Revive Your Love Life:
Five Easy Steps to Mind-Blowing Orgasms and Romance
Dr. Diane Mueller ND, DAOM, Lac
Revive Your Love Life:
5 Easy Steps to Mind-Blowing Orgasms and Romance
Diane Mueller ND, DAOM, LacFounder of MyLibidoDoc.com
Libido Lounge Podcast
The first time I met Alexandra, she looked at me on a zoom call with a smile that could light up a room, but eyes that told a story of emotional struggle. Married to Thomas, a man she deeply loved but who had high-conflict tendencies, Alexandra was at a crossroads. She was caught in a labyrinth of emotional turmoil, where every turn seemed to lead to another conflict, another moment of shame and belittlement.
Thomas, despite his redeeming qualities, had a knack for escalating minor disagreements into major emotional battles. "Who do you think you are, trying to change?" he would often say, his words cutting through Alexandra like a knife. The irony was palpable. Alexandra didn't want to leave Thomas; she wanted to make their relationship work. She wanted to unearth the love that had been buried under years of emotional strife.
That's when Alexandra and I embarked on a transformative journey a journey that you'll traverse in the pages of this book. This journey is not just about reclaiming your libido, but also about rediscovering the love, respect, and emotional well-being that every individual deserves in a relationship.
Through the five empowering steps outlined in the chapters that follow, Alexandra was able to rekindle the romance within her marriage. She rediscovered the joy of mind-blowing orgasms, yes, but she also found something even more valuable: a renewed sense of self-love and emotional harmony.
But this book isn't just Alexandra's story; it's your story too. Whether you're in a high-conflict relationship, or simply looking to reignite the spark in a relationship you're committed to, the strategies and insights shared here will empower you to transform your romantic and sexual experiences.
So, as you delve into this book, remember that like Alexandra, you too have the power to change your narrative. You have the power to reclaim your libido, rekindle your romance, and experience the kind of mind-blowing orgasms that you not only desire but also deserve.
Welcome to your journey of transformation. Let's get started.
If you're holding this book, it means you're ready for a seismic shift in your love life. You're not here for the mundane; you're here for the extraordinary, the exhilarating, and the downright electrifying. So, let's cut to the chase: This book is your golden ticket to a world of romantic pleasure so intense, it'll make fireworks look like mere sparklers.
The Topic We Can't Ignore
First things first, what's this all about? In essence, we're embarking on a comprehensive journey through the landscape of romantic pleasure. We're talking neurochemistry, communication, ambiance, techniques, toys, and so much more. This isn't your run-of-the-mill guide; this is a masterclass designed to elevate your romantic life to stratospheric levels of pleasure and satisfaction.
The Urgency of the Matter
You might be thinking, "Why now?" Well, let's face it: We're living in an age where everything is instant, from our coffee to our news. But when it comes to love and pleasure, instant just won't cut it. In a world that's increasingly superficial, the deep, soul-stirring satisfaction that comes from a truly fulfilling romantic life is more crucial than ever. It's the antidote to the chaos of modern living, a sanctuary of authenticity in a sea of pretense.
The Benefits: A Glimpse into the Future
So, what's in it for you? Imagine being fluent in the language of desire, able to articulate your deepest fantasies and needs with the eloquence of a seasoned poet. Picture yourself as the maestro of mood, creating an atmosphere so sensual it would make Cupid himself blush. Visualize discovering new realms of pleasure, from mind-blowing techniques to tantalizing toys that make you wonder how you ever lived without them. And that's just scratching the surface.
The Mechanics of Pleasure
How does this all work? Think of this book as your personal GPS on the road to Pleasure Ville. (Yes cheesy, I know! But I am cheesy sometimes and part of this book is about being yourself.)
Each chapter tackles a different facet of romantic pleasure, offering actionable tips, exercises, and even some challenges for the daring among you. You'll find real-life examples, scientific insights, and a sprinkle of humor to keep things light and engaging.
Dodging the Landmines
But that's not all. We're also going to explore the pitfalls, the blunders, and the "Oh no, did I really just do that?" moments that many unwittingly stumble into. You'll learn how to navigate around these common mistakes, armed with the wisdom of those who've gone before you (and goofed up so you don't have to).
