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A Speci a l Supplement to the Tr ac y Pr ess


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Table Of Contents Page 3 |

‘Will you?’ ‘I do!’ Proposals don’t have to be perfect

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A therapist’s advice Know how to love and who you’re loving

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A minister’s advice Keep it simple or invite disaster

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The delegator Let usual niceties work for you

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Planning So much to do, so little time

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Venues Find your magic spot

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A Tracy tale Married in Tank Town

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Day of days Let go and enjoy your wedding

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Generations That was the way they did it then

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’’Til Til death do us part A love story 70 years in the making


The words that start it all Marriage proposals are as unique as the relationships that inspire them Tracy Press

Few phrases carry as much sweat as this one: “Will you marry me?” After all, every time someone pops that question, one of those “forever” memories is created. Surely, if it’s happened to you, the who-when-whereand-how of the marriage proposal is etched in your mind. Even if it hasn’t, you’ve probably thought about it. We asked readers to tell us how their spouses proposed to them, and here are some of their responses:

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pouch on his bike. My heart started pounding, and, even before I knew what was happening, he was down on one knee, with the most amazing ring, asking me to marry him! Of course I said, ‘YES!’ “We were so wrapped up in the emotion of what had just happened that we did not notice the rain as we rode back to town. We sat in the truck, rain pouring down around us, and called everyone we could think of to tell them the wonderful news of our engagement. “Todd and I have been married for three years now, and we have a beautiful 14-month-old son. I know we will celebrate many special Valentine’s Days together, but Feb. 14, 2004, is a memory that, for us, will never fade.” — Julie Wimberley, a high school teacher in Tracy, is married to Todd Wimberley.

Brian and Angela — A surprise at work “Well, Brian proposed to me in the most unconventional, unexpected way. I was at work, and Brian popped in to see how things were going and bring me a drink for my end-of-the-day stretch, as he often does. Right as I was finishing up a task, he said, ‘We have to talk.’ I said, ‘Oh, OK,’ my eyes not leaving the computer screen. “He said, ‘No, we really have to talk,’ and I turned around, and there was Brian in the middle of my workplace on one knee, ring box in hand. All I could say, over and over again, was, ‘Um, I’m at work.’ Finally, after the ‘Do you realize I’m at work’ comments wore off, I said yes. It was such a shocking way for him to propose, but I guess when a man’s ready, he’s ready, and there’s no stopping him!” — Angela Murry will marry Brian on Aug. 31.

Todd and Julie — Cupid’s bike ride “Valentine’s Day 2004 is forever etched in my heart. On this beautiful, crisp morning, Todd and I set out around lush Coronado Island (in San Diego) on our bikes. We began our ride in town and eventually wound around to the water’s edge. After a little while, he stopped at a picnic table overlooking the sailboat-filled marina. “Todd sat next to me as we looked out at the Coronado Bridge. He seemed a bit nervous when he said, ‘I’ve enjoyed every bike ride that we’ve had together, Julie, and I want to enjoy many more with you.’ He then got up and took a little black box out of the

Jeffrey and Susan — Picnic proposal

Jason and April — Italian romance

“He had just flown back into town after being away for a couple days. I was to pick him up, and he was to get our favorite take-out. We went to a scenic overlook where we liked to eat and talked about his trip. After dinner, while I was distracted by one of the brochures he had brought back, he came around the picnic table, got down on one knee with the ring that he had chosen and asked me to marry him. “It was memorable, because I was ecstatic that he asked — two days before our one-year anniversary and after eating the same meal we had on our very first date.”

“My fiancé, Jason, and I were engaged in Venice, Italy, on Oct. 13, 2007. We planned a nine-day vacation that was truly amazing. The final night of our trip, we took a gondola ride down the Grand Canal. Upon the completion of our ride, Jason requested that our gondolier take our picture. So I proceeded to turn and hand him the camera. When I turned back around,

Jason was on one knee with ring in hand. At first, I thought he wanted me to sit on his knee for the picture — it wasn’t until I saw the ring and he asked me to marry him that I truly knew what was going on. It was truly a surprise for me and an amazing proposal. It was the perfect end to a perfect vacation.” — April Bishop will marry Jason Edwards on Oct. 11, 2008

The Ideal Setting for Your Special Day!

