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On the street every second Wednesday

Free Edition #64

19/03/08 - 01/04/08 Made in Tasmania


FLICKERFEST PROGRAM 2008

NEWS Holy Cow! PNAU! In Hobart ...

FLICKERFESTth

STATE CINEMA – 20 MARCH – 7PM Total Running Time: 100 minutes - Session Rating: 15+ Girl Who Swallowed Bees Year: 2007 | Format: 35mm | Country: Australia A bitter young girl embarks on a bleak journey where the magical and unexpected conspire to change her heart. Director: Paul McDermott |Producer: Justine Kerrigan Run Year: 2007 | Format: 35mm | Country: New Zealand Run is a short film about growth and resilience of a brother and sister’s relationship. Tom, eight years and Georgie, twelve are Samoan and live in a conservative beach side town in New Zealand during the late seventies with their widowed father. Director: Mark Albiston | Producer: Robin Murphy

SAUCE is stoked to be co-presenting the Hobart leg of the national tour by Australian party maniacs and electroniccrossover pioneers, Nick Littlemore and Peter Mayes aka PNAU - on the back of their latest, self-titled album, featuring (the SAUCE office favourite) Wild Strawberries.They will be joined on this tour by Van She and French underground stars Beakbot. C’mon,it’s going to be mad ...

Saturday April 19th Uni Bar, UTAS, Hobart. Tickets from: Ruffcut Records 6234 8600 TUU Contact Centre 6226 2495 Tickets are on sale now.

BATTLE OF THE BANDS 2008 It’s on again – Downball Records and the Hobart Music Centre present the 2008 Battle Of The Bands. Held over two nights, twenty-four bands will be taking the stage at the Youth Arc in Launceston (44 Collins Street, behind City Hall) on the 28th and 29th of March. The bands will be joined by special guests Same Old Story from NSW and Hobart stalwarts The No-No’s, and you can also look forward to seeing the Jimmy’s Skate Team whipping their decks out (pun intended) for some demos on both nights. Being an all-ages event means it’ll be on for young and old – just remember to show up with $7 in your pocket for entry, and remember not to show up with drugs or alcohol. Both nights kick off at 6pm. See you there!

JOANNA KARGBO TO LAUNCH NEW ALBUM IN LAUNCESTON Launceston’s Royal Oak will pay host to the African sounds of Joanna Kargbo when she launches her new album Bee Baa Tsor (“Time Will Tell”) on the 27th of March. Originally from the trouble Sierra-Leone region of West Africa, Joanna toured extensively both around Africa and internationally, and finally came to Australia in 2004, where she studied music at TAFE’s Alanvale Campus in Launceston, and where she has resided since. We’ve had a listen to Bee Baa Tsor, and take it from us – it’s some funky stuff, so be sure to get yourself to the Oak on the 27th.

HOBART FRINGE FESTIVAL 2008 – CALL FOR VOLUNTEERS The organisers of the 2008 Hobart Fringe Festival are looking for motivated people to volunteer any amount of time they wish to perform general odd-body tasks throughout the festival. Some of the tasks they need people to help with are: Serving drinks at bar (RSA qualifications essential). Door sales; to ask for money and stamp patrons hands, etc. Cleaners to clean up after event. People to help Cadbury fundraising chocolates in the leadup to the festival to raise money. Helpers to carry equipment for bump ins and bump outs. General errands; people to just be available for miscellaneous tasks if needed. And anything else you can offer. If anyone is interested, or knows anyone who is interested, please ring Michael on 0408352020 or email secretary@ hobartfringe.org with the tasks and dates you are able to volunteer for.

MIA DYSON ... LOCALLY FAMOUS! Inspirational Aussie singer-songwriter Mia Dyson has been announced as the headline act for this year’s Locally Famous gig, as part of the celebrations for National Youth Week 2008. To be held at the old Coats Patons warehouse in Launceston, the event will also feature locals End of Silence, Libre, State Of Mind and Tas Music Rock Challenge 2007 winners, Your Damn Neighbours. This event gets bigger each year, so be early. Contact your local council for more details and bus info.

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SAUCE #64

Everything Will Be OK Year: 2006 | Format: 35mm | Country: United States A series of dark and troubling events forces Bill to reckon with the meaning of his life – or lack thereof. Director: Don Hertzfeldt

Director: Michael Dreher

Itmanna (Make a wish) Year: 2006 | Format: 35mm | Country: United States A young Palestinian girl will do whatever it takes to buy a birthday cake. Director: Cherin Dabis

Tony Zoreil Year: 2007 | Format: 35mm | Country: France Synopsis: Tony is a twenty-eight-year-old single man who has inherited a remarkable physical peculiarity. He has like the rest of his family very big ears and suffers from extreme sensitivity to the slightest noise. Looking for love, he collects failures with women who reject his difference. His life has thus become a nightmare… Director: Valentin Potier | Producer: Philippe Atibol

Fair Trade Year: 2006 | Format: 35mm | Country: Germany Synopsis: A short distance at and at the same time the most obvious gap between the so-called Third World countries and Europe is the straits of Gibraltar. Fair Trade is one of the many stories that happen there every day.

Three Towers Year: 2006 | Format: 35mm | Country: Italy Synopsis: Set on 9/11 in a remote Italian village, the drama centres on how reaching news affects the lives of an isolated farmer couple. Director: Yoni Bentoven & Emily Harris


ROCK - GOLD COAST // OPERATOR PLEASE

Operate on the world

By Tom Wilson

The Gold Coast rock troupe with more stamps on their passports than touring bands twice their age, Operator Please are finally returning home to make some noise with their latest album Yes Yes Vindictive. He of the drumsticks, Timmy spoke to SAUCE about touring and where the sound of Operator Please might be heading next … You guys are touring your arses off at the moment – how are you coping with the amount of travelling? We love touring lots! And we are also doing a lot of it. It gets hard a lot of the time, just because of the fact that you’re away from your family and you’re having lots of late nights and early mornings, and it just wears you down until one day you finally crack! And on tour everyone learns when to give you some space. You’ve been overseas quite a bit lately; where have the shows been best, and why? For me, personally, I really enjoyed the shows in France. The crowds in Europe are a lot different to Australia. In Australia, it takes a little bit to get into the music, but in France, they just go for it straight away – it’s awesome. And also the food is amazing! When was the last time that things went completely pear-shaped on the road? Um ... at times Amandah can get sick with a sore throat, and we will have to cancel shows. Just before we came over to the U.K. she got a bit sick and we were worried we would have to cancel shows, but it was all good in the end. What have the responses been like to Yes Yes Vindictive? What’s the best bit of feedback that you’ve got so far? We haven’t really been in Australia much while the album has been out, but what we have seen has been good! A lot of people like it, which is always a positive thing. And hopefully people keep enjoying it, and buying it. Out of curiosity, what has been the worst? Not too sure. I guess you will always get the old, “You guys are shit, you make shit music, go back to school” crap, but we can just look past that and focus on the positives. What plans do you have to follow it up? A whole load of touring, of course. We are coming back to Australia in a couple of weeks and are doing a quick Australian tour before heading overseas again to release the album there, and tour here some more! And then we will come back and tour again, I would imagine. We are always busy playing shows, which is what we love doing.

“… it just wears you down until one day you finally crack!”

What kind of musical direction would you like to head in on your next release? We don’t really know – whatever comes out, I guess. We don’t really like to try and sound like something – whatever we write is what we write. I think maybe it will be a bit more developed. We have had time as a band to grow and write songs together and really understand how all of our instruments work together, and on this next record I think that there will be a lot more instrumentation and a more developed sound. If Operator Please were stranded on a desert island that just happened to have a working CD player (as they do), what three albums would you most want to have? What a good question. It Never Been Like That – Phoenix, Michael Jackson – Greatest Hits, The Strokes – Is This It? Oh, by the way – who’s “Rickymaru of the Universe”? [Listed on their Myspace as one of their loves.] [Laughs] You are. Operator Please play Hobart’s Republic Bar on the 3rd of April. www.myspace.com/operatorplease

REPUBLIC BAR & CAFE

299 Elizabeth St North Hobart Ph. 6234 6954 www.republicbar.com

FRIDAY 28TH MARCH

THE GIN CLUB + MIKE NOGA AND THE GENTILMENT OF FORTUNE $12 pre/ $15 door 9pm

SATURDAY 29TH MARCH

MARCH Wednesday

19th

Thursday

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Friday

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Saturday

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Sunday

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Monday

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Tuesday

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Wednesday

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Thursday

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Friday

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Back due to a sell out show!

DIAFRIX $8 - 10PM

MUSCLES presale $22+bf door $25 9pm THE NO NO’S $2 9pm LET THE CAT OUT $2 10pm SYMBOISIS $10 10pm CAKE WALKING BABIES 9pm G B BALDING (finger picking blues) 8.30pm LOREN AND BAND $10 9pm BLUE FLIES 9pm LLOYD SPIEGEL 9pm THE GIN CLUB supp MIKE NOGA AND THE GENTLEMEN OF FORTUNE $12 pre $15 door 9p DIAFRIX $8 10pm A- LOVE PLUS HEADS OF STATE $10 9pm QUIZ NIGHT 8.15pm SAUCE #64

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ROCK - MELBOURNE // HORSELL COMMON

#64 - 19th March to 1st April

Contents 2 3 4 5 6 8 9 10 12 13 14 15

News Operator Please Horsell Common The Gin Club / Nevetherym MC Covert / Chasm Jason Nevins / PD Mark Dynamix / Lakoda My Escapade Bob Log III / Viktor Zappner Gig Guide Flickerfest / Eyeball Kicks CD Reviews / Struth Be Told

Contact Sauce

Phone: 03 6331 0701 Advertising: advertising@sauce.net.au Editorial: editorial@sauce.net.au Editor: Email:

David Williams david@sauce.net.au

Sub -Editor: Email:

Tom Wilson twilson@sauce.net.au

Graphic Design: Email:

Simon Hancock simon@sauce.net.au

Journalist: Email:

Chris Rattray crattray@sauce.net.au

Advertising: Email:

advertising@sauce.net.au

Opinions expressed in Sauce are not necessarily those of the Editor or staff.

