David v18 i06

2.11.15 V.18 I.6

Be Mine

Valentine’s Day Ideas

Is Monogamy For You? Starting a Family Why We Wait

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DRT Media Group Inc. 404.418.8901

MANAGEMENT David Thompson Publisher david@davidatlanta.com William Duffee-Braun Sales and Development Director william@davidatlanta.com Jonathan Bugg Editorial Director jonathan@davidatlanta.com Joe Ragsdale Art Director ragsdale@davidatlanta.com

SALES

BE MINE...ON A DIME

Not sure what to do this Valentine’s Day for your special someone? Do you want it to be memorable without breaking the bank. Then do we have some great ideas for you!

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GAY WITH KIDS

All over the world same-sex partners, and single gays alike are starting to build families. Don’t you want to know why we wait to start?

46

MONOTONOUS MONOGAMY

Is monogamy a realistic posibility for the modern-gay relationship? Here’s a short look at both sides of the monogamy coin.

Russ Youngblood Senior Sales Representative russ@davidatlanta.com Steve Tyrrell steve@davidatlanta.com

NATIONAL AD REP Rivendell Media 908-232-2021

CONTRIBUTORS Broque Cummings Tony Gowell Jesse Hancock Jason Mietelski Jeffery Silvey Bryan Tillman Gregg Wynn

PHOTOGRAPHY Russ Youngblood

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I DO...AND WHY WE DID IT

DISTRIBUTION

A trio of couples give their testimonies on their courtship, and when they think the best time to ask for a person’s hand in marriage is.

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datebook

OUR FOUNDING VALENTINES: CELEBRATING OUR PIONEERS 2015 marks the 45th anniversary of Pride in Atlanta,and the Atlanta Pride Committee will be looking back on the rich history of Atlanta’s LGBT Community. This program is one such way that we can remember those who came before us and recognize community icons upon whose shoulders we stand.

where to go and what to do this week

learn more about each of these pioneers and their work in our community.

Atlanta Pride Committee Executive Director, Buck Cooke, said of the program, “We wanted to honor the people who came before us to help create such a vibrant, thriving and diverse community in Atlanta. These folks were organizing marches, participating in demonstrations, and creating LGBTQ culture in our city when it was truly radical and revolutionary and, in many ways, unsafe Elders to be recognized at this inaugural event are: Franklin because of the opposition they faced from the establishment.”

Abbott; Berl Boykin; Mary Louise Covington; Diamond Lil; Maria Helena Dolan; and Reverend Erin Swenson. Informational pan- Thursday, Feb. 12 • 7 – 9 p.m. • No Mas! Cantina (180 els will be on display during the event so that attendees can Walker St.) • www.atlantapride.org

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RINGLING BROS. AND BARNUM & BAILEY PRESENTS LEGENDS

ORCHID DAZE: POP!

ATLANTA BALLET: ROMEO AND JULIET

Even though we are under the hold of winter’s weather, there is still this wonderful chance to experience thousands orchids in full bloom inside the Atlanta Botanical Garden. The garden’s artisans have arranged the plants and blooms into a bold, colorful exhibition inspired by famous Pop artists. Did we mention the best part?

This is indoors!

Roméo et Juliette is back by popular demand and the final show is of course on Valentine’s Day. A startlingly fresh take on the well-known Shakespearean masterpiece, Roméo et Juliette envelops you in the tantalizing power of young, forbidden love. An ideal way to spend Valentine’s Day with your special someone. Make sure you pack a few tissues.

Take a walk on the wild side this Valentine’s Day. Experience amazing performers from around the globe perform awe-inspiring feats of daring, spectacles of strength and thrills of wonder to summon the mythical and the mysterious: a Unicorn, a Pegasus and a Woolly Mammoth!

Through Feb. 12 • 9 a.m. – 5 p.m.

• Atlanta Botanical Garden (1345 Piedmont Avenue NE) • www.atlantabotanicalgarden.org

Through Feb. 14 • 8 p.m. or 2 p.m. • Cobb Energy Performing Arts Centre (2800 Cobb Galleria Parkway) • www. atlantaballet.com

Through Feb. 16 • Times vary but there is a show on Valentine’s Day at 7 p.m. • Phillips Arena (1 CNN Center) • www.phillipsarena.com

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Seen@

14 | 2.11.15

Cameron Carpenter with the Atlanta Symphony Orchestra

photos: Russ Youngblood

Seen@

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Chili Cook Off at Friend’s

photos: Russ Youngblood

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NEW COVENANT Church of Atlanta

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davidatlanta.com | 19

attention for her new album? Find the nearest telephone cord and wrap her face in it - because nothing screams “trailblazer” quite like that. (Insert The Devil Wears Prada “Groundbreaking” gif here) She could also pose for a magazine wearing a Catholic schoolgirl outfit while licking a crucifix because that’s never been done before. Nothing says you’re a “badass” more than seeing an old lady licking something. Smh. People are already going to buy your album so stop with all the antics… you look silly.

Britney Spears’ follow up to Britney Jean is on its way as well.

The “Work Bitch” songstress apparently has her lead single already picked out and it’s going to feature femcee extraordinaire, Iggy Azalea. Britney plans to go in a more “artsy fartsy” direction for her ninth studio album (whatever the hell that means).

And rumor has it that the “Rumor Has It” diva herself, Adele, is releasing an album sometime in mid 2015 a-la Beyonce style.

Squeeeeee!!!!

Boys and girls… 2015 is shaping up to be The Year The Divas Returned.

With new albums all planned for release this year, 2015 is shaping up to be pretty damn fantastic in the world of music!

Some of the music industry’s biggest female artists including Adele, Madonna, Rihanna, Kelly Clarkson, Christina Aguilera, Ellie Goulding, Lady Gaga, and Britney Spears are all planning on releasing albums this year! So start saving up those pennies.

Wondering which particular artist you should be most excited about? Well lemme break it down for you below.

And in case you haven’t heard, X-tina is coming out not only with a brand new album but also with a brand spankin’ new genre for it called… wait for it… Caviar Ratchet. Seriously, I didn’t make that up. I’m guessing it’s going to be along the lines of Beyonce’s “7/11” or Azealia Banks’ Broke With Expensive Taste album which I ABSOLUTELY LOVE because I’m a classy ratchet Rihanna doesn’t give two flying Barbadian phucks when it comes type of guy. I drink my champagne out of a Tervis wine cup - no to releasing new music despite her fans basically begging for it. water rings on my coffee table, folks!

