Single! Young Christian Woman February 2010

single!

A P U B L I C AT I O N O F O N M Y O W N N O W M I N I S T R I E S

k FEB /

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Young Christian Woman

Morality Ratings For Movies

Unorthodox Indian Meatballs

Going to the Chapel ‌ With Eyes Wide Open

I can buy my own flowers

On February 14th!

w w w. o n m y o w n n o w. c o m

TABLE 4 OF 6 CONTENTS

STRAIGHT TALK FROM THE PROVERBS

ZERO TOLERANCE FOR CHEATERS

By Donna Lee Schillinger

MOVING OUT

BURSTING THE BUBBLE

By Kimberly Miller

8 1O 12 14 16

REBA RAY’S DOWN HEALTHY COOKIN’ FOR ONE ON A BUDGET

UNORTHODOX INDIAN MEATBALLS

SINGLE!

YOUNG CHRISTIAN WOMAN

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A publication of On My Own Ministries www.onmyownnow.com Editor in chief Donna Lee Schillinger Contributors Debra Collins Kimberly Miller Paola Segnini Tamara Jane Art Director Daniela Bermúdez

By Reba Ray

DEAR GABBY

I WANT OUT OF THIS LOVE TRIANGLE!

By Gabster

SPARE CHANGE

YOUR BASIC WARDROBE

By Paola Segnini

FASHION DIVINA

LOOKING GOOD ON LESS

By Tamara Jane

JUST WHAT YOU NEED

MORALITY RATINGS FOR MOVIES

By Donna Lee Schillinger

On My Own Now: Straight talk from the Proverbs for young Christian women who want to remain pure, debt-free and regret-free.

Now available at www.onmyownnow.com, at Amazon, B&N and a library near you.

Unconventionally conventional wisdom.

straight talk

zer //

by Donna Lee Schillinger

TOLERANCE FOR CHEATERS

“Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well. Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares? Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers. May your fountain be blessed and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer – may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love. Why be captivated, my son, by an adulteress? Why embrace the bosom of another man’s wife?”

Proverbs 5:15-20

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Valentine’s Day – and nobody wants to be alone. But what if you just found out that your boyfriend is cheating on you? Would you stay with him just to ensure flowers and candy come your way on February 14?

In Solomon’s time, as today, it was a challenge for men to remain faithful in marriage. Now, women share that challenge as well, and it does not apply just to marriage.

Men and women alike are also unfaithful in dating relationships.

If we’re dating a guy who can’t remain faithful to us while he’s madly in love in the excitement of dating, before the permanency of marriage has set in, we must not believe for a second that a wedding will in some magical way transform him into something he’s not now – trustworthy. If we think those infidelities hurt us now, imagine adding children to the equation. Our heart will ache more severely for our children whose father is out with another woman, instead of coming to their ballgames or reading them to bed. Should we discover an infidelity while we’re dating, there is only one self-respecting option: we must cut him loose!

It is well and widely known that we can’t change a person. Yet many women harbor a secret delusion that they can change their errant man, or that marriage will change him. This is the romantic hopeful in us – more poison courtesy of Walt Disney, but it does not correspond at all to reality. Beasts do not become princes when the right woman kisses them. Here’s reality: Whatever he is now, he’ll become more of when he’s married. Just as an unfaithful boyfriend will surely become an adulterous husband, so a loving, faithful man in dating will likely become even more of these wonderful qualities as years of marriage cement the commitment in his heart.

It is impossible to know on the first date if we’re getting involved with a faithful person or an infidel. Between the main course and dessert, he’s not going to admit, “I like to cheat on my girlfriends.” Unless we or someone in our

family have known this person in friendship for years, it will take months, a year, or longer to discover this aspect of his character. This is one of the many reasons why a long courtship is advisable and why we should guard our heart for many months in a new relationship.

We really don’t know whom we’re letting in when we open our heart freely and quickly in a new relationship. Once admitted to our most precious place, it wrenches our heart to have to sever the relationship, even if we have every good reason, are completely convinced it’s the right thing to do, and are resolved in our mind to do it. It hurts so badly and is extremely difficult to do that “good-bye” can take months and even years. Some women find it easier to live with the pain of infidelity than to remove the infidel from their lives. Some knowingly go to the marriage altar to willingly submit to a life sentence of heartache. How very sad.

