ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Admittedly, I was not sure I wanted to tackle a topic as potentially controversial as this one. But I believe with all my heart that it is a conversation that must be had at so many different levels across our society, our businesses, our universities and even our families. And it was all the people around me who encouraged, supported, demanded, and deeply believed it was and is not only an important topic, but the right time for it.

Through this process, I was inspired by so many people who wanted to share, in the most vulnerable ways, their stories and understandings of belonging. They didn’t just share their wins – they shared their struggles and setbacks. I am reminded and inspired by my client and mentor, who shared, “we don’t have to agree to belong.” That is the spirit of this book.

There are things that I have shared that I deeply believe in. There are things in this book that I explored openly – simply to provoke thought and begin the necessary conversations required to invite people in and to genuinely connect on a human level. There are things in the book you will agree with and some you will disagree with and even become frustrated by. That is the purpose of the words – to think, to challenge and hopefully to affect whatever change is important to you.

I would not have had the courage or strength to share my thoughts so openly, if it weren’t for the people who I love, respect and am honored to live and work with each and every day. It is because of you that I belong. And, in each page, I hope you see where your words, heart, and wisdom are shared so that the important conversation of belonging can begin.

Jill, Ashley, and Andrew, you are my heart and soul. I love you each more than you will ever know. Jill, thank you for believing, even when it takes us to places we never imagined. You believe in me more than anyone and it fuels my soul and powers my dreams. You are my everything. Ashley and Andrew, there are no words for the love I have for you. You believe in me and us with so much passion and love. I am inspired by you and in awe of you both. You have accomplished and continue to accomplish at levels that are unimaginable to me. Your brilliance, your creativity, your drive, your kindness, your understanding of what is right and true, and your love and your passion for life inspires me and lifts me up every minute of every day. Your heart and souls are so pure, beautiful and wonderful. Jill, Ashley and Andrew, you are each the inspiration for this book.

Mom and Dad, you believed in me before anyone. And I don’t know of a day in my life that that belief ever wavered. No matter what I did, you cheered me forward. You showed me what lasting love is and how to smile on the rainiest of days. You challenged me. You taught me everything I know to be a father, son, friend, em- ployee, leader, and most of all citizen who gives to others. Most of all, you loved me and made sure I belonged, even when I didn’t. Debbie and Steven, and Sarah and Hance, you showed me what it means to be family, to love unconditionally, to work as family and to love as family. You are such tremendous blessings in my life, and I am grateful every day to call you MY brother and sister. Sarah, I love our friendship and all we share. My grandparents and Jill’s grandparents, showed what it means to overcome, to persevere, to create community and to infuse the most important concept throughout every element of family – enduring love. Your stories inspired me and let me know that as immigrants, entrepreneurs, and community leaders you can achieve anything your mind can dream. Frann and Jeff, I am so grateful for your love, your strength and continued belief in me. Your support is noticed and appreciated every day. Harris and Martha, the love you exude and kindness you share is inspiring. And, to my family everywhere, you inspire me!

Nancy H., you have an unbelievable way with words and making the most complex concepts understandable. But, most of all, you are one of my most important and trusted thought partners and a true friend. No one will ever understand the countless hours of thinking, talking, debating, and writing together. You have the most magical way of stringing words to create pure magic. I am grateful for you every day. Greg R. thank you for the inspiration you give to me. You see things that no one else can begin to see. I am grateful for your vision, your brilliance and your partnership. Thank you for pushing me to bring belonging to life – without your challenge, there would be no belonging rules. Matt H., you didn’t have to believe. But you did. You went all in with me on this book. Others were afraid to take a potentially controversial topic. You were strong, bold and visionary. You saw what others were unwilling to see. I am so excited to publish this book with you and so many more. Yes, you delighted me every step of the way. Shawn Achor, I will never forget your words years ago encouraging me to write and tell my story. Thank you for the positivity you bring not only to me, but to the world. You make me happy. David Eagleman, thank you for your partnership and for saving lives with us. My brain grows in such interesting ways every time we talk.