— Susan Anderson will marry Jeffrey Haskett on Aug. 8, 2008

Sam and Lisa — Her favorite bench “Sam proposed to me while we were taking a walk in downtown Tracy. It was my birthday, and we had originally planned to go to San Francisco for the night, but I got off work really late and didn’t feel like making the drive out of town. “We agreed on going for a walk downtown, just because I love how it looks at night. We pulled up over by Main Street Music and got out and walked around for a bit, and then I noticed that Sam had become really, really nervous. I suggested that we sit down on a bench close by. All of a sudden, he said, ‘Hug me,’ so I gave him a hug, and he was shaking, which made me nervous, too. “Then he positioned himself on the bench facing me and pulled out a little red box. He opened it, and there was a ring! Then he said, ‘Will you marry me?’ I stuttered but managed to say, ‘Yes!’ and then he gave me the ring, which had etched inside, ‘L&S 5-23-07’ which is Lisa & Sam and my birthday, the day he proposed. “His original plan was to ask me in San Francisco, but because I begged him to stay, he did it in my favorite place in town.” — Lisa Barrera married Sam on Sept. 30, 2007

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Different kinds of lovers Find out your style — and what it means — or forever hold your peace A

re you experiencing an abnormally elevated mood? Tearfulness? Insomnia? Loss of concentration? Upset stomach? Change in appetite? Dizziness? Confusion? Constant checking (text messages, phone messages and so on)? Hoarding valueless but “meaningful” objects? Those symptoms, and others equally uncomfortable, could suggest one of two things: You are going crazy, or you are in love. If you are reading this bridal section, you’re most likely in love — and possibly reaching for the pinnacle of life’s events: marriage. Read on. Some of the finest minds in psychology tell us there are two big categories of married love. See if you can find yourself in one or the other. Hint: Go deep; it might make you a little smarter, just in the nick of time.

Destiny lover People who perceive their partner as the “one person they have been waiting for” see falling in love as an act of destiny. This is pretty darn romantic and exciting. Destiny lovers expect their partners to be finished, ready to meet their needs and predictable. Remember, DL people have been waiting a long time for their lovers to appear. The downside is that any lover is a complicated human being. It is very unlikely that he or she will produce the exact behavior a DL expects. Unmet expectations and unmet needs can be shocking to Destiny Lovers, who honestly think their mate should know what they need at all times — just like those lovers in the fairytales who ride in on white horses, sweep us up and dedicate themselves to saving and protecting us.

LORI SILVAGGIO Love can certainly work out for DLs, but they need to keep an open mind, to not get mad when their lovers surprise them with independent actions and to learn to accept “their perfect person” as having some free will of his/her own. That takes talking, laughing and knowing that while it is fun to be a DL, there is more to life than just being adored and safe.

Growth love People who connect knowing that each is still growing and changing are Growth Lovers. GLs are pretty darn tolerant and accepting of change (they probably love this

election year). GLs are not necessarily panicked when their lover quits his/her job, gains 10 pounds or takes up new hobbies. They might not like those things, but they can “deal.” GLs like the thrill of creating life and winging it. The downside for GLs is that if they don’t have a clear picture of each other’s common values, moral stance and mutual needs for stability, they can end up disappointed, even devastated, by their partner’s actions. In fact, finding out just who their partner grows to be might be more than they are willing to handle. GLs do just fine as long as they know each other well before marriage and keep talking. If they grow alongside each other, they will be excellent. It takes commitment for GLs to do well together. That is why their relationships, when good, are really good.

Here’s a tip Before the wedding, spend a quiet evening and make a point of discussing this phenomenon.