We all just need to stop wasting our time. Like seriously, we all need to moveon.org. “But what about ‘FourFiveSeconds’ that So what albums are you looking forward to this year? Let us she just released?” Eww. Let’s not even get started on that know below. And as always…you’re welcome. messy snooze fest. That song is basically track number 11 on any Sheryl Crow album back in ’90s. RiRi needs to stop with this red herring BS and actually release a dance banger off her DJ Marc J Cubs upcoming album. Then again, like I said, Rihanna doesn’t give an umbrella-ella-ella phuck what we think. We’ll just have to wait DJ Marc J Cubs is a monthly columnist, exclusively writing until she performs on the Grammys to see what she’s been up to. for David Atlanta. You’ll see him around town spinning at various events and nightclubs. Contact him atbeatbox@ And poor old Madonna… like literally, old Madonna. Her majesty davidatlanta.com with your music questions. Maybe he’ll keeps getting her new album’s music leaked. So what does the answer them..

56-year-old bag of bones decide to do to try and get even more 20 | 2.11.15

now accepting valentine’s day reservations!

Metrotainment Cafes Illustrator 6 eps file

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lifestyle

Starting a Family After Many Years Together

By Scott Kearan for GayswithKids.com

DECADES-SPANNING COUPLES REFLECT ON HOW BUILDING A FAMILY MADE THEIR OWN RELATIONSHIP STRONGER

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t takes hard work to maintain any loving long-term relationship. Every couple has ups and downs, but few will establish that rare rapport that can survive 10 years, 20 years, or a lifetime. If you’ve managed to stay a steady course as a childless couple, you have to wonder: Will rocking a cradle wind up rocking the boat? The answer is yes.

Adding a child to your dynamic will assuredly make waves in any relationship. But as we spoke to men that started families after a particularly long time – following at least 10 years as a childless duo, for our purposes – a general consensus emerged. Having children has fortified, not weakened, these already strong bonds. They have enhanced, not diminished, longstanding relationships. And even if sex lives sometimes take a drubbing (come on, you were thinking it), most couples say that parenthood has actually added an entirely new level of intimacy. Every couple is different, of course. But for longterm partners who are just now beginning to consider parenthood, there’s good news: Your best years may still be ahead of you.

WHY WE WAIT

America had children in their households. But a Census study from 2011 estimates that number has nearly tripled, to about 13.9%. (And that study relied on data from 2008. Expect numbers to continue to grow.)

There’s a good reason why many gay couples wait a while to become dads: It’s expensive. For most opposite-sex couples, conception will cost only as much as a bottle of good wine and a few tapered candles. But for same-sex couples, expenses typically mount well before the baby is born, whether they go through a form of adoption or surrogacy. So building a nest egg precedes building a family.

In fact, in a survey conducted by Gays With Kids among longterm couples, a whopping 67% of respondents indicated that “establishing finances” was one of the “most significant reasons” that they waited to have kids. Indeed, most of the couples did express interest in fathering fairly early on in their relationship – it just took many more years before wheels were in motion. On average, respondents first discussed parenthood with their partner at about 4.4 years into the relationship; they wouldn’t actually become dads, on average, until 12 years in.

“I had always pictured myself with a simple life: a ranch house with white picket fence, the old-fashioned portrait of a family,” says Jimmy, 48, from Calgary. And parenting seemed to come pretty naturally to him and his husband Greg. For a long time, he says with a chuckle, their home was a “destination for wayward boys in our family.”

Gay men are having children. A lot. For instance, data from the “We had a reputation for ruling with an iron fist,” laughs 1990 US Census estimated that 5% of partnered gay men in Jimmy. “Ironically, we were looked at as being the most 24 | 2.11.15

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was David’s idea.

A collection of happy photos of happy gay families. If you want it, you can have it.

“I always wanted to be a father. But back in the early 90s, the realities were a lot different than they are today,” says Sean, a gay dad from Atlanta. “As a good Southern Baptist boy coming out, I didn’t see that as an opportunity. Part of my coming to terms experience was telling myself, ‘Not only am I gay – but I’m not going to have a family.’ But times, they have changed!”

traditional couple. When our siblings’ teenage boys would have issues, they’d come to our house.”

Jimmy and Greg first discussed adoption about four years into their relationship, but wouldn’t wind up having a child until after more than 20 years together. Last year they assumed guardianship of their now 2-year-old son, who was born to Greg’s teenage stepsister with a history of drug issues and brushes with the law. They’ve more recently filed for adoption.

The situation made sense, and they were at a point when “we now have the income to do it,” says Jimmy. Greg is now able to be a stay-at-home dad, which was important to them.

Indeed they have. Last year, after nearly 20 years together, Sean and his husband Dan welcomed a newborn daughter into their lives through open adoption. That decision – or rather, the conversations that led to it – contributed to their late-in-relationship evolution into parents. “Sean was ready to think about adoption way earlier than I was,” admits Dan. “I was focused on biology, and felt like surrogacy was what I needed to spread my genes.” Once Dan witnessed his brother adopt a daughter, he understood what an “exceptionally wonderful experience” adoption can be, he says. But that kind of vacillation is not unusual. 43% of respondents to our survey said that one of the main reasons they waited so long to have children was “difficulty navigating the many different paths to fatherhood.”

Thanks to Josh’s ongoing, gentle nudging, dreams did come true. In 2007, they welcomed twin boys through a domestic surrogacy.

Finance. Culture. Logistics.

These are just a few of the reasons that long-term couples Establishing a sustainable income wait to have children. But was also part of the reason why sometimes, when you’re walkDavid and Josh waited to become dads. But the Florida couple, ing a long road, reaching your destination is that much more together since 1997, can speak to another, less easily quanti- exciting. fied reason why many gay men wait: It takes time to process the reality that yes, fatherhood can be in the cards.

Dan’s family was supportive of his coming-out, but at the time they were “only sad that I wasn’t going to make them grand“Josh is a dreamer. He’s always wanted to be a parent. But I’ve parents,” he says. Years later, when he told them they were always been much more pragmatic,” explains David. “When I planning to adopt, he’ll never forget their reaction. came to the realization that I was gay, with the state of affairs being what they were, I worked under the assumption that “They were gleeful. They said, ‘We had given up hope that you being a parent was unlikely. And I’m the kind of person who were going to have a family!’” teaches myself not to wish for something I don’t reasonably expect to happen.”

