Single! Young Christian Woman Mar/Apr 2013

single!

A P U B L I C AT I O N O F O N M Y O W N N O W M I N I S T R I E S

MAR/APR '13

Young Christian Woman

Rags to Riches What’s it Take?

Use it or Lose It

Reducing Food Waste

7 Signs of a Great Lover

Time for a Relationship

Reality Check? w w w. o n m y o w n n o w. c o m

Single!

Young Christian Woman Mar/Apr 2013, Vol. 5 On My Own Now Ministries, Inc., Publisher Donna Lee Schillinger, Editor Kimberly M. Schluterman Editorial Support Contributors Julie Ann , Will Dole, Tamara Jane, Eva Maddox, Sara Minett, Shellie R. Warren Except where noted, content is copyright 2013 On My Own Now Ministries.

Articles may be reprinted with credit to author, Single! and www.OnMyOwnNow.com.

On My Own Now Ministries, Inc. is a nonprofit organization with a 501 (c) (3) determination. Your donations aid in our mission to encourage faith, wise life choices and Christ-likeness in young adults during their transition to living on their own.

We welcome submissions of original or repurposed articles that are contributed without expectation of compensation. May God repay you.

Visit us at www.OnMyOwnNow.com.

in this

issue...

Moving Out...Settling In Read Any Good Ones Lately?

by Will Dole Straight Talk from the Proverbs The Virtue in Poverty Cover: Rags to Riches:What’s it Take?

by Donna Lee Schillinger Spare Change Use it or Lose It Reducing Food Waste

by Julie Ann Center Ring 7 Hallmarks of a Great Lover

by Shellie R. Warren The Recap Crimson Harvest and Safe Haven Reviews by Sara Minett and Tamara Jane Just What You Need Relationship Reality Check

by Eva Maddox

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John 5:16-30 (How I Would Say It) The Jewish authorities really had it out for Jesus because he had broken the laws about working on Saturday (their holy day).

In his defense Jesus said to them, “My Father works nonstop and so that’s how I work.” This only made things worse. Then they were really hot because not only was he breaking the law, he was also calling God his Father in a literal sense, which in Jewish custom is as good as saying you’re equal with that person.

Jesus tried to explain: “It’s like this: the Son can’t do anything on his own; he can only follow the example of his Father. Like father like son. And since the Father loves the Son, he shares everything with him. That’s right, and you haven’t seen the half of it. What’s still to come is going to blow your mind. Just like the Father can even bring people back from the dead, give them another chance at life, the Son can also give life away to whomever he feels like giving it to. More than that, the Father has delegated to the Son the authority to declare someone guilty or not guilty. Dis’ the Son, you dis’ the Father—the one who gave the Son his marching orders.

Listen, it’s like this: If you will just open your minds and accept the Father’s decisions, you’ll get life after death. You won’t be declared guilty because you’ve crossed over into the camp of the living. Real soon, in fact the wheels are already in motion, dead people are going to hear the Son of God, and the ones who do are going to cross over into the camp of the living. Just like God has the power to give life, he’s also delegated to the Son the power to give life. And he delegated to him the authority to declare someone innocent or guilty because he’s the Son of Man. Don’t let this shock you. It’s mild compared to what else is going to happen—the day of the living dead, when everyone comes back to life at the sound of the Son’s voice. Then those who are declared innocent will live on forever, and those who are found guilty will come back to life to get what’s coming to them. So, you see, I’m no maverick. I’m just calling ‘em like I see ‘em and I always make good calls, because my sole motivation is to follow my marching orders.

Read More of the Gospel of John (how I would say it)

moving out

Read Any Good Ones Lately?

