August 17, 2010

WILSON: MOVING DAY IS A BOATLOAD OF STRESS / P5

LONGTIME BUSINESS OWNER LEAVING A&D DISTRICT / P6

CCS, TEACHERS REACH CONTRACT AGREEMENT / P7

Tuesday August 17, 2010 FREE

Former mayor Jane Reiman is making a return to the political scene in Carmel / P9

Photo by Kevin Kane

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2 | August 17, 2010

Current in Carmel

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Future is foreclosing Founded Oct. 24, 2006, at Carmel, IN Vol. IV, No. 36 Copyright 2009. Current Publishing, LLC All Rights Reserved.

1 South Range Line Road, Suite 220 Carmel, IN 46032

317.489.4444 Publisher – Brian Kelly brian@currentincarmel.com / 414.7879 General Manager – Steve Greenberg steve@currentincarmel.com / 847.5022 Content Editor – Bryan Unruh bryan@currentincarmel.com / 308.0124 Assignment Editor – Kevin Kane kkane@currentincarmel.com / 496-0020 Associate Editor – Terry Anker terry@currentincarmel.com Art Director – Zachary Ross zross@ss-times.com / 787-3291 Associate Artist – Haley Henderson haley@currentincarmel.com / 787.3291 Senior Reporter – Brandie Bohney bbthegrammarguru@gmail.com /260.750.4266 Cartoonist – Tim Campbell tim@currentincarmel.com

OUR VIEWS

It is our position that with the continuing rise in the residential foreclosure market, this is the time for homebuyers and investors alike to find great deals on properties. With still no “boom” in the housing sales market, there are number of properties with great potential now available all over our community that have significant potential as a rental or rehab.

Nearly every neighborhood finds itself plagued by homes with owners either unwilling or unable to continue to provide care. These neglected properties harm values for all owners and diminish our city one street at a time.

While these once-attractive homes still have great potential, they urgently require someone to assume the responsibility and time commitment involved in returning these lost souls to a more appropriate market – enhancing value and all the while enticing families to continue to settle down in our neighborhoods.

With the Federal Homebuyers Tax Credit now expired and the job market continuing to show signs of duress, there remains a strong demand for affordable housing. And mortgages aren’t as easy to come by as they have been for the last decade. So even those who once could afford a reasonable mortgage are now seeking a rental or lease-to-own option.

Humane thinking

It is our position that potential pet owners should look to the Humane Society for the adoption of new family members. The population at the Humane Society for Hamilton County is beyond capacity with nearly 500 pets ready for adoption. The current economic situation has caused a flood of pets to be surrendered or abandoned, and the Humane Society needs willing citizens to adopt or foster pets to help with the overcrowding.

Specialty breeds can be appealing, because you can choose specific features, size, etc. However, those animals can be expensive and are bred based on the demand of the public. While families may have a specific breed in mind to add to their brood, please consider looking at the HSHC for a pet to love.

The Humane Society does a great service for our community, and we should rally around them in support as its populations are soaring. Contact the Humane Society at 773-4974.

The Humane Society needs willing citizens to adopt or foster pets to help with the overcrowding.

Advertising Carmel Sales Executive – Dennis O’Malia dennis@currentincarmel.com / 370.0749 Indianapolis Sales Consultant – Kevin Messmer kevin@currentincarmel.com / 513.4359

Business Office Bookkeeper - Deb Vlasich deb@currentincarmel.com / 489.4444 The views of the columnists in Current In Carmel are their own and do not necessarily reflect the positions of this newspaper.

strange laws

CONSTITUTION CLOSEUP

Photo Illustration

Our nation has all sorts of arcane, nonsensical laws on the books. Each week, we’ll share one with you.

In Hawaii, it is illegal to own a mongoose without a permit.

Source: Weird Laws (iPhone application)

www.youarecurrent.com

Every week, we will print a portion of the U.S. Constitution, followed by a portion of the Indiana Constitution. We encourage you to benchmark government policies against these bedrock documents. Today: the Indiana Constitution.

ARTICLE 1.

Bill of Rights.

Section 2. All people shall be secured in the natural right to worship ALMIGHTY GOD, according to the dictates of their own consciences.

(History: As Amended November 6, 1984).

Section 3. No law shall, in any case whatever, control the free exercise

Current in Carmel

and enjoyment of religious opinions, or interfere with the rights of conscience.

Section 4. No preference shall be given, by law, to any creed, religious society, or mode of worship; and no person shall be compelled to attend, erect, or support, any place of worship, or to maintain any ministry, against his consent.

(History: As Amended November 6, 1984).

Section 5. No religious test shall be required, as a qualification for any office of trust or profit.

Section 6. No money shall be drawn from the treasury, for the benefit of any religious or theological institution.

August 17, 2010 | 3

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From the backshop Finally, the CCS contract saga ends And so the sun has set on the protracted negotiations between Carmel Clay Schools and nearly 300 members of the teachers’ union, the Carmel Clay Education Association. An agreement has been ratified. Union leadership has talked about the financial hardship its members have faced since July 2008, when the previous contract expired.

We view the length of time it took to achieve resolution as a real shame – and hardship - and we wonder how much taxpayer money was lost in the wrangling. So now the teachers can get about the business of solely focusing on their jobs – educating the 15,000 children in the greatest school system in the state. It has been said that teachers all along had been upset over class size, compensation and benefits. May we remind them that we’d be hard-pressed to find better benefitted employees in this nation than those that are aligned with unions? We understand the recession’s effect, and it does not discriminate.

••• Motorists and trail users: Where roads meet up with trails, the trail users, NOT the motorists, must stop at those junctions.

When motorists stop for trail traffic, it incor-

Brian Kelly & Steve Greenberg rectly causes the trail users to believe they have the right of way; they do NOT. ••• Hamilton County Superior Judge William Hughes last week issued what we believe to be the first sane order of the Simon saga, when he ordered all parties to air all disputes through a mediator. He needs that person’s name by Aug. 30. What a great move by hizzonor! We get that there is a ton of dough at stake, and no love lost between the warring factions, most related to the late Melvin Simon. Somewhere in there has to be the truth. We hope Mr. Simon, a titan in development, philanthropy and other pursuits, didn’t take it to his grave.

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for a moment and responded with disdain that he might spend some of his time and effort and, in fact, not end up getting a meeting that might lead to cash.

I responded, “Yes, exactly.” He seemed perplexed. How can giving to others, especially when one believes themselves ill-prepared to share, bring benefit? Across the span of my life, I have been privileged to know many civic leaders and business heavyweights. Certainly, some chats have happened in a golf cart. But, many – many! – more have taken place as we worked shoulder to shoulder to the benefit of some other. Perhaps ironically – as I have learned to take greater pleasure in the act of giving than in the act of expecting return –far greater return has followed. I recommended he give it a shot.

Certainly, some chats have happened in a golf cart. But, many – many! – more have taken place as we worked to shoulder to the benefit of some other.

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COMMENTARY

By Terry Anker Absent cell phone interruptions and busy schedules, I have encountered some wonderful, in-depth conversations with strangers on airplanes. On a recent flight, I took my seat next to an affable young man who, nervous from inexperience with smaller planes, began to share with me the story of his recent engagement and the purchase of their first home.

He went on about his new job and this flight to its training. Likely because of my attire (yes, there are a few of us still respectful enough to dress up a little for air travel), he assumed I must be a “senior” guy and asked my advice on how to meet leaders. He felt stonewalled by assistants and resume sorters.

“Give first: Then and only then can you expect others to open their hearts and contact lists to you,” I opined.

Find a charity, church or cause. Give to it. Give it time. If you can, give it money. And above all, give it you. Those who give are far more respected that those who take. He thought

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Current in Carmel

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Moving day is a boatload of stress

DISPATCHES » Main Street open – The Main Street roundabout interchange at Keystone Parkway opened last week following a ribbon-cutting ceremony. Main Street at Keystone Parkway closed to traffic on May 3rd and on May 10th, Keystone closed to all traffic for 45 days. According to the city, the closure enabled the Carmel to save more than $500,000 in construction costs and accelerated the construction schedule to allow the interchange to open prior to the deadline. » Fish fry – The Carmel Lions Club’s 72nd Annual Fish Fry will be held August 20 and 21, 4:30 to 7:30 p.m. at the group’s clubhouse, 141 E. Main St. All menu items are $5 and under, and profits will benefit local and Lions charities.

The event is sponsored by St. Vincent Health. » Free health fair – A free health and fitness fair will be held at Carmel Total Fitness, 820 City Center Drive, August 19 from 8 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. The event is open to the public.

Free classes will also be offered. Call 580-8111 for details. » Pitman receives scholarship – Carmel resident and recent Carmel High School graduate Elizabeth Pitman was awarded a College Scholarship from Experian. Elizabeth, a member of the show choir and National Honor Society, will be attending Indiana University in the fall to study political science and public relations.

Pitman

COMMENTARY

By Danielle Wilson Where do I begin? The busted water heater? The carpets that smell like dog urine? Maybe the finicky garage door or the busted phone line. Well, how about I start at the beginning of my movein day from Hell?

5 a.m.: I awaken with a sense of excitement and a slight feeling of nausea. Today’s the day! As my mind races through the list of things I need to get done – calls to be made, pets to remember, the first of three Packrat containers to empty, etc., etc. – I decide to get up and get on with it. The anticipation is making me ill.

6 a.m.: I shower in preparation for yet another job interview, knowing that once I get to my house, I won’t be able to, because the water heater broke the night before. Then I down some coffee and head off to the grocery for essential items – toilet paper, Diet Coke, peanut butter, bread and Clorox.

8 a.m.: I return to my in-laws after unloading groceries and assessing the flood status just in time to pick up my two girls, grab another load of “stuff”, and check my e-mail (no Internet at the new house yet.) Holy Mother, my interview has been moved up two hours! I quickly organize my mother-in-law for babysitting and head back to wait for the steam cleaners. The basement really does smell suspiciously like dog pee.

10 a.m.: I realize as I’m heading out the door in a full suit and heels that the steam cleaners cannot come because we have shut off the water main to stench the flow into the basement. I call and cancel and wonder how this could have happened the day we move in!

11 a.m.: I interview like a pro – this is my fifth one in two weeks – then head home to the Money Pit. 12 p.m.: The plumber arrives to tell me it will be $2,500 to replace my water heater. I call Doo and he says, “Hell no! Go

down and tell them we are getting a second opinion.” I fear confrontation and hurting people’s feelings, but I eventually manage to deliver the bad news and resign myself to the fact that I won’t have hot water for days. Then I call back the carpet cleaners and ask them if they can still come; apparently Doo only shut off the hot water, and I’m an idiot for not knowing that.

1 p.m.: I try to deal with four children who don’t have access to a TV, computer, xBox, or anything fun while my mother-inlaw and two sisters-in-law attempt to clean mold from furniture which sat too long in a non-climate controlled garage and then organize a kitchen that is slightly short on cabinet space.

4 p.m.: I take my sixth-grader to his middle school registration and shell out money like I’m made of it, which I’m not because I’ve just bought a freakin’ house and don’t have a job!

5 p.m.: I rustle up my fourth-grader for his first soccer practice of the year. Already? Yes, already.

6 p.m.: I make my third trip to the in-laws for bedding, clothing, the cat, and miscellaneous items I’d forgotten I own.

