UMBRAS

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From the spiritual shadow realms of “Loretta” and the melancholic lyricism of “Pronouncing Maria” to the pathos of “A Simple Heart” and the prescient trans-humanist Future poem “Poem for the Year 3,000” to the haunting photo-scape epitaph of “Seeing Mussolini’s Mistress” and profound existential angst of “Code Blue,” this collection reveals a 21st century surgeon-poet’s journey into umbral netherworlds of the human condition.

Copyright © 2023 by D.L.W. Pesavento
Cover photo: Author, by Dennis Crane, 1992

and I went, among the living and dying, speaking of love unafraid.

The L Word

The L Word

Dare I say it out loud?

Might not every bird become forever mute on hearing its sweeter sound? Could I bear the blame for that?

Or, by opening a cage of silence, and giving it voice, would it fly away and never return?

And if, sculpted by signs from my hands, might it fall and shatter into sand? How would I piece it together again?

Revelations came from a poem, and I went, among the living and dying, speaking of love unafraid.

Places Poets Need Not Go

I've been where poets need not go:

Detached a friend’s eyes for the blind And observed a mother's cancer grow

Extirpated a malignant breast, Opened a chest, massaged a heart

Kept hospital vigil over a dying child, And closed an infant’s intestinal gunshot holes

Stood helpless next to a suicidal patient With a crossbow arrow through his head

Reached deep into a storm-swept red lake And felt a smashed liver go cold.

Pulled back a trauma victim from leaving Though an open door leading into nevermore

I’ve gone where poets need not go, And returned, more poet than I know.

Loretta So small, this world could not Hold her in its absent arms, Held now like a shadow

Cradled by a crescent moon. She died, unlike Christ, behind walls, On a morphine drip, letting go Her nail-polish-pink imploded destiny.

She loved, and was loved, Opening like a rose

To all her knew her.

And I think of her

When a Whippoorwill sings, Remembering a more beautiful girl From a less beautiful world.

Pronouncing Maria

How shall I pronounce you? Me, the surgery

Resident called to examine you at 4:43 a.m.

In the dead of winter, after you were gone. Your ballerina-lithe body left lying here, Like the unstrung Spanish guitar

Standing against the get-well card clustered wall, Still echoing sorrow, wind, and the novia rose

Solitary-red leaning over the nightstand's green vase

Near your bobbed brunette hair, as if

To whisper into your pearl ear ringed ear

Dance, once more…

But your fawn-thin legs that once flamenco-pranced And little, cupped Latina hands that passion-clapped Now lie covered by a white, hospital sheet

As new fallen snow on a darkened cobblestone street Mutes the clacking of pony steps into silent castanets.

And from your window overlooking Lincoln Park

I counted twelve pallid-amber streetlamps, Birthday-candle glowing in the blue predawn snow. I closed my eyes, made a wish, and left, Like a flame, extinguished by your closing door.

Poem for the Year 3,000

To you who may still be human, I come to your Future

Like a stray bullet Shot from a drunken Past, Unapologetic for what I was, and am:

A vulgar voice from a darker time Of disease, death, and war

These words No match for your mathematics

My quantum of love Without equations to measure

And yet, I think of you and wonder. What angel emerges from this mortal chrysalis?

Code Blue

I. Wiring of the Feet

Raven-perched upon a precipice of pain

Overlooking crystal-latticed cityscape human specters

Lonesome-pulsed homeward toward nuclear suburbs

I threnody-sing of V migratory geese

And the peregrine falcon’s downward slope..

A lifetime’s could-have-beens intersecting you and me.

Someone touched my shoulder, Come with me,

And I followed into the Route 66 Milky Way midnight

Solitary driver, expressway-embracing Siren hymns

Lullaby-echoing down the Arkansas hills,

Cb gibberish-squelched airwaves' white noise

18 wheeler asphalt-arias hissing high C’s

Ghost chorused by phantom-diner waitress laughter

Coffee-counter hushed by quarter tips' spinning silver, And oblivious to that nightshade music, drove on.

2 A. M. On the horizon a tornado approaches,

Motion without motion, molecular heart of matter.

A hospital overhead voice codes Lazarus, Room 222

Quail flushed air’s recoiling silent goodbye

Oxygen insufflated lungs, electrolyte cellular oceans

EKG leads, wired around wrists and ankles

Epinephrine small hands injected into veins

Defibrillator's brute mule-kick to the chest

Pulse-less body convulsed from the bed

Gelatinous fish-eyed staring into nothingness

Near the nightstand’s green-vase red tulip

Exhaling Christmas scents of the Netherlands.

II. The Arrest Called Off

There will be no spring this year, No year this zero season;

Only flower Death’s mute dialect

Inflected with the cadence of a fading kiss

And all memory, reenactment of sorrow

When of our blood spilled on the ground

Unless there, where a hyacinth blooms, Green hope becomes sun bound.

Man of all times, places, names,

Yours was the primeval pool’s rippled human reflection.

With your face disfigured by cancer surgery

I love you

With your tracheostomy necklace

With your Pseudomonas-green wound

With your fear of hemorrhage from the neck

Your head, bald from chemotherapy

Ulcerated lips, painful mouth, eating through a straw

Surrounded by your kindergarten get-well cards

With the terror-ball snowballing in your kidney

With your hands uplifted in prayer

I love you

With your disjointed Alzheimer’s disconnected

Fading memory's this-and-that broken bric-a-brac

With your body, prostrate in sacrifice

I love you

With your burning-brain’s starry astrocytoma

Epileptic wrist, limp-posed on your thigh

Crohn’s fistula-abscessed buttocks

Arms' basilic veins, scarred from drugs

Leaky mitral valves, Purkinje plexus arrhythmias

Neglected myocardial muscle, deteriorating ventricles

With your tricuspid’s ragged chordae tendineae

Aneurysmal aorta's lethal detonation

Amniotic silence, belly pregnant with malignant ascites

Alien-protein studded liver, dysplastic cervix

With your melanoma's prophetic satellitosis

Colon’s neoplastic apple core

Larva infested lung, herniated sensibility

Laryngeal erosion, tattered esophagus

Deadly coalescing breast pearl

Pallid child, gagging up gastric Ascaris Lumbricoides

Huntington’s erratic choreiform gesticulations

Your MS eyes blind turning toward darkness

I love you.

