JOURNAL 11 - How am I Supervised?

HOW AM I SUPERVISED? 26 October 2018 - Journal Entry #11 There are a number of things that make me not want to take my being supervised by a CT (especially someone like Teacher Fraul) for granted. I’m grateful that there’s someone who takes the time to guide and help me in improving my lesson plans and give feedback on my style as a novice teacher. I’m grateful that there’s someone who shows me perspectives that I couldn’t have considered or come up with myself. I’m grateful that there’s someone who not only points out the things I can do right and the things I can or should improve on, but also suggest ways on how I can do it. But, as someone who doubts herself a lot, the one thing I am most grateful for is that there is someone who made me realize (objectively) that I “can” teach – not just in a motivational way, but with the “evidence” to support her opinion. Like what I might’ve mentioned in class or in my previous journal entries, hearing my CT’s feedback for my first week of teaching was what made me realize, for the first time, that I really “can” be a (possibly good) teacher.

Of course, there are challenges and pressures that come along being supervised too. What’s most challenging for me is the “additional” but actually necessary work and deadlines that have to be met; the lack of academic freedom because we can only do and teach what our CT allows us to; and the weight of not being seen as the “real” teacher. As for being observed, I think the most challenging part for me is not letting it get to my head, wasting energy on being anxious (over)thinking “Hala, andiyan si Ma’am Fraul dapat ganito ako, dapat ganyan ‘yung class” instead of focusing my energy on being the best teacher I can be for that day.

I consider myself lucky to have Teacher Fraul as my CT – despite being extremely intimidated by her before I met her, and even now, sometimes – because of how she gives feedback. That’s why I know that when she observes my teaching, her feedback will always be constructive. (And all my anxiety will be just that – anxiety.) Teacher Fraul and I share the same birth month, February, and she’s only two years older than I am. Her youth is something that both inspires and intimidates me. Sometimes, it intimidates me because I don’t want to be perceived as someone who’s trying to be too friendly or FC (feeling close) or taking advantage of the close gap between our ages. But ultimately, it also inspires me. Because I can see her facing challenges (as a relatively young teacher) and growing from them, too. I also think this is why, I feel, she truly tries to understand what I’m going through and how I see things at this point in my life as a young teacher.