7 p.m.: I pick up my soccer star, who is bright red and crying. It seems he nearly died of heat stroke because his mother didn’t put ice in his water bottle and foolishly allowed him to drink milk beforehand.

9 p.m.: I ignore Doo as he curses the garage door, which he now cannot close. Whatever.

10 p.m.: Peace out.

Danielle Wilson is a Carmel resident and contributing columnist. You may e-mail her at danielle@ currentincarmel.com.

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Longtime business owner leaving downtown Carmel

By Brandon Bowman Current in Carmel Yancey Marketing is leaving its location at 31 S. Range Line Rd in Carmel.

Richard Yancey, owner of Yancey Marketing, has decided to “semi-retire” from the marketing business he started back in 1977.

“I’m gonna learn how to hit a five iron,” Yancey said. “Now was the best time for this to happen.”

Besides hitting the golf course, Yancey said he had two reasons Photo by Bryan Unruh for selling the property.

The original asking price for the Yancey Marketing building was $895,000 but “The first reason is that this the property sold for $600,000. property is too expensive, and the timing is good with development of the Insion for this area; I hope it continues to grow,” diana Design Center across the street,” he said, Yancey said. “With this building, the taxes keep adding also that the cap gains right now are 15 going up and the insurance keeps going up. It’s percent but in 2011 they could be at 20 percent hard to keep a business in this building unless or higher. it’s successful.”

The original asking price for the old O. W. He added that he believes the area will be Nutt building was initially $895,000, but Yancey revitalized and doesn’t believe that the property sold the property for $600,000. Norm Levine, will loose money in the future. an artist from Michigan, will set up his glass facYancey Marketing will stay in the Carmel area, tory in the location beginning October 1. but Yancey will keep working through his son’s “I’m really happy that someone has a vibusiness Tetherball, a mobile marketing group.

Submitted photo

Delph wins award at Indiana State Fair Abby Delph, a 15-year-old homeschooled student from Carmel and daughter of State Senator Mike Delph, won the general demonstration category at the Indiana State Fair on August 7.

The competition is open to students in grades 9 to 12. Delph beat out four other competitors to take home the top honors.

She prepared a five-to-10-minute presentation on a topic of her choice, which was “How to Entertain a Child While Babysitting.”

Although Delph has competed in the Hamilton County competition for three years, this was her first at the state fair. After winning, she won a trip to Washington, DC, which means she will no longer be able to compete at the state fair.

Not being able to compete at the fair is not slowing her down, however, since she hopes to join a local home school speech and debate club this year. This opportunity will allow her to compete state wide against other peers.

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CCS, Educators Association reach contract agreement

By Brandie Bohney Current in Carmel After a little more than two years of negotiations, the Carmel Clay Educators’ Association and Carmel Clay Schools have reached an agreement on a four-year contract.

The contract covers the two years the negotiations took place, this school year and the next.

“It took people coming together from all sides of the table to make this a success,” said Carmel Clay School Board President Tricia Hackett.

“That’s what makes it nice: to be able to work together for the betterment of the district.”

The new contract includes the addition of two tiers of health insurance benefits and two additional health insurance plans. The measures taken are in an effort to contain health insur-

ance cost increases.

“Our insurance committee worked hard and was able to establish four tiers to all of our plans which helps all of the diverse family situations we have,” CCEA President Sherri Pankratz said.

Also included in the new contract are pay increases averaging a little more than one percent per year for educators. Teachers will receive a lump-sum retroactive paycheck in September for the difference between the previous contract salaries and the current increases.

“I feel as though we have ended a difficult process in which teachers have really had to endure some financial hardship,” Pankratz said.

“It’s helping us move forward, and we all feel that, I think.”

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Fish fry helps provide for neighbors in need COMMENTARY

By Alice Gossett In 1939, Carmel was a small farming community with a population of less than 800 when a group of forward-thinking community leaders in the Carmel Lions Club started a tradition that continues today - a fish fry.

As Carmel has grown, the Carmel Lions Club has also grown. We are a service club open by invitation to anyone in the community and are nearing 100 members. We are a leading club in Indiana and the United States.

Our 72nd Annual Fish Fry will be held on Friday and Saturday, from 4:30 to 7:30 p.m., at the Lions Clubhouse at 141 E. Main Street.

We will serve Icelandic cod sandwiches, many sides, drinks and desserts. We will also be selling $1 raffle tickets to win four $100 gift cards to Marsh and O’Malia’s food stores.

We need the help of the great people of Carmel to continue to make this event a huge success.

Please attend our fish fry with your friends and neighbors and help us support those in need.

Why do we raise money? If someone cannot afford eyeglasses, if someone needs a leader dog

(provided at no cost) or if someone needs assistance obtaining a hearing aid, they turn to the Lions. We also fund programs related to Cancer Control, the Indiana Eye and Tissue Bank, Diabetes Youth Camp, and Speech and Hearing, to name a few. Millions upon millions of used eyeglasses are sorted at the Indiana Lions Eyeglass Recycling Center in Upland, Indiana and then sent to other countries where many people are given the gift of corrected sight at no charge.

The Lion’s motto is “We serve.”

To support these programs, the Carmel Lions Club conducts numerous fundraisers each year, and all profits from these events fund many charities.

For 72 years, we have served a delicious product to the people of Carmel. Please join us to continue the tradition. Join Lions and help us serve others!

Alice Gossett is a fish fry chairwoman and past president of the Carmel Lions Club. For more information visit www. carmellions.org.

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August 17, 2010 | 7

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You can help fight heart disease VOLUNTEERS

By Jeff Worrell Although undocumented, a tenet of life I hang on to is that bad things happen, but something good is guaranteed to follow. I may have to look hard or wait a while, but eventually there will be a positive outcome directly linked to something terrible. This is especially true when individuals consciously decide to take things into their own hands and search for the good in every situation.

Reyna and Jim Dodds are keeping my theory of life alive by dedicating their time and immeasurable talents to the American Heart Association in memory of their daughter Jenny. At age 21, Jenny suffered sudden cardiac arrest and died at home in 2001. Since then, and to help prevent this tragedy from affecting others, the Dodds are campaigning hard to improve the quality of life of those impacted by heart disease and stroke. Specifically, they are spending time educating young women and men to the reality of their heart disease risk. Heart Disease is the No. 1 killer, and stroke ranks as No. 3.

The week after Tour De Carmel and Artomobilia, you can join TEAM DODDS or create TEAM YOU&FRIENDS on your own

for the American Heart Association’s START! Heart Walk. Plan to spend your day Sept. 18 at the White River State Park Celebration Plaza starting at 8 a.m. to begin a regiment of walking as a healthy lifestyle change.

Health screenings, information and education about how to make your heart last longer will be available as part of the event. There is no fee to participate, organizers instead asking teams to get sponsors and donors to support research initiatives to better the lives of those impacted by heart disease and to save lives through healthier living.

Jim and Reyna are passionate about the American Heart Association and the upcoming walk. They have recruited friends and neighbors to help them make this walk a success. I was fortunate to meet Riley, Logan and Shelby Sawyers along with their parents. The entire family has not only agreed to raise money and participate in the walk, but also to help the Dodds with planning and logistics.

Jeff Worrell is a local business owner. He recognizes volunteers on “Connecting with Carmel” on cable channel 16. Contact him at jworrell@advantagemedical.com

Heart Disease is the No. 1 killer, and stroke ranks as No. 3.

By Brandie Bohney Current in Carmel More than 500 members of Carmel Lutheran Church blanketed surrounding communities – from Indianapolis to Anderson – on July 31 performing various kinds of philanthropic work. The day of service, known at the church as the Blitz, is in its third year and has experienced phenomenal growth since its inception in 2008.

CLC Director of Christian Education Melissa Luepke said the service day started with the church’s youth group but quickly expanded.

“Last year we expanded it into the whole congregation, and we had six projects.”

This year, the church took on 18 projects, and the number of volunteers jumped from 20 the first year to around 400 last year and 529 this year.

“We were pretty surprised to get over 400 people to participate last year, and having over 500 this year is beyond what we would’ve imagined,” Luepke said.

Associate Pastor Dan Schumm said that many more church members were involved in the Blitz than the number of volunteers on July 31. Five of the 18 projects were either entirely donation based or could be accom-

plished by individuals ahead of the Blitz itself.

“We can’t even put a number on the people who financially supported or with [donated items] supported the Blitz,” Schumm said.

“The number goes way beyond the 529 because of those other contributions.”

Donations included food items for local pantries, monetary donations to support a Kids Against Hunger project, school supplies and backpacks for children in need, items for Christmas care packages for Operation Christmas Child, and handmade knitted scarves and hats.

Both Schumm and Luepke note that the success of the project is due in part to the congregation’s awareness that missionary work needn’t require traveling great distances.

“We don’t have to travel far away to serve,” Luepke said. “There’s a great need right in our own backyard.”

Schumm said that as a congregation, Carmel Lutheran has done a number of mission trips both in the U.S. and internationally.

“Yet a lot of the things we were doing in Guatemala are what we can do in the Blitz, and people don’t have to worry about the cost of airfare or travel time,” he said. “The mission field is not even our backyard, but our front yard.”

Here are tHree wortHwHile definitions.

what, exactly, does

world-class

Local church experiences philanthropic growth spurt

W Riverview was one of just five hospitals nationwide to receive the coveted VHA Leadership Award in 2009 for quality of care.

W The Center of Excellence Designation is presented to just 15 percent of all breast centers nationwide.

Riverview was honored in 2009.

care mean?

W Riverview’s Radiology, Emergency Care and Orthopedics teams were all recognized for exemplary levels of patient satisfaction in 2009 by PRC, a leading healthcare consultant.

For the past two years, we’ve been telling you that we provide world-class care to our community. In 2009, the experts clearly agreed. And while we’re proud to be recognized for our efforts, we believe that providing world-class care to the residents of Hamilton County is its own reward. Discover more at riverview.org.

Welcome home to Riverview Hospital.

Noblesville 8 |RVH-082-Star-07.27-FNL.indd August 17, 2010

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Former mayor Jane Reiman is making a return to the political scene in Carmel

By Kevin Kane Current in Carmel More than 20 years after leaving office as Carmel’s second-ever mayor, Jane Reiman is getting back into local politics.

After a few months of deliberation, Reiman has decided to run for a seat on the City Council in next year’s election. She served as an at-large councilwoman on the city’s first council in the late-‘70s, but this time around she’ll be Seidensticker running against incumbent Eric Seidensticker to represent the district named Central under the recently approved redistricting plan.

The city has seen significant development and growth since Reiman last served its residents, but she said she is no different. Now 77, Reiman said she is, and always has been, a “champion for the people,” recalling her days as mayor when she said her office door never closed and she sat with the public at plan commission meetings to voice her opinion.

She said she wasn’t considering a return to politics at all until community members began suggesting she run for the council.

Reiman said she found the encouragement of these individuals to be “strange” given her age, but now that she is running, she hopes that is something voters won’t hold against her.

“The only thing that has changed is my hair has gone white,” Reiman said. “I think the council needs representation from men and women, young and old.”

Reiman said she is running to resume serving as a mouthpiece for the people.

Many people, she said, are interested in local politics and the future of the city but do not wish to run for office. Reiman will be running in their place. However, she also said there are changes that she would like to see made in the city, but she added that her candidacy is not a reflection of her views on Seidensticker. Their upcoming competition,

she said, is merely a result of the fact that they are in the same district.