Turn out the light.

III. Removal of the Body

Soul: origami-folded fire, angel wing blazing

Above the kneeling hearts of mortal love.

Not man as cadaver, nor machine

Nor pimp, money, nor organ

Nor God, animal, nor less-than-nothing

Nor filth, occupation, nor carbohydrates, or fat

Nor water, android, food, or ignominy, nor killer

Nor enemy, broken spirit, nor lie, nor devil.

Shall I curse in front of the kids?

Let you eavesdrop on this soliloquy?

Read my love letters, publish my diary?

Confess my sins, my mea culpas, tell all…?

Denounce life with a smirk?

Jar-display my youth in formaldehyde?

Speak plainly when you are not plain?

Slur my words when you despise drunks?

Take the photo, paint the picture

Speak the monologue, act the part

Mold the Earth, say the word

Spark the soul, write the story

Sing the song, dance the dance.

IV. The Burial

Be still, my recombinant heart, be still; Louder drums beat unheard.

The cocoon-entombed butterfly

Will yet give itself up to the sky, Sphinx moth to the night

Galaxy-lost in spiral-litany constellations,

The cicada, sequestered in brown muscle Earth

Emerges again to sing its dirge, And Phoenix, fire-born of water

From its ashes will rise.

Martyr relic, suffered visage

Mother fish, Father of the Lake

Disciple of waves, reverie warrior

Oarsman of winter seas, Zen angler

Indelible hope, exponential guilt

Carnal acquiescence, sentient fire

Intercalated facade, entropic lust

Conjoined pendant, lacuna trabeculae

Velocity of love, pampiniform open road

Phlegmatic eruption, emphysematous laugh

Fame trajectory, formula of desire

Soul compass, geometry of jealousy

Curve of yes, angle of no

Fascicular wheat, panoramic muons

Exponential guilt, vertebral architecture

Bruised sensibility, corrugated cerebellum

Transcendent rocket, perpetual saguaro

Transfusion of light, scintillating comet

River-bank germinal footprints, implanted millennia

Fossil god-face, ultra-structure of lost civilizations.

Intersection of hunter and hunted

This is the hour of our love.

Shall no one pray for this brother, Sister in time, their Past our Future; Sleepers, deaf to all farewells?

Children measure our hope, singing in the night; Cantatas, wind-carried through the cherry trees Cleansing us in its river of song.

We grow as the corn grows, Witness to witnesses, perennial resurrection of stone Up from the throats of doves Rising voice of a thousand flutes Verdant tasseled rustling in the wind

Mother Earth sun feathered hair Emerging like green arrows from the martyred soil

Antennae, receiving signals from stars Foretelling of legends yet to be.

I Denounce You, Death

I, the one, self-incarnate voice of the Present

Renounce the worm, squirming in your brain

Reject you, science without love

Deny you, smirking executioner of innocents

Refuse your hand, helping kids into boxcars

Banish you to Soul, without parole

Dismiss you with One command: Christ

Condemn you to an empty space caged inside a circle of life

And when the Future-sarcastic snicker “So where’s this insolent poet now?”

Let them look to the night sky, for an * nearest the (moon.

Simple Heart

You and me, 32, 33, alone, discussing mastectomy. I asked about your paperback Madame Bovary, a difficult read, you said, and I agreed, suggesting, perhaps, as a better start, Flaubert’s A Simple Heart

After surgery, and adjuvant chemo-radio therapy, you returned, sobbing that hubby called you repulsive and how papa said to be more understanding as he was having a hard time, and then you cried again love turned its back on you.

And the last time, I came to see you on your birthday, in the hospital where you slept, intubated, morphine dripped, chest-tubed, arms outstretched, wrist-restrained to the railings; no longer the object of a cruel joke, but now angel winged, and Paraclete ascendant.

Cousin Richard

I inquired about you at the Bureau of Lost Souls but they had no record of your being found nor your alias, Man of Mystery; no clue as to your whereabouts last seen as a brilliant mind burning too brightly without your medication and soiling your pants before the family in the kitchen last heard from on a street corner exhorting strangers to beware of imminent extraterrestrial arrivals thru amalgams in their molars.

Rumor was, you drowned in alcohol but you only drank milk and always said that’s why your smile was so beaver-white that you’d been killed on Route 66 on a motorcycle but it was your brother Albert, 21, who was decapitated on one when you were 13 and that you ended up like your mom Aunt Mary, a month after her shock treatments, inexplicably found dead on grandma’s porch by the Tuscan-baritone egg man at sunrise.

How strange, after all these winters, I should think of you, Ritchie, and late Sunday night write this poem.

Nijinsky

Danseur quadriceps flexed; he leaps to stars

And remains, comet-suspended among them:

Constellation Panther, descending contoured muscle-night, Devouring shadows black silk blindfolded over your eyes,

Absorbing The power dance unleashed before you.

And all at once he is Faun: seduction

Crouched within himself; red music flames

Lust-engulfing Nymphs leaf-flickering silhouettes

Trembling the late afternoon darkening woods,

Falling asleep, dreaming as puppet Petrushka

Propped up by willow branches, swaying in the wind,

Head bowed, gazing upon a marionette maker's mark

Carved in his thigh, arboreal amazed and woodgrain

Perplexed by the bold Sartorius S engraved in the name.

Pride Before the Fall

Pride comes before the fall.

