4-1-2016

DON’T TALK TO ME

OR MY SON

0°/61° ???

OR MY SON EVER AGAIN

DAILYFREEPRESS.COM @DAILYFREEPRESS

in special collaboration with the Bunion FRIDAY, APRIL 1, 2016 THE INDEPENDENT WEEKLY STUDENT NEWSPAPER AT BOSTON UNIVERSITY YEAR XLIV. VOLUME LXXXIX. ISSUE X.5

SHA faces budget cuts, becomes School of Super 8 Hotel Administration BUNION STAFF

SCHOOL OF HOSPITALITY ADMINISTRATION — Due to recent budget cuts, the Boston University School of Hospitality Administration has now been renamed and overhauled as the School of Super 8 Hotel Administration.

Julie Hong, a junior in SS8HA, said she has noticed changes in curriculum since the budget cut.

“Well, now the professors mostly cover stuff like how to get cigarette burns out of polyester curtains and how not to look ‘shady characters’ directly in the eye,” Hong said.

New introductor y courses include large lectures such as “Keeping Your Damn Mouth Shut No Matter What You See 101” and “Introductor y Cleaning Up Shower Stabbings.”

Keith Lovett, a sophomore in SS8HA, said he actually sees the new changes as a major improvement.

“It’s, like, practical, right?” Lovett said. “I’m not going to be the manager of a Ritz-Carlton, so why not open a Super 8 in the middle of Kansas?”

The budget cuts also affected the previously beautiful interior of the school. Most of the fluorescent hallway lights now flicker, and classroom doors open up directly into the parking lot.

In addition, the school’s admission process has been streamlined. Prospective students can simply walk past the building, and if the neon “Vacancies” sign is illuminated, they may enter any class.

PHOTO BY SARAH SILBIGER/SUN-THURS FREE PRESS STAFF

BU admits new construction plans are an initiative to get students to wake up for morning classes BUNION STAFF

COMMONWEALTH AVENUE — Last Wednesday, Boston University’s administration formally admitted to the actual reasons behind its plans for more construction on Commonwealth Avenue — to help wake up students for their early morning classes.

“We found that over 28 percent of students sleep for over half of their 8 a.m. classes,” said Judd Randall, the head of the new construction project initiative. “So we threw some jackhammers in there to ensure that those jerks would wake up to participate in their studies.”

Although unorthodox, this initiative is technically not illegal, and it quite effective. There is a strong correlation between the number of construction zones and the number of students that have been waking up for their morning classes.

“I wasn’t going to go to class, but

it’s just so loud outside that closing my window doesn’t do anything,” said Molly Nixon, a sophomore in the College of Arts and Sciences. “I couldn’t go back to sleep, so I decided to just go to class, I guess.”

Not only has this system resulted in positive effects for students at BU, but it has also been productive in creating new buildings.

“There are a couple of side effects, and building more buildings on BU’s campus is just one of them,” Randall said. “So is spending millions of dollars.”

While it was strongly speculated for years that all of the construction on BU’s campus had an ulterior motive, the administration finally revealed its true intentions, leaving students and parents perplexed.

At press time, it was revealed that without construction on campus, tuition at BU would cost just under $8,000 a semester. But hey, at least people are getting up for their classes.

FFATS SSERP EERF YLIAD/REGIBLIS HARAS YB OTOHP

2

NEWS

CAMPUS CRIME LOGS

BY ANUSH SWAMINATHAN DAILY FREE PRESS STAFF

The following reports were taken from the Boston University Police Department from April 2 to April 8.

Theft The dreamy teaching assistant from philosophy class stole a student’s heart Wednesday at 3:30 a.m. The student was allegedly reading Descartes while sipping tea when the TA commented on her book choice. He is still at large.

Missing person

PHOTO BY SARAH SILBURGER/DAILY FREE PRESS STAFF

New CFA theater to be installed above CAS Observatory BUNION STAFF

COLLEGE OF ARTS AND SCIENCES — Plans have been released for a new College of Fine Arts theater as an on-campus replacement for the recently sold Boston University Theatre on Huntington Avenue. The new theater will now be constructed in an easily accessible location — directly above the College of Arts and Sciences Obser vator y.

