Rabbi Ari Lucas Senior Rabbi
Mazal Tov!
Dear Parents,
Enclosed is important information regarding the options for your child’s 2028 Bar/Bat Mitzvah. In order to accommodate the greatest number of children and families, please return your service date request form by Wednesday, March 19, 2025.
Thank you!
Cantor Joel Caplan
Susan Werk Education Director
Rabbi Paula Mack Drill Rabbi-in-Residence
OVERVIEW
THE GOAL
To have only one Bar/Bat Mitzvah family at each service. No “doubling up.”
THE ISSUE
We have over 40 children who will celebrate their Bar/Bat Mitzvah in 2028
THE SOLUTION
We provide many possible choices, with different types of services depending on your family’s preference.
After we find out what kind of service you are interested in, we assign you a service as close as we can to your child’s Hebrew birthday, unless you request something else. If you want a Shabbat morning or Shabbat dinnertime date that is not near your child’s Hebrew birthday, we’ll see if there’s one available after all the kids have been assigned near their own birthday
There will often be at least two children assigned to each Shabbat, but all will be at different services. We do not have kids from the same school district and grade celebrate on the same Shabbat, and we do not initially assign out vacation weekends or Passover unless you ask for those dates.
FEE
There is a $1,000 per child Bar/Bat Mitzvah fee $500 is due upon the confirmation of your service, and the balance of the fee will be billed to you in the year prior to your service. There is an additional fee for security and custodial coverage for non-Shabbat morning dates. Read more about this below.
SECURITY/MAINTENANCE/KIDDUSH
Bar/Bat Mitzvah families who select a service other than a Saturday morning will receive an additional charge of $500 (due no later than one year prior to your date). This charge will help us to cover the growing security and custodial coverage costs associated with these services.
Families are encouraged to donate to support the congregational Kiddush on their Bar/Bat Mitzvah weekend. Donations at various levels are listed in the Friday Shabbat Shalom e-blast and announced from the Bimah during Shabbat morning services. Donations at the “sponsors” or “supporters” level include additional food options. For more information about donating to Kiddush, please see page 9. Questions can be directed to CAI’s Events and Operations Manager, Jill Bristow, at 973-226-3600, ext. 115, or jbristow@agudath.org.
BAR/BAT MITZVAH SERVICES
SERVICE DETAILS
How much time is my child "spotlighted"?
How much Hebrew/English in the service?
How difficult is it to learn?
Which part of the Bible will my child chant?
How long is the service? Yes 1 hour
Who will be there?
May there be band/photos in the synagogue after the service?
May the parents give remarks?
Torah Reading from Torah at another minyan, then at your service as part of Speech
Your guests and maybe Cong. of 25+
No, it's still Shabbat
Almost all Hebrew 3 hours plus
Sunday (when Torah is not read) or Saturday night (Nov.-Dec.)
50 minutes
Su/M/Th, when Torah is read
Between 45 and 70 minutes, depending on specific date (50 minutes if afternoon only)
SAME FOR ALL SERVICES (usually 45 minutes)
Some English Some English
Some English
Flexible, but generally somewhat harder
Haftarah (Prophets), and possibly part of Torah Reading
Your guests and Cong. of 130+ Sat. Sunset: Yes Sat. Afternoon: No Yes
No, it's still Shabbat
Torah Reading from Torah at another minyan, then at your service as part of Speech
Your guests
Your guests
Yes, and during the service as well
Torah Reading
Your guests
Yes, and during the service as well
CONSIDER THESE OPTIONS...
Most families at CAI celebrate a Bar/Bat Mitzvah with a service either on Saturday morning, Saturday around dinnertime, or Sunday when there’s a Torah Reading. If you choose something other than these, you almost always get a first choice. You tell us what dates you like; we're not as tied to the Hebrew birthday.
These services are all about 50-60 minutes long. Your child leads most of the service, and those in attendance will generally be your guests only. (As compared to Shabbat morning, when you will have your guests plus at least 130 other congregation members.) Exceptions are noted below, and please see the chart on the next page.
