Single! Young Christian Woman June 2012

single!

A P U B L I C AT I O N O F O N M Y O W N N O W M I N I S T R I E S

JUNE

/ 12

Young Christian Woman

3 Steps to Great Sex After Marriage Bowing to the Blue Bird (tweet, tweet) The Delusion of Separation of Church and State

Navigating by Dad's Advice

w w w. o n m y o w n n o w. c o m

in this Single!

Young Christian Woman Jnne 2012, Vol. 4 On My Own Now Ministries, Inc., Publisher Donna Lee Schillinger, Editor Donna Lee Schillinger with Daniela Bermudez, Page Design Kimberly M. Schluterman Editorial Support Contributors Julie Ann ,Dustin Neeley, Kimberly Schluterman Except where noted, content is copyright 2012 On My Own Now Ministries.

Articles may be reprinted with credit to author, Single! and www.OnMyOwnNow.com.

On My Own Now Ministries, Inc. is a nonprofit organization with a 501 (c) (3) determination. Your donations aid in our mission to encourage faith, wise life choices and Christ-likeness in young adults during their transition to living on their own.

We welcome submissions of original or repurposed articles that are contributed without expectation of compensation. May God repay you.

Visit us at www.OnMyOwnNow.com.

issue...

Straight Talk from the Proverbs Love Disguised as a Lecture

by Donna Lee Schillinger An Election Year Separation of Church and State (The Delusion) Part II

by Donna Lee Schillinger The Recap 3 Steps to Great Sex after Marriage

.4 .6 .8

The Recap on The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex

by Kimberly Schluterman

Spare Change Dad Was Right: Money Doesn’t Grow on Trees

by Julie Ann Down-home Healthy Cooking for One Short Cut to Spain: A Quicker Paella

by Reba Ray Just What You Need Justification by Twitter

Cover: Bowing to the Blue Bird (tweet, tweet)

Dustin Neeley

.10

.12 .14

Congratulations!

Winner, 2012 Christian Small Publishers’ Book of the Year

Yep. It’s that good. If you need more ammunition in the battle to remain pure until marriage, add this to your arsenal.

17 true stories about waiting for marriage to have sex, or not, and the consequences of that choice.

Now on sale, $12, free shipping at www.OnMyOwnNow.com.

straight talk

Love

Disguised as a Lecture

N N My daughter, keep your father’s commands and do not forsake your mother’s teaching. Bind them upon your heart forever; fasten them around your neck. When you walk, they will guide you; when you sleep, they will watch over you; when you awake, they will speak to you.

Proverbs 6:20-22

A

By Donna Lee Schillinger

t a certain stage in development, we as young people look at our parents and wonder, “How did they make it this far in life without me?” We think there is nothing we can learn from these people, except maybe how not to live life. Our young minds have forgotten how we learned most of what we know. We are convinced our conscience must have spontaneously generated.

Yet even at this point, we have already become our parents – yikes! You know that little voice in our heads that says, “I better get out of bed now or I’ll have to run to my class,” – that’s our parents’ voice! That better judgment that holds our tongues when we feel like telling our boss where he can get off – our parents again. Appreciate the fact that for the first five years of our lives – years we cannot even remember – our parents were busy with constant prompting and instruction, laying the

from the proverbs foundation for our conscience, common sense and good judgment.

Yet, parents can’t teach us everything we need to know that early in life. Some things have to come a little later in life, such as advice on dating and choosing a spouse. If we seal ourselves off from their influence just because they’re geeks, we’ll miss out on those late-teen, early twenties key lessons they still have to teach us.

We should be open to our parents’ advice on these things. If we made it this far under their care, we can trust them to see us all the way through. We should soak up everything they have to say as if we were listening to a skydiving instructor in our one and only lesson before we have to jump out of the plane. We must pardon our parents if they aren’t the best of instructors – if their instruction is laced with frustration or disguised as nagging. The very fact that they are bothering to argue with us or lecture us confirms one thing: they love us and they want the best for us.

From the security of our final years at home, we feel so certain of everything; life seems simple and we believe we will easily master life, love and business. Just as soon as the exhilarating sensation of being on our own wears off, the complexity of life will reveal itself and we will be glad to have “What would Mom do?” or “What would Dad do?” as a compass to guide us in decision-making.