“I suppose it’s a good spot for the theater,” said Hunter Baxtan, a junior in CAS. The astronomy major ex-

plained. “CAS is a widely known classroom building, and so the theater will be easy for patrons to find.”

Some expressed some concern at the choice of location, fearing it would hinder an existing aspect of the building.

“It seems like it’s really gonna mess things up for Tsai Performance Center,” said Rocco Tannenborough, a sophomore in CAS. “People are going to hear about a show at the theater in CAS and they’re gonna run right up to the seventh floor without giving Tsai a passing glance. A real shame to put such a proud institution at risk.”

Those in CFA view this as a considerable victor y, however, and they have been particularly proud of the new plans.

“We here in the CFA have always felt that the fine arts are overlooked,” explained CFA Dean Mark Sherman.

“We think the placement of the theater will assist in its productions being obser ved by more people. Obser vation is key, and we would never inhibit that.”

At press time, Baxtan looked up solemnly into the sky, muttering, “We used to use the obser vator y to see stars, but now we’ll use it to see stars in the making,”

Hynes Convention Center’s suspicious connection to ketchup still under intense investigation BUNION STAFF

HYNES CONVENTION CENTER — The John B. Hynes Veterans Memorial Convention Center has been the go-to destination for major Boston events held by groups like Boston Anime and the non-Japanese, cartoon-related Har vard University Model United Nations. To many, this venue is a simple yet glorious structure that provides space for the members of the modern day renaissance. But for others, there is still a troubling question linked with this grand hall of conven-

tions: Where is the ketchup?

It has been said in the histor y books that the Hynes Convention Center was named after former Boston Mayor John Hynes. However, anyone with a simple understanding of words will undoubtedly see evidence that connects the Hynes Convention Center to none other than Heinz Tomato Ketchup.

Is it possible that these two things are more than just homonyms? The answer is yes. Burt Walton, a founding member of Citizens Against Condiment Conspiracies, claimed that not only is Heinz directly connected to Hynes, but Hynes is totally Heinz.

PHOTO BY SARA SILB/EVERYSINGLEDAY FREE PRESS STAFF

“We have several Post-its worth of evidence that shows that Hynes Convention Center is not a convention center at all, but actually a giant bottle of Heinz Ketchup,” Walton said in an inter view conducted in his RV. “What people don’t get is that Heinz uses Hynes to store Heinz. Have you ever met someone in Har vard’s Model UN or someone who has attended an anime convention? Of course not. They don’t exist. No one has ever been in Hynes because it’s actually just filled with Heinz.”

Skeptics argued that Walton’s organization — which includes Walton himself and his parrot, Waldo — is clearly wrong because the Hynes Convention Center is in fact a building with doors that is not filled with ketchup. But Walton stood by his beliefs.

“Those who criticize me and don’t believe me are the same people who would have you believe that the Prudential Center is not actually one giant Snickers bar,” Walton yelled as reporters pulled away from his residence.

“They are liars!”

At press time, the investigation behind Walton’s allegations were all retracted, and Walton was left scrambling to ensure that no one tried to squeeze the Hynes Convention Center too hard, as it could have devastating effects on the City of Boston.

A student’s string cheese went missing Tuesday at 5:30 p.m. The victim is aware that string cheese is not a person, but all of his roommates claim they didn’t eat it. The cheese was last seen in the kitchen. The victim said he didn’t need his string cheese. He’ll take any string cheese.

Illegal firearm possession A student was cited for possession of two guns Saturday at 10:30 p.m. after he took off his shirt and welcomed people to “the gun show” at a party.

Officers promptly tackled him before he could do any harm.

Driving under the influence A female student was arrested for driving Kevin while under the influence Friday at 11:30 p.m. She was on his shoulders and steering with his ears.

Alcohol possession At 4:44 p.m. on Tuesday, a real sly guy thought he could get away with sneaking alcohol that his senior friend bought him into Warren Towers. Original.

Medical transport An ambulance was called to Raising Cane’s Wednesday night to pick up a student who had fallen into a Texas Toast-induced coma.

Bike stolen A man that looked like Lance Armstrong stole a student’s bike off of the rack Tuesday at 4:30 p.m. At press time, he is still denying all accusations.

Student falls while boarding BU Shuttle A student fell while boarding the BU Shuttle Friday at 8:44 a.m. She refused medical assistance despite serious injury to their pride.

