Proud Times December 2018 with Ty Herndon #18

A Celebration of Light: Harvey Milk Street Comes to Portland A Trans Activist and His Family: Home for the Holidays

www.ProudTimes.com

Holiday greetings dear Readers! We are excited to bring you this monthâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s issue of Proud Times featuring Ty Herndon, Dane Joseph, co-creator of the hit web series Drama Queenz, two special stories by Sebastian Fortino - Celebrate the Light and Home for the Holidays, an interview with Bullies and Biceps, and a look at What Sex Actually Sells with Andre Rios. We would like to take this time to thank our wonderful writers, creators, and collaborators who work tirelessly to bring you fresh, new content. December is the time for the holidays and we want to thank you for taking time out of your holiday season to be here, reading with us. In honor of the season we will not have an LGBTQ letter again this month, instead we will continue to show support for all our LGBTQ community and remind everyone that the holidays can be rough for many. Please treat all with kindness and lend a helping hand where you can. Happy Holidays! Victoria Smartt Managing Editor

www.ProudTimes.com

Benefitting New York Bully Crew Pet Rescue Everyone loves photos of adorable pit bull pups. So what happens when you pair the cutest pooches on earth — who just happen to be in need of forever homes — with beautiful, hunky men? The year’s most buzzed-about calendar. Photographer Mike Ruiz’s 2019 calendar, “Bullies and Biceps,” is fourteen months of perfection (2 bonus months in 2020) that will put a smile on your face every day of the new year. Mike Ruiz is a celebrity photographer whose clients include Kim Kardashian, Katy Perry, Nicki Minaj and countless others. In addition to his work in Hollywood, Ruiz is known for shooting top male fitness models. “I admire men who have sculpted their bodies into works of art,” he says. “It takes incredible skill and knowledge to form human tissue to near perfection. Photographing their work is quite gratifying to me.” The men featured in “Bullies and Biceps” are some of the biggest male fitness models working today including Bryan Richards, Michael Dean, Nick Topel and cover-model Casey Christopher. Collectively, they have hundreds of thousands of followers on social media. They also are all passionate about animal rescue. Mike Ruiz, too, is a pit bull rescuer and this year’s calendar is in special tribute to Oliver, his beloved canine, who passed away last month. Mike and Oliver shared six wonderful years together. It was Oliver who inspired Mike to fuse his two passions — photography and pit bulls — together into a calendar that would benefit dogs in need of rescue. The pit bulls that appear in the calendar were chosen at random and represent only a fraction of those in need. “This is a very sad time to be in rescue,” explains Carla Mohan of the New York Bully Crew. “People are giving up their dogs without remorse. Pit bull type dogs are especially vulnerable because most rescues shy away from saving them due to lack of experience, knowledge and the negative media coverage the beautiful creatures have received.” Founded by Craig Fields in 2010, New York Bully Crew specializes in the rescue, rehabbing and rehoming of pit bull type dogs. They partner with city shelters around the country to help local animals and have also begun outreach in Puerto Rico, Honduras, Peru, and South Korea. “Pit bulls are the most loyal and loving dogs,” Carla continues. “They are soulful creatures that can be the silliest best friend ever. I have had many different breeds of dogs in my life, but none compare to pit bulls.” She hopes the calendar will open people’s eyes and hearts and change misconceptions about this goofy and jolly breed. While shooting the calendar, the pit bulls on set stole the hearts of the super gorgeous male models. “I wanted to take them all home with me,” laughs Casey Christopher. Every dollar made from the sale of the “Bullies and Biceps” 2019 calendar will go directly to New York Bully Crew for various services benefitting the health and welfare of the dogs. “The calendar makes the perfect holiday gift and also brings awareness to these special animals,” says Mike Ruiz. “Every pit bull deserves a forever home.”

Mike Ruiz’s 2019 calendar, “Bullies and Biceps” is available for only $24.99 at www.nybullycrew.org

www.ProudTimes.com

Well Bullies and Biceps, this is another gorgeous calendar and a great cause. Being the proud parent/guardian of 3 rescues: Chihuahua, Dachshund mix, and a live-in house rooster who thinks he is one of the dogs, my heart goes out to all dogs, cats, and other animals who are waiting to find their forever home. If this is not too emotional of a subject, could you tell us if it was Oliver who first prompted you to take on these successful and sexy calendars? Oliver is 100% responsible for inspiring me to do as much as I possibly can for animal rescue. This calendar is one of the things that I do. Are you able to tell us a little about Oliverâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s story?

Oliver was found roaming the streets of South Central Los Angeles, skin and bones, cherry eye and cysts on his legs. He was dumped off at a high kill shelter where he had 1 day to live before being pulled by Bullies and Buddies Animal rescue. They found a foster who happened to be a good friend of mine. On one of my trips to LA , I stayed with this friend while he was fostering Oliver and it was love at first sight. Within 24 hours, the paperwork was filed and I was Oliverâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s dad! When we rescued Buddy and Lucky I knew firsthand the story and I knew I was going to make sure they had the best home I could give them. With the oddball Rodney the rooster we could not let him fall prey to the elements or predators so we did the only thing we were able

www.ProudTimes.com

to and took him in. For Oliver was it the story that finally helped you make the decision to be his forever family or was it more? It was my immediate connection to Oliver that literally changed the course of my life . I didn’t know his story prior to meeting him nor did I know much about animal rescue. My love for him inspired me to research everything I could about pit bulls and animal rescue. When I learned how animal shelters are overrun with abandoned pitbulls, I couldn’t stand by and do nothing. Your photography to this journalist is second to none, the way you can capture a model’s unique essence is amazing. I am not just saying this to stroke your ego, I have worked with many photographers and artists over the past 30 years and no matter how good someone is you can always see who has talent and who is gifted and you are truly gifted and your pet calendars show this gift. In your pet calendars Pecs & Puppies, Hunks & Hounds, Heart Throbs & Hounds, and the current Bullies & Biceps you have created gorgeous pairings of human with K-9. I saw in the promo video a little of how you choose the pairing, but I could see that there was more to the process, can you tell us how you decided on the models and the rescues before the photoshoot? Animal Rescue is all about 2nd chances so I try to find models who are not only pleasing to the eye but who also have stories of overcoming adversity AND who have some connection to animal rescue. Once the models are secured, we basically have the rescue bring dogs who need homes or who make great mascots for the cause. From there, I see where love connections are made between the pups and the models. Aesthetic compatibility is also a consideration. It’s important they they look good together and that they connect on some level.

