What's Wrong With Parkhurst? (10.7.11)

Dartmouth’s Only Independent Newspaper Volume 31, Issue 2 October 7, 2011 The Hanover Review, Inc. P.O. Box 343 Hanover, NH 03755

What’s Wrong With Parkhurst?

What’s Inside:

●Fifteens Feel Meal Plan Pains● ●A Failure to Communicate on Blitz● ●Memories of Giff Foley ‘69●

Plus:

How to Survive SmartChoice

Page 2 The Dartmouth Review October 7, 2011

October 7, 2011 The Dartmouth Review Page 3

Let Them Eat Cake

By J.P Harrington SmartChoice may be one of the least aptly named programs in all of existence. Why? Well, let’s just run through a few of the brilliant new changes that this plan has now inflicted upon my life.

I now live on a tightly run meal schedule that dictates exactly when I must eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner (of course any concept of snacks long ago went out the window). The monstrosity that any true Dartmouth College student calls FoCo (and which some pitifully brain-washed members of the Worst Class Ever call ’53 Commons) is only open at the following hours: 7 am to 3 pm and from 5 pm to 8 pm. I can only assume that Jim Kim utilized his extensive medical training to determine that students never hunger after 8 pm on a weeknight. Oh, well that’s alright, if I can’t make the trek to the all-you-can-stuff-in-your-face FoCo and swipe in, I can just grab a delicious breakfast sandwich at the Hop for a midnight snack.

Oh, wait. Under SmartChoice, any one of my weekly assigned meals varies in value, depending entirely on the minute of my arrival at the cash register, with my chosen meal in hand. Every day, Dartmouth students are tested by the administration to answer the following question, oddly reminiscent of those contained in third-grade math tests.

If J.P. leaves his dorm at 8:45 pm after finishing a difficult math problem set, and walks at a speed of 5 mph to the Hop to get dinner, then encounters 10 people in line waiting to check out, how much is his meal exchange worth?

Not that much.

In fact, it would be worth exactly $5.25 as opposed to $9.25 just a minute before 9 pm. I can’t imagine it will be too long before some enterprising Dartmouth students manage to exploit this arbitrage opportunity. Where are all of the investment bankers when you need them?

That’s not the half of why this system is utterly ridiculous. If we return to the basic idea of SmartChoice, it soon becomes clear that switching to an all-you-care-to-eat system is inherently bad for the students. It’s all a question of economics. The old system worked on a simple basis. I have money, you have a selection of food. I choose exactly what I want to eat and then pay for it. I pay for my own costs and no one else has to subsidize me.

Now, under the all-you-care-to-eat system, you pay to enter FoCo, where you can eat as however much you can manage to stuff into your stomach. Apparently, Jim Kim fails to realize that some people eat more than others. So, the football players have the exact same 20 meals a week plan as the smallest member of the Class of 2015. Nobody sees the issue with this?

Well, $9.25 didn’t even cover some of the entrees at the old system. Of course, they can’t offer steak to everyone, or even half-decent hamburgers (by the by, apparently hamburger now means “a burnt sliver of meat served on a greasy bun”).

Otherwise, people will just eat too much food to cover the costs. As time goes on, the quality of food at FoCo will just drop further and further in order to cover the costs of the food that people consume.

SmartChoice also has no solution for the amount of food that will go wasted, even forgetting the heightened levels of consumption. What if a student just got three plates of food and ate half of each of them? Or just tried all three and ate the best one? He could throw away the food and bear no consequence. So, more food gets wasted, FoCo’s costs go up, and the quality of food will suffer even more as David Newlove attempts to preserve his precious profit. Apparently padding-your-resume-itis has spread from Dartmouth students to the staff as Mr. Newlove’s LinkedIn account proves.

And why does all of this matter? Why should it matter to our President, sitting as he does, so far removed from the newly renovated FoCo? Because students matter. And students’ opinions matter.

We have long said that Dartmouth holds a special place in the Ivy League because we care about our undergraduates.

Unlike the University factories of Harvard, Cornell, Columbia, Yale, UPenn, and Brown, we are a College. Our professors interact with undergraduates and teach rather than just lecture half-heartedly before running away to do research. We are smaller, we don’t have as many grad programs, but we care about each student we have. At least that’s what I believed when I chose to come here.

More and more, this administration has forced me to call that belief into question. Why are we getting rid of Blitz, that

Mr. Harrington is a sophomore at the College and a contributor to The Dartmouth Review.

time-honored tradition of Dartmouth, and more importantly, why are we replacing it with Microsoft Office? Why are we implementing a new dining system that will cost me more, force me to eat worse food, and prevent me from choosing when, where, and how much to eat? Why haven’t we had student input at the beginning of these decisions, rather than at the very end in a rather poor attempt to placate us?

SmartChoice is a system designed entirely to squeeze money out of students, but at the price of also destroying Dartmouth’s reputation. It’s completely designed for the short-run profit, along with seemingly everything else in the modern world. That doesn’t work – I thought we had learned at least that from the recent debt crisis.

Let’s just call a failure a failure, President Kim. You messed up. Let’s fix it.

In the spring, The Dartmouth Review presented The Lone Pine Plan to President Kim. It was a collection of suggestions and alterations to the just-announced SmartChoice Program.

These suggestions were promptly ignored. We are now refitting (or in some cases simply restating) these ideas to provide new alternatives to the SmartChoice debacle.

A Case Competition Dartmouth is lucky to have one of the best business schools in the world. Yet despite this business prowess the DDS is forced to charge exorbitant prices in order to survive. We should leverage the talent in the Tuck Business School by hosting a case competition for Tuck students to evaluate and correct inefficiencies at the DDS. The case competition should have a prize large enough to attract talent (500 to 1000 dollars, or a good grade), and the competing groups should be given full access to DDS finances (after signing a non-disclosure agreement). This competition will produce excellent ideas for vastly improving the DDS at little cost to the college.

Many of the students would no doubt participate simply for the prestige and experience offered by such a competition.

products. This same principle can be applied to other parts of the DDS such as Topside. We’ve already seen this process succeed in the new King Arthur Flour station in the library, which has proven to be a tremendous success with students. Imagine if several stations of similar quality and of varied restaurants were installed in FoCo, replacing the bland and tasteless food that is there now.

Town-wide Usage A student’s DBA should be accepted at all local restaurants that wish to participate in the program. This would improve town-gown relations and be beneficial from an admissions perspective. More importantly, this program will help DDS become more competitive. Allowing local restaurants to accept DBA will create real competition for the DDS and make a functioning market for student meals.

In the real world, if your restaurant cannot attract many customers you must enact reforms or risk losing your job.

This monetary incentive has been non-existent in the DDS. In the future, DDS managers would have a strong incentive to cut costs, improve quality, and better meet student needs. Conversely, the DDS could use this policy to make a profit if it charges students a certain percentage of the price as a convenience fee on all purchases at local restaurants-thus significantly raising revenue at little cost. This program would also greatly benefit students by providing them with more dining choices and the opportunity to better enjoy Hanover. Additionally, the principle of specialization will once again come into play. International, ethnic, and other interested students would be able to get better quality ethnic food at a lower price from specialized ethnic restaurants than they would from the generalized DDS. By making the Dartmouth student meal market competitive, all parties will benefit.

Increasing Competition President Hoover said it best when he exclaimed that “competition is not only the basis of protection to the consumer, but it is also the incentive for progress.” Competition keeps a firm’s costs down and quality up by providing monetary incentives for both cost cutting and quality improvements. Without this competition, a firm will grow fat and become overburdened with costs and inefficiencies. This section details —Remember, the Hop serves items that are mostly eggs, but isn’t open for breakfast— stratagems to whip the uncompetiInternal Competition tive DDS into shape, burning off the inefficient fat and costs it has gained.