Do you think such a thing can’t happen to you – you are smarter than that? You wouldn’t tolerate a cheater? I’ll tell you a truth – if you fall in love with a cheater, such a thing can happen to you. If you allow yourself to fall in love with someone you don’t know well, you could be falling in love with a cheater. Respect this very real pitfall. Guard your heart. Get to know a man before you let yourself love him and make plans for a future with him.

Hold this thought: If my boyfriend cheats on me – he’s history,

no exceptions.

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w moving out ...

“

settling in

I don’t mean to accuse Walt Disney of being Satan’s puppet …

”

bursting

bubble the

by Kimberly Miller

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w Last month, I promised you matters of the heart. Readers of Single!, here it is: I’m getting married! I can’t think of anything more trelevant to my heart than the man who’s going to hold it forever. Well, ok, yes I can: my Creator-God who loved me first.

I know what you’re thinking: But this is an e-zine for single Christian women… well, yes it is. One of the things I have already learned since getting engaged a month ago, though, is that getting the ring on your finger doesn’t change your whole life. Neither does the grand moment of saying “Yes!” to the proposal. I always thought it would, so in case you also think it will, let me spare you that confusion later.

You’re still the same person afterwards as you were before, and so is he. I am still the same writer today as I was a month ago, with plenty of experiences of single life on which to reflect. And my relationship with my Heavenly Father hasn’t changed either.

I’m still the same me – and a little put off by it, truth be told.

While growing up and waiting to fall in love, I developed expectations of how powerful the love is that leads to marriage. Those expectations were not entirely wrong, but they sure were more fantastic than realistic. Now that I’ve experienced it myself, I can say that coming to the decision to marry requires an enormous amount of love – and like – for one another; nonetheless, the fireworks and grandiose background music of my expectations seem to be conspicuously missing. Maybe your court-

ship and proposal will happen like that, but mine didn’t.

After two years of not knowing whether I wanted to get married at all, much less to this guy, I was sitting at work one day and then poof!

I knew I had to marry him or always know that I should have. For me, the realization was very sudden and random, but it followed years of praying for guidance and asking God to protect my heart until the time was right. From that day until he proposed about five months later, I kept waiting for the “big moment” that happens in fairytales. The proposal was a cherished memory, but birds and squirrels didn’t dance and sing. Every person’s love story is different, but I think mine is typical. I suppose some girls get the big shebang, complete with background music and fireworks, but your heart will be better protected if you don’t expect it.

I spent my whole life hearing people say true love is not a fairytale and that my expectations weren’t realistic. I heard them and believed them on an intellectual level, yet I still felt very confused about falling in love without the fairytale backdrop. Consequently, I questioned and doubted my fiancé’s sincerity on some things just because they were not wrapped in pretty, romantic packages. Don’t obsess over your quest for romance. Even in the best of relationships, you don’t get romance every single day. I’m sorry ladies, but you just don’t.

Love is the most powerful force of good in the universe (God is love), and love that leads to marriage is all kinds of awesome. But the popular picture of passion is skewed.

Remember that Satan is the father of lies – lies are his baby, his brainchild. Just as he deceives us in every other way, he distorts the truth about marital love. He plants the seeds of disappointment by giving us unrealistic expectations, then waters them with resentment and delights as they flourish into nas-

ty weeds that choke the life out of your love; he laughs when you lose the love of your life because you wanted the fairytale that was invented by evil incarnate.

I don’t mean to accuse Walt Disney of being Satan’s puppet or criticize our parents for reading us love stories. Heck, I love a good romantic comedy as much as anybody does.

But it is important to be wise to the un-reality portrayed in them. It is indeed exciting to be courted, but in a committed life partnership, true love becomes your ordinary way of life; by definition, it isn’t extraordinary. If God has placed a mature, Christian man in your path that you can trust and who is seeking God’s will, don’t write him off just because he doesn’t write you love songs.

Conversely, it should be exciting to be courted! If you are in a relationship that is hard work, maybe it isn’t the right relationship for you.

My dad once told me that dating is supposed to be fun; it shouldn’t be difficult until after you’re married!