by Will Dole Guest Columnist

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he written word may be going by to the Bible and forget all this other readthe wayside as the latest technol- ing and verifying? It would be less work, ogy tantalizes the eyes of view- anyway. ers through high-definition images at evLet’s look at the rationale for reading ery turn. It seems reading black words good books that is particularly applicable on a white page is becoming a bore to a to young men. growing generation of young adults First of all, reading introduces ideas desiring increased visual stimulation. from outside our own head. Proverbs 14:12 Ever stop and think what would happen tells us that, “There is a way that seems to the world, if people quit reading? What right to a man, but in the end it leads to would happen to our little piece of the death.” This means that depending merely world if we became apathetic about read- on our own thoughts will not serve well ing? in the long run, even if they are thoughts Whether we are responsible for a nation, about the Bible. church, family, small group or contingent Our natural tendency is to become set in of loved ones and friends, we should al- our ways, insulating ourselves from both ways be reading good books. Of course, we criticism and those who may disagree with can never read too much of God’s Word, us. If we allow this to happen, our minds but outside of that we also need to read will not be sufficiently challenged. If we books which encourage us to hold fast to remain unchallenged, we can become blind the sufficiency of Christ’s sacrifice, move to our own sin and ignorant to our own erus to trust in God alone and remind us to rors which could lead to a hardened heart live by faith alone. incapable of being Does this oppose It seems reading black words corrected.

Howour acceptance of ever, reading good scripture alone to be on a white page is becoming a biblical content can our rule of faith and this natubore to a growing generation of combat life? ral sinful tendency Not at all. Part of young adults desiring increased we have toward a our Berean responsiselfish and callous bility and privilege is heart. visual stimulation. to diligently examReading what ine Scripture to see if what we are reading other authors have to say pays off because from someone else is true (Acts 17:11). We since they don’t know us personally, they are enabled to do this through the Holy are not writing for our approval. They Spirit, Who has been given to guide us into write to espouse what they believe to be all truth (John 16:13). correct, and their opinion will occasionally, So, wouldn’t it make more sense to stick or perhaps often, contradict our own. This

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settling In forces us to interact with concepts with which we do not agree. We then, return to Scripture viewing it in a new light. We study God’s Word to see how it applies.

Our ideas, thoughts and opinions may be changed in the process, and as long as we aren’t changing the core beliefs of the gospel of Christ, that can be a good thing and part of God’s sanctification process to make us more and more like His Son. There’s another reason we should read a lot. Reading fights the Laodicean Principal. It keeps us from becoming lukewarm, lazy or lethargic. Reading spurs. It jabs.

It pokes and prods. How easy it is for us to become lax in our faith? For example, we might assume that because we aren’t having sex outside marriage, doing drugs or haven’t killed anyone lately that somehow we’re alright. We can quickly begin to think we don’t need the mercy of God. We may think we are healthy and have no need of a doctor, forgetting the very purpose of Christ, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners” (Mark 2:17).

How utterly wrong we are! We need others to gently expose the fallacies we embrace which subconsciously elevate our works and subtly diminish the gift of perfection we have received from God through faith in Christ. We need voices from outside to call us out, to illuminate blind spots and point out unseen weaknesses.

It has been said that it is not books that change lives, but sentences. For example, a teacher may need to communicate only a few points during a lecture, yet the all other information provided within the session is often vital for our ability to fully understand those main points.

For example, in his fictional work, The Screwtape Letters, C.S. Lewis describes a sinister demon who instructs a lesser demon on how to draw a Christian away from God. The striking point Lewis makes is how often the regular, mundane and even good things of life can pull our attention

away from God. It’s easy to intellectually agree with this grave possibility, but when we allow ourselves to ponder the idea and soak in the creative ways Lewis communicates this thought over the course of the hours, days, weeks or however long it takes for us to complete reading the book, we may find that we are motivated enough to take the necessary action to avoid such a regrettable demise. That’s much better than just understanding the main point.

So, we should read. We need to read the Bible over and over. Once a strong foundation is built on His gospel of grace and the person of Christ is well known, then we can start reading books that come from trusted sources with trusted theologies.

After we cut our teeth on works such as these, we should branch out to fiction and other views which we not so readily embrace. We can grab a book like Mortimer Adler’s How to Read a Book, if needed.

Read for 15 minutes per day in bite-sized chunks that we can easily digest as we begin to gain speed. Read for hours at a time, if possible, just make sure to read!

Still don’t know where to start?

Here’s a short list of books that helped me: The Prodigal God by Tim Keller—a new look at the most famous parable, maybe even at Christianity, itself.

The Holiness of God by RC Sproul—exposes the radical nature of sin in light of the Holy God it offends.

Don’t Waste Your Life by John Piper—a call to something more than just exist in this life.

Basic Christianity by John Stott—a clear explanation and defense of Christianity.