The Time is Now
If you're pondering whether this is the right time to dive into this book, let me offer this: There's no time like the present. In a world that's constantly changing, where uncertainties abound, the deep emotional and physical connection you'll cultivate through this book will be your anchor. It's not just about immediate gratification; it's about laying the foundation for a lifetime of intimacy, pleasure, and mutual satisfaction.
The Journey Ahead
So, are you ready to transform your love life from mundane to magical? Are you prepared to become the hero or heroine of your own epic love story? If your answer is a resounding "Yes," then it's time to turn the page. Your journey to unparalleled romantic pleasure starts right here, right now.
What to Expect
In the pages that follow, you'll find the keys to unlock doors you never even knew existed. Doors that lead to realms of pleasure, intimacy, and connection that most people can only dream of. So, buckle up, because we're about to take off on a journey that promises to be as enlightening as it is exhilarating.
Chapter One
Step One: Cultivating Presence for Relationship Bliss
Have you ever found yourself in the middle of an intimate moment, only to realize your mind has wandered off to the most mundane tasks like grocery shopping or flipping the laundry? If you've been nodding your head, you're in good company. Today, we're going to explore why this happens and how to reclaim your focus for a more fulfilling and enriching love life.
Science Behind This
First, let's talk about the science behind it all specifically, the intricacies of the female brain. Our brains are wired differently than our male counterparts, and it's all thanks to our hormones, particularly estrogen. This hormone makes us "diffusely aware," a term that essentially means we're naturally inclined to multitask. This is a survival trait that dates back to our hunter-gatherer days, but in the modern world, it can be a bit of a double-edged sword, especially in intimate moments. So, how do we combat this natural tendency?
Think of sex as a form of meditation. Yes, you heard that right. In meditation, the goal isn't to empty your mind but to become aware of your thoughts and bring your focus back to the present. The same principle applies to sex. When your mind starts to wander, catch it and bring it back to the moment. Focus on the sensations the touch, the smell, the sounds. Engage your senses to pull your mind back into the present. It's like a mental workout, and just like physical exercise, it requires practice and dedication.
Benefits of Presence
Now, let's delve into the benefits, and trust me, they extend far beyond the bedroom. Sex has the incredible power to balance your hormones, including cortisol, the infamous stress hormone. A balanced cortisol level can help with weight maintenance and even weight loss. But that's just the tip of the iceberg; sex also releases oxytocin, the "love hormone," which can balance your blood sugar and even your brain hormones like dopamine. When dopamine is balanced, you're more motivated, happier, and more focused.
So, if you find yourself overwhelmed and stressed, remember that your sexuality is a powerful tool for self-healing. It's not just about pleasure; it's about holistic well-being. It's like having a secret weapon in your arsenal for combating stress, balancing hormones, and enhancing your overall quality of life. If you're thinking, "Well, Dr. Diane, that's great, but I don't have a partner," don't fret. Go listen to my podcast, Libido Lounge where I dispel the myth that you need a partner to benefit from a healthy sex life
Sexuality as a Gift
In essence, your sexuality is a gift, a tool for self-healing and well-being. It's a part of you that deserves attention and cultivation. So the next time you find your mind wandering during an intimate moment, remember to bring it back to the present. Engage your senses, focus on the pleasure, and let the healing begin. It's like giving yourself a mental and emotional tune-up, right there in the moment.
And let's not forget, this isn't just about you; it's also about enhancing your connection with your partner. When you're fully present, you're not just improving your own experience; you're elevating the entire intimate encounter for both of you. It's a win-win situation that fosters deeper emotional bonds and a more satisfying love life.
Stopping the To Do List
So, my fabulous readers the next time you find yourself mentally drafting a to-do list in the middle of a passionate embrace, remember the power you hold. Your mind is a potent tool, and with a little practice, you can harness it to enhance not just your love life but your entire wellbeing.
More on Presence
Focus on being present during sex. Forget about how you look or whether you're hitting all the right notes. Tune into the sensations, the touch, the intimacy. The more present you are, the more pleasure you'll experience, and that's what sex is all about.
Blood Flow
But it's not just about anatomy; it's also about blood flow. Women have as much erectile tissue as men, but it takes longer for blood to flow to this tissue. This means you might need more time to "rev up the engine," so to speak. More foreplay, more time to become aroused these are not luxuries; they're necessities for many women. We will talk about this more later!
