June 14, 2011

Tuesday June 14, 2011

Wilson: Recipe For a Stress-Free summer / P5 Non-Resident Students to provide funding boost / P8 reducing cell phone radiation exposure/ P26

New Westfield Farmers Market Co-Chair Michelle Foley (left) and Chairwoman Amber Willis.

©2011 IU Health 03/11 HY40311_2807 10.375” x 1.25” Strip Built at Westfield size (100%) Farmers Market is bigger, different and in a The

new location behind its new leadership/P9

Photo by Kevin Kane

There’s strength in expertise. ©2011 IU Health 03/11 HY40311_2807

40311_2807_IUHNOR_10.375x1.25_4c_FrontStrip_CIC.indd 1

3/18/11 4:21 PM

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Current in Westfield

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Listen up Founded Jan. 29, 2008, at Westfield, IN Vol. IV, No. 19 Copyright 2011. Current Publishing, LLC All Rights Reserved.

1 South Range Line Road, Suite 220 Carmel, IN 46032

317.489.4444 Managing Editor – Kevin Kane kevin@youarecurrent.com / ext. 204 Associate Editor – Terry Anker terry@currentincarmel.com Art Director – Zachary Ross zross@ss-times.com / 787.3291 Associate Artist – Haley Henderson haley@currentincarmel.com / 787.3291

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OUR VIEWS

It is our position that the upcoming presidential races, both the Republican primary and the main event, are going to be exciting and filled with drama, twists, turns and unexpected outcomes.

It seems to be a commonly held belief, among many news outlets and political pundits, that the current slate of candidates vying for the Republican ticket is boring, unoriginal and uninspiring. On the contrary, if one takes the time to really listen to what many prospects are saying, it reveals a sharp contrast to some of the current political practices and philosophies.

Perhaps it really is time for some change. Perhaps not. But the debate about appropriate approaches to the age-old and worsening problems this country faces is an important part of our system. Do we double down on government that has already proved to be inefficient (or an outright failure) or seek unproven, out-of-the-box approaches?

It is important for any candidate wishing to catch the attention of the public’s eye to be able to communicate views thoroughly and convincingly.

As for the general election, many people may be surprised by the course of events. Anybody remember thinking, four years ago, that the race would surely be Rudy Giuliani taking on Hillary Clinton?

Can you dig it?

It is our position that extreme caution is required when digging in our lawns this summer!

Utility (gas, electric, cable and other) lines crisscross our lovely county – including some poorly marked. Not only is excavating through a utility line likely to generate considerable expense and inevitable property damage, it could also be expected to endanger one’s wellbeing.

If one’s plans including digging in the yard this summer, please first call 811. By doing this, the local utility underground locating service will come out to the property and mark off all existing subterranean utility lines. The facility is free, quick and efficient.

We can understand that folks don’t want to wait around to have someone come to their homes and mark these conduits. But isn’t it the best not to take the significant risk and cut a power or gas line? The downside to our own property and that of our friends and neighbors – not to mention exposing one’s self and others at risk of injury or death – more than compensates for the inconvenience.

So please, before we decide to dig in our lawns this summer, call 811 and get the utility lines around the home marked.

The views in these editorials are of reader participants. They do not represent those of Current Publishing ownership and management.

Business Office

Bookkeeper – Meagan Thomas meagan@youarecurrent.com / 489.4444 Publisher – Brian Kelly brian@youarecurrent.com / 414.7879 General Manager – Steve Greenberg steve@youarecurrent.com / 847.5022 The views of the columnists in Current In Westfield are their own and do not necessarily reflect the positions of this newspaper.

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V E C TO R B U TT O NS . C O M V E C TO R B U TT O NS . C O M

strange laws

CONSTITUTION CLOSEUP

Photo Illustration

Our nation has all sorts of arcane, nonsensical laws on the books. Each week, we’ll share one with you.

In Iowa, it is illegal to run a tab in a bar.

Source: Weird Laws (iPhone application)

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Every week, we will print a portion of the U.S. Constitution, followed by a portion of the Indiana Constitution. We encourage you to benchmark government policies against these bedrock documents. Today: the Indiana Constitution.

Section 10. Selection of Justices of the Supreme Court and Judges of the Court of Appeals. To be eligible for nomination as a justice of the Supreme Court or Judge of the Court of Appeals, a person must be domiciled within the geographic district, a citizen of the United States, admitted to the practice of law in the courts of the State for a period of not less than ten (10) years or must have served as a judge of a circuit, superior or crimi-

Current in Westfield

nal court of the State of Indiana for a period of not less than five (5) years.(History: As Amended November 3, 1970).

Section 11. Tenure of Justices of Supreme Court and Judges of the Court of Appeals. A justice of the Supreme Court or Judge of the Court of Appeals shall serve until the next general election following the expiration of two years from the date of appointment, and subject to approval or rejection by the electorate, shall continue to serve for terms of ten years, so long as he retains his office. In the case of a justice of the Supreme Court, the electorate of the entire state shall vote on the question of approval or rejection.

June 14, 2011 | 3

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SHEPHERD

FROM THE BACKSHOP Show us your green thumb(s)!

Curb appeal? Neighborhood pride? Simple beautification? Whatever you want to call the driver, Westfield in Bloom is something of which we urge you to take advantage. The annual event’s registration deadline for the Floral Display Competition is Friday. There certainly are enough categories in which to compete.

Show us what you have in these divisions: residential, business, neighborhood and civic. Show off your skills as evidenced by your yard, garden, window box display and more. As the organizers like to say, take some time to plant pride in our community. For more information, take a look at www.westfield.in.gov. *** We’re pleased to be able to help sponsor a Zumbathon at 733 Ind. 32 to benefit The Brain Tumor Foundation. The event runs from 7 p.m. to 9 p.m., Friday, and the money raised will go to help brain-tumor patients, survivors and families. It’s a good cause, and with a little exercise you’ll be able to double your pleasure! For more information, visit www.zumbawestfield.com. *** With all the awareness marketing these days

I NSURANCE & F INANCIAL S E RV I C E S

live your life

Brian Kelly & Steve Greenberg about treating pets in a kind and caring fashion, the news of two pit bulls being left in a Carmel storage facility completely floored us. The dogs, Apollo and Athena, sickeningly were abandoned in the unit at Public Storage in Carmel. That act is patently shameful. An employee alerted the Carmel Police Dept., which, in turn, got in touch with the Hamilton County Humane Society, and that is where the formerly emaciated 4-year-old reside awaiting adoption. If you’re interested in adopting or fostering Apollo and Athena, please contact the Humane Society at 773.4974 or e-mail animalprograms@hamiltonhumane.com.

we’ll handle the insurance your local independent insurance agent

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Keep the barn doors closed COMMENTARY

By Terry Anker As a male human and as the parent of two male children, I am directly aware of the training required to teach boys appropriate – well, for lack of a better euphemism – modesty. Yet some never seem to get the message. Flashers, certain tribes, athletic teams, fraternities and more than a few members of Congress all seem incapable of – again to use a more polite Hoosier euphemism – keeping the horse in the barn.

Whether a thoughtful discussion regarding this fixation is appropriate for a family newsweekly is left for another day. For now, Congressman Anthony Weiner’s transmission of photos of his own privates to a number of young women around the country and his subsequent decision to lie about it raises important questions about how our society will accommodate changing attitudes about what we find acceptable.

Many have taken a point of view that, “The problem is not the activity, but the fact that he lied about it.” Is that really all that matters? It

troubles me that folks (men and women, married and single, straight and gay) assume interns exist for sexual amusement, and not the work of the state. A mindset that expects superiority to the law, morality, good-taste and thoughtfulness permeates those with unfettered power (public or private sector). The dishonesty is a symptom of a larger problem and not the locus of the matter. Isn’t the central dilemma one of significant impulse control?

While the offense is ameliorated (or at least not exacerbated) by honesty, doesn’t the transgression still have impact? Isn’t harm still committed? Was George Washington still punished for cutting down the cherry tree in spite of his legendary integrity? Isn’t the lesson not only to be honest – but also NOT to destroy other’s things? Character is more than truth. It is also action.

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Isn’t the central dilemma one of significant impulse control?

4 | June 14, 2011

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Terry Anker is an associate editor of Current Publishing, LLC. You may e-mail him at terry@ currentincarmell.com.

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DISPATCHES » Make it, take it - Father’s Day “Make It and Take It” is from 10:30 a.m. until 4 p.m. at the Westfield Washington Public Library on June 18. Kids ages three and up can drop in and make a special gift just for dad or anybody else they choose.

The cost is $1 per item, and children will leave with wrapped, ready-to-give gifts.

No registration is required for this special program.

»Ball tickets on sale - Tickets are on sale for the fourth annual Mayor’s Yellow Tie Ball which will be held on June 24 at The Bridgewater Club in Westfield. All proceeds from the Ball benefit the Westfield Youth Assistance Program. The Yellow Tie theme is driven from Mayor Cook’s color blindness – the only color he can see well is yellow. The Yellow Tie Ball begins at 6:30 p.m. and tickets cost $80 per person.

The public is encouraged to attend. The event will feature dinner, dancing and a cash bar. Formal dress attire – black tie optional, yellow tie preferred. RSVP by June 15 to pleuteritz@westfield.in.gov.

»Upcoming auditions - Director Doug Davis recently announced auditions for Westfield Playhouse’s “Don’t Hug Me,” an award-winning musical comedy that takes place in a colorful, rustic north woods bar in tiny Bunyan Bay, Minnesota.

Needed are two women and three men, stage ages 25 -55. Auditions will be at 7 p.m. on June 26 and June 27. Bring comfortable clothes for a movement audition with choreographer Jan Jamison. Performances will be August 26 through September 11. Visit www.westfieldplayhouse. org for additional information.

»Women’s retreat - Join the Riverview Hospital Foundation in Montego Bay, Jamaica to relax, share, laugh and lift one another’s spirits during its eighth annual Women’s Retreat, Sept. 28 though Oct. 2.

Proceeds will benefit the Riverview Hospital Foundation’s Women’s Endowment Fund focusing on enhancing women’s programs and technology at Riverview Hospital for years to come. For more information, visit www.riverviewhospitalfoundation.org or call Bottom Line Travel Solutions at 536-5592.