While having a discussion with a DDS employee at the Hop last spring, he suggested I try the new Bagel Privatization Chips. This new product takes old Hop bagels that otherwise would have been discarded, seasons them, bakes The DDS should not attempt to be a jack-of-all-trades, them, and serves them as chips. This ingenuity and creativand instead it should rely on the specialization of others. ity needs to, and must be, rewarded. Internal competition Parts of the DDS should be sold off to private firms in a should be fostered within the DDS (perhaps by providing competitive bidding process. This will allow the DDS to a monetary incentive) to lower costs and increase qualmake more money while having higher quality services ity. Competition is a powerful driver of human ingenuity provided to students. For example, despite the rather high and should be leveraged internally (and ideally externally) price, the Novak Café is unable to produce a half decent to increase efficiency, quality, and decrease cost. Smarcup of coffee or even moderately tasty snacks. This is to tChoice currently punishes internal competitors such as be expected as the DDS does not have a long and proven Collis and The Hop by forcing freshmen to buy meal plans history of being a café manager. The rights to operate a that limit them to FoCo (meal exchanges are a rip-off as I café in the Novak space should be sold off to private firms pointed out earlier). in a competitive bidding process with upfront requirements The new SmartChoice program is worse than I (I.E. certain open hours, x number of student employees, expected. Food quality has dropped and prices have risen. acceptance of DBA). Firms like Starbucks or Second Cup Often, I have to grab dinner with someone at FoCo and end would place a premium on the brand recognition gained up just eating a slice of pizza or two because I am either from running a top-notch facility in an Ivy League school. disgusted by the other options or simply not hungry. I’m The DDS would make more money than running the Nopaying for the right to sit in a social space. Everything I vak Café themselves by charging the private firm a lease, loved about the Dartmouth plan is gone—and has been as well as collecting a percentage fee from students for replaced by an unwieldy money-grubbing monstrosity every dollar spent (I.E. a two dollar pastry bought is then known as SmartChoice. If you are on any plan but the charged to DBA as 2.10, assuming a 5% fee). Trading with SmartChoice5 (the only one that offers any modicum of private firms is a win-win situation because the DDS will liberty resembling the old plan), check out Mr. Jing’s adbe more profitable than running Novak itself and students vice on page eight. If you are a freshman, well, I’m sorry, I can take advantage of higher quality and less expensive guess Dartmouth really doesn’t care about you ■

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is the Norm Perhaps it’s built into the DNA of every college student to send flat, unformatted e-mails to other College presidents or dislike their administration. Maybe it derives from some sort anyone else outside the College. of generational gap, which, when aggravated, can cause mass However, Kim also commissioned a reconsideration of protests of the kind seen during the 1960s. Maybe students TECT-T’s recommendations. When the Communication and have too much time on their hands and need a target at which Collaboration Tools study group recommended Gmail again, to direct their pent-up aggression. Or maybe students just there was a minority recommendation that gave the adminisseem to want to be left alone to write their papers, hook-up, tration a rationale to switch to MOS. As a result, the class of get drunk, or some combination of all three.

2013 had to deal with all manner of technical problems during I’m reminded of the only genuine time students “stormed” this past summer, most notably constant server timeouts. It’s Parkhurst that I’ve seen in my bizarre that Kim, a man who time on this campus. It was the supposedly makes decisions fall of 2009, just after the first based on the data, ignored two wave of midterms. We received consecutive recommendations word that a group of undergrads to switch to Gmail. were going to confront President While I’m no systems Kim about Dartmouth’s environexpert, I still find it strange mental friendliness, or rather, the that Google Apps for Educalack thereof. tion is good enough for half of I caught the group of twentythe Ivy League (Brown, Yale, six protestors or so standing Cornell and Harvard), yet not just outside Parkhurst. It turned good enough for us. If the deciout that it hadn’t been widely sion was truly based on cost, publicized. Their objective: to, wouldn’t it have made more uh, hand President Kim a letter sense to switch everyone to in which they compared themGoogle Apps for Education? selves to ‘Nam era protestors and, After all, Google’s product is “[envisioned] a Sustainable [sic] free and used by schools much Dartmouth.” To that end, their larger than Dartmouth, like demands—which were so softly Notre Dame and Boise State. worded as to be more like sugExhibit B is the Smartgestions— included, “[doubling Choice dining plan, already Sterling C. Beard Dartmouth’s] energy efficiency the subject of universal student efforts,” “[appointing] an Energy Research and Advisory derision. As one Review staffer put it, “It’s saying something Committee,” “[raising] the funds necessary for a transition when the current system is so bad that it makes us wish for to renewable energy resources,” and so forth. the old system, which was brutal.” The nominal reason for the President Kim was in a meeting, so a sit-in commenced switch was to aid people who were on financial aid with an in his office. When Kim finally emerged twenty minutes all-you-can eat system. That was news to students on financial later or so, he handled them expertly. He assured them that aid, who are now chafing against the meal plan’s higher costs. he was concerned about it and wanted to hear their sugges- Students dislike the plan so much that some have taken to tions. Furthermore, he put it on them to come to him with creating Excel spreadsheets to aid in determining which meal suggestions and specific proposals. plan hurts them the least.

It was a nice example Yet when given a set of arkhurst comes off, again, like elitists sitting specific recommendations, of Kim’s more political side.

That’s not to say that Kim in the ivory tower, dictating to students how the kind he charged those shouldn’t have a political student protestors to bring much of their money they’ll take. side. Indeed, it’s an asset him in the fall of ’09, the when it comes to dealing Review’s own Lone Pine with the occasional campus absurdity such as the “storm- Plan (see TDR 5/21/11), they were ignored. ing” of Parkhurst or the candlelight vigil that the Service Even if the administration is correct and SmartChoice Employees International Union held a few months later on and Microsoft Online Services are good choices (and as I the green to protest staff cuts. In many ways, it’s nice to have sit writing this I’ve been waiting for about five minutes for a Dartmouth President who can say “no” to something, unlike the latter to sign me out in a browser window), they’ve done Jim Wright, who hired hundreds of unnecessary staffers and an absolutely horrible job communicating why that’s so. As spent our College into a breathtakingly large budget pothole. a result, Parkhurst comes off, again, like elitists sitting in The problem is when Kim uses this same skill to ignore the ivory tower and dictating to students how much of their commonsense solutions to problems facing the College. Ex- money they will take, how they will send e-mail, and when hibit A is the absurdity of switching the College away from the and where they can eat. At the top of it all, President Kim is beloved but flawed Blitzmail to Microsoft Online Services (see beginning to look like Dartmouth’s own Robert McNamara, page six). The error wasn’t switching away from Blitz, whose a man obsessed with the numbers to the point where it seems time had long since passed, but switching to MOS instead he just can’t listen to his own people in the field. of Google Apps for Education. The aggravating part comes It’s not as if there are many options students have. The when one learns that not only had Dartmouth’s taskforce on best one can do is figure out some way to maximize their DBA, the matter originally recommended Google, but students also which is already a sunk cost (see page eight), and perhaps set preferred it by a large margin. When Kim came into office, up their Dartmouth account to automatically forward to their however, he and his staff used Microsoft products, which is Gmail. Enjoy your Dartmouth education, because it’s costing fair enough. I doubt anyone would expect President Kim to you an arm and a leg for this noblesse oblige.

P

Inside This Issue

The Problems of SmartChoice Page 2 The Week in Review Pages 4 & 5 Blitzed Page 6 2015 Feels the SmartChoice Pain Page 7 Oppose the Meal Plan, Save Your Money Page 8 What’s With Parkhurst? Pages 9 Dartmouth Peak Performance Page 10 Remembering Giff Foley ‘69 Page 11 Barrett’s Mixology Page 12 The Last Word Page 12

Page 4 The Dartmouth Review October 7, 2011

October 7, 2011 The Dartmouth Review Page 5

The Week in Review

The Week in Review Is There Anything Out There That U.S. News Doesn’t Rank?

Ah, the power of the Dartmouth brand. According to U.S. News & World Report, a magazine that apparently ranks everything under the sun, Dartmouth students participate in internships at a dizzying rate. In fact, we’re ranked third in the rate of graduating seniors with internship experience, finishing only behind American University and, curiously, Colorado School of Mines. Dartmouth was the highest overall rated school on the list, and the only school from the Ivy League.

Additionally, Dartmouth tied for third with four other schools (Princeton, Stanford, Chicago and Penn) in freshmen retention rates with 98%, finishing behind Yale and Columbia.

Though ranked slightly lower, we put up a respectable showing in USNWR’s list of schools where Fortune 500 CEOs went to college at fifth place, tied with Stanford and beaten

by Harvard, Columbia, Penn and University of Wisconsin at Madison.

Our least impressive showing was ninth in...campus housing? Though that may seem surprising for anyone who has ever had the misfortune of living in the River or the Lodge, the statics that U.S. News uses to compile the rankings deal with the number of students who live on campus, not the conditions of the housing.

Prior to that, Dartmouth ranked 11th amongst institutions of higher education generally for the third consecutive year, placing first in the “Strong Commitment to Teaching” category. We also placed fifth for “High School Counselors’ Picks” and seventh for “Great Schools, Great Prices”—which makes us wonder if U.S. News knows anything about the SmartChoice meal plan or the tuition hike in the spring.

Perhaps they were just wowed by our top ten showing in the “Economic Diversity” category, thanks to sixteen percent of students receiving Pell Grants.

U.S. News also saw fit to note the College’s study abroad programs and commitment to creative and advanced research.

Unfortunately, there were no rankings for “inept handling of e-mail systems” or “absurd food pricing” or else we could’ve garnered even more accolades.

KFC Wants to Fry Obama Fried Chicken Kentucky Fried Chicken is initiating legal action against Beijing-based Obama Fried Chicken over trademark infringement. Obama Fried Chicken, which maintains the same color scheme as KFC except with the Colonel replaced by the President as their mascot, has been the latest Chinese franchise to cash in on President Obama’s fame after KFC earlier this year itself used an Obama lookalike to advertise their new fish fillet sandwich in Hong Kong. More may be financially at stake than original impressions suggest as KFC is often considered a mid-to-upper-scale dining establishment

Politics and Polaroid In the latest great news for those who lament political polarization, a new study reveals that Americans shy away from films starring actors they politically disagree with. A majority of Democrats were polled saying they avoided movies starring Charlton Heston, who once served a short stint as President of the National Rifle Association. And a significant minority of Republicans avoided movies starring Sean Penn, who to be quite fair, is pretty obnoxious. The study included research showing that Republican excitement for Dolphin Tale, once very high, collapsed almost immediately after Morgan Freeman’s tirade castigating the Tea Party as “racist”. Partisans on both parties did however, firmly agree on one belief: that Hollywood movies promote liberalism.