Doctrine: What Christians Should Believe by Mark Driscoll and Gerry Breshears—a topical summary of biblical teachings, easy to read and very helpful.

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straight talk

N N A poor person pleads for mercy, but a rich woman answers harshly.

Proverbs 18:23

By Donna Lee Schillinger

The Virtue

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ere you born into a family that doesn’t have to worry about money?

If so, lucky you! If not, join the club.

Most of us can relate to having wanted something we or our parents could not afford.

And you know what? That’s a good thing.

Maybe we only ever had that experience once or maybe we’ve known it almost every day of our lives. Regardless of how rare or frequent, it’s not wasted experience. We can use the feelings that being denied stirs in us to create compassion for the poor.

Some people think they have a solution for the poor: “If they would only…” or, “If the president and Congress would only…” The fact of the matter is that poverty is one of the most complicated issues with which humanity has

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in Poverty

to deal. The solution is overly simple – poor people need money. The process is so complex that no society in all of human history has figured it out. Jesus said, “The poor you will always have with you” (Matthew 26:11). That says to me that some of us have to fulfill the role of being “the poor.” Just don’t let it be me, right?

Well, it has been me. My entire childhood, through college and the Peace Corps, I played the part of the “the poor.” Starting with my first job after I returned from the Peace Corps, I switched roles and now play “the middle class,” except for a brief period when I voluntarily returned to poverty to be able to take care of my grandparents in their old age and begin homeschooling my daughter. So, I know a little something about

from the proverbs poverty. I could tell you how I got out, but it’s no guaranteed-to-work-for-you solution.

The one thing from my experience that I believe does hold true for everyone is that if we are poor, it doesn’t mean we always will be poor. This is particularly true for college students. Statistically, they’ve got a great chance of being middle class or better, even if they come from a poor family.

Going from poor to rich is a common transition in our society. We still call it “the American dream,” but it happens so frequently that Americans have adopted a cultural view that anyone can pull herself up by her boot straps if she really has the desire to do it. If we’ve ever racked up a big credit card debt then tried to pay it off, or if we’ve ever tried saving for a down payment on a car, we know firsthand that bettering ourselves financially is not as easy as pulling on boot straps (whatever those are!).

With few exceptions, people who have shifted classes in their lifetimes don’t do it instantly.

We can’t just wake up one day and say, “That’s it! I’ve had it with being poor. Starting today I’m shifting classes and I will have completed my transition by this time tomorrow.” That’s ridiculous, of course, but my point is that bringing oneself out of poverty is most often a five-year, 10-year or even a 20- or 30-year plan. Even the great positive thinkers of the 20th century, like Zig Ziglar, started out with nothing and stayed that way a long time. Read the biographies and memoirs of famous people – athletes and entertainers included – most of these people struggled for decades with having enough money to pay the rent before their efforts finally paid off. Those hard luck stories are what makes their lives interesting and their books sell!

Are you living in lean years? Take comfort in knowing that you can improve your situation – you’re in the best country in the world for class mobility – but it won’t come quickly.

You’ve got to pace yourself. Live within your means – meaning don’t spend money you don’t have. You can do without the laptop, cell phone and $70 Abercrombie T-shirt. Instead of watching television in your downtime, which

is programmed intentionally to stir consumer desire within you, encourage yourself by reading life stories about people who made it out of poverty – there are so many. You can find their stories in magazines and books available for free at your local library – a fascinating place.

Hang out with people who have gone through what you’re going through. Talk to your parents, aunts, uncles and people at church about how they struggled. Adopt the attitude that you’re in a long transition. You’re not poor, you’re becoming rich – it’s just going to take some time.

We may want to get out of our situation as quickly as possible, but it will serve us in life.

Learn to appreciate this experience – while we’re still in it – for the perspective it will give us and the compassion for the poor it will create in us.

If we come out of our poverty with the attitude, “I did it, why can’t they?” we haven’t learned the lesson of poverty. Poverty is discouraging; it colors our outlook everyday of the year; it limits our opportunity. When we make it out, we should thank God for giving us the necessary intelligence and skills and opportunities to capitalize on them. And when God gives us the opportunity to show compassion to a poor person, we must seize that in thanks to God that we’re no longer poor (or that we never were).

