David Badaro Tells us how to stop worrying and how to overcome worrying thoughts
Are you plagued by constant worries, fears, and anxious thoughts, especially about things you can't control? These tips can help calm your anxious mind, reduce anxiety, and eliminate negative thinking.
Impact of anxiety and anxious thoughts
Worries, doubts, and worries are a normal part of life. It's natural to worry about an unpaid bill, an upcoming job interview, or a first date. But "normal" anxiety becomes excessive when it is persistent and uncontrollable. You worry about "what ifs" and worst-case scenarios every day, you can't get the anxious thoughts out of your mind, and it interferes with your daily life.
Constant worrying, negative thinking and always expecting the worst can take a toll on your emotional and physical health. It can drain your emotional strength, make you feel anxious and restless, cause insomnia, headaches, stomach problems, and muscle tension, and make it difficult to concentrate at work or school.
You may take out your negative emotions on those closest to you, self-medicate with alcohol or drugs, or try to distract yourself by sitting in front of a screen. Constantly worrying can also be a major symptom of generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), a common anxiety disorder that involves a general feeling of tension, nervousness, and restlessness that affects your entire life.
If you suffer from excessive worry and stress, there are some steps you can take to overcome anxious thoughts. Constantly worrying is a mental habit that can be broken. You can train your brain to be calm and approach life from a more balanced, less fearful perspective.
Why is it so hard to stop worrying?
Constant worrying can keep you up at night and make you stressed and restless during the day. And even though you hate feeling like a nervous person, it can be very difficult to stop. For most chronic worriers, anxious thoughts are driven
by both negative and positive beliefs you hold about the worry:
Negative beliefs about anxiety
You may believe that your constant worrying is harmful, that it will drive you crazy, or affect your physical health. Or you may worry that you will lose all control over your anxiety –that it will take over and never stop.
While negative beliefs, or worrying about anxiety, increase your anxiety and maintain anxiety, positive beliefs about anxiety can be just as harmful.
positive beliefs about anxiety
You may believe that your worry helps you avoid bad things, prevents problems, prepares you for worst-case scenarios, or leads to solutions. Maybe you tell yourself that if you worry about a problem long enough, you'll eventually be able to figure out a solution. Or perhaps you're convinced that worrying is the responsible thing to do or the only way to make sure you don't overlook something?
It's hard to break the habit of worrying if you believe that your worrying serves a positive purpose. Once you realize that worrying is the problem, not the solution, you can regain control of your anxious mind.
How to Stop Worry Tip 1: Create a daily "worry" period
It's hard to be productive in your daily activities when worry and anxiety are dominating your thoughts and distracting you from work, school, or your home life. This is where the strategy of postponing worry can help.
Telling yourself to stop worrying doesn't work. Attempting to do this repeatedly makes your worries stronger and more permanent. This is because attempting to "stop thoughts" forces you to pay extra attention to the thoughts you want to avoid.
But that doesn't mean there's nothing you can do to control anxiety. You just need a different approach. This is where the strategy of postponing worry comes in. Instead of trying to stop or get rid of a worrying thought, allow yourself to have it, but put off dwelling on it for later.
Create a “worry period.” Choose a set time and place to worry. It should be the same every day (e.g. 5:00 to 5:20 pm in the living room) and early enough that it doesn't make you anxious right before bed. During your worry period, you are allowed to worry about whatever is on your mind. However, the rest of the day is a worry-free zone.
Write your concerns. If a worrying thought or concern comes to your mind during the day, make a brief note of it and then continue about your day. Remind yourself that you'll have time to think about it later, so there's no need to worry about
it right now. Plus, writing your thoughts down on a pad or your phone or computer is much more difficult work than simply thinking them, so your worries are more likely to lose potency.
Go over your “worry list” during anxious periods. If the thoughts you wrote down are still bothering you, permit yourself to worry about them, but only for the amount of time you've designated for your worry period. As you examine your concerns in this way, you will often find it easier to develop a more balanced perspective. And if your worries don't seem important anymore, simply cut your worry period short and enjoy the rest of your day.
Postponing worry is effective because it breaks the habit of focusing on worries when you have other things to do, yet there is no struggle to suppress the thought or make decisions on it. You just save it for later. And as you develop the ability to suspend your anxious thoughts, you'll begin to realize that you have more control than you think.
Tip 2: Challenge anxious thoughts
If you suffer from chronic worry and anxiety, chances are you view the world in ways that make it seem more dangerous than it is. For example, you may overestimate the likelihood that things will turn out badly, you may immediately jump to the worst-case scenario, or treat every worrying thought as if it were fact. You may also discredit your ability to handle life's problems, believing that you will collapse at the first sign of
trouble. These irrational, pessimistic attitudes are known as cognitive distortions.