Contributors

A Special thanks to our contributors: Lisa Howell, Shannon Stevens, David Walker, Richard Kemp, Lisa-Marie Rushton, Clara Murray, Dion Brooks, Adam Ferguson, Felix Blackler Neesha Peacock and Carole Whitehead.

Next Edition Deadline Friday 28th March Sauce #65 - 2nd April - 15th April

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SAUCE #64

Heading for headliner heaven

By Dave Williams

Ahead of their Tassie tour at the end of this month, Horsell Common vocalist/guitarist Mark Stewart got in touch with SAUCE to speak on going AWOL in Burnie and the heady headiness of their own headliner tour – and how being unsupportive can make your sets grow … You guys came down and played the AWOL concert in Burnie not so long ago, and now you’re on tour – what have been some of the major things that have happened for the band between AWOL and now? We’d just released our record at that stage, so no one had really heard it; it had only just come out in the week or two that we’d actually gone over to Burnie for the show. We’ve done a bunch of tours with a bunch of friends; we’re on tour with Shihad at the moment, which is our first tour for the year. We’re in week six, I think – it’s a pretty long tour, but it’s the last week for that tour, and in 2007 we toured with Hawthorne Heights, Kisschasy and Karnivool. As soon as this tour is done we’re going to do our own tour, which we’re looking forward to more than anything. Looking back on The Rescue, how do you feel about it now? I mean, as you said before, it hadn’t been out for long last time that you were down here. I haven’t heard it for about six months to be honest, but I really enjoy playing the songs. For this tour that we’re doing now with Shihad, we’ve just used a couple more from the record, so we’re playing about six of them live at the moment, and when we’ve got our own tour, we’ll probably put more on top of that as well. The good thing is, it still feels really fresh because we’re only gradually introducing songs from it. There’re some songs on that record that we haven’t played since we recorded it ... songs that we really want to play to people that want to come and watch the show. When we do our own headline tour, that’s going to be the perfect opportunity.

“We can probably try the quieter stuff ... we haven’t had a chance to do that yet …”

So why will you be playing such a different set for the headline tour - than for on this Shihad tour? I guess with the Shihad tour we’re just playing a lot of the louder songs; there’s no real soft moments in the set, playing with a bunch of boozy punters just waiting to hear loud guitars – and it’s usually what we’re used to anyway. So with this kind of tour it’s just basically using all our guitars for a good forty-five minutes. But when we do our own tour, we can probably try the quieter stuff ... we haven’t had a chance to do that yet, but we want to do it in our own environment and in our own kind of way. What do you remember about the AWOL concert? What do you remember about your performance, or the reaction down here? We were kind of nervous before the performance itself. There was a lot of people there, and we had only been to Tassie once before, and it wasn’t for that many people that’s for sure. The whole day probably sticks out more than the show itself. We had workshops during the day and caught up with the Triple J people, and we met local people

from around Burnie as well, and from around surrounding areas too, so that was probably a whole part of it. And then kicking on afterwards and having a few drinks and meeting some people after the show. It was probably the best part about it, not necessarily the show, even though the show was great fun … but it was the whole kind of experience. It was a very unique festival from the fact that you got to kind of take in parts of the town and parts of the people, and yeah, it doesn’t usually happen. Usually with festivals you

just kind of plug in and play, and then you go home. But with the AWOL festival it was a lot more involved – something that was really cool. Horsell Common play the Batman Fawkner in Launceston on the 28th of March, and Hobart’s Brisbane Hotel on the 29th. To listen to the full interview, go to www.sauce.net.au


ROCK - BRISBANE // THE GIN CLUB

Mainland rockers pour you a double

By Tom Wilson

Almost any band or artist will tell you that making an album is no easy task … so the fact that Brisbane’s The Gin Club have just come out of the studio with a double LP and smiles on their faces screams one word – “ambition.” With the band heading our way at the end of this month, SAUCE spoke with Ben Salter to find out why they opted for double the fun … It’s been said in your press releases – which I know you probably didn’t write, but nevertheless – “after spending the last six months recording, mixing and crying, The Gin Club have finally finished their double album.” Crying? Was the production process really that hard? Or are you all just a bunch of sooks? Nah, it was just, occasionally … I’m probably the only real sook, but when you’re doing something that’s so big a project, it kind of gets … you know, when you’re stuck in the middle, you think you’re never going to finish, you know?

There was the odd tantrum – “It’s all going to suck!” “We’re not going to be able to afford it!” Blah, blah, blah. But there wasn’t a lot of crying. Well, “big” is definitely a word [for it] – it’s pretty uncommon for bands to do double albums. Why, man? Why did you decide to do this? Well, we’ve got, like, seven songwriters, so when we got together last year to try and work out what we’re going to do for this CD, we kind of put all the songs that we had together on the table, and realised that we had way more than just one album’s worth, and then it was just a debate of … “are we going to release them both now?” “Are we going to release them later …?” We just thought “bugger it,” you know? “Let’s just do a double album now – we’ve got the songs ready, it doesn’t cost that much more in terms of manufacturing to do another CD …” We thought all of the material was just as strong … we couldn’t decide what to leave if we were going to do just one CD. What’s the story behind calling it Junk? Well, one of the songs on the album is called Junk, which Bridget wrote, and she’s never written for the band before. And it just felt like … it just felt like a good name. Album titles are so … you can pull your hair out trying to come up with a good one, and when I suggested that, everyone kind of went … “Yeah, it just seems good,” you know? I don’t know whether it’s apt … it’s like a bunch of junk that we did. We’re always using that word … “what’s all that junk?” It just seemed like a good name. There wasn’t any great amount of thought that went into it. [Laughs] In reading about Junk, my eyebrows certainly perked up when it was said that the sound of the album ranges from a track with Tim Rogers to hiphop … to grindcore. [Laughs]

How in god’s name have you implemented grindcore? [Laughs] Ah, we haven’t, actually – that’s a little bit tongue-in-cheek, although I have been listening to quite a bit of grindcore lately, so that’s probably why that crept in! Damn – that would have been cool! Yeah, it might have been. Maybe the next album, we might do a few one-minute blasts of guitar violence! [Laughs]

“There was the odd tantrum – “It’s all going to suck!” “We’re not going to be able to afford it!”” What’s it like to work with Tim Rogers? In interviews we’ve done in the past, he’s always seemed like a pretty unpredictable guy; in one he spat it and called us “tabloid mother*ckers”, and in the other one he sounded like he was really upset, and really down on himself … Well, he’s just a human being, you know? He’s just like all of us. He takes what he does very, very seriously, and he takes life … not “seriously” as in he’s humourless or anything, because nothing could be further from the truth, but he’s just a dude trying to get by in life, you know? Sometimes you might have a bad day, and sometimes you might have a good day, you know? But he’s a real hero to me and to most or all of the Gin Club people. He was just great to work with, you know? The fact that he said he’d do it was an amazing honour for us. Now, you guys will be touring your collective pants off around the country throughout April. How do you stay sane when you’re stuck with the same seven other people on the road, in hotel rooms and stuff? Oh, The Gin Club … it’s such a … firstly, it’s a large group, and we really are kind of like a gang, you know? We all really enjoy each other’s company, and we always have a great time when we’re on tour, you know? We’re all kind of a bit more mature now than maybe … when you first start out, you’re young kids, you go on the road and you end up hating one another because you just don’t know how to be an adult or mind other people’s space or any of that stuff. But in The Gin Club, we all really love each other heaps, and we just have a great time when we go on tour … The Gin Club play Hobart’s Republic Bar on the 28th of March. To listen to an MP3 of the full interview, go to www. sauce.net.au

METAL - CENTRAL COAST QLD // NEVETHERYM

Rendezvous with darkness

By Tom Wilson

What’s the metal scene like on the Central Coast these days? Quite non-existent for the most part, as the majority of larger shows are in Sydney or Newcastle, although there is the occasional show that bands will play on the Coast that many people come out of the woodwork for. The scene is definitely a lot stronger in Sydney as there are many more bands and venues for people to check out. Also, more people actually show up to shows there too … [Laughs]

Currently we do not have a full-time bassist. We have been utilising session bassists ever since the release of our debut EP, Rendezvous. For our upcoming East Coast tour, which is kicking off in Hobart at The Brisbane Hotel on the 28th of March, Tristan Tait from Leicohtica (who are also playing on the tour) shall be playing bass for us. I understand that Nevetherym started off as an instrumental act. What motivated you to start including vocals? We initially had the intention to just be an instrumental band, and when we first started playing live, we were just that. But after a while, there were parts in certain songs that felt like they could be enhanced by some vocal work, but as we didn’t want to have vocals throughout the whole song, we didn’t want to hire a full-time vocalist. Instead, we started having Rob [Nevetherym guitarist] implement some vocal work in certain parts that seemed to need it, and have done ever since. You released your debut EP Rendezvous last year. Looking back on it, what do you see as its strengths

“SEE YOU AT THE DOOR AT SOME STAGE” $10 entry unless otherwise stated

THURSDAY MARCH 20

Jazz Club '08 Viktor Zappner Swingtet featuring Alistair Dobson from Hobart on tenor sax, 7:30pm $7

FRIDAY MARCH 21 CLOSED

SATURDAY MARCH 22 CLOSED

THURSDAY, MARCH 27

Jazz Club '08 Viktor Zappner Swingtet featuring Greg Harrison from Launceston on baritone and tenor sax, 7:30pm $7

FRIDAY MARCH 28

Brendan Munro & Chris Lynch 8:00pm

In all genres of music, it seems impossible to deny that isolation can breed some surprising musical results. From Des Moines, Iowa came Slipknot. From Aberdeen, Washington came Nirvana. From Bakersfield, California came Korn. And from the Central Coast of NSW comes Nevetherym – practitioners of epic arrangements, progressive grooves, symphonic power and the darkest of melodies, who absolutely should not be missed when they descend on Hobart at the end of this month. SAUCE spoke to drummer Andrew Craig …

Miriam’s violin work on the track Dawn is absolutely sublime – how did she come to be playing in the band? And do you guys actually have a bass player at the moment? The implementation of violins in our music stemmed from an idea to have a friend come and play with us for a special end of year show in 2006. After hearing how well it sounded live, and from the great audience reaction we received, we decided to make it permanent. Due to her busy schedule, the violinist we had at the time was unable to perform live with us at select dates, and recommended a friend of hers, Miriam, to fill in. Miriam fit the part perfectly, and was able to apply her style of playing into our music in a way we didn’t think was possible. After a few months, our original violinist could no longer perform with us, so we asked Miriam to become our full-time violinist and she’s been with us ever since.