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Ask each other which mode each lover follows. Ask, too, which each believes the other follows. Remember, you can be a little of both! If you come to greater understanding of each other and agree to make communication an important part of your relationship, you are off to a great start and did some significant self-therapy! This question is by far my favorite: If you had to spend the next two years inside a small but fully provisioned Antarctic shelter with one other person, who would you like to have with you? Final tip for asker: If the answer is not you, you will be better off not finding out who it is. Sincere best wishes, lovers. You do make the world go round. Lori Silvaggio has a master’s degree in counseling psychology and is a therapist with California Counseling Partnership in Tracy. Questions for Lori may be addressed to admin@lori-counseling. com or 814-9692.


For best results, stay simple

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If you want a wedding with only one hitch, keep things clean and easy

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aving performed weddings for hundreds of people, I have been there for the better and the worse, in sickness and in health, and everything in between on wedding day. There are some things I learned in all of this. Putting flowers in the freezer rather than a refrigerator is not a good way to keep them fresh. Smashing the wedding cake into the bride’s face does not bode well for a peaceful marriage. Veils may say they are flame-retardant, but they can come close to exploding when placed next to a candle. If kneeling during the service, the groom should check the soles of his shoes to make sure that nothing like “HELP ME” is written on them. Nervousness can cause diarrhea for a bride, and this is difficult in a wedding dress; have Imodium on hand. On a more positive note, here is some free advice: Keep it simple. Simple is more elegant and less costly. It is also less risky. Making things complicated can set you up for trouble. It is difficult enough to get a group to cooperate even when they are not anxious, but weddings make people tense. The more complex, the more nervous you’ll get. Talk early to the person who will officiate. He or she will help you plan your service and make other decisions. Do not find a place for the reception and make all of the plans before con-

MIKE MCLELLAN tacting someone to perform the wedding. This is most important when you want your service done by someone who will likely want to do some premarital counseling. Start a budget before you start planning, make it reasonable, and stick with it. It is too late when you add things up and find you have overspent. Beginning married life in debt from a wedding produces stress you don’t need. What counts is not how much you spend but how well you spend it. Young children are cute and winsome. But including anyone younger than 5 years of age is like playing Russian roulette. It is not so bad when they freeze going down the aisle or run screaming from the room. What is difficult is predicting when a 3-year-old will have to go to the toilet. Young children are as difficult as tipsy ushers. Tell your attendants to go without

alcohol before the wedding and go light at the wedding itself. A wedding is like a pageant or drama, and all of the players need to be of sound mind. It is less expensive to have a wedding at one or two o’clock in the afternoon. You can do finger foods and not provide a full meal. If money is no object, have your wedding at 4 p.m., feed them dinner and dance until dawn. The bride’s train can be the single most difficult item to deal with at a wedding. Yours might not be as long as Princess Diana’s was, but long trains make moving around hard for everyone. The bride who trips and falls down the church steps is not a happy camper. Remember the marriage license. Deliver it to the person officiating several days before the wedding. There is record keeping that is best done when not in a hurry. The hoopla of the wedding is fun, but it is also a legal contract. If you do not have a professional wedding hostess, ask a mature friend to serve as one. It is helpful to have someone who can solve problems that may come up and who can remember what comes next. An ex-Army drill sergeant might be a good choice, but so may be the mother of a friend who has recently married. Have everything done seven days

before the wedding. The final touches need to be done or assigned to others. The bride and groom’s jobs the last days before the wedding are to rest, act gracious and enjoy what is going on. As it is a whirlwind day, you will not remember it all. It is great to have the formal photographs, but there is a better way. Ask a friend who has a good camera to take as many candid pictures as possible, beginning with the rehearsal and continuing through the reception. Those pictures will be most valuable in 25 years. Lastly, keep it simple. While this is redundant, it is the most important thing to keep in mind. Mike McLellan was a pastor and performed weddings for 40 years. He can be contacted by e-mailing him at DrMikeM@sbcglobal.net.

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THE DELEGATOR AT WORK: Danielle MacMurchy, at left, decided to let friends and family pitch in for her upcoming wedding, and the result is a much more manageable — and less stressful — couple of months.