So, what can you do about it? First, work on your internal confidence. Research links body image and genital image to the ability to orgasm. If you're not comfortable with how your vulva looks, it can affect your ability to enjoy sex and reach orgasm. So, take some time to appreciate your anatomy. All vulvas are uniquely beautiful, and the sooner you realize this, the better your sexual experiences will be.
Communication is Queen
Communication is key. Communicate with your partner. If something's not working for you, speak up. Your partner is not a mind reader. Open communication not only enhances your sexual experiences but also strengthens your relationship.
Be honest with your partner about what works for you and what doesn't. Faking orgasms might seem like a quick fix, but it's not a long-term solution. You're essentially teaching your partner the wrong way to please you, which can lead to more dissatisfaction in the long run.
And don't be afraid to bring in some reinforcements. Vibrators can be a fantastic addition to your sexual repertoire. They can help bring the necessary blood flow to your erectile tissue and can be especially beneficial for women who need that extra stimulation. Just make sure to communicate with your partner about this, so it doesn't come as a surprise and potentially spoil the moment. Some vibrators are even approved medical devices for improving things such as pelvic pain,
erectile dysfunction, vaginal dryness and more! You can find our favorite solutions on our store at: https://mylibidodoc.com/shop/
Important Stats
First off, let's get the statistics out of the way. About 15% of women report never having had an orgasm, and only 18% say they can orgasm from intercourse alone. So, if you're struggling with this, you're far from alone. It's time to normalize this topic and understand that it's common for women to have difficulty orgasming, especially during vaginal sex.
Now, why is this happening? One reason is the location of the clitoris. For some women, the clitoris is further away from the vaginal opening, making it difficult to achieve orgasm through intercourse alone. The clitoris is packed with nerve endings, and its stimulation is often key to reaching orgasm. So, if you're one of the many women whose clitoris is not easily stimulated during intercourse, don't worry; you're not alone.
Let's continue things off with a biggie the myth that orgasms for women are a walk in the park. Thanks to the world of adult entertainment, many people think that women can climax as easily as men can tie their shoes. But here's the real deal: orgasms for women are often more complex and require a nuanced understanding of their bodies. So, the next time you're in the heat of the moment, remember that it's not a sprint; it's a marathon. And marathons are all about pacing and understanding the course.
It is also important to realize that the average time for a female to orgasm is 20-40 minutes. Yes, that is right! The porn industry has really made it seem like women are supposed to orgasm faster. The simple fact is, that it takes the female body longer to circulate blood to the genitals, to engorge them and to make the body release all the hormones that lead to an orgasmic experience. So, if you are having a hard time orgasming, it might be as simple as just not giving yourself ample time and focus.
You know the drill. You want to be the best, the sexiest, the most unforgettable lover your partner has ever had. You've read the articles, watched the videos, and maybe even attended a workshop or two. You've got your game plan all mapped out. But here's the kicker: sometimes, striving for perfection can sabotage your sexual experiences. Shocking, right?
Perfectionism In the Bedroom
Now, let’s get down to the basics. Perfectionism in the bedroom often stems from performance anxiety. You want to give your partner the ultimate pleasure, and that's commendable. But here's where it gets tricky. This desire to be perfect can lead to a lot of internal pressure. You start thinking, "I have to orgasm. I have to make sure my partner orgasms." And guess what? That pressure can be a major mood killer.
Now, let's talk about the elephant in the room: faking it. We've all been there, haven't we? Faking an orgasm might seem like a quick fix, but it's a slippery slope. When you fake it, you're sending the wrong signals to your partner. They think they're doing everything right, and they'll keep doing it, not knowing that they're missing the mark. It's a vicious cycle that benefits no one.
But wait, there's more. Perfectionism doesn't just affect your performance; it also impacts how you perceive yourself. Body image plays a huge role in how you experience sex. If you're too concerned about how you look whether your belly is showing or if your thighs are too big you're not fully present in the moment. And let me tell you, presence is everything in sex.
So, how do we combat this? First, start by telling yourself you're beautiful every single day. Beauty is not about fitting into society's narrow standards; it's about being comfortable in your own skin. Take up activities that make you feel sexy and confident. It could be anything from wearing lingerie under your work clothes to putting on that bold lipstick you've been saving for a special occasion.