—I wanted to get some food to go with my drink, but if I got a Billy Bob, I’d exceed the meal swipe!— Col. James A. Donovan ‘39 in China, including full table service, and is the largest restaurant chain in the country. Competition to supply the insatiable appetite of the Chinese people for fried chicken is financially lucrative enough to the point where unlike most instances of trademark and copyright infringement, the Chinese courts may provide legal redress.

Even the Government Doesn’t Trust the Mail If ever there was an example of the United States Postal Service being broken, this is it. One of our staffers recently applied to intern for the State Department. When told that he needed to submit some security papers, he was instructed to use UPS, DHL or FedEx as the State Department considered the postal service unreliable.

Indian Gridders Fall It was a historic moment for the Dartmouth football program: the first night game ever played at Memorial Field thanks to the addition of lights. A shame it couldn’t have ended more gloriously—and no, the return of Keggy the Keg to the stands, despite how funny he is, doesn’t really count.

The Indians played well, especially the defense, but were unable to overcome to UPenn Quakers. By the tie the lights were shut off, Dartmouth had fallen to Penn.

The game was a defensive battle. Dartmouth didn’t take the lead until 8:27 left to play in the fourth quarter thanks to a 27 yard touchdown run by Nick Schwieger ‘12, who posted his fourth consecutive 100-yard rushing performance, his eleventh overall. With the score 20-16, Penn drove down the field and scored on a three yard touchdown pass—Penn’s only touchdown of the night—with seventeen seconds remaining.

to reclaim the lead, 22-20. The Indians blocked the PAT and fielded the ensuing squib kick, but quarterback Connor Kempe ‘12 was intercepted on the first play of the next drive and the Quakers escaped Memorial Field with a 22-20 victory.

Dartmouth drops to 1-2 on the season while the Penn squad picked up its first victory of the year and extended its Ivy League win streak to 16 games. On a happier note, Schwieger is a mere 13 yards from obtaining Dartmouth’s all-time rushing record and will, barring divine intervention, claim it as his own Saturday on the road against the 2-1 (1-0 Ivy) Yale Bulldogs, who were trounced last week by Lehigh, 37-7.

Yale has a powerful offense led by their QB, Patrick Witt, who has over 4,000 yards passing in his career. If the Indians are to win the game, they’ll have to keep the powerful Bulldog offense (37 points per game average) on the sideline by holding onto the ball. Against Penn, they turned the ball over three times.

UC-Berkeley Fails to Affirm Affirmative Action Bake Sale Bake sales are usually never controversial. Not at U.C. Berkeley. Today, September 27th, College Republicans at UCB hosted a satirical bake sale that depicted the unfairness of affirmative action by pricing items according to a buyer’s race. The bake sale charged whites $2 per item, Asian Americans $1.50, Latinos/Hispanics $1, and African Americans 75 cents. Native Americans and women were offered a 25-cent discount. The “Increase Diversity Bake Sale” simultaneously took place during a phone banking event sponsored by the U.C. student government, just yards away, urging Governor Brown to sign S.B. 185, which enables “the University of California and the California State University to consider

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—Well, the upshot of that new e-mail system is that my kid can’t e-mail me to ask for money any more!— Col. James A. Donovan ‘39 race, gender, ethnicity, and national origin, along with other relevant factors, in undergraduate and graduate admissions.”

The vague bill does not mention socioeconomic factors.

The response to CR’s “Increase Diversity Bake Sale” has been astonishing, and slightly amusing, this writer thinks. The Democrats hosted a “Conscious Cupcakes Giveaway” next to their table. On a more serious note, President of College Republicans, Shawn Lewis, said that people made “physical threats” on a Facebook group that advertised their event.

One comment claimed that items would be purchased and then thrown back at the table. Berkeley chancellor Robert Birgeneau wrote in an open letter, “The administration can urge, but not mandate, a person to behave with civility.

Freedom of speech is not properly exercised without taking responsibility for its impact.”

This country needs to have a serious discussion about the validity of affirmative action in college admissions. While I understand that people of color have gone through hardships in the past, this country is becoming more diverse, and as time passes preferential admissions seems to be more irrelevant.

More importantly, the real issue should focus on education.

The United States is falling behind the race compared to other countries. Education, not political correctness, should be America’s number one priority.

The bake sale at U.C. Berkeley not only illustrates the inequities of affirmative action at a very basic level, but also highlights the extreme sensitivity of this topic, which makes it tricky to have constructive conversation about preferable choices in college admissions. I cannot help but think that negative reactions to the bake sale is a paradox in an era of civility where we must be “open-minded” and gain “perspective” about important issues in our country.

A Waltz in Dreamland Doubtless most of you are aware of the Occupy Wall Street protests, which at press time were stretching into their fourth week without showing any sign of stopping. The Review had the good fortune to have a staffer in New York during the protests, and he decided to stop by personally and see what the protesters were all about.

Compared with other protests, the entire affair is incredibly directionless. During the staffer’s visit a march was ostensibly being made against police brutality, but individual signs called for (among other things) arresting bankers, ending the Fed, abolishing nuclear power, ending the “police state,” and even having a socialist revolution. The protesters’ main camp in Zuccotti Park is no better, as one can find anarchists, communists, and 9/11 Truthers within a Woodstock-like environment of tie-dye, drum bands, and wacky hairstyles. The protesters have even constructed a gift economy, with food, books, electronics, and even medical supplies all being shared, at least until protesters run out of their parents’ money. Events at this anti-corporate endeavor are coordinated through products created by the Facebook, Apple, and Twitter corporations, which shows that while the protesters may have plenty of rage they are slightly less able to recognize irony.

Despite the aimless (and hopeless) nature of the protests, the occupiers still possess a greatly inflated view of themselves. Comparisons to the revolutionaries of the Arab Spring (who had to deal with governments that actually shot

at them) are rampant, and several when interviewed stated that the protests were the most important thing they had ever done, as if sitting around and listening to music most of the day counts as important in any universe.

Unsurprisingly for such a loose endeavor, there’s a lot of rage but almost no serious policy solutions. Proposals put online have included such capital ideas as the mass forgiveness of all debt, a complete open borders policy, a living wage for the unemployed, and trillions of dollars in additional spending.

But then, when one lives in a fairy tale land where change can be achieved by sitting in a park and wiggling one’s fingers (as the protesters do to show approval for things), what are a few more fantasy ideas?

R.I.P., Steve As many of you are no doubt aware, Steve Jobs passed away Wednesday afternoon, apparently after a battle with pancreatic cancer. It truly says something about a businessman when a company helps build has more cash reserves than the U.S. Treasury, and he is to be commended for leading a tremendously successful company. His legacy will be around for some time—it’s a sign of the times that a member of the Phelps family, members of which compose the majority of the members of the Westboro Baptist Church, announced that they would picket his funeral...by tweeting about it from her iPhone.

Dead at the age of 56. R.I.P.

The Nobel Prize Means Nothing Well, here we are again. The Nobel Prize committee is getting ready to vote on its next recipient. In the past it has been given to such laudable recipients as the late head of the Palestinian Athority Yasser Arafat and President Barack “What Did I Do To Deserve This Thing Again?” Obama, so should it come as any surprise that the Wikileaks organization is being nominated? Keep in mind, this is a group whose principle accomplishment is setting U.S. diplomatic relations back a few decades and probably getting informants killed because it released classified diplomatic cables.

Oh, Wikileaks also tweeted a link to what it claims are Steve Jobs’ medical records within a half hour of the announcement of Jobs’ death. Stay classy.

Laughter Research Is Serious Business In one of the more amusing research projects you’re likely to hear of, Dartmouth Medical School psychologist William J. Hudenko published a study in the journal Autism on the laughter of autistic children, which he and a colleague observed elicited more positive reactions in naïve listeners than the more “calculated, socially-driven” laughter of normally developing tykes.

We wish Professor Hudenko all the best in his continued efforts to understand the most pleasurable of all human sounds.

SBC Ponders Name Change The President of the Southern Baptist Convention, Bryant Wright, recently announced the formation of a new taskforce to research a possible name-change for the Southern Baptist Convention. Supporters have argued that the regionalsounding name of the Convention has been a major barrier for proselytization outside of the South and Southwest. Although many attempts to change the Convention’s name have been made in the past, none have gathered as much momentum as the recent attempts. The task force aims to provide a full, public final report in time for the next annual meeting of the Southern Baptist Convention on July 19th, 2012.