Although cognitive distortions are not based on reality, they are not easy to abandon. Often, they are part of a lifelong pattern of thinking that has become so automatic that you are not even fully aware of it.
Cognitive distortions that increase worry, anxiety, and stress include: All-or-nothing thinking. Seeing things in black or white categories, with no middle ground. "If everything is not perfect, I am a complete failure."
Overgeneralization. Generalizing a single negative experience, expecting it to always be true. “I was not hired for the job. I'll never get a job."
Mental filter. Focus on the negatives while filtering out the positives. Instead of focusing on all the things that went right, focus on the one thing that went wrong. “I got the last question wrong in the exam. I'm an idiot."
Reducing positivity. Explain the reasons why positive events are not given importance. "I did well at the presentation, but that was just stupid."
jumping to conclusions. Making negative interpretations without actual evidence. You act like a mind reader: "I can tell she secretly hates me." Or a prophet: "I just know something terrible is going to happen."
Destructive. Expect the worst to happen. “The pilot said we were in some turbulence. The plane is going to crash!”
Emotional reasoning. Believing that how you feel reflects reality. “I feel very stupid. Everyone must be laughing at me.”
'Should' and 'shouldn't'. Keeping yourself on a strict list of what you should and shouldn't do and beating yourself up if you break any rules. “I should never have tried to initiate a conversation with him. I'm so stupid."
Labeling. Criticizing oneself based on mistakes and perceived shortcomings. “I'm a failure; I'm boring; I deserve to be alone.
Personalization. Taking responsibility for things that are beyond your control. “It is my fault that my son met with an
accident. I should have warned him to drive carefully in the rain.”
How to challenge these thoughts
To break these bad thinking habits and stop the worry and anxiety they bring, you need to retrain your brain. Once you identify negative thoughts, instead of seeing them as facts, treat them as hypotheses that you are testing. As you examine and challenge your worries and anxious thoughts, you will develop a more balanced perspective.
During your anxiety period, challenge your negative thoughts by asking yourself:
What is the evidence that this idea is true? it is not true?
Is there a more positive, realistic way to look at the situation?
What are the chances that the thing I'm afraid of will happen? If the probability is low, what are some of the more likely outcomes?
Is the idea helpful? How will worrying about it help me and how will it hurt me?
What would I tell a friend who had this concern?
Tip 3: Ask Yourself If Anxiety Is Something You Can Control
Research shows that when you stop worrying, you temporarily feel less anxious. Thinking about the problem in your mind takes your attention away from your emotions and makes you feel like you're accomplishing something. But worrying and problemsolving are two very different things.
Problem-solving involves evaluating a situation, taking concrete steps to deal with it, and then implementing the plan. On the other hand, worrying rarely provides solutions. No matter how much time you spend considering worst-case scenarios, you're still not prepared to deal with them if they occur.
Is your anxiety something you can control?
If a worry comes to mind, start by asking yourself if the problem is something you can solve or control.
Is the problem something you are currently facing, not an imaginary what-if?
What if the problem is hypothetical, how likely is it to happen? Are your concerns realistic?
Can you do something about the problem or prepare for it, or is it out of your control?
Productive, solvable concerns are ones you can take immediate action on. For example, if you're concerned about
your bills, you can call your creditors to learn about flexible payment options.
Unproductive, uncontrolled worries are those for which there is no corresponding action. “What if someday I get cancer?” or "What if my child gets into an accident?"
If anxiety is in your control, start brainstorming
Make a list of all the possible solutions you can think of. Try not to get too entangled in finding the right solution to any concern. Focus on the things you can change, not on circumstances or realities that are beyond your control.
After evaluating your options, make a plan of action. Once you have a plan and start doing something about the problem, you'll feel much less anxious.
If anxiety is not under your control, accept uncertainty
If you've been anxious for a long time, most of your anxious thoughts probably fall into this camp. Anxiety is often a way we try to predict what will happen in the future – a way to prevent unpleasant surprises and control the outcome. The problem is that it doesn't work.
Thinking about all the things that could go wrong doesn't make life any more predictable. You may feel safe when
you're worrying, but that's just an illusion. Focusing on the worst-case scenario will keep you from enjoying the good things that are in the present. To stop worrying, you have to learn how to accept the uncertainty we all face in life.
Focus on your need for immediate answers. Do you anticipate that bad things will happen because they are uncertain? What are the chances of them doing so? Given that the probability is very low, is it possible to live with the small possibility that something negative may occur?
Learn how other people deal with uncertainty. Ask your friends and family how they deal with uncertainty in specific situations. Can you do the same? For example, if you're worried about your child taking the bus to school, asking a neighbor how they deal with uncertainty can help you feel less anxious.