Thanks to Josh’s ongoing, gentle nudging, dreams did come true. In 2007, they welcomed twin boys through a domestic surrogacy; last year, they welcomed twins (again!) through an international surrogacy. And that second go-round, incidentally, 26 | 2.11.15

To Read On...

To read Scott Kearnan’s full article and to find out further information on starting your own family. go to www.

davidatlanta.com | 27

social issues

The State of America Legalizing Gay Marriage WE SEEM TO BE IN THE CLOSING STRETCH WITH OUR PROGRESS IN LEGALIZING GAY MARRIAGE. GEORGIA HOWEVER LOOKS TO BE ONE OF THE LAST HOLDOUTS.

A

new Associated Press-GfK poll was released showing that the majority of Americans (44 percent) favor legalizing gay marriage in their home states, while 39 percent oppose it, and 15 percent donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t favor or oppose it (seriously?). So, way to go, um, 44 percent

of Americans! Also, America is apparently split down the middle on the issue of whether the Supreme Court should rule that gay marriage is constitutional when it reviews the issue later this spring (48 percent to 48 percent), so half of us are fine, and the other half are meh and they should not receive any of our fabulous wedding invitations.

Before you start celebrating those figures, let me offer another astonishing number from that same poll. 57 percent of Americans believe wedding-related businesses should be allowed to deny service to same-sex couples for religious reasons.

So even if we can get married we canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have those nice flowers from the florist?

Is there even such a thing as straight florists? I doubt that Lance Bass had probGay marriage is legal in 36 states be- lems with getting flowers for his televised cause of a whirlwind of recent federal wedding on E! last week. BTW, it was the court decisions. NOW more than 70% first trelevised gay wedding ever.. of Americans now live in a state where those unions are allowed by law.

The poll of 1,045 adults was conducted online Jan. 29-Feb. 2.

The State of Gay Marriage

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davidatlanta.com | 29

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lifestyle

I Do...

and Why We Did It WITH THE SLOW BUT INEVITABLE ACCEPTANCE OF SAME-SEX MARRIAGE, YOU MAY BE ASKING YOURSELF THAT ALL-IMPORTANT QUESTION: WHEN IS THE RIGHT TIME TO ASK FOR A HAND IN MARRIAGE? MAYBE YOU’VE BEEN TOGETHER FOR A LONG TIME. MAYBE YOU HAVE BEEN LIVING TOGETHER (IN SIN) FOR A LONG TIME. WHETHER YOU DECIDE TO PROCEED DOWN TO THE ISLE OR NOT, IT’S NICE TO KNOW SOME PEOPLE’S REASONS FOR MAKING THAT COMMITMENT.

years ago at an HRC dinner. He had just ‘come out’ as a gay actor at the GLAAD Awards in LA for his work on Party of Five.

We immediately fell in lust, and for five Richie Arpino and Mitchell Anderson years we traveled back and forth from Los Angeles to Atlanta. That’s true love…and any know Richie for his chic sa- a helluva lot of fun! lon and fantastic photography.

Mitchell is easily recognizable After the show was over, we decided to from his acting roles in such series be on the same coast. Mitchell moved to as Doogie Howser, M.D. and Party New York to pursue theater. Then came of Five. Together they are planning their fall 9/11. Mitchell was in New York and I was wedding for here in Atlanta. I asked Richie here. There was no cell service available to tell us a little about his and Mitchell’s in New York and so we were both freaked love story and how they finally decided to out. He on the other hand walked uptown, get hitched. rented a car, drove here and never went back. We realized that life was too short Richie Arpino: So I met Mitchell 18 to be that distant. 18 years later and I’m

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Richie and Mitchell shared the cover of the Advocate 15 years ago in their fight against a ban on gay marriage in California.

happy to say that we are still very much in love, and really happy with each other’s company.

So in answer to how long one should wait to get married? Hell, I waited 18 years and Mitchell shocked me on Christmas morning…in his PJs…down on one knee and proposed. I said, ‘don’t you think it’s a little too soon?’ Ha, ha! We are planning a fall wedding in Atlanta, with the hopes that by June it will be passed here…as it should be.

That’s our story, but for others? I really don’t think there is a time limit. You know when it’s time. That they’re ‘The One’, and that you want to live respectfully with that person. Although I would suggest that you live together for a year at least.

Dating and living together are totally different. So for all those out there, don’t rush just because we can. Rush to the alter when it feels right.

Tony Gowell and Andrew Anderson

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ou may know Tony from his bi-weekly column Obsessed. He and his husband Andrew have been married for seven years and can’t seem to remember who asked who for their hand in marriage.

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Richie and Mitchell shared the cover of the Advocate 15 years ago in their fight against a ban on gay marriage in California.

limited to a state that was warm and a state where gay marriage was not yet legal. Michael wanted to take my last name, we figured for things such as hospital visitation rights, he can pass as my brother…not thinking of the larger legal picture.

Finally we decided on a wonderful destination Commitment Ceremony for our 10th anniversary in January 2003 in Key West and had 30 friends and family join us. It was the most spectacular time for us, and our guests. A formal sit down dinner on the beach with tiki torches, fire pit, vows on the surf, great entertainment, beautiful arrangements of white flowers on the tables with hurricane lamps. So many memories were made that weekend…it was life changing.

Tony Gowell: Funnily enough, I can’t even recall when we decided it was a perfect time to get married. We were together for 13 years, before Andrew and I tied the knot. We were married at the Fairmont Empress in Victoria, BC. on Nov 1st 2008.

because of the 1 1/2 hour commute between us. Then, after 3 years we moved in together. On our 5th anniversary in 1998 I purchased matching wedding bands and gave one to Michael. We wore those bands on our right hand because we were not married and I never would believe we would ever be. They were a symbol of our There were 25 friends and family mem- love. bers in attendance, including some that work in the film and television industry. On our 9th year together during my Watching my friends gawk over my other Birthday dinner at our favorite restaurant friends, will always make me chuckle. (I near our NJ home Michael gave me a banhad no idea there were that many follow- gle bracelet that matched those rings and ers of Firefly, Battlestar Galactica, and were made by the same designer. He had Stargate: Atlantis.) it engraved “will you marry me”. Of course I said yes (in between tears). Gay marriage So even after nearly 7 years of marriage, was really starting to “come out” about that we just can not remember who asked the time. We knew we wanted our event to be other to wed whom. I guess that’s a true somewhere warm, but in January we were testament of love, when after nearly 20 years together...those little things just aren’t so important after all.