Beat the wedding bustle A master shares the secret to keeping your dream day from becoming a nightmare By Danielle MacMurchy (aka “the delegator”) Tracy Press

It’s been nearly two months since the chilly December evening when my fiancé, Aaron, dropped to one knee in front of 20 of our friends and family and requested my hand in marriage. We accepted hugs from family between champagne toasts and phone calls from friends. It was a night of celebration. Ten hours later, I woke to the reality of what the engagement truly meant. “Sure,” I thought, while a smile of contentment stretched across my face. “It means that I get to grow old with my best friend.” But as I slowly came out of slumber, it really hit me: I had to plan a wedding. I felt weighed down by the ring that had been so lovingly placed on my finger. I felt completely buried by the responsibility that now rested on my shoulders. Many girls have had visions of their weddings etched in their

minds since they were old enough to be flower girls. But once that sparkly ring is slid onto their left hand, they realize they’ve just been enlisted as the director of operations for one the most extravagant parties they will ever attend. Whew! If that’s you, you might be tempted to slide that ring off your dainty finger just as easily as it went on. But before you do, lend me your ear (that is, eyes) for a moment. There is a clear and simple solution: Delegate. After Aaron’s and my engagement became official, our cell phones seemed to ring continuously over the next several days with calls from childhood friends, relatives and coworkers who wanted to congratulate the happy couple. Many of those “congratulations” were followed by, “Let me know if we can do anything to help.” Well, as I felt as though one of the most astronomical duties of my life was staring me in the face, I wasn’t about to let those open doors swing shut. I began to take people up on their offers. As Aaron and I visualized each part

Glenn Moore/ Tracy Press

of the wedding, from the evening walk down the aisle to the midnight drive away from the reception, we thought about all the people in our lives we could invite to use their talents. We hired one of our friends who is an artist with a camera to work as our photographer for the day. Aaron’s grandmother kindly volunteered to send out save-the-date cards and organize a bridal shower. We asked my brother-in-law, who works as a graphic designer, to design our invitations. We booked a woman from our church who makes extravagant desserts as a hobby to bake the cake. My cousin, who is a guitarist and songwriter, will play at the ceremony with his two friends, one who sings beautifully and one who is brilliant on the violin. My best girlfriend, who could get a second job as a stylist, will do my hair and makeup. We’ve enlisted other family friends to design table centerpieces, DJ the dance and officiate the ceremony.

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And the list goes on. People want to be a part of your Big Day. You and your groom might only have room for five groomsmen and five bridesmaids who can stand with you, but most everyone who cares enough to witness your union wants to be more involved than to just be remembered as the wedding guest who downed one too many flutes of champagne. You could hire professionals (also known as strangers who overcharge) to take care of various tasks, but the wedding would not have that personal touch. As each person offers their flair, the wedding will come together to be a day that radiates your and your groom’s personalities. Plus, a few dollars saved on a photographer here and a disc jockey there adds up to some huge savings. And that means a nicer honeymoon, maybe more money to put down on a future home and, better yet, happy parents.


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Before every wedding comes lots of planning By Nancy Matthews Tracy Press

Planning becomes a virtue when the venture is as solemn as a wedding. Although touted timetables vary according to source, timing is determined by how much time you have when you both agree to wed. Whether you have a year or a week, there are elements that need to be determined at the outset You and your intended should balance each part of your wedding, remembering the other important people in your lives who will be involved in the plans. Your father may say “no” to a budget that is multiple times his salary, even if this is Your Wedding. Your mother may detest the thought of wearing orange chiffon with a jacket of purple stripes, even if it fits the theme. And heaven help what the “other side” might be suffering. To develop a list as you begin, you can go to the library and bookstores for books and magazines. All emphasize planning. Many offer different perspectives. The importance of these references is to help you understand the detail that is involved in each category of planning this event. Traditions change, of course. At one time, the bride’s family hosted the wedding. Today, it may be the bride and bridegroom themselves, her family, his family or their families — or, if all of the above get lucky, Great-Uncle Mortimer may come through to plan and host the whole thing. A wedding or event planner may be the first item to consider. Whether you choose to employ one for the entire wedding or just make an appointment to confer with a professional planner, the move might save dollars and headaches ahead. Even if you determine that you’ll have a wedding planner just advise you on the initial steps of planning, it is helpful to make a list of the items most important to you and everyone involved in the wedding before the appointment.