I hope my marriage is more fun than work, but I promise you that a difficult courtship will not magically become an easy marriage.

Finally, I urge you not to spend your entire youth waiting and looking for “that guy.” I know how it is when you desperately want to be with somebody. Everywhere you go, every guy you meet might be “that guy” and your heart is open to him just in case. And then he isn’t. And your heart hurts. If you lay awake at night, fancying yourself Cinderella and wondering when your prince will come, here’s my advice: don’t. Be who you are and who you want to become. Focus on your relationship with God, your family, and developing lasting friendships with both girls and guys. As long as your heart belongs to the Father first, you can always entrust Him with its care and protection. He is, after all, the only One from whom you never have to guard your heart.

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o Reba Ray´s down home healthy cookin’ for one on a budget

by Reba Ray As you may or may not know,

Indians (from India) do not eat beef. So any Indian dish with beef in it has to be unorthodox, right? No disrespect to Indians, but one night I found myself with nan (pronounced “non” and also spelled “naan”) in the pantry and beef in the fridge – and little else of substance to make a meal. So I concocted this dish out of necessity. What’s nan, you ask? That my dear, is nan of yur business! Ha! Nan is a flatbread used in Indian cuisine. I think they eat it in India, but I’ve never been to India, so I can’t say fur sure, but I have eaten it at Indian restaurants. It’s not too hard to make at home either, but it requires yeast and I have an aversion to cooking with yeast. Nothin’ warranted, I’m just nutzo that way.

Now maybe you city folk see nan at yur grocer all the time, but we country folk don’t. So when I spotted it at my local Wal-Mart Superstore, I did a back flip in the bread aisle and brought some home. And that’s how I ended up with nan in the pantry.

Now, a word to my readers who are afeared of Indian food: Don’t be a weenie! Just cuz you haven’t ever eaten it, dudn’t mean it idn’t delicious! Step outta yur French-fried comfort zone and try something new, why don’t ya!

This recipe makes enough for three big or four average servings, so if yur eatin’ alone, have some leftover containers nearby to ration out the extra portions, so you avoid the temptation to eat more than you should.

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This dish actually improves with a night or two in the fridge, as do most tomato/garlic-based foods.

Roll yur ground beef into one-inch balls and set aside, awaitin’ further instructions. Keep these balls small!

Resist the temptation to save time and make big meatballs, they won’t cook through before yur sauce dries up! Chop yur veggies, then heat the oil in a large skillet.

Toss in the onions and pepper and cook until they’re not crunchy – about 10 minutes on medium heat. Now add the garlic, spices and tomatoes and mix it all up.

Place the meatballs in the skillet and put a lid on it.

About ever five minutes, take the lid off and move the meatballs around so they cook evenly. If while yur cooking the meatballs, the tomato base starts to get alarmingly thick, just toss in a little water – maybe a quarter cup – cuz you wanna keep it about the consistency of thick spaghetti sauce. After the meatballs have cooked about 15 minutes, add the coconut milk, peas and potatoes, stir, put the lid on again and cook for five more minutes. You mighta noticed you don’t ever get a chance to drain those cooked meatballs; that’s why it’s important to use lean ground beef in this recipe. Salt to taste and yur done!

Dish this out in a big bowl and tear off chunks of yur nan to dip in it. If you live in the sticks like I do where nan is hard to find, don’t fret it. Just buy some flour tortillas and heat ‘em on a griddle or in a skillet until they are bubblin’ and have some brown spots on ‘em.

When they’re cooked well like that, they make a decent substitute for nan, just not as tasty.

· 1 pound lean ground beef rolled into one-inch balls · 1 ½ tbsp coconut or olive oil Medium onion, chopped ½fine · 1/2 yellow, red, orange (or green, though not preferred) pepper, chopped fine · 14 oz. can crushed tomatoes · 3 cloves garlic, pressed · 1 tsp. ginger · 2 tbsp. curry powder · ½ tsp chili powder · 1 tsp. garam masala · 1 c. coconut milk (you’ll find this near the Chow Mein in yur grocery store) · 1 can peas · 1 can new potatoes · Salt to taste · Store-bought nan – or in a pinch, a coupla flour tortillas.