Scott and Michael Powers

S

cott and Michael are an interesting situation as they had a commitment ceremony in Key West, FL, but legally tied the knot two year ago (though they consider the commitment ceremony their wedding). Michael even took Scott’s last name!

Scott Powers: Michael and I met in January 1993. We were set up by a mutual friend of ours. We started dating right away only seeing each other on weekends

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Fast-forward 10 years to our 20th anniversary in January of 2013. We realized that we built this amazing life together and maybe now because of assets and properties we own we need to take another step. So we planned a trip to our condo in Provincetown in September 2013 (still within our 20th year) and got legally married. This time it was more for the security and binding of marriage. Now, it was so much more accepted and there were so many more benefits than 10 years prior. So on September 12, 2013 we tied the knot at the base of the Pilgrim Monument. Being married is amazing. Never thought I would ever have the opportunity in my life to become married. There is never a rush. We took our time and became good friends as we dated. We both knew it was the right time.

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Scott and Michael vacationing on a recent trip to Spain.

davidatlanta.com | 35

lifestyle

BE MINE ON A DIME

10 Ways to Show Your Love Without Spending a Fortune

By Mikey Rox

40 | 2.11.15

IN THIS AGE OF FLEETING SWIPE-RIGHT RELATIONSHIPS, CONSIDER YOURSELF LUCKY IF YOU’VE GOT SOMEONE TO CALL YOUR OWN THIS VALENTINE’S DAY. TO SHOW HIM OR HER HOW MUCH YOU CARE, DITCH THE BIG PRODUCTION AND GET BACK TO BASICS WITH THESE IDEAS TO HELP YOU EXPRESS YOUR AFFECTION WITHOUT A WHOLE LOT OF EXPENSE.

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3 4

Take the day off and head out for an adventure

Feeling less than connected lately? Make an effort to reignite that fire by taking the day off work so you two can concentrate on the relationship. Sleep in, have breakfast together, and then head out for a local adventure with the goal of being attentive and affectionate to one another for the duration of the day.

Set up a cozy candle-lit screening of your favorite films at home

Just like every restaurant in town, movie theaters also will Make a surprise visit to the office for an imprompbe mobbed on Valentine’s Day – which gives you the pertu lunch date fect excuse to plan a private film screening at home. Instead of ordering a new release on-demand and cuddling up on the couch Dinner reservations at a decent restaurant are hard to like you usually do, pull out all the stops by turning the night into come by on Feb. 14, but lunch is usually wide open. Skip a lovefest. Build a comfortable “screening nest” that consists the lines tonight and move your romantic meal up a few hours by of piles of pillows and blankets, provide your partner’s favorite surprising your partner at his or her workplace with an invitation snacks and drinks, and pick up a few movies from a bargain bin to join you at a special spot in town. Worried that the time con- or a neighborhood rental kiosk that you’ll both enjoy. straint will force you to rush? Slow it down and abandon the dineGet in the kitchen and cook dinner as a couple in option altogether by bringing a picnic (or something that you grabbed on your way) that you can share in a quiet cove nearby.

Cupid never intended for one half of the couple to do all the Participate in a couple’s activity that facilitates prep work on Valentine’s Day just so the other can reap the closeness benefits. Rather, this celebration is about making each other feel loved and appreciated, and that’s only accomplished if you’re Daily-deal sites like Groupon and LivingSocial are excellent each contributing equally. One delicious way you two can spend resources for finding inexpensive activities that you and quality time together while getting your hands dirty and enjoying your significant other can do together. Options will vary by area, the fruits of said labor is to cook a romantic meal side by side. The but even with minimal research you should be able to come up one with the most kitchen talent can still take the lead, so long with a great activity to create a new memory – like naked yoga as it’s a combined effort all the way to the finish. There’s no law or a fencing class, for instance. against cooking in the buff either – just so you know.

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6

Invite excitement to the bedroom by making an intimate video

Two consenting adults can do whatever they’d like in the comfort of their own home, and sometimes that includes a camera. If you’re feeling especially randy (and body confident; what’s the point of making a sex tape if you won’t want to watch it afterward?), set the mood and get psyched for a night of naughty lovemaking a la Chi Chi LaRue.

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Browse an antique shop together to find a thoughtful gift separately

Valentine’s Day should never be about material possessions, but there’s a way to make buying your sweetie something tangible much more memorable. Instead of ordering an arbitrary item online or stopping by the florist on the drive home, schedule an outing to a local antique shop. Once there, establish a reasonable budget (say, $20 each) and go your separate ways to find a thoughtful, personalized trinket for the other that you’ll both cherish forever.

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Rent a cheap motel room and enjoy a tantalizing little tryst

Sex can get stale in the same environment over and over – and Valentine’s Day is the perfect opportunity to spice things up. This year, go low – rent, that is – by booking a less-than-luxurious motel room to set up a seedy-yet-steamy encounter with your S.O. In anticipation of the evening’s events, sext your partner throughout the day to help elevate their arousal level so they’re rarin’ to go as soon as they step through the door.

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Set up a relaxing and romantic at-home spa experience

Cutting costs doesn’t mean you’re cutting quality so long as you’re committed to being creative. You can save several hundred dollars on professional spa treatments by eliminating the middleman and getting down to business one on one. Give each other a body trim, soak in a hot tub, swap massages, and let the rest of night fulfill itself.

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Recreate your very first date

There’s a reason why you two fell in love – even if it’s sometimes hard to remember it. Take a trip down memory lane this Valentine’s Day by retracing your first date from start to finish – whatever that may entail. The feelings from that initial encounter will come flooding back like they never left, and you’ll be reminded of the myriad reasons that you work so hard to keep this one-of-a-kind coupling intact.

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davidatlanta.com | 43

lifestyle

Keeping the Flames Alive What to Do When The Sheets Cool Down

By Jeffery Silvey

LIQUOR CAN BE DELICIOUS ON THE ROCKS, BUT A RELATIONSHIP ON THE ROCKS IS ANOTHER STORY.

scared to hash it out and come to a resolution. If you argue, make sure to fight fair.

