The biggest pain in his life is that his guru is not in a physical body.

Mataji:

We were working with Swami late into the night. I was looking at him, asking in my mind, ‘Who are you?’ Many times, I’ve wondered that. In that moment he looked at me and said, ‘Who are you?’ “Well, I’m thinking that of you.”

“I know, I’m using my psychic. I’ll show that. It’ll be the last touch up.”

Swami has said the biggest pain in his life is that his guru is not in a physical body. When he talks about Baba, you feel the devotion for his master. He knows the blessing of sitting with the master. But Baba didn’t give that to him in this lifetime. He did that in another life, but Baba gave him a different duty in this life. Swami said that is what he really wanted to do, just serve Baba. He doesn’t have the happiness of serving Baba.

He said, “I just want to sit and talk to him, I just want to tell him, you know? I want to cry out my tears to him.” The master takes your suffering. Of course, only advanced souls have a guru not in the physical body. But still, it is painful for him.

Nityanandaji:

You remember, he did get a beautiful experience with Baba in the physical form. Can you tell that story? It was not too long ago.

Mataji:

It was in January. Nityaananda and I were working with Swami. We were sitting with him in his office for many hours. He was sharing his frustrations some students’ behaviors. He shared heartfully some struggles he was going through. It was a blessing to share that in that even though it was painful to hear. He was demonstrating how to be with soul mates. You have to share. You have to be totally yourself and honest with at least one person. He was teaching us about Shiva and the Shiva leelas. Of course, Swami is completely like Shiva. He demonstrated that that night. As we were sitting together, he received a phone call. We were listening as the caller told him about a tragedy that had taken place, a terrible accident where many children were killed. He was talking in Telugu, and you could see by his facial expression and tone of voice that it was serious. He got off the phone and started translating his conversation, all these children had been violently killed. He was feeling the pain of the parents. Tears came to his eyes. He surely like Shiva in that moment, receiving the pain of the children and parents. We were just listening and watching him. He said the souls of the children were coming to him and he was releasing them. All of that was happening as we watched. He was taking care of the suffering. As a human being to hold that pain – he’s also a father – what that would be like. You could see he was also experiencing that. It was a very intense evening.

After a long while, he got up to go to his bedroom and said good night to us. He left us there, straightening up. Soon after, I had gone past his bedroom door when I heard talking. I heard talking in a strong and very interesting voice. I remember thinking, wow, what is that? But I quickly turned back as I didn’t want to intrude by focusing my attention there.

I came back to the office. After a sometime, Swami was suddenly just standing there! Without our notice he had slipped by us, and we were all was standing next to the refrigerator. He was standing very close to Nityaananda. It was a little startling and unusual behavior for him. He blurted out, “Great, great good news! Baba came!” The energy was just pouring from him. His happiness and joy were a dramatic contrast to earlier in the evening. “Baba came! He appeared to me! I couldn’t believe it. I was squeezing his thigh, you know, like is this real or not real.” Baba took him and kept slapping him on his back. Baba is a very physical guy. Swami showed us the red marks on his back to prove it.

Baba just kept hitting him saying, “It’s okay, I’m the doer. I’m the one doing this.” All of Swami’s frustrations and pain dissolved. Swami asked Baba, “Take me with you.” He wanted to go, he wanted to take samadhi. Baba said, “No, you have work to do. You have to stay.”

Baba manifested a power object for Swami and told him to put it on his altar. There are two oil lamps on Swami’s puja. “Those two lights were really brilliant at that moment,” Swami said. Baba held Swami in his lap. When Swami got up, he turned around Baba was gone. Swami said, “I missed the moment! Just like I tell my students not to miss the moment.” He hadn’t utilized the moment fully. After he shared his story, I went to into Swami’s room to get something for him, and the oil lamps were incredibly bright and there was a huge fragrance in the room.

Nityanandaji:

Yes, he had gone out of this long work session obviously drained, an unusual thing to see. He is the “Energizer Bunny” plus, plus, plus. Unbelievable work ethic. He had gone to his room to rest and meditate, but within a short time he came back after his experience. After that, he sat down at his desk and started working. For the next 90 minutes he was on the phone – three phones! He had huge inspiration.

He said he got a lot of information from Baba and still he said, “I missed it.” But I don’t really believe that fully. He’s a sharp, sharp character. He said a couple of things that night that will stick with me forever. One of those was, Baba really helped him with his suffering. One of the things he shared was, “Baba, why are you making me wear diamonds, and have nice clothes and nice cars? I hate that.” He’s a pure Shiva character. He said he prefers his simple protection string rather than a gold necklace. That’s the lifestyle that he prefers, lifetime to lifetime, to be in nature in the pin drop silence in the caves or under the trees working energetically. In this lifetime, it’s not like that. That is a suffering for him. Baba said, “You have work to do. I am the doer.” What an interesting kind of suffering, isn’t it? It is a suffering because Swami’s working and living is always focusing on the level of the soul, not on the surface of the world.

He’s been working for western students for more than thirteen years. He’s been telling us from the beginning what his ambitions are, what his goals are, what his aims are - what it is he came to do. Years ago, when I fIrst heard some of the thIngs he saId, it sounded great, but didn’t sound believable. He was sharing the tip of the iceberg then, he keeps sharing, keeps sharing, keeps sharing. We know now, with the benefit of these years watching his work and the thousands of hours of teaching and travelling around the world and the of thousands of pages of knowledge. These ambitions are real.