Assault A fight broke out at sorority chapter meeting Thursday at 5 p.m. during an argument about the best brunch place in Boston.

NEWS

3

Evidence found of life on other campuses

PHOTO BY SCARAH SILBIGGER/DAILY FREE PRESS STAFF

BUNION STAFF

PHYSICS DEPARTMENT — Boston University physicists and philosophers convened over matters of scientific novelty this past week after the Campus Rover was sent outside the stratosphere of the university’s campus to evaluate the possibility of life on other campuses. The Campus Rover brought back visual and audio data assuring the researchers that life in fact does exist outside the bounds of Com-

monwealth Avenue.

“This may be the greatest discover y I have ever been a part of,” said physics Nobel Laureate Walter Cohen, known for his cross-particle diffusion of the water bomb. “I am especially eager to learn more about that school across the river. What is it called? GLOVE?” The Campus Rover returned images of human-looking beings holding angular objects with etchings and what seemed to be Roman numerals.

The most notable image showed a male GLOVE student wearing a pastel-colored polo and “ΚΣ” inscribed on

a cap, as he held a copy of “Common Sense” by Thomas Paine in one hand and a handle of Rubinoff in the other.

Quite the contradiction, indeed.

“Among the retrieved data from a campus northeast of here, we found a series of voice recordings most likely collected in a region known as ‘miffa,’” said volunteer Lucia Strat. “The culture expressed amazed most of the project’s philosophers.”

The recording in question follows two voices and is transcribed below: A: I like the way the dark blue illuminates the essence of melancholy in

this portrait.

B: Agreed. I am also a fan of the opposing lights and darks of this Van Goff over here.

A: Do you mean Van Gogh?

B: No. Van Goff. Van Gogh is in a different exhibit.

A: Oh. I see. Indeed. Let us continue.

B: Why is that small machine following us?

At this time, the Campus Rover went into evasion mode and returned to BU.

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4

FEATURES

SPORKU FRIDAY, APRIL 1, 2016

Warren Buffett sues over Warren buffet concept BUNION STAFF

WARREN DINING — Warren Buffett, American business magnate and one of the world’s wealthiest people, announced Friday that he will be suing Boston University over the concept of a Warren buffet.

Citing obscure legal code over the defamation of the Buffett brand image, Buffett’s attorneys released a statement claiming, “Boston University has repeatedly buffered Mr. Buffett’s attempts to settle this buffet issue in a friendly manner, and we are now forced to buffet this school’s checkbook.”

“Mr. Buffett wants to make this transition as easy as possible,” the statement read. “He would like to offer free name suggestions such as Warren Cafeteria, Warren Smorgasbord or Jimmy Buffet. You know, something more befitting.”

Buffett and BU President Robert Brown met privately over the weekend to resolve this matter quietly. Onlookers reported seeing Brown on his knees begging Buffett to invest his fortune in BU. As he left the Brown estate, Buffett was seen laughing and wiping away tears from his eyes.

Buffett’s public relations team has stressed his longstanding commitment to higher education. He agreed to set-

PHOTO BY SARAH SILBS/DAILY FREEP STAFF

tle the dispute if Warren will change its name and pay a symbolic fee of $50,000, or the price of a freshman’s dreams.

“You’re next, Marciano!” Buffett

called as he wagged his finger down at the roof of 100 Bay State Road. Prospective students and parents were visibly impressed by the heliport on the roof of 100 Bay State.

At press time, Buffett was seen yelling at kitchen staff about not being let into the Gluten Free Pantr y.

NO. 2 EDU FRIDAY, APRIL 1, 2016

Meet Gus Leal, dean of BU’s forgotten School of Plumbing

PHOTO BY ZARAH ZILBIGER/REIGNING PHOTO QUEEN

BUNION STAFF

DEEP UNDERNEATH CAS — Running water is a luxur y that most students take for granted, yet fe w know the unsung heroes of Boston

University who provide it. Enter Gus Leal, dean of the School of Plumbing.

“Yeah, I’ve been down here for years,” Leal said. “I onl y take the best and the brightest. Not many people know that this is the most selective school at BU.” Cla ss sizes r un about two to five

students, and sick days are not allowed. Leal personall y teaches e ver y class, while still responding to e ver y emergency that pings his beeper.