Patterson says “it’s okay to complain, but not okay to attack your partner’s character or personality.” He adds that the keys to being in a committed relationship are t seems that when a relationship has listening well, generating compassion, lost its spark and the sheets have and knowing how to forgive. cooled down, some find it easy to walk away. Rebuilding a fire isn’t hard and Get some distance: Too much time toall you have to do to fix a relationship gether can cause a strain in a relationship. is reignite the flames. Bob Patterson, A break from each other can give you the M.Ed., LPC, LMFT, a therapist that coun- space you need to realize what you like sels couples with his wife Wendy Palmer and miss about your partner, allowing Patterson, MSW, LCSW, LMFT, through you to appreciate them more. Distance their joint office of P2 Partnership, says can also help calm things down when the that “the relationship journey begins with arguing gets too stressful. Patterson romantic love.” The cooling of this phase says “it’s all about disengagement versus is “a normal part of the relationship jour- avoidance.” Disengaging from an arguney,” says Patterson. To ease your jour- ment allows you to step back and reflect ney, try these tips to keep your relation- with the intention of achieving a resolution after you have calmed. Avoidance ship flaming hot and off the rocks. simply leaves the situation unresolved.

Argue it out: “It’s not whether you ar- Take a time out and go back in. Even athgue, it is how you argue,” says Patterson. letes need a little break sometimes.

If you feel bothered then tell your partner instead of internalizing it. If that dis- Try something new: If it feels like the cussion turns into an argument don’t be spark is gone then reignite the fire. A

I

44 | 2.11.15

change in the bedroom can make a difference. The longer you’re with a person the better you get to know them, sex included. Find some activity or kink that the two of you can explore together. As you both learn together through passion you’ll be reminded of what made you come together in the first place.

Laugh together: The easiest thing to do is also one of the most effective. Find a way to make your partner laugh with you at least once day. “The part of the human brain that takes over when you’re in conflict is a very primitive part of the brain,” says Patterson. “It only understands danger and safety.” The laughter you experience with your partner tells the brain that you’re safe because you don’t laugh with enemies. Laughter can be prompted by a silly movie, a small joke, a funny face, just anything that helps create that experience helps you bond as a couple.

Remember, couples that laugh together, stay together.

For more information visit RelationshipCoaching.net.

lifestyle

in San Francisco (www.gaytherapist-sanfrancisco.com), monogamy IS possible in gay relationships. In fact, his research shows that roughly fifty percent of gay men in long term relationships practice monogamy. To make these relationships last, he offers a few tips: OPEN YOUR MOUTH ABOUT SEX! Tell each other what turns you on! Be playful and flirt. Keep it sexy. Engaging in fantasies together increases intimacy.

Monotonous Monogamy

Can monogamy exist in gay relationships?

By Jason Mietelski

AS WE BREAK INTO A NEW NORM OF MARRIAGE EQUALITY, A UNIQUE SITUATION ARISES AS WE DECIDE FOR OURSELVES HOW OUR RELATIONSHIPS WILL WORK. WHAT FOLLOWS IS A SHORT EXAMINATION OF THE POSSIBILITY OF MONOGAMY.

BE CREATIVE! Yes, long term sex can become boring. Add variety by experimenting with role play or kink—newness is what’s exciting and keeps men interested. The Body Electric School offers workshops to help spice up your sex life (www. thebodyelectricschool.com), and they’ll be in Atlanta June 19-21.

RESOLVE CONFLICTS. Resentments destroy sex lives and relationships. Be willing to compromise.

KNOW WHAT YOU WANT. If you have the urge for sex with other men, find out why. Many of us have an inner need for validation as sexual beings. Discuss your feelings with your man, and perhaps set rules for harmless flirtation. And make sure you validate each other. Tell your man how sexy he is, how horny he makes you and how much you love him.

On the flip side, fifty percent of gay men are in long term, nonmonogamous relationships. Can they work? Absolutely. Based on his research and experience, Adam Blum has several recommendations to make these relationships successful: BE ON THE SAME PAGE. If you want an open relationship and he doesn’t, this is a recipe for disaster, no matter how much you love each other.

TALK, TALK, AND MORE TALK. Most people enter into long term relationships for security and because they want to feel special to someone. Adding sex partners into the mix can be ell, guys, this one’s sure to get everyone fired up. perceived as a threat…so once you’re on the same page with It seems, that in the dawn of a new era—that be- your man, TALK about it. Tell each other how you feel. ing the age of same-sex marriage—we all want to settle down and finally claim our equal portion of the SET RULES. Guidelines in an open relationship are important. (hetero-normative) American dream. Or do we? After Most non-monogamous partners separate sex from emotional scouring statistics and polls from numerous sources, what I fidelity. They often set rules like: No kissing; no hooking up with discovered was interesting. No, all men do not cheat; nor do the same guy twice; let me know where and when. What’s OK all gay couples consider monogamy and sexual exclusivity one and what’s not? You can check out the book by Dossier Easton and the same. and Catherine Liszt, called The Ethical Slut, for ideas.

W

I should point out that many of the numerous studies and statistics on gay male sexuality are skewed, because we are still newly evolving in our culture and views of ourselves and sexuality. In the past we had no peer group or role models, were taught by society that we were deviants and thus forced to seek out emotionless clandestine sexual encounters, and now we’re learning what it’s like to love ourselves and other men for reasons deeper than sexual validation and need. Which means as our view and acceptance of ourselves begins to change shape, naturally so will the direction of our relationships.

RECOGNIZE RESPONSIBILITIES. You might not be responsible for changing the way he feels, but you ARE responsible for listening to him and helping him process his feelings. If the issues that arise aren’t resolved, the relationship can fall apart.

Basically, which type of relationship will work for you depends on your feelings, values, and your partner. Successful relationships are built on honesty, trust, and willingness to talk about—yep, you guessed it---SEX, SEX, and MORE SEX. We’re guys; we love sex; we just have to know what we want, According to Adam D. Blum, MFT, a licensed sex therapist how to get it, and what it takes to keep it.

46 | 2.11.15

davidatlanta.com | 47

Seen@

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Saturday Night at Swinging Richardâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s

photos: Russ Youngblood

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Seen@

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Saturday Night at Bulldogâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s

photos: Russ Youngblood

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Super Bowl Sunday at Woofâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s

photos: Russ Youngblood

Touring with Alan Turing

Solution on page 63 34 Where to see cracks in boat bottoms 36 An ex of the Donald 37 Allman ex of Cher 42 Athlete who swings his stick 43 “Doggone!”

