20 Things Every Parent of Kids with Special Needs Should Hear cont……
18) You don’t have to be “THAT” parent.
You know the one who clearly spent 10 hours creating the amazing snack shaped like an animal with liquorice whiskers. The one who sends adorable treat bags for every holiday. The one who finds the coolest gifts for the teachers every year. And whose child is always dressed in the cutest outfits that somehow never get dirty. If that’s the mom you are led to be, more power to you! However, I have found that there are always enough of those mom’s in my kid’s classes to keep them in cute snacks and treat bags. Since I have bigger fish to fry, I let them have all the glory!
19) Make time for your marriage.
Marriage is hard work, period. Parenting is hard work, period. Parenting a child with special needs, is especially hard work, period! For those of you who are married or in a relationship, make time for that relationship away from your children.
20) Trust your instincts.
You know your children best. Doctors, teachers, therapists are all fantastic resources but if you don’t feel like you’re being heard, or your child’s needs are being met, it’s very reasonable to get a second opinion. Don’t be afraid to fight for your child and their needs. While the professionals are experts in their areas, you are the expert on your child.
Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)
Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a chronic problem that results in poor concentration and control of impulses. It can affect a child's learning and social skills, and can have an impact on family functioning.
It's estimated one in 20 children in Australia have ADHD. It is more common in boys than girls.
Some children have ADHD, but without the hyperactivity. These children have trouble focussing and paying attention, and can be forgetful and easily distracted. Sometimes the term ‘inattentive ADHD’ is used to describe this condition
The exact causes of ADHD are unknown, but it tends to run in families, so genes play some part. ADHD is not caused by poor parenting.
With understanding, care and, in some cases, medical treatment, a child with ADHD can live a normal life.
Common signs and symptoms of ADHD include:
• inattention – difficulty concentrating, forgetting instructions, moving from one task to another without completion
• impulsivity – talking over the top of others, losing control of emotions easily, being accident prone, acting without thinking
• overactivity – constant fidgeting and restlessness.
It is important to remember that all young children have a limited attention span and sometimes do things without thinking, but only a small number of children have ADHD. However, if your child has more than one of the symptoms of ADHD, the symptoms are causing problems for your child, and they have been ongoing for more than six months, you should have your child assessed for ADHD.
Kids Who Might Need Extra Help
Isn't every kid special? We think so. But what do we mean when we say "kids with special needs"? This means any kid who might need extra help because of a medical, emotional, or learning problem. These kids have special needs because they might need medicine, therapy, or extra help in school — stuff other kids don't typically need or only need once in a while.
Maybe you know of kids in your school who need a wheelchair or use braces when they walk. Those kids have special needs. They not only need the equipment that helps them get around, but they might need to have ramps or elevators available. They also might need to get a special bus to school — one that lifts them up into the bus so they don't have to get up the steps.
Kids who have illnesses, such as epilepsy or diabetes, would have special needs, too. They might need medicine or other help as they go about their day. Kids with sight problems might use special apps, tablets, or computers to read. Those with hearing or speech problems would have special needs, too. A kid who has hearing trouble might need hearing aids to hear and speech therapy, too, since it can be hard to say words correctly when you can't hear very well.
20 Things Every Parent of Kids with Special Needs Should Hear cont……
16) Don’t let typical parents get you down.
I know how hard it is to hear from parents that their child six months younger than yours is walking and yours isn’t. Or dealing with the well meaning stranger who asks why your 2year-old is scooting around on their butt rather than being up on their feet. Try to remember that these people lack the context that we are constantly embedded in. Explain, teach, be patient, raise awareness amongst those who just don’t get it. And remember, typical parents deserve the right to brag too and their pride at their child’s accomplishments is not meant as a knock to your amazing kiddo.
17) Don’t compare.
This is another challenging one folks, but worth the work. All kids are different, typical, or with extra challenges and they will grow and develop at their own pace. If a developmental milestone isn’t met as you think it should be, certainly talk to your child’s doctor. Comparing, siblings, cousins, kids in the day-care class, or even comparing kids within the same disability type rarely serves to make you feel better. Your child is unique, and will have their own individual strengths and challenges. Cont….
Kids Who Might Need Extra Help Cont……...
Kids with learning problems often have special needs. Kids with Down syndrome might go to a regular school and might even be in your class. But they have special needs when it comes to learning, so an aide (someone to help) might come with them to class.
You might be able to spot a few kids with special needs, but you probably don't notice all of them. A kid could have a problem that isn't noticeable unless you know the person well. For example, someone could have trouble with anxiety (worry), but you wouldn't know it unless the kid told you about it. Privately, their parents, teachers, and counsellors may be working to help them worry less.
