The Art of Non Toxic Masculinity Media Project 2 Dominic Townsend-Mcleod

INTRODUCTION

In modern society, there is an ongoing debate about the state of masculinity. Many would argue that traditional masculinity is on the decline, as it’s definition evolve across various cultures and societies due to influences such as religion, family background, geographical location and even societal norms. These diverse factors can lead to ambiguity in defining true masculinity, potentially leading to the acceptance and normalization of toxic behaviours as masculine traits in contemporary society.

Traditionally men are viewed as leaders, protectors and providers in society whilst women are seen as nurturing, however, it becomes important to recognize how male behaviour affects both genders in society. As this concept becomes mainstream in our society, it becomes crucial to address the implications for future generations, as adhering to rigid roles may contribute to dysfunction and destructive behaviour.

What is Toxic Masculinity? This

term may be defined as “the normalization of harmful cultural, societal, historical, political and biological norms associated with masculinity. It is important to note that the increasing prevalence of single-parent households, particularly matriarchal ones, is thought to contribute to the rise of this issue. This absence of fathers within the home can disrupt the socialization process of young men, potentially leading to negative behaviours in society, this book hopes to educate readers on the subject matter and also serve as a tool for behaviourial change in society for our young men and future generations.

Masculinity can be seen as having three main pillars; Status, Sex and Aggression. Status may be defined as a person’s social or professional position in relation to other people. This has to do with one’s identity as a male. Sex has to do with no, not intercourse but the realization that actions of men affect both genders, realizing that women are biologically wired to be nurturing but are unable to do so in an environment where toxicity is allowed to strive and aggression has to do with problem solving skills in life as a man; Interesting isn’t it?

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

There are many persons to thank for this book, I don’t know who to start with but alas my mother for her belief, encouragement and support of me and this piece, secondly my lecturer Mrs. Kerry Ann Smith who has been an excellent teacher and facilitator from concept to creation, thirdly my advisor Mr. Andrew Smith whom has overseen the project from concept to creation, his role in this piece was very pivotal as without him, there would be no real feedback before publication, I would also like to thank all those who participated in gathering research and gave input in the creation of this piece, too many to name specifically but special thanks to Dr. Morticqua Murray and Rev. Oniel Brown for their input; Dr. Murray is currently a counsellor at the University of Technology, Jamaica, she is an educator with over 14 years of experience, she believes in the active empowerment of lives and is a practising christian; Rev. Brown is a pastor at the Ebony Vale Baptist Church in St.Catherine who has served three decades (30 years as a pastor), he has served three congregations in rural and urban Jamaica having completed his theology studies at the UWI and lastly but not least, thanks is due to you the reader for taking the time out to consume the information and knowledge in this book and for spreading the message, start by sharing this book with at least one friend. Go and spread the word !!!!!!!!!!!

TABLE OF CONTENT

Part 1: Status (Construction of the masculine identity)

Who Am I as a male and an individual?

Far from Weak

Energy, Attention, Time (Eat is actually your friend)

Improvement Tools for Men

Part 2: Sex (Gender)

Don’t be that guy

Learn It Till You Earn It

Control is Power

Embrace Pain

Emotions are cool, use them as fuel

Part 3: Aggression (Testerone)

Don’t do the crime, if you can’t do the time

Don’t do the crime, if you can’t do the time (PART 2)

The Dark truth; What they wont tell you about your masculinity

The Dark truth; What they wont tell you about your masculinity (PART 2)

Becoming a 1% man

Reaping the reward

STATUS

CONSTRUCTION OF THE MASCULINE IDENTITY

WHO AM I AS A MALE AND AN INDIVIDUAL?

“A man is first a human being then a man”, words from Dr. Murray, a counselor at Utech. This emphasizes that men especially young men and adolescents can learn and be socialized on how to act and behave in society in keeping with their masculinity. Children learn and are socialized primarily by observation of their family as they often take what they see, quite possibly, if the family unit exhibits traits of dysfunctionality, it may result in a distorted socialization process for children.

Rev. Oniel Brown stated that in Jamaica, there is no basis for reference to masculinity as masculinity is negatively derived rooting to modern dancehall music and culture. It is quiet often that young men are steered into gangs and other groups as a result of a lack of guidance and an increase in the absence of fathers in the home. Fatherhood is a culturally constructed role with two elements: provision and discipline.

