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Soften your expectations BY ALITA BLANCHARD, PARENT COACH
struggling with your own feelings and are stressed or dysregulated, you may find it hard to listen to their tears. This is very common. This is where I advocate for the importance of having someone to listen to YOUR feelings. We are not meant to do motherhood alone and it’s important to practice speaking your truth to people you feel safe with.
New motherhood comes with many expectations, often unspoken but deeply ingrained. Expectations that you must be a ‘good, happy, calm and present mother’. You will likely have high expectations of yourself, others around you, as well as societal, financial and career expectations. You may naturally also wish to be ‘attached, gentle, peaceful’ in your parenting and many of these qualities are possible (for some) in the baby stage. You may follow social media pages promoting these philosophies and aspire to ‘get it right’. And yet somewhere along the way you will inevitably stumble.
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I want you to know that that’s ok. You are likely doing your best with the tools and resources available to you. And you may also need to soften your expectations – both on yourself, your baby/children and others. The realities of the newborn stage Your baby will cry. And in that first year, this is their primary way of communicating to you that they have needs. Once those needs are met, and they are still needing to cry, it’s ok to surrender and hold them in your arms and let them cry. This is actually very healing for babies with their own big feelings. Especially if you had a stressed pregnancy, difficult birth or have a highly sensitive baby, they will have a lot of feelings. Crying is healing when lovingly held and listened to. However sometimes, if you are
The realities of toddler life and beyond Life can step up a level in intensity when your baby becomes a moving, walking, often frustrated toddler. Toddlers are meant to test boundaries and have big feelings (often called ‘tantrums’). And yet mothers often feel challenged when their child ‘isn’t listening’ or ‘keeps being naughty’ because their high expectations are not being met. All of your child’s behaviours are likely normal. No child is ‘naughty’ or ‘misbehaved’. All behaviour is a subconscious form of communication. Their behaviour is showing you that they
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There’s no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one. Jill Churchill
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Thu 17th March 10AM + 6PM Fri 18th March 10AM Recommended for ages 3+ BOOK ONLINE www.thearthousewyong.com.au This project is supported by the NSW Government through Create NSW. Restart Investment to Sustain and Expand (RISE) Fund – an Australian Government initiative. Guess How Much I Love You™ and © Sam McBratney and Anita Jeram 2021. Licensed by Walker Books Ltd. Guess How Much I Love You is a registered trademark of Walker Books Ltd, London UK.
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