The Silent Trainer

Alisha Mino, Certified Health & Wellness Coach

BY ALISHA MINO PHOTOGRAPHY BY LANEY SKIDMORE

The world will tell you who you are. God will tell you who you are But who you tell yourself you are, is the driving force in your life.

Our internal truth ultimately creates our external expression. We have the ability to negate the negative and absorb or create the positive Then, speak it into existence with healthy self-talk Our self-talk is our personal silent trainer from within.

My Mam-maw, who was my rock, would always tell me as a little girl I was destined to be a storyteller. She’d say I was long winded and could talk the ears off of the masses.

Communication was most definitely my favorite past time and still is to this day. Fast forwarding to this pivotal point in my life today, I can see where what she saw lined up with a piece of my purpose A journey of twists and turns that led me right here, to the story of my untold awakening.

At the young age of seventeen I became a “teen mom.” My son was born one day before my eighteenth birthday and there I was, blowing out the candles on my cake in the hospital and feeling like I was on cloud nine. Not scared or regretful to have had him so early, only elated to be a mom.

Just a few months later I would complete the backwards trek by getting married to the father of my son. I was so in love and thought my life was complete. Finding myself excited and ready to dive into the life of a wife and mother Something I had always wanted early on.

Our internal truth ultimately creates our external expression

Shortly after our marriage began the honeymoon phase was over. A twisted tale and not at all the love story I had hoped for. From year one to year fifteen our marriage was sprinkled with questionable activity, affairs, alcoholism, physical, mental and emotional abuse. I did not know the depths of who I had fallen in love with and married, but now understand that hurt people, hurt people.

About three years into the marriage, I gained the courage to separate and tried to leave The separation lasted about three to four months and during this time we dove into counseling My heart was hopeful for reconciliation, yet in the back of my mind I was still apprehensive.

Shortly after him coming home we were expecting our second child, a little girl. The tools we learned throughout counseling only stretched over a short season and the band aid quickly fell off.

His drinking and partying flooded back in like a tidal wave, alongside of the physical abuse. I can remember being nine months pregnant and pinned up against the wall by my throat, balancing on my tippy toes thinking I was the most stupid woman in the world. How did I get back here again.

My ex-husband was a grand apologizer, and his excuses ran deep He would make all the promises that my heart wanted to believe, then follow up with handbags, puppies and family vacations As soon as just the right amount of time passed, the roller coaster of events would begin again.

Over the next decade it seemed to happen like a quarterly time bomb. A vicious cycle of love, abuse and forgiveness that seemed to have no end. I found myself in a habitual pattern yet with in each new season a piece of my light grew more and more dim.

I had conformed to living a life of eggshells and ticking time bombs. As a people pleaser, I often took responsibility of the mistakes he would make and thought to myself, if only I can be “better,” then x, y and z wouldn’t occur I found a new level of survival in pacifying the beast and attempted to “control” every environment to achieve perfection for a “happy” home.

No matter what I attempted to do, the issues tended to occur like clockwork If only I knew then what I know now, and that is that we are not responsible for other people's actions I was a spirit beaten down to the core and I believed almost every ounce of what he said Embarrassed of the lifestyle I’d accepted in the name of love; I had slid into a pit and couldn’t seem to find my way out. I wanted so badly to be married and coming from a broken home myself, I wanted to give my children more. Despite my heart of hope, I only did more damage than good by the longer amount of time I stayed.

I knew we were stuck, and when the abuse was felt by them directly and indirectly, I begin to wake up If I didn’t have the desire to make a change for myself, I had to crawl out of this hole for them They were watching me.

I began going to school and dove whole heartedly into to church Still resting on a glimmer of hope that my husband would attend church with me but no longer waiting around or holding my breath. The deep love I once had for him had ended and I was scavenging for a way out for good. I had to rescue my children and rescue myself at that point in time.

I can remember sitting in church one day and the pastor preaching a message on letting go. He gazed into the audience, looked directly into what felt like my soul and said, “it’s time to go.” I was sitting between my two children, and they simultaneously looked up at me and said, “Mom, he’s talking to you.” I broke. Immediately following that service on Monday morning, I filed for divorce. A divine moment of impact, it was beyond time.

Growing into that moment I had begun my journey from being a victim, to having self-awareness of myself, my needs and my children’s situation. I had taken responsibility for the mistakes I personally had made and pulled a level of boundaries out of my back pocket that I never knew existed, with the strength from the man upstairs. I was running on a newfound “healthy” hope.