A father being absent from the home, leaves a huge gap creating a matriarchal household that lacks any form of masculine energy needed for leadership and discipline. This should not downplay the role women play in society or in socializing children but rather place emphasis on why a masculine feminine balance within the home is needed as “a woman cannot effectively father a child and vice versa”, this is evident in most Jamaican household with discipline, “wait till yuh fada come home”, as he would partake disciplinarian role in the household and family unit.

The importance of fathers in the home cannot be overemphasized as they play a huge role in the socialization process of children, especially towards young men on their masculinity; it becomes necessary to state that a father should be present physically and emotionally within the home, emphasizing that fathers should: be emotionally available within the household and teach emotional control and intelligence, both vital skills for young men to learn and implement in modern society. These skills if implemented, allow young men to effectively relate to others and develop their identity.

Development of one’s identity can be tough; the solution is self reflection/introspection. Here’s a challenge, ask the following questions, “Who are you?/Who are you currently? Who do you want to become? Who are you amongst your friends, family, colleagues etc? Who are your role model(s)? What do you want for your life and self?”

Record all responses with a pen and a notebook for clarity. Congrats!! This is active learning about yourself; your likes, dislikes, passions, expectations and definition of success, all of which make up your identity as a man. This allows you to embrace your own identity, not conforming to any negative behaviour and traits deemed as the norm in modern society.

FAR FROM WEAK

Believe it or not, this was almost the title of this publication, fitting isn’t it? Perhaps another book is in the making, who knows; don’t go flexing those biceps just yet; leadership is an important trait of masculinity; this includes strength of mind and character.

A female friend expressed that her boyfriend is very secure as he shows vulnerability, embraces his weaknesses, is actively working on them and isn’t afraid to show flaws with her; how many men do this, I asked, she responded “not alot of men, especially in Jamaica,” now put your pitch forks down, no need for a riot but here’s the deal. The same female stated that the young man’s father always told him that knowing and embracing weaknesses as a man is essential as it allows men to overcome weaknesses and enables capability in all realms of life whether physically, emotionally, mentally, financially which should be the ultimate goal for any male in society. The thought was profound (very great) but it’s true.

Another female gave an insightful quote, “a soft man hides his weakness and a strong man embraces his weakness as he sees the need to work on his self and any weakness to grow”. Boys are not taught in the home how to show vulnerability or express emotions but this is a trait of toxic masculinity. Females know that males are human beings and as men, there will be weaknesses and strengths that make up one’s character, ask yourself who are you? In addition, analyse strengths and weaknesses then write down how to overcome those weaknesses. Is any help needed from a professional or third

party, then seek one, which is also important for overcoming any weakness; Getting help for any weakness should be embraced and not stereotyped negatively.

It was expressed to Dr. Murray that many men don’t convey weakness as any vulnerability shown in the home or a romantic relationship automatically labels men as weak and stereotypes them negatively, she posits that this is one of the leading causes of toxic masculine behaviours and asked, “Should men stay weak and not embrace or work on their weakness as a result?”. Think about it, opinions will always be around but once again know yourself through active work, recognise any weaknesses and work on them. This way you’ll be better able to understand yourself and the world. Remember being told about leadership, strength is required to recognise and work on any weaknesses to become stronger and more capable men in society. Several females were asked what are the top traits desired in a partner. One of the top answers received was the strength of character, being secure enough to know there will be weaknesses and being willing to overcome those weaknesses. Men and humans are born limited, a fact of life but once a male can know himself through work and you are pushing the boundaries of your weaknesses safely, staying true to who you are as an individual and willing to embrace and work on any weaknesses, then consider yourself FAR FROM WEAK!!!!!

SELF IMPROVEMENT TOOLS FOR MEN

HOW TO STAY A FAILURE/LOSER

Sounds harsh, but it’s either growth or stagnation.

• Neglect all personal responsibilities (Family, friends, personal & professional life etc)

• Never take accountability nor accept the consequences of your actions.

• Be Mr.Know it all, never seek help and never be willing to learn and grow in all realms.

• Always be controlled by emotions and never keep a level, calm or cool head/frame in all endeavours.

• Always feel entitled to anything in life, especially with women and never bother to improve yourself.

• Accept negative coping mechanisms as the way to go instead of addressing the root cause of the issue.

• Think that violence and aggression are always the answer in any situation.

• Never bother to practice self control in all realms; sexual, financial, spiritual, emotional, mental and personal.

YOUR ENERGY, ATTENTION AND TIME EAT IS ACTUALLY YOUR FRIEND

Your energy, attention and time are some of your most important and valuable assets as a man; These must be protected at all costs. The sight of idle young men loitering the streets often engaging in negative coping mechanisms such as excessive drinking and smoking, not to mention engagement in crime or criminal activities is increasingly becoming a norm in modern society.

