Single! Young Christian Woman Sept/Oct 2013

single!

A P U B L I C AT I O N O F O N M Y O W N N O W M I N I S T R I E S

SEPT/OCT '13

Young Christian Woman

“Missionary Dating” an Unbeliever?

Breaking Free

From What Binds You

Ivy League Education Tuition Free!

10 Dating Patterns to AVOID w w w. o n m y o w n n o w. c o m

in this Single!

Young Christian Woman SEPT/OCT 2013, Vol. 5

issue...

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On My Own Now Ministries, Inc., Publisher

10 Signs you have a Dating Pattern (You Need to Break)

Donna Lee Schillinger, Editor

by Shellie R. Warren

Jonathan Braschler Editorial Support Contributors Sydney Clark, Debra Fileta, MA, LPC Denise Flynn, Shellie R. Warren Except where noted, content is copyright 2013 On My Own Now Ministries.

Articles may be reprinted with credit to author, Single! and www.OnMyOwnNow.com.

On My Own Now Ministries, Inc. is a nonprofit organization with a 501 (c) (3) determination. Your donations aid in our mission to encourage faith, wise life choices and Christ-likeness in young adults during their transition to living on their own.

We welcome submissions of original or repurposed articles that are contributed without expectation of compensation. May God repay you.

Visit us at www.OnMyOwnNow.com.

Straight Talk from the Proverbs Breaking Free, Part 1

by Guest Columnist Sydney Clark Spare Change

For the Person who has Everything

by Donna Lee Schillinger The Recap

What about Missionary Dating?

by Debra Fileta, MA, LPC Dear Gabby

How do I start?

by Denise Flynn Just What You Need

Back to School: That Includes You!

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By Shellie R. Warren Pattern: Acombination of qualities, acts, tendencies, etc., forming a consistent or characteristic arrangement.

10 Signs Dating Pattern You Have a

(You Need to Break)

You know what they say: “To get what you’ve always had, do what you’ve always done.” You create your own patterns—good or bad. Are you creating a dating pattern that you need to break?

Here are the signs.

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You don’t pray for wisdom about the right time to be in a relationship. There’s a type of guy who you sleep with after a few months or dates, who has no real relationship with God, and who shows no real interest in creating a future with you. How can you get in a relationship with him? I’ll tell you one crucial way: don’t start by asking God whether you needed a relationship with the guy in the first place. A lot of women could spare themselves a lot of tears and bitterness (Hebrews 12:1417) if, upon the first signs of being interested in a man, they did what James 1:5 tells us to do: seek godly wisdom. Look how wisdom is defined: “knowledge of what is true or right coupled with just judgment as to action; sagacity, discernment, or insight.” Knowledge of what is true and right. Discernment (Proverbs 2).

Insight. If a guy is not living his life according to what God says is true and right (the Word

tells us what those things are--John 1:1), he’s not right for you. Don’t let a fine guy trip you up.

Lucifer was perfect in beauty. He’s Satan now (Ezekiel 28:12).

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You don’t spend time being single (no dating, no sex) when a relationship ends.

When you don’t give yourself enough time to heal (Psalm 147:3) from a past relationship and to assess why it ended and the part that you played in it, you are likely to look up six months later and be in a similar predicament with the next man. I say this to young people all of the time when I speak at functions, but it bears repeating to the older folks as well: “Serial dating doesn’t prepare you for marriage, but for divorce.” This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t have light and casual dinners and hangouts, but it becomes a problem when you’re wondering if every guy and the next guy is the one. It doesn’t matter what lie the world tells you, because the world does everything based on lust and pride (1 John 2:16). You don’t need to try guys on like a pair of shoes. God already knows who your husband is. When you realize that your boyfriend is not him, first take some time getting healed

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center ring and whole from that revelation. Spend a season not dating and definitely not having any sex (1 Corinthians 6:16-20 The Message).

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4:18 tells us not only that “perfect love casts out fear,” but also that “fear involves torment.”