44 Music of the the Village People 45 Librace’s minks, e.g.

46 Some nest eggs, for short 47 Hedwig, to Michael C. Hall 48 End of a dry spell 49 Britney Spears’ “___ Curious” 50 Kind of point 51 Make more bearable 55 Small pussy noise

Across 1 They may be exchanged for tits 5 Boat that’s often blown up 9 Stonewall 14 For most students 15 Scat queen 16 Bone below the waist 17 Sal Mineo played one in Rebel Without a Cause 18 Antiaircraft fire 19 Some tennis scores 20 Feed a line to a portrayer of Alan Turing?

23 Steely Dan’s “___ Lied” 24 Gallup specialty 25 “With ___ toward none” (Abe phrase) 58 | 2.11.15

28 Bottom support 29 Straight line 32 John of Gay Sex Quotes 33 Platform at an HRC gala 34 Not a short story 35 Date a portrayer of Joan Clarke regularly?

38 Queen’s “subjects” 39 Competes 40 Up and about 41 Saint, in Rio 42 Lacking locks 43 Force from office 44 Bear hunter Boone, briefly 45 Shrewd 46 The puns of this puzzle, if you think they’re annoying?

52 Cut of meat 53 On-line ‘zine

54 Have itchy feet 56 Gertrude’s partner 57 Home of some bubbly 58 Amount of AZT, e.g.

59 Lord of La Mancha 60 The majority 61 One way to cook fruit Down 1 Number of gay men under a centurian?

2 Obi-Wan player 3 Via, briefly 4 Robin and Jimmy Olsen 5 Prove wrong 6 ___ Children 7 Jazzercise target 8 Be the recipient in S&M? 9 Where to find a

stallion 10 Like some pools 11 Somewhat 12 The Mod Squad character 13 S&M unit 21 Secret store 22 Portia de ___ 25 Flat tops 26 Spartacus venue 27 “Of course I ___ people ...” (Quentin Crisp) 28 Sounded off at a frat hazing 29 Dustin in Midnight Cowboy 30 Gawks at 31 Batman’s alter ego Bruce 33 Group of dentists that penetrates your mouth?

F1 B1 Amsterdam Ave.

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D3 D7

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9th St. NE

B3 Peachtree St. NE

West Peachtree St. NW

S1

Spring St. NW

H1

Ponce De Leon Pl. NE

10th St. NE

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10th St. NE

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Spring St. NW

14th St. NE

Monroe Dr. NE

the scene

4th St. NE

C1

B5

Ponce De Leon Ave. NE

Midtown Bars

B1 Amsterdam

502 Amsterdam Ave NE

B2 Blake's

227 10th St NE

B3 Bulldogs

893 Peachtree St NE B4 Friends 736 Ponce De Leon Ave NE B5 The Model T 699 Ponce De Leon Ave NE

60 | 2.11.15

Dining D1 D2 D3 D4 D5 D6

10th & Piedmont 991 Piedmont Ave NE Einstein's 1077 Juniper St NE F.R.O.G.S 931 Monroe Cir NE G’s Midtown 219 10th St NE Henry’s 132 10th St NE Joe's on Juniper 1049 Juniper St NE

B4

Ponce De Leon Ave. NE

D7 La Hacienda

900 Monroe Dr NE D8 Ten Atlanta 990 Piedmont Ave NE

Clubs

C1 Atlanta Eagle

306 Ponce De Leon Ave NE

Hair/Beauty H1 Helmet

970 Piedmont Ave NE

Fitness

F1 Urban Body Fitness

500 Amsterdam Ave NE

Spa/Bath S1 Flex Spa

76 4th St NW Billiards/Darts Dancers Drag Leather Non-Smoking Area Patio

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2585 Chantilly Dr R2 Southern Nights 2205 Cheshire Bridge Rd

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2043 Cheshire Bridge Rd B2 Opus 1 1086 Alco St NE B3 Tripps 1931 Piedmont Cir NE B4 Woof's 2425 Piedmont Rd NE

Dining

D1 Las Margaritas

1842 Cheshire Bridge Rd

D2 Roxx

1824 Cheshire Bridge Rd

Clubs

2069 Cheshire Bridge Rd C2 Jungle 2115 Faulkner Rd NE

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2219 Faulkner Rd NE S2 The Den 2135 Liddell Dr NE S3 Manifest 4 U 2103 Faulkner Rd NE

1492 Piedmont Ave NE

B2 Felix's

1510 Piedmont Ave NE B3 The Hideaway 1544 Piedmont Ave NE B4 Mixx 1492 Piedmont Ave NE Oscar's B5 1510 Piedmont Ave NE

Not Shown

Bars Mary's 1287 Glenwood Ave SE My Sister's Room 1271 Glenwood Ave SE Sister Louisaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Church 466 Edgewood Ave SE Swinging Richard's 1400 Northside Dr NW

D1 Cowtippers

1600 Piedmont Ave NE

R1 Boy Next Door

1447 Piedmont Ave NE

R2 Brushstrokes/Pleasures 1510 Piedmont Ave NE

Hair/Beauty H1 Bubbles Salon

1579 Monroe Dr NE

Dining Lips Atlanta 3011 Buford Hwy NE Club Club Rush 2715 Buford Hwy NE Spa/Bath Qi Clay Sauna 130 Buford Hwy A-107

davidatlanta.com | 61

bartab

got an upcoming event?

calendar@davidatlanta.com

Monday

Friday

10TH & PIEDMONT Half Price Wine Bottles BLAKE’S Trivia at 10pm, Weekly guest hosts, $250 cash/prizes - LGBT Kickball Host Bar 7-9pm BURKHART’S Blue Monday Karaoke with Darlene at 10PM EAGLE Music Videos with Scotty FELIX’S Free Pool All Day FRIENDS Texas Hold’em 8 pm G’S Half Price Wine Bottles HIDEAWAY Industry Night 1/2 Off Well, Domestic, & Wine JUNGLE Stars of the Century Show 11pm MODEL T Monday Night Madness Free Pool - 10pm - 2am OSCAR’S Service Industry Night with Eric SWINGING RICHARDS Hip-Hop Night, Sponsored by Hennessy 8:30pm