The socialization process for many young men is often skewed with many being socialized by gangs, badman/gunmen and local dancehall culture giving rise to negative coping mechanisms and behaviours such as bleaching, excessive drinking and smoking only a few to name. Most know the implications these habits have on men’s mental and physical health, yet the majority of young men engage in these activities as acceptance towards negative peer pressure and gangs, when asked, “a mi brethren them me see a smoke and drink, me just did tek it up” is one of many typical responses as to why; sometimes the “brethen” are people they barely know. No one is here to judge, quiet the opposite as these habits are self destructive and if all parties are honest, it’s only a coping mechanism to deal with some underlying issue, ask yourself the benefits of engaging in such activities other than “respect from your friends”, more harm than good is often linked with these activities, Is it making a positive influence on my life and those around me? Important

questions to ask yourself about these activities. Excessive intake of these coping mechanisms often have a negative effect on the mind, body and soul such as: liver damage, respiratory issues and lung cancer, only a few to name; A female friend recently said she despises when her boyfriend drinks excessively, she has been trying to get him to quit the habit as when he over indulges, it leads to verbal abuse as one of the side effects, stating that he sometimes yells at her, his judgement is clouded due to the excessive alcohol, hence making her feel unsafe (which is an important to many women, feeling safe and secure) as she doesn’t trust him to make wise decisions, no not prying, but active unbiased research; yes it feels cool to indulge in all the alcohol and weed, get drunk and high, forget all the problems you encounter which you will have personal issues in life that is acceptable and normal, but again, self control and discipline, does one really need excessive alcohol consumption in their daily personal/professional life, it’s only a coping mechanism for some underlying issue(s) that is neglected and/or overlooked, ask “Why is the issue being avoided?”

This book can almost be called The Big Book of Why. In all seriousness, the only beneficiaries are the companies of these products (drugs and other products), taking money from consumers (you) that could have been used to enhance personal growth robbing young men of directing their energy, attention and time into activities that will truly enhance their lives such as sports, learning new skills, family time, volunteerism etc. The solution, after much

brainstorming is to manage the habit, a behaviourial change, the first step is to decide to quit, then get to the why am I indulging in this sort of behaviour, it will take time; once identified, begin to track how often you indulge in any of these activities, then gradually cut back, if it’s three bottles or cigars per week, reduce to two, rinse and repeat; Millions of livers and lungs are happier and healthier and a ton of money was saved from buying alcoholic drinks, cigars and the hospital bill(s) to be paid in a few years.

YOU’RE ALL WELCOME!!!!! These negative habits can always be replaced; replace smoking and drinking with exercise, sports, reading, journalling, meditation, affirmation, prayer (for those who are spiritual) and other positive habits.

The name of this chapter could have either been either “Stop drinking and start thinking” or “Stay woke, don’t smoke”, but these are all linked to your energy, time and attention so that was the best option, use the above as quotes in your daily life and remember to protect your energy, time and attention at all cost as they are some of your greatest assets and resources.

SEX GENDER

DON’T BE THAT GUY

This is the name of a campaign a female friend successfully ran, no the name was not stolen but it serves as an inspiration to ideologies linked to toxic masculinity; In the campaign, she gathered experiences from women who experienced catcalling and harassment locally, the campaign was great as women were allowed to freely speak on experiences associated with this behaviour.

Remember having respect towards women, well “catcalling” (the act of shouting, harassing and often sexually suggestive, threatening, or derisive comments at someone publicly) is also degrading towards them; This can be linked back to toxic behaviours being normalized in society, where men are allowed to degrade women freely. One particular testimony that stood out was a teenage girl being harrassed whilst in uniform near her home, which became so bad, the family had to relocate, this is a sad reality for alot of young girls and women, maybe not to that extent; this stems from a sense of entitlement from our men, remember one of the golden rules of self improvement for men, no entitlement, especially towards women, whether personal contact information, a name or even intercourse.

NO MEANS NO! It’s a complete sentence and answer that every woman has the right to say in any situation with any male without explanation; her body and her space.

Ideally, it is the responsibility of the father to teach boys how to

properly interact with women, restructing the socialization process of forming healthy relationships with women, and not feeling entitled to anything from women. The solution, have and give respect to women when interacting with them and to solidify this, think about your female relatives; mother, aunties, sister(s), nieces, cousins etc, How does it feel when they speak about the slightest sign of disrespect towards them from any male; DO YOU REALLY WANNA BE THAT GUY???