“I’m not really running against Eric Seidensticker,” she said. “I’m running for Jane Reiman.”

Seidensticker said he wasn’t surprised when hearing of Reiman’s intent to run, as that had been rumored for months. While he doesn’t know Reiman personally, Seidensticker said he remembers her skating to the center of an ice rink and dropping the first puck at one of his hockey games when he was in high school.

While at this point he doesn’t know what Reiman’s campaign message will be, Seidensticker said his main focus will remain the same: ensuring that his constituents have a voice in local government and that their concerns are addressed.

“You don’t do anything for yourself,” he said. “You do things for the people who put you there.”

Both Seidensticker and Reiman said it’s too early to discuss their personal platforms but both hinted they’d be stressing the importance of fiscal conservatism, among other things. Reiman said she holds some of the same beliefs she had more than 20 years ago.

“I used to run the city like a business,” she said. “Politics is business but you’re using the people’s money to run it, so you have a huge responsibility. I believe a lot of government today has forgotten where the money comes from.”

Reiman said she loves a challenge, but she said one of the main reasons she’s seeking a council seat is because she is always looking for ways to remain active and involved in the community, such as teaching Sunday school classes. Though she’s in good health, she said she isn’t interested in returning to the 80-hour workweeks that come with the job of mayor. In fact, she said had never even considered a run for the city’s top office.

“That had never crossed my mind,” she said. “But the council? Yes. The council’s very important. That’s how I got started before and this is just a new chapter for me.”

A return home

Jane Reiman returned to Carmel in 2008 after living in southern Indiana for 14 years. She left the city to be closer to her daughter but said she’s happy to be back. Reiman is a Toronto native who has lived in several different cities, but she said Carmel is where she considers herself to be at home.

On Carmel today

Though not naming specific details, Reiman said there are some changes she would like to see made in the city. Still, she said many great developments have occurred since she last served the public, including the improvements to Keystone Parkway which Reiman called “an engineering marvel.”

Her focus

Reiman said the public will not begin to hear her specific views for a few months because she does not wish to overshadow any candidates in the November elections. She said, however, that she is mainly concerned with hearing what the people want. She also said that, after more than 20 years, roads and schools are still among her top priorities.

Photo by Kevin Kane

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DISPATCHES » Local artist receives grant – After receiving 140 applications, the Indiana Arts Commission (IAC) awarded career development assistance grants to 39 Hoosier artists, including design artist Catherine A. Fritsch of Hamilton County. Her Transformation project is an exploration of altering the human silhouette through sculpture on the body. Fritsch will be constructing a line of garments that color outside the lines of the human form: bold, textural, possibly even bizarre. » Carmel artist’s work on display – This is the final week to see local artist Linda Bachofner’s watercolor collection at the World’s Smallest Children’s Art Gallery, 40 West Main Street. The exhibit runs through August 22, 2 to 7 p.m. every day but Monday. » Best fishing days – Now through August 24 are predicted by the Old Farmer’s Almanac to be some of the year’s best fishing days. The reason is because the moon is between new and full. The sun, moon, tides, and weather all influence fish activity. For example, fish tend to feed more at sunrise and sunset. During a full moon, tides are higher than average and fish tend to feed more.

-www.almanac.com » Michelada: a beer-based cocktail – Ingredients: 5-liter keg of Heineken, 12 limes juiced into a pitcher, 3/4 ounce Worcestershire sauce, 3/4 ounce Maggi seasoning, 3/4 ounce Mexican hot sauce. Directions: Ice the keg. Add Worcestershire sauce, Maggi seasoning, and hot sauce to the pitcher of lime juice. Refrigerate. To serve, fill 12-ounce glasses with cracked or crushed ice. Add a generous tablespoon of the seasoning mixture. Top off with beer from the keg.

-www.delish.com » How to spot the Emeral ash borer – The Emerald ash borer is a beetle killing trees in the Midwest and parts of Canada, and their presence is usually noticed from June through August. These signs may indicate infestation: increased woodpecker activity in the tree, thinning in the canopy, d-shaped holes in leaves. If you notice these signs, contact an arborist soon.

-Angie’s List

10 | August 17, 2010

Like a Rolling Stone? Yes, they are

By Zach Dunkin Current in Carmel Ed Bloom makes it clear from the start of the conversation: He is no Mick Jagger. Nor does he pretend to be.

But as lead singer for the Rolling Stones tribute band Hot Rocks, he replicates the essential Mick-isms – you know, the strut, the pouty lips, the rooster move, the finger-pointing and the hands on hips – and sings like Jagger well enough to pass as a worthy imitation.

“I can move pretty much like he can, and like Mick, I’m in pretty good health and have a pretty good energy level, but there’s only one Mick Jagger,” said Bloom, calling from his home in Chicago. “Mick’s like a cheerleader and gets the crowd excited. That’s what I do. This is just an act.”

It’s an act that will be a part of Tribute Town, a new event Aug. 19 at the Indiana State Fair.

The free, 5 p.m. concert in the Hoosier Lottery Grandstands features three tribute bands replicating the look and sound of the Stones, the Eagles and John Fogerty and Creedence Clearwater Revival.

As ticket prices rise and rock bands age or disappear, the tribute band industry has flourished.

In fact, Rolling Stone magazine recently listed tribute bands as one of the top 40 reasons to be excited about music today, noting that some of these soundalike/lookalike acts “sometimes are

Submitted photo

Hot Rocks, from left to right: Bobby Koll, Carmie Zac, Ed Bloom, Chris Minardi, Joe Wejman and Paul Mally.

better than the real thing.”

Fans still want to listen to the music, which is disappearing from radio station formats and music venues.

“The Stones have a large audience and a lot of devotees, and they want to hear their music,” said Bloom. “They don’t come around that often, so the fans have an appetite for it.

“I’ve had people tell me they never want to see a tribute band but when they see us they are surprised at how well we do it. The musicians in this band are skilled and they play it well.”

In addition to Bloom, the lineup includes

Wejman (Charlie Watts) on drums, Chris Minardi (Keith Richards) on guitar and vocals, Bobby Koll (Brian Jones/Ronnie Woods) on guitar, Carmie Zac (Bill Wyman) on bass and vocals, and Paul Mally (Ian Stuart) on keyboards and vocals. The show includes Stones-like costumes and vintage guitars.

Hot Rocks will perform at 7 p.m., following the opening set by Blue Moon Swamp, featuring Dan McGuinness as John Fogerty. 7 Bridges closes the show at 9 p.m. with songs by the Eagles as a group and Don Henley and Joe Walsh as solo acts.

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Jeff Dunham at the Indiana State Fair What: A live performance by stand-up comedian and ventriloquist Jeff Dunham and his “friends” When: Wednesday, 8 p.m.

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Fool’s gold? Yellow or orange foods inspire and entice CULINARY

By Chef Michael Vlasich If you were to see the real color of the foods you eat, you may choose not to eat them.

Looking back through history, most dye used for foods clothes, or war paint originated with food in all cultures. The most popular of these dyes and food colors comes from a tree grown in North America that has been used for more than three centuries and has become popular as a food trend as a result of its use by celebrity chefs.

The color is used to give butter, margarine, rice, cheddar cheese, custard and smoked fish their golden color. It is also used in lipstick, deodorant, clothes dye, body paint and insect repellent. It has a few names, the least common Roucou, better known as Annatto, or the name you may know, Achiote.

The flavor has been described as slightly peppery but sweet with a nose of pepper and a hint of nutmeg. The color comes from the pulp that surrounds the seeds. While the pulp is not edible, the dye is made by stirring the pulp with water or oil. Even today, it is used to color rice in traditional dishes like Arroz con Pollo, and in seasoning blends you may see on your grocery shelves, like the Goya blend called “Sazon.”

The first trace of cheese being colored with Annatto was in England in the mid 1800s. As naturally highly fatty cheeses turn yellow with age, the English cheese makers were thought to have added this dye to make their lesser-quality products look higher in fat. In food production today, Annatto is classified as a natural coloring.

Many foods claim “all natural ingredients” or “no food coloring added,” even though they are using Annatto.

Chefs now are using the Achiote paste for coloring and flavoring as a trendy twist. The paste

Cocktail

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goldeN chicken Ingredients: • 1 tsp. Mexican oregano • 1/2 tsp. kosher salt • 1/4 tsp. ground black pepper • 1/4 tsp. granulated garlic • 1 tsp. lemon pepper • 2 each bay leaves • 1 each 3-4# roasting chicken • 1/3 cup annatto oil (1/2 cup olive oil and 2 tbsp. annatto seeds) Directions: 1. To make the oil, combine the oil and seeds, heat over medium heat until a deep golden color (3-5 minutes), cool and strain seeds.

2. Combine the first five dry ingredients, mixing well.

3. Brush the skin of the chicken well with the Annatto oil inside and out.

Place the bay leaves inside the cavity of the chicken. Sprinkle the seasoning mix all over the chicken inside and out. Pat them into the skin, then brush once more with the oil.

Roast in 350 pre-heated oven for 4550 minutes until thigh meat reads 155 on a thermometer.

Where I Dine

RESTaurant

Katie MArsh

Heidi’s Brooklyn Deli

Heidi’s Brooklyn Deli Where do you like to eat? “Mellow Mushroom.”

Why do you like to go there? “They have the most amazing pizza crust I’ve ever had..”

What do you order when you go there? “Thai Dye Pizza.”

2340 East 116th Street Carmel, 46032 846-2400

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Address: 1400 South Guilford Rd Phone: 569-923

can be found predominately in Latin-themed grocery stores or online through mail order.

Chef Michael R. Vlasich, CEC, AAC, is a Carmel resident and the executive chef at the Indianapolis Marriott Downtown. You may e-mail him at chefmichael@ currentincarmel.com

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This fascinating and easy-to-read book is a delightful introduction to the inventions of a variety of everyday products. Author of “The Patent Files: Dispatches from the Frontiers of Invention,” David Lindsay has also contributed to The Wall Street Journal, American Heritage and The Village Voice.

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THEATRE

FAMILY

Church Basement Ladies

Because of high demand, Beef & Boards Dinner Theatre has extended its run of “Church Basement” ladies through September 4. The show celebrates the church basement kitchen and the dedicated women who work there. Four devoted women do their best to organize food, fend off potential disasters, debate recipes, keep the pastor on due course and try to solve the problems of their changing rural Minnesota church in 1964.

Tickets range from $35 to $58 and include dinner. Visit www.beefandboards.com for tickets and details.

Over the River and through the Woods

Family Fun at the Farm

Activities include giant jumping pillow, pedal go-carts, pumpkin train and farm animals from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m.

Saturdays and Sundays through Aug. 31 at Stonycreek Farm Nursery and Landscaping, 11366 State Road 38 East, Noblesville. Cost: $10. For information, call (317) 773-3344 or visit www.stonycreekfarm.net.

LIVE MUSIC Mickey's Irish Pub

The following musical acts will be playing live at Mickey's Irish Pub, 13644 N. Meridian St. in Carmel. For more information call 317-573-9746.

Aug. 20: Aberdeen Project Aug. 21: Whiskey Biscuits Aug. 27: Endless Summer Band Aug. 28: Big Daddy Caddy

Westfield Playhouse will present the family comedy “Over the River and Through the Woods” by Joe DiPietro August 27 through September 12. The curtain time for Friday and Saturday performances is 7.30 pm, and Sunday matinees begin at 2.30 pm. For details or reservations call 896-2707.