Hold this thought: A poor person's life is hard enough without me adding to her grief. I can relate.

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Spare Change Photo by Slewrate

by Julie Ann

Use it or Lose It Cutting Down on Food Waste

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ecently I got pretty excited when I used the last egg in the carton before the expiration date stamped on the side. As a single woman, I often find it difficult to finish things before they expire. I can’t tell you how much food I’ve thrown away because I just can’t consume it before it goes bad. In fact, my egg-citement was mitigated by having poured some milk down the drain just a few hours earlier. Maybe you can relate. According to studies, the average American throws out about $38 worth of food each month. That’s nearly $500 per year (which

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adds up to a staggering $165 billion overall!).

You don’t have to be a rocket surgeon to know that much waste is insane! So what can you do to ensure that all the food you purchase is used?

Here are a few tips for reducing expired food waste and understanding just how expiration dates work.

Be intentional about food planning: I typically go to the grocery store on the weekend and buy the food that I will need for the following week.

If I plan to make a dish like lasagna from which

I can eat leftovers for four or five days (which, by the way, I do not like to do!), then there is no sense in buying groceries for other meals that won’t be consumed in a reasonable time frame.

Buy the smallest quantity/size possible of timesensitive foods: This goes against the rationale that buying in a larger quantity or size saves you money, which is typically the case. However, if the item is going to expire before you can use it, then there is no long-term savings. Still look for bulk savings on items like laundry detergent, toilet paper, cleaning supplies and even edibles like dry cereal, grits, oats and more, which have a long shelf life.

Multi-Purpose Food: Buy foods that can be used in various dishes. For example, I will cook a pound of ground beef, then use it for spaghetti, tacos, a casserole, etc. This gives me variety and I can use all my meat before it goes bad.

Freeze: Freezing foods such as meats, soups, breads and certain vegetables is also a great way to preserve them until you can eat them. USDA provides an excellent fact sheet on freezing that will answer all your questions about freezer burn, freezing in the store packaging, why fruit turns mushy in the freezer and more!

get a new lease on life with a good hack job. In sum, food remains safely edible in surprising conditions! Your frugal parents or grandparents can probably teach you a thing or two about salvaging what you think is ready to toss. It’s worth having that conversation with them. For everyone else, there’s the great and powerful expiration date.

Sell by Date: This date indicates the last day in which the store can sell the product. It indicates the last day of peak quality, but you can typically still consume the product for some time after.

Best if Used By (or Before) Date: This date tells you when to use the product for the best flavor or quality. This doesn’t indicate when the store must pull the product from its shelf or when the product is no longer safe to eat.

Use by Date: This is the last day which the product is recommended for use. Products that are past this date should probably be discarded.

Obviously, these rules will vary based on the product. You can get away with consuming a box of Mac ’n Cheese well beyond the sell by date, but probably can’t get away with drinking a cold glass of milk much past the Use by Date. If you are in doubt, run an internet search or visit Even with the most careful planning, you are still the product’s Web site. And obviously, anything likely to run into some expired food. So when that doesn’t smell or look quite right should be you look at the date on the product, how do you trashed right away. It’s still better to lose a few know whether you can still use it? First of all, bucks than to suffer through food poisoning! can I pull the curtain back on the wizard and just say that Americans are much more sensitive Also, when shopping, be sure to check for the dates and buy the product with the furthest to expiration dates and product freshness than expiration date. You may have to reach for the the rest of the world. I suspect that a factor in product way in the back, but it will be worth setting these expiration dates is marketing and your trouble to get that extra mileage. creating demand for the product. If you have travelled much, you’ve probably been amazed With a little intentionality at the grocery store at seeing things like milk in a box (that lasts a and careful planning, you can easily avoid the long, long time), fish, pork and chicken being food waste trap and save a bundle each year. sold raw and without refrigeration at markets where they hang all day before someone buys them and carts them home in the hot sun, and molding products like cheese and vegetables that

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center ring

The 7 Hallmarks of a Great Lover

By Shellie R. Warren

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here comes a time in the seeker’s life when he discovers that he is at once the lover and the beloved.” ~Sri Chinmoy

The Word, which is Adonai (John 1:1), tells us “It is more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35-NKJV), the operative word being “more.” One definition of more is “additional or further.”

