OCTOBER 27, 2010 ISSUE 615
DAVID ATLANTA MAGAZINE 1874 Piedmont Avenue 390-C Atlanta, GA 30324 Mon-Fri 9:30am-6:00pm Phone: 404.418.8901 Fax: 404.418.8901 ext. 7 www.davidatlanta.com email@example.com publisher Matt Neumann
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photography Brian Sawyer Matt Neumann Adam Rowe Jesus De La Cruz october 27, 2010
18 essentially major 30 quiz 44 brent star report 46 la nota rosa 58 atlanta a-z firstname.lastname@example.org
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graphic design Matt Neumann operations and finance Brian Sawyer firstname.lastname@example.org
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national ad rep Rivendell Media 908.232.2021 contributors Andrew Medlin David Muller Luis Chiruco
Brent Star Lucy
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62 bartab nightlife guide 66 gay atlanta guide 70 adult classifieds 78 bitchsession Add us on facebook! DavidAtlantaMagazine
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Public Appearances by Michael Jeffrey
“I just told her plain and simple,” said Chase as she slid out of the passenger’s seat and began adjusting her new maternity dress in the Black Party parking lot. “I want to look sexy and pregnant. Not resemble a float in the Macy’s Thanksgiving ‘Gay’ parade.” “Well, mission accomplished,” I said lovingly grasping her baby bump with both hands. “Aw, thanks babe. I mean, why pay $300 for a dress I’ll only look good in when I’m knocked up anyway?” she said. “Please! I went to Target and lived for only $19.99.” I wish I could have said the same but unlike Chase I’m not happily married with children in suburban bliss. A single man of a certain age living alone in Midtown has but one responsibility to himself: sustain marketability at any costs. Sometimes that meant an extra class of Pilates. For the Black Party it meant Louis Vuitton dress shoes I’d spend the next fiscal year paying off on my credit card. But tonight was full of so many different possibilities. I couldn’t afford to misstep even an inch. Not only was it the climax event of the Fall season, but it was also set to be the first time my family of close friends would meet the guy I’ve been on 3.5 dates with and am totally beginning to fall for. While others might find this a joyous milestone in a new courtship, for me it’s a bit like divulging to my new love that I’d been raised in the wilderness by a pack of rabid wolves. My friends are not the easiest bunch to please. Time, however, has taught me it’s better to introduce them to someone I’m interested in early on. If he can survive through all the scrutiny or the sharp tongued battles that break out so frequently between us, then he’s surely tough enough to endure the next three dates or so with me. “Now remember,” I said delicately to Chase as we approached the door, “there are people in here I know professionally.” “Oh, so you get paid for doing ‘that’ now?” she said with a smile.
“Look, all I’m saying is please try and behave. And for God sake don’t let me catch you popping and shaking your pregnant ass on the dance floor either.” “But what if they play Rihanna? I can’t be held responsible if ‘Only Girl in the World’ comes on. I’m just going to tell you that right now.” “Fine,” I said half-heartedly. “Can you just make it a real discrete booty pop? Like the kind only you and I will notice?” “I’ll try,” she said loosely. And with that fragile promise between us we stepped into a room filled with more friends and beautiful faces than I could count. Immediately we were joined by the rest of the gang and the party officially took off. As the drinking commenced I tried to pace myself, still keeping in the back of my mind that my new interest could appear out of the crowd at any moment. It wasn’t long though before I lost my cocktail count and along with my handle on Chase for that matter. Last I saw she had a lesbian couple rubbing her belly for good luck near the ladies restroom. It wasn’t until I heard Rihanna over the loud speaker that I realized a situation was about to take place. “Where’s Chase!” I blurted out frantically, beginning to maneuver my way through the massive crowd. But just as I expected, there she was gyrating in front of the DJ booth, maternity dress riding up around her thighs, while the crowd surrounding her egged the whole performance on. Once I got closer I noticed the main instigator appeared to be my new guy (of all people) dancing simultaneously with her to the beat. It hadn’t imagined their first meeting to go quite like this, but at least they appeared to be hitting it off. And while it may be true that you can choose your friends and not your family, you cannot always choose how they’ll behave once they’re out in public. Some things like Chase’s love of dance music just can’t be contained.
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Datebook Wednesday Oct. 27 Get Checked Out
2 pm at Positive Impact. 139 Ralph McGill Blvd., Suite 201. Positive Impact offers free screenings for syphilis, gonorrhea and Chlamydia, thanks to a generous grant from the Elton John AIDS Foundation. Screenings run from 2 pm to 7 pm. HIV screenings with same day results will also be available. For more information visit: www. positiveimpact-atl.org.
Laugh It Up
9 pm at Mixx. 1492 Piedmont Ave NE. Love comedy clubs but hate going home smelling like smoke? Mixx, Atlanta’s non-smoking video bar, hosts comedy video skits for your laughing pleasure. For more information visit: www. mixxatlanta.com.
Thursday Oct. 28 Nights on The Piazza
5 pm at Woodruff Arts Center. 1280 Peachtree Street NEThis is the last night of this weekly free concert series at the Woodruff Arts Center. This week’s concert features Oryx and Crake a 9-man band native to Atlanta whose sound resembles Sparklehorse or Wilco. Madeline, the musical force behind the 2002 “Kissing & Dancing” will also be a featured performer. Also enjoy special outdoor food and drinks
provided by Partners of Atlanta. For more information visit: www.woodruffcenter.org.
Friday Oct. 29 Fun Friday!
10 pm at Jungle. 2115 Faulkner Road. Make your Friday night full of fun at Jungle. For those of age, $10 gets you all you can drink Wells and Domestic beer until 1 a.m. You’ll also be entertained by super star performer “Phoenix”, DJ Hot Rod and his Top 40 Remix videos. For more information visit: www. jungleclubatlanta.com.
Halloween Mega Party
9:30 pm at My Sisters’ Room. 1271 Glenwood Ave SE. Sakeban 11, a monthly party at My Sisters’ Room, suits this month with its party theme B Horror Movie. Special guests include Devin Liquor, Dax!, Vanity Sinclair UnCanney, and Coochie Gabana. Cover costs just $8 and costumes are definitely encouraged. Ladies you definitely won’t want to miss this party. For more information call (678) 705-4585.