COMEDY Verizon Wireless Music Center

Comedy at Morty’s

The following headlining acts will be coming to Morty’s Comedy Joint beginning this week: August 19 – 22: Mike Britt Thursday 8 p.m.: Tickets are $5 with two cans of food for a special show "Laugh your can off." Friday 8 p.m. and 10:15 p.m.: Tickets are $15. Saturday 8 p.m. and 10:15 p.m.: Tickets are $15 Sunday 9 p.m.: Tickets are $12

The following musical acts will be playing at Verizon Wireless Music Center, 12880 E. 146th St., Noblesville.

Tickets are available at the venue box office, all Ticketmaster locations, charge by phone at (800) 745-3000 or www.LiveNation.com.

Aug. 28 – Toby Keith, Trace Atkins, 7:17 p.m., $73.50, $34.

LIVE MUSIC Mo’s Irish Pub

The following musical acts will be playing live at Mo’s Irish Pub, 13193 Levinson Lane in the Hamilton Town Center, Noblesville. For more information, call (317) 770-9020.

Aug. 19, 26 – Cari Ray Trio.

Aug. 20 – Jai Baker Aug. 21 – Something Rather Naughty.

Noble Coffee and Tea Co.

The following musical acts will be playing at 7 p.m. at Noble Coffee and Tea Co., 933 Logan St., Noblesville.

For more information, call (317) 773-0339.

Aug. 19 – The New Familiars, $10 general admission, $5 student.

Sept. 2 – Michael Hurt and the Haunted Hearts. $10 and $5.

Symphony on the Prairie

The following musical acts will be playing with the Indianapolis Symphony Orchestra at 8 p.m. at Conner Prarie, 13400 Allisonville Road, Fishers. Advance tickets are $21 for adults and $10 for age 2-12 at the Hilbert Circle Theatre at (317) 639-4300, online at IndianapolisSymphony.org , and at all Marsh Supermarket and O’Malia’s locations. Adult tickets are $26 at the gate.

Aug. 20-21 – Duke Ellington Orchestra.

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Being definite about the infinite SPIRITURAL

By Bob Walters Logic and infinity have a tough time with each other, because logic demands definition, and infinity cannot be defined.

So it is with faith and relationships. Our human logical minds wish to define every human or divine encounter, and yet there sits our Father God up in heaven – utterly infinite, utterly safe, utterly good, utterly unique, utterly holy.

Utterly real, yet utterly indefinable.

And because of that indefinablilty, many humans refuse to accept the God-inspired yearning of our hearts and minds to seek God, praise God, love God and love others.

Funny … it’s His infinite indefinability that makes God worth worshipping.

Our culture has developed a love affair with practicality, both inside and outside the church.

Don’t we individually insist on seeing the evidence? Don’t we say, “Show me the money”?

Don’t we insist on a logical definition for … an infinite God? Infinity seems like it should be a quantitative thing, a great big number or a great big space.

But God’s infinity makes more sense as a qualitative thing, more like beauty or love or faith or relationships.

Defining our relationships with God and each other are not things that lead easily to pat an-

swers and rote definitions. Define your family: That’s my wife, those are my sons, there’s our dog. Define God: There’s my church, there’s the Bible, Jesus is my Lord and Savior, Amen.

But does any of that truly describe a relationship? Does it consider the infinity of possibilities, the infinity of freedom, the infinity of love, the infinity of the throne of God? As Christians, we desperately want to define God in ways that help our logical minds resist all challenges to our faith. And perhaps even more desperately, we want to share our faith – to express our relationship with God – in ways that persuade a non-believer’s logical mind.

The fully man, fully divine person of Jesus Christ is the bridge between logical man and the infinite God. Notice though that Jesus is not a bridge of how far or how much, He is a bridge of relationship; a bridge of faith, hope and love.

Most of us learn to love our families without a lot of specifics, and Jesus commands us to love others … also without a lot of specifics.

Don’t wait for the specifics to love God. Let God’s infinity draw you in, not push you away.

Bob Walters (www.believerbob. blogspot.com, email rlwcom@aol. com) knows “we are weak but He is strong.” Yes, Jesus loves me.

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Make a new “Plan A” for your children RELATIONSHIPS

By Rachael Noble Have you ever noticed that along with the joys of parenting comes that feeling of guilt that we aren’t spending enough time with our kids or that we are making too many mistakes along the parenting journey?

Add being a single parent to the mix, and it’s just one worry after another. We worry whether we’re too busy trying to earn a living or if our tight budget causes some families to look down upon out children. We worry if having to play both mother and father is cheating our kids in certain regards.

I want to encourage my fellow single parents out there. Sometimes “Plan A” doesn’t always work out as we think. Sometimes we have to make the most of our new life. Or perhaps we should look at things in a more positive light – why can’t Plan B become our new Plan A? This is our new destiny, so let’s embrace it!

Single parenting is hard. But let us not forget that despite our attempts at a social life, dating and a career, that each day and even each struggle for the good of our children is truly a blessing. Every time you see your child laugh or run to you when they have a problem or you

snuggle next to your sleeping baby and feel her warm breath against your neck – consider these your well earned rewards for your efforts.

This time – the good and the bad - shall pass.

So let’s not regret a single moment. Listen to that voice inside that you tells you to stop the house work to color with your child, because every day that goes by is one day closer to when they’ll turn around and wave good-bye to get onto the school bus, off to the slumber party and finally, away to college.

Remember that our number one job is to love them, not to give them fancy gifts or expensive trips. They’ll remember better the times we spent with them and the sacrifices we made for their happiness.

So Plan A may not have turned out like we thought. But if we cherish every moment with our children, perhaps our happy ending may turn out to be better than we ever could’ve imagined.

Rachael Noble is a single Carmel resident and contributing columnist. She can be reached at nobleadvice@yahoo.com.

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Whole-food sourced vitamins – Providing what nature intended

DISPATCHES » Book answers health care questions – Health care consumers concerned about changes coming as the result of national health care legislation—take note.

The new nationally released book “Sick of Doctors? Then Do Something About It! A Prescription for Patient Empowerment”

by Lorene M. Burkhart is now available in soft cover and ebook download. A free health care notebook starter kit is now available for download in conjunction with the national release of the book at myhealthcarenotebook.com.

NUTRITION

By Laura Marenco We can find many things today made to synthetically recreate nature. Fabrics, wood-like floors (not made of wood) and even plastic or silk plants that fool the eye. But when it comes to nutrition, should we try to recreate nature or get nutrients derived from whole-food sources?

Including a multivitamin in your diet can be a great way to make sure you have all the foundational nutrients needed every day. Let’s face it; most of us don’t regularly eat the variety of food sources necessary to get the optimal levels of nutrients. But there are two choices: wholefood source vitamins or vitamins synthetically sourced in a lab.

Synthetic vitamins are designed to imitate the vitamins we get from whole food. These vitamins meet the molecular structure requirements, but they are not in the same complex forms found in nature. Compared to food, they are like “homeless” chemical isolates.

Whole-food sourced vitamins are derived from plant-life sources. The major difference is that you don’t just get the chemical form, but a whole-food complex of the vitamins, minerals and herbs that contain all of the plants’ active, natural biochemistries. It takes more effort to

» Watch what you drink - A study from the University of North Carolina found that we consume 450 calories a day from beverages, nearly twice as many as 30 years ago. This increase amounts to an extra 23 pounds a year that we're forced to work off—or carry around with us. The bad news is they are the most difficult calories for us to gauge, but the good news is they are the easiest to cut from our diets.

-www.menshealth.com

make a multi-vitamin this way, but it’s about providing nutrients that are in the forms found in food.

Whole-food sourced vitamins are more effective, as the vitamins are in whole-food complexes and retain many of the beneficial compounds in food. Some of those beneficial compounds are the phytonutrients retained from the fruit and vegetable sources, which are antioxidants that slow down the process of cell and tissue damage.

For example, Vitamin C in a whole-food complex is more useful to the body then the ascorbic acid found in a synthetic vitamin. Your body just won’t fully recognize and absorb all of the synthetic Vitamin C. All those milligrams listed on the label may be just passing right through.

You may have to ask yourself, “Am I getting real nutrients, or just a synthetic pretender?”

Your body knows the difference.

Laura Marenco is a certified personal trainer and nutritional advisor for PointBlank Nutrition. You may e-mail her at laura@pointblanknutrition. com.

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An effective way to enhance your eyelashes?

COMMENTARY Dr. Jodie R. Harper and Dr. Angela Corea Everyone is talking about eyelash growth products, but how do they work? And are they safe? “Eyelash hypotrichosis,” or inadequate growth of the eyelashes, is a medical condition affecting millions of people. You are not alone, and the good news is it can be treated.

Eyelash growth products work much in the way any hair growth product works. Eyelash enhancers may contain a variety of ingredients – depending upon the product.

Hair follicles are stimulated, and as a result, the lashes become not only longer, but also thicker and darker as well. Most high-quality products use a combination of vitamins and peptides to accomplish this feat.

Latisse® (bimatoprost ophthalmic solution) is the first FDA-approved prescription treatment for inadequate eyelashes. It is a prostaglandin analog that is believed to prolong the anagen – or active growth – phase of your eyelash.

Clinical trials revealed significant improvement in longer, thicker and darker lashes in just two months.

Of course, with every benefit, there can be side effects. These include eye itching, redness and mild irritation, which can usually be reversed with a change in the application technique. It can also cause darkening of the eyelid skin or dark spots on the colored part of your eye (a very rare side effect of the parent medica-

B OTOX

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tion used to treat glaucoma by applying directly to the eyeball).

Talk to your physician about any of these concerns. People with certain eye conditions, including glaucoma, should not use Latisse®.

Again, talk to your physician if you have any concerns or questions.

There are also non-prostaglandin eyelash formulations that can enhance eyelash growth.

These products use a combination of peptides or proteins that are very safe and effective and work by conditioning and protecting the existing eyelashes you already have. This conditioning, done on a regular basis, helps guard the lashes from becoming brittle and breaking off or falling out and also helps them to become stronger. As new eyelashes grow in and receive this same conditioning right from the start, they have a much better chance of surviving to grow to full length, and that is why, in time, lashes appear to be thicker.

Eyelash growth products are growing in popularity, because they are helping woman feel confident with long gorgeous eyelashes. They are safe and very effective.

Dr. Jodie R. Harper is boardcertified in internal medicine, geriatrics and wound care. Dr. Angela Corea is board certified in internal medicine. They are the medical directors at ClarityMD. They can be reached at info@claritymd.com or 317-571-8900.

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Should I pursue a career in massage therapy?

MASSAGE

By Sally Feldman Advantages of a massage career: • There is an increased demand for massage therapists as baby boomers age.

• Massage therapists enjoy great flexibility.

• Income levels in the profession are fair and enjoying steady growth.

• The social aspects of this career are also excellent for those who enjoy interacting with and helping people.

• A massage therapist in a major metropolitan area may charge $60 to $100 an hour • Employment of massage therapists is expected to increase by 19 percent from 2008 to 2018, faster than the average for all occupations.

Disadvantages: • Massage therapists burn out regularly and quit because of improper body mechanics.

• If you start your own business, you have to be the marketing manager, the business manager, the bookkeeper and the receptionist.