Plagiarism as Academics A bizarre piece on plagiarism by Kenneth Goldsmith, a professor at the University of Pennsylvania, was published last month in The Chronicle of Higher Education. Turning the usual line of thinking about plagiarism and academic dishonesty on its head, Goldsmith argues these practices should be embraced as positive things.

Modern writing is “in a rut,” he says, “tending to hit the same note again and again, confining itself to the narrowest of spectrums…unable to take part in arguably the most vital and exciting cultural discourses of our time.” Creative writing has become bland and stale, he argues, so the only option is to avoid creativity and “reconstruct” existing writings into “something new, something contemporary, something—finally—relevant.”

Goldsmith’s piece aims to destroy the entire notion of authorship. Context has replaced content. He proclaims a pagea-day retyping of Kerouac’s On the Road and an 800-page collection of mailed credit-card applications to be works full of “unanticipated beauty.” The greatest writers of the future, he states, will be those who can best reshape, reframe, and rehash the language of others, even if not a single original sentence is contributed by themselves.

Hear that, freshmen in writing five? There’s hope for you yet!

Later, Goldsmith describes a course he teaches entitled “Uncreative Writing.” In this course, “students are penalized for showing any shred of originality and creativity,” and rewarded for “plagiarism, identity theft, repurposing papers, patchwriting, sampling, plundering, and stealing.”

The course also involves such misadventures as modifying Wikipedia pages by inserting additional spaces between words and holding classes within the online game Second Life. The final exam consists of purchasing a paper from a paper mill and presenting it to the class as one’s own, on the basis of answering the question, “Is it possible to defend something you didn’t write?”

While Goldsmith purports to be optimistic, in reality his piece holds a deeply pessimistic subtext in its implication that every story has already been written and every idea already conjured up. There is, then, little point to going through the effort of generating one’s own thoughts or even acknowledging the thoughts of others. This attitude is unfortunate when anybody holds it; when held by a professor who instructs future writers, it is an abomination. Goldsmith has reduced writing to the act of copying and pasting. Moreover, when students are taught that dishonesty is fine, or that the thoughts of others can acceptably replace one’s own, what are we to think for ourselves? The answer, of course, is nothing.

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Page 6 The Dartmouth Review October 7, 2011

October 7, 2011 The Dartmouth Review Page 7

SmartChoice: A Freshman’s Perspective

Blitzmail Blitzed by Blitz-2-Blitz Why Microsoft?

Blitzmail is commonly referred to as an “ancient” piece of technology, incomparable to today’s cutting-edge programs, so fancily styled that an e-mail sender even has the power to bold text. But despite its flaws, the program was simple, easy to use, and a quaint beloved Dartmouth institution, so ingrained in our culture that even Conan O’Brien paid his respects during his Commencement speech.

Therefore, undergraduate attitude towards the Administration’s decision to replace Blitzmail with Microsoft Online Services (MOS) has ranged widely.

Some are relieved that the antiquated system is no more, some grumble about Microsoft’s user-unfriendliness, and others claim conspiracy theories of illegal payments or administrative affiliations to Microsoft.

“I don’t like how the presentation is so limiting,” says John Guo ’13. He points at the left column of his browser page, where only a paltry sum of e-mails can be seen without scrolling.

Blitzmail excelled at sending short messages, lots of them, and rapidly (excepting campus blitzes that is) .

Microsoft e-mail in comparison seems —Though the switch has been made, the new system will hopefully be better taken care of than Baker-Berry’s Blitz terminals; the leftmost significantly less convenient. Because of terminal, found on the fourth floor Berry, has been out of commission since at least the spring term— this cumbersomeness, Guo predicts that MOS will dramatically alter Dartmouth’s social life as students “that Dartmouth provide Google Apps as the default…within majority, recommended Google for the College, commented become disinclined to the methods of furious e-mail publicity. the A&S Division and the Thayer School of Engineering, and that he too eventually agreed on Microsoft as the best option.

There was no mystery behind the Administration’s While losses are numerous in this transition, the most MOS as the default…within the Dartmouth Medical School.”

However, a minority recommendation was also given deliberation or an incredible story about power perversely serious in my opinion is that of the Dartmouth Name Directory.

In other words, we no longer can use nicknames. Gone are suggesting, “that all of Dartmouth College migrate…to getting its way. The decision was rational and thought out the days in which all one had to do to blitz John Smith, was Microsoft Online Services.” The administration ended up with genuine intentions for the good of Dartmouth, though to simply type John Smith in the “to” line, space and all, or following the minority recommendation, not because of misled many in the student body are still bitter about the choice.

Did one party have more power than another? Sure. As even JS if he had so chosen to nickname himself such. Here sympathy for the underdog, but, as the administration saw it, now is the era of formal addresses and correct punctuation. it made sense. MOS provided the best applications, security, hierarchical systems work, specific people’s opinions have Besides student dissatisfaction with the replacement and financial options for the school, and allowed Dartmouth proportionally greater weight. Was the communication to the student body obvious and forthcoming? Not really. Having put choice, much criticism has also been leveled at the to fall under a unified communications system.

At an educational institution of Dartmouth’s stature, so many resources into deliberation, an equal amount of effort Administration for ignoring the advisory committee’s recommendation for students to use Gmail. When the process communication security is paramount, especially as electronic should be imparted to explain that process and its conclusions. of finding Blitzmail’s replacement for the College of Arts & mail is such a permanent and surprisingly accessible fixture. If the administration wanted support from students and alumni With professors engaged alike, they have no one to blame but themselves for utterly Sciences began in 2007, the Taskforce on Email f the administration wanted support from students in governmental work or failing to communicate the reasoning behind the choice. matters, keeping Although this could admittedly simply be a matter of laziness and Collaboration Tools and alumni alike, they have no one to blame but patient messages contained was on the part of those in Parkhurst, disappointment at decision (TEC-T) was formed.

True to campus themselves for utterly failing to communicate the a significant factor in makers and their choices has been abundant these past few deciding on Microsoft years and critiques of ineffective communication have been rumors, the Taskforce had reasoning behind the choice.

Online Services. The just as numerous. These issues have become old and even originally leaned towards Google as several articles in The Dartmouth have elaborated. administration maintains that 61 out of the top 100 US News cliché despite Jim Kim’s tenure having barely scratched the However, after Jim Kim came into office, opinion swung the & World Report schools use Google’s system also does not three-year mark. Sitting atop Hanover’s ivory tower certainly other way. The new President changed his e-mail system and discredit the Administration’s choice and is rather a reflection gives one a broader perspective than that of a student who scrambles at the institution for a mere four years, but it does that of the staff working closest to him to Microsoft Exchange, of Dartmouth’s differing needs.

As Dartmouth also succumbed to the financial crisis, not excuse what has repeatedly appeared to be laxness in commissioning a reconsideration of the new e-mail system budget cuts were demanded and changes were enacted. establishing communication. Even though I only three more in the meantime.

This information admittedly sounds sketchy, and the Blitzmail, an archaic technology and completely Dartmouth terms to go, I sincerely hope to see improvements in these image of an authoritarian ruler imposing his will on a controlled system, was an opportunity to revamp and conserve. matters.

Yet as always in face of campus issues, Dartmouth is helpless school is irresistible, especially considering that the The college had been housing its own e-mail storage center committed to helping ease the transition. Computing services in the basement of Berry Library and employing a number Communication and Collaboration Tools study group (CoCo Tools), which took over TEC-T’s role and expanded the of technicians to attend to the inevitable malfunctions. By has set up help desks on first floor Berry and the Hacker Club scope of consideration to include the whole University, still adopting a corporate model, Dartmouth could cede the will be sending out its own creation to campus – Blitz Listr., ultimately recommended Gmail for undergraduate students responsibility and cost of maintaining a storage system to an application to convert Blitzlists to formats compatible with Microsoft and could cut the number of employees needed the new e-mail system. in 2010.

For those Google wailers, one can still forward e-mails The problem is that undergraduates are not Dartmouth’s for its maintenance.

As for the rumors that financial assistance was given to to a Gmail account and continue using outside servers as only constituents. Graduate students, faculty, and staff of the College of Arts & Sciences, Thayer Engineering School, Tuck persuade administrators, Waite-Franzen declares, “Dartmouth before. And for those nostalgic folks around campus, the Business School, Dartmouth Medical School, Dartmouth did not receive any funding from Microsoft for any part of [the new e-mail will still be called Blitz.

Although the terminology could easily fade out when the Hitchcock Medical Center, and Administrative staff also Blitzmail transition].” She further emphasized, “Microsoft is number amongst the masses who use e-mail on the campus. considered the industry standard.” The company has had a ‘14s leave campus, good news may still be in the horizon.

CoCo Tools was responsible for finding the best and most lengthy and excellent reputation with its e-mailing services, When it Blitzmail first launched, as with most changes, was sensible solution for all, and the Administration was supposed whereas Google, although committed to Gmail, has been not received with any particular fanfare, yet on its leave, we known to lose faith in their products and pull out. Computing all stubbornly hold on to it, bidding heartfelt goodbyes. Time to act accordingly will tell if MOS will gain that kind of status.