LEARN IT TILL YOU EARN IT

People often say “Fake it till you make it”, instead try “learn it till you earn it”, why should anything be fake when you can always have true capability for yourself, everyone can tell and no one likes anything fake. This quote was shared amongst friends recently and they were all fascinated, they all liked the quote, and a huge discussion went on, then the matter of respect came up, between males and females; Yikes!!! It was debated that men don’t respect females and it’s true with the behaviour in society.

To expound on the previous chapter, respect goes a long way in society and life. Dr. Murray argued that how to respect women is not taught in the household, she then linked it biblically, that Eve came from our rib, she then argued that it has to do with mindset of men as well and that males should be taught how to respect and treat women in society, simple gestures such as: opening doors, protecting and helping women in times of vulnerability, all seemingly becoming nonexistent in modern society or only minority of men engage in those traditional acts of masculinity.

Dr. Chevannes spoke about the sexualization of women being at a high rate in society, he also argues that even though men go through physical attraction for women they should not be controlled by their urges and abstain from “sexual irresponsibility” sticking to the basics when dealing with the opposite gender: honesty, respect, leadership, protection, security, emotional security,

accountability, etc.

A survey was conducted amongst approximately 30 females, one of the most notable turnoffs in males recorded was disrespect and insecurity. Dr. Murray stated that this is linked to insecurity as males should remember that their mother is first and foremost a woman, she also argues that some level of insecurity is present if males actively and genuinely don’t show respect to women, as this is one of the signs of a weak man in society.

Think about the women in your life, is respect shown? Assuming the answer is yes, it only seems fair to give more respect to women and it will be reciprocated (respond to an action or emotion with a similar tone) as a result, meaning more men will be respected in society. Newsflash, it’s free to respect yourself, women and even others in society. To do this, don’t do anything to anyone you wouldn’t want done to you; Respect, first learn it then remove the “L”; apply this principle in life and you’re off to the races.

CONTROL IS POWER

For men, one of the best practices is that of self control, control over words, habits, actions and lifestyle. Remember about control over negative coping mechanisms/habits, now the attention is turned to control in regards to the opposite gender; no don’t try to control any female or human being, in fact the only person to be controlled is yourself as a man. In his book, What We Reap and what we sow, Dr. Chevannes argues about the importance of practising control over sexual urges, especially as a male. He posits that many modern men are irresponsible as they don’t stick to one sexual partner but also run from commitment and paternity. The number of single mothers is proof enough statistically both locally and worldwide as fathers have abandoned their responsibility. The socialization process of the child becomes skewed (biased towards one particular subject or group), as the absence of one parent can have a psychological impact on our youth. This absence has a negative effect as young men are being led a stray by societal pressure, contradictory to family norms conforming to negative behaviours and coping mechanisms; giving rise to the “gyallis” lifestyle, for anyone unaware having multiple women at once especially being involved sexually, the public reputation is perceived as “cool” for many teenage boys and young men, subsequently, a child grown without a father becomes a father, aware he is not ready, mentally, emotionally or financially, this is the unfortunate reality locally as one of the most common things young men often hear when they

pass the age of 16 is “yo yuh nah go get a yute”. Being apart of the “gelding crew” (men with no children) should be encouraged for teenagers and young men as it gives more time for growth and preparation for parenthood as opposed to having kids early on to conform to societal norms.

The solution, prevention is better than cure, protection and contraceptive methods are available to men such as condoms but not 100% effective as being logical; do not participate in “hook up culture” loosely as women are not the only ones negatively affected by this behaviour (being called cheap, easy, loose etc), you also prevent having a “jacket” (a child given to the wrong father) and the contraception and spread of STDs such as HIV & AIDS, again think about the consequences of these actions for yourself as when men have multiple sexual partners, the negative side of it is only stated for women; control of one’s sexual urges becomes key here, also having multiple children due to a lack of control from the “gyallis life” or “gyal inna bungle”, especially from unplanned pregnancy and/ or teenage pregnancy, NOT COOL !!!!! It can also be argued that pregnancy often transforms a girl into a woman as the maturity is often unmatched in young men, owing that oftentimes, many young men are not ready to fully embrace fatherhood.

EMBRACE PAIN

In this case “pain” is rejection, unfortunately, this happens to everyone; One of the primary roles of the father is to teach young men how to handle rejection in a healthy way, be it from a female, job, anything, IT’S INEVITABLE (certain to happen; unavoidable) in life. It can also be argued that this may be one of those leading causes of negative coping habits such as excessive drinking, smoking and gang association as it’s “easier to copy the bad than the good” as young men often “smoke away the pain” as a result of what is being seen and normalized in society as one of the first steps to handling rejection (one of).