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Don’t forget about your child’s first exam of the school year.

• You’ll be on your feet a lot, and the work can be physically demanding.

• You have to be able to handle difficult clients and those who forget you are a nationally certified massage therapist with a great deal of training, not a prospect from Match.com.

• You have to be open to working on all people. You have to be in it for the right reasons.

• You are sometimes your client’s only therapist. You must be prepared for challenging emotional issues.

• It is difficult to maintain a pain-free life as a full-time massage therapist. Part-time work is less taxing.

Go! Fight! Win back your health Indiana! Let the massages begin!

You remembered notebooks, pencils, and folders. But what about glasses? For a limited time, StylEyes is offering a FREE OptoMap Retinal Exam with every regular eye exam just in time for school. This quick and easy exam doesn’t require the use of drops or eye dilation, so it’s comfortable for kids. In addition, we are offering a KidStyle Special, which includes a complete set of eyeglasses with your choice of select name-brand frames for only $125.

Help your child stay focused this year! Evening appointments are available and we accept most major insurance plans. Call 317-344-1266 to schedule an appointment with StylEyes optometrist, Dr. Angela Berghoff of the St.Vincent Physician Network.

10801 N. Michigan Rd., Suite 100, Zionsville, IN 46077 (317) 344-1266 | stvincent.org/styleyes

Sally Feldman is a certified massage therapist and a member of Associated Bodywork and Massage Professionals. For more information, e-mail her at sfeld427@gmail.com

The social aspects of this career are also excellent for those who enjoy interacting Copyright©2010St.ClaireGroup Client: SVH Job Name: StylEyes Ad Job Number: SVH-SPN-SPN-735 Specs: 5.1” x 5.4” Ad 4C Publication: Current in Carmel IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS REGARDING THIS ART, PLEASE CALL JOE JUDD 317-816-8810 or e-mail jjudd@stclairegroup.com LAYOUT 07/28/10 REVISION #1 FINAL 08/05/10

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The five best foods for your heart 1. Almonds

These nuts provide a rich source of cholesterol-lowering sterols, but Christopher Gardner, Ph.D., a cholesterol researcher at Stanford University, credits monounsaturated fat with most of the benefit. Unlike saturated fat, the mono kind doesn’t block the removal of LDL cholesterol from the bloodstream.

2. Apples

Cornell University researchers found that eating one Red Delicious apple a day can block LDL oxidation, resulting in an 8 percent drop in levels. Bonus: Apples (and their skins) contain soluble fiber, the kind that scrubs artery walls clean. Cut one up and mix it into your oatmeal, another top source.

3. Beans

Much has been made of soybeans’ ability to overcome everything from cholesterol to cancer. Gardner isn’t convinced: “I’m not sure how much of the health benefit is soy versus what soy displaces.” When it comes to controlling cholesterol, he says, that means substituting a vegetable patty for a fatty beef burger and topping your salad with edamame or kidney beans instead of chicken tenders a couple of times a week.

can stimulate liver cells to better break down fat and cholesterol, according to USDA scientists.

5. Fish

4. Blueberries

Similar to the resveratrol in grapes, pterostilbene, an antioxidant found in blueberries,

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hitting her chin, breaking her jaw and knocking out several teeth — all at 15 years old.

In my opinion, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration approved this drug without sufficient testing. “Cancer Monthly” looked at the research and found out it was approved after being used on precancerous legions, not actually cervical cancer. Even the FDA admits that HPV alone is not responsible for cervical cancer because relatively few women with HPV actually get cervical cancer.

Before you start injecting your young daughter with what could be life-altering, find outmore and make an informed decision. Do not let someone intimidate you into choosing something before you are comfortable with your decision. Also, ask your daughter and give her all the details. It is her body and her future at stake.

To learn more about all vaccines, go to drtenpenny.com.

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HEALTH

By Carol Rossetti, N.D. I received a call from a client a few days ago regarding back-to-school physicals and vaccines. A nurse in the medical office she was visiting seemed to be confused about the differences between genital herpes and HPV. While they are both viruses, they are not the same.

Gardasil is the vaccine that is being pushed with unrelenting enthusiasm on young girls.

Let’s get real about this vaccine. First of all, it does not prevent all forms of HPV and maybe none at all. Second, it has undergone very little testing, which means we will be affecting the reproductive ability of an entire generation of young women.

This vaccine has been directly linked to infertility in mice. Even more disturbing, the death rate for cervical cancer is on a par with the death rates from Gardasil, according to an article in the “Journal of the American Medical Association.

Girls have developed neuromuscular disorders similar to ALS and other painful muscular disorders. Personally, I have a friend whose daughter fainted on the exam table, fell off

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Two weekly servings of fatty fish, like salmon, can lower LDL by 20 percent. Tufts University scientists found that, in high enough quantities, the omega-3 fatty acids from fish chewed through cholesterol molecules in the bloodstream and shrank the size of remaining LDL particles by 12 percent.

-www.menshealth.com

Before vaccinating daughter for HPV, consider the facts

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Malapropisms: Almost the right word COMMENTARY

By Brandie Bohney Not too many people would have the question to the following “Jeopardy!” answer: A verbal gaffe named for a character in Richard Sheridan’s comedy “The Rivals.”

What is a malapropism?

Yep. That’s it. Malapropisms are named for the character Mrs. Malaprop, who had a habit of substituting a similar-sounding, but incorrect, word for the correct word in many of her statements. Of course, Sheridan was creating laughs with Mrs. Malaprop’s ill-fated word choices, but unintentional malapropisms can make you seem like an idiot.

Case in point: President George W. Bush. Now, I‘ll admit he wasn’t my favorite president, but I don’t necessarily think he was a moron. He just sounded like one fairly frequently: • “Anyone engaging in illegal financial transactions will be caught and persecuted.”

• “I am mindful not only of preserving executive powers for myself, but for predecessors as well.”

• “We need an energy bill that encourages consumption.”

Do you see the malapropisms? And why they can make you look like a fool?

To Bush’s credit, the first example is probably one of the most common malapropisms: persecute and prosecute are often confused for one another.

Use of predecessor for successor isn’t completely uncommon (though predecessor is probably more frequently confused with processor), but confusion of encourage and discourage is pretty bad.

The thing about malapropisms is this: Most people make them once in a while. Sometimes you don’t know what you’re supposed to be saying (like when I used to say part and partial instead of part and parcel – my own grammar guru finally corrected me my senior year of college), and sometimes you’re shooting from the hip and accidentally come up with the wrong word (see the Bushisms – er, malapropisms – above).

Neither one are you going to catch before it comes out of your mouth. If you come up with the latter issue, though, correct yourself – assuming that you catch the error – and move on.

If not, try not to despair: Most of us don’t have such high-profile jobs with a low tolerance for gaffes as ol’ G.W. did.

Writing is the place where malapropisms are even more grievous, because in writing, you have a better chance to correct the work. It’s one thing to get flustered and say that something is beyond your apprehension or a stigma of your imagination, but it’s another thing to write it out.

Brandie Bohney is a grammar enthusiast and former English teacher. If you have a grammarrelated question, please email her at bbthegrammarguru@gmail.com.

Don’t let cyberbullying affect your children PARENTING

By Becky Kapsalis It was bad enough back in the day when bullies would steal lunches, call or say mean things to another kid, punch them in the face, write a nasty note and pass it around class or physically assault someone on the school playground. Oh for the good (?) old bullying days!

The Internet has changed all that. The Internet has taken the place of the school playground, where there was at least some hope the bully would get his/her comeuppance! The Internet lets the cyberbully into our kids’ homes and bedrooms, where he can be anonymous and can attack at all hours of the day and night, putting embarrassing pictures of the person on the school’s social network. And where he can digitally superimpose a person’s head on a naked body and pass it around like it is real. The cyberbully can be an elementary through high school student and feels no shame.

Cyberbullying is harmful, and it requires adult intervention. If you suspect your child is being cyberbullied or is cyberbullying others, take immediate positive action to help prevent a very dangerous, harmful situation.

Since most cyberbullying takes place in the home, it is important that we know about it and that we get involved in preventing it.

What parents can do to keep their kids safe from the cyberbully: • Keep your home computer in a busy area of the house, not in the child’s bedroom.

• Set up e-mail and chat rooms with your kids. Make sure you know their screen names and passwords and that they don’t include any personal information in their online profiles.

• Regularly go over their instant messenger “buddy list.” Ask who each person is and how they know them.

The main reason kids don’t tell us parents if they are being cyberbullied is because they don’t want us to take away their computer privileges. Assure them that won’t happen.

Hugs!

Becky Kapsalis. aka YiaYia (pronounced Ya-Ya.) is a certified parenting advocate and child behavior coach. You may reach her at 317-848-7979 or e-mail becky@indyparenthelp.com

Summer is simply the best time of year and what better way to celebrate than at the Indiana State Fair. It’s the surprise on a child’s face as they see farm animals for the very first time...when families come together and make memories that last forever...it’s the sound of music as it fills the air...and the hot buttered corn and lemon shake ups that are the true taste of summer. The squeals of delight coming from the midway make you cherish the moments again.

Its a Summertime of Fun...at a price that fits everyone.

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DISPATCHES » Pet food can put you at risk – Feeding a family pet in the kitchen can put you at risk of infection by salmonella. A link between the bacteria and dry pet food was found after analysis of a recent salmonella outbreak. Scientists at the Center for Disease Control investigated 79 people in Pennsylvania who caught the bug and determined the outbreak could have been prevented by keeping pet bowls out of the kitchen.

-www.mirror.co.uk » Stomp out the grapes – Although many dogs seek out grapes and raisins for a natural treat, both foods have been linked to kidney problems, even renal failure. Even small amounts can cause serious reactions in animals, so keep your pets away from these tempting treats.

-www.zootoo.com » Hammock for cats – The SnoozePal Cat-Hammock-in-a-Box provides cats a snug, sheltered hideaway, featuring a removable and washable fleece-lined hammock that molds to a cat’s shape for extra comfort. The hammock is suspended inside a sturdy box that is open on three sides, offering both easy entry and an unobstructed view for its occupant. Find these at www. catabove.com.

National “Take Your Cat to the Vet Week” is this week PETS

By Gregory Magnusson Every dog has his day.

Make sure cats have their day too!

This week, veterinarians nationwide are raising awareness of the fact that cats need an annual examination just as much as dogs.

A recent survey by the American Veterinary Medical Association shows that more than half of all American households have at least one cat or dog sharing the home. Today the pet dog population is more than 72 million, and the pet cat population is more than 81 million.

You read that right: There are more cats than dogs in American homes!

And yet, the same study found that pet owners provide better veterinary care for their dogs than their cats. This includes regular check ups, vaccinations and dental care. The average dog owner spends more than two times as much in yearly veterinary care than the average cat owner.

There seems to be a general misconception that cats don’t need the level of care that dogs do. Veterinarians know cats hide symptoms of disease very well, and they can look normal when they are covering up a serious illness. A complete yearly physical examination, combined with simple blood, urine and stool tests, can uncover problems months or even years be-

fore your cat might show outward symptoms of disease.

Just as annual physical exams are recommended for humans, they are recommended for our pets as well. If your cat is seven years or older, considered by most to be “geriatric,” she may need even more frequent examinations.