Torment is not just “mental suffering,” but also “a source of much trouble, worry, or annoyance.” If someone asks you, “Why are you dating him again?” and your reply is, “I’m tired of being alone,” or “I’m scared that he might be my last shot,” that’s not love talking, that’s fear gearing up to torment you. Love yourself (Mark 12:30-31) enough not to let it.

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You complain about the same problems with each guy. Have you been saying the same thing(s) about the past three guys that you’ve dated? If you don’t know, ask your friends. “He’s not a true Christian,” “He’s not attentive enough,” “He has no intentions of marrying me.” That’s a blaring sign that you are in a pattern. Sometimes we are so focused on the fact that a man did us wrong that we don’t realize that he’s no different from the past several guys before him. If you date guy after guy and get hung up on them for years, that’s not the guys’ problem. It means you’re settling, and that means something within you needs addressing.

Your relationships run in “circles” rather than in lines. Very few biblical characters were ever called to go back to something they left. The only one who comes to mind is Moses, and that was to bring other people out.

Every healthy relationship will show signs of forward movement. This isn’t just in romantic unions, but also in friendships and business partnerships. If your relationship is in the same space this year as last year, you are in a pattern of creating circles rather than straight lines. A hamster may put forth a lot of effort running in his wheel, but he’s not getting anywhere.

You show no real signs of spiritual maturity or emotional growth. I recently told a spiritual big sister of mine that I won’t say that I’m too old for some things anymore; I choose to say, “I’m over it,” instead.

Getting past things does not depend on my age, but on learning the value of maturity and embracing seasons as they come and go (Hebrews 5:12-14; Ecclesiastes 3). In my twenties I tolerated some things because, due to past abuse that stunted my growth, emotionally I was more like a fourteen or fifteen-year-old while it was transpiring. My wounds have turned into scars now, and I’m simply not that woman anymore. If you are continually acting the same way, talking about the same things, and being overly sensitive about the same issues--if you are a woman who lives in a time capsule, you’ll likely be attracted to guys like the ones from your past, because you still spiritually and emotionally live in the past.

It’s hard to receive an answer to this question, but if you want to know if you’ve matured, ask some of your family members and friends, then deal with their responses accordingly. Even if you don’t like what you hear (Proverbs 27:6), it could save your life--and your future marriage.

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Fear and/or desperation are your reasons for entering into a relationship in the first place. Most of us know that 1 John

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Each guy provides the same reasons for the relationship’s end. When I went through a season of apologizing to the men with whom I had had sex (because it was an offense against our God, them, and their future spouses-there are so many different ways to covet and steal--Exodus 20:15, 17), I asked them what I could work on to become a better relationship partner in the future. Even though they didn’t know each other, they all agreed on a couple points. You know what they say: “If one person says something about you, so what? If twenty do, you might want to look into that.” I know one woman who has a pattern of liking guys with the same profession, the same image, and the same set of issues, and they’re not interested in her. To me and her guy friends, it seems like she has a problem, but she thinks this is a misinterpretation. If she embraced the truth, she would stop fantasizing so much about those kinds of men. It’s kind of like a crop circle. You have to step away to get a full perspective.

You are more focused on instant gratification than on reaching long-term goals. I’m getting closer and closer to forty with every passing day, and I find it nearly heartwrenching that some women who are needy for a relationship end up delaying marriage and sometimes sacrificing the possibility of children because they waste time in dead-end relationships. About four years ago one woman I know told me about a particular guy. I told her that he was definitely not the one for her, but she thought otherwise. She is now well into her forties. He is not her husband, and the biological clock isn’t just ticking--the alarm is going off!

Time is important, and it needs to be respected.

Don’t be so earnest to get a boyfriend now that you make it hard to have a husband later. If your true heart’s desire is to be married, then Psalm 37:4 tells you how. “Delighting in the Lord” is not Bible talk for “find a boyfriend real quick to bide your time.” Instant gratification and lust are twins, and they mean you absolutely no good.

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The relationship doesn’t challenge you.