That seems true enough, after all, I’ve lived an aortic life and raced to America's murder capital driving a fiery red Testarossa at 110, blaring AC/DC’s “Highway to Hell” to help save a life shot 17 times at 3 A.M. got home and went back again.

But that’s old hat, replaced now by a cat-in-the-hat poet’s head, realizing this poem + $8 will buy me one glorious veinte quad breve latte.

Late-Night Cinema Extraordinaires

Life-searching lonely ghosts they float across the b & w screen, gray-gowned, tuxedo-chalked, playing pretend make-believe never breaking character to complain about a blister from a shoe too small or squeeze from a corset too tight. those passed-on, come back tonight reliving this waking electronic dream where the popcorn tastes stale and feels wet-cardboard soggy, mildewy on hands dealt from an antique Viennese poker deck cut by mothball-whiffed naphthalene and musty old rummage clothes waltzing with me

King of Clubs, couched in the dark holding a fading Queen of Hearts, glow-faced watching old movie epitaphs silver flashing S.O.S.

Sea Anemone

From the flower's mouth flows music:

Liquid whispers murmuring mellifluous lullabies

Mermaid-poured into dreams of sailors lost at sea

Blue-hair floating entangled in Sargasso gulfweed

Fimbria-combed by slender pink fingers

Undulating to the rhythmic tide

Sentient-delicate tendrils quivering

Star-glistening memories embraced by currents

Swooning mute onto deaf-shell auricles

Static-scattered on the silent ocean floor

Secrets, kept locked in a conch

Breathing damp against your ear:

White noise of a Siren's voice,

Cold, cryptic, calling you to listen…

Fame Fame clamors for the crowd's acclaim, and once attained, fades with the last applause.

You shout your name, and what remains is an echoed silence: the Future, come back to you like a dog without its bark unable to warn you of fire ignited by a cancer spark. And the question keeps bouncing back like a red rubber ball; What was that all about, after all?

Urban Front, Devil's Night

Surgeon’s Trauma Journal entry: 2047 Anno Domini, 0200 hours

Patient X: Admitting Diagnosis: Multiple gunshot wounds.

Pre-op Diagnoses:

Multiple GSW x 17: bilateral chest, right upper arm, right lower arm, right zygoma, right anterior thigh, right lateral thigh, right lower abdomen, hypogastrium, left upper quadrant, right hypochondrium, left lower quadrant, suprapubic abdomen, right hip, left axilla, lumbar region.

Post-Op Diagnoses:

Bilateral hemopneumothorax thoraces, multiplesmall bowel perforations, colon perforation,rectal injury, bladder injury, penetrating liver injury, splenic injury, gallbladder perforation, gastric perforation, hemoperitoneum, retroperitoneal hematoma, right femur fracture, superficial femoral artery injury, zygomatic arch fracture, multiple muscle hematomas, pancreatic hematoma, perinephric hematoma.

Procedure:

Emergency exploratory laparotomy, multiple small bowel enterorrhaphies, colorrhaphy, splenorrhaphy, Hartmann procedure, retroperitoneal exploration, cystorrhaphy, cholecystectomy, gastrorrhaphy, bilateral thoracostomies, brachial/saphenous venous cut downs, radial arterial line placement, bilateral subclavian catheter placement.

Brief history:

Young unknown male brought into the E.R. by paramedics, in extremis and unresponsive. B.P. 60/0. Intubatedupon arrival. Cervical collar/spine board,with Velcrocompressionvest andMAST trousers on. Left pupil reactive to light. Right eye grossly intact (not readily visualized secondary to periorbital hematoma).

Brachial and saphenous cut downs performed, followed by insertion of large bore cannula (direct I.V. tubing) and bag-compressed rapid instillation of multiple liters of Lactated Ringer’s solution, followed by multiple units of O neg. blood (followed by fresh frozen plasma, platelet transfusions in the O.R. to obviate thrombocytopenic bleeding diathesis). Broad spectrum systemic antibiotics administered. Chest x-ray revealed a missile in each pleura, consistent with pneumo-hemothoraces without proximity to thecardiacsilhouette.Plainx-rays of the abdomenrevealed multiple bullet fragments, as well as extensive buckshot in the right lateral abdomen extending to the right mid upper abdomen. A bullet was seen in the midline abdomen at the L1-L2 level. Lateral view, possible vertebral spinal canal region. Head and neck plain films unremarkable, except for bullet fragment in the right zygoma. Rt. midshaft femur fracture noted and Ortho consulted.

In the operative suite MAST compression vest and pants were judiciously decompressed to avoid hypotension. Patient was carefully moved from the spine board onto the operating table. With the patient in the Trendelenburg position, bilateral subclavian catheters were placed, cannulapenetrating the clavipectoral fascia and anchoring the catheters with 2-0 silk. Bilateral chest tubes were placed laterally at the 5th intercostal spaces, anchored, and connected to suction. Chest tube blood loss Rt. 600 c.c. Lt. 400 c.c. B.P.100/60. CV surgeon consulted. Warming blanket placed and labs drawn. Nasogastric tube and Foley catheter placed, gross hematuria. Rt. radial arterial cutdown line placed.

Examination:

GSW: bilateral chest, right upper arm, right lower arm, right zygoma, right anterior mid-thigh, right lateral and medial thigh, right lower abdomen (shotgun) with extruding bowel contents and greater omentum, hypogastrium, left upper quadrant, left lower abdomen, suprapubic abdomen, right hip, hypochondrium, left axilla, and palpable entrance wound lumbar region. Heart/lung sounds were readily audible. Digital rectal exam revealed blood. Arterial Dopplers of the right popliteal, distal dorsalis pedis and posterior tibialis were absent (audible on the left) suspect for femoral injury. A vascular surgeon was consulted who explored Hunter's canal, finding a superficial femoral artery disruption, and repairing the artery with an interposition saphenous vein graft, concomitantly while the laparotomy was in progress (see his report).