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My recipe for a stress-free summer COMMENTARY

By Danielle Wilson My prayer for summer: “Powers that be, grant give me the serenity to endure 10 weeks of no school, courage to face the rainy days, and wisdom to know when to call the grandparents.” Yes, my friends, summer vacation is upon us, and this year I am more confident than ever that I will not only survive, but actually enjoy the next two months. With the help of all the major religions’ deities (now is not the time to be choosey) and some very careful planning, you too can have a great summer!

Along that note, last night Doo and I held a family meeting in which we hammered out our expectations and ideas for ensuring a homicide-free June and July at the Wilson house.

Our four children were invited to share their thoughts, and as expected, beaucoup de whining ensued. The biggest sticking point was over Xbox. Our boys argue that since its summer, they should be able to do whatever they want, including wasting weeks at a time on COD Black Ops. We feel, however, that spending hours in the dark hole of our basement sniping zombies and Nazis might lead them to become serial killers. A definite difference of opinion, but since we are the parents and they are the short people, we win. Suck it, kids! Decision?

Two hours max a day. indeed go Amish. That’s right, Amish Day will occur one day a week for each of our children.

Another bone of contention was television.

No video games, computers or television. They Again, our two boys spearheaded the debate. will be forced to use their imaginations and find Essentially, they felt that if they couldn’t watch at least a half-day’s worth of “Family Guy,” they old-fashioned forms of amusement. It may not would never know true happiness. We rebutted work, but their discomfort should prove highly entertaining. with something called a “book,” and pointed “Chef for a Night” is another new addition out that the brilliant writers of their beloved show had probably read a few. Bottom line? to our Vacation Survival Guide that I’m quite One hour of television a day, plus they have to excited about. Each of my kids will plan, shop participate in the library’s reading program with and prepare one nice dinner a month, and endure the complaints from their picky siblings.

30 minutes of daily reading. I’ll certainly take I’m hoping it will be a great lesson in both the free ice cream and bouncy ball if they don’t economics and empathy. So the chore chart want them. goes up tomorrow, as does the Forced Family Also in the plan, the reinstatement of the “I’m Bored” jar, a repository for the dollar Game night schedule (“You will have fun, damn fines handed out to anyone muttering any it!”), and we’ll keep our fingers crossed that our derivative of the word “Boring.” Proceeds careful planning will result in a blissful summer vacation. If not, I’m more than prepared to apwill go to an end-of-summer Dairy Queen peal to the Greek and Roman gods and offer up bonanza, and to prevent a Bud Light Jar ritualistic sacrifices. They’ll take children, right? phenomenon, the perp also will be assigned some degrading task, like sanitizing a toilet or Peace out scrubbing a baseboard. Don’t mess with The Mom! Enhancing this year’s summer salt mine expeDanielle Wilson is a Carmel resident rience will be “Amish Day,” proposed unwittingand contributing columnist. ly by our 9-year old son who, at the aforemenYou may e-mail her at danielle@ tioned decision to limit electronic interaction, currentincarmel.com. cried, “I’m not going all Amish!”

Should have 11081 INFINITI Carmel Current_5_31 5/25/11 10:23 AM Page 1 kept your mouth shut Andrew, for now you will

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The culture of the cover-up COMMENTARY

By Sanford D. Horn A Weiner by any other name is still a Nixon.

In this, the month of the cover-up of all cover-ups, US Rep. Anthony Weiner (D-NY) should have learned a lesson from history that the cover-up and subsequent lies are typically worse than the original act.

June 17, 1972 – a date that should have lived in obscurity was the Watergate break-in – the name that would lend itself to political scandals henceforth and forever more.Travel-gate, Monica-gate, Nanny-gate, Trooper-gate, and now, Weenie-gate, which will no doubt permeate the nightmares of many for some time to come.

Watergate – a third-rate burglary by the famed “Plumbers” unit, whether authorized or not by President Richard M. Nixon, lead to the unraveling of his presidency. Not because of the break-in, but because of the lies and cover-up that ensued.

Nixon’s own psyche and deep-rooted paranoia lead to his ultimate undoing and subsequent resignation on Aug. 9, 1974. All Nixon had to do was announce what the five burglars had done, have them prosecuted and then pardon them following the reelection in November of 1972. Watergate would have been a forgotten footnote of history and Nixon would have completed his term in office.

Instead, the lies and cover-up lead to the first presidential resignation in United States history.

Nixon was, as many are, too concerned what the public would think of him. His was a special brand of paranoia – he didn’t like people, but in public life was forced to be surrounded by them.

He believed his closest confidants were out to get him.

And arrogance knew no bounds as it did with “Tricky Dick.” Nixon told British journalist David Frost in a post-presidential interview, “It’s not against the law when the president does it.”

Congressman Weiner may not have broken the law, but he certainly leads the league in arrogance. He said he will not resign, and that is his choice. But Weiner also has given his constituents a choice, too – send an arrogant troll back to Congress to represent their best interests,

6 | June 14, 2011

or send him a message that deviant behavior should not be rewarded with the responsibility of elected office.

Supposedly George Washington could not tell a lie and Abraham Lincoln’s moniker was “Honest Abe.” Some myths of history are worth both perpetuating as well as emulating.

Sanford D. Horn is an educator and writer living in Westfield.

Contact him by e-mailing info@ youarecurrent.com.

Daniels signs bill for youth assistance programs Current in Westfield A bill was signed earlier this month that may help lead to the duplication of Westfield’s successful Youth Assistance Program around the state.

On June 2, Governor Mitch Daniels signed House Bill 1107 into law. The bill allows county juvenile court judges to establish voluntary youth assistance programs within their jurisdictions.

Westfield’s Youth Assistance Program was created more than a year ago by the city of Westfield, the Westfield Washington Schools and the Hamilton County Probation Division. Its mission is to iden-

tify youth in need of assistance prior to becoming part of the growing juvenile and criminal justice system. The program identifies youth heading down the wrong path and provides treatment for the entire family, ultimately ensuring that the child begins heading down the right path.

These programs are intended to benefit their respective communities, too, as reaching at-risk youth with early intervention helps them become productive citizens, ultimately keeping them out of the criminal court systems. Although the youth are evaluated and treated based on specific needs, the treatment consists of, but is not limited to, a mentoring program, community volunteering involvement, family education, skill building tutoring programs and scholarship camps.

Westfield’s YAP has proven to be effective thus far, with hundreds of children and teens referred to the program in its first year. Still, there are few, if any similar programs elsewhere in the state. But Mayor Andy Cook, who helped create YAP in Westfield, has said that this bill, if passed, could help make youth assistance programs more prevalent in Indiana.

Several weeks ago, Hamilton County Prosecutor Lee Buckingham and Sheriff Mark Bowen attended a meeting during which the idea of implementing Westfield’s YAP across the county was discussed.

The two were in favor of doing this because, in addition to the benefits this program has on the youth it works with and their communities, proactive efforts like this could create some relief for the tight budgets of the Prosecutor’s Office and Sheriff’s Dept.

For more information on Westfield’s YAP, visit youthassistance.org.

Submitted photo

Governor Mitch Daniels signed a bill allowing county juvenile court judges to establish youth assistance programs.

Current in Westfield

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HCLA celebrates 20 years The Hamilton County Leadership Academy celebrated its 20th anniversary recently with a reception at The Palladium. The event brought HCLA alumni together and also was open to the public.

Top, left to right: HCLA Executive Director Jill Doyle, The Center for the Performing Arts President and CEO Steven Libman and HCLA alumna Julia Kozicki. Below, left to right: Mark Boice, Matt House, Casey Arnold and Cathy Lowe.

Photos by Kelsey Krzyston

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June 14, 2011 | 7

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Keen: Non-resident students will provide revenue boost

By Kevin Kane Current in Westfield Dealing with substantial funding cuts from the state, Westfield Washington Schools is looking for ways to bring additional revenue to the school district.

Its solution: accept students who live outside of Westfield.

Superintendant Mark Keen said WWS and the school board spent about six months discussing the potential acceptance of some non-resident students, and these discussions ended with the board’s unanimous approval of this change late last month.

WWS, Keen said, built new facilities to accommodate the rapid growth the city was experiencing only a few years ago. When the recession hit, the growth slowed, leaving Westfield’s schools slightly under capacity. With empty seats to fill and a new state funding formula that pays school districts for every student enrolled, WWS is looking to add a few more students and improve the overall quality of the education offered with the additional revenue these new students will bring.

“The dollars truly follow the students,” Keen said. “We could take a few more students in. The dollars would follow the students and it would mean more funding for us.”

Keen said WWS receives about $5,000 per enrolled student. He also estimated that the district pays each teacher an average of $50,000 when the

cost of benefits is included. If WWS can bring in 10 new students, he said, it could potentially add a teacher who it otherwise could not afford to hire. Keen said the hope is that an additional teacher could allow the district to offer more classes.

Keen “That’s really the driving force behind this,” he said.

While 10 students could perhaps be enough to add one teacher, Keen said WWS could take in as many as 30 for the next school year. However, he said the district would carefully evaluate who it accepts in order to avoid overcrowding problems in future years, when these new students move up in school. There are currently more openings in WWS’s elementary schools than in its one intermediate and one high school.

Additionally, Keen said the district will only accept students who will not be a burden on the district. In order to be seriously considered, applicants must be good students without behavioral problems.

He said WWS has reviewed other districts that have implemented this plan with success, and he added that he’s confident there will be many families wanting their children to attend Westfield schools.

Current, previous students play together Westfield High School presented an Evening with Percussion concert on May 26th in the Westfield High School Auditorium. This event brought back many former WHS students who returned to perform alongside current WHS students.

Performers included 2004 graduate Ryan Nestor, 2007 graduate Colin Ryan, 2009 graduate Cassandra Thielen and others.

Photos by Katherine Beyer

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The Westfield Farmers Market is bigger, different and in a new location behind its new leadership “When I’m home I can go to the grocery and see people I know; I can walk in a restaurant and see friends,” Willis said. “This is somewhere to raise a family.”

After she returned, Willis had what she thought was a The Westfield Farmers Market recently opened its fairly meaningless chat with Anne Poynter of the Downfresh colors and smells to the community while music town Westfield Neighborhood Association. whistled through the crowds for the first time this sum“I told her the (farmers) market here isn’t very good,” mer. And it’s just getting started.

