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May 27, 2017

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Also inside Travel, style, antiques, ďŹ lm and television

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Columnists Roger Evans, Martin Hesp and Chris Rundle

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27.05 EDITOR PIP O’SHEA pip.oshea@western dailypress.co.uk 0117 9343 187 DESIGN SIAN DAVID DAVID LEWINS PIP O’SHEA

Roger Evans ...................................4 Martin Hesp ................................... 6 Charlotte Rampling ................. 8 Long John Silver ......................32 Chris Rundle ...............................12 Walks ..................................................21 Gardening ...................................... 18 Interiors ........................................... 30 Travel ................................................ 38 Interview ........................................ 50 TV listings ......................................52

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TO ADVERTISE: ABBIE GRANT abbie.grant@ localworld.co.uk 0117 9343 626 COVER PHOTOGRAPHY Mike Cooper WINNERS Reader Angela McQueen, of Westbury, Wiltshire, has won vouchers to visit to Thermae Bath Spa; while Jacky Colwell, of Lydney, Gloucestershire, has won a pair of tickets to see Grease at The Bristol Hippodrome.

This week’s plant is Lamprocapnos spectabilis also know as Lyre Flower or Bleeding Heart. It is popular because of its heart-shaped pink and white flowers

VOICES

Roger Evans A COUPLE OF BREAKS A YEAR IS BETTER THAN ONE LONG HOLIDAY...

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robably, and it’s often unfortunately true, the best part of a holiday is sometimes the looking forward to it. That is possibly why my wife and I prefer two or three short breaks a year rather than a whole week.

With our way you get two lots of “looking forward”. Part of the looking forward and the anticipation is taking the car to be washed. My trip to the car wash has a bit of guilt mixed in with it. I could easily do it myself so, therefore, it is an extravagance.

But I’ve been using it a lot around the fields lately and it’s covered with dust, and the car washers always get a better shine on it than I can. Anyway, it’s not a frequent outlay.

Years ago they had a scheme that you had every tenth wash for free. In two years I had only been six times and the scheme lapsed.

With a bit of that guilt I’m sitting in the car, which is being washed, and I’m listening to the click of Gomer’s teeth against the glass as he tries to bite the soapy spray. Most of the cars that are in the queue are cleaner than I expect mine to be when I leave.

When I get home the rear number plate is hanging on by the skin of its teeth on a piece of sticky tape.

They must have pressure washed it off. They didn’t say anything about that when I gave them a £1 tip! Not to worry, my son-in-law soon puts it back on and drives a screw through it for good measure.

Next day we are off to Exmoor.

This, in itself, is unusual for me. I like to go somewhere new every time, it’s a part of the adventure, but Exmoor is special and it’s got a bit of a hold on me.

Sitting next to me, one of my companions is the “navigator”. We call him this because he has my road atlas on his knee but so far I’ve not seen him look at it.

When we left home it was my intention to drive down the M5 and leave at the exit for Tiverton but he doesn’t like motorways and he thinks that we should turn off at Taunton. He devises lots of good reasons why we should do this but it’s the most beautiful day and we have plenty of time, so why not?

As we leave the motorway I ask him where to head to after Taunton.

He doesn’t look at the map but says:

ing it, my only concern was my knees. I’ve had them X-rayed and apparently I have osteoarthritis in my knee caps. The doctor told me that the operation to cure this is only five per cent successful and not worth the hassle.

I played too much rugby, I did too much tug of war and I certainly did a lifetime of milking, which means endless hours of wet legs and walking about on concrete in wellies. I probably need two new knees but, so far, these have not been offered. My only stipulation on where we stay was that I should get a room on the ground floor or, failing that, a lift. What did I get? Thirty-four stairs to climb!

Life can present you with these little challenges but you mustn’t let life beat you, and I didn’t. I just didn’t go to my room quite so often.

We had two full days down there and roamed about doing all the touristy things.

“You just make your way quietly up.”

(We had a choice of routes earlier in our journey and he suggested: “Let’s just follow the brook.” That was his description of the Wye valley from Monmouth to Chepstow!)

I make my way “quietly up”, and after ten minutes we are lost. But that doesn’t seem to matter either, because the day and the countryside are just so beautiful. It’s so beautiful that when you are away from it, it’s easy to forget just how lovely it all is.

My previous trips to Exmoor have always been in the autumn and, as a consequence, I had never realised that there was so much beech growing in the hedgerows. Because of the time of year, all the beech stood out as the leaves were their light green spring colour. You never see it around here, but everywhere we went it seemed to be the principal hedgerow plant.

Wherever you go lately, they seem to be cutting the roadside verges later and as a result they are a picture of wild flowers. I recognise campions and lots of bluebells. I don’t know the others but that doesn’t seem to matter.

Our friends had booked somewhere to stay and when we were discuss-

We found somewhere to park in the centre of Lynmouth, which was a first. We went on a “safari” one morning. We didn’t get close to any deer as they were all seeking shade but we saw and heard a cuckoo.

I saw three pixies. One was sitting on a rock and two were behind some gorse. The others in the Land Rover didn’t say anything so I assumed they didn’t see them.

They didn’t seem to be the sort of people who would have kept quiet about it. I probably operate at a much higher level of awareness and have greater empathy than ordinary people.

You can only see pixies if you believe in them. Pixies know this. The pixie on the rock winked at me.

SITTING NEXT TO ME, ONE OF MY COMPANIONS IS THE ‘NAVIGATOR’.

WE CALL HIM THIS BECAUSE HE HAS MY ROAD ATLAS ON HIS KNEE BUT SO FAR I’VE NOT SEEN HIM LOOK AT IT.

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VOICES

Monty Hesp I HAVE NO IDEA WHY HE’S GONE TO THE CITY – HE‘S NOT EVEN FEELING OFF-COLOUR

H

ome alone … Well, for a few hours at least. They’ve all gone off to some city or other where Old Hesp, who normally writes this column, has to undergo some frightening medical procedure.

Don’t like the sounds of it myself.

But then, you humans are fixated about your bodies while we dogs just get on with stuff, taking the knocks in our four-legged stride.

If The Boss went into the garden to eat a load of grass, like I do when I feel ill, he wouldn’t need to disappear to some horrible city for a week.

Grass is a wonderful cure-all and it costs nothing. Yes, I’ll grant you, it does make a chap feel as sick as a dog – but that is a good thing. Gets the poisons out of you.

Not that the Old Boy has been feeling ill. The blighter is in rude health.

I can’t for the life of me understand why they are going to cut into him and mess about with his heart when the poor old geezer doesn’t even feel off-colour.

It’s all been quite funny really.

He’s been going about the place pretending he’s all cool and calm about this operation thing they’re giving him, but I can see he’s worried. Who wouldn’t be?

“Excuse me, Sir. Just lie down there for a moment while we hack through your ribcage so we can tear your heart in half, then see if we can patch it all together again.”

Not for me, thank you.

I remember when they took me to a sort of hospital a while ago and the vet “put me under” so he could mess about with some part of my anatomy – a part that had nothing wrong with it, as it turned out. Blimey! Didn’t I feel ill afterwards…

The daughter of this place brought me home, and there was Old Hesp grinning and telling me what a good dog I’d been. And bang! Over I went like a sack of spuds.

I don’t know what they put in that medicine stuff, but it made me feel rubbish for weeks.

And that, apparently, is how Hespie is going to feel for half the summer.

The Nice Lady of the House has told us we are going to have to be gentle with him when he comes home from

Funky Finn for you.

So I don’t think Old Hesp will get much sense out of him when he comes home from his heart operation all broken and sorry for himself. No, I will have to take responsibility for everything, as usual. My plan is just to hang around the Old Boy and be very quiet and give him plenty of meaningful looks with these cloudy eyes of mine.

He will say: “Ah, dear old Monty – you understand, don’t you?”

I will blink and look as if I do – whereas, of course, I can never understand a thing the journalistic lunatic is on about.

But, no, I mustn’t be mean. He’s all right, Old Hespie – although why you readers get taken in by all his pretentious nonsense I cannot imagine.

However, he is kind to me. Usually.

For the most part. Even if he did mess up my love life all those years ago

that hospital place. But why tell me?

I am gentle anyway – being a wise old dog nearly 90 years of age in your human terms.

It’s that other hound who ought to be listening. But the Finster never listens to anything. He’ll be jumping up and down, running round and round in circles and tearing his bed to pieces, just like he has always done.

And if Old Hesp lets out some sort of low and pathetic moan for him to stop, I can imagine Finny leaping up onto his cobbled-together chest just for a laugh.

He’s crazy, that dog. And I mean mad as a March Hare. Which, by the way, I think we chased the other day while out on patrol, but he was too fast for us.

I will say this for young Finn, though: he is always happy. I have never known a creature like it. He spends his entire life grinning and wagging his tail. And he never stops going on about “fun”. This is “fun” and that is “fun”. He even likes to run down various cliffs we have in the valley, just because it is “fun”.

It’s not. It is suicidal. But that is

by losing the phone number of the most gorgeous little female lurcher I have ever seen.

I sort of forgave him that when he found me another bride and drove me all the way to Dartmoor so I could have my wicked way with her. Which I did.

Again and again. And what good did that do? Hespie was not so kind about that – he wrote a headline in this magazine saying: “Monty Fires Blanks.”

Which was not nice. Imagine if I did that to him! Blimey, if I was to tell you about his sex life, that would be good for a laugh, I can promise you that.

When push comes to shove, though, I suppose we’d all better be nice to him. If the poor old blighter survives this medical knife attack.

And from where I’m sitting that is a big if.

We’ll wait and see who gets to write this column next week, I guess.

BLIMEY, IF I WAS TO TELL YOU ABOUT HIS SEX LIFE, THAT WOULD BE GOOD FOR A LAUGH, I CAN PROMISE YOU THAT.

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INTERVIEW

I know how to grieve LIZ THOMSON MEETS ACTRESS CHARLOTTE RAMPLING IN PARIS

F

ifty years ago, when Charlotte Rampling made her first appearance on the cover of Harper’s Bazaar, she was described as “a highly cultivated English rose… A golden brown girl, dashingly freckled, she gives a sense of freedom as her idea of happiness.

She never powders, never wears lipstick or coloured varnish…”

The girl is now a woman of 71, yet the description still applies. When we meet in her magnificent Paris duplex she is unmade-up. Dressed in white shirt and black trousers with a long grey cardigan, she looks like a more chic version of Kate, her Oscar-nominated performance from 45 Years.

The brow is a little furrowed but it’s the cheekbones and eyes – “the jade gaze” as Dirk Bogarde put it – that captivate.

Born in Cambridge, in her grandmother’s home, Charlotte has lived in Europe for most of her life, first in Rome, where she worked with Bogarde, and then in Paris. During her marriage to musician Jean-Michel Jarre, the couple and their children made their home in Croissy-surSeine, north-west of the city. “It was all family, family, family, lots of animals. I didn’t really want to work but I did.”

The children long ago flew the nest

bohemian. The herringbone parquet floor is adorned with rugs and there are paintings everywhere, hanging and leaning. In a studio-cum-study that leads to the sitting-room, there’s a painting of her and another by her, and a pile of scripts in a corner. A small old-fashioned black-and-white television is set permanently to a classic movies channel. The sound is off and classical music plays quietly in the background.

We settle on a large and elegantly distressed Chesterfield to chat about her memoir, Who I Am, observed from the French balcony as we do so by Joe, a two-year-old Red Maine Coon – a glamour-puss who, like Charlotte, has high cheekbones and jade eyes. He is rarely sociable, so I am privileged indeed that he came down to greet me, descending the curved staircase like the star turn he undoubtedly is. Felix, a moggy, declines to break cover.

When Tassez passed away, Charlotte thought at first she’d have to leave, that the memories would be too painful. Yet when she returned after “an amazing and very special” funeral at which her sons “looked

(Barnaby, from an early marriage to Brian Southcombe, is a film director) and Jean-Noel Tassez, the journalist with whom she lived for 17 years following her divorce from the publicly unfaithful Jarre, died in 2015, just as she was finishing the film 45 Years. These days, Charlotte is ever busy, always on the move – Budapest and Athens in the week or so before our meeting – and, of course, she’s no stranger to Britain. Broadchurch brought her to the West Country and she returned here for The Sense of an Ending.

But Paris is home and Charlotte lives in the 16th arrondissement, “le seiziéme”, bordered to the west by the Bois de Boulogne, its wide boulevards the epitome of Baron Haussmann’s vision for the city.

She’s been there for 15 years, a vast high-ceilinged apartment in a gated residence that was once home to the celebrated American hostess Florence Gould, who entertained both French and German guests during the years of wartime Occupation, the years of complicité horizontale. Despite the undoubted opulence, it feels warm and lived-in, more than a touch

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Actress Charlotte Rampling; below, with her sister and, bottom, as a young woman

after everything”, she discovered something “very positive, which is that you’re accompanied by your dead friends and dead loves, which I’d never had before. It’s just been the most amazing companionship. Eventually you feel them go… Afterwards it’s about getting back into the land of the living. It is just that. I do know, now, how to grieve.”

But in order to grieve, one needs ritual and closure. Charlotte was 20 when her beloved elder sister – “my big little sister”, somehow frail and doll-like and her closest companion throughout a peripatetic army childhood – died in the most brutal of circumstances an ocean away. Sarah had been given a 21st-birthday trip to the US and Mexico, where she’d met an Argentine cattle rancher. Within a week they were married and two years later, their premature son still in hospital, Sarah shot herself.

Both Charlotte and her mother had real-time premonitions of her death, though not its cause. When her father received the news, he decided that the truth was too painful: Sarah, he explained, had died of a brain haemorrhage, a fiction easier to maintain in

Following her mother’s death in 2001, the bottled-up tragedy could be shared. Charlotte spent more time with her father, talking about “psychology, philosophy, about what we’d been through.” Who I Am, “a walk in the wilderness”, is the ultimate unburdening.

The past 15 years have seen a rebirth. She was a muse to François Ozon, with whom she made four films, including Under the Sand, an examination of unresolved grief credited with reviving Charlotte’s career.

In addition to screen work there’s been TV series such as Dexter, London Spy and Broadchurch, in which she played Jocelyn Knight, QC. When, over a clifftop picnic the QC declared her love for journalist Maggie Radcliffe, viewers went into shock. The scene prompted the Daily Mail to review Charlotte’s “taboo-shattering past”, including the fact that at 63 she had posed naked in front of the Mona Lisa.

“I’m working really well now because I can. Before I couldn’t. If good stuff comes up and it corresponds with what I feel I want to do that’s fantastic. There’s a lot that’s of interest.”

Charlotte, whom the French refer to simply as la Légende, has lived abroad for twothirds of her life, including an idyllic period in Fontainebleau as a child after which she found Britain “as heavy as lead”. As a Briton living in Paris, does she worry about Brexit?

“If I could get a French passport I’d be fine – I could have done when I was married, though maybe I’d have had to give up my English nationality… I feel very European and I’ve always wanted to feel European, right from when I went off to Italy at 22. That’s what I wanted, to be European.” But she’s not wasting time in existential angst. “I’m waiting, I’m not having concerns. Why worry until it happens?”

the unwired mid-Sixties. As it happened, Charlotte learned the truth three years later from her brother-inlaw and confronted her father. Her mother would never learn the truth – which meant that Sarah’s suicide remained a dark and ultimately unbearable secret.

Bravely, Godfrey Rampling – who’d taken gold in Hitler’s notorious 1936 Olympics, appearing in Leni Riefenstahl’s Olympia – told his surviving daughter to “go out and live your life”. Her star quality had already been spotted: she’d made her screen debut in The Knack and played a lead in Rotten to the Core. “He said, ‘I will be there for your mother’.” It was to her that her father devoted his life, finding new meaning by so doing. She never properly recovered.

Out in her world, did Charlotte wake up daily with a sense of impending doom – of “the tsunami” she knew would one day hit. “No, no, no. I didn’t think about it.” She worked: Georgy Girl made her a star in Swinging London. She hung out with the Beatles at the Ad Lib club and knew Jimi Hendrix (“the sweetest man, so kind, so sensitive, so fragile”).

By decade’s end, Charlotte was in Italy and embarked on a series of films that cemented her reputation, including The Damned and The Night Porter, both with Dirk Bogarde, who was mesmerised by her “jade gaze”.

She came to France at 30. In her forties the tsunami finally hit. “I couldn’t cope with having to cope. That’s what depression is. You lose it.

Literally. Everything stops.”

For ten years she kept a low profile, working only with a French TV producer in whom she’d confided. Like anybody who’s been depressed, she encountered incomprehension and fear in friends and colleagues and lived “a non-life”. She declines to give details saying simply that recovery is “a slow, slow process. It’s saying to yourself I will come out of it. Because if you’re not strong enough to say that you’re not going to come out of it.” Fear, she believes, makes you courageous.

Charlotte Rampling talks to Sarfraz Manzoorat at the Hay Literary Festival today (Saturday) at 4pm

CURIOUS NIGHT OUT The National Theatre’s internationally acclaimed production of The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time is coming to the Bristol Hippodrome next month.

This innovative drama is based on Mark Haddon’s award-winning novel, and has been adapted for the stage by award-winning playwright Simon Stephens and directed by Olivier and Tony Award-winning director Marianne Elliot. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time is the winner of seven 2013 Olivier Awards and five 2015 Tony awards, including Best Play.

The story follows Christopher – 15 years old with an extraordinary brain, exceptional at maths while ill-equipped to interpret everyday life. He has never ventured alone beyond the end of his road, he detests being touched and he distrusts strangers. When he falls under the suspicion of killing Mrs Shears’ dog, it takes him on a journey that upturns his world.

The production runs at the Bristol Hippodrome from June 13 to 17.

COMPETITION TIME We have two pairs of tickets to give away to see The Curious Incident of the Dog in the NightTime at the Bristol Hippodrome on Tuesday, June 13, at 7.30pm.

To be in with a chance of winning a pair, simply answer the following question...

Who wrote the award-winning novel of the same name?

Send your answers on a postcard to Pip O’Shea, Curious Competition, Western Daily Press, 1 Temple Way, Bristol, BS2 0BY, or by email to promotionsWDP@bepp.co.uk with the word “Curious” in the subject field, to reach us no later than 9am on Monday, June 5.

Please include your name, address and a daytime telephone number on the entry. The winners will be picked at random.



WHO I AM BY CHARLOTTE RAMPLING WITH CHRISTOPHE BATAILLE IS PUBLISHED BY ICON BOOKS

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Normal Western Daily Press competition rules apply, by responding you agree that Western Daily Press may offer you products and services by post, email, SMS and telephone. See our privacy policy and terms and conditions at westerndailypress.co.uk/ houserules. By responding you also agree that if you win, your details can be passed on to the prize supplier who will arrange for your prize to be at the box office for collection.

FOOD & DRINK

21st-century cider

I

magine asking a waiter in a top West Country restaurant for a bottle of the establishment’s finest, and being presented with cider.

For decades, centuries even, people would have laughed at such an idea – but cider is undergoing something of a renaissance.

The surge in cider’s popularity might be something to do with the fact that it is as rich as wine in healthy antioxidants. But what’s healthy for the human body can also be good for the landscape. The boom could be particularly good for the sylvan scenery of the West Country. Almost half the apples grown in England’s orchards are now destined for cider-making and a great many of those are in the South West.

A couple of years ago I wrote a an article calling for West Country tourist authorities to go down the French route of luring eco-tourists to farm-tastings dotted along specially themed “routes des cidres.” Such a route could lead across the nether regions of the Somerset Levels, over the Blackdown Hills into East Devon and on down to Cornwall.

I was reminded of this when, recently, James Crowden – author of the seminal book on the subject, Ciderland – invited me to join a group of fermented-apple juice enthusiasts on the Blackdowns where a wonderful and ancient pub has been taken over by a local cider-maker.

The Holman Clavel Inn, located high on the escarpment at Culmhead, is – rather uniquely – owned by the local parish. The place underwent a rather sorry period for a few years

Martin Hesp has lunch in an ancient pub at the heart of the West’s cider renaissance

is about big old estates and families – that is why it became semi-industrialised. When you come to Somerset, Dorset and Devon, it’s much more linked to agriculture. It was part of the way of living. There are hundreds of varieties of cider apple across the West Country. Some are endangered, but there are collections – some privately owned – and the National Trust and Natural England are doing good work on reviving and researching apple varieties.”

And so talk turned to the modern world of cider. James says: “The cider renaissance is extraordinary, particularly in the West Country where almost every village now has a budding orchard enthusiast on hand. Many new orchards are now being planted to replace the ones which were cut down in the 1970s and 1980s.”

So much for the cider-makers, but the success of this new apple-born revolution also depends on those selling the stuff.

“This is the only pub in the West Country run hands-on by a cider company,” said Steve. “I’d always liked the pub and was determined to do something to keep it open – the knock-on is I can sell my own produce.”

Some purists will sneer at the modern taste for bottled sparkling ciders, but I am not one of them. Because when it comes to products made by people like Tricky Cider and many more West Country makers, you are talking about delicious drinks made by people who have knowledge and passion. More power to their elbow, I say.

when tenants kept it closed more often than it was open. But since Steve Watkins of Tricky Cider took over 14 months ago, the inn has enjoyed a remarkable turn-around.

“A real country pub, with good ales, cider, wine, food and company,” says the inn’s website. “No telly or machines … Children, dogs, walkers, cyclists and muddy boots are very welcome. At the Holman Clavel all of our food is sourced from local farmers, suppliers and local businesses.”

Tricky Cider is one of the new (ish) firms in the region that has earned a good reputation for its amber nectar.

At the pub James, Steve and I were joined by Liz Copas, author of a famous book called Cider Apples, The New Pomona, and also Alex Hill, who founded a West Country-based company, Vigo Ltd, which supplies equipment and services to artisan drink producers… “Mainly cider and beer makers – and that includes everyone from people making a few gallons in a barn to people making two million litres a year,” Alex explained.

Talk at lunch ranged from the geographic to the historic – from apple varieties to new cider brands.

“Cider really is a West Country heritage,” said Liz when I asked if it was shared with other places like Herefordshire. “The Hereford cider

10

Anyone who has ever worked with me will be familiar with the term “blobbing” when it comes to pruning shrubs. This refers to the technique of turning every shrub into a cloud-type shape.

This looks fantastic when employed in formal topiary – however, indiscriminate pruning risks removing the flowers as well as eradicating the natural shape or habit of your shrub. It can be tricky to know when and how to prune, so here are a few rules of thumb to get you started.

Begin by tackling the “three Ds” by removing dead, diseased and damaged branches. It is also a good idea to remove branches that are crossing or rubbing, encouraging good air flow and light which will lessen the likelihood of fungal disease. Always prune just above a node, where the leaf joins the stem. Dormant buds are here and may then burst into life.

Another top tip is to prune after flowering, giving the plant ample time to produce flowering buds for next year. One of my favourite gardeners’ sayings is “growth follows the knife”. If your shrub is overly enthusiastic do not be tempted to cut it back hard, it will love it and come back even more determined.

So if your shrub is lop-sided, take the counter-intuitive step of pruning harder on the weaker side.

We can achieve different effects by coppicing or pollarding a shrub.

This is cutting the whole lot down to the ground or cutting back to a few stems, for example encouraging the vibrant stems of dogwood.

Here at the walled garden, in Cannington, we pollard foxglove trees in our subtropical walk. This means we lose the flowers but gain huge leaves that lend themselves perfectly to that lush look.

I hope these tips help to demystify the art of pruning.

JAYNE ALCOCK

 To find out more information about the Walled Gardens of Cannington, visit www. canningtonwalledgardens.co.uk/ or call 01278 655042.

INTERVIEW

DAVID MICHOD DIRECTS WAR MACHINE, A SATIRICAL FILM INSPIRED

BY A TOP US COMMANDER IN AFGHANISTAN, WHO WAS DISMISSED AFTER CRITICISING SENIOR OBAMA OFFICIALS IN A MAGAZINE ARTICLE. HE TALKS TO JEANANNE CRAIG

DAVID 05 FIVE MINUTES WITH

MICHOD

WHAT WAS BRAD PITT LIKE TO WORK WITH? I loved working with him. In our earliest conversations, we landed on a shared desire to do this thing as satire, to at least build the character he was going to play as satire. In part to embrace the absurdity of that world, but also, for me, to embrace what I think are Brad’s extraordinary skills as a comedic actor.

DID HE COME WITH AN EXTENSIVE LIST OF DEMANDS? No, Brad’s footprint is small. It’s quiet and it’s professional. You don’t have bugles trumpeting his arrival on set. Usually I’d only know Brad was on set because I’d look around and notice his make-up artist Jean Black.

YOU PREVIOUSLY WORKED WITH TWILIGHT’S ROBERT PATTINSON [IN MICHOD’S 2014 FILM THE ROVER]. HOW DID THAT EXPERIENCE COMPARE WITH THIS? There were a couple of paparazzi here or there with Brad. But the Robert Pattinson stuff is a whole other level, or at least it was back then; the Beatlemania stuff.

Literally screaming girls chasing

just make a satirical movie about the experience of modern war. I wanted to find a way of making a movie that wasn’t just a little bit funny, or a little bit terrifying, but was totally absurd and totally terrifying at the same time.

his car down the street. I had never seen that before. I had dinner with Rob three or four days ago and things are different for him now, in a really beautiful way. He doesn’t have to contend with that madness. Because that madness just doesn’t make sense.

THESE EVENTS ALL OCCURRED BEFORE DONALD TRUMP CAME ON THE SCENE IN US POLITICS...

WAR MACHINE IS PARTSATIRE, PART-DRAMA. HOW DID YOU WORK OUT THE BALANCE?

You couldn’t write that, and yet I feel the antecedents for that stuff were being written well before the events of last November. It’s not like Donald Trump arrived and suddenly we realised the world was crazy; I think it’s been getting crazy for quite a while.

I had been looking for a way into one of these contemporary theatres of war for a long time and I’d always assumed if I found a way, it would probably sit within my regular wheelhouse - brooding and dark and menacing. But I was struggling to find a way in.

I’d been doing so much research and was so profoundly fascinated by it all, the experiences of people, especially men, in those incredibly trying circumstances.

When Jeremy Kleiner and Dede Gardner from Plan B [Pitt’s production company] brought me Michael Hastings’ book [The Operators, based on his Rolling Stone magazine profile on Stanley McChrystal] I suddenly saw a way in. It was to do it as satire, but I didn’t feel like it was enough to

HOW DO YOU THINK TRUMP’S PRESIDENCY WILL BE DEPICTED ON SCREEN A FEW YEARS FROM NOW? I think this particular administration, this president and his kind of loopy cheer squad will actually make for incredible drama and satire in years to come, but it will be in the future, it won’t be now. Seeing Alec Baldwin play Trump on Saturday Night Live was hilarious and then by the fifth time it was like, ‘I can’t even watch this anymore’.

11

THERE ARE SOME GREAT BRIT ACTORS CAST IN WAR MACHINE - SIR BEN KINGSLEY, TILDA SWINTON, WILL POULTER. WHY DID YOU CHOOSE THEM? That was partly because we were filming in London, but also because they’re really good. We had three incredible days with Sir Ben Kingsley. And not just incredible for me, I think for Brad too. Brad had never worked with Kingsley before and loved it.

YOU PREVIOUSLY WORKED AS A JOURNALIST ON INSIDE FILM MAGAZINE. WHAT WOULD YOUR YOUNGER SELF MAKE OF YOUR SUCCESS? The steps have been so incremental that it doesn’t feel to me like I shouldn’t be here. But if you took me from where I was, back when I was working on that magazine, and plonked me in this room right now, talking about this stuff, I would be saying to you quite openly, ‘I don’t belong here, I need to go now, I’m frightened and I need to leave!’

WAR MACHINE IS AVAILABLE ON NETFLIX

FOOD

Chris Rundle ELDERFLOWERS ARE A GREAT WAY TO WELCOME SUMMER

I

have a secret to divulge which will guarantee conviviality at any party you are holding this summer. But you absolutely must go out and pick elderflowers.

I stumbled across something recently which took me back a considerable number of years to when I had just returned from a research trip to Barbados bearing a couple of bottles of export-strength Mount Gay rum and a bottle or two of falernum, the mildly spicy cordial the locals drink with it.

Falernum itself is in the same category as shrub (also drunk with rum) and lovage (taken with brandy), still produced by Phillips of Bristol, and one of its effects is to mask any harshness in the spirit.

When some friends came round I thought I’d treat them to a couple of pre-dinner jiggers of Barbados cocktail, made with the rum, falernum, some pineapple juice and some banana pulp. It was a huge success. It went down like lemonade and all was well until one particular friend needed the loo, tried to get up, and found his legs wouldn’t work.

From which it may be deduced that the secret I am about to pass on involves a degree of alcohol. But first to the elderflowers. The elder must be one of the most versatile of all hedgerow species because not only can you use the flowers in various ways, you can turn the berries into a vitamin-rich cold preventative and a particularly flavoursome jelly. Aside from that, the tree is also favourite host for what used to be called Chinese mushrooms, the brown, gelatinous cup fungi known somewhat macabrely as Jew’s Ears, after the legend that Judas Iscariot hanged himself from an elder.

But it’s the flowers that concern us now and the making of cordial, one of the simplest processes you can imagine but one which provides one of the finest of store cupboard ingredients. Prepare and store it properly and it will easily keep until the next elderflower season comes round and, in the meantime, provide wonderful deep flavouring to ice cream, to enliven a fresh fruit salad in the middle of winter and, indeed, to create one of the tastiest of all fruit jellies which goes as well with roast lamb or turkey as it does on a hot, buttered muffin.

Go elderflowerpicking and make your own cordial

ELDERFLOWER CORDIAL Ingredients Twenty to 30 elderflower heads; juice and rind of two lemons; 1.35kg sugar; two pints boiling water; 80g citric acid powder (obtainable from home brew shops) Method Place the sugar and citric acid in a bowl, add the boiling water and stir until dissolved. Place the flower heads, lemon rind and juice in a bucket, pour the hot syrup over, mash well and leave to stand in a cool place for 48 hours. Strain through muslin or a jelly bag into a large pan, bring to boiling point and simmer for two minutes.

Once cooled, decant into sterilised bottles (old plastic water bottles are ideal) and store until required.

GOOSEBERRY AND ELDERFLOWER JELLY

Ingredients Two kilos ripe gooseberries; 500ml water; sugar; elderflower cordial Method Place the gooseberries and water in a preserving pan or large saucepan and set over a medium heat. Cook gently, stirring frequently, for about an hour until the fruit has broken down. Allow to cool then transfer to a jelly bag and allow to strain overnight. Measure the juice and for each 100ml allow 100g of sugar and two tablespoons of cordial. Place the sugar, cordial and juice in a clean pan and simmer briskly over a medium heat, stirring frequently, until a little of the mixture poured onto a cold plate sets as it cools. Pour into cleaned and sterilised jars, cover, and store in a cool, dark place until needed.

ELDERFLOWER AND LEMON BALM TEMPURA dos concoction, it should be treated with a great deal of respect because at first taste it will be difficult to detect the presence of any alcohol and I’d hate for you to go on drinking it until you suffered temporarily paralysis of the lower extremities.

The formula is simple: to two measures of gin in a tall glass add a similar quantity of the cordial, a good squeeze of lime juice and two or three drops of Angostura. Top up with well-chilled tonic water, add a slice of lemon and serve. For added colourful effect (and dilution) drop in a cube of frozen raspberry coulis made by heating and sieving 500g of raspberries and, when cold, whisking in icing sugar and lemon juice.

The large, creamy heads of elderflower are easily identifiable and should be picked while the flowers are still young and before they start to turn brown. If you need to go on to private land to harvest them then be sure to ask permission first. Once you have got them home and before you start to use them, shake well to remove any wildlife.

The tempura recipe provides a use, equally, for lemon balm, one of the most invasive of garden plants, which most people have to pull up by the armful. Ideally you could hand round dishes of the tempura when you serve your guests glasses of the secret. This has to be one of the most delicious of all summer drinks but like my Barba-

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Ingredients Twenty elderflower florets – not whole heads – and the same quantity of lemon balm leaves; six tablespoons plain flour; sparkling water; 100ml olive oil; one orange Method Place the flour in a deep bowl and gradually whisk in enough water to form a pancakeconsistency batter. Heat the oil in a saucepan and, once hot, dip the florets and leaves in the batter and cook a few at a time, turning once, until golden brown. Drain on kitchen roll, place on a warmed serving dish and sprinkle with orange juice before handing round.

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RECIPE

MICHELIN-STARRED ATUL KOCHHAR SHOWS US HOW TO MAKE CURRIES IN MINUTES, AND TELLS KATE WHITING HE LEARNED TO COOK TO GET OUT OF CLEANING AND THAT HIS SON INSPIRES HIS RECIPES

A

tul Kochhar is reminiscing about the day he became the first Indian chef to be awarded the gold standard for culinary expertise – a Michelin star – as head chef at Tamarind in 2001.

“I remember as if it were yesterday... A journalist from the Evening Standard called and said, ‘You have a Michelin star’ and I said, ‘No, no, I don’t have a Michelin star’ and hung the phone up. Then he called back and said, ‘No, I was trying to tell you that you’ve got a Michelin star, you’ve been awarded one’ and I started shaking, I couldn’t believe it.”

To cap it all, that evening Gordon Ramsay came to eat at the restaurant to celebrate achieving his third Michelin star: “He was eating my food to celebrate his third star with his wife and family. He came to the kitchen to congratulate everyone and he was so chatty. Obviously he was very happy for his third star, but he genuinely was very happy that we got the star as well.”

Six years later, Atul, 47, was awarded a second Michelin star for his own restaurant, Benares.

Despite all the acclaim, however, he’s now turning his attention to slightly more simple fare in his latest book, 30 Minute Curries.

“Everybody expects me to write complicated books and I won’t deny it, I have done that. I wrote the Benares cookbook and each recipe has got six recipes in it. But I’m also a father and when I cook at home, I’m not cooking Michelin-starred food, I’m cooking everyday food.

“I’ve learnt shortcuts to put food on the table really quickly – there’s only so much time kids can hold out – so this book is to celebrate that. And also, [people say] Indian food takes forever, but it doesn’t. Anybody can do it, so I’m sharing my techniques of how you can do it very quickly.

Every recipe actually comes under 25 minutes.”

His book is movingly dedicated to his son (“my best friend”), 11-yearold Arjun, who inspires Atul to be inventive with food.

“Arjun has strong likes and dislikes... One of his pet hates is broccoli, so I keep making it in different ways. Last weekend, I made chickpea burgers, so I put broccoli in there and told him if he can find it then he can get some Lego. He couldn’t trace it.

“He believes that certain flavours work and certain ones don’t, so for example, I think carrot and ginger works and he says, ‘Little people don’t like ginger, it’s too stringy, too strong, there have to be better ways to use it’. So, he said, ‘Why don’t you make a paste of ginger?’ You get the flavour, but you don’t get the texture.

It was interesting to hear this little person talk about food.”

His daughter, Amisha, 13, is very different: “She has an incredible palate and she’s quite a good critic as well. When they both eat at Benares, my maitre d’ never asks them how the meal was, because he knows he’ll get detailed feedback.”

Atul was born in Jamshedpur, India, and learned to cook from both his parents.

“We were a slightly unusual Indi-

CURRY IN A

HURRY 14

30 Minute Curries by Atul Kochhar is published in hardback

by Absolute Press, priced £26

an family – boys are normally made to look like gods and they become couch potatoes, but not in my house.

My mum said from day one, everybody lives in the house so everybody has to [help]. I paired up with my oldest sister, we always cooked together, and my other sister and younger brother were on cleaning duty. I hated it when I had to clean up, I still hate it.

So that taught me how to cook.”

His favourite childhood food was a type of dumpling called Litti, which was stuffed with lentils and thrown in the hot ashes of a fire for a few hours: “You dust the ash away and then dip them in a nice potato curry. I absolutely loved it.”

He’s thrilled that Brits have long had a love affair with Indian food that is growing all the time: “I look at someone like Tom Kerridge, a quintessentially British chef, but he uses more coriander powder and cumin powder than I would ever use in my food. It’s heart-warming, it’s good to see that it’s opening up. I love it.”

Give it a try:

Atul Kochhar

PRAWN AND COCONUT CURRY (narkol chengri moli) (Serves 4) 500g raw peeled tiger prawns 3 green cardamom pods Fresh coriander leaves 1tbsp ghee or vegetable oil 2 cloves 1 dried bay leaf 1 cinnamon stick 1tbsp onion paste (see recipe, right) 1/2tsp red chilli powder, or to taste 1/4tsp ground turmeric 250ml coconut milk Sea salt Method Assemble all the ingredients and equipment before you begin. You

need a large saute or frying pan with a lid. Remove and discard the prawn tails, if necessary. Lightly crush the cardamom pods to loosen the seeds. Rinse and chop enough coriander leaves to make about one tablespoon.

Melt the ghee over a medium-high heat in the pan. Add the cardamom pods and the seeds, the cloves, bay leaf and cinnamon stick, and stir until the spices crackle. Add the onion paste and stir it into the oil for 30 seconds.

Add the chilli powder and turmeric and stir for 30 seconds to cook the spices. Watch closely so they

do not burn. Reduce the heat to medium and add the prawns and coconut milk. Season with salt and continue stirring for 30 seconds, or until the prawns turn pink on both sides. Take care not to over-cook the prawns.

Adjust the seasoning with salt, if necessary, and stir in the chopped coriander just before serving.

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ONION PASTE (Makes about 600g) 2tbsp vegetable oil 500g onions, coarsely chopped 100g (about 6tbsp) ginger-garlic paste (see below) 1tsp sea salt Method Heat the oil over a medium-high heat in a large saute or frying pan that is ideally non-stick. Add the onions, the ginger-garlic paste and salt, and stir frequently for 25 minutes, or until the onions are browned. Watch carefully towards the end of cooking so the mixture doesn’t catch and burn, which can happen very quickly. If they do burn, you’ll have to throw them out and start over – there isn’t any way to rescue them.

Transfer the mixture to a food processor while it’s still warm and blitz to a fine paste. Leave to cool completely, then store in a covered container in the fridge for up to four weeks, or freeze for up to three months.

GINGER-GARLIC PASTE (Makes about 225g) 2 large garlic heads, 75g each, separated into cloves and peeled 150g fresh ginger, peeled weight, coarsely chopped 2tbsp water Method Put the garlic cloves, ginger and water in a food processor fitted with a chopping blade and blitz, scraping down the sides of the bowl as necessary, until a paste forms.

This keeps in a covered container in the fridge for up to four weeks, or can be frozen for up to three months.

FIVE O’CLOCK SOMEWHERE

RECIPE

Strong, year-round sales mean the future’s looking rosy for the pink stuff, says Sam Wylie-Harris

CLOUD CHASER COTES DE PROVENCE ROSÉ 2015, France (£17.95, www.31dover.com) This wine will dispel any thoughts that pinks are for picnics. Intense, with a soft, round sensuous palate, the sumptuous berry fruits are lined with apricot and peach accents and the finish is long and expressive.

MIRABEAU PURE ROSE 2016, Cotes de Provence, France (£12.99, Waitrose) Delicate fresh berry fruits and blossomy aromas.

CHATEAU CAVALIER CUVEE CASCADEL COTES DE PROVENCE 2016, France (£13, Marks & Spencer) This has an array of freshly crushed berry aromas and is full of juicy yellow plum and white peach flavours, with a fine thread of acidity on the crisp, clean finish.

L’ART PROVENCAL ROSÉ 2016, France (£9.99, www. laithwaites.co.uk) Light and zingy, but with enough wild strawberry fruits, currant and plum, dried herbal notes and a shimmering streak of minerality to keep you coming back for more.

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GOAN SPINACH AND LENTILS (GOA DAAL PALAK) (Serves 4 as a sharing dish) 50g toor lentils (toor daal) 1 green chilli 1 small onion 1 tomato 2tbsp vegetable oil 1tsp black mustard seeds 200g baby spinach leaves 3tbsp frozen grated coconut, plus extra to garnish Sea salt Method Bring a large covered saucepan of water to the boil and assemble all the ingredients and other equipment before you begin. You

tomato with a pinch of salt, and continue stirring until the onion is softened. Turn the heat down and leave, uncovered and stirring occasionally, until the lentils have finished cooking.

