Life under the Stairs

By Local Resident, Jane Stevenson

Me and modern-day gadgets are like oil and water. We simply don’t mix. In the space of 24 hours both my dishwasher and my printer have given up the ghost. Both were perfectly working the last time they were used.

Today I opened the dishwasher to put the crockery away only to be greeted by a machine full of dirty water. Having bailed that out with a mug, I stomped off to the study to print some letters. Two went through without any problem. The third never emerged! On further investigation the paper was jammed and more worryingly, the cartridges were loose and a strange piece of plastic was flying around the inside of the printer. No rhyme or reason to why both electrical appliances decided to have a collective hissy fit!

The printer is a bigger problem though. I often need to print and send documents out, so now I’m building up a back log of documents and reports which will soon go from low, to high priority. As it may well cost more to repair it than to buy a new machine, I’m going to spend the rest of the day checking out deals.

I’m not a huge fan of washing up but now the Offspring have gone, there’s a lot less of it, so a repair to that item may well have to wait until the coffers are off life support. It’s only a couple of plates and mugs a day – and six cat food dishes! Even I can manage that amount.

I dread updating my mobile phone for similar reasons. Today’s gadgets can do so much, I worry about pressing the wrong button. I long to be like my friend, who ascertains that with a mobile phone and tablet, she can rule the world. She manages to run several businesses using this set up at least. I make calls, write texts, and take the odd photo on mine. It’s only recently the Offspring have shown me Whatsapp and introduced me to the joys of shopping by phone.

I thought it was an age thing, but now I’m not so sure. Many others of my generation are completely at home with technology and enjoy the benefits it brings. They chat knowledgably about using catch up TV, streaming films, Twitter, and Instagram. I can just about master the intricacies of the TV remote.

The terminology alone is confusing. Other Half has a DAB radio? What’s DAB? I’m told DVDs are almost outdated – I have some still in their cellophane wrapping which I keep meaning to watch – if I could fathom out how to use the DVD player. However, these are obsolete and I should look at getting a Blu-ray player. What? CDs are as old hat as vinyl records. Thankfully, I can just about fathom out how to download music via Spotify.

My car offers similar challenges. Press a button on the dashboard and a variety of screens light up. I’m told my average speed, how many miles I can drive before needing petrol, the ambient temperature, what calls I’ve missed and much more. I use a car to get me from A to B safely and reliably – you can keep the rest.

I know there are courses and techno buddy schemes to help people such as I. However, I may well be deemed a hopeless case as I rarely get the hang of technology even in its most basic forms. I would be an ongoing presence at these courses year in and year out.

Maybe me and the Techno Fairy just aren’t compatible.

Stay well all.