Confidence is.. AWARE

"Nostalgia”

by: Wendell King II

The turmoil settled by the time I graduated high school and entered college. Through experiences, I gradually dropped my aggressively “bitch-ish” persona, opting to embrace both the masculine or feminine parts of myself. There, I also came across the term “ asexual. ” It sounded suspiciously like me. So, I decided to no longer allow individuals the privilege of defining me but rather, I began teaching individuals how to communicate and exist with me. After more research, and a moment of clarity, I realized that my Questionable Hobbies had nothing to do with my sexuality but all to do with my personal expectations of myself. While my life would be much less interesting without my childhood woes, I refuse to allow those experiences to guide my life today or in my future. I am a conqueror and in control of my path under the guidance of God. I learned to speak to the issue, pray for the strength, fall humble to my reality and manifest/meditate for the ability to receive and execute the greatness that God prepared for me even before I knew who I was to be. Although many may not accept me they are learning to respect my sexual orientation. I feel like my relationship with my family has grown through time and space. My coming out for me was very liberating and it was also very uplifting yet seamless. It has been a long road and there are still many battles to fight. I remember the day I became comfortable being me. It was as if all the pressure and sadness were released. I am also more aware of just how much support friends and my family have been for me. I know that although my family and friends at times may not agree or support who I am they are learning to embrace who I am. Besides, who I am can’t be defined by others still searching for their own truth.

When I think of myself, I don’t consider such aspects as gender or who I want to sexually share myself with—such shallow considerations, quite frankly, aren’t even things I think about daily. When I think of myself: I draw, I write and I watch a gratuitous amount of intellectual & spiritual documentaries because without these things my life wouldn’t be worth living in my opinion. I am completely numb when people call me “this” or “that. ” My pure interests only exist in “what I do” rather than my physical anatomy. This specific thought process extends well beyond adulthood. As a child, my mother told me how fortunate it was that I was a “boy. ” So, I decided at a very young age that I would be the manliest man among men, a king of kings. I tried to play sports; I wore stereotypically masculine clothing and started to refer to myself using male pronouns as a crown of glory. Yes, I was manifesting into a stereotypical Black toxic man. Even as a kid, I had this notion that code-switching was just a standard of life. However, I grew from an insecure 8-year-old to someone feminine in both character and thoughts. The effect was such that my mother believed me to simply be a boy searching for my identity, and most of my family chose to simply act as though who I was simply didn’t exist. My persona was much more effective via my talents. As long as I was singing, dancing or acting I was able to have ambiguous illustrations of self-definition.. Out of habit, I continued with the male pronouns although I was no longer married to those titles. I always created rather effective, convincing facades to overshadow what I had not yet learned to explain. The men in my family oftentimes left me out of the more manly tasks while the women embraced me because I served as great entertainment for them. The entire time the one person that I needed to be “seen” by the most was too embarrassed by me therefore he ignored me. Honestly, that is where I found my superpower. Through the physical violence, I endured from him simply because I chose to exist in a world that didn’t understand me, I had to find a way to love and encourage myself. I, in retrospect, became my own father. No longer was I willing to sacrifice my existence to make another mortal comfortable. Of course, my mother did all she could have done to protect me but it often led to her being abused in place of me. That was my first time realizing the need to protect Black women from Black men. I chose to accept my beatings and on most occasions, I would simply hide my bruises from my mother to save her from his brutal attacks. Then, as all stories go, the ice began to melt. The tides turned. People changed. I don’t remember how it happened, but suddenly I started living my truths unapologetically! My family became that much more curious with regard to my actions, language, and appearances. After numerous awkward attempts to shrug the inquiries off, I finally caved and no longer felt the need to be defined by individuals that lacked the capacity to understand that which I was self-learning also. I learned how to love myself just as I was. From my point of view, my sexuality wasn’t ill-intentioned at all because I was the same person as I always was. Yet, there was an outbreak of confusion and anger within my mind. I started lashing out at the world because I felt as though I had to fight to exist in certain spaces. I wanted to be acknowledged by my family, accepted by my friends, and adored by my peers. I wanted to feel loved. Perhaps, I was a gay boy. At that point, my persona was at complete peace and I was ready to confidently live out loud and with no regrets. I realized that my strengths had absolutely nothing to do with my sexuality. I remembered that being respected was not an exchange but rather a requirement.

As A Successful Dedicated Professional I have extensive knowledge of the Greater Houston area and have kept my hand on the pulse of the areas ups and downs growth and transitions neighborhood by neighborhood. Clients choose to work with me for the full-service approach ethics, experience and expertise I bring as a total package. I consistently demonstrate my ability to satisfy clients in the buying and selling of their homes, rental properties, and in locating rental and leasing opportunities. -Gisele Boudreaux "Your Dream is Our Priority "