Saturday Oct. 30 Heroes and Villains
10 pm at Atlanta Eagle. 306 Ponce De Leon Ave. It’s Halloween, and what’s a good Halloween
without superheroes. That’s the theme of Fetish Night at The Eagle. Come dressed as your favorite superhero, or supervillian and you’ll get a ticket for a free Jell-O shooter. This quarterly event is a fundraiser for Southeast Leathersir/ Leatherboy. For more information visit: www.atlantaeagle.com.
7 pm at Eddies Attic. 515 N Mcdonough St. Decatur, GA. Join the band The Gentle Readers as they transform into The Susi French Connection, a 70’s pop cover band. Get your groove on as the band plays many known and some unknown songs from the decade full of dance feever. The early show, starting at 7 pm, is safe for all ages, while the second show, starting at 9:30 pm is strictly for adults. General Admission is $13 for the late show, and $8 for the early show. Children 12 and under are $5. For tickets and information visit: Eddiesattic. ticketfusion.com.
Monday Nov. 1 Crazy Bitch Karaoke @ Las Margaritas 7:30 pm Las Margaritas, 1842 Chesire Bridge Rd. From the same people that brought you the Thursday night rave, Crazy Bitch Bingo, brings
you the same crazy, now on Monday. Make your way to this authentic Latin Midtown hang out, and get ready for a blast, with $2 taco specials. For more information visit: www. lasmargaritasmidtown.com
Tuesday Nov. 2 Wii Bowling Tournament
9:30 pm at Heretic, 2069 Cheshire Bridge Rd NE. Are you a wiz at Wii? Is your bowling game tops? Grab your wii-mote and get ready for a Wii Bowling Tournament. Play for up to $50 in Bar Cash plus player incentives all night! Sign up by 9:15. First game out of three starts at 9:30. Highest total of all three games wins! For more information visit: www.hereticatlanta.com.
8 pm at Amsterdam Atlanta, 502-A Amsterdam Ave. NE. Don’t stay at home like a couch potato, come watch Fox’s hit TV series “Glee” at Amsterdam. Enjoy this musical-comedy-drama on any of the 21 screens that decorate this awesome facility. Make your show experience a little bit saucy with draft specials all night long. The show will be followed by showtune’s videos with VJ Vaughn. For more information visit: www.facebook.com/amsterdam.atlanta.
29 davidatlanta david
Quiz David Magazine is always there to ask the important questions. This Halloween we want to know:
WWWYB? Which Witch Would You Be by Andrew Medlin
Just take this simple survey to discover which dastardly witch is most like you. You know what to do; keep track of your score and tally up your marks at the end. You’re at Green’s Liquor Store and you overhear two snarky Munchkinlanders talking smack bout yo weave; you: A) Bust out the Aquanet and give yourself another coat.
Sabrina the teenage witch keeps trying to add you on Facebook; poor thing, you: A) Don’t want much, just her voice. B) Snub the chubby D-lister.
B) Pull out your Bumpit of Power and bludgeon those trash-talking brats.
C) Are simply Moonstruck.
C) Pat yo weave and be on your merry way. You know you’re beautiful.
E) Haven’t heard of her.
D) Help yourself to a drink. You’re at the liquor store after all. E) Shank em. Much to your dismay, you walk outside to discover two portly Bavarian children chowing down on your freshly shellacked gingerbread condo; you: A) Let them eat, you’ve got bigger fish to fry.
D) Know her from Hollywood Squares.
You sneak into the potions closet to liberate some ‘ingredients’ for your magic brownies and you overhear Hermione Granger goin down on Luna Lovegood; you: A) Tell the whole school immediately. B) Cast a spell: *Cunnilingusto! C) Say nothing! Then write it in your journal and beat off to it later.
B) Lure them into your home for a tasty snack.
D) Join in; obvi. That know-it-all Muggle’s got a thing or two book-learnin’ can’t teach her.
C) Call Michelle Pfeiffer, they’re prolly one of her brood.
E) Put that sheot on Youtube.
D) Turn into a billy goat and gnaw on the shutters. E) Push them down and steal their lunch money.
Elizabeth Montgomery invites you over for a bewitching evening of cocktails; you: A) Decline; you’d feel like a fish out of water. B) Attend; you hear Dormwood’s on the DL.
The batt on your cell dies so you borrow your man’s phone to call Maleficent and see where she at. Low and behold, you catch that bougie witch Glenda texting your man; you: A) Cut a witch. B) Break his phone. C) Break him. D) Call her paunchy ass back, and start sumpin. E) Text her back pretending to be him. 30 davidatlanta
C) Decline; you’d rather be sculpting giant fertility statues. D) Attend; you’ve heard Samantha’s a swinger. E) Attend, but bring a big clutch for the good silver.
Those cranky girls from Charmed slip you some bad shrooms and the next thing you know your puritanical township has tried you for witchcraft and is about to drown you in the river; you’ve gotta think fast, you:
Your life’s ambition is to:
A) Don’t sweat it; you swim like a fish.
C) Turn back time.
B) Sing a remix of a Nina Simone song that puts the whole town under a spell.
D) Bang Merlin
C) Seduce the local reverend; convince him you were possessed. D) Eat more shrooms. Whatever. E) Cry like the whiney witch you are.
A) Be Queen of the Sea. B) Achieve eternal youth and go shopping with SJP.
E) Get back with Johnny. That tired queen, David Bowie keep borrowing clothes, putting runs in yo tights running around that Labyrinth; you: A) You wonder what he puts in the extra legs.
Angela Lansbury keeps using all your bed knobs and broomsticks in very unsavory ways; you:
B) Are just happy you’re the same size.
A) Lend her a trident, it’s much more effective.
D) Turn into a purple dragon.
B) Red hair dye, thighs, and whispers. C) Cigarettes, butane, and hairspray. D) A clump of hair, a rusty sword, and some toenails (hopefully yours) E) Adderall, a bible, and some price tags from Saks. Willow and Buffy are having their annual Girls Only ‘Sleepover’ and somehow, you’re not invited; you: A) Send Flotsam and Jetsam to Teepee the house. B) Show up anyway; it was clearly an oversight. C) Make voodoo dolls of their likeness and throw them in the fire. D) Slash their tires. E) Spread vicious rumors about them to everyone you know. Those skanks from The Craft try to bind you, Nancy; you: A) Become a giant octopus and crush them. B) Sneer and steal their youth. C) Call the Devil and let him deal with it. D) Bust some heads. E) Let them, you’re into that.