“He’ll check his beeper and just r ush out of class sometimes,” said Suzy Harrison, a f reshman in the School of Plumbing. “One time he

checked it, looked up at us and just whispered, ‘Warren’ before dashing out the door. He’s so dedicated.”

Ever y year, Leal awards one student the Golden Plunger, the highest award that a plumbing student can ear n. He ear ned it himself as a sophomore at BU after dealing with a mess too nasty and unfor tunate for non-plumber ears to hear, aside f rom the fact that it included 100 r ubber ducks and a lot of eg g. He refused to pro vide more details about the incident.

According to Leal, “the name of the game is discretion and stealth.”

Interestingl y, the School of Plumbing has the most diverse racial demographics and most equal gender distribution of any school at BU. “There’s no discrimination when it comes to plunging,” Leal said.

“That toilet may not know black f rom white, woman f rom man, but it does know Number One f rom Number Two.” Leal said he hopes to raise awareness about the school in the coming year in order to increase application rates. His ty pical routine is to visit high schools, but his onl y consistent accomplishment there is performing maintenance on their pipes.

At press time, Leal bra g ged about BU’s sturdy pipe system and how his ne w glo ves had no traces of human excrement on them.

FEATURES

5

SPOTLIGHT FRIDAY, APRIL 1, 2016

Interview with student whose name is Dean Elmore BUNION STAFF

In this week’s edition of “Who’s Who Around Boston University,” we interviewed Dean Elmore, a freshman in the College of Arts and Sciences, in between classes. Apparently, our reporter, Rod Butcher, was convinced that the student was the actual BU Dean of Students. Below is a transcript of their conversation, edited for clarity and brevity.

Rod Butcher: Thanks for sitting down with me today.

Dean Elmore: No problem. When do I get my free Insomnia cookies?

RB: At the end. My first question is pretty simple. What’s your favorite thing about BU? DE: Probably the classes.

RB: I’m glad to hear you say that. You have a reputation for being a bit of a free spirit.

DE: I mean, I enjoy a night out at T’s as much as the next guy.

RB: You’re trying to understand all aspects of the student body. I get it.

Don’t worry, you’re not the only one.

DE: I don’t think I understand.

RB: Let’s move on.

DE: OK. RB: I’m going to jump right into the hard questions.

DE: What did you say this was for again? BU Today?

Someone gets up from a chair, there is a scuffling noise and one could hear the sound of tape being wrapped around someone many times.

DE: Someone get this maniac away from me!

RB: What’s your favorite kind of bow tie?

DE: I don’t wear bow ties.

RB: That’s interesting. Has something changed in your life that’s affected your view of bow ties?

DE: I’ve never worn one. Can you let

PHOTOS COURTESY WIKIMEDIA

me go RB: Come on, we have pictures of you in a bow tie.

DE: When did you take a picture of me?

RB: Irrelevant. What do you think about the lack of diversity on campus?

Do you ever feel like you are treated differently?

DE: I’m white.

RB: There’s no need to be difficult.

DE: Are you blind? I’m a white dude from Wisconsin.

Rod Butcher held up a picture of the actual Dean Elmore wearing a bow tie.

DE: I’m clearly not black. Or a dean.

What’s the screening process to be a Bunion reporter?

RB: Don’t play hardball with us. Ask my colleagues what happened to Robbie Brown when he wouldn’t answer my questions about tuition.

DE: Wait. What are you doing?

DE: [redacted] RB: [redacted] DE: [redacted] [redacted] RB: Thank you for your time. Grab a cookie on your way out.

RB: [redacted]

FORGOTTEN FREIGHT FRIDAY, APRIL 1, 2016

Why the Blue Line is so blue: What it’s like to be the lesser-known MBTA Line BUNION STAFF

WHEREVER THAT TRAIN EVEN GOES TO — A recent report released by the Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority regarding train-related statistics stated that 72 percent of university students in the Boston area rely on the T for their transportation needs at least three days a week.

Of that 72 percent, only 4 percent reported using the Blue Line during these times.

When asked about their T habits, Boston University students responded negatively toward the Blue Line.

“The what line?” asked Yates Palmer, a junior in the College of Communication. “Blue? You’re making that up, right? There ain’t no Blue Line. Blue? I ride the T ever y day. Ain’t never heard of no Blue Line.”