254 Mount St Upper Burnie 7320

SATURDAY MARCH 29

Cailtin Corbel's American Dream 7.30pm - admission by donation

THURSDAY APRIL 3

Jazz Club '08 Viktor Zappner Swingtet featuring Teresa Beck-Swindale from Legana on sax and flute 7:30pm $7

FRIDAY APRIL 4 “I love any drummer that can play something out of the ordinary … hence why I love progressive music.” and, perhaps, its weaknesses? We are still extremely proud of our debut release in general, but know that each member has many parts that they would like to either re-record or change altogether. Rob often wishes to re-do the vocals as he has developed a lot as a vocalist since the recording. While the songs we recorded are still the same, some parts have a different feeling in the way we play them now, and I feel that if we re-recorded it, this would show in the overall delivery of the tracks. When we finally record our first full-length album, two of the EP tracks will definitely be recorded again, along with a further six new tracks. How would you describe your style of drumming? Who are some drummers you look up to these days? (If you mention Meshuggah’s Tomas Haake, I’ll give you a lolly.) Well I’ve got to admit, Tomas Haake is a machine! Such an amazing drummer! I love any drummer that can play something out of the ordinary and something that’s completely creative! Hence why I love progressive music. My all-time favourite drummer is Dream Theater’s Mike Portnoy, not only for his playing ability, but also his on-stage presence. I definitely feel that my style of drumming has been dramati-

cally influenced by progressive drummers, such as (but definitely not limited to) Mike Portnoy, Neil Peart, Virgil Donati, Martin Lopez, Cato Bekkevold, and Thomas Lejon. The sound of Nevetherym is quite diverse (to say the least). What sorts of music were you brought up on? For me, I grew up on alternative and hard rock and eventually heavy metal after hearing bands such as Sepultura and Pantera back in the day. After that, I expanded my musical tastes by getting into a lot of progressive rock bands such as Rush, Yes and King Crimson, and then onto progressive metal bands such as Dream Theater. I listen to almost every metal and rock genre out there, from death to black to gothic metal and from hard to progressive to alternative rock. I’m not easily turned off by any certain genres, and try to always allow diversity into my musically preferences. Both of the other members of Nevetherym are very much like this too, although Miriam has a bigger background in folk and classical music.

Alyce Platt Sings For You $75 dinner and show 7:00pm

Nevetherym play Hobart’s Brisbane Hotel on the 28th of March. www.myspace.com/nevetherym

stagedoor@keypoint.com.au SAUCE #64

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HIP-HOP - HOBART // COVERT

Writin’, not dyin’

By Tom Wilson

When it comes to making a success of yourself in the Tassie music scene, what do you need to have the most? Connections? Talent? Or ambition? Hobart MC/producer Covert has already got a strong combination of the last two, and rest assured that he’ll be making plenty of connections once his debut album, Writers Never Die…, is finally dropped in time for Christmas. He spoke to SAUCE about succumbing to the insatiable lure of Oz hip-hop … Of all the great songs by artists that influenced you growing up, is there a particular line or flow that still impacts you on a personal level? That speaks to you a strongly now as it did when you first heard it? My very first spur-of-the-moment Oz hip-hop purchase was the late hip-hop act “Tha Cannibal Tribe.” This was full-on hardcore stylin’ all the way through, except for the introspective outro track. There’s one line that stands out for me from the late emcee Raw, simply stating the fact to whoever has doubts of Australian hip-hop – “We’re part of hip-hop, whether you like it or not, so f*ck off!” You’re about to release your debut album. How long have you been working on this, and who with? And when will it be released? It’s been about two long, hard years. I’ve just released a promotional single called Everlasting Eclipse which should be available now, which is a couple of songs from the album. On Writers Never Die... I’ve used a mix of my own beats and some I received from Melbourne producer MJLem. I’ll be featuring MCs from the rest of Copious Crew on a track, and many of Tassie hip-hop’s finest on a posse track. I’ve still got a few tracks to finish before I start on the last legs of the production. I’m hoping for a Christmas release, but my wallet’s giving me the finger, so we’ll see. What can you tell me about the themes and subject matter you explore on this release? All tracks [that] I create, I try to give a fresh theme, but also keep an underlying cryptic sense of life, death, the afterlife and immortality through art – something relatable to everybody. Of all the tracks on this upcoming release, which would you say is the most personal, and why? So far, a track titled Burned to Embers. It’s somewhat of an

autobiographical track. Which MCs and producers do you think are having the most influence on the Hobart hip-hop scene at the moment and why? Anyone who comes and visits our little state is surely influential, anyone who has a release out in shops – it depends on taste. Hip-hop is so varied it’s hard to name names other the obvious radio players; Pegz, Hilltop, Funkoars etc. From Hobart itself, of course, mdusu for the Heads of State releases, EPC, Paraletic Poets. For me personally, every MC I meet and cipher with is an influence in some way. Sporatik and Stray, the other members of the crew I’m in, [are] definitely influential. You’re also a producer. What work have you been doing in that area lately? Any collaborations? I’ve only really had time for producing my own tracks and beats. When I have some spare time, collaborating with like minds is a definite. What first inspired you to make hip-hop? Was there a particular catalyst? Or was it a fairly organic process? When I was a lot younger I was a bored artist. I started listening to Aussie hip-hop, mostly what I was hearing on the Triple J hip-hop show, and I started “writing” – it cured the boredom most nights. A little later, I met some underground heads and gained some proper hip-hop knowledge. After that I experimented with rhyming, and I’ve been hooked on working with words ever since. What do you most want to get accomplished this year? Establishment of myself as a top Tassie artist, do lots of gigs, and gain some funds to get Writers Never Die... to as many willing ears as possible. www.myspace.com/cjeyst

HIP-HOP - SYDNEY // CHASM

Go beyond the beat tape

By Dave Williams

For a guy who calls himself “Chasm”, there’s a remarkable lack of pitfalls in Beyond The Beat Tape, this Sydney producer’s first album outside of the legendary Astronomy Class. He spoke to SAUCE about stepping away from the sounds that have defined him … until now … Congratulations on getting your CD out, first of all. When you listen to it, how do you personally see it differing – in terms of the production style – compared to what you do collaboratively with Sir Robbo in Astronomy Class? I guess, maybe, it’s a little more varied, and a little more straight-up hip-hop, you know? With Robbo, I think, one of the biggest things we have in common is a lot of the reggae, you know? Because we both love it, we just end up sampling heaps of reggae when we’re together, and just kind of get on that tip. So yeah, I think, with my solo stuff, it’s a little more … because I’ve got the reggae shit going on with Astronomy now, I kind of want to do something a little different with my solo stuff, so I’m looking more to other influences, like soul and whatever else really. A bit of jazz … Yeah, some jazz … I think I’ve moved into a lot of African jazz, and Ethiopian jazz and stuff. So I’ve been sampling some of that. Not a lot of rock ‘n’ roll or heavy stuff on there, is there? Nah man! [Laughs] I used to play guitar – I was in guitar-based bands for years, so I’m a bit over it at the moment. I’ve got to have a rest from the rock! How long have you been working on this album? And whereabouts did you do the bulk of the work? Home computer? Yeah, just got a home setup. I just use MPC and ProTools really at home, and I did most of it here. I got a few instruments on it, and I recorded most of that here … some of it elsewhere, and then I mixed the whole record down at the studio in Sydney called Tardis. So I kind of took it away from my place, and mixed it all through some analogue outboard and an analogue desk there … that’s kind of the procedure. How long did it take you? How long has this album been in the making? Did you write just for this album, or did you have beats stored away that you wanted to use for something someday? A few of them are older. There’s a few older things, but most of it was really made in the last six months, really. I just started making some stuff, and then I got on a bit of a roll, and I 6