Now that you know what’s what, it’s time to find out which witch. Here are the results:
A) Beluga, sevruga, and winds of the Caspian Sea.
If you selected mostly A’s you must be sensual, voluptuous, and cutthroat. You aren’t afraid to take what you want, and don’t care who you flatten on the way. You have style, panache, and a regal ability to delegate. You are: Ursula, the Sea Witch, from The Little Mermaid.
You finally get your paramour alone at the bar, but you’re plum outta roofies, so you whip up a bootleg love potion from the junk in your purse/pockets; it contains:
If you picked mostly B’s you are probably vain, imposing, and temperamental. Your shrill voice and dusty ginger coif keep the riff raff at bay while you hunt for little souls to devour. You make up for an outdated wardrobe with a set of rocking pipes. You are: Bette Midler from Hocus Pocus.
E) Pick her pockets while she’s not looking.
If you chose mostly C’s you are most likely tall, androgynous, and politically minded. You wont compromise your standards for anybody, but would turn back time for the right guy/girl. You have been a pioneer in the field of experimental plastic surgery. You are: Cher from The Witches of Eastwick.
D) Challenge her to a wizards duel.
E) Didn’t pay for em anyway.
If you circled mostly D’s, I don’t know what to tell you: you’re prolly bat-sh*t-crazy. This obscure little treasure from the annals of history if best known for her erratic behavior and unsportsmanlike trickery. God help us, you are: The Marvelous Mad Madam Mim from The Sword and the Stone.
C) Aren’t fazed. Let the old bird have her fun.
If you chose mostly E’s you may be reading this from inside the clink. Though fashionable, talented, and fabulous, you’re best known for your sticky fingers. Your puritanical hypocrisy in this film even makes Glen Beck look pious. It’s a good thing this is a free publication, because would have taken one anyway. You are: Winona Ryder from The Crucible.
B) Always knew that tramp was a freak.
C) Worry that he makes a more convincing woman than you.
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The Brent Star Report
Theme parties are back! A couple of Fridays ago, I had the itch to do something different, so I went to my first FOAM party hosted by ‘Bedlam’ at My Sisters Room. Child, no one told me that the damn foam was going to be knee high. Suds and bubbles everywhere—I felt like I was inside a washing machine (now I know what my socks must go through). Even though I felt whore-ish wearing my brown skin tight short shorts (think Venus Williams see-through shorts back in May), I had a blast AND my hair didn’t get wet. Oh, there’s local singer Barry Brandon over there playing with the bubbles, let me go chat with him right quick. Um…don’t ask me how, but both of us are INSIDE this super size bubble that just keeps expanding! Oh well, while we’re stuck inside, let’s talk! Brent: Hello Barry Brandon… have a few minutes? Barry: Yessss Brent Starrrrrrr! Brent: At least there are a lot of hot boys out there for eye candy… So my first question, what the hell is ‘Bedlam’? Barry: Bedlam means a place, scene, or state of uproar and confusion... More commonly called a lunatic asylum. It’s the name we chose for our parties… Brent: Our? You and Mr. Foam? Barry: Jose and I. Brent: oh Jose Rodriguez, your partner in crime. I love to hear you guys sing at your concerts. So which one of you had the bright idea to throw a foam party? Barry: Jose came up with the concept to bring themed parties back. He was inspired by the NYC scene where the club kid parties are getting big again, so we just came up with Bedlam and it took off. We’re doing it once a month. Brent: And I see Kynckolas Davis is a part of this, he just made me this FABU cocktail before we got caught in this bubble. Barry: Yep he’s the CREATIVE side of Bedham. Brent: Yea, he’s pretty creative even though he’s gotten too busy for me…we used to do projects together, but now he doesn’t call…he doesn’t write…oh, sorry, back to this story, so when and what is your next theme party? Barry: We’re calling it “Wacked Out Black Out” slated for November 12th. You should totally come. Brent: huh? Explain THAT! Barry: Be prepared to be painted! Brent: Painted?! Oh, I’m not into to all that. Na. Barry: Um…yea, so everyone wears white, bring goggles or sunglasses, and the ultra violet lights will make EVERYTHING Glow! Super soakers filled with 44 davidatlanta
Neon Paint!!! You are the canvas! Brent: Ohhhh, we’ll be walking around glowing….like a bunch of glow worms…. Barry: loves. Brent: I noticed quite a few females in here. I think it’s cool to integrate the parties sometimes…. Barry: Always. I HATE that this city is so segregated! I started promoting at My Sisters Room instead of a gay bar because I knew that I already had a gay boy following---so I figured by infusing them into a lesbian bar they would go…next, is the straight bars. Brent: Yea, I’ve been noticing more and more straight people have been coming to our clubs, lesbian and gay. Child, my main two weekly gigs are at straight bars, Tijuana Garage (Saturdays) and Shout (on Tuesdays) and they live! Barry: I know - Atlanta is ready to be more like Chicago, San Fran and NYC where everyone parties together. Brent: Trust. So, what’s after the Blackout party? Barry: In November, I’m doing the official after party for Robyn (Nov. 8th) and I’m also doing an after party for La Roux (Nov. 5th)— Brent: Sweet. I’m going to her concert! Ms Bulletproof pussy! Barry: lol. Oh, and I’m doing a show in Orlando on November 16th and also a screening of The Tin Man project on Nov 23rd in Ft Lauderdale--Brent: You betta work! So how’s the singing coming along? Barry: Great! Jose and I have already written a bunch of new songs within the last few months---Brent: You know I love that Latte song and IDNU (I don’t need you)! Ok now that the bubble is gone, just one last thing…KUDOS for putting together the Candle Light Vigil for the teens who recently committed suicide. Barry: I’m totally devastated about what happened. It caught a lot of us off guard because it’s like we live in this almost fantasy world (midtown) where we don’t see this happening. Brent: Yea…trust me, I’ll be writing more about that! Well, I’m about to go ‘bust some suds’! Holla! Until next week, don’t read the girls, instead read The Brent Star Report! Where to catch Brent Star: HALLOWEEN: The Laughing Skull, Sunday 31st (stand up gig), Tuesdays at SHOUT, Saturdays at Tijuana Garage, Thursdays and Sundays once a month at Burkharts an d everywhere else that pays!