You take the blessing of receiving an “additional step further” when you give. Oh, but make no mistake about it: it is also a blessing to receive too (2 Corinthians 8:10-15-NCV). Recently, I was having a conversation with a wife who was praising her husband to me. When I asked her if she told him all that she said, she was like “no.” Here’s the irony: They have been having trouble within their marriage because she doesn’t feel like he acknowledges her efforts enough. Hmph. Amazing the things that we want people to do that we ourselves do not, isn’t it? To be “the lover” is giving; to be “the beloved” is receiving. When you are seeking to find something within your relationship, you have to continually be committed to being the lover and the beloved: the “more blessed” giver and the “blessed” receiver.

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feature article “A true lover always feels in debt to the one he loves.” ~Ralph W. Sockman I don’t even have a husband (yet); however, I get just where this quote is coming from.

There are some people who have loved me so well, who have modeled love for me in such a consistent way, that I simply can’t seem to find enough to do for them. I am indebted for the kind of love that they have bestowed upon me---constantly (constant is key). A debt is something that is owed, right? And look here: “Owe no one anything except to love one another, for he who loves another has fulfilled the law.” (Romans 13:8-NKJV) Honestly, there are a lot of people in dysfunctional relationships because they are “paying more than they owe;” however, the Word does tell us that there is one thing that we do owe, that we are under divine obligation to pay and repay and that would be love; the I Corinthians 13:4-8 kind of love. Therefore, you are not impressing God when you are patient with your lover. You owe it. You are not going to earn brownie points for being kind. You owe it.

Enduring and not failing them does not make you exceptional. You owe it. Those are hard pills to swallow, yet no wonder the Spirit summed “owing” up with “loving”. Love is a big way to pay a debt that is always owed.

“It is not sex that gives the pleasure, but the lover.” ~Marge Piercy I haven’t even had marital sex (yet) and I know that sex gives pleasure. However, I’ve also been molested. I’ve been sexually assaulted.

I’m the survivor of date rape. Those instances were more traumatizing than pleasurable even though they, in large part, were the same as

the consensual acts that I used to partake in.

This reminds us that sex really is a human trinity (mind, body, spirit) experience and if all three are not “on board”, one way or another, the “sex ship” is gonna sink. When I Peter 3:7 says to dwell with your wife according to understanding, remember that one definition of is “to grasp the significance, implications, or importance of”, in this case, a person.

When someone feels like their significance and importance are grasped, that within itself is pleasurable to the mind and spirit, which means that more times than not, the body will follow. After all, although Proverbs 23:7 is used totally out of context (it’s speaking specifically of a miser becoming what he thinks), yes, what we tend to think, we do become. When a woman thinks that she’s important to a man, she tends to do what makes him feel important to her as well.

“Faults are beauties in a lover’s eye.” ~Theocritus I discern (Proverbs 2) that this is not speaking of “a misdeed or transgression” but more of an imperfection. I’ve heard many marriage experts say that a good marriage is not just about loving one another but knowing if you can live with someone else’s flaws. ‘Cause here’s the thing: A lot of people want someone to deal with their stuff but when it comes to someone else’s issues, suddenly there is little tolerance. You know what that kind of mentality is called? It’s called “selfishness” and the Word tells us this about that: “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.” (Philippians 2:3-NKJV) It is selfish and conceited to maximize someone else’s imperfections while

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center ring minimizing your own and love is not selfish (I Corinthians 13:5-NCV). Seeing faults as beauty is really all about humbling yourself (Luke 14:11) enough to esteem your lover as being better than yourself.

“Good lovers understand each other. Better lovers respect each other. Best lovers live to trust each other. Great lovers dwell in each other.” ~Anuj Somany

Understanding leads to respect and respect leads to trust and trust leads to true dwelling. If you skip one of those, you will never achieve “great lover status.” That said, isn’t it something that I Peter 3:7 tells us a man to dwell according to understanding with his wife and then Ephesians 5:33 tells a woman to respect her husband? If both people did what the Bible tells them to do, a mutual trust could be established that would make spouses want to dwell within each other. And “dwell” is a pretty big word. When you dwell, you reside. When you dwell, you continue in a given condition (Matthew 19:6). When you dwell, you (dig this!) “linger over, emphasize, ponder in thought, speech and writing”. Do you actually dwell in your lover? The definitions of the word will let you know one way or another.