■ Another important point to realize is that not all of services could not risk any future volatility.

Robert McClung, Biology Professor and previous Dartmouth uses Blitzmail. Tuck has been using Microsoft Exchange for upwards of ten years, the DHMC since 2009, chair of TEC-T, supported the choice of Microsoft, stating and the President and his principle staff since Jim Kim’s move that having two different systems would have required yet into office The rest of the administration was scheduled to another merging interface to allow interaction between users complete its transition to Microsoft Online Services in the fall of different systems. The number of necessary technical staff of 2010. The question remained as to which system Thayer, would have also had to be doubled to oversee both systems’ transitions and maintenance. As Dartmouth was already DMS, and the College would use.

Microsoft inclined, it was practical to streamline the entire Ms. Chen is a senior at the College and a contributor to school accordingly.

The Dartmouth Review.

Change is never easy. There are always those who may

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By James M. Keating and Nicholas P. Desatnick

not agree with the decision handed out, and in the case of Blitzmail’s transitions, the Google champions claim this party. Their voices can be heard in conversations and online article comments discussing Google’s superiority and the Administration’s idiocy. Nevertheless, a decision has been made and also by Administrative decision, meaning Jim Kim was not the only one who thought MOS would be the practical solution. David Kotz, head of the CoCo Tools that in

It’s 11:45 on Saturday morning. You roll out of bed and are still “tired” from the night before. After grabbing a bottle of water, you meet up with your floor-mates and decide to get some breakfast. At 12:02, you swipe into Foco and fashion a bowl of Frosted Flakes, only to ruin it with a blast of skimmilk from the one nozzle that is still stocked. You wolf down your light breakfast and return to your dorm. Determined to make a dent in your Gov homework, you lie down on your bed and start reading, but wake up two hours later with the packet stuck to your forehead. You roll out of bed and feel a pang of hunger, so you and your roommate decide to grab a burger and Coke from the Hop. After trekking across the Green and waiting in a not-so-long line for the grill, you and your buddy make your way to the register with your fare. One after the other, you are both told that because you had eaten your breakfast during the lunch period, you are ineligible for a meal swipe and must use your DBA instead. You protest this effrontery vociferously, but find that your overtures of reason fall on deaf ears. With a sigh, you pay for your lunch with your DBA and watch one of your 20-weekly meal swipes go to waste. Welcome to life with SmartChoice.

The new meal program, first announced in March of 2011 to “provide the widest range of options” for on-campus dining, has proven to do everything but. Ever since its inception, student complaints have been widespread and manifold, particularly amongst members of the Class of 2015. Under a rule instated by the College, all freshmen are required to purchase the 20-meal-a-week dining option, a stipulation that many find as unsavory as the food at Foco’s vegetarian station.

“How can I eat 20 meals a week?” asks Edwin Felix ‘15 with incredulity. “Most days, I can only eat two and because my third swipe doesn’t roll over, I’m just giving away money to the College.” Indeed, many freshmen have voiced similar concerns, citing their compulsion to “get their money’s worth” in the new system as a primary frustration. According to Dartmouth Dining Service’s webpage, the SmartChoice20 plan costs $1,658 per term and buys each student 20-weekly swipes in addition to $75 in Flex DBA. These terms make for a per-swipe cost of approximately $7.92. The proposition of losing nearly eight dollars for a missed meal incites many and has quickly led to widespread disdain for the new system.

“Last week, because I went to a number of club meetings where food was served, I didn’t use several meal swipes for dinner,” Meghan Hassett ’15 lamented. “Because those Mssrs. Keating and Desatnick are freshmen at the College and contributors to The Dartmouth Review.

pHOTO cREDIT: cHLOE tEETER

Based on Student Assembly conducted surveys, about 70% of student response preferred Google, recounted William Hix ’12, member of CoCo Tools. On the other hand, because a number of DMS professors also worked at DHMC, there was concern that alternating between Blitz and Microsoft Exchange to access patient files heightened the probability of there being leaks of confidentiality. Thus, the CoCo Tools report given in May 2010 included a majority recommendation that states

pHOTO cREDITs: cHLOE tEETER and Kirk Jing

By Christina Chen

—It’s bigger, and yet it is somehow more crowded than the old layout— swipes don’t roll over, I left a lot of money on the table.” Ms. Hassett is not alone in her vexation, as many have echoed her grievance. “Why can’t our meal swipes just roll over? We’re all adults and we all paid for 20-meals a week. We should be able to chose when and how we use our swipes,” added a freshman who wishes to remain anonymous.

It is here that the greatest irony of the new system emerges.

Though promoted as a model of flexibility and affordability, SmartChoice has come under fire for perpetuating the exact opposite situation. Under the restraints imposed by the 20meal plan, freshmen hemorrhage money when they find that their dining schedules don’t match those imposed by DDS. Conflicts with activities and individual eating preferences frequently mean that students cannot claim all three meals in one day. Is it really fair for the College to penalize them by seizing the eight dollars they have invested in each swipe?

The student body has answered with a resounding “no.”

The implementation of such a flawed system has also

resulted in a number of secondary problems. Chief among them is overeating. “As an athlete, I find it annoying that I have to eat on the College’s meal schedule,” Colin Heffernan ’15 commented. “I would prefer to eat before and after morning lifts, but the swipe system doesn’t let me do that.

Instead, I have to eat more than I otherwise would because I can’t eat when I’m hungry without spending all of my DBA on over-priced food at the Hop and Collis.” Others have voiced a similar concern. Vikram Narayan ‘15 added, “Every time I eat at Foco, I wonder if what I’m eating justifies what my parents are paying. I eat more than I should to get my money’s worth.”

And so under the guise of adopting a versatile and fiscallyfriendly system, the College has imposed an intransigent, expensive, and unhealthy plan upon all freshmen. With such a clear verdict on SmartChoice20, only one question remains: how many students need to adopt SmartChoice5 come winter term for there to be a change?

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www.dartreview.com

Page 8 The Dartmouth Review October 7, 2011

October 7, 2011 The Dartmouth Review Page 9

Oppose the Meal Plan, Save Your Money

By Kirk Jing

it, so there’s nothing wrong with eating two or three meals by mandating you to buy a certain level of service, but there with one take-out box. Of course, not everyone has a handy is no reason for you to purchase anything past that. The only I could have written an article lamenting that consistently refrigerator (and I assume nobody trusts dormitory fridges), financial difference between going over $100 on DBA and unpopular policy rammed through with little outside input, but most of the food could probably keep for at least a Obamaca- ‘SmartChoice’, but I won’t pretend it would have night. If you’ve got a general idea about your schedule lthough the college found a new take-out added anything not yet said to the for the next few days, box considerably smaller and less conveconversation. And I won’t pretend it’s a simple manner to here simply shouldn’t be a reason the conversation is terribly relevant. cruise through several nient than the box we used to have, with a little why anyone goes over their DBA. days with a minimal ingenuity, you can still squish more food in there Claims that the system was ‘reformed’ to improve nutrition and convenience DDS can charge monopolistic prices amount of swipes. And are universally known as blatant lies. of course, although the than any person could reasonably expect to eat.

Instead, we can look at the rigid meal by mandating you purchase a certain Review would in no schedules, lack of roll-over, and other level of service, but there is rno reason way ever advocate students spending $100 in town is that you might get more for your features and immediately know that for you to purchase anything past that.. to violate the spirit of take- money in town. Despite how often we bemoan Hanover’s the changes were made in order to out by eating a few bite-size remoteness, there are still a myriad of alternate dining options. enhance profitability. foods before returning to the If you know you’ll probably go over your DBA and you’ve In the words of the college, “students do not use every entrance, there’s nothing stopping you. However, there’s just got extra time, just go gallivanting about town and eat out penny, and this is built into the pricing system.” We know the one problem complicating all of these take-out tactics: lines. somewhere. If not that, maybe stop by the Farmer’s Market on Wednesday for lunch. Or pick up foodstuffs there or at story. Because a real tuition hike exposing Dartmouth as one the Co-op, castle head over to a dormitory kitchen dungeon of the most expensive institutions of higher education in the Only Do Take-Out at Non-Busy Times world would be shameful and sabotage the campus culture’s The College likely allocates only ten minutes (although with friends, call up Archmage Mom, and try your hand at attempt to feign social consciousness, DDS is forced to make it is somewhat flexible) to students collecting take-out food that arcane sorcery we call cooking. (Protip: Author needs profits high enough to be a hidden hike. And the only way with the knowledge that lines will limit the amount of food play less Dungeons and Dragons) to do so without gouging a la carte prices to the point where they can take. Although the norm of FoCo may seem to Still, Don’t Go Overboard even a Pullman company store be endless, crushing lines at every single Sticking it to the man is awesome, but don’t neglect the would be sickened is by making food station for some, this can easily be n the words of the college, sidestepped by simply going to FoCo at less primary purpose for scrimping on DDS. The main purpose students pay for services they “The balancing....is students popular times. For example, 1:30 for lunch about being efficient with your meal swipes is to let you use won’t receive. So since it’s flagrantly obvious profitability do not use every penny and this raids and 5:00 for dinner raids. A few trips your DBA on drinks, snacks, and smaller meals. Obviously, comes ahead of actual student FoCo at different times quickly reveals if you’re making yourself miserable to boost your DBA, it all is built into the pricing system. to becomes fairly pointless. And for anyone finding themselves desires, why don’t we start trying which times work and which don’t. overeating at FoCo to “save money,” it needs to be said that to use every penny we buy? If one’s health is worth more than whatever they’re saving. And profitability is king, why not hit that? Here’s a few small tips If You’re Going to Go Negative on DBA, Eat Out on how to make DDS feel some of your pain.