La Nota Rosa
SANTO O MARTIR?
by Luis Chiruco
Parece ser que en EEUU hay una ola de suicidios de heteros son demonios malvados y los putos somos adolescentes gays. ángeles perseguidos. Según las noticias estos chicos se habrían hartado del Nadie niega que haya discriminación o persecución, acoso y maltrato que sufren día a día por parte de los pero esta campaña me parece una manera idiota malvados y burlones heterosexuales que los rodean y, y seca de combatirla. En realidad ni campaña la por lo tanto, se habrían tirado de un puente o tomado llamaría, más bien es algo de lo que hablar un rato. unas cuantas pastillas para dormir. Para colmo, la idea parece venir de las propias No sé porqué, pero están segurísimos de que éstos organizaciones que, supuestamente, defienden a los chicos se suicidaron por ser gays. O más bien, por homosexuales y los representan. Y claro, aprovechan la discriminación que sufrieron. ¿Desde cuando se para hacer política, como también aprovecha una conocen las causas del suicidio? periodista del para pedir que se prohíba el uso Ningún suicida ha vuelto a explicarlas nunca. Los de cámaras filmadoras, porque las filmadoras no que dejaron una nota, tampoco esclarecen mucho las distinguen sexualidades ¡No vaya a ser que ésto le cosas. Los que lo intentaron y fallaron generalmente llegue a pasar a una persona heterosexual! no vuelven a hacerlo, como si hubieran actuado en La invasión a la intimidad es un delito que ya está un “rapto de locura” como suelen decir. Y los que lo penado por la ley y es la ley la que tiene que juzgar vuelven a intentar, raramente fallan de nuevo. el tema. Pero hay que soportar a toda una troupe De todas formas, nada de esto nos da la pauta ni la de pseudoizquierdistas, más sentimentalistas que idea de la causa del suicidio. Quizás incluso porque Doña Rosa (y con más pantalla) llorando por el ni siquiera el suicida la conoce bien. Seguro es un violinista y pidiendo más tolerancia y justicia. Eso sin tema difícil de resolver y se pueden tener mil teorías contar a la manga de trogloditas pseudoderechistas y respuestas. Pero de golpe la prensa parece estar que van a pedir más mano dura a la policía y hasta segura de que unos cuantos teenagers se suicidaron quizás la abolición del Twitter y el Facebook para en los últimos meses porque esta perversa, injusta, evitar estos lamentables incidentes (y hasta quizás cruel e hipócrita sociedad los discriminaba. después digan “¿vieron? también nos preocupan los Ya no sólo alcanza con manipular la vida, los gustos putos”). e intereses de la gente, ahora tienen que manipular Y bueno, así es la vida. su muerte. Y sí, seguramente alguna Doña Rosa, Por otro lado, a muchos les parecerá cruel, pero a que salió a protestar contra el matrimonio gay y a mí no me despierta ninguna simpatía un suicida. gritar que los putos son unos enfermos hace un par Una persona que elige no luchar ¿porqué debería de meses se sienta un poco mal o le remuerda un conmoverme? Puede que se haya enfrentado con poquitito la consciencia al enterarse de la trágica fuerzas demasiado grandes para él. Puede que historia del talentoso y santo violinista, acosado por su estuviera enfermo. Puede que entender su muerte, compañero de cuarto que llegó al punto de subir a la la real causa de su muerte, sirva para algo. Puede internet un video donde tenía sexo con otro hombre. quizás hasta enseñarnos algo sobre el ser humano. Pero ¿de qué sirve conmover a Doña Rosa? Total el Pero ¿conmoverse? ¿llorar? Hay muchos putos que día domingo va a misa y el cura le vuelve a lavar la cabeza a día sufren la discriminación y el acoso.....got leche? y en la próxima marcha antigay será la primera en la Hay locas de las que se ríen en todos lados. Está el fila (y éso sólo en el caso de Doña Rosa, porque está mariconcito del curso que se tiene que sentar solo, Doña Pepa y Don Closet que cuando leen la noticia, sacarse los chicles del pelo, hacer grupo con las mujeres sonríen y piensan “un puto menos” y después rezan y aguantar unas cuantas trompadas semanales y, así el Ave María). y todo, va al colegio. Está el afeminado de la cuadra ¿Qué clase de sentimientos quieren generar con ésto? del que todos se burlan porque se delinea los ojos y ¿Tenemos que creer que un chico de 18 años que camina como mina y así y todo va a comprar el pan y tocaba el violín y hacía petes en la supuesta intimidad la coca bancándose los insultos. El peluquero viejo al de su habitación universitaria nos representa a todos que le tiran basura o gatos muertos en el jardín o le los gays acosados y discriminados? ¿Tenemos que rompen la vidriera a pedradas sólo porque se la come creer que un chico que se tira de un puente por no y así y todo sigue laburando. Están las travestis llenas soportar que su sexualidad salga a la luz (si es que se de moretones que la cana les deja después de violarlas tiró por éso) es un santo o un mártir? o robarles y así y todo se siguen poniendo la peluca. Un santo es alguien que no comete pecados, alguien Pero por esa gente no llora nadie. Nadie se conmueve casi irreal, como la Madre Teresa o Superman. Alguien ni llora por el que enfrenta esas “cositas” que tiene la que es tan bueno que no queda otra que burlarse de vida, porque es tan cotidiano que no logra la primera él o compadecerlo. Y un mártir es una persona que plana. muere por una causa. No sé que habrá pensado este Ahora, cuando uno de ésos muere golpeado, drogado chico a la hora de tirarse del puente. No sé si habrá o, porqué no, suicidado, ahí sí salen todos a llorar y pensado “ahora verán, con mi muerte haré que la hasta quizás hacen una misa en su memoria con los sociedad tome consciencia y deje de discriminar”. No ritos de la institución que más lucha a favor de la lo sé, como tampoco lo sabe ni lo sabrá nunca nadie. discriminación sexual...got leche? Pero, con la excusa de que el violinista no haya “muerto en vano”, ahora van a salir a decir que los LA NOTA ROSA IS NOT PRODUCED OR EDITED BY DAVID MAGAZINE. 46 davidatlanta