Sadly, many young people do not have parents whose advice they can take. I’m not talking about nerdy parents or parents who never graduated from high school. I’m talking about truly unstable people who have been in and out of jail, have serious dysfunctional behavior such as drug and alcohol addictions, are mentally ill, or have abandoned their children completely. If that describes your parents and you are reading this article, I can assure you that God is taking care of you – perhaps through the concern of some adult in authority over you at school, a social services organization or even in jail. Or perhaps God is caring for you directly until He leads you to the protective umbrella of a mentor.

Whether we have a wonderful mom and dad to ask for advice, parents we don’t appreciate or

no parents at all, all good advice is centered in the law of God. We can always ask God to show us the right way, watch over us while we sleep and speak clearly to us to keep us on the best path for our life.

“Then you will call, and the Lord will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say: Here I am” (Isaiah 58:9a).

Hold this thought: The good, the bad and the ugly: I have learned a lot from my parents.

k 5

An Election Year

Separation of Church and State (The Delusion) Part II

by

I

Donna Lee Schillinger

f this hadn’t been a second article in a series, I should have rather titled this “How We Really Lost Religious Liberties.” You see, most people believe that key battles in the Supreme Court, championed by atheist liberals, have eroded religious liberties in the United States. However, I believe that Christians are probably more to blame for our battle losses. And on the white flag of surrender has been written, “Separation of church and state.”

Before I go further, I must pay tribute to those real Christian soldiers who left it all out on the battlefield – those who have taken the fight to the highest court in the land, sacrificing countless hours, prayers and dollars before relinquishing even a sliver of religious liberty. It’s true, landmark court cases have restricted our liberties in how and when we are able to worship and even mention God in the public sphere. And yet they haven’t restricted us as much as many Christians seem to believe. After all, court decisions don’t create law; they create precedence for future cases.

The courts’ edicts are often very specific, with rationale quite specific to the circumstances of the case. For example, in Leei v. Weisman (1992) the Supreme Court found that it was unconstitutional that a certain high school prayed during its graduation ceremonies, and given the same parameters

6

of the case, such a prayer would be unconstitutional in any high school graduation. The decision, however, did not make it illegal to pray at graduation.

Students plan their own

by Donna Lee can Schillinger commencement with a prayer, and any graduation speaker can spontaneously pray without being shepherd-crooked off the stage! (Learn more.) But in order to pray at graduation now, a greater deal of courage and conviction is required, and that, I recently learned, is easier preached than practiced.

My son attends a preschool called His Little Lambs; it’s privately owned but receives 60 percent of its total income from a state program called Arkansas Better Chance (ABC).

In January of this year, the owner informed me that she had received a memo from the state program saying all religious activity needed to stop. A proposed rule was now prohibiting “all religious activity” during the program day. This meant, among other things, that the community volunteer who came in once a week to tell the children Bible stories would have to cease this activity. And she did – immediately. Six months later, the rule has yet to be approved, but it was interesting to me how quickly the mere threat of a new rule could shut down a Christian witness.

The state board of education held a public comment meeting and I attended. Only two people (me and one

preschool owner) commented in opposition to the rule; no one commented in favor of it. That’s probably because no one in Arkansas was in favor of it. The complaint that prompted the proposed rule came from a Washington, D.C.-based special interest group, Americans United for the Separation of Church and State. It’s not surprising that smack dab in the middle of the Bible belt, people who take their kids to such preschools as Growing God’s Children and His Little Lambs didn’t object to the possibility that the kids might be soaking up some Christian values during the day.

What is surprising is that smack dab in the middle of the Bible belt, cinched around a country that is 85 percent Christian, there wasn’t that much opposition to the rule either! Throughout the month-long written comment period, my eyes were opened as I tried to get people to care about the fact that the government was about to impose a “no religion” rule on private preschools throughout the state, essentially insulating our kids from the gospel message we’re wanting them to receive when we select a Christian preschool. Over and over I heard the resignation, “Well, it’s separation of church and state.”