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thought, “Alright, what am I going to do with this stuff?” And yeah, [I] eventually just decided to make my own record. So I guess it pretty much came together in the last six to eight months or something. So where did you find the African influence? Where did that happen? I don’t know – just though listening to records. Someone – I can’t remember who – put me on to … there’s these Ethiopian compilations; there’s about twenty of them or something – like Ethiopian soul and funk and jazz. Yeah, I started listening to them, and it just kind of went from there. Do you have a routine when it comes to production? Do you go, “OK, I’ll do the bass, or I’ll start with …”? How does it go? Yeah, pretty much whatever, you know? But I think, mainly, the way I work is I’ll find the samples first – I’ll find a loop, or I’ll chop up certain … say, some horns or whatever, and I’ll put them together, and from there I’ll write the beats around the loops, so it kind of fits more, you know? I find it harder to just put down the drums and then try and find something that fits the drums. And I always put down bass last. I find bass is the hardest, man. What about the lyrics? Did you have much influence on the MCs? Did you give them a theme, or give them a direction? Ah, not really. I pretty much wanted to … I don’t know – everyone I chose to get on it I respect. I wanted them to just put their flavour down, and not be kind of told what to do. I wanted to let them do what they want. I kind of hoped that, everyone I got on it, I’d trust that I’d be into what they do. Did you have any that didn’t come through with the goods? Or [did] everyone you ask get all sorted out? Yeah, Ozi, man! I had to f*ckin’ make him re-write his verses! [Laughs] Nah, everyone came with the heat, you know? I didn’t have to cancel anyone out! TAG LINE PENDING TAG LINE PENDING TAG LINE PENDING TAG LINE PENDING To listen to an MP3 of the full interview, go to www. sauce.net.au

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SAUCE #64

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ELECTRONIC - NEW YORK // JASON NEVINS

Touch me like that

By Tom Wilson

The guy who put a fresh spin on tracks from Run DMC to Fall Out Boy has been at it again – this time with his recent remix of Dannii Minogue’s Touch Me Like That. But life isn’t entirely sunshine and puppy dogs for US producer Jason Nevins. While in the studio working on a remix of Britney Spears (she used to be a pop star, remember?), he opened up to SAUCE about some of the recognition he’s had to go without … Where are you based these days? And what’s the scene like there – in terms of what sounds are popular? I’m in New York. Oddly enough, I don’t get out that much to follow the “scene.” Musically, the electro sound is quite big – though hip-hop and the mash-up sounds are even bigger.

You’ve done a lot of high-profile remix work. What stands out as the best one you’ve done, and why? I don’t have a real favorite. I let the people decide. I’ve done so much stuff over the years. I could say that the stuff that stands out as the best are the ones that did the best. The remixes are like my “kids” – you can’t favor one over the other.

Late last year you worked with Dannii Minogue. What can you tell me about that experience? What was she like to work with? Dannii is a sweetheart. She’s great to work with, as she is a real professional, and she’s pretty hot too … What production work have you been doing recently? I’m doing a lot of remixes and some new songs of mine as well. The original stuff is kind of top secret – I can’t let that out. But the remixes are Britney, Wyclef, Jonas Brothers, Leona Lewis, Celine Dion, Flo-Rida, Jordin Sparks and more!

“… The one thing that’s p*ssed me off is not getting recognition for some of my accomplishments …”

These days, you’re branching out into other forms of music, as opposed to sticking with dance. What new musical territories are you exploring, and what is it about them that appeals to you? Don’t get me wrong; the dance stuff is great, but I’m much more into the crossover sound, and merging genres of dance, hip-hop and rock. I can’t do straight-up dance stuff too much. The track with Dannii was something that I had been working on for a long time, and the timing was right for it. The stuff I’ve been writing and producing for the past year is in a totally different vibe. You started out in the 80s. What got you into DJing? And, just for the hell of it, what were some bad 80s fashions you used to indulge in? Not really. I wasn’t DJing or making music in the 80s (I’m not that old …). [Whoops – Tom] I originally started out DJing in the early 90s when I was in college. The 80s were great though; a great time to be a kid. Looking back, the fashion was horrible – but that’s what also made it what it was. I love the 80s … my favorite era of music, where everything was cheesy but still so catchy and fun. I would say I get most of my musical inspiration from that time.

In your eyes, which DJs are on the top of the international heap? And how have they influenced you? DJs don’t really influence me; other producers and some of the top remixers do. I don’t follow DJs – I’m too busy with my own work. I sometimes wonder why some of those huge international DJs are perceived the way they are. I listen to some of them and don’t get it … maybe I’m missing something. I do like guys like Justice and Daft Punk simply because they have such a massive aura around them and they have this mysterious vibe. I think it’s amazing what they have done. They have created a huge cult following. Right now, at this point in time, what’s the best and the worst thing about being Jason Nevins? That’s a hard one. I will say this; people know me for the big remixes I’ve done and some of my original productions – the one thing that’s pissed me off is not getting recognition for some of my accomplishments. A quick example would be the whole dance-rock sound. I didn’t invent it, nor was I the first to come out with that sound, but I was there adding rock guitars to every one of my mixes and productions years before the sound kicked in. My biggest influences to blend the sounds were actually Planet Funk and Cicada. I’m actually more of a rock guy than a dance guy. A lot of my big mixes were dance-rock before the sound became widespread. But unfortunately, I didn’t get any recognition for it. What will you be doing immediately after answering these questions? Getting back to my Britney remix … Touch Me Like That is out now. www.myspace.com/jasonnevins

ELECTRONIC - LAUNCESTON // PD

Don’t you dare ask for The Gambler

By Tom Wilson

Patty Duke’s nightclub residencies and festival appearances have, over the last few years, definitely put him at the front of the pack (though he’s way too modest to ever admit it). He’s been called “fun”, “skilled”, and “an absolute bastard to play Counterstrike with,” and, as SAUCE snuck the hostages out the back door, PD took aim with his sniper rifle … What have you been working on recently? I have just finished a mash-up of Saturday Night In Miami and also another track Do You Remember House? that I have uploaded on my Myspace which has been a popular track in the late night stage of sets. It’s kinda funny with the amount of projects I have sitting on my lappy; there’s plenty that I keep tinkering around with until an idea pops out, then I’ll sit up until the early hours of the morning trying to get the track complete. In both the local and international scene, which DJs do you see as being at the top of the heap, and why? It’s truly hard to say who are at the top of the heap, as, working most weekends, I don’t really get the opportunity to see as many acts as I would like to. Lots of the local and international guys really are skilled and have their own tastes of music which reflect upon their personality, in what they believe sounds the best. Last December I traveled to Sydney to check out the Ministry of Sound warehouse party and was impressed by Booka Shade’s live performance, and also Fedde Le Grande put on a great set. Although Armand Van Helden was a crowd-pleaser, his songs were fantastic. Also have to mention Mark Dynamix and The Presets at MS Fest – they really showed their professionalism in their music that was played. What production work do you have planned? I’m still currently in working progress of a CD that contains total original and remixed material that I have produced recorded into a live mix. Where are you usually playing these days? Predominantly I have been DJing at The James (Reality) every Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and also once a month at Lonnies Niteclub, whilst also doing the occasional private gigs at house parties or functions. How do you think your style has evolved over the past few years? What’s changed, and what’s stayed the same? Well I started as a DnB DJ which later evolved to the love of break beats. This later changed to the love of progressive house. Now I play a lot of electro, but also love throwing in all kinds of different styles in the long six-hour sets that I’m regularly doing. It really does come down to the crowd and what mood I’m in as to what I’ll play. Electro/tech/house/ drum ‘n’ bass/breaks/RnB you can hear quite often in one set. There are so many songs that I have collected over the years; I still do like coming back to my favourites that are many years old, but I’m constantly on the hunt trying to find the newest banging tracks out there. If I’m playing a shorter set, I usually do structure it and tend to play fresh tracks as often as possible. What have been some of the worst requests you’ve got from drunk punters? [Laughs] The Gambler was requested once, that certainly made me laugh, although I had to inform them about the jukebox in the other bar that would play it for them for just one day. [What] I find the most frustrating is when people 8

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“… When your CDs decide to start skipping that really can be embarrassing, although I tend to snap the CDs in front of the crowd …” try to sing shit to you whilst Djing, and they never know the lyrics, artist name or artist song! There have definitely been some funny ones over the last couple of years, from ABBA to Guns ‘n’ Roses – you could imagine some of the boganistic requests that do get thrown at you randomly.

How would you sum yourself up as a DJ? I’m usually a happy, friendly and sometimes stupid one after a few lagers – yet I always try to have some of the newest tracks to keep my sets fresh and interesting whilst having as much fun as I can.

good time to take advantage of the situation and play anything you want. Or better yet, when your CDs decide to start skipping that really can be embarrassing, although I tend to snap the CDs in front of the crowd – it actually happened to me at the last Dirty Dozen gig!

If someone wants to butter you up so you’ll play something they’ve requested, what’s the best thing for them to do? Um … usually the song gets played eventually, so the best thing would be to wait! Or feed me alcohol – that seems to work! Or best yet, pick a track that’s new and different and isn’t a damn chart-buster.

What are some of the preconceptions people have about DJs that piss you off? Some are personal attacks of just playing other people’s music when you incorporate your own material that’s been produced can be annoying. Or the good ‘ole button pusher theory when you’re spending much time syncing tracks, working builds, punching samples in and out of tracks, mashing etc. The whole “you do it to pick up chicks theory” is also a misinterpretation of why I personally DJ.

Lastly, come clean – did you just become a DJ to get chicks? No – I do it for the love of great music, and for the fun that’s involved with being a DJ. I’ve always liked the track All About The House Music with the line that mentions “If you are not in it for the love of the music, would you please f*ck off!” Hate those smart-arses who think DJing is the easy way to get laid. Well, get a life!

I’ve always liked a punter come up with eclectic tracks that keen dance music lovers truly enjoy. Asking for your typical shit like Let Me Think About It, Don’t Hold Back, Flaunt It can be quite frustrating, when you over-hear these tracks.

