Shaking Hands
a message to boys on being a man
Gabe
Wander
ILLUSTRATED BY
Widhi Saputro
PREFACE
I was born Jewish, raised as a Christian missionary, and lived in over thirty countries with my parents and seven siblings by the time I was twelve years old. As a teenager back in the United States, a chaotic family life resulted in my leaving home and living on my own. With no direction, guidance, or money for college, and an upcoming high school graduation, I enlisted in the Army at seventeen years old as a Combat Medic, and eventually became an Officer and Nurse Anesthesiologist with the Joint Special Operations Command.
On a deployment in 2009, one of the senior officers asked if I’d like to meet his eligible daughter when we got home. I agreed after he told me all about her and showed me her picture. We emailed for the remainder of that deployment, and were married five months after we met.
While training for my next deployment, I had a near-fatal parachute accident, was rushed to the hospital for several emergency surgeries, and remained hospitalized for nearly a month. I was told I’d be medically discharged from the Army, but I contested it. I was devoted to my fellow soldiers and doing the mission that I loved.
Although I initially joined the Army as a lost teenager, I remained because I grew to love God, my country, and my fellow soldiers. My service gave me a sense of belonging, instilled pride and patriotism, and re-connected me with my long-lost Jewish heritage. Through trial, error, and the mentorship of a few good men, I became a man in my own right.
Just before my next deployment, my wife became pregnant with our first son. The nightly harrowing missions, combined with the lingering effects of my injuries, made me acutely aware of my own mortality. For the first time ever, I feared not coming home, so I began to scribble what I’d wish to pass on to my unborn son should I never get to see him. These were not just life lessons, but tangible actions he could incorporate into his everyday life to both mold him into a good man and help him flourish.
I added to this list with every deployment and pregnancy until I safely retired from the Army as a Major. As of today, I have three sons, the eldest of whom is eight years old, and I decided it was time to gather all my ideas and assemble them so that they could have an impact on my little guys every day. The importance of a father in a child’s life is undeniable, as is the fundamental need for good men. I hope fathers, mothers, and adults alike will benefit from sharing the values and substance of this book with their boys from a young age, and start them on the right path to becoming men.
Gabriel D. Wander MAJ, USA (RET) Optima Pro Optimis
To my sons Sam, Caleb, and Max, as well as young boys everywhere.
You are the future. You’ll become the brave men who will stand between good and evil, be great leaders, better our country, and become fathers.
Good morning, my son, it’s a beautiful day, and I’m grateful to spend it with you. There’s a big world outside and it’s full of fun; lots to see, lots to learn, lots to do.
My gear’s almost packed and I’m heading out soon, to Germany, Iraq, or Japan, But before I go, it’s my duty as Dad to ensure that you’ll be a good man.
Trust and believe in God, and keep your morals high. We aren’t ever perfect, but we should always try. I pray to Him every day; for me, He’s always come through. Discover Him for yourself, and it’ll work for you, too.
Men and women were created with wonderful differences, Unique and complimentary in nature and preferences. Fathers and mothers, girls and boys; it’s quite easy to define. You are who you were meant to be, and are this way by design.
To be a man is a big responsibility, So conduct yourself with honor and dignity. You were born with special impulses and traits. Using them for good is how men become great.