Rinse the spinach and shake off the excess water. Drain the lentils, then stir them into the saute pan.

Add the spinach and frozen coconut, season with salt and stir-fry until the spinach wilts. When you take the coconut out of the freezer, set aside some for the garnish.

Adjust the seasoning with salt, if necessary. Sprinkle with a little extra coconut just before serving – it will thaw in the residual heat.

also need a sieve or colander, and a wok or a large saute or frying pan.

Rinse the lentils in the sieve with cold running water, then add them to the boiling water. Return the water to the boil and leave the lentils uncovered for 20 minutes, or until they are tender, but still holding their shape.

Remove the stalk from the green chilli, if necessary, then slice the chilli lengthways. Peel, quarter and thinly slice the onion. Halve and slice the tomato.

Heat the vegetable oil over a medium-high heat in the wok. Add the mustard seeds and stir until they pop. Add the green chilli, onion and

16

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GARDENING

Tim Foster RAIN OR SHINE: THE GARDENING YEAR IS ALWAYS EXCITING

H

aving found the foliage of my spuds dark green and strangely translucent, I had a quick stroll around the allotment site in an attempt to make myself feel better by finding other plotholders with similarly frosted potatoes. Disappointingly (and selfishly), mine were the only ones damaged. Why were my spuds being picked on? What had I done to offend the gods of horticulture?

Well, it wasn’t a disaster – the following two nights put paid to everybody else’s potatoes with harder frosts. The frosted foliage went brown, and healthy new growth has already replaced it. It might just have set them back slightly: later earlies.

More worrying was the effect on fruit blossom – if that is seriously damaged then that’s no crop for another year.

In Bristol, we may or may not have had an air frost. An air frost is not good news because it affects much more than plants like my spuds at ground level (cryptically called a ground frost). The pictures on the news about the UK’s vines being affected were rather sad viewing.

Because apples, for example, flower over a period of a couple of weeks not all of the blossom will have been affected by two nights of air frost. We can hope that the flowers that opened after the frosts were untouched and that some fruit will be produced. The good news is that any fruit produced in such a year, though fewer in number, is often larger and of good quality.

Anyway, what I was most interested in was why one patch of vegetables would be affected and another not.

Shelter is a big thing, so surrounding foliage will help. More important is location in the landscape: rural as opposed to urban is exceptionally important, which is why I’m still hopeful for my fruit, snuggled up as it is in diesel and woodburner fumes, and benefiting from the night storage heater known as Tarmac and concrete.

Of equal importance is topography.

A frost pocket is a low point where cold air settles (getting potatoes frosted is a low point in the gardening year). So valleys, the bottom of a

Who knows what the weather will bring for gardeners this summer Picture: Paul Gillis

slope and even the upside of a hedge which runs along a contour, can be a frost pocket.

This makes it even more interesting with my situation, since I am not in a frost pocket. I am left with two possibilities. The first is that my potato bed is just downhill from a gap in a hedge – the cold air, as it flows downhill, may have been funnelled towards it. The other thought is that I had just watered them. Watering is quite good for plants – see more later – but if they are “full” and saturated (the correct term is “turgid”) they may be more vulnerable. The cells in an unwatered plant may be more concentrated, acting like anti freeze in a radiator.

In an absence of an answer to either of those questions, let us continue in the weather vein (vane?). The dry spring was terrific – for the following reasons:  There have been fewer active slugs.  There have been lots of gardening days.

 Heavy clay soils have not been wet and sticky.  The roof hasn’t leaked.

It has also been problematic for the following reasons:  We can’t find where the roof had been leaking.  Trying to sow seeds and establish little seedlings has been trickier. A newly germinated seed will be stopped in its tracks (also known as “death”) if it dries out.  Heavy clay soils have cracked and set hard. They were alright for a while and then, like an overenthusiastic uncle, just went too far.

To sow seeds, small soil aggregates are needed – technically, a fine tilth – and to reduce big solid lumps (to small solid lumps) requires some ingenuity. So instead of standing there bashing the clods into submission with a rake or fork, it was preferable to apply water, letting it soak in, then adding more and so on until it was just manageable. I know a pro-

18

fessional maintenance gardener who was having to water weeds during the dry spell in order to be able to remove them easily. Bet that looked good: the client glances out of the kitchen window to see the gardener watering a mass of couch grass….

A hot, dry spring was worrying in terms of the long-term effect on soil water. The reason? I was always told that rain between April and September never contributed to the reservoir of water in the ground: it evaporates (mainly) or is taken up by plants.

Well, that has to be a generalisation and several days of sustained rain even in the summer must make a difference.

Never mind – the dry spell is over now. It has rained, and it is raining as I write. What happens next? – will we be complaining of a washout summer or, in the boiling heat of August, will we look back fondly at that spell of rain we had back in May? It’s so exciting – even more so if you grow things.

Garden notes: the seasons C

hazel. You can also grow it on its own and it’s beautiful in long meadow grass.”

helsea gold medal-winning designer Dan Pearson is also a pioneer of natural landscapes and landforms, a wild flower expert and a seasoned plantsman and columnist.

Now Dan has collated ten years of his writing to bring us a year-round celebration of the garden, both practical and inspirational, urban and rural, in his new book Natural Selection.

Of course, he has a plethora of favourite plants for all seasons, but here are some of those he wouldn’t be without.

SPRING  Epimedium “I have a whole collection and I love them because they have really interesting leaf mottling and colourings and very delicate flowers. I have European and Asian ones. Epimedium Caramel and E. x versicolor Sulphureum are two really good ones. They look good with the tail end of snowdrops and are good with things that are lower, such as creeping strawberries, and are pretty with a little grass called Melica altissima Alba.  Blossom “My favourite blossom tree is Malus hupehensis because it is scented, it has a very pale pink bud and pure white flower. It’s glamorous without being in-your-face. It’s graceful and it’s just at the beginning of its wonderfully long season because it reappears as berries or hips in the autumn. It’s just a really good crab apple, not too big for a small garden. I would put that with a backdrop of simple dark holly.”

SUMMER  Sanguisorba Cangshan cranberry “This tall and elegant perennial flowers from high summer until October. It’s good in association with other things because it’s got lots of

AUTUMN  Aster “Asters are so smart during the summer, just getting ready for their big autumn show so they never look tired. In August, the asters look terrific. One of my favourites is Turbinellus, which is lilac-blue and very late flowering, bearing tiny little flowers and very open sprays so there’s lots of space in it and I’d team it up with tall-growing vernonias or something like bronze fennel, which is going into its autumn colouring by then.”  Nerine bowdenii “These brilliant pink bulbs love a hot, sunny place, ideally against a south-facing wall.

They are never disappointing, flower for weeks and are really tough if they have free drainage and sunshine. I’d team them with Viola labradorica.”

WINTER

 Hamamelis (witch hazel) “You

can’t have winter without hamamelis. You get perfume, you get a blaze of colour, but it’s not heavy-handed.

There’s a range of different varieties.

I love Gingerbread, which is a lovely gingery-orange. I have it against a west-facing wall underplanted with snowdrops and marsh asparagus.”  Panicum Cloud Nine “I like ornamental grasses to stay standing and this panicum stood standing most of the winter for me. It grows vertically to six or seven feet, is silvery grey in the summer and produces tiny little plum flowers in late summer and goes this amazing plum-purple colour in the autumn. In the winter it goes a buff colour. I’d put it with something lower around it like catmint or low-growing salvias. It likes sunshine and dry conditions.”

Award-winning garden designer and writer Dan Pearson

transparency to it. It has very small rich red-burgundy drumstick flowers so you can use it with other things very effectively. I’d pair it with veronicastrum or Persicaria amplexicaulis. They are lovely with those verticals.”  Rosa eglanteria (sweet briar) “It’s just a common-or-garden thing which is super easy to grow. It grows in our hedges and its leaves have the scent of fresh apples. It produces single pink-flowered dog roses in the summer and beautiful autumn hips. I grow it in hedges with hawthorn and

BEST OF THE BUNCH EVENING PRIMROSE (OENOTHERA) The scented, deep yellow papery flowers of the evening primrose open at dusk and are pollinated by night-flying insects. Each flower may last only a day, but many more are produced all summer long.

They make neat plants that can be used as fillers in most borders, gravel beds or herb gardens and are a magnet for butterflies and bees. They need a sunny, well-drained spot to thrive and the flowers don’t always open in the evening but often during the day.

19

JOBS FOR THEWEEK  Keep new plants well-watered

in dry spells to keep them strong and make them less susceptible to disease.  Mow the lawn once a week if it’s growing, but in spells of hot, dry weather keep the blades high and leave clippings on the lawn to retain moisture.  Prune early-flowering shrubs such as Kerria japonica and Spiraea Arguta, which finish flowering on wood that was produced the previous year.  Keep on top of weeding and pay particular attention to pernicious weeds such as bindweed and ground elder.  Prune pyracanthas that are trained against a wall, cutting out shoots growing directly into or away from it. Shorten the others to about 8cm, which encourages the formation of short spurs that bear the flower buds and berries in autumn.  Prune clematis montana (pictured) once flowering is over.  Snap off spent tulip heads, but leave the foliage intact for about six weeks, which will enable plants to redirect their energy back into the bulb.  Plant out marrows and courgettes when all danger of frost has passed.  Remove runners from strawberries to preserve the plant’s energy.  Pinch out the tips of broad beans when they flower to discourage blackfly.

DAY TRIPS

07

ITE U Q NG NG TO I H T ANY HEADI TEA? E R E S IS TH EFINED A TERNOON VEALS AS R FOR AF OLLY RE RITE BATH CY CONN R FAVOU NAN E OF HE SIT SOM ES TO VI PLAC

of the best for afternoon tea in Bath

T

here are few hours in life more agreeable than the hour dedicated to the ceremony known as afternoon tea, said writer Henry James.

And you can go upmarket and make it a real treat – although one that’s probably best kept for a special occasion in case the bank manager objects.

THE ROYAL CRESCENT HOTEL 01225 823333 Is there anywhere quite like the garden of the Royal Crescent Hotel? Clear the afternoon and sit in the sumptuous gardens while you enjoy the best of savoury and sweet dishes. There’s a great selection of real leaf teas plus a choice of different afternoon tea packages.

THE BATH PRIORY Weston Road, 01225 331922 This hotel has magnificent gardens – perfect for afternoon tea. Its £30 afternoon tea includes a selection of finger sandwiches, homemade cakes and you can indulge in a Champagne tea for £42.

COMINS TEA HOUSE Monmouth Street, 01258 475389 If you’re a tea connoisseur then Comins Tea House in Monmouth Street is worth a visit. It has fine, loose, single estate teas from India and beautiful homemade cakes. And owners Rob and Michelle are knowledgeable about their stock and willing to help if you want to experiment.

PUMP ROOMS Stall Street, 01225 444477 Every afternoon a string quartet or pianist plays classical music while you tuck into a very fine tea indeed. There are freshly made soft scones, elegant sandwiches (no crusts, of course) and all manner of sweet fancies. A traditional tea costs £25 while a Champagne version is £34. There’s also a celebration tea and bubbles for £43 per person.

THE FRANCIS HOTEL Queen Square, 01225 424105 This hotel offers afternoon tea for £19.50 and includes sandwiches, warm scones and an assortment of cakes and pastries. For £26.50 you can add a glass of Champagne.

BAILBROOK HOUSE

ABBEY HOTEL North Parade, 01225 461603 The Abbey Hotel is right in the centre of town and is a great hub for an afternoon tea. The afternoon tea menu at £21.50 includes an assortment of homemade cakes, a selection of sandwiches, freshly baked scones with clotted cream and homemade strawberry jam, served with a pot of tea of your choice. A Champagne tea is £30.

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Eveleigh Avenue, London Road, 01225 855100 Tucked away just off the London Road, this hotel is a real leafy sanctuary with beautiful gardens. Aside from the finest loose teas, delicious sandwiches, handmade cakes, pastries and scones, it also serves the traditional Bath Bun, sprinkled with crushed sugar. From £21.95 per person.

OUTDOORS

Walks Sue Gearing An off-the-beaten track circular ramble in North Somerset overlooking Chew Valley Lake and taking in a variety of views, a great country pub and a memorable little church up ahead. A gate leads into a yard.

Follow the yellow marker left into the field, and then turn up right to cross onto the drive. This goes up to the road in Cameley.

MAP: OS Explorer 141 Cheddar Gorge & Mendip Hills West, grid ref: 573 584 (also Explorer 142) DISTANCE: 7.5 miles (12.4k), about 3.75 hours’ walking PARK: At New Manor Farm on the A368 near West Harptree and just south of Bishop Sutton, close

by Herriots Bridge on the east of Chew Valley Lake. In return for parking, why not use the fine farm shop and café.

7. CAMELEY Turn right to a real gem of a 13th-century English country church, St James. Continue on the lane, passing Cameley Lodge (a chance for coffee and tea). At the right bend, go left through a kissing gate, rejoining the Limestone Link.

S

ome of the most breathtaking views of the Chew Valley in North Somerset and of Mendip are your reward for the ups and downs of this moderate circle from near Bishop Sutton.

A 15-minute climb leads up to the hill fort on Burledge Hill. Pass one of my favourite pubs in Hinton Blewett.

After Prospect Stile viewpoint, drop steeply. A stick could be a help.

8. FIELDS Head diagonally right up the field, through into another and turn uphill left. At the top continue straight on through fields coming close to Cam Brook. Reach a lane opposite Hinton Blewett village hall and turn up right to the village.

9. HINTON BLEWETT Cross the green up to the welcoming Ring O’ Bells. Turn left in front of the pub and follow the lane round right. At a bend by West End Farm go left. At a T-junction turn right.

START Go out the farm drive and right on the path alongside the road. At the first junction, cross to go up the byway.

After a barrier this soon becomes a rough hollow way up Burledge Hill.

10. PROSPECT STILE Reach another junction with Prospect Stile ahead. Go right on another quiet track. At a junction of tracks, cross left over a stile and head up the field, parallel with the right edge, and through a kissing gate in the corner.

Now cross the field, bearing slightly right to a gate and stile somewhat tucked away.

1. HILLFORT After about 15 minutes’ steep walking, reach the hillfort with evidence of earthworks around. Continue on the track.

2. FOOTPATH At a track junction take the footpath left, staying close to a hedge right.

Continue on, ignoring side paths, until you go through onto open land.

Here is a spectacular panorama looking across to Wales as well as over Chew Valley Lake.

Cross a field, keeping straight on, staying high. Down below is the village of Bishop Sutton. Go through a gate at the end and descend on the path, using steps, going through gates to reach a lane by a house.

3. LANE On the lane, turn down left and shortly go right through a Bristol gate (with an integrated pedestrian gate) on a footpath. Follow the fence round, through a kissing gate and head across a field.

4. FOOTBRIDGE Cross a footbridge over a stream.

Go straight on (slightly left) heading up a valley. Go through another gate, maintain direction and at the top reach a gate leading on to a lane and turn right for about five minutes.

(There may be some traffic).

6. LIMESTONE LINK This is a 36-mile route between the Cotswolds and the Mendip Hills. It leads up across the side of the hill going back on yourself. Continue along the top looking down over Cameley hamlet. At a marker post near the field end, turn right on the Limestone Link and immediately left through two kissing gates in the hedge. Bear diagonally down across the field and then down the edge. Go through a Bristol gate left and turn along the right edge.

Soon, in the corner, go through a gate and cross the Cam Brook.

Head straight on with the church

5. NANNY HURN’S LANE At a bend and junction, go straight ahead on an old byway – Nanny Hurn’s Lane. There are views across right to the Mendip ridge. Follow the track along and then bend right downhill. Further down, look left for a stile into a field and the Limestone Link marker.

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11. WHITE HILL Follow the footpath ahead steeply down White Hill. Down below left is a muddy patch with a kissing gate.

Go through the wood and out through a gate to follow the permissive path down the right side of the field and on down the next to a gate near the bottom left corner.

12. FARM Go right on the lane past North Widcombe Farm back to the main road.

Turn right back to the start.

NEW MANOR FARM TEASHOP 01761 220172  Based on a walk from Miles More Mendip by Sue Gearing and Les Davies. Available in bookshops £9.99.

COLLECTIBLES

High expectations from great lots

T

wo particularly fine corbels went under the hammer in Cirencester yesterday.

The Portland stone heads – thought to represent Romulus and Remus, the founders of Rome – are believed to date from the 1890s, and were carved as part of the neoclassical decoration of a Birmingham bank.

Each head stands at 2ft tall, one and a half feet deep, and more than a foot wide. They’re heavy too, taking two men to lift them. A bid of between £500 and £800 was expected to secure the lot.

There are around 80 heads – some of them stone, most of them flesh and bone – on the iconic cover of The Beatles’ classic album Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band, which celebrates its 50th anniversary in June.

making this a fairly early one. The collection also includes classics by Bob Dylan, Queen, Cat Stevens, Jethro Tull, and the Hair soundtrack.

The entire collection of around 100 LPs carried an estimate of £50 to £80 – not bad, considering each of the Beatles’ albums retail at between £15 and £30 on the collectors’ market.

Beatle George Harrison played a red Gibson SG during the recording of The White Album, and anyone inspired to pick up the guitar by the new wave of Beatlemania could do worse than a red Gibson SG copy by Vintage in a soft Ritter case which, yesterday, commanded an estimate of £80 to £120.

There was also a Roland Cube 30X guitar amp with effects pedal on offer, with an estimate of £50 to £80.

MOORE, ALLEN & INNOCENT GLOUCESTERSHIRE And a vinyl copy of the album, in gate-fold sleeve, was offered for sale after it was found inside two cardboard boxes full of records in a garage, and headed for the tip!

Excitingly for collectors, tucked inside the sleeve is an original sheet of card printed with images which fans were invited to cut out.

Also within the collection is a copy of the band’s album The Beatles, but known as The White Album because of its blank sleeve.

This version is the top-loader stereo version, complete with embossed Beatles logo, lyrics sheet, a four-portrait set of the band members, and stamped number – in the 41,000s.

Millions of copies were pressed,

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From top, Sgt Pepper gate fold; The White Album; the corbels

MILITARIA CHARTERHOUSE DORSET The next Charterhouse auction includes an important group of medals awarded to Group Captain Clive Stanbury, which are expected to sell for up to £30,000.

Auctioneer Richard Bromell said: “Rarely do you come across such important RAF medal groups and this group is even more special as it is the first time it has appeared on the open market.

“During the war, he flew a huge variety of planes, including Wellington, Lysander, Halifax, Hurricane, Mosquito, Lancaster and, of course, the legendary Spitfire along with a large number of American planes such as the Liberator. After the war he continued to serve in the RAF and his log books record he flew for over 3,600 hours.”

Charterhouse has been instructed to sell the medals on behalf of the family. A difficult decision to make, it is hoped the collection will be handled, looked at, researched and enjoyed rather than sitting in a safe.

Clive Stanley George Stanbury joined the RAF aged 24, just before the Second World War started in 1939. By 1942 he had been promoted to Flight Lieutenant flying with 70 Squadron and was awarded the Distinguished Flying Cross (DFC) having flown 61 sorties. It was noted he set a very high standard of efficiency and was a most courageous captain, who, undeterred by the enemy’s fire, pressed home his attacks to the full.

Less than a month later, as

Some of the photographs included in the Clive Stanbury lot de Guerre having made a conspicuous contribution to the liberation of France as a pilot during many courageous actions and as commander of his group. His energy

Acting Squadron Leader and still at 70 Squadron, he was awarded the Distinguished Service Order (DSO) where it was also noted he had no regard for his personal safety and was always first to volunteer for hazardous tasks.

In December 1943, he transferred to 624 SD Squadron as Commanding Officer.

His experience and cool head took him on many operations, including dropping SOE agents (or Joes as they are recorded in his log books) deep into enemy territory.

624 Squadron was at first a special duties squadron – the only RAF squadron to fly without plane markings, such was the nature of their covert operations.

At the end of the war, in 1945, he was also awarded the French Croix

Medals awarded to Clive Stanbury

23

and his courage in action served as an example for his formation and everyone around him.

In 1953, he was awarded the Air Force Cross (AFC) for being the first British pilot to fly a Canberra jet engine aeroplane over the Pole.

During the flight they tested the suitability of high latitude navigational techniques at the high speeds and altitudes flown by jet engines rather than piston engines.

In 1963, he was made a Commander of the Order of the British Empire (CBE).

Accompanying the medals at the Charterhouse auction are his three pilot flying log books documenting his actions and photograph albums, including images of Winston Churchill making a station visit. There are also letters of gratitude and acknowledgment from high-ranking British and American commanders.

In addition to this, there is a great selection of press cuttings, citations, further letters and other ephemera charting his career in the RAF. The two-day auction will be held on Thursday, June 22, and Friday, June 23.

Charterhouse is now accepting entries for its June auctions, which includes coins, stamps, medals and collectors’ items along with nearly 5,000 bottles of wine, port and spirits.

The auction house is also accepting entries for its specialist auction of classic cars on Sunday, June 18.

For further information regarding these auctions, or to arrange a home visit, contact Richard Bromell at Charterhouse, The Long Street Salerooms, Sherborne on 01935 812277 or email items for valuation to info@charterhouse-auction.com

UNDER WITH DUNCAN PHILLIPS

W

hen I’ve got some cash in my pocket and am looking for bargains, it’s rarely traditional antiques that I seem to buy.

At the giant Shepton flea market last time, it was a fabulous 12-stringed guitar, in great condition, perhaps 30 years old and simply in need of some TLC and new strings. As soon as I picked it up, the weight and balance were good and even the dull old strings gave off a pleasing sound. For £35, it had to be taken home.

Musical instruments are one of those unusual collectables. There are great bargains around since so often people know very little about what determines a very good instrument from an ordinary one. Most of us have tinkered with some form of playing at one stage or another, and every instrument is a world unto itself, so it helps enormously if you play. Then, at least, you’ll have an ear for something that sounds above average.

Newspapers have been filled in the last week or two with news of a survey comparison carried out to compare whether a newly made top quality violin had a better sound than a famous Stradivarius (pictured). It reminded me that the world of musical instruments is one not often given its due regard. After all, few antique experts will also be top players and, one violin or flute can look very like another. The survey, by the way, concluded that new instruments sounded better, a fact which has caused con-

ANTIQUES - COLLECTIBLES - DESIRABLES ANTIQUES - COLLECTIBLES - DESIRABLES

58 ORCHARD STREET 58 ORCHARD STREET WESTON SUPER MARE BS23BS23 1RL1RL WESTON SUPER MARE 01934 412114 01934 412114 www.violetantiques.co.uk www.violetantiques.co.uk

troversy in musical circles, as famous players have stepped forward to furiously contradict this finding.

The famous name Stradivari has often been the cause of much disappointment. And it’s a familiar tale.

How many people have come across a violin bearing a label, mark or signature that has the magic name Stradivari?

In May 2006, a Strad sold for $3,544,000, the world record for any musical instrument. This piece was known as “The Hammer.” Dating from 1707, it got its name from Christian Hammer, a 19th-century collector from Sweden who was its first known owner. Before the auction, its last owner was a Japanese oil company who loaned it to violinist Kyoko Takezawa. She used it as her primary instrument for over 12 years.

In the past, particularly on the Continent, you might win a violin at the local country fair and you might buy a cheap one as the first instrument for a child. It was often called a Stradivari (or Stradivarius), in the same way the household vacuum cleaner became a “Hoover” after the ubiquitous manufacturer. These violins had nothing to do with the great Italian master maker Antonio Stradivari, who was born in 1633 and died in 1737.

The Stradivari family worked in Cremona, Italy, between 1644 and 1737 and, as well as violins, crafted cellos, guitars, violas, and harps. Antonio Stradivari was the most distinguished musical craftsman and it is

of Bath Ltd.Ltd. of Bath

TUESDAY 30th MAY at 10:00 amam TUESDAY 30th MAY at 10:00 ANTIQUES & FINE ART SALE ANTIQUES & FINE ART SALE

To Include: A good selection of Silver; Jewellery; To Include: A good selection of Silver; Jewellery; Ceramics & Glass - including a collection of of Ceramics & Glass - including a collection Richard Dennis/Sally Tuffin pottery; Oil Paintings, Richard Dennis/Sally Tuffin pottery; Oil Paintings, Watercolours & Prints; Clocks; Works-of-Art & & Watercolours & Prints; Clocks; Works-of-Art Metalware; Antique & Later Furniture; Metalware; Antique & Later Furniture; Carpets & Rugs etc.etc.

Carpets & Rugs On View: On View: FRIDAY 26th26th MAY: 9 a.m. untiluntil 5 p.m.

FRIDAY MAY: 9 a.m.

5 p.m.

SATURDAY 27th27th MAY: 9 a.m untiluntil 12 noon SATURDAY MAY: 9 a.m 12 noon BANK HOLIDAY MONDAY 29th29th MAY: BANK HOLIDAY MONDAY MAY: 9 a.m. untiluntil 12 noon 9 a.m.

12 noon *AND MORNING OF SALE fromfrom 9 am* *AND MORNING OF SALE 9 am* ViewView catalogue online at: www.aldridgesofbath.com catalogue online at: www.aldridgesofbath.com LiveLive Online Bidding Available via www.the-saleroom.com Online Bidding Available via www.the-saleroom.com

24

THE HAMMER

estimated that he made up to 1,100 instruments during his lifetime. It is thought about 650 survive, including around 500 violins.

Stradivari worked alongside Andrea Guarneri, who began a separate family dynasty making exquisite and now valuable instruments. Others who were involved in an Italian golden era that lasted until the mid-18th century were Giovanni Battista Guadagnini and Carlo Bergonzi.

Whether you play or not, owning a historic musical instrument can be a very “sound” investment. And if you do play, a wonderful beguiling violin or guitar will touch the owner’s heart, if not soul, in a way that few stock certificates, bonds or even property ever will.

Whether it’s guitar, flute, clarinet, accordion, viola and double bass, the best musical instruments are beautiful pieces of engineering, which are lovely to look at, but even better to listen to when played by an expert.

As a hard asset, high-quality instruments, carefully stored, generally hold their value. The market for vintage and collectible musical instruments is vast and spans everything from multimillion-pound violins, cellos and violas from the 17th and 18th centuries, to £150 acoustic guitars from the 20th century.

Violins are among the most stable investments. Since the financial crisis, the market for violins has performed well, collectors have not left the market and, with a finite number of absolute top-quality instruments available, prices look likely to keep moving up.

Wandering around flea markets, you might stumble upon an electric guitar signed by one of the pop greats from the 1960s.

How can you tell if an instrument is worth it? Experts point to several key points: attribution (or who made it); quality; provenance (who owned it in the past); market freshness; and fashion. This last category is vital – so often value is determined by an item’s history, not only its quality, since many instruments are unlikely to be played again but kept as trophy mementoes.

Value by association is at the heart of the issue for many collectors. Reporting on a London auction, I asked the Christie’s PR woman what the cheapest item in the sale was – never mind the Hendrix guitar that had fetched a five-figure sum.

“A cymbal that belonged to a pop group called Moody Blues that fetched £10,” came the answer from someone who clearly had no idea who these legends were.

A bargain? Very doubtful – dozens of cymbals would have passed through the Moodys’ drum kit over their half century. Future value? That very much depends on how the future looks back on this 1960s pop combo that branched into light psychedelia in the 1970s.

Knowledge of the past is fundamental in determining value, and when today’s fleeting rock and pop idols are long vanished, so too will any value in their musical legacy, and that includes their instruments.

Best advice? Stick with the very big names!

AUCTIONS

Under the hammer

T

here were a few pleasant surprises – and some delighted vendors – at Stroud Auction Rooms’ three-day May sale.

The top lot was a pair of 19th-century Pinxton bough pots, which went under the hammer at £4,300 despite significant damage. Meanwhile a damaged Swansea pot pourri made £440, and a rare pair of Staffordshire rabbits realised £1,300, even though it was unclear how old they were.

“Even damaged pieces or items that cannot be accurately dated can be worth a lot of money if they are rare enough,” said owner and auctioneer Nick Bowkett.

“The rarer pieces of Beswick and Doulton also did very well.”

Nick was delighted that a rare Moorcroft pottery vase decorated in the “Hazeldene” pattern realised £950 for the Sue Ryder charity. Stroud Auctions sells items free of charge for charities and an increasing number are using this opportunity to make good money for their causes.

Beswick duck wall plaques – once a joke when they graced the home of Coronation Street’s Hilda Ogden – are now very much sought-after and a set of five went under the hammer for £220.

Another blast from the past is decorative teaware, which continues to surprise with hand-decorated pieces from good factories such as Wedgwood, Minton and Aynsley selling extremely well.

Even transfer-printed ware is popular if the pattern is in favour.

A large collection of police badges, sold in several separate lots, scooped a record price of more than £15,000 in total, while a Smiths dashboard clock, together with other vintage pieces and an RAF car badge, sold for £600, against an estimate of £30 to £40. Another pleasing result came from mixed lots of ephemera from a house clearance, which achieved some amazing prices, including £750 for a 1913 Chinese passport with English script.

The hard-working staff at Stroud Auction Rooms are thrilled that the number of bidders continues to increase. This month there were 1,307 registered bidders with 1,459 lots (total value £100,924) sold to the internet.

“It makes all the hard work worthwhile when we consistently get excellent results like that,” said saleroom manager Stuart Maule.  Work has already started on putting together the June auction, which will be another three-day sale on Wednesday, June 14, 15 and 16, starting at 10am.  Viewing will be on Tuesday, June 13,

£4,300

£950 £15,000*

*The total paid for all the police badges

25

between 10am and 7pm and from 9am on sale days. Specialist sections will include jewellery, silver, watches, coins, fine furniture, paintings, ephemera, scientific instruments, books and textiles.  For more information, ring 01453 873800, email info@stroudauctions. com or visit the website at www. stroudauctions.co.uk

COLLECTIBLES

VEHICLES

The 1996 hearse that could fetch £150,000

RICHARD EDMONDS WILTSHIRE

J

une’s sale by Richard Edmonds Auctions has a sense of its own mortality, as the collections of two deceased motor enthusiasts from South Wales come up for auction in Wiltshire. One of the collections, which includes a hearse and several stretch limousines, belonged to an undertaker.

The first collection is primarily of rare enamel signs from an enthusiast in Llanelli.

A regular customer of Richard Edmonds Auctions, the deceased collector’s family asked Richard to sell more than 200 signs estimated to be worth £50,000 to £80,000. The size of the collection means it will be sold at both June’s sale and another in October. The collection includes an MG TD, which Richard’s team had to drag from a barn because its brakes

zard television show. The collection, which not surprisingly includes a hearse, is estimated at £100,000 to £150,000.

Both collections are unreserved.

Other unusual lots in June’s sale are a 1931 Lagonda two-litre low chassis supercharged tourer estimated at £90,000 to £120,000 and 22 “barn find” classic cars, including an MGA,

had locked, plus several motorcycles, including a 1938 Ariel 500cc.

The second collection, owned by an undertaker from Porthcawl, features about 30 “eclectic” cars and motorbikes, including a 1946 Chevrolet and a nearly new Nissan GTR super car. There is even a 1975/76 19ft-long Cadillac that, according to Richard, is straight out of The Dukes of Haz-

MG Magnettes, Austin A40 Farinas and MGBs, all requiring total restoration. Also two trucks, an Austin A60 pickup and a Morris 1000 pick-up, which are both quite rare today.

Richard said: “It’s a great sadness when well-known collectors like these gentlemen pass away, but I’m confident they’d have been happy to see their vehicles sold on to other enthusiasts who will treasure and maintain them.

“It’s one of the great characteristics of vintage and classic car markets that these collections pass from owner to owner for decades.”

This three-day auction will take place at Allington, just outside Chippenham and close to the M4 junction 17.

The schedule for the sale is: Thursday, June 15: vintage and classic car spares; Friday, June 16: automobilia and petroliana and Saturday, June 17: motor cars, motorcycles and commercial vehicles.

For more information, contact Richard Edmonds Auctions by email at info@richardedmondsauctions. co.uk or phone 01249 444544.

CHARTERHOUSE Auctioneers & Valuers

Quarterly Specialist Sale of Antiques, Fine Art, Collectors’ Items, Jewellery & Watches Thursday 1st June At 10.30am

On view: Tues 30th May 2pm – 5.30pm and Wed 31st May 10am - 6.30pm Sale day from 9am Ample free parking

Friday 23rd June

Thursday 22nd June

Sunday 18th June

Specialist Free Valuation Days Tuesday 30th Jewellery, Silver, Clocks & Watches Wednesday 31st Medals, Stamps, Coins & Collector’s Thursday 1st Wine, Port & Whisky (bottles or cases)

Pair of Walnut and marquetry cabinets £800 - £1,200*

3.78ct Diamond ring £20,000 - £25,000*

Friday 2nd Model Trains, Railways & Dinky Cars

Rolex GMT Master Ref: 1675/0 £3,000 - £4,000*

Pr 18th Century Chinese lanterns £3,000 - £4,000*

Further items may be delivered to the salerooms or contact Richard Bromell for a home visit

Pair of 18th/19th Century Chinese nodding figures £2,000 - £3,000*

18th June Classic Car Auction – Entries Now The Long Street Salerooms Sherborne DT9 3BS 01935 812277 www.charterhouse-auction.com

(*Estimates plus 24% Buyers Premium) Fine Art Auctioneers & Valuers

The Auction Centre, Kenn Road, Kenn, Clevedon, Bristol, BS21 6TT • Tel: 01934 830111

Catalogue on-line now at www.clevedon-salerooms.com

26

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ANTIQUES, FURNITURE & COLLECTABLES SATURDAY 3rd JUNE AT 10am

Viewing : Friday 2nd June 10am until 8pm & sale day from 8.30am

B&G

Carn

Arts & Crafts

Oak brass bound bin

Chinese bowl

Edison phonograph

Vegetable storage chest

Troika

Globe Wernicke

Georgian decanters

Lladro

Maurice C Wilks

Pugin style gong

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28

ALLOTMENTS

David Lifton TRY NOT TO REACH FOR THE PELLETS WHEN PROTECTING PLANTS

A

lthough we had a good week of sunshine not long ago, the more seasonal weather has made a return.

With more rainfall this week, all those healthy vegetable plants and flowers we’ve planted outside are targets for hungry slugs and snails.

The warm temperatures combined with the moist atmosphere are providing molluscs in our garden with the perfect conditions, meaning that they’re more active than ever. Lettuces devoured, broad beans decapitated - the havoc that just a handful of slugs can cause you is beyond belief.

I’m currently experiencing this with my first batch of broad bean plants.

The young plants are being nibbled, and I’m particularly worried now that we have had consistent downpours of rain. Admittedly, I have thrown down a few pellets because the crop is so precious to me, but I have been looking for alternative. I have developed a couple of solutions for keeping slugs at bay and I mostly try and use organic barriers to prevent them from getting on to my broad beans in the first place.

Because they rely on moisture, slugs hate coffee. Coffee grounds work fantastically around the bases of vegetable plants. While they don’t keep every slug off your vegetables, they do provide a short-term solution to battling the pests and the added nitrogen will feed your plants well too. What I tend to do on top of this is add egg shells. Grit will do the job too. By crushing up the shell into a fine powder and combining it with the moisture-sapping coffee, this can create a reliable barrier.

While my research isn’t conclusive, I’ve found that spraying plants with a concentrated garlic feed can also help protect them against the slugs.

Because of its potent aroma, garlic is likely to make the slug’s meal a lot less tasty than it first thought. In the same way, a foliar spray of coffee would do the trick just as well.

Now, of course, you’ll have to keep reapplying all the above regularly to keep the protection up particularly in heavy rain. Yet, by employing these things, as well as ensuring that all slug habitats are moved and exposed, you’ll only need a couple of pellets to ensure a good harvest.

David Lifton has some useful tips to help protect young plants, such as broad beans,s from slugs

RHUBARB AND ORANGE TART STEP 1

Slice your rhubarb into chunks and drop them into a saucepan with a little water. Cook the stalks for around six minutes to soften. Drain the water and add a knob of butter.

Bring the saucepan to the heat and then drop in around 50g of caster sugar. Fry the rhubarb until it starts to caramelise with the sugar before removing and setting aside.

Take a roll of pre-made pastry and line a tart case, cutting the sides to the top of the case. Pre-heat your oven to gas mark 6/200C.

STEP 2 Place a baking tray with baking beans over the top of the pastry case and cook the pastry in the oven for around 15 to 20 minutes.

Take off the baking beans and paper and set aside to cool.

STEP 4 Next, turn on the grill. Remove the skins and slice three large oranges in half. Arrange these over a

STEP 3

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baking tray with a little honey and a sprinkling of lavender. Grill the oranges until they start to brown on the tops.

STEP 5 First, pour your caramelised rhubarb onto the tart case. Follow by placing the orange slices on top of the rhubarb and then serve up with cream.

VISIT DAVIDLIFTON.CO.UK FOR MORE RECIPES, GARDENING TIPS AND FOOD REVIEWS

Luna An tiqu eB ea

INTERIORS

HOLIDAY VIBE "If you don't have any outside space, transform your room into a romantic summer garden with a wooden chandelier, some plants and the gentle glow of candlelight," says Lucinda Waterhouse, OKA founder.

Chandeliers made out of wood or beads create a relaxed holiday vibe and have a charm of their own, but don't be afraid to consider crystal. Cut glass catches the light (crystal casts a soft glow) and along with being a thing of beauty, it can brighten the darkest of rooms.

 Luna Antique Beaded Chandelier, £350, Graham and Green (www. grahamandgreen.co.uk)  Home Collection Avery Crystal Glass Flush Light, £250, Debenhams (www. debenhams.com)  Winchelsea Wooden Chandelier, £1,645, furniture from a selection, Oka (www.oka.com)

d de

and Ch

bright

IDEAS LOOKING TO BRIGHTEN UP YOUR HOME FOR SUMMER? IT TAKES A MERE FLICK OF THE SWITCH, SAYS SAM WYLIE-HARRIS

1

Home Collection Avery Crystal Glass Flush Light

3

SPLASH OF COLOUR "Lighting is a great carrier for colour. During the summer months, inserting splashes of vibrancy and colour either in bases or shades is a great way to update your decor to complement the warmer weather," says Sophie Amini, designer at Pooky Lighting.

"Using lighting is less risky than doing a whole wall or a set of curtains in one bright colour. It can enhance a room yet allow for flexibility, and does not have to be a huge expense. We have a beautiful range of table lamps in a range of materials, which are an affordable and simple way of adding colour and interest to your room without breaking the bank.

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"Even when you switch them off, your lamp will still look beautiful."

Indeed, investing in a funky shade, base or exotic palmshaped table lamp, and mix 'n' matching with cutting-edge pieces that can be moved around is far more fun (and less risky) than committing to a curtain call that looks the same 24/7.  1. Aurora Table Lamp in Yellow with 30cm Straight Empire Shade in Peacock Dupion Silk, Base £80, Shade £55, Pooky (www.pooky. com)  2. Palmyra Table Lamp, Base only, £80 reduced from £130, Pooky (www.pooky.com)  3. Golden Palm Lamp, £450, Graham & Green (www. grahamandgreen.co.uk)

elier

WARM GLOW “People tend to underestimate the use and importance of light during summer, as we have natural light for so much longer. Whether you’re looking to add new lighting indoors or outdoors, the right lighting can really enhance your experience,” says Chris Jordan, managing director at Christopher Wray.

“Indoors, it’s great to go for fittings and shades that are lighter and airy, something that evokes warm weather and far-off destinations.

“The Floriss, with its colourful, petalshaped folds, mimics the lush foliage outdoors, while the Planet’s fabric sphere is lined in the same way as leaves. The natural form and colour of these pendants create a softer light that works brilliantly in the twilight hours.”

And if you really want to pull the plug on dated fluorescent lighting, refreshing citrus colours are all the rage at Amara. The luxury homeware brand suggests pairing its orange and lime accessories against a white backdrop, to allow the colours to create a bold focal point in the room.  Floriss Suspension Light, Lime Green, from £645 (halogen), Christopher Wray (www.christopherwray.com)  Planet, from £694 (50cm), Christopher Wray (www.christopherwray.com)  Kartell Ceiling Light, Orange, £187, Amara (www.amara.com)

EVER CHANGING MOODS When it comes to highlighting certain areas of the room, it's important to consider where the natural light is falling, especially when there's a bright blue sky outside.