Plenty of women want men to worship them, not challenge them. One of the most endearing things that my last boyfriend said to me was, “Shellie, I’m not going to apologize for expecting you to be a better person.” He pushed me to grow up in so many ways, and on this side of wisdom I’m thankful for it. A healthy relationship will cause you to consider, not how to change the core of who you are, but how to improve yourself. If you aren’t being challenged in this way, if he is not encouraging you to be a better disciple (John 8:31-32), to further develop your career, to think outside of the box on matters where you’re stuck---if he’s not telling you about yourself so that you can better yourself, you are in a pattern of being in a relationship that keeps you stagnant as a person.

If water doesn’t flow, no matter how deep it is, over time it starts to stink.

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You’re bored. Doing something just to be doing something may keep you busy, but it’s definitely not productive.

Satan does not want us to fulfill our purpose (Psalm 20:4). If that means tempting you into

a relationship just to pass time, he’ll do it. The Spirit recently gave me the word “potent” for the kind of marriage I should be preparing for; my marriage needs to be and will be mighty. Since I’m a doula, I tend to focus on the reproductive system. When women are trying to conceive, it’s good for them to find out when they are ovulating and to have sex with their partner every other day of that week. Why every other day and not every day? Because the man needs time for his sperm to build up some potency.

If you desire marriage, part of being single is storing up all of the wisdom, knowledge, and insight---all of the customized love that our beloveds will need from us for the rest of our lives with them. Expending resources on someone who is not God’s best for you makes things less potent and tends to bore you. And when you’re bored, you’ll do all kinds of stuff (have sex, create drama, etc.) just to keep the excitement. Your husband has plenty---mind, body, and spirit---to keep you occupied, because you are his “suitable fit” (Genesis 2:18). Don’t allow jadedness, weariness (Galatians 6:9), or indifference to cause you to start or remain in a relationship that does not have your best interests at heart. If you saw yourself in any of these patterns, the good news is this: you can break them and leave the remnants behind.

Ahavah Shalom.

Shellie R. Warren is author of the book Inside of Me: Lessons of Lust, Love and Redemption and the blog On Fire Fast Movement, as well as other writings related to marriage and preparing for it.

Subscribe to her devotional writings: The Perez Movement. ©Shellie R. Warren/2012. This article is reprinted with permission.

Photograph this page by Kevin Walsh.

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straight talk with Guest Columnist Sydney Clark

Breaking Free

Part I

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sat up in my bed, utterly terrified. Heart racing. Hands shaking. Eyes red. I made my first desperate attempt to regulate my breathing. The house was quiet. Everyone had gone to bed hours ago, but I was wide awake.

I had just experienced it. The haunting reality of spiritual warfare. And God had fought for me and we had won. In that moment I knew that He had a plan for me and I felt something begin to burn inside of me—a desire to be free.

Have you ever tried to break a really bad habit or an addiction? As an ex-porn addict, I have. That night was the beginning of my journey out of that addiction. Saying it’s hard seems like the understatement of the century! If you recognize that you need freedom from the bondage of sin in your life, get moving! God has bigger and better plans for you than you can imagine! Let’s look at three foundational steps you can take.

The first step towards freedom is wanting

to be free. It’s true! You have to want freedom. For the first few years of my porn addiction, I didn’t have a desire to be free. I was actually enjoying myself. I was almost four years in before I hit rock bottom and realized I’d lost control. At that point I finally wanted freedom. Truly desiring to be free is an important step. As you start on this journey of freedom, you’ll find yourself subconsciously doing what you had vowed never to do again. In the case of an addiction, your body cries out for that substance or that image that it desires. This can be emotionally deflating. If you don’t have a strong, pervasive desire to be free you may easily quit trying when you get discouraged or relapse or seemingly hit a wall in your journey. There will be times that you feel helpless and weak. However, the good news is that our God has not made us a helpless people. He has made us a powerful and self-controlled people through his grace

from the proverbs and abundant love. It is in our weakness that we truly become strong since it is in those moments we rely fully on his strength. So, do you want to be free?

The second step towards freedom is telling someone about your struggle. This is when everything gets real. Silence is deadly.

Confession is life-giving. You’re choosing to come out of hiding-out of the shadows-and be vulnerable with another person. You’re inviting them into your mess to journey with you. Have you realized you can’t find healing and freedom alone?