The Spice Trade You probably noticed this dish calls for a notso-well-known spice, garam masala. You can get this in yur local grocer – you just never looked for it. But, the bigger issue is why would you want to spend $3 for one teaspoon of flavoring? This is supposed to be cookin’ for one on a budget, idn’t it? Spices are actually a pretty good investment.

As long as you keep ‘em in airtight containers, they will last a long, ding-dong time – like years.

So yea, today yur just using a teaspoon of garam masala, but if you like this dish (and my neck’s out bettin’ you will!), that bottle of garam masala is not goin’ to waste – even if it takes you a few years to get through it.

But here’s another idea: Do you have a couple of friends who like to cook too? Why don’t ya’ll go in together and buy some spices? Pitch in $10 each and head to the store to pick out some spices. With $30, you can probably buy about 10 odd-ball spices. Then go home and divvy ‘em up equally. So for yur $10, you got 10 spices – probably enough of each to last a year.

Or here’s another idea – this one we’re tryin’ out at my church and I think it makes a great little add-on to any women’s get together: Have a spice trade – that’s a cute play on words if you’ll reckon back to the days of Magellan. Tell everybody to bring one odd-ball spice to a party and then provide some little zip-locking baggies.

Split the bottles into thirds, leaving one part in the bottle and the other two parts in baggies with the name of the spice written on it. Now put them all in a basket and let folks come up at their leisure and pick three spices in exchange for the one they brought. If yur a buncha serious cooks, make everybody bring a recipe that uses the spice they bring – as many copies as you expect people at yur gatherin’.

This is a smart way to afford manageable amounts of pricey spices. Give it a try and tell ‘em you heard it from Reba Ray!

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Dear Gabby

by

ter

s Gab

dear gabby: For quite some time, a guy named Rob has had a crush on me. This is not a mutual attraction to say the least, and although I've told him as gracefully as I can that we can only be friends, he has persisted. About two months ago, I met a guy that I really like at the gym. We have talked there many times and finally he asked me out. I was so excited awaiting the date, but on the very day we were to go out, he called me and told me he would not be able to date me at all, ever, because he learned that Rob was interested in me. I had no idea the two were friends. I assured him that I have made it plain to Rob that there's no hope for us, but that didn't seem to matter. Needless to say, I am very upset. I really wanted to go out with that guy but now I hardly ever see him at the gym - I think he changed his workout time because of this - and the couple of times we have seen each other, he turns the other way. What can I do?

"Robbed" in Rockford

Living a conundrum? Trying to make two wrongs a right?

Threw the baby out with the bath water?

Dear Gabby can help! Send your questions now to

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thegabster@onmyownnow.com

“ Be still in the presence of the Lord and wait patiently for Him to act. ” Psalm 37:7

Dear Robbed, This is clearly a sticky situation – so sticky that Gabby had to sleep on this one. After tossing and turning each option around, this is what Gabby woke up thinking: Patience, Girlfriend! We are told in Psalms, “Be still in the presence of the Lord and wait patiently for Him to act.” You may think this passage is pretty lame in our progressive, “go-forit” culture. After all, we’re the captains of our own destiny, aren’t we? But the truth is that God is already at work in your situation.

So Rob has a crush on you which you have tried to stall. But human nature being what it is, crushes can be like a case of prickly heat in August – they can take a while to burn themselves out. And if they are unrequited – phew – break out the Gold Bond!

Let’s figure this out: You have a crush on Rob’s friend and Rob’s friend potentially has a crush on you. But the pivotal point here is that Rob’s friend is doing something extremely decent: He is putting his friendship with Rob above a possible fling. This makes him good boyfriend material. Possibly GREAT boyfriend

material. With so much at stake, if this relationship is going to go anywhere, it’s going to go on God’s terms.

Therefore, Gabby suggests you put your best face on, put your best foot forward and best move on. Continue to speak kindly, but not encouragingly, to Rob. Avoid lovesick pining over Rob’s friend.

You will find that the heart is a very resilient muscle. Eventually Rob will get the message and fix his attention elsewhere.

Then, after a time, Rob’s friend will be free to pursue a relationship with you without guilt. But if the heat between you has faded when you’re finally free to fan the flame, consider it a good thing.