Technique:

With the patient in the Trendelenburg position, the chest, abdomen, and extremities were prepped and draped in a sterile fashion. A midline vertical incision was made from the xyphoid to the symphysis pubis, entering the peritoneal cavity. Massive hemoperitoneum was suctioned expeditiously. Intestinal contamination was widespread. A self-retaining Bookwalter retractor was strategically placed and lap. sponges used generously. Extruded bowel was reduced from the abdominal wound. Exploration revealed multiple perforations of small intestine, including the jejunum and distal ileum. No aortic or iliac injury. Multiple small perforations from the buckshot were also identified along the duodenum and pancreas associated with hematoma formation,

Multiple mesenteric disruptions were noted, and hemostats placed, and vessels tied off and hemoclipped. Multiple enterorrhaphies and small bowel resections were performed using stapling devices. Smaller perforations were sutured. Patient hemodynamically stable with a B.P. 120/80. No further significant abdominal blood loss. Thoracostomy tube blood loss abated. CV opinion: thoracotomy not indicated at this time.

Hepatic parenchymal injury noted in the supero-lateral liver and a hole in the gallbladder fundus. Cholecystectomy was performed, after identifying the gland of Lund and the Triangle of Calot, clipping off the cystic artery and duct, mobilizing the gallbladder from the liver bed and Bovie electro-cautery achieving hemostasis. Kocher maneuver was performed exploring the hematoma of the head of the pancreas to R/O occult duodenal perforation. An occult duodenal perforation was noted and repaired with 3-0 chromic and silk suture.

The gastrocolic greater omentum was then taken down exploring the lesser sac and posterior stomach. No posterior gastric perforations were noted. The greater curvature and anterior stomach holes were closed with staples after dividing the gastroepiploic arcade with a stapling device. Splenic hematoma and laceration were present. Laparotomy sponges were placed in the left subdiaphragmatic space, and gastrosplenic and lieno-renal ligaments taken down. The splenic pedicle was intact. Splenorrhaphy with omental wrap was successfully performed. Diaphragms appeared normal.

Retroperitoneal hematoma along inferior vena cava negative for caval injury. Two kidneys palpable. Right perinephric hematoma around Gerota's fascia explored and no renal injury. Ureters intact. Perforations were present in the ascending and transverse colon. Colorrhaphies performed with stapling instruments.

The white line of Toldt was mobilized along the ascending colon to R/O occult retroperitoneal colon perforations. Bladder dome perforation identified and closed. No injury to the uretero-pelvic junction. The descending colon was explored revealing a large pelvic retroperitoneal hematoma extending below the peritoneal reflection, raising a high index of suspicion for rectal injury. Hartmann procedure was then performed, staple-dividing the descending colon and doublestapling the distal rectal stump, exteriorizing the stapled sigmoid through the left lower quadrant rectus abdominis as acolostomycross-clampedwith Kocherclamps. Theabdomenandright lower abdominal GSW wound where bowel had protruded were closed with continuous mono suture and skin stapled.

The entire peritoneal cavity was lavaged with multiple liters of warm sterile saline, flushing out contaminants as well as possible. Retrieved bullets were sent to pathology. Jackson-Pratt drains were placed along the pancreatic bed, right lateral liver space and pelvis. Right leg splint placed and femur fracture Rx. to follow up per orthopedic consultant. Extremity wounds explored, and not significant, with brachial and radial pulses present. Instrument and sponge count correct. EBL 30 units. Sterile dressings and appropriate peristomal sterile Vaseline gauze in place. The patient was taken to the recovery room in hemodynamically stable condition, having tolerated the procedurerelatively well,movingupperextremities but not his legs.Thepatient will betransferred to the ICU after serial labs and appropriate postoperative consultations, including neurologic and neurosurgical, with CT of spine to R/O the possibility of spinal cord injury. Total operative time 8 hours, 17 minutes. Time to write a poem.

After Reading William Harvey's Exercitatio Anatomica de Motu Cordis et

Sanguinis in Animalibus

Red-River rafting erythrocyte cerulean-bathed in pre-dawn violet

inferior vena cava rushing towards a superior-cava confluence estuary

I Chianti-poured into the right atrium splashed over tricuspid falls

right-ventricular salmon propelled up the pulmonary artery

windswept-billowed by alveolar freshets sailing along vortex-rivulet swirling eddies

pulmonary venous waterfalls, cherry-spilled flooding the left atrium

cascading down mitral rapids left-ventricular locked and loaded

shot-out pulsatile through an aortic canon, coming to rest in calm-backwater capillary creeks, and wanting to go on the ride again.

Dr. Moreau

He lived with imperfection staring at his own reflection distorted by an aesthetic of changing beast into beauty without an anesthetic becoming a legend in his own mind, experimenting like a god gone blind from whose fumbling finger's labors came chimeras and their progeny of strange androgyny, turning his dreams into DNA nightmares' unraveling anarchy leaving him with a waking vision: twelve gazelles, cloned with Narcissus, gazing into a pool; them, his crowning achievement, him, their king of fools.

No hand holds hers, not dad’s that took the pope's pulse Sunday morning and her to the zoo in the afternoon when she was five, strolling past the roaring lions that made her cry nor her lover's she reaches for, left empty-handed in an empty sky; once, standing by him in life now, hanging by him in death from a gas station girder, by her ankles bound with rope and someone in the mob, maybe a Christian, secured the black skirt around Clara’s thighs to hide her womanhood from the mob, and brute, hoisting her hips up onto his shoulders, sniffing the jasmine, lingering behind her ears

maybe a Roman Catholic who covered her from the gawking martyr descendants of those once witnessed by pagans savoring slaughter in the Coliseum, now partisans and parents who lost their children, froth-mouthed shouting for retribution, certain the puttana got less than she deserved less than Cleopatra, breast-fanged by an asp, Antoinette, head-spilled into a basket, or Magdalene, spared a stoning’s fate, and this photograph-epitaph:

STEP FORWARD, YOU WITHOUT SIN, AND TIE THE FIRST KNOT

Hospital

When physician-requested to reveal her disease

She slowly pulled up the handkerchief-red quilt

Concealing her aging blueberry-stained aching legs

That once young-danced the Polka Barefoot-white bathed by July moonlight

Through thick grass down to a muddy beach.