Memo to America: First of all, that phrase is not in the constitution, Bill of Rights or any other law of the land.

Secondly, the First Amendment from which that phrase evolved has two provisos: one that prohibits government from establishing religion, and one that insures religious freedom. Glass half-empty types that we are, most people focus on the first proviso and tend to ignore the other.

Disabled by this kind of pessimism, many a “God-fearing” Christian has stood back, stood still, or worse, while our religious liberties disappeared one decision at a time.

We tend to focus on the landmark cases, but the real ground is being lost in the board room. Coincidentally, while the parents of His Little Lambs were rallying against the proposed ABC rule, another local organization, the day program for persons with developmental disabilities, was giving up religious liberty without any fight, and in fact, of their own volition. This board, made up entirely of professing Christians, just up and decided that they had better safe-guard themselves against possible litigation (frankly, the odds of being struck by lightning were greater) and pass a resolution to make their program religion-free.

Clearly, this reflects an ignorance of the true meaning of separation of church and state. You won’t hear me say this very often, but to understand how this separation thing is really supposed to work, the federal government is a great example.

Can you make a case for something being more public than

our government? And yet they open each session of Congress in prayer. The next in line for the “most public entity” award is the military, which has chaplains on the payroll!

Having recently crawled out from under the same rock, I can completely understand how many Americans are confused about separation of church and state; but we don’t have to be and we remain so at our own peril. I highly recommend Founding Faith by Steven Waldman to both set straight the overzealous patriots who make erroneous claims about our founders’ faith, but more importantly, to inform the masses about what separation of church and state really means.

Many people are speculating that this election is critical for America in a number of ways, and some have ventured to say that if this candidate is elected, or that president is re-elected, it could be the beginning of the end of this country. Still others are wondering if God has removed His blessing from America. It’s amazing to me that some of these same people can be so complacent as our daily religious liberties wane; and that some can even take part, willingly and using their best judgment, in surrendering the liberties.

As I stated in Part I of this series, I am in favor of separation of church and state in the sense that James Madison conceived it: the state should never run the church and the church should never force itself on the people. I believe this to be a godly view. Clearly, God is not subject to human government, and it is not in His nature to force anyone to come to Him, believe in Him or love Him. However, the present-day distortion of “separation of church and state” cannot be pleasing to God. When persecuted Christians in this present age are dying before they deny the name of Christ, what excuse will we have for denying the gospel to our children and people with disabilities from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. because of the remote possibility that someone might sue? When the Apostles Peter and John were commanded by the Sanhedrin “not to speak or teach at all in the name of Jesus,” did they go home and shut up, fearing legal repercussion? Did they call a meeting of the disciples and decide to avoid the public sphere with their message? No, they said instead, “We cannot help speaking about what we have seen and heard.”

What about us? Have we seen and heard enough of this Jesus to speak boldly about Him, regardless of what the authorities might do to us? Or are we secretly kind of grateful to have a wall between church and state to hide behind?

k

Donna Lee Schillinger is editor of the recent anthology Purity’s Big Payoff/Premarital Sex is a Big Rip-off, winner of the 2012 Christian Small Publisher’s Book of the Year.

7

the Recap

3 steps

for Great Sex after Marriage by

Kimberly SchLuterman

I

n The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex (and you thought bad girls have all the fun), Sheila Wray Gregoire tackles some of the most confusing and embarrassing topics that couples, young and old, face in their physical relationships. From the fundamentals to the deepest intimacies, from practical how-to’s to her favorite position, she speaks to her audience like a big sister, an affectionate friend who wants only the best for the reader and her marriage.

Recently, I spoke with Gregoire to delve even deeper (still), and one of the things I discovered was that I rather liked her as a person.

She is real, honest and relatable. She is just a person who had learned some things the hard way and has a heart for helping others learn the easy way. In her book, Gregoire shares personal experiences, the good and the bad, in an attempt to help the reader avoid some common pitfalls of marriage and climb out of the ones already fallen into. While most of Gregoire’s ministry is focused on improving married couples’ sex lives, she stresses that many marital pitfalls can be avoided by making smart decisions while single.

