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I’M EXPLORING MY ARTISTIC SIDE. There’s a certain imposter syndrome when you do something outside of who you've been and who you think you are. Don't believe the limits that society has put on you, and most of all don't believe the limits that you've put on yourself. If you never try you'll just be filled with regret!
Exploring other sides can be fun + exciting
Things that are fun to believe in 1. Mermaids 2. Aliens 3. Magic 4. Yourself Sometimes making art makes you feel really shitty because you look at what others are making and yours doesn't look half as good. You probably have good taste but your skills have a while to catch up. Sometimes you want to cry b/c your work isn't good or didn't turn out right.
What truly matters is that you pursue what drives you, and make what you feel. Self expression is so essential to being who you are and your pursuit of happiness. Be playful, have fun, be you Â
Exploration Have you ever been to Bagsby Hot Springs? It’s near Portland, OR and it’s pretty cool! My friend Liz took me there about 5 years ago. On our way we stopped at the river nearby and walked to its bank. It cut through a gorge and was narrow and swift. A large fallen tree lay across it and we encouraged one another to cross. We straddled this bridge and began creeping across. When we reached the middle we stopped to assess our situation. Wasn’t this sort of dangerous? There’s no turning around, that would be more dangerous. Above the churning rapids we made a pact. If one of us slipped and fell in the other would follow, for it is certain death. Then a compromise, “No, don’t do that Bean,” Liz said. “If I fall don’t come after me, go for help. Otherwise I’ll live and you’ll die, that’s how these things go.” “Okay, and vice versa okay?” Now that we’d freaked each other out in the middle of the log, we pressed on. Toward the end of the crossing the log softened with decay and a sense of urgency set in. Upon reaching the other side we dusted our pants off and probably hugged, I can’t
remember. The other side was cool. We played in some little pools with water skeeters and investigated a fire ring… so other people have crossed the log! Our return trip was uneventful. We crossed the log bridge confidently. Then we took a different trail to the car. We came across a metal cart on a cable. It also crossed the river. There was a padlock keeping it on this side but it occurred to us that this is likely how others reached the far side. Why hadn’t we seen the cable stretching through the sky near our bridge? Too busy looking down I guess. We looked at the cart curiously, pondering our fate, and at the same time noticed an inscription in the moss on the side of the cart. Just as lovers carve their initials into a tree, it read “LIL MA”. Those were the nicknames we had for each other! We simultaneously gasped and leaned closer, flashing a look of disbelief to one another. “LIL MAn” There was a small letter ‘n’ less visible than the rest. Still we laughed and laughed, shrieking with laughter in fact, our echo trailing down the river gorge. What in the hell!? Now we were really superstitious and grateful we’d made it back.
Sudden Rain It rains harder here -and you almost always know when it’s going to happen because of the thunder. Yet it’s easy to mistake an Air Force jet or a loud diesel or a gunshot for the sign of rain, as they tend to happen more often than thunder. Debris fills the arroyos because no one secures their load. Car insurance is a good gamble, another form of pull-tabs. And why bother with a crosswalk, or a blinker? Those who haven’t been here call it a wasteland; an empty place. But it’s also true that the landscape is always here:, laid out before the horizon like a carefully set table. If that’s what you consider a wasteland. It rains harder here, and suddenly it fills the arroyos (the city’s arteries) which previously clogged with debris,
run clear after just moments. Here, the light changes. Often it’s just a marquee along I-25, or the strobe of police lights at a crime scene. But other times -it’s the shadow of the earth at sunset, when the desert sand refracts the sun’s rays and the city lights twinkle as jewels in the distance throwing light into all of the dark places And yes, there many dark places. But sometimes, shadows are the only way you know where the light is. And other times, a vast emptiness is the greatest affirmation for the existing.
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