The first person I told about my porn addiction was my youth pastor, Brian. He had known me and my family for practically all of my 16-year existence. I had reached the point where I had to tell someone about my addiction and I knew that Brian was a safe person to confide in. As you’re preparing to bring your secret to the light, prayerfully and carefully select the person you will allow in.

Are they a mature Christian? Do they know you well? Are they trustworthy? Do they love you?

The third step towards freedom is reclaiming your identity. Our behaviors and our attitudes are born out of our beliefs about who we are. Who do you think you are? And more importantly, who does God say you are? Too many Christians live fearful and reactionary lives. We’re always on the defense against the schemes of the evil one, but we are daughters of the Most High God, the victorious King!

That is the centerpiece of our identity. Claim it! If you don’t believe it now, choose to tell yourself every day.

To begin reclaiming you identity, one of the best things you can do to is recognize the lies you believe about yourself and speak truth into your life. It helps to have friends that build you up and speak truth into your life as well, especially when you feel tired and worn down. Speaking truth is both for you and the enemy. I am a firm believer of speaking things into existence. The biggest truth I had to speak into my life during my addiction was that “I am worth saving.” I struggled a lot with

believing how valuable I was to God because of the shame that built up within me during my addiction—like hair in a bathtub drain,.

What truth do you need to speak into your life? Here are a few pieces of truth that you can start with!

I am God’s child. John 1:12 I am born of God and the evil one cannot touch me! 1 John 5:18 I may approach God with freedom and confidence. Ephesians 3:12 I can find grace and mercy when I need it.

Hebrews 4:15-16 God is in the business of redeeming our broken lives and renewing our minds.

Speaking his truth into our lives is one of the ways the Spirit works to do this. Along with speaking truth about our identities, it can be helpful to remind ourselves of the truth about our God. We all have false perceptions of God that damage how we view ourselves and the world around us. Re-learning about and reacquainting ourselves with our Creator and Lover is a vital and necessary part of healing.

Here are some characteristics to get you started.

God will never leave you. Deuteronomy 3:16 With God all things are possible. Matt 19:26 God is compassionate, gracious, loving and faithful. Psalm 86:15 God’s name is powerful. Jeremiah 10:6 Post these reminders in visible places! Write them on index cards and put them on your wall. Write them on your mirror. Make them the background of your computer, phone, or iPad. Once you make speaking truth into your life a consistent practice, it’s time to get strategic! More on that in Part II.

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Sydney Clark launched the Simply Sex(uality) project which seeks to encourage and empower Christians and the Church to interact with the topic in a more knowledgeable, positive, and Christ-centered way. Visit her blog at SimplySexuality. wordpress.com.

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Spare Change

For the Person who Has

Everything

by Donna Lee Schillinger

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ave you noticed that the stores are already putting out Christmas stuff?

Does this bug anyone else? But you know, it is actually time to start thinking about what to get those special people who actually make your Christmas gift list. And I’d like to offer a suggestion. This year, instead of something practical, or pretty, or fattening, or a gift card, how about gifting something most Americans lack: sentimentality.

In Laura Ingalls Wilder’s Little House books, she records the memories of Christmases spent in the Big Woods and on the Prairie, among other places in the American frontier during the late 1800s.

A typical pioneer Christmas included an extraordinary meal, consisting of foods that they didn’t eat often, with a few special treats and the company of their closest family or neighbors. There weren’t really Christmas gifts to speak of. The things they looked forward to were peppermint sticks in new tin cups, an orange (yes, I just said “an

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orange”), and maybe Pa or Ma would have made them a new toy out of cornhusks or rags or something. Store-bought presents simply weren’t part of their celebration.

They were poor in material things—the polar opposite of American society 130 years later.