Think back to your first pain of rejection as a male, chances are it was a female, statistically speaking, if not then fine but how do you handle rejection? Is any pain still being felt? Has the issue been dealt with in a healthy way? The solution, remember these are emotions that can be channelled into a greater cause for positivity and to level up, there’s this quote “Rejection is the direction towards something greater in life.”

Many argue that young men should embrace rejection using this to become better in life; this also helps to build an abundance mindset, “plenty of fish in the sea”, rejection is unfavorable but never allow this to define you or hinder your growth in any way, shape or form as there are plenty of opportunities to grow and become better as a result of rejection. Abundance mindset, embrace it !!!!!

Remember the discussion about control, it’s here again. SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP, if necessary, Let’s get it gents!!!!! Stay Hard Kings !!!!!!

EMOTIONS ARE COOL, USE THEM AS FUEL

Remember the discussion about self identity and embracing weakness in order to grow, well my friend there is a whole emotional side that no one talks about. “What about those males who are hurting deep down and have no one to turn to?”; This can be cited as the unfortunate reality for alot of young men, Why do they not have anyone to turn to, where is the father who understands what their son(s) might be going through as a young man? Granted the father is alive? I asked Dr. Murray she said sure. It boils down to the recognition of no active father figure and taking the necessary steps to ensure this does not affect one’s state of mind, life and actions.

Several young men were asked how many of them have their father or a positive male role model actively involved in their lives; around 31 young men, 21 said yes the remainder said no (that’s 10 for those who don’t like mathematics), one would argue that statistically, those without father figures or a positive male role model are more likely to engage in negative activities such as: gangs and violence as they are more susceptible (likely to be influenced or harmed by a particular thing) to anything negative as opposed to their counterpart, those with a father figure or positive male role model in their life. So what do they do?

In listening amongst a group of peers recently, one female stated

she is super proud of her boyfriend, she began dating him over a year ago when he was extremely slender and criminally underweight for his height at 6’1, she is only 5’3, she revealed he has an eating disorder as comments are often made about his physical physique and appearance, “Lawd girl how him so meagre, no sah my man affi have likkle muscles man”, not knowing the full story, she stated that he got irritated as a result of the comments hurled at him, so he decided to build muscle mass, going to the gym consistently since 2022 till now (2024), moving from 150lbs to 175lbs of lean muscle mass, one would be shocked, she went on to rant about him. There are many hidden lessons here, what would have been your reaction? Would it have been brushed aside (maybe), would some negative coping mechanism be normalised (hopefully not) or would that have been used to transform yourself and life focusing on what can be controlled (your physique)? Hopefully, inspiration was given to go to the gym as it’s a positive coping mechanism, start with pushups and pullups as the basics then build your way up from there if a gym isn’t within your reach currently.

This story can be linked to young men who grew up without fathers, that one can actively make the decision within the mind to change for the better and if the

CHOICE IS MADE TO HAVE CHILDREN,

then responsibility won’t be neglected as a father figure, for those who do decide to have children. Handling any negativity that comes your way, rejection, criticism etc, as one can always overcome and adapt, making the conscious choice to be better instead of allowing negative emotions to thrive and indulgence in

any negative coping mechanisms

Another common example for young men is that of heartbreak, usually around teenage/puberty years (13 to 15 years old), they are encouraged to embrace the “gyallis lifetsyle”, to avoid any reoccurence but “The best revenge is massive success”, make the conscious decision based off those emotions to be better than you are, level up, embrace the abundance mindset as “there are plenty of fish in the sea”, it then becomes imperative to handle any hurt before you look to interact with any female romantically, as “hurt people hurt people”, so don’t “bleed unto persons who didn’t cut you” creating a cycle of hurt people in society. A healthy way to deal with these types of issues is through introspection, acceptance and also engagement in healthy coping mechanisms to overcome these issues.

An interesting quote that puts everything into perspective is, “as a human, you are born with emotions”, there’s no hiding from them, the next best thing is to manage and control reactions especially to situations where one has no control, choose to become better as this will be setting an example for others, “aspire to inspire”, that only happens with the adaption of a growth mindset taking any negativity and choosing growth over stagnantion (showing little activity or movement).

AGGRESSION TESTOSTERONE

DON’T DO THE CRIME IF YOU CAN’T DO THE TIME

One can see everything being linked together; leadership, accountability, self control, self awareness, self respect, being able to think for oneself; all these traits should be adopted by the modern male in order to eradicate toxic masculine behaviour in society. One of the biggest toxic masculine behaviour in society is poor conflict resolution skills and violence towards women.

