Purification Before Darshan of Mother Divine

Nityanandaji:

It was many years ago, in the beginning stages of what Sai Kaleshwara was calling ‘the strokes with Mother Divine’. One December, a group of us, along with most of the students in the ashram, were put on a sadhana with the outcome being to connect with Mother Divine. It was an intense sadhana. It was a beautiful sadhana. It was a blissful time. She could come anytime, and we had to be super alert and on our duty. After a few months, a few in the group had succeeded, they had darshan of the Mother. After that, Swami said, “Well, time is running out, so it is going to happen soon for a few, but not for everybody.”

I thought, ‘Okay I’m going to win this.’

Then one night in April, Swami called all the students at the ashram, there were about 30 students at the time. We all went up to the Jesus temple. There he told us, “I’m sorry but no more strokes, the sadhana is over. If you haven’t reached it now, it is over, you’ve lost it.” Oh my God! That was painful. That was terrible. It washed a lot of ego things in me. The sense of hurry was one of them. But I kind of lost my inspiration for a while. Then Swami put us in difference processes and took us different ways.

After a few months later, I had completely forgotten that sadhana. I completely forgot the feeling of hurry, the urgent desire to have a darshan experience with the Divine Mother. It’s hard now to believe I could be consumed for months with one desire, and then I could completely forget it a few months later. But that is spirituality.

I kind of gave up on that desire, totally forgot about it by June of that year. In November I had left India on personal business for a few weeks. When I returned, there were a whole bunch of new processes running, but I wasn’t a part of any of them. I’d been away. Without any intention, I was in the beautiful blissful place of not having any expectation that any big expereince would happen. I wasn’t a part of any group that was doing a sadhana together. I wasn’t on a meditation process. I was just back dealing with my jetlag. Soon after returning, one night Swami called and said, “I need your help as a doctor. Bring your medical kit.” I went to see him with my doctor bag, and he told me, “There’s going to be an experience with a few students, if you feel open hearted, maybe you can help them out. They can use your help as a doctor.”

“Okay, I’m happy to help them out Swami. I’m here for whatever you need.”

Then in the car in the way there, Swami mentioned, “Well if there’s any extra energy left, maybe you’ll get a shaktipat.”

“Okay. Great.” I had no idea what was unfold. That was the bliss. That IS the bliss. I had a pure beginner’s mind, but by no doing of my own. My sadhana was already done earlier in the year, the austerity power I had generated was already ‘in the bank.’ If we do our job as a meditator, the energy goes in our soul’s bank account. Then it’s in the master’s control when anything is released. He said years ago, “I’ve given the channels to over 70 people.” And this was in 2006. He said, “They don’t know yet.” Who knows how many it is now. When we got to Mother Divine temple in Bukkapatnam, he gave darshan of Mother to another student. That’s what I was there to support. I was very happy thinking about the person getting darshan. I was in real bliss, because I wasn’t tortured by expectation. I could just be peaceful and joyful, enjoying the beautiful full moon night in the rural Indian countryside. After a while, he called for me. I had a small expectation then, that maybe he would give me shaktipat. That would be great. When I entered the tiny temple with him, he gave me shaktipat. Then he said, “Turn around and see Her.” I turned around and there was Mother Divine. WOW!