The only point of all of this economizing at FoCo is as mentioned earlier, there’s absolutely no need to save more so you can either not have to run out of DBA or run out than necessary to prevent going over your DBA. Downgrade Your Meal Plan later. After all, the College gets the same amount of money Be Smarter Than Me The simple fact that it is almost impossible for someone whether you leave $10 or $100 unused in your DBA. They I’ve only been to FoCo five times this term. Most of to eat in a way that makes the fourteen meal plan a better only make more if you go over. That’s why the new DDS deal than the five. Downgrading trades nine meal swipes a system is one that anticipates an explosion in the number of these tips are fairly obvious and it didn’t take much thought week or ninety a term for about $750 in flex DBA. For one people going negative on their DBA, especially among ‘15s. to think them up. But we’re in this for the long run. Think of to make the fourteen meal plan a better deal, one would have However, there simply shouldn’t be a reason why anyone your own tips. Think of better, smarter tips and spread them ■ to spend the equivalent of $8 with every swipe on average, a goes over their DBA. DDS can charge monopolistic prices around. Fight the power. standard only beatable by dinner or lunch at FoCo. In addition, one would also have to put no value on the convenience of not having to eat at predetermined schedules or worry about unused meal swipes expiring at the end of the week. And all of this doesn’t even yet touch upon the fact that the five meal plan is $135 cheaper in REAL MONEY, which we all know is infinitely more valuable than Monopoly DDS money. Plus, even if the five meal plan was a worse deal, paying the College $135 less would still be a moral victory. However, unfortunate ‘15s will still be locked into a 20 meal plan until next term.

T

A

Program Reshapes College Athletics

By William R.F. Duncan This past summer, Athletic Director Harry Sheehy announced the launch of Dartmouth Peak Performance, a new initiative designed to improve Dartmouth athletics and support student athletes. Following his arrival on campus last year, Sheehy assessed the state of athletics at the College and expressed to President Kim “his thoughts on ways in which we could generate a higher level of broad-based excellence as well as fulfill our roles as educators” according to Drew Galbraith, Senior Associate Athletic Director and leader of the Program.

To help each student athlete reach his or her highest potential, Dartmouth Peak Performance, also known as DP2, will focus on three performance areas: academics, athletics,

DP2’s framework for athletic success includes a new emphasis on rehabilitation methods, injury prevention, and sports psychology and nutrition. Through the collaboration of athletics, Health Services, and Dartmouth Hitchcock Medical Center physicians, DP2 seeks to investigate best practices for the delivery of health services to student athletes. Massage therapy is available to athletes to help them prepare their bodies before competition or recover effectively afterwards.

Likewise, a freshman soccer player commented that there is “a really organized system about nutrition.” While strength and conditioning has always been a mainstay of athletic training, “a greater emphasis will be placed upon assessment, outcomes, and evaluation of programs,” states the Dartmouth Peak Performance website. Sports analytics and notational analysis will also be a part of DP2. These empirical

I

For ‘15s: Next Term, Wait a Bit to Downgrade Your Meal Plan and Hit DDS Where it Hurts Even though the five meal plan is almost certainly a better deal, you can still wring extra value from DDS by downgrading plans closer to the deadline (the Friday of the second week of the term). Why? If you swipe twenty times without touching your DBA the first two weeks and then downgrade, there’s no conceivable way that DDS can take those meals back. You will have just gotten thirty swipes for free; a considerable amount since you would have just switched to a plan that gives you fifty meals in a term. Now, to almost anyone, those thirty meals wouldn’t even be worth close to as much as the fifty because a meal swipe has lower value to you the less hungry you are, but it still lets you spread your $875 in DBA throughout eight weeks instead of ten. Just make you sure you downgrade in time.

GOP DEBATE OCT. 11

—With the hiring of Athletic Director Harry Sheehy, Dartmouth’s athletics have already seen an improvement in quality; hopefully DP2 and other improvements, such as Floren Varsity House and upgrades to the Alumni Gym will continue to give the Indian teams a much needed boost in recruiting and on-field performance— and personal development. While previously these objectives examinations help coaches study athlete performance through were approached on an ad hoc, team by team basis, DP2 will complex statistical information. In implementing these adconsolidate these efforts into one program for sports across vances, peak performance aspires to be on the cutting edge the board. of college athletics.

Last spring and summer were spent “developing a The personal aspect of DP2 encompasses five main facets: definition of DP2 and how it would impact our students and leadership, wellness, community engagement, goal setting, teams” explains Galbraith, but he notes that “The process of and planning. Professor Samwick mentions that DP2’s focus developing DP2 continues, and, to date, over forty hours have on leadership resonates with The Rockefeller Center. He shares been spent in focus groups with a variety of constituents.” the “belief that leadership in Dartmouth’s mission statement A generous gift from an anonymous donor will fund DP2 should be more pronounced and the culture of leadership for the short term, but a long term funding plan is still under should be more emphasized.” Drawing parallels to how development. If DP2 can increase attendance at games and Rocky uses the Center for Public Policy to teach leadership the success of teams, the Colskills, Samwick supports the P2 has the power to “either change idea that athletics programs are lege will make more money to finance the program. or reinforce a perception that athlete using opportunities as a team Rockefeller Center Direcgeneralize to non-athletic part of student athlete makes the student to tor Andrew Samwick applauds contests. Indeed, many of the the program’s recognition that part better.” principles of leadership on student athletes need academic the field translate to outside support, acknowledging that “the faculty tends to be con- leadership positions; for example, President Kim played cerned about extracurriculars that occupy so much attention quarterback and point guard in high school. Furthermore, as of students.” part of the College’s overall effort to curb binge drinking and However, with the increased focus on academic sup- sexual assault, Peak Performance will put student athletes in port systems in the form of Faculty Advisors, free tutoring, key roles to participate in that initiative. What these projects study groups and information about success strategies, DP2 will entail, however, is still not clear. As ever, teams will aims to provide student athletes with the means to excel in play active roles in the community through services projects the classroom. Samwick remarks that DP2 has the power to like Athletes United, The Huddle, Big Green Readers, and “either change or reinforce a perception that athlete part of others. One of the long term aims of DP2 is for each athlete ‘student athlete’ makes the student part better.” Of course, to have a personal plan complete with measurable goals in the effectiveness of the program depends on the athlete’s the areas of academics, athletics, and personal life. As the willingness to take advantage of these opportunities. student progresses through his or her college career this plan will shift and include topics like career planning. In this way, Mr. Duncan is a freshmen at the College and a sports Peak Performance hopes to help each athlete have a successeditor for The Dartmouth Review. ful time in college and be equipped with the skills to handle

WALL TO WALL COVERAGE ON DARTREVIEW.COM

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If You Go to FoCo, Stock Up For Later Many people enjoy smaller, more numerous meals and aren’t about to change the way they eat simply because of the College. Nor should they. The College expects to make huge profits out of these students as they’re forced to dip into DBA for most of their meals and inevitably go over. But they don’t have to. Many college dining systems, although much, much cheaper than ours, prohibit take-out for a simple reason: it’s more, oh, exploitable than Anthony Weiner’s Twitter account.

Although the College found a new take-out box considerably smaller and less convenient than the box we used to have, with a little ingenuity, you can still squish more food in there than any person could reasonably expect to eat. Let’s be honest, most FoCo food isn’t going to get much worse if you microwave Mr. Jing is a sophomore at the College and an assistant editor for The Dartmouth Review.

life after graduation.

As peak performance is so new, most of the fundamental changes have yet to take place. Although the new nutrition program and changes in the strength and conditioning program are apparent to returning student athletes, the long term track of changes will not be unveiled until winter. For now, most student athletes wear their DP2 shirts and drink their free chocolate milk without actually knowing exactly what the program means for them. Galbraith points out that the leadership of the program has “had numerous meetings with student-athletes about DP2 and the ways in which we can use it to impact their experience;” however, the majority of student athletes do not yet see tangible benefits of peak performance. For the time being, DP2 should prove to be an effective recruiting tool. Prospective student athletes can know that the College has a program to help each one get the most out of their respective Dartmouth experience. Additionally, says Galbraith, “This program is tailored to the individual intricacies of each sport. So while all varsity athletes are impacted by it, different teams will access different aspects of the program.” In creating an atmosphere of high expectations for athletes, coaches, and staff, only with time will the ultimate success or failure of the program become apparent.