Avoid Porn Gregoire gives spends a lot of ink discussing pornography and how it damages a marriage. From lack of emotional connection to impotence, those who use pornography report less fulfilling sex lives than their PG-watching peers. If you’re thinking, “But that’s a guy problem, and I’m a girl, so why are you telling me?” you should know that it is a girl problem as well. Take a little listen in on our recent conversation:

8

Sheila: It’s just a problem today that hits boys especially in their teen years, even before they’re really solid in their faith. We have to address it because

people are getting married and it’s already an issue, even when they don’t want it to be. I know that a lot of guys seek it out after they’re married, but the vast majority of Christian men are already looking at it [before] they get married. And it’s gonna impact your sex life.

Me: You write that the recovery from a porn addiction can go more smoothly if anger is directed at the culture that propagates it, rather than the thirteen-year-old boy who inadvertently finds some magazines in a ditch. A lot of people start look at it at a young age and already have a problem going in [to the marriage]. So if that thirteen-year-old was your son, and you learned what he had just encountered, what would you say to him: What advice would you give to parents whose children are dealing with this at a very young age?

Sheila: I would say to parents to be upfront with kids, and just say that God made you to be attracted to the other sex; that’s a good thing that you are attracted to the other sex. God made us to like sex.

The problem is that when you look at porn, you are taking something good that God made and you are twisting it, and the more you look at porn, the more you make it difficult for you to ever have a really

fulfilling sex life once you are married. So don’t feel ashamed for finding it arousing. Just realize that this is something you’ve gotta fight against, in the same way that we have to fight against eating bags and bags of Oreos all at the same time. It’s something that’s fun, and you like it, but in the end, it’s gonna hurt you. I think sometimes parents react a little too much with fright, and they can shame their daughters or sons. Sort of like, “Why were you feeling aroused by this?” Not that they would ever say that, but like, “That is so disgusting; how could you look at that?” But I mean, it’s natural for people to be drawn to it, and we need to acknowledge that those are natural feelings. So, just tell them that what you’re really doing is, in the long run, hurting yourself, and you don’t want to hurt yourself, so this is something that we need to fight against, and God has given us weapons to fight against it.

Me: So if you were a guidance counselor or youth pastor, and let’s say this person doesn’t have parents with whom they could have this conversation, does your answer change, or would you say the same thing?

Sheila: Again, what I’d really emphasize is that sex is supposed to be something which is gonna make you feel closer to someone else, it’s gonna make you feel more in love, it’s fun physically but it’s also really great spiritually. It’s like this real bond that’s forming. And the more you get into porn, you take away sex’s ability to do that. So in your marriage, sex is gonna be worse. And you don’t wanna set yourself up for that. So I think we just need to keep telling our kids the truth, which is that, yes, sex is physically arousing, but there’s so much more to it, and the more that you give into that, the more you endanger your future, so we just need to fight.

Wait for It… Along with keeping our thoughts and hearts pure by avoiding images of sex, another thing we can do to ensure a fulfilling sex life in marriage is to keep our bodies pure. Gregoire couldn’t emphasize enough the importance of the marriage bed being the only one in which love is made. This is something the Bible is clear on, but mainstream media want to portray marrying as a virgin as something impossible. They advocate a trial run, living together before marriage and testing the sexual waters, so to speak, before making the commitment. But Gregoire’s research shows that the Bible’s model of sex only within a marriage is the one that provides the most fulfilling sex. Individuals who had other partners before marriage reported lower levels of satisfaction. Per-

haps more interesting is that couples who had sex only with each other before marriage also reported lower levels of satisfaction. Over and over, in Christian and secular research, we see these patterns emerge. If you want to have great sex when you are married, you need to abstain from any sex when you are single. Does this mean that girls who slipped up before marriage can never be happy later? No—and Gregoire addresses that and many other scenarios in the book. But the best scenario is one in which two virgins marry and remain faithful only to each other.

