True friendship

Karen Ridder is a parishioner at St. James Parish in Liberty and a convert to the Catholic Faith. She graduated from the University of Missouri School of Journalism and has written for numerous publications in the Kansas City area. Karen and her husband Jeff have three sons and a daughter.

My middle son has two sets of brothers. There are the ones God gave him. Then, there’s the other two. I didn’t birth them. They don’t live in my home, but there is a certain rhythm in their relationship that indicates the bonds of true friendship.

The boys are silly together. They do stupid, lighthearted things. My son is so happy when he is with them. These friends hit a particular spot in his heart that brings out his best self. It’s beautiful to see.

The character of true friendship is often more elusive than it should be, and hard to help our children find. Creating opportunities for good friendships requires hard work and well-thought parenting. Often, the sacrifice to support those relationships is our own. It may look like allowing your house to become a mess again, or not worrying about how it looks, so your children can have friends over. It may mean an open-door policy for the neighbor kids no matter how many times they arrive on your doorstep. You may have to stay in, even help run, an activity you’d rather not deal with anymore, or start something new you swore you would never try. Perhaps you will find yourself sitting down with a child to work through slights and hurt for the benefit of a relationship, encouraging them to forgive and forget – even when you can’t yet do it yourself.

The sacrifices attached to friendship are worth it, because the mark of true friendship is indelible. It changes us forever, makes us better. Once we’ve had it, we don’t go back.

Jesus had a lot of friends. He was invited to parties. He had good times, but it wasn’t always easy. Even his true friends left, denied and even betrayed him. He forgave them and offered his hand of friendship again. Why? Because he knew we were made for this. Our God is a God of relationship. We were never meant to go the way alone. We are stronger with friends by our side.

Ecclesiastes 4:12 confirms, “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

I don’t know if my son will always hold these current “brothers” of his close, but I’m grateful he has them now. It means he can have the same kind of friendship again in the future if he chooses. True friendship is like that. It multiplies itself. Every new friendship in my own life is possible because of one that came before. Every time someone accepted me, loved me and let me know it was OK to be me, it gave me courage to offer that same grace to the next person.

Jesus believed in his friends, worked to keep them, gave them himself and it changed the world.

Why should we do anything less?