For this year’s calendar Bullies and Biceps, as for the other calendars, once you commit to making it can you go through the hows of how you first start. It was important to me to have this years calendar benefit a pitbull specific rescue since I wanted to honor Oliver, so I decided to benefit New York Bully Crew. Once that was decided, then I had to figure out how I wanted it to look aesthetically. From there, it’s all logistics such as scheduling, casting, getting the puppies scheduled and a million little details that are far too boring to include. During your photoshoots of the current and past calendars have any of the models adopted their K-9 companion? This year, Bryan Richards was inspired to adopt a pitbull. Some of the models wanted to do the calendar because they were already pitbull dads. If a person is looking for a companion would you tell them to find a local rescue and adopt from them first or to adopt a puppy from a breeder? I would never encourage anyone to buy from a breeder when there are 2 million dogs discarded to shelters every year, 40% of them are pitbull type breeds. People think that when they pay a bunch of money for a dog that they are getting a better quality dog. This, of course, is absurd. You can find any dog with any characteristics you might want from a rescue or Petfinder. The function of a rescue is to get a dog ready to be adopted by giving them the best medical care and training so that they are behaviorally compatible. Do you think you are going to create another pet calendar for 2020?

www.ProudTimes.com

I will continue doing these calendars until I can figure out an even better way to help animal rescue. Not only is my goal to raise money for dogs in need but it’s also to educate people on the great benefits of adopting vs buying. I’m pretty sure the next calendar will be co-ed. I have several gorgeous and very high profile women who want to participate next year so it’ll be men and women. Not sure what to call it yet, maybe “Babes and Bullies”? This Calendar has a feel as being a memorial for Oliver and if it is I think it is a great way to share him with the world and show him that he was a loved part of your family. To critics who think Bulldogs (Pitbulls in general) should be banned and put down because they are animals that will someday turn and hurt someone, what message do you have? Sadly the media misrepresents the true nature of bully breeds. Only since the 80’s have they been vilified in the media. Prior to that, Dobermans were feared and German Shepherds before that. For over 100 years, Bully breeds were considered to be the best

family dog. So much so, they were coined “Nanny Dogs”. You are more likely to be bitten by a golden retriever or Border Collie than you are a pitbull. Education is the best way to understand something. People should take the time to do a tiniest bit of research before buying into false information. PEOPLE are responsible for animal aggression. Any dog will become aggressive if abused, neglected, beaten, and starved. So would most humans! I always encourage people to spend time with a pitbull before writing them off as vicious attack dogs. I am now dad to another sweet girl named Julia who is the sweetest , gentlest angel, just like Oliver, her brother before her. To help New York Bully Crew and other rescues around the world as a parent who chose a rescue over adopting from a breeder, what words of advice might you offer? The best advice I can give is to go on Petfinder. They are a great resource for both people adopting and rescues looking to place dogs. They are a wonderful conduit for making some love connections. I found my baby girl on Petfinder. Adopting a pet should never be done without considering all the pros and cons. Most pets will be part of your family for 2 to 20 years depending on the species: dogs, cats, pigs, birds, fish, reptiles etc... Mike Ruiz and his partner chose to adopted a rescue, I also chose to rescue 3 of our 4 pets, this includes a rooster named Ropdney.

Click to Play

Mike Ruiz’s Bullies & Biceps 2019 Calendar for New York Bully Crew

www.ProudTimes.com

Consider a rescue before adopting. Check with your local organizations, they will help you meet your new family member.

www.ProudTimes.com

By Sebastian Fortino

www.ProudTimes.com

On Monday, December 3rd, the Cascade AIDS Project (CAP) honored three recipients who have made an impact on those living with or affected by HIV/AIDS. ProudTimes spoke with Tyler TerMeer, Executive Director of the agency based in Portland, which serves Portland and the surrounding regions. They have been honoring such individuals and organizations since 2014. Each year, for their service, CAP recognizes an Individual Hero, a Corporate Hero, and a Community Hero. “We bring forward a list of potential nominees to our Development Committee,” TerMeer explained, “and the Board of Directors make a choice for each category.” It’s 2018, and medications are allowing those living with HIV to live long and healthy lives as undetectable and untransmittable people. Yet, there is still a lot of ignorance surrounding HIV. TerMeer outlined what goals the organization has, and tools they recommend, for education and awareness in 2019. “The face HIV/AIDS is changing and recent transformational data points to U=U or undetectable equals untransmittable,” TerMeer said. “This is to say science now proves that

being on HIV treatment can get one’s viral load to an undetectable level, and this means the risk of transmission is virtually zero.” TerMeer defines this data as “absolutely groundbreaking” as it continues to help people live their best life, free of discrimination and stigma.” Adding that, HIV/AIDS are clearly on the hearts and minds of Oregonians and he goes on to outline a call for action. “Here is what we can do. Get educated. Do you know the proven tools of HIV prevention? Get tested. Know your status. Visit the CDC for the testing service nearest you. Join the effort to END HIV/AIDS in Oregon. Visit. We encourage all Oregonians, especially our policy makers to join Cascade AIDS Project in the effort.” This year the three selected heros have been named as Ms. Kathleen Sadaat as an Individual Hero, Mr. Edward J. Reeves, Esq. of Stoel Rives and the City of Portland as a Community Hero.

www.ProudTimes.com

Ms. Kathleen Saadat Ms. Sadaat is receiving the as “an activist and community organizer who has dedicated her life to social justice”.Today, Ms. Kathleen Saadat continues her work as a private consultant and trainer in the areas of human diversity, organization development, and as a motivational speaker.Kathleen began her service by earning a BA in Psychology at Reed College in Portland, Oregon, holding several managerial positions with the City of Portland’s CETA Job Training Programs in the 1970’s and 80’s and the position of Executive Director for the Oregon State Commission on Black Affairs.”

Mr. Edward J. Reeves, Esq

Mr. Edward J. Reeves, Esq., named one of the best lawyers in America, is honored based on his work since 1984 which has focused on “labor and employment, civil rights and education law”. He is a member of the American Bar Association, Oregon State Bar Association, Washington State Bar Association, and the Oregon Gay and Lesbian Law Association. He was program chair of the original Lavender Law Conference held in San Francisco in 1988 and a cofounder of the National LGBT Bar Association. Edward Reeves started working with Cascade AIDS Project from its beginning in 1983. He has contributed the highest level of pro bono services of anyone in CAP’s history around legal advice for HR issues and trainings for management.”