That’s not to say they were an impoverished people, however. The families generally ate very high quality food and kept stores of it—the garden’s best, fresh meats and fresh baked goods. They perhaps only had two or three changes of clothes, but the clothes they had were of a quality so fine that many of them have lasted to today to be sold in antique and vintage stores. And most of all, they were a very rich people in quality of relationships. A sense of community was real (not virtual); families were intact and a strong, generally positive influence in a person’s life; time spent in each other’s company was plentiful as fathers and sons worked together and mothers taught daughters everything from their ABCs to

how to make a flaky pie crust. And when they came together on a special occasion to celebrate a birthday or Christmas, nothing was missing. They had each other, and they truly celebrated their mutual presence— without presents. These were a people rich in sentimentality—the polar opposite of American society 130 years later.

Don’t believe it? Let me just ask. Last year, did you, for at least one person on your Christmas list, walk the mall or a department store aimlessly looking for any sort of hint as to what you might be able to buy for a present? That, my friend, is sentimental poverty in gift giving. Each year for the past five years, I’ve been challenging my family to do something different at Christmas—something countercultural that gets more to the heart of celebrating the birth of Christ. This year my challenge is to give a sentimental gift.

It can be anything—new, used, antique, handmade, intangible, or otherwise, as long as you know it will genuinely touch the heart of the receiver. Give a gift that has absolutely no chance of being regifted or returned, because you are certain of its sentimental worth.

When I announced this challenge to my immediate family, my husband and daughter groaned and looked sickly. Yeah— the idea was counter to their culture, too.

My daughter was not only afraid of what she might get (or not get); she was also afraid of not being able to think of good gifts for others. The first is really not a major concern if we can just deal with the second.

Yes, this is a challenge. Gifting something rich in sentiment requires a good deal of thought, and walking around the mall on Christmas Eve will be of absolutely no help.

If you’re afraid you, too, might fail, why not start with just two people on your list and try to give a sentiment-rich gift?

What’s on their bucket list? What are the things that really satisfy them? Whom do they miss? What do they miss?

My husband’s favorite football team is the Philadelphia Eagles, and he has always wanted to see them play in person some day; it’s on his bucket list. So my gift to him is going to be tickets for him and our son to a football game. It’s a once in a lifetime thing for him (he’s 47 and has never done it yet), and he gets to share it with his son.

That’s incredibly special.

But it doesn’t have to be over the top like that. My grandfather, now deceased, wrote a little booklet of his life experiences. We have a few copies of the poorly typed and laid out publication. For my mother, I’m going to add some more pictures have it printed professionally. There are plenty of services that make this an affordable and easy project, if I just send the book in a Word document.

The possibilities are endless and so incredibly personal that it’s nearly impossible to suggest a list. What’s required is time, spent in solitude and in thought about this person who is genuinely so special to you that you want to express that relationship in a gift given on the occasion of Christ’s birth. It takes an unusual amount of consideration of the other person, which is a large part of the gift.

Well, it’s September, so better start “shopping” (or at least considering!) now for those special people in your life. If you take this challenge, I’d love to hear your ideas or your experience when your special someone opens your gift.

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the the recap Recap In her new book, True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of your Life, Christian counselor Debra Fileta encourages readers to proactively use all the seasons of dating as a means to finding true love.

Fileta offers real relationship tips and advice throughout the book, which includes a FAQ section with thought-provoking answers. Here’s one:

What about Missionary Dating?

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recently spoke with a young man who was involved in a dating relationship with a troubled young woman. Her life had been filled with pain, and she was dealing with the devastating shame that resulted from poor decisions she had made.

She was looking for unconditional love, for someone to rescue her from the pain of her past and free her from the struggles of her present.

In walks Mr. Prince Charming. He had been born and raised in church, and his relationship with God was foundational to his life. He wanted to share God’s love with the world, and especially with this five-foot-four bombshell who was looking for love. He was determined to show her Jesus’ love no matter the cost. Just as he had been rescued from his sin, he wanted to rescue her, free her from her shame, and show her that she was worth being loved, forgiven, and accepted.

And so began their roller-coaster dating relationship. She continuously hurt him out of the overflow of the dysfunction and pain in her life; he continuously forgave her, letting her hurt him again and again and again.

When I questioned him regarding this unhealthy relationship, he responded sincerely by asking, “Isn’t this what Jesus would do?”