Dr. Chevannes spoke about violence towards women owning that fathers are responsible for teaching boys how to handle conflict(s) in a healthy way; One young man expressed his biggest mantra “live to see another day”, as his father always told him not to go “Mike Tyson” on anyone but rather be calm and keep the advantage always, he stated that it also has to do with understanding others in society. No don’t allow anyone to take advantage of you but violence is almost never the answer. Rev. Brown stated that masculinity and maturity are competence; knowing you can but choosing not to.

Dr. Murray spoke about the high crime rate as well, linking it back to fatherlessness and being negatively socialized as a result. Learn to walk away from most situations practising self control. It was also linked to violence against women, Yikes!!! The fact that young men are socialized or taught not to express their emotions at all usually gives rise to anger issues with the only defense or

mechanism used to get points across being aggression and violence. “REAL MEN DONT ABUSE OR HIT WOMEN”, not only physical abuse but verbal and emotional abuse. The solution, the realisation that this leads others to think of men as less of a protector in society, having any form of abuse towards any woman, this also leads to a lack of respect from female counterparts, once again think about any female relatives, and how it would feel to hear the slightest story about disrespect or violence, well that’s every man for you. Be brave and exemplary (serving as a model or example) through your actions of being upstanding and respectable in society.

DON’T DO THE CRIME IF YOU CAN’T DO THE TIME (PART 2)

In the previous chapter, violence towards women was discussed owing mainly towards a lack of conflict resolution skills taught to our young men; In this chapter, crime in the wider society will be discussed.

A crime may be defined as any deviant act that is illegal and punishable by law; such acts include shoplifting, murder and rape. Sociologist Edwin H. Sutherland (1939) states that crime is not innate (natural or inborn) but rather learned through the socialization process. In our local society, one can argue that most criminals are young males between the ages of 16-30. The attribution for this increase in crime can be linked to unemployment, education, music culture and gender. Males are socialized to be prepared for monetary and technological skills, often times little to no provision is made for vulnerable youths such as male dropouts, it then becomes easy for matriculation into a life of crime and anti social behaviour as they are often welcomed by social groups such as gangs.

Tertiary education is not attractive to our young men, the reason for this is unclear as the school is the secondary unit of socialization in society but it often leads to matriculation into negative social behaviour; young men sometimes prefer to be higglers (a term first used by Keith Hart in 1982 which refers to all myriad legal and

illegal ways of making money or a living but lie outside the formally structured economy); unemployment being on the rise makes this easier but it also leads to negative opportunities and socialization; Imagine a group of young boys on their way home from school, “yo the man dem roll in, ago show unuh a pree and eh badness”, this is often not good for the young men as they may learn anything from “scamming, chop e line” anything really and instead of priority being placed on formal education, it becomes easy to fall into this trap; This is even more popular in the inner city and rural areas, with this being the norm and reality of their cultural area.

In our local society, music can be seen as having an influence on the socialization of young men, the current dancehall culture tends to give rise to aggression and can be seen as degrading towards women, common phrases heard are: “dunce, fully dunce, scamma, chop e line, badness, bang e line, senseless a lie” which are also idolized only a few to name not forgetting the derogatory lyrics hurled at women and their perception which is often idolized by many youth with this being the basis on which masculinity is derived for many young men. How will this set an example for our young men in modern society on how to behave and act?

THE DARK TRUTH, WHAT THEY WON’T TELL YOU

ABOUT YOUR MASCULINITY

Masculinity is not toxic, it’s natural in fact, but it has always been under attack. In his book What we reap is what we sow, Dr. Mckenzie posits that this stems from early slavery days as the teaching profession which was one of the most available avenues for upward mobility and leadership was primarily female dominant, which in the decades following the end of slavery inevitably translated into political representation. By thus feminizing the profession, the white elite created a buffer between itself and the sources of a possible legitimate black challenge to its rule and power; the opportunities available for men were farming and skill work, and there was not much room for advancement in these fields. This means that men in slavery were not given any power as those in power feared being overruled by men.

In our modern world, with the rise of many trends such as feminism and ‘‘woke culture”, it becomes imperative for men to embrace and remain in their masculine frame as men are made to often to feel guilty for exerting certain traits of masculinity such as leadership, but this should be rejected as this can have a psychological damage on both men and women in our homes, schools, workplace and relationships. Being masculine is evolving with the advent of social media but a few key take away is to: stay composed in most situations, build discipline and self control in your daily life with

with positive habits, embrace challenges, problems and discomfort seeing them as an avenue for growth, practice delayed gratification (long term thinking) as opposed to instant gratification, reject vanity in society, have integrity, take accountability of your actions, embrace and be willing to adapt to change in everyday life, build mental strength and lastly take pride in your physical appearance and mental health.