Whether it's a neutral background or moody paint effects, if you want to create a brighter, more open feel within the space, the colour of the walls and use of lighting is essential.

"Introducing oversized lighting is a fantastic way to add drama and interest to a living space," says John Sims-Hilditch, co-founder of Neptune. "The atmosphere that's created from the light cast of a large pendant light can really alter the mood of a room. The material and colour of the drum is also an effective decorative accessory even when the light is switched off."

Even choosing the correct light bulb for your pendant light is a

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simple way of altering the feel of the room, suggests Sims-Hilditch.

Ask yourself how you want this room to make you feel.

"Light has the power to create a peaceful environment, where it can mimic natural pools of light, creating a serene ambience in your own home. Using a lower wattage allows for a more calming exposure, perfect for areas of the home that are intended to relax in.”  Corinium Lampstand Medium, £105, Oliver Lampshade, Warm White, from £16, furniture from a selection (top left), Neptune (www. neptune.com)  Keats Pendant, Small, £78, (top right) Neptune (www.neptune.com)  Grenadier Table Lamp, Saffron, £135, 40cm Pleated Phula Silk Empire Lampshade, £98, console table and mirror from a selection, Oka (all left – www.oka.com)

Lon gJ oh nS ilv er

T

y o Ah ! e r the

LONG JOHN SILVER IS ONE OF THE ENDURING CHARACTERS OF 19THCENTURY FICTION, HERE CORRIE BONDFRENCH EXAMINES HIS GLOUCESTERSHIRE CONNECTIONS. 32

here may be months to go before we can indulge in International Talk Like a Pirate Day, but with the upcoming Tall Ships Festival and Gloucester Docks often turned into a film set for many a nautical drama, the city continues to fly the Jolly Roger for all things swashbuckling.

While little encouragement is ever necessary to prompt a mini-stampede to the pirate dressing-up box, it turns out that the docks, the country’s most inland port, and one Gloucester man who knew them well are at the very genesis of pirating of popular imagination.

It would seem unlikely that a Victorian poet, critic and editor, a man at the very epicentre of esteemed literary circles, would be the inspiration behind that most famous fictional pirate of all, Long John Silver. But when Robert Louis Stevenson put pen to paper in the early 1880s, it was his close friend William Ernest Henley whose traits and physicality he immortalised in Treasure Island.

Not only was former Crypt schoolboy W.E Henley a charmer, he was also an amputee with a wooden leg and crutch, and a tankard-slamming propensity for alcohol consumption.

Henley may not have had a parrot, but his larger than life character inspired Stevenson as he wrote a chapter a day in a flurry of inspiration, urged on by the evident delight of his young stepson, Lloyd Osbourne, who later described Henley as “...a great, glowing, massive-shouldered fellow with a big red beard and a crutch; jovial, astoundingly clever, and with a laugh that rolled like music; he had an unimaginable fire and vitality; he swept one off one’s feet”.

Stevenson wrote to Henley after the publication of Treasure Island, firmly laying the inspiration for the rum-swilling pirate of fearsome reputation at his friend’s door: “I will now make a confession. It was the sight of your maimed strength and masterfulness that begot Long John Silver...the idea of the maimed man, ruling and dreaded by the sound, was entirely taken from you”.

He later wrote: “It was to be a story for boys; no need of psychology or fine writing; and I had a boy at hand to be a touchstone. Women were excluded... and then I had an idea for Long John Silver from which I promised myself funds of entertainment; to take an admired friend of mine... to deprive him of all his finer qualities and higher graces of temperament, and to leave him with nothing but his strength, his courage, his quickness, and his magnificent geniality, and to try to express these in terms of the culture of a raw tarpaulin.”

Long John Silver is a complicated

villain, a jaded man, but whip-smart, capable of immense charm and even humour, uttering the original line of “shiver my timbers!” and naming his parrot after his old commander, Captain Flint. (An idea perpetuated in Pirates of the Caribbean with the monkey, Captain Jack). A former seaman in the Royal Navy who lost his leg fighting for the Empire, there are glimmers of decency in his pirate’s ways.

But influence can be an extraordinary thing, for not only was W.E. Henley an inspiring character whose alter ego has lived on in popular imagination worldwide for over a century, but his own poetry was stimulus for one of the most highly regarded men in history, Nelson Mandela.

Henley’s most famous poem is Invictus, the very poem that Nelson Mandela claimed helped him through his 27 years of imprisonment on Robben Island, that he then used to inspire the captain of the Springboks to victory in the rugby World Cup (and consequently the title of the film starring Morgan Freeman and Matt Damon). The late activist Maya Angelou was also a fan of Henley’s poetry.

Henley’s beginnings were humble. Born in Gloucester in 1849, the eldest of six children, his father, also William, a bookseller and stationer, died in poverty leaving his wife and young children with debts. His mother, Mary Morgan, was a descendant of the poet and critic Joseph Warton, and creativity was a family trait. His brother Edward became a talented actor and another, Anthony Warton, was a landscape painter.

Henley attended the Crypt Grammar School between 1861 and 1867, where he was influenced and encouraged to study literature by then headmaster Thomas Edward Brown, himself a noted poet and scholar. In 1867, Henley passed the local Oxford examination, but the family’s lack of financial means and his ill-health made it impossible for him to study.

In 1869, Henley left Gloucester for London to work as a freelance journalist.

As a child of 12 Henley had been diagnosed with tuberculosis of the bone, which sadly led to the amputation of his left leg below the knee. In 1873, his right leg was also affected by tuberculosis, but thanks to the innovative antiseptic surgical treatment of the now legendary Dr Joseph Lister at the Edinburgh Royal Infirmary, his right leg was saved. Over a century away from modern day prosthetics and medical advances, Henley had a wooden leg and walked with crutches.

Henley was a very sociable man who, despite his illness, possessed boundless energy, an excellent mem-

Tall ships in Gloucester.

Picture by Mike Broome

W.E Henley had exceptional editorial talent, editing four different magazines at various points of his life, and exerting considerable influence on the literary culture of the day, something that his former Crypt headmaster T.E Brown would have been rightly proud of.

Surrounded by and championing such writers as J M. Barrie, Joseph Conrad, Rudyard Kipling, Andrew Lang, Arthur Morrison, Gilbert Parker, H. B. Marriott Watson, H. G. Wells, W.B Yeats, Thomas Hardy and, of course, Robert Louis Stevenson, the writers’ collective was jokingly referred to in the day as the ‘Henley regatta’.

It seems that everyone was rather in awe of the sometimes bombastic Henley. W.B. Yeats wrote that Henley was a fearsome figure to outsiders, and that “he terrified us also, and certainly I did not dare, and none of us dared, to speak our admiration for a book or picture he condemned, but he made us feel always our importance.”

But he also ventured that “No one could work well and lack his praise, he made them accept him as our judge. They knew his judgement could neither sleep nor be softened.”

Robert Louis Stevenson also described his friend as a challenging character, writing that he was ‘Bois-

ory and a remarkably versatile mind.

He stayed under Dr Lister’s care in the Edinburgh Infirmary for over two years, during which time he read voraciously, taught himself French, Spanish and German, corresponded with academics of the day and began to write poetry, including Invictus, which reflected his traumatic experiences as a patient.

These were first published by famous critic Sir Leslie Stephen in the Cornhill Magazine. On a visit to Henley in the infirmary in 1875, Stephen (who was also the father of Virginia Woolf) took along his friend, a young Scottish author, Robert Louis Stevenson, and the rest is literary history; the pair became close friends and collaborators.

As a drinking partner, Henley may have cultivated his reputation as a bullish rogue, but beneath the gruff exterior, he was a gentle man, devoted to his wife, Anna Boyle, the younger sister of a fellow patient to whom he regularly wrote copious love letters, and to their daughter, Margaret, whose death from meningitis at the age of six devastated him. Margaret herself was immortalised as Wendy in J.M Barrie’s Peter Pan, after she called him her ‘friendy-wendy’.

33

terous and piratic’ and a ‘loud, copious and intolerant talker who could roar you down with thunderclaps of contradiction. Then end up arm in arm and in a glow of mutual admiration’.

Henley, it would seem, had more than a shade of a Victorian Brian Blessed about him.

Henley’s critical essays are founded on his vast erudition. His influence in Victorian literature has been likened to Dr Johnson’s in Georgian literature, but Henley’s talents as a poet also played their part. His hospital poems, including Invictus, were published in A Book of Verses in 1888, followed by five further volumes of poetry.

And among other such work as Tudor translation, Henley also flashed his pirate spirit when he collaborated on a seven-volume dictionary of Slang and Its Analogues Past and Present. A popular and by now highly regarded figure in Victorian England, Henley also championed the work of artists including Auguste Rodin, who coincidentally lived in Cheltenham for a short while and sculpted a bust of Henley (below).

In 1897, Henley tried unsuccessfully to obtain nomination as Poet Laureate of England. Instead he received an annual Civil Service Pension of £225. Ironically, former Poet Laureate Andrew Motion wrote a sequel to Treasure Island a few years ago with the focus on Henley’s alter ego in Silver: Return to Treasure Island.

Sadly, Henley and Stevenson fell out and were never reconciled in their later years. Stevenson had moved to America with his American wife Fanny. She and Henley had never seen eye to eye, and she had despaired of his drinking habits, but Henley had been devastated by their move to America.

In 1902, Henley fell from a railway carriage. This accident reawakened the latent tuberculosis germ and he died the following year at the age of 53. He was buried next to his daughter’s grave in the churchyard in Cockayne Hatley in Bedfordshire.

One Henley’s biographer wrote that “by a single poem William Ernest Henley remains at once the most freely quoted and the most thoroughly neglected of Victorian lyrists”.

Clearly, in his day, Henley was considered a giant among men. He reputedly delighted in his piratical alter ego of Long John Silver. Maybe he would have loved the fact that he lives on in every hearty ‘a-haar’ and shanty, but it’s the last stanza of his poem Invictus that truly gives the measure of this Gloucester great: “It matters not how strait the gate, / How charged with punishments the scroll. / I am the master of my fate: / I am the captain of my soul.”

BEAUTY

WEAR

SUNSCREEN

Stay protected this summer with the latest sunscreens for all occasions. Lisa Haynes shows you how to up your SPF game

S

that bit more thorough.

unscreen shouldn’t be just for heatwaves and holidays – over summer especially, you need to boost your sun protection factor (SPF) armoury.

Luckily, the beauty world is making creams easier to apply (tick) and way more niche for your individual skincare needs (double tick).

Yes, these sunscreens have broad-spectrum protection to guard the skin against UVA (ageing) and UBV (burning) rays, but the newest formulations are going that extra mile to make sun protection more bespoke.

Meet the innovative new sun potions you need to know about this summer...

FOR BEACH BABES TRY: Vichy Ideal Soleil AntiSand SPF50, £18 (vichy.co.uk) No need to camp around the pool if you’re sand-averse with Vichy’s clever lotion. The lightweight formulation is easily absorbed with an ultra-dry finish that allows sand to be brushed off easily, so you can make sandcastles to your heart’s content.

FOR SKIN ZEN TRY: Eau Thermale Avene Cleanance Solaire SPF50+, £16 (Boots) When sunscreen and skincare combine... Step forward Avene’s forward-thinking lotion that actively fights blemishes.

Cleanance Solaire contains an ingredient that inhibits the excess sebum common in acne-prone skin and protects existing blemishes from sun side effects.

FOR SKINCARE ADDICTS TRY: Clinique Anti-Wrinkle Face Cream SPF30, £18 (clinique.co.uk) Trust skincare giant Clinique to come up with a sunscreen that simultaneously protects and de-ages. Its new AntiWrinkle Face Cream SPF30 includes a blend of antioxidant and repair ingredients to help strengthen and rebuild your skin’s moisture barrier as you bask in the sun.

FOR TAN SEEKERS TRY: Ultrasun Body Tan Activator SPF30, £28 (marksandspencer.com) Boost your bronze with Ultrasun’s new Tan Activator range. You still get a high SPF hit but the natural tan enhancer (BronzylTM) activates your production of melanin and accelerates the tanning process by about 40 per cent in 10 days, so you can spend less time chasing a tan.

FOR SPEED DEMONS TRY: La Roche-Posay Anthelios Anti-Shine Invisible Fresh Mist SPF50, £14 (Boots)

FOR GLOW-GETTERS

Shiseido’s sweatproof tint. Enhance your sporty look with the highprotection BB cream that’s light, dewy and won’t rub off when you’re putting in a Wimbledon-worthy performance on the court.

Go hands-free with La Roche-Posay’s new anti-shine wonder. The super-fine, invisible mist gives you an even protection that’s easily absorbed, so there’s no need to rub in. Its patented molecule Airlicium leaves oilprone skin shine-free so you can spritz over or under make-up.

FOR SENSITIVE BITS TRY: Tropic Skincare Sun Balm SPF50, £16 (tropicskincare.com) Avoid lobster-red zones in awkward spots with Tropic Skincare’s transportable Sun Balm. The highprotection balm comes in solid form, so you can smooth over tricky areas like the nose, ears and feet to be

FOR SPORTY TYPES TRY: Shiseido WetForce Sports BB Cream SPF50, £32 (escentual.com) Outdoor workouts have never looked so chic, thanks to

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TRY: Piz Buin Instant Glow Skin Illuminating Sun Lotion SPF30, £8 (boots.com) Sunscreen meets skin finishing with Piz Buin’s glowy new potion. Infused with lightreflecting particles, the non-greasy lotion instantly peps up skin with an oh-so subtle shimmer, so your walk to the pool is worthy of a red-carpet saunter.

FOR CITY SLICKERS TRY: Murad City Skin Age Defense Broad Spectrum SPF50, £45 (murad.co.uk) You don’t have to be beachbound to protect your face.

Whether it’s city break or daily grind, Murad’s hightech mineral sunscreen ticks off protection against pollution, infrared radiation and blue light, as well as UVA and UVB rays.

Convenient local coach pick-up points!

SAVOY THEATRE

© Bloodwise/Sally Mais

Christmas with the Stars

London Theatre Saturday Night

Carols in the Royal Albert Hall 2 days from £145.00, 5 December 2017

Superb value West End show break 2 days from £129.00, departs until December 2017

Join us for a starry night of brass bands and melodious choirs, classic carols and sing-along favourites together with some of TV’s top stars – all in aid of helping to beat blood cancer. This annual sell-out festive extravaganza, previously called Carols with the Stars, is always full of fun, surprises and Christmas cheer.

Highlights & inclusions A Circle Seat at the Royal Albert Hall One night’s bed and continental for ‘Christmas with the Stars’ (ticket breakfast accommodation in the upgrades available) Greater London area A short panoramic London Coach travel from the local area sightseeing tour Escorted by a friendly tour manager Shopping and sightseeing in London

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Our super value ‘Four-Star Best of the West End’ breaks offer you the opportunity to see a West End hit show of your choice, staying in a luxurious hotel with leisure facilities. Why not treat yourselves to a fabulous evening at the theatre?

Highlights & inclusions A choice of Saturday evening sightseeing performance tickets for the West One night’s four-star bed and English End show of your choice breakfast hotel accommodation in Leisure time in a four-star Greater London luxury hotel Coach travel from the local area Free time in London for shopping and Escorted by a friendly tour manager

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New Year in London

At London’s SSE Wembley Arena 2 days from £199.00, 22 December 2017

See London’s New Year’s Eve Fireworks from the best vantage point, a river cruise on the River Thames, on this three-day New Year break.

Highlights & inclusions Three-course evening meal and Year’s Day London Parade after dinner disco on day one Two nights’ bed and continental Coach transfers to London for the breakfast accommodation in a New Year’s Eve celebrations shared twin room with private facilities at a four-star Greater Three-course evening meal with a London area hotel half bottle of wine on New Year’s Eve Coach travel from the local area Thames river cruise for the New Escorted by a friendly tour manager Year’s Eve fireworks with a glass of bubbly Transfer to London for The New

See André Rieu in a spectacular festive concert at the SSE Wembley Arena, London, as the Dutch maestro, his orchestra and singers present an unforgettable night of musical magic and showmanship.

Highlights & inclusions the Greater London area A seated ticket (face value £45) for André Rieu & The Johann Strauss Return coach transfers between Orchestra concert at the SSE your hotel and the concert venue Wembley Arena, London (upgrades Coach travel from the local area available) Escorted by a friendly tour manager One night’s bed and buffet breakfast hotel accommodation in

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Call 0330 160 7807

QUOTE

WDP

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André Rieu & The Johann Strauss Orchestra

Dine and Dance and River Cruise 3 days from £399.00, 30 December 2017

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Visit newmarketholidays.co.uk/wdp 35

These holidays are organised & operated by Newmarket Holidays Ltd. ABTA V7812. Subject to availability. Single supplements apply.

Standard phone charges.

FASHION GET THE

STRIPE

LOOK

TEASE

IT’S THE GRAPHIC TREND THAT KEEPS ON GIVING WHEN IT COMES TO LIMB LENGTHENING. IF YOU’RE NOT ALREADY SOLD ON STRIPES, IT’S TIME TO ADD ILLUSION-PROMPTING LINES TO YOUR FASHION ITINERARY. Claudia Winkleman took the peekaboo approach on the red carpet at the recent British Academy Television Awards.

Her exact Self-Portrait dress has sold out, but you can get a similar sheer skirt vibe with this Self-Portrait Paisley Lace Midi Dress, £280 (matches fashion.com)

Self-Portrait Paisley Lace Midi Dress, £280 (matches fashion.com)

BUY IT

NOW Meet the trobe... It’s a clever towel-meets-robe hybrid c/o The Modesty Company that’s made for post-bathroom lounging. The new line of luxe towel wraps come in white, navy or lilac trim, £49.50 each, but you can get 15 per cent off all wraps until the end of May. Use code TMC31.

The Modesty Company Classic Wrap, £49.50 (www. themodestycompany.com)

T

he SS17 catwalks practically turned into a barcode of stripyness, ranging from subtle PJ pinstripes to uberbold panels.

With all those clean, straight lines, stripes are the minimalist’s way to do impactful prints. Classic monochrome is the starkest way to wear them, while multicoloured seaside stripes are the loudest – think of the brightest deckchair on a beautiful beach.

Line up for this summer’s hottest stripes...

ZEBRA CROSSING If you’re fully committed to the linear look, go bold with uberwide vertical or horizontal stripes.

There’s no softly-softly approach with supersized stripes but, as a rule, keep one of the contrasting colours in a neutral, like black, navy, cream or white, to avoid overkill. Black and white is everyone’s best friend but red and cream is this summer’s hottest colour combo.

STRIPE STYLE TIP: Wear your silhouettes in extremes, such as wide-leg pants or a structured dress to give bold stripes a good canvas.

TRY: 1. J by Jasper Conran at Debenhams stripe skirt, £70, out end of May (debenhams.com); 2. Finery Savona Stripe Dress, £149 (finerylondon.com); 3. Topshop Silk Satin Stripe Trousers by Boutique, £90 (topshop.com).

3 directions for a double illusion.

STRIPE STYLE TIP: Bold, mixed prints are busy enough solo, so scale down your jewellery and accessorising to maximise your statement stripes.

TRY: 4. Oliver Bonas Absorb Asymmetric Stripe Dress, £69.50 (oliverbonas. com); 5. V by Very Crew Neck Contrast Stripe Jumper, £10 (very.co.uk); Simply Be Beach to Beach Stripe Jumpsuit (right), £30 (simplybe. co.uk)

CLASH TACTICS If one stripe isn’t enough, do the double. This season stripes are pre-primed to clash, whether it’s different directions, mixed bands, or contrasting colours. Think of your body as a human barcode. Go clash crazy with one piece where the work has all been done for you, or try separates with different stripe

PYJAMA PARTY They were once the kind of stripes you snoozed in, but pyjama stripes are enjoying a moment outside

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2 of the bedroom. If you’re feeling brave (or sleepy), go for a full Lanvin-inspired two-piece stripeathon with matching top and trousers.

For a more subtle approach, pull on a nightshirt-style tunic with jeans, so there’s no mistaking your nightwear as daywear.

STRIPE STYLE TIP: PJstyle stripe pieces are best served in sheeny fabrics, like silk. Look for seamless underwear to avoid any show-through.

TRY: 6. Jigsaw stripe tunic, £119, available end of May (jigsaw-online. com); 7. Whistles Silk Stripe Tie Front Trouser, £249, and matching Stripe Cami, £159 (whistles.com)

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TRAVEL

DAVID CLENSY AND HIS FAMILY ENJOY AN ADVENTURE ON THE ISLE OF WIGHT

ON THE FAMOUS FIVE TRAIL A

s we made our way out of the Solent and the outline of the Isle of Wight’s northern coast emerged beyond the bow of the Red Funnel line ferry, my two little boys were beside themselves with excitement.

Our six-year-old bounced on the spot chattering on about all the things we could do across our long weekend away, while our four-year-old simply clenched his fists with a shudder at the thought of all the adventures that lay ahead.

You see, when you’re four and six it’s all about adventures. Whether you’re a pirate for the day or a train driver, the adventures are in a constant free-flow in your young imaginations, so to get the chance to live some of them for real is almost too exciting for words.

For lovers of Enid Blyton’s Famous Five, 2017 is a landmark year – 75 years since the very first book in the series, Five On A Treasure Island, was published, and as we drove off the ferry boat and trundled across the island, I couldn’t help but think there was something of the spirit of Enid Blyton at play in their bubbling excitement.

In their young minds, like Julian, Dick, Anne and George seven and a half decades before, the world was unfolding before them like a series of Blyton chapters, and on a few occasions during our stay, I could have sworn I heard the distant bark of Timmy on the wind.

Most of the gang’s adventures ended with lashings and lashings of ginger beer, but I thought that would be a better place to start – so over a handsome meal at the wonderfully welcoming Boathouse at Seaview, we planned our own weekend family adventure.

It should begin, we quickly decided, at full steam – so we headed straight to the village of Havenstreet, for a ride on the enchanting Isle of Wight Steam Railway. From the moment we stepped into the station, it was like stepping straight back to the time of Julian, Dick, Anne, George and Timmy.

With eyes as wide as saucers, our boys lapped up the scenery as our train cut a swathe of steam across the island’s rolling countryside. With a scream of the whistle and a moment of darkness through the tunnels straight out of an Agatha Christie novel, the scene was set for an afternoon of giggles.

Back at Havenstreet we explored the centre’s extensive steam train museum, before heading on to find our accommodation for the weekend – the Orchards Holiday Park in Newbridge, where a surprisingly plush static caravan became the headquarters for our family adventure.

The next morning we headed to Tapnell Farm, where the boys had their own adventures in the impres-

38

THEFACTFILE  David Clensy and his family were guests of Visit Isle of Wight (www.visitisleofwight.co.uk) and the Orchards Holiday Park in Newbridge (www.orchardsholiday-park.co.uk). �  Visit Isle of Wight is running a family holiday competition on its website, until June 2, to win a three-night stay at Orchards Holiday Park. �  David and his family sailed with Red Funnel, which offers day return foot passenger crossings from £9.70, day return vehicle crossings start from £44 and short break return vehicle crossings from £56 for a car and up to seven passengers.

For more information and to book, visit www.redfunnel.co.uk

sive soft play area, while Mum and Dad enjoyed a coffee and a moment’s rest.

The farm’s living exhibits range from goats to wallabies, with plenty to keep young minds entertained.

We even came face-toface with owls and other birds of prey who were a visiting exhibit from the nearby Haven Falconry centre.

All in all, we were all feeling famished by the time we headed to the neighbouring Cow Co restaurant for a slap-up steak lunch. I checked out the drinks menu thinking we’d better start lashing out the ginger beer again.

Our final adventure came the following morning, with a trip to Carisbrooke Castle. One of the most important strongholds on the Isle of Wight since Saxon times, the castle was also the unwilling home to King Charles I from 1647-8, when he tried and failed to escape twice.

To walk into the bedroom where the miserable monarch rested his soonto-be separated head is a spine-tin-

39

ON A FEW OCCASIONS DURING OUR STAY, I COULD HAVE SWORN I HEARD THE DISTANT BARK OF TIMMY ON THE WIND.

gling experience whatever your age.

English Heritage now maintains the fascinating castle, with its epic ramparts overlooking much of the island.

We climbed to the top, up more than 80 steps to stand beneath the fluttering flag on top of the keep, as the Isle of Wight stretched out around us.

“Wow,” my two little boys said in unison as they looked out across the view, with smiles that beamed just like faces from the cover of an Enid Blyton adventure story.

TRAVEL

DUBAI’S LATEST HOTEL OPENING IS A THOROUGHLY BRITISH AFFAIR. LISA HAYNES CHECKS INTO DUKES DUBAI FOR A SLICE OF LONDON ON THE PALM JUMEIRAH

A taste of England 3,400 miles away

I

’m 3,400 miles away from my doorstep but the familiar Liberty print gracing my bedspread is making me feel right at home.

I’ve checked into the newly opened Dukes Dubai and as well as the cacophony of Liberty florals clashing perfectly on the bed, I’m greeted with freshly baked pink macaroons sitting pretty in a glass bell jar and a sausage dog statue (Dukesy, the hotel mascot) holding a personalised welcome card in his mouth.

Tired and hungry after travelling, I open the mini-fridge to discover a daily free bar of chilled Dairy Milk.

I’m in heaven.

I’m in one of 20 exquisitely appointed rooms on the ladies-only Duchess floor, specifically aimed at women travelling solo. And unless given advance warning (I need a

lobby bookshelves house leather-bound traditional works, such as Oliver Twist and the Waverley Novels.

“We’ve really brought a quintessential British experience to Dubai,” says Debrah Dhugga, managing director of Dukes Collection, who’s flown back and forth monthly between Dukes London and Dubai for two years to oversee the launch.

tweak from an air-con engineer), the only staff servicing your rooms are female.

On day two, my housekeeper, Sushma, whips up the most extravagant towel animal I’ve ever seen in the shape of Dukesy the dachshund.

Dukes Dubai is the new Emirati sister of Dukes London, a Mayfair hotel steeped in British charm, which celebrates its centenary next year.

Located on the super-luxe artificial archipelago Palm Jumeirah, the hotel may have stepped up the glamour in line with the more-is-more Dubai aesthetic - think acres of white marble and jaw-dropping chandeliers - but it retains its British backbone and sense of formality.

Walls are lined with black-andwhite images of London landmarks and old school phone boxes, while

THEFACTFILE  Lisa Haynes was a guest of Dukes Dubai (www.dukesdubai. com). As a special opening offer, standard rooms start from 959 Arab Emirates dirhams (just over £200) per night, including breakfast for two.

40

“In Dubai, there will always be the glitz and the glam, but Dukes Dubai is more about the level of service and attention to detail.”

Dukes has gone to (London) town to source a best-of-British offering for hotel guests who want a slice of home during their stay. Luxe bathroom toiletries are by Floris London (aka Her Majesty’s official perfumer), cheese has been drafted in from one of London’s oldest cheesemongers, Paxton and Whitfield, and the breakfast spread is made even more decadent with English bone china from William Edwards.

But the hotel hasn’t gone overboard with everyday items like bottled water, which is sourced locally.

Head chefs at GBR - the Great British Restaurant brasserie that’s new across Dukes Dubai and London aren’t afraid to introduce subtle local flavours to traditional British cuisine, either. My freshly baked, warm bread arrives peppered with a dark red spice that I can’t put my finger on until I’m informed that it’s sumac, a Middle Eastern spice that gives off a citrusy taste.

“Our most popular dishes so far seem to be the British comfort foods, like Lancashire hotpot, cottage pie and fish and chips, which isn’t nec-

A view of Palm Jumeirah, Dubai

essarily what you expect in Dubai,” says Graeme Dodrill, head chef of GBR. “We want to reflect seasonality in the dishes, too. We definitely make good use of produce like English asparagus when it’s in season.”

I indulge in a British triple whammy of prawn cocktail starter, Dover sole main (another best-seller) and Walnut Whip dessert. Shaken but not stirred by a full tummy, I retire to the

OUR MOST POPULAR DISHES SO FAR SEEM TO BE THE BRITISH COMFORT FOODS, LIKE LANCASHIRE HOTPOT, COTTAGE PIE AND FISH AND CHIPS, WHICH ISN’T NECESSARILY WHAT YOU EXPECT IN DUBAI

bar in search of another Dukes London signature export - the famous dry martinis, said to be the inspiration behind James Bond’s favourite drink.

Bar staff have been meticulously trained by Duke London’s head barman Alessandro Palazzi to serve up the perfect Dukes martini - all with a dash of theatre from a table-side trolley.

If you can prise yourself from that Liberty bedding (not easy), you can continue the London-meets-Dubai experience with a trip to Fortnum & Mason - their first overseas store sits opposite the Burj Khalifa, the world’s tallest building.

But then Dukes Dubai has the whole tea-and-scones thing licked, too. Though I arrive during the softlaunch phase, Dhugga gives me a sneak peek at the hotel’s tea lounge, cigar lounge and hair salon headed up by yet another British export, Toni&Guy. Traditional Indian restaurant Khyber is also scheduled to open this month.

Though not all the staff at Dukes Dubai are British, there is a familiar mix of accents - from cut-glass English through to Mancunian - that make you feel a bit like royalty. Right up until you say “cheerio” at checkout.

From top, Lisa Haynes eating breakfast at Dukes Dubai; Liberty fabrics print furnishings in a Duchess floor room; Dukes Bar at Dukes Dubai

41

BOOKS

Shelf portraits ELEANOR OLIPHANT IS COMPLETELY FINE BY GAIL HONEYMAN is published in hardback by HarperCollins, priced £12.99 (ebook £7.99) There are some books whose narrator is so well written, so human and instantly engaging, that they have you right from the first line. Such is the case with Gail Honeyman’s Eleanor Oliphant.

It’s unremarkable as first lines go (“When people ask me what I do – taxi drivers, hairdressers – I tell them I work in an office”), but it subtly poses questions and tees up the most refreshing and heartwarming debut I’ve read in some time. Eleanor has worked at the same boring job for eight years.

She has the same routine: home to her council flat, The Archers and pasta with pesto and salad for tea.

On a Friday evening, she buys a margherita pizza and two bottles of vodka to see her through the weekend: “Monday takes a long time to come round.” Eleanor, who’s 31, was in care through much of her childhood and has hazy flashbacks to a traumatic event.

Her mum calls on Wednesday evening from prison, and there’s no love between them. When scruffy new office IT guy Raymond and Eleanor see an elderly man take a tumble, it draws the two of them together into a tentative friendship that will eventually help Eleanor break free from her lonely existence and learn how to live.

Not only is she a joy to read as a character, brave, smart and funny, Eleanor will give readers some perspective on their own lives.

9/10

KATE WHITING

THE ICE BY LALINE PAULL is published in hardback by Fourth Estate, priced £12.99 (ebook £7.99) This is the second novel from the author of the much-praised The Bees. Set in the near future, the action alternates between Britain and Arctic Norway as “very modern buccaneer” Sean Cawson pursues commercial success in Europe’s far north, while haunted by the accidental (or was it?) death of his business partner, environmentally aware Tom Harding. Among the clues that this is set a few years from now are the introduction of a top barrister as a “KC”, not “QC”,

and the fact that most ice at the North Pole has melted, opening a trade route across the top of the world and raising the prospect of both the exploitation of natural resources and great-power territorial disputes (Putin’s Russia actually planted a flag on the Polar seabed in 2007). This could have been preachy in a green sort of way. It isn’t. The excitement of Cawson (and others) is given a fair hearing, and much of the action takes place in that underused source of drama, the British coroner’s court.

end. Timbuktu, in modern-day Mali, long a place of learning and culture, was considered sinful by its detractors, in this case the alQaeda-inspired conquerors who took control in 2012. Author and journalist Charlie English, from a long line of Britons fascinated by the stronghold on the edge of the Sahara, tells of the Monument Men-style efforts to preserve ancient manuscripts against invaders determined to erase history. The occupiers would later be ejected and while some Sufi shrines were damaged, the rescue operation saved many manuscripts. English interweaves tales of its more distant past, including that of 14th-century Mansa (King) Musa, associated with Timbuktu’s golden age, who was so generous with his gold to those less fortunate that the precious metal’s market value collapsed.

7/10

DAN ATKINSON

THESE DIVIDING WALLS BY FRAN COOPER is published in hardback by Hodder & Stoughton, priced £14.99 (ebook £6.99) Fran Cooper, who grew up in London but spent three years in Paris while writing her PhD, sets her first novel in an unfashionable quarter of the French capital during a hot summer when tensions are rising. The residents of an apartment complex barely know each other except to exchange a greeting when they pass in the courtyard, but their lives become intertwined as what goes on behind their closed front doors is slowly revealed. Edward, a young Brit looking to escape his past, arrives and meets a cast of characters, including Cesar, who is hiding secrets from his wife; Anais, who is crumbling under the pressure of caring for her young children; and Madame Marin, whose husband turns a blind eye to her nocturnal outings. Cooper avoids turning the less pleasant residents among them into lazy stereotypes, and her threedimensional characters are what make this novel so readable.

7/10

TOM ROSS

WAVE ME GOODBYE BY JACQUELINE WILSON is published in hardback by Doubleday Childrens, priced £12.99 (ebook £8.99) Over three days in September 1939, 1.5 million children were evacuated from cities to the countryside. Much venerated children’s author Jacqueline Wilson has turned to this period for her remarkable 106th book. It opens as 10-year-old Londoner Shirley is woken early by her mum and asked if she’d like to “go on a little holiday”. It soon becomes clear she’s going by herself. At Victoria station, she’s rushed onto a train with a group of schoolgirls from a convent school and makes firm friends with the bespectacled Jessica. But once they arrive at Meadow Ridge, they’re separated and Shirley has the ignominy of being passed over for her schoolmates by the mums who have offered to take in evacuees.

Eventually she’s billeted with the two remaining boys. Wilson has an incredible ability to inhabit her child characters so precisely and Wave Me Goodbye will be like Nina Bawden’s Carrie’s War for a new generation of children learning about our country’s past.

7/10

BEVERLEY ROUSE

THE BOOK SMUGGLERS OF TIMBUKTU BY CHARLIE ENGLISH is published in hardback by William Collins Books, priced £20 A fabled Sin City near the desert, renowned for its opulence and a magnet for those gamblers ready to risk all to go there. But there the comparisons with Las Vegas

8/10

KATE WHITING

42

Travel

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This fascinating holiday in western Spain is topped and tailed by a stay in Spain’s vibrant capital – Madrid. In between you stay in Salamanca whose magnificent Plaza Mayor is a joy to behold. There are visits to Wellington’s (and Sharpe’s) Spain in the walled city of Ciudad Rodrigo and Almeida, just over the border in Portugal – a walled garrison town in a time warp from the Peninsular War. All this and visits to Avila and Segovia too!

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8 days from £749 Flying direct from Bristol Departs Sep 22 2017 The island of Menorca may be just 30 miles long and 10 miles across, but it hosts a world of contrasts. The north is comparatively lush and green, with extensive bays and long headlands.

The south is much rockier and riddled with caves.

At the eastern end lies the island’s capital Mahon, a historic city well worth exploring. But it is the island’s unspoilt beaches and coves that may impress you most of all: our resort area of Son Bou is home to one of the best of them.

Tour highlights

Inland from the resorts of the Costa Blanca lies some of the best walking country in Spain. The sparsely populated mountains rise up to 3000ft and are a haven for wildlife. Well maintained tracks along the rocky peaks and through lush valleys link traditional villages where the old Valencian lifestyle still prevails.

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©Chris Nottingham

© Matthew Andrews

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Durham’s Lumière Light Festival

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See the beautiful city of Durham transformed into a nocturnal wonderland as Britain’s largest light festival returns to the historic city for four magical nights and sets the city ablaze with light.

Highlights & inclusions hotel in the Teesside area A visit to the Lumière Light Festival in Durham Dinner at the hotel on the first evening A visit to the Metrocentre Shopping and sightseeing in York Coach travel from the local area Two nights’ bed and English Escorted by a friendly tour manager breakfast accommodation in a good

York Christmas Fayre

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A journey into Christmas past 2 days from £119.00, 8 December 2017

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The perfect Christmas shopping break!

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Visit York’s fabulously festive St Nicholas Fair on this not-to-be-missed Yuletide weekend. Bigger and better than ever, the Fair offers a magical mix of the finest crafts, gifts and food , festive fun and festive entertainment, all set in one of our best-loved cities.

Highlights & inclusions A visit to Leeds half hour’s drive of York A visit to York’s St Nicholas Fair Coach travel from the local area One night’s three-star standard Escorted by a friendly tour manager bed and English breakfast hotel accommodation within one and a

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Highlights & inclusions West area Visits to Manchester’s Christmas Markets Coach travel from the local area One night’s bed and buffet Escorted by a friendly tour manager breakfast accommodation in threestar standard hotel in the North

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Autumn Gold in the Lakes

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A feast of seasonal glories 3 days from £185.00, 6 October 2017

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Make the most of the golden days of Autumn and treat yourself to this great value break, which includes a day in the beautiful Lake District, a tour of the Peak District and a visit to the historic walled city of Chester.

Highlights & inclusions Lake District visit and a trip on the Two nights’ dinner, bed and English Lakeside & Haverthwaite Railway breakfast accommodation at a hotel in the Manchester or Liverpool areas A cruise on Lake Windermere Coach travel from the local area Tour of the Peak District Escorted by a friendly tour manager A visit to Chester

Visits to Monet’s house and garden in the Normandy village of Giverny, to the ‘Joan of Arc’ city of Rouen, and to the incomparable French capital Paris, are the wonderful highlights of this hugely popular tour.

Highlights & inclusions and full hot buffet breakfast A visit to Giverny, including entry to hotel accommodation at the Monet’s House and Garden Mercure Maurepas, St. Quentin A visit to Rouen (or similar) A visit to Paris with included Return coach travel and panoramic city tour Channel crossings Three nights’ four-star bed Escorted by a friendly tour manager

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46

FILM

ALSO RELEASED THIS WEEK

Johnny Depp reprises his role as Jack Sparrow for Salazar’s Revenge

Pirate tale still buoyant FILM OF THE WEEK: PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: SALAZAR’S REVENGE ★★★✩✩ (12A, 129 mins) Johnny Depp, Javier Bardem, Geoffrey Bush, Kaya Scodelario, Brenton Thwaites, Orlando Bloom, Lewis McGowan. Directors: Joachim Ronning, Espen Sandberg.

T

he third and fourth voyages of the Pirates Of The Caribbean saga, At World’s End and On Stranger Tides, sprung leaks in their ramshackle screenplays and capsized under the weight of feverish expectation.

After a six-year hiatus for long overdue repairs, the blockbusting series sets sail with two new directors at the helm – Joachim Ronning and Espen Sandberg – and Johnny Depp swabbing the decks in his familiar guise as salty sea dog Jack Sparrow.

Pirates Of The Caribbean: Salazar’s Revenge is a marked improvement and anchors the outlandish action to solid performances from two charismatic young actors, Kaya Scodelario and Brenton Thwaites, with simmering on-screen chemistry.

Depp continues to ply his comic schtick with wide-eyed gusto and Spanish actor Javier Bardem, who collected an Oscar for his chilling turn in No Country For Old Men, is a lip-smacking phantasmagorical villain from the watery underworld.

Action sequences are spectacular, including the hysterically overblown theft of a bank safe and a dizzying dance of death between Jack and a guillotine blade.

to the hiding place of the trident.

The duo join forces and unexpectedly cross paths with Jack Sparrow (Depp).

He is being pursued by spectral pirate Captain Armando Salazar (Bardem), who has escaped from the Devil’s Triangle and intends to exact revenge, aided by Jack’s old adversary Captain Hector Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush).

A little Depp goes a long way in Pirates Of The Caribbean: Salazar’s Revenge.

He makes merry with his treasure chest of physical pratfalls and garbled one-liners.

Ronning and Sandberg keep a firm hand on the rudder and navigate a largely entertaining course between eye-popping spectacle and family feuds.

Their film is advertised as the “final” adventure and it would be sensible to drop the mainsail here while the series is still buoyant.

The fifth chapter has its pleasures but it’s not all plain sailing.

The return of Will Turner (Orlando Bloom) and another original character is misjudged, a central plot thread is disappointingly similar to another summer blockbuster, and the 129-minute running time feels excessive.