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Ask Momma Mona Hi All, My turn to share. My mother unexpectedly passed away about three weeks ago. At first, I really did not feel anything. She had been an abusive mother and I married young just to get away. Bad move, but that’s another story. Anyway, the morning after she died I engaged in a 2 am talk with the dead bitch in an effort to delve inside of myself to make sure I experienced a healthy closure. I was polite and said things like “Good for you” because she did not have to live another 8-10 years with Alzheimer’s and that she had lived her last year in an assisted living community where people said they loved her. It wasn’t much of a talk because I did not feel anything. The next 2 am talk after the burial was different in that I awoke just boo-hooing away. Not so much about my mother as it was sadness about how her meanness had hurt me my whole life. Almost a freeing sensation in that it was finally over. I let the tears roll because I knew this was a good thing. After that, I was feeling pretty OK. Still didn’t feel too much about her other than
48 davidatlanta davidatlanta
the jubilant song from Wizard of Oz: Ding Dong, the Wicked Witch is Dead! But then two weeks later, I awoke at 2 am filled with anger and was not at all polite to the dead bitch. Every hurt came to the surface and I let my underlying feelings out like I had never done before. I screamed at her. I cried. I punched pillows. Every slight I could recall was verbalized. Two hours later, I was exhausted, but felt I had finally gotten rid of all the stuffed and unattended hurt, pain, and anger that had accumulated throughout my life because of her unabashed meanness towards me. It’s been about a week now and my feelings toward her are neutral again. In fact, a few days ago I had one last quickie 2 am talk where I expressed gratefulness for the gift of her passing because it stimulated and allowed me to address and release the negativity that had been stuffed inside for so long. I wonder if that’s what it takes, death, to be able to release the hidden things within. So this is Momma Mona’s question to you. What do you think? What’s your experience losing a parent you did not like? Momma Mona
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Communication is much smoother this week, so make the most of the tools you’ve got. It’s a really good time for showing colleagues what’s going on -- there’s brainy energy to go around for everyone.
You’re feeling a little unsure of yourself lately -- but it’s a good thing! You’re letting go of some aspects of your personality that have been holding you back, so expect some serious progress soon. Your communication style is making life a lot more interesting for you and your people. In fact, your vibrant energy is the hit of any party or other social gathering, so make sure that you hit a few.
You’ve got to make sure that you’re working through all your tasks this week -- otherwise, things are sure to get a little crazy! Your energy is perfect for clearing your desk or making life easier in other ways.
You’re better able to express your ambitions lately. It’s a really good time for you to step up and tell the boss -- or whomever -- what you really want. Show that you really mean it, too! You’ve got to be a stone-cold bitch right now. That doesn’t mean forcing toddlers to cry for fun, but it might mean saying no to an extremely determined child. Your logic is impeccable, so go for it.
Someone at work or in your circle of friends needs you to hear them out -- and you can get just as much from them. It’s a good time for you to sit down and share. What comes next could be huge!
One tiny detail is all it could take to ruin your week -- or to make it ten times brighter! Keep your eyes open and make sure that you watch for anything that seems odd or somewhat out of place. You are the one in charge right now, whether that is formally acknowledged or not. You’ve got to give it your all if you want things to get better, though that may entail some after-work time.
You’re feeling somewhat flighty today, but it’s not such a bad thing. In fact, you may want to see if your work can handle you taking off for a bit, as things might start to get a little crazy inside soon! Your love life is still super-charged right now -- so if it doesn’t seem that way to you, get out there and make something happen! You need to make sure that you’re better equipped for romance. Can you stay put all week, or at least minimize your commute? That’s optimal for you now, as movement is somewhat inauspicious. The good news is that you can be quite productive in one place!
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by David C. Muller
V is for
Vampire Once upon a time Luke went to a palm reader in Gwinnett County. The palm reader told him, “You must move to Atlanta, Luke, for you will find love there.”
Luke called his friend Vesuvius St. Rene on his cell phone and cried into the phone, “So I met this guy at some bar in Midtown and we went back to his place and… and…” Luke sniffled, “…and when he took off his underwear I saw that he wasn’t circumcised!” “What’s wrong with that?” Vesuvius asked, “I sort of like the uncut boys.” “His foreskin…” Luke wept, “It was filled with smegma!” “Oh dear God no!” Vesuvius made a face, “That’s disgusting!” “I’m depressed.” Luke turned out his lower lip, “Can you come over?” Vesuvius St. Rene had said, “Yes, certainly, absolutely. I’m on my way!” On the drive over, Vesuvius realized he needed to come clean with Luke; he felt Luke should know about his true nature. He traveled through the night and came to Luke wet with tears of lust and desire. For reasons he could not comprehend, Vesuvius was compelled to fess up to all the incongruous iniquity regarding his arrival in Atlanta and, let’s be honest, this whole ‘vampire story-arc’ is bizarre in its INCEPTION (starring Joey Gordon-Levitt). Vesuvius raised his moist eyebrow and asked, “Mr. Pencil, do you remember him; the villain from a few weeks ago?” “The guy who drugged me and kidnapped me 58 davidatlanta
and Scotch-taped me to a toilet while I was naked? Yeah,” Luke nodded, “I remember him.” “He called me here to Atlanta to kill you,” Vesuvius wiped the snot dripping from his nostrils with the back of his hand, “He wanted me to seduce you and suck your blood.” “Why would he do that?” Luke shook his head in disbelief, “I thought Mr. Pencil had a crush on me. Why would he want to have me killed?” “He’s one-dimensional, Luke. Just like all the other characters in this ridiculous series.” “Ridiculous!” Luke gasped, “I thought I was the only person left in the universe to still use the word ‘ridiculous’ in polite, everyday conversation.” “You’re not the only one, Luke,” Vesuvius St. Rene winked. “That’s why I like you.” “So Mr. Pencil sent you up here to suck my blood and that means you’re a vampire?” Luke wanted a drink, “A member of the undead, huh? Who do you take after, Jacob or the other guy?” “Mr. Pencil is an evil man!” Vesuvius shivered in disgust, “He is a jealous old pervert.” “He’s skinny.” “And he’s rich.” “He wants me dead and he sent for a vampire?” Luke finally located a bottle of vodka hidden behind a hardback book called ‘Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang.’ Luke said, “I thought Mr. Pencil