The new vision of Dartmouth Peak Performance seeks to engender an atmosphere of excellence in all areas of the student athlete’s life. If this goal is ultimately successful, it could generate a new culture where championships, academic achievement, and leadership roles are the not only impressive, but expected of Dartmouth athletes. Yet President Kim is even more optimistic. “Our intention is that as we get better and better at bringing athletes to their peak potential on the field, in the classroom, and in their personal lives, that those lessons will spread to the entire college campus. Students of course, but also we hope Faculty and Staff will benefit from what we learn.”

—It’s a sign of the times when the once-resented ‘Thayer’ and a la carte plan become “the good ol’ days.” The socalled SmartChoice is the most asinine thing to come out of Parkhurst in a while—and that’s saying something—

GET READY

Page 10 The Dartmouth Review October 7, 2011

What’s Wrong With Parkhurst? lack of sympathy for into direct contact with the student concerns. Mr. public, there are also several Spalding attempted initiatives that are conceived The enlightened Dartmouth student is well aware that to rebut any doubts and designed in relative a variety of the seemingly unrelated cultural quirks that about the president’s silence within the walls of define our College are actually bound together by a single, intention in attaining Parkhurst. Asked if there were fundamental theme. The perennial dominance of Greek-life, the best outcome for any such cases he considered the popularity of a cappella groups, the surfeit of student service particularly worthy of the organizations, and many of the odd but durable traditions that the students. “Our objective is to seek Dartmouth community’s attendefine our campus are all representative of the student control out a wide range of tion, Mr. Spalding mentioned of our own atmosphere. The activities of our motivated and opinions before decithe research being done in autonomous student body are central to the unique culture of sions are made,” he conjunction with the National the College in a way that seems to leave little room for the asserted firmly, sugCollege Health Improvement lingering presence of bureaucratic administration. And yet, gesting that financial Program to find methods to in spite of their often-inconspicuous nature, the Dartmouth sustainability and reduce the negative effects of administration dwells within Parkhurst Hall, monitoring daily binge drinking at Dartmouth. the rapidly flowing course of student life and sporadically safety were among key factors that con“The collaboration is someinterjecting with initiatives designed to improve it. At the tributed to decisions thing that hasn’t been done on heart of these operations is David Spalding ’76 who, as Chief considered less than this level before,” he deof Staff to the President’s Office, is charged with oversight of optimal by students. scribed of the effort, acknowlthe administrative agenda. Mr. Spalding sat down to offer a However, he also edging its developing success rare introspective account of the workings of the Dartmouth stressed the fact that and stating his hope that a administration and presented several insights that may help the decision-making similar approach, combining us decode their hazy image.

—David Spalding ‘76— process is always the broad base of research of The initial point of inquiry was the central one: the continuous and, as in the case of the river docks, there are a national program with the specific local knowledge of nature of the president’s role, which spans the wide range always opportunities to reconcile differences of opinion. the Dartmouth administration, could be applied to problem between fundraising and fiscal matters, and the evolving In addition to President Kim’s handling of student solving for other critical issues. collection of student concerns. “The key for dealing with affairs, another fierce and unresolved point of debate surCompounding the difficulty of crafting solutions in the the broad range of issues was that no one person could rounding Parkhurst has been the administration’s haninterest of students and staff, Parkhurst is also tasked with fulfill all the requirements,” Mr. Spalding recalled of the dling of the recent incorporating the opinions of Dartmouth’s body of alumni financial crisis, as into its decision-making. As Mr. Kim’s first introduction to many of the Colthe unique culture of Dartmouth came during his preparalege’s progressive tion to assume the presidency and given his reputation as students and faculty an energetic progressive reformer, one might assume he still maintain that would have clashed with a dedicated alumni corps that measures taken in had often taken issue with the agendas of previous, often the wake of the crisis out-of-touch presidents. Mr. Spalding, however, attempted had unnecessarily to paint a different picture, naming several examples he harsh consequences hoped would demonstrate Mr. Kim’s knowledge of and apfor Dartmouth’s preciation for the College’s many particularities. “He came employees. Mr. to the very first meeting in a green tie,” he reminisced Spalding confidently before continuing to note Mr. Kim’s early knowledge of addressed the critithe fraternity system and the priority given to intimate cisms, suggesting undergraduate teaching. “He has definitely shown himthat the public may self as someone who his able to speak to the hearts of the not have been fully alumni,” Mr. Spalding said in summary, acknowledging aware of the depth the fact that the emotional connection to life at the College of the situation. amongst Dartmouth’s graduates are often as important as “From a financial strictly logical considerations in the crafting of administrastandpoint, we just tive policy. came out of one of Departing from the scrutiny of Mr. Kim’s relationthe worst financial ship to the Dartmouth community, Mr. Spalding’s remarks crises the College concluded with an open discussion of his own experiences has ever faced,” he at the College, and how they have informed his work recounted in defense as an administrator. When asked what characteristics of of the termination Dartmouth qualify its description as a truly exceptional inof 38 members of stitution, he did not hesitate before delving into a heartfelt the Dartmouth staff, recollection of the story of his relationship with the Col—Parkhurst, a building so great that its name became a verb— the move that eventulege from its foremost origin. “Dartmouth had a transforestablishment process of Jim Yong Kim’s presidency, ally sparked the creation of the infamous and impotent mative impact on my father, Lyle Spalding ’52,” who he during which he suggested “unprecedented attention” was Students Stand With Staff group. “We saved well over recounted as having arrived in Hanover from Kentucky given to the formation of the administrative management 100 jobs,” he continued, and been shaped by team. While he agreed that Mr. Kim’s position as the face indicating that there were rom a financial standpoint, we just came out the influences of of the administration requires him to remain engaged in voices inside the administraof one of the worst financial crises the College prominent profesconversation with students, he pointed out that “[Dean of tion advocating measures sors in his time as has ever faced,” he recounted in defense of the an undergraduate. the College Charlotte Johnson] is the right person to go to” even more draconian than to seek an audience within the administration for the bulk the ones that were eventually termination of 38 members of the Dartmouth staff “When students of comments and questions that are often directed toward put into place. Mr. Spalding come to Dartmouth, the President. also highlighted the rehirthey really come In spite of Mr. Kim’s efforts to maintain the appearing of many previously laid-off employees as the College to Dartmouth,” he added, explaining how the College’s ance of swift responsiveness and accountability to student recovered from the initial downturn as evidence of the isolated setting and vibrant spirit differentiate it from its concerns, many students and alumni have criticized him administration’s continuing commitment to strong labor peer institutions. He finished, however, with a cautionfor what they perceive as detached and “technocratic” relations. However, he shed additional light on the crisis ary insight, urging critics to understand that a deep love to provide justification for and understanding of Dartmouth is not exclusive to for one measure that has the College’s alumni. Speaking of the many members of hen students come to Dartmouth, they really come to been more permanent: the the administration who did not graduate from Dartmouth, Dartmouth,” he added, explaining how the College’s isolated reforms to employee insur- he said “most spend more [years at the College] than the setting and vibrant spirit differentiate it from its peer institutions. ance plans. “When you see typical undergraduate student,” affirming his opinion that your endowment decline by while identification with Dartmouth is the fundamental decision-making. Parkhurst’s positions on controversial 20%, and that’s putting aside the sharp decline in fundraiscomponent of meaningful administrative work, it is a measures such as the Connecticut River docks, the Blitzing, certain steps need to be taken,” he stated before saying quality that can be acquired by anyone willing through the Mail overhaul, and the meal-plan reforms have struck the that the administration “maintained that employees need dedication of time and effort. His rigorous account of the Dartmouth community as perplexing at best and in the eyes to contribute” to closing the budget gap in the form of a qualities of these men and women of Parkhurst and the taxof the administration’s harshest critics, representative of a general increase in their contributions to their health insuring process by which they attempt to appropriately shape ance plans. the student experience at Dartmouth may be an essential Aside from the budget issues and student affairs that addition to each member of the College community’s un Mr. Ukueberuwa is a sophomore at the College and draw considerable attention and bring the administration derstanding of our campus character.

■ an assistant editor for The Dartmouth Review.

By Mene O. Ukueberuwa

F

W

Remembering Giff Foley

By Jeffrey Hart

October 7, 2011 The Dartmouth Review Page 11

desk for his typewriter, a wireless telephone, and even a small refrigerator for drinks. Buckley worked while his chauffeur Gifford T. “Giff” Foley, class of 1969, was handsome, drove the limo from his estate in Stamford, Connecticut to powerful and violent, and one of the most effective defenhis National Review office in Manhattan. sive tacklers in the history of Dartmouth football. He was an This limo irritated some people in Hanover since it ocunforgettable force on the field. cupied two parking spaces; well, I had to put coins in two meters.

Foley and I decided that we and a couple of friends would drive this Cadillac down to PrincIII eton for the DartmouthPrinceton game that fall.