A superfluous cameo for Paul McCartney as a fellow pirate also should have walked the gangplank.

Twelve-year-old Henry Turner (Lewis McGowan) stows away on the wreck of the Flying Dutchman in order to be reunited with his father Will (Bloom).

“This is my fate. You must let me go,” pleads Will, who is condemned to serve as captain of the watery vessel for eternity... unless his son can track down the mythical Trident of Poseidon.

Nine years later, Henry (now played by Brenton Thwaites) searches for the artefact’s whereabouts on the island of St Martin in the Caribbean, where he meets plucky astronomer Carina Smyth (Kaya Scodelario), who is labelled a witch because of her unerring love of science.

She possesses a diary penned by Galileo Galilei, which contains clues

VERDICT This could be the final instalment for the Pirates Of The Caribbean franchise, and new directors and great young actors have made this a movie worth seeing.

47

SPARK (PG, 91 mins) A planet of apes goes to war in writer-director Aaron Woodley’s otherworldly computer-animated fable, which is second-hand in almost every respect, including a flimsy plot that awkwardly melds The Lion King and Zootropolis with Ratchet And Clank.

The simplicity of the animation coupled with subdued vocal performances, leave Woodley’s picture marooned in space, tumbling out of control towards a black hole of mediocrity.

A brief prologue relates the destruction of the planet Bana at the hands of his “eternal malevolency” Zhong (voiced

by Alan C Peterson), who unleashes a space kraken with the power to create black holes.

A newborn called Spark (Jace Norman) is saved from oblivion by his self-sacrificing parents and the infant is spirited away to one broken shard of Bana by a robotic carer, Bananny (Susan Sarandon).

At the age of 13, Spark steals a ship and makes a secret flight to the remains of his home planet, accompanied by cute cockroach Floyd.

Subsequently, Spark encounters the Queen (Hilary Swank) and becomes a pawn in a life-or-death battle.

Woodley’s script moves at warp speed, sacrificing development of two-dimensional characters at the altar of action set pieces.

Gags miss more targets than they hit and a quartet of squeaking space cockroaches, which become Spark’s allies in adversity, owe much to the Minions from Despicable Me.

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FILM Jason Drucker as Greg Heffley

A diary entry to forget NEW RELEASE: DIARY OF A WIMPY KID: THE LONG HAUL ★★✩✩✩ (U, 91 mins) Jason Drucker, Charlie Wright, Alicia Silverstone, Tom Everett Scott, Wyatt Walters, Dylan Walters, Owen Asztalos, Chris Coppola, Joshua Hoover. Director: David Bowers.

F

amily matters matter in the fourth installment of the Diary Of A Wimpy Kid series, based on the hugely popular books by Jeff Kinney.

The cast of David Bowers’ pedestrian road movie may have changed for this perky franchise reboot, but the reliance on bodily fluids of every viscosity and hue for easy laughs apparently never grows old.

For 91 minutes, we are trapped with a dysfunctional clan, which allows their young son to relieve himself in plastic bottles while sitting on the back seat of the car rather than pull over and avoid spillages, and the lad’s humiliation.

A belly full of deep-fried butter sticks from a county fair is projectile vomited at the screen and the titular tyke’s decision to hide in a motel room shower proves horribly misguided, when we are forced to listen to an unsuspecting guest making splashes in the toilet bowl on the other side of the shower curtain.

Director Bowers, helming his third picture in a row, makes heavy work of preposterous interludes such as

ALSO RELEASED THIS WEEK WAR MACHINE (Certificate TBC, 122 mins) Inspired by journalist Michael Hastings’ book The Operators: The Wild And Terrifying Inside Story Of America’s War In Afghanistan, this Netflix drama comedy directed by David Michod explores the folly of conflict through the eyes of a high-ranking US officer undone by his own hubris.

Four-star General Glen McMahon (Brad Pitt) is drafted into Afghanistan to command Nato forces. Aided by press adviser Matt Little (Topher Grace), McMahon embraces the role and his media profile with gusto, which includes important meetings with Afghan president Hamid Karzai (Sir Ben Kingsley).

However, he is misguided in his actions and McMahon comes under unfriendly fire from one journalist’s noholds-barred expose of life on the front line.  War Machine is available to stream on Netflix and released in selected cinemas.

“The only connecting we’re doing is with each other!” she trills.

Following their trusty satnav, the Heffleys careen from one mishap to the next, including a stomach-churning spin on a ride at a county fair and bruising exchanges with fellow traveller Mr Beardo (Chris Coppola) and his family.

As the title suggests, Diary Of A Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul is a slog and there are lags between half-hearted giggles.

Drucker brings likability to his perpetually unlucky lad, while Silverstone injects her well-intentioned yet naive mom with plentiful pep.

There’s an aching predictability to the mawkish final destination of Bowers’ script, co-written by author Kinney, that feels contrived and emotionally hollow.

Like the Heffleys, we’re glad when the cross-country odyssey comes to a screeching end.

the central character taking a dip in a hot tub full of cheesy snacks and emerging as a bright orange Oompa Loompa.

This unfortunate soul is 12-yearold Greg Heffley (Jason Drucker), who receives an unwanted gift in a children’s ball pit during a visit to a themed family restaurant with the rest of his clan.

Video footage of his ordeal goes viral. Stung by his online infamy as Diaper Hands, Greg resolves to restore his tainted reputation by making a video with his online idol, Mac Digby (Joshua Hoover), who is due to attend a video gaming convention in Indiana.

Alas, Greg is already committed to a Heffley family road trip to his grandmother’s 90th birthday celebrations. “This is an unplugged road trip: no phones, no iPads, no internet,” explains his mother Susan (Alicia Silverstone) as she collects mobile devices from Greg, her husband Frank (Tom Everett Scott), eldest son Rodrick (Charlie Wright) and youngest child Manny (Wyatt and Dylan Walters).

VERDICT Predictable and gross – you’ll be glad when this movie comes to an end.

49

Brad Pitt, top; Sir Ben Kingsley, above, star in War Machine

TELEVISION

PAUL HOLLYWOOD IS SWAPPING THE BAKE OFF TENT FOR THE OPEN ROADS OF EUROPE IN HIS NEW SERIES, HE TELLS SUSAN GRIFFIN

H

e might be known for his bread and buns but away from the oven, Paul Hollywood’s a petrol head and loves nothing more than racing cars.

“Baking is my career, it’s what I am. The whole presenter thing is an accident. I’m a baker by trade but my hobby was always cars,” says The Great British Bake Off judge.

He’s been passionate about motors “for as long as I can remember”.

“My dad used to have several cars growing up – nothing particularly special, but I just loved cars,” declares Paul, who shared his enthusiasm for motors on BBC programmes Racing Legends and Licence To Thrill: Paul Hollywood Meets Aston Martin in 2015.

The same year he represented the racing team Beechdean Aston Mar-

tin in the British GT Championship.

“When I was about 13, I fell in love with the TR7. Don’t ask me why, I just did. It was this chocolate one with chequered seats in a garage down the road from where we grew up in the Wirral,” he recalls in his familiar Liverpool twang.

“I used to go and watch this car every night and go and look at it because I just loved it.”

No wonder he describes his latest show, Paul Hollywood’s Big Continental Road Trip, as “a dream job for me”.

In the three-part series, Paul travels to Germany, France and Italy, endeavouring to understand more about each country through its love of cars.

“It didn’t feel like work,” he says.

“The travel was just amazing we went to some really beautiful places.

WHEN I WAS ABOUT 13, I FELL IN LOVE WITH THE TR7. DON’T ASK ME WHY, I JUST DID. IT WAS THIS CHOCOLATE ONE WITH CHEQUERED SEATS IN A GARAGE DOWN THE ROAD FROM WHERE WE GREW UP IN THE WIRRAL

50

I thought, ‘This is magic, it really is magic’.”

One of the most memorable experiences was driving around Italy in a Lamborghini alongside Strictly Come Dancing’s Bruno Tonioli.

“We nearly got arrested for speeding around Rome. He was petrified, bless him,” recalls Paul, who was particularly taken with Ivrea.

“It’s where we had the orange fight.

It was mental, it really was crazy.

Most of my clothes I had to chuck because they stink of orange. I smelt like a crepe Suzette,” he says, recalling his participation in the town’s annual Battle of the Oranges.

“The people are just so passionate about what they do, which is the point we were trying to make. Even though they’re just throwing oranges, it means something.”

In Germany, he stopped off to serve up some spicy food from the back of a VW van to some nudists.

“This is a country which is very formal. We think of them as very straight, no sense of humour, and yet this country started the whole nudist movement.

“We were in the Kombi van, just going there and spending a couple of hours with these people. They were very funny, absolutely hilarious. I didn’t know where to look. Never, ever take your eye off their eyeball.

Just keep your head in one place and look at them in the eye.”

Was he tempted to strip off? “When they told me, I went, ‘No, no, no. I’m not getting my kit off, it’s not going to happen’.”

Not even for his fans?

“They’d be disappointed if I did that!” he laughs.

Paul believes the show stands apart from others in the genre because “we’re trying to find out about the places as well as the people”.

“The cars were almost the transport to take me to the people, to learn about why Italians like supercars and hypercars,” he explains.

“The Germans – why do we think of them as quite stiff upper-lipped and all about the engineering, and things must last and [demonstrate] reliability? And why are the French very much socialist still? They don’t like bling, they don’t like sporty cars.

They’d rather have a great case of wine than a fantastic car sitting on the drive.

“You can find out a lot about the place and the people by the cars they drive – and how they drive.”

The series arrives after Jeremy Clarkson, James May and Richard Hammond’s The Grand Tour debut on Amazon and a second series of the revamped Top Gear, with Matt Le Blanc promoted to hosting duties following the departure of Chris Evans.

Paul insists he’s not disappointed he wasn’t part of the new Top Gear line-up.

“This programme was already in the making so it was difficult for me to get involved anyway. So, no, that was never a choice.

“I would rather do something different anyway, so I was happy carrying on with the Continental Road Trip.”

Besides, he’s keeping busy with The Great British Bake Off, having decided to move with the programme to Channel 4, despite former BBC colleagues Mary Berry, Sue Perkins and Mel Giedroyc standing down.

He claims he was unaware of the furore that ensued.

“I’ve been told by the press that it happened, so it must be true,” says Paul, who’s still in touch with his

‘It was the best filming I’ve ever done’

Paul with his old Bake Off colleagues – Mel, Sue and Mary

51

former judging partner Mary Berry.

“Why wouldn’t I be? There’s no reason for it [their friendship] to stop.”

He’s earned a reputation for being tough in the Bake Off tent, but that’s something he attributes to the programme-makers.

“It’s called editing,” he laughs.

“I’m very easy-going, quite chilled.

But at the end of the day if something’s wrong then I have to point it out because that’s my job. But tough, really? I judge muffins. How the hell is that tough?”

And in Continental Road Trip, he believes “people see the real me”.

“The laughing, the crying with laughter on many occasions, which I just don’t do on other shows.

“I felt more relaxed doing it. It was the best filming I’ve ever done. It’s such a giggle.”

PAUL HOLLYWOOD’S BIG CONTINENTAL ROAD TRIP BEGINS ON BBC TWO ON SUNDAY, MAY 28

From top, Paul dines on currywurst in Germany; Paul with Christian Schulte-Loh and the MercedesBenz 600 Grosser; on a farm in rural France with a new passenger for his ride in this Citroen 2CV

TV PICKS

Saturday, May 27 JANE AUSTEN: BEHIND CLOSED DOORS 9pm, BBC2

Lucy Worsley visits some of the places that informed the central themes of home and property in Jane Austen’s novels.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 10.00 Saturday Kitchen Live (S,HD). 11.30 Raymond Blanc: How to Cook Well (R,S,HD). 12.00 Football Focus (S,HD). 1.00 BBC News; Weather (S,HD). 1.15 Pointless Celebrities (R,S,HD). 2.00 The FA Cup Show (S,HD). 4.00 BBC News (S,HD). 4.10 Regional News (S). 4.15 MOTD Live: FA Cup Final Build-Up (S,HD). 5.15 MOTD Live: FA Cup Final (S,HD). Arsenal v Chelsea (Kick-off 5.30pm).

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

CRICKET ON 5 7pm, Channel 5

England v South Africa. Action from the second one-dayer in the three-match series, held at the Ageas Bowl in Southampton, as the sides warmed up for the ICC Champions Trophy.

With commentary from Geoffrey Boycott, Simon Hughes, Michael Vaughan, Graeme Smith and Mark Nicholas.

BBC2

6.15 Film: City Beneath the Sea (S,HD) (1970). ●● 7.45 Deborah Kerr: Talking Pictures (R,S). 8.20 Film: The Prisoner of Zenda (S,HD) (1952). ●●●● 10.00 Monty Halls’ Great Hebridean Escape (R,S).

11.00 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD). 12.00 Great British Menu (R,S,HD). 1.30 Film: Camelot (S,HD) (1967).

Musical, starring Richard Harris. ●●●● 4.20 Flog It! (R,S,HD). 5.00 Nature’s Miniature Miracles: Natural World (R,S,HD).

CLIQUE 10.05pm, BBC1

Holly remains suspicious about the clique, despite now being at its heart, and a climactic encounter during a night out tests friendships – both new and old – to breaking point.

ITV

6.00 CITV. 8.25 ITV News (S). 8.30 Weekend (S,HD). 9.25 The Home Game (R,S,HD). 10.20 Judge Rinder (R,S,HD).

11.15 Tipping Point (R,S,HD). 12.20 ITV News and Weather (S). 12.30 Bigheads (R,S,HD). Jason Manford hosts the comedy game show. 1.30 The Chase (R,S,HD). 2.30 Film: Mission: Impossible (S,HD) (1996).

Action thriller, starring Tom Cruise. ●●●● 4.35 Catchphrase (R,S,HD). 5.20 Britain’s Got More Talent (S,HD).

THE RESTORATION MAN 7pm, Channel 4

George Clarke meets Bruce Woodall, who 30 years ago started to restore a gazebo tower – and has finally taken on the challenge of finishing the job. However, he discovers that since his architect drew up the plans, conservation laws have changed, threatening to shut down the project for good.

Channel 4

7.30 Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S).

8.20 Frasier (R,S). 9.55 Formula 1 Monaco Grand Prix Practice 3 Live (S,HD). 11.25 Formula 1 Meets Claire Williams (S,HD). 11.55 Formula 1 Monaco Grand Prix Qualifying Live (S,HD). 2.30 World’s Most Expensive Cars (S,HD). 3.30 A Place in the Sun: Summer Sun (R,S,HD). 4.30 Big House, Little House (S,HD). 5.35 Location, Location, Location (R,S,HD).

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake! (HD). 10.10 The Fairly OddParents (R,S). 10.45 Dogs Make You Laugh Out Loud (R,S,HD). 11.10 Police Interceptors: Dog Squad (R,S,HD). Police dog teams in the Cleveland and Durham specialist operations unit. Last in the series.

12.05 Benefits Britain: Life on the Dole (R,S,HD). 3.05 The Nightmare Neighbour Next Door (R,S,HD). A Monmouthshire man fenced in by his neighbours. 4.00 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away (R,S,HD).

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

▼

6.00 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away (R,S,HD). 10/30. The agents chase up a £3,000 deposit owed by a landlord to his tenant.

7.00 The Restoration Man (R,S,HD). 3/5. See Choices Above.

7.00 Cricket on 5 (S). See Choices Above.

▼

6.30 Channel 4 News (S,HD).

7.00 Mexico: Earth’s Festival of Life (R,S,HD). 3/3. The deserts of Mexico’s northern region.

Last in the series.

▼

6.00 Golf: PGA Championship (S,HD). Eilidh Barbour presents highlights of the third day from Wentworth.

8.30 Who Dares Wins (S,HD). 6/10.

Game show in which strangers pair up to win money.

8.00 RHS Chelsea Flower Show 2017 (S,HD). Monty Don and Joe Swift revisit highlights from the BBC’s week-long coverage of this year’s Chelsea Flower Show.

8.00 Britain’s Got Talent (S,HD).

7/18. See Choices Above.

8.00 Walks with My Dog (S,HD).

Ben Fogle takes his Labrador along the banks of the Thames, Emma Kennedy and her maltipoo puppy visit the Lake District, and Helen Skelton and her dog are in Dumfries and Galloway.

8.00 5 News Weekend (S,HD).

8.05 NCIS: Los Angeles (S,HD).

23/24. See Choices Above.

8.55 NCIS (S,HD). 23/24. The team continues the international manhunt for a vengeful British spy.

▼

NCIS, 8.55pm

9.15 Mrs Brown’s Boys (R,S,HD).

3/6. Agnes looks after a robotic baby.

9.45 BBC News; Weather (S,HD).

Followed by National Lottery Update.

9.00 Jane Austen: Behind Closed Doors (S,HD). See Choices Above.

9.20 The Keith and Paddy Picture Show (S,HD). 4/5. Keith Lemon and Paddy McGuinness present their version of Jaws.

9.50 Jaws (S,HD) (1975). Steven Spielberg’s thriller, starring Roy Scheider, Richard Dreyfuss and Robert Shaw. ●●●●●

9.00 The World’s End (S,HD) (2013).

Five childhood friends reunite for a pub crawl in their home town, only to stumble on a threat to the entire human race. Sci-fi comedy, with Simon Pegg and Nick Frost. ●●●●

9.50 NCIS: Act of Vengeance (R,S,HD). 1&2/24. Featurelength episode. The team reels in the wake of the terrorist attack, but tries to avenge Kate’s death by collecting as much information as possible on Ari.

▼

12

Walks with My Dog, 8pm

6.15 Regional News (S); Weather.

6.25 ITV News and Weather (S).

6.45 Take Me Out (S,HD). 7/8.

Dating game, hosted by Paddy McGuinness.

10.05 Clique (S,HD). 3/6. See Choices Above.

10.50 Clique (S,HD). 4/6. Holly finds herself in conflict with the clique after an awful truth is revealed.

10.00 Quartet (S,HD) (2012). Three former singers’ plans for a fundraising concert for their retirement home are disrupted by the arrival of a famous diva.

Comedy drama, with Maggie Smith and Billy Connolly. ●●●●

10.50 ITV News and Weather (S); Weather.

▼

after

The Keith and Paddy ... 9.20pm

7.45 Doctor Who (S,HD). 7/12. Earth faces ruin at the hands of three warring nations, until an alien race offers to intervene.

11.35 MOTD: FA Cup Final Highlights (S,HD). Arsenal v Chelsea.

11.30 Versailles (R,S,HD). Queen Marie-Therese takes charge while Louis XIV is away at war.

Followed by Inside Versailles.

11.05 Jaws (S,HD) (1975). Concluded. ●●●●●

11.10 Die Hard 2 (S,HD) (1990).

Action thriller sequel, starring Bruce Willis. ●●●

11.40 Undercover Benefits Cheat (S). 1/2. Paul Connolly exposes more benefits fraudsters.

12.10 Film: Swingers (S,HD) (1996).

Comedy, starring Jon Favreau and Vince Vaughn. ●●●● 1.45 Weather for the Week Ahead (S,HD). 1.50 BBC News (S,HD).

12.30 Film: Easy Money (HD) (2010).

Crime thriller, starring Joel Kinnaman. ●●●● 2.30 This Is BBC Two (S,HD).

Preview of upcoming programmes.

12.25 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming.

3.00 Who’s Doing the Dishes? (R,S,HD).

Gillian McKeith plays host. 3.50 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Text-based information service.

1.25 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA (R,S). 2.20 The Last Leg (R,S,HD). 3.15 Hollyoaks (R,S,HD). Omnibus. Cleo and Joel share a moment. 5.25 Shipping Wars UK (R,S,HD). 5.55 Film: Weekend of a Champion (S,HD) (2013). Documentary exploring a 1971 meeting between Roman Polanski and Jackie Stewart. ●●●

12.10 SuperCasino. Live interactive gaming. 3.10 Film: The Punisher (S) (1989). Vigilante thriller, starring Dolph Lundgren. ●● 4.40 Access (R,S,HD). 4.50 House Doctor (R,S). Revamping a detached house in Sandhurst, Berkshire. 5.15 Wildlife SOS (R,S). The work of an animal sanctuary. 5.40 Angels of Jarm (R,S). 5.50 Roary the Racing Car (R,S).

10 11

Golf: PGA Championship, 6pm

▼

6 7 8 9

Doctor Who, 7.45pm

bag your dream job at FISH4JOBS.CO.UK 52

#dothefish

Part one of two. The agents investigate when two men are killed at a gun shop, but soon discover one of their colleagues could be at risk. Callen learns the Chameleon – a criminal out for revenge – is involved, and races to track him down. Crime drama, starring Chris O’Donnell.

The talent contest’s audition phase draws to a close as Simon Cowell, Alesha Dixon, David Walliams and Amanda Holden select one last set of acts to send through to the semi-finals.

FILM PICKS

NCIS: LOS ANGELES 8.05pm, Channel 5

BRITAIN’S GOT TALENT 8pm, ITV

DIE HARD 2 11.10pm, Channel 4

A lone cop battles terrorists who have taken over an airport to force the release of a convicted drug baron.

Action thriller sequel, starring Bruce Willis.

ITV2

E4

Sky1

Sky Sports 1

8.25 Coronation Street (S,HD).

10.55 Britain’s Got Talent (R,S,HD). 12.10 Britain’s Got More Talent (R,S,HD). 1.10 Take Me Out (R,S,HD). 2.25 Take Me Out – The Gossip (R,S,HD). 3.25 You’ve Been Framed! Gold Unleashed! (R,S). 4.30 Film: Space Chimps (S,HD) (2008). ●● 5.30 FYI Daily (HD). 5.35 Film: Space Chimps (S,HD) (2008). ●●

6.00 The Goldbergs (R,S,HD).

7.50 Black-ish (R,S,HD). Bow convinces a begrudging Dre to try therapy. 8.15 Made in Chelsea (R,S,HD). Binky and JP return from their break. 9.20 Melissa & Joey (R,S,HD). 12.00 The Goldbergs (R,S,HD). 2.30 Rude(ish) Tube Shorts (R,S). Amusing internet videos. 2.40 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD).

6.00 Ashley Banjo’s Secret Street Crew (R,S,HD). Polo players from Hull enlist the dancer’s help.

7.00 Monkey Business (S,HD).

8.30 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 11.30 The F1 Show (R,HD). Formula One news and highlights. 12.00 Futurama (S,HD). 2.30 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 5.00 Supergirl (R,S,HD). Cat Grant returns to National City.

11.30 Errol Spence Jr – Behind the Ropes (HD). 12.00 Kell Brook’s Greatest Hits (HD). 12.30 Kell Brook: My Greatest Night (HD). 1.00 Kell Brook v Errol Spence Jr: The Countdown 1 (HD). 1.30 Kell Brook v Errol Spence Jr: The Countdown 2 (HD). 2.00 Live Scottish Cup Final (HD). 5.30 Live PRO12 Rugby Union Final (HD).

THE WORLD’S END 9pm, Channel 4

Five friends reunite for a pub crawl in their home town, only to stumble on a threat to the entire human race.

Sci-fi comedy, with Simon Pegg.

Alibi 7.00 Home Shopping. 7.10 Father Brown.

(T) 4.00 Home Shopping.

Code Black. (T) 2.30 Russell Howard’s Good News. (T) 3.00 Home Shopping.

Yesterday

Dave

6.00 The World at War. (T) 7.00 Home Shopping. 7.10 Planet Dinosaur. 10.00 Dino Hunt. (T) 12.00 Planet Dinosaur. 3.00 6.00 Home Shopping. 7.10 Lizard Lick Dino Hunt. (T) 5.00 Planet Dinosaur. 8.00 Towing. (T) 8.00 Top Gear. (T) 9.00 Dara O Tom Jones at the BBC. 9.00 Sounds of the Briain’s Go 8 Bit. (T) 10.00 Go 8 Bit: DLC. Sixties. 9.30 Sounds of the Seventies. 10.00 10.30 Top Gear. (T) 12.30 Cops UK: Auf Wiedersehen, Pet. (T) 11.10 Dino Bodycam Squad. 2.30 Sin City Motors. (T) Hunt. (T) 12.10 Tom Jones at the BBC. 1.10 3.30 Top Gear Vietnam Special. (T) 5.00 Sounds of the Sixties. 1.40 Sounds of the Gavin & Stacey. (T) 7.00 Cops UK: Bodycam Seventies. 2.10 The Sixties. (T) 3.00 Squad. 9.00 Film: The Outlaw Josey Wales Teleshopping.

(1976) 11.40 Have I Got a Bit More News for You. (T) 12.40 Would I Lie to You? (T) 1.20 Would I Lie to You? The Unseen Bits.

(T) 2.00 QI XL. (T) 2.50 Dave Gorman: 7.00 Saints and Sinners: Britain’s Modern Life Is Goodish. (T) 4.00 Home Millennium of Monasteries. (T) 8.00 Shopping.

Nature’s Great Events. (T) 9.00 Hinterland.

(T) 10.30 Top of the Pops: 1983. (T) 12.00 The Joy of the Bee Gees. (T) 1.00 Bee Gees at the BBC and Beyond. (T) 2.00 Boogie 7.15 New Tricks. (T) 8.00 Miss Fisher’s Fever: A TOTP2 Disco Special. (T) 3.30 Murder Mysteries. (T) 9.00 Taggart. (T) Close.

11.55 Waking the Dead. (T) 2.10 New Tricks. (T) 4.00 Home Shopping.

BBC4

Red Riding Hood, 6.10pm

The A-Team, 9pm

The Flash, 6pm

6.10 Red Riding Hood (S,HD) (2011). Fantasy, starring Amanda Seyfried. ●●

6.15 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 2/24.

6.45 The Three Musketeers (S,HD) (2011). ●●●

6.00 The Flash (R,S,HD).

22/23. Barry turns to Captain Cold for help in saving Iris.

7.10 FYI Daily (HD).

7.15 Red Riding Hood (S,HD) (2011).

Concluded. ●●

7.00 MacGyver (R,HD).

16/22. Angus and Jack go on the trail of a dangerous fugitive.

8.15 Scorpion (S,HD). 25/25.

Tensions rise among the agents after they spend three weeks stranded on a deserted island.

Last in the series.

8.00 Football’s Funniest Moments (R,S,HD). 2/3.

Comical incidents from the Premier League.

9.20 Britain’s Got More Talent (S,HD). Stephen Mulhern joins the contestants backstage in the aftermath of the last set of auditions, and hosts another round of Celebrities Playing Games Live.

9.00 The A-Team (S,HD) (2010). Four soldiers jailed for a crime they did not commit escape from prison and track down the culprit. Action adventure based on the TV series, with Liam Neeson and Bradley Cooper. ●●●

10.00 A League of Their Own US Road Trip (S,HD). 4/4. Out-takes, pranks and wind-ups from the series. Last in the series.

10.20 Celebrity Juice (R,S,HD). Keith Lemon hosts the comedy quiz, with singer James Blunt, TV star Vicky Pattison and friend of the Kardashians Jonathan Cheban joining the regulars. Last in the series.

11.20 Family Guy (R,S,HD).

1/21. Lois inherits a fortune.

11.50 Family Guy (R,S,HD).

3/7. Stewie’s first birthday arrives.

9.00 The Simpsons (R,S,HD).

6/22. Homer ends up coaching the kids’ lacrosse team with Milhouse’s dad.

9.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD).

4/22. Another trio of Halloween stories.

11.25 Gogglebox (R,S,HD).

11/12. The households’ opinions on TV in December 2016.

11.00 Jamestown (R,S,HD).

4/8. James Read clashes with the governor.

Live Scottish Cup Final, 2pm

Drama GOLD

9.30 Football Gold (S).

9.40 Football Gold (S,HD).

Manchester United v Arsenal from February 2001.

9.50 Football Gold (S,HD).

Really

6.00 Helicopter Heroes. (T) 7.00 Home Shopping. 8.00 Helicopter Heroes. (T) 9.00 Cops UK: Bodycam Squad. 11.00 Escape to the Country. (T) 1.00 Homes Under the Hammer. (T) 3.00 10.00 Football Gold (S,HD).

Escape to the Country. (T) 4.00 Manchester United v Countryside 999. 5.00 Fantasy Newcastle United from Homes by the Sea. (T) 6.00 Escape 2002/03. to the Country. (T) 9.00 Cops UK: 10.05 Scottish Cup Final Bodycam Squad. 10.00 Born to Highlights (HD). Celtic v Kill? Class of Evil. (T) 11.00 Is That Aberdeen. a Nail in Your Head? (T) 12.00 10.35 Live Super Rugby (HD). Cops UK: Bodycam Squad. 1.00 Medical Emergency. (T) 2.00 Jaguares v Brumbies Home Shopping. 4.00 Cheaters.

(Kick-off 10.40pm).

(T) 4.45 Secret Eaters. 5.35 Charly’s Cake Angels. (T)

W

RADIO

6.15 Judge Faith. 7.00 Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. (T) 8.00 The Bill. (T) 1.00 EastEnders. (T) 3.30 Tom Kerridge’s Best Ever Dishes. 4.00 Dynamo: Magician 12.30 PRO12 Rugby Union (HD).

12.20 Family Guy (R,S,HD). 12.45 12.30 Gogglebox (R,S,HD). 1.35 12.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). A Impossible. (T) 7.00 Film: The Rude Tube (R,S,HD). 2.35 Tattoo 1.30 Premier League 100 Club American Dad! (R,S,HD). Roger murder investigation leads the Spiderwick Chronicles (2008) celebrates his birthday. 1.15 Film: Fixers (R,S,HD). 3.25 Marvel’s team to the local roller derby. 1.00 (S,HD). 2.00 Scottish Cup Final Fantasy, starring Freddie Agents of SHIELD (R,S,HD). 4.10 Bring It On (S) (2000).

Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 2.00 NCIS: Highlights (HD). 2.30 Premier Highmore.

9.00 Film: Black Hawk How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 3.00 The League 100 Club (S,HD). 3.00 Cheerleading comedy, starring Down (2001) Fact-based military Kirsten Dunst. ●●● 2.15 FYI Daily 4.35 How I Met Your Mother Five (R,S,HD). 4.00 Stop, Search, PRO12 Rugby Union (HD). 4.00 (R,S,HD). 4.55 How I Met Your Sporting Heroes: Johnny Nelson drama, starring Josh Hartnett.

(HD). 2.20 Film: Bring It On (S) Seize (R,S,HD). 5.00 Zoo Tales 11.55 Criminal Minds: Beyond Mother (R,S,HD). 5.15 How I Met (R,S). 5.30 Zoo Tales (R,S).

Interviews Tim Witherspoon (2000). Concluded. ●●● 3.00 Borders. 12.45 Grimm. (T) 1.45 Your Mother (R,S,HD).

(S,HD).

Teleshopping. Home shopping.

Radio 1 6.00am Yasser. 10.00 Matt Edmondson & Adele Roberts at Radio 1’s Big Weekend. 1.00pm Alice, Grimmy & Dev at Radio 1’s Big Weekend. 4.00 Greg, Charlie & Danny at Radio 1’s Big Weekend. 7.00 Scott, Clara & MistaJam at Radio 1’s Big Weekend. 10.00 Huw Stephens at Radio 1’s Big Weekend. 1.00am DJ Target. 4.00 Diplo and Friends.

Radio 2 5.00am Huey on Saturday.

6.00 Sounds of the 60s. 8.00 Saturday Breakfast with Dermot. 10.00 Graham Norton. 1.00pm Pick of the Pops.

3.00 The Zoe Ball Show. 6.00 Liza Tarbuck. 8.00 Trevor Nelson’s Rhythm Nation. 10.00 The Craig Charles House

Party. Midnight Ana Matronic’s Disco Devotion. 2.00 Radio 2’s Showtunes Playlist. 3.00 Radio Playlists: Love Songs. 4.00 Radio 2 Playlist: Easy.

Radio 3 7.00am Breakfast. 9.00 News. 9.03 Record Review. 12.15pm Music Matters. 1.00 News. 1.02 Saturday Classics. 3.00 Sound of Cinema. 4.00 Jazz Record Requests.

5.00 Jazz Line-Up. 6.30 Opera on 3.

9.25 Between the Ears: White Rabbits in Sussex. 10.00 Hear and Now. Midnight Geoffrey Smith’s Jazz. 1.00 Through the Night.

Radio 4 5.30am News Briefing. 5.43 Prayer for the Day. 5.45 iPM. 6.00 News and Papers. 6.07 Ramblings.

6.30 Farming Today This Week. 6.57 Weather. 7.00 Today. 9.00 Saturday Live. 10.30 Costume Drama: The Wonderful World of Cosplay. 10.45 (LW) Test Match Special. 11.00 (FM) Political Thinking with Nick Robinson.

11.30 (FM) From Our Own Correspondent. Noon (FM) News.

12.01 (LW) Shipping Forecast. 12.04 (LW) Test Match Special. 12.04 (FM) Money Box. 12.30 (FM) The News Quiz. 12.57 (FM) Weather. 1.00 (FM) News. 1.10 (FM) Any Questions? 2.00 (FM) Any Answers? 2.30 (FM) Drama.

3.30 (FM) The Voices of. 4.00 (FM) Weekend Woman’s Hour. 5.00 (FM) Saturday PM. 5.30 (FM) iPM. 5.54

Film4

11.00 Diary of a Wimpy Kid. (2010) Family comedy, starring Zachary Gordon. (T) 1.00 7.00 Yes, Prime Minister. (T) 7.35 Last of Casper. (1995) Supernatural family comedy, the Summer Wine. (T) 9.20 The Best of starring Christina Ricci. (T) 3.05 Napoleon Tommy Cooper. 10.25 Only Fools and Dynamite. (2004) Comedy, starring Jon Horses. (T) 12.00 The Two Ronnies Heder. (T) 4.55 Johnny English. (2003) Spy Spectacle. (T) 1.00 Bob Monkhouse: Million comedy, starring Rowan Atkinson. (T) 6.35 Joke Man. (T) 2.00 The Interviews. (T) 3.00 Beautiful Creatures. (2013) Fantasy, starring The Brittas Empire. (T) 4.20 One Foot in Alden Ehrenreich. (T) 9.00 The Day After the Grave. (T) 5.40 Only Fools and Horses. Tomorrow. (2004) (T) 11.25 Insidious.

(T) 7.00 The Black Adder.

(T) 7.40 (2010) (T) 1.30 The Haunting in 8.45 Scottish Cup Final Highlights (HD). Celtic v Blackadder II. (T) 8.20 Not Going Out. 9.00 Connecticut. (2009) (T) 3.40 Close.

Men Behaving Badly.

(T) 9.40 Aberdeen.

Harry Enfield and Chums. (T) 10.20 Little Britain. (T) 11.00 Black Books. (T) 12.10 Spaced. (T) 12.40 Monty Python’s Best Bits (Mostly). (T) 1.20 House of Fools.

(T) 2.30 Nighty Night. (T) 3.30 9.15 Spanish Football Gold Little Britain. (T) 4.00 Home Shopping.

(HD).

Shipping Forecast. 5.57 (LW) Test Match Special. 5.57 (FM) Weather.

6.00 (FM) Six O’Clock News. 6.15 (FM) Loose Ends. 7.00 Profile. 7.15 Saturday Review. 8.00 Archive on 4: Femmes Fatales. Actress Kathleen Turner celebrates the history of the film noir femme fatale 9.00 Drama: Miss Julie. 10.00 News and Weather. 10.15 FutureProofing. 11.00 The 3rd Degree.

11.30 Poetry Please. Midnight News and Weather. 12.30 Short Works.

12.48 Shipping Forecast. 1.00 As BBC World Service. 5.20 Shipping Forecast.

Radio 5 Live 5.00am 5 Live Boxing with Costello & Bunce. 5.30 5 Live Sport: The Friday Football Social. 6.00

53

Saturday Breakfast. 9.00 The Danny Baker Show. 11.00 Fighting Talk.

Noon 5 Live Sport. 12.55 5 Live Formula 1: 2017 Monaco GP Qualifying.

2.05 5 Live Sport. 3.00 5 Live Sport: 5 Live Rugby. 5.30 5 Live Sport: FA Cup Football 2016-17. 8.00 6-0-6. 9.00 Stephen Nolan. Midnight 5 Live in Short. 1.00 Up All Night.

Classic FM 7.00am Alan Titchmarsh.

10.00 Bill Turnbull. 1.00pm Alexander Armstrong. 3.00 Nicholas Owen. 5.00 Saturday Night at the Movies. 7.00 Alex James’s Date Night.

9.00 High Score with Jessica Curry.

10.00 Smooth Classics. 1.00am Katie Breathwick. 4.00 Jane Jones.

YOUR LIFESTYLE MAGAZINE

EXCLUSIVELY WITH

EVERY SATURDAY

Sunday, May 28 TV PICKS

THE HANDMAID’S TALE 9pm, Channel 4

Dystopian drama based on Margaret Atwood’s novel, starring Elisabeth Moss as a woman who is kept as a slave purely for breeding.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 8.25 MOTD: FA Cup Final Highlights (R,S,HD). 9.00 The Andrew Marr Show (S,HD). 10.00 The Big Questions (S,HD). 11.00 Regional Programme (S). 12.15 Bargain Hunt (R,S,HD). 1.00 BBC News (S,HD). 1.15 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD). 2.15 Money for Nothing (R,S,HD). 3.00 Flog It! (R,S,HD). 3.45 Shop Well for Less?

(R,S,HD). 4.45 Points of View (S,HD). 5.00 Songs of Praise (S,HD). 5.35 Escape to the Country (R,S,HD).

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

DAMILOLA, OUR LOVED BOY 8.30pm, BBC1

In November 2000, 10-year-old schoolboy Damilola Taylor was attacked and fatally wounded in Peckham, south London, a death that shocked the nation. This feature-length drama reveals the personal stories behind the headlineso. Babou Ceesay, Wunmi Mosaku and Sammy Kamara star, with Robert Pugh.

BBC2

7.15 The Instant Gardener (R,S,HD). 8.00 The Beechgrove Garden (S,HD). 8.30 Countryfile (R,S,HD). 9.30 Saturday Kitchen Best Bites (S,HD). 11.00 Great British Menu (R,S,HD). 12.00 Live Athletics: Great Manchester Run (S,HD).

2.30 Athletics: Diamond League Highlights (S,HD). 3.30 Rowing: European Championships Highlights (S,HD). 5.00 Athletics: Great Manchester Run Highlights (S,HD).

GRANTCHESTER 9pm, ITV

PAUL HOLLYWOOD’S BIG CONTINENTAL ROAD TRIP 9pm, BBC2

Sidney resolves to resign from the church so he can marry Amanda. However, a child abduction and Geordie’s family problems make him see how much he is needed. Last in the series.

ITV

6.00 CITV. 8.25 ITV News (S). 8.30 Weekend (S,HD). 9.25 Britain’s Best Walks with Julia Bradbury (R,S,HD).

10.00 Peston on Sunday (S,HD). 10.55 Judge Rinder (R,S,HD). 1.00 ITV News and Weather (S). 1.05 Tipping Point (R,S,HD).

2.05 The Chase (R,S,HD). 3.05 Britain’s Got Talent (R,S,HD). 4.15 Film: The Spy Who Loved Me (S,HD) (1977). James Bond spy adventure, starring Roger Moore. ●●●●

The Bake Off judge takes a series of road trips across different countries in Europe, driving some of the most famous cars made in each nation he visits. The first episode comes from Italy, where Paul takes a six-day journey with a different car for each day.

Channel 4

Channel 5

7.30 Frasier (R,S). 9.00 Sunday Brunch (S,HD). 12.00 Formula 1 Monaco Grand Prix Live Build-Up (S,HD). Previewing the sixth round of the season. 12.35 Formula 1 Monaco Grand Prix Live (S,HD). Coverage of the sixth round of the season (Start-time 1.00pm). 3.10 Formula 1 Monaco Grand Prix Live Reaction (S,HD). A review of the sixth round of the season. 4.30 World’s Most Expensive Cars (S,HD). 5.30 George Clarke’s Old House, New Home (R,S,HD).