Maybe this friendship between Rob and his friend is meant to last a lifetime and your role is just part of a test of the friendship. Maybe God is protecting you from things unknown; maybe He is saving you for much better. God created the world in six days, but that doesn’t mean He’s in a hurry. He may very well want you to wait. Let’s see how you do with this test!

- Gabster

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K

Spare Change

by Paola Segnini

Last weekend I went shopping with some of my friends and one of them showed the classic symptoms of a shopaholic. She needed brown pants for work, but she walked out of the mall with a Muppets t-shirt, a brown sweater and a pair of leather boots. So, what about the pants – the ones she needs for her weekly meetings with the managers at her job? They are still hanging on the rack!

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K closet does not a fashion diva make. Smart divas start with a basic wardrobe that is highly versatile. They build each outfit with a fashion staple and add splashes of color and design to diversify. Unless you have to dress up every day for work, you don’t need five pairs of dress pants and six different black dresses. Invest in one quality item of each of the following “must-haves” and then use your limited clothing budget to purchase things that scream “This is me!” – yes, even if that is a pair of yellow shoes!

Basic Black Dress

–a classic! You can add different accessories every time, making it look like a different dress entirely. Try pearls for a job interview, then switch to a funky red necklace and some high heel sandals to have dinner with your girlfriends.

Dress Pants

– though there’s no set rule about the color, black is probably the safest bet. Dark brown works well too. Go as basic as you can stand because if there is something quirky about your pants, they are easier to identify as “the same pants” in different outfits.

With an intoxicated glow, my friend looked at us happily and said, “Those slacks are gonna have to wait a couple of months now!” She was excited about her purchases, and they were good deals, but they weren’t what she needed. I bet she’ll sober up when it comes time for that meeting and she has no pants to wear to it.

It’s not like I haven’t been guilty of the same thing though – and I bet you have too! We go out to find something and come back with a sheepish grin on our faces and a number of other items that we didn’t need. Sometimes they are a variation on something we already have 10 of – like a black sweater. How many black sweaters does one person really need? Other times, our impulse buys don’t match anything in our closet. And the worst part is that we know as we buy those yellow shoes that they don’t match anything but a cute yellow blouse we don’t own, and that turquoise purse will only match the turquoise sandals sitting right next to it at the store.

Here’s the justification: The shoes only cost $5! That black sweater was just $8! Yes, that’s a bargain, but one without much value if you don’t really need what you bought.

Do you have any real idea of how much you spend on clothes in a year? Try this: for the next six months, take every receipt from every piece of clothes and every accessory or pair of shoes you buy and throw it in a box or a drawer – even the stuff you get at Goodwill and garage sales. Make a little scrap of paper receipt with “$.25” written on it for that great garage sale bargain and toss it in the box. Even quarters add up. Six months from now, tally the receipts. I’m betting you will be very surprised at how much you spend.

There is a lot of money to be saved by shopping smart, but we want to look great too. However, a cluttered

Classic Shirt

– try a button-up white shirt. Like the little black dress, adding a jacket or a vest will completely change the look. You won’t need 10 different blouses to achieve 10 different looks.

Jeans – beyond “must-have,” this is a “can’t live

without!” The thing about jeans is that they come in many styles, washes, cuts, etc. It’d be nice to buy 10 different pairs, but for the cash-conscious, the best thing is to buy a pair that’s a dark blue and classic cut.

Put on loafers and go to the grocery store. Add heals and head out on the town. And the dark blue will seem to slim you.

Any Occasion Top - Find something you

look great in that looks job-interview respectable under a jacket but will bring on the fun when going out with friends.

Skirt - A skirt is super important because it completely

changes your look. A skirt is womanly and can be feminine or businesslike, depending on what you pair it with.

Jacket

- Find one with a proper, fitted shape.

Choose the color that will match the majority of your items – some good choices are brown, navy, black, offwhite or a shade of pink. It is also a perfect piece to pair up with the skirt or dress pants and white shirt. Or add jeans and it becomes casual wear.