What’s been your worst ever gig, and why? When it’s a quite night in venues it can suck but it’s always a

PD plays the James Hotel in Launceston on Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights. www.myspace.com/producerpd


ELECTRONIC - SYDNEY // MARK DYNAMIX

Welcoming back a dance giant with open arms

By Tom Wilson

For the employees of a furniture store in a certain mainland shopping centre, it must have seemed a little odd when a man ducked in with a phone to his ear and spent the next ten minutes hovering around beds and wardrobes while talking about the German dance music scene. For Mark Dynamix, it was just business as usual – taking care of promo for yet another gig in his already busy schedule, sharing memories and observations from a six month European sojourn. On the other end of the phone; Tom Wilson … We published a lot of your Berlin tour diaries and stuff. Did you do any production work when you were over there? Yeah, I did lots. I mean, that was the main aim of the game when I went over. It was pretty much to hook up with my DJ mates and producer mates over there and just try and get as much written as possible. So it was good. Most of the stuff was done with a guy called Namito, who’s on Great Stuff Recordings; he’s got a few big songs out at the moment. But [I] also did a couple of things with Chopstick and Johnjon – Chopstick’s from the Make My Day fame, which was a big single last year. So all those tracks are all ready to go, and they’re going to come out on my new label called Long Distance Recordings, which I’ll be launching later on in the year. So it’s pretty exciting; it’s something new, and, for me, it’s another avenue to take, rather than just DJing all the time. Now that you’re back in Australia after such a long time over there, it might seem like an obvious question, but what do you see as the main differences between our club scene and theirs? Look, what Australia has is fantastic – it’s a real party scene, you know? People go out and have a good time. I think Germany’s quite a lot more serious – people take their music very seriously over there. But that’s not to say that they can’t have a good time as well. The main thing I noticed about the clubs over there was that they were in the most odd places; places that you would never, ever get a license to do a club venue. For instance, you know, an old warehouse which has been taken right back to the concrete. It was very minimal inside, you know? Not musically, just the décor and everything, sort of concrete walls – it really looked like a bunker. I’m actually talking about Tresor which is in Berlin which is a techno club, and it was literally like walking into a World War Two bunker with this immense sound system. It was so loud; I lasted about half-an-hour, and went, “This is cool … but ... [laughs] … I’m going deaf!” So you know, that sort of thing; just parties in strange underground tunnels. These are actually clubs that are set up, but they’re just not mainstream at all. You really don’t hear about them unless you know someone, or do a lot of hunting yourself.

Talking about décor, as well as the music – do Germans believe in anything big anymore? Or is everything stripping down and becoming minimal? [Laughs] Berlin is really minimal central of Europe; I mean, that’s where all that sort of sound comes from. I was walking into a studio – like Namito’s studio – and in that complex there was like an old abandoned … about six or seven garages put together. I mean, there’re seven or eight studios in that complex, and they’re just sort of backyard garages with computers set up. It’s nothing amazing, but these guys are making some really, really cool music, you know, and interesting, innovative stuff. I think that, in Berlin, they’re not scared to sort of push the boundaries a little bit and try something a bit different, which is really exciting, because I think sometimes music

“This is cool … but ... [laughs] … I’m going deaf!” can get a bit stale by recycling itself so much. So to sort of capture some of that and experience it for myself was really exciting, and I think that was one of the main reasons why I wanted to go over there. Was it six months that you were over there? Six months, yeah. But I was in Amsterdam and the U.K. for a little bit as well, doing some conferences and some gigs over there as well, so it wasn’t just in Berlin. So when you were in Amsterdam … what do you say? “When in Rome … do as the Romans do?” [Laughs] I don’t actually smoke pot, so no, I didn’t – I didn’t even try it! It was a bit difficult, because it was the middle of the ADE Conference, which is a big sort of industry conference where all the record companies get together and all the artists get together as a chance to showcase your music … it was three or four days in succession, so I didn’t really want to turn up in the morning f*cked out of my head! [Laughs] Mark Dynamix plays Syrup in Hobart on the 20th of March. To listen to the full interview, go to www.sauce.net.au

ROCK- HOBART // LAKODA

Playing from the Outside In By Tom Wilson

After the mad rush that was the recording process for their debut EP, it was clear that Hobart’s Lakoda needed to do things a little differently this time around, and the results should speak for themselves on their brand new release. SAUCE gazed at guitarist Justin Wigmore from the Outside In … You’re about to launch your new EP, Outside In – what kind of production process did this have? This EP was recorded right here in Tassie, with producer/ engineer Brett Collidge at Izaneers Studio in North Hobart. Looking back on the last EP, I think we all felt a little bit rushed, with less than two days of actual recording time. With Outside In we did it at our own pace over the space of about two months in total, going back into the studio to finetune particular sounds and the production side of things.

Of all the supports you’ve played so far, which has been the best, and why? The Butterfly Effect was probably the biggest name we have played with, but the guys from Dead Letter Circus were awesome. We played the Hobart shows on their tour down here and they were just great, down-to-earth guys. They gave us some insight into the touring band concept which, in a way, has led us to where we are now.

This is the second EP for you guys. Why did you decide to do this, instead of trying for a fulllength? We decided on a second EP so that this recording had six or seven songs that we are one hundred percent happy with, rather than spending time and money in the studio forcing out eleven or twelve tracks that we would look back on and think, “Geez, I wish we didn’t put that on there!” What can you tell me about the lyrical subject matter that’s explored on this new release? Good times, bad times and everything in between! This one is probably something Krysty should answer herself.

Outside Lakoda, what’s been keeping each of you busy these days? Work, music and summer. We have been writing new songs as well.

Instrumentally, how is this new material an evolution from your self-titled debut? I think we have a better idea of where we want to go now. On the first EP, Krysty had just joined and we didn’t really have much direction. I think we are all now a lot more in tune with each other and it shows on Outside In. Instead of just playing a song, there is a lot more light and shade. Is it too cliché to say we have matured slightly ...?!

Who would you say are the individual musicians who each of your look up to, and why? Ooh ... that’s a tough one! Krysty’s favourite singer would be Brandon Boyd (Incubus); Grant’s favourite drummer would be Lucius Borich (Cog); Ian’s favourite bass player would be Jeph Howard (The Used) and my favourite guitarist would be Kurt Goedhart (The Butterfly Effect) ... probably. They are simply great at what they do and I know myself that all mentioned there have influenced me at some point.

What touring do you have planned to promote Outside In? We have decided to take this EP to the mainland to see how the big island does things. On top of the Republic Bar launch [tomorrow], we will be playing at Barbukka in Melbourne and the Annandale Hotel in Sydney. We also have some irons in the fire for Queensland, but nothing set in stone at this stage.

What was the last CD each of you bought? I’m not sure about the other guys, but the last CD I bought was a compilation ... Kill Pop: Scream ‘Til It Hurts ... it was OK – it had a free DVD! The next CD you will buy ...? Lakoda – Outside In. Do it! www.myspace.com/lakodaspace SAUCE #64

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ROCK - BURNIE // MY ESCAPADE

Join the escapade

By Tom Wilson

For a relatively new local band, the chance to play a set alongside the likes of Jimmy Barnes and Diesel is nothing to be sneezed at, and the boys of My Escapade certainly weren’t reaching for a hanky when they played the Breath Of Life festival recently. They got acquainted with SAUCE to let us know what they’re all about … You just played the Breath of Life festival - how did that go? Did you get to hang out with Barnesy and co. at all? Was heaps of fun; there were so many great people there. We saw Barnesy and Diesel backstage, [and] talked a lot to their crew. Jason: I was in a portaloo and I could heard Barnesy warming up his voice. It was just cool being there I understand that you’re planning to do some recording this year. When will you be heading into the studio? Uncertain when a recording will take place, but hoping to get something in the works this year. A full-length album is a priority. At this stage, do you think you’ll be doing an EP or a full-length? Why? We released an EP at the Breath of Life festival.

“I was in a portaloo and I could hear Barnesy warming up his voice …” How did the band form? What was each of you up to previously? Long story. Simon and Jason started Jamming together, then Chris got involved later, and keys were added to form what is now known as My Escapade. How would you describe the sound of My Escapade? What would you say is the overall vibe? We are influenced by many styles and eras – something close to melodic rock with influences from jazz and funk. [We have a] positive vibe that changes the mood during the performance. You have my full permission to let your egos run wild on this next question; what makes My Escapade unique in the Tassie music scene? Not trying to pursue something that is musically fashionable. Lyrically, what kind of themes and subject matter does the music of My Escapade draw from the most, and why? Songs from reality, from life experiences – no particular subject matter, I guess. Check out our Myspace and interpret for yourself.

Which Tassie acts do you look up to, and why? We look up to any artist that is playing original material, and sticking to their guns. What touring do you have planned for this year? Will you be having a crack at the mainland? We are focused on expanding into other areas in Tassie and abroad. This last one is just because I’ve run out of serious questions – if your porn star name is the name of your first pet and the street you live in, what are each of your porn names? The last question has been used before to hack people’s banks accounts, as these details are often used to verify identity online billing and phone banking. www.myspace.com/myescapadeband

the gin club

launching their new double album, ‘ junk ’ , with special guests

MIKE NOGA & THE GENTLEMEN OF FORTUNE

Friday M a rch



R e p u bl ic Ba r

the gin club’s new double album, ‘ junk ’ out th march on plus one through shock

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SAUCE #64

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ROCK - ARIZONA // BOB LOG III

Clap your tits, it’s Bob Log!

AMBER SAVAGE By Tom Wilson

No, we are not being inappropriate – cult rock legend Bob Log the Third is simply a solo musician with a sense of humour, a keen passion for motorcycle helmets, and a penchant for getting the fairer sex to bust out the gifts god gave them in the name of percussion. Hey, you’re just jealous that he thought of it first! So, take a stroll in Melbourne, with Bob and his mobile, to the Thornbury Post Office, as he whispers, out of earshot of dear little children, about the intricacies of finding chicks to “clap their tits” for his latest hit … Savage burst on to the dance scene as a nineteen-year old in 2000 and has spent the last seven years establishing her credentials through constant club gigs around Sydney. ‘‘I don’t know if I decided to do [DJing] as a career but I really liked the concept of DJing through records and when I get my head into something I go out and buy all the equipment to give it a go,’’ she said. Savage said before she knew it, she had given up all her other “day jobs” to become a fulltime DJ. ‘‘It was sort of natural progression and I still love doing it.’’ Best known for her tough music style and vibrant personality, Amber tours Australia regularly and headlines the biggest clubs and events around the country. ‘‘I became a permanent resident at Sublime at Home in Sydney a few years ago where I am still a resident,’’ she said. ‘‘Although I have had a few residencies in Sydney, Sublime is really the hub that we all love to play at.’’