What's Life Like for a Kid With Special Needs?
Life can be extra-challenging for a kid with special needs. It might be harder to do everyday stuff — like learning to read or, if a person has physical handicaps, just getting around school or the mall. The good news is that parents, doctors, nurses, therapists, teachers, and others can help. The goal is to help kids be as independent as possible.
20 Things Every Parent of Kids with Special Needs Should Hear cont……
13) Don’t lose yourself.
Don’t let being the parent of a special needs child create or reshape your identity. We are many things, being the parent to a child with special needs is part of our identity. But it shouldn’t be all of our identity. When you focus all of your life, all of your contacts, all of yourself around your child and their needs, who you are can get lost. Find things in your life you enjoy doing, a glass of wine, a hobby, shopping for yourself.
14) Keep your sense of humour.
Certain things get under my skin, we all have our buzz issues, one of mine is peoplefirstlanguage. But if you’re not careful, you can become overly sensitive to so many things that people start to avoid your company. Many colloquialisms like “I almost had a stroke”, or “I nearly had a heart attack” are disconcerting to parents whose children have in fact had a heart attack or a stroke. However try to remember that people are not making these comments to offend or upset you.
15) Celebrate the little things!
Brag about those accomplishments that might seem small to others but are huge for our kids! Our kids develop on their own clock, they learn many skills late and some they never master. A wiggled toe that couldn’t wiggle before, a word, a sentence, a smile, a hug, whatever that milestone may be, share it with those who love you and your child. Cont...
Other kids also can be a big help. How? By being a friend. Kids who need a wheelchair or have other health problems want friends just like you do. But meeting people and making friends can be tough. Some kids might tease them or make fun of them. Be sure to tell a teacher if you see someone being bullied or teased. That's a very lonely feeling.
Also try to be helpful if you know someone with special needs. Ask if they would like help with carrying their books or opening a door. Ask them to join you and your friends at lunch. It's important not to be "overly helpful" when no help is needed. Why? Because just like you, kids with special needs like to be as independent as they can be.
Being friendly to kids with special needs is one of the best ways to be helpful. As you get to know them, they may help you understand what it's like to be in their shoes. And you'll be helping fill a very special need, one that everybody has — the need for good friends.
20 Things Every Parent of Kids with Special Needs Should Hear cont……
10) Forgive yourself.
Yes, you will screw things up sometimes despite the very best of intentions. No amount of torturing yourself will make you feel better, nor will it help you to make better choices. Remember many of the toughest decisions have no right answer.
11) Being a parent is hard. Being a parent to a child with extra needs is extrahard.
It can also be extra rewarding. Make us extra passionate. And will almost always make life extra interesting. With the challenges come the rewards. Sometimes you have to search your heart for the rewards but they are there if you look for them.
12) Parenting a child with extra needs is like a marathon. For those folks who are trying to win a marathon, there are no breaks. If you want to stay in the race, you eat, drink and even pee while running. But our marathon will go on for the foreseeable future and beyond. So remember, you don’t need to win, just make it to the end. The guy who comes in last place in the marathon, he took breaks, he stood and drank some water, grabbed a quick bite and used the porta-loo for his business, then got back on the road. Give yourself those moments—however brief—that are for yourself. Goodness, you might even get to pee in peace every now and then.
Cont…...
There are four major types of special needs children:
Just like a snowflake or a fingerprint, every child is unique in their own special way. Every child has a unique way of feeling, thinking, and interacting with others. Some children are shy, while others are outgoing; some are active, while others are calm; some are fretful, while others are easy-going. As a loving and nurturing parent, it’s your job to encourage them to embrace their uniqueness and celebrate their individual qualities.
Allow your child to express themselves through their interests. They may find a creative outlet in theatre, dancing or art, or they may be exceptionally talented in the sciences. Encourage them to embrace what they like to do, what interests them, and what makes them happy. Help them realize that they don’t need to worry about being ‘like everyone else.’
Teach your child to make positive choices, and praise them for good deeds, behaviours and positive traits they possess. Encourage them to become actively involved in their community, and introduce them to activities that promote a sense of cooperation and accomplishment. Be firm yet fair when handing down discipline for misdeeds or misbehaviours, and make certain the rules and consequences for breaking the rules are clearly defined. Show a cooperative, loving and united front with your spouse when it comes to discipline.
Accept and celebrate your child’s uniqueness. Remember that your child is an individual. Allow your child to have his or her own personal preferences and feelings, which may be different from your own. Cont…..