6.00 Milkshake!. 9.50 The Fairly OddParents (R,S). 10.25 The Gadget Show (R,S,HD). 11.20 Police Interceptors (R,S,HD). 1.15 Police Interceptors: Under Attack (R,S,HD). 2.15 Film: Open Season 3 (S,HD) (2010). Animated adventure, with the voice of Matthew J Munn. ●●● 3.45 Film: Pudsey the Dog: The Movie (S,HD) (2014). Family comedy, starring Jessica Hynes. ● 5.30 Most Shocking Talent Show Moments (R,S,HD).

When Kids TV Goes Horribly ... 9pm

Live Athletics, 12pm

Bigheads, 7pm

Cabins in the Wild with Dick ... 8pm

▼

6.05 BBC News (S,HD).

6.20 Regional News (S).

6.30 Countryfile (S,HD). A roundup of reports on spring.

6.00 Golf: PGA Championship (S,HD). Eilidh Barbour presents highlights of the fourth and final day from Wentworth.

6.40 Regional News (S); Weather.

6.45 ITV News and Weather (S).

6.30 Channel 4 News (S,HD).

▼

7.30 Antiques Roadshow (S,HD).

Fiona Bruce presents the show from an 18th-century cotton mill.

7.00 Dragons’ Den (R,S,HD). 2/16.

Plans for wearable maps and manhole cover keys.

7.00 Bigheads (S,HD). 6/6. The winning contestants from the past five episodes return. Last in the series.

7.00 The Supervet (R,S,HD). A German pointer struggling to walk must undergo spinal surgery.

7.55 5 News Weekend (S,HD).

8.30 Damilola, Our Loved Boy (R,S,HD). See Choices Above.

8.00 The Life Swap Adventure (S,HD). 1/6. New series.

Volunteers swap places with people from other countries, beginning with an overworked fire officer from Essex and a farmer in Malawi fearful for his family’s future.

8.00 The Durrells (S,HD). 6/6. See Choices Above.

8.00 Cabins in the Wild with Dick Strawbridge (S,HD). 2/4. Dick Strawbridge and Will Hardie visit a cabin inspired by a national coal pit and a modernist design made entirely from slate. Plus, a look at an airship-inspired cabin in Sussex.

8.00 Holidays Make You Laugh Out Loud (S,HD). See Choices Above.

9.00 Paul Hollywood’s Big Continental Road Trip (S,HD).

1/3. See Choices Above.

9.00 Grantchester (S,HD). 6/6. See Choices Above.

9.00 The Handmaid’s Tale (S). 1/10.

See Choices Above.

9.00 When Kids TV Goes Horribly Wrong (S,HD). Andi Peters narrates a compilation of classic children’s TV mishaps, including a fire in the Blue Peter studio.

With Sarah Greene, Sally James, Pat Sharp, Gaz Top and Toby Anstis.

▼

6 7 8 9

Antiques Roadshow, 7.30pm

▼

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

12

▼

after

▼

11

11.15 Murder in Successville (S,HD). 6/6. The best bits from series three. Last in the series.

11.45 The Women’s Football Show (S,HD). A look at the biggest issues in the women’s game.

▼

10

10.00 BBC News (S,HD).

10.25 Regional News (S).

10.35 Room 101 – Extra Storage (R,S,HD). 6/8. With Claudia Winkleman, John Humphrys and Russell Kane.

12.20 Film: Lucky Them (S,HD) (2013).

Comedy drama, starring Toni Collette. ●●● 1.50 Weather for the Week Ahead (S,HD). 1.55 BBC News (S,HD).

10.00 White Gold (R,S,HD). 1/6.

Comedy drama, starring Ed Westwick.

10.30 The Damned United (S,HD) (2009). See Choices Above. ●●●●

12.00 Film: Easy Money II (HD) (2012).

Crime thriller sequel, starring Joel Kinnaman. ●●● 1.35 Sign Zone: Question Time (R,S). Topical debate from Belfast. 2.35 Sign Zone: Holby City (R,S).

Lofty is unexpectedly confronted with his past. 3.35 This Is BBC Two (S,HD). Preview of upcoming programmes.

10.00 ITV News and Weather (S); Weather.

10.20 Peston on Sunday (R,S,HD).

Political magazine, presented

by Robert Peston. Allegra Stratton presents a guide to the latest issues on social media.

10.15 Gogglebox (R,S,HD).

Capturing the households’ instant reactions to what they are watching on TV from the comfort of their own sofas.

11.20 Premiership Rugby Union (HD). Highlights of the final.

Last in the series.

11.15 Micky Flanagan: Back in the Game (R,S,HD). The comedian performs to his home crowd at London’s Hackney Empire.

12.15 Lethal Weapon (R,S,HD). A series of violent crimes all connect to a specific church. 1.00 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming. 3.00 Motorsport UK (R,S,HD).

Highlights from Donington Park. 3.50 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Text-based information service. 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S,HD). Guests air their differences.

12.50 Arnie’s Greatest Ever Stunts (R,S,HD). 2.15 Film: Blue Ruin (S,HD) (2014). See Choices Above. ●●●● 3.50 Location, Location, Location (R,S,HD).

4.45 Jamie’s Comfort Food (R,S,HD).

4.55 Jamie’s Comfort Food (R,S,HD).

5.05 KOTV Boxing Weekly (S). 5.30 Gillette World Sport (S).

12.00 Football on 5: The Play-offs (S,HD).

12.25 Dumb Drivers: Caught in the Act (R,S,HD). 1.15 SuperCasino. Live interactive gaming. 3.10 Top 20 Funniest (S,HD). 3.55 Access (R,S,HD). 4.00 World’s Most Pampered Pets (R,S,HD). 4.50 House Doctor (R,S). 5.15 Wildlife SOS (R,S). 5.40 Angels of Jarm (R,S). 5.50 Roary the Racing Car (R,S).

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54

The family’s maid goes into labour, so Larry rushes to fetch Dr Petrides. However, he finds the doctor right in the middle of delivering his own wife’s baby. Last in the series.

Iain Lee narrates a compilation of internet videos involving holidays, including a man who thought he was filming Las Vegas but actually had the camera pointed at himself.

Featuring contributions from comedians Dave Spikey, Zoe Lyons and David Mills.

FILM PICKS

HOLIDAYS MAKE YOU LAUGH OUT LOUD 8pm, Channel 5

THE DURRELLS 8pm, ITV

THE DAMNED UNITED 10.30pm, BBC2

Fact-based drama chronicling Brian Clough’s 44-day tenure as manager of Leeds United in 1974. Starring Michael Sheen.

ITV2

E4

Sky1

Sky Sports 1

11.50 Take Me Out (R,S,HD). 1.05 Film: Richie Rich (S,HD) (1994). ●● 2.10 FYI Daily (HD). 2.15 Film: Richie Rich (S,HD) (1994). ●● 2.55 Film: Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore (S,HD) (2010). ●● 3.55 FYI Daily (HD).

4.00 Film: Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore (S,HD) (2010). ●● 4.40 Britain’s Got Talent (R,S,HD).

10.35 The Goldbergs (R,S,HD).

12.00 Black-ish (R,S,HD). 12.30 Baby Daddy (R,S,HD). 1.00 Kevin Can Wait (R,S,HD). 1.30 Brooklyn Nine-Nine (R,S,HD). 2.00 New Girl (R,S,HD). 2.30 Rude(ish) Tube Shorts (R,S). 2.50 Film: A Turtle’s Tale: Sammy’s Adventures (S,HD) (2010). ●●● 4.30 Film: Mr Popper’s Penguins (S,HD) (2011). ●●●

6.00 Hour of Power (R,HD).

Religious service, with the Rev Robert V Schuller. 7.00 Futurama (S,HD). 9.30 Supergirl (R,S,HD).

10.30 The Flash (R,S,HD). 11.30 WWE Raw Hlts (S,HD). 12.30 Pirates of the Caribbean: Salazar’s Revenge: Special (HD).

1.00 Big Cats: An Amazing Animal Family (R,S,HD). 3.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD).

10.00 Premier League 100 Club (S,HD). 10.30 Scottish Cup Final Highlights (HD). 11.00 Football Gold (S,HD). 11.30 PRO12 Rugby Union (HD). 12.30 Scottish Cup Final Highlights (HD). 1.00 Sky Sports Boxing Gold (S,HD). 2.00 Scottish Cup Final Highlights (HD). 2.30 Live League Two PlayOff Final (HD). 5.30 Formula 1 (HD).

Despicable Me, 7pm

Marvel’s Agents of … 9pm

Hawaii Five-0, 9pm

Live League Two … 2.30pm

6.00 Britain’s Got More Talent (R,S,HD).

Stephen Mulhern joins the contestants backstage.

6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 3/24.

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S,HD).

1/22.

6.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD).

2/22.

6.30 Football’s Greatest Teams (S,HD). 13/16. A look at Brian Clough’s Nottingham Forest side from the mid to late 1970s.

7.00 Despicable Me (S,HD) (2010). Animated comedy, with the voices of Steve Carell and Jason Segel. ●●●●

7.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 4/24.

7.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 5/24.

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S,HD).

3/22.

7.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD).

5/22. Marge helps Homer dress for a promotion.

7.00 International Rugby Union (HD). England v Barbarians.

8.00 FYI Daily (HD).

8.05 Despicable Me (S,HD) (2010). Concluded. ●●●●

8.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 6/24. Penny discovers she has a dedicated fan-base from her Serial Ape-ist days.

8.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 7/24.

8.00 Duck Quacks Don’t Echo (S,HD). 1/8. With guests Ross Kemp, Bob Mortimer and Sara Cox.

9.00 Take Me Out – The Gossip (S,HD). Emotions run high on the island as a shocking revelation is made, but someone is determined not to give up. Presented by Mark Wright and Laura Jackson.

10.00 Family Guy (R,S,HD).

19/20. Chris’s Mexican girlfriend Isabella gets deported.

10.30 Family Guy (R,S,HD).

2/21. Peter’s father moves in with the family.

9.00 Hawaii Five-0 (HD).

9.30 Football’s Greatest 22/25. McGarrett Teams (S,HD). 13/16. A investigates the death of look at Brian Clough’s one of the last survivors Nottingham Forest side of the bombing of the from the mid to late USS Arizona at Pearl 1970s.

Harbour, while Adam turns to Jerry when he makes a gruesome discovery.

10.00 One-Day International 10.00 NCIS: Los Angeles 10.00 Rude Tube (R,S,HD).

Cricket (HD). England v (HD). 22/24. Callen, Sam Alex Zane presents a top South Africa. Action and the team continue 50 countdown of from the second game of to work with Hetty’s internet clips in a the three-match series, former Vietnam War celebration of the held at the Ageas Bowl colleagues as they begin unfortunate, including in Southampton. a risky investigation into the worst wedding intro a gold heist. ever and a girl with her head stuck in a pumpkin.

9.00 Marvel’s Agents of SHIELD (S,HD). 18/22.

Coulson and Mace plan a rescue mission as the truth about Fitz’s sudden change threatens to bring down the whole organisation.

11.00 8 Out of 10 Cats (R,S,HD). Jimmy Carr hosts the comedy panel show.

11.55 Tattoo Fixers (R,S,HD).

12.00 American Dad! (R,S,HD).

12.30 The Cleveland Show (R,S,HD). 12.55 The Cleveland Show (R,S,HD). 1.25 Through the Keyhole (R,S,HD). With Kian Egan, Christine Bleakley and Warwick Davis. 2.20 Teleshopping. Home shopping. 5.50 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD).

1.00 Tattoo Fixers (R,S,HD). The artists meet a woman whose love of soaps has gone a step too far.

2.00 Marvel’s Agents of SHIELD (R,S,HD). Coulson and Mace plan a rescue mission. 2.50 Rude Tube (R,S,HD). 3.40 Hollyoaks (R,S,HD).

Omnibus. Cleo and Joel share a moment.

RADIO

11.00 Family Guy (R,S,HD).

6/7. Lois becomes a gambling addict.

11.30 American Dad! (R,S,HD). 15/18. Roger kisses Francine at a wine-tasting event.

Radio 1 6.00am Yasser. 10.00 Matt Edmondson & Adele Roberts at Radio 1’s Big Weekend. 1.00pm Alice, Grimmy & Dev at Radio 1’s Big Weekend. 4.00 Greg, Charlie & Cel at Radio 1’s Big Weekend. 7.00 Scott & Clara at Radio 1’s Big Weekend. 10.00 Phil Taggart at Radio 1’s Big Weekend. 1.00am Monki.

4.00 Adele Roberts.

Radio 2 5.00am Huey on Sunday.

6.00 The Sunday Hour. 7.00 Clare Balding. 9.00 Steve Wright. 11.00 The Michael Ball Show. 1.00pm Elaine Paige on Sunday. 3.00 Johnnie Walker’s Sounds of the 70s. 5.00 Paul O’Grady.

7.00 Claudia on Sunday. 9.00 Clare Teal. 11.00 Moira Stuart. Midnight

7.00 Home Shopping. 7.10 Father Brown.

(T) 2.50 Quantico. (T) 4.00 Home Shopping.

Dave

6.00 Home Shopping. 7.10 Lizard Lick Towing. (T) 8.00 Top Gear. (T) 10.00 Steve Austin’s Broken Skull Challenge. 10.55 Top Gear Vietnam Special. (T) 12.30 Lizard Lick Towing. (T) 2.00 Deadly 60. 4.00 Top Gear India Special. (T) 6.00 Top Gear. (T) 7.00 Motorway Cops. (T) 8.00 Traffic Cops. (T) 9.00 QI XL. (T) 10.00 Unspun with Matt Forde. 10.30 Would I Lie to You? (T) 11.10 Taskmaster. (T) 12.10 Live at the Apollo.

1.10 Room 101. (T) 2.25 QI XL. (T) 3.15 Would I Lie to You? (T) 4.00 Home Shopping.

Drama

Film4

GOLD

Really

6.00 Helicopter Heroes. (T) 7.00 Home Shopping. 8.00 Cops UK: Bodycam Squad. 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer. (T) 12.00 The Hotel Inspector. (T) 2.00 Escape to the Country. (T) 4.00 Fantasy Homes by the Sea. (T) 6.00 Home Away from Home. 7.00 Countryside 999. 8.00 Secret Eaters. 9.00 Embarrassing Bodies.

(T) 10.00 One Born: What Happened Next? (T) 11.00 Babies: Special Delivery. (T) 12.00 Dr G: Medical Examiner. (T) 1.00 Cheaters. (T) 2.00 Home Shopping. 4.00 Cheaters. (T) 4.45 Secret Eaters. 5.35 Charly’s Cake Angels. (T)

I ba

g ge d my

W

in the series. 2.00 Arrow (R,S,HD).

Black Siren returns to help Chase.

3.00 The Five (R,S,HD). 4.00 Stop, Search, Seize (R,S,HD). 5.00 Zoo Tales (R,S). 5.30 Zoo Tales (R,S).

Brian Moore Interviews Dave Mackay (S,HD). 5.00 Premier League 100 Club (S,HD). 5.30 Spanish Football Gold (HD). 5.45 Spanish Football Gold (S).

55

BBC4

7.00 Perfect Pianists at the BBC. (T) 8.00 Radio 1’s Big Weekend: Highlights. (T) 9.10 Kings of Leon Live at Radio 1’s Big Weekend. (T) 10.00 Arena: American Epic.

(T) 11.00 Blues at the BBC. (T) 12.00 The Man Who Brought the Blues to Britain: Big Bill Broonzy. (T) 1.00 Jago: A Life Underwater. (T) 1.50 Nature’s Great Events.

(T) 2.50 Engineering Giants: Jumbo Jet Strip-Down. (T) 3.50 Close.

11.00 Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules.

(2011) Children’s comedy sequel, starring Zachary Gordon. (T) 1.00 Thunderbirds Are Go! (1966) Puppet adventure, with the voice of Shane Rimmer. (T) 2.55 The Dark Crystal. (1982) Puppet fantasy, with the voice of Stephen Garlick. (T) 4.40 Small 7.00 Yes, Prime Minister. (T) 7.35 The Soldiers. (1998) Children’s adventure, with Brittas Empire. (T) 8.50 The Interviews. (T) Kirsten Dunst. (T) 6.45 The Secret Life of 9.50 One Foot in the Grave. (T) 11.10 The Walter Mitty. (2013) Comedy drama, Black Adder. (T) 12.00 The Two Ronnies starring Ben Stiller. (T) 9.00 2 Guns. (2013) Spectacle. (T) 1.00 Bob Monkhouse: Million Action adventure, starring Denzel Joke Man. (T) 2.00 The Interviews. (T) 3.00 Washington. (T) 11.10 Odd Thomas. (2013) Open All Hours. (T) 5.00 Porridge. (T) 6.20 Supernatural thriller, starring Anton Citizen Khan. (T) 7.40 Fawlty Towers. (T) Yelchin. (T) 1.00 A Girl at My Door. (2014) 9.00 The Trip. (T) 9.40 I’m Alan Partridge. South Korean drama, starring Doona Bae. (T) 10.20 Knowing Me, Knowing You – 3.30 Close.

With Alan Partridge. (T) 11.00 Film: The Full Monty (1997) 12.45 The Thick of It. (T) 1.25 The League of Gentlemen. (T) 2.00 Inside No 9. (T) 3.15 Nighty Night.

(T) 4.00 Home Shopping.

Doctor Who. 4.00 My Family. (T) 6.00 Outnumbered. (T) 8.00 Dr Christian Will See You Now. 9.00 Criminal Minds: Beyond Borders.

10.00 Ordinary Lies. 11.10 Louis Theroux’s LA Stories. (T) 12.10 2.45 Darts Gold (S,HD). 3.00 Darts Inside the Ambulance. (T) 1.10 12.00 The Force: Essex (R,S,HD).

Gold (HD). 3.15 Darts Gold (HD).

Documentary following police in Grimm. (T) 2.00 Code Black. (T) 3.30 Darts Gold (HD). 3.45 Darts the county. 1.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). Kono goes on the run. Last Gold (HD). 4.00 Sporting Heroes: 3.00 Home Shopping.

Profile. 5.54 Shipping Forecast. 5.57 Weather. 6.00 News. 6.15 Pick of the Week. 7.00 The Archers. 7.15 (LW) The Vote Now Show. 7.15 (FM) The Vote Now Show. 7.45 Life at Absolute Zero.

8.00 More or Less. 8.30 Last Word.

9.00 Money Box. 9.26 Radio 4 Appeal.

9.30 In Business. 10.00 The Westminster Hour. 11.00 The Film Programme. 11.30 Something Understood. Midnight News. 12.15 Thinking Allowed. 12.45 Bells on Sunday. 12.48 Shipping Forecast. 1.00 As BBC World Service. 5.20 Shipping Forecast.

Radio 5 Live 5.00am 5 Live Science.

6.00 Sunday Breakfast. 9.00

Home Shopping. 7.10 Dino Hunt. (T) 9.00 Walking with Beasts. (T) 12.00 Dino Hunt.

(T) 2.00 Walking with Beasts. (T) 5.00 Dino Hunt. (T) 7.00 Walking with Beasts. (T) 10.00 Kim Philby – His Most Intimate Betrayal. (T) 12.00 Chemistry – A Volatile History. (T) 1.00 Diamond Decades. 1.50 Kim Philby – His Most Intimate Betrayal. (T) 3.00 Teleshopping.

7.25 New Tricks. 6.40 Call the Midwife.

8.00 Mercy Street. 9.00 Silent Witness. (T) 11.20 Spooks. (T) 1.55 Call the Midwife.

3.05 Mercy Street. 4.00 Home Shopping.

11.00 Live HSBC Women’s 6.00 Judge Faith. 7.00 My Family.

World Rugby Sevens (HD). The Canada Sevens. 7.40 Celebrity MasterChef. 1.00

and Beyond. 6.57 Weather. 7.00 News.

7.00 Sunday Papers. 7.10 Sunday. 7.55 Radio 4 Appeal. 7.57 Weather. 8.00 News. 8.00 Sunday Papers. 8.10 Sunday Worship. 8.48 A Point of View. 8.58 Tweet of the Day. 9.00 Broadcasting House. 10.00 The Archers. 11.15 Desert Island Discs. Noon News. 12.01 (LW) Shipping Forecast. 12.04 Just a Minute. 12.30 The Food Programme.

12.57 Weather. 1.00 The World This Weekend. 1.30 From Our Home Correspondent. 2.00 Gardeners’ Question Time. 2.45 The Listening Project. 3.00 News. 3.02 Pygmalion.

4.00 News. 4.02 Open Book. 4.30 Poetry Please. 5.00 File on 4. 5.40

A homeless drifter hears that the man who murdered his parents has been released from jail and decides to kill him. Thriller, starring Macon Blair.

Alibi

11.00 MacGyver (R,S,HD).

16/22. Angus and Jack go on the trail of a dangerous fugitive.

Sounds of the 60s. 2.00 Radio 2 Playlists.

Radio 3 7.00am Breakfast. 9.00 News. 9.03 James Jolly. Noon Private Passions. 1.00 News. 1.02 Radio 3 Lunchtime Concert. 2.00 The Early Music Show. 3.00 Choral Evensong.

4.00 The Choir. 5.00 The Listening Service. 5.30 Words and Music. 6.45 Sunday Feature: The Bloomsbury Lighthouse. 7.30 Radio 3 in Concert.

9.00 Drama on 3. 10.30 Early Music Late. 11.30 Sibelius. 12.30am Through the Night.

Radio 4 5.30am News. 5.43 Bells on Sunday. 5.45 Profile. 6.00 News. 6.05 Something Understood. 6.35 On Your Farm: A Journey Through the British Isles

BLUE RUIN 2.15am, Channel 4

DREAM JOB

Yesterday

6.00 4,000 Year Old Cold Case: The Body in the Bog. (T) 7.00 SportsWeek. 10.00 Pienaar’s Politics.

11.00 Will Gompertz’s Heat Map. Noon 5 Live Sport. 1.00 5 Live Formula 1: Monaco Grand Prix. 3.00 5 Live Sport: League Two Football 2016-17. 6.00 Peter Allen. 7.30 Flintoff, Savage and the Ping Pong Guy. 8.30 I Was There.

9.30 Eye of the Storm. 10.00 Stephen Nolan. 1.00am Up All Night. 4.30 5 Live Formula 1.

Classic FM 7.00am Aled Jones. 10.00 Bill Turnbull. 1.00pm Alexander Armstrong. 3.00 Charlotte Green. 5.00 The Classic FM Chart. 7.00 David Mellor.

9.00 Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Classical Music. 10.00 Smooth Classics. 1.00am Sam Pittis.

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Bank Holiday Monday TV PICKS

THE KENNEDYS: DECLINE AND FALL 9pm, Channel 5

Katie Holmes stars in this drama about the Kennedy family over the three decades following Bobby’s assassination in 1968 through to 1994.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.00 Countryfile Spring Diaries (S,HD). 9.45 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD). 10.45 Rip Off Britain: Food (S,HD). 11.30 Close Calls: On Camera (R,S,HD). 12.00 Bargain Hunt (R,S). 1.00 BBC News at One; Weather (S,HD). 1.20 Regional News (S). 1.30 !mpossible (S,HD). 2.15 Escape to the Country (R,S,HD). 3.15 Money for Nothing (R,S,HD). 4.00 Yes Chef (S,HD).

4.45 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is (R,S,HD). 5.30 Pointless (S,HD).

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

FOOD UNWRAPPED 7.30pm, Channel 4

Kate Quilton heads to California to investigate alternative dairy products at one of California’s leading producers of almond milk, before meeting a scientist who has been raising genetically engineered goats whose milk he hopes might one day save half a million lives every year.

BBC2

6.05 Flog It! Trade Secrets (R,S,HD). 6.35 Film: Old Dogs (S,HD) (2009). ●● 8.00 Sign Zone: Spring: Earth’s Seasonal Secrets (R,S). 9.00 Victoria Derbyshire (S,HD). 11.00 Film: Secretariat (S,HD) (2010). ●●● 1.00 Athletics: Diamond League Highlights (R,S,HD). 2.00 Golf: PGA Championship (S,HD). 4.00 Elephant Diaries (R,S). 4.30 Natural World: Prairie Dogs – Talk of the Town (R,S,HD). 5.15 Antiques Road Trip (R,S,HD).

DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE 9pm, BBC1

Dr Rangan Chatterjee helps an 11-year-old boy who is 11st and at risk of diabetes, as well a teenage girl with an eating disorder whose diet is causing her health problems.

ITV

6.00 Good Morning Britain (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S,HD). 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (S,HD). 10.30 This Morning (S,HD).

12.30 Loose Women (S,HD). The panellists are joined by their partners for a special edition of the show. 1.45 ITV Lunchtime News (S). 1.50 Regional News (S). 2.00 Judge Rinder (R,S,HD). 3.00 Masterpiece with Alan Titchmarsh (S,HD). 4.00 Tipping Point (S,HD). 5.00 The Chase (S,HD).

EMMERDALE 7pm, ITV

Rebecca makes a big decision about her future after being rushed to hospital and facing the prospect of losing the baby.

Marlon steels himself after seeing Carly and Matt together, and Kerry prepares to face the consequences of her actions. Starring Emily Head.

Channel 4

6.00 3rd Rock from the Sun (R,S). 6.25 Film: Astro Boy (S,HD) (2009). ●●● 7.55 Film: Captain Ron (S,HD) (1992). ●● 9.50 The Simpsons (R,S). 11.15 Film: Clueless (S,HD) (1995). See Choices Above. ●●●● 1.10 Posh Pawnbrokers (R,S,HD). 2.10 Countdown (S,HD). 3.00 Fifteen To One (S,HD). 4.00 Coast vs Country (S,HD). 5.00 Four in a Bed (S,HD). The competition starts at the Brighton Surf hotel. 5.30 Come Dine with Me (R,S,HD).

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake! (HD). 9.15 The Wright Stuff (HD). 11.15 Pets Make You Laugh Out Loud (R,S,HD). 11.40 Home and Away (S,HD). 12.10 Neighbours (S,HD). Elly unearths ammunition against Finn. 12.40 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.45 Film: The Cowboys (S) (1972). Western, starring John Wayne. ●●● 3.10 Film: The Searchers (S) (1956). John Ford’s Western, starring John Wayne, Natalie Wood and Jeffrey Hunter. ●●●●● 5.30 5 News at 5 (S,HD).

The Fifteen Billion Pound ... 9pm

Coronation Street, 9pm

The Fake News Show, 8pm

Cricket on 5, 7pm

▼

6.15 BBC News; Weather (S,HD).

6.45 Regional News (S).

6.55 Party Election Broadcast (S,HD). By the Conservative Party.

6.00 Debatable (S,HD). 29/33. With panellists Angela Scanlon, Matt Allwright and Nina Wadia.

6.45 Celebrity Eggheads (S,HD).

18/22.

6.00 You’ve Been Framed! (R,S).

17/20.

6.25 Regional News (S); Weather.

6.40 ITV News (S); Weather.

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 4/22. With the voices of Lucy Lawless and Tom Arnold.

6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). It is the day of Nick’s graduation.

6.00 Neighbours (R,S,HD). Elly unearths ammunition against Finn.

6.30 Home and Away (R,S,HD).

▼

7.00 The One Show (S,HD).

7.30 RHS Chelsea Flower Show 2017 (S,HD). 15/15. Highlights of the annual horticultural event. Last in the series.

7.30 Great British Menu (S,HD).

21/45. The entrants representing Scotland prepare starters.

7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). See Choices Above.

7.30 Britain’s Got Talent (S,HD).

8/18. Ant and Dec host the first semi-final.

7.00 Channel 4 News (S,HD).

7.30 Food Unwrapped (S,HD). See Choices Above.

7.00 Cricket on 5 (S). England v South Africa. Action from the third and final one-dayer in the series. Followed by 5 News Update.

▼

6 7 8 9

RHS Chelsea Flower Show ... 7.30pm

8.00 EastEnders (S,HD). Charlie informs Jack he has been to see social services about Matthew.

8.30 Would I Lie to You? (R,S,HD).

4/10. With Alan Davies, Richard Osman, Germaine Greer and Jermaine Jenas.

8.00 Springwatch 2017 (S,HD).

1/12. See Choices Above.

8.00 The Fake News Show (S,HD).

Comedy panel show, hosted by Stephen Mangan.

8.30 May v Corbyn Live: The Battle for Number 10 (S,HD).

See Choices Above.

8.00 JFK’s Secret Killer: The Evidence (R,S,HD). Examining the events of John F Kennedy’s assassination. Followed by 5 News Update.

▼

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

9.00 Doctor in the House (S,HD).

3/4. See Choices Above.

9.00 The Fifteen Billion Pound Railway: The Final Countdown (S,HD). 2/2. Part two of two. Engineers must construct and fit out a new station at Paddington, while a father and son team in Derby race to construct 66 trains for the Crossrail project.

9.00 Coronation Street (S,HD).

Ken gets a confession.

9.30 Britain’s Got Talent Results (S,HD). 9/18. Ant and Dec reveal the performers who have made the final.

10.00 Detectorists (S,HD). 3/6. Terry believes a man has buried his missing wife in a paddock.

10.30 Song for Marion (S,HD) (2012). See Choices Above. ●●●

10.00 ITV News at Ten (S); Weather.

10.19 Regional Programme (S).

10.20 Don’t Ask Me Ask Britain (R,S,HD). 6/6. Interactive comedy game show hosted by Alexander Armstrong, with celebrity teams led by Frank Skinner and Jonathan Ross trying to guess the views of the nation. Last in the series.

10.00 Loaded (S,HD). 4/8. Watto’s mum Pauline arrives back on the scene.

10.45 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown (R,S,HD). 7/7.

David Mitchell and Cariad Lloyd take on Jon Richardson and Russell Howard.

11.20 Joanna Lumley’s Postcards (R,S,HD). 5/6. The actress recalls highlights of her journey through China and Mongolia.

11.45 Tipping Point (R,S,HD). Game show, hosted by Ben Shephard.

11.50 The Great British Skinny Dip (R,S,HD). Cameras follow attempts to attract support for a UK-wide series of nude swims.

11.25 Football on 5: The Championship Play-off Final (S). Huddersfield Town v Reading.

12.35 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming.

3.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S,HD).

Guests air their differences. 3.50 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Text-based information service. 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S,HD). Guests air their differences.

12.45 Bodyshockers: Nips, Tucks and Tattoos (R,S,HD). 1.40 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA (R,S). 2.35 Location, Location, Location (R,S,HD). 3.30 Selling Houses with Amanda Lamb (S,HD). 4.25 Kirstie’s Handmade Treasures (R,S,HD).

4.40 Shipping Wars UK (R,S,HD). 5.05 Fifteen To One (R,S,HD).

12.10 Film: Revolver (S,HD) (2005). Crime drama, starring Jason Statham. ●● 2.10 SuperCasino. Live interactive gaming.

3.10 Top 20 Funniest (S,HD). A countdown of the funniest video clips in America. 4.00 Britain’s Greatest Bridges (R,S,HD). 4.45 House Doctor (R,S). 5.10 Divine Designs (R,S). 5.35 Wildlife SOS (R,S).

12

▼

after

▼

11

11.30 Katy Perry and Much More: Radio 1’s Big Weekend Highlights (S,HD).

Performances from the festival, held at Burton Constable Hall near Hull.

▼

10

10.00 BBC News at Ten (S,HD).

10.30 Regional News (S).

10.45 Have I Got a Bit More News for You (S,HD). 6/9. Ed Balls hosts, with guests Henning Wehn and Janet Street-Porter.

12.30 Regional Programme (R,S,HD).

1.20 Weather for the Week Ahead (S,HD). 1.25 BBC News (S,HD).

12.00 Rugby Union: England v Barbarians Highlights (S). 1.00 Film: Easy Money III: Life Deluxe (HD) (2013).

Crime thriller sequel, starring Joel Kinnaman. ●●● 3.00 Sign Zone: Countryfile (R,S). 3.55 Sign Zone: The Day the Dinosaurs Died (R,S). 4.55 Sign Zone: Shop Well for Less? (R,S). 5.55 This Is BBC Two (S,HD).

9.00 The Kennedys: Decline and Fall (S,HD). See Choices Above.

EXCLUSIVELY WITH

YOUR LIFESTYLE MAGAZINE EVERY SATURDAY 56

New series. Chris Packham, Michaela Strachan, Gillian Burke and Martin HughesGames follow the fortunes of UK wildlife from their new base at Sherborne Park, Gloucestershire.

Jeremy Paxman interviews Theresa May and Jeremy Corbyn individually, with Sky News’ political editor Faisal Islam moderating as members of a studio audience put questions directly to the leaders of the Conservative and Labour parties.

FILM PICKS

MAY V CORBYN LIVE: THE BATTLE FOR NUMBER 10 8.30pm, Channel 4

SPRINGWATCH 2017 8pm, BBC2

SONG FOR MARION 10.30pm, BBC2

A grouchy old man’s life is dramatically changed when he takes his terminally ill wife’s place in the local choir.

Comedy drama, with Terence Stamp.

ITV2

E4

Sky1

Sky Sports 1

10.55 Film: Richie Rich (S,HD) (1994). ●● 11.55 FYI Daily (HD).

12.00 Film: Richie Rich (S,HD) (1994). Continued. ●● 12.50 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 1.20 Coronation Street (R,S,HD). 2.20 The Jeremy Kyle Show: DNA Bombshells (R,S,HD). 5.40 Film: The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (S,HD) (2001). ●●●●●

6.00 Hollyoaks (R,S,HD). 6.30 Coach Trip: Road to Marbs: Final Week (R,S,HD). 7.00 Baby Daddy (R,S,HD). 9.00 Melissa & Joey (R,S,HD). 10.00 Rude(ish) Tube Shorts (R,S). 10.15 Film: Postman Pat: The Movie (S,HD) (2014). ●●● 12.00 New Girl (R,S,HD).

1.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine (R,S,HD). 2.00 The Big Bang Theory: Shamy’s Story (R,S,HD).

6.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 7.00 Football’s Funniest Moments (R,S,HD). 8.00 Monkey Life (R,S).

9.00 David Attenborough’s Galapagos (R,S,HD). 10.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 12.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 1.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 3.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 4.00 Haven (R,S,HD). 5.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD).

6.00 Good Morning Sports Fans (HD). 9.00 League Two Play-Off Final (HD). 10.00 Premier League Years (S). Memorable moments from the 1992/93 season. 12.00 Premier League Legends (S,HD).

1.00 League Two Play-Off Final (HD). Blackpool v Exeter City. 2.00 Live Championship Play-Off Final (HD). Huddersfield Town v Reading (Kick-off 3.00pm).

Alibi

CLUELESS 11.15am, Channel 4

A teenager tries to boost her new friend’s image, but her own popularity suffers as a result. Comedy, inspired

by Jane Austen’s Emma, with Alicia Silverstone.

Yesterday

7.00 Home Shopping. 7.10 Father Brown. 6.00 Diamond Decades. 7.00 Home (T) 2.50 The Closer. (T) 4.00 Home Shopping. 7.10 Dino Gangs. 9.00 Walking Shopping. with Dinosaurs. (T) 12.00 Dino Gangs. 2.00 Walking with Dinosaurs. (T) 5.00 Dino Gangs. 7.00 Walking with Dinosaurs. (T) 10.00 Goodnight Sweetheart. (T) 10.40 6.00 Home Shopping. 7.00 Steve Austin’s Shock and Awe: The Story of Electricity.

Broken Skull Challenge. 8.10 Top Gear 3.00 Teleshopping.

Patagonia Special. (T) 10.40 Top Gear India Special. (T) 12.50 Film: Escape to Victory (1981) Second World War 7.00 100 Days+. (T) 7.00 Weather. (T) 7.30 adventure, starring Michael Caine. 3.10 Film: Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid Great British Railway Journeys. (T) 8.00 (1969) 5.20 Top Gear Patagonia Special. (T) The Greatest Knight: William the Marshal.

(T) 9.00 The Riviera: A History in Pictures.

8.00 Dave Gorman: Modern Life Is (T) 10.00 Kirsty Young: 75 Years of Desert Goodish. 9.00 Live at the Apollo. 10.00 Island Discs. (T) 10.05 Arena: Desert Island Dara O Briain’s Go 8 Bit. 11.00 Go 8 Bit: Discs. (T) 10.50 Mud, Sweat and Tractors: DLC. 11.30 Mock the Week. (T) 12.10 The Story of Agriculture. (T) 11.50 Would I Lie to You? (T) 12.50 Dara O Briain’s Go 8 Bit. 1.50 Go 8 Bit: DLC. 2.20 Francesco’s Italy Top to Toe. (T) 12.50 Dave Gorman: Modern Life Is Goodish. (T) Mothers, Murderers and Mistresses: Empresses of Ancient Rome. (T) 1.50 Ray 3.20 Mock the Week. (T) 4.00 Home Mears Goes Walkabout. (T) 2.50 Shopping.

Stonehenge: A Timewatch Guide. (T) 3.50 Close.

Dave

BBC4

The Lord of the … 5.40pm

Made in Chelsea, 9pm

A Beautiful Mind, 10pm

Live Super League, 6.55pm

6.40 FYI Daily (HD).

6.45 The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (S,HD) (2001).

Concluded. ●●●●●

6.00 The Big Bang Theory: Shamy’s Story 11/24.

6.30 The Big Bang Theory: Shamy’s Story (R,S,HD). 24/24.

6.00 Futurama (R,S). 8/16.

Bender becomes a wrestler.

6.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD).

7/22.

6.00 Scottish Cup Final …

6.30 Football Gold (S,HD).

6.45 Spanish Football Gold 7.15 New Tricks. (T) 7.00 Mercy Street.

6.55 Live Betfred Super 8.00 New Tricks. 9.00 Death in Paradise.

League (HD).

10.00 Silent Witness. (T) 12.25 New Tricks. 11.00 Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days.

7.00 Hollyoaks (S,HD).

Shane sets up a gaming day for Prince’s return from hospital.

7.30 Baby Daddy (S).

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S,HD).

8/22. Grampa discovers he is about to become a father again.

7.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD).

9/22.

8.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 24/24. Leonard is offered a job opportunity.

8.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 1/24. Sheldon and Penny bond as they miss Leonard.

8.00 The Simpsons (R,S,HD).

10/22. Krusty and his daughter spend Christmas with the Simpsons.

8.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD).

11/22.

Drama

(2012) (T) 12.50 Millions. (2004) (T) 2.45 Rio. (2011) (T) 4.30 Mirror Mirror. (2012) (T) 6.35 Snow White & the Huntsman.

(2012) Fantasy adventure, with Kristen Stewart and Chris Hemsworth. (T) 9.00 7.20 Open All Hours. (T) 8.35 The Red. (2010) (T) 11.10 Heat. (1995) Crime Interviews. (T) 9.40 Open All Hours. (T) thriller, starring Robert De Niro and Al 10.00 Porridge. (T) 11.40 The Two Ronnies Pacino. (T) 2.25 Piranha 3DD. (2012) Spectacle. (T) 12.40 Bob Monkhouse: Comedy horror sequel, starring Danielle Million Joke Man. (T) 1.40 The Interviews. Panabaker. (T) 4.00 Close.

(T) 2.40 Still Open All Hours. (T) 3.20 Citizen Khan. (T) 4.40 Only Fools and Horses. (T) 9.00 Suits You Sir: The Inside Leg of the Fast Show. 10.00 Michael McIntyre’s Comedy Roadshow. 11.00 Film: Austin Powers: The Spy Who 9.00 Championship Play-Off S*****d Me (1999) 12.55 Men Final (HD). Huddersfield Behaving Badly. (T) 1.35 Michael Town v Reading. Action McIntyre’s Comedy Roadshow. from Wembley Stadium, 2.30 Harry Hill’s TV Burp. (T) 2.55 as the sides battled it out Harry Hill’s the Best of TV Burp.

(T) 3.20 The Smell of Reeves and for promotion to the Mortimer. (T) 4.00 Home Premier League.

Shopping.

(T) 2.55 Mercy Street. 4.00 Home Shopping.

GOLD

9.00 A League of Their Own 9.00 Made in Chelsea 9.00 Family Guy (S,HD).

(S,HD). 2/10. Ashley Cole, (S,HD). 11/12. Ollie 20/20. Peter’s past as a Noel Fielding and Aisling invites an old friend to sperm donor catches up Bea join host James Binky and JP’s baby with him. Last in the Corden, captains Jamie shower, while Jamie and series.