Willis said. “She asked me ‘Well how do you think we New Farmers Market Chairwoman, Amber Wilcan make it better?’ I thought I was just being helpful. I lis, followed her roots back home and now she’s giving didn’t know she was setting me up to take on this job.”

Westfield a new backyard full of produce Poynter, who was looking for a new market and pies. She’s already doubled the chairperson at the time, said she was excited market’s vendors and has big plans as she listened to Willis ideas for improvfor its future. ing the market and creating something She spent years playing resembling the markets in California. sports, cheering and stayWillis hadn’t applied for the job, but ing involved in 4-H in Poynter knew she was right for it.

Westfield. Willis grew up “I had to twist her arm a bit, but in Westfield but, come she finally agreed to do it,” Poynter high-school graduation, said. she grew out of it.

Willis took the new position, “I was one of those with a new market co-chair Mikids who was ready to chelle Foley, just a few months ago get out,” Willis said. and immediately began aggressively “I wanted to go off to pursuing vendors to fill the market’s college and do my own new location next to City Hall. thing.”

“We tried everything to get venWillis went on to study dors,” Willis said. “We visited markets, business at Miami University we called people, e-mailed people. We of Ohio and moved to Calibegged people to be a part of our Frifornia after college graduation.

Wills & Foley day night Farmers Market and no one was Soon after her move west, her interested.” grandmother – who had been in good But eventually, things turned in their favor. Now, health – unexpectedly died. Her passing Willis says there is a lengthy list of vendors waiting to be prompted Willis to have her health checked, and though a part of the market. she was very active, a family history of high cholesterol While it was family and a connection to her commuforced her to change her diets. nity that brought the Willis family home, now they’re So she sought out fresh fruits and vegetables and helping bringthe Westfield community together like a found them by frequently attending the multitude of family. farmers markets in southern California. The markets “I looked around and thought wow, we really have there, she said, are “a big deal,” resembling community a market,” Willis said. “You have all ages selling their events more than outdoor markets. homemade foods. Cheerleaders are painting faces. People Eventually, it was a face from home, a hello from a are playing music and you just see everyone together and familiar voice and seeing her children grow up in a town connected.” that stores her childhood memories that drove her back to Westfield.

By Lindsay Eckert Current in Westfield

What’s new?

Aside from a new chairwoman, Amber Willis, and a new co-chair, Michelle Foley, this year’s Farmers Market is in a new location with twice as many vendors. The market now also features food vendors and live music, intended to help make the market a family event.

Additionally, Willis is aiming to maintain a more consistent list of vendors from week to week and is not accepting duplicate vendors simply for the sake of adding size. “We want to maintain the quality,” she said.

By adding food vendors, live music and hosting the Farmers Market a day earlier than most others in the area, Amber Willis believes Westfield’s market could eventually be the biggest in Hamilton County.

Westfield Farmers Market

The Westfield Farmers Market is held every Friday from 4:30 to 7:30 p.m. on the west side of City Hall. www.youarecurrent.com

Current in Westfield

June 14, 2011 | 9

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Importance of the re-read

DISPATCHES »Charter school board - State Superintendent of Public Instruction Tony Bennett recently appointed Claire Fiddian-Green to the Indiana Charter School Board, where she will serve as the board’s first executive director. House Enrolled Act 1002, recently signed into law by Governor Mitch Daniels, establishes the Indiana Charter School Board to serve as both a sponsoring and regulatory entity for charter schools. »Students provide aid to Joplin - Third graders at Oak Trace Elementary put their profits from Kidtown to good use by purchasing two generators and donating them to tornado victims in Joplin, Missouri. Kidtown, a hands-on economics project where students design their own business, generated more than $1,500 in profits. Each year, profits assist with school projects, as well as, go to local charities. »Kids’ Marketplace - Bring your homemade creations and/or old toys and books to sell at a Kids’ Marketplace June 22 from 12:30 to 2:30 p.m. at the Westfield Wash-

ington Public Library. Homemade craft items, baked goods, whatever you like, but kids’ items only. No clothes, please. Bring cash (and change) and prepare to shop, barter, and trade with other kid vendors.

The event is free, and registration is not required. »Golden K scholarship - On May 24 at Westfield High School’s awards celebration, the Carmel Golden K Kiwanis Club gave a $1,000 scholarship to Erin Silcox, who will be attending Ball State University The club’s scholarship chairman Bob Miller presented the awards. »Hall of Fame teacher - The National Teachers Hall of Fame will roll out the red carpet to honor its 20th induction class June 15 through 17. The NTHF was established in Emporia in 1989. Beginning in 1992, five teachers have been selected each year for induction into the hall. This year’s inductees include Mark Weaver, a seventhgrade science teacher at Clay Middle School in Carmel.

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GRAMMAR LESSON

By Brandie Bohney Have you ever seen something unintentionally off-message in print? Something that obviously has more than one meaning, but the unintended meaning is the one that sticks out or comes to mind first? Sometimes, it’s funny: shortly after President Obama was elected, a reporter asked who would be holding the presidential balls. He meant the fancy inaugural parties with dancing and fancy dresses, but that’s not how it came across.

Sometimes, though, it’s not so funny. I was visiting my sister-in-law for lunch in a nearby city, and I saw a sign intended to encourage victims of sexual abuse to report the abuse. A large section of the sign said, “7 out of 10 victims of sexual abuse don’t report it.”

Now, it’s not a double entrendre. The problem isn’t that there’s more than one way to interpret the message. The problem is that there’s more than one type of person reading the message: abusers and non-abusers.

For the latter group, the non-abusers, the message is clarified by the wording on the other side of the billboard, which read something like this: “Report sexual abuse.” Gotcha. The message is important, too: Many victims of sexual abuse are ashamed for a variety of reasons of having been victimized and choose to hide what happened rather than reporting it.

Unfortunately, the way the billboard reads

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could almost be an invitation to would-be assailants. It advertises that 70 percent of sexual assaults go unreported. So while the purpose of the sign is to encourage victims to report sexual crimes, an unintended effect is the advertisement of a crime abusers often get away with because of lack of reporting.

My point here isn’t to be overly critical of the sign itself; I hope its presence results in an increase in cases of sexual abuse being reported.

My point is when you’re putting together any sort of campaign or slogan or advertisement or anything that is going to be put into print, a good question to ask yourself is, “Can this be interpreted any other way?”

Because if it can somehow be misinterpreted, it will be. It’s one thing to laugh at a reporter’s double-entendre-induced gaffe; it’s entirely different to possibly unintentionally promote something awful. And please, if you’ve been the victim of sexual abuse, report the crime to local authorities or an advocacy group such as Indiana Coalition Against Sexual Assault (www.incasa.org) Grammar Therapy has been suspended for the summer. We’ll start again in September!

Dr Jodie Harper

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10 | June 14, 2011

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DISPATCHES »Golfing for a cause - The “Heartfelt Thanks” tournament is one of Hamilton County’s premier golf outings, and funds donated to the Riverview Hospital Foundation will be directed towards building a new cath lab and the purchase of a multi-slice CT scanner. This year’s 19th annual Heartfelt Thanks Golf Tournament will be held June 22 with a noon shotgun start at the Pebble Brook Golf and Country Club. Cost is $150 per person. For more information, visit www.riverview.org/golf-tournament »June gardening tips – 1. Any bedding plants you find for sale can safely be planted outdoors in beds, boxes, or containers. 2. The pros recommend treating tulips as annuals with the exception of species tulips. Painful as it may be, yank those tulips up, compost them, and plan to plant the bed anew in the fall. 3. Starting this month, keep hanging plants such as fuchsias well watered and out of direct sun, or their leaves will burn.

-www.almanac.com »Versatile wine pairing - Fried foods go best with crisp, dry white wines like a Riesling or Chablis. Try these the next time you have fried fish: 2006 Seven Hills Columbia Valley, 2006 Joseph Drouhin Premier Cru Chablis or 2007 Loimer Lois Grüner Veltliner.

-www.foodandwine.com »Fashion show – The “Simply Pink Fashion Show” that was scheduled for Saturday, June 25th, at Z’s Oyster Bar and Steakhouse will be relocated to the Hyatt Regency Indianapolis in downtown Indianapolis. Proceeds from the event will be used for emergency assistance to cover basic human needs, lessen financial burdens, and improve the quality of life of low-income women and men in the community who are in active treatment for breast cancer. Tickets and sponsorships are still available; please visit www.pink-4-ever.org for more information or to donate.

COMMENTARY

By Cheri Dick Do you sing in the shower?

Have you ever dreamed of taking a bow on stage with thunderous applause surrounding you?

Do you occasionally find yourself performing in front of your family, colleagues or customers in order to win an important point or make a sale?

Ah, I thought so!

Thankfully, there’s a little bit of “ham” in all of us. And now, instead of suppressing all of that hidden talent, the “inner you” can break out and express itself as openly and freely as you have always wanted.

Civic Theatre will hold its first auditions in its new home at the Tarkington Theater at the Center for the Performing Arts in Carmel, on June 20 and 21. Auditions for Civic’s first show of the season, “The Drowsy Chaperone,” will be held from 7-10 p.m. on both days in the Civic Rehearsal Hall, and you’re encouraged to join us.

We’re thrilled that Ron Morgan, a veteran of several Broadway shows, owner of Performers Edge Dance Theatre and a mainstay in the Central Indiana arts community, will be directing “The Drowsy Chaperone.”

Here’s a chance for you to follow your heart,

File photo

but still benefit from the direction and expertise of an experienced theatre professional.

Remember, Civic Theatre is exactly what the name implies. It’s your theatre. Civic has been serving the citizens of this community for 97 years, providing thousands of Hoosiers with the enlightening process of self expression and self discovery.

Even if you don’t yearn to share the spotlight on stage, you can also take a class at Civic, join the backstage crew, work in the costume shop or volunteer in a variety of capacities. In short, there’s something for everyone at Civic Theatre.

For more information about auditioning for “The Drowsy Chaperone,” please e-mail auditions@CivicTheatre.org. This is your opportunity to “play a part” in one of America’s oldest and most respected community theatres.

More importantly, it’s an opportunity to unharness the real you!