City of Portland Find their complete bios here. This year the City of Portland was honored as a Community Hero as well. Portland is an inclusive city and that inclusivity extends to public health. Many residents of course know this, but TerMeer explained why the Rose City

www.ProudTimes.com

has been chosen in definitive terms. “The City of Portland is deeply committed to equality and to inclusive public health. This commitment has been evident in their ongoing support of and visibility at CAP programs and events over the years.” Adding that, “In 2016, the City approved a Special Appropriation to support the opening of Prism Health–reflecting our shared values around ensuring access to high-quality healthcare for the LGBTQ+ community.” Prism Health is a full-service medical organization, with integrated primary care,

with more than a dozen types of medical insurance accepted. Additionally, they offer STI screening through Pivot for patients who wish to make an appointment just for sexual health. Or, simply check out their eligibility for PrEP, the breakthrough medication which acts as a preventative against future HIV infections. While our beloved Rose City, and the State of Oregon through the Oregon Health Plan, strives to make sure every Oregonian is covered, HIV funding was recently threatened under the Trump Administration, and perhaps will be again.

www.ProudTimes.com

But in light of the Democrats taking the House in the recent election, hopefully we will not see programs like the Affordable Care Act and other such bodies threatened again. TerMeer sounds hopeful that work will continue and expand under new leadership. “Researchers and public officials all agree, we have the tools, knowledge, and drive to end the epidemic,” he stated. “However, we must ensure there is sufficient federal leadership and

resources to make it a reality. In order to end HIV in the U.S., the federal government must make sustained, targeted and impactful investments in the public health infrastructure to prevent, treat, and research HIV/AIDS.” CAP is not alone in terms of the work they do educating, treating, and ending ignorance and stigmatization. A certain presidential candidate-who lost in 2016--once said something about, “It takes a village to raise a child.” Likewise, it takes

www.ProudTimes.com

many organizations working in solidarity in terms of HIV education and healthcare. “In addition to sustained funding under all of our traditional funding priorities, CAP stands with HIV organizations throughout the U.S. in requesting funding for a new program authorized in the opioid response law to address infectious diseases for the CDC and to totally lift the ban on syringe services.” This is especially important with Mike Pence serving in the White House. Afterall, his governorship of Indiana saw an increase in HIV transmissions through individuals unable to access clean needles for intraveneous drug use. This is part of the epidemic today. Once again proving HIV is not a so-called “gay disease” as it was thirty-plus years ago. Therefore, educators, lawmakers, and healthcare professionals still have much to fight for to eradicate both infection and ignorance.

For more information on local testing and education, please visit Cascade AIDS Project, Prism Health, and their associated Pivot program. If you have any stories related to healthcare or non-profits which benefit the LGBTQ+ community, please email Sebastian@ProudTimes.com ProudTimes’ Portland Correspondent.

By Steven Boyce

A Decade of Drama

The pioneering hit comedy web series, Dram

www.ProudTimes.com

ma Queenz, celebrates 10 Fabulous Years “We had no idea what we were doing when we started Drama Queenz,” admits Dane Joseph, one of the creators of Drama Queenz, the hit web series that chronicled the lives of three African American best friends — just out of college and sharing an apartment in Queens, all aspiring to be stars on Broadway. “We had no film training. I had to buy a book to help figure out the basics!” Drama Queenz ran for three seasons and celebrates ten fabulous years this month. It continues to be popular on Youtube today and is credited with helping spark a movement for gay people of color in cinema. We spoke with Dane from his home in New York.

www.ProudTimes.com

What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you think that Drama Queenz first premiered ten years ago? Dane Joseph: Shock and gratitude are what immediately comes to mind. Shocked that I’m that much older and gratitude for all the blessings the show has brought us. What inspired you to create the show? Dane Joseph: My co-creators, Kristen Griffith and Troy Valjean Rucker, were my real-life roommates in Queens. We were all trying to make it as actors. The stories and chemistry we had as friends was crazy and people always told us we should have a reality show. We opted to do something scripted instead. How did you choose to launch the series on Youtube? Dane Joseph: There weren’t many web series on YouTube at the time. We simply wanted a platform to display our work, and at the time YouTube was the best option. It was so relatively new and untapped. It’s amazing how many shows are out now! It’s a blessing that the platform has allowed creatives to get their work out there. What main themes did you explore in the beginning episodes of Drama Queenz? Dane Joseph: The show was really about coming of age and going for your dreams in the big city, especially as queer men of color. It’s a messy, complicated journey that never really ends and we wanted to give voice to that

Dane Joseph

www.ProudTimes.com

through characters that other queer people of color could relate to.

finished season 3, and we will never forget how amazing he was in every way.

How did the themes and characters evolve?

Were you ready to end the series after the third season?

Dane Joseph: As we progressed, we tried to reconcile our characters dreams with reality, and the result was sometimes funny, sometimes heartbreaking, but always honest. And that’s the story we wanted to get out. Life isn’t always a dream when going for your dreams...but it ain’t all bad either. Did you expect the show to last three seasons?

Dane Joseph: Technically, the series isn’t over... it’s on an extended hiatus. Seriously? Is a fourth season in the works? Dane Joseph: (Laughing) I think I can confirm that yes, it is! The new production team includes my innovative partners at Novo Novus, Dwight Allen O’Neal and Daniel Armando.

Dane Joseph: Honestly, we didn’t expect anything. We just thought it would be fun. But the response we got from the gay community of color showed us that there was a need for better representation of our stories, so we kept it going for that reason alone. What were the biggest creative challenges? Dane Joseph: Our challenges were always logistics. We couldn’t afford much, so working around actor and crew member schedules and also getting it done within two weeks each season was very hectic, but we always made it work. We shot each season within 12 days. It’s crazy looking back. How did you finance the series? Dane Joseph: There was no money until the last season when we got sponsorship from the amazing Nathan Seven Scott. He was such a huge support to our works and to many in the community. He passed away shortly after we

What can we expect? Dane Joseph: All will be revealed in time. The world has changed a lot since last we saw the Drama Queenz and the show’s characters have changed with it. The biggest thing to know now is that the humor and the heart will definitely remain the same. Visit novonovus.com

www.ProudTimes.com

By Michael Cagle

For my very first interview for this magazine I was given the tremendous opportunity to interview someone who I knew of, but didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t really know. I knew Ty Herndon as a finalist on 1983â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Star Search. I also knew that he came into his own as a country artist and enjoyed solid success in the country music industry. Being a successful artist in any music industry is hard enough. Being a gay country artist is even more difficult as there are so many stigmas and prejudices associated within country music, and of course, the personal belief structure of those that listen to country music. I also know how strong and focused he was to overcome some personal obstacles in his life.

www.ProudTimes.com

I was hoping for just a friendly 15 minute interview. You know, pretty straightforward, but businesslike. Possibly rushed, as I had assumed he had bigger and better things to do. What transpired was an almost hour long conversation with someone that was a real and authentic person, someone who just happened to find success in the country music industry. He was incredibly open and I felt like I was being introduced to a new friend and not the subject of an interview. His enthusiasm and friendliness made the time go by so quickly and made the interview so much fun.

Right. One thing that was noticeable was that your version and overall sound was more intimate, like you had a slight feeling of longing and at the end that sense of finally finding somebody. The Whitney version captures a fun way of searching for that someone, but leaving it open that she was still searching.. What was your vision for the video when you decided that you wanted to do the video for it?

This part will focus on the Christmas and holiday season.

