Can the divorced participate in the life of the Church?

Dino Durando is director of the Office of Domestic Church and Discipleship and Office of Marriage and Family Life.

This is one of the most frequent things I have beenasked in the past two decades serving the Church.

Some people approach this issue without asking questions at all. I’ve been confronted many times by people who accuse the Churchof excluding divorced people, making them feel unwelcome or even excommunicating them. Therefore, I was not surprised when comments about the divorced were made by many participants in the Synodal Listening Sessions in our diocese this past year.

I know that many divorced people feel unwelcome. There are even statistics that prove this is true. I think this is due, in part, to the fact that many Catholics don’t understand the full expression of the teaching on the permanence of marriage nor the status of divorced Catholics. I myself am a child of divorce, so I know the sting of rejection and even condemnation sometimes expressed towards the divorced and their children.

Let’s clear the air with some basic teachings. For Catholics, marriage when validly entered into is a permanent sacrament that creates a bond that only the death of one spouse can separate. When civil divorce occurs, the status of the divorced depends upon their role and guilt. In fact, there are situations in which civil divorce may be necessary: “If civil divorce remains the only possible way of ensuring certain legal rights, the care of the children or the protection of inheritance, it can be tolerated and does not constitute a moral offense.” (CCC 2383)

The Catechism provides further guidance to evaluate specific situations explaining that, “There is a considerable difference between a spouse who has sincerely tried to be faithful to the sacrament of marriage and is unjustly abandoned, and one who through his own grave fault destroys a canonically valid marriage.” (CCC 2386) In the situation described here, the one who abandons may be guilty of a mortal sin, but the abandoned has no guilt. The sinner can amend his or her life and go to confession. The one without sin can continue to receive Communion and exercise his or her rights as a baptized Catholic.

Merely knowing this teaching may not be enough. Quite a few comments from the Synodal Listening Sessions focused upon a perception that the Church fails to accompany people who feel that they are outside because they are divorced. This leaves us with a challenge going forward. Those who are active in Church life may need to ask ourselves, does our attitude and behavior toward the divorced communicate the love of God and an accurate response to their situation? If we are guilty of making someone feel unwelcome because they have been divorced, perhaps we can reach out to them to meet for coffee, pray together or extend an invitation to return to Mass.

The message of the Church is actually that all are welcome to attend Mass, but those in a state of mortal sin should not partake in Communion. This invitation to “come home” also includes an invitation to be reconciled with God. For some this involves the Sacrament of Penance and Reconciliation. Others may need more accompaniment towards full reconciliation, and this is where our priests and others in our parishes can help them. The role of the faithful is to invite and direct them to their pastors when appropriate.

A final thought: sometimes the situation of those who were divorced and have remarried without obtaining an annulment is conflated with those who are simply divorced. To learn more about how to best accompany people in that situation, please visit CatholicKey.org.