Cheri Dick is the executive director of the Booth Tarkington Civic Theatre. You can contact her via e-mail at cheri@civictheatre.org.

Great gift for dads who grill The Stok Charcoal Tower ($150, www. stokgrills.com) allows you to do more with charcoal using the STOK Grill Insert System.

Swap out the grill grate for the included pizza stone or any other STOK Grill Insert to bring that great charcoal flavor to any and every meal. The Tower comes with an integrated charcoal chimney to get grilling faster while the built-in ash canister traps charcoal dust for quick clean up.

»Better grill marks – Get picture-perfect grill marks the next time you cook out by cleaning and oiling the grill rack beforehand. Oil the rack by rolling a paper towel into a wad, dipping it into oil and holding it with tongs while rubbing over the bars.

-www.goodhousekeeping.com

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Escape passes make fun and fitness accessible COMMENTARY

By Susan Beaurain Has it been a long week at work? A tough day at home? Ever wish you had a temporary escape? A place you could go to relax and play with the family and forget about work for awhile? An escape where the faces that greet you are smiling and are glad you’re there? Just imagine it. It’s within your reach, and all for less than the price of a latte a day.

The Monon Community Center has an Escape pass for every household and a destination for every member. Escape passes include unlimited access to the entire, modern facility including: a gymnasium featuring three full size courts, indoor pool with lap lanes and slides; a fitness center offering cardio, weight machines and free weights; the KidZone—childcare with a tree house, and one-eighth mile, indoor track, and outdoor water park featuring five pools.

Household passes include group fitness classes, which cost a nominal additional fee for adult or senior escape passes.

We often hear the question: “Why can’t I buy just the fitness center or just the pool? It’s the only part I use.” Let us help you expand your escape, try a new workout space, get in the pool, head outside and zip down a slide.

learn more Escape pass information can be found at www.carmelclayparks.com/index. asp?action=mononcntr_promotions.

Escape passes pay for themselves in less than one visit per week. Unlike many private fitness facilities, there is never an enrollment fee for the Monon Community Center. You don’t need to be a resident of Carmel either. Our community atmosphere and great pricing are open to anyone.

Carmel Clay Parks & Recreation and the Monon Community Center look forward to guiding your escapes this summer and for years to come with a commitment to environmental, social and economic sustainability.

Come see what we have to offer and unwind/ explore/escape with us!

Susan Beaurain is a division manager of the Monon Community Center. She can be reached via e-mail at sbeaurain@ carmelclayparks.com.

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12 | June 14, 2011

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sauce and continue cooking for about 2 minutes more per side. Remove from grill and brush with any remaining sauce.

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Ingredients • 4 (1-inch thick) boneless pork chops • 3 (12 fluid ounce) cans or bottles root beer • salt and pepper to taste • 1 cup beef stock • 11/2 tablespoons brown sugar • 11/2 teaspoons habanero or chipotle hot sauce • 2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce • 1 pinch salt, to taste Directions 1. Place the pork chops in a large zip-lock bag or baking dish; combine 2 cans of the root beer, 1 tablespoon of Worcestershire, and ½ teaspoon of hot sauce and pour mixture over the chops. Place in refrigerator to marinate all day or at least 8 hours.

Remove the pork chops from the marinade; season with salt and pepper.

2. Combine the remaining can of root beer, the beef stock, brown sugar, remaining hot sauce, and remaining Worcestershire sauce in a saucepan over medium heat; simmer the mixture until it reduces to about 3/4

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3. Preheat an outdoor grill for medium-high heat, and lightly oil the grate.

4. Grill the pork chops on the preheated grill until an instant-read thermometer inserted into the center reads 140 degrees F. Brush the chops generously with the reduction sauce and continue cooking for about 2 minutes more per side. Remove from grill and brush with any remaining sauce.

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June 15 Renaissance Fine Art & Design Gallery: The Next Step: Selected works from John Paul Caponigro’s Next Step Alumni 2011.

Renaissance Fine Art & Design Gallery, 1 South Range Line Road, Carmel Now through June 24 www.renaissancefineartanddesign.com Twenty-five members are currently participating in the exhibit. The resulting work is as diverse as the individuals with subjects and artistic endeavors including: landscapes, editorial, abstracts, composites, portraits, seascapes, cityscapes, nude and figure, fine art, street photography, architecture, nature, animals and wildlife.

June 17 Beef & Boards: Cinderella Beef & Boards Dinner Theatre Now through July 1 Tickets available by phone at 317-872-9664 or online at www.beefandboards.com.

Rogers & Hammerstein’s enchanting musical, Cinderella, is the classic story of the young Cinderella who is left in the care of her step-mother and three bossy step-sisters after the death of her father. It’s not until she meets Prince Charming that things start looking up. In a twist on the original musical, the Beef & Boards production features the ugly step-sisters as played by male actors.

June 17 Belfry Theatre: Humble Boy The Belfry Theatre, 10690 Greenfield Avenue, Noblesville Now through June 19, Fridays through Sundays Tickets are $15, www.thebelfrytheatre.com Felix Humble returns home after the sudden death of his father. Confrontations with his mother and her soon-to-be new husband and an ex-girlfriend bring out emotions of anger, hate, loneliness and self-doubt. Revelations with laughter and tears help bring about forgiveness and understanding.

LIVE MUSIC Mickey’s Irish Pub, 13644 N. Meridian Street.

For more information call 573-9746.

Friday – Pack of Chihuahuas Saturday – TBA Mo’s Irish Pub, 13193 Levinson Lane in the Hamilton Town Center, Noblesville. For more

June 16 Carmel Repertory Theatre: Andersen, a Fairy Tale Life The Studio Theater at The Center for the Performing Arts, 1 Center Green, Carmel June 16 through 26; show times are Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays at 8 p.m. and Sundays at 2:30. www.carmelrepertorytheatre.com “Andersen” is a musical of the true story of Hans Christian Andersen’s rise from abject poverty in an obscure village on the tiny island of Funen in Denmark, to become the most famous person in the world during his lifetime.

June 17 ISO and Indianapolis Symphonic Choir: Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony June 17 and 18 at Hilbert Circle Theatre, Indianapolis; June 19 at the Palladium, Carmel Tickets for performances at the Hilbert Circle Theatre range from $15 to $55 each (www.indianapolissymphony.org). Tickets for the Palladium performance range from $25 to $80, with $20 tickets for students (www.thecenterfortheperformingarts.org).

The all-Beethoven program, which will conclude the Orchestra’s 2010-2011 indoor season, will begin with the German master’s Symphony No. 8 in F Major. The work is a lively and buoyant symphony that features a bold introduction followed by an elegant and colorful Minuet.

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June 17

June Specials

Cool Creek Concert Series: The Bishops St.Vincent Health presents the Cool Creek Concert series every Friday night at Cool Creek Park, 2000 East 151st Street, Westfield. Gates open at 6 p.m. Admission is $5 for adults; children age 12 and under are free. June 24’s concert: The Snakehandlers. For more information, visit www. myhamiltoncountyparks.com.

information, call 770-9020.

Friday – Loo Abby Saturday – Through Being Cool Moon Dog Tavern, 825 E 96th St., Indianapolis, 46240. Call 575-6364 for more information.

Friday – Zanna Doo

25% Off Sale All hanging baskets, vegetables, bedding plants, patio pots, etc.

Mustard Seed Garden Center Located at 77 Metsker Lane, Noblesville Southeast corner of SR 32 and Hague Road

317-776-2300 www.mustardseedlandscapes.com

14 | June 14, 2011

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Views | Community | Cover Story | Education | Diversions | Panache | Anti-Aging | Dough | Inside & Out | Laughs | Pets | Puzzles | Classifieds Where I Dine

Jay Chandler

Operating general manager, MCL Where I Dine: “Las Torres.

It’s a new Mexican restaurant at 146th Street and Gray Road.”

What I Order: “I like hot, and everything is nice and spicy – real authentic Mexican food.”

Why I Like It: “They have great service, and a good atmosphere. Plus, it’s a beautiful building.”

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RESTaurant

When Eddie Met Salad

The scoop: When Eddie Met Salad is a locally owned restaurant chain launched in 2005. There are now five locations in the Indianapolis area.

The restaurant specializes in salads and other healthy menu items using fresh, highquality ingredients.

Type of food: Specialty salads, wraps and other healthy items Price: Small salads are $6.29. Regular salads are $1 more.

Specialty menu items: California Roll Salad, Chicken Cantonese Salad, various vegetarian salads and a buildyour-own-salad option.

Dress: Casual Hours: Monday - Friday 11 a.m. to 8:30 p.m.; Saturday 11 a.m. to 3 p.m.; closed Sundays Address: 12525 Old Meridian Street Carmel 848-1375 wheneddiemetsalad.com

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RECIPE Cream-filled grilled pound cake

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Directions 1. Spread pineapple cream cheese evenly over 1 side of 4 pound cake slices. Top with remaining 4 pound cake slices.

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Ingredients 3 ounces gin 1/2 ounce sake 5 thin slices of cucumber 3 fresh basil leaves, plus sprig for garnish

16 | June 14, 2011

Directions In a shaker with ice, mix together the gin and sake. Strain into a martini glass and garnish with the cucumber. Add the basil to the shaker before straining. Garnish with a small basil sprig, if desired.

-Real Simple

Current in Westfield

4 Blocks East of Keystone on 96th St.

*4610 East 96th St.* www.tomwoodlexus.com 1-888-284-1515

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DISPATCHES »Ditch cereal if dieting? - Your body prefers the carbohydrates in vegetables rather than grains because it slows the conversion to simple sugars like glucose, and decreases your insulin level. Grain carbohydrates, like those in pretzels, will increase your insulin levels and interfere with your ability to burn fat – which is the last thing you want if you’re trying to lose weight. This is precisely why cereals, whether high-fiber, whole-grain or not, are not a food you want to eat if you’re concerned about your weight.

If they contain sugar, that will tend to increase your insulin levels even more … but even “healthy” sugarless cereals are an oxymoron, since grains rapidly break down to sugar in your body, stimulating insulin production and encouraging weight gain.

-www.mercola.com »Switch to generics – Switching from brand-name depression med Cymbalta to generic Fluoxetine would mean a savings of about $177 per month. Cymbal-

ta’s 60-mg pills are taken once daily and a month’s supply costs $181 per month.