Belonging Rules is truly the outgrowth of a team like no other. I have never had people in my life, like each of my Deutser family, who are willing to go all in and absolutely love what you do…and it shows. The words in this book are from your hearts and minds. Izzy, wow. What a difference you have made and continue to make in my work and life every day. I hope you beam with pride seeing your research, thinking, words and unbelievable judgement on every page. Thank you for your partnership on this book and our institute for belonging. Ashley, you were the first interview and the one person who I trust more than anyone to give me honest feedback and brilliant counsel. You elevate every thought, challenge content, and fiercely protect the ideas and each of us. Truly amazing. Alan, thank you for your leadership and brilliance in all you do. Thanks for inspiring me and challenging me! Diane, words cannot express my gratitude for your creative genius and amazing heart. Your work and thinking are infused throughout this book. Grateful beyond words. Christy, over all these years, you continue to amaze me with your creative brilliance. Thank you for bringing all the thinking to life through brilliant design. Lauren, you bring a light into this world and my life that I am eternally grateful for. Your taste is impeccable and impacts everyone. Catherine, you are belonging personified. You create space for everyone you encounter and invite them in with such grace and kindness. Peter B you have changed my life in so many ways. Thank you for making everything better and smarter. Peter M your thinking is infused throughout the pages and exercises. Your wisdom and counsel are seen throughout the words and exercises. I am grateful for you. Brooke, Jared, Kelsey, Jennifer, Caroline, Lydia, Raelyn, thank you for how you think and how you create solutions that no one else is thinking about. Blas, Jill Z, Mandy, Jennifer, Santi, Michelle, Jon, Karen, thank you for making everything come to life with such beauty and creating such deep connections with all whom experience your talents. Stuart, thanks for your partnership and making Bermuda happen. John C. , thanks for the foundation you set and friendship we keep.

Caroline O., Skyler, and Charlie P, thank you for your research and the brilliance of the light you shine on the world. I cannot wait to see all you do in the years ahead. Thank you all for making Deutser, Deutser and for making the world a better more accepting place. I love our beautiful mess.

There are so many friends and people who have demonstrated unwavering love and support. So many of you have been part of this journey with me and shared your thoughts and dreams. I am grateful for your friendship and your trust. Joe, thank you for your creativity, writing inspiration and most of all your enduring kindness. Molly thank you for being my trusted friend and valued partner. You have stretched me and helped me grow in so many ways. Wayne, you have always believed in me – as much as anyone at any time. Marc, you are a believer and someone who makes everyone feel like they belong. Adam, you were the first to let me know I fit. Andy, you have taught me to overcome, and you always do so with a smile. You each lead with an elegance and determination that inspires me. You have and continue to achieve at the highest levels. You have been there for me always and I am forever grateful. There are so many friends who truly inspire me to think and dig deeper and so many others who patiently listen and who willingly share. Thank you all. And, to the Boys of Greylock Camp… you hear so much about. And, why not! This is one of the most inspirational group of men that I know. We have shared, you have inspired and taught me so much. I am proud to share what we experienced first-hand with Bert, Irv, and Bernie. Bernie, you have been there for us and with us all these years. Gary, I think about you every day. Danny, your friendship, brilliance, and absolute kindness fill my soul and my life. Todd, you have been with me every step of the way and I love all we have and continue to share. The generational love continues. Michael, you are the leader among leaders. I learn from you, your amazing successes, and truly cherish our friendship. Jason, we share everything. And you are one of the greatest and most brilliant blessings in my life. I cannot think of a better friend, partner, business dreamer, or brother. Jared, I have loved how our friendship has evolved and am amazed by your calm, steady leadership. The list goes on and on… but Matt L., Dave, and so many others inspire me with your leadership and friendship. Barry M. thank you for reminding me that freedom is not free and that I can be an entrepreneur. Richard A., thank you for making the world healthier and better for everyone, especially me. Helen and Johnnie Mae, I am what I am because of you. Terri B., thank you for the gift of mindfulness and your friendship. Your ideas and spirit are in this book. Judy, your energy takes me to the best places. Josh, thank you for always caring. TJ, you are not only an inspiration to my family, but you are also my inspiration. Tim, your wisdom, teaching, and love are never ending. Thank you, Ford family for changing our lives and being our family. Josh, you always are and always will be family. Kyle, I am proud of your leadership and grateful for your friendship. Jon, I am amazed by your resilience and strength as a leader. Greer, you inspire me with what you know and who you are. Bruce, you are the entrepreneur of all entrepreneurs. Leisa, you outwork everybody. To my YPO forum, Jan, Jean-Pierre, Britt, Patrick and Jeff, you are brilliant leaders and extraordinary people. And all the members in my YPO Gulf States chapter, thank you for giving me the courage to be me. And thank you for sharing your leadership and friendship. Blair, you are the epitome of a leader. And, not just any leader, the very best of what it means to be a belonging leader. You have invited me in and carried me forward to so many amazing things in life. You are a precious gift to me.