20 Things Every Parent of Kids with Special Needs Should Hear cont……
7) Make time to enjoy your kids
We super parents tend to be fairly busy and often over scheduled. However, while everything on your calendar is important, it’s also important to make time to play, laugh, be silly and just enjoy your kids. Read to them, snuggle with them, engage with them with what’s important in their worlds. Make memories outside of hospital walls.
8) You will be obligated to make heart wrenching decisions. You will have to make painful decisions that hurt your heart and leave you questioning everything you thought you knew or understood. Know that you are doing your best, remember number three. I am guilty of agonizing over these types of decisions, they can become really overwhelming to me. Talk about your conundrum with others who get it and trust yourself to make the best decision. Make it move on and once it’s made don’t rethink it. Easier said than done, but worth a try!
9) You won’t always get it right.
Many of the choices you are forced to make have no right answer, just the lesser of the hard and painful wrong choices. You will do your best but you won’t always get it right no matter how many sleepless nights you spend agonizing over how to handle a situation. Cont…..
Celebrate your Child’s Uniqueness cont……. And finally, encourage your child to be true to themselves by doing the same. Show your child how to make positive choices with the choices you make, and that nobody is perfect and you too make mistakes. Show your child that mistakes can be a great learning experience, and that they should not be ashamed or embarrassed about making them.
Encourage your Child’s Uniqueness:
1. Discover.
Take time each day to observe your child up close and from afar. Look for changes. Look for new skills. Experience your child as a person by interacting with them.
2. Listen and Ask Questions.
Discovery includes truly listening to your child. It means inquiring about how they think and feel about events in their life. The more you can listen with openness and acceptance, they more you will discover and at the same time affirm your child as a unique individual. Questions should be asked for the purpose of learning more. Find out what lead them to those feelings and thoughts, and how long they’ve held those thoughts or feelings. This is the time to show interest and understanding, provide support, and volunteer guidance but only if requested or when it raises serious concerns.
3. Observe and Comment.
This is the fun part of parenting – watching your child be a kid. Where they’re playing a game, drawing, playing music, performing, learning a new skill, showing off a physical feat or attempting comedy, all you have to do is watch, enjoy, and celebrate with a smile, applause, and a pat on the back. Provide praise and encouragement. Avoid being a critic – that’s the job of teachers and coaches, and your children will surely get criticism from peers as well. Cont…….
20 Things Every Parent of Kids with Special Needs Should Hear cont……
4) You are a superhero.
You may not leap buildings in a single bound or run faster than a speeding bullet but you are a superhero none the less. Everyday, you manage situations that a regular parent would think are impossible. You stretch tight muscles, remember pills, inject and infuse medicine. You hold hysterical children during horrendous medical procedures. You deal with tantrums and melt downs. And most often manage not to have a tantrum or melt down yourself. You encourage your child to do things doctors told you they would never do but you never gave up hope. You are a therapist, nurse, doctor, friend and confidante. You are no regular parent.
5) Therapy is play.
Having sat in on several therapy sessions, I have been frustrated by what I thought was premature discharge from therapy on more than one occasion. Since then, I have grown, I have learned and I have come to understand. For children, therapy is play and play is therapy. What I mean is that the best therapists find ways to make my son engage in challenging activities that he otherwise would have balked at, by making it a game that he wanted to play. We took a page from their book and did the same at home.
6) Play is therapy.
Yes this is different from number five. After discharge from therapy, we sought extra curricular activities for my son that would offer therapeutic benefits. He played sled hockey, runs on a track team, learned to shoot archery and takes swim lessons. All of this is therapy. He’s learning, having fun and getting stronger. Win, Win and Win! Cont…..
Encourage your Child’s Uniqueness cont…..
4. Engage In Child-Directed Play.
Playing is good for people of all ages. It reduces stress, promotes health, and is just plain fun. When playing with younger kids as well as older children and teens, let them direct the play. Join in and have fun. Let toddlers and preschoolers make up the rules for games if they want. Get in touch with your inner child and enjoy along with them.
5. Expose Your Child To Many Different Activities.
Children should be exposed to all types of opportunities to try new things such as sports, music, art, drama, science, reading, visiting parks, the forest, the beach, museums, hobbies, and anything else you can think of. Encourage them to give it a try. Praise them for trying new things. If they become interested, encourage them and support them in their pursuit. If they feel like giving up after awhile, find out why and encourage them to keep going when things get harder or they become bored or lose interest. At some point we as parents may have to let them quit even when we think they could be successful at the endeavor. Letting them quit without a huge struggle and letting them know the door is always open is the best way to go.