And all at once, seemed like a girl

About to go wading, lifting her skirt, Just above the knees.

Doll Collection

Like miniature wax-museum figures they slowly turn their eyes towards you looking for answers to their jamais vu here in the upstairs apartment above the San Francisco Bay fog rolling in below.

And you explain, you don't know, not being a hypnotist who can awaken mannequins by a clap from your hands that played with them when you, too, were little.

And on hearing a foghorn's low tuba moan, they turn inward, deep inside themselves, black eyes rolling back like sharks on attack, leaving you with a sense of déjà vu you had tortured one of them before.

Doppelganger

When you sleep, I live your other life, Lantern-illuminating honeycombed catacombs

Abuzz with martyr bones

Whispering to lost loved ones in the dark; Broken-heart pendant counterparts, ebony cross

Crucifix on burnt sienna endometrial walls

Closing in, smothering all that might have been...

And I watched you again tonight, but you

Didn’t notice the Scandinavian Harvest Moon

Peeking through the Halloween-cirrus clouds

Changeling-moving silently outside your window

And my gaze, imprisoned in its midnight mirror.

Pull back the chestnut-hair curtain

From your face, and see me, sister.

Grimmer Fairy Tales

The real world has enough terror for more than seventy times seven dungeons dragons and damsels in distress, prisons, suicide bombers, Rwanda victims and serial killers sick in the head.

Never mind Hansel and Gretel, gumdrop-roofed gingerbread houses and kind old ladies offering Angel food cake. One missing little one is one too many one can tolerate.

Put on the back burner, witches, covens, and ovens opened for special guests.

Pay no attention to Snow White's faux heart porcine in a box; transplants, cloning, and the catch-me-if-you-can man, eaten by a fox.

Go colorblind to Little Riding Hood's Red and the grinning yellowed teeth she saw. There's more black & white that meets the eye in grandma's pink shawl’s concealed lupine paw

Some unnatural tales are told to frighten And only natural to seek refuge in a poem.

Grammar Guilty

Yes, I admit, I'm guilty of abusing prepositions to do my bidding and of telling them where to go of being a syntax bully and shoving adjectives around to stand up straight in front of nouns of giving a good licking to unruly verbs and of having physically subduing the more hyperactive ones of having stuck out my leg and tripped up a semi colon, or two of punishing adverbs acting badly, of throwing parentheses, like boomerangs, to bring back home thoughts I'd thrown and of using commas as surgical needles to stitch together a wounded poem.

Now they're back, seeking revenge, vendetta-punctuating my mind: He who laughs last laughs best. And I wonder if he is me or one of the three R.I.P. periods on my headstone

With a glance she cast her net over the wolf within his head and held him there, spellbound.

and what was fierce and lupine became meek and little canine

lap-nestled between her thighs enraptured by the satin-rustling negligee meshed against honey-silk breathing curls

afterthought put down, and left, afterglow-licking her feet.

Circe's Slave

Our Lady of Shadows

Roses bloom black within her bosom’s welcoming night

Seducing Muerte devotees seeking grisly succor there

To forever stay embraced by her blood-stained Cosmos

Smiley-face sun eclipsed frowning at her calloused feet

Where family reunion Joy sits, a stranger

Bereft of laughter, best friends with Revenge,

Head heavy shroud bowed, fidgeting with her burlap skirt

Where orphan Hope runs naked though Calle Despair

High-flying a Jolly Roger kite

Skull cross boned unfurling across a cocaine white sky

Anti-star of Bethlehem lamppost light bulb illuminating

A gaunt silver toothed Gila-monster smirking pistolero

Shadow-emerging assassin delivering a scorpion peck

Tlaquepaque silver bullet engraved with your name.

Queen of Crows

She's known as Queen of Crows, shallow-ditch head found tiara-crowned by busy black beaks.

Alone, so alone, and only crows caw my sorrows of no tomorrows.

No soft lips for mine to kiss nor star by which to make a wish nor friend to share a secret with nor hand to hold another's in; only crows to caw my sorrows.

And on rainy November late afternoons she appears to lone drivers on lonesome roads, barefoot muslin night gowned, gazing down as though looking for a little blue, once fancied and lost

and when she's close, birds fall without a sound on the muddy ground around her feet, and thud, car rooftop-thumped above your head; fog-settled damp bangs and something clasped in your hair shadow-sensed in the rear-view mirror: parakeet barrette, and hand, reclaiming what is hers.

Alcoholics Synonymous

Like an alcohol breeze, ahead of its arrival I felt the storm of you approaching the bed and braced myself against its fury

holding my breath as long as I could, dog paddling, as your cold tsunami pounded down upon me, collapsing under its heavy-water power, muting all sound imploding my body, immersed in Muscatel madness surrendering to vertiginous maelstroms pulling me deeper into your Absinthe green vortex

swirling me green-wine dizzy, my bouquet tongue-trampled in your vulgar mouth swishing lust saliva-swallowed and spilled guttural-grotesque onto this slave of your desire, only now, just realizing how much I liked it.

A Poet Reflects

Poet, what do you see?

I see all, and nothing.

Poet, what do you feel? I feel all, and nothing.

Poet, why do you write? I write because I must.

Poet, what is beauty?

Beauty is that which I seek.