I just wanted it to be fun and I love the Whitney video with all the crazy stuff. I didn’t want to copy that and was like hey maybe we can do some balloons and streamers. I had a couple you know like girlfriends out in Los Angeles who are like moms. It felt fun like, and it is such an anthem song that I didn’t want people to think necessarily that I was after this really awesome serious version of the Whitney original. I don’t know about you but every time I hear that song it just makes me feel so damn good.

I want to say first of all I saw your video of I Wanna Dance With Somebody and I really liked it. I’m a huge Whitney Houston fan, and personally I really really enjoyed it. I guess my first question is why did you decide to make it a new version of this song?

It does, and I feel like you really captured it. It felt like it was connected to the original but yet its own, and it maintained the fun of the song. I’m going to say when the Houston version pops on the radio, my top comes down and my volume goes up.

First of all, if you are going to do a Whitney song, I talked to my producers and I said we are definitely not going to try to top what Whitney did because people would try to throw me off the roof if I did that. So we are just going to try to have some fun with it. We created a little fun dance version of it. I’ve always loved that song, and I have been doing a real slowed down version of it in my acoustic shows. So it was just a natural progression and after we decided to do these five dance mixes it just seemed like a good fit and was super fun. We figured out at first that it got people’s attention.

There is actually another version of it. There is a really heavy EDM dance mix from a different DJ out of Los Angeles. So you will see it in the clubs.-There’s layers to this.

We covered so much in the nearly 60 minute interview that this is only part one of a two part interview with Ty Herndon.

Ok, that sounds very fun. I can’t wait to hear it. Sounds like you will be staying busy in the near future. Well you know quite honestly, it’s what I do for a living and it is who I am. Having a lot of fun watching country artists react. Things are getting crazy. Next week we have an original and then the next week another original.

www.ProudTimes.com

Outstanding. You definitely are finding creative avenues for your vision. Yeah man, and then around Christmas we will put them all together in a package along with a couple new Christmas songs and release them all at once. Super fun. It’s just a good time and January is the beginning of a new year. March of next year I have a classic album coming. My label is letting me do whatever the hell I want to do and I am loving it. It’s nice to have people behind you that allow your creative freedom to come forward, without limitations. I can say years ago when I came out, well actually, in November it will be five years. That was one of my goals in life. I have been in the industry my whole life and people have told me what to do and that ends today. I mean I am going to do exactly what I want to do musically and be exactly who I want to be. I don’t live my life in another way. I think people that pretty much know me know that. I will admit it probably gets a little annoying but that’s just the way it is. I applaud you for your sense of direction. I really do. It is tough especially when, and this wasn’t one of the questions, but I know that country music still has a huge stigma and bias. I lived in Nashville for 20 months and I know how hard it is for people to be authentic, especially in that market. Thank God we don’t have as much of the Good Ole Boy network and it was getting a lot of cool people, labels, and publishers. I do

a lot of work with kids as I have mentioned, and 3 hours down the road and it’s just not that way deeper in the South. I still have a mission with my music. Where are you based out of? I am in Nashville. Awesome I lived there for almost two years. Well they needed my boxing gloves here so I brought them into town. I noticed you sang O Holy Night with Crystal Lewis. We have something in common as I actually sang with her, at a performance in Los Angeles. Wow. No way. That’s awesome. She is amazing and is a tremendous talent. How was it singing that with her and experiencing that kind of collaboration? Well I am that kid that grew up with country, blues, and gospel. Of course I had her records along with Avalon and some of the others. One of my best friends on the planet was one of the original members of Avalon. These two are really good friends and I met Crystal through him and I was planning on doing this and it was just going to be a solo thing. I asked her how long she was in town and she goes I am in town till Wednesday. So I asked her if she would like to come to the studio on Monday and goof around and see if the song will work for you? She was there about an hour with me and we walked away with that.

www.ProudTimes.com

Click to Play

Ty Herndon: “O Holy Night” (feat. Crystal Lewis) Official Music Video

Yeah, I love that song and you both did a great job on it. I mean amazing, amazing job. One of my favorites. What do the holidays mean to you? A lot of family. My dad had 11 brothers and sisters. I actually have 46 first cousins on my dads side. I have 18 on my moms side. So, at this point, and Matthew and I have been together ten years, so we have his family, which is a large family. Family means a lot and we travel a lot and spend quality time with all our family over the course of three weeks. We have extremely affirming families on both sides and it is such a blessing to have that. Are there any particular songs that you sing with

family or friends during the holidays? Oh my gosh man, my mom and dad are country pickers so a lot of bluegrass and country. It is not just singing around the fireplace. We have fiddles, guitars, and all these crazy harmonies. It is just a lot of fun. What is a great Christmas memory that you can share with all of us? Well you know we grew up pretty poor. We were always really grateful for everything that we got. I’ll never forget getting up one morning and there was a Honda motorcycle under the Christmas tree and my only question was, and I got in

www.ProudTimes.com

There is a couple of of them and for the LGTBQ fans that don’t listen to country, you might not know this name but Laurie Morgan is a great Christmas album. A great singer! I love Vince Gill’s album, and also Amy Grant. A lot of people know Amy Grant. Amy has influenced me quite a bit. Her Home For Christmas album influenced me a lot. I am friends with her, it’s so funny to be able to be friends with people you have looked up to. I love Michael Buble and Josh Groban. There are others.

trouble for cussing, was “How the hell did Santa get that down the chimney?” My mom said you say that word again and Santa is going to take it back. We laughed about that for many years. That is a favorite memory and one Christmas my sister and I, we wanted a stereo and it was a stereo for each of us to go in our rooms, but it was a big one. We were fighting about where the stereo is going to go and my dad took both of the speakers and put them in the attic and said when you guys settle this we will take them down. So we decided it was going to go in the living room. So I would listen to bluegrass and my sister would listen to Prince.

You were raised in the South? Did you ever see snow? No, we never saw snow. We had family in Wisconsin, so mom and dad would take us up

So, being so musical, I know you are like me and have grown up with memories of listening to Christmas music all your life. And no doubt, singing along. I love holiday music. What celebrity Christmas music do you think has either influenced you the most or you just love?

www.ProudTimes.com

I’m working with in-circle kids in Utah that are living on the streets because they came out to their parents. And I wish that people would just learn to live and not have to fear the truth, and just love and not hate. I can’t imagine being twelve years old and kicked out in the streets.I can’t image that. I guess my Christmas wish is that parents would open up their eyes and see their child. And the fact that they are gay doesn’t matter. We’ve got to love each other and our brothers and sisters. We need to get to the place where we can have an educated opinion, I don’t want to get into politics. It’s a hard time in the world today. I’m a creature of love man. Wish we could all find solutions and love. to go ice fishing, and snowmobiling. So, I did experience snow growing up and also I’ve been skiing since I was fifteen.

Also I’m a little bit of a redneck from Alabama. Don’t you go out and try to hurt somebody. I’ll come out there and hurt you. I like people who are kind.