The generic’s 20-mg pills are taken once daily and the cost is $4 per month.

-www.comsumerreports.org »More-nutritious fruit - A USDA study published in Journal of the American College of Nutrition found that nutrient levels in produce have declined significantly in just the last 60 years. There have been drops in protein, calcium, vitamin A, riboflavin and thiamine. So opt for smaller fruits (such as apricots, cherries and berries), which have a greater ratio of skin to flesh, relative to their size, than larger ones, such as peaches. This is important because the largest concentration of fiber and antioxidants is found in the skin and the layers just beneath. Also, if possible, switch from standard, larger supermarket produce to organic, wild-grown or heirloom varieties.

Directed By June McCarty Clair Produced by Kim Howard Show Times 8:00 PM June 16, 17, 18, 23, 23, 25, 2011 2:30 PM June 19 & 26, 2011

For Tickets Please Call (317)843-3800 or visit our website at www.carmelrepertorytheatre.com Coming June 2011

To Open The

-Bottom Line Health

An Original Musical of the Life of Hans Christian Andersen Written by June McCarty Clair, John Clair & Derek Hakes

You may think a courtroom is your only option to resolve your family law case, but in this conference room, you have more control over the decisions affecting your family, your children and your property.

Litigation alternatives such as collaborative law and mediation have proven significantly less costly, financially and emotionally. At JHDJ Law, our experienced team of litigators, mediators and collaborative attorneys can discuss all of your options with you.

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Make your yard your gym COMMENTARY

By April Conard The weather is wonderful right now, and I decided to take advantage of it by going for a bike ride with my children through the neighborhood. I was quite surprised at what I saw. There were many people outside doing yard work – and I use the term “work” loosely.

Didn’t there used to be a time when putting a day of hard work into the yard was quite satisfying as well as … work. You would come in out of the sun for a glass of lemonade and recharge for another few hours of weeding, hauling, digging and cleaning. I have no complaints about the lawns in my neighborhood; in fact, my community takes great pride in its landscaping. It is how it is being achieved that bugs me.

While on this bike ride, I see one man using an electric blower to remove the clipping off of his sidewalk. While across the street, I witness another taking a joy ride on a tractor to cut about 1/2 acre of grass. The first man should have gotten the broom out to sweep those clippings away. It would not have taken that much longer, and he was already sweating from being outside, so why not burn some calories in the

18 | June 14, 2011

process? The latter, well he should have been pushing instead of riding.

Why is America the obese capital of the world? Just add this to the list of reasons why. People are missing out on a serious caloric burn when they cut corners maintaining their outdoor spaces. Did you know that according to Fitday.com a person will burn 133 calories per hour cutting the grass on a riding mower and 310 per hour with a push mower, and better still a whopping 442 calories with a manual push mower!

File photo As for the gentleman with the electric blower, he would have burned 262 calories using a broom. Using the blower, well, I am not sure how many calories you burn flipping an “on” switch.

Which leads me back to what I always hear from people: “I don’t have time to work out, I’m just too busy.” Well, in a world that is all about multitasking, you would think we would have figured this one out by now. If you are too busy with say, yard work, to get to the gym, why not make your yard the gym?

Noblesville resident April Conard is an NETA- certified trainer and Group Fitness Director at the Noblesville Athletic Club. You may contact her at nac@nacfitness.com

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Managing men’s expectations of surgery COMMENTARY

By Barry Eppley While women have always made up the majority of plastic surgery patients, the percentage of men is steadily increasing. More men today acknowledge what women have known all along: Appearance does matter, regardless of age.

While the goals are always the same, to look as good as one can, a man’s age influences why it matters. The common procedures that men choose, not surprisingly, are also influenced by age. Droopy eyelid skin and neck wattles are the concerns of older men while the removal of excessive body fat and reshaping noses, ears and chins captivate younger men.

Men are less patient than women, particularly when it comes to appearance issues. This means that cosmetic treatments that require regular maintenance, like Botox and injectable fillers, are not that appealing. Men prefer more of an immediate fix, like what surgery provides. And men do not want a lot of recovery or downtime after surgery, if possible. Discretion is paramount in male cosmetic surgery. While everyone knows that plastic surgery in men is not rare, the male patient does not really want to broadcast it.

One observation that has reverberated amongst plastic surgeons for decades is that men can be difficult to please and are less satisfied than women after surgery. They also are more prone to want revisional surgery. Facelifts

and eyelid surgery in the middle to older-aged male gets good results and satisfaction is just as good as women. When it comes to structural changes in the face or body contouring surgery in the younger male patient, there is some definite truth to that belief. Younger men today grow up today playing with action figures, looking at men’s magazines and seeing great emphasis placed on exercise and sports which exposes them to more pressure to have a very masculine face and body. This makes managing the expectations from surgery in younger men extremely important.

Additionally, many men are not very tolerant of pain. They are less comfortable with post-surgery discomfort. This is not to say that men are not tough, just not as tough as women when it comes to appearance alteration.

Last year over one million men underwent some form of cosmetic alteration in the U.S. The stigma of men paying more attention to their appearance and grooming habits has changed a lot in the past 10 years. The beauty gap between men and women is closing to some degree as an increase in the desire of men to use their improved looks to remain competitive professionally and personally is on the rise.

Dr. Eppley is an Indianapolis board-certified plastic surgeon.

Comments can be sent to info@ eppleyplasticsurgery.com

Celebrate Summer in Downtown Westfield!

Fridays 4:30-7:30pm—over 50 vendors!

North Union Street next to City Hall

July 1—Patriotic Night August 5—Historic Westfield Night September 2—Pet Night Live entertainment each week!

Sunday, July 3, Asa Bales Park, across from Westfield High School

7:30am—”Bike It” bicycle ride for prostate cancer 3pm—Charity Motorcycle Ride 4pm—Headliners Car Show, Food & Marketplace Beer & Wine, Kids Area, Live Music 8:15pm—Dr. Duke Tumatoe & The Power Trio 9:45pm—Largest fireworks display in the area on July 3!

10am Saturday, Oct. 1, Union & Main Streets

Wacky competition of homemade derby cars!

Brought to you by the Downtown Westfield Association with support from the city of Westfield. For more information, log onto DWNA.org

OFFICIAL HEALTH CARE PROVIDER

of your

Carmel

Just like your favorite coffee shop or grocery store, Community Physicians of Indiana practices, Community Hamilton Healthcare campus and Community Health Pavilions are right in your neighborhood. In fact, they’re practically around every corner, giving you quick access to: Fishers

Noblesville

• Family practice, internal medicine, OB/GYN, pediatric physicians and physician specialists • MedCheck walk-in care • Imaging — Open MRI, general imaging available for early, evening and same-day appointments

• Lab — Open early Monday thru Saturday starting at 7 a.m.

• Sports medicine and rehabilitation • Indiana Surgery Center • Healthy Aging Transition Services (HATS) and more

Call 800-777-7775 to schedule a free Get Acquainted Visit with a CPI pediatrician, OB/GYN, family practice or internal medicine physician. Or visit eCommunity.com/pavilion.

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Rats, relatives and revelations

DISPATCHES » Stocks that have hit bottom? – Dean Foods (DF) is the nation’s largest seller of fresh milk.

Despite yearly sales of more than $12 billion, the company is valued at barely $2 billion.

That’s because margins on milk are meager. But BMO Capital Markets analyst Amit Sharma initiated coverage of the stock last month with an “outperform” rating, and in a note to clients pointed out some promising signs. Meanwhile, Best Buy (BBY) is growing, but barely. Management recently outlined a plan to reduce bigbox store space by 10 percent, reduce in-store items while increasing online ones and focus on expanding what’s working: video games, cell phones and electronics in China.

-www.smartmoney.com Home prices decreased - The Indiana Association of Realtors recently released its latest monthly “Indiana Real Estate Markets Report.”

Statewide, when comparing April 2011 to April 2010: The median sale price of homes decreased 0.9 percent to $113,000 and the number of closed sales decreased 21.0 percent to 4,929.

Monetize social media efforts - Companies don’t always need to use social media as a sales tool or to acquire news customers, says Turner; they can use it as a customer retention tool. If someone likes or follows your business, it’s because they’re interested in hearing from you on some regular basis. It’s important that you have a routine schedule for your blogs, tweets, and postings. Keeping your fans and followers up to date on what’s new and happening with your business or industry will keep them engaged with you and keep your brand top-of-mind.

-www.inc.com Jobs decline, alcohol sales boom - Alcoholic beverage sales grew by nearly 10 percent during a 12-month period that ended May 31, according to financial information company Sageworks. The average unemployment rate during that time exceeded 9.3 percent. Sales have been increasing since the first full year of the recession in 2008 while unemployment also rose.

-www.money.com

COMMENTARY

By David Cain When I was 11 years old, my aunt gave me a rat for my birthday. Not just any rat, but an angry white rat with a terrible disposition and a stinky, rotten attitude. He hated me. He hated everyone.

Even so, as an animal-loving boy from the country, I was, of course, in love with the idea of getting a pet for my birthday. My mother, I recall vividly, was as mad as the rat at what her sister had given her little boy. The gift shouldn’t have been much of a surprise; my aunt had given my sister a mouse just two months before.

I’m an animal lover. I dug on that rat. To an 11-year-old, a rat is a wicked cool gift. Thanks Aunt Sandy! Appreciate the love. I opened the makeshift housing the rat came with – it was 1978 – and that white devil came at me like a spider monkey. My dad, the calm headed thinker of the group, was ready with a washtub. He pushed me out of the way and threw a washtub on the reckless rat. We sat on the washtub together, father and son, hearing only the sounds of scratching claws under us. It was a Clark Griswold moment. I said, “Aunt Sandy doesn’t like me, does she?” He responded, “Can’t say for sure, but it appears she’s mad at someone.”

Although it should have ended with a Griswold-like, “Good talk son!” it ended with a grown man and his son putting a concrete block on the washtub and something like, “Let’s get some sleep and see if this thing is nicer in the morning.”

It’s 32 years later and I still remember that rat. I can see his beady little eyes menacingly staring at me. I remember the moments with my father. I remember the sounds of the scratching. I remember the feeling of terror. I remember everything.

Emotion matters. Emotions make an impression.