Chapter 3
Unlocking Hormonal Balance: The Third Step to Relationship Bliss
First off, let's debunk a common myth. When we talk about hormones and sex, we're not just talking about the usual suspects like estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone. Oh no, we're diving into the whole hormonal orchestra, including thyroid hormones, adrenal hormones, and even neurotransmitters in the brain. Each of these players has a unique role in shaping your sexual experiences, and today, we're going to explore each one in detail.
Testosterone
Let's start with testosterone. Ladies, we need testosterone just as much as men do. But here's the catch: you need to understand both total and free testosterone. The total amount is what your body produces, but the free testosterone is what your cells can use. So, if you're making a ton of testosterone but your cells can't use it, you're missing out on a world of benefits, including enhanced libido and energy.
Estrogen
Next up, estrogen. It's not just about one type of estrogen; there are three E1, E2, and E3. Each has its unique role, especially when it comes to sexual experiences. E3, for instance, is crucial for vaginal lubrication. So if you're struggling with dryness, you might want to check your E3 levels. And let's not forget progesterone, which supports healthy estrogen and testosterone responses. It's like the unsung hero of your hormonal profile.
DHEA
Now, let's talk about DHEA, one of my favorite hormones. It's a precursor to both estrogen and testosterone and plays a significant role in energy and anti-aging. If you're feeling sluggish or less driven, DHEA might be the missing link.
Thyroid
But wait, there's more! Your thyroid and adrenal glands also play a pivotal role in your sex drive. For thyroid hormones, don't just rely on TSH levels; make sure you're looking at free T3 and free T4 as well. And when it comes to adrenal hormones, cortisol is the star player. Too much cortisol can lead to stress and lower your libido, while the right balance can enhance your sexual experiences.
Dopamine and Serotonin
Now, let's talk about brain hormones like dopamine and serotonin. These neurotransmitters are all about happiness and motivation. They're the ones that give you that 'high' in new relationships. But in long-term relationships, you need to keep things novel to maintain that dopamine boost. It's all about balancing novelty with familiarity to keep the spark alive.
Oxytocin
Oxytocin is the cuddle and love hormone. It is also connected to orgasms and connectedness.
Vasopressin
Now, what about vasopressin? This hormone is released in the brain when you solve stress or achieve a goal with another person. It makes you prioritize keeping that person in your life. Men have more vasopressin receptors than women, making them more inclined to vasopressin bonding. However, people with difficult childhoods can also skew towards vasopressin bonding.
Men tend to vasopressin bond first and then open the door for oxytocin bonding, which involves warmth, care, and emotional investment. Women usually do the opposite: they oxytocin bond first and then vasopressin bond.
Vasopressin is essential for building deep, intimate relationships. It helps couples solve problems together, thereby strengthening their bond. The absence of vasopressin bonding can lead to negative associations, causing fights and misunderstandings in relationships.
The longevity of a relationship can often be traced back to vasopressin and oxytocin bonding. It's crucial to refresh this bonding periodically to maintain a healthy relationship.
In conclusion, having an understanding your hormones is like having a secret roadmap to a more fulfilling sex life. It's not just about one or two hormones; it's about the entire hormonal orchestra playing in harmony.
So, get tested, understand your profile, and take steps to balance your hormones. And remember that when we engage sexually, it supports our hormones. Sometimes the best way to do it if you have not engaged sexually in some time, is just to rip the band aid off and go for it. By connecting even when we are not in the mood, we stimulate our body to release more vasopressin and oxytocin which aids in relationship longevity.
Chapter 4
Unlocking Cardiovascular Health: The Fourth Step to Relationship Bliss
Many women, especially as they age, experience periods of low libido and often dismiss it as not a priority. I assume you, dear reader, are interested in improving your libido because you are here.
Beyond libido, here’s the kicker of having a low sex drive: low libido can be an early indicator of cardiovascular issues. It's not just about your sex drive; it's about your heart and blood vessels too. So, if you're experiencing low libido, it's crucial to pay attention and not just brush it off.
Nitty Gritty of the Cardiovascular System
Now, let's get into the nitty-gritty. When we talk about low libido and cardiovascular health, we're talking about blood flow. Poor blood flow to your genital area can be a sign of poor blood flow throughout your body. This is why erectile dysfunction in men is often linked to heart issues. But guess what, ladies? The same applies to us. Poor blood flow can affect our libido and our cardiovascular system.