wanted to play with my penis.” “I want to play with your penis, Luke.” Vesuvius dropped to his knees, “Take it out and let me feast my eyes upon it.” “Oh please,” Luke pulled on the vampire’s arm, “Get up off the floor! You’re not a vampire. Stop this nonsense.” “No, Luke; look!” Vesuvius go-go danced in front of a nearby mirror, “No reflection.” “Is it just me, or isn’t that whole vampire Eclipse saga thing just like; I don’t know; beating a dead horse already?” “What are you asking me for?” Vesuvius St. Rene said, “I don’t write this stuff.” “Wasn’t there a movie about that?” Luke said, “I think it was called VAMPIRES SUCK or something like that.” The vampire shook his head, “I didn’t see it.” “So you want my neck, do you?” Luke tipped his head and pushed his neck into the face of vampire, “There you are; my neck, you want it, take it already.” Vesuvius felt his mouth water, he felt an erection in his pants, (and yes- the ‘David Atlanta’ version of a gay vampire can, in fact, obtain an erection; a pale, white, blue-veined erection curiously reminiscent of varicose veins crisscrossing a manly genital), but yet Vesuvius knew he could not sink his teeth into the nubile neck of Luke. “No,” he cried, “I cannot to do it to you, Luke. I desire you. I want you as a man; to have you is to turn you into a creature of the night.” “Go ahead then,” Luke egged him on, he said, “Vesuvius; is that really your name?” “Yes.” “I’ve been in this stupid Midtown Atlanta for about four months and I’ve had it.” Luke complained, “Most of the guys here are vacuous and vapid, they are very queer and very odd. They’re either too old or too young and if they’re not dragging me off to Mississippi to clean up the tar balls, then they’re kidnapping me or sending vampires up here from Louisiana to suck my blood. I mean honestly, what does a guy like me have to do in order to get a decent date in this town?” “I don’t understand.” Vesuvius ruffled his brow in question, “I’m a vampire and you want me to suck your blood?” “Sure, go ahead.” Luke said, “I’m annoyed with the guys in this town anyway. If I ever see that damn palm reader again, I tell you; it won’t be pretty!” “Oh, Luke,” Vesuvius wished to embrace our hapless hero, “I so want to suck you off…” …and that’s when Luke turned to ‘the camera’ and said, “Happy Halloween, y’all!”
Tune in next week for some good ole’ shoethrowin’ politico make-fun: EPISODE TWENTY ONE: “W is for ‘Dubyah!” 59 davidatlanta
F r i d ay
30 Amsterdam - Sunday Brunch 11:30am - 3pm Showtunes with a Twist 7pm 17 25 BJ Roosters - Male 34 Bar Top Dancers - 8pm-1am 40 33 35 Blake’s - Brunch Noon-3pm With Live Jazz – Armorettes 40 Show 8pm 36 41 Burkharts - Mary Edith Pitts Show @ 9pm 14 Club 91 - Lions Den Legendary Sunday’s DJ Sedrick &19 DJ Brooks Felix’s - Bloody Mary & Mimosa Wallet Pleasers 29 Friends on Ponce - Sunday Dinner 4pm Las Margaritas - All You Can Eat Brunch 11AM-3PM Model T - Falcon Football - Sunday Dinner 3:30PM 24 Tripps - Sunday Buffet 3pm Karaoke 7pm Woofs - Great Food, Drink & Good Times 6 11 21 26 36
M VIRGINIA AVE.
PONCE DE LEON PL.
38 13 3
9 10TH ST.
3 Legged Cowboy - Dance Lessons @ 8-9 Amsterdam - High Energy Videos 9pm Bellissima - Live DJ Entertainment BJ Roosters - Male Bar Top Dancers - 8pm-1am Blake’s - Jealouse’s Daring Divas 11pm Burkharts - Mary Edith Pitts Show 11:30pm Club 91 - RT Parties brings you Klimaxx Dance Party with Miss Sophia (go go dancers) DJ Maestro, DJ Rick, DJ Scrilla spinning on two floors all night The Eagle - DJ Dance Party Felix’s - Karaoke with Brett & Tyler Friends on Ponce - Open @ Noon with Bob Brewer Heretic - Presenting the finest dance entertainment with the best local & nationally acclaimed deejays every week! Check our ad elsewhere in David for details! 10pm LeBuzz - Saturday Night Fever Show Mary’s - Dance Party Hot Mess 9PM Differnt DJ Every Week Mixx- Dance Party 10pm - 3am Model T - Free Tacos! All The Fixins! 3:30 pm to gone! 400 Party B - Sextasy Latino Night, Divas Show and DJ Dance Sanctuary Swinging Richards - Open 6:30pm - $10 7 Tripps - BBQ Cookout 1-5pm Woofs - Great Food, DrinkLIN & Good Times DB
T h u r sd a y
3 Legged Cowboy - Dance Lessons @ 8-9 - Ladies Night Amsterdam - Rita’s & Smirnoff Tini’s Special 27 Bellissima - Live DJ Entertainment C BJ Roosters - Male Bar Top Dancers - 8pm-1am Blake’s - Texas Holdem Poker @ 7p - The Shawnna Factor @ 11p Burkharts - Princess Charles - Fashionistas 11:30pm Club 91 - Customer Appreciation FREE ALL NIGHT The Eagle - Dance Music $2.50 Schnapps Felix’s - Karaoke Friends on Ponce - HOT NIGHTS With Jasen and Donnie Heretic - Style Latin Tribal Beats & Live Bongos! 10pm Las Margarita’s - Crazy Bitch Bingo 7:30PM LeBuzz - Ladies Night Shows Mary’s - Themed Parties Reto DJ’s Swinging Richards - 2-4-1 Night - Door Entry and VIP $10 Midtown W – Chris Coleman Presents “Indulge” 9pm-Midnight Mixx - Karaoke 9pm-1am Kamikaze Karaoke Contest 11-Midnight Model T - Robert & Michael serve up their Best! Woofs - Meet and Greet for “Gathering Time”! Daily Food Specials
3 Legged Cowboy - Studs & Spurs - Shows at 10, 11, 12, and 1 Amsterdam - DJ Dance Party Bellissima - Live DJ Entertainment BJ Roosters - Male Bar Top Dancers - 8pm-1am Blake’s - Kitty LeClaw’s Meow Mix 11pm Burkharts - Mary Edith Pitts Show 11:30pm Club 91 - It’s Bingo Bitch Hosted by: Auntie Snickers Chaparral - Got Leche? 10pm - Hot Latino Dancers The Eagle - DJ Dance Party & Club Night Felix’s - Bartenders Ray & Cory - Serve it up! Friends on Ponce - Happy Time With Daniel and Terry Heretic - Armorettes Cabaret 3rd Saturday Of The Month 8-10PM Jungle - Party A Lo Maximo with DJ Karlitos & DJ Turz LeBuzz - Dance Party & Show Mary’s - Open 5pm - Boys Room Party - Themed Party - Love DJ Mixx - High Energy Music Videos 9pm-1am Model T - Poker Night Swinging Richards - Open 6:30pm - $10 - Hot Naked Men and Big Cocktails Tripps Bar - Laser Show Dance Party with DJ Steve Lynch Woofs - Great Food, Drink & Good Times