20 Things Every Parent of Kids with Special Needs Should Hear
1) You are not alone.
There may not be anyone else with the same constellation of symptoms as your child but there are people with similar challenges. Find those people. I have never met anyone with all of these same challenges as my kid but I have a strong network within each separate diagnosis. We have made wonderful friends and have found—and I hope provided—a great deal of support within each of these. I just have to pop onto one of my Facebook groups and I’m immediately reminded, I’m not alone.
2) You too deserve to be cared for.
We are placed in a position of caring for others nearly constantly. However, you still need and deserve to be cared for. That entails asking friends or family to bring a meal by every now and then, or going for a pedicure, or a date night, or whatever else you enjoy doing. Whatever makes you feel special and taken care of, take the time to enjoy it, you are worth it!
3) You aren’t perfect—and that’s ok!
No one is perfect. We all make mistakes. We can wallow in our goof-ups or move on! Try to shift your thinking, maybe there was a good reason you missed that appointment, that you were sure was on Tuesday but apparently was on Monday. Maybe your kiddo had a tough day at school and just needed the night off. Who knows? But beating yourself up isn’t going to change the situation, so try to move on. Cont...
What are Special Needs?
One Term, Many Definitions:
"Special Needs" is an umbrella underneath which a staggering array of diagnoses can be wedged. Children with special needs may have mild learning disabilities or profound cognitive impairment; food allergies or terminal illness; developmental delays that catch up quickly or remain entrenched; occasional panic attacks or serious psychiatric problems. The designation is useful for getting needed services, setting appropriate goals, and gaining understanding for a child and stressed family.
Minuses and Pluses:
Special needs" are commonly defined by what a child can'tdo - by milestones unmet, foods banned, activities avoided, experiences denied. These minuses hit families hard, and may make "special needs" seem like a tragic designation. Some parents will always mourn their child's lost potential, and many conditions become more troubling with time. Other families may find that their child's challenges make triumphs sweeter, and that weaknesses are often accompanied by amazing strengths.
Different Concerns:
Pick any two families of children with special needs, and they may seem to have little in common. A family dealing with developmental delays will have different concerns than one dealing with chronic illness, which will have different concerns than one dealing with mental illness or learning problems or behavioural challenges. Cont…...
What are Special Needs? Cont……
Mental Health Issues:
A child's problems with anxiety or depression can sneak up on parents; problems with attachment may smack them right in the face. Living with a child with mental health issues can put family members on a roller coaster of mood swings and crises and defiance. Parents have to find the right professionals to help, and make hard decisions about therapy, medications, and hospitalization. The consequences of missed clues and wrong guesses can be significant.
Common Concerns:
Although every special-needs child is different and every family is unique, there are some common concerns that link parents of challenged kids, including getting appropriate care and accommodations; promoting acceptance in the extended family, school and community; planning for an uncertain future; and adjusting routines and expectations. Parents of children with special needs are often more flexible, compassionate, stubborn and resilient than other parents. They have to be.
Medical Issues:
Medical issues for children include serious conditions like cancer and heart defects, muscular dystrophy and cystic fibrosis; chronic conditions like asthma and diabetes; congenital conditions like cerebral palsy and dwarfism; and health threats like food allergies and obesity.
Children with medical issues may require numerous tests, long hospital stays, expensive equipment, and accommodations for disabilities. Their families have to deal with frequent crises, uncertainty, and worry.
Behaviour Issues:
Children with behaviour issues don't respond to traditional discipline. With diagnoses like ADHD, Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder, Dysfunction of Sensory Integration, and Tourette Syndrome, they require specialized strategies that are tailored to their specific abilities and disabilities.
If those strategies are not developed and used, kids with behaviour issues throw their families into chaos and are seriously at risk for school problems. Their parents need to be flexible and creative.
Developmental Issues:
Developmental disabilities are some of the most devastating for a family to deal with, changing visions of the future and providing immediate difficulties in caring for and educating a child. Diagnoses like autism, Down syndrome and intellectual disabilities often cause children to be removed from the mainstream, and parents must be fierce advocates to make sure their children receive the services, therapy, schooling, and inclusion they need and deserve.
Learning Issues:
Children with learning disabilities like dyslexia and Central Auditory Processing Disorder struggle with schoolwork regardless of their intellectual abilities. They require specialized learning strategies to meet their potential and avoid self -esteem problems and behavioural difficulties. Parents of learning-challenged kids need to be persistent both in working with their reluctant learners and with the schools that must provide the help these children need. Cont….