THE DARK TRUTH,

WHAT THEY WON’T TELL YOU ABOUT YOUR MASCULINITY (PART 2)

In the previous chapter, it was mentioned that masculinity was always under attack, we saw how this was in slavery but this stands true in our local modern society. Did you know that in Jamaica, the law did not recognize rape towards men until 2012, can you imagine!!!! You walk into a police station, “Officer me get rape”, the officers whether male or female will most likely take your case as a minor claim and a joke, you’d be a laughing stock whilst for females, these claims are taken very seriously as it should be and dealt with severely once the perpetrator(s) are caught. Remember the discussion about sexual control and abstinence from sexual irresponsibility, this is why it is important.

Another case to note is that violence is sometimes steered towards men, this is evident with aggression being the theme of this section, where females because of their gender role, may consciously attempt to aggravate males whether in a platonic or romantic setting, then often it is justified with “wah yah go do lick mi, mi a ooman, you cah lick me” “Come lick me nuh” instigating room for what could potentially be physical abuse. It is important to follow the advice given to remain calm and never abuse a woman in any way, shape or form, the above was to give perspective. It is often argued that many laws do not favour men overall, as they are dispro

portionally affected by factors such as divorce and aggression is a mechanism used to get points across. As a male it is important to be an upstanding citizen but also protect yourself as oftentimes females are favoured in the eyes of the law, an all too common example is word of mouth from a female versus male, if a female claims she was raped or abused by a male even if consent was given sexually and there was no abuse, who do you think will be favoured in the eyes of the law in many countries, if by a slim chance, the male is found innocent, often times there are little to no repercussions for the woman but the man is left with a tarnished reputation that may follow him for life. This shows how hard it is for men to get justice in many countries.

Control is evident here for young men but in a different way, the best approach is to be extremely careful of any woman you choose to interact with intimately; the unfortunate reality is that some relationships are not worth it with some females, this highlights a few key topics discussed earlier, practice of sexual discipline and self control; both of major importance when selecting a female counterpart; this is not often talked about but it becomes imperative as the woman in any man’s life can affect his mental and physical health. This subject becomes necessary to discuss as the relationship between a man and a woman affects both parties and becomes even more complicated if children are involved. The best advice is to be a respectable man through your actions and also give respect to others; ensure that whilst you give respect especially to women, it is reciprocated to you as well and to be assertive in reasonable boundaries for yourself, your partner and the relationship.

BECOMING A TOP 1% MAN

This is a new term given rise with the advent of social media in our technological era; Speaking to a female friend, this publication came up, ideologies, research methods, title etc, she noted that this is a much needed topic but one quote that stood out was “too much headless chicken calling themselves man a run round, my son affi stand out”, yes his father is active in his life; one should note that a lack of a father figure does not automatically label you as less than the average male, it is advised to be smarter with your socialization process, hence the value of this book; Social media has given rise to new ideologies and perspectives in society as it can be seen as a tool for community building and networking but it also has a downside as popular narratives can now be challenged globally; the advent of social media also gives dancehall culture new perspective as there is now a global impact in defining masculinity. This piece speaks about men’s behaviour that affects women and society on a whole and also gives solutions to everyday life challenges, struggles and issues; The 1% formula gathered from books, videos, expert input and surveys is summarized and given for free to you as an individual. Some may not like some of these but statistically speaking, you’re better off embracing these ideologies as opposed to following society’s norms:

THE 1% MAN

• Always strive for better (ambition), embrace the will to do and be better than you currently are, be goal driven; Always grateful but never satisfied (Abundance mindset).

• Learn a combat sport/self defense but never deploy this as your first tool in any conflict or situation, be competent and capable but know when to walk away.

• Embrace challenges and difficulties as an avenue for growth in your personal and professional life.

• Take more CALCULATED RISKS (What if it does work is the thought to entertain)

• Listen and observe more and talk less (Two ears and one mouth for a reason; the less you speak the more they’ll listen, have more than you show, speak less than you know, embrace humility)

• Masculinity develops with experiences and how you respond to changes.

• Set non-negotiable principles and values for your life.