W. PEACHTREE ST.
3 Legged Cowboy - Intermediate 2 Step @ 8-9 Amsterdam - Get L.I.T. All Day Specials Bellissima - Karaoke 8pm BJ Roosters - Male Bar Top Dancers - 8pm-1am Blake’s - Rated R @ 11pm - Half Price Apps: ALL DAY Burkharts - Karaoke Idol 10:30pm - Close Club 91 - The Main Event Cabaret & Talent Show Followed By DJ Rick The Eagle - Modern Family Night $3 PBR 18 Friends on Ponce - H.U.M.P. DAY With Jeremy, Ken & Daniel Heretic - Boys Night Out Dress Code party 10pm - 3am Las Margaritas - Karaoke 8pm LeBuzz - Hump Night & New Entertainer Showcase Mary’s - DJ Yes Sir Spins Rock 9pm Mixx - Texas Hold’em Poker 7:30 - 10pm Model T - Free Hot Dogs! $3 Draft Beer – Karaoke Night Oscar’s - Totally Wicked 80s Night Tripps - Taco Night - Free Tacos 5PM Swinging Richards - $5 Cover! Free VIP Lounge Entry Woofs - Woofs House Trivia starts at 8:00pm
S a tu rd a y
3 Legged Cowboy - Family Poker 7:30pm Amsterdam - Showtunes 9pm BJ Roosters - Male Bar Top Dancers - 8pm-1am Blake’s - Twisted Trivia @ 9pm - starring The Lady Shabazz Burkharts - Karaoke 11:30pm Club 91 - Swagg Tuesday’s The Eagle - Karaoke $3.75 Well Drinks Felix’s - Smirnoff Martini Night Friends on Ponce - Enchanted Evnings With Ken & Donnie Heretic - Gay Film Festival with Paul @ 9:30pm. Las Margaritas - Crazy Bitch Bingo 7:30pm LeBuzz - Talent Search & Karaoke Mary’s - CJ Hosting Mary-Oke @ 10pm Mixx - Texas Hold’em Poker 7:30 - 10pm Model T - Always a Party! Wyatt, Gary & Elvis serve up their Best! Oscar’s - Show Tunes Tuesdays 8PM Swinging Richards - No Cover Tuesdays! Woofs - Free WII from 4:00 till close - Industry Night!!
S u n da y
Amsterdam - Video Request Night - Industry Night 9pm BJ Roosters - Male Bar Top Dancers - 8pm-1am Blake’s - Drag on The Edge 11pm with Alexandria Martin Burkharts - Karaoke Idol 10:30pm - Close Club 91 - DJ Scrilla with MC Pretty Pandora’s Box (@91 Below) The Eagle - Bare Chest Night $3PBR Felix’s - Free Pool! Industry Night Friends on Ponce - Afternoons with Jasen 2pm Frogs - $1 Tacos 6-9pm Heretic - Brian May is pouring up stiff drinks - 10pm to 3 am LeBuzz - Man Dance Cabaret - GOGO Dancers - Drink Specials 8pm Mary’s - Open 5pm - DJ Va Jay Jay Spins Mixx - Live Pianist 9pm - 1am Model T - Service Industry Night! Discounted Drinks! Woofs - Texas Hold’em 8pm
We d n e s d a y
Tu e sd a y
M o n d ay
Bartab Nightlife Guide
See Guide on Page 66 for Locations 10
Gay Atlanta Guide 400
6 11 21 26 36
M VIRGINIA AVE.
PONCE DE LEON PL.
38 13 3
5 PEACHTREE ST.
W. PEACHTREE ST.
E HIR ES CH
. RD GE D I BR
40 33 35
12 PONCE DE LEON AVE.
RALPH MCGILL BLVD.