Glenn Moore/Tracy Press

Each element of a wedding will have deadlines and details to consider. Whether you have a planning consultant or do everything yourself, do not delay in sorting out your list. Some items, such as your dream site, may be booked more than a year in advance, or the officiator you’ve always wanted to have marry you may be on vacation for the date you’ve chosen. If you choose Mother’s Day weekend, every florist may be booked, unless you call before the competition gets to them first. To start your list, here are some items to help you realize the tasks at hand (note that this is not complete, nor is it in order of importance): date, budget, wedding planner, officiator, site, marriage license,

guest list with addresses, honeymoon, ring(s), stationery, invitations, bridegroom attire, best man, attendants, ushers’ attire, gifts for bridesmaids and attendants, hair stylist, gift registry, caterer, cake, dress, attendants’ dresses, florist, photographer, entertainment at marriage site and reception, transportation, rehearsal and dinner. Start immediately to make the list, to walk through every aspect of each item, whether by mental exercise or on-site. Don’t be put off by items that cannot come to fruition; it may mean a better idea is waiting to unfold. Keep yourself positive while you persevere. This is “once in a lifetime,” and others will respond to your moods. Planning that is devoted to per-

fecting the outcome won’t be foolproof, but failures in detail can be invisible to everyone else — if you and those upon whom you depend have been alert to Every Detail and the pitfalls beforehand. When I suggest going over Every Detail as you work your way through your planning program, I really suggest EVERY Detail. Then, when you start down the aisle, you can forget the planning Tracy and the detailsAlteration and everything but

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CHOOSE YOUR SPOT: The River Mill is one of the the increasing number of nearby locales that can make for a magical wedding setting.

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Courtesy of Caroline’s Photography

Local wedding venues blossom Tracy Press

For Tracy couples, the choices for wedding venues are blossoming each year, thanks to the growth of wineries — and a former chicory mill. Three wineries can be found just outside the city limits southeast of town. La Bonne Vie Cellars, at 29181 S. Lehman Road, started with two friends who shared a hobby of winemaking six years ago and grew into a winery that offers a picturesque location for wine tasting and events, such as weddings. Herve and Colette Chevaillier offer event planning and a tranquil setting that can accommodate 50 guests indoors or 300 outdoors. “It’s a country setting, very quiet and romantic,” is how Colette Chevalier describes her winery. “We’re casual, and we offer a family atmosphere, with a full view of Mount Oso.” For information: 836-2188. Ramon Rios Vineyard and Winery, at 8458 W. Linne Road, also welcomes wedding parties to its gazebo, winery room and vineyard charm. “Most of my weddings are going to be summer weddings, outside,” Ramon Rios said. “We have people from Tracy and also from Livermore — people who come here because it’s more affordable than the wineries over the hill.” The winery has tables and chairs to accommodate 120 people and offers lists of caterers and bands. It also has a concrete “crush pad,” which is used for crushing grapes in harvest season but doubles as a dance floor, For information: 839-6781.

Down the road, Bill and Stephanie Prioste recently opened Windmill Ridge Winery, a 4-acre winery and vineyard at 8350 W. Linne Road. The Priostes have a gazebo and an event center, complete with high ceilings, chandelier, fireplace, granite archway and handpainted murals. The main room seats 100, while giving guests a panoramic view of the pavilion and gardens. There’s also a crush pad and barrel room, both places where small groups can gather for hors d’oeuvres, wine tasting or photos. And a large tent can be set up on the lawn for wedding receptions. Stephanie Prioste, a longtime Tracy resident, said it’s nice to be able to offer locals a venue besides the Portuguese Hall — and a wedding planner to take care of all the details. “We offer a theme wedding that transports you to a Tuscan environment,” she said. “We want people to be transformed the minute they come inside the gates.” For information: 8340005. Not far from Tracy is The River Mill in French Camp, about 15 miles north of town. Originally a chicory processing mill built in 1873, the River Mill has been open for weddings and other events since the early 1990s. Weddings at The River Mill can be outside on the landscaped grounds, with its native oaks, flower beds, fountains and walkways, or inside the 18,000-squarefoot brick building, which has half a dozen rooms for ceremonies and receptions. While the River Mill does plenty of traditional wed-