Have an Out-of-Body Experience Finally, if a good girl wants to have a great sexual relationship with her husband, she needs to have a great spiritual relationship with her husband. In our interview, Gregoire and I talked about our husbands and agreed that the greatest intimacy in bed comes from a great intimacy with Christ. When I know that my husband is trusting the Lord to lead our home, I can trust him to lead me. And frankly, that’s a turn-on! We also agreed that the foundation of our relationships, other than the spiritual component, is simply that we are friends. My husband is my best friend and my favorite person on the planet. She couldn’t even talk about her husband without giggling. It would be hard to imagine making love to a person that I don’t like as a person. Marriage is a commitment—a decision, not a feeling—but friendship is hard to forge. Great sex comes from a great marriage, so choose carefully who you decide to spend the rest of your life with, and work hard on that relationship every day.

While some parts of The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex are a little less than original (let’s be honest, people have been talking about sex for a long time, so it’s hard to say anything new!), what sets this book apart from other books about sex is her conversational style and woman’s perspective. Frankly, a good many Christian books about sex have been written by men, but Gregoire approaches a very difficult subject with a woman’s honesty, candor, balanced and wellrounded perspective, and even a sense of humor. She didn’t just make this stuff up; her recommendations are the result of much thought, prayer and listening to others.

k

The Good Girl’s Guide repeated a lot of things I already knew, but I am blessed with open and communicative parents as well as a large library of Christian literature. For the average reader whose family dynamic doesn’t make such conversations possible, this book is an invaluable resource about the overlydepicted yet insufficiently-understood topic of sex.

9

Spare Change

Dad was Right, Money Doesn’t Grow on Trees

by Julie Ann

w

hen you hear the phrase “Money doesn’t grow on trees,” more than likely one person comes to mind: Dear Ole Dad. In general, fathers are full of good advice concerning money and finances. In honor of Father’s Day this month, I thought it would be fun to take a few of Dad’s money sayings and see what we can glean from these words of wisdom.

Do what you need to do to survive.

The first bit of advice one might hear from Pop is the idea that if you need money to pay your living expenses, take work where you can find it.

Sometimes we may think that we are too good to clean toilets or flip burgers, but Dad always reminds us that when it comes to surviving, sometimes we have to do whatever it takes (legal and within reason) to earn a paycheck.

10

Why pay someone to do something you can do yourself?

Maybe your dad was a Mr. Fix-It and instilled in you the concept of saving money by learning to do the job yourself. I have plenty of girlfriends who are capable of changing a car’s oil and performing basic car maintenance because their fathers taught them how to do it instead of taking it to a shop. There are many things you can learn with a quick Internet search, enabling you to save money by not having the job done by a professional. Of course, the caveat here is to know when a job is above your skill level. After all, you don’t want to make matters worse and cost yourself more money by paying someone to fix what you tried to fix yourself.

A penny saved is a penny earned.

Maybe you got an allowance or earned money

from chores as you were growing up. Did your dad encourage you to save it in your trusty piggy bank? Hopefully that great advice carried over into adulthood and you put a percentage of every paycheck into a savings account (or a trusty piggy bank). In these uncertain economic times it’s more important than ever to have a financial safety net in place. In case Dad didn’t tell you how much to save, most financial experts recommend having enough savings to cover your budgeted expenses for at least six months.

Don’t spend it all in one place.

When Dad gave you that allowance, maybe he jokingly warned you not to spend it all in one place. While typically said in sarcasm, this is actually good advice.

Make sure that you are not devoting too much of your budget to one thing. Spending most of your paycheck on rent?

Then consider moving to a cheaper place. Maybe dining out, fast food and lattes consume a huge amount of your budget. Cut back by eating at home more. It’s important to have a wellbalanced budget with the proper amount going to necessary expenses.

big purchase.

Live like you did when you were poor.

Perhaps there was a time in your life when you worked for minimum wage, ate Ramen noodles every night and shopped only at thrift stores, just trying to scrape by on next-to-nothing. Maybe after a while you got a better job or a promotion or raise. A little advice from Dad in this situation is to continue living like you did before your good fortune. With more numbers to the left of the decimal on your paycheck, you may be tempted to splurge and indulge. Don’t give in to that temptation.

Instead, build up your six months of savings, find good investment opportunities, increase your charitable giving and carefully consider in what areas you might increase spending for your own welfare (like buying healthier food than noodles!). You will be amazed at how much money you can save by living like you are poor.

Money doesn’t grow on trees.