Poet, what is truth?

Truth is that which is true.

Poet, why speak in riddles?

You listen, but do not hear.

Poet, what is the secret to happiness?

Drink Coke.

Then I turned from the mirror.

...and sometimes y

Among how, when, and where sometimes y appears, tuning-fork humming at the end of the alphabet next to a lonely z a broken wishbone wish to know the whys and wherefores of you and me:

y this cancer, that disease y all this, happening to me y did she leave, y didn’t he call y falling leaves, y must night fall

y chose this, y not that y didn’t I listen, y can’t I change y always yearning, y, y all the time y bombings, murders, y suicides

y did I lie, y yes to must I die?

y sick children, y do nurses care y ugly, y beautiful, y wash my hair y heaven up and y hell down?

I could only answer the child: because.

Candles Stars know not love, cold light watching as each lover flickers and dies... and if we are only candles hold me here and now for a moment burning your beautiful flame

Freezing in Snows of the Heart

Freezing in snows of the heart I wait for your springtime’s return to blossom our Rose: two petals, touched by sunlight, unfolding side by side, trembling kisses, closing together at nightfall. But now, another whispers to you in the dark, caressing your July as once I did, while I shiver, naked in clothes of the heart.

Mobs Frenzied by testosterone, pungent hanging in the air their nostrils flare like mad little elephant ears aroused by hut hut calls, before the huffs and grunts of helmet head-butts crushing skulls in football while those with dilated eyes, get thrills at the racetrack, waiting to see ‘em hit the wall while others get kicks, cheering boxers smashing face, jeering the fallen, crawling to a count of 8

while some savor the hockey check and seeing bloodied wrestlers’ brawl, while others are pleased seeing girls throwing elbows in a roller-ball-free-for-all

while far back in the shadow-stands sits a hooded one who likes watching cats dance in air, just for the sport of it all.

Red Diamond

Dragon

Blood Passion

Heart rages

Mirror caged

Red music

Flames

Fire desire.

The Doors Me, lead singer in a rock band could barely compete with the sex arsonist igniting the airwaves with Light My Fire from the car radio, summer of 67' driving at the beach with you, balmy wind through your wet hair, pink-bikini legs parted engulfed and funeral-pyre burning on the passenger seat.

And so, when he came, we went to the Coliseum Theater Concert, Chicago May, 68' among the 24,000 eyes searching the darkened red-light-amp-lit platform, a Woodstock baritone voice announcing "Ladies and Gentlemen, The Doors."

Then the opening chords of “Back Door Man” and through the shadows, a wounded stag leaps onto the stage, tumbling onto its back antler-arm death throes thrashing the air, lights on, burgundy Velour V neck pullover cream colored silver concho jeans, black boots hair like Michelangelo's David…him…Jim...

the min doan know but the little gurls undastand

And “When the Music's Over” the crowd spills into the middle aisle, riot-shoving police shoving back as a girl swan dives from the stands and buxom blonde tackles Morrison’s torso and won't let go... band equipment trashed

This is the End, my only friend, the End. Apocalypse then, blazing memory now.

Girl in the Kitchen of the Future

Grunting commands, she stomps barefoot pounding nano-ceramic tiles bewildered, bare-knuckle punching the polymer coffee maker off the Teflon countertop shattering the stove’s plasma-coded clock twilight-bathed by skylight dying-sunlight cold star showering her shaking body’s bristling matted hair arrector-pili shivering slamming into the neo-Freon fridge door opening sesame, spilling celery, avocados, tangerines, lettuce, tomatoes, mangoes and a zucchini she wields like a club, against an unseen foe.

Cave

The soft-eyed doe dead in the snow doesn't feel the cold or arrow shot from a bow by a foe camouflaged in the trees; one, also preyed upon by another, waiting unseen, watching, pulling back and letting go the slower arrow of unexpected fate.

Death of a Deer at Dawn

Divorce

Officially we're not to be an utter end to you and me two leaves blown down an empty street named Ancient History a vacant place completely deserted except for these words still chirping in the trees.

Embryonic Stem Cell

Embryonic absence: amniotic stillness, snow globe ocean-settled snow; stirred by what hand, countermands its innocence?

to become something small and round, held in a child’s palm, thrown like hope against a wall of doubt?

Come, know me, it said, and I went but could not know it. It had changed and seemed out of place; Homo Sapiens clone without a human face.

Abandoned

Like a little boy, left outside the bar I waited for you, pulled away from me by strangers’ hands, stronger than mine seducing you, into the carnival of neon lights loud-bass jukebox music, guffaws and vulgar shouts from beer-itches, demanding their scratch.

I called out to you, but you couldn’t hear me.

I tried going in to get you, but the door was locked.

And when you stumbled out, True Love had already left, never to wait for you again.

Addiction

It holds on and won't let go monkey on your back thrown to the ground running away still heard long distance chattering in the trees

Ambivalence

Coiled rattlesnake fear persists until danger passes reconciliation relaxed scales vacillating in the sand.

Suicide (neo haiku) too much with the world much too little without it so seems suicide

teardrop of Satan

Lucifer's dying light's last illumination

Black Pearl (neo haiku)

If you're thinking, Guinness Record Book neon red PIZZA sign crashes down gargantuan-squishing unsuspecting Danish tourists

post-laparoscopic bariatric female aspirates rabbit scat-sized pizza sausage pellet, and asphyxiates

cellulite-crippled Chihuahua discovered drowned in tomato paste cauldron of horror

morbidly obese mouse found bloat-floating chubby face-down in deep dish Asiago cheese topping

gluttonous gato garroted in grizzly pizzeria anchovy-sardine love triangle

terrorist fatally fanged by pizza-box asp, concealed by Mossad pizza-delivery boy

Mafioso Dino "Dat's Amore” vendetta-silenced by pepperoni-cigar smoking hit man Sweet Pete a.k.a. “green pepper nose” Pizza or New York illegal-alien Yaqui Indian ritualist devours psilocybin mushroom laced Pizza Supreme sprouts eagle feathers and vision-quest soars off Empire State, you'd be correcto-mundo on all counts.