Courtesy of Prevoste Photography

dings and receptions — most people have both at the same place — owner Jim Silveria is seeing a new trend. “People are becoming more and more social” with the reception, he said.

“They want it to be a social event. The whole night is more of a party.” He describes wedding receptions in which different rooms at the River Mill — say, the Tasting

Room, the River Room, the Roasting Room and the Board Room — become separate food stations, with hors d’oeuvres in one place, salad in another, a main entree served in another and dessert in yet another. Guests mingle, choosing what they want to eat when, and wander into a room for dancing at all times of the evening, skipping the long, sit-down dinner all together. The River Mill has a new building with big brick ovens, called French Camp Forge, which is perfect for rehearsal dinners, Silveria said. His smallest wedding was 10 people, and his largest, so far, was 1,500. “There’s no limit to what we can do,” he said. For information: 983-9114.

It’s your life, our town and a page that reflects both. Remember a special day or a special moment with a page of ours framed and matted for your wall. Visit our website at www.tracypress.com for more information how to make a special day a lasting memory.


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No place like

home(town)

Tracy Press

When Lendy Gomez married Regina Raybould in November, they wanted an all-Tracy wedding. Regina, daughter of Dennis and Pamela Raybould, grew up on Tennis Lane, and Lendy, son of Phillip and the late Leonore Gomez, grew up in Central Tracy. She was a member of the first graduating class at West High School, and he graduated from Tracy High. They met on the Fourth of July 2001 at Lincoln Park and dated for six years.

“When we got engaged, we knew we were going to have a hometown wedding,” Lendy said. And so they did. They had their rehearsal dinner at Jorge’s El Tapatio, got married at St. Bernard’s Catholic Church and received their guests at the Portuguese Hall. They made invitations at Youngplay Memories Scrapbooks, rented tuxes at Richard’s Men’s Wear, ordered flowers from Cottage Gardens, hired a photographer from Photographic Arts Studio, bought favors from

Brenda’s Fashions and had their hair done at Tangles Salon — all in downtown Tracy. Greta Yerian was wedding coordinator, Mike Bacchetti catered, and Mariachi Juvenil Del Valle de San Joaquin played at the reception. “We both come from hard-working families, and our parents didn’t have the weddings of their choice,” said Lendy, who runs his own banner and sign business. “For us, we were grateful to have a gorgeous wedding beyond our expectations, and we didn’t have to go out of town.”

Say hello to your honeymoon Metro

Planning the honeymoon is often the provenance of the bridegroom, but a honeymoon is a shared experience. Spend time before you book or plan an itinerary so you both reap the benefits of this time together before you return to the real world. If time is limited, determine whether you want to spend it in airport and train terminals or at a destination closer to home. If you opt for far-flung places, terminals sometimes offer art exhibits, shopping opportunities in duty-free shops and spas for relaxing as you

await connecting flights. Your travel agent or a Web site can help you discover what surprises might await you. California clearly has a plethora of resorts and destinations, from the Sierras to the beaches, with major cities north and south that offer varied experiences without too much travel. Some travel companies plan honeymoons and escort couples while taking care of the details, both expected and unexpected. Hotel chains and other services should be alerted that you are honeymooning there. Many countries encourage honeymoon destinations. Again, travel agents or a county’s consulate could be helpful.