Finally, probably the best-known of Dad’s advice when it comes to money is the old adage regarding where it does and does not come from.

Dad clearly wants us to know that money can Live within your means. only come from hard work and good money Hopefully Dad taught you only to buy what you habits. Making money is not easy. Budgeting, can afford. You should never, ever buy anything saving and careful spending isn’t easy. It’s work. that you cannot pay for in full at the time of You cannot expect to have money just thrown purchase, or make reasonable monthly payments at you (unless you are insanely lucky) and you that your budget can accommodate (for example, cannot expect to get ahead by being financially car payments). If you follow this advice, you haphazard. This Dad cliché seems to encompass won’t run up credit cards charges, and you will everything he’s been trying to tell us all these save until you can afford it. (Don’t dip into that years. six months’ worth of savings for it either!) Some Thanks for the advice, Dad. people call this paying yourself forward for that

k 11

Reba Ray’s

Shortcut to Spain A Quicker Paella

by Reba Ray

L

ong time ago, I lived fer a spell in Spain and the food, Francoly, surprised me! Being a big fan of Mexican cuisine, I had fooled myself into thinkin’ the motherland’s food might bear some resemblance. But those of you who have been spent any serious time in Spain know differently. One thing Spanish cuisine does seem to have in common with Mexican cuisine is that they don’t waste any part of the holy cow! I never will forget that time my host mom served me brains. And tongue. And parts I can’t mention without blushin’! Once I asked someone why these odd bull parts are so highly regarded in Spanish cuisine and the reply was, “Because the bull has only one of them.” Well, there you have it! Serve me a tail!

Not to worry, there’s actually a lot more amazing food served up in the Iberian Peninsula that’s completely free of bull! One of my favorite dishes there was paella, which is a variation of the universal theme of chicken and rice, this time with some seafood thrown in. Now you should know that Spaniards take great pride in their cuisine and making paella has a certain protocol and procedure from which no self-respectin’ Spanish housewife would dare deviate. And my own inculcation was such that for nigh 20 years, I so revered the making of paella that I refused to even

12

attempt it! (That, and the price of saffron, always put me off.) But one particularly irreverent day, as I was walkin’ through Walmart, I spotted a rice mixture with real saffron added and it was pretty cheap to boot! The mixture also includes just the right seasonin’, cuttin’ the time and ingredients way down. So began my shortcut to Spain. Later I routed roasting red peppers and using fresh seafood too – without noticeable change in taste to this American.

In my version, I have done away with the chorizo and chicken, also to save time; but I’ll note how you can add it back in if ya want. In Spain, paella has a variety in the seafood. Most grocers sell a bag of frozen, chopped seafood that includes octopus and squid as main ingredients.

Feel free to put any ole seafood you like in there.

As long as you have somethin’ like mussels or clams that give it the salty ocean taste, you’ll be in Spain upon first bite.

You don’t need a paella pan to make this. If you don’t have one, or a skillet that’s oven-proof to

down-home healthy cookin’ for one on a budget 425 degrees, then just transfer it all into an ovensafe pan before baking. Serves six with a loaf of French bread (a travesty, but who can find Spanish bread?).

One package yellow Spanish rice mix (not red Spanish rice!)

Olive oil 1 small onion, finely chopped 2 cloves garlic, minced 1 cup roasted red peppers 1 cup frozen peas Frozen seafood of your choice – shells and all!

Start by preheating the oven to 425° F. Then set yur frozen seafood (I use scallops, mussels and shrimp) in a bowl or colander to thaw. If you have a paella pan, heat olive oil over medium, adding onion and garlic. (If you want chorizo, now is the time to cook it with the onions and garlic. Then remove it from the pan while the rice cooks.)

Sauté until the onions are see-through, and then cook the rice in this same pan, accordin’ to the package directions. If you don’t have a paella pan, first cook the rice in a sauce pan.

About five minutes before it’s ready, sauté the onions and garlic in an oven-safe skillet, or any ole skillet for that matter. Then transfer the rice into the skillet when it’s done. Don’t worry about gettin’ the rice perfectly dry; you actually need a little moisture in it so it doesn’t dry out in the bakin’. But you don’t want it to be soupy either!