Redknapp and Andrew Frankie take time apart, 9.30 The Great Indoors Flintoff and regular and Ella is jealous of (S,HD). 22/22. Jack and panellist Jack Whitehall Olivia’s close relationship Brooke’s feelings for on the sports-based with Julius. each other resurface. comedy quiz.

Last in the series.

10.00 A Beautiful Mind (HD) 10.00 Scottish Cup Final 10.00 Britain’s Got More 10.00 Made in Chelsea (2001). Biopic of brilliant Highlights (HD). Celtic v Talent (S,HD). Stephen (S,HD). 12/12. Rick mathematician John Aberdeen.

Mulhern goes behind Edwards chats to the Nash, whose genius was 10.30 Football Gold (S,HD). the scenes on the first of cast at the end of season compromised by the live semi-finals, party, with the stars Tottenham Hotspur v paranoid delusions and getting reactions from having their own snap Manchester City from schizophrenia. Oscarthe judges and election and creating the 2012/13 Premier winning drama, starring introducing feedback their own spoof of League season.

Russell Crowe and Paul 10.45 Football Gold (S,HD). from viewers.

Stranger Things. Last in Bettany. ●●● the series.

11.00 Empire (S,HD). 18/18.

11.00 Family Guy (R,S,HD).

Part two of two. Lucious 3/21. Civilisation is gets ready to launch destroyed in a millennial Empire Las Vegas. Last in apocalypse. the series.

11.30 American Dad! (R,S,HD). 1/19. Tragedy strikes at Langley Falls.

RADIO

12.00 American Dad! (R,S,HD).

Stan creates a clone of Steve. 12.30 The Cleveland Show (R,S,HD).

12.55 The Cleveland Show (R,S,HD). 1.25 The Cleveland Show (R,S,HD). 1.55 The Great Indoors (R,S,HD). 2.20 Teleshopping. Home shopping.

5.50 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD).

12.05 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 12.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 1.00 Made in Chelsea (R,S,HD). 2.05 Made in Chelsea (R,S,HD). 3.00 Empire (R,S,HD). 3.45 New Girl (R,S,HD).

4.05 The Mindy Project (R,S,HD).

4.30 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD).

Radio 1 6.30am The Radio 1 Breakfast Show with Nick Grimshaw.

10.00 Clara Amfo. 1.00pm Scott Mills. 4.00 Greg James. 7.00 MistaJam. 9.00 Radio 1’s Specialist Chart with Phil Taggart. 10.00 Huw Stephens.

1.00am Friction. 4.00 Adele Roberts.

Radio 2 5.00am Nicki Chapman.

6.30 Sara Cox. 9.30 Fearne Cotton.

Noon Johnnie Walker Meets Elkie Brooks. 1.00 Johnnie Walker Meets Blondie. 2.00 Tony Blackburn. 5.00 Suzi Perry. 7.00 Paul Jones. 8.00 Leo Green Remembers... Roy Orbison.

10.00 Paul Merton’s Beatles. 11.00 Jools Holland. Midnight Johnnie Walker’s Sounds of the 70s. 2.00 Radio

11.00 Championship PlayOff Final (HD).

Huddersfield Town v Reading.

12.30 Modern Family (R,S,HD).

1.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD).

1.30 Modern Family (R,S,HD).

2.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD).

2.30 Road Wars (R,S,HD). 3.00 The Last Ship (R,S,HD). 4.00 Road Wars (R,S). 5.00 Wild Vets (R,S).

5.30 Wild Vets (R,S).

2’s Jazz Playlist. 3.00 Radio 2 Playlists: Great British Songbook. 4.00 Radio 2 Playlist: Hidden Treasures.

Radio 3 6.30am Breakfast. 9.00 Essential Classics. Noon Composer of the Week: Clarke. 1.00 News. 1.02 Radio 3 Lunchtime Concert. 2.00 Sound Walk. 6.00 In Tune. 7.30 Radio 3 in Concert. 10.00 Music Matters. 10.45 Hay Essays: How to Write a Book.

11.00 Jazz Now. 12.30am Through the Night.

Radio 4 5.30am News Briefing. 5.43 Prayer for the Day. 5.45 Farming Today.

5.58 Tweet of the Day. 6.00 Today.

9.00 Start the Week. 9.45 (LW) Daily Service. 9.45 (FM) Book of the Week:

Film4

12.00 Scottish Cup Final Highlights (HD). 12.30 Premier League 100 Club (S,HD). 1.00 Championship Play-Off Final (HD). 2.00 Premier League Years (S,HD). 4.00 Championship PlayOff Final (HD). 5.00 Premier League 100 Club (S,HD). 5.30 Spanish Football Gold (S).

Farewell to the Horse. 10.00 (LW) Woman’s Hour. 10.00 (FM) Woman’s Hour. 10.45 (LW) Test Match Special.

11.00 (FM) The Untold. 11.30 (FM) Dot. Noon (FM) News. 12.01 (LW) Shipping Forecast. 12.04 (LW) Test Match Special. 12.04 (FM) Home Front.

12.15 (FM) You and Yours. 12.57 (FM) Weather. 1.00 (FM) The World at One. 1.45 (FM) The Ideas That Make Us. 2.00 (FM) The Archers. 2.15 (FM) Drama: Floor 13. 3.00 (FM) The 3rd Degree. 3.30 (FM) The Food Programme. 4.00 (FM) The Invisible College. 4.30 (FM) Beyond Belief. 5.00 (FM) PM. 5.54 (LW) Shipping Forecast.

5.57 (LW) Test Match Special. 5.57

(FM) Weather. 6.00 (FM) Six O’Clock News. 6.30 (FM) Just a Minute. 7.00 The Archers. 7.15 Front Row. Arts programme 7.45 Bindi Business. 8.00 Breakfast with the Disruptors. The threat financial technology poses to traditional banking 8.30 Analysis. 9.00 In Their Element. 9.30 Start the Week.

9.59 Weather. 10.00 The World Tonight. With Ritula Shah 10.45 Book at Bedtime: F Scott Fitzgerald: The Lost Stories. 11.00 Word of Mouth. 11.30 No Triumph, No Tragedy. Midnight News and Weather. 12.30 Book of the Week: Farewell to the Horse. 12.48 Shipping Forecast. 1.00 As BBC World Service. 5.20 Shipping Forecast.

57

Really

6.00 Helicopter Heroes. (T) 7.00 Home Shopping. 8.00 Fantasy Homes by the Sea. (T) 10.00 The Great British Bake Off. (T) 7.00 The Great British Bake Off – The Final. (T) 8.00 DIY SOS: The Big Build. (T) 9.00 The Hotel Inspector. 10.00 Helicopter ER. 11.00 Women Behind Bars. 12.00 Cold Justice. (T) 1.00 Dr G: Medical Examiner. (T) 2.00 Home Shopping. 4.00 Cheaters. (T)

W

6.00 Judge Faith. 6.20 The Hotel Inspector. (T) 11.20 My Family. (T) 4.00 Film: The Spiderwick Chronicles (2008) 6.00 Film: America’s Sweethearts (2001) 8.00 David Beckham: For the Love of the Game. (T) 10.00 EastEnders. (T) 10.40 Dr Christian Will See You Now. 11.40 Russell Howard’s Good News. (T) 12.20 MasterChef Australia. (T) 1.20 Grimm. (T) 2.10 Resurrection. (T) 3.00 Home Shopping.

Radio 5 Live 5.00am Morning Reports. 5.15 Wake Up to Money. 6.00 5 Live Breakfast. 10.00 5 Live Daily with Adrian Chiles. 1.00pm Afternoon Edition. 2.00 5 Live Sport. 3.00 5 Live Sport: Championship Football 2016-17.

5.30 5 Live Drive. 7.00 5 Live Sport: The Monday Night Club. 9.00 5 Live Sport: 5 Live Rugby. 10.00 Flintoff, Savage and the Ping Pong Guy. 10.30 Phil Williams. 1.00am Up All Night.

Classic FM 6.00am More Music Breakfast. 9.00 John Suchet. 1.00pm Anne-Marie Minhall. 5.00 John Brunning. 8.00 The Full Works Concert.

10.00 Smooth Classics. 1.00am Sam Pittis.

WE DON’T JUST HELP YOU FIND A NEW HOUSE.

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YOUR LOCAL

PROPERTY EXPERTS

Tuesday, May 30 TV PICKS

GRAYSON PERRY: DIVIDED BRITAIN 9pm, Channel 4

The award-winning artist attempts to uncover the emotions, beliefs and desires that drive peoples’ loyalty to one political tribe or another.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.15 Countryfile Spring Diaries (S,HD). 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer (S,HD). 11.00 Rip Off Britain: Food (S,HD). 11.45 Close Calls: On Camera (R,S,HD). 12.15 Bargain Hunt (S,HD). 1.00 BBC News at One; Weather (S,HD). 1.30 Regional News (S). 1.45 Doctors (S,HD). 2.15 !mpossible (S,HD).

3.00 Escape to the Country (S,HD). 3.45 Yes Chef (S,HD). 4.30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is (R,S,HD). 5.15 Pointless (S,HD).

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

THE YORKSHIRE VET 8pm, Channel 5

Documentary about Yorkshire vet Julian Norton, his partner Peter Wright and their team. Julian gets dragged around a barn by one-ton bull Merchant and operates on police dog Thor, while Peter helps a baby goat open its eyes and fixes a cat with loose teeth.

BBC2

6.30 Rip Off Britain: Food (R,S,HD). 7.15 Yes Chef (R,S,HD). 8.00 Sign Zone: Great American Railroad Journeys (R,S). 9.00 Victoria Derbyshire (S,HD). 11.00 BBC Newsroom Live (S,HD). 12.00 Daily Politics (S,HD). 1.00 The Super League Show (S). 1.45 Coast (R,S,HD). 2.15 Red Rock (R,S,HD). 3.00 Hairy Bikers’ Best of British (R,S,HD). 3.45 Elephant Diaries (R,S). 4.15 Pilgrimage with Simon Reeve (R,S,HD). 5.15 Antiques Road Trip (R,S,HD).

BROKEN 9pm, BBC1

Father Michael makes a discovery and must act fast to help Christina justify what happened to the authorities and her sister Mariella. Drama, starring Sean Bean.

ITV

6.00 Good Morning Britain (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S,HD). 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (S,HD). 10.30 This Morning (S,HD).

12.30 Loose Women (S,HD). The team is joined by guest Joe Wicks. 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News (S). 1.55 Regional News (S). 2.00 Judge Rinder (R,S,HD). 3.00 Masterpiece with Alan Titchmarsh (S,HD). 3.59 Regional Programme (S).

4.00 Tipping Point (S,HD). 5.00 The Chase (S,HD).

HOLLYOAKS 6.30pm, Channel 4

Shane sets up a living room gaming day for Prince’s return from hospital, and Goldie worries that she will never be able to get rid of her ex. She begs Shane to leave but he is determined to stay for his sons, until Goldie shows him the cash that Ellie gave her.

Channel 4

6.00 Countdown (R,S,HD). 6.45 Will & Grace (R,S). 7.35 Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S). 8.35 Frasier (R,S). 10.05 Ramsay’s Hotel Hell (R,S,HD). 11.00 A Place in the Sun: Winter Sun (R,S,HD).

12.00 Channel 4 News Summary (S,HD).

12.05 Couples Come Dine with Me (R,S,HD). 1.05 Posh Pawnbrokers (R,S,HD).

2.10 Countdown (S,HD). 3.00 Fifteen To One (S,HD). 4.00 Coast vs Country (S,HD).

5.00 Four in a Bed (S,HD). 5.30 Come Dine with Me (R,S,HD).

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake! (HD). 9.15 The Wright Stuff (HD). 11.15 The Hotel Inspector (R,S,HD). 12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD).

12.15 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away (R,S,HD). 1.10 Access. 1.15 Home and Away (S,HD). 1.45 Neighbours (S,HD).

2.15 NCIS (R,S,HD). 3.15 Film: Death Al Dente: the Gourmet Detective (S,HD) (2015). See Choices Above. ●●● 5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours (R,S,HD).

Great British Menu, 7.30pm

Emmerdale, 7pm

First Dates, 10pm

Diana: 7 Days That Shook ... 9pm

▼

6.00 BBC News at Six; Weather (S,HD).

6.30 Regional News (S).

6.55 Party Election Broadcast (S,HD). By the Labour Party.

6.00 Debatable (S,HD). 30/33. Quiz show, hosted by Patrick Kielty.

6.45 Celebrity Eggheads (S,HD).

19/22. A team of authors take part in Jeremy Vine’s quiz.

6.00 Regional News (S); Weather.

6.30 ITV News (S); Weather.

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 5/22. The family relocates to a farm.

6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). See Choices Above.

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD).

6.30 5 News Tonight (S,HD).

6.55 Party Election Broadcast: Scottish National Party By the Scottish National Party.

▼

7.00 The One Show (S,HD).

7.30 EastEnders (S,HD). Kim is shocked to find out what has been going on with Denise.

Followed by Regional News.

7.30 Great British Menu (S,HD).

22/45. Three chefs hope to impress with their fish dishes.

7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). Nell tries to get her life in order.

7.30 Britain’s Got Talent (S,HD).

10/18. Ant and Dec host the second live semi-final.

7.00 Channel 4 News (S,HD).

7.55 Party Election Broadcast (S,HD). Political broadcast.

7.00 Police Interceptors (R,S,HD).

An officer gets lucky when a car thief crosses paths with him.

Followed by 5 News Update.

▼

8.00 Holby City (S,HD). 34/52. As a personal emergency strikes, Mo makes a heart-wrenching decision, and when Nina oversteps the mark with a patient on AAU, her judgement is called into question.

8.00 Springwatch 2017 (S,HD).

2/12. Chris Packham and Michaela Strachan are live in Gloucestershire with the latest from the nest cameras, while Martin Hughes-Games and Gillian Burke report from the Sherborne Estate.

8.00 Grand Designs (S,HD). A year after his last visit and with the house finally complete, Kevin McCloud returns to Somerset to see Ed and Vicky Versluys and their cow shed conversion.

8.00 The Yorkshire Vet (S,HD). 7/8.

See Choices Above.

9.00 Broken (S,HD). 2/6. See Choices Above.

9.00 The Chillenden Murders (S,HD). Experts examine the 1996 killings of Lin Russell and her daughter Megan, along with the attempted murder of nine-year-old Josie, and the case against Michael Stone.

9.00 Grayson Perry: Divided Britain (S,HD). See Choices Above.

9.00 Diana: 7 Days That Shook the Windsors (S,HD).

Documentary following the aftermath of Princess Diana’s death in 1997, when the Royal Family nearly lost its place in the hearts of the people.

10

▼

10.00 BBC News at Ten (S,HD).

10.30 Regional News (S). Followed

by Regional Programme.

10.45 Regional Programme (S).

10.00 Later Live – with Jools Holland (S,HD). 8/8. See Choices Above.

10.30 Election Spy (S). New series.

Political comedy.

10.35 Newsnight (S,HD).

10.00 ITV News at Ten (S); Weather.

10.45 Regional News (S); Weather.

10.55 Car Crash Britain: Caught on Camera (R,S,HD). 3/4. Road accidents and near-misses, including a man who nearly gets taken out by an insecure load on a van.

10.00 First Dates (S,HD). Luke, 30, is ready to give up playing the field and is searching for the one, which could be 29-yearold Sophie, a PR manager who is tired of turning up to weddings alone.

11

▼

9.00 Coronation Street (S,HD). See Choices Above.

9.30 Britain’s Got Talent Results (S,HD). 11/18. Ant and Dec announce which acts have made it through to the final.

11.30 Doctor in the House (R,S,HD).

3/4. An 11-year-old at risk of diabetes and a teenager with an eating disorder.

11.35 Weather (S,HD).

11.40 Paul Hollywood’s Big Continental Road Trip (R,S,HD). 1/3. The Bake Off judge drives across Europe.

11.55 The Chase (R,S,HD). 100/146.

Quiz show, hosted by Bradley Walsh.

11.05 Gogglebox (R,S,HD). The households’ opinions on recent TV.

11.05 Diana (S,HD) (2013). See Choices Above. ●●

▼

6 7 8 9

Holby City, 8pm

▼

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

12.30 Weather for the Week Ahead (S,HD). 12.35 BBC News (S,HD).

12.40 Sign Zone: Richard and Jaco: Life with Autism (R,S,HD). Actor Richard Mylan discusses raising a son on the autistic spectrum. 1.40 Sign Zone: Mexico: Earth’s Festival of Life (R,S). The forests of the Yucatan, home to ruins of the Mayan civilisation. 2.40 This Is BBC Two (S,HD).

Preview of upcoming programmes.

12.45 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming.

3.00 Loose Women (R,HD). The team is joined by guest Joe Wicks. 3.45 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Text-based information service. 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S,HD). Guests air their differences.

12.05 Four to the Floor (S,HD). 12.35 The World’s Weirdest Weather (R,S,HD).

Featuring a vast cave system with its own weather. 1.30 The Secret Life of the Zoo (R,S,HD). 2.25 The Supervet (R,S,HD). 3.20 Location, Location, Location (R,S,HD).

4.15 Selling Houses with Amanda Lamb (R,S,HD). 5.10 Fifteen To One (R,S,HD).

1.10 SuperCasino. Live interactive gaming. 3.10 Wentworth Prison (R,S,HD).

A new governor takes over as the Australian drama returns. 4.00 Witches: A Century of Murder (R,S,HD). The origins of the witch hunts and trials that swept the British Isles during the 17th century. 4.45 House Doctor (R,S). 5.10 Divine Designs (R,S). 5.35 Wildlife SOS (R,S).

after

12

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As Ken faces up to his attacker he demands answers, and Nick is stunned when Leanne explains their relationship is over. However, that’s the least of his problems as he discovers during a walk into quicksand.

Meanwhile, Shona is knocked unconscious after trying to escape from Nathan’s clutches.

The pianist introduces performances by Brighton duo Royal Blood, electro-pop trio the xx, New Orleans bandleader Trombone Shorty and LA-based siblings Haim.

FILM PICKS

CORONATION STREET 9pm, ITV

LATER LIVE – WITH JOOLS HOLLAND 10pm, BBC2

DIANA 11.05pm, Channel 5

The Princess of Wales has a passionate affair with a Pakistani heart surgeon in the last two years of her life. Factbased drama, starring Naomi Watts.

ITV2

E4

Sky1

Sky Sports 1

9.35 Scorpion (R,S,HD). 10.25 Britain’s Got Talent (R,S,HD).

11.55 Britain’s Got Talent Results (R,S,HD). 12.25 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 12.55 Coronation Street (R,S,HD). 1.30 You’ve Been Framed! Gold (R,S).

2.00 The Ellen DeGeneres Show (S,HD). 2.50 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S,HD). 5.00 Britain’s Got Talent (R,S,HD).

8.00 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 9.00 Melissa & Joey (R,S,HD). 10.00 Baby Daddy (R,S,HD). 11.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 12.00 New Girl (R,S,HD). 1.00 Brooklyn NineNine (R,S,HD). 2.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 3.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 4.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine (R,S,HD).

5.00 New Girl (R,S,HD).

6.00 Road Wars (R,S,HD). 8.00 Monkey Life (R,S). 9.00 David Attenborough’s Galapagos (R,S,HD). 10.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 12.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). Callen goes rogue and embarks on a secret mission. 1.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 3.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 4.00 Haven (R,S,HD). 5.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD).

6.00 Good Morning Sports Fans 9.00 Championship Play-Off Final (HD). 10.00 Premier League Years (S). 12.00 Championship Play-Off Final (HD). 1.00 Premier League Legends (S,HD). 2.00 Championship Play-Off Final (HD). 3.00 One2Eleven (S,HD).

4.00 Championship Play-Off Final (HD). 5.00 The Cross Sports Book Awards 2017 (HD).

DEATH AL DENTE: THE GOURMET DETECTIVE 3.15pm, Channel 5

Henry Roth is hired to find the best Italian chef for a new high-end eatery. However, a number of deaths sees him and fellow sleuth Maggie at the heart of another mystery with deadly consequences. Crime thriller, starring Dylan Neal.

Alibi 7.00 Home Shopping. 7.10 Murdoch Mysteries. (T) 9.00 Rizzoli & Isles. (T) 10.00 Castle. (T) 11.00 Sue Thomas: FBEye. (T) 12.00 The Doctor Blake Mysteries. (T) 1.00 New Tricks. (T) 3.00 Castle. (T) 4.00 Sue Thomas: FBEye. (T) 5.00 New Tricks. (T) 7.00 The Doctor Blake Mysteries. (T) 8.00 Rosewood.

9.00 Father Brown. (T) 10.00 WPC 56. (T) 11.00 Rizzoli & Isles. (T) 12.00 Murdoch Mysteries. (T) 1.00 WPC 56. (T) 2.00 Murdoch Mysteries. (T) 2.50 The Closer. (T) 4.00 Home Shopping.

Dave

The Keith and … 9pm

Black-ish, 7.30pm

Supergirl, 8pm

6.30 Britain’s Got Talent Results (R,S,HD). 9/18.

Ant and Dec reveal the performers who have made the final.

6.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 4/24. Penny arranges a date for Raj. 6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 5/24.

6.00 Futurama (R,S). 9/16.

Leela faces a difficult choice.

6.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD).

12&13/22.

7.00 You’ve Been Framed!

Gold (R,S). A man fails to jump over a bonfire on his bike.

7.30 You’ve Been Framed!

Gold (R,S).

7.00 Hollyoaks (S,HD).

Sienna wants Warren to be more involved in her pre-natal routine.

7.30 Black-ish (S,HD). 14/24.

7.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD).

14/22. Lisa tries to save her school radio station.

8.00 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 11/16. Alan tries to make some extra money so he can shower Lindsey with gifts.

8.30 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 12/16.

8.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 1/24. Penny struggles with Leonard’s confession.

8.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 5/24. The boys take up fencing.

8.00 Supergirl (S,HD). 22/22.

Kara challenges Rhea as she fights to save National City, while Superman returns and Cat offers some wise advice. Melissa Benoist stars. Last in the series.

9.00 The Keith and Paddy Picture Show (R,S,HD).

1/5. Keith Lemon and Paddy McGuinness remake Hollywood classics, beginning with Dirty Dancing.

9.30 Family Guy at the Movies (R,S,HD). 1/14.

10.00 American Pickers. (T) 12.00 Lizard Lick Towing. (T) 1.00 Top Gear. (T) 3.00 Sin City Motors. (T) 4.00 Steve Austin’s Broken Skull Challenge. 5.00 Top Gear. (T) 8.00 The Joy of Techs. 9.00 Taskmaster. 10.00 Asian Provocateur. (T) 10.35 Live at the Apollo.

11.40 Taskmaster. 12.45 Asian Provocateur.

(T) 1.20 QI. (T) 2.00 Asian Provocateur. (T) 2.30 Alan Davies: As Yet Untitled. (T) 3.25 The Joy of Techs. 4.00 Home Shopping.

Yesterday

10.00 Antiques Roadshow. (T) 11.00 Raiders of the Lost Past. (T) 12.00 The World at War. (T) 1.00 Coast. (T) 2.00 Brazil with Michael Palin. (T) 3.00 Goodnight Sweetheart. (T) 3.40 dinnerladies. 5.00 Raiders of the Lost Past. (T) 6.00 The World at War. (T) 7.00 Coast. (T) 8.00 Secrets of the Terracotta Warriors – Secret History. 9.00 One Foot in the Grave. (T) 10.20 Goodnight Sweetheart. (T) 11.00 Coast.

(T) 12.00 The World at War. (T) 1.00 Raiders of the Lost Past. (T) 2.00 Nature’s Boldest Thieves.

BBC4

7.00 100 Days+. (T) 7.00 Weather. (T) 7.30 Great British Railway Journeys. (T) 8.00 The First Georgians: The German Kings Who Made The Cross Sports … 5pm Britain. (T) 9.00 The Secret History of My Family. (T) 10.00 Cosmonauts: How Russia 6.00 Championship PlayWon the Space Race. (T) 11.30 Storm Off Final (HD).

Troupers: The Fight to Forecast the Weather.

Huddersfield Town v (T) 12.30 Deep, Down and Dirty – The Science Reading.

10.00 All Creatures Great and Small. (T) 11.00 of Soil. (T) 1.30 The Secret History of My The Bill. (T) 1.00 Last of the Summer Wine. (T) Family. (T) 2.30 Storm Troupers: The Fight to Forecast the Weather. (T) 3.30 Close.

1.40 Waiting for God. (T) 2.20 Birds of a 7.00 Darts (HD). Action from Feather. (T) 3.00 Boon. (T) 4.00 Monarch of the Glen. 5.00 All Creatures Great and Small. the Gibraltar Darts (T) 6.00 Waiting for God. (T) 6.40 Last of the Trophy, which saw the 32 Summer Wine. (T) 7.20 Keeping Up 1.05 Judy Moody and the Not Bummer players compete over Appearances. (T) 8.00 The Inspector Lynley Summer. (2011) (T) 2.50 The Harry Hill Movie. three days at the Victoria Mysteries. (T) 10.00 Silent Witness. (T) 12.30 (2013) Comedy, starring Harry Hill. (T) 4.35 Stadium.

The Bill. (T) 1.30 Birds of a Feather. 2.10 Pie in Picture Perfect. (1997) (T) 6.35 Speed 2: Cruise the Sky. (T) 3.00 Upstairs Downstairs. 4.00 Control. (1997) (T) 9.00 X-Men: Days of Future Home Shopping.

Past. (2014) (T) 11.35 52 Tuesdays. (2013) (T) 8.00 Championship Play-Off 1.50 Le Havre. (2011) 3.45 Close.

Final (HD). Huddersfield

Drama

Film4

Town v Reading. Action from Wembley Stadium, as the sides battled it out for promotion to the Premier League.

GOLD

10.00 Only Fools and Horses. (T) 10.40 The Two Ronnies Spectacle.

(T) 11.40 Bob Monkhouse: Million Joke Man. (T) 12.40 My Family. (T) 1.20 My Hero. (T) 2.00 Ever Decreasing Circles. 2.40 9.00 The Flash (S,HD). 23/23.

9.00 Rude Tube (S,HD). Alex 9.00 Premier League 100 dinnerladies. (T) 3.20 As Time Goes With no alternative and Zane presents a top 50 Club (S,HD). The Premier By. (T) 4.00 Last of the Summer nothing left to lose, Barry countdown of clips, League goals of Frank Wine. (T) 6.00 My Family. (T) 6.40 takes on Savitar in a final including brushing teeth Lampard.

Only Fools and Horses. (T) 8.40 Gavin & Stacey. (T) 10.00 Michael showdown. Superhero with fireworks, an 9.30 Premier League 100 adventure, starring Grant unusual wrestling stunt Club (S,HD). The best of McIntyre’s Comedy Roadshow. 11.00 Peep Show. (T) 11.35 Men Behaving Gustin, with Andre and a vegan rap.

Didier Drogba’s 104 Tricoteux. Last in the Premier League goals for Badly. (T) 12.15 Harry Hill’s TV Burp.

(T) 12.50 Harry Hill’s the Best of TV series.

Chelsea.

Burp. (T) 1.20 Harry Hill’s TV Burp.

(T) 1.50 Michael McIntyre’s Comedy 10.00 Formula 1 (HD). The 10.00 The Force: Essex Roadshow. 2.40 The Smell of Reeves 10.00 8 Out of 10 Cats Monaco Grand Prix.

(S,HD). 8/10. A man and Mortimer. (T) 4.00 Home (S,HD). Jimmy Carr hosts Shopping.

Highlights of the sixth threatens officers after the comedy panel show.

10.00 Britain’s Got More Talent (S,HD). Stephen Mulhern hosts the companion show to the 10.50 The Big Bang Theory talent competition, (R,S,HD). 10/24. Sheldon, going behind the scenes Amy, Leonard and to uncover all the latest Penny try to divide their news, views and gossip possessions. from the programme.

being thrown out of a club, while police chase a fleeing car and a driver’s quick errand ends in disaster.

round of the season at the Circuit de Monaco.

Really

11.00 Family Guy (R,S,HD).

4/21. Brian falls in love with Lois.

11.30 Family Guy (R,S,HD).

7/7. Brian runs away from home.

11.20 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 11/24.

Bernadette goes into labour.

11.50 Gogglebox (R,S,HD).

4/13.

11.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 5/22. The Dunphys try to get Luke’s Halloween party going.

11.30 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 6/22.

11.00 Animal SOS. 12.00 DIY SOS: The Big Build. (T) 1.00 Homes Under the Hammer. (T) 2.00 Escape to the Country. (T) 3.00 Wanted Down Under. 4.00 My Ghost Story. (T) 5.00 Ghost Adventures. (T) 6.00 Animal 11.00 Darts (HD). The Gibraltar SOS. 7.00 Escape to the Country. (T) 8.00 DIY SOS: The Big Build. (T) 9.00 Darts Trophy.

Cops UK: Bodycam Squad. 10.00 Born to Kill? Class of Evil. 11.00 Women Behind Bars. 12.00 Cold Justice. (T) 1.00 Dr G: Medical Examiner. (T) 2.00 Home Shopping.

4.00 Cheaters. (T)

12.00 American Dad! (R,S,HD).

12.30 American Dad! (R,S,HD).

12.55 American Dad! (R,S,HD).

1.30 Celebrity Juice (R,S,HD).

With James Blunt, Vicky Pattison and Jonathan Cheban. Last in the series. 2.25 Teleshopping. Home shopping. 5.55 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD).

12.35 Tattoo Fixers (R,S,HD). 1.40 Rude Tube (R,S,HD). 2.35 8 Out of 10 Cats (R,S,HD). 3.15 Gogglebox (R,S,HD). 3.55 Black-ish (R,S,HD).

4.15 The Mindy Project (R,S,HD).

4.35 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 4.55 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 5.20 Melissa & Joey (R,S,HD).

12.00 Modern Family (R,HD).

12.30 Modern Family (R,S,HD).

1.00 School of Hard Knocks (R,S,HD). 2.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 3.00 The Last Ship (R,S,HD). 4.00 Monkey Life (R,S).

4.30 Monkey Life (R,S). 5.00 Wild Vets (R,S). 5.30 Wild Vets (R,S).

12.00 Premier League 100 Club (S,HD). 12.30 Premier League 100 Club (S,HD). 1.00 Premier League Legends (HD). 1.30 Premier League Legends (S,HD). 2.00 Premier League Years (S). 4.00 Sporting Heroes: Ellery Hanley Interviews Frank Bruno (S,HD).

RADIO

Inspector. (T) 8.00 Supernanny US. 9.00 Criminal Minds: Beyond Borders. 10.00 EastEnders. (T) 10.40 Russell Howard’s Good News. (T) 11.20 Tipping Point. 12.20 MasterChef Australia. (T) 2.10 Resurrection.

Radio 1 6.30am The Radio 1 Breakfast Show with Nick Grimshaw. 10.00 Clara Amfo. 12.45pm Newsbeat. 1.00 Scott Mills. 4.00 Greg James. 5.45 Newsbeat.

6.00 Greg James. 7.00 MistaJam. 9.00 BBC Radio 1 & 1Xtra’s Stories: 10 Moments That Made Plan B. 10.00 Huw Stephens. 1.00am Annie Nightingale.

4.00 Adele Roberts.

Radio 2 5.00am Vanessa Feltz. 6.30 Sara Cox. 9.30 Fearne Cotton. Noon Jeremy Vine. 2.00 Steve Wright in the Afternoon. 5.00 Suzi Perry. 7.00 Jamie Cullum. 8.00 Jo Whiley. 10.00 Levi Roots. 11.00 Nigel Ogden: The Organist Entertains. 11.30 Listen to the Band.

Midnight Sounds of the 80s. 2.00

Radio 2’s Folk Playlist. 3.00 Radio 2 Playlists: Morning Acoustic. 4.00 Radio 2 Playlists: Wednesday Workout.

Radio 3 6.30am Breakfast. 9.00 Essential Classics. Noon Composer of the Week: Clarke. 1.00 News. 1.02 Radio 3 Lunchtime Concert. 2.00 Afternoon on 3. 4.30 In Tune. 6.30 Composer of the Week: Clarke. 7.30 Radio 3 in Concert. 10.00 Free Thinking.

10.45 Hay Essays: How to Write a Book.

11.00 Late Junction. 12.30am Through the Night.

Radio 4 5.30am News Briefing. 5.43 Prayer for the Day. 5.45 Farming Today.

5.58 Tweet of the Day. 6.00 Today. 9.00 The Life Scientific. 9.30 The Listening

Project Goes to the Polls. 9.45 (LW) Daily Service. 9.45 (FM) Book of the Week: Farewell to the Horse. 10.00 Woman’s Hour. 11.00 Print Me a New Body. 11.30 The Voices of. Noon News.

12.01 (LW) Shipping Forecast. 12.04 Home Front. 12.15 Call You and Yours.

12.57 Weather. 1.00 The World at One. 2.00 The Archers. 2.15 Drama: Tumanbay. 3.00 Short Cuts. 3.30 Costing the Earth. 4.00 Clocking On. 4.30 Great Lives. 5.00 PM. 5.54 (LW) Shipping Forecast. 5.57 Weather. 6.00 Six O’Clock News. 6.30 Small Scenes.

7.00 The Archers. Tony won’t be easily won over 7.15 Front Row. Arts programme 7.45 Bindi Business. By

Tanika Gupta 8.00 File on 4. Painkillers in sport – the legal doping risking the long-term health of athletes 8.40 In Touch. Presented by Peter White 9.00 All in the Mind. Mental health issues 9.30 The Life Scientific. Tamsin Mather explains what volcanic plumes reveal about the Earth 10.00 The World Tonight. With Ritula Shah 10.45 Book at Bedtime: F Scott Fitzgerald: The Lost Stories. 11.00 Alex Edelman’s Peer Group. The comedian takes a sideways look at the Millennial generation 11.30 No Triumph, No Tragedy. With comedian Geri Jewell Midnight News and Weather. 12.30 Book of the Week: Farewell to the Horse. 12.48 Shipping

59

W

YOUR LIFESTYLE MAGAZINE

6.15 Judge Faith. 7.00 My Dream Home. 8.00 Four in a Bed. (T) 9.00 Road Cops. 10.00 The Bill. (T) 11.00 Tipping Point. 1.00 Hairy Bikers’ Best of British. (T) 3.00 Four in a Bed. (T) 4.00 CSI: NY. (T) 6.00 Tipping Point. 7.00 The Hotel Forecast. 1.00 As BBC World Service.

5.20 Shipping Forecast.

Radio 5 Live 5.00am Morning Reports. 5.15 Wake Up to Money. 6.00 5 Live Breakfast. 10.00 5 Live Daily with Adrian Chiles. 1.00pm Afternoon Edition. 4.00 5 Live Drive. 7.00 5 Live Sport. 7.30 5 Live Sport: 5 Live Rugby.

8.30 5 Live Sport: 5 Live Cricket. 10.30 Phil Williams. 1.00am Up All Night.

Classic FM 6.00am More Music Breakfast. 9.00 John Suchet. 1.00pm Anne-Marie Minhall. 5.00 Classic FM Drive. 7.00 Smooth Classics at Seven.

8.00 The Full Works Concert. 10.00 Smooth Classics. 1.00am Sam Pittis.

EXCLUSIVELY WITH

EVERY SATURDAY

Wednesday, May 31 TV PICKS

FARGO 10pm, Channel 4

New series. A petty feud between two brothers escalates and brings chaos to the Minnesota town. Ewan McGregor stars in the return of the black comedy drama.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.15 Countryfile Spring Diaries (S,HD). 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD). 11.00 Rip Off Britain: Food (S,HD). 11.45 Close Calls: On Camera (R,S,HD). 12.15 Bargain Hunt (R,S,HD). 1.00 BBC News at One; Weather (S,HD). 1.30 Regional News (S).

1.45 Doctors (S,HD). 2.15 !mpossible (S,HD). 3.00 Escape to the Country (S,HD).

3.45 Yes Chef (S,HD). 4.30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is (R,S,HD).

5.15 Pointless (S,HD).

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

WHITE GOLD 10pm, BBC2

THE MET: POLICING LONDON Vincent, Fitzpatrick and Lavender meet a group 9pm, BBC1

of men from a local publishing company, raising the alpha male stakes when the trio discover the exciting perks the publishers receive in their line of business. In the showroom, receptionist Carol tries to get to grips with the new office computer.

BBC2

6.30 Rip Off Britain: Food (R,S,HD). 7.15 Yes Chef (R,S,HD). 8.00 Sign Zone: Gardeners’ World (R,S). 9.00 Victoria Derbyshire (S,HD). 11.00 BBC Newsroom Live (S,HD). 12.00 Daily Politics (S,HD).

1.00 Two Tribes (R,S,HD). 1.30 Family Finders (R,S,HD). 2.15 Red Rock (R,S,HD).

3.00 Hairy Bikers’ Best of British (R,S,HD). 3.45 Elephant Diaries (R,S). 4.15 Pilgrimage with Simon Reeve (R,S,HD).

5.15 Antiques Road Trip (R,S,HD).

EMMERDALE 7pm, ITV

Carly is shocked when Matt tells her that he loves her, and asks her to run away with him.

Nell misunderstands a snatch of a conversation she overhears between Jai and Moira. Nicola and Jimmy get carried away while alone in the chocolate factory, but end up causing a disastrous accident.

Detectives deal with a longrunning turf war between gangs in Harlesden, and officers in Islington are confronted by a grieving family who lost their son in a police pursuit.

ITV

6.00 Good Morning Britain (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S,HD). 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (S,HD). 10.30 This Morning (S,HD).

12.30 Loose Women (S,HD). With guest Lucy Davis. 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News (S).

1.55 Regional News (S). 2.00 Judge Rinder (R,S,HD). Real-life cases in a studio courtroom. 3.00 Masterpiece with Alan Titchmarsh (S,HD). 3.59 Regional Programme (S). 4.00 Tipping Point (R,S,HD). 5.00 The Chase (S,HD).

Channel 4

7.40 Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S).

8.35 Frasier (R,S). 10.05 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA (R,S). 11.00 A Place in the Sun: Winter Sun (R,S,HD).

12.00 Channel 4 News Summary (S,HD).

12.05 Couples Come Dine with Me (R,S,HD). 1.05 Posh Pawnbrokers (R,S,HD).

2.10 Countdown (S,HD). 3.00 Fifteen To One (S,HD). 4.00 Coast vs Country (S,HD).

5.00 Four in a Bed (S,HD). 5.30 Come Dine with Me (R,S,HD).

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake! (HD). 9.15 The Wright Stuff (HD). 11.15 The Hotel Inspector (R,S,HD). 12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD).

12.15 The Gadget Show (R,S,HD). 1.10 Access. 1.15 Home and Away (S,HD). 1.45 Neighbours (S). 2.20 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 3.20 Film: Saved from Sorrow: Mysterious Grace (S,HD) (2016). Premiere.

Drama, starring Joey Lawrence. ●●● 5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours (R,S,HD).

Bake Off: Creme de la Creme, 9pm

Coronation Street, 9pm

24 Hours in A&E, 9pm

Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away, 9pm

▼

6.00 BBC News at Six; Weather (S,HD).

6.30 Regional News (S).

6.55 Party Election Broadcast (S,HD). By the Green Party.

6.00 Debatable (R,S,HD). 31/33.

With Sunetra Sarker, Germaine Greer and Russell Kane.

6.45 Celebrity Eggheads (S,HD).

20/22.

6.00 Regional News (S); Weather.

6.25 Party Election Broadcast (S,HD). By the Green Party.

6.30 ITV News (S); Weather.

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 6/22.

6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Sienna wants Warren to be more involved in her pre-natal routine.

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD).

6.30 5 News Tonight (S,HD).

6.55 Party Election Broadcast: The Green Party (S,HD). By the Green Party.

7.00 The One Show (S,HD). Hosted

by Alex Jones and Ore Oduba.

7.30 The BBC Election Debate (S,HD). Mishal Husain moderates a seven-way debate between party representatives.

7.30 Great British Menu (S,HD).

23/45. The Scotland chefs hope to impress with their main dishes.

7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). See Choices Above.

7.30 Britain’s Got Talent (S,HD).

12/18. Ant and Dec host the third semi-final of the contest.

7.00 Channel 4 News (S,HD).

7.55 Party Election Broadcast (S,HD). Political broadcast.

7.00 Police Interceptors (R,S,HD).

4/10. Dan Brigginshaw tracks down a driver who has given him the slip on the side roads of Spalding.