It doesn’t matter what the emotion. If there is emotion, there is memory. t stands out. It’s downloaded in your brain and replays. I hear metal scratching and I see the rat, my aunt, my dad and me. I see white fur and I see that rat. I see an old-fashioned washtub and I smell a rat. If you want to be remembered, if you want to stand out, get emotional! Oh rats!

David Cain works at MediaSauce, a digital media and online marketing company in Carmel. David welcomes your questions or comments at David.Cain@MediaSauce. com.

Are rising costs a conspiracy?

COMMENTARY

By Ryan C. Fuhrmann, CFA Just over a year ago, the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act measure became law in an attempt to rein in what has been a significant and steady rise in healthcare spending in the U.S. over the past three decades that has far exceeded the overall inflation rate. But by a number of measures, the cost of going to college has increased at a higher rate than both inflation and healthcare.

A 2009 report by the Atlantic Monthly Group detailed that education costs increased at a faster rate than healthcare in 27 of the 30 years it studied. A more recent study by the National Inflation Association (NIA) estimated that the inflation rate has increased just over 107 percent since 1986 while college tuition increased nearly 467 percent over the same period. Today, the average annual cost of attending an undergraduate program is $20,000. There is a big difference between public institutions that cost around $15,000 annually and private colleges that can charge closer to $30,000 for a year of school.

The NIA went so far as to release a documentary titled College Conspiracy that “exposes the facts and

truth about America’s college education system,” including a view that college consists of “studying useless information” that can leaves students in certain degrees ill-prepared and too indebted when entering the working world. Despite the NIA’s more cynical stance that “colleges are deceiving prospective students,” its study does highlight that education costs have increased significantly and if they continue to increase at their current pace, higher education will soon be out of reach for many aspiring students.

Just like with the beleaguered healthcare system, there may not be much individual parents or students can do to change the course of education inflation overall, but there are a number of strategies they can employ to control costs. These include taking Advanced Placement tests in high school that when passed can be used for college credit. Studying abroad is another option, as one study detailed a number of colleges in England that offered great education values. Attending an in-state public college can also keep costs low, as can seeking out financial aid at a private university. And finally, saving via tax-advantaged 529 college saving plans can help stretch educational dollars farther.

I fell off the New Year’s resolution wagon and cut loose.

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$

300K

Type: Two-story, traditional American Age: Built in 2004 Location: Near Springmill Road and 156th Street Neighborhood: Centennial Square Footage: 3,834 Rooms: Impeccably maintained four-bedroom, 3.5-bathroom home! Two-story foyer leads to dining room with hardwoods. Nine-foot ceilings and built-ins throughout. Roomy kitchen with center island, pantry and breakfast room. Mainlevel mud room with lockers and laundry room.

Family room with built-ins. master with walk-in closet, garden tub, separate shower and double

sinks. Finished daylight basement with rec room and bonus room. Screened porch leads to concrete patio and large backyard. Great amenities: community pool, tennis court and playground!

Strengths: Impeccably maintained home. Spacious backyard. Generous room sizes. Great community amenities.

Challenges: Backs up to 156th Street.

Keith Albrecht is a Realtor with RE/MAX serving Hamilton County and Indianapolis.

Contact the Albrecht Team by phone at 580-9955 or via e-mail at team@keithshomes.com.

NOW OPEN

Coriell Eye Care Touting thorough service and a wide selection of glasses frames, Coriell Eye Care, now open at 14555 Hazel Dell Pkwy, Carmel, represents Dr. Holly Coriell’s commitment to the Hoosier state to grow her new private optometry practice.

Opened June 14, Coriell Eye Care offers all patients a comprehensive eye exam which includes a visual field screening test, retinal photography and a glaucoma check as part of standard examinations.

In addition to comprehensive eye care, the office will offer more than 500 varieties of frames across all styles and price ranges.

Brands include Vera Bradley, Tommy Bahama, Gucci, BCBG, bebe, IZOD, Nike, and Armoni Exchange.

“A lot of offices hae just one style or price range, but we have so many styles at a price range to fit everyone,” said Coriell.

To schedule an appointment, call 317-706-2020.

Coriell Eye Care 14555 Hazel Dell Pwky Suite 120 Carmel, IN 46032

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DISPATCHES Free seminars – Case Design/Remodeling President Larry Greene will offer three free kitchen and bath remodeling seminars. The first weekday seminar will be held at Michael’s Southshore at Geist, 11705 Fox Road this Thursday from 7 to 8:30 p.m. The second will be this Saturday from 9 to 10:30 a.m. at the Indianapolis Yacht Club at Geist, 12900 Fall Creek Road. The third will be June 23, 7 to 8:30 p.m. at the Indiana Design Center, 200 South Range Line Road, Carmel. Please register at caseadmin@irndy.rr.com or by calling 846-2600.

Ralph Lauren now available - The Ralph Lauren Home collection is now available through The Trade Connection, a to-the-trade showroom located on the second level of the Indiana Design Center in Carmel. The showroom features a mix of Ralph Lauren furniture, case goods, giftware and more. Visit RalphLaurenHome.com to view the latest collections online.

Using vinyl flooring – Vinyl is best for practicality, low price and easy installation. Most vinyls resist wear, moisture dents, stains and sun. Some look more like stone than older versions. But, even the best of those products still look like vinyl up close. Average price: $3 to $7 per square foot.

-Consumer Reports

DESIGN

By Vicky Earley It is that time of the year. The weeks leading up to the Memorial Day parties are probably the busiest of the design year.

These time frames are always good reminders of what to expect.

Once a decision has been made to redo a room, install a window treatment, add a piece of furniture or just change some accessories, that impatient 6-year old in all of us comes to the surface! After all … it is pretty exciting to contemplate a change!

If you know, going in, how long it realistically will take, the waiting becomes a bit more palatable for that little person living in all of us who wants what they want … now!

An initial appointment with a designer: Several days to several months depending on how the designer works and the client load at the given time. We try to manage this by working as a team so the process is started in a timely fashion.

A presentation based on your likes and needs: Once again, this depends on how your decorator or designer works, but it is realistic to expect anywhere from a few days to several weeks. We will often bring a client into the studio for an in-depth look at likes and dislikes to expedite the process.

Custom upholstery pieces: Six to 12 weeks from the time the order is placed is reasonable. If it goes beyond 12 weeks, something is probably amiss, such as a fabric backorder. Don’t hesitate to ask questions!

Using fabric other than the furniture manufacturers is often the key to a gorgeous piece of furniture, but it can delay the process. It is a two-step process, as fabric must be ordered, marked and shipped to the manufacturer. Only then does the actual fabrication begin.

If you place a custom order prior to the major furniture show at High Point, your order should have a greater chance of faster completion. If you order shortly after High Point (April and October), your order can get bogged down a bit by the sudden influx of orders from the show.

Shipping from manufacturer: Fuel costs have made this an unknown. No trucking firm wants to head out with a half load.

Even when an item is in stock at the manufacturing source, there can be a delay. The time involved with shipping is up to the truck drivers, the weather, and pure luck.

This is like a school bus ride: Someone who gets on first might have to get off last.

We have seen furnishings arrive in under a week, and we have had furniture ride the

highway until it complained of motion sickness!

Custom window treatments: This can vary from a few weeks to several months.

It all depends on who is supplying the labor. Projects being fabricated by a larger group workroom must get in line once all materials arrive. If it is the busy season, the fabrics and trims must wait patiently until it is their time. This is totally unpredictable.

Design firms and stores that have in-house workrooms have more control over timing, although the arrival of the fabrics can still bog the process down. We have turned “need it now” emergency projects in a day when the materials were in stock, because we have our own fabricators. This, however, is an anomaly!

Kitchen remodel: My rule of thumb is a) take the time quoted by the individual doing the work and b) take that number and multiply times two. This should give you a reasonable idea. The larger the project, the more opportunities there are for delays, out of stocks, unexpected issues, and changes.

Vicky Earley is the principal designer for Artichoke Designs in downtown Carmel. If you have an interior design question, please contact artichokedesigns@aol.

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22 | Northview_Church_CarmelCurrent_Ad_June2011.indd June 14, 2011

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Remodeling

By Larry Greene ORIGINAL UNFINISHED BASEMENT: This home, located in the Avian Glen subdivision on the east side of Carmel, was built in 1994. The current homeowners moved into the home in 1998 and had wanted to finish the basement for quite some time. The two major reasons for remodeling the basement were to be able to more easily entertain friends and to enhance the value of their home for resale purposes.

FAVORITE FEATURES: One of their favorite things about the finished space is how the stairwell turned out. Previously, the stairwell abruptly terminated into a wall and was enclosed by a half wall. The final design added a turned landing and replaced the partial half wall with wrought-iron balusters, wood-stained handrail and exposed hardwood treads. According to the homeowner, “It’s now a much more natural flow. The lower level is so inviting and comfortable. It’s become an extension of our home.”

MAXIMIZING SPACE: The final layout was designed to maximize the usable space. The unusually tall 10’ ceilings give the basement a spacious feeling. The L-shaped layout was maximized to include a banquette/table grouping,

sectional with ottoman, loveseat and wet bar.

The homeowner commented, “Everyone can see the TV and one another. The multi-function space is really conducive to conversation and relaxation. We love the additional square footage we’ve gained. The lower level is our preferred destination for family relaxation.”

DETAILS MATTER: The homeowner was heavily involved in the design process and had an appreciation for details. The new wet bar area included upgraded finishes including semi-custom maple cabinets in a soft white paint with café glazing and 3cm Cambria quartz countertops in a Windemere color. The new wet bar flooring included amalfi noce 33 x 33cm porcelain tile.

DON’T FORGET STORAGE: According to the homeowner, “We also appreciate the storage area adjacent to the finished space. Door access off the stair landing provides ample storage for seasonal decorations and other family keepsakes.

Extensive shelving was installed to take advantage of the home’s 10-foot-high ceilings, an unusual basement feature.”

Larry Greene is the president of Case Design/Remodeling, a full-service design/build firm serving Hamilton County. Contact him at lgreene@ indy.rr.com.

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Hiring a decorator might be the most economical option Decorating

By Sue Pelley It’s sad but true: Cutting corners by deciding not to work with a professional interior decorator can often cost you more time and money in the long run. Today, more and more homeowners are enlisting the services of interior decorator and designers. Because custom designs are so popular, professional decorators know how to work with your budget, your lifestyle and your design vision in mind.

