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MANAGING THE
Dealing with conflict in separated families
It’s the start of another school year and managing routines can be difficult for separated families. We become skilled in the art of careful communication and it can feel like we are walking on eggshells. At Bilson Law, we have a few tips and tricks to help make it more manageable for separated families. Take some time to get to know what stage of communication you and your co–parent are in. Communication dispute stages: Smooth Bumpy The heat is on The wheels are off To keep it ‘smooth’ takes effort and planning. You will need a different strategy depending on which stage you are in. Once you are in the ‘bumpy’, ‘heat’ or ‘wheels–off’ stages, it is time to get some advice from a family therapist or resolution–focused family lawyer.
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O N T H E C OA S T – FA MILIES
Take some time to prepare an agreement about your communication. The co–parent agreement can address: how; when; why; what; and, all things communication related. It’s not just the content that causes difficulty, most of the time, it’s the delivery. KEY BASICS OF THE CO–PARENTING COMMUNICATION AGREEMENT: 1 Value planning What are your agreed values? These are the underlying values that bind your family. For example, we both love our children.
2 ‘No–go zones What are the topics that are off–limits? What topics should only be discussed
with the assistance of a mediator or family therapist?
3 Means of Communication What types of communication work? Are there certain types of communication that don’t work? For example, in–person, text message, email, co–parenting app. 4 Timing What times are off–limits? Are there certain times of the day? Days of the week? Take time to consider a particular time each week that suits both of you. 5 Time frame expectations Consider what time frame is reasonable for certain responses. For example, if