I’ve never been able to see you live yet, but from what I’ve seen and heard of you online, I’m pleased to inform you that you rule on general principle alone. Tell me – has your sheer awesomeness ever been a burden? Not to me; actually I enjoy the hell out of it, but no one’s actually asked me that before. Man, I grew up listening to AC/ DC, that’s pretty much what did it to me. It made me laugh – it was just so stupid and ridiculous, and it was also the f*cking coolest guitar I’ve ever heard in my life. It made me want to play guitar and sweat my balls off, basically. I’ve got to ask; is it maybe [the case that] you wear a helmet because you’re not that good-looking a man? Actually me and my face get along pretty good. I don’t really have a problem with it. It’s just when I was a kid, the record covers I always hated were just a picture of somebody’s face. What’s the point of that? I’d rather people pay more attention to my guitar than my face ... But the main reason it got on my head in the first place was because it was in the back seat of my car on the way to the show and I didn’t know what the hell I was going to do while I was playing, and I’d never played by myself before, and I had eight hours to figure it out before the Ween show ... What has become an absolute hit in our office is the film clip for the charmingly named Clap Your Tits. [Possibly the most so-sleazy-it’s-funny thing we’ve ever seen, featuring Bob green-screened in front of a bouncing pair of … err … mammaries.] Whose idea was that clip, man? [For the sake of space, dear readers, we shall sum up the first part of Bob’s sonic titillation adventures as follows; Bob was asked to be support for Ani DiFranco, who his fanciful mate said was a pop-playing lesbian who would play for three thousand lesbians a night. Our hero could not resist anything bizarre so he signed on. Although he found Ani lovely, the three thousand women seemed indifferent to his music, so he spontaneously requested that they “clap their tits” at the end of each song. Sadly they decline, en masse. Nevertheless, after some research into tit-clapping, he realised it was completely unique, and he should introduce it to the world on his next CD. The story, in Bob’s own words, now continues …] I couldn’t get any of my friends to do it; I’ve got lots of friends with boobs, I admit it, but no-one would do it. They were like, “Bob, I like you, but I’m not going to go into a recording studio and clap my tits for you.” ... I have to talk quiet now ‘cos there’s children here. I had to hire two hookers and I didn’t want them for nothing except clapping their tits, and I was like, “Hey! I’m in a recording studio and I need somebody to clap their tits,” and they’d say, “f*ck you” and hang up on me

Amber Savage plays Syrup in Hobart on the 28th of March.

ARCHIE

“They were like, ‘Bob, I like you, but I’m not going to go into a recording studio and clap my tits for you.’”

Archie plays Syrup in Hobart on the 28th of March. ... I got hung-up on by, like, fifteen hookers, before finally one girl said, “You want me to what?” And I was like, “You’ve just got to come here, take off your shirt and clap your tits into the microphone!” She said, “I’ll be right there,” and she’s the one you can hear laughing over the whole thing. She had more fun than I did, man – she thought it was hilarious.

Bob Log the Third plays the Alley Cat Bar in Hobart on the 21st of March. Rock! ONLINE: Bob lets us in on his concept that could well make nightclubs millions of dollars. To listen to the full interview, go to www.sauce.net.au

JAZZ - BURNIE // VIKTOR ZAPPNER

And all that jazz …

By Tom Wilson

With decades of experience and an unwavering passion for his music, Viktor Zappner’s weekly sets at Burnie’s Stage Door have been flying the flag for jazz music for years. He spoke to SAUCE about the formation of the swingtet, and how jazz first discovered him … one, they are very good and well-trained musicians, and two; they like to play, as I do, modern jazz. That said, I equally enjoy playing with several other good and experienced jazz musicians or singers with other style preferences. Also, lately, the Hobart Conservatorium seems to be producing new, young and increasingly competent musicians with a good understanding of what jazz is about. They are bringing new energy into our sessions. How did the Swingtet come together? Where did you meet these musicians? It was, and still is, a work in progress. Back in 1979 Michael Anderson joined me on bass guitar and still plays with me. In 1987 the drummer Steve Hill moved from New Zealand to Shearwater and we thus became a trio. When the singer Yoly Torres moved here from Philippines in the early nineties we became a quartet. Whenever we were joined by additional musician(s) I started to call the group a swingtet, to purposely link it with jazz roots – away from funk and fusion with its strong link to rock ‘n’ roll. Nowadays, my swingtet oscillates in numbers and personnel, depending on how I organise the Stage Door sessions, or any gig for that matter. How did you first discover jazz music? Do you remember the first jazz artists you were exposed to? After the Second World War, jazz, in its big band swing version, was “the” music of the day. You didn’t discover jazz – it discovered you, unlike today, when rock/pop is “the” music of the day and one has to really try hard to discover some jazz underneath. So apart from all those Glenn Millers, Benny Goodmans and Tommy Dorseys it was the pianist Erroll Garner who later, as an individual jazz musician, made a powerful impression on me.

You’ve been playing jazz at Stage Door The Café for some time now. How did this come about? In a way it’s a continuation of the weekly jazz sessions that we started in 1980 at the Burnie Club Hotel. Later we moved to the Burnie Hotel (today’s Greens Hotel), then to Town House which later changed its name to the Chancellor Inn. Those sessions were finished in May 2005. With the opening of Stage Door the Café, the Burnie community has now acquired a new venue with jazz on its menu. Mr. Russell Jarvis, 12

SAUCE #64

With over twelve years’ experience, Archie has risen to be one of Australia’s top DJs. Just this year he was ranked in the top five DJs in his state and number twelve nationally. Originally starting off in Canberra at the tender age of twelve, he now resides in Sydney with several residencies at the likes of Home nightclub, along with constantly touring the country, playing at the biggest clubs and events. With many mix CDs under his belt and a signing to premier dance label Central Station Records, he has compiled an extensive array of his own productions which have been showcased as feature tracks on his mix CD series, Central Energy. Archie also participated in renowned Australian electronic act Endorphin for several years.

its proprietor, has supported jazz ever since the founding of the Jazz Action Society NW Tasmania in 1983. Our regular weekly jazz sessions commenced there in October 2005. The Swingtet has performed with many different musicians from around Tasmania. Who are some of your favourite ones to perform with, and why? Fred Bradshaw, Greg Harrison, Kelly Ottaway, Alistair Dobson and James Maddock. It’s a combination of two reasons;

For how long do you see yourself playing the Jazz Club shows at Stage Door? Do you plan to move on to different things at all? I’m quite happy playing jazz once a week at the Stage Door, in combination with my daily piano practice at home, for as long as it works. For the rest of the year I have some other jazz-related activities; helping to organise the Devonport Jazz Festival as its Musical Director; keeping the Jazz Action Society NW Tasmania alive; assistance with the jazz section of the Classical Meets Jazz concert at the Arboretum in Eugenana, and occasional gigs in Melbourne or overseas. The Viktor Zappner Swingtet plays Stage Door The Café in Burnie on the 20th and 27th of March and the 3rd of April.

LLOYD SPIEGEL With fifteen years, six albums and a swag of accolades to his name, Lloyd Spiegel is one of the most experienced young blues artist in Australia. As a performer since age ten, He formed his first band at thirteen and recording his first CD at fifteen. Now in his mid-twenties, Lloyd has established himself and one this country’s leading blues artists. Combining his youthful enthusiasm with experience and presence well beyond his years, his incredible command of the guitar, powerful voice and high energy performance captivates any audience. As a solo artist since 1995, Lloyd has performed in Australia’s premier music venues from the Palace and the Continental to the HiFi Bar as well as headlining two sellout shows at the world-renowned Melbourne Concert Hall. In that time, he’s been billed with the very best talent Australia has to offer. Between writing, recording and extensive touring within Australia, Lloyd has travelled worldwide with tours to Germany, Italy, Japan and the U.S.A where he’s toured coast-to-coast seven times. During these tours he’s performed at some of the world’s best blues venues and largest festivals. He’s played bills with legendary blues artists including Buddy Guy, Etta James and Ray Charles. Lloyd Spiegel plays Launceston’s Royal Oak on the 28th of March.