What are some of your favorite winter activities? I love to ski. I probably go at least three times. When I’m on a mountain I am always thinking about a song, the only problem is by the time I get to the bottom of the hill I can’t remember what it is. I wrote some good songs that came when I was on skis. When you go to Christmas parties do they ever call you up to sing? Oh, all of the time. Do you have any particular Christmas wish for the new year?

www.ProudTimes.com

Any New Year’s Resolutions? Yes, that I would get you to one of my shows. I’m there. Love to share stage with you. Honestly, New Year’s Resolutions are hard for me. I usually try to live one day at a time and in the moment. To be honest with you I don’t ever make them. If I had to make one it would be to make the best music possible.

LGBT community, is inspiring, and a strong driving force to what he does now. It was truly an honor and I really enjoyed getting to know him, we hope you did too!

Do you tour a lot during the holidays? Yes. I do. I was going to take the holidays off, but a lot of people want to hear from you this time of year. I’ll wrap it up around the 22nd. And we will go to Iowa to be with my in -laws. And I’m doing the Citrus Bowl parade on New Year’s day. Then launching a new album on the first of the year. Being honest, I had preconceived ideas of what the interview was going to be like. I honestly did not know what to expect as many different artists put on different personas. Especially with someone they don’t know, it is very easy to be overly guarded and not as much their true self. But, happily, from the first voice message he left on my phone, to the message he greets callers with on his, you can tell Ty Herndon is good people. Because of that, I was very much blown away by the complete authenticity, openness and humor he possessed. He laughed, joked, and was very much himself He also possessed an amazing amount of care and concern for those less fortunate and those struggling with issues themselves. He was passionate about making sure that he used is influence, talents, and celebrity to make people’s lives better. His care and concern for children, teens, the younger

www.ProudTimes.com

An Interview with Three Noted Influencers & a Future Influencer of the LGBTQ+ Community in Portland By Sebastian Fortino

The fundamental thread running through the winter holidays-including Chanukah, Christmas, and the the Hindu festival Diwali-revolve around light and warmth piercing through winter’s darkness. The late Harvey Milk was not religious but he was at least culturally Jewish. Therefore, celebrating the renaming of the street seemed to be a good fit for the final days of Chanukah. As you may know, this past October the City of Portland renamed a section of Stark Street after legendary LGBTQ+ icon and activist Harvey Milk. Who was, unfortunately, assassinated in November of 1978. The late Mr. Milk was fighting for his friends in San Francisco, ensuring they had the same basic dignities of his “straight” contemporaries. Harvey Milk had no physical connection to Portland, as far as we know. Why then was it important to name a street in honor of the activist? ProudTimes spoke with Terry Bean, a political activist and fundraiser, former Governor Barbara Roberts, and living legend Darcelle XVI who were prominently involved in making sure Harvey Milk Street came to Portland.

www.ProudTimes.com

“Five years ago, I stood beneath the nation’s first Harvey Milk Street in San Diego with my best pal, Governor Barbara Roberts,” said Terry Bean. “She had just received the Harvey Milk Lifetime Achievement Award--a testament to the spirit of progressive justice they share. Such a visible marker of Harvey and his vision sent chills down my spine. We were told of the difference it had made to San Diegans, especially young people questioning their place in this world, and the enduring pride that comes from publicly demonstrating that they were a city that respects and values their LGBTQ residents. I thought, ‘Why couldn’t we do this in Portland’?” Five years later, Bean--a fifth generation Oregonian, born in Portland--and others interested in his cause held 1000s of conversations with local community activists, nonprofit organizations, businesses, and individuals. After gathering enough signatures, on Thursday, June 14th, 2018, just before Portland celebrated Gay Pride 2018, the Portland City Council voted yes to ratify Harvey Milk Street. “Harvey’s message of hope will live on in Portland, along the 13 blocks of SW Stark stretching from W Burnside to Naito Parkway, right in the downtown neighborhood so many of us LGBTQ folks remember as the first place we felt at home. We’re creating a legacy that honors our remarkable Portland community,” Bean concluded. The section of streets renamed were chosen because this was once the epicenter of gay life in Portland. While

www.ProudTimes.com

Scandal’s may be the only de-facto gay venue on the street there were others before: including the Red Cap, and the Fish Grotto restaurant once a favorite dining venue for the local community. The district was known affectionately as the Lavender Triangle. There was also a naughtier, more sexual nickname, perhaps because there was a bathhouse in the vicinity. Indeed, some called it Vaseline Alley. Bean, and Governor Roberts, hopes the journey will not end with Harvey Milk Street. “With SW Harvey Milk Street officially renamed, we’ve been working with PBOT and city offices about new opportunities to honor our local LGBTQ heroes, icons, and organizations along the street, showcasing our unique Portland history. I’d love your ideas and support, and hope your readers will reach out to us on our website or Facebook page if they are interested in joining our effort. We’re planning a celebratory event for Harvey’s birthday and Pride season in late May or early June 2019--stay tuned!” Adding, “We’ll be planning some town halls in the next year to seek feedback and input, and we hope your readers will reach out and say, ‘I want to be part of that’.” Bean also recounted his work with Harvey Milk, saying he got to know the activist near the end of his life when he helped Oregonians raise money to fight Measure 51 in Eugene. That measure, if passed, would have removed an ordinance that banned discrimination based on sexual orientation. “We met again when I went to San Francisco to fight alongside him against the Briggs Initiative in September and October of 1978,” he said. “Shortly after we defeated that, Harvey was assassinated. It’s hard to believe, but November

27th of this year was the 40th anniversary of his death. His dedication and vision continue to inspire me today.” For those of us who came into our maturity as LGBT+ people after the 1960s and 70s we think of those halcyon, free love, “hippie” days as being embracing of all people. We see video and images of young men and women protesting the Vietnam War, joining acts of civil disobedience, and “making love not war.” However, equality across the gender and sexual identity spectrum was not quite the case. Despite their willingness to join in protest with their straight peers, openly queer people were not yet welcome to stand alongside the others. “When I came out in college, I pledged to do all I could so LGBTQ folks could grow up proud and safe. No one should experience the fear and shame that pushed me to attempt suicide,” Bean recounted of his experience coming out in a much different era. When asked what changes the LGBT+ community has undergone in the age of technology which Bean finds positive, or negative, he admits the question is tough to answer. “I must admit, I yearn for the old days where our bars and taverns were family gathering places, though I feel Hobos and Scandals are still that way to some extent”, he said. “But social media certainly exposes people to more ideas and can help with coming out and connecting with the larger LGBTQ community. It’s also been a powerful tool for social change, revolutionizing our capacity to organize, host town halls, letter writing

www.ProudTimes.com

campaigns, and other political and social activism.” In talking about gay life in Portland, especially when discussing things of an historical context, one simply must speak to Darcelle XVI. Since the mid-1960s Darcelle’s Showplace in Old Town has been a gathering place for drag artists, performers, and an audience composed of not only gay people--but people perhaps curious to see how the other half live. Helping to normalize our lives. The venue is our answer to “La cage aux folles,” or the mid-1990s American retelling of the famed French film “The Birdcage,” starring Nathan Lane, Robin Williams, and Dianne Wiest, among others. Darcelle, simply put, has seen it all. “They asked me to be part of it,” the performer, a native of Oregon, said from her home in Portland. “They wanted my opinion on renaming the street and going in front of city hall and the city commissioners. Regardless of him being a Californian, Harvey Milk died fighting for our causes and we felt he truly deserves a street.” Edith Windsor Way, for instance, was just recently ratified in Philadelphia, my hometown. Many people associate the late activist with being a New Yorker. However, she was indeed born in Philadelphia. So, in terms of Harvey Milk Street, those involved in changing the street name had to prove why such an honor should be bestowed on someone not local.