10TH & PIEDMONT Bites & Bubbles 5:00-7:15; 1st Friday- Popstars, Last Friday – Swank BLAKE’S 5-9pm TGIF w/ Robin & Lateasha “Deadly Vixens” 11pm - Bill Berdeaux spins til 3 am BURKHART’S FEMME FATALE with Destiny Brooks and Justice Taylor at 11PM CAMPAGNOLO Live Piano by Gay Men’s Chorus member Daniel Guillaro 10pm-1am CLUB RUSH “Got Leche” Free entry until 11pm 18 & up - Open until 4am EAGLE DJ Dance Party FELIX’S Pour It On Me Rock Party w/DJ Darlene and our Sexy Shot Bois10pm FRIENDS Happy Time Friday Kelly & Ken 6 pm HERETIC PUMP featuring Atlanta’s hottest deejays - Occasional special events. No cover b4 11 HIDEAWAY $5 Martini Smirnoff Vodka JUNGLE The Other Show with Edie Cheezburger 9:30pm LIPS ATLANTA Glitz & Glamour Las Vegas Style MODEL T Friday Bagels - 10 am | Texas Holdem Poker 8 pm OSCAR’S Music Video Night SWINGING RICHARDS T-Shirt Review,$10 TEN ATLANTA Music & Videos by DJ Daryl Cox 10pm

Tuesday BLAKE’S “Midtown Open Mic” with Belinda, Kyle and Nate 9:30 pm to Close - 1/2 priced burgers til 9pm BURKHART’S DRAG-EOKE with Angelica D’Paige at 10PM CLUB RUSH “Tipsy Tuesday” 18 & up - Open until 4am EAGLE Tuesdays w/ Tony FELIX’S Karaoke with Darlene - 10pm G’S Industry Night HIDEAWAY $2.00 Tooter Night JUNGLE We Are Family 9pm LAS MARGARITAS Cuban Night - $12.95 All You Can Eat Cuban Buffet & $5 Mojitos MODEL T Wii Tuesday Afternoons 2pm - 9pm $2.50 beer / $3 well vodka OSCAR’S Show Tune Tuesday with Chad- 8 pm SWINGING RICHARDS 1/2 Price cover

Wednesday BLAKE’S “yoUVee” Glow-Go boys with Neon 10p-1am - Rob Reum spins til 3 am BURKHART’S HUMPDAY KARAOKE with Darlene at 10PM EAGLE Underwear Night with Tony FRIENDS Hump Night with Regina Simms G’S Karaoke with DJ Audio Prism HERETIC Pig Dance Black Out Party DJ Stan Jackson 10pm-3am NO COVER HIDEAWAY Birdcage Bingo 8:30pm $3 Well LIPS ATLANTA Bitchy Bingo MODEL T Party with Elvis - 9 pm OSCAR’S Ruby Redd’s After Party - 10 pm SWINGING RICHARDS 2-4-1 VIP Room

Thursday BLAKE’S Texas Hold em Poker 7pm “I - Candy” Street level with Shawnna Brooks 11pm BURKHART’S DANCEFLOOR DIVAS with Phoenix (RuPaul’s Drag Race s3) at 11:30PM EAGLE Balls Deep Karaoke w/ Mikey FELIX’S Killer King Karaoke w/Tyler King 10pm FRIENDS Texas Hold’em 8pm; Ladies Night 10 pm HERETIC 3 Legged Cowboy Night 9pm Free dance lessons 8-9pm. No cover.

HIDEAWAY Bear-oake 9pm Draft Pitcher Specials LAS MARGARITAS Dirty South Trivia $5 Smirnoff & Cuervo Drinks. House Cash Prizes & $5 Wings LIPS ATLANTA Dinner with the Divas MODEL T Party Time with Michael - 9 pm OSCAR’S Twisted Thursday with Eric SWINGING RICHARDS 2-4-1 VIP & Entry TEN ATLANTA Decadence | A Night of Drinking and Debauchery w/Go-Go boys and music by DJ Daryl Cox 62 | 2.11.15

Saturday 10TH & PIEDMONT Bellini Brunch BLAKE’S #thebritnthetit 1-9p - “Boys on Boxes” upstairs 12am to close “Glitter Bomb” Drag 11pm - Shane V spins til close BURKHART’S SYNERGY with Shawnna Brooks and Monica Van Pelt at 11PM CAMPAGNOLO Legendary Musician Robert Ray on the piano 10pm-1am EAGLE DJ Dance Party FELIX’S Superstar Karaoke w/Diva Darlene and our Sexy Shot Bois - 10pm FRIENDS Free Pool with Bryan 2-6 pm; Let’s Make A Deal with Ken 6-10 pm G’S All you care to eat brunch HERETIC Varies. EARLY COUNTRY (8pm-12:30am) & LATE NIGHT DANCE with Billboard DJ MIKE POPE @12:30-close. No cover except special events.

HIDEAWAY $2.50 All Well Drinks JUNGLE Ruby’s Redd Light District 9pm; Club Night, Various Guest DJ’s LIPS ATLANTA Glitz & Glamour Las Vegas Style MODEL T Texas Holdem Poker - 3 pm | Party with the M&M Boiz - 9 pm OSCAR’S DJ Christopher Kind SWINGING RICHARDS T-Shirt Review $10

Sunday TEN ATLANTA Music & Videos by DJ Rob Reum 10pm 10TH & PIEDMONT Bellini Brunch | Flashback Showgirls with Angelica D’Paige BLAKE’S Open at 1pm - Bloody Marys w Robin - High Energy w Bill Berdeaux “Cellblock Sunday” w Lateasha 8 pm CLUB RUSH Hip Hop and R&B - 18 & up - Open until 4am FELIX’S Bloody Mary & Mimosa’s All Day FRIENDS DJ hosts Sunday Delights 2 pm-closing G’S All you care to eat brunch | Karaoke with DJ Audio Prism HIDEAWAY The Armorettes 8pm Atlanta’s Favorite Bloody Mary Bar! 12:30 pm LIPS ATLANTA Gospel Brunch w/ Bubba D. Licious LAS MARGARITAS Papi’s $17.95 Unlimited Brunch & Choice of Mimosas, Sangrias, Bloody Maria’s, & Mojitos MODEL T Sunday Dinner with Ron 3:30 pm OSCAR’S Sunday Fun-day TEN ATLANTA Brunch 11am & music by DJ Rob Reum inside and DJ Robert Ansley on the patio 4pm

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advice

Dear Dom, How should I handle a long distance relationship?

Missing In Action.

The miles between you will make victory all the sweeter, MIA. Here’s how my granddaddy did it while serving overseas during World War II. 1. Communication: Frequent letters from the battlefront kept granny randy during the war. Daily contact aming the troops maintains morale.

2. Integrity: Grandpa avoided all the hookers & floozies of Europe during wartime. Keep your weapons holstered, soldiers.

Dear Dom,

Every Single Question...