FRIDAY NIGHT SERVICE
Many dates are available We don’t read from the Torah at this service, but your child chants Torah passages as part of his/her D’var Torah (speech). The service is one hour, with your guests only (or up to an additional 25 community members if you want), and Shabbat restrictions apply in the synagogue.
SHABBAT AFTERNOON SERVICE, NOT AT DINNERTIME
We have held many Shabbat Mincha Bar/Bat Mitzvah services as early as 2:30 pm, and as late as 7:45 pm, depending on the time of year. The service is 50 minutes, your guests only, Torah is read, and Shabbat restrictions apply in the synagogue. Assumes reception will be out of the synagogue.
SATURDAY NIGHT, AFTER SHABBAT ENDS, IN NOVEMBER/DECEMBER
We don’t read from the Torah at this service, but the timing works well for some families in November and December when sunset time makes the “regular” Mincha/ Ma’ariv/ Havdala Service be “early” that is, that service would last from 4:15-5:15 pm. When that happens, we can hold a later Ma’ariv/ Havdalah service after Shabbat is over, around dinnertime (say 6:00-6:45 pm). The service lasts about 45 minutes, with your guests only, and no Shabbat restrictions: Photos, video, and instrumental music are fine. Your child chants Torah passages as part of his/her D’var Torah (speech).
SUNDAY MORNING WHEN THE TORAH IS NOT READ
The advantage is that there are lots of possible dates. The service runs from 10:30-11:20 am, with your guests only, and no Shabbat restrictions: Photos, video, and instrumental music are fine. Your child chants Torah passages as part of his/her D’var Torah (speech).
SUMMERTIME, VACATION TIME, OR PASSOVER
These options may be available as well Please discuss with Cantor Caplan (For instance, yes, you can have a service during summer or vacation time either the Rabbi or the Cantor will be with you then, but we can't guarantee that both of them will be at the service...)
HOW CAN YOU DO A BAR/BAT MITZVAH WHEN THE TORAH IS NOT READ?
The logic is the same as for a Friday night Bat Mitzvah, which girls have been doing for decades. A child reaches the Jewish legal status of Bar/Bat Mitzvah, of age to do more Mitzvahs, at their birthday, even if they never set foot in a Synagogue. So why the ceremony? We're celebrating that your child is of age to do more Mitzvahs, because we think doing Mitzvahs is great! And our children are showing that they are worthy of this privilege and responsibility by leading part of a worship service. That "celebrationof-Mitzvah-worthiness" is at the core of any service your child might help lead whether Friday night, Saturday, Sunday, or weekday.
THE HARDEST DATES TO SCHEDULE:
SUNDAYS AND WEEKDAYS WHEN THE TORAH IS READ
If this kind of service isn’t what you want, skip this part. But if it is what you want, please read this!
Remember, you can have a Bar/Bat Mitzvah ceremony on any Sunday or weekday morning, even if you don't read from the Torah. But when do we read from the Torah, besides Shabbat? The Torah is read every Monday and Thursday morning, and on a few Sundays during the year.
In past years, many families have asked for those few Sundays We first assign these dates to whomever has the closest Hebrew birthday (and by Jewish law, boys don’t use a date that is before their 13th Hebrew birthday, but girls may).
Two morning services can be held on each of these days one starting at 9:00 am, and one at 10:30 am. If you can commit now to using the Synagogue building for your reception, you may get preference in determining the time of your service.
IF THE TORAH IS NOT READ, WOULD MY CHILD HAVE AN ALIYA AT SOME OTHER TIME?
Yes, usually near the ceremony, and usually with immediate family.