Photos courtesy of Photographic Art Studio

“When we got engaged, we knew we wanted to have a hometown wedding.” — Lendy Gomez Married Regina Raybould in November

Financial musts for just-married couples Change policies: Chances are, both spouses have separate insurance policies, investment accounts, 401(k) plans, etc. Once married, it’s prudent for couples to change the beneficiaries on such accounts should something happen. It’s important to make these changes as soon as possible after the wedding. Examine your coverages: Couples should compare each other’s insurance policies. Often, couples save money when combining policies s. Check for duplicate coverage as well, so you can avoid essentially paying for the same thing twice. If you both have renter’s insurance, one person can now drop it, since it’s likely you’ll be living together. It’s also important to reconsider health insurance plans offered by both your places of employment. Sometimes it makes more sense for each spouse to keep their own coverage. Examine both the existing policies and other options and determine what’s best. Update your will: Most singles don’t even have a will, but it’s important for married couples to have one in case

of an accident. Many couples prefer their spouse have the power of attorney should they get in an accident, but unless there’s a will stating that preference, that position can be challenged by family members. A will ensures your assets will go where you want them to go and will make sure the person you want to handle such matters is truly vested with that power. Discuss debt: While most couples have discussed long-term financial goals before walking down the aisle, even the closest of couples might be too embarrassed or ashamed to discuss their personal debt with their spouse. However, each person’s finances will impact the future, so if you haven’t discussed debt already, do it soon and develop a plan for eliminating debt. Make a budget: Many newly married couples cannot afford to purchase a home right after they’ve gotten married. Because home ownership is a goal of most married couples, it’s best to establish a mutual budget, as well and save when and where you can.


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Wedding memories Lea Austin shares the story of her magical September 2007 wedding By Lea Austin For the Tracy Press

When we started out with our wedding plans, we consciously decided the planning and the day itself would be enjoyable, and not the madness and stress we have seen so many brides and grooms fall into. Our wedding day was more than about the two of us getting married; it was about the coming together as family, including Frank’s two teenage boys, our parents, siblings, nieces and nephews. It was a celebration of us, our families and all of us joining together.

Our wedding party was small, only family and a few of our close friends, and we were married by a good friend and mentor of mine who was able to really convey the intimate, familial mood of our celebration. Frank and I are both so grateful for this amazing celebration, and that it was just as it should have been. My dad died one month to the day after our wedding, so the wedding was one of last days I saw him. He was indeed full of joy that day, laughing, dancing and surrounded by family and close friends. Our wedding day was just as we wanted and is even more special today.

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/11

Generation gap By Danielle MacMurchy Tracy Press

Megan Ireland has had a sparkle in her eye for 1½ years now, ever since she started to date 20-year-old Mitchell Bain. The two met through Simpson University’s MySpace network, chatted for a few weeks and hit it off. A second sparkle appeared on Ireland’s left hand a month ago when Bain, after an extravagantly prepared dinner, dropped to his knee to ask for her hand in marriage. “I knew it was coming,” she said. “Since then, I’ve just gotten more and more excited. I can’t stop staring at my ring.” Ireland, 19, still has seven months before she marries Bain at a quaint ranch house in Reno, but she’s already heard an earful of marriage advice and wedding suggestions. They’re from her mother, Jane Ireland, who walked down the aisle in 1977, and her grandmother, Carolyn Frasier, who married in Maryland in 1956. The three have already noticed a vast nuptial gap between generations. It’s not uncommon for grandmothers-ofthe-bride and mothersof-the-bride to name themselves as executive wedding directors. A glance back at how weddings have evolved over the decades may help brides-to-be understand why grandmothers and mothers face that temptation. It certainly gave Megan Ireland some perspective. “It makes it harder for me, my mom and grandma to relate, but I’ve learned a lot about them as we’ve compared stories,” she said. A lot has changed since a 21-year-old Frasier married Ireland’s grandfather, Donald Irey. Frasier’s mother stepped in to arrange nearly everything, from the walk down the aisle to the bouquet toss. “She chose the caterer, the invitations and the guest list,” the 73-year-old Frasier said. “All I did was pick out my dress. That’s how it was, then. Now, the kids have too much say.”