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Fashi on DIVinA There are those occasions such as weddings or holiday parties for which we splurge and spend more on expensive clothes, and well, OK – even the Proverbs 31 woman was dressed in fine linen and purple (though I’m betting she didn’t wear that out to plant her vineyards). Special occasions aside, buying expensive clothes is problematic for the young woman on her own.

Simply put: we can’t afford it! ●

by Tamara Jane

●

I’ve grown up as the oldest of five children, and with somany mouths to feed, bills to pay, and gas needed to run us around everywhere, my parents did the best they could.

With clothing, this meant only shopping sales and secondhand stores. When I was younger, I hated it. I felt icky standing next to my friends who wore expensive, designer clothes. I seriously felt like a tramp and like my parents were too cheap to buy me decent clothes. I hated Goodwill, and the very thought of wearing things that someone else had owned before me made me sick.

off racks, and if I don’t find something on them, I’m out of here – no detours.”

But just like our taste buds change the older we get, so does our taste in clothes and where we get them. A little older, a little wiser, I can now appreciate the value of a dollar better. Now that I manage money of my own, I see how quickly it disappears. And often when I need a certain article of clothing or accessory, I’m faced with these options: buy it on credit, buy it deeply discounted or second hand, or don’t buy it at all. The middle option is a happy medium between good financial stewardship and my caprices.

Now the worst-case scenario: You’ve exhausted the clearance rack; what you need (not want, but need) is not on sale in any store. You’ve spent two days searching for a suitable pair of brown pants, but come up dry. Ordering online isn’t an option because you need them tomorrow! Admit it – this rarely happens – but let’s plan for it anyway. If you have to pay full price, don’t buy designer. Most major department stores have a store brand. For instance, JC Penny carries Arizona and St. John’s Bay, and Wal-Mart (now we’re bargain shopping!) carries White Stag and George.

These exclusive store brands are almost always less expensive than designer labels. Getting suckered into buying designer is inanity (and insanity!) that a young woman on her own simply cannot afford. (And even if you’re not a young, single woman on your own, it’s still inanity.)

Fortunately, all that frugal upbringing comes in handy, and when I need a bargain, I know just what to do.

Shop Clearance and Sale Racks Seems like a no-brainer, right? But honestly, how often do you allow yourself to drift to the rvacks that aren’t on sale and fall in love with something you can’t afford? Don’t go there! Give yourself a little pep talk before you hit the door of the store: “I’m going in, going straight to the 50% or 75%

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Rare is the store without a clearance rack, but sometimes you might find yourself in a situation where you can’t shop clearance. You need brown pants for work, but the clearance rack only has shorts and mini skirts on it. When this happens, do the next best thing, shop sales racks. Again, if you don’t see a sign that says at least 25% off, don’t touch it with a 10-foot pole!

Second-hand Sally Here’s a little secret. Suckers who buy designer clothes off the rack are the same kind of people who get sick of them

after a year, having only worn them twice! What do these clothing snobs do with their barely worn clothes after they tire of them (yawn!)? They have a garage sale, donate them to a thrift store like Goodwill or take them to a consignment shop. I’ve listed these options in order of their affordability, but also in order of the degree of difficulty to find quality clothes. If you’re pinched for time, it might be worth it to skip the garage sale (which is usually only an option on sunny weekends anyway) and try your favorite charity thrift store.

What? Don’t have one? Girl, you need to get you one! Some Saturday when you find yourself wondering, “Why am I watching cartoons?” get out and hit every charity thrift store in a 15-minute radius of your house.

Some might be listed in the phone book, but others, like church thrift stores, might not have a directory listing. So while you’re at the one or two thrift stores you know of, ask the clerks or other shoppers to point you to some of the other lesser known thrift stores in town. Inevitably, one or two will emerge as the best places to shop – prices and quality are good and apparently, they are patronized by a few vane women who wear their designer clothes once before giving them away – or not at all. It’s not uncommon to find clothes with the original tags still on them. Sure, sometimes the clothes might have a funny smell – giving a whole new importance to the phrase “wash and wear,” – and maybe you draw the line at buying used underwear – can’t say I blame you there. But a smart, single gal on a budget will become a regular at these places.