8.00 Location, Location, Location (R,S,HD). Kirstie Allsopp and Phil Spencer help two sets of first-time buyers who are struggling to find homes in Southampton and the New Forest.

8.00 The Great Fire: London Burns (S,HD). 1/3. See Choices Above.

9.00 24 Hours in A&E (S,HD). New series. Three young men from different walks of life are brought in to the A&E department of St George’s Hospital in London, including a 17-year-old who has serious stab wounds.

9.00 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away (S,HD). 11/30. Officers chase £4,500 in court fees in North Wales after a property deal turned sour, and in Birmingham the agents try to collect over £3,500 from a single mum.

9.00 Coronation Street (S,HD).

Nick is sucked deeper into quicksand.

9.30 Britain’s Got Talent Results (S,HD). 13/18. Ant and Dec host the nationwide talent search.

▼

12

9.00 Bake Off: Creme de la Creme (S,HD). 9/9. Angus Deayton hosts the grand final of the pastry chef contest, with the contestants spending eight hours preparing desserts for a party at Firle Place, Sussex. Last in the series.

10.00 BBC News at Ten (S,HD).

10.30 Regional News (S). Followed

by Regional Programme.

10.45 A Question of Sport: The Highlights (S,HD). Looking back at a selection of the best moments from the series.

10.00 White Gold (S,HD). 2/6. See Choices Above.

10.30 Election Spy (S). A comic look behind the scenes at the political parties.

10.35 Newsnight (S,HD).

10.00 ITV News at Ten (S); Weather.

10.45 Regional News (S); Weather.

10.55 On Assignment (S,HD). 3/5.

Rageh Omaar reports from Istanbul a year on from the failed coup.

10.00 Fargo (S). 1/10. See Choices Above.

10.00 The Butcher Surgeon: Why Wasn’t He Stopped? (S,HD).

See Choices Above.

▼

after

9.00 The Met: Policing London (S,HD). 2/6. See Choices Above.

11.15 The Truth About HIV (R,S,HD).

Chris van Tulleken explores the latest science surrounding the HIV virus.

11.15 Weather (S,HD).

11.20 The Fifteen Billion Pound Railway: The Final Countdown (R,S,HD). 2/2. Part two of two. Engineers must construct and fit out a new station at Paddington.

11.30 British Touring Car Championship Highlights (S,HD). Steve Rider presents action from round four at Oulton Park.

11.25 999: What’s Your Emergency? (R,S,HD). 13/13.

How emergency service staff have to learn to deal with death on a daily basis. Last in the series.

11.05 Nightmare Tenants, Slum Landlords (R,S,HD). 7/16. A letting agent who broke into his clients’ house and changed the locks.

▼

10 11

8.00 Springwatch 2017 (S,HD).

3/12. Chris Packham, Michaela Strachan and Martin HughesGames present the annual series charting the fortunes of British wildlife during the changing of the seasons.

▼ ▼

6 7 8 9

Pointless, 5.15pm

▼

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

12.15 Weather for the Week Ahead (S,HD). 12.20 BBC News (S,HD).

12.20 The Women’s Football Show (S,HD). 12.55 Sign Zone: The Truth About Sleep (R,S). The consequences of sleep deprivation – and how to get more.

1.55 Sign Zone: Trust Me, I’m a Vet (R,S).

A team of practising vets seek out the very best advice for taking care of your pet. 2.55 This Is BBC Two (S,HD). Preview of upcoming programmes.

12.55 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming.

3.00 1000 Heartbeats (R,S,HD). Quiz show, hosted by Vernon Kay. 3.50 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Text-based information service. 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S,HD). Guests air their differences.

12.25 Naked Attraction (R,S,HD). 1.15 Film: Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo (S,HD) (1999). See Choices Above. ●● 2.45 Location, Location, Location (R,S,HD).

3.40 Selling Houses with Amanda Lamb (S,HD). Three rival London sellers take design ideas from Amanda. 4.40 Shipping Wars UK (R,S,HD). 5.05 Fifteen To One (R,S,HD).

12.05 Benefits Britain: Life on the Dole (R,S,HD). Young people living on state welfare. 1.00 SuperCasino. Live interactive gaming. 3.10 Wentworth Prison (R,S,HD). 4.00 Witches: A Century of Murder (R,S,HD). 4.45 House Doctor (R,S). 5.10 Divine Designs (R,S). 5.35 Wildlife SOS (R,S).

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60

Dan Jones, Suzannah Lipscomb and Rob Bell take a look at the Great Fire of London by walking the route the fire took across the city, hour-by-hour and street-by-street.

Documentary profiling former breast surgeon Ian Paterson, who was recently convicted of intentionally wounding patients for more than a decade. This programme examines how was he able to continue for so long.

FILM PICKS

THE BUTCHER SURGEON: WHY WASN’T HE STOPPED? 10pm, Channel 5

THE GREAT FIRE: LONDON BURNS 8pm, Channel 5

THE WOLVERINE 9pm, Film4

The former member of the X-Men travels to Japan, and protects a tycoon’s granddaughter from assassins.

Superhero adventure, with Hugh Jackman.

ITV2

E4

Sky1

Sky Sports 1

9.35 Scorpion (R,S,HD). 10.25 Britain’s Got Talent (R,S,HD).

11.55 Britain’s Got Talent Results (R,S,HD). 12.25 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 12.55 Coronation Street (R,S,HD). 1.30 You’ve Been Framed! Gold (R,S).

2.00 The Ellen DeGeneres Show (S,HD). 2.50 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S,HD). 5.00 Britain’s Got Talent (R,S,HD).

8.00 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 9.00 Melissa & Joey (R,S,HD). 10.00 Baby Daddy (R,S,HD). 11.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 12.00 New Girl (R,S,HD). 1.00 Brooklyn NineNine (R,S,HD). 2.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 3.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 4.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine (R,S,HD).

5.00 New Girl (R,S,HD).

6.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 8.00 Monkey Life (R,S). 9.00 David Attenborough’s Galapagos (R,S,HD). 10.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 12.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 1.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 3.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 4.00 Haven (R,S,HD).

Nathan and Audrey search the woods for a serial killer. 5.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD).

6.00 Good Morning Sports Fans (HD). 9.00 Premier League 100 Club (S,HD). 10.00 Premier League Years (S). 12.00 Darts (HD). The Gibraltar Darts Trophy.

1.00 Premier League Legends (HD). 3.00 Darts (HD). The Gibraltar Darts Trophy. 4.00 Football’s Greatest Players (S). 5.00 Sky Sports Boxing Gold (S,HD). 5.30 Darts Gold (S,HD).

DEUCE BIGALOW: MALE GIGOLO 1.15am, Channel 4

Comedy, starring Rob Schneider, William Forsythe, Eddie Griffin, Arija Bareikis, Oded Fehr, Gail O’Grady and Richard Riehle.

Alibi 11.00 Sue Thomas: FBEye. (T) 12.00 The Doctor Blake Mysteries. (T) 1.00 New Tricks.

(T) 3.00 Castle. (T) 4.00 Sue Thomas: FBEye. (T) 5.00 New Tricks. (T) 7.00 The Doctor Blake Mysteries. (T) 8.00 Father Brown. (T) 9.00 New Tricks. (T) 10.00 Rosewood. (T) 11.00 Rizzoli & Isles. (T) 12.00 Murdoch Mysteries.

(T) 2.00 Sue Thomas: FBEye. (T) 2.50 The Closer. (T) 4.00 Home Shopping.

Dave

MasterChef Australia. (T) 2.35 Betty White’s Off Their Rockers. (T) 3.00 Home Shopping.

Yesterday

9.35 Coast. (T) 10.00 Antiques Roadshow. (T) 11.00 Raiders of the Lost Past. (T) 12.00 Battleplan. (T) 1.00 Coast. (T) 2.00 Secrets of the Terracotta Warriors – Secret History. 3.00 Goodnight Sweetheart. (T) 3.40 One Foot in the Grave. (T) 5.00 Raiders of the Lost Past. (T) 6.00 Battleplan. (T) 7.00 Coast. (T) 8.00 Abandoned Engineering. (T) 9.00 Open All Hours. (T) 10.20 Goodnight Sweetheart. (T) 11.00 Coast. (T) 12.00 Battleplan. (T) 1.00 Raiders of the Lost Past. (T) 2.00 Surviving the Holocaust – Freddie Knoller’s War. (T) 3.00 Teleshopping.

10.00 American Pickers. (T) 12.00 Lizard Lick Towing. (T) 1.00 Top Gear. (T) 3.00 Sin City Motors. (T) 4.00 Steve Austin’s Broken Skull Challenge. 5.00 Top Gear. (T) 8.00 Sin City Motors. 9.00 Live at the Apollo. 10.00 Unspun with Matt Forde. 10.35 Mock the Week. (T) 11.55 Would I Lie to You? (T) 1.10 QI. (T) 1.50 7.00 100 Days+. (T) 7.00 Weather. (T) 7.30 Mock the Week. (T) 3.05 Would I Lie to You? Great British Railway Journeys. (T) 8.00 (T) 4.00 Home Shopping.

Timeshift: Bridging the Gap – How the Severn Bridge Was Built. (T) 9.00 Koko: The Gorilla Who Talks to People. (T) 10.00 The Girl Who Darts, 6pm Talked to Dolphins. (T) 11.00 Unlocking the Cage: Storyville. (T) 12.25 Queen of Tigers: 11.00 The Bill. (T) 1.00 Last of the Summer 6.00 Darts (HD). The Wine. (T) 1.40 Waiting for God. (T) 2.20 Birds Natural World Special. (T) 1.25 The Mystery of Gibraltar Darts Trophy. of a Feather. (T) 3.00 Boon. (T) 4.00 Monarch Murder: A Horizon Guide. (T) 2.25 Mud, Sweat and Tractors: The Story of Agriculture. of the Glen. 5.00 All Creatures Great and Small. (T) 6.00 Waiting for God. (T) 6.40 Last (T) 3.25 Close. of the Summer Wine. (T) 7.20 Keeping Up Appearances. (T) 8.00 Dalziel & Pascoe. (T) Silent Witness. (T) 12.10 The Bill. (T) 7.00 Premier League World 10.00 1.10 Birds of a Feather. (T) 1.55 Pie in the Sky. 11.00 Doctor Dolittle. (1967) (T) 2.00 Casper.

(S,HD). A round-up of the (T) 2.40 Boon. (T) 4.00 Home Shopping.

(1995) (T) 4.15 Starman. (1984) (T) 6.30 latest news.

Vertical Limit. (2000) Action adventure, 7.30 Fight Night (HD). starring Chris O’Donnell. (T) 9.00 The Anthony Joshua v Wolverine. (2013) Superhero adventure spinWladimir Klitschko. off, starring Hugh Jackman. (T) 11.30 Season 9.20 dinnerladies. (T) 10.00 Last of the of the Witch. (2011) Fantasy adventure, Summer Wine. (T) 12.00 Only Fools and Horses. (T) 12.40 My Family. (T) 1.20 My Hero. starring Nicolas Cage. (T) 1.15 Van Helsing.

(2004) (T) 4.00 Close.

(T) 2.00 Ever Decreasing Circles. (T) 2.40 dinnerladies. (T) 3.20 As Time Goes By. (T) 4.00 Last of the Summer Wine. (T) 6.00 My Family. (T) 6.40 Gavin & Stacey. (T) 8.00 Open All Hours. (T) 8.40 Citizen Khan. (T) 9.20 The Fast Show. 10.00 Michael McIntyre’s Comedy Roadshow. 11.00 Peep Show. (T) 11.35 French and 9.30 Sky Sports Boxing Gold Saunders. (T) 12.15 You, Me & (S,HD). Kevin Mitchell v Them. (T) 12.55 Harry Hill’s TV Burp.

John Murray.

(T) 1.50 Michael McIntyre’s Comedy Roadshow. 2.45 The Smell of Reeves and Mortimer. (T)

BBC4

The Keith and … 9pm

Supernatural, 10pm

MacGyver, 8pm

6.30 Britain’s Got Talent Results (R,S,HD). 11/18.

Ant and Dec announce which acts have made it through to the final.

6.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 6/24. Sheldon’s mother comes to visit.

6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 7/24.

6.00 Futurama (R,S). 10/16.

Hermes misses out on promotion.

6.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD).

15/22.

7.00 You’ve Been Framed!

Gold (R,S). A dog has an encounter with a shark.

7.30 You’ve Been Framed!

Gold (R,S). /24.

7.00 Hollyoaks (S,HD).

Sienna does not want to leave Warren.

7.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 9/24.

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S,HD).

16/22.

7.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD).

17/22. Bart gets involved with the Mafia.

8.00 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 13/16. Alan spies on Charlie and Lindsey.

8.30 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 14/16. Rose moves back to the beach with her new husband.

8.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 10/24. Sheldon is driven to distraction when a tune becomes stuck in his head.

8.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 24/24.

8.00 MacGyver (S,HD). 17/22.

Angus and the team are blamed for a terrorist bombing.

9.00 The Keith and Paddy Picture Show (R,S,HD).

2/5. The duo put their own spin on the classic 1984 comedy Ghostbusters.

9.30 Family Guy at the Movies (R,S,HD). 2/14.

9.00 The 100 (S,HD). 9/13.

Clarke struggles to find a way to keep the peace between the clans after information regarding Jaha’s discovery begins to spread. Drama set 97 years after a nuclear Armageddon.

9.00 The Blacklist (S,HD).

17/22. Red’s past catches up with him and sets him on a dangerous collision course with an enemy determined to destroy his criminal empire.

Crime thriller, starring James Spader.

Drama

Film4

GOLD

Really

10.00 Premier League World 10.00 NCIS: Los Angeles 10.00 Britain’s Got More 10.00 Supernatural (S,HD).

(S,HD). A round-up of (R,HD). 22/24. Callen, Talent (S,HD). Stephen 22/23. Sam and Dean are the latest news.

Sam and the team Mulhern hosts the caught in a dangerous continue to work with companion show to the situation with only each 10.30 Football Gold (S,HD).

Hetty’s former Vietnam talent competition, other to rely on. The Cardiff City v Liverpool War colleagues as they going behind the scenes fight between the from the 2013/14 begin a risky to uncover all the latest British and American Premier League season. investigation into a gold 10.45 Football Gold (S,HD). news, views and gossip hunters comes to a heist. from the programme. head. With Jared Crystal Palace v Padalecki.

Liverpool.

9.00 Escape to the Country. (T) 10.00 Wanted Down Under. 11.00 Animal SOS. 12.00 DIY SOS Special.

(T) 1.00 Homes Under the Hammer.

(T) 2.00 Escape to the Country. (T) 3.00 Wanted Down Under. 4.00 My Ghost Story. (T) 5.00 Ghost Adventures. (T) 6.00 Animal SOS. 7.00 Escape to the Country. (T) 8.00 DIY SOS Special. (T) 9.00 Motorway Cops. (T) 10.00 Super Rich: The Billion Dollar Hotel. (T) 11.00 Women Behind Bars. 12.00 Evil Up Close. (T) 1.00 Dr G: Medical Examiner. (T) 2.00 Home Shopping.

4.00 Cheaters. (T) 4.45 Secret Eaters. 5.35 Charly’s Cake Angels. (T)

11.00 Football’s Greatest 11.00 Modern Family Teams (S,HD). 5/16. The (R,S,HD). 9/22. Manny Bayern Munich team that and Luke put on a won the European Cup winter ball at the school. three times in a row.

11.30 Modern Family 6.10 Judge Faith. 7.00 My Dream 11.30 Football’s Greatest (R,S,HD). 10/22.

Home. (T) 8.00 Four in a Bed. (T) Players (S,HD).

12.05 American Dad! (R,S,HD).

12.35 American Dad! (R,S,HD).

1.05 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 1.30 Bordertown (R,S,HD). 1.55 Totally Bonkers Guinness World Records (R,S,HD). 2.25 Teleshopping.

Home shopping. 5.55 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD).

12.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD).

12.30 Modern Family (R,S,HD).

1.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). Kono goes on the run. Last in the series.

2.00 Ross Kemp: Extreme World (R,S,HD). 3.00 The Last Ship (R,S,HD). 4.00 Monkey Life (R,S).

4.30 Monkey Life (R,S). 5.00 Wild Vets (R,S). 5.30 Wild Vets (R,S).

RADIO

11.00 The Big Bang Theory 11.00 Family Guy (R,S,HD).

(R,S,HD). 23/23. Penny 5/21. Peter fights with gets drunk and seduces his friends over a trophy.

Leonard.

11.30 Family Guy (R,S,HD).

6/21. Death turns up in 11.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 12/24.

Quahog to claim Peter.

12.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 12.30 Tattoo Fixers (R,S,HD). 1.35 Rude Tube (R,S,HD).

2.30 The 100 (R,S,HD). 3.15 Supernatural (R,S,HD). 4.00 The Mindy Project (R,S,HD). 4.20 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD).

4.40 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD).

Radio 1 6.30am The Radio 1 Breakfast Show with Nick Grimshaw. 10.00 Clara Amfo. 12.45pm Newsbeat. 1.00 Scott Mills. 4.00 Greg James. 5.45 Newsbeat.

6.00 Greg James. 7.00 MistaJam. 9.00 The Surgery with Gemma & Dr Radha.

10.00 Huw Stephens. 1.00am Benji B. 4.00 Adele Roberts.

Radio 2 5.00am Vanessa Feltz. 6.30 Sara Cox. 9.30 Fearne Cotton. Noon Jeremy Vine. 2.00 Steve Wright in the Afternoon. 5.00 Suzi Perry. 7.00 The Folk Show with Mark Radcliffe. 8.00 Jo Whiley. 10.00 Sgt Pepper Forever. 11.00 Quatrophonic. Midnight Pick of the Pops. 2.00 Radio 2 Playlists: Country Playlist. 3.00 Radio 2 Playlists: Relax. 4.00

W

Radio 2 Playlist: Radio 2 Rocks.

Radio 3 6.30am Breakfast. 9.00 Essential Classics. Noon Composer of the Week: Clarke. 1.00 News. 1.02 Radio 3 Lunchtime Concert. 2.00 Afternoon on 3. 3.30 Choral Evensong. 4.30 In Tune.

6.30 Composer of the Week: Clarke.

7.30 Radio 3 in Concert. 10.00 Free Thinking. 10.45 Hay Essays: How to Write a Book. 11.00 Late Junction.

12.30am Through the Night.

Radio 4 5.30am News Briefing. 5.43 Prayer for the Day. 5.45 Farming Today.

5.58 Tweet of the Day. 6.00 Today. 9.00 Soul Music. 9.30 John Cleese Presents.

9.45 (LW) Daily Service. 9.45 (FM) Book of the Week: Farewell to the Horse.

12.00 Premier League 100 Club (S,HD). 12.30 Premier League 100 Club (S,HD). 1.00 Premier League Legends (S,HD). 1.30 Premier League Legends (S,HD). 2.00 Premier League Years (S,HD). 4.00 Sporting Heroes: Gary Newbon Interviews AP McCoy (S,HD). 5.00 Premier League 100 Club (S,HD).

10.00 Woman’s Hour. 10.56 The Listening Project. 11.00 Breakfast with the Disruptors. 11.30 It’s a Fair Cop. Noon News. 12.01 (LW) Shipping Forecast. 12.04 Home Front. 12.15 You and Yours. 1.00 The World at One. 1.56 Weather. 2.00 The Archers. 2.15 Drama: Orpheus and Eurydice. 3.00 Money Box Live. 3.30 All in the Mind. 4.00 Thinking Allowed. 4.30 The Media Show. 5.00 PM. 5.54 (LW) Shipping Forecast. 6.00 Six O’Clock News. 6.30 John Finnemore’s Double Acts. 7.00 The Archers. 7.15 Front Row. Arts programme 7.45 (LW) Bindi Business. 7.45 (FM) Bindi Business.

8.00 FutureProofing. The wider social and cultural implications of modern

scientific advances 8.45 Electionomics.

9.00 Costing the Earth. Botanist James Wong investigates the impact of global warming on plants 9.30 Soul Music.

Emotional responses to Wagner’s symphonic poem 9.59 Weather. 10.00 The World Tonight. With Ritula Shah 10.45 Book at Bedtime: F Scott Fitzgerald: The Lost Stories. 11.00 Woof – One Man’s Search for a Dog or a Boyfriend. 11.15 Beef and Dairy Network. 11.30 Life at LIPA. Three performing arts students take listeners behind the scenes Midnight News and Weather. 12.30 Book of the Week: Farewell to the Horse. 12.45 Sailing By. 12.48 Shipping Forecast. 1.00 As BBC

61

9.00 Road Cops. 10.00 The Bill. (T) 11.00 Tipping Point. 1.00 Hairy Bikers’ Best of British. (T) 3.00 Four in a Bed. (T) 4.00 CSI: NY. (T) 6.00 Tipping Point. 7.00 The Hotel Inspector. (T) 8.00 Supernanny. (T) 9.00 Inside the Ambulance. (T) 10.00 KKK: The Fight for White Supremacy. 11.20 Stacey Dooley in the USA: Giving Up My Baby. (T) 12.20 Tipping Point. 1.20 World Service. 5.20 Shipping Forecast.

Radio 5 Live 5.00am Morning Reports.

5.15 Wake Up to Money. 6.00 5 Live Breakfast. 10.00 5 Live Daily with Emma Barnett. 1.00pm Afternoon Edition.

4.00 5 Live Drive. 7.00 5 Live Sport. 7.30 The BBC Election Debate. 9.00 5 Live Sport: The Tuffers and Vaughan Cricket Show. 10.30 Phil Williams. 1.00am Up All Night.

Classic FM 6.00am More Music Breakfast. 9.00 John Suchet. 1.00pm Anne-Marie Minhall. 5.00 Classic FM Drive. 7.00 Smooth Classics at Seven.

8.00 The Full Works Concert. 10.00 Smooth Classics. 1.00am Sam Pittis.

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Thursday, June 1 TV PICKS

FRANK SKINNER ON MUHAMMAD ALI 9pm, BBC1

The comedian explores the boxer’s life, meeting his brother, and visiting the training compound where he prepared for the Rumble in the Jungle.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.15 Countryfile Spring Diaries (S,HD). 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer (S,HD). 11.00 Rip Off Britain: Food (S,HD). 11.45 Close Calls: On Camera (R,S,HD). 12.15 Bargain Hunt (R,S,HD). 1.00 BBC News at One; Weather (S,HD). 1.30 Regional News (S). 1.45 Doctors (S,HD). 2.15 !mpossible (S,HD).

3.00 Escape to the Country (R,S,HD). 3.45 Yes Chef (S,HD). 4.30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is (R,S,HD). 5.15 Pointless (S,HD).

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

BRITAIN’S GOT TALENT 7.30pm, ITV

Ant and Dec welcome another eight acts onto the stage. Only the most impressive will have a chance of performing for royalty later this year, and to add to the tension, judges Simon Cowell, David Walliams, Amanda Holden and Alesha Dixon can still buzz off a disastrous contestant at this point in the competition.

BBC2

6.30 Rip Off Britain: Food (R,S,HD). 7.15 Yes Chef (R,S,HD). 8.00 Sign Zone: Bake Off: Creme de la Creme (R,S). 9.00 Victoria Derbyshire (S,HD). 11.00 BBC Newsroom Live (S,HD). 12.00 Daily Politics (S,HD). 1.00 Two Tribes (R,S,HD).

1.30 Family Finders (R,S,HD). 2.15 Red Rock (R,S,HD). 3.00 Hairy Bikers’ Best of British (R,S,HD). 3.45 Elephant Diaries (R,S). 4.15 Pilgrimage with Simon Reeve (R,S,HD). 5.15 Antiques Road Trip (R,S,HD).

KAT AND ALFIE: REDWATER 8pm, BBC1

THE SUPERVET 8pm, Channel 4

Kathleen finally gets good news, and Eileen wonders whether she and Kieran should stay in Ireland for good. Drama, starring Jessie Wallace.

ITV

6.00 Good Morning Britain (S,HD). 8.30 Lorraine (S,HD). 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (S,HD). 10.30 This Morning (S,HD).

12.30 Loose Women (S,HD). With actress Denise Black. 1.30 ITV Lunchtime News (S). 1.55 Regional News (S). 2.00 Judge Rinder (R,S,HD). Real-life cases in a studio courtroom. 3.00 Masterpiece with Alan Titchmarsh (S,HD). 3.59 Regional Programme (S). 4.00 Tipping Point (R,S,HD). 5.00 The Chase (S,HD).

Documentary following the work of veterinary practice Fitzpatrick Referrals, where Noel Fitzpatrick and his team help some of the nation’s hardest-to-cure pets. A man travels through the night to bring his much-loved doberman down from Cumbria to see Noel about a diseased spinal cord.

Channel 4

7.35 Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S).

8.35 Frasier (R,S). 10.05 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA (R,S). 11.00 A Place in the Sun: Winter Sun (R,S,HD).

12.00 Channel 4 News Summary (S,HD).

12.05 Couples Come Dine with Me (R,S,HD). 1.05 Posh Pawnbrokers (R,S,HD).

2.10 Countdown (S,HD). 3.00 Fifteen To One (S,HD). 4.00 Coast vs Country (S,HD).

5.00 Four in a Bed (S,HD). 5.30 Come Dine with Me (R,S,HD).

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake! (HD). 9.15 The Wright Stuff (HD). 11.15 The Hotel Inspector (R,S,HD). 12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD).

12.15 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away (R,S,HD). 1.15 Home and Away (S,HD).

1.45 Neighbours (S,HD). 2.15 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 3.15 Film: Alone in the Wild: Deadly Survival (S,HD) (2013).

Family drama, starring Natasha Henstridge. ●●● 5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours (R,S,HD).

Celebrity Eggheads, 6.45pm

Emmerdale, 7pm

Hollyoaks, 6.30pm

Nightmare Tenants, Slum ... 9pm

▼

6.00 BBC News at Six; Weather 6.30 Regional News (S).

6.55 Party Election Broadcast (S,HD). By the UK Independence Party.

6.00 Debatable (S,HD). 32/33. With Phil Tufnell, Michael Buerk and Naga Munchetty.

6.45 Celebrity Eggheads (S,HD).

21/22.

6.00 Regional News (S); Weather.

6.25 Party Election Broadcast (S,HD). By the UK Independence Party.

6.30 ITV News (S); Weather.

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 7/22.

Apu’s wife has octuplets.

6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Sienna does not want to leave Warren.

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD).

6.30 5 News Tonight (S,HD).

6.55 Party Election Broadcast: UK Independence Party (S,HD).

By the UK Independence Party.

▼

7.00 The One Show (S,HD). Topical stories from around the UK. 7.30 EastEnders (S,HD). Steven prepares a romantic meal for Lauren. Followed by BBC News; Regional News.

7.30 Great British Menu (S,HD).

24/45. The Scotland chefs prepare desserts.

7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD).

7.30 Britain’s Got Talent (S,HD).

14/18. See Choices Above.

7.00 Channel 4 News (S,HD).

7.55 Party Election Broadcast (S,HD). Political broadcast.

7.00 Secrets of Great British Castles (R,S,HD). 1/6. Historian Dan Jones heads south east of England to explore the turbulent history of Dover Castle.

▼

6 7 8 9

EastEnders, 7.30pm

8.00 Kat and Alfie: Redwater (S,HD). 3/6. See Choices Above.

8.00 Springwatch 2017 (S,HD).

4/12. Martin Hughes-Games and Iolo Williams track down the elusive sand lizard in north Wales, and Chris Packham and Michaela Strachan present the latest from the Sherborne Estate.

8.00 The Supervet (S,HD). See Choices Above.

8.00 The Great Fire: Death and Destruction (S,HD). 2/3. See Choices Above.

▼

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

9.00 Frank Skinner on Muhammad Ali (S,HD). See Choices Above.

9.00 Paula (S,HD). 2/3. See Choices Above.

9.00 Coronation Street (S,HD). A furious Nathan punishes Bethany for her drunken behaviour.

9.30 Britain’s Got Talent Results (S,HD). 15/18. Two more finalists are revealed.

9.00 Catching a Killer (S,HD).

Thames Valley Police’s investigation into the disappearance of 31-year-old Natalie Hemming in 2016, following the case though to the arrest and the tragic conclusion.

9.00 Nightmare Tenants, Slum Landlords (S,HD). 13/16.

Catching up with past stories, including a woman who rented her cottage for three months, only for her tenant to still be there four years later – and not paying any rent.

12

▼

after

10.00 ITV News at Ten (S); Weather.

10.45 Regional News (S); Weather.

10.55 Car Wars UK (S,HD). The work of Northumbria’s traffic officers, as they deal with incidents including a vehicle falling from the sky and a man being thrown from a car while performing a U-turn.

10.45 One Killer Punch (R,S,HD).

Documentary exploring the consequences of deadly single hits, from a row over a parking space in a supermarket car park to an unanticipated fight outside a nightclub.

10.00 The World’s Heaviest Child: Extraordinary People (S,HD).

The story of an 11-year-old from Indonesia who weighs 30 stone, following doctors’ attempts to determine the root cause of his massive weight gain.

▼

11

10.00 QI (R,S,HD). 4/18. With guests Jason Manford, Sara Pascoe and Jeremy Clarkson.

10.30 Election Spy (S). Political comedy.

10.35 Newsnight (S,HD).

11.45 This Week (S,HD). The past seven days in politics.

11.15 Weather (S,HD).

11.20 Jane Austen: Behind Closed Doors (R,S,HD). Lucy Worsley visits some of the many locations that helped inspire Jane Austen’s work.

11.55 Tipping Point (R,S,HD).

138/175. Game show, hosted by Ben Shephard.

11.45 First Dates (R,S,HD). A ladies’ man hopes to find romance with a PR manager.

11.05 Restless Legs Syndrome: Desperate for Help (R,S,HD).

Documentary about people with a compulsion to constantly move their feet.

▼

10

10.00 BBC News at Ten (S,HD).

10.30 Regional News (S).

10.45 Question Time (S,HD). 32/37.

Topical debate from East Barnet in north London, chaired by David Dimbleby.

12.35 Weather for the Week Ahead (S,HD). 12.40 BBC News (S,HD).

12.20 Sign Zone: Dara and Ed’s Road to Mandalay (R,S). Comedians Dara O Briain and Ed Byrne explore South East Asia. 1.20 Sign Zone: Second Chance Summer: Tuscany (R,S). The group prepare to host a traditional Italian wedding. 2.15 This Is BBC Two (S,HD). Preview of upcoming programmes.

12.50 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming.

3.00 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S,HD).

Guests air their differences. 3.55 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Text-based information service. 5.05 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S,HD). Guests air their differences.

12.45 Bizarre ER (S,HD). New series. The most unexpected cases from A&E departments around the UK. 1.40 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA (R,S).

2.30 Location, Location, Location (R,S,HD). 3.25 Loaded (R,S,HD). 4.15 Grayson Perry: Divided Britain (R,S,HD).

5.10 Fifteen To One (R,S,HD).

12.00 SuperCasino. Live interactive gaming. 3.10 Wentworth Prison (R,S,HD).

Simone is back inside Wentworth and determined to overthrow Franky. 4.00 Now That’s Funny! (R,S,HD). Internetsourced videos with an amusing family friendly hook. 4.45 House Doctor (R,S).

Highlights of the series. 5.10 Divine Designs (R,S). 5.35 Wildlife SOS (R,S).

EXCLUSIVELY WITH

YOUR LIFESTYLE MAGAZINE EVERY SATURDAY 62

In the wake of Philip’s death, Paula notices some things missing from her home and wonders whether James was involved, while the handyman becomes more troubled and goes on the run.

The team continues to walk the path of the infamous inferno, uncovering what really happened on the worst day of the four-day rampage. Dan Jones charts the destruction of the city’s buildings, including London’s spiritual home St Paul’s Cathedral.

FILM PICKS

THE GREAT FIRE: DEATH AND DESTRUCTION 8pm, Channel 5

PAULA 9pm, BBC2

INSTINCT 11.10pm, Film4

A psychologist probes the mind of an imprisoned primatologist to discover what drove him to murder. Drama, with Anthony Hopkins.

ITV2

E4

Sky1

Sky Sports 1

9.35 Scorpion (R,S,HD). 10.25 Britain’s Got Talent (R,S,HD).

11.55 Britain’s Got Talent Results (R,S,HD). 12.25 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 12.55 Coronation Street (R,S,HD). 1.30 You’ve Been Framed! Gold (R,S).

2.00 The Ellen DeGeneres Show (S,HD). 2.50 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S,HD). 5.00 Britain’s Got Talent (R,S,HD).

8.00 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 9.00 Melissa & Joey (R,S,HD). 10.00 Baby Daddy (R,S,HD). 11.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 12.00 New Girl (R,S,HD). 1.00 Brooklyn NineNine (R,S,HD). 2.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 3.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 4.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine (R,S,HD).

5.00 New Girl (R,S,HD).

6.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 8.00 Monkey Life (R,S). 9.00 Making Attenborough’s Galapagos (R,S,HD). 10.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 12.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). The team is assigned to protect a fashion model. 1.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 3.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 4.00 Haven (R,HD). 5.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD).

6.00 Good Morning Sports Fans (HD). 9.00 Premier League World (S,HD). 9.30 Premier League 100 Club (S,HD). 10.00 Premier League Years (S). 12.00 Darts (HD). The Gibraltar Darts Trophy.

1.00 Great Sporting Moments (HD). 2.00 Premier League Legends (S,HD). 3.00 Darts (HD).

4.00 Football’s Greatest Players (S,HD). 5.00 Darts Gold (S,HD).

SMALL SOLDIERS 6.50pm, Film4

A computer chip brings a squad of toy soldiers to life, causing mayhem for their owner.

Children’s adventure, with Kirsten Dunst and Gregory Smith.

Alibi

Tipping Point. 7.00 The Hotel Inspector. (T) 8.00 Supernanny. (T) 9.00 John Bishop: In Conversation with Charlotte Church. (T) 10.00 10.00 Castle. (T) 11.00 Sue Thomas: FBEye. (T) EastEnders. (T) 10.40 Miranda. (T) 11.20 Tipping Point. 12.20 MasterChef Australia. (T) 12.00 The Doctor Blake Mysteries. (T) 1.00 1.20 Grimm. (T) 2.10 Resurrection. (T) 3.00 New Tricks. (T) 3.00 Castle. (T) 4.00 Sue Home Shopping.

Thomas: FBEye. (T) 5.00 New Tricks. (T) 7.00 The Doctor Blake Mysteries. (T) 8.00 New Tricks. (T) 9.00 Quantico. (T) 10.00 Death in Paradise. (T) 11.00 Murdoch Mysteries. (T) 1.00 Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries. (T) 2.00 10.00 Antiques Roadshow. (T) 11.00 Raiders Sue Thomas: FBEye. (T) 2.50 Murdoch of the Lost Past. (T) 12.00 Battleplan. 1.00 Mysteries. (T) 4.00 Home Shopping.

Coast. (T) 2.00 Abandoned Engineering. (T) 3.00 Goodnight Sweetheart. (T) 3.40 Open All Hours. (T) 5.00 Raiders of the Lost Past. (T) 6.00 Battleplan. 7.00 Coast. (T) 8.00 A Tale of 6.00 Home Shopping. 7.00 American Pickers. Two Sisters. (T) 9.00 Steptoe and Son. (T) 9.40 Open All Hours. (T) 10.20 Goodnight (T) 9.00 Storage Hunters UK. (T) 10.00 Sweetheart. (T) 11.00 Coast. (T) 12.00 American Pickers. (T) 12.00 Lizard Lick Battleplan. 1.30 Raiders of the Lost Past. (T) Towing. (T) 1.00 Top Gear. (T) 3.00 Sin City 2.00 Secrets of War. (T) 3.00 Teleshopping.

Motors. (T) 4.00 Steve Austin’s Broken Skull Challenge. 5.00 Top Gear. (T) 8.00 Dara O Briain’s Go 8 Bit. 9.00 Not Going Out. (T) 11.00 Mock the Week. (T) 12.20 QI. (T) 1.00 QI XL. (T) 2.00 Not Going Out. (T) 3.15 Lizard 7.00 100 Days+. (T) 7.00 Weather. (T) 7.30 Lick Towing. (T) 4.00 Home Shopping.

Sounds of the Eighties. (T) 8.00 Fossil Wonderlands: Nature’s Hidden Treasures. (T) 9.00 The Great Village Green Crusade. (T) 10.30 Engineering Giants: Gas Rig Strip-Down.

(T) 11.30 Catching History’s Criminals: The 11.00 The Bill. (T) 1.00 Last of the Summer Wine. (T) 1.40 Waiting for God. (T) 2.20 Birds Forensics Story. (T) 12.30 Sound of Cinema: of a Feather. (T) 3.00 Boon. (T) 4.00 Monarch The Music That Made the Movies. (T) 1.30 Arena: American Epic. (T) 2.30 The Great of the Glen. 5.00 All Creatures Great and Small. (T) 6.00 Waiting for God. (T) 6.40 Last Village Green Crusade. (T) 4.00 Close. of the Summer Wine. (T) 7.20 Keeping Up Appearances. (T) 8.00 Hetty Wainthropp Investigates. (T) 9.00 New Tricks. (T) 10.00 Silent Witness. (T) 12.05 The Bill. (T) 1.05 11.00 Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea. Birds of a Feather. (T) 1.45 Pie in the Sky. (T) (1961) (T) 1.10 Carry On Jack. (1963) (T) 2.55 2.40 Boon. (T) 3.30 Garden Hopping.

Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules. (2011) (T) 4.55 Napoleon Dynamite. (2004) (T) 6.50 Small Soldiers. (1998) (T) 9.00 2 Guns. (2013) (T) 11.10 Instinct. (1999) (T) 1.35 Ruby Sparks.

(2012) (T) 3.55 Close.

10.00 Last of the Summer Wine. (T) 12.00 Open All Hours. (T) 12.40 My Family.

(T) 1.20 My Hero. (T) 2.00 Ever Decreasing Circles. (T) 2.40 dinnerladies. (T) 3.20 As Time Goes By. (T) 4.00 Last of the Summer Wine. (T) 6.00 My Family. (T) 6.40 Porridge. (T) 7.20 Only Fools and Horses. (T) 8.00 Citizen Khan. (T) 8.40 The Fast Show. 9.20 Mrs Brown’s Boys. 10.00 Peep Show. (T) 10.30 Michael McIntyre’s Comedy Roadshow. 11.30 Film: The Full Monty (1997) Comedy, starring Robert Carlyle. 1.20 French and Saunders. (T) 2.35 Michael McIntyre’s Comedy Roadshow. 3.25 The Smell of Reeves and Mortimer.

(T) 4.00 Home Shopping.

Yesterday

Dave

BBC4

The Keith and … 9pm

New Girl, 9.30pm

Arrow, 9pm

Live Darts, 7pm

6.30 Britain’s Got Talent Results (R,S,HD). 13/18.

Ant and Dec host the nationwide talent search.

6.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 8/24.

6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 9/24.

6.00 Futurama (R,S). 11/16.

The Professor chooses his successor.

6.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD).

18/22.

6.00 Darts (HD). The Gibraltar Darts Trophy.

7.00 You’ve Been Framed!

Gold Strikes Back!

(R,S). Harry Hill’s most off-the-wall observations inspired by viewers’ home videos.

7.00 Hollyoaks (S,HD).

Goldie gets her job back at the salon.

7.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 1/24.

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S,HD).

19/22. Mr Burns decides to open his own university.

7.30 The Simpsons (R,HD).

20/22.

7.00 Live World Cup of Darts (HD). Coverage of the opening day of the doubles event.

8.00 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 15/16. Alan persuades members of the family to give him money.

8.30 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 16/16.

8.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 2/24.

8.30 Kevin Can Wait (S).

7/24. Kevin and Donna refuse to celebrate Halloween.

8.00 Beneath the Black: A Journey Through New Zealand Rugby (HD). A look at what makes New Zealand so successful at rugby union.

Really

11.00 Beneath the Black: A Journey Through New Zealand Rugby (HD). A look at what makes New Zealand so successful at rugby union.

12.00 American Dad! (R,S,HD). A marriage counsellor hypnotises Francine. 12.30 American Dad! (R,S,HD). 1.00 Mom (S,HD). 1.25 Through the Keyhole (R,S,HD).