Lepidopterist

Know thyself. A maxim as pernicious as it is ugly. Whoever studies himself arrests his own development. A caterpillar who seeks to know himself would never become a butterfly. ~Andre Gide~

By age 9, Alex had devoured the animated classics and it was Alice in Wonderland’s butterfly-larva cels that germinated deep within his psyche, tenaciously took root and blossomed into exotic-purple orchids courted by shimmering iridescent-green hummingbirds, suspended midair, fanning fanciful thoughts, sipping the sweet nectar of his imagination.

'Who Rrr U ?' queried the hookah-smoking caterpillar'

'I am Alex, come to fetch my twin, Alice' said I.

'Hoo Rrrr Uu?'

'I am Dorothy, the small and meek?'

'Hooo Rrrrr Uuu?'

'I iz da wiz, iv ever der wuz a wiz I iz, becuzz, becuzz, b cuzz, b cuzz, b cuzzz, b cuzz a da wunnerful tings I duz.'

'Oooo, I Ccccc.'

Bella Donna Blue Eyes, far removed, yet engaged saying she's OK, but the plucked eyebrows give her away, thin as the balloon string held by her heart unsurprised to see a blue world wind-swept away to a secret place beyond nimbus clouds where sun-genies dream granting secret wishes to all who behold her.

Big Bear Lake

Kentucky Night Riders gather on the dock at Big Bear Lake; Grim Reaper grinning beneath the boathouse lights, tossing cherry bombs into the frenzied minnow school scale slivers confetti flashing silver, channel catfish odor rising, ducks, unseen, moving in the dark. Listen. I think they're breeding.

Comedienne

The undead still appreciate that which falls on their counterparts’ deaf ears

snickering mockery's guffawing grins Emmett Kelly He Who Gets Slapped cadaver-quelled in somber silence.

Mr. Tetanus

We’d never met, yet I knew it was him behind the mask of trismus, risus sardonicus, and opisthotonos

grinning like Mephistopheles talking between his teeth saying his back hurt bad and that it was hard to breathe.

I called for a trach. tray and stat-paged Anesthesia and instead of an exorcism ordered penicillin.

He was intubated and sent to the ICU where he improved and later discharged feeling like a new man.

Confessions of a Psychoanalyst

I've visited an altered reality and there's not much to tell; it's a little cottage on a sloping hill half-way between Heaven and Hell where tall-window cheese cloth drapes waft inwardly from a silent breeze soft-breathing dreams on a long naked table. I can meet you there for dinner, if you like.

Inn

Resplendent, two women slipped

Ramada
into the ice blue Ramada pool.

Blind Saxophonist

Exiting with the midnight movie house crowd from Guadalajara's Avenida cinema theatre, I nearly tripped over your sidewalk-outstretched crippled legs lap-cradling a green toy dump truck poised for donations.

You pressed your tongue to the silver sax and played a sorrowful cacophony. I clanked in a peso, walked away and took a long, last look at Eternity

Teen Zombie Auditions for Poet Idol

MARLA

Welcome to the show, Verna. I'm Marla, and these are my co-judges, Ron and Jeremy.

I see from your bio. that you’re from a remote bayou in Louisiana and started writing at age 2. Very impressive, I must say. You have a poem you'd like to share with us?

VERNA

Errhhh...krim…sun… black…pain death__kill blud feeed.. (staggers toward the judge's booth, bumping into the mic, trying to bite Ron's hand)

MARLA

No, no, uh-uh, no biting (stagehands restrain her). For chrissakes, Mel! Get her a drumstick or something. Well, that was very thought-provoking, don't you think, Ron?

RON

Yes, very provoking, indeed. I liked the poem very much, but I feel it needs a bit more work on diction. Jeremy?

JEREMY

I must agree with Ron on this one. Your delivery seemed an itsy-bitsy teeny weenie wanting. Plato said Poetry is a "light substance, winged and sacred" and I just don't feel that here.

MARLA

Well, there you have it. We thank you for coming and wish you well. Next!

After Watching There Will Be Blood

Your poetry cannot save you

Nor music be your redemption

A flute metaphor, no substitute for

A plow, yoked upon your shoulders

Sowing seeds of grace.

Not enough

Pipelined oil

In all the world

To fill an empty heart.

Surgeons

They spend their lives studying

Operating in windowless rooms

Far removed from flower perfume

Acutely aware they might be sued

For the bold things they dare do

Attending to strangers while Becoming strangers to their own

What a sad life

For such Noble Savages

Surgeon (neo haiku)

the compassionate performing passionate acts dispassionately

Dancing Bear

Once, distinguished Mexico City physician before your CVA, now

Instructor of the Soma, Alma, and Espiritu, dancing in harmony with locusts

pantomiming a young boy finger chasing butterflies

slow hand squeezing the air at the Euro Circus and dreaming of Russia listening to balalaikas, at one with the Dancing Bear.

Lazarus Room 222

The manner in which he departed will not matter in the Future Suffice to say, his heart had stopped and could not be restarted.

And all the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t get it going again until the echoes of many who once were became the voice of One who was; and with a sudden, syncytial shudder, speech became beat.

Misery Loves Company

Of course, you hurt, as do kids in Children’s’ Hospital fighting for their lives while you ponder suicide you, deeply wounded by arrows only you can feel you, too much with the world too little without it.

And yes, you have problems, and I, too, have wiped my shoes on regret’s grimy doormat.

But if it’s life you decide to seek you will not go alone, but be lantern carried into catacombs of the soul, and together, reawaken the dead.