“He is not a lover who does not love forever.” ~Euripides When will we learn to respect love more? I John 4:8&16 tells us that “God is love.” I John 4:20 takes it a step further by saying that if we say that we love God but we hate our brother, we are liars. I have shared before that one definition of “hate” is to be “unwilling”. Now let’s put all of this together. When the apostle Paul wrote to Timothy, one of the things

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that he said was “Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, to God who alone is wise, be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen.”

(I Timothy 1:17-NKJV) One definition of eternal is “without beginning or end; lasting forever; always existing”. God is love and God is eternal. This means that love is eternal, which also means that love is without beginning or end, that it lasts forever and that it’s always existing. So, when you say that you love God and yet you are unwilling to work things out with your brother (in this case your lover), it would appear that while you may be in “something,” love would not be it. What this also reveals is that if you are truly a lover based on all of the definitions that apply to the word, then a manifestation of love---spiritually, mentally and sexually will also always exist.

“Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere.

They’re in each other all along.” ~Rumi While I do think there is something to be said for soul mates (remember that the only time that it’s really referenced in the Word is between David and Jonathan: two friends, so you need to be friends first to have a spouse who is a soul mate-I Samuel 18:3), I’m led to take this a different direction. Not too long ago, a friend of mine was trying to break down “in love” to me. According to him, being “in love” is like a journey of peaks and valleys with someone in the sense that sometimes your feelings are so full that you find yourself “in love.” OK, I get that. However, I personally have struggled with that prepositional phrase for quite some time and that answer didn’t really “scratch my itch.” I think it’s because I hear so many people say, “I mean, I love you but I’m not in love with you.” You’re patient with me, but not *in patience* (LOL)? I don’t get. Oh, but I get it today, though: “For the

feature article kingdom of God is not in word but in power.

What do you want? Shall I come to you with a rod, or in love and a spirit of gentleness?” (I Corinthians 4:20-21-NKJV) While there are different forms of love (and appropriately so, I might add), when you’re in love with someone, I like how the Word clarifies. When I’m “in love”, I’m in the space, in the period of time, in the condition (all of which are definitions of “in”) to love a person and one clear way that it will manifest is that I will be gentle with them. When you are truly in love with someone you are gentle with that individual. When you’re gentle, you’re kind. When you’re gentle, you’re “not severe, rough, or violent; mild.” When you’re gentle, you’re gradual.

Gentle lovers love gently. This would include sexually. A verse that I have come to adore is “’You have also given me the shield of Your salvation; Your gentleness has made me great.’” (2 Samuel 22:36-NKJV) The charismatic movement of the Church loves to talk about being full of the Holy Spirit. Uhhuh. Let’s remember what the Fruit of the Spirit is: “… love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.”

(Galatians 5:22-23) If you have the Holy Spirit inside of you, there is some gentleness there and when we’re gentle towards people (Philippians 4:5), it helps to bring forth greatness in them (God is quite fond of a quiet and gentle spirit-I Peter 3:4). Indeed, a little gentleness goes a long way and when you’re in love, gentleness will prove it.

This is a pretty powerful message...if you allow it to be. Here is just one more word that deserves far more honor than it gets. A lot of people are not getting “good lovin’” because being a “good lover” has not been a priority.

This world is too crazy to not partake of God’s pleasure. A lover is to be a pleasurable experience---mind, body and spirit. Here’s to 2013 being “The Year of Being a Great Lover”.

For the married folks, a daily goal. For the singles, an incomparable standard.

“I belong to my lover, and my lover belongs to me.”---Song of Solomon 6:3(NCV) L’Chayim! ©Shellie R. Warren/2012 Shellie R. Warren is a single woman who is passionate about all things covenant. As the author of two books, she is also a (pre) marriage counselor, doula and a speaker with X3Church, a ministry for sex addiction. One of her favorite projects is heading up the On Fire Fast Movement, a blog for single women who desire marital covenant.

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Just What You F

ew brides walk down the aisle on their wedding day thinking about divorce. For months, they have been busy making preparations for their special day, when they will pledge themselves to each other with the words, “’till death do us part.”