www.ProudTimes.com

In Portland, naming something after someone such as a street, has a few guidelines. One being, the person must have a significant place in history; another being, that the honoree has to have been deceased for at least five years. Of course, if the person was born or lived here that does carry merit. While Darcelle is known for the charitable work she does, there was no need for fundraising efforts to change the name of SW Stark Street. Instead, the legend said, “We collected signatures with about a dozen other people to get it to the city council, who were in favor of it--of course.” Currently, she says, “I am not on any other committees, I assume that there will be. City Councilman Nick Fish said we are not through honoring our gay friends.” Many communities have what some call a “gayborhood or gay village.” Wilton Manors, Florida (where I was privileged to serve as a senior editor with the South Florida Gay News) is one such mecca. It’s a whole town with one of the most significant gay-identifying populations in the country. But, many cities have lost such an anchor type of neighborhood. “It was a beehive, it was wonderful,” Darcelle said of what was once known as the Lavender Triangle. “I was happy it was there. Now, we do have about three gay bars in our area. Silverado will be moving two blocks from Stag, and Embers is reopening. It’s exciting to see them moving near my neck of the woods. There was a time when we needed those bars, but now we are accepted everywhere. For me, I accept and support you no matter who you are.” Darcelle speaks her mind, and has for decades as she came out in an era where workplace and societal discrimination was the norm;

not the exception. When asked about the younger generation and their involvement in the community, the response was swift and honest. “Do they care? I am not sure they care,” she said. “We made sure that our friends with AIDS were taken care of, we made sure Measure Nine was not passed. That’s how it works, that’s what we did, we took care of and fought for each other. I can only hope the younger generation doesn’t take what we did for the future generations for granted.” ProudTimes feels privileged we were able to speak to Mr. Terry Bean, and Darcelle XVI. We were also able to speak with former Governor Barbara Roberts, the first female governor of our beautiful Oregon. In the opening, Bean mentioned the idea sparked when he and Roberts encountered Harvey Milk Street in sunny San Diego, California. “I received recognition from the gay community there, a Matthew Shepherd and Harvey Milk award. We were walking around San Diego and we came across the Harvey Milk Street. We were marveling at it and he took a picture of me with the sign post. He started thinking, we could do that in Portland. I said, ‘Oh that’s a great idea honey,’ but it sounded so difficult--in terms of political, administrative, and other issues. But, when we came back Terry started looking around the old gay community on SW Stark Street. And that’s where the idea came from.” Bean started the committee once he figured out where it should be in terms of location, Roberts added. He surveyed businesses, to gather a sense of who would support renaming the street. He then brought it to local activist Kathleen Sadaat, who was recently awarded a Heroes of HIV Award from the Cascade AIDS project, and

www.ProudTimes.com

of course Darcelle. Roberts would join with the others to speak before the city council. “I thought it was really important just to support it, and to work behind the scenes to support Terry in his work. But,” Roberts added, “I found it was important enough of an issue to speak twice before the city council in favor of changing the name to Harvey Milk Street.” As mentioned above, Bean hopes to continue honoring people who have had major impact for the LGBTQ+ community in the Rose City. Although, perhaps not another street renaming. “I certainly would be supportive to find and rename another location. Perhaps a bench or a park or whatever. We got some complaints about renaming the street after Harvey Milk. ‘Why did we come to name a street after someone who wasn’t from here.’ But we have streets named after Caesar Chavez and Martin Luther King, Jr. who were both not from here. In this case, we were talking about someone national in the LGBT-movement and who gave his life to support that viewpoint. I think it would be great to find other places to name after other LGBT leaders. I am very hopeful. I don’t know whether I will be involved, but I would be proud to help if I could--besides streets,” Roberts concluded. “Streets are very hard, there are lot of legal ramifications and city ordinances.” Darcelle mentioned earlier she hopes there is interest among the younger generation to both celebrate our history, and make differences in their community. ProudTimes spoke to Cody Thomas Gierat, 32 who works as a Quality Analyst and Compliance Administrator at Health Share of Oregon. Like Harvey Milk, Gieret comes from a Jewish background and--in the

spirit of full-disclosure--he’s one of my personal friends. “As a bisexual Jewish man with a Catholic and Jewish background,” Gieret told ProudTimes, “Portland’s decision to rename SW Stark Street to Harvey Milk Street endeared me to the city’s initiative for embracing both minorities and LGBTQ individuals. The renaming provides a lasting legacy for such an unmatched pioneer as the late, great Harvey Milk. While not directly a Portland fixture, Milk cemented a legacy fighting for the rights of the community - and Portland is indeed such a high-queer capacity city that it’s a welcome addition to our city.”

www.ProudTimes.com

For those pioneers from the previous generations who want younger people to continue the legacy of LGBT activism, Gieret is hopeful the

work will go on. Such visibility-the renaming of a street for instance--he hopes will inspire his and following generations to know their past and fight for their future. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Furthermore, as a member of the younger generation of queer folks, it is imperative to ensure that Milkâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s legacy lives on-despite the sometimes insular mindsets that can manifest in the community--we certainly must be eternally grateful for figures such as Harvey Milk, writer James Baldwin, transgender and minority activist Marsha P. Johnson, and many others. We must be aware that because of them we are able to live in a much better world of near-acceptance today.â&#x20AC;?