The Blue Line feels like a lot of people don’t really see its true colors.

“It’s mostly old people these days going to their jobs,” the Blue Line said

after removing a cassette of “Tom Sawyer” from a Walkman. “I used to be cool, man. Sure, Orient Heights might not be the most PC name for a stop, but at least I’m not riding the coattails of an already successful name like the Red Line with ‘Broadway.’”

“I even have a stop named Aquarium!” said the Blue Line. “Remember when you used to go as a kid? Who doesn’t love fish? I’m so fun I swear!”

Many claim the Blue Line’s fall from grace could be attributed to the fact that the Blue Line has lost touch with younger generations.

“Uh, I don’t know,” said Stacy Hollmead, a freshman in the Sargent College of Health and Rehabilitation Sciences. “This one time, when I first moved to Boston, I got on the T drunk and accidentally got really lost and ended up at Brookline Hills and had to Uber back to campus. Does that count?”

At press time, the Blue Line was seen loudly exclaiming to a group of teenagers, “Pull my finger. No seriously, just do it!” while sporting an “I’m with stupid” t-shirt and Skechers Shape-ups.

PHOTO COURTESY WIKIMEDIA // PEPE COURTESY WIKIMEDIA

6

OPINION

FRIDAY, APRIL 1, 2016

Samantha J. Gross, Editor-in-Chief Sonia Rao, Managing Editor

t h e i n d e p e n d e n t s t u d e n t n e w s pa p e r a t b o s t o n u n i v e r s i t y

45th year | Volume 90 | Issue VIII The Free Press (ISSN 1094-7337) is published Thursdays during the academic year except during vacation and exam periods by Back Bay Publishing Co.,Inc., a nonprofit corporation operated by Boston University students. No content can be reproduced without the permission of Back Bay Publishing Co., Inc. Copyright © 2015 Back Bay Publishing Co., Inc. All rights reserved.

Rhonda Mak, Multimedia Editor

Lucas Williams, Editorial Page Editor

Chloe Bruning, Blog Editor

Sekar Krisnauli T., Campus Editor

Christy Osler, Features Editor

Shakti Rovner, Office Manager

Olivia Quintana, City Editor

Sarah Silbiger, Photo Editor

Jonathan Sigal, Sports Editor

Rachel Chmielinski, Layout Editor

Op-Ed: I waved to my friend but it wasn’t my friend.

Where do I pick up transfer forms?

Imagine this, reader: You are walking along Commonwealth Avenue, passing the caffeine-shocked eyes of Pavement Coffee.

Your stomach rumbles. You didn’t eat breakfast this morning. Comm. Ave’s wind tunnel roars in your ears. Like a gaspy lion. Sorry, I digress.

You start to question why you didn’t eat breakfast today. Was it because you woke up at 1 p.m. and the only semblance of breakfast at Warren Towers was a deformed apple? That couldn’t be it. You love apples. All apples, no matter the size and color. Your favorite is Grandma’s Sweet Reds, a hybrid of Granny Smith and the rare Macoun. Where did you find this apple? It doesn’t seem to appear on Google when you search “apple types.”

Was it at your uncle’s apple orchard in Verm — wait, someone’s walking toward you and smiling. It looks like Will. Yeah. Hey,

Will, what’s up? You’re still thinking about your uncle’s apple orchard. Will is getting closer. He hasn’t initiated the salutations. You don’t do anything, you’re just a follower. He’s smiling, though. Maybe he thinks he’s too far away to say anything yet.

What do you do? Say “Hi?” But you’re also too far. Wave? Yeah, wave. Casual. Maybe even a little cool. Do you smile back at him?

Yeah, that’s normal. Who waves without a smile? What sort of psycho does that? OK. Do it. Wave and half-smile. Done. Oh. No. Oh no, oh no, oh no.

That’s not Will. This guy waves back at you, but he’s confused. He doesn’t know you.

You just remembered Will is out of town.

You’ve never seen this guy in your life. Why didn’t you think about that before you waved?

The apples? Your uncle? Your uncle doesn’t even have an apple orchard in Vermont! He

lives in Altoona, Pennsylvania! There are no orchards there!

Why weren’t you paying attention? You realize the weight of what you’ve just done.

You walk away quickly, almost half-jogging.