Every Single Answer Dear Dom, I’m gay. I met this guy and we like each other a lot.

We want to get together. But we are afraid if something bad happens and we break up that it would ruin our friendship. Can you please help?

Love Emerging Among Pals.

3. Victory: We won that war and grandaddy came marching home.

Determine a specific date when you’ll move together and join forces. You’ve defeated long distance. Declare yourselves victorious!

Dear Dom How can I meet men? I live in Louisville and have tried everything; placing and searching ads in the newspaper and the Internet. I’ve even gone to gay bars and when I approached men they rejected me. I’m feeling very sad right now and need advice.

So Lonely In Commonwealth of Kentucky Desperation is ugly, SLICK. These fellows aren’t rejecting you; they are running the hell away. Men are all around you in what has become one of America’s more progressive small cities with a growing gay community.

If relationships are a sport, take your eyes off the players and get your head in the game by joining a local team. Sports activities are an ideal way to get fit, boost self confidence and build rapport with male teammates. To find boys with balls in the Bluegrass State start with the Louisville Gay Athletic Association at www.louisvillegayathleticassociation.com.

Volunteering is another terrific way to meet like minded folks. You’ll So, you two horny dudes are ready to make the jump and hop into connect with thousands of gay guys & gals at the 2015 Kentuckiana bed? Look first, LEAP. Take some time to assess your friendship. Pride Festival & Parade to be held right there in your hometown on Friday and Saturday, June 19 & 20. Contact the organizing com“Friends can be critically important to someone’s happiness— mittee today via the website, www.kypride.com. Opportunities and they are not readily replaced when lost,” says Fredric to volunteer are plentiful and meaningful. Whatever you choose, Neuman, M.D., Director of the Anxiety and Phobia Treatment get involved now. Soon you’ll be busier than a two-dollar whore Center in White Plains, New York. “One would not sensibly en- on nickel night. danger a really good, really close, friendship”.

Sexual intimacy lends emotional fuel, which can spark a romantic flame or set off an explosive end. “There is more of a potential for bitterness if the relationship breaks up,” adds Neuman.

“But it is hard to say whether sex, per se, makes that relationship more fragile. Some couples become closer. Their relationship becomes deeper and more satisfying than it was previously and can lead to marriage, or to some sort of partnership that looks like marriage. Others break apart.”

64 | 2.11.15

Dom

Advice columnist Dominic has been there and done that with most everything. He gives a new low to all levels of depravity. He’s heard every question and every answer.

Give him a try, email DearDom@davidatlanta.com.

Warning: Advice given in this column is intended for entertainment and novelty purposes. Please proceed at your own risk.

davidatlanta.com | 65

fairyscopes

66 | 2.11.15

presented by

the armorettes

ARIES (Mar. 20 – Apr. 19): This week might be one of the most fortunate of your life. Everything you’ve been striving for - romance, money, creative fulfillment - could fall into place at various times this week. Expect exciting calls bringing good news.

LIBRA (Sep. 23 – Oct. 22): A group meeting or social event could be thrown together with casual acquaintances, and your relationship with these people could abruptly change.

At the very least, some will become friends. You might fall in love.

TAURUS (Apr. 20 – May 20): Information received through dreams and visions could trigger sudden psychic revelations of solutions to problems you may have been mulling over for weeks. Obey your impulses, and get to it.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21): A financial windfall could come as the result of a coup that no one expected you to pull off. Everyone is likely to be very proud of you - and you will be very pleased with yourself, too. As far as money goes, it may all be smooth sailing from here on out.

GEMINI (May 21- Jun. 20): Some unexpected calls from friends or colleagues could bring you wonderful news. A serendipitous lucky break could end the logjam that has held up the attainment of all your dreams. You’re on your way.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 – Dec. 20): Wonderful news comes from far away, possibly involving writing, teaching, or publishing. Creativity combines with heightened intellectual ability to bring success and good fortune to your door. Make the most of it.

CANCER (Jun. 21- Jul. 22): Job-related or personal projects are apt to come to a head now. Success is in the air, along with a marked increase in income and acknowledgment from those who matter. You won’t want to miss anything.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 21 – Jan. 19): An enterprise you’d long since given up on, perhaps one involving the creative arts, may suddenly come up again, this time as a real opportunity. Once you know it’s real, you still might have trouble believing that it’s finally happening.

LEO (Jul. 23 – Aug. 22): If you’re currently involved, Leo, expect to feel a rush of revived passion for your partner. If you aren’t currently involved, the one great love of your life could finally appear. Expect to spend the next few days in a fog!

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18): Group activities or social events could put you in contact with a new, exciting person. You could feel a strong physical and romantic attraction. If you aren’t currently involved - and perhaps even if you are - this might be worth pursuing.

VIRGO (Aug. 23 – Sep. 22): You know you’re intuitive, but changes could take place in your brain that elevate your abilities beyond mere intuition. Visions, prophetic dreams, and powerful insights into others’ thoughts and feelings could reveal you to be a gifted psychic.

PISCES (Feb. 19 – Mar. 19): Whatever you’ve been trying to accomplish over the past several months could break loose just the way you want it to this week. It could come as a surprise and resemble a logjam that finally gives way. You’ve earned it.

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2609 davidatlanta.com | 67

Bitch

S E S S I O N This one time I dated a gay republican.

Lesson learned.

That new Axe Body Spray is the smell of a bad Grindr date.

I’m confident but not THAT old dude in the gym changing room confident.

Being nice to someone you have issues with doesn’t mean you’re fake. It means that you were taught good manners.

Why is it socially acceptable to chase a sugar daddy but you bully people in real need for being on welfare?

SEND US YOUR BITCHES! Text 404.969.BTCH, tweet @BitchSessionATL or email bitch@davidatlanta.com *This page reflects the bitchiness of the community not David Atlanta or its publisher (although we’re bitchy too!)

Forget shade, gays are supreme at throwing pity parties.

Your sense of humor could be described as an “acquired taste.”

Go f*ck yourself is easily the most solid piece of advice that I can give you.

If you were any more of a bitch, you’d have puppies.

What’s worse than people going on dates on Valentine’s? People bitching that they are single on Valentine’s.

Shaaattttttupppp.

You look like a hamster penis.

Left Shark has more talent in one fin than Katy Perry’s entire musical career.

Do Me: a favor.

In alcohol’s defense, you’ve done some pretty dumb shit while completely sober too.

68 | 2.11.15