Octopus Slippery Spider

Shadow of the sea saltwater stealth stalker

softer sister to the squid

saline umbra umbrella shroud

submerged tentacled flower carnivore dragging the unwary down deep mystery abyss devoured

Tonight, I am Pinocchio, woodpecker on my chest;

desire: chipped away splinter by splinter, leaving a hole in this knotty pine heart puppet-slumped on a shelf staring at my at moonlit yellow wooden shoes

waiting for the Blue Fairy to make me into a real boy.

Poet Maze

The Greeks know of Theseus, finding his way out from the Minotaur’s labyrinth by following a thread… fast forward thirty centuries, and here I am, a modern man without a string of thought to guide me a delusion inside an illusion blind-finger feelings phantom-grasping towards a real poem.

Poet Witness Protection Plan

He knew better than that; naming names, the rhyming little rat, stool pigeon caught on the lam, brought in for a grilling and promised protection if he squealed.

‘Who do you mean by scar-faced?’ asked the gumshoe.

‘You know. It's a metaphor, well, a metaphor.’

‘Listen, you smug little bug, I’ll give you a metaphor-what-for whack across your yap if you don’t open that trap and spill your guts. Give it to me straight, and you're in the plan. otherwise, on the street, your life's worth spit.’

So he sang like a canary now safely Arizona-caged unlisted in the yellow pages.

Beneath the death's head insignia emblazoned black hat’s vinyl visor cocked down over the corn-silk eyebrows arched above her gun metal blue eyes the suicide blonde's lips pout upon the orchid-stripped stamen's lavender touch burning violet on her malevolent tongue cruel deriding prisoner Pasqualino prostrate at her boots.

And after the lamps dim, he extracts revenge, vendetta-living beyond himself nightmare-chiseled in her dreams: defaced über goddess marble bust missing nose: a memento of his last look of pity upon her.

Bats Cave hanging from a floor-inverted dream they scream in their sleep:

leather-winged kites

dip-diving at night sonar-frenetic hair entangled boney elbows blind biting toothcomb parting scalps.

Free Yourselves, Slaves To Rhyme

Unshackle yourselves from the slavery of rhyme. Free spirits despise the pretentious hoity toity phony baloney play pretend and make believe, as if that's how life really be; little tin, toy-soldier poet wannabees marching to regimented, silly tunes played for high brows, deigning to take tea and crumpets at exactly 4 in the afternoon.

Rhyme mocks nature, daring to tell it how to behave and what to wear forcing a size 8 into a 7 shoe; amateurish tinkerers with sophomoric tastes hammering Excalibur poetry pulled from a stone to slay an imaginary dragon.

Poetry is freedom, not imprisonment. Why force it to cower, kiss your boot, and imitate your goose-stepping ways? Show me 1 good poem that rhymes and I'll show 50 free, greater 50 times. And if rhyme truly rules over free, maybe the world's gone knutz and the squirrels have the keys.

Sentimentalist

Sneered upon held down in the mud boot on his face he protected himself as best he could and did not cry.

The First Man Felled at Normandy

The first man felled at Normandy beach

Leaves all memories scattered

On the blood-soaked sand

Sky grey beneath white gull wings

Red surf washed away to a distant shore

Where mom Thanksgiving-waits

For his smile at the door.

Snow Globe Earth

Snow-globe ocean settled snow turning in space

stirred by what hand, countermands its innocence to avalanche topsy turvy upside down in a world where down is up and up is down and we glittering falling snowflakes melting in the sun.

St. Paul Lightning soft piercing the left shoulder burst through his right hand holding the reins jolting him from the animal straddled between his legs

And he lies on the ground a blind man having touched the face of God.

And now knowing... the language of stars he translates for anyone who listens.

Stem Cell

Origami-folded life; space interstice within space

star-flower stamen of light blossoming in reliquary night

sentient rose totipotential petal reaching down to us, immense and unfolding sun of pluri-possibilities shining in our body galaxy tabula-rasa Future awaiting your inscription

human chrysalis opening portals to the possible chromosomal ribbon gift wrapped promise opened by the child within you.

Tink

i am tinker bell and you, Pan all I hoped to be and never am nano star fading in your galaxy.

Trinity 7/16/45 (neo haiku)

frogs reverberate along the dark desert pond wet green poetry

Web (neo haiku)

banana spider's delicately crafted lace vibrates deadly space

Acknowledgments

My heartfelt thanks go to the gracious editors of the following publications for flying these little kites in their beautiful skies:

Boston Literary Magazine: “Web”

Caduceus: “Places Poets Need Not Go”

Danse Macabre: “Code Blue,” “ Seeing Mussolini's Mistress, “ “Singularity: 5000 A.D.” “Loretta,” “Deus ex Machina,” ”Abandoned,” “Late-Night Cinema Extraordinaires,” “Kommandant K,” “RSVP,” “Urban Front, Devil’s Night”

The Horror Zine: “Vampire Love,“ “Mobs,” “Grimmer Fairy Tales,” “Queen of Crows”

Liebamour: “Lazarus Rm. 222,” “Tink,” “Anti-Intellectual”

Origami Condom: “Mock Love,” “Doll Collection,” “Doppelganger”

The Penwood Review: “Simple Heart”

Space and Time Magazine: “Dr. Moreau”

The Think Journal: “Seeing Mussolini's Mistress”

The Third Eye: “Bella Donna Blue”

Underground Voices: “Dr. Moreau,” “Cousin Richard, ” “Alcoholics Anomalous”

Whispers from the Unseen: “Sea Anemone”

About the Author

An anomaly among contemporary poets, far removed from the placid Halls of Academia, Don spent over twenty years as a trauma surgeon in the Murder Capital of America. He attended UIC’s PhD Program for Writers (poetry} before leaving to earn a Doctor of Medicine degree from Northwestern University Medical School.

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