What if you see that guy again? That’s so embarrassing. You have to leave BU. You have to leave Boston. Save yourself the embarrassment. Where are the transfer forms? Get out as quickly as possible.

“You” is not really you, Reader. “You” is me. This happened to me. It’s been a week, and I still haven’t found the transfer forms.

I have looked everywhere. Countless transfer websites, which only transfer me to other transfer websites until I’ve looped through the same 10 websites about types of transfers — disease, mail, email, you know the kind.

I looked in the Allocations Board budget, my FY101 folder and my OrgSync profile, be-

cause transferring is an activity students do!

I mean, these forms have to be more readily available for situations like this. What are we, the students at Boston University, supposed to do in a situation that puts our lives at stake?

Although it’s mostly a matter of self image, we reserve the right for quick and efficient transferring.

I’ve reviewed double-u double-u double-u dot CollegeBoard dot com — spelled out to avoid possible copyright infringement — and BU’s Student Government code. Neither sources possess the forms I need. It’s like BU does not want me to leave. He wants me to suffer. “He” being Rhett. I imagine he sits on his over-plush dog bed on Saturdays, chewing a diamond bone with peanut butter inside, barking in enjoyment over the torture he brings upon us students.

Let us out of your cage, Rhett!

Op-Ed: The Photonics Center is clearly planning something spooky and we gotta find out what!

OK, c’mon. We all know that the Photonics Center is the site of some potentially evil stuff.

Its title and purpose are vague, to throw us off the trail of its true purpose.

It’s open 24/7, so there’s never a break in work on their secret plans.

There’s a beautiful conference room, so the spooky director of the project can publicly and evilly reveal whatever he’s been working so hard on. He’ll probably cackle with delight at the expressions of horror in the crowd.

But what’s going on there? Human

experimentation? Maybe some kind of weapons development? Nuclear … stuff ?

Take one look at the building and you just know there’s not a bakery in the basement. Don’t get me started on all of the lights.

It’s definitely something much more

malicious. The building doesn’t have a donor name, most likely because no one, not even some billionaire dude, wants their name associated with the evil s--that’s going down in there.

But what could it be?

Daily Free Libs A smiling, overjoyed boy named _________ was found suffering an identity crisis (name)

late last night in _______. According to ______, _______ has been referring to ev(place)

(name)

(same name)

eryone as an “American Idiot,” while also saying _______ is a _______ fan. With a (celebrity)

(sports team)

______ in hand, the ______ native was seen walking down Commonwealth Ave, (noun)

(city)

repeatedly singing _______. He eventually collapsed in _______ due to a broken (song)

(place)

heart over ______ not returning his phone calls. (name)

7

Places that should take dining points but don’t BASHO EXPRESS

NOODLE ST.

CHIPOTLE

BEE’S KNEES

JAMBA JUICE

CAFETERIA

RAISING CANE’S

EASTERN STANDARD

BERTUCCI’S

TOP OF THE HUB

UBURGER

THE RITZ CARLTON

Quotable “Whenever BU scores more than its opponent, it wins almost every time. It’s just a proven fact.”

Sprotz

Terrier players sound off We’re talking about practice?!

Friday, April 1, 2016

New England kindergartener commits to BU men’s hockey DAILY FREE PRESS STAFF

Preston Wedgewood, 5, a n nounced h is verba l com m itment to the Boston Un iversit y men’s hockey tea m v ia Tw itter on Thursday.

“Proud to a n nounce my com m itment to play hockey at Boston Un iver sit y,” he sa id on h is account, @PrestTheBest2010. “ Tha n ks to a l l who have helped me a long the way! #ProudtoBU” Accord ing to h is El ite Prospects pa ge, Wedgewood is set to a rrive on Com monwea lth Avenue in the fa l l of 2028, a nd he’s projected to be a f irstround pick for the 2028 N HL Entr y Draft. Wedgewood is one of f ive comm its for the 2028-29 season, a longside Grayson L en non, Zay n Ha r vey, Tat um Tate a nd Asher Tom l inson.

A Greenw ich, Con necticut native a nd a st udent at the Coyle Academy for the A r ts, Wedgewood has appea red in 10 ga mes for the Green Mach ine Monsters of the Con necticut Jun ior Junior Squir t Mite lea g ue a nd has ta l l ied one goa l a nd 29 assists in that spa n.