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The answer to that question is an enthusiastic, “Absolutely!” This is just what Jesus would do, and this is what Jesus did and continues to do for countless broken men and women. He takes them in, cleanses their sin, forgives their past, and replaces their shame with love, acceptance, and honor.

Jesus does this so well. Why, then, do we feel the need to take his place?

There is a huge difference between loving like Jesus loves and actually taking Jesus’ place in someone’s life. This, I’m afraid, is what happens in “missionary dating” — dating a nonbeliever in the hope of leading them to Jesus.

Well-meaning people who want to love someone into the kingdom of God end up taking on the role of God in their significant other’s life. No matter who you are or how wonderful you may be, humans tend to be dreadfully awful stand-ins for almighty God. We can’t fill that role because we were never meant to.

Missionary dating does more harm than good.

In trying to bring someone into the kingdom, missionary daters can end up standing in the way of healing, repentance, and a relationship with the Lord. And oftentimes, instead of drawing their significant other into the light and love of

Jesus, they find themselves slowly sinking into the darkness of poor decisions, sinful behavior, and subtle compromises.

If you know someone who is broken or hurting, love that person by leading them to the right source for help. Rather than taking their issues upon your shoulders, guide them to a youth leader, counselor, pastor, or trusted mentor, someone who can help them through the process of healing without becoming an obstacle or developing an emotional attachment.

Seek to show the love of Christ to the world around you without the complications of romantic feelings so you can love and serve freely and selflessly.

And when you enter a romantic relationship, do it with someone who can reflect Jesus’ love back to you.

Taken from True Love Dates by Debra Fileta.

Copyright Š 2013. Used by permission of Zondervan. www.zondervan.com.

True Love Dates: Your Indispensable Guide to Finding the Love of your Life

By Debra Fileta. Zondervan 2013, 224pp. $14.99

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Dear Gabby

, y b b a G Dear ? t r a t s I How do

Guest Columnist Denise Flynn is the author of Marry Me! She ministers to the needs of singles, those in relationships, the hurting and the lonely.

Check out her blog at TheMarryMeBook.com

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Now that I’m finished with high school, I’m starting to think more about relationships—as in, I might want one. I focused so heavily on my studies and extracurricular activities during school that I didn’t really have time for romance. So now that I have some time, I realize that I don’t know how to go about relating to a guy I might want to date. I am afraid I’m going to try too hard and end up looking desperate or like a geek. Advice on avoiding that would be appreciated.

Sincerely, Naught A. Player, Bloomsburg, Penn.

ant to be one of the coolest girls a guy knows? Want to have a really awesome reputation? Here’s how to be a really balanced lady, confident and secure in yourself, and a blessing to your male friends, perhaps even to a male you have an interest in at the right time for you in your life.

Find a good balance of initiating the conversation, deferring more often to him to initiate. Whether by text, phone or email, they really want to be the leader and major initiator in this process. Make yourself a communication chart if you need to, and don’t tell them about it. This is so you’ll have a visible way of keeping yourself accountable, not communicating more frequently than you should with them. Leave some space.

Remember Ruth in the Old Testament? She showed Boaz her interest one time; Boaz took it from there. Ruth didn’t keep hounding Boaz and falling all over him. One guy shared with me, “I want God to show me who my Ruth is, not for her to keep telling me. And I want to be the leader.”

As you are getting to know a guy in friendship or in the earlier stages of a further

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relationship, don’t be too assertive. Don’t joke or make comments about him being interested in you or you in him. That’s an overanxious plea— not comical or cute. If you see him at a gathering, don’t spend all your time and attention on him there. Don’t be pushy. Picture this object in your mind right now—a fire hydrant hose. If you’ve never seen a fire hose going off, Google it.

Imagine that your over-communication is like a fire hydrant hose. Don’t power-wash the guy.