Since it is one of the most momentous days of their lives, they want it to be perfect. Consequently, for months they make elaborate plans. For most couples, the prospective bride does the majority of the planning.

Where and when will the ceremony take place?

What about the dress, the guests, the flowers? Who will take pictures? What about the reception, the cake, the invitations, the honeymoon?

On and on the planning continues, until finally, the big day arrives. The groom waits for his lovely bride, with a smile and a twinkle in his eye. She is adorned in lovely white satin as she drifts dreamily toward her waiting groom.

“I now pronounce you husband and wife,” filters through their fantasy as they embrace and kiss.

Guests shower them with bubbles as they leave the church to begin their new life together. The day is filled with celebration, music, dancing, toasts, cards and gifts. They achieved their dream. It was a perfect day.

One year later they face each other across a mahogany table with their attorneys. Their eyes are no longer filled with adoring love, but glowering glares. Back and forth they spew hateful remarks as the attorneys mediate, hoping for a “reasonable settlement.”

Thousands of couples each year experience what I have described. I, too, was once a bride who floated toward my groom on a cloud of hope, joy and bliss. However, after twenty years my cloud burst and a torrent of pain, financial hardship and

Need

By Eva Maddox

emotional trauma fell on me. Looking back (where vision is optimal), I see signs that I clearly either did not recognize or chose to ignore.

Perhaps you are in the planning process of your wedding. If so, take a moment, learn from others’ mistakes and assess the condition of your relationship with the six reality checks. It may make a difference in your wedding plans.

Relationship Reality Check

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Reflect on Religion eThe Bible warns about being unequally yoked with an unbeliever. Are you both Christians? e Do you agree on the church you’ll attend? eDo you have the same level of commitment to God? Probe the Person eAre you getting to know yourself better—your expectations of marriage—what you must have in a husband and what you absolutely cannot tolerate? e Do you know your fiancé’s life goals, values, quirks, habits and his ideas on marriage? How do you feel about each of them? e Do you ignore things about him that bother you?

They may bother you even more after the ceremony. e Is he kind and considerate? e Is he affectionate? e Is he lazy? A procrastinator? e Is he honest? Truthful? eIs he boastful? Fearful?

Cool Communication? e If your guy can’t express his love to you, is bored with conversation, or sighs when you want to talk, beware. He probably won’t change when you shove that book on communication in front of him. No, not that video either . . . e Does he groan when you attempt to share your

emotional needs with him? Does he nod off or stare blankly? Perhaps he is easily distracted by an amazing football play or the dog or . . . ? Do you really want to spend a lifetime with him? e Does he constantly interrupt you or criticize you? How often does he compliment and praise you? e Do you have frequent arguments?

Fine with Finances? e Have you discussed and do you agree on budgeting? Short term and long term financial goals? Who will pay the bills? e Do you know the Biblical mandate for tithing and have you discussed it? e Does he make enough money to support the two of you or do you need or desire to supplement family income? e How will you handle credit cards? Do either of you have credit card debt? e Do you agree on how to handle the family income?

Specifics about Sex e Is passion replacing a serious discussion about sex? The physical attraction between couples in love is powerful and often blurs logic and reason. Do talk about your expectations, concerns and fears. e Do you both want children? How many? When? e Have you discussed birth control? e Be informed and discuss the Biblical admonitions regarding pornography, premarital sex and adultery.

Content with Compatibility? e Does he laugh with you? Do you enjoy being together? Do either of you prefer to have others around rather than be alone? e Do you have more fun with your girlfriends than with him? e Does he respect and honor you for who you are? Is

he proud of you? e What does he like about you? e Do you enjoy some of the same activities?

Are there a number of areas above that you feel are troublesome? If so, I hope you will seek counsel, pray and talk with your fiancĂŠ about them. Above all, keep in mind, that marriage requires a lifetime of commitment, compromise and work bathed in prayer. Be sure you can do that in light of your uncertainties.

Entered into wisely, a marriage can be a wonderful source of deep and lasting joy.

What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. Mark 10:9 (KJV) Eva Maddox is a graduate of Wright State University and has taken courses in counseling and nursing as well as several Bible courses through her local church. Eva writes devotions, articles, poems, and stories and has recently completed her first novel.