Sew What Now, for the final trick up my tightfisted sleeve… Sew! Did you take home economics and learn to sew? Do you have a friend that likes to sew? Are you handy enough with a needle and thread? If you can answer “yes” to any of these, there are a whole lot more options available to you. We start at the garage sale or thrift store and look for clothes with nice fabrics… but maybe the cut of the skirt is wrong – it’s an A-line and you’re looking for a fitted skirt. Or maybe it’s too long – you found a ruffled blouse with long sleeves, but you’re looking for one with no sleeves. Maybe you found a great pair of pants, but you need capris. Work some magic with a needle and thread and you’ll be the smartest girl I know.

Stop equating getting something cheap with getting gypped.

Billions of marketing dollars a year argue to the contrary, but consider the source! Whatever your clothing budget, wouldn’t it be great to make it go further? You can have more to spend on that special occasion dress if you’ll become freakishly frugal whenever possible. Take pride in it! We could chat another page worth on accessorizing to make second-hand clothes look fabulous, but there’s one accessory that you can put on every time you dress to make whatever you wear look incredible: that’s confidence. Confidence doesn’t come from wearing something expensive. Look your beautiful self in the mirror and say, “I’m a child of the King.” Say it over and over until it sinks in and you’re really feeling it. Now keep that glow all day and you’ll feel like a million bucks – without having spent it.

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A Good MOVIE to Cozy Up With So you already have a great read to get you through one of Reba Ray’s winter wonders in a mug (hint, you’re reading it!), but when you want to take it down a philosophical notch and just be entertained on a cold winter evening under a warm blankie, you need a good movie. Careful though, that mindless entertainment can be deceptively dangerous. Like those romantic comedies that columnist Kimberly Miller likes so much – it’s hard to find one these days without gratuitous sex thrown in. And if the sex scene doesn’t get to you, the unrealistic expectations for love and romance the movie espouses will.

Whereas the International Movie Database (IMDB) is highly useful for learning what earns a movie its rating, as well as providing a star rating based on thousands of viewer votes, IMBD can’t tell you how the movie might affect your spirit.

Philippians 4:8 tells us to think on things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and praiseworthy. In Galatians 5, we see a contrasting list to these qualities: “The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions,

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factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like.” Maybe you’re wondering, though, how you’re supposed to know if a movie is the Phil 4:8 kind or the Gal 5:19 kind in nature without watching it to find out?

Here are three Web sites to add to bookmark and quickly check out while you’re deciding on which movie to rent or go see: Crosswalk.com movie archives, MovieGuide.org and ChristianAnswers.net Spotlight.

You can subscribe to movie reviews by e-mail through MovieGuide.org, but if you want to view their archives you have to pay a fee, which I don’t recommend since you can view reviews of older movies on the other two sites for free. Crosswalk.com’s format is straightforward with subheadings like The Good; The Notso-Good; The Offensive and more to help you quickly find the info you’re looking for. ChristianAnswers.net gives a morality rating to each movie, but you have to sort through differently formatted reviews to learn why they got the moral score they did.

And sometimes, it’s not very clear, such as in the case of “Avatar.” The site gave “Avatar” a morality rating of “offensive,” the same as it gave “Daybreakers,” a vampire movie with “strong, bloody violence.” When

by Donna Lee Schillinger

I read the review to see what was so morally offensive about “Avatar,” nothing popped out at me. The reviewer mentioned the alien’s religion worshipping a mother nature-type deity, but in “The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe,” the deity is a lion and that got three notches higher on the moral scale. (Honestly, if you ignore the fact that a great Christian apologist wrote the latter, that movie would probably be much more offensive to Christians.) Furthermore, ChristianAnswers.net gave Avatar only three stars on movie-making quality, whereas “Daybreakers” got four stars. But the masses don’t agree. On IMBD, more than 150,000 viewers gave “Avatar” an 8.7 average rating, but “Daybreakers” got only 7.1 from some 5,000 viewers. All this to say, be careful not to confuse cinematic critique with moral outcry, as the reviewers on these Christian sites seem to have done with “Avatar.”

Sparing exceptions like this, these sites can surely be helpful in keeping you from stumbling upon soft porn sex scenes, which apparently the major motion picture rating association considers acceptable viewing for a 13-year-old. Whatever your age, be careful little eyes what you see!