When he found out I had filed for divorce I was told no one would ever love me again, no one would want me me because I was overweight, no man would want to raise another man's kids, I was a terrible wife, poor lover and overall undesirable. He reminded me that if I got away, I would be the last one to ever leave him. Yet with every trembling bone in my body, I proceeded. I already knew what that life was filled with for the kids and I if I stayed and that God had promised a more abundant life ahead if I just let go.

So, I did.

In the midst of our divorce my daughter was a beacon of redeeming love. I walked into my bathroom one Sunday morning after church and she had written on every ounce of the mirrors all the goodness she saw in me. “You are beautiful. You are strong. You are capable. You are courageous. You are my hero.”

A magic spell of memory loss gently began, and a newfound spark was lit inside of my heart. I allowed her pure God given words to enter and her fathers to exit. My child’s truth began to become my truth and a seed of self-love and positive self-talk was planted. A seed planted and an everlasting garden of health and wellness would begin to grow within.

Looking back now it all seems so foreign. I want to hold that twenty-year-old girl who went back over and over again and tell her her worth. I simultaneously want to shake her and wake her up from the intoxicated state of her twisted reality. But the truth of the matter is, no one is ready for change … until they are ready for change.

The life I was growing through had purpose. He uses all things for good right? Absolutely.

The journey leading up to the final push of the divorce forced me to muster up all the strength I had. And no matter how deep I dug, it wasn’t enough. I was at rock bottom. I called on God.

I call it my “green carpet moment.”

I found myself sobbing all alone in the middle of my dad’s living room floor, surrounded by green carpet. I had hit my knees and surrendered it all to God.

I remember telling God, “If there’s purpose in this journey I’ll keep going, but right now I am exhausted and want to quit.” As clear as the audible voices they portray in the movies … God spoke to me. He said, your purpose will be in your testimony, and it will be shared to the masses on a stage.

That moment of impact birthed the new journey I walk out today.

Three days later my phone rang, and it was my friend Melissa from Oklahoma City. She called and asked me to share my testimony in OKC and to help build an event for women we later titled “Warrior Cry.” I had a reason to keep going and I plan to never stop again.

When we step out in Faith and surrender all we have to God, He shows up and shows off He just needs us to be the hands and feet, to be willing to move and He will take care of the rest.

We have one body that must last us a lifetime.

Today I am just as long winded as ever. Imagine that. I help my son and run our 501c3 nonprofit titled Roses Giving Back. He started it at the young age of eighteen, (same age as when I birthed him) to help single moms who suffered from abuse and/or illness make ends meet during Christmas. We recently celebrated our 9th annual fundraising event in Tennessee with a concert performed by my son pka, John Rose Full circle moment.

My daughter Logan is double majoring in criminal law and forensic psychology at the university and is a force to be reckoned with She has a heart for justice and is a business owner as well. Another full circle moment.

I recently launched my very own woman’s retreat known as The Big Open Space. It’s a space where the mind, body, soul and spirit find rest and are reset. A place where The Silent Trainer gets to tell her story and encourages others to do the same.

Just a safe open space to simply, “talk about it.” Here we practice mindset therapy, to inspire healthy self-talk as well. We discuss our God given purposes and have fun celebrating the life He has gifted us! Ten years in the making for a time such as this Our next retreat will be February 2024 in Van Texas and we will end the year in Tuscany, Italy Another full circle moment.

Throughout my journey I learned that not only was allowing God to lead me important, leading myself in spiritual, emotional and physical health was of high value as well. We have one body that must last us a lifetime.

In order to keep myself accountable in this season of life, I reached out to Get Shelby Strong. Shelby is a physical trainer and life coach, who he helps me mentally and physically stay on track. I’m committed to being a lifetime learner and evolving into whatever it is God calls me to be. To do that, you need community and partners in life.

To the girl who once thought taking care of herself first was selfish, I now realize it’s simply proper order If I take care of myself first I will have the endurance to care for others and run my race well.

I didn’t know I’d have a testimony and a story to tell. But my Mam-maw did, and she was right. I’m a storyteller.

The Silent Trainer was planted within me as a little girl. Birthed out of me as a woman who would peel her way out from a cocoon of abuse.

Sprinkled with just enough courage and tenacity to tell anyone who will listen, in hopes of encouraging and inspiring.

Alisha Mino can be reached at TheSilentTrainer.com and on Instagram @thesilenttrainer and @thebigopenspace