Returning to Dartmouth, he began his great footFoley found a chauffeur’s ball career. He enrolled in one of my courses, and we cap somewhere, and he soon became friends. When my family went to Switdrove the limo all the way to Princeton while the rest Dartmouth was playing Yale in the Yale Bowl. Yale had zerland to ski, Foley lived in our house to protect it because the vacant house was likely to attract burglars. of us drank cold beer from a great running back in Dick Jauron. Dartmouth kicked off to Ordinarily, he lived off campus, renting a house in the fridge.

Yale and Jauron caught the ball and took a few steps forward.

There, we parked the Foley hit him, and Jauron didn’t move another inch. I looked Vermont with another former Marine. One afternoon, car and went to the Annex up Jauron’s record and found that he was second in yards I visited them, and we drank some beer. One of them restaurant on Nassau Street gained in the history of Yale football. (Almost certainly the suggested that we have a contest in pistol marksman—­­­­­Mr. Foley prepares for takeoff ship. They hung an empty for lunch. When some membest record was made by the legendary beside his AT-6 Texan­­­­— beer bottle in a nearby tree, bers of the Dartmouth band Albie Booth, also known as the “Little Boy and we took turns in shooting walked in, Foley rose and insisted that they play Dartmouth Blue,” or “The Mighty Atom” who at 144 at it with a .45 pistol (evidently songs in the restaurant. pounds at 5 foot 6 inches dominated Yale filched from the Marines). The two Football from 1929-1941.)

Marines missed the bottle, but my V As a defensive tackle, Foley anchored first shot shattered it. Pure luck, the Dartmouth line in its undefeated 1970 though I had practiced with a .45 Foley went on to succeed in business and came to one Lambert Trophy winning team. During when I was in the Navy during the or two Dartmouth Review anniversary galas in Manhattan, this period Dartmouth was moving toward Korean war, but this shot was my at the Union League Club. co-education. Giff opposed it. He chartered finest moment nevertheless.

He had developed an interest in flying, and several times a plane to fly over Memorial Field while During Foley’s senior year, he flew his own plane to the Lebanon airport and visited friends he was playing. The plane trailed a banner enrolled in a seminar I was teach- at Dartmouth.One day, I received a phone call from a man reading GIFF SAYS NO. ing about the history and literature who identified himself as a friend of Giff. He wanted to meet of World War I. When we met for me at The Hanover Inn. We had some drinks in the bar, and II the last session, a man showed up he told me the tragic news. with sandwiches and champagne Giff had participated in an air show near Buffalo. He Before I met Foley, I had heard a bit from the Hanover Inn. Giff always was doing barrel rolls when something went wrong. The of his history at Dartmouth. He had arrived did things with style. plane crashed into the river below Niagara Falls, killing in Hanover from Winnetka, Illinois on a Giff instantly. custom built chopper motorcycle, his lugIV In 2004, a book was published titled Dartmouth Footgage sent ahead. Soon he reached a detente ball Green Fields of Autumn by David Shribman and Jack agreement with the Hanover police. They —­­­­­Giff Foley during his undergrad days­­— After Foley graduated, he re- DeGange. On page 90, there is a good photograph of Giff had a few collisions with Foley, and they agreed not to have any more. He promised to behave and they agreed not to turned to Hanover for a while, and we had our last adventure. Foley, and in the passage below it quotes my excerpt from Bill Buckley had decided he needed a new stretch Ca- Yeats’ great elegy, “In Memory of Major Robert Gregory” notice him, a dubious arrangement. But Foley continued to be a trouble maker and at length, the Dean advised him to dillac limousine, and he gave me his old one. This was not (1919), a combat pilot who died in the first World War: Professor Hart is Professor Emeritus of English at the an ordinary limousine. Buckley had it specially designed as “Soldier, scholar horseman he... what made us think that he a sort of rolling office, its rear seat equipped with a folding could comb grey hair?”

■ College and a former editor at National Review.

By Jeffrey Hart

enlist in the military and acquire some discipline.

He enlisted in the Marines and fought in Vietnam. He received a medal for bravery in combat, his specialty being destroying machine gun nests. To do that you throw a couple of grenades into a machine gun nest and then charge at it, firing your weapon and finishing off any remaining enemy soldiers.

When Foley had been in Vietnam long enough to have left on R&R, he did not go to Tokyo for fun and relaxation. Instead, he won the heavyweight boxing championship of the Pacific fleet.

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Page 12 The Dartmouth Review October 7, 2011

A lifetime of training for just ten seconds.

—Jesse Owens

Gold medals aren’t really made of gold. They’re made of sweat, determination, and a hard-to-find alloy called guts.

—Dan Gable The achievements of an organization are the results of the combined effort of each individual.

—Vince Lombardi Success is where preparation and opportunity meet.

—Bobby Unser

An organization, no matter how well designed, is only as good as the people who live and work in it.

—Dee Hock We’re not going to be in this quasi-ivory tower. We’re going into the cafeterias and talk to people on a one-on-one level.

—Marc Ward Executives owe it to the organization and to their fellow workers not to tolerate nonperforming individuals in important jobs.

—Peter Drucker

gordon haff ’s

—Henry Ford

Every silver lining has a cloud.

the last word.

—Mary Kay Ash

First rule of Economics 101: our desires are insatiable.

Second rule: we can stomach only three Big Macs at a time.

—Douglas Horton He has a right to criticize, who has a heart to help.

—Abraham Lincoln If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

—Bert Lance

Great leaders are almost always great simplifiers, who can cut through argument, debate and doubt, to offer a solution everybody can understand.

—Colin Powell Leadership does not always wear the harness of compromise.

—Woodrow Wilson

Life is like a cobweb, not an organization chart.

—Ross Perot

We’re not going to be in this quasi-ivory tower. We’re going into the cafeterias and talk to people on a one-on-one level.

—Marc Ward Reduce the layers of management. They put distance between the top of an organization and the customers.

—Donald Rumsfeld

A man always has two reasons for doing anything: a good reason and the real reason.

—J. P. Morgan Don’t find fault, find a remedy.

Large organization is loose organization. Nay, it would be almost as true to say that organization is always disorganization.

—Gilbert K. Chesterton

Compiled by George A. Mendoza The secret of all victory lies in the organization of the non-obvious.

—Marcus Aurelius An organization’s ability to learn, and translate that learning into action rapidly, is the ultimate competitive advantage.

—Jack Welch

We are living in 1937, and our universities, I suggest, are not half-way out of the fifteenth century. We have made hardly any changes in our conception of university organization, education, graduation, for a century - for several centuries.

—H.G. Wells For me, this is a familiar image - people in the organization ready and willing to do good work, wanting to contribute their ideas, ready to take responsibility, and leaders holding them back, insisting that they wait for decisions or instructions.

—Margaret J. Wheatley The five separate fingers are five independent units. Close them and the fist multiplies strength. This is organization.

—James Cash Penny

In the successful organization, no detail is too small to escape close attention.

—Lou Holtz

Leadership and learning are indispensable to each other.

—John F. Kennedy

Acknowledging that crime happens in the ivory tower is really tough for them.

—Catherine Bath

This is not an ivory tower institution that encapsulates itself away from the citizens. It recognizes its connection to the people.

—Robert Golden

Barrett’s Mixology

By William H.W. Baird

The Strangelove

5 oz. pure grain alcohol 1 oz. distilled water

Serve with reckless abandon

I suppose I should tell you why I’m crouched under my desk. Well, people do a lot of crazy things when faced with imminent destruction. It all started last night while discussing geopolitics at the officers’ club here on base. I don’t remember much, but there was a lot of talk about China, Iran, and the inverted-flight capabilities of the F-22. Also, I think someone was punched in the throat, but I can’t be sure, because that was about when I decided that I needed to preserve some of my precious bodily fluids and switched over to The Strangelove.

The exact sequence of the series of events that followed is foggy at best.

I remember that we had a launch technician in our posse, and the General’s wife was willing to get us the second launch key in exchange for a certain favor from Johnson. I was filled with an overwhelming feeling of regret. And then we launched several thousand Minuteman-III ICBMs everywhere from Mecca to Macau. Or maybe those last two were reversed. Either way, the odds of any of us becoming twenty-year men were dwindling by the minute.

There was a certain amount of chaos. I was among those who tried to instill order, and if my Colt.45 is light a few rounds for it, then so be it. But then the MPs showed up, and that seemed to do a better job of rallying the troops than my Colt. In retrospect, it may have been wiser to spend that time trying to deactivate the missiles, but by the time things calmed down it was too late.

And that brings us back to my desk, where I am crouched uncomfortably next to a recycling basket, waiting for total annihilation. If our estimates are correct and Russia’s fire-on-launch detection tech is as good as we’ve been briefed, we should expect the return volley to be launched in 3…2…1…

There’s the alarm! Here it comes… no? That’s not the missile alert, that’s my alarm clock. Am I still in bed? Jesus. That’s the last time I drink The Strangelove.

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