“That’s how it was, then”

DIFFERENCES OF OPINION: Jane Ireland and her daughter, Megan, look for gown ideas for Megan’s wedding. Below, the bride-to-be holds photos of her grandmother (left) and mother, 52 and 31 years earlier. Glenn Moore/Tracy Press

Ireland admits she doesn’t hold back her opinion when it comes to her wedding. She designed pink invitations, selected a menu of tea and pastries and has her eye out for a unique and modern wedding gown. “We’re allowed to have an opinion now,” she said. “Weddings have become another way to express yourself.” To serve that attitude of expression held by modern brides, the wedding market has snowballed into a colossal industry. Tech-savvy brides- and grooms-to-be create Web sites so their friends and families can watch the wedding plans take shape; there are now enough bridal magazines to claim their own section at Barnes & Noble Booksellers; and couples can even choose from a selection of prewedding stress-management booklets.

“Weddings used to be a means to an end — something you did to be married,” Ireland said. “Now, it’s a production.” Fifty-year-old Jane Ireland didn’t have bridal shops as big as malls at her disposal when she married Gene Ireland 31 years ago. To save money on photographs her friends carted cameras around the ceremony and reception to capture each moment. And instead of a caterer, the women at her church made hors d’oeuvres and baked the cake. “Everybody came together to put on the wedding,” Ireland said. “That’s how it was, then.” Another obvious change in weddings is the age of the couples. When Frasier married at 21, most of her friends had been married for a few years. “Even still, I wasn’t ready,” she said. “But in those days, if you weren’t

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married by the time you were 21, there was something wrong with you. I’m glad people wait now.” The average age of a bride nowadays is said to be 29, and the average age of a groom is 31, which makes Megan Ireland and her fiancé years younger than most

betrothed couples. Even with variations in wedding budgets, bridal gowns and age of newlyweds, some long-held traditions still emerge in most ceremonies. Megan Ireland’s father will walk her down the aisle, originally a Jamaican wedding tra-

dition; Bain will slide the wedding band onto Ireland’s left hand, a symbol of commitment set in place by the Greeks; and Ireland and Bain will complete the ceremony with a kiss, born from a Roman belief that the couple swaps souls in the process.


12/

A love

to last

a lifetime

Frances and Henry Lopez share their secrets to 70 years of marriage Tracy Press

What’s the best advice from two people who have been married almost 70 years? “Have a lot of patience and love,” Frances Lopez said, describing her lifelong marriage to Henry Lopez. “Our love is strong, and that’s what keeps us together.” The two met in 1930 when she was 7 and he was 9. “We were childhood sweethearts,” Frances said. “I guess you could say it was puppy love.” Like many Mexican-Americans, Frances’ family would travel every summer from Oakland to Fresno to pick grapes, figs and cotton. She met Henry while their families worked in the fields, and every summer, they would find each other. “Then, when I was 14, we sat together after picking cotton,” Frances said, “and he said, ‘Someday, I’m going to marry you.’” The “someday” came the very next year, in 1938, when his family moved to Oakland. She quit school after her ninth-grade year, and the two set off to marry. Because she was only 15 and he was 17, Alameda County wouldn’t allow them to marry, even with their parents’ blessing. Contra Costa County was a little looser on the age requirement for its residents. “We drove to Martinez and saw a house for rent, and that’s the address we used so we could get married,” Frances said. Then, they went right back to Oakland as a married couple. A year later, the Lopezes had their first daughter, and two more were born in 1940 and 1941. Then Henry went into the service, stationed in San Diego. He was away for the next 3½ years, and she moved to Tracy with her parents in 1942. When Henry returned in 1945 at the end of World War II, they stayed in Tracy and picked tomatoes for a living. They had two more daughters — and eventually 18 grandchildren, 31 great-grandchildren and now eight great-great-grandchildren. Henry worked in construction with the city of Tracy from 1950 until his retirement in 1970. In 1976, he built the home where they still live on Fourth Street. In their living room is a painting of the two of them, from their 55th wedding anniversary. Fifteen years later, they’re still going strong. “Patience,” Frances said. “That’s what it takes.” And Henry simply nodded his head and smiled.

Glenn Moore/Tracy Press

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