After rice is done and mixed in with onions and garlic, add a cup of roasted red peppers (buy jarred peppers to cut even more time) and frozen peas and gently stir into the rice. Then top with the cold seafood (and cooked chicken legs and thighs and/or chorizo) and fold in gently.

Now put the full paella pan or oven-safe skillet into the oven, or transfer dish to a 9 x 13 baking dish. Bake for 20 minutes until mussels have steamed open and you see a light brown crisp to the edges of the rice. The mark of a fine paella is a thin layer crusted rice at the bottom and edges of the pan. Let it cool a few minutes or even half an hour or more. Restaurants in Spain make a big paella and serve it all afternoon. The sittin’ improves the flavor. ¡Buen provecho!

k 13

Tool Box J

ohn Calvin wrote that the human heart is an idol factory. He was right.

Throughout history, we have bowed down to golden cattle, celestial beings, stone animals and even human body parts. With the passage of time, the number of ways we exchange worship of the one true God for lesser, false gods has only increased.

Today, we can sadly add yet another idol to the list— social media.

The developing technology of social media (blogging, Facebook, Twitter, and so on) can and should be used for the glory of God and the advancement of the gospel in every possible way. But naturalborn idolaters like you and me are no more than a few clicks away from making this good thing a god.

by

Dustin Neeley

several suggestions.

1. Think before you post.

Seriously. I know it sounds simple, but stopping for a moment to think (and even pray) about why we do something is an amazing sin-killing weapon. I’ve been helped by simply asking myself, “Why am I about to publish this post?” Pausing to pose this question can, has, and will continue to provide just enough of a stop sign for the Spirit to do His work in my heart.

2. Consider fasting from social media for a season.

While this may seem extreme, fasting seems like the least we could do to expose the true condition of our hearts, especially in light of Jesus’s counsel about tearing out our eye if it makes us sin (Matthew 5:29).

In my experience, if we are flatly unwilling to consider fasting, that fact alone speaks volumes. Of course, this solution itself does not bring true and lasting change, but a social media fast can be a helpful weapon in your arsenal in your war for holiness.

3. Believe and apply the gospel.

It has been well said that “heart work is hard work.” I believe the gospel addresses the sins of social media as we seek approval or acceptance. We are more excited about what strangers say about us than what the God of the universe has already spoken over us through the cross. We are stitching together a flawed coat of fig leaves out of followers, friends and re-tweets to try to hide insecurities that can only truly be addressed in the gospel. But if when we are tempted to seek the fleeting approval of man, we instead go to the eternal approval of God that is ours in Christ—an approval unaffected by the number of re-tweets—we, our followers, and the kingdom are better for it.

Calvin was right. The heart is an idol factory.

At this intersection of technology and idolatry, we need to pull the plug on the idolatry and walk in the light.

Justification by Twitter

Tainted Meals Social media carry a unique set of temptations. Much like the adulterous temptress described in Proverbs, social media invite us come into her house and enjoy the choicest foods, only to find the meal poisoned.

The most dangerous of these tainted meals is pride.

Social media offer us a glimpse into our worldly significance with such tantalizing immediacy as our blog and tweet stats. Many of us check our stats because we are more concerned with the applause of man than the affirmation of Jesus. We forsake justification in the gospel for seeking to be right in our followers’ eyes. In these moments, we are guilty of doing the exact opposite of what we set out to do in the first place—glorify God and serve others.

Pride can also creep in through tweets and status updates. Though there is nothing inherently wrong with mentioning where we are having lunch or who joined us, we would be well-served by checking our hearts before we do. Are we sharing this information to give people a helpful window into our lives as we seek to live out the gospel, or are we unwittingly (or even quite wittingly) enticing our friends toward coveting the life we live? Out of the overflow of the heart, the thumbs tweet.

Seeking Solutions So what’s the answer to this new challenge? Here are

14

Dustin Neeley is a church planter, pastor, writer/speaker, and ministry coach. He lives with his wife and children in Louisville, Kentucky, and is the author of many forthcoming resources. He blogs regularly for Church Planting for the Rest of Us, and you can connect with him on Twitter.