A year is a long time in a cat’s life! Assuming the average cat lives to be 15 years old, receiving a yearly exam means they will have but 15 exams in an entire lifetime! The more times we see your cat, the more likely we are to see the subtle signs of early illness and take steps to keep your cat healthy as long as possible.

Consider also that annual veterinary visits are a more cost-effective way for owners to take care of their cats. If a problem is caught early enough, it may require less expensive treatment than if the problem progresses and aggressive treatment is needed.

Yearly examination and routine testing should be the part of any cat owner’s life plan for their pet.

Please take your cat to the vet! She’ll think you are the cat’s meow!

Dr. Magnusson, a practicing veterinarian for the last decade, is now the owner of Leo’s Pet Care, a new veterinary hospital located at 106th and College.

Contact Dr. Magnusson at DrM@LeosPetCare.com or 317-721-7387 (721-PETS).

PETS OF THE WEEK Roxanne is a 1-year-old female fawn and white American pit bull terrier mix. Roxanne is a very outgoing girl, and she loves to romp and play.

She has a gorgeous smile and it has caught the eye of a few of the boys around the kennel. She had a boyfriend, Rusty, who she loved to play wrestle with, but he was adopted, and Roxanne wonders where he is and how he’s doing.

She has made a few new friends, but she said the only one that can win her heart now will be the person who will give her a forever home. So please stop by to see this gorgeous girl who loves people and is good with certain other dogs.

Shadow is a 10-year-old female black DMH. Shadow is a quiet and sweet girl who really wants nothing more than to be a lap cat. She arrived at our shelter when her previous owner surrendered her because she wasn’t getting along well with other cats in the home. Shadow is good with children, but she does want to be the only cat in the home. She is spayed, and her front claws have been removed.

For more information on these and other animals at the Humane Society, call 317-773-4974 or go to www.hamiltonhumane.com

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A moment of interior decorating truth – in my own home

DISPATCHES » Get the puff out – Whether they’re the result of a late night up with the kids or an extra glass of vino at dinner, puffy eyes are annoying. Clark’s Botanicals Anti-Puff Eye Cream ($87) will give you some instant relief and moisturize that sensitive skin in the long-term.

-www.msn.com » Beat the heat with textures – Seersucker, madras, hopsack, oxford, and linen all have something in common: they’re summer favorites with a distinct texture. And they all serve one purpose — to keep part of the fabric away from the skin. By only touching parts of the epidermis, they allow for air channels to open right up.

-www.esquire.com » Update easily with inserts – Replace worn surfaces and add charm at the same time with cabinet door inserts. Most inserts are made of beaded board, glass, or wallpaper. Punched and painted tin is a less common material that adds flair to any kitchen.

These tin inserts feature Mexican motifs, which perfectly complement the backsplash tiles.

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INTERIORS

By Vicky Earley I suppose this is the way someone with long hair feels right before the big cut. Even though you know it is the right thing to do, there is uncertainty in the fact that once the scissors go to work, there is no turning back.

Regardless of this trepidation, my kitchen wallpaper is going. This wallpaper made me laugh out loud when I first discovered it. It was the foundation for my “1940s summer cottage” that I wanted to develop in my little Cape Cod. I do still love the cozy, vintage feel of the pattern, but I realize that it is time to exorcise the “cute” from my house for good.

The moment of truth came was I while perusing real estate listings dreaming of a real vacation home. One of the listings featured a near-beach house that had great features … in print. It had two bedrooms and a loft, two baths, hardwood floors, an updated kitchen and a peek at the ocean from the deck. I scrolled the on-line images for a confirmation that this could be the vacation house for me.

Five pictures into the photos, my screen froze. There it was before my eyes: a photograph of a kitchen with wallpaper almost identical to my beloved panorama of cuteness.

I think this moment was like one in which you see a photograph of yourself when denial has protected you from the awareness of an additional 30 pounds. Unlike the distortions that can

be assigned to a mirror, a photo tells the truth and nothing but the truth. It was undeniable: My wallpaper had to go.

My previous design thread in my little Cape Cod was that of a 1940s cottage – complete with the cottage palette of butter yellow, tomato, periwinkle and grass green. With a palette dictated by wallpaper gone, I am able to eliminate some of the colors and focus a new color and sheen I have been coveting.

The next life for my kitchen will be that of a small but elegant Parisian cottage with walls of a luster finish in a peacock shade.

Yep, it is still a cottage, because it is a Cape Cod that insists on being just what it is.

How does lustrous peacock relate to the brown and green of the adjacent areas? Simple; it was just a matter of finding a fabric that combines all three colors and a design story is told!

I am not sure that I could find the listing for the vacation home that set this all in motion. I am not sure that I want to; it really is like one of those less-than-flattering photos that are better stuffed deep in a drawer for eternity.

Vicky Earley is the principal designer for Artichoke Designs in downtown Carmel. If you have an interior design question, please contact artichokedesigns@aol. com.

I realize it is time to exorcise the “cute” from my house for good.

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DISPATCHES » Eye contact required – In a recent survey of more than 2,500 hiring managers across the country, lack of eye contact was voted as the body language mistake most likely to cost you a job during an interview, with 67 percent of hirers polled agreeing. It signals that you are insecure and can also make the interviewer feel uncomfortable.

-www.forbes.com » Marketing by the numbers – Howard Cox of Somerset and Lorraine Ball of Roundpeg are teaming up to present the fundamentals of a comprehensive marketing plan, August 26 from 7:15 to 8:30 a.m. at the Somerset Conference Center, 3925 River Crossing Parkway, Indianapolis. The event is free. Register by e-mailing to seminars@somersetcpas.com. » An enticing food investment?

Tim Hortons (THI) - Coffee-and-donut chain Tim Hortons posted better-thanexpected earnings last week, thanks to strong same-store sales growth in its Canadian stores. Tim Hortons attributed its 21 percent jump in second-quarterearnings to stronger same-store sales in its Canadian locations.

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What I realized from bacon COMMENTARY

By David Cain On a salad, on a sandwich, on the go, or simply solo, bacon makes things sing. For me, bacon seems to bring out the best. I take a bite, my eyebrows rise, and my disposition lightens.

I was enjoying a salad today. It was red with the juice of beets, my least favorite food. As I stared blindly at this sea of red, I could hardly take a bite. Then, like I was starring in a sitcom, sweet music played in my head as the bacon in my bowl divinely lit up. I dug in and learned that bacon even makes beets taste good.

I decided promptly that the often-overlooked meat from our friend the pig deserves more recognition. For example, did you know bacon could be a leading indicator of other traits? You can learn a lot from bacon. How you prefer it speaks volumes about you.

Do you spend your time hating bacon? Do you take it extra crispy? Do you like it lean and wet? Are you into bacon faking, like turkey bacon? Your preference can provide some insights. My multi-household research suggests that those who prefer it extra crispy are also sometimes a bit extra crispy themselves. They’re wound a bit tight. The lean-and-wet preference suggests you are more relaxed. The fake bacon lovers, well, you know the answer there.

Aside from the delicious taste and the fact that your bacon preference can provide as much insight

into your personality as a palm reader, the focused groups that exist and are devoted to bacon is astounding. Search “bacon” or any related terms and a barnyard full of results displays that could occupy your next three hours. There are bacon camps, books on bacon, bacon songs, clothes made out of bacon, and tons of groups or clubs with various missions that serve bacon’s best interest. The groups are multinational. And there’s even bacon swimwear and lingerie for the ultra-committed (or those that should be committed). Imagine a bacon bikini – it’s out there – on a hot beach.

Bacon does provide a good example of niche interests. With the Internet, these niche groups develop and flourish. Where else can you find bacon enthusiasts? There are no local clubs or groups. However, a quick online search reveals dozens of places for my bacon fetish.

Am I the only one continually surprised by how easy it is today to find others that share any interest I might have? As this online, highly differentiated and extremely fragmented society continues to develop, companies will learn they need to understand niche communications if they want to continue making bacon.

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David Cain works at MediaSauce, a digital media and online marketing company in Carmel. David welcomes your questions or comments at David.Cain@MediaSauce.com.

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MONEY MATTERS How has your back-to-school spending compared to last year’s?

“I’m spending the same amount as last year.”

Kayla Giger

“We’re spending more because Lexie attends a Catholic school, but we’re spending less on clothing because of the uniform.”

Lexie, Ed and Brian Sketon

“This is our first year doing school shopping. We added the expenses to the budget, but most of the supplies go into a group pile for the class.”

Lori Kramer

26 | August 17, 2010

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Type: Traditional American Age: Built in 2005 Location: Near 146th Street and Spring Mill Road Neighborhood: Centennial Square Footage: 4,687 Rooms: Classic brick home in desirable Centennial. Hardwoods on all of main floor stacked stone fireplace in two story great room, main floor office with French doors, kitchen with cherry cabinets, solid surface counter tops and granite center island. Five bedrooms. Two Full baths/two half baths Large master suite with sitting area and walk in closet. Tiled master bath with double vanities, separate shower and garden tub. Huge finished basement with wet bar. Screened porch, large deck, alarm system, electric fence.

Strengths: Newer, quality-built home, updates, nice neighborhood with pool, tennis, low HOA dues. Minutes from shopping and dining.

Challenges: Competition from other homes listed in the neighborhood. Although this property backs up to 156th Street, there is plenty of room from the home to the road.

Bill Mitchell specializes in Hamilton County real estate with RE/MAX Ability Plus. Contact him at 317-696-4181 or bill@ talktomitchell.com

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A new type of fitness center has opened in Hamilton County that gives women a new way to lose weight.

“We’re an upscale personal training studio for women only,” Get in Shape owner David VanWye said. “There’s only one to four women at a time with the personal trainer. This ensures a personal experience. Our sessions last one hour with half of the time being cardio and the other half on weight machines.”

The studio focuses on four main aspects of a workout regimen to help women try and achieve their weight loss goal.

“We target weight training, cardio, nutrition and accountability,” VanWye said. “We really push the accountability factor. We make sure that you are doing what you need to be doing, that’s a big aspect. You have to have that accountability factor in order to succeed and achieve your goal.

“We make a nutrition plan for you as well because that’s another big factor. The nutrition program is online on our website. It’s very involved and very detailed. We work a lot with nutritionists to ensure you’re eating healthy on top of your workouts. We’ll develop meal plans for you.”

The workout is 30 minutes of weight training, 25 minutes of cardio and some nutrition coaching. The sessions are held in smaller groups, allowing patrons to get more one-on-one time with the personal trainer.

The studio has packages that last for three months, six months and one year. These packages are required in order to use the facility.

“We’re not an open gym,” he said. “You have to have an appointment in order to work out with the personal trainer.”

Owner: David VanWye 1400 S. Guilford Suite 130 B, Carmel Phone: 641-8600 | Web site: www.getinshapeforwomen.com

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Jaguar XJ-S COMMENTARY

By Shawn Miller The legendary Jaguar XKE, one of the best automotive designs of all time – the first car exhibited in the Museum of Modern Art – was a tough act to follow. It took Jaguar many years to unveil its replacement. The XJ-S had been developed as the XK-F, though it was very different in character from its predecessor.

Although it never had quite the same sporting image, the XJ-S was a competent grand tourer, and more aerodynamic than the E-Type. The first XJ-S appeared in 1975 as a 1976 model, and the last XJS was produced in 1996, with the XK8 taking its place. Power came from the Jaguar V-12 engine with a choice of a manual or automatic transmission, but the manual was soon dropped. V-12 automobiles were unusual at the time, only offered by exotics like Lamborghini and Ferrari.

