it not to break from under me. As I rocked in that chair, back and forth, back and forth, my shoulders relaxed, my jaw became unclenched, my ngers less tense as I easily ipped the book's delicate pages. I peeked outside the window to see the darkness come over the sky. Deciding it's time for bed, I headed to the mattress on the ground of that old wooden cabin and rested my head on blankets that I had brought with me. Slowly my eyes closed as I felt myself drift off to sleep. My mind and body felt still, as though all the overwhelming thoughts that had been running through were suddenly gone; they disappeared.