Control your emotions. Worrying about uncertainty is often a way to avoid unpleasant emotions. But you can't keep your emotions away by worrying. When you're worrying, your emotions are temporarily suppressed, but as soon as you stop, they return. And then, you start worrying about your feelings: “What's wrong with me? I shouldn't feel this way!”
Tip 4: Interrupt the cycle of anxiety and stress
If you worry excessively, it may seem like negative thoughts are running through your mind over and over again. You may feel like you're spinning out of control, going crazy, or about to collapse under the weight of all this worry. But there are steps you can take right now to banish all those anxious thoughts, reduce your stress, and free yourself from constant worry.
Get up and move forward. Exercise is a natural and effective anti-anxiety treatment as it releases endorphins that relieve stress and tension, boost energy, and increase your sense of well-being. Even more importantly, by focusing on how your body feels when you move, you can interrupt the constant stream of worries running through your mind.
For example, notice the sensation of your feet hitting the ground while walking, running, or dancing, or the rhythm of your breathing, or the feeling of the sun or wind on your skin.
Take a yoga or tai chi class. By focusing your mind on your movements and breathing, practicing yoga or tai chi keeps your attention focused on the present, helping to clear your mind and bring you into a relaxed state.
Meditate. Meditation works to shift your focus from worrying about the future or dwelling on the past to what is happening right now. By being fully engaged in the present moment, you can break the endless cycle of negative thoughts and worries. You don't need to sit cross-legged, burn candles or incense, or chant mantras. Simply find a quiet, comfortable place and choose one of our free audio meditations to guide you through the meditation process.
Practice progressive muscle relaxation. This can help you break the endless cycle of anxiety by focusing your mind on your body instead of your thoughts. By alternately tensing different muscle groups in your body and then releasing them, you release muscle tension in your body. And as your body relaxes, your mind will follow.
Try to take deep breaths. When you worry, you become anxious and breathe rapidly, which often makes the anxiety worse. But by practicing deep breathing exercises, you can calm your mind and silence negative thoughts.
Relaxation techniques can change the brain
While the above relaxation techniques may provide some immediate relief from worry and anxiety, practicing them regularly can also change your brain. Research has shown
that regular meditation, for example, can boost activity in the left side of the prefrontal cortex, the area of the brain responsible for feelings of calmness and happiness.
The more you practice, the more relief you'll experience from anxiety and the more control you'll begin to feel over your anxious thoughts and worries.
Tip 5: Talk about your concerns
It may seem like a simple solution, but talking face-to-face with a trusted friend or family member – someone who will listen to you without judging, criticizing, or constantly distracting you – can help calm your nervous system. One of the most effective methods is to diffuse anxiety. When your worries start rising, talking them out can make them seem much less threatening.
By keeping your worries to yourself, they continue to grow until they become overwhelming. But saying them out loud can often help you understand what you're feeling and put things into perspective. If your fears are unreasonable, verbalizing them may expose them for what they are –unnecessary worries. And if your fears are justified, sharing them with someone else may lead to solutions you might not have thought of alone.
Build a strong support system. Man is a social animal. We are not meant to live in isolation. But a strong support system doesn't have to mean a huge network of friends. Don't underestimate the benefit of having a few people you can trust and who you can count on to be there for you. And if you don't feel like you have anyone to confide in, it's never too late to make new friendships.
Know what to avoid when you're feeling anxious. Your anxious approach to life may be something you learned when you were growing up. If your mom has constant anxiety, she's not the best person to call when you're worried - no matter how close you are. When considering who to contact, ask yourself whether you feel better or worse after talking to that person about a problem.
Tip 6: Practice Mindfulness
Anxiety usually focuses on the future – on what might happen and what you will do about it – or on the past, replaying things you said or did. The age-old practice of mindfulness can help you free yourself from your worries by bringing your attention back to the present.
This strategy is based on observing your worries and then addressing them, helping you identify where your thinking is causing problems and get in touch with your feelings.
Acknowledge and observe your concerns. Don't try to ignore, fight, or control them as you usually do. Instead, simply look at them from an outsider's perspective without any reaction or criticism.
Let go of your worries. Notice that when you don't try to control the anxious thoughts that come to mind, they soon pass, like clouds moving in the sky. When you are caught up in your worries, you get stuck.
Stay focused on the present. Pay attention to the way your body feels, the rhythm of your breathing, your constantly changing emotions, and the thoughts running through your mind. If you find yourself stuck on a particular thought, bring your attention back to the present moment.
Repeat daily. Using mindfulness to stay focused on the present is a simple concept, but it takes time and regular practice to reap the benefits. At first, you'll probably find that your mind is frequently wandering back to your worries. Try not to get discouraged. Every time you bring your attention back to the present, you are reinforcing a new mental habit that will help you break free from the negative worry cycle.