Low Libido and Your Heart
So, what should you do if you're experiencing low libido? First, get a thorough cardiovascular check-up. Don't just rely on basic tests like cholesterol levels; they often don't give the full picture. One of my favorite tests is the CIMT (Carotid Intima-Media Thickness), an ultrasound that looks for plaque in the carotid artery. This can give you a better idea of your cardiovascular health.
Solutions
Now, let's talk solutions. One natural way to improve blood flow is by increasing nitric oxide in your body. Nitric oxide is a molecule that dilates blood vessels, improving blood flow. One amino acid that's excellent for this is citrulline. It's more effective than arginine, another amino acid commonly recommended for blood flow.
We're talking about L-citrulline, an amino acid that's showing promising results in boosting sexual function and improving blood flow. So, let's get into it!
First, let's talk about what L-citrulline is. This amino acid is naturally found in foods like watermelon, pumpkin seeds, and nuts. It plays a crucial role in the production of nitric oxide, a molecule that helps relax and widen blood vessels. This is particularly relevant for sexual function as it enhances the delivery of oxygen and nutrients to the genital area.
Now, here's where it gets interesting. When you consume L-citrulline as a supplement, your kidneys convert it into another amino acid known as L-arginine. This L-arginine is then converted into nitric oxide. What's fascinating is that this indirect pathway offers a sustained release of nitric oxide, unlike directly supplementing with L-arginine, which can be quickly metabolized and provide limited benefits.
So, what does this mean for you, ladies? By increasing nitric oxide production, L-citrulline promotes vasodilation, which means it helps widen your blood vessels. This, in turn, facilitates better blood flow to the genital area, potentially improving sexual function. And guess what? Studies are backing this up!
Studies
In a 2011 randomized controlled trial, men with mild to moderate erectile dysfunction who took daily L-citrulline supplements for one month showed improved erection hardness compared to the placebo group, without any reported side effects. Another study in 2013 found similar results. While these studies were conducted on men, the physiological mechanisms are similar for women, making L-citrulline a promising option for boosting female libido as well.
Now, let's talk dosage. Studies suggest that taking 1.5 grams of L-citrulline a day for a month can improve sexual function. However, it's essential to consult your healthcare provider before starting any new supplement, especially if you're on other medications or have existing health conditions.
Other Tips
Exercise is another fantastic way to improve blood flow. High-intensity interval training (HIIT) can be particularly effective. When you exercise, your body releases a molecule that causes new blood vessels to grow, improving blood flow and, consequently, your libido.
Don't forget about electrolytes like sodium, calcium, potassium, and magnesium. These can also impact your blood flow. Make sure you're getting the right balance in your diet to optimize your cardiovascular health.
Chapter 5
Unlocking Body Awareness: The Fifth Step to Relationship Bliss
We're going to talk about how you can reclaim your libido through self-awareness and self-love.
First, let's address the elephant in the room: genital image. For many women, there's either a lack of awareness or a negative perception about how their genitals look. This is a crucial issue because research shows that how you feel about your genital image can significantly impact your sexual desire. Unlike men, who have external genitalia and are more aware of what they look like, women often don't know what their vulva looks like due to its anatomical positioning.
Now, why does this matter? Well, if you're not comfortable with how your vulva looks, it can create a sense of emotional unsafety, which is a libido killer. Emotional safety is paramount for sexual desire. When you feel emotionally unsafe, your nervous system prioritizes survival over pleasure, leading to a decrease in sexual desire.
So, how can we change this? It starts with self-exploration. Grab a mirror and take a good look at your vulva. Understand that just like faces and bodies, vulvas come in all shapes, sizes, and colors. There's no 'one-size-fits-all' when it comes to vulvas. They can be different in terms of lip size, color, and even hair amount. And guess what? All of it is normal!
If you're comfortable, go a step further. Lightly touch or stroke your vulva. Say hello to it, appreciate it, and if it doesn't feel too strange, even give it a name. The idea is to develop a personal relationship with your vulva, just as you would with other parts of your body that you might be apprehensive about be it your hips, waist, or breasts.