With Craig Charles, Fearne Cotton and Dave Berry. 2.25 Teleshopping. Home shopping.

5.55 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD).

12.00 Premier League 100 Club (S,HD). 12.30 Premier League 100 Club (S,HD). 1.00 Darts (HD). 2.00 Football’s Greatest Players (S,HD). 2.30 Football’s Greatest Players (S,HD). 3.00 Darts Gold (S,HD). 3.30 Darts Gold (S,HD).

4.00 Darts (HD). 5.00 Premier League 100 Club (S,HD).

RADIO

11.05 The Big Bang Theory 11.00 Modern Family 11.00 Family Guy (R,S,HD).

(R,S,HD). 14/24.

(R,S,HD). 13/22. Phil 7/21. Lois becomes a persuades Jay to help theatre director.

11.35 The Big Bang Theory him develop a property.

(R,S,HD). 15/24. Leonard 11.30 Family Guy (R,S,HD). and Howard send 11.30 Modern Family 3/21. Civilisation is Sheldon on a train trip.

(R,S,HD). 14/22. destroyed in a millennial apocalypse.

Radio 1 6.30am The Radio 1 Breakfast Show with Nick Grimshaw. 10.00 Clara Amfo. 12.45pm Newsbeat. 1.00 Scott Mills. 4.00 Greg James. 5.45 Newsbeat.

6.00 Greg James. 7.00 MistaJam. 9.00 Radio 1’s Artist Takeover with. 10.00 BBC Radio 1’s Residency – Deadmau5.

Midnight BBC Radio 1’s Residency – Will Atkinson. 1.00 Toddla T. 4.00 Adele Roberts.

Radio 2 5.00am Vanessa Feltz. 6.30 Sara Cox. 9.30 Fearne Cotton. Noon Jeremy Vine. 2.00 Steve Wright in the Afternoon. 5.00 Suzi Perry. 7.00 Bob Harris Country. 8.00 Jo Whiley. 10.00 The Radio 2 Arts Show with Jonathan Ross. Midnight The Craig Charles

12.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD).

12.30 Modern Family (R,S,HD).

1.00 Duck Quacks Don’t Echo (R,S,HD). 2.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 3.00 The Last Ship (R,S,HD). 4.00 Monkey Life (R,S).

4.30 Monkey Life (R,S). 5.00 The Dog Whisperer (R,S). 5.30 The Dog Whisperer (R,S).

House Party. 2.00 Radio 2’s Tracks of My Years Playlist. 3.00 Radio 2 Playlists: Have A Great Weekend. 4.00 Radio 2 Playlists: Feelgood Friday.

Radio 3 6.30am Breakfast. 9.00 Essential Classics. Noon Composer of the Week: Clarke. 1.00 News. 1.02 Radio 3 Lunchtime Concert. 2.00 Afternoon on 3. 4.30 In Tune. 6.30 Composer of the Week: Clarke. 7.30 Radio 3 in Concert. 10.00 Free Thinking. 10.45 Hay Essays: How to Write a Book. 11.00 Late Junction.

12.30am Through the Night.

Radio 4 5.30am News Briefing. 5.43 Prayer for the Day. 5.45 Farming Today.

5.58 Tweet of the Day. 6.00 Today.

Film4

GOLD

9.00 Arrow (S,HD). 23/23.

9.00 The Keith and Paddy 9.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine Oliver recruits a group of Picture Show (R,S,HD).

(S,HD). 19/22. Captain unlikely allies for a final 3/5. Keith Lemon and Holt’s mother is burgled. showdown on Lian Yu Paddy McGuinness 9.30 New Girl (S). 7/22. A against Chase and his remake Return of the series of problems ruins band of villains.

Jedi.

Thanksgiving dinner.

Superhero adventure, 9.30 Family Guy at the starring Stephen Amell.

Movies (R,S,HD). 1/30.

Last in the series.

Peter and Lois go on a second honeymoon.

10.00 Jamestown (R,S,HD).

10.00 Britain’s Got More 10.00 The Inbetweeners 4/8. Rumours of a gold Talent (S,HD). Stephen (R,S,HD). 3/6. Simon mine sends a stir of Mulhern goes behind faces a dilemma. suspicion through the the scenes of the 10.35 The Inbetweeners settlement, and Jocelyn penultimate semi-final, (R,S,HD). 4/6. The gang forces a reluctant catching up with the visits a university.

Samuel to help her find presenters and judges, the map, while James and asking his guests Read clashes with the what they thought of governor. the show.

12.05 Tattoo Fixers (R,S,HD). 1.10 Rude Tube (R,S,HD). 2.10 Rude Tube (R,S). 2.35 The Inbetweeners (R,S,HD). 3.05 The Inbetweeners (R,S,HD). 3.30 Kevin Can Wait (R,S). 3.55 Brooklyn Nine-Nine (R,S,HD).

4.15 New Girl (R,S). 4.40 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD).

Drama

9.00 In Our Time. 9.45 (LW) Daily Service. 9.45 (FM) Book of the Week: Farewell to the Horse. 10.00 (LW) Woman’s Hour. 10.00 (FM) Woman’s Hour. 10.15 (LW) Test Match Special.

11.00 (FM) From Our Own Correspondent. 11.30 (FM) I Was. Noon (FM) News. 12.01 (LW) Shipping Forecast. 12.04 (LW) Test Match Special.

12.04 (FM) Home Front. 12.15 (FM) You and Yours. 12.57 (FM) Weather.

1.00 (FM) The World at One. 2.00 (FM) The Archers. 2.15 (FM) Drama: Slipping Through Time. 3.00 (FM) Ramblings.

3.27 (FM) Radio 4 Appeal. 3.30 (FM) Open Book. 4.00 (FM) The Film Programme. 4.30 (FM) BBC Inside

Science. 5.00 (FM) PM. 5.54 (LW) Shipping Forecast. 5.57 (LW) Test Match Special. 5.57 (FM) Weather. 6.00 (FM) Six O’Clock News. 6.30 Alex Horne Presents the Horne Section. 7.00 The Archers. 7.15 Front Row. 7.45 Bindi Business. 8.00 The Bottom Line: Can We Trust Big Business? An overview of the business world 9.00 BBC Inside Science.

9.30 In Our Time. 10.00 The World Tonight. 10.45 Book at Bedtime: F Scott Fitzgerald: The Lost Stories. 11.00 Thanks a Lot, Milton Jones! 11.30 Life at LIPA. Midnight News and Weather.

12.30 Book of the Week: Farewell to the Horse. 12.48 Shipping Forecast.

1.00 As BBC World Service. 5.20

63

6.00 Helicopter Heroes. (T) 7.00 Home Shopping. 8.00 Homes Under the Hammer. (T) 9.00 Escape to the Country. (T) 10.00 Wanted Down Under. 11.00 Animal SOS. 12.00 DIY SOS: The Big Build. (T) 1.00 Homes Under the Hammer. (T) 2.00 Escape to the Country. (T) 3.00 Wanted Down Under. 4.00 My Ghost Story.

(T) 5.00 Ghost Adventures. (T) 6.00 Animal SOS. 7.00 Escape to the Country. (T) 8.00 DIY SOS: The Big Build. (T) 9.00 Embarrassing Bodies.

(T) 10.00 Millionaire Basement Wars. (T) 11.00 Women Behind Bars.

12.00 Evil Up Close. (T) 1.00 Dr G: Medical Examiner. (T) 2.00 Home Shopping. 4.00 Helicopter Heroes.

(T) 5.35 Give a Dog a Home.

W

6.15 Boston’s Finest. 7.00 My Dream Home. (T) 8.00 Four in a Bed. (T) 9.00 Road Cops. 10.00 The Bill. (T) 11.00 Tipping Point. 1.00 Hairy Bikers’ Best of British. (T) 3.00 Four in a Bed. (T) 4.00 CSI: NY. (T) 6.00 Shipping Forecast.

Radio 5 Live 5.00am Morning Reports. 5.15 Wake Up to Money. 6.00 5 Live Breakfast. 10.00 5 Live Daily with Emma Barnett. 1.00pm Afternoon Edition. 4.00 5 Live Drive. 7.00 5 Live Sport. 7.30 5 Live Sport: 5 Live Racing.

8.00 5 Live Sport: 5 Live Tennis. 9.00 5 Live Sport: 5 Live Rugby. 10.00 Question Time Extra Time. 1.00am Up All Night.

Classic FM 6.00am More Music Breakfast. 9.00 John Suchet. 1.00pm Anne-Marie Minhall. 5.00 Classic FM Drive. 7.00 Smooth Classics at Seven.

8.00 The Full Works Concert. 10.00 Smooth Classics. 1.00am Sam Pittis.

WE DON’T JUST HELP YOU FIND A NEW HOUSE.

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find a new way of life Discover everything you need to know about Somerset including area specific guides and the latest homes on the market.

www.somersetlive.co.uk/property

YOUR LOCAL

PROPERTY EXPERTS

Friday, June 2 TV PICKS

THE GRAHAM NORTON SHOW 10.35pm, BBC1

Tom Cruise and Annabel Wallis discuss their film The Mummy, while Zac Efron talks about the big-screen revival of Baywatch.

BBC1

6.00 Breakfast (S,HD). 9.15 Countryfile Spring Diaries (S,HD). 10.00 Homes Under the Hammer (R,S,HD). 11.00 Rip Off Britain: Food (S,HD). 11.45 Close Calls: On Camera (R,S,HD). 12.15 Bargain Hunt (S,HD). 1.00 BBC News at One; Weather (S,HD). 1.30 Regional News (S).

1.45 Doctors (S,HD). 2.15 !mpossible (S,HD). 3.00 Escape to the Country (R,S,HD). 3.45 Yes Chef (S,HD). 4.30 Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is (R,S,HD). 5.15 Pointless (S,HD).

FILM RATINGS ●●●●● Excellent ●●●● Very good ●●● Good ●● Average ● Poor

CORONATION STREET 9pm, ITV

David, Shona, Sarah and Gary race to the tanning salon, and although Shona explains to them what has been going on, Bethany refuses to believe their claims about Nathan. Elsewhere, Leanne cries over her loss, and will Ken’s attacker be brought to justice?

BBC2

6.30 Rip Off Britain: Food (R,S,HD). 7.15 Yes Chef (R,S,HD). 8.00 Sign Zone: The World According to Kids (R,S). 9.00 Victoria Derbyshire (S,HD). 11.00 BBC Newsroom Live (S,HD). 12.00 Daily Politics (S,HD). 1.00 Two Tribes (R,S,HD).

1.30 Family Finders (R,S,HD). 2.15 Red Rock (R,S,HD). 3.00 Hairy Bikers’ Best of British (R,S,HD). 3.45 Elephant Diaries (R,S). 4.15 The Tea Trail with Simon Reeve (R,S,HD). 5.15 Antiques Road Trip (R,S,HD).

THE SECRET LIFE OF THE LONG-HAUL FLIGHT 9pm, Channel 5

Documentary following one of the longest flights in the world – from London to Sydney – aboard one of the biggest planes in the world, the double-decker Airbus A380.

ITV

6.00 Good Morning Britain (S,HD). News, current affairs and lifestyle features. 8.30 Lorraine (S,HD). 9.25 The Jeremy Kyle Show (S,HD). 10.30 This Morning (S,HD).

12.30 Loose Women (S,HD). Topical debate from a female perspective. 1.00 ITV Lunchtime News (S). 1.25 Regional News (S). 1.30 ITV Racing Live: The Oaks (S,HD).

Coverage of day one of the Investec Oaks at Epsom. 5.00 The Chase (S,HD). Quiz show, hosted by Bradley Walsh.

POSH PAWN 8pm, Channel 4

James Constantinou gets stopped in his tracks test driving a £30,000 Radical racing car, memorabilia expert Lawrence Pickett deals with an intriguing enquiry about a piece of pop art, while handbag expert Claudia Valentin is moved to tears by a client with an emotional story.

Channel 4

6.45 Will & Grace (R,S). 7.35 Everybody Loves Raymond (R,S). 8.35 Frasier (R,S).

10.05 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA (R,S). 11.00 A Place in the Sun: Winter Sun (R,S,HD). 12.00 Channel 4 News Summary (S,HD). 12.05 Couples Come Dine with Me (R,S,HD). 1.05 Posh Pawnbrokers (R,S,HD). 2.10 Countdown (S,HD). 3.00 Fifteen To One (S,HD). 4.00 Coast vs Country (S,HD). 5.00 Four in a Bed (S,HD). 5.30 Come Dine with Me (R,S,HD).

Channel 5

6.00 Milkshake! (HD). 9.15 The Wright Stuff (HD). 11.15 The Hotel Inspector Returns (R,S,HD). 12.10 5 News Lunchtime (S,HD). 12.15 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away (R,S,HD). 1.15 Home and Away (S,HD). 1.45 Neighbours (S,HD).

2.20 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). 3.20 Film: Justice for Natalee Holloway (S,HD) (2011). Drama sequel, starring Tracy Pollan. ●●● 5.00 5 News at 5 (S,HD). 5.30 Neighbours (R,S,HD).

Gogglebox, 9pm

The Gadget Show, 7pm

▼

6.00 Regional News (S); Weather.

6.25 Party Election Broadcast (S,HD). By the Liberal Democrats.

6.30 ITV News (S); Weather.

6.00 The Simpsons (R,S). 8/22.

Homer tackles a biker gang.

6.30 Hollyoaks (S,HD). Goldie gets her job back at the salon.

6.00 Home and Away (R,S,HD).

6.30 5 News Tonight (S,HD).

6.55 Party Election Broadcast: The Liberal Democrats By the Liberal Democrats.

▼

7.00 The One Show (S,HD). From Cardiff, as the city prepares to host the UEFA Champions League final. Followed by Regional News.

7.30 Great British Menu (S,HD).

25/45. The two remaining Scotland chefs compete.

7.00 Emmerdale (S,HD). Marlon makes a decision.

7.30 Britain’s Got Talent (S,HD).

16/18. Ant and Dec host the last of this year’s semi-final.

7.00 Channel 4 News (S,HD).

7.55 Party Election Broadcast (S,HD). Political broadcast.

7.00 The Gadget Show (S,HD).

Georgie Barrat sees how well technology has served Monkey Tree FC. Followed by 5 News Update.

8.00 EastEnders (S,HD). Mick is out to impress as the Carters have a meeting with Fi. 8.30 Question Time Leaders’ Special (S,HD). Theresa May and Jeremy Corbyn face audience questions in York.

8.00 Gardeners’ World (S,HD).

11/31. Monty Don gives advice on herbs that will grow happily in shade, and visits Chatsworth House to learn about the history of its extensive grounds and gardens. Including Weather.

8.00 Posh Pawn (S,HD). See Choices Above.

8.00 The Great Fire: A City Rebuilt (S,HD). The final episode follows the last day of the great fire’s rampage through the city of London and the after-effects that changed the capital city for ever. Last in the series. Followed by 5 News Update.

9.00 Gogglebox (S,HD). Capturing the households’ instant reactions to what they are watching on TV from the comfort of their own sofas.

9.00 The Secret Life of the LongHaul Flight (S,HD). See Choices Above.

9.00 Coronation Street (S,HD). See Choices Above.

9.30 Britain’s Got Talent Results (S,HD). 17/18. Ant and Dec reveal the performers who have made the final.

10.00 BBC News at Ten (S,HD).

10.25 Regional News (S). Followed

by Regional Programme.

10.35 The Graham Norton Show (S,HD). 9/13. See Choices Above.

10.00 Have I Got News for You (S,HD). 7/9. Victoria Coren Mitchell hosts, with guest Adam Boulton and Richard Coles.

10.30 Election Spy (S). A comic look behind the scenes at the political parties.

10.35 Newsnight (S,HD).

10.00 ITV News at Ten (S); Weather.

10.45 Regional News (S); Weather.

10.55 The Keith and Paddy Picture Show (R,S,HD). 4/5. Keith Lemon and Paddy McGuinness present their version of Jaws.

10.00 The Last Leg (S,HD). See Choices Above.

10.30 Hijacked: Terror in the Sky (S,HD). 1/4. New series. The taking of TWA flight 847 by armed Lebanese militia in June 1985. The terrorists hoped to secure the release of hundreds of Islamic prisoners detained in Israel.

11.25 Sliding Doors (S,HD) (1998).

See Choices Above. ●●●

11.15 Weather (S,HD).

11.20 Later – with Jools Holland (S,HD). 8/8. Extended edition of the music programme. Last in the series.

11.25 Benidorm (R,S). 4/6. A conman mingles with the guests.

11.05 The Fake News Show (R,S,HD). Comedy panel show, hosted by Stephen Mangan.

11.40 8 Out of 10 Cats (S,HD). Jimmy Carr hosts the comedy panel show.

11.30 Criminals: Caught on Camera (R,S,HD). 4/5. The use of CCTV to help police catch reckless and dangerous drivers.

11.55 Access. Showbiz news and gossip.

1.00 Weather for the Week Ahead (S,HD). 1.05 BBC News (S,HD).

12.20 Sign Zone: Rio Ferdinand: Being Mum and Dad (R,S). The former footballer meets families coping with bereavement.

1.20 Sign Zone: Doctor Who (R,S). Earth faces ruin at the hands of three warring nations, until an alien race offers to intervene. 2.05 This Is BBC Two (S,HD).

Preview of upcoming programmes.

12.25 Carl Froch: Sports Life Stories (R,S,HD). A profile of the former boxer, a four-time world super-middleweight champion. Last in the series. 1.20 Jackpot247. Interactive gaming. 3.00 Storage Hoarders (R,S,HD). A man with a large collection of football programmes.

3.50 ITV Nightscreen (HD). Text-based information service.

12.25 Sarah Millican – Home Bird Live (R,S,HD). 1.20 Film: Welcome to the Punch (S,HD) (2013). Crime thriller, starring James McAvoy and Mark Strong. ●●● 3.00 The Handmaid’s Tale (R,S). 4.05 Shipping Wars UK (R,S,HD). 4.45 Kirstie’s Handmade Treasures (R,S,HD). 5.00 Fifteen To One (R,S,HD). 5.55 3rd Rock from the Sun (R,S).

12.00 SuperCasino (HD). Live interactive gaming. 3.10 Film: Spies Like Us (S,HD) (1985). Comedy, starring Chevy Chase and Dan Aykroyd. ●● 4.45 House Doctor (R,S).

A selection of highlights. Last in the series.

5.10 Divine Designs (R,S). Church architecture during the 16th and 17th centuries. 5.35 Wildlife SOS (R,S). The work of an animal sanctuary.

▼

9.00 Versailles (S,HD). See Choices Above. Followed by Inside Versailles.

▼

Britain’s Got Talent, 7.30pm

6.00 Debatable (S,HD). 33/33. With Grace Dent, Dan Walker and Jennie Bond. Last in the series.

6.45 Celebrity Eggheads (S,HD).

22/22.

▼

Debatable, 6pm

6.00 BBC News at Six; Weather 6.30 Regional News (S).

6.55 Party Election Broadcast (S,HD). By the Liberal Democrats.

▼

6 7 8 9

EastEnders, 8pm

▼

(R) repeat (S) subtitles (HD) highdefinition

10 11 after

12

bag your dream job at FISH4JOBS.CO.UK 64

#dothefish

Adam Hills, Josh Widdicombe and Alex Brooker are joined by Sue Perkins for a comic review of the past seven days, with a special focus on the General Election. The quartet offer their own unique insight into some of the most difficult and delicate issues in modern Britain.

A weary Louis XIV is offered an opportunity to change the course of his conflict with William of Orange, while Madame de Montespan suspects Madame Scarron has feelings for Louis.

FILM PICKS

THE LAST LEG 10pm, Channel 4

VERSAILLES 9pm, BBC2

SLIDING DOORS 11.25pm, BBC1

A London woman’s entire future hinges on a seemingly minor but pivotal moment.

Comedy drama, starring Gwyneth Paltrow and John Hannah.

ITV2

E4

Sky1

Sky Sports 1

9.35 Scorpion (R,S,HD). 10.25 Britain’s Got Talent (R,S,HD).

11.55 Britain’s Got Talent Results (R,S,HD). 12.25 Emmerdale (R,S,HD). 12.55 Coronation Street (R,S,HD). 1.30 You’ve Been Framed! Gold (R,S).

2.00 The Ellen DeGeneres Show (S,HD). 2.50 The Jeremy Kyle Show (R,S,HD). 5.00 Britain’s Got Talent (R,S,HD).

8.00 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 9.00 Melissa & Joey (R,S,HD). 10.00 Baby Daddy (R,S,HD). 11.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 12.00 New Girl (R,S,HD). 1.00 Brooklyn NineNine (R,S,HD). 2.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 3.00 How I Met Your Mother (R,S,HD). 4.00 Brooklyn Nine-Nine (R,S,HD).

5.00 New Girl (R,S,HD).

6.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD). 8.00 Monkey Life (R,S). 9.00 Attenborough at 90: Behind the Lens (R,S,HD). 10.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 12.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD). A terrorist forces Callen and Sam to co-operate with him. 1.00 Hawaii Five-0 (R,S,HD).

3.00 NCIS: Los Angeles (R,S,HD).

4.00 Haven (R,S,HD). 5.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD).

10.35 Darts Top 5 Moments (HD).

10.45 Darts Gold (HD). 11.00 Football’s Greatest Players (S,HD). 12.00 Darts Gold (S,HD).

12.30 Live Chinese Super League (HD). 2.35 Football Gold (HD).

3.00 Beneath the Black: A Journey Through New Zealand Rugby (HD). 4.00 Football’s Greatest Players (S,HD). 5.00 Darts Gold (S,HD).

IT FOLLOWS 10.55pm, Film4

After sleeping with her boyfriend for the first time, a teenager is stalked by an unseen, supernatural menace.

Horror, starring Maika Monroe.

Alibi 7.00 Home Shopping. 7.10 Murdoch Mysteries. (T) 9.00 Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries. (T) 10.00 Castle. (T) 11.00 Sue Thomas: FBEye. (T) 12.00 New Tricks. (T) 3.00 Castle. (T) 4.00 Sue Thomas: FBEye. (T) 5.00 New Tricks. (T) 8.00 Quantico. (T) 9.00 Death in Paradise. (T) 10.00 Rebus. (T) 11.30 Murdoch Mysteries. (T) 1.30 Rebus. (T) 2.55 Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries. (T) 4.00 Home Shopping.

Hotel Inspector. (T) 8.00 Supernanny. (T) 9.00 One Born Every Minute. (T) 10.00 EastEnders.

(T) 10.40 Film: Black Hawk Down (2001) 1.30 EastEnders. (T) 2.05 Resurrection. (T) 3.00 Home Shopping.

Yesterday

9.00 Coast. (T) 10.00 Antiques Roadshow. (T) 11.00 Raiders of the Lost Past. (T) 12.00 Battleplan. 1.00 Coast. (T) 2.00 A Tale of Two Sisters. (T) 3.00 Goodnight Sweetheart. (T) 3.40 Steptoe and Son. (T) 4.20 Open All Hours. (T) 5.00 Raiders of the Lost Past. (T) 6.00 Battleplan. 7.00 Coast. (T) 8.00 Who Do You Think You Are? (T) 9.00 Porridge: Inside 9.00 Storage Hunters UK. (T) 10.00 American Out. (T) 10.00 Blackadder Rides Again. (T) Pickers. (T) 12.00 Lizard Lick Towing. (T) 1.00 11.00 Coast. (T) 12.00 Battleplan. 1.00 Top Gear. (T) 3.00 Sin City Motors. 4.00 Steve Raiders of the Lost Past. (T) 2.00 Secrets of War. (T) 3.05 Teleshopping.

Austin’s Broken Skull Challenge. 5.00 Top Gear. (T) 8.00 Cops UK: Bodycam Squad. 9.00 Dynamo: Magician Impossible. (T) 10.00 Mock the Week. (T) 12.00 Room 101. (T) 2.00 Alan Davies: As Yet Untitled. (T) 3.00 Lizard Lick 7.00 World News Today. (T) 7.00 Weather. (T) Towing. (T) 4.00 Home Shopping.

7.30 Sounds of the Eighties. (T) 8.00 The Good Old Days. (T) 8.50 Sounds of the Seventies. (T) 9.00 Top of the Pops: The Story of 1984. (T) 10.00 Top of the Pops 1984: Big 7.10 The Bill. (T) 8.00 Pie in the Sky. (T) 9.00 Hits. (T) 11.00 Arena: Loretta Lynn – Still a Mountain Girl. (T) 12.30 Top of the Pops: The Monarch of the Glen. 10.00 All Creatures Story of 1984. (T) 1.30 Top of the Pops 1984: Great and Small. (T) 11.00 The Bill. (T) 1.00 Last of the Summer Wine. (T) 1.40 Waiting for Big Hits. (T) 2.30 Arena: Loretta Lynn – Still a Mountain Girl. (T) 4.00 Close.

God. (T) 2.20 Birds of a Feather. 3.00 Boon.

4.00 Monarch of the Glen. 5.00 All Creatures Great and Small. (T) 6.00 Waiting for God. (T) 6.40 Last of the Summer Wine. (T) 7.20 Keeping Up Appearances. (T) 8.00 New Tricks. 11.00 The Wackiest Ship in the Army. (1960) (T) 9.00 Life on Mars. 10.00 Silent Witness. (T) (T) 1.05 The Dark Crystal. (1982) (T) 2.55 Diary 12.10 The Bill. (T) 1.10 Birds of a Feather. of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days. (2012) (T) 4.45 1.50 Pie in the Sky. (T) 2.45 Boon. 3.35 Millions. (2004) Comedy drama, starring Alex Garden Hopping. 4.00 Home Shopping.

Etel. (T) 6.40 Beautiful Creatures. (2013) (T) 9.00 Predestination. (2014) (T) 10.55 It Follows. (2014) (T) 1.00 Lovelace. (2013) (T) 2.55 Close.

8.40 As Time Goes By. (T) 9.20 dinnerladies. (T) 10.00 Last of the Summer Wine. (T) 12.00 Porridge.

(T) 12.40 My Family. (T) 1.20 My Hero. (T) 2.00 Ever Decreasing Circles. (T) 2.40 dinnerladies. (T) 3.20 As Time Goes By. (T) 4.00 Last of the Summer Wine. (T) 6.00 My Family. (T) 7.00 Only Fools and Horses. (T) 9.00 Mrs Brown’s Boys.

9.40 The Royle Family at Christmas.

(T) 10.20 The Royle Family. (T) 11.00 Bridget & Eamon. 12.10 Spaced.

1.20 Big Train. (T) 1.55 Monty Python’s Best Bits (Mostly). (T) 3.00 The Royle Family at Christmas. (T) 3.35 The Piglet Files.

Dave

BBC4

You’ve Been … 7pm

The Big Bang T… 8.30pm

Jamestown, 9pm

Live Darts, 7pm

6.30 Britain’s Got Talent Results (R,S,HD). 15/18.

Two more finalists are revealed.

6.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 10/24. Stuart asks Amy out on a date.

6.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 11/24.

6.00 Futurama (R,S). 12/16.

Fry meets a mermaid.

6.30 The Simpsons (R,S,HD).

21/22.

6.00 Darts Gold (HD).

6.15 Darts Gold (HD).

6.30 Darts Gold (HD).

6.45 Darts Gold (HD).

7.00 You’ve Been Framed!

Gold and Famous (R,S). Celebrity lookalike clips, with Harry Hill.

7.00 Hollyoaks (S,HD).

Drama following a group of young people in Chester.

7.30 Brooklyn Nine-Nine (R,S,HD). 19/22.

7.00 The Simpsons (R,S,HD).

22/22. The dogs of Springfield assert their dominance.

7.30 The Simpsons (R,S).

2/22.

7.00 Live World Cup of Darts (HD). Coverage of the second day of the doubles event.

8.00 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 1/24. Alan and Jake meet internet billionaire Walden Schmidt (Ashton Kutcher).

8.30 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 2/24.

8.00 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 15/24. Sheldon and Amy take a train ride to the Napa Valley.

8.30 The Big Bang Theory (R,S,HD). 11/24. Sheldon and Amy spend their first night together.

8.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 1/24.

8.30 Modern Family (R,S,HD). 2/24. Phil and Claire embarrass Haley while dropping her off at college.

9.00 The Keith and Paddy Picture Show (R,S,HD).

4/5. Keith Lemon and Paddy McGuinness present their version of Jaws.

9.30 Family Guy at the Movies (R,S,HD). 16/16.

Peter is inspired by the writing of Stephen King.

10.00 Britain’s Got More Talent (S,HD). Stephen Mulhern hosts the companion show to the talent competition, going behind the scenes to uncover all the latest news, views and gossip from the programme.

9.00 The A-Team (S,HD) (2010). Four soldiers jailed for a crime they did not commit escape from prison and track down the culprit. Action adventure based on the TV series, with Liam Neeson and Bradley Cooper. ●●●

9.00 Jamestown (S,HD). 5/8.

Redwick sees a chance to stir up civil unrest when Yeardley is struck by illness, while Jocelyn realises she may have underestimated Temperance.

10.00 Tom Cruise: Reel Life (HD). Profile of the actor.

11.30 The Big Bang Theory 11.00 Modern Family 11.00 Family Guy (R,S,HD).

(R,S,HD). 16/24. Amy is (R,S,HD). 17/22.

8/21. Peter discovers his furious with Sheldon for 11.30 Modern Family feminine side. sharing intimate details (R,S,HD). 18/22. Mitch 11.30 Family Guy (R,S,HD). of their relationship. and Cam race to catch a 1/21. Lois inherits a 11.55 The Big Bang Theory flight. fortune.

(R,S,HD). 17/24.

RADIO

12.00 American Dad! (R,S,HD).

12.30 American Dad! (R,S,HD).

1.00 Two and a Half Men (R,S,HD). 1.30 Release the Hounds: Famous & Freaked (R,S,HD). 2.20 Teleshopping.

Home shopping. 5.50 ITV2 Nightscreen (HD).

12.20 Tattoo Fixers (R,S,HD). 1.25 Tattoo Fixers (R,S,HD). 2.30 Rude Tube (R,S,HD). 3.20 Rude Tube (R,S,HD). 4.10 Rude(ish) Tube (R,S). 4.35 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 4.55 Rules of Engagement (R,S,HD). 5.15 Melissa & Joey (R,S,HD).

Radio 1 6.30am The Radio 1 Breakfast Show with Nick Grimshaw. 10.00 Clara Amfo. 12.45pm Newsbeat. 1.00 Scott Mills. 4.00 The Official Chart with Greg James. 5.45 Newsbeat. 6.00 Radio 1’s Dance Anthems with Greg James. 7.00 Danny Howard. 10.00 Pete Tong.

1.00am B.Traits. 4.00 Radio 1’s Essential Mix. Radio 2 5.00am Vanessa Feltz. 6.30 Sara Cox. 9.30 Fearne Cotton. Noon Jeremy Vine. 2.00 Steve Wright in the Afternoon. 5.00 Suzi Perry. 7.00 Tony Blackburn’s Golden Hour. 8.00 Friday Night Is Music Night. 10.00 Sounds of the 80s. Midnight Anneka Rice: The Happening. 2.00 Radio 2’s Funky Soul

12.00 Modern Family (R,S,HD).

12.30 Modern Family (R,S,HD).

1.00 A League of Their Own (R,HD). 2.00 The Blacklist (R,S,HD).

3.00 The Last Ship (R,S,HD). 4.00 Monkey Life (R,S). 4.30 Monkey Life (R,S). 5.00 The Dog Whisperer (R,S). 5.30 The Dog Whisperer (R,S).

Playlist. 3.00 Radio 2 Playlist: Today’s Top Hits. 4.00 Radio 2 Playlist: 21st Century Songs.

Radio 3 6.30am Breakfast. 9.00 Essential Classics. Noon Composer of the Week: Clarke. 1.00 News. 1.02 Radio 3 Lunchtime Concert. 2.00 Afternoon on 3. 4.30 In Tune. 6.30 Composer of the Week: Clarke. 7.30 Radio 3 in Concert. 10.00 The Verb.

10.45 Hay Essays: How to Write a Book.

11.00 World on 3. 1.00am Through the Night.

Radio 4 5.30am News Briefing. 5.43 Prayer for the Day. 5.45 Farming Today.

5.58 Tweet of the Day. 6.00 Today.

9.00 Desert Island Discs. 9.45 (LW) Daily

Service. 9.45 (FM) Book of the Week: Farewell to the Horse. 10.00 Woman’s Hour. 11.00 From Our Home Correspondent. 11.30 The Casebook of Max and Ivan. Noon News. 12.01 (LW) Shipping Forecast. 12.04 Home Front.

12.15 You and Yours. 1.00 The World at One. 2.00 The Archers. 2.15 Drama: Mr Reasonable. 3.00 Gardeners’ Question Time. 3.45 Short Works. 4.00 Last Word. 4.30 More or Less. 4.55 The Listening Project. 5.00 PM. 5.54 (LW) Shipping Forecast. 5.57 (FM) Weather.

6.00 Six O’Clock News. 6.30 The News Quiz. 7.00 The Archers. Jill feels under attack 7.15 Front Row. With Kirsty Patricia Lang 7.45 Bindi Business. 8.00

Drama

Film4

GOLD

Really

6.00 Helicopter Heroes. (T) 7.00 Home Shopping. 8.00 Homes Under the Hammer. (T) 9.00 Escape to the Country. (T) 10.00 Wanted Down Under. 11.00 Animal SOS. 12.00 DIY SOS: The Big Build. (T) 1.00 Homes Under the Hammer. (T) 2.00 Escape to the Country. (T) 3.00 Wanted Down Under. 4.00 My Ghost Story.

(T) 5.00 Ghost Adventures. (T) 6.00 Animal SOS. 7.00 Escape to the 11.00 British and Irish Lions Country. (T) 8.00 DIY SOS: The Big Build. (T) 9.00 Ghost Adventures. (T) Tour Preview (HD). A look ahead to the tour of 10.00 Most Haunted. 11.00 Paranormal Witness. (T) 12.00 New Zealand.

Haunted Collector. (T) 1.00 The Dead Files. 2.00 Home Shopping.

4.00 Helicopter Heroes. (T) 5.35 Give a Dog a Home.

12.00 Premier League 100 Club (S,HD). 12.30 Premier League 100 Club (S,HD). 1.00 Premier League 100 Club (S,HD). 1.30 Spanish Football Gold (S,HD). 1.45 Spanish Football Gold (S,HD).

2.00 Darts Gold (S,HD). 2.30 Darts Gold (S,HD). 3.00 Darts Gold (HD).

3.15 Darts Gold (HD).

Any Questions? From Ormiston Bolingbroke Academy in Cheshire 8.50 A Point of View. 9.00 Home Front Omnibus. Parts 31-35. By Katie Hims 10.00 The World Tonight. With James Coomarasamy 10.45 Book at Bedtime: F Scott Fitzgerald: The Lost Stories.

Salute to Lucy and Elsie 11.00 Great Lives. Iain Lee chooses Andy Kaufman, star of hit sitcom Taxi 11.30 Life at LIPA. A profile of three female students at Liverpool’s Institute for Performing Arts.

Last in the series 11.55 The Listening Project. Midnight News and Weather.

12.30 Book of the Week: Farewell to the Horse. 12.48 Shipping Forecast.

1.00 As BBC World Service. 5.20

65

W

YOUR LIFESTYLE MAGAZINE

6.10 Boston’s Finest. 7.00 My Dream Home. (T) 8.00 Four in a Bed. (T) 9.00 Road Cops. (T) 10.00 The Bill.

(T) 11.00 Tipping Point. 1.00 The Hairy Bikers: Everyday Gourmets. (T) 3.00 Four in a Bed. (T) 4.00 CSI: NY. (T) 6.00 Tipping Point. 7.00 The Shipping Forecast.

Radio 5 Live 5.00am Morning Reports. 5.15 Wake Up to Money. 6.00 5 Live Breakfast. 10.00 5 Live Daily with Emma Barnett. 1.00pm The Friday Sports Panel. 2.00 Kermode and Mayo’s Film Review. 4.00 5 Live Drive. 7.00 5 Live Sport. 10.00 Stephen Nolan.

1.00am Up All Night.

Classic FM 6.00am More Music Breakfast. 9.00 John Suchet. 1.00pm Anne-Marie Minhall. 5.00 Classic FM Drive. 7.00 Smooth Classics at Seven.

8.00 The Full Works Concert. 10.00 Smooth Classics. 1.00am Katie Breathwick. 4.00 Jane Jones.

EXCLUSIVELY WITH

EVERY SATURDAY

TELEVISION

la ichae ke es, M illian Bur m a G G , s e m a gh ackh in Hu Mart n, Chris P ha Strac

‘We should expect to see wildlife wherever we are’ SPRINGWATCH IS SET TO BEGIN ANOTHER SERIES AND IT’S COMING FROM THE COTSWOLDS

W

hether it’s a photo of blue tits nesting in the garden or squirrels somersaulting through treetops, Springwatch fans avidly post their observations on social media.

But when it comes to audience interaction, the presenters’ most frequently asked question has nothing to do with wildlife.

“It’s usually about what we’re wearing,” sighs Michaela Strachan, who today is sporting a T-shirt with a rather cute illustration of a badger.

Such is the camaraderie and comedy of Springwatch, which is back on our screens for a new three-week wildlife watching bonanza (peppered with entertaining banter) from Monday, May 29.

Described by the BBC as a radical change, the team has swapped pristine nature reserves for a working countryside estate, with a new home at National Trust property Sherborne Estate in the Cotswolds. Built as a grandstand in the 17th century, the area is now used for farmland and tourism. By choosing a location accessible to the public, series producers hope to connect viewers with

glia with an overgrazed mono-culture,” scoffs Chris.

Michaela hints that the typically over-critical Springwatch film crew are already getting uncharacteristically over-excited about what’s in store for the next few weeks.

Nest boxes have been erected around the site, with the hope remote cameras will deliver live footage of barn owl chicks. But there’s one avian species that roving reporter Martin Hughes-Games is desperate to encounter. “For the last three years, I’ve tried to see lesser spotted woodpeckers, which I now think are made up,” he admits with frustration.

“It’s a woodpecker the size of a sparrow... apparently.”

Chris, of course, has seen several in his time and assures Martin luck may be on his side this season.

While he and Michaela hold fort at Sherborne, Martin will be travelling up and down the UK, filming pine martens and beavers in Scotland, meeting reintroduced red squirrels in the Scilly Isles, and tagging jellyfish.

The former producer, who is now part of the Springwatch furniture, has been overwhelmed by his growing fan base. Last year, when rumours

common animals from childhood books such as The Wind In The Willows and the Beatrix Potter titles, and for the first time, the team will also have a base for a full year, enabling them to chart the adaptations of wildlife to different seasons.

“One of the problems that blights us right now is that we partition our expectations,” explains Chris, who’s been with the programme since 2009.

“If we want to see art, we go to an art gallery; if we want to see history we go to a stately house museum.

“We’ve got ourselves into a state of mind where if we want to see nature, we go to a nature reserve, and that depresses me because we should have an expectation to see wildlife wherever we are.”

One of the team’s major aims is to give viewers a reality check on the health of the UK’s countryside, and look at how it can be managed in a sustainable way.

“Unfortunately, a lot of people look outside, see it’s green and think it’s OK. But I’m afraid it isn’t,” says Chris.

Fortunately, Sherborne has plenty of good bits... “We wouldn’t go to some agricultural desert in East An-

66

hinted he might be dropped from the show, a furious Twitter petition was launched to keep him on screen.

The team’s relative newbie Gillian Burke has also been out and about on location creating animal diaries, and says filming emperor moths on Dartmoor was a reminder she has one of the best jobs in the world.

“I got completely absorbed,” she gushes, recalling the recording of the UK’s only silk moth in breeding season.

“Hang on Gilly,” says Chris, interrupting her momentary idyll. “You were working with our best crew, the moths turned up and did their thing and it didn’t rain. You’ve just got lucky so far!”

The quick-witted 56-year-old presenter is known for his on-screen game playing, going off on a tangent and inserting song lyrics into conversations. “I thought I might do it again this year,” he muses. “The problem is my interest in music is relatively narrow in its scope, so there are lots of bands which I could do but no one else would know.”

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