The specifications of the XJ-S compared well with both Italian cars; it was able to accelerate to 60 mph in 8.9 seconds and reach 142 mph.

The first series of XJ-S cars had a Borg-Warner Model 12 transmission with a cast iron case and a bolt-on bell-housing. In 1979 GM TurboHydromatic 400 transmissions were fitted.

The TH400 transmission was an all aluminum alloy case with an integrated non-detachable bell-housing. In 1983, a new cabriolet version

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Prices have fallen to around $5,000 for these coupes which typically go for more than double this price

débuted with a new 3.6-litre Jaguar AJ6 engine I6, the XJ-SC. In the XJ-SC, the rear jump seats were eliminated making it only a two-seat car, not a true convertible but a targa, with removable hardtop. The convertible first appeared in 1986 as a factory aftermarket car, with full factory production convertibles appearing in 1988.

While Jags have a bad reputation for reliability, this is not deserved. Jaguars are very well engineered cars with rugged drivetrains, and will provide years of service if properly maintained. They should, however, not be taken to hack mechanics that don’t understand them. A bad mechanic can ruin a good Jag in no time.

Parts, while not cheap, are readily available, and there is a strong club and good dealer network

for support. It’s a sophisticated car, so expect to spend some money maintaining it.

Prices have fallen to around $5,000 for a coupe and $10-15,000 for a nice convertible.

While I don’t expect huge gains, prices will remain steady and increase slightly every year.

They will not fall as XK-8’s will do for the foreseeable future. These are blue-chip grand touring cars and are an excellent alternative to the much more pricey XKE.

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Shawn Miller is a lifelong car collector and president of SignificantCars.com, a successful collector car brokerage with a showroom at 2225 E 54th St, just west of Keystone.

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28 | August 17, 2010

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Some cheap alternatives to your home phone

DISPATCHES » New service offers tons of tunes – Two new music services, Rdio and MOG, allow users to listen to any song they want, whenever they want, for a flat monthly fee. For $10 per month each, the two let you listen to an unlimited number of high-quality tunes on the Web and on your smart phone, download songs to your phone for offline listening (though you won’t be able to listen to them if you cancel service) and connect with like-minded music lovers.

-www.yahoo.com » Verbatim’s wallet drive – You’ll soon be able to carry hundreds of thousands of receipts and family photos in your back pocket with Verbatim’s new wallet drives. They’re basically just a hard drive wrapped in brown or dark brown leather that comes with a small suite of Nero software onboard. They’ll be available in 320GB or 500GB capacities; pricing is TBA. -www.ohgizmo.com » Water-powered clock – Here’s another excuse to go to the office water cooler. Bedol’s water-powered digital clockwill run for six to eight weeks on tap water, splashed with a little lemon juice. Available at bedolwhatsnext.com for $16.

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COMMENTARY

By Gary Hubbard Do you rarely use your home phone, but still want an alternative to your cell phone?

The ubiquity of cell phones, combined with the plethora of Internet-based options for making traditional phone calls, is slowly decreasing the need for many families to pay for a traditional POTS (Plain Old Telephone Service) line.

If you have a solid high-speed Internet connection and want to save money, looking at one of the many VOIP (Voice Over Internet Protocol) options might make sense.

The big three are MagicJack, Vonage and Skype; they all offer VOIP services but in entirely different ways.

MagicJack: We’ve all seen the schlocky TV commercials that tend to make the product seem somewhat questionable, but there are lots of loyal fans of the product, because it’s cheap and easy to set up.

The system consists of a small matchbox-sized device that plugs into a USB port (with a slot to plug in your standard telephone line) and software that allows your computer to route phone calls via the Internet through it.

The software also acts as an advertising portal for the company, so keep that in mind. Additionally, the terms of service cause some privacy advocates concern, as they allow MagicJack to “analyze the phone numbers” you call for advertising purposes.

The one thing that seems to be a consistent complaint with MagicJack is its lack of customer service options and random overcharging. There are no support numbers to call; all the support is handled via e-mail and Web-chat.

Vonage: This option most closely resembles your existing POTS line, because it does not require a computer.

The Vonage solution (starting at $10 per month) is a small box that connects to your home network. Once the box establishes a connection to the Internet, it sets up your phone service and it’s the only one of the three that allows you to retain your current phone number (in most cases).

Skype: If you don’t mind using your computer as your telephone and you don’t really care about in-coming calls, Skype may actually work out as your occasional home phone.

At its base, Skype is a free computer-to-computer call network, so if you only have a handful of friends or family that you want to call, get them on Skype as well, and it will always be free.

Skype also allows you to make video calls and conference calls for free as long as all parties are using Skype, even if they are international callers.

If you want non-Skype callers to be able to call you, you would need to sign up for an online number which can cost $30 to $60 per year depending upon your monthly subscription package.

Both Vonage and Skype offer mobile apps to extend the services to your smartphone, for those who travel and want to access their VOIP lines (voice-messages, making calls, etc.) from the road.

Both MagicJack and Skype rely on your computer to be effective, so avoid these options if your computer is really old and slow or if you are experiencing other problems that cause performance issues.

Gary Hubbard is the owner of Data Doctors Computer Services - www.datadoctors.com. Have a technology question? Send it to CurrentInCarmel@datadoctors.com

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MaddLeeFit@yahoo.com 30 | August 17, 2010

Carmel Chamber of Commerce members can receive special members-only discounts on Health Insurance. Contact Wharton Insurance for more information.

Scott M. Wharton, LUTCF 3091 E. 98th St., Suite 150 Indianapolis, Indiana 46280 (317) 663-4138 www.wifsinc.com

Scott Wharton is a registered representative with and securities are offered through LPL Financial, 9785 Towne Centre Drive, San Diego, CA, 92121-1968, USA (800) 877-7210. Member FINRA. Scott Wharton is a registered representative are offered through LPLowned Financial, Towne Centre Drive, set Sanforth Diego, CA, has 92121-1968, USAfrom (800)sources 877-7210.

Member Wharton Insurance and Financial Services, with Inc.,and andsecurities LPL Financial are independently and 9785 operated.

The information herein been derived believed to beFINRA/SIPC... reliable, but Wharton Insurance and Financial Services, Inc., and LPL Financial are independently owned and operated. The information set forth herein has been derived from sources believed to be reliable, but is not not guaranteed guaranteed as as to to accuracy accuracy and and does does not not purport purport to to be be complete complete analysis analysis of of the the securities, securities, companies companies or or industries industries involved. involved. The The opinions opinions expressed expressed herein herein are are those those of of the the authors authors and and not not itit is necessarily those of LPL Financial.

Additional information is available upon request. necessarily those of LPL Financial. Additional information is available upon request.

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I just want to break the rules COMMENTARY

By Mike Redmond Every so often I get this impulse to break the rules.

OK, so maybe it’s not “every so often.” Maybe it’s just “often.” What can I “say?” It’s the way I’m “wired.” I break “rules.” Particularly, you can see, where “quotation marks” are concerned.

Anyway, the impulse du jour involved me running out to buy a pound of the best bacon I could find, frying a bunch of it in a cast iron skillet, and then frying two eggs in the remaining bacon grease for what is known in my family as a “Grandma egg.”

This is in honor of my grandmother, Marion McKenzie, who to my knowledge never fixed a breakfast egg any other way. She would crack the eggs into at least an inch of bacon grease and spoon the hot fat over the top of the eggs to set them. And talk about breaking the rules, for egg cookery at least: She did it not on a low flame as the books recommend, but with the burner turned up beyond ‘high” to “smelting.”

The result was a cardiologist’s nightmare – an egg so delicious, glistening with a slight sheen of bacon grease, as to require a wanted poster at

the heart clinic post office. It flies the face of all the rules of good eating, cardiologist-style.

Then again, most modern eating guides, cardiologist-style and civilian, ignore a simple, universal truth: Everything tastes better with bacon grease.

This principle is well-known to those of us who grew up in the era when moms and grandmothers kept a can of bacon grease on the back of the stove, and likely as not had some lard around the house as well. Oh, my. Don’t get me started on lard. I have been known to wax rhapsodic about chicken fried in lard and pie crusts made with lard, which likely as not will segue into a concerto about potatoes fried in goose fat, and before you know it I’m sitting down at some restaurant ordering Wesson’s First Symphony, the Deep Fried Everything.

So back to bacon grease. Its amazing powers of enhancement have few limits. Ice cream, I suppose (although there is bacon-flavored ice cream out there, so I am prepared to concede that one). I love biscuits baked with just a dab of bacon grease on their tops. Onions fried in it are heavenly. My mother used it with the aforementioned and much-beloved lard to fry

chickens. What bliss.

A young friend recounts how she once baked a cake from a recipe that called for oil. Knowing no better, she used the oil her mother kept … yes, in a can on the stove. It contained an amalgam of fats – olive, canola and other – and a generous amount of bacon fat.

“Best … cake … ever,” she recounted in a near-swoon.

This is how I feel about Grandma eggs. I don’t eat them but about twice a year, which may account for some of their attractiveness.

And you can’t discount the nostalgia factor, either. Close to forty years gone and I still think of my grandparents practically every day.

Which means that, despite what my cardiologist says, some things that are bad for the physical heart are good for the spiritual one. In moderation, of course. I mean, “moderation.”

Mike Redmond is an author, journalist, humorist and speaker. Write him at mike@ mikeredmondonline.com or P.O. Box 44385, Indianapolis, IN 46244.

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Got a gadget problem? I’ve got a solution HUMOR

By Dick Wolfise When I decided what to write about this week, I Googled Andy Rooney to make sure the old curmudgeon hadn’t already taken a shot at this topic in an episode of “60 Minutes.” Apparently he hadn’t. He once did a segment about how he throws out instruction booklets when he buys new electronic gadgets, but I’m just the opposite. I save every one. I have a box with hundreds of them. I have never read one, but at least I’m smart enough to keep them. Just in case.

I have manuals for gizmos and doodads and appliances, many of which are long gone. If you want to know how to replace that ball on your IBM Selectric, I’m your guy. How about setting the correct time on your Betamax recorder?

Give me a call.

I started to browse through the pile of booklets and learned a great deal. I found out my microwave has a filter. And I’m supposed to clean it every few months. The service manual said frequent cleaning of these filters would enhance the performance of the appliance. For 25 years I’ve been shoving Swanson’s Chicken Pot Pies in the unit and hitting HIGH. And 1,485 times in a row, they’ve come out the perfect temperature to singe the roof of my mouth. You just should not mess with success.

I discovered that almost everything I own has

a filter. I also have a filter in the clothes dryer and one on my lawn mower. I have one on the vacuum cleaner. Apparently there’s one in my air conditioner. Next thing you know, I’ll find out there’s one in my car. I suspect all these filters are clamoring for a periodic change. I’ve neglected them.

“Honey, when’s the last time we changed the filter on the weed whacker?”

If you’re a husband and have never asked your wife this question, it’s worth seeing the expression on her face. If you’re a wife, you might want to drop this bombshell on your hubby at dinner when you’re out with friends.