160 Elphin Road L a u n c e s t o n TA S 7 2 5 0

Live music Woodfired pizzas Extensive bottleshop ph: 03 6331 1344 fax: 03 6331 2191 e: thenewsteadhotel@hotmail.com


GIG GUIDE

19TH MARCH - 1ST APRIL

WEDNESDAY 19TH HOBART Brisbane Hotel Chimp Malitia Republic Bar & Café Muscles @ 9PM Syrup Rewind @ 9PM Victoria Tavern John & Craig

THURSDAY 20TH BURNIE Stage Door the Café Viktor Zappner Swingtet + Alistair Dobson @ 7:30PM

HOBART Alley Cat Bar Genevieve and Jezebel + Great Earthquake + Transcription of Organ Music + Lex @ 9:30PM Brisbane Hotel Hyperdonia + The Riot Act Republic Bar & Café The No No’s @ 9PM

WEDNESDAY 26TH HOBART Alley Cat Bar Wide Angle Film Night @ 7:30PM Brisbane Hotel Simon Astley (Melb) + Ben Wells Republic Bar & Café Blue Flies @ 9PM Syrup Rewind @ 9PM Victoria Tavern John & Craig

LAUNCESTON Royal Oak Open Mic Night

THURSDAY 27TH BURNIE

Alley Cat Bar Boarding Party @ 9:30PM

Victoria Tavern Jeremy Matcham

Brisbane Hotel Ivy St, + Viva Computer + EC4 + Jarred Spurr Republic Bar & Café Lloyd Spiegel @ 9PM

Royal Oak Short Daze @ 9PM

Syrup Mesh – Adam Turner + Guests @ 9PM

HOBART Alley Cat Bar Bob Log III One Man Band (Tucson, Arizona) + Gene Bob & The Slaughterhouse Band @ 9:30PM

Victoria Tavern Jeremy Matcham

LAUNCESTON Royal Oak Samuel Bester @ 9PM

FRIDAY 28TH BURNIE HOBART

Republic Bar & Café Let The Cat Out @ 10PM

Brisbane Hotel Nevetherym + Leicohtica + Zero Degrees Freedom + Solar Thorn

Victoria Tavern Crikey

LAUNCESTON James Hotel Symbiosis

SATURDAY 22ND HOBART Alley Cat Bar Loud Music Finale Party – Viva Computer + Lights in Trees + Stratos Roussos + Gretel Templeton + Tim Downey + Joanies Plastic Sunday + Rowan Smith + Abbey Doggett + Andrew Davis + Floyd Thursby + Oberon Carter + Ben Crombie + Bradfield Dumpleton + Carlee Rollins + Andy Wear + Crystal Campbell + David McEldowney + Lana Chilcott + Sam Page + Ian Murtagh + The Sign + Jane McArthur + Tom Hyland + Tony Brennan + Melanie Gent + Chris Coleman + Dean Stevenson + Shan Hooper + Alex Duncan + Lucien Simon + James Parry + The Black Swan + The Frets + The Overview @ 12PM Brisbane Hotel Psycroptic + Beyond Terror Beyond Grace + Solar Thorn + Zero Degrees Freedom – ALL-AGES The Assassinators (Denmark) + The Roobs + Crux (Syd) + The She Rats Republic Bar & Café Symboisis @ 10PM Syrup Downstairs – Naughts + Rolly + Billy Bob @ 9PM State Cinema Flickerfest – “The Bold, The Brave, The Best” Short Film Showcase @ 7PM The Loft Stand Defiant + MDK + The Turnaround + Special Guest @ 9PM Victoria Tavern Ready or What

SUNDAY 23RD HOBART Alley Cat Bar Floyd Thursby (Melb) + Ally Mok @ 6:30PM Raincheck Lounge Live Acoustic Music

Alley Cat Bar Tracksuit @ 9:30PM

Republic Bar & Café The Gin Club + Mike Noga And The Gentlemen Of Fortune @ 9PM Syrup Archie + Amber Savage Downstairs – Nick C + Reme @ 10PM Victoria Tavern Vendetta

LAUNCESTON 39 Bar Horsell Common + Trial Kennedy Royal Oak Lloyd Spiegel @ 9PM

SATURDAY 29TH BURNIE Stage Door the Café Cailtin Corbel’s American Dream @ 7:30PM

HOBART Alley Cat Bar Dameza + DJ Grotesque @ 9:30PM Brisbane Hotel Horsell Common + Trial Kennedy + Mere Theory Republic Bar & Café Diafrix @ 10PM Syrup DFD – Kir + Adam Turner + Corney Downstairs – Naughts + Rolly + Billy Bob @ 9PM Victoria Tavern Smashers

LAUNCESTON Royal Oak Ian Beecroft + Gerry Balding @ 9PM

SUNDAY 30TH HOBART Alley Cat Bar Tim Downey @ 6:30PM Raincheck Lounge Live Acoustic Music Republic Bar & Café A-Love + Heads Of State @ 9PM

MONDAY 31ST HOBART Victoria Tavern Christian

MONDAY 24TH

WEDNESDAY 2ND

Republic Bar & Café G.B. Balding (Finger Picking Blues) @ 8:30PM

THURSDAY 20TH

WEDNESDAY 26TH

Genevieve and Jezebel, Great Earthquake, Transcription of Organ Music & Lex $4 - 9.30pm

Wide Angle Film Night 7.30pm - Free Entry

THURSDAY 27TH

FRIDAY 21ST

Boarding Party 9.30pm - $4

Bob Log III One Man Band supp by Gene Bob & The Slaughterhouse Band 9.30pm $16 pre sale / $20 door

FRIDAY 28TH

SATURDAY 22ND

Tracksuit 9.30pm - $5

SATURDAY 29TH

Loud Music Finale Party 12 Hours of Original Music from Over 30 artists Midday til Midnight!!

Dameza and DJ Grotesque 9.30pm - Free Entry

SUNDAY 23RD

Tim Downey 6.30pm - Free Entry

Floyd Thursby (Melb) + Ally Mok 6.30pm - Free Entry

SUNDAY 30TH

MARCH

Short Daze

THURSDAY 20TH

at 9pm

Samuel Bester

THURSDAY 27TH

at 9pm

Lloyd Spiegal

FRIDAY 28TH

at 9pm

Ian Beecroft & Gerry Balding

SATURDAY 29TH

at 9pm

GREAT FOOD

OPEN MIC NIGHT

TH E LAST W EDNES DAY

OF EVERY MONTH

OPEN 7 DAYS

14 Brisbane Street, Launceston 6331 5346

Republic Bar & Café Cake Walking Babies @ 9PM

HOBART

381 Elizabeth Street North Hobart - ph: 03 6231 2299

Stage Door the Café Chris Lynch & Brendan Munro @ 8PM

Brisbane Hotel Psycroptic + Beyond Terror Beyond Grace + Solar Thorn + Ghost & The Storm Outside

Syrup Downstairs – Nick C + Reme @ 10PM

The Alley Cat Bar

HOBART

39 Bar Stand Defiant + MDK + The Turnaround @ 9PM

Spurs/Warehouse Stand Defiant + MDK + The Turnaround + Victory Avenue @ 9PM

Now open Sundays 4pm onwards Live music 6 nights per week

Republic Bar & Café Loren And Band @ 9PM

State Cinema Flickerfest – “International 1” Short Film Showcase @ 7PM

DEVONPORT

Queen Victoria 1819-1904

HOBART

Stage Door the Café Viktor Zappner Swingtet + Greg Harrison @ 7:30PM

FRIDAY 21ST

“Give my people beer, Good beer, cheap beer, And there will be no Revolution among them”

TUESDAY 25TH

Syrup Mark Dynamix + Gillie + Adam Turner

LAUNCESTON

Alley Cat

Victoria Tavern Christian

HOBART Syrup Rewind @ 9PM

Venue Guide BURNIE Stage Door The Cafe 254 Mount St Upper Burnie 64322600

HOBART Curly’s Bar 112 Murray St 6234 5112 www.curlysbar.com.au Hotel Soho 124 Davey St 6234 5975 Syrup 1st Floor 39 Salamanca Place 6224 8249 Republic Bar 299 Elizabeth St 6234 6954 www.republicbar.com The Brisbane Hotel 3 Brisbane St 6234 4920 thebrisbanehotelhobart@gmail.com The Alley Cat Bar 381 Elizabeth St 6231 2299 LAUNCESTON James Hotel Reality Niteclub / James Bar 122 York St, 6334 7231 www.jameshotel.com.au The Hub 1 Tamar St 6334 9288 www.tamarbackpackers.com The Newstead Hotel 160 Elphin Rd 6331 1344 The Royal Oak 14 Brisbane St 6331 5346 Yourbar 106 George Street 6334 2490

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FILM

ARTS

FILM - HOBART // FLICKERFEST

Putting short films on the big screen

By Tom Wilson

It’s time once again for lovers of fine short films to head to Hobart’s State Cinema, because Flickerfest is back, and is boasting a showcase of films culled from more than a thousand national and international entries. I spoke to festival director and filmmaker Bronwyn Kidd … Firstly, what do you think makes Flickerfest unique? Well, I think the fact that we’re an international competition, so we’re receiving … for example, this year thirteen hundred entries from around the world, and also that we’re Academy-accredited, which means that we’ve had that nod of approval from the Academy in America, which says that our competition is of a world standard. And I think it’s also the diversity of films that we screen; we’re screening, for example, special showcases like “The Bold, The Brave, The Best”, and we’ve got the international competition, we’ve got the Australian competition … so it really is a wide range of the best short films that the world has to offer, and that’s really what Flickerfest is about. Thirteen hundred entries this year? Wow – that must have taken ages to review. Who views these? Oh, it’s a big process. We’ve got a selection committee of about thirty people that are involved in the festival that watch and get through all of those short films. So it’s a big process; it takes about three months, from when the films first start to come in to the office, until we finalise the program. So a lot of film-watching [and] a lot of decisions to get the thirteen hundred entries down to the eighty-five that end up in the final competition. The film festival is now on the road, isn’t it? Yeah, and it will be the second year that we’ve been in Hobart. This year we’ve expanded the program in Hobart from one night to two, so we’re bringing two programs to Hobart, as we will be screening our international program as well as our opening night program, and that’s got some really remarkable films in it, including Paul McDermott’s film, the AFI award-winning Girl Who Swallowed Bees. For future reference – for the next time entries open for the festival – what are some of the criteria that filmmakers should keep in mind when submitting films? Well, it’s anything under thirty minutes. We don’t put forward any kind of themes; we’re not like a festival that’s asking you to make something with a theme in it. We’re just really looking for people’s work that they’ve made purely out of passion and creativity that they want to enter into festivals. And we’re really looking for – like everyone is, I guess – outstanding short films; new ideas, new stories … not films that kind of replicate something else that they’ve seen, but a really unique and creative idea that’s told in a truly innovative way. Within the short film genre, I think you should be playing with the form, coming up with new visual ideas, all

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SAUCE #64

PUSH TO THE EDGE – AN EXHIBITION OF PAINTINGS AND SCULPTURES BY DEANNA GUMLEY ARTS ALIVE ART-SPACE – 18TH MARCH – 3RD APRIL What began as a love of making objects from rocks, trees and clay as a child with the rugged west coast of Tasmania as her playground has progressed into a lifelong passion for Gravelly Beach artist Deanna Gumley. Deanna completed her Bachelor of Fine Arts at the University of Tasmania in the early 90s before moving to Victoria, where she has exhibited widely in group and solo exhibitions. Returning to Tasmania in 2005, Deanna has reconnected with her creative roots, and this is her first solo exhibition since then.

