What Drives Our Choices

What Drives Our Choices at The Crossroads in Life?

What drives your choices when you think of being at a crossroads and having to make a significant decision? What are the filters that you run a decision or choice through? Some people can make snap decisions. In contrast, others will contemplate the many outcomes and often find themselves incapacitated, making a slow decision or even no decision. By the way, making no decision is actually the decision. Today our country is at a crossroads in many aspects.

Let’s explore what I believe are two particularly hard to ignore reasons behind choices when a person is at a crossroads. Two factors exist that most don’t completely understand or might not ever had hear of, much less referenced. However, you have likely read or heard something that referenced “the choice between good and evil.” It’s even used an example with the definition of the word choice. Although this sounds straightforward, I’d like to share that it can often be altered by one of two filters for choices that I will cover in this piece.

We’re going to discover how one topic that can divide a family, the church, or even a country could be altered with two filters that are hard to ignore once you’ve thought of any decision this way. A while back, I read one of those cute little signs that folks hang on a wall outside or on a special place for funny or even philosophical words of wisdom. It read, “To become old and wise, you must first be young and stupid.” Interesting, really. I want you to think about Life Stage vs. Life Age. Read it again if you need to because these are the two filters that I’m going to evaluate which could alter someone’s choices at a crossroad decision.

I want you to keep in mind that these samples I’ll discuss are NOT my actual opinions in most cases. They are merely suggestions of how we might view someone else’s choice with civility and understanding. I’m not suggesting you agree or change your mind. I’m suggesting that we make decisions daily and are often driven by life stage or life age. Let’s take something simple like the excessive speed at which someone drives through my neighborhood. There is a life age that this absent-minded teen could have been me. Yet, at the life stage when my children were small and could have quickly darted out into the street to get a ball or runaway skateboard, I was appalled at these kids speeding through our quiet little neighborhood. Stay with me for a few minutes to fifteen years later. Now, an officer stops one of my children to reinforce the memory of the speed limit in our neighborhood. He shares the danger of driving even five miles an hour over the speed limit with children playing near the streets.

America is at a crossroads on many issues. Some have been debated for years, while others are just recycled concerns with a new twist. For example, I don’t remember being concerned about the benefits offered at a job I had when I was in my early 20’s—a thought driven by my life age. Yet, today, with some previous issues and health scares, the benefits I have available to me are examined closely because of my life stage. On some of the concerns that I’ll pose in this story, keep in mind the age of our country’s population. What age group is growing the fastest, and what is the minority of age groups? I believe you’ll see some cycles in our decisions that have surfaced and been debated before.

When you consider the great debate over Roe V Wade, it’s important to remember that some faiths believe life begins at conception while others believe life begins at birth. I have a friend who is strongly opposed to abortion today. Most people don’t know that at one point in her life (at a very young, unmarried -life age) she chose to discontinue a pregnancy. Now, with her multiple children, she is adamantly opposed and says once she understood (life stage) and had a family, it was crystal clear to her what was right. While many are raised in homes where this is discussed and are taught the consequences of abortion versus adoption, there are still those who don’t have this faith-built upbringing. This is not my debate. If you look closely at many of these crossroad decisions made, I’m attempting to share that they are often driven by the largest groups in a particular life stage or age group. It isn’t always the same, but it can be.

As an older mother when my son was born, I found myself carpooling, going to school events, and socializing with many moms younger than I was. It never really crossed my mind that we wouldn’t be lifelong friends. I found that although these were special relationships, they were driven by the life stage that often put us

tin the same social events. After we became empty nesters, we were already grandparents from our older children. Now, this is our life stage. I’m not as concerned that I’ll miss something local happening if it means I can get to a game or event to see my grands participate. Many of my long-term friendships are those in my profession, the friends I see on the road or at a speaking event. These are still “current” events for me, so I often see these individuals more than those moms I shared time with early on. Life stage and life age will help filter decisions when you find yourself at a crossroads in life.