SUNDAYS AND WEEKDAYS IN 2028 WHEN THE TORAH IS READ
JANUARY 17, 2028
FEBRUARY 21, 2028
FEBRUARY 27, 2028
APRIL 16, 2028
MAY 29, 2028
JUNE 25, 2028
SEPTEMBER 4, 2028
OCTOBER 8, 2028
NOVEMBER 19, 2028
NOVEMBER 23, 2028
DECEMBER 17, 2028
SUNDAY
MLK DAY PRESIDENTS’ DAY
ROSH CHODESH ADAR
PASSOVER (INTERMEDIATE DAY)
MEMORIAL DAY
ROSH CHODESH TAMMUZ
LABOR DAY
SUKKOT (INTERMEDIATE DAY)
ROSH CHODESH KISLEV
THANKSGIVING DAY
HANUKKAH
WHAT IF WE WANT OUR SERVICE TO BE HELD IN ISRAEL?
We can work with your child no matter where your ceremony is held. Some families have done a ceremony in Israel only, and some have done one there and one here. There are many ways to do this in Israel speak to Cantor Caplan
DOES EVERY FAMILY MAKE A “BIG” CELEBRATION?
No, not at all Families in our congregation celebrate a child's Bar/Bat Mitzvah in all kinds of ways, and since the pandemic, families have become even more creative. We personally have seen all of the following (in no particular order):
Beautiful reception right here at CAI
Coffee, cake, and shmoozing after the service nothing more Kiddush in the Synagogue
Teen lounge, mobile game parties, laser tag, or pool party to follow Party in catering hall, country club, or event space of your choice
Family celebrates with trip to Israel
Everyone comes to your house after services for food and schmoozing or backyard gathering
This is by no means an exhaustive list. The point is that you don't have to celebrate in any one prescribed way. There are many options, and members of our community have done them all.
WE HAVE RELATIVES WHO DON’T DRIVE ON SHABBAT. IS THERE A HOTEL WHERE THEY CAN STAY?
There’s not a hotel within walking distance of the synagogue, but as a congregation, we take seriously the Mitzvah of Hachnasat Or-chim welcoming guests. To that end, about 25 families who live fairly near the synagogue have already committed to host Shabbat guests for a celebration such as yours. We are happy to help arrange this.
IS THE SERVICE LIVESTREAMED? IS IT RECORDED?
Yes and yes. We'll send you a livestream link that you can forward to others, so that they can see and hear the service remotely. And we try to record each service. You can get the recording afterwards. (But full disclosure about once out of every 40 services, the recording doesn't work....)
Please do read Cantor Caplan’s Commonly Asked Questions. If you have additional questions, please email bmitzvah@agudath.org. We are here to help you with this!
Click here to complete your date request form by WEDNESDAY, MARCH 19, 2025. Sorting through everyone’s responses takes several weeks, and then we will get back to you to confirm your date.
WAYS TO COMMEMORATE YOUR SIMCHA
THE TREE OF LIFE
Share the joy by inscribing your family Simcha on CAI’s Tree of Life, a permanent dedication to be remembered forever in our sacred hallways. Celebrate Brit Milah (bris), Simchat Bat, Bar/Bat Mitzvah, weddings, anniversaries, graduations, or other joyous occasions.
A Leaf, Apple, Dove, or Foundation Stone may be inscribed to commemorate your joyous events.
$540 Leaf
$1,200 Apple
$1,800 Dove
$7,200 Foundation Stone
Click here to order your inscription on the Tree of Life.
DONATIONS TO DISCRETIONARY FUNDS
You may choose to make a donation to the discretionary funds of CAI's clergy. Each clergy member has their own discretionary fund, a Synagogue fund that the clergy use to support communal needs by offering assistance to individuals and organizations, and for educational purposes.
If you would like guidance on a suggested donation amount to the clergy’s discretionary funds in honor of your child's Bar/Bat Mitzvah, please email bmitzvah@agudath.org.
KIDDUSH SPONSORSHIP
Sponsoring the Kiddush is an opportunity to honor and share your family’s Simcha with the CAI community. Questions can be directed to CAI’s Events and Operations Manager, Jill Bristow, at 973-226-3600, ext. 115, or jbristow@agudath.org.
$1,800+ Kiddush Sponsors
$540-$1,799 Kiddush Supporters
$136-$539 Kiddush Contributors
$36 Minimum Kiddush Friends