“… We’ve had that nod of approval from the Academy in America, which says that our competition is of a world standard …”

those kinds of things that will make your film stand out from all the other entries. Do you have much filmmaking experience yourself, or did you come into this through a more … managing an art gallery, or working in a screen organisation? No, I’m a filmmaker – I come from that background. I’ve got a degree in film … making documentaries, mainly. I’ve made some short films as well, but mainly my background is making documentaries, and few of them that have been on SBS. Really, I’m more interested in … well, I love independent cinema in general – that’s short films and all sorts of films that are independent and outside of that kind of Hollywood formulaic model, really – but my main interest is in social justice issues, and particularly indigenous issues in Australia. So what does the future hold for Flickerfest? Well, we really look forward to continuing to deliver to au-

diences throughout Australia the latest and best short films from around the world. It grows every year. We have the collaboration of over twenty countries from around the world, so we’re really looking to just grow the festival, continue to grow the profile of the festival internationally, and continue to bring to audiences programs of the best short films that are surprising and entertaining and innovative and cutting-edge and all the things that you expect fresh new cinema to be. The 17th Flickerfest international short film festival kicks off at the State Cinema in Hobart on the 20th of March with its International 1 program, followed by “The Bold, The Brave, The Best” (thirty years of Australian animation) on the 22nd. www.flickerfest.com.au

Through sculpture and mixed media/paintings, Gumley explores issues of humanity’s desecration of the landscape and portrays the struggle of our ecosystems to survive. The majority of the materials in her work are found and discarded objects from nature, such as twigs, fallen branches, pods, feathers, bones etc. used to represent the growing and living past. “To bring these objects into the present I use manmade products to redistribute the original [object] until it is altered, thus my art represents the vulnerability of our planet, which is rapidly being destroyed by human encroachment and the systems imposed on us,” Deanna said. Push to the Edge is an exhibition which, through its use of found objects incorporated with man-made materials, creates a quirky space in which the viewer is invited to question their own relationship to, and understanding of, the underlying complexity of nature and its communities and ecosystems. Push to the Edge will open on Tuesday the 18th March at 6pm, and runs to Thursday the 3rd April.


CD REVIEWS SUBURBAN MOVEMENT 3 Heavy Is As Heavy Does

OUR LAST NIGHT The Ghosts Among Us

Tracks selected by heavy metal producer DW Norton, Suburban Movement 3 is a compilation of Australia’s “best” unsigned metal bands as of 2007. Overall, the album shows a very narrow view of heavy metal, with almost all bands utilising guttural vocals, speed drumming, and a lack in lyrical creativity. Out of over thirty different sub-genres that come under the metal banner, you will only hear about three or four on this CD, and the tracks that are a different style are so few and far apart that they just seem out of place. Some tracks of interest include Tenth Dan’s Execution, which is a fast-paced hardcore song, showing some impressive guitar riffs and a tight bombardment of sound that will tear your head apart. Also, the bonus track of the CD, Bitterness, a melodic nu-metal song performed by Burns Unit was written by producer DW Norton and gives a recognisable insight into his musical interests. The production on most of the tracks is of a good standard, and as a death metal/hardcore album it’s pretty decent, but as a compilation of metal, it really just doesn’t cover enough of the genres, and fans of thrash, glam, black, hair, sleaze, power, industrial, doom or old-school will be hardpressed to find something of interest on this CD.

THE LAST GOODNIGHT Poison Kiss

When I came across the growling vocals of fifteenyear-old Trevor Wentworth, I was skeptical as to whether this band had anything new to offer, considering the ever-popular trend of emo/rock bands already dominating the scene. Was this going to be another generic band? The band’s formula runs on the popular growl-andclean vocal crossover with a backbone of melodic guitar and driving drums and bass, along with catchy choruses and breakdowns. Considering none of the band members are over twenty years of age, they have achieved a great start in signing with a decent record label. The New Hampshire quintet’s debut album is produced by Steve Evetts. There is not much variety on offer throughout the album, with all songs sounding quite similar. The band may come across as a commercial prospect because of their age and songwriting skills, to the extent of seeming to not have their own sound and going with the common trend that leaves nothing to the listener’s imagination. I personally enjoy the clean-and-growl bands, but unfortunately find the ten-yearold-sounding vocals of Wentworth too annoying, bringing some half-decent tracks down. The band does produce some catchy songs like Escape and Dreamcatcher – proof that, in their case, the clean vocals work the best.

PLAIN WHITE T’S Every Second Counts

The Last Goodnight are from Enfield, Connecticut. In late 2006 the band signed to Virgin Records and has since then changed their name from Renata to The Last Goodnight. Many people would have heard their first single Pictures Of You which became a radio hit in the summer of 2007, and that served as my only knowledge of the band when approaching this LP. The first time I listened to Poison Kiss I honestly didn’t think it was anything special, but with a second listen my mind changed. I certainly wouldn’t say it’s one of the best albums I’ve heard, but that’s not to say that parts of it aren’t quite good. Poison Kiss is an album of twelve cinematic, selfcontained songs, rife with classic rock influences but with a modern resonance; piano-driven but guitar heavy and at once rhythmic, lush and soulful. If you liked The Last Goodnight’s first single Pictures Of You then I would highly recommend this album. LEANN KACZMARSKI

Plain White T’s originated from Lombard, Illinois, and this, their fourth album, has proved to be the most successful since they signed to Hollywood Records. The album was released in September 2007, and was preceded by their first single, Hate (I Really Don’t Like You). Hey There Delilah was released on Fearless Records in 2006 but didn’t get into the charts, but when Hollywood Records re-released it in 2007, it finally broke its way in. The majority of the songs throughout the album are about hook-ups and break-ups and the emotional rollercoaster in between. Most of the songs sound upbeat, but if you pay attention to the lyrics it’s a completely different story; however upbeat the drums and guitar riffs get, the lyrics are deep and very personal. If you are looking for an album that has a heap of energy, songs that you can sing along with, or just songs that will easily get stuck in your head, then you can’t go past this fantastic album. If you like either Hate (I Really Don’t Like You) or Hey There Delilah then you just have to get your hands on this album. LEANN KACZMARSKI

DAVID WALKER

KYLE TOTH

STRUTH BE TOLD

Who hasn’t watched Fight Club and thought, “Yeah – maybe if I smacked my friends around a bit I’d alleviate some of this pedestrian, inner-city tension. Maybe I am getting a bit soft. Have I ever even been in a fight? When was the last time I tried a ninja kick at book club, or a full nelson at Friday night drinks?” Naturally, you’d never follow through. Fighting is, as the aforementioned movie realistically depicts, quite bloody. We’ve all got work and school tomorrow, who can afford the black eyes and savaged teeth? No, Fight Club would just never work here, fortunately I’ve thought of a consumer-friendly “Fight Club lite” variation. It’s called “Food Slap Club.” The rules are simple. The first rule of Food Slap Club is talk about Food Slap Club. It’s free publicity! I’m not an idiot. The second rule is don’t go for the face. The third rule is you have to wear an orange tie on Thursdays. No reason. Food Slapping can happen wherever you like; there are no leaders or secret meetings – it’s just a vaguely antisocial subculture that can coexist within society in the same way as flashmobs, or the spoken word scene. Food Slapping consists of knocking food out of someone’s hands. The best way to do this is suddenly and firmly – really send that plate flying. Then, just walk away. There’s no need for taunts or ribbing – you’ve said enough. It’s best to avoid eye contact as well. Your victims should never see you coming, or going; they’ll be too busy picking up their spreadeagled stir-fry. Going back through my own past, I can count many instances when a few Food Slaps a day could have really calmed my nerves. Uni is a great example. Picture this; you’re right under the hammer for a communication essay due last week, it’s the day before Austudy, you’re broke, and coming down with the flu. You wander through the uni bar only to see some jock with a sausage roll coming towards you. You stop, wait till he’s level and whap! You backhand the sausage roll straight out of his hands. It flies out of sight, skidding across the dance floor in its own sauce. The guy is left standing like a stunned gorilla. You take a defiant breath and keep walking. You feel stronger than you have in years. Some more examples; you’re out late, a Saturday night, some Supre budgie is squawking away near a takeaway stand. Her slice of pizza, gone! You’re on your way home from work, some emo wanders out of a fish and chip place awkwardly nursing a tray of burgers. Smack! Burgers are no more. In a fancy restaurant, the smug yuppie behind you puts a forkful of seafood up to his mouth. Slappity! A Federer forehand sends his morsel flying away with a satisfying clatter. “Waiter! Bill please.” You’ll feel like the Neo of the food world. It’s as if you can see the molecules between your hand and the food. They were meant to be together! So next time you’re feeling under the pump and just can’t explain that burning void, avoid your usual routine of vices and self-loathing, and just knock that ice cream right out of that god-damn snotty little kid’s hand! Food Slap Club unite! P.S. If this still all sounds too violent then stay tuned for Pillow Fight Club. JUSTIN HEAZLEWOOD

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Sauce - Issue 64, 19-3-08