Recently, I lost my mother-in-law. She lived an amazing and full life, indeed. On the same day, almost within the same hour she was buried, our community lost an exceptionally sweet, spirited soul. Although it was hard for our family to say goodbye to the matriarch of the Majors family, we found peace in her passing with the life she had lived and her many memories made. At age 96, her life age made it easier to accept. With the sudden loss of Martha Martinez, both her life age and life stage made it hard to accept. She was a young 60, my exact age. She still had so much to offer the young children she spent her days with and the church family she had spent her life with—still so much life to live and memories to be made. Yet, we must find the same peace in both losses: a peace that only He can provide. A peace that surpasses all understanding. A peace that can help drive your decisions when you find yourself at a crossroads.

When my husband was told in the summer of 2020 that his hands were not getting better and that only a surgery that would require six months recovery for each hand separately might help, he knew that at his life stage, he should be preparing for what was next. He was told to cut back to 2 or 3 days but pushed on. It’s what he has always done. He knows how to work and does work that he loves— still taking courses in April, June, and July of this year, learning how to serve at a higher level and be a master dentist. On September 8th, when he was told his hands had progressed beyond repair, it was devasting just the same. His life age might support retirement, but his mind and life stage do not. Although he is considered disabled from clinical dentistry, he is ready for what’s next. He never really considered “disability” as an option because of his life stage. Physically healthy, strong and committed to learning even at his life age, he in his life stage is about keeping his hands and mind busy for what is good, continuing to give back, and doing the work that he can. How would our family have navigated these last several weeks with my mother-in-law’s many needs and now preparing her many lifelong treasures for their final home? I share this only to say, life age and life stage can help you with meaningful choices when you at the crossroads in your life. We now believe He is doing this for us, not to us. This belief is also a choice.

In the 2020 census, the largest group of our population was those 18-44, the ages many would consider childbearing ages. This could be a reason for more debate about Pro-Life than in some years or some elections in the past. This might always be a subject the population wants a candidate to weigh in on. If you follow the voices and the votes, you’ll often see a correlation of life age and life stage. In addition, you’ll see an age group that might once have been considered free-spirited is now considered to be an ultra-conservative generation. When you look at the population numbers, you’ll discover another startling fact about age demographics in our country. America is aging, and with increased life expectancy and the boomer population, we will have significant issues to debate with our assistance programs for these seniors. It is projected that by 2030 when all boomers will be over the age of 65, one in five Americans will be older adults. Where do you think the crossroad decisions will be moving knowing this trend?

America and her people are at a crossroads. Many decisions made now will impact our children and grandchildren more than ever in the past. Today’s decisions will drive tomorrow’s technology and jobs. Today’s decisions will matter most based on beliefs, life stage, and life age. Will we be a nation of generosity at the expense of our own? Will we be a nation of love and compassion? Will you be driven by facts controlled by social media, or will you do your research and dig deeper for greater understanding and better decisions? If we take our eyes off Him, we could be driven by misleading choices and propaganda that will not serve humanity well in the future. I’m going to ask that you look deep into these significant decisions you must make and consider that prayer will heal our nation, our families, and will give us greater guidance and decision-making tools. Perhaps next time you can’t understand how someone could choose so differently than you, you’ll consider the life stage or life age. Then seek to understand what might be driving the decisions of others at crossroads in life.

JoAn Majors is a professional speaker and published author. She is a member of the National Speakers Association, Global Speakers Network, Speaking and Consulting Network, and other professional organizations. She holds a Certified Speaking Professional (CSP) designation held by less than 12% of professional speakers worldwide. It is the highest earned international measure of professional platform competence. She is also a Certified Virtual Presenter. In addition to her four books, she has been published in 30 plus newsletters and magazines.

JoAn is co-founder, content, and curriculum creation specialist for The Soft Skills Institute. She delivers keynotes, 3- and 6-hour seminars, and workshops training trainers to have a more significant impact and retention with adult learning techniques. Today some of her favorite work is coaching new and veteran speakers who want to move their audiences, large or small. To learn more or see her in action, visit www.joanmajors.com.