And it is the leaders in my life through my work and interactions that have taught me what it means to lead and to belong. I am forever grateful for your trust, but more, the lessons you share with me every day. You each inspire me and challenge me. Cyvia, thank you for leading and for forever changing our community and my life. Jedd, you are family. But you are also one of the most amazing and visionary leaders in my life. I am forever proud to be on your team! Matt, your brilliance, and ability to see and change everything for the better is an inspiration to me. You are a bright light in my life and I am grateful to be on this journey with you today and always. Derek, you play chess while others are in another game. Thank you for believing when you didn’t have to believe. Step, your thoughtfulness and teaching never stops. TO, you inspire me to be great. Jay, thank you for inviting me in and trusting me. You are such an amazingly gifted human leader. Nancy, you have changed my life in every way. You are magnificent as a person, mentor, friend, and leader. You amaze me. And, I am forever humbled by your friendship. Jim, your brilliance has no bounds. I learn from you and cherish our conversations, friendship and changing the world together. LaToya, #woobie. Your grace under fire and amazing heart are a gift to the world. Never stop being you. Cloteal, thank you for inviting me in and keeping me there. Quan, you are an inspiration to me and true agent of change. Kyanna, thank you for teaching me the spirit of forgiveness. Chris D., your energy and passion is unmatched. Every 90 days a big win! You always deliver. Amalia, your leadership, and brilliance knows no bounds. Anne, thank you for believing and for doing all you do for everyone else. Kris, your brilliant and inviting leadership, and genuine goodness inspires me. Tom A., thank you for believing and seeing something magical. Tom K., you are blessing in my life, and I am forever grateful. Lisa, your vision and desire to do good is unmatched. Thank you for letting us spread happiness with you. Mike D., you are a transformational leader in every way. Dr. Lane, thank you for showing me the power of perseverance and doing right. Priscilla, thank you for believing when you didn’t have to. Kirk, thank you for saving lives and making the world better because of your leadership. Amanda, I don’t know how you do all you do. But, you make a difference to so many every single day. Humbled by our work together. Angel, grateful for your leadership, always. Kenny, thanks for trusting us with all you do. I am huge fan of you and your leadership. And, Ted, great leaders run in the family. Patrick, you make me proud. I cannot wait to see what you achieve ahead. Bill P., your generosity of spirit and brilliant mind are a gift to all. Mike K., I love learning from you and with you. You find ways to win – no matter what is happening around you. Susan L., I learn from you every day from your kindness.

Christy S., you are an inspiring leader. Keep being you! Dwayne, your leadership and calming influence are spectacular. David M., thank you for trusting and bringing us in to work with you and your brilliant leadership. Kelly, your generosity, thoughtfulness, and leadership has no bounds. Cal and Hannah, you trusted me in your most challenging moments. I see first-hand the amazing leadership and thoughtful change that you bring to your team and our community. Grateful. Greg, you are a trusted friend and partner, who I admire greatly. Kurt, you have been and always will be an inspiration to me. Cesar, thank you for allowing us to transform the delivery of education together. Paul, you are as authentic of a leader and person as I know. Jan, you amaze me with your businesses around the world and your brilliant thinking.

Teddy D., you are one of the greatest thinkers, business minds and people I know. I love our relationship. Dave, you are my hero. Period. You are magnificent as a leader and an even better human. I have learned more from you than just about anyone. Integrity over loyalty – you always do what is right.

And, to each of the people who chose to tell your story about belonging. You have guts and level of courage that is truly uncommon. Most of all, you demonstrated a trust in me and what we are trying to create that will last for me throughout my life. Jordan, I learn from you every time we talk. I don’t know anyone more accomplished, humble, or awesome. I love and cherish every conversation we have. Dave