This practice isn't just about boosting your libido; it's about cultivating body kindness and selflove. When you start seeing your vulva as beautiful, unique, and perfect just the way it is, you lower your emotional guards. This makes you less fearful about being seen by your partner, thereby enhancing your sexual experiences.
In essence, this practice is about transforming your relationship with your body and, by extension, your sexual desire. It's about shifting from a place of fear and insecurity to a place of love, acceptance, and empowerment. So, take that mirror, look at your vulva, and start cultivating a loving relationship with it. Your libido will thank you, and so will your overall well-being.
Conclusion
As we close this transformative chapter both literally and metaphorically I want you to take a moment to breathe. Yes, breathe. Inhale deeply, filling your lungs with the promise of a new beginning, and exhale, releasing any doubts or fears that have held you back. You've journeyed through the pages of this book, absorbing knowledge, insights, and actionable steps to reclaim your libido and, in turn, your zest for life. Now, it's time to put those words into action.
You've learned about the intricate dance of hormones that influence not just your sexual health but your overall well-being. You've discovered that your libido is not an isolated aspect of your existence but a vital sign, a barometer of your holistic health. From testosterone to estrogen, from the thyroid to neurotransmitters, each plays a unique role in your sexual experiences. And guess what? You now have the tools to orchestrate this complex hormonal symphony.
But we didn't stop at hormones. We delved into the psychology of self-exploration, breaking down societal taboos and empowering you to look at your vulva, not as a source of shame, but as a part of you that deserves love and appreciation. You learned that emotional safety is paramount for sexual desire and that by cultivating a loving relationship with your body, you can unlock new heights of sexual pleasure.
We also explored groundbreaking treatment options like L-citrulline, an amino acid that can boost your sexual function and improve blood flow. You've been given a treasure trove of natural solutions, backed by science, to enhance your libido and cardiovascular health. And let's not forget about the importance of communication and the role of external aids like vibrators in enhancing your sexual experiences.
So, what's next? Action, my friend, action.
You're not just a passive reader; you're a woman empowered with knowledge, ready to reclaim her libido and live a life of passion, both in and out of the bedroom. Start by getting tested to understand your hormonal profile. Consult your healthcare provider and discuss the treatment options that are best for you. Take that mirror, look at your vulva, and start cultivating a loving relationship with it. Communicate openly with your partner, and together, explore new avenues of sexual pleasure.
Remember, you're not alone on this journey. Share this book with your friends, your sisters, your mothers, and let's create a ripple effect of sexual wellness and overall health. Let's break the societal taboos that have held us back and step into a world where talking about libido is as normal as discussing your favorite book or movie.
You are seen. You are understood. And you are incredibly powerful. Your libido is not just a part of you; it's a reflection of your soul, your vitality, and your infinite potential as a woman. Don't let it be an untold story, a forgotten song, or an unexplored universe. Reclaim it, celebrate it, and let it be the catalyst for a life filled with passion, joy, and endless possibilities.
So, dear reader, as you turn this final page, know that this is not the end but a beautiful beginning. A beginning of understanding, of exploration, and of a life lived to its fullest. Your
journey to a revitalized libido and a radiant life starts now. And trust me, it's going to be an exhilarating ride.
There are a few ways you can stay and touch and work with me:
1) Join one of my libido and relationship masterclasses or my monthly program: mylibidodoc.com/masterclass
2) Follow my podcast the libido lounge on any platform. You can find it here: MyLibidoDoc.com/podcasts
3) Follow my youtube channel:https://www.youtube.com/@mylibidodoc
With all my love and encouragement, Dr. Diane
References
1) Cormio L, De Sia/ M, Lorusso F, Selvaggio O, Mirabella L, Sanguedolce F, Carrieri G. Oral L-citrulline supplementa/on improves erec/on hardness in men with mild erec/le dysfunc/on. Urology. 2011 Jan;77(1):119-22. doi: 10.1016/j.urology.2010.08.028. PMID: 21195829.
2) Rhim HC, Kim MS, Park YJ, Choi WS, Park HK, Kim HG, Kim A, Paick SH. The Poten/al Role of Arginine Supplements on Erec/le Dysfunc/on: A Systemic Review and Meta-Analysis. J Sex Med. 2019 Feb;16(2):223-234. doi: 10.1016/j.jsxm.2018.12.002. Erratum in: J Sex Med. 2020 Mar;17(3):560. PMID: 30770070.