A number of her writings have been published in a variety of Christian publications. In July, 2012, she began Kingdom Writers Fellowship, a Christian writer’s group that meets monthly.

You may contact her at evacmaddox@comcast.net or check out her blog: Maddox Matters.

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the the recap Recap

Dark Fiction Leads Teens to the Light Review of Crimson Harvest y Thom Mollohan Paperback 240 pp. $24.95 on Amazon; Kinle edition $2.99

C

rimson Harvest by Thom Mollohan is a suspenseful and fast-paced novel that reflects spiritual truths and the struggles of many Christian-raised teenagers. This quick but exciting read merges fantasy and reality in the story of an average teenager, her spiritual struggles and bloodthirsty monsters of an ancient evil.

The book follows the story of Heather, a sixteenyear-old girl from a Christian home, who is pressured by her friend Jillian to rebel against her parents and her morals. When Heather finally breaks and agrees to sneak out to a club with Jillian and her handsome and charming new friend, Gage, she gets far more than she bargained for. After witnessing Gage brutally attack (and possibly murder) Jillian and her brother Rich, Heather flees home and seeks the help of her parents and Uncle Kevin.

Heather starts to see that there is a much deeper evil at work as she tries to flee from Gage, who is out to kill her, and save Jillian, who seems blinded

by Gage’s lies. In spite of a random attack on her parents, Heather gains a deeper understanding of God’s love and protection. With her parents hospitalized, and still no idea of how to escape from Gage, it seems to Heather that Gage has an evil and inhuman hand in everything that goes on

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Review

by

Sara Minett

in her town. Wooed by a cry of help from Jillian, Heather is kidnapped by some of Gage’s followers, and even the police are involved. It is now up to Uncle Kevin, himself not a Christian, and Officer Logan Sharptwig, seemingly the only man on the police force who can be trusted, to save Heather before it’s too late.

Heather’s character transforms from a spiritually insecure girl who just wants to have fun into a young woman after God’s heart. Mollohan uses this action-packed story to demonstrate the importance of an honest relationship between Christian teens and their parents, having a strong church family, and learning to rely on God’s love.

Mollohan’s approach to Heather was realistic, exposing the inner struggle for good decisionmaking, despite her relationship with Christ.

This story also reminds us that making mistakes doesn’t mean an end to our relationship with God. The narration of Heather’s feelings of shame for going to the club makes a realistic connection to the struggle of many teens in similar situations. Even if cheesy at times, the story was involving and the message moving. A great way to connect with a teen in the rebellious years, this encouraging story with page-turning suspense is ultimately a message of God’s love.

Chills, Tears, Racing Heartbeat: You may need medical attention after this movie Review

S

by

Tamara Jane

afe Haven stars Julianne Hough (Katie), Josh Duhamel (Alex), and several other big names, as well as some who are sure to have a career unfolding after this flick. This unabashed chick flick debuted on Valentine’s Day 2013, launching Hough to a new level. She has starred in some smaller roles—including a tiny role in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s stone, proportions of which I predict she will no longer accept. Many reviewers have formed new opinions of this actress after this film.

As the film opens, we’re hurled into action—a young woman frantically running through a neighborhood, barefoot and scared, carrying only a plastic bag worth of personal things. While you aren’t sure what she’s running from, you can’t help but feel sorry for her. She escapes by bus, and lands in the enchanting town of Southport, N.C. The seagulls peacefully glide over the ocean waves that lap the dock of the close-knit community. She takes up residence in a home secluded by woods.

Katie begins working as a waitress at a local fish shack, making some friends and eking out a living. One day, as she’s coming home from work,

she finds a woman peering into her house. They become best friends, and more.

Just when she finds herself falling deeply in love with Alex, what she has been running from catches up to her. Her husband, a cop with a drinking problem, abuses his position to search for Katie, labeling her a first-degree murderer.

Alex stumbles onto the APB (convenient) and confronts Katie, who responds by heading for the next ferry out of town. The truth comes out and Alex vows to protect her, but the bad cop comes back, yes, even pops out of the water after we thought he had drowned. You should have seen that coming, but the film also packs some chilling surprises I guarantee you won’t see coming (and I’m not telling!).

Overall, I found Safe Haven well worth the watch. Expect tears of happiness but also empathy during the scenes that realistically portray abuses many women will not escape.

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