Don’t blow him away with all that force! Instead, let your interest or communication come out through a regular garden hose—the kind with a nozzle over the end for controlling the amount and strength of the water released. Or, instead of a squirting nozzle on the end of the hose, just leave the end of the hose open. Instead of shooting guys with a powerful flow of water, let them feel that you are drizzling refreshing water over their legs and feet as you talk with them—not at them. You are sprinkling revitalizing “just enough” words and communication out of your garden hose that will feel cool and invigorating to them. You’ll be the coolest girl, leaving it to them to want and ask for more.

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Be YOU (who God made you to be). God loves you, truly. And He’s always around you. So feel free to be your truest self, who He made you to be, how He made you to flow, regardless. Without intimidation. With freedom.

“Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom” (2 Corinthians 3:17). Let the “You” flow.

Let the blessings flow. Being you inspires others to be themselves as well. Comfortable and confident is almost a contagious thing. Who doesn’t want to be around someone who makes them feel great in their own skin?

A guy will feel comfortable with a young lady when: ~ He believes the lady has a genuine care and concern for him, but not if he feels she may have a great romantic interest in him that he cannot return. That would make him feel uncomfortable, instead. ~He believes she has a genuine care and concern for him, but not if he feels she may have a great romantic interest in him that he cannot return. ~ She gives him ample time to talk, while listening to his heart. Become a better patient listener than a talker. ~ She consistently respects him. ~ She consistently honors him. ~ She acknowledges that she likes his ideas, what he brings to the relationship, their friend-

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ship and the body of Christ. ~ She sets an atmosphere of peace, joy and beauty by going into the presence of God before interacting with him. ~ She allows an atmosphere of humor and laughter. There are times for seriousness, but be lighthearted, too. ~ She uses his name. Most people, whether they realize it or not, love to be called by their names in conversations. Think about it from a spiritual aspect as well: “I have called you by name” (Isaiah 43:1 NLT). ~ She is a balanced and stable emotionally.

Depend on God, His word and the power of the Holy Spirit to transform you into this stable beauty. As you develop the gifts of the Spirit (Galatians 5), self-control will help you harness unruly emotions that can make a guy (or anyone) feel uncomfortable. ~ She proves that she is trustworthy. She will keep the personal information and the feelings they share in confidence.

And now a prayer: Father, burn so deeply inside of our hearts that people are drawn to us because of you. Make us such beautifully humble, good communicators that we give all glory to you. Prepare young men and women with purity and devotion to glorify you, God, with their lives in all ways. In Jesus’ name, amen.

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Just What You

Need

bACK TO sCHOOL: tHAT iNCLUDES yOU!

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t’s September, and young adults everywhere are heading to the classroom. If you’re not among them, and you wish you were—financial aid wasn’t enough, missed a critical deadline, family circumstances keeping you out this semester— don’t despair. You don’t have to lose the semester. If you’re reading this article, you have all you need to further your education: a computer and internet access.

Enter Coursera, a web site that is dedicated to making a world-class education available for everyone. Coursera partners with the top universities and organizations in the world to offer courses online for anyone to take, for free. And they’re not kidding about the universities being tops.

Here’s a sampling: Stanford, Columbia, Duke, Vanderbilt, Rice, Wesleyan, Emory and more! And many of the classes are similar to survey courses you might take in your first couple of years at a liberal arts university. Another sampling: The Ancient Greeks; Introduction to International Criminal Law; Introduction to Mathematical Thinking; New Models of Business in Society.

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You learn at your own pace, test your knowledge and reinforce concepts through interactive exercises. Whether you’re looking to improve your resume, advance your career, or just learn more and expand your knowledge, there’s something for you at Coursera. New classes are forming all the time and last anywhere from four to 15 weeks.

Sound lonely, sitting in front of a computer instead of being in a classroom? Don’t worry, you’re in excellent company with arguably the largest classes anywhere in the world! Coursera’s most popular class has 180,000 students enrolled! Students have voiced themselves in more than 330,000 discussion threads.

Credit? Well, probably not. Coursera is developing a credential conferring program for businesses to use in employee training, so if you have a job, you should talk with your employer. Coursera classes might not get you closer to a degree, but they will get you closer to the greater purpose behind a degree—an education.

Let the wise hear and increase in learning...

Proverbs 1:5