From ProudTimes to you and yours, we wish you a Happy Chanukah, a Merry Christmas, and Happy Holidays. If you know of anyone in the Portland area or the Pacific Northwest who is an LGBTQ+ activist or person of interest, deserving of coverage, email sebastian@proudtimes.com, Portland Correspondent for ProudTimes.

www.ProudTimes.com

By Andre Rios

What Sex Actually Sells Sexual Content in LGBTQ+ Social Media In last month’s edition of Proud Times Magazine, we broadly discussed some of the ways social media both enhances and endangers the LGBTQ+ experience, from issues like bullying and teen suicide to the benefits of accessing positive community atmospheres. On the positive, parent-friendly side of the LGBTQ+ experience on social media are Youtube channels openly discussing queer content like dating and coming out stories. Likewise, out celebrities on Twitter or Instagram help LGBTQ+ people to vocalize our experiences, learn about different identities and explore the process of coming out. But then there’s the sultry side of social media, the apparent impetus behind it all. There’s a common joke that anything on the internet eventually turns into porn. The availability of graphic content by pornstars or porn curators on Twitter and Tumblr are proof enough of this trend. Perhaps the rumors are true, and humans are sexual beings after all. In this month’s edition of PT, we’re going to focus the lens of social media’s perks and perils on thirst traps, THOTs and the availability of sociosexual escapism for the LGBTQ+ community. Continued on Page 52

www.ProudTimes.com

Thirst Follows Since he publicly came out in 2016 to the aghast of teen girls and curious mothers nationwide, Colton Haynes has only gained stardom, at least as far as social media statistics are concerned. Attribute it to his platform of inspiring LGBTQ+ youth and young adults to come out and be proud of who they are, or attribute it to his frequent #TBTs** of his scandalous former modeling career, but Mr. Haynes is nothing if not a veritable Instagram star. With over 6.7 million followers, his is one of the top queer Instagram accounts in the virtual market. Then consider Keiynan Lonsdale, Love, Simon star and new social media celebrity, whose coming out post on Instagram garnered nearly 100,000 likes, and whose barely clothed photos earn him hundreds of thousands more. Why post #TBTs when photos of your current form earn an average of 120,000 likes and you’ve amassed over 800,000 follows with a relatively short film career? This is by no means an attempt to undermine the importance of his visibility and frequently astute words of encouragement to his followers, but to highlight another, more voluptuary factor that may be responsible for his following boom. It takes a certain amount of skill to run a successful social media page, and apparently it takes a certain amount of visible abdominal muscles to run a wildly popular one. Look to the boom of popularity of fashion models on Instagram. Professionals who were historically poorly treated and laughably paid are now rewarded for their impossibly good looks. Those

with massive followings often earn sponsorship deals to represent products like makeup and activewear, or even increase their chances of booking certain campaigns and entertainment gigs. Sex sells, and people like us who trip through social media daily pay with our follows, likes, and flame emojis. Not to say that sex is the intent of social media-National Geographic’s decidedly inexplicit Instagram page is one of the most followed worldwide--it just happens to be one of the pillars of it. Never forget that Facebook’s Mark Zuckerberg took inspiration from HotorNot.com to eventually build his global enterprise.

An Embarrassment of Praise Now that Instagram has essentially become a virtual magazine, customizable, empowering the user to curate their own experience, the sexually enticing content that was once hid in the hard-to-reach heights of a magazine rack is now available to the sexually mature, sexually discovering, and pubescent alike. Almost no barriers exist between your fingertips and the content you can’t wait to spend a little alone time with. But there’s only so much you can explore this content until it breaks bad. Take for instance the rising rates of health crises that have shocking correlations to social media, like

www.ProudTimes.com

eating disorders. The National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) reports that “LGBTQ+ identified folks experience unique stressors that may contribute to the development of an eating disorder.” One such stressor they identify is “inability to meet body image ideals within some LGBTQ+ cultural contexts.” Instagram is just one said cultural context, where the correlation between physical fitness and adoration seems too clean, too apparent. And in the future, it will be worth discussing the effects of socializing on hookup apps like Grindr and Tinder on the LGBTQ+ individual. Then there’s the issue of erectile dysfunction. According to a July 2018 study in Medical News Today, porn and borderline pornographic imagery found on sites like Instagram may not be directly linked to ED, but the consequential psychological stress does. What are the psychological stress factors scientists have identified? “Body image problems or anxiety about sex” top the list. Anxiety and depression, mental health struggles that are frequently linked to overuse of social media, also rank as high causes of ED. A cutting report in Psychology Today goes even further. It’s been studied and proven time and time again that “photo-focused social media activity, in particular, can make you feel worse about how you look.” But, further, “reading all of those ‘You’re so hot!’ comments on the photos other people post makes things even worse.” A study performed by Flinders University in Australia found that women in particular are affected by positive feedback on other Instagram users’ images. It reinforces the belief that women are only valuable insofar as they are beautiful,

and that “performing ‘sexiness’ online is a good way to get attention and reinforcement.” And because LGBTQ+ people are more likely to be attracted to the same gender, we have a unique experience of envying those we’re attracted to, often glorifying immaculate physical forms and simultaneously feeling challenged by them. Perhaps the unintended effect is that we feel we must work to both earn and resemble the objects of our desire.

Shedding Bias Clearly, scrolling through sexy Instagram content isn’t altogether healthy, especially the more habitual and addictive it becomes. And Instagram’s developers have openly admitted themselves that the platform is engineered to trigger addictive behavior. But naysayers may wonder: what’s wrong with a little fun? Who wouldn’t jump at the opportunity to find scantily clad photos of celebrities or Instacelebrities, especially when the subjects post nearly-nudes of their own volition? There’s nothing morally wrong with finding sexual content online. After all, this sort of sweeping moralization tends to toss minority sexual identities into the rubbish bin. If queer sexual content doesn’t have to exist secretly behind a private tab any longer--as it did for many LGBTQ+ youth--and out users willingly share sexually enticing content without apparent fear of homophobic backlash, why not take advantage of how far we’ve come?

www.ProudTimes.com

By all means, enjoy the riches out there, but ensure you mix in some affirming content as well. Dr. Renee Engeln of Psychology Today leaves us with some sage advice: “If you can’t step away from your Instagram account, at least try to fine-tune it so that it’s a healthier place to spend your time….Focus on building relationships and showing who you

actually are.” Almost nothing could speak so particularly to the LGBTQ+ experience, on and offline. While searching for sexual content is a natural urge, most of us are also trying to find individuals with whom we identify and feel safe. And if we feel we can only find these individuals on social media for the time being, then so be it.

www.ProudTimes.com

Proud Time

By Se

Last year, and his hu baby. Why

The co 2015, w children as next as if, de ahead parents adopte Accord parenti the cou

All Pho Courto (@biffa or www Youtub page f

es interviews Trystan Angel Reese and His husband Biff Chaplow

ebastian Fortino

, Portland local Trystan Angel Reese made headlines when he had a baby. Reese usband Biff Chaplow were just another family electing to get pregnant and have a y was the world so interested in this pregnancy? Reese is a transgender man.

ouple already had two children as of when Chaplow learned his sister’s n would be placed in foster care if he, t of kin, wouldn’t take them in. It seems espite the potentially difficult road of them, they were willing to be foster s with open arms. They eventually ed Riley, now 10, and Hailey, now eight. ding to The Longest Shortest Time, a ing podcast which ran four stories on uple,

So [Biff] and Trystan got in the car and drove to the sister’s house. And [Biff] gave Trystan that two-hour drive to decide whether or not he was ready to commit to becoming a dad. Recently, Reese traveled to New York to do a Moth Mainstage performance in Brooklyn. The Moth Mainstage is non-profit dedicated to storytelling, Reese explained. There he shared his story