If you are considering using a decorator, there are some basic guidelines you should follow before your project actually begins: Take a tour of your home with the decorator so you both can determine the size of the project.

Discuss your family’s lifestyle with your decorator. How do you want your house to feel?

How do you entertain? Do you have kids and pets in your household?

It is wise to set a realistic timetable for completion, especially with a large project.

Establish your decorating priorities. Which rooms are the most important for you to complete?

Determining a budget and sharing it with

your decorator is essential. If you have never decorated before, or have not done so in many years, they can easily give you guidelines to help you determine a budget. This will enable your decorator to find the custom products that best suit your needs.

Finally, let your decorator know at the beginning of your project if you have certain items that you want to keep and work around or if you have any other special requests.

Considering these basic guidelines will allow your decorator to work with you to design a project with your wishes, your lifestyle and your budget in mind, saving you from costly errors, and resulting in a room you and your family will enjoy for years to come.

Today, more and more homeowners are enlisting the services of interior decorator and designers.

Noblesville residents and business partners Sue Pelley and JoAnne North operate Decorating Den Interiors. Design segments featuring Pelly have aired on HGTV. Pelley can be contacted at: suepel@ sbcglobal.net.

Riverview proudly announces

fishers pediatrics

kids day Celebrating Our newest PediatriCs Care FaCility

Scott Boschee, MD

RVH-095-Current-06.14-FNL.indd 1

24 | June 14, 2011

Kathleen Miller, MD

GARDENING

By Holly Lindzy Many of the finest, most beautiful trees across this great nation are oak trees. I love the red oak, the chinquapin oak, and most of all, the white oak.

These native trees are adaptable, sturdy and long-lived.

Their acorns provide valuable food for wildlife, their shade is a welcome retreat in August, and their graceful beauty is a sight to behold at all times.

The white oak, Quercus alba, is a remarkable hardwood. Growing to almost 80’ tall, this outstanding shade tree is known for its interesting shape and fabulous fall color. It is suited to most conditions except extremely lean soil and has a long life, if not disturbed by construction.

Plant your white oak in full sun and a generous spot; it will surely fill it. Water it con-

sistently for the first two years after transplanting. It grows rather slowly, but steadily, and its beauty will more than make up for it.

It needs no extra care, but will appreciate a sprinkling of fertilizer in the spring.

Oak trees will hold on to their leaves for most of the winter, so don’t be alarmed and assume you killed the tree, because the new foliage in the spring will push that old foliage away.

Give it a nice, wide ring of mulch to avoid the need to weed eat near the trunk. Please.

Resist the urge to pile the mulch around the trunk as it is a site to harbor pests, moisture and ultimately disease. And enjoy the white oak for the rest of your days.

Oak trees will hold on to their leaves for most of the winter, so don’t be alarmed and assume you killed the tree...

Holly Lindzy is an Indiana accredited horticulturalist and advanced master gardener residing in Noblesville.

Email your gardening woes (or wisdom) to hollylindzy@gmail.com.

Riverview Medical Group Pediatrics is now pleased to offer three convenient locations. Help us celebrate the opening of our newest location by visiting Fishers Pediatrics Kids Day on Saturday, June 25, from 9am to noon. Featuring Radio Disney, Meet the Docs, health information, games, and more. For additional information, please call (317) 770-5835.

Fishers Pediatrics

noblesville Pediatrics

noblesville Pediatrics

7233 fishers Landing dr. fishers, iN 46038 (317) 578-4193

14540 prairie Lakes Blvd.

Noblesville, iN 46060 (317) 578-4193

865 Westfield rd., #B Noblesville, iN 46062 (317) 776-0880

Mark Ambre, MD

Noblesville 6/6/11 9:21 AM

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JOB: RVH-090-Current 06.14-FNL.indd

DATE: 06/06/11

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The thing with suffering FAITH

By Bob Walters It was a brief conversation with my dear friend Mike about our mutually dear friend Bill.

Mike and I were alone outside Bill’s house after a visit, each of us fighting back tears.

Bill has brain cancer, the really, really hard kind. He and his wife, both deep and mature believers in Christ, are bravely battling the disease. Their grace is wonderful to behold; the effects of the disease are horrifying.

Mike, not a church-goer but deeply imbued with sincere human compassion, said, “I just don’t want to see anyone suffer.”

“Suffering is part of the deal,” I told Mike, quietly, referring to a life in Christ. I added, approximately, “It’s as clear as anything the Bible says. Our faith in Christ and belief in God are tested and purified in our suffering. It doesn’t glorify God to ‘believe’ when times are good. As crazy as it sounds, suffering – and keeping our faith as we suffer – is the greatest earthly way to glorify God.” Mike and I blinked back tears one more time, and left. I pray my words sank in.

Bill and his wife are glorifying God in their suffering by keeping their faith. We who despair with them must also glorify God by trusting His ultimate mercy.

“Suffering Glorifies God!” is a slogan seldom seen on church signboards. No, market-

ing the Christian faith today focuses largely on “me.” God loves and forgives me. Or we scrutinize my sin and guilt, or God solving my problems, or having Jesus see things my way.

“Please Lord,” we pray, “give me what I want.”

We want God to ease our suffering, not be glorified by it.

Jesus prayed, “Father … not my will, but yours be done” (Luke 22:42). Jesus told His disciples repeatedly that to follow Him they must value God above everything else, including their families, their circumstances, their very lives. Jesus told them they would suffer and be persecuted for their faith, yet they would glorify God. Suffering is among the Bible’s hardest teachings, one of its most obvious truths, and one of the last things the modern church “sells.” Suffering matters because it is the central lesson of Jesus on the cross, “that your son may glorify you” (John 17:1).

God’s purpose isn’t to make us suffer, but that we persevere in our faith when we suffer.

Pray with Jesus that God’s will, not ours, be done.

GENEALOGY

By Darla Kinney Scoles The Fourth of July holiday means one thing to my husband’s relatives: family reunion time.

For many, many years, the Ohio/ Florida branch of the NashScoles family has gathered at a Darby Park in Columbus, Ohio for a generational picnic with Matriarch Garnet Nash at the helm.

The annual event is nothing extravagant or overly organized. Kith and kin simply come together, catch up on the most recent news and share memories of past encounters. Food (and recipes) are always a key ingredient, as are photos, stories, games and that great sense of belonging that happens only when relatives relate.

This type of mingling is really family history in its purest form.

Some years there is a new addition to the clan. Never is a new baby more encircled in love than at that first reunion where they debut as the hope of things to come.

Other years, an empty place at the table brings out story after poignant story of the special someone who, while missed, is also fondly and sacredly remembered.

No matter what the mood of the occasion,

the overriding feeling is that of belonging. Even those awkward years when one cousin is squabbling with another over some offense or someone shows up with a replacement spouse, the dust settles and the bond of blood (and marriage) wins out.

You really can’t beat a good-old-fashioned reunion for summer fun.

Information sharing being what it is these days, planning a family get-together is easier than ever before. And this summer is the perfect time to at least gather those relatives who live in close proximity. Don’t sweat the details or overdo the plans. Just get together and let the fun (and fact sharing) begin.

Just like families, reunions come in all shapes and sizes. Plan one that fits your relations soon.

Be the one to kick it off. That’s usually all it takes.

That, and the secret-family-recipe potato salad.

www.youarecurrent.com

Bob Walters (www.believerbob. blogspot.com, email rlwcom@aol. com) will look at non-believers through Lent, urging believers not to give up on them.

You’ll Find It All Here.

Call The Stratford at 317-733-9560 today and learn how our retirement lifestyle can impact your wellness, peace of mind and overall well-being.

Darla Kinney Scoles is a freelance journalist living in Noblesville. Her most recent work involves the creation of “Stories”, an individualized writing service helping people get their personal histories down on paper. Contact her at darlakinneyscoles@gmail.com.

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2460 Glebe Street | Carmel, IN 46032 www.Stratford-Living.com Independent Living • Assisted Living Alzheimer’s Care • Skilled Nursing June 14, 2011 | 25

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DISPATCHES »Scientists closer to mind reading? – Neuroscientists at the University of Glasgow say they have found a way to identify the type of information contained within certain brainwaves related to vision. The scientists were able to use electroencephalography (EEG) to measure patterns of electrical activity in the brain while it was engaged in different activities. Specifically, they used EEG to decode brainwaves and identify the parts of the brain that were active when looking at different features on people’s faces. Said the study’s author, “How the brain encodes the visual information that enables us to recognize faces and scenes has long been a mystery. While we are able to detect EEG activity in certain areas of the brain when particular tasks are performed, we’ve not known what information is being carried in those brainwaves. What we have done is to find a way of decoding brainwaves to identify the messages within.” He added that the study’s findings could have a potentially profound impact on the development of brain-computer interfaces.

-www.msn.com

Reducing cell phone radiation exposure TECHNOLOGY

By Gary Hubbard A recent report from the International Agency for Research on Cancer (IARC), which is part of the World Health Organization, lists mobile phone use in the same category as lead, gasoline engine exhaust, and chloroform. Officially, cell phone radiation is listed as a “carcinogenic hazard” according to their findings.

To put this into perspective, the same scoring system has put some pickled vegetables and coffee in the cancerous category, so this report is by no means a link suggesting cell phones cause cancer. But it has stirred the controversy up again.

No one has come even remotely close to linking the development of cancer cells with cell phones, but taking steps to reduce your exposure can’t hurt.

The radiation risk is from the cellular transmitter itself, so the risk from smartphones is not any greater just because they can do more.

In fact, it could be argued that smartphones could reduce your risk because you spend less time with the phone to your ear talking because of the text messaging, video call and Internet capabilities.

Reducing the amount of time your phone is turned on and near your body (less than an inch) are the general recommendations that most authorities are suggesting.

Here are some specific tips:

1. Use the speakerphone when possible. If you hold it in front of your face a couple of inches from your mouth pointing the top of the phone away (like we see on reality TV shows), you will exponentially reduce the exposure to any of the radiation being generated by the cellular antenna.

2. Use a wired or wireless headset. If you are re-

Twitter and Facebook are also becoming very efficient alternatives to picking up the phone. Reducing the amount of time your cellular transmitter is next to your ear will definitely reduce your exposure.