Prev iously, he played for the Greenw ich Power Strips at the Jun ior Jun ior Jun ior Squir t Mite level, a nd he is a lready tabbed to be the capta in of the A rchbishop Nev i l le Hig h School boys’ hockey tea m when he a rrives in the fa l l of 2024.

A nat ura l center, but one who ca n play mu ltiple positions, Wedgewood has d raw n compa risons to Auston

PHOTO COURTESY WIKIMEDIA BABY COURTESY KWIZOO

Matthews, Thatcher Dem ko a nd Con nor McDav id from loca l scouts.

Wedgewood sa id in a n inter v iew w ith the New Eng la nd Hockey Journa l that he models h is ga me after Ja rom ir Ja g r, Way ne Gretzky a nd Ma rio L em ieu x.

“He has the ath leticism of Mi ke Trout, the streng th of A merica n Pha roa h a nd the nat ura l leadersh ip of Tom Brady,” sa id associate head coach

Patches McTuffen. “His hockey IQ is the hockeyest IQiest of a ny player I’ve ever met. He’s a rea l good hockey player.”

His t w in brother a nd l inemate, Weston, is ex pected to revea l h is school of choice on Friday. Weston a nd Preston a lso have a n older brother, Bi l l, 8, who is com m itted to Nor theastern Un iversit y.

The Wedgewoods’ pa rents, Silas a nd Linda, a re a lum n i of BU a nd t weeted their cong rat u lations to their son. “ We a re so proud of our l ittle Pretzel!!” They sa id on their joint account, @WeL ovePrest A ndWest xoxo.

“He is going to tea r up the ice at Ag ga n is! #Fut ureBr uin”

New Balance Field to go by Balance Field next year BUNION STAFF

N EW BA L A NCE FIELD — Sources conf irmed in a recent repor t that at the beg in n ing of the fa l l 2016 semester, New Ba la nce Field w i l l off icia l ly be rena med “Ba la nce Field.” “ We thoug ht about the na me critica l ly for a wh i le,” sa id Grady Ca rder, the assista nt d irector of Boston Un iversit y Faci l ities Ma na gement a nd Pla n n ing. “ We rea l ized there rea l ly isn’t a n honest pa r t of the na me at a l l a ny more. The f ield is not new. It has noth ing to do w ith ba la nce, mostly just f ield hockey. A nd it ’s not even a f ield — it ’s a layer of AstroTurf.”

Ca r ter added, “ To respond to those d iscrepa ncies, at f irst we were th in k ing about being as honest as possible a nd na m ing it someth ing l i ke, ‘Place W here Some People Play Spor ts on Sy nthetic Fibers That Was Added Sem i-Recently,’ but that d id n’t f it on a sig n a nd PWSPPSOSF T WA SR d id n’t rea l ly spel l a ny th ing as a n acrony m. So we scrapped that ea rly on a nd decided to comprom ise a nd just ta ke away the ‘New.’” The na me cha nge was g reeted w ith a n overa l l negative reception from BU st udents that BU Faci l ities insisted

PHOTO BY @sarsilbs/FREEP STAFF LEFT SHARK COURTESY WIKIMEDIA

was a tempora r y response to the idea of cha nge a nd not the cha nge itself. “ The w rong f ield got cha nged,” Gabe D w ip, a jun ior in the Col lege of Fine A r ts, a ng ri ly stated. “By cha ng ing ‘Nickerson Field’ to ‘Ba la nce Field,’ we cou ld’ve add ressed ever yone’s conf usion in a more eff icient way a nd spa red New Ba la nce the identit y str ug g le that

comes w ith a na me cha nge th is ea rly in a f ield’s l ifetime.”

“Just because New Ba la nce Field isn’t tech n ica l ly new a ny more doesn’t mea n we have to publ icly na me-sha me it,” ex pla ined Gabby Su l l iva n, a sophomore in the Col lege of Com mun ication. “Age is not about a number, it ’s about spirit. New Ba la nce Field is spr y

a nd youthf u l a nd deser ves to be k now n a nd remembered for that.”

At press time, Ca rder was seen pitch ing to the Boa rd of Tr ustees that Ma rsh Pla za either cha nge its na me to “Flat A rea With a Stat ue That Some People Wa l k Th roug h During Their Day ” or “Ma rsh Squa re.”