• Take care of your physical appearance (the body is a temple; “for it is a shame for a man to grow old and never see the full potential of his body”; Engagement in physical exercise is mandatory, stay away from alcohol, drugs and smoking, eat a balanced diet and get enough rest. Be well groomed and well dressed for any occasion. People do judge a book by it’s cover.

• Surround yourself with like-minded men and build a brotherhood; “If you want to go fast go alone, if you want to go far go together”

• Regulate and manage your expectations in life; Nothing good ever came easy, have realistic expectations for life; embrace delayed gratification, reject the notion of “get rich quick schemes” the only one getting rich is the person taking your money. Reject the notion of “carpe diem and YOLO” to embrace negativity but remember that life is a marathon and not a sprint, dont ruin your now.

• Develop your EQ, Emotional Intelligence (one’s ability to understand people) and use this as a tool to foster and build meaningful relationships with others.

• Always be a student of life, always be willing to learn from all corners of life, embrace curiousity (learning does not end once you leave the classroom); embrace self education through reading, mentorship and research for yourself.

• Your skillsets in life are just as important as your formal education; build your soft skills such as integrity, critical thinking and effective communication.

• Learn about financial literacy early on through self education (reading) and mentorship; learn as many high income skillsets to give yourself leverage in a competitive workforce.

• Realize that no one is coming to save you from an average or mediocre life; Take responsibility, ownership and accountability of YOUR life and actions, accept any consequences then get to work.

• Develop a sense of self sufficiency and independence.

• Seek mentorship from positive role models in society and aim to become a positive role model for those around you.

• Never be envious of another male, instead be inspired by others’ success; don’t hate instead learn to create by starting small while thinking big.

• Choose your pain; The pain of regret or the pain of discipline; make the right choice.

• Faith in God becomes a necessity.

• Leadership should be embraced for young men.

• Choose your friends carefully, “you are the sum of the five (5) people you spend the most time with.”

• Have your own definition and standard of success as success for everyone may differ.

• Be slow to react and anger, remaining calm in demeanor embracing regulation and control of emotions.

REAPING THE REWARDS

In previous chapters, solutions were given to eradicate toxic masculinity and behaviours associated with the concept but only at an individual level; The extent of toxic masculinity transcends far greater than any individual as the behaviour of men in society affects both genders, it becomes necessary for the wider public to help in eradication of this phenomenon (a fact or situation that is seen to exist or happen). The following are a few solutions proposed to help eradicate toxic masculinity and it’s concept.

1. Have a rite of passage structured formally into our local culture as the transition for young men into the wider society is weak, they often undergo no real transition as young boys begin to work and contribute to the household financially, initiatives such as camps, boys scout, retreats, booth camps etc are needed. Secondary and tertiary schools can also play a role in this rite of passage.

2. Advocate for mentorship amongst notable men in society to help especially vulnerable youth in society.

3. Build formally into our school curriculum an initiative on masculinity and how to be more capable men in society, eg, Cadet

4. Formal institutions such as the church can have

formal iniatives to target vulnerable youth and create a balance for young men.

5. Make schools more responsive to the current labour market and young men will actively have an interest in their formal education and not necessarily fall victim to anything that deters their education as an important aspect of the socialization process.

6. Have workshops and seminars in spaces such as community centres in order to target vulnerable youth and teach masculinity and it’s principles.

GLOSSARY

Culture - The way of life of a society’s members; the collection of ideas and habits that they learn, share and transmit from generation to generation. (Linton, 1945)

Deviance - Any behaviour that violates the standard of conduct or expectations of a group or society.

Family - A social group characterized by common residence, economic cooperation and reproduction (George Peter Murdock, 1949)

Feminism - A movement supporting women’s rights in society on the grounds/basis of equality of gender.

Matrifocal or Matriarchal Household/Family - A household that is female headed and authority is in the hands of the woman.

Norm - Behaviours that are viewed as an appropriate standard of role performance.

Socialization - The process through which individuals learn about the culture of their society; behaviour that is acceptable and unacceptable.

Social Fact - Unwritten rule(s) created in society.

Status - A person’s social or professional position in relation to other people.

REFERENCES

BROWN, Janet and Barry Chevannes. 1998. Why Man Stay So: An Examination of Gender Socialization in the Caribbean. University of the West Indies, Mona.

CHEVANNES, Barry. In press. Learning to be a Man: Culture, Gender and Socialization in some Caribbean Communities. Kingston: University of the West Indies Press.

HALL, Douglas. 1989. In Miserable Slavery: Thomas Thistlewood in Jamaica, 1750-86. Warwick University Caribbean Studies Series. London and Basingstoke: Macmillan.