5. Don’t carry your phone around in your shirt or pants pocket. Since the distance from your body is the critical component, using a belt clip or belt case, storing it in your briefcase (or purse for the ladies) when you aren’t using the phone is suggested. Your cell phone is constantly connecting with various cell towers near you, so the transmission of low levels of radiation is pretty constant.

If you know you won’t need to use it for an extended period of time, turn it off or put it in “airplane mode” which turns off the cellular transmitter.

Again, these are precautionary steps for anyone overly concerned about the conflicting and confusing information that continues to circulate about the risks of cancer from cell phones and not a mandate or indictment of the technology we all know and love.

...the same scoring system has put some pickled vegetables and coffee in the cancerous category... ally paranoid about electromagnetic radiation, you should even remove the headset when you aren’t using it.

3. Avoid using the phone to your ear when the signal is weak. The amount of radiation generated fluctuates with use, but we do know that a weaker signal from a cell tower causes the transmitter in your handset to crank up its power which results in higher radiation levels.

4. “TXT” or e-mail instead. If you aren’t in the “txt first” camp that the younger generation lives by, this might be a good reason to follow their lead.

The direct messaging options in social networks like

Gary Hubbard is the owner of Data Doctors Computer Services – www.datadoctors.com. Have a technology question? Send it to CurrentInCarmel@datadoctors. com

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CarmelFest Lights up the Sky

by Cindy Roberts-Greiner

You can help support the CarmelFest “B105.7 Fireworks Launched by Firestone” (and make a patriotic fashion statement) by purchasing colorful Spark Buttons. Transform yourself immediately into a pillar of society by sporting a traditional red-white-blue Spark Button ($3) or an electric light-up Spark Button ($6).

Each Spark Button has a unique fourdigit number printed on its colorful faceplate automatically entering the bearer into drawing to win a Grand Prize of $500 cash.

CarmelFest would not be possible without the support of generous corporate sponsors – especially our fireworks sponsor – Firestone. However, Spark Buttons give every man, woman and child the opportunity to look up into the sky on July 4th at 9:45 pm and proudly exclaim, “I helped pay for those fireworks!” And, by supporting the Spark Button program you send a strong message to your friends, neighbors and children about how important the Fourth of July is to you. That makes everyone a winner!

We are proud to feature energy efficient Andersen® products.

“Andersen” and all other marks where denoted are trademarks of Andersen Corporation.

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I guess my coffee-drinking days are over HUMOR

By Mike Redmond Lately I have come to realize I am simply not the man I used to be.

I am talking about coffee. I used to be a two- to three-pot-a-day man, and now I can barely stand the stuff. It still smells wonderful, but the thought of drinking it makes my stomach flip.

I’ve tried to figure out what happened. I can’t recall any single day when I overdosed on coffee. At two to three pots a day, I overdosed EVERY single day.

Why was I drinking so much coffee? Well, for one thing, I really liked it. A lot. Black, no sugar. Preferably with a doughnut or 12.

For another, I come from a long line of coffee drinkers, and I am talking heavyweight class. My Mom and her sisters could drain one of those 10-gallon diner coffee urns, the kind that look like upended locomotive boilers, in a single Sunday afternoon.

And then they’d have more after supper.

Coffee was a rite of passage, an entry into adulthood as significant as getting your driver’s license or smoking in front of your parents (thus making you an “official” smoker instead of an amateur trying to look cool at the Dairy Queen).

I started drinking coffee when I entered high school, in part because (a.) I thought I was far more grown-up than I actually was,

and (b.) the school bus came at 6:10 a.m. and I probably wouldn’t have gotten upright without a large blast of Bokar blend.

But as I reached a certain age, everything went sour. Really. That is the overwhelming taste I get from coffee these days (not to mention the sensation I get in my stomach).

The designer coffees and coffee shop coffees seem especially sour to me. I’m told the taste is actually “winey.” Could be, because I taste that stuff and I get awfully whiney myself.

I tried going back to the old standbys, the grocery store coffees, and that didn’t work either. They all tasted like a mouthful of wet ash. Or at least, what I have always imagined a mouthful of wet ash would taste like.

So where does this leave me? It leaves me without coffee and frankly, not all that upset about it. As I said, I’m not the man I used to be.

The man I used to be loved coffee. The man I am today prefers tea.

Two to three pots a day.

No doughnuts, though.

HUMOR

By Dick Wolfsie My son has been buying frozen peanut butter and jelly sandwiches at the grocery store. I am hooked on the stupid things, and I now have to hide them in the downstairs freezer behind the Healthy Choice dinners. If my wife finds out what I have been paying for this rip-off, she may never microwave anything good for me again.

Now, another innovation has hit the shelves: a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in a can.

Mark Kirkland from Utah is the creator of this idea. He claims one day he was eating a cookie and chugging a Coke and when he put his hands together, it suddenly dawned on him that you could put peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in a can. Say what? Sorry, I don’t think this has quite the lasting charm of the story of Sir Isaac Newton and the apple.

So instead of buying a ready-made peanut butter and jelly sandwich in a vending machine, or purchasing the separate items in a supermarket, Kirkland puts all the stuff in a portable kit and charges four times as much money.

Inside the container is a hot-dog-like bun wrapped in cellophane. Next to it is one squeezable packet of jelly and one of peanut butter.

Dispensing ketchup and mustard this way has always been a hassle, so why not try it again with the world’s two slowest moving foods?

Included is a utensil for easy spreading. Sales

for Candwich have been brisk, but not without some drawbacks. Prisons and airlines will not offer the product to their diners. “We’re not sure why,” said one of the company investors, “but we think it might be because there’s a knife in the can.”

Busy parents looking for an easy lunch for the kids applaud this meal in a can, although some are concerned that their six-year-olds might not be able to negotiate the pull-tab. “But I think they’ll figure it out,” said one mom, “and it will be a good learning experience for when they start drinking beer.”

And there’s a new treat soon to be launched, a BBQ Chicken sandwich in a can. Why chicken?

Well one day Mark Kirkland had a piece of KFC in one hand and a ... never mind, you get the idea.

Americans may soon buy sandwiches pretty much the same way they purchase Quaker State Motor Oil. Kirkland says there is no limit to where he may go with future product development. Of course, when you ask true food lovers what Mark should consider canning next, there’s a unanimous response: How about the entire concept?

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Mike Redmond is an author, journalist, humorist and speaker. Write him at mike@ mikeredmondonline.com or P.O. Box 44385, Indianapolis, IN 46244.

Dick Wolfsie is an author, columnist, and speaker. Contact him at wolfsie@aol.com.

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June 14, 2011 | 27

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Dispatches Prevent diabetes in pets - According to a Banfield Pet Hospital survey, obesity ranked in the top five health problems of young adult, mature adult and senior dogs in 2010.

It was in the top three for cats of the same age. This can cause diabetes in pets, but it’s not the only risk factor. Re-immunizing your pet for diseases he’s already protected against thanks to puppy or kitten shots, can over-stimulate his immune system.

This can result in an immune-mediated disorder. There appears to be an autoimmune component in the development of diabetes mellitus, particularly in dogs.

-www.mercola.com Bark for Life - The American Cancer Society’s Bark for Life is a Relay for Life fundraising event that honors the caregiving qualities of canine companions and provides an opportunity to honor cancer survivors and remember those who have lost their fight with the disease. The event will take place June 25 from 9 a.m. to 1 p.m. at Dr. James A Dillon Park, 6001 Edenshall Lane, Noblesville. Registration begins at 8 a.m. and the event is followed by a dog walk and other entertainment activities.

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Itching to be well PETS

By John Mikesell The major symptom of every type of allergy in dogs is itching.

In the simplest terms, allergy is the result of an immune system gone awry. When it is functioning as it should, the immune system patrols the body, with various agents checking the identification of every molecule in the body. It allows the body’s own molecules and harmless foreign substances to go about their business, but detects, recognizes and attacks potentially harmful agents, such as viruses and pathogenic bacteria.

The three most common types of canine allergy are the following (in order): Flea bite hypersensitivity (known infor mally as “flea allergy”) Atopy (also known as atopic disease or “atopic dermatitis”) Food hypersensitivity (“also called food allergy”) There are other conditions that can also cause itching.

“Allergies are a diagnosis of exclusion,” says Donna Spector, DVM, DACVIM, an internal medicine specialist with consulting practice in Deerfield Ill. Here are some of the other conditions that can cause a dog to itch.

Bacterial infection Contact dermatitis from exposure to a caustic agent Drug reaction Fungal infection (including yeast), so be sure to check the ears.

Hyperadrenocorticism (Cushing’s disease – causes a secondary infection) Hypothyroidism (causes a secondary infection)

Pets of the week

Immune-medicated disorders (includes conditions such as systemic lupus) Liver, pancreatic or renal failure Parasitic infection – includes internal and external parasites What you can do: Pay close attention when your dog scratches, chews, to licks himself excessively; note the event on a calendar somewhere Look for a veterinarian who will do more than try to sell you a prescription food and steroids.

Consider immunotherapy for severely allergic dogs.

Practice good housekeeping practices; keep the dog, his bed, and your home as clean as possible.

By way of reference, atopic disease in dogs is roughly analogous to hay fever in humans. Be sure to check with your vet or your pet store professional for possible causes or treatment for your dogs’ itching problems.

Gizmo is a 4 year old male white and liver Australian Shepherd. Gizmo is a very special boy who is full of energy and life but will need a special family. He is deaf but highly intelligent and very capable of learning commands via sign language or other hand gestures. Gizmo loves to run and really enjoys playing with toys. He has gorgeous blue eyes and a silky coat and really likes treats as well as affection. Patience, understanding and training will be needed by Gizmo’s family, but it will be well worth the time and effort to give this boy a loving and forever home.

Hera is a 3 year old female white DSH. Hera is a very friendly and outgoing girl who doesn’t know a stranger. She is good with dogs and other cats and is litter box trained. Hera arrived at the shelter with her brother Jerry and would like to be adopted with him, but she would just be happy to have a home again and will surely fit in to any home environment.

John Mikesell, owner of Izzy’s Place, A dog Bakery in Carmel, can be reached at john.mikesell@att.net.

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