D 31 E H
N 20 23
1. Amsterdam 502 Amsterdam Ave. 404-892-2227 myspace.com/amsterdamatlanta
20. Mary’s 1287 Glenwood Ave. 404-624-4411 www.marysatlanta.com
2. Bellissima 560-B Amsterdam Ave. 404-917-0220 myspace.com/bellissima_lounge
21. Mixx 1492 Piedmont Rd. 404-228-4372
3. Blake’s on the Park 227 10th St. 404-892-5786 myspace.com/blakesonthepark 4. BJ Roosters 2345 Cheshire Bridge Rd. 404-634-5895 www.bjroostersatl.com 5. Bulldogs 893 Peachtree St. 404-872-3025 6. Burkhart’s 1492-F Piedmont Rd. 404-872-4403 www.burkharts.com 7. Chaparral 2715 Buford Hwy. 678-886-3205 8. Club Europe 4001 Presidential Pkwy. 770-452-1240 www.thelionsdenatlanta.com 9. Club Opera 1150-B Crescent Ave. 404-872-1150 www.operaatlanta.com 10. Eagle 306 Ponce De Leon Ave. 404-873-2453 www.atlantaeagle.com 11. Felix’s 1510-G Piedmont Rd. 404-249-7899 12. Friends On Ponce 736 Ponce De Leon Ave. 404-817-3820 www.friendsonponce-atl.com 13. Gilbert’s 219 10th St. 404-872-8012 www.gilbertscafe.com 14. Heretic 2069 Cheshire Bridge Rd. 404-325-3061 www.hereticatlanta.com 15.HOBNOB 1551 Piedmont Ave. 404-968-2288 16. Joe’s on Juniper 1049 Juniper St. 404-875-6634 www.joesatlanta.com 17. Jungle 2115 Faulkner Rd. 404-844-8800 jungleclubatlanta.com 18. LeBuzz 585 Franklin Rd. (Marietta) 770-424-1337 www.thenewlebuzz.com 19. Las Margaritas 1842 Cheshire Bridge Rd. 404-873-4464 www.lasmargaritasatl.com
22. Model-T 699 Ponce De Leon Ave. 404-872-2209 www.modeltatlanta.com 23. My Sisters Room 1271 Glenwood Ave. SE 678-705-4585 24. New Order 1544 Piedmont Rd. 404-874-8247 25. Opus 1 1086 Alco St. 404-634-6478
PRIVATE SOCIAL CLUBS 40. Eros 2219 Faulkner Rd. 404-287-4482 41. Manifest 2103 Faulkner Rd. 404-549-2815
Atlanta Tourist Spots
A. Atlanta Botanical Gardens B. Atlanta History Center C. Atlantic Station D. Centennial Olympic Park E. CNN - Atlanta F. Fox Theater G. Georgia Aquarium H. Georgia State Capitol I. High Museum of Art J. Margaret Mitchell House K. The Atlanta Opera and The Atlanta Ballet L. The Atlanta Symphony Orchestra M. Virginia-Highlands N. World of Coca-Cola O. Zoo Atlanta
26. Oscar’s 1510 Piedmont Ave. NE www.oscarsatlanta.com 27. Swinging Richards 1400 Northside Dr. 404-352-0532 www.swingingrichards.com 28. 3 Legged Cowboy 931 Monroe Dr. 404-876-0001 www.3leggedcowboy.net 29. Tripps 1931 Piedmont Cir. 404-724-0067 30. Woofs 2425 Piedmont Rd. 404-869-9422 www.woofsatlanta.com 31. 91 91 Broad Street SW 404.581.0577 www.91below.com
GYMS/SPAS/BATHS 32. FLEX 76 - 4th St. NW 404-815-0456
33. Gravity Fitness 2201 Faulkner Rd. NW 404-486-0506 34. Workout Anytime 2140 Peachtree Rd. 404-351-3264
35. Atlanta Leather Company 2070 Cheshire Bridge Rd. 404-320-8989 36. Brushstrokes/Capulets 1510 Piedmont Ave. 404-876-6567 37. Boy Next Door 1447 Piedmont Rd. 404.873.2264 www.boynextdoor.biz 38. Outwrite Bookstore & Cafe 991 Piedmont Ave. 404-607-0082
39. Poster Hut 2175 Cheshire Bridge Rd. 404-633-7491
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Protect Your Monster
by Richard Marshall
SAME DAY PAY WE PAY REFERRALS HAVE FUN & MAKE MONEY
MODELS WANTED Production Services Models Locations Ideas 75 davidatlanta
Bitch Session To the skank who didn’t have to use the bathroom until I walked over to use it: I hope you get herpes from a toilet seat. To the tall Adam Lambert wannabe euro trash I see everywhere in town: You homewrecking bitch. Good luck paying your bills without my boyfriend. Karma sucks!
I may be a stripper-turnedserver, but my perfect SAT score says I am smarter than you. It’s just your generation screwed me out of a job with this economy. Whoever reads these must love their weekend mornings/want to send this city back to middle school English classes to learn some damn grammar. What is it with gay guys drinking rum and vodka? Aren’t there any men around who like hard-dark liquor like Hennessy or Jack Daniels?
What’s up with all the cliques in this tow? It’s like nobody is open to making new friends. If they can’t have sex with you, you serve no purpose to them. Just because we traded penis pics online doesn’t mean we’re friends. Really?!? You’re dressing up as Care Bears? You’ll be nothing more than a colorful Pedobear for Halloween. I’m not ‘acting’ masculine. I am masculine. It’s as natural to me as your femininity. And masculine is not synonymous with being “on the DL.” I’m an out masculine man who lines other out masculine men. It’s not fair that prisons don’t allow same-sex conjugal visits. We guys could really serve a need.
If the fat ugly trolls in the steamroom would spend as much energy working out as they do pestering cute guys, maybe just maybe they would get some attention.
I guess I’m old school. Back in the day, the best things about being gay were that you didn’t have to join the military during the Vietnam War and you didn’t have to worry about getting married and having kids. Now it seems all gays want to do is get married, have kids and join the military. What the heck happened?
Just because you’re in a suit, you think you’re better than everybody else. You’re still cruising a tearoom, so you’re a skank like the rest of us.
So what that some bartenders know my name and drink? Forgive me for not knowing that somewhat social and polite makes me an alcoholic.
You ignore my calls and then talk like you’re still interested when I corner you for just a little R-ES-P-E-C-T. There’s a difference between saying all the right things and doing all the right things.
Every time I encounter you, it seems you are sloppy drunk and either you try to kiss me or you “accidently” spill part of your drink on meplease stop!!
To the queen who complained about how people act high and mighty when they’re in a relationship: Bitch, don’t be mad cuz you ain’t got no man!
Something smells fishy…oh it’s the Aquarium and the heat from all these Bitchy Queens.
When I am driving you home from the club, do not make me stop at every friggin’ McDonald’s just because you’re drunk and hungry!
If anyone wants to get me an early Christmas present, Fendi has this wonderful pair of sunglasses that I need!! Thanks!
78 david davidatlanta atlanta