Trystan Angel Reese

otos in this Article osy of Tystan Reese andi) instagraham w.biffandi.com and be channel see last for links.

www.ProudTimes.com

about his transgender journey, fostering their niece and nephew, and of course having their son, who is now a year-and-a-half years old. He’s very candid in the video admitting he was surprised he got so much attention in Portland. Joking that seeing a bearded, pregnant man is something you can see here in the Rose City just getting a cup of coffee. The video has gotten lots of interest.

million views. So, that humbled me real quickly. The story was initially released on The Moth’s podcast and it was a surprise when they asked if Iris, Condé Nast’s social media arm, could release the video, but I figured my story was already out there so... why not? I had no idea it would blow up the way it has. Especially for a 12-minute-long video! I had no idea I was even being videotaped! ”

“As of sometime this week,” and that was in mid-November, “it was at over 900,000 hits. Which seemed like a lot until I saw that the video of the baby bear climbing the mountain had 10

Reese talks poignantly in the video about about how he struggled with his gender identity growing up; saying, “Through all my adolescence I used to joke that I was a gay man trapped in a woman’s body. And then I found out transgender’s a thing and I realized that I am a gay man trapped in a woman’s body,” and jokes about testosterone allowing him to look like every gay while man in Brooklyn. His husband called the idea of pregnancy the craziest idea Reese had. “It was several months of talking, researching, and soul-searching before we both agreed to move forward with trying,” Chaplow admitted. Of course, life gets more complicated with a baby. Professionally, Reese is a social justice professional (but I think warrior is a better term) and travels a lot for work. His title now is Director

www.ProudTimes.com

of Family Formation at Family Equality Council. What challenges do he and Biff face with a son who is almost two year old, two children in the household, their careers, and activism work? He says when he’s home he tries to “really be home.” “I try to put screens away and be present with the kids whenever I can. I find one-on-

one opportunities with each, whether it’s a tea date with Hailey, going to the arcade with Riley, or taking Leo to the park. It’s important to maintain our bonds with each child, even when another had been added to the family,” he tells ProudTimes. “I also want them to see me working hard to make an impact on the world. They know we are a family with many privileges—it’s our responsibility to work with

www.ProudTimes.com

others to dismantle transphobia, racism, homophobia, and other biases. So, those without our privileges can have access to everything we do. They know that when I’m gone, it’s because I’m doing what I can to have a positive impact... and I think they give me some grace because of that.” Their family of five looks perfectly happy in all their photos. Despite that we are dealing with a White House that would like to erase transgender identities. Under the current administration, queer families have reported their children being afraid, or sad. How does he and his husband talk about this to their children? “We share with the older kids as much as we can without discouraging them,” he describes them as empathic. “They can take on more emotional distress than is good for a child, so we try to be intentional about how much we share and how we share it. One thing I try to be open about is my own feelings, as a trans person living under the Trump administration. When the trans memo was leaked, it was a really hard day for me. I invited a bunch of trans friends over to just BE with each other, and told the kids a bit about what was happening. Riley, my son, climbed into my lap and told me he was sorry, and that trans people didn’t deserve what was happening to us. It seems like such a simple thing, but for a 10 year-old boy--who is practically a teenager--

to show such empathy and tenderness. It was profoundly comforting. I hope he is always able to listen when others say they are being harmed, and to provide comfort whenever it’s helpful.” On a happier note, Reese discussed Christmas in their home, which he describes as agnostic. As Biff was raised in an evangelical Christian home, celebrating the holiday is especially important to him. Their holiday is pretty traditional, and includes going to church on Christmas Eve at an LGBTQ+ inclusive congregation. While they trim a tree, Reese reminds his children about and celebrates the more natural aspects of the holiday. “We also try to really embrace the nature-based aspects of the Solstice, incorporating a general understanding of changing seasons, passing time, and respect for Mother Earth. We each have family traditions around the holidays that we have brought to the relationship, so we have a lot of rituals we bring to the holiday season as well.” Parents today are faced with more and more commercialism everyday. Reese, and you will surely see this, is a very warm, centered person. He says separating commercialism from the things he values--family and being together--is a constant struggle. He amends this by giving the children one present each. Santa, of course, brings them another one. “They also get new pajamas on Christmas Eve and stocking presents. Reducing the level of stuff they get around the holidays helps them manage the amount of overwhelm and consumption that can sometimes accompany the holiday. They are involved in making presents for friends and family, so they get the

www.ProudTimes.com

other queer and trans folks who may have mixed feelings about the holiday. I think that helps them embrace the lovely warmth of community at a time when other kids might be more focused on stuff. But we aren’t perfect, either! We are just doing our best and refining year after year, trying to learn and do better each time.” Toys are traditionally promoted for boys or for girls. They try not to do “girl toys” or “boy toys.” Both children, Reese says, are pretty gendered in terms of their interests and activities. “So we just let them take the lead and we try to get out of their way. Our son wants sports toys and comic books. Our daughter Hailey loves to sew and read chapter books. Okay! That’s what we will support, then! We have our own approaches to gender that we wished were more supported by the world. We have to model that unconditional support for our children as well, even if we wish our son wanted to sew and play with dolls. He’s his own person and we try to accept that.” When asked what the couple is most thankful for Biff says, “I am very thankful for time spent with the kids, especially Leo, and I’m thankful for Trystan’s love and support.”

joy of creating something for others. We usually do an orphans Christmas, where we open up our home to any of our friends who doesn’t have somewhere to go,” he said of their familial festivities. “So the kids get to be a part of a friends celebration that is usually comprised of

While Reese is mostly thankful for the freedom to be themselves, to love and be loved. They recently went to Iceland, and were treated to a tour of Reykjavik from the perspective of queer history. “We worked with Pink Iceland, a queer tour company, and they told us stories of LGBT couples coming to Iceland to get married in secret. Some of these couples had never walked

www.ProudTimes.com

down the street holding the hand of the person they loved. I’ve worked with queer and trans immigrants fleeing persecution, and I am grateful every day to live where we do. To be able to have a family and a home and a loving community. So many of our LGBT brothers and sisters-and gender non-conforming siblings--don’t get to have those basic things. We never forget how incredibly fortunate we are to have them.” We at ProudTimes wish you and your families, and your chosen families, your friends and colleagues, lovers, partners and spouses a very Merry Christmas and Happy Holiday Season. Thank you, Trystan and Biff, for sharing your story at this very special time of year. To keep up with Trystan and Biff, check out Biff and I, a blog which chronicles their lives and adventures in parenting.

Click to Watch - Biff and I: Welcome Channel!!! Follow Trystan Angel Reese, husband Biff Chaplow and loving family on: Instagram: @biffandi website: https://www.biffandi.com/ Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/bifandi