Most of the other information in these brochures is totally useless to me, because it involves more interaction with the product than the on-off switch. I’m an impatient person, so I turn right to the last page, just to see how it all ends. This is where you find the Troubleshooting Guide for Einsteins like me who can’t figure out why: • THE VCR WON’T RECORD • THE SAW WON’T CUT, • THE DOG WON’T HUNT If I were writing these guides, I’d inject a little humor: • GARAGE DOOR REMOTE Problem: You’ve destroyed three luggage racks on your car. Solution: When you drive in, wait until the door is completely up.

• ELECTRIC PENCIL SHARPENER Problem: You end up with just erasers. Solution: Quit watching “Jersey Shore” while using device.

• SNOWBLOWER Problem: Snow will not discharge from the unit. Solution: Try again in the winter.

• BEER MUG Problem: Your shoes are getting cold and wet.

Solution: Glass is being held at wrong angle.

Point open end toward ceiling.

• LAWNMOWER Problem: Grass not getting cut consistently.

Solution: Find new husband.

• PORTABLE ALARM CLOCK Problem: Doesn’t tell time. Solution: You may have put the batteries in incorrectly. This reverse polarity will substantially alter the universe, making time run backwards. It will be your fault.

Just for fun I tried to read the Troubleshooting Guide for the microwave again – this time in Japanese and Spanish, but the bulb on my reading lamp suddenly burned out. I sure hope I can find that manual.

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Ballet Theatre of Carmel Fall & Nutcracker Auditions Friday, August 13

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Dick Wolfsie is an author, columnist, and speaker. Contact him at wolfsie@aol.com.

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Views | Community | Cover Story | Diversions | In Spirit | Relationships | Anti-Aging | Education | Pets | Panache | Dough | Toys | Laughs | Puzzles | Inside & Out Joel Harris, AAMS 317-507-1825 joel@goamicus.com www.goamicus.com Proudly serving Carmel/ Westfield for 10 years

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Across 1. Mountain lion spotted in rural Indiana 5. Posture problem 10. Mitchell’s Fish Market menu item 14. UIndy psych class topics 15. Indiana Heart Hospital artery 16. Town 38 miles southeast of Indy 17. Ultimatum ender 18. Up to 19. Peyton Manning’s glow 20. Was scheduled to sing “Umbrella” on Aug. 3 22. Sang “I Shot The Sherriff” on July 2 24. Old Town Barber Shop supply 26. Pipsqueak 27. Profundity 31. Kidney-related at Clarian North 34. Sagamore Institute think tank nugget 35. Not as rich as Tony George 37. Bit of a draft at Park Street Pub 40. Music Center name and site of shows scheduled by 20-, 22-, 54and 57-Across (2 wds.)

43. Potters Bridge Park picnic pest 44. Sidestepped the Hamilton County Sheriff 45. Sansui Sushi Bar fish 46. Way too weighty 47. Woodland Bowl button 48. French romance

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51. Kind of ranch 54. Sang “Black Magic Woman” on July 7 57. Sang “Margaritaville” on May 15 62. Leave a mark on 63. Nabisco cookies from Kroger 65. Eagle Creek Park animal shelter 66. Indianapolis Opera highlight 67. Pomp 68. Marine eagle 69. James Whitcomb Riley’s time of day 70. Like some goals 71. Add to the pot at Hoosier Park Casino Down 1. Hamilton County Court jury member 2. Wrinkly fruit at Marsh 3. Kind of pit at a Conseco Fieldhouse rock concert 4. On the briny 5. Carmel Hot Tubs & Spas option 6. Relating to music 7. Table scrap 8. Ear-related at St. Vincent Hospital 9. Xpress Tobacco Outlet buy: ___ Mall 10. Union ___ United Methodist Church 11. U.S. ___ 31 12. Don Pablo’s kitchen wear 13. Skullcap (Var.)

21. Ultimate degree 23. In the know 25. Like the concourse at Lucas Oil Stadium at halftime 27. 20-Across, e.g.

28. First family’s home 29. Saucy 30. House of Martial Arts discipline: ___ Chi 32. Cleveland’s lake

33. Geeky sort at Carmel HS 35. Main Street Barber Shop emblem 36. Burden 37. Spots 38. ___ of Wight 39. “Hey, you!”

41. Indianapolis Zoo black-andwhite equine 42. Former IU football coach, ___

Current in Carmel

Corso 46. Beat the field in a 100-meter dash at Westfield HS 47. Hinkle Fieldhouse whistle blower 48. State in NE India 49. Computer shortcut 50. WIBC studio sign (2 wds.)

52. German sub 53. Cincinnati Reds manager, ___

Baker 55. Zionsville artist, Nancy ___ 56. Big oil company 58. Kind of collar at the Hamilton County Humane Society shelter 59. Make, as money 60. Salon01 request 61. Adrian Orchards unit 64. North Pole toymaker

Puzzle Solutions Page 32

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Another amazing retrofit for a Carmel homeowner BOULDER FIRE PIT & BRICK PATIO This once-dismissed area now absolutely “rocks” with a natural boulder fire pit that was immediately initiated. Huge slabs of pre-historic looking stones serve as transition from the synthetic Azek deck through the green lush lawn where future bonfires will likely attract all sorts of neighbors and school parties, oops… I mean functions. And it connects conveniently with the updated brick patio, too.

The Return On Investment is high on projects like these, in which we employ the sub-structure of the previous deck, tweak the patio, transplant out-of-place ornamental grasses and shrubs, and add a few elements for fun.

My favorite sort of retrofit ROI has nothing to do with finances, however, and everything to do with fun, memories and family. Get yours today!

Questions? Text me a picture of your issue.

LANDSCAPING

By Randy Sorrell Here is another favorite retrofit where small changes caused a huge impact.

The deck and brick patio were actually appropriate and entertaining prior to the modifications. “Typical” is a good description. But after the retrofit … WOW, it just screams livability. As a general rule, whenever spindles and rail systems can be eliminated and/or replaced with welcoming steps and usable benches, pull a Nike and just do it.

That is the secret to this retrofit. These generous steps that wrap around several portions of the deck make it very accessible and open and serve to marry the two outdoor living spaces together, instead of restricting them. Important is that the steps are three deck boards deep, instead of the customary two. This helps develop a sense of place.

(That’s what the books say, anyway.) Kids naturally hang out on them, and it’s a great space for colorful pots of annuals too.

Previously, the deck was a little cramped, and the happy homeowners felt the need to enlarge it. As a bonus and after a little space planning, we realized that if the deck expansion migrated around face of the sunroom, it would magically connect a forgotten part of the yard and help pull it in to the house.

Submitted Photo

A boulder fire pit with limestone slab deck steps

Randy Sorrell is president of SURROUNDINGS by NatureWorks+, a Carmel home improvement firm.

He may be reached at 317-679-2565, randy@ choosesurroundings.com or www.choosesurroundings. com.

Register today at www.raystrash.com for your chance to be a part of the Trash for Cash promotion at an Indianapolis Colts game in the new Lucas Oil Stadium.

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Current in Carmel

August 17, 2010 | 35

Views | Community | Cover Story | Diversions | In Spirit | Relationships | Anti-Aging | Education | Pets | Panache | Dough | Toys | Laughs | Puzzles | Inside & Out

Building value into home improvement Top 5 Home Renovation Returns (%of project cost)

COMMENTARY

By David Decker Here are three very common home improvement questions: What do I want? What can I afford? What is the added financial value to my home?

What we want and what we can afford are almost always solely personal matters.

The financial value that an improvement adds, however, is based on comparisons with other homes and appraisal factors, such as the condition of the area’s economy, the overall condition of the home, the overall condition of surrounding homes, and the availability of homes in the area.

Several charts and online tools are available to help homeowners sort out the financial impact of home improvements in a very general way. (Google “Home improvement cost value.”) Local real estate and home improvement professionals however can offer much more specific information.

In my own experience, although estimates can be helpful, it’s very unusual to be able to trace specific dollar values from a unique home improvement to a home appraisal to a home sale. But it does happen.

For example, earlier this year we renovated a kitchen, master bath and

Vinyl Siding Replacement

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84.9%

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80.4% Source: CNN Money Renovation Wizard

half-bath (total cost $45,000) in a home just previously appraised at $300,000. The home was on the market, off the market after the renovation, then back on the market, and ultimately sold in a week for $380,000.

Truly, that’s unusual. Normally you can’t trace it that directly, and it’s even rarer for a renovation to return more than 100 percent of its cost.

Typically, a major kitchen or bathroom project will return roughly 85 percent of its cost.

Money, of course, is just one component of value and often takes a back seat to livability. But enhancing the convenience, comfort and usage of your home for you and your family is priceless.

David Decker is president of Affordable Kitchens and Bathrooms, based in Carmel (877-252-1420, www.affordablekandb.com). Have a home improvement question? E-mail David at david.decker@affordablekandb. com, and he will answer in an upcoming column.

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36 | August 17, 2010

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It’s the crocus with the mostest GARDENING

By Holly Linz Can it be…crocus in the fall? It just might be a gardener’s dream come true.

Each year crocus kicks off spring with its cheery blooms and bright colors, bravely poking up through the frost. Never fearing “Jack” and his chilly antics, crocus is a welcome sight after a long, miserable winter.

Fast forward, if you will, to September when mums and pansies rule the scene. So, who should unexpectedly pop up to bid farewell to the season?

You guessed it, our familiar friend, crocus.

Autumn flowering crocus, of which there are many species, is a kissing cousin of the more familiar, spring-flowering types. One particular species, crocus sativus, is grown for the popular cooking spice saffron, which is harvested from its unique style in the center of flower. It can take up to 70,000 plants to produce just one pound which probably accounts for saffron’s steep price tag.

But crocus grown in your own garden need not be deemed a cash crop. These graceful flowers are at home in any style garden, be it English or cottage, heirloom or exotic. Varying in color from lilac to pink or white, this hardy bulb is technically a corm, and a tiny one at that. In late summer or early fall, the corms send up squatty, cup shaped flowers that are best displayed in clusters of three to five, at least, at the

front of the border in full sun or partial shade.

Easily cultivated, this ambitious little guy will bloom from a corm sitting right on your kitchen counter, without so much as a drop of soil or water. No need to dig up the hardy little corms, unless you want to divide them to share with your friends. Like all bulb structures, autumn flowering crocus will appreciate a sprinkling of bone meal in the fall and again in the spring and all plants love a top-dressing of compost.

Holly Linz is an Indiana accredited horticulturalist and advanced master gardener residing in Noblesville. Email your gardening woes (or wisdom) to info@currentnoblesville.com (write attn: Holly Linz in the subject line).

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S A G E E T H D A N

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E N D S U P

August 17, 2010 | 39

Hip replacement that’s so cutting edge, there’s almost no cutting.

Considering hip replacement? Don’t miss the upcoming seminar covering the groundbreaking Direct Anterior hip replacement procedure. The only technique that does not cut any muscles around the hip, resulting in less recovery time and pain. Meaning you’ll be back to living, dancing, walking, sitting and bending, before you know it. Meet expert John Hur, MD, Medical Director of Orthopedics at Clarian North, as he discusses this new and innovative procedure.

Direct Anterior Hip Replacement Seminar August 23 and August 30, 6 pm Learning Center at Clarian North 11700 N. Meridian St., Carmel RSVP today by calling 317-962-2533

40 | August 17, 2010 03310_2672_10.375x11.75_4c_Ortho_v4.indd 1

Current in Carmel

www.youarecurrent.com 8/12/10 11:33 AM