C., there are no words for you, my friend. I am humbled by your greatness and how you change lives. Inspirational. Steve J., it doesn’t matter on what field you lead, you are truly gifted and special. Shawna J, you go get ‘em! So proud of you and your way. Mia, you inspire me and everyone around you. Pure goodness and absolutely brilliance. Chantell, you are a gifted and courageous leader. Nothing can or ever will stop you. I look up to you. Logan, your talents, compassion, intellect, and kindness has no bounds. You are an all-star in every way imaginable. Rich, I am blessed by your brilliance and most of all, friendship. How did I get to be so lucky to have you in my life? You are one of the great inspirations in my life. Penney, thank you for your story and wanting others to hear it. Soncia, thank you for sharing and sharing and giving to so many. Ricky, you can lead the way for me anytime and anywhere. We are a team! Katie, thank you for bringing me in your world and for making everything safer and better for others. Akbar, your guts and determination fuel me and your leadership inspires me. You are a magnificent leader, who has taught me so much. To all the professors and researchers at University of Texas, Rice University, and Stanford University, thank you for your willingness to share and trust. You make us all smarter and more aware. There are so many others who shared their words, thoughts, dreams, and brilliance. I am grateful to you all.

It is hard to write a book like this and not want to include every person who has touched my life and invited me inside. So, for all listed and all who were not, you are in my heart, and I am forever touched by you. Keep being open to what can be and keep inviting people inside. Belonging rules!

Introduction:

1. Isabel Bilotta, Brad Deutser, and Brent Furl, The Power of Belonging in the Workplace (unpublished white paper), Deutser Clarity Institute.

Chapter 1:

1. Cynthia Roper, “Political Correctness,” Encyclopaedia Britannica, accessed January 30, 2023, www.britannica.com/topic/political-correctness.

2. Robin J. Ely, Debra Meyerson, and Martin N. Davidson, “Rethinking Political Correctness,” Harvard Business Review, September 2006, https://hbr.org/2006/09/rethinking-political-correctness.

3. American Association for Access, Equity, and Diversity, “Affirmative Action Policies throughout History,” accessed January 30, 2023, www.aaaed.org/aaaed/History_of_Affirmative_Action.asp.

4. Becky Sullivan, “How the Supreme Court Has Ruled in the Past about Affirmative Action,” NPR, November 1, 2022, www.npr. org/2022/11/01/1132935433/supreme-court-affirmative-action-history-harvard-admissions-university-carolina.

5. R. Shep Melnick, “The Strange Evolution of Title IX Programs,” National Affairs, summer 2018, www.nationalaffairs.com/publications/detail/the-strange-evolution-of-title-ix.

6. Aja Romano, “The Second Wave of ‘Cancel Culture,’” Vox, May 5, 2021, https://www.vox.com/22384308/cancel-culture-free-speech-accountability-debate.

7. Emily A. Vogels, Monica Anderson, Margaret Portues, et al., “Americans and ‘Cancel Culture’: Where Some See Calls for Accountability, Others See Censorship, Punishment,” Pew Research, May 19, 2021, www.pewresearch.org/internet/2021/05/19/americans-and-cancel-culture-where-some-see-calls-for-accountabili- ty-others-see-censorship-punishment/.

Chapter 2:

1. Jennifer Y. Kim and Loriann Roberson, “I’m Biased and So Are You. What Should Organizations Do? A Review of Organizational Implicit Bias Training Programs,” Consulting Psychology Journal 74 (2021): 19–39, doi.org/10.1037/cpb0000211.

Chapter 3:

1. Nate Dvorak and Bailey Nelson, “Few Employees Believe in Their Company’s Values,” Gallup, September 13, 2016, https://news. gallup.com/businessjournal/195491/few-employees-believe-company-values.aspx.

Chapter 4:

1. Terry Fadem, The Art of Asking (Hoboken, NJ: Pearson, 2009).

2. Erin Eatough, “How Inclusive Leadership Impacts Your Entire Business,” BetterUp (blog), February 25, 2021, www.betterup. com/blog/how-inclusive-leadership-impacts-your-entire-business.

Chapter 5:

1. University of Illinois College of Agricultural, Consumer and Environmental Sciences, “Are Leaders Born or Made? New Study Shows How Leadership Develops,” ScienceDaily, October 6, 2014, www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2014/10/141006133228.htm.

Chapter 6:

1. Oxford Languages, “Word of the Year 2016,” accessed January 30, 2023, languages.oup.com/word-of-the-year/2016/.

2. United Nations, “Rise of Disinformation a Symptom of ‘Global Diseases’ Undermining Public Trust: Bachelet,” UN News, June 28, 2022, news.un.org/en/story/2022/06